October 21, 2024 • 8 mins
On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Hayley reveals the story that bombed her comedy set...
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The z M podcast network, please would and Haley's little
bit of pod treat yourself to mcathay coffee with my
macas rewards.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to a little bit of pod.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
As I opened my mouth to share this, I don't
know how much of it I'm going.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
To reveal, okay, not that I ah, Okay, listen, all right.
I did a gig and palm over the weekend, and
I think I think the gig went well. It was
really go to thirty minutes to a crowd and Ashhurst.
It was part of actually a school fundraiser, oh okay.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
And.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Mixed crowd, rural folk. Maybe not my general go to audience.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Office girlies and normally your.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Office bitches with all them basic office bitches. My new crowd,
and they lap up every word I say. And so
I saw this crowd and I was like, I wonder
how they'll go. And you know, it's almost too late
at that point to sort of changing material or Tryeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Right, and a crowd, I guess it's a fundraiser. So
everyone and anyone is there.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Everyone.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It was real mixed bag. There was some old marching
girls from Leisure Marching there. There were some young office
pitches there were some of my crowd there, some older gentlemen,
some rural folk. Interesting mixed bag, and I think the
gig went fine considering I mean, you guys know, my
material was sort of a mix of my last two shows.
And I was like, okay, that was fine. It went fine,
But I definitely lost them on one story. And I
(01:28):
even saw a gentleman, probably my parents, aged in his sixties,
towards the front, who diverted his eyes at one point
and just sort of been.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Like, and I feel you.
Speaker 5 (01:38):
Now, this is an older man, rural setting.
Speaker 6 (01:40):
He probably has birthed cows, Nature's grimace stuff. What on
earth could you say to discuss an old boy who
famously when they go out, love to flirt with hot
youngs such as yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Well this is a wow.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Thank you, Sony got it. I really needed that today
to confirm that I look great. Well, here's the thing is.
I went out for a pint of guinness with Ben,
my friend who was running the gig beforehand, and we
were chatting just as mates and telling stories of days
gone by. And I told him a story and he
was like, fuck, that is so funny. They've done stand
up about it.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
And I was like, no, I haven't, and he was like,
oh my god, you should.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
It's such a funny story.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
So I just sort of chucked it in willy nilly, unpracticed, unstructured.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
On that night, you decided to test new material on
a rural crowd of old mates.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And it wasn't material like a crafted joke.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It was just a yarn, like a funny story that
I thought was funny, right, and it just wasn't funny.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I lost them. Oh just tell it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It doesn't mean yes, please, Okay, I want to know
what this was. Okay.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
My mom would be like, why are you sharing this?
Because I'm not.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
It's just like it happens to people.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Right, But are you going to do it like it's
stand up like you did?
Speaker 5 (02:51):
No?
Speaker 4 (02:52):
No, I'm just.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Going to tell you the story because the stand up
didn't work. And this is why I'm telling the story here,
because I'll never make it into stand up again.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Okay, Okay, I don't know whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay, when I was single and I had some fun, right,
and I one night had slept with.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
This person and that was fun.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
That was fine, whatever, And as part of the story,
a detail I think that is really important for the
story is when I slept with them on a couch.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Whose line is it? Anyway? Was playing in the TV?
Speaker 5 (03:23):
What was the lineup?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Anyway?
Speaker 5 (03:25):
Ryan Styles was there? Ryan Styles?
Speaker 7 (03:27):
Is there?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Was there?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I did a little bit hard to maintain an erection.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
Was it Drew Carey hosting with the woman that care
might have been the fourth member?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yea?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Anyway, so like whatever, that's all fine.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And then a couple of weeks later, I I don't
even know if I've told you the story before. A
couple of weeks later, I was up in Auckland. I
was doing some work and this is where I lived
in Wellington. And I was doing some work and I
was driving and if you know New Zealand, particularly no Auckland,
I was drive along K Road, which is full of
(04:09):
either homeless people, homosexuals, drag queens or sex workers.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
And I mean, I wouldn't say that that would have
only I mean, I lived K Road for like ten years,
but it's per capital that were represented were.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Working gentrified now.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I know, yeah, the old days of K Road, particularly
the working ladies. And I was driving along. I was
driving along the road and I got a phone call
and it was from this person that I had slept
with on the couch.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Whose land is anywhey.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Is on to inform me that he had an STI?
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Okay, and it happens.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
It happens, it happens.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
So we I took the phone call. I thought, this
is before I had I had a nineteenninety two Mitsubushi mirage.
There was no Apple car play, so I couldn't be
on my phone, and so I said, oh, hang on
a second, I'm just going to pull over. So I
pulled over to the side of K road where I
took the phone call, where this gentleman informed me that
I should go and get checked because he has discovered
(05:21):
that he has an STI. And I while I was
on the phone receiving this information, being like, oh god,
this is really inconvenient. I'm not at home. I'm really
I've got to go to the clinic. Da da da
da da. A lady opens up the side of my
car and gets in my working lady and I'm on
(05:45):
the phone.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
She wasn't just in quiet.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
She gets into my passenger seat while I'm on the
phone being told that I may have chlamydia, and.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
What's not the love of other story?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
She sort of gives me a bit of a face.
