ONLY FIVE TO GO - The Daily Bespoke September 30

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Get a wounders. Matt Heath here as we build up
to the final week of the Matten Jerry Show, the
victory lap slash mea culpa. I've put together a little
bit of a story of the history of the Matt
and Jerry Show in my time at Radiohodaki. You can
read it at Matdheath dot substack dot com. Maybe you
want to subscribe. It can be free if you want. Anyway, Blessed, Blessed, Blessed,

(00:21):
give them a taste of Kiwi, love you all, see
you next week. Bask to me some then new b

(01:00):
Sea Beats the Punisher.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Look at the punisher, the punisher, the punisher.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
We've got the punisher, the little punisher and the junior punisher.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh my god, the new the new A C C
B Y S bets the Punisher to describe it, has
got the hugest middle of it. It's like it's like
a seven for seven. Basically, it's a comedy bat Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Now these are the new summer range available in Rebel
Sport and about two weeks time.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
It looks like Missus miss Penelope's car from The Thunderbirds.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
This is like Davy Dumdumb's bad isn't it. He's got
something like the punish.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
It that's what it's modeled. But it's plastic, so if
you roll into a b y c perch with that, yeah,
But then yeah, there's standard ones like the junior punisher
is probably the one you want to go for, and
then there's the little punisher.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Just having a meat that big help on a hollow bat.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
It's a good question. Feels good though. It's a good question.
Although something interesting happens, and a lot of parents out
there who have kids that play junior cricket will know
about this. But when I first started, you know, my Hugo,
my my son's fist started playing quickly about five or six,
and all the parents were super keen to give their
kids wooden bats because it's like, you know, you play cricket.

(02:09):
And then we'd play against teams and their team would
play with these plastic bats, the Kii bats, and I'll
tell you what, the middle on these plastic bats absolutely
flies and so makes a good sound as well. Yeah,
all our kids were wanting to use wooden beats because
they wanted to be proper cricketers, and I banned them
from our team and I said no, no, you're using a
plastic bat, And immediately we started winning games as soon

(02:31):
as we went to plastic bats, and we're always playing
is as soon as I'd look at the opposition team
and they had wooden bats, to be like, we'll smash
these guys. You only need to get it slightly near
the center and it just flies away.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Right, so trampolines it it sort of yeah, it goes
in and then fires back out.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
It's so much lighter.

Speaker 4 (02:48):
How much of one of these worth if you don't
mind me asking? You're not sure?

Speaker 3 (02:51):
We just got sent them because we're gonna help promote them,
but they'll be they'll be on sale Philly soon every sport.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Did you say the beauty exclusively?

Speaker 3 (03:01):
It is, yeah, exclusively at Rebel Sport with the entire
by C range, including all of the balls, the wooden bats,
the b y C sets. We're collabbed with them.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
Beautiful. Yeah there you go.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
All right, Well, thanks thanks for that, Julian.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
I'll bring some around for you.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Thank you, thanks for stopping. But I've got the I've
got the complete BYC collection and look I'm coming in
with these bats. He's the batman. Hey, I'd be remiss
on our fifth to last giver show to get if
I didn't say, welcome all ye bespoken alright, how do
I say it? I say, it's the thirtieth of September
twenty twenty four. Welcome all ye bespokey dokeyes to the
Daily Bespoke podcast. You have people coming up to you

(03:38):
saying that they're bespokey dokeies have a lot these days.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
I don't really not really.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
People don't come up with someone I'm a true bespokey dokey.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Ah.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
I mean, you go attract very different crowds. I've been
out with both of you.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
I'm talking mainly like really really good looking woman come up.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
And say I have noticed that a lot of hotties,
A lot of hotties not coming up and saying YOU'SOK.
I mean, Jerry, you get a lot of people over
sixty five, and I don't know, we don't have a
lot of bespokyokies over the age.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
You go if you go into a rural cafe with
with Jeremy boy that the boomer bars, that the ripples
of excitement that go through When Jerry we went to
a pie shop the other day, where was that pist shop.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
I think it was an It wasn't Huntley. It was
where was that pie shop we went into we were
driving back from somewhere.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
Was it just Tims town? It was Tims Tims.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
The excitement the boomers in that pie shop, they were
absolutely One slipped off his seat.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
It was Yeah, there was that a boomer regional, a
regional pist shop at about eleven thirty. When you know,
you get the groups of boomers together who've lived in
the town forever and they meet, you know, at the
pie shop for morning tea or whatever. It's I'm running
the gorlant through there.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Have you seen when Trump goes to a football game,
an American football game or the UFC and then tire
crowd just stands and screams and applauds. They go freaking crazy.
It's like that for you.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
If you go into about eleven thirty at a regional
pot shop, that was. That was tough. I'll tell you
something I hadn't discovered until I went away on this trip,
just come back from Europe with the acc with Export
Ultra and the other place that I'd never thought about
it before. But we flew premium economy to go over there.

