July 4, 2024 • 24 mins
Today on the Daily Bespoke Podcast, Matt & G Lane beam in from Dunners and to celebrate, G Lane shoves a suppository up his arse...
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, it's Matt Heath here with a massive self source.
My number one best selling book, A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen
Ways to Love the Life You've Got, is out now.
It's the result of a deep dive I took into
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more punishing than they need to be. Keran Reid wrote,
Matt has a hilarious way of articulating an important message,
highly valuable advice for Anyone. Newsroom described it as good,
very good, indeed, and under Juris Dreamy well see had
(00:21):
met as a deep thinking, highly intelligent human being. The
number one best selling are Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to
Love the Life You've Got is available in all good bookstores.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Now it's gooar.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Bises all right. Welcome all you bespokey dokies to the
Met and Jerry Daddy Bespoke Podcast for the fifth of
July twenty twenty four. Jerry's sick as a dirty old dog,
(01:11):
so he's not here, but the Meshy is and g Lane.
We're coming in from a strange little bubble studio in Danita, aren't.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
We We are? We got ousted Jamie McKay. He's a
bigger fish than us for the country, so he ousted us.
Yeah politely, this is my studio. Can you get out? Yeah,
we said we can.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, because I did the met and Jury show from
the Country studio. Great show, lovely.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
Hey, sorry boy, it's just a bit of Edmond. Can
you down there? Sorry for those listening, Judaan, can you
slide up your fader a little bit, you're just very quiet, Okay,
slide up his fader. He's okay. Here we gotting old.
Slide up the favorites. This one here is it?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's the PC one that's up. Yeah, there is good,
goody good, thank you one.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Two.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I've got no headphones.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Actually she steal something. I think any headphones otherwise are
going to be very hard for you to do this podcast.
See it's a bit of a smuzzle down here. Actually
full disclosure. Me and Gulane got a bit of first
night Feeder last night and really leant into our time
in the Kodu. And then it was the Kodu flight
which has kind of unlimited wines on it down to
(02:25):
the Mead and so we hit the ground at Mammona
Airport with a little bit of a steam on and
then went to the Leisure Lodge to to to book
in and they had never heard of us. So then
we went out to the Kensington and then the night
progressed to I went home at some point and then
Gulane woke up this morning in his hotel room and
(02:47):
thaw his clothes on and it turns out it'd been
in a bar fight. Good. The pie was so good.
Thanks Pee p from Callum and Pee got me a
pie this morning. Really saved me from cam.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Wow, this is question.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Okay, so this is interestingly. I'm now putting a Gulian's
headphone into the inmport so you can hear yeah, and
are you in there?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Is that him?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
It's quite distorted though, it there you Jesus, that's loud.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, you're right there.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah I can't. Oh god, it's a technical.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
This is a disaster.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah, maybe put it in.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
It's quite good though. You can hear the hustle and bustle.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Of the.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Glans and can you say something meshy chick check one too, yep.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
One two one too. Oh boys, It's just it's quite
distorted for me, but that's all right. We can shot away.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I was just saying that, you know, just to recap
the recap that I did when you were out of
the room with gelane. So we hit the early yes,
bit of wine before flying well, jumped on the plane
and that was Kor on the plane. So they were
serving drinks on the plane. The English rugby team was
on the plane.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Well, the best thing about that was the English team
went't drinking. Yeah, so half the plane wasn't drinking, so
I felt like the crew were trying to get rid
of whatever they had.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Jo Juri had four beers.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I had three Southern pool wines. So anyway, we arrived
down at Momona Mashi and Rude quite steamed up. We
get into town, go to Dunedin, which is about quite
a week way away from the airport, Go to the
leisure loge. No one's heard of us, so we hit
the Kensington a few drinks there. Then we went to
a very special bar which down an alleyway just to
(04:37):
Morrow Places, the Quino's. Had a few negronies there. I
left from there about twelve thirty and then things spiraled
into a bar fight the g Lane and the Octagon
and Manaia. After that, so I think everyone's up to date.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Now when you say bar fight, you mean a pussy
rights right, yeah, russy, it was a tumbleweeed that came.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Have you talked about the fact your bed got stolen
by the English rugby team?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Did I?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Did I talk about that?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
We did? We talked about it about quarter past six
the radio show. But tell us again.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
So on the Daily Bespoke podcast, listeners haven't heard this.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
No.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, So I arrive at to need An airport and
Mona Airport and my bag clearly comes out. This is bright, right, yellow,
bright yellow, north faced bag comes out and then this
English official from the rugby team grabs it, puts it
on his pile and I can see a pair of
my undies half coming out of the zips. I'm like,
that's definitely my bag, and he goes, no, mate, that's
(05:28):
our bag, that's one of ours. And I okay, and
but he guess, guess leave me so much, even though
right in front of my eyes I cold see it
was my bag. I walked away with it like my
tail between my legs and I hang on a minute,
that's clearly my freaking bag. What are you talking about?