And I was like, to this guy, hang on a second,
and I said.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Can I help you? And this sex worker.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Was like can I help you?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
And I was like, well no, and she was like,
I saw you see me and pull over and I said,
oh no, no, no, I've pulled over to take a
phone call.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
And she was like, oh, so you do. Do you
not want to do anything? And I was like no,
I'm roodled with the car, I said.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I said to her, and trust me, you don't want
to sleep with me, and then she left the car.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
Anyway, that's the end of the story.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
At which point did this old man ooh the story.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
When I mentioned then, when I mentioned that a sex
worker got into my car as I was being told
I had chlamydia, and he just I think he was
just like.
Speaker 6 (06:59):
I think he was doing that because you know where
I had too close to home.
Speaker 5 (07:03):
Same things happened to him, and he wanted to distance
themselves from the rumors.
Speaker 7 (07:06):
As he's being outward at his discussed Imagine that either
that or he was coming along to this gig to
see you, hoping you'd be that same gentle lady that's
on the bank off.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Who hosts the off?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yep?
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
And here I was with a six worker and my
cart be told that the person that I had slept
with on a couch, well whose land is it anywhere?
Was playing in the bad crimes and then I should
go get tested.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I think we talked about it. I had the same thing.
I had a call. I pulled over on Manchester Street
when I was in christ was the street? Yeah, and
then someone banged on the window and I was like, no, no, no,
I'm not I'm on the phone.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I love that this was this was well over ten
years ago, fifteen years ago.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
I love that she just got in Yeah. I mean
maybe that was the way.
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Maybe that was the I've had a knock on the
window just off K Road was because I didn't know
where to park. We were going to a place on
K Road and I didn't know where to park, so
I pulled over to again text someone to be like
where way park?
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Yep, and knock knock.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But that was different because you actually got a hand
job Jesus.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Spacer in the car. Yeah, leave empty handed.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
Now I had the cash rattling around in the drinks
holder and annoy.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
And that's forty.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
Opened that peanuts slabs all yours.
Speaker 6 (08:28):
At the end. I'm not pre paying a peanuts slave.
You don't pay, that's a bonus.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
That's that's an aship.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
Yeah yeah, totally Yeah, and leave the glove box open love.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
We might need those whit wipes. Holy Ship.
The z M podcast network, please would and Haley's little
bit of pod treat yourself to mcathay coffee with my
macas rewards.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to a little bit of pod.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
As I opened my mouth to share this, I don't
know how much of it I'm going.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
To reveal, okay, not that I ah, Okay, listen, all right.
I did a gig and palm over the weekend, and
I think I think the gig went well. It was
really go to thirty minutes to a crowd and Ashhurst.
It was part of actually a school fundraiser, oh okay.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
And.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Mixed crowd, rural folk. Maybe not my general go to audience.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Office girlies and normally your.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Office bitches with all them basic office bitches. My new crowd,
and they lap up every word I say. And so
I saw this crowd and I was like, I wonder
how they'll go. And you know, it's almost too late
at that point to sort of changing material or Tryeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Right, and a crowd, I guess it's a fundraiser. So
everyone and anyone is there.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Everyone.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It was real mixed bag. There was some old marching
girls from Leisure Marching there. There were some young office
pitches there were some of my crowd there, some older gentlemen,
some rural folk. Interesting mixed bag, and I think the
gig went fine considering I mean, you guys know, my
material was sort of a mix of my last two shows.
And I was like, okay, that was fine. It went fine,
But I definitely lost them on one story. And I
(01:28):
even saw a gentleman, probably my parents, aged in his sixties,
towards the front, who diverted his eyes at one point
and just sort of been.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Like, and I feel you.
Speaker 5 (01:38):
Now, this is an older man, rural setting.
Speaker 6 (01:40):
He probably has birthed cows, Nature's grimace stuff. What on
earth could you say to discuss an old boy who
famously when they go out, love to flirt with hot
youngs such as yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Well this is a wow.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Thank you, Sony got it. I really needed that today
to confirm that I look great. Well, here's the thing is.
I went out for a pint of guinness with Ben,
my friend who was running the gig beforehand, and we
were chatting just as mates and telling stories of days
gone by. And I told him a story and he
was like, fuck, that is so funny. They've done stand
up about it.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
And I was like, no, I haven't, and he was like,
oh my god, you should.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
It's such a funny story.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
So I just sort of chucked it in willy nilly, unpracticed, unstructured.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
On that night, you decided to test new material on
a rural crowd of old mates.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And it wasn't material like a crafted joke.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It was just a yarn, like a funny story that
I thought was funny, right, and it just wasn't funny.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I lost them. Oh just tell it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It doesn't mean yes, please, Okay, I want to know
what this was. Okay.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
My mom would be like, why are you sharing this?