(05:27):
Oh yeah, and some the seven Sharp crowd love premium
econmys that was like that was next level? Are you
the trump of premium economy? Essentially, premium economy is full
of boomers who are probably the only people who can
afford nowadays to travel overseas and to travel premium economy
because they're the ones who, to be honest, they don't

(05:49):
have mortgages, and they don't have dependents, and they probably
have savings in the bank. They have two years. They
do have depends though, they do have depins, but not
dependent not all. But they travel and they don't have
to travel in school holidays. So we went trapping in
school holiday. So it's super interesting because I think over
the last two years, the people who have really done
well are the boomers because they've had money in the

(06:11):
bank and they've had no bloody, so the interest rates
haven't been the interest rates have been going up for
their savings. They've been going up for their mortgages. Right,
And boy did I get punished in the premium economy photos.
It's like, do I want to have photos that were
fteen hours into a long haul flight? Here? Did they
do it?

Speaker 1 (06:28):
At the start of the end both right, because I'd say,
like getting a photo of someone and premium comomy and
then sitting in your own filth of hassling someone for
a photo for the next fifteen hours. It's been pretty rough,
especially just punishing them just before breakfast on the last point.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Because that flight that's seventeen hour flight through through Dubai.
So we went Emirates, so through Dubai and then on
to Amsterdam is seventeen hours to get to Dubai. And
I went to sleep because I've been punishing booze with you,
Matt at lunch, and then I went through. I don't
really remember much of the chicken time, and then we
had a couple more drinks before we got on the

(07:07):
flight and I had to be helped. So there was,
you know, those the golf carts that they have. For
some reason, we were punishing boos and we were late
for our flight. We left it quite late to get
on board the plane, and so there were these boomers
that were struggling their way and their names got called,
and so one of those golf carts pulled around and

(07:27):
picked up the boomers. And then I said I couldn't
get me left as well, could that, and they go, oh, absolutely,
hop on. So next thing him, I'm on a golf cart,
drunk as anything, with these boomers powering past people. People
go the seven sharp guy gets a bloody lift the thing.
And then between the door of.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
The plane and when you're sitting down and you see
a premium economy, how many whiz hillaries did you get?

Speaker 5 (07:50):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (07:50):
I got it. I mean I can't remember because I
was quite drunk, but I got I reckon. There's about
I'm going to say five photos on the flight I
reckon maybe and one woman who goes one moment who goes, God.
You wouldn't want to be on TV looking like the
way you look, now, would you? This is after like
our number fifteen into the flight. Okay, love, you didn't

(08:12):
looked that great either, to be honest, but I wouldn't
bring it up with.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
You and be on TV looking the way you are.
The natural comeback if you wanted to be queen.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
And she was so short she couldn't get her cabin
finger above her open and I had to help her
to open the thing. I watched her reaching for it
for about a minute before I helped.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
You know what like as a person that was on
the advertising to go away on this trip and was
dressed up as a German beer made and sort of
lied to by Julane really that I was going, and
then it was then he at one point said, oh, no,
you're not going. It's just me, Jeremy, Joseph and Mania.
It's great hearing you complaining about the trip. Actually, I'm
really enjoying that. As I was saying before, I've written

(08:48):
a seventeen hundred word sort of score settler on at
Matdheath dot substack dot com if you want to read
that about that that I've been really thinking about FOMO recently.
It's an odd thing, isn't it that the fear of
missing out? It doesn't quite work as a saying because
it's it's not really the fear of missing out. It's
the you're missing out and you're not enjoying it. It