So I go over there and someone's tagged it as
the English rugby team bag. There's a tag on it,
one of the English rugby team. So the English rugby
(05:49):
teams trailing around the word, tagging random bags and stealing bags.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
But you weren't the only one. There was another gentle
one came over. He goes, you took my bag as well.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
And I can only assume, as saying on the Meta
Jerry radio show that I mean, there's a couple of
options here. Either it was an honest mistake or they
or the people at the airport saw me and assumed
I was an athlete.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
No, no, it doesn't happen. That didn't happen because the
same thing happened in Mania. Stuart and man Stewart is, yeah,
what you wouldn't confuse him for an athlete. He's not
in the body the English setup. But both of your
bags got tagged as English rugby and then mine got
picked up by just a random guy who walked off
with my bag. And then he returned and put it
(06:32):
back on the conveyor belt and got his own bag.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
It was the world west as pneumonia. If it wasn't it,
it was freaking crazy.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
You fellas about this situation here that I've just I've
just been to send a photo Gulaye from Joe Jury,
who's on this trip with you guys. Oh, and it's
of a note that was under the door. Can you
explain this? So it says it reads as follows. It's
a very short brief and it says, the fifth of
July twenty twenty four, dear guest, please contact reception regarding
your rooms urgently, full stop, kind regards reception. So what's
(07:00):
going on here?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
There may have been an incident last night. They may
or may not. I can't confirm or deny. I don't know.
You know, it's one of those things you can't comment
before the obviously it's before the courts. Okay, So we're
gonna have to go back and deal with that. At
the Leisure Lodge, No, this doesn't so good. I mean,
I was going up in Needing.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
The Lesion Lodge had quite a reputation for being a
sort of swingy kind of sexual place. It was like
a sort of a leisure Larry Lodge kind of situation.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Sounds like with the name leisure.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, people people would come and stay at the Leisure
Lodge for to get it on the leisure. Yeah, so
may leisure and pleasure. You might be being paying for
not bringing in one home.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Not bringing it, not bringing enough pleasure to the leisure.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
For sleeping solo at the leisure lodge, Lodge the pleasure Lodge. Yeah,
there's a lot of pleasure at the leisure There might
be a pleasure at the leisure Lodge tonight because we
arrived and they were like, we've only got two rooms
for you four, and we were like, okay. They got
two beds in its room and they got no kings
(08:03):
king bedded both and I'm like, you've got four dudes,
you're trying to it's the leisure Lodge. They've assumed my
pleasure Lodge assumed. They've assumed that we want to but
we want to get it on.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah they have.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well, I guess we're in when in rooms? Would you
rather hang out the back of me? Joe Jury or
my nice Jo Jury?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Every day? I'm so familiar with Joe Jury. You and
man are wild cards for me. I don't know what
I'm going to get me and and I are actually
go really well in the room to get it because
he's both snore.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
It's a race's racing to sleep first. Well, of course,
last time me and Ma and I were sharing a room,
it was in Paris at the play, and I had
that incident when I was in my necks and our
hotel room was very dark, and there was the bathroom
(08:57):
door was to the right and the door into the
cor it was to the left. I got up, felt
my way around the room to get to the door
because I didn't want to wake up the fog horn
sleeping beside me. And then I got out into the
it was still darken hoo to click behind me, and
I go, oh shit, I'm in the hotel hallway in
my tiny little briefs and I had to go down
(09:22):
the lift as the lift is a glass lift. Remember
it was the glass lift that lowers into the foyer
and your knicks at this hotel. This is during Paris
fashion week. Yeah, so the hotel was full of quite
fashion easts. Yeah so all hours. So I just had
to puff out my chest and walk up to the
through the bar, up to the reception in my little
(09:45):
necks and ask for a key, not not speaking the
local language. And the guy behind the reception really leant
him too. His inability to understand what I was saying.
You're just in my necks.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, anyway, anyway, anyway, that didn't happen last night.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
How you guys there anyway?
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Oh you're asking me how I am up here here?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I'm fine.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Yeah, nothing nothing new up here. Road is currently editing
the Highlights podcast from the radio show today because apparently
there were some highlights in there, which is good, which
is exciting, and highlights well.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Apparently full disclosure. When I got in here this morning,
I was looking down the barrel of three Hours Radio
on the back of quite a big night, and I
was making it. Called it quite early though, Yeah, twelve thirty,
good man, But we had been going since one, It's true.
And and I just I was making my coffee and
I went to grab the milk, and I saw a
(10:39):
bottle of tequila in the fridge.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
And this coffee is the strongest coffee I've ever had
in my life.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
It is in me.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And I just thought, I'll just put a little bit
that tequila into my coffee and see if that gets
me through the show. And I've got to say, it's
been it's been good.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
This is good for me.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
McCormick. My way through the.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Show's it's one of the biggest mccormacks you on.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
The Only the regional studios that now, I think it's
only the regional radio stations that now have you know,
alcohol in the cabinet's ready to go. For some reason,
we've lost it in Auckland. We don't have the ability
to go into a liquing cabinet during the show and
just top upper coffee.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Well it's called it's called the think the General initiative.
What happened was there was a guy called the General
who we saw last night. Actually he's moved to Dunedin,
was down there, yeah, and so due to the General's
rampant consumption of alcohol, everything has been pad locked up
and locked down.
Speaker 4 (11:26):
The problem with the General as well as he'd also
smoked siggi's just throughout the show and then put them
in the bin. So you come.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
And you just flick flick a burning butt into the rubbish,
into the into just the rubbish.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
But that's where he it's where he it's where he
rolled the rollies, which is the telling part, which was
a flat surface nearest my desk and there was just
bits of tobacco everywhere. That was the telltale side. I
knew the general had been in the week It was
tobacco all over my desk and keyboard.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
He was the original Weekend Wounded, wasn't it?
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh yours?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah? Okay, can we take a break and come back
with the come back when we come back. After the break,
I looked Gelane in the eyes and did something quite
interesting just before that that I think we should probably
talk about. And we're back on the Daily Bespoke podcast.