Because I'm not.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
It's just like it happens to people.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Right, But are you going to do it like it's
stand up like you did?
Speaker 5 (02:51):
No?
Speaker 4 (02:52):
No, I'm just.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Going to tell you the story because the stand up
didn't work. And this is why I'm telling the story here,
because I'll never make it into stand up again.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Okay, Okay, I don't know whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay, when I was single and I had some fun, right,
and I one night had slept with.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
This person and that was fun.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
That was fine, whatever, And as part of the story,
a detail I think that is really important for the
story is when I slept with them on a couch.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Whose line is it? Anyway? Was playing in the TV?
Speaker 5 (03:23):
What was the lineup?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Anyway?
Speaker 5 (03:25):
Ryan Styles was there? Ryan Styles?
Speaker 7 (03:27):
Is there?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Was there?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I did a little bit hard to maintain an erection.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
Was it Drew Carey hosting with the woman that care
might have been the fourth member?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yea?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Anyway, so like whatever, that's all fine.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And then a couple of weeks later, I I don't
even know if I've told you the story before. A
couple of weeks later, I was up in Auckland. I
was doing some work and this is where I lived
in Wellington. And I was doing some work and I
was driving and if you know New Zealand, particularly no Auckland,
I was drive along K Road, which is full of
(04:09):
either homeless people, homosexuals, drag queens or sex workers.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
And I mean, I wouldn't say that that would have
only I mean, I lived K Road for like ten years,
but it's per capital that were represented were.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Working gentrified now.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I know, yeah, the old days of K Road, particularly
the working ladies. And I was driving along. I was
driving along the road and I got a phone call
and it was from this person that I had slept
with on the couch.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Whose land is anywhey.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Is on to inform me that he had an STI?
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Okay, and it happens.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
It happens, it happens.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
So we I took the phone call. I thought, this
is before I had I had a nineteenninety two Mitsubushi mirage.
There was no Apple car play, so I couldn't be
on my phone, and so I said, oh, hang on
a second, I'm just going to pull over. So I
pulled over to the side of K road where I
took the phone call, where this gentleman informed me that
I should go and get checked because he has discovered
(05:21):
that he has an STI. And I while I was
on the phone receiving this information, being like, oh god,
this is really inconvenient. I'm not at home. I'm really
I've got to go to the clinic. Da da da
da da. A lady opens up the side of my
car and gets in my working lady and I'm on
(05:45):
the phone.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
She wasn't just in quiet.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
She gets into my passenger seat while I'm on the
phone being told that I may have chlamydia, and.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
What's not the love of other story?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
She sort of gives me a bit of a face.
And I was like, to this guy, hang on a second,
and I said.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Can I help you? And this sex worker.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Was like can I help you?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
And I was like, well no, and she was like,
I saw you see me and pull over and I said,
oh no, no, no, I've pulled over to take a
phone call.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
And she was like, oh, so you do. Do you
not want to do anything? And I was like no,
I'm roodled with the car, I said.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I said to her, and trust me, you don't want
to sleep with me, and then she left the car.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
Anyway, that's the end of the story.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
At which point did this old man ooh the story.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
When I mentioned then, when I mentioned that a sex
worker got into my car as I was being told
I had chlamydia, and he just I think he was
just like.
Speaker 6 (06:59):
I think he was doing that because you know where
I had too close to home.
Speaker 5 (07:03):
Same things happened to him, and he wanted to distance
themselves from the rumors.
Speaker 7 (07:06):
As he's being outward at his discussed Imagine that either
that or he was coming along to this gig to
see you, hoping you'd be that same gentle lady that's
on the bank off.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Who hosts the off?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yep?
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
And here I was with a six worker and my
cart be told that the person that I had slept
with on a couch, well whose land is it anywhere?
Was playing in the bad crimes and then I should
go get tested.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I think we talked about it. I had the same thing.
I had a call. I pulled over on Manchester Street
when I was in christ was the street? Yeah, and
then someone banged on the window and I was like, no, no, no,
I'm not I'm on the phone.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I love that this was this was well over ten
years ago, fifteen years ago.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
I love that she just got in Yeah. I mean
maybe that was the way.
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Maybe that was the I've had a knock on the
window just off K Road was because I didn't know
where to park. We were going to a place on
K Road and I didn't know where to park, so
I pulled over to again text someone to be like
where way park?
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Yep, and knock knock.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But that was different because you actually got a hand
job Jesus.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Spacer in the car. Yeah, leave empty handed.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
Now I had the cash rattling around in the drinks
holder and annoy.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
And that's forty.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
Opened that peanuts slabs all yours.
Speaker 6 (08:28):
At the end. I'm not pre paying a peanuts slave.
You don't pay, that's a bonus.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
That's that's an aship.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
Yeah yeah, totally Yeah, and leave the glove box open love.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
We might need those whit wipes. Holy Ship.
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