(09:10):
needs a new name, doesn't it. Yeah, it's like the
pain of missing out.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
It should be.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
It's not really the fear like if you so my
social media because and this isn't your guys fault. I mean,
you're not a huge post to social media, but because
it was sponsored by Export Ultra, there's a huge amount
a volume of footage coming out of you guys having
a great time, and it just kept popping up. It
was like every time I went on Instagram, I was like.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
There they are.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
There are my best buddies over there, just having what
looks like the absolute best time. Thankfully you've come back
and told me that Julane rolled around in a dog
shirt and it was hard work, Ludahausen. So there's been
enough bad stories that I'm feeling. But you don't think
about social media. You don't post the bad stuff. I mean,
there's you with Anastasia, both you looking fantastic, having a

(10:00):
great time. That's what you post. You don't post the picture.
And this is the problem with social media. It's it's
the highlights reel of your life. It's the best. But
there's no shot of g Lane with a dog shit
on his jacket.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
It's not for me.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
You should have posted that because then they would have
gone well at least maybe missing out on the great trip,
but at least I don't have to currently have a
giant dog shit on my jacket.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Well, the weird think about the g Lane dog shit story.
You know, as we found out a little hill there
a little nool and narden a little grassy knoll and
he ended up lying in dog shit and it got
all over his shacket. But the funniest part about the
whole story was when he just he just refused, like
what sort of is it real tight us? What kind
of Titus doesn't chuck away a shirt like it was?

(10:42):
If it was a really nice shirt, I get it.
But it's just a.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
Standard G Lane kind of peace of crap shirt, like
you could buy it was a.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Ten dollars shirt.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
Last week we using a green chick one.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yes, it's a green chick. I love that fu he
loves that.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
He loves that one G Lane like you he can think.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Oh my god, he didn't throw away that, No, that
was that And well I was like, okay, he got
that free from Helenstein's because they have the helen Stein sponsorship.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
It was like, come on, mate, if you know that,
and there's a bin right there, there was a bin.
I said, chuck that in the bin. Your problem's going
to be gone, it's going to disappear. Gulian's like, no,
I can't, I can't. I love this. I love this ship.
I was like, mate, put it in the bin. This
is not what you need right now. In the state
that you're in right now, the last thing you need
is to be worrying about carrying around the scene. Firstly,

(11:36):
you stink of dog shit. Every dog we're walking past
is sniffing you. It wants to have a bit of
you and wonders why you smell of dog shit. It
was horrific for everyone else and steered at his bloody
cleaning it in the fountain and the town square. Families
who have just finished school, who have been picked up
by they're really, really attractive, it's got to be said.
Mothers were all sitting around park benches watching this New

(12:00):
Zealand piece of crap who smelt like crap doing his
ablutions in the actual middle of this beautiful town square.
He's the only one doing it. We can't stop laughing.
They're wondering what is wrong with this guy? What's and all?
You need to just put it in the bann And
he just carried it with us and it was wet
after that and he's got to carry on this wet
thing yet.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah. See, that's this is what you need to be
sharing on social media for your mates that are left behind.
That the admin of glane in a fountain, ruining a
beautiful Dutch setting by soiling the fountain. See I don't
need to be there for that.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
No, No, the bloody thing launded, and the guyinges of
you arriving looking spectacular in a pair of leather shorts
down in the in the hotel lobby. Yeah, well look,
one of the people that was way on the trip
ended up soiling is leather shorts.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
So is it more embarrassing?

Speaker 2 (12:54):
They are hard to get off though in a hurry.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Do they have like laces like shoelaces.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
There's, there's, there's lots of buttons. So the letter housing
are leather pants for people who don't know, with overall straps.
Not cheap one hundred and twenty euros for a pair
of Leader housing two hundred and something backs, carefully crafted
in ostry.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
You had leather ones, you weren't like novelty sort of
jeffs and poor MP tape ones.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
No, you got to wear the proper leather ones because
everyone's got proper stuff there. Yeah, you know, because it's
a proper festival. End up looking like an idiot if
you hadn't spent one hundred and twenty euros in a
pair of Those are the cheapest ones that were on offer,
but they for sale everywhere in Munich. You can get
them these pop up stores selling traditional German clothes.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
Probably there's probably multi millionaire like Leader hous and millionaires.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well, there's not many people that make them. But it
turns out they're only made in Austria, so it's not
like they make them in China. They make them in
Austria and they've got little patterns on them, the special
cultural breeze. No, they no, but they're hard wearing and
you never have to wash them. And interestingly, the dubbing them, no,
you just you they wear in over a period of