(12:18):
So what did you do?
Speaker 4 (12:19):
So you looked at Gelane in the eyes and performed
some kind of act.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Oh he did? I forgot about it.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
I've got a proc How would you say that?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
He basically pulled out a suppository and he said you
want one? And I was like, normally when he says
you want one, that's something you take orally. And then
he stood up and he reached around and he shoved
it in his ass, and then then he said I
should probably wash my hands, and then he left. I
(12:49):
was like, I said here, and I mean, did he
just put his finger up his ass and put some
medication in his rectum?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I'm familiar with this idea. Yeah, because Matt, you came.
I overheard this because I can hear, but I can't
see you up here in Auckland, and I heard you
go in with a bit of confidence to that. But
you're you're quite confident with it with and you're like,
you know what, let's do this. I think, oh, gu
Lane's a bit of a gross man. That's how he
got the name gu Lane, grot Lane. I think I
can kind of reach his standards. But I saw you
lose confidence once this suppository had been inserted. You didn't
(13:17):
have to back your way out of the room, didn't you.
There was a bit of a post.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Actually, and then you And then I realized because I
forgot about the fact that you have to clean your
hand after you do something like that. And then I
realized it was a bit of a tequila decision to
put the suppository in. It was really it was like
the tequila to speaking.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
It was the first time someone had looked me in
the eye and shoved something up their ass. Well, I
feel privileged.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
As long as we just keep it between you and me,
because I mean, if I could go back, I would
I would have done that differently.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah, fine, that's fine, but what do you why are
you shoving up your.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Ass hemorrhois, well, I have I had that one that
you I've took to mesh about this before, where I
had the one where you go, it's got like a
nozzle and you put it in and you squeeze it
and unleasures in there and then you pull it out
of you used that one. Yeah, but that was just
a little bit too It was a little bit too
(14:11):
sexual because you're basically putting something up there and then
letting it unload into your butt.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
So you were backing into this thing, is what you're saying?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Is that what I'm imagining like some kind of like
pell what what I put it?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
It's a large pearl, that's it's shaped, bullet shaped, bully. Yeah,
so obviously you put the fat end first. Generally titans,
it feels some sort of insertion.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
It accepts it, it sort of pulls it in.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
You goes in a final flight.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Why do you have to do it? What did you
have to do it right now? Is there any time?
Every morning?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Night?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Or what happened after food? A couple of things happened.
One I forgot to do it this morning in the
hotel because I in a hurry to get hit in
the radio show fair enough too. I've been drinking to
keep it all through the radio show. When I reached
into my my pocket and my felt then I thought,
this is gonna be good. This would be a good bit.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
You just out and know where you stood up and
you said you want one. I said, what is it?
Speaker 4 (15:20):
You said, suppository?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
I said, you know, And then you stood up and
put it into your ass like it's one of them,
more one of the more outrageous kind of miracle. Yeah,
like I've seen a lot of I've seen a lot
of things.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yeah, yeah, I know, and like I don't, I've done
a lot. I don't know how I feel about it now.
As it was something, it was something.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
It was something.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
It was something we're always looking for something.
Speaker 6 (15:43):
It was something I must have like otherwise I could
actually see that you're suffering a little bit after quite
a big last night on the negronies and around town
and being involved in a pussy riot.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
And to get that I just was one of the
business going just pussy right, the best descriptions of an
optagon fight.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
So I just thought to make you feel better, I'd
lower myself. I'd try and get lower than you. But
a suppository, it was about making you.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
I did it for you. Don't make it about me.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Don't make it about me. Well I've got I've got
another one if you want.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
What does it is it like?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Will it do anything for me? If you got any.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Well?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Is it a pride to strike? Okay, I'll just talk
you through this his take because it comes in its
own little packet. He's opening up be people. You don't.
But how do you how do you own the peck
from that end, from that that the insertion in the
fat end, the fat end. No, yeah, the bullet end.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah, it's got a like a peel back.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
It's quite sticky, sticky because it has to dissolve up there.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Okay, tet my jacket off.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
The good thing about this as we're in a bubble studio,
so there's about twenty staff that can look through the
window while he's doing this. You're going to do it?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Do it?
Speaker 4 (17:06):
Probably?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Though?
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Lane? Can you get your ass right up by the microphone?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
There?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
No, I can't, there's no noise.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Actually, hang on a minute. You're whistling me about doing this.
But what about that time I stick have frozen banana
up your butt?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (17:17):
There was different. That was for a promo.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
That was required.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
So am I gonna is any side effects to this?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
No?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
It feels like a better an end of a glue stick.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, it's good for ship.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Don't do it, ju Lane. You don't have to do
things that.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Don't he does have to do it. Yeah, here we go, guys, there's.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
So much silence, ju Lane, say something. Please trying to find.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
My as.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
You gotta.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
He's so he's been right up. It is really I've
never seen him really watches gro Shut up. About four
people walk past looking in doing that. I didn't that's gross.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
How many podcasts in the world are just shoving the
positories up there?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Well, there's a lot of podcasts out there, but no
one's doing this. All right, is there a good or
a bed thing?
Speaker 4 (18:21):
It's all hang on, good for us for I don't know.
Let's wrap it up.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
So Julane's just going to wash his hands, so he'll
be back in a second.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Oh, we're going to wait for Julane to return to
get his final verdict on Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
How long have we been going on this point?
Speaker 4 (18:32):
Oh, we've been going for about twenty minutes.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Twenty minutes. We'll we'll just he'll come back and then
we'll wrap it up. We've got a big weekend this weekend.