(13:59):
time they soften up. But the people in Bavaria, because
Barvarias is in the southern part of Germany and goes
into Austria a little bit of Switzerland. Yeah, that area
of Bavaria, that's their traditional clothes. They've been wearing them
for hundreds of years. And every person back in the
day used to wear leather house on and you just
have one pair of pants. You never have to wash

(14:20):
them because they're leather. You're not ever washing Leader Housen
and you wear those pants for like ten years. They
last ten years well as anyone because you know, like,
is anyone wearing them just like you'd wear them, like
not for it to go to a beer fest, like
is anyone wearing leader housen as just what they wear? Yeah? Right, yeah,

(14:43):
people still wear them there. That's the weird part of it.
Turns out this Bavarian culture has been going for thousands
of years and they're quite proud of it. And the
women wear dirndls and I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
That's sort of like a sort of a fluffy bodice.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
That's a tight old school like looks like a dress
from say fifteen hundred.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Oh so the whole lace up the front with the laces, mate,
I wore one of those in the promotional shops for
the trip we were going to go on members.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
Except the difference with you and some piggytails, and you will,
you'll enjoy this saying so in Germany. So the people
who serve your beers at the Munich festival are all
women and they're wearing doodles. And for some reason there's
only women that serve, not men. And they're very strong.
They carry they carry fifteen maybe twenty liters twenty kgs

(15:32):
at a time onto the table and smash it. But
there's a great saying because the doodle women look bloody hot.
It's great and so that's why the festival works, because
guys look hot in the letter house and because if
you've got a good set of pins with the high hose,
you look good. You know, like that there are tight
fitting pan What kind of foot where are you wearing?

(15:54):
You wear traditional German shoes, so you didn't West, you
can't wears speakers, lamebo some traditional shoes. But he got
terrible blisters. So the interesting they've got a saying there
because it comes down really low and a lot of
the Bavarian women, let's just say very well endowed, like

(16:16):
that's part of it. And so it's a great look.
And the Germans have a saying. And this is the
greatest thing. It's a word, and it's one word and
it literally translates. It's a really long word like that,
you know how they come pound words in Jimny, And
it literally translates to you have a tidy stack of
wood out the front of your house, and that means

(16:39):
you've got a massive set of nothing. The wood's what's
the word you've got a tidy if you google tidy
woodstack out the front of your house.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
That's because the gyms are great for having one word
to describe things like shining, fruid and such of your house.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
Let's have a lot, least take a break and come
back with the answer yeah to this and just what
that word is. And we're back and hopefully Drew's found
the answer to that question that he asked just before
the break, and he liked.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
All the holts. It's called a holtz Hoffen, and the
wholes soften the holts the holtz Hoffen, which as refers
to the woodstack out the front of your house. So
they would say that she's running a holts Hoffen. Wow.
And the weirdest part about it is that you would
if you said that in New Zealand, you'd be like

(17:37):
slapped across the face. But in Bavaria said in the
right way with respect. It is a great cult. It's
a great compliment to make someone. And you start and
the German woman that we're worth. We said, what about
it if we said holtz hoffen you know, to someone

(17:58):
and she said, well you and what about a random person?
And she said well, you've got to say it in
a nice way. But said in a nice way, she goes,
it's not an insult. It's the opposite of an insult.
How would it be. It's not an insult, be an
insult and a German Bavarian woman don't take it as
an insult.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Because they said, there's that audio that you sometimes play
mash from that Australian that was going up to people
on the street and going nice to boobs.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
You got there?

Speaker 1 (18:23):
He got, literally like nice to boobs, you got there?

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful moves, she got. That's essentially what.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
It doesn't sound as good as move. If he had
gone hoss often, then he wouldn't have got in global
trouble like he did. Remember remember in the news article.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
I'm not sure which Australian radio Australian television network was on,
but they were like and it was just one hundred
meters from a school that he said it moves.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
She got, yeah, anyway, so you so what you were
walking around kind of October fist. They're just saying great
rector a few women and then moving on.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
What the bloody word was? I couldn't remember.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
What's a kelln here what what's that? Isn't that? That's
the word German word for waitress beer waitress kelling there,
kelling you kelling something.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
I was struggling a little bit with the local lingo
I knew. I knew Gordon targ good Morgan also no
dust beer day spear dust beer, which is great beer
blitz Creek. Now I was not. We did witness by accident.