Anyone that's down in to need and come along to
the Kensington from midday tomorrow all the way up to
the big game. You don't have to be going on
to the game, but come to the Kensington and have
a drink with me, Ge Lane and Manaiah and a
bunch of others and then we're we're gonna They've got
Richie Wanger driving the bus to the ground, but you
(18:54):
could just stay at the Kensington and wrap it up.
How are you feeling in Jilane does a.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Pepper my step.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, I think it's there's something.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
There's something in it.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
There's something in it. It's quite good. There's something in it.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
I think it's got a slight anesthetic to help you
deal with the hemorrhoids.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I think it's Yeah, it's good. I feel a little
bit like cleansed.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Yeah, maybe it was my finger going up my ass
with the suppository. That's that's something. But thanks for that. Yeah. Well,
what is it called a proc? Yep, proc to seed.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
You can get that from a chemist, so that'll sort
of pine cone stew Lane that'll be good. Actually, crafty
is going around, no doubt down there, and so it'll
make everything smooth.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Procter Sel, Yeah, it's I didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
I thought it was going to be a capsule, but
it was like a piece of a glue stick.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, that's why I struggled to get it up.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, was it not firm.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
It's it's like snapping off the end of a pencil
thin glue stick and then trying to get it up.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Yeah. Yeah, your fingers have got to go right up
there to get it in. Almost it's quite understanding. This
might be a bit gross, but it kind of First
first your butthole rejects it, and then it really it.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Well, you've got to treat it rough, don't you.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
You got you gotta tread it rough, and like your
butthole's like no, no, no, no, actually okay, yeah, and
then it sort of pulls it in.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I think, yeah, initially you need to go in with
a bit of shock and war, and then it relaxes.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
You got to go once your butthole realizes that there's
no stopping this, and then and then and then.
Speaker 5 (20:22):
You can see it goes okay, I can see it's
not that big, come on in. But initially your butthole
is so skeptical. Oh so skeptical, And that's that's that's
that's that's evolution. It's like first up, rejection, second second
time round. It's like it's just a bit of a gloustic.
I think it's coming back out.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
You didn't put it up, it's rejecting it again now
because that's what you've be talking about your Buttole's okay, look,
it's quite something personal between you and me, and now
you're talking about it on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
I love.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
I just walked into the general manager here as well,
and I had my hands up. She's like, oh, I
just need to wash my hands. She's so wide, Like
I felt like saying, I'm just shoved something.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Up my eyes. You were saying, were you something?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
No.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
I was just going to ask I can't even remember
is there any seepage, leakage or is everything?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
I can no, no, big, there's a little bit of
where does it all go? Due to the Foster King,
there's a bit of glue around my general area because
I was asking about but you got to ask where
does it go? It just goes into your lower lower
rectum the dissolves, I guess, okues, So it's like, have
you not had have you ever had any drug? Blown
up your ass?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah? What do you mean I've smoked a joint?
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I'm just in my mind, I've just pictured a group
of people sitting around smoking joints. And then you're on
your shoulders with your knees, your your upside down, and
you and your asshole was puffing away.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I've got a real genetic condition where my assholes connected
to my lungs. Your ass is just doing a gandalce
on the pipe, blowing full sailing ship.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Are we recording this?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
We should delete that because if Jurry gets back and
finds out the kind of content is not you can't.
I'm actually going to stand myself down for a week.
Oh are you yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Jesus really after this, I'm not well up.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Well, you can't just be banging te quila's stuck things
up your ass and getting in. Isn't that what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
To me?
Speaker 4 (22:17):
It sounds like a good night to me.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
This has happened. This is this is what's happened. It's
muscle memory of being a piece of ship living interneath it,
and you just I've reverted back to student life to
shoving anyway. Yes, okay, So well I was saying that
if you're in Dunedin and you're listening to this podcast
Kensington Kensingen both tonight and tomorrow. So at Kensington we're
(22:39):
having sort of a dry run through.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Yeah, we'll just tonight after work if you have finished
work coming down at six thirty seven o'clock, would just
be down there having a couple of.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Beers and then and then the big, the big, the
big deal game, the pre game tomorrow from insanely early midday.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Well that's when it opens, but I guess Mitch James
is on from four. Okay, yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
People come down at four and pre game and then
Richie mung All drive you to the game, or if
you just want to hang out the Kensington and watch
it on the screens, it's probably good option as well. Absolutely,
and we'll have supposories. Free suppository at the door.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Yeah, why not?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
How many have you got?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I've got about five left? First five people to the
Kensington positive supposive.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
If that's not an incentive to get down to the
kens Intern.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
For a old land no Southolander's mate.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
All right then okay, thanks mash.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Thank you guys, go and get yourself into a pussy
ride or something.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And I was gonna have another tequila coffee and then
we'll let's get killer coffee.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Is kicking my ass?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah yeah, alright then okay week off mad Yeah, thanks buddy,
all right then okay then okay, Hello, I'm Matt Heath.
You have been listening to the Matt and Jerry Daily
Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen to our Radio
Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get barred up about anyway.
(24:09):
Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer, review, all those great things.
It really helps myself and Jerry and to a lesser extent,
mess and ruder. If you want to discuss anything raised
in this pod, check out the Conclave, a Matt and
Jerry Facebook discussion group. And while I'm plugging stuff, my book,
A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to Love the Life You've
Got is out now get it wherever you get your books,
or just google the bastard. Anyway you seem busy, I'll
(24:32):
let you go. Bless blessed, blessed, give them a taste
of key we from me,
Hello, it's Matt Heath here with a massive self source.