(19:32):
We went from Amsterdam to Munich and the guy dropped
us off and he didn't realize it, but there just
happened to be the largest Bavarian festival parade that was
walking down the street and unfortunately our hotel just happened
to be on the street with the parade. He dropped
us on one side. Guy that looked like Fetty Vaughton
actually dropped us on one side and we had to

(19:54):
get our bags and walk and we couldn't cross the
road and this really really strict German policemen wouldn't let
us cross roight because it was a bloody Barbarian festival.
During that festival, Glane went and bought a crate of
beers because you can buy them at dairies there. He
bought a creative beers and glass bottles, litter bottles, and
we sat there and drank the crate of beers with

(20:15):
the winners. Well, this parade came past, and in the
parade Leatherhousen, Darndall's, lots of horse drawn carts. And then
it got to the military section and they went back
into the history of the Bavaria and there was World
War One veterans like with or not veterans, but showcasing
World War One clothes. There was going back into Napoleonic

(20:36):
War times as well. Interestingly, there was one era that
was missing and I couldn't help but notice there was
a gap from about nineteen thirty two through to about
nineteen forty five.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
And when we took to Noyman Euler, the guy that
wrote Blitzed, and we infered him on this food podcast,
I was trying to ask him that question, but I'm
not sure if I got it out. Like how, because
the German soldiers that were Nazis didn't necessarily want to
be Nazis. You just got constricted into the army. It
didn't matter whether you supported the cause or not. In fact,

(21:11):
some numbers say that the majority of people didn't really
support the cause then you've gone through this horrific situation.
But you don't get an r A, you don't get tributes,
you don't get dawn services.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
There's no there's no memoriams to fallen soldiers from World
War Two. There's not there's none, which is which is harsh,
because they were some of them were victims as well,
like of a lot of people were victims of the
of the Nazis, and you know Germans. Of course it
looms large, you can still feel it. It's quite weird.

(21:43):
But the other thing is because the whole country got
completely decimated. We were Allies bombed that absolutely living crap
out of Germany, like they leveled the whole bloody place
pretty much. As a result, the towns and cities are
quite interesting there. There are a couple of buildings survived,
very few, but you'll get the occasional old stuff. But

(22:03):
in Europe most of the buildings you know already really
old buildings, but in Germany not so much. But they
have rebuilt a lot of towns with the same types
of buildings, but they are modern, so even though they're
old looking, they're actually not. They're actually they rebuilt them.
Kind of how they were, yeah, right, which is interesting.
I watched this video the other day.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
And it was there's this thing I follow and it's
the first cameras, when people set up the first cameras
and they film stuff, and now they've colorized it, so
you'll see Paris in nineteen hundred, yeah, or even like
some of them are eighteen ninety and stuff. And what
I found amazing in Paris is the buildings that we
have now in Paris. You know those classic apartment buildings

(22:43):
with the sloping roof at the top. They had them
exactly then, so they've just continued to build in that
style for the longest time. And that's where Paris looks
so freaking cool, because they've just decided we're going to
stick with the style everywhere everywhere we go. Yeah, and
then when you're walking around that feels very Parisian. Is
here we're like a bunch of broken teeth. We're like
someone that's been whacked in the face of the hammer.

(23:05):
All their houses look.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
That's quite weird. And and also Paris never got bombed, yeah,
so as it got invaded so early, you'd be bombing yourself, yeah,
which is kind of interesting. And Austria never got bombed.
Vienna never got bombed as a result in a beautiful
place because they had the angelist. Of course, with Austria
and Germany early on.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
The bomb places like Venice, you know, oh yeah, imagine
they could have they could have been if they did
what they did to Germany, to all of Europe, I mean,
because they were they were fighting Italy, you.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Know, yeah, to the to the Italian's credit, they just surrendered. Really,
they're like, okay, we're all over, and they're like, actually,
you come through, that's fine. What we forget is that
they've been invaded so many times over the years. They
were too fragile before you it's happening. It's happened for
thousands of years, has been people invading and smashing.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
And I was thinking about this the other day, like
the World War two and England being invaded, like they
were big concerned about being invaded by the you know,
the excess of evil, the Germans, and but England's been
invaded and Britain's been invaded constantly. It's the longest time
that they haven't been invaded, like basically not they weren't
invaded then just in the course of history, the Germans