My number one best selling book, A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen
Ways to Love the Life You've Got, is out now.
It's the result of a deep dive I took into
how to deal with the emotions that make our lives
more punishing than they need to be. Keran Reid wrote,
Matt has a hilarious way of articulating an important message,
highly valuable advice for Anyone. Newsroom described it as good,
very good, indeed, and under Juris Dreamy well see had
(00:21):
met as a deep thinking, highly intelligent human being. The
number one best selling are Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to
Love the Life You've Got is available in all good bookstores.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Now it's gooar.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Bises all right. Welcome all you bespokey dokies to the
Met and Jerry Daddy Bespoke Podcast for the fifth of
July twenty twenty four. Jerry's sick as a dirty old dog,
(01:11):
so he's not here, but the Meshy is and g Lane.
We're coming in from a strange little bubble studio in Danita, aren't.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
We We are? We got ousted Jamie McKay. He's a
bigger fish than us for the country, so he ousted us.
Yeah politely, this is my studio. Can you get out? Yeah,
we said we can.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, because I did the met and Jury show from
the Country studio. Great show, lovely.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
Hey, sorry boy, it's just a bit of Edmond. Can
you down there? Sorry for those listening, Judaan, can you
slide up your fader a little bit, you're just very quiet, Okay,
slide up his fader. He's okay. Here we gotting old.
Slide up the favorites. This one here is it?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's the PC one that's up. Yeah, there is good,
goody good, thank you one.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Two.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I've got no headphones.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Actually she steal something. I think any headphones otherwise are
going to be very hard for you to do this podcast.
See it's a bit of a smuzzle down here. Actually
full disclosure. Me and Gulane got a bit of first
night Feeder last night and really leant into our time
in the Kodu. And then it was the Kodu flight
which has kind of unlimited wines on it down to
(02:25):
the Mead and so we hit the ground at Mammona
Airport with a little bit of a steam on and
then went to the Leisure Lodge to to to book
in and they had never heard of us. So then
we went out to the Kensington and then the night
progressed to I went home at some point and then
Gulane woke up this morning in his hotel room and
(02:47):
thaw his clothes on and it turns out it'd been
in a bar fight. Good. The pie was so good.
Thanks Pee p from Callum and Pee got me a
pie this morning. Really saved me from cam.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Wow, this is question.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Okay, so this is interestingly. I'm now putting a Gulian's
headphone into the inmport so you can hear yeah, and
are you in there?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Is that him?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
It's quite distorted though, it there you Jesus, that's loud.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, you're right there.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah I can't. Oh god, it's a technical.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
This is a disaster.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah, maybe put it in.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
It's quite good though. You can hear the hustle and bustle.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Of the.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Glans and can you say something meshy chick check one too, yep.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
One two one too. Oh boys, It's just it's quite
distorted for me, but that's all right. We can shot away.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I was just saying that, you know, just to recap
the recap that I did when you were out of
the room with gelane. So we hit the early yes,
bit of wine before flying well, jumped on the plane
and that was Kor on the plane. So they were
serving drinks on the plane. The English rugby team was
on the plane.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Well, the best thing about that was the English team
went't drinking. Yeah, so half the plane wasn't drinking, so
I felt like the crew were trying to get rid
of whatever they had.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Jo Juri had four beers.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I had three Southern pool wines. So anyway, we arrived
down at Momona Mashi and Rude quite steamed up. We
get into town, go to Dunedin, which is about quite
a week way away from the airport, Go to the
leisure loge. No one's heard of us, so we hit
the Kensington a few drinks there. Then we went to
a very special bar which down an alleyway just to
(04:37):
Morrow Places, the Quino's. Had a few negronies there. I
left from there about twelve thirty and then things spiraled
into a bar fight the g Lane and the Octagon
and Manaia. After that, so I think everyone's up to date.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Now when you say bar fight, you mean a pussy
rights right, yeah, russy, it was a tumbleweeed that came.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Have you talked about the fact your bed got stolen
by the English rugby team?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Did I?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Did I talk about that?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
We did? We talked about it about quarter past six
the radio show. But tell us again.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
So on the Daily Bespoke podcast, listeners haven't heard this.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
No.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, So I arrive at to need An airport and
Mona Airport and my bag clearly comes out. This is bright, right, yellow,
bright yellow, north faced bag comes out and then this
English official from the rugby team grabs it, puts it
on his pile and I can see a pair of
my undies half coming out of the zips. I'm like,
that's definitely my bag, and he goes, no, mate, that's
(05:28):
our bag, that's one of ours. And I okay, and
but he guess, guess leave me so much, even though
right in front of my eyes I cold see it
was my bag. I walked away with it like my
tail between my legs and I hang on a minute,
that's clearly my freaking bag. What are you talking about?
So I go over there and someone's tagged it as
the English rugby team bag. There's a tag on it,
one of the English rugby team. So the English rugby
(05:49):
teams trailing around the word, tagging random bags and stealing bags.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
But you weren't the only one. There was another gentle
one came over. He goes, you took my bag as well.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
And I can only assume, as saying on the Meta
Jerry radio show that I mean, there's a couple of
options here. Either it was an honest mistake or they
or the people at the airport saw me and assumed
I was an athlete.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
No, no, it doesn't happen. That didn't happen because the
same thing happened in Mania. Stuart and man Stewart is, yeah,
what you wouldn't confuse him for an athlete. He's not
in the body the English setup. But both of your
bags got tagged as English rugby and then mine got
picked up by just a random guy who walked off
with my bag. And then he returned and put it
(06:32):
back on the conveyor belt and got his own bag.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
It was the world west as pneumonia. If it wasn't it,
it was freaking crazy.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
You fellas about this situation here that I've just I've
just been to send a photo Gulaye from Joe Jury,
who's on this trip with you guys. Oh, and it's
of a note that was under the door. Can you
explain this? So it says it reads as follows. It's
a very short brief and it says, the fifth of
July twenty twenty four, dear guest, please contact reception regarding
your rooms urgently, full stop, kind regards reception. So what's
(07:00):
going on here?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
There may have been an incident last night. They may
or may not. I can't confirm or deny. I don't know.
You know, it's one of those things you can't comment
before the obviously it's before the courts. Okay, So we're
gonna have to go back and deal with that. At
the Leisure Lodge, No, this doesn't so good. I mean,
I was going up in Needing.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
The Lesion Lodge had quite a reputation for being a
sort of swingy kind of sexual place. It was like
a sort of a leisure Larry Lodge kind of situation.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Sounds like with the name leisure.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, people people would come and stay at the Leisure
Lodge for to get it on the leisure. Yeah, so
may leisure and pleasure. You might be being paying for
not bringing in one home.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Not bringing it, not bringing enough pleasure to the leisure.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
For sleeping solo at the leisure lodge, Lodge the pleasure Lodge. Yeah,
there's a lot of pleasure at the leisure There might
be a pleasure at the leisure Lodge tonight because we
arrived and they were like, we've only got two rooms
for you four, and we were like, okay. They got
two beds in its room and they got no kings
(08:03):
king bedded both and I'm like, you've got four dudes,
you're trying to it's the leisure Lodge. They've assumed my
pleasure Lodge assumed. They've assumed that we want to but
we want to get it on.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah they have.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well, I guess we're in when in rooms? Would you
rather hang out the back of me? Joe Jury or
my nice Jo Jury?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Every day? I'm so familiar with Joe Jury. You and
man are wild cards for me. I don't know what
I'm going to get me and and I are actually
go really well in the room to get it because
he's both snore.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
It's a race's racing to sleep first. Well, of course,
last time me and Ma and I were sharing a room,
it was in Paris at the play, and I had
that incident when I was in my necks and our
hotel room was very dark, and there was the bathroom
(08:57):
door was to the right and the door into the
cor it was to the left. I got up, felt
my way around the room to get to the door
because I didn't want to wake up the fog horn
sleeping beside me. And then I got out into the
it was still darken hoo to click behind me, and
I go, oh shit, I'm in the hotel hallway in
my tiny little briefs and I had to go down
(09:22):
the lift as the lift is a glass lift. Remember
it was the glass lift that lowers into the foyer
and your knicks at this hotel. This is during Paris
fashion week. Yeah, so the hotel was full of quite
fashion easts. Yeah so all hours. So I just had
to puff out my chest and walk up to the
through the bar, up to the reception in my little
(09:45):
necks and ask for a key, not not speaking the
local language. And the guy behind the reception really leant
him too. His inability to understand what I was saying.
You're just in my necks.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, anyway, anyway, anyway, that didn't happen last night.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
How you guys there anyway?
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Oh you're asking me how I am up here here?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I'm fine.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Yeah, nothing nothing new up here. Road is currently editing
the Highlights podcast from the radio show today because apparently
there were some highlights in there, which is good, which
is exciting, and highlights well.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Apparently full disclosure. When I got in here this morning,
I was looking down the barrel of three Hours Radio
on the back of quite a big night, and I
was making it. Called it quite early though, Yeah, twelve thirty,
good man, But we had been going since one, It's true.
And and I just I was making my coffee and
I went to grab the milk, and I saw a
(10:39):
bottle of tequila in the fridge.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
And this coffee is the strongest coffee I've ever had
in my life.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
It is in me.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And I just thought, I'll just put a little bit
that tequila into my coffee and see if that gets
me through the show. And I've got to say, it's
been it's been good.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
This is good for me.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
McCormick. My way through the.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Show's it's one of the biggest mccormacks you on.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
The Only the regional studios that now, I think it's
only the regional radio stations that now have you know,
alcohol in the cabinet's ready to go. For some reason,
we've lost it in Auckland. We don't have the ability
to go into a liquing cabinet during the show and
just top upper coffee.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Well it's called it's called the think the General initiative.
What happened was there was a guy called the General
who we saw last night. Actually he's moved to Dunedin,
was down there, yeah, and so due to the General's
rampant consumption of alcohol, everything has been pad locked up
and locked down.
Speaker 4 (11:26):
The problem with the General as well as he'd also
smoked siggi's just throughout the show and then put them
in the bin. So you come.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
And you just flick flick a burning butt into the rubbish,
into the into just the rubbish.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
But that's where he it's where he it's where he
rolled the rollies, which is the telling part, which was
a flat surface nearest my desk and there was just
bits of tobacco everywhere. That was the telltale side. I
knew the general had been in the week It was
tobacco all over my desk and keyboard.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
He was the original Weekend Wounded, wasn't it?
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh yours?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah? Okay, can we take a break and come back
with the come back when we come back. After the break,
I looked Gelane in the eyes and did something quite
interesting just before that that I think we should probably
talk about. And we're back on the Daily Bespoke podcast.
(12:18):
So what did you do?