(24:19):
regularly invaded England. Yes, like it took over. It would
just happen every you know, seventy odd years, someone would invade. Invasions,
the Norman invasions, the German invasions, the Italian invasion, Roman invasions,
there's so many invasions that it would have been the
normal course of history that Germany would have won that
war and invaded England and then and that was just

(24:41):
the way, and then then the noble would be speaking German. Well,
to be fair, the the English family is German.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, they are German.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah, they are German.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
At this point. Yeah. And they were all obviously, all
those European families were all into you know, they were
all into married and all that sort of stuff. But
the Germans, that's why they're so good looking. Germans do
look a lot like a English. And the weird part
of going to Holland or the Netherlands, I think, is
you meant to call it the language Dutch is basically English.
It's so weird. You look at the words and it's like, hey,

(25:11):
they've got half of their words are just our words.
They are exactly the same. But they don't have any
English in the Netherlands at all, no signs in English,
nothing in English, and somehow you still can understand it,
like the languages are so close together.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
I had a cock up in Germany though, because you
know the word for exit at a at a like
I didn't have a cock up. I did have my
cock up at one point in Germany. Imagine anyway, that's
a different issue.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
That's what They didn't have a cock up in Germany
or oshan.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
Exit in German exit and.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
It starts with A and n's and something.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
So I read that and thought, oh, this is my
tube stop, this is my Oh right.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's an easy mistake.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
It's most fund so it's it's a U s if
A h r T so. So I got on my
from my hotel. I got on there and I said, oh,
I'm at Ostphat and then and then I went around
and then I looked around and then I saw os
Fard again. I said, I've gone enough fucking circle here.
How can I still be at Ostar?

Speaker 2 (26:17):
It's good? And then I went further and I was like, oh,
can't if from now I've got no idea where I
live from means exit.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
That's good because it looks like a place a U
s if a HRT does not look like exit.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
No. No, they in Germany. Weirdly enough, they have a
lot of it. They have English with it, but not
in Holland. They're like, no, we're not going to bother
with that. But everybody in the Netherlands speaks English, like
perfect English. It's quite interesting. And I've got to say,
the best looking people in the world I think come

(26:55):
from the Netherlands.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Did you go to any level, did you go any
six show or anything?

Speaker 2 (27:01):
No, we didn't. We went to go to that same
one that we went on that Last Drop, because I
mean when we went on the Last Drop and took
the mushies and we went to a lot of those locations. Again,
turns out that everything in that trip that we went
on within space of one hundred meter radius. We need it.
We hardly went in with my head. We traversed the
whole of Amsterdam that day. We hardly went anywhere.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
And yet we generated so many stories. And you went
and visited the Baby Tower.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
I visited the Baby Tower. I visited the bar that
felt like we were sailing on a shop across the ocean.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Was it was it on hydraulics No, it was not
on hydraulics, So how was it sailing on the ocean
over there?

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Think we just were imagining that. Also. I went to
the bridge where we did the flying weird piece to camera,
went to the I went past the peep show, but
I went to the pub. It was shut Unfortunately, it
was locked up by the SoC because it was too late.
But where we sat and then commentated the urinal. I
went to the urinal and urinated again. Oh my god,

(28:01):
that urinal stinks.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
The circular, the circular spiral urinal, the circular spiral urninal.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
I revisited it for the second time. Did you sit
in that Irish pub and commentate that that was shut up?
But I took a photo of it because it was.
It was right by the urinal there, and yeah, so
we went to all of those places.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
What I'm talking about with the phone mace. So you're
posting all these pictures of these amazing shots of you.
You're not posting any pictures of a stinky urinal.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
No, which is what you were really experiencing that urinal,
because it's like a confessional. I forgot about this part
of it, but it had mesh and you can see
through it and people can see you inside it. But
then about nipple height is the metal that starts where
you can't see below that? Yeah, and that's where you
just wee up against a piece of metal and then
it goes down into a drain. But in that drain,

(28:46):
why would you put like toilet paper in the drains?
I think girls have gone in there and back their
way in there and are doing ways in there and
then getting some toilet paper.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
And look, I'm a bog fan of Europe and I
love t having in there. But I think that's stinks
more of than New Zealand or Australia. Interesting, it's just
a gen there's more wheeze over there for some reason.
But actually people would say it's probably the English, Australians
and New Zealanders that are the people that are wieing everywhere.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
Oh quite possibly. Yeah, how you know that? Do you
remember the windows that have the girls in them? Yeah?
And the system that they've got operating where there's a
girl in a window meshy in with the curtain and
there's got a curtain and they sit and they just
literally wearing ndies and they're just sitting sterea and you
walk past in these alleyways and there's literally.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
You'll see the most beautiful person, hundreds of them, like hundreds.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
The girls are next level. Well, this time around I
realized something that I didn't know before. But there are sections.
So in some areas there are like black areas, and
so all of the girls down one street are black, right,
and then in another street, in another alley they're all