Speaker 4 (12:19):
So you looked at Gelane in the eyes and performed
some kind of act.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Oh he did? I forgot about it.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
I've got a proc How would you say that?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
He basically pulled out a suppository and he said you
want one? And I was like, normally when he says
you want one, that's something you take orally. And then
he stood up and he reached around and he shoved
it in his ass, and then then he said I
should probably wash my hands, and then he left. I
(12:49):
was like, I said here, and I mean, did he
just put his finger up his ass and put some
medication in his rectum?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I'm familiar with this idea. Yeah, because Matt, you came.
I overheard this because I can hear, but I can't
see you up here in Auckland, and I heard you
go in with a bit of confidence to that. But
you're you're quite confident with it with and you're like,
you know what, let's do this. I think, oh, gu
Lane's a bit of a gross man. That's how he
got the name gu Lane, grot Lane. I think I
can kind of reach his standards. But I saw you
lose confidence once this suppository had been inserted. You didn't
(13:17):
have to back your way out of the room, didn't you.
There was a bit of a post.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Actually, and then you And then I realized because I
forgot about the fact that you have to clean your
hand after you do something like that. And then I
realized it was a bit of a tequila decision to
put the suppository in. It was really it was like
the tequila to speaking.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
It was the first time someone had looked me in
the eye and shoved something up their ass. Well, I
feel privileged.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
As long as we just keep it between you and me,
because I mean, if I could go back, I would
I would have done that differently.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah, fine, that's fine, but what do you why are
you shoving up your.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Ass hemorrhois, well, I have I had that one that
you I've took to mesh about this before, where I
had the one where you go, it's got like a
nozzle and you put it in and you squeeze it
and unleasures in there and then you pull it out
of you used that one. Yeah, but that was just
a little bit too It was a little bit too
(14:11):
sexual because you're basically putting something up there and then
letting it unload into your butt.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
So you were backing into this thing, is what you're saying?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Is that what I'm imagining like some kind of like
pell what what I put it?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
It's a large pearl, that's it's shaped, bullet shaped, bully. Yeah,
so obviously you put the fat end first. Generally titans,
it feels some sort of insertion.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
It accepts it, it sort of pulls it in.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
You goes in a final flight.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Why do you have to do it? What did you
have to do it right now? Is there any time?
Every morning?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Night?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Or what happened after food? A couple of things happened.
One I forgot to do it this morning in the
hotel because I in a hurry to get hit in
the radio show fair enough too. I've been drinking to
keep it all through the radio show. When I reached
into my my pocket and my felt then I thought,
this is gonna be good. This would be a good bit.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
You just out and know where you stood up and
you said you want one. I said, what is it?
Speaker 4 (15:20):
You said, suppository?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
I said, you know, And then you stood up and
put it into your ass like it's one of them,
more one of the more outrageous kind of miracle. Yeah,
like I've seen a lot of I've seen a lot
of things.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yeah, yeah, I know, and like I don't, I've done
a lot. I don't know how I feel about it now.
As it was something, it was something.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
It was something.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
It was something we're always looking for something.
Speaker 6 (15:43):
It was something I must have like otherwise I could
actually see that you're suffering a little bit after quite
a big last night on the negronies and around town
and being involved in a pussy riot.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
And to get that I just was one of the
business going just pussy right, the best descriptions of an
optagon fight.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
So I just thought to make you feel better, I'd
lower myself. I'd try and get lower than you. But
a suppository, it was about making you.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
I did it for you. Don't make it about me.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Don't make it about me. Well I've got I've got
another one if you want.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
What does it is it like?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Will it do anything for me? If you got any.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Well?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Is it a pride to strike? Okay, I'll just talk
you through this his take because it comes in its
own little packet. He's opening up be people. You don't.
But how do you how do you own the peck
from that end, from that that the insertion in the
fat end, the fat end. No, yeah, the bullet end.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah, it's got a like a peel back.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
It's quite sticky, sticky because it has to dissolve up there.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Okay, tet my jacket off.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
The good thing about this as we're in a bubble studio,
so there's about twenty staff that can look through the
window while he's doing this. You're going to do it?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Do it?
Speaker 4 (17:06):
Probably?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Though?
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Lane? Can you get your ass right up by the microphone?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
There?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
No, I can't, there's no noise.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Actually, hang on a minute. You're whistling me about doing this.
But what about that time I stick have frozen banana
up your butt?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (17:17):
There was different. That was for a promo.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
That was required.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
So am I gonna is any side effects to this?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
No?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
It feels like a better an end of a glue stick.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, it's good for ship.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Don't do it, ju Lane. You don't have to do
things that.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Don't he does have to do it. Yeah, here we go, guys, there's.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
So much silence, ju Lane, say something. Please trying to find.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
My as.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
You gotta.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
He's so he's been right up. It is really I've
never seen him really watches gro Shut up. About four
people walk past looking in doing that. I didn't that's gross.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
How many podcasts in the world are just shoving the
positories up there?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Well, there's a lot of podcasts out there, but no
one's doing this. All right, is there a good or
a bed thing?
Speaker 4 (18:21):
It's all hang on, good for us for I don't know.
Let's wrap it up.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
So Julane's just going to wash his hands, so he'll
be back in a second.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Oh, we're going to wait for Julane to return to
get his final verdict on Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
How long have we been going on this point?
Speaker 4 (18:32):
Oh, we've been going for about twenty minutes.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Twenty minutes. We'll we'll just he'll come back and then
we'll wrap it up. We've got a big weekend this weekend.