(29:53):
like larger girls. And then there are some that are
just Russian kind of ones that have got there's a
lot of that have had work done now there which
wasn't last time we went met right, there was way
less work done. Now there's heaps worth work done.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
So I mean the term objectification is banded about a
lot these days, but how horrible is that? So you
just it's like you're in a supermarket walking around picking humans.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
So is it a street worth with I've never been obviously,
So it's a street streets windows, yes, and then just
shop up to shove off the shop, but with people
in the front windows on your machine.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
With people in the window and they sit in the
window and they've got curtains, and then when what you
do is you go yeah, thumbs up whatever, and then
you walk on. It's got a little door by the window,
and you go out and there's a bed behind them,
and then they pull the curtains and then you have
sex with them, and then you pay, and then you
walk back out again. It's all done inside of that.
How much did you pay? Oh? You know, one hundred
and fifty euros. That's not enough. I hope you tipped.

(30:50):
Hey I didn't. You didn't. No, I didn't do it.
I did use this time, didn't I didn't do it?

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Can I just say just to change stopping topics a
little bit? So it sing? This is my last week
on on this Davids Poke podcast.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
All that.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
I hope you invite me back.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Sure, yeah, I'm sure we will.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
Otherwise I'll just be sitting out the e vaping looking
through the window. Like I said, dog, but we might
be with you. But I was thinking with a week ago,
there's nothing I can't really like just then. I I
can just vape in the studio not get in trouble.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
Yeah you can do it you want, mate, Well you
can't do that. You're staying in the same company though,
What are you.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Going to do if you can't vape.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
Every twos on my co hosts and zid be great
new Zealander called Tyler. I raised it with him and
and and I actually vaped in their first meeting in
the in the studio and the in our studio. And
he said, oh, thank god, I was going to raise
that whether we can vape because he's a chronic vape
Jesus vapist.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
He's a vapist.

Speaker 4 (31:48):
Can you it's called vaporst We just.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
Yeah, I got to make very clear that that was anyway.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
And he was like, sweet, do you know how I
blame for that? Fucking Steno?

Speaker 2 (32:04):
Yeah? Right.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Steno was an early adopter of the vape. He was
an early adopter of the lightsaber vape, which is those
massive you know those. He's running all hand one so
everyone up to see bees now on the horns made.
He's got the help company, he's got a he's got
a he's running like a it's like a steampunk operation.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
It's a huge. It's like that movie Mortal Engines.

Speaker 4 (32:24):
He comes rolling past like a never say anything, like.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
A full cities so huge thing.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
This is massive.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
If our head of entertainment is running yeah you know
that kind of vape crime, I think you're gonna be
right lead.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
From the top, So was it? That's interesting that that
because because hearing all these stories from your time over there,
ess interially, how many stories get made on a trip
and then they get repeated for years and years and
years afterwards. And so on our trip, there was the
baby tower, there was the thing, there was the first,
there was the weird, there was and your one. It's
like Gilian rolled and some dog shits as the front

(32:57):
runner at the moment from for memories.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
That was that was a pretty memorable moment.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
That's the market eve.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Have anyone ever traveled that far to rollins and dog shit?
Like considering what's his carbon foot do you reckon? There's
people that would end up on a dog shit and
people that wouldn't. I think there's people whose personalities and
who they are they end up in these situations that
other people don't.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I feel like often I'm either asleep or an observer
of events, whereas Elane is in the dog shit, I'm
the one that's standing back holding my guts, laughing at
the person and the dog shit. But Crul protagonist, he's
always he. You know, people talk about main character syndrome,
people that think they're the main character. He is the
main character where all the audience and he's the main

(33:38):
character if he's got main character syndrome, and he like
he went to a psychiatristan I think I've got main
characters and they go, yeah, you are the main character when
you come in here, and we'll ever do us.