Anyone that's down in to need and come along to
the Kensington from midday tomorrow all the way up to
the big game. You don't have to be going on
to the game, but come to the Kensington and have
a drink with me, Ge Lane and Manaiah and a
bunch of others and then we're we're gonna They've got
Richie Wanger driving the bus to the ground, but you
(18:54):
could just stay at the Kensington and wrap it up.
How are you feeling in Jilane does a.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Pepper my step.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, I think it's there's something.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
There's something in it.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
There's something in it. It's quite good. There's something in it.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
I think it's got a slight anesthetic to help you
deal with the hemorrhoids.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I think it's Yeah, it's good. I feel a little
bit like cleansed.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Yeah, maybe it was my finger going up my ass
with the suppository. That's that's something. But thanks for that. Yeah. Well,
what is it called a proc? Yep, proc to seed.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
You can get that from a chemist, so that'll sort
of pine cone stew Lane that'll be good. Actually, crafty
is going around, no doubt down there, and so it'll
make everything smooth.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Procter Sel, Yeah, it's I didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
I thought it was going to be a capsule, but
it was like a piece of a glue stick.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, that's why I struggled to get it up.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, was it not firm.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
It's it's like snapping off the end of a pencil
thin glue stick and then trying to get it up.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Yeah. Yeah, your fingers have got to go right up
there to get it in. Almost it's quite understanding. This
might be a bit gross, but it kind of First
first your butthole rejects it, and then it really it.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Well, you've got to treat it rough, don't you.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
You got you gotta tread it rough, and like your
butthole's like no, no, no, no, actually okay, yeah, and
then it sort of pulls it in.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I think, yeah, initially you need to go in with
a bit of shock and war, and then it relaxes.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
You got to go once your butthole realizes that there's
no stopping this, and then and then and then.
Speaker 5 (20:22):
You can see it goes okay, I can see it's
not that big, come on in. But initially your butthole
is so skeptical. Oh so skeptical, And that's that's that's
that's that's evolution. It's like first up, rejection, second second
time round. It's like it's just a bit of a gloustic.
I think it's coming back out.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
You didn't put it up, it's rejecting it again now
because that's what you've be talking about your Buttole's okay, look,
it's quite something personal between you and me, and now
you're talking about it on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
I love.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
I just walked into the general manager here as well,
and I had my hands up. She's like, oh, I
just need to wash my hands. She's so wide, Like
I felt like saying, I'm just shoved something.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Up my eyes. You were saying, were you something?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
No.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
I was just going to ask I can't even remember
is there any seepage, leakage or is everything?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
I can no, no, big, there's a little bit of
where does it all go? Due to the Foster King,
there's a bit of glue around my general area because
I was asking about but you got to ask where
does it go? It just goes into your lower lower
rectum the dissolves, I guess, okues, So it's like, have
you not had have you ever had any drug? Blown
up your ass?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah? What do you mean I've smoked a joint?
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I'm just in my mind, I've just pictured a group
of people sitting around smoking joints. And then you're on
your shoulders with your knees, your your upside down, and
you and your asshole was puffing away.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I've got a real genetic condition where my assholes connected
to my lungs. Your ass is just doing a gandalce
on the pipe, blowing full sailing ship.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Are we recording this?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
We should delete that because if Jurry gets back and
finds out the kind of content is not you can't.
I'm actually going to stand myself down for a week.
Oh are you yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Jesus really after this, I'm not well up.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Well, you can't just be banging te quila's stuck things
up your ass and getting in. Isn't that what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
To me?
Speaker 4 (22:17):
It sounds like a good night to me.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
This has happened. This is this is what's happened. It's
muscle memory of being a piece of ship living interneath it,
and you just I've reverted back to student life to
shoving anyway. Yes, okay, So well I was saying that
if you're in Dunedin and you're listening to this podcast
Kensington Kensingen both tonight and tomorrow. So at Kensington we're
(22:39):
having sort of a dry run through.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Yeah, we'll just tonight after work if you have finished
work coming down at six thirty seven o'clock, would just
be down there having a couple of.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Beers and then and then the big, the big, the
big deal game, the pre game tomorrow from insanely early midday.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Well that's when it opens, but I guess Mitch James
is on from four. Okay, yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
People come down at four and pre game and then
Richie mung All drive you to the game, or if
you just want to hang out the Kensington and watch
it on the screens, it's probably good option as well. Absolutely,
and we'll have supposories. Free suppository at the door.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Yeah, why not?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
How many have you got?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I've got about five left? First five people to the
Kensington positive supposive.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
If that's not an incentive to get down to the
kens Intern.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
For a old land no Southolander's mate.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
All right then okay, thanks mash.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Thank you guys, go and get yourself into a pussy
ride or something.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And I was gonna have another tequila coffee and then
we'll let's get killer coffee.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Is kicking my ass?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah yeah, alright then okay week off mad Yeah, thanks buddy,
all right then okay then okay, Hello, I'm Matt Heath.
You have been listening to the Matt and Jerry Daily
Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen to our Radio
Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get barred up about anyway.
(24:09):
Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer, review, all those great things.
It really helps myself and Jerry and to a lesser extent,
mess and ruder. If you want to discuss anything raised
in this pod, check out the Conclave, a Matt and
Jerry Facebook discussion group. And while I'm plugging stuff, my book,
A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to Love the Life You've
Got is out now get it wherever you get your books,
or just google the bastard. Anyway you seem busy, I'll
(24:32):
let you go. Bless blessed, blessed, give them a taste
of key we from me,
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