Speaker 5 (33:48):
Laugh at the way that it was described and first
of all rolling around in the dog shit and then
cleaning himself and all of the families watching it happen
in the fountain, it sounded like an Adam Sandler movie.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
Yeah, years rolling at him Sandler movie. He knows how
to He knew at the time it was interesting because
he I could see because part of him was upset,
part of him knew that that story would add to
the collection. Yeah, that would be beauty forever.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
It's so good when you're part of a story, like
when you can see the story unfolding and you know
that the story is going to be told over and
over again for years, and sometimes you get that moment
of clarity you look around and you go, oh, I'm
in the story right now.

Speaker 4 (34:28):
I think I also credits Gulane because looks small insight
of the psyche of the way he operates. But I
think he also probably knew that he couldn't be upset
of it because of the way that he treats people
about when they do something silly, Because he just spends
his entire life from people out and telling stories about
other people, embarrassing situations and things like that. So once
something like this comes along for him is he just
has to be able to copy. And the poor felt

(34:49):
like apparently he really ticks and judgery at the time, saying,
Juliane is genuinely upset about.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, I know he was, because it was funny because
we seriously, the eight people that were with we laughed
for I'm in say, twenty minutes, and I felt bad
for laughing, but I couldn't actually stop myself, and I
kept saying in the moments where I wasn't laughing, I
kept saying, it just couldn't happen to a nicer person,
It couldn't happen to a bigger piece of shit, And

(35:16):
in a lot of ways, it was a piece of
shit rowling and shit.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah, that's right, Like if it were if you were
there and it was say a female friend, and she'd
spend a lot of time getting ready to go out
and then she'd ended up in ship. It would be
a tragedy, sorry for them, a tragedy.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
I had zero zero. I was so pleased to I'm
so happy. We were all so happy, And was just
so because I wasn't there.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
But when you were telling the story with Glane out there,
when we were having coffees early this morning, I was sober,
but I nearly hurt my lungs laughing Somewhere. I was
trying to put my finger on why it's so funny,
and it is because it's Glaane.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
It's because it's Glais a piece of.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
Track shirt and he's such a disgrace. But also he
tries to have these years about.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Him where he's because he's everyone's boss.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
He's in charge of he's a man that's in charge
of men.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
The boss was rolling and ship the boss.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
He's a very successful man with a with a beautiful
house and by a beach and in you know, with
a beautiful wife and fantastic kids and family, and very
successful businessman and can and can succeed like no one
else in terms of sales. But he's also got this
strong he's a ship streak that goes through so the

(36:42):
whole thing is always it's always a dichotomy, it's always
an irony.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
It's great And actually, I because I was rooming with Glane,
and generally he's quite a good person to room with
because he doesn't snore. Until that last night when we'd
been drinking for I think six nights and he drank two.
It just got the better of them and next thing
you know, he was crawling his way through the streets
of Munich to get back and being helped by Callum,

(37:07):
who's one of the one who's great New Zealanders, to
Calm who helped him back, and they were sort of
going from slamming on car front to car front, like
he'd get to a car and then he stumbled to
the next car, and then he'd smash onto the bonnet
of that and then he'd sort of lie there for
a second. Then Calum would pack him up then move
to the next place. Anyway, at I went home at
about eleven because I was so wasted. I had to

(37:28):
just homing pigeon. I was like, get home. I stumbled home.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
You're quite good at ghosting, Yes, you realize that moment.
It's a great feature to have in your arsenal ability
to go home.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, I was just to call it. I was so wasted.
I just to know something, and me said get home
because otherwise you're going to fall asleep underneath this ferris wheel.
So I got home and I'd been asleep for maybe
three hours, because I got back at maybe ten or eleven,
and at about one thirty this I just heard this
absolute racket in the hallway. It woke me up up

(38:00):
and then g Lane just stumbled into the into our room,
fell into our room, fell onto the floor, and then
got up. And then I see and then I just
hit see this head poke up from underneath my bed
because it was at the foot of my bed and
it's g Lane with just this blank look on his face,
but just a piece of ship look, but just blank.

(38:22):
And then callum the one that puts his head around
the corner and he goes. I managed to get him home,
and then.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Good when the winners are bringing the boss of the
organization home, you're over there. You're over there to look
after people like you're you're like it's like the koonticky
bus driver driving the bus into a ditch the lunatic
wasn't charging and then you know, the the the people
that are paid to be on the bus, helping the
bus get out and driving it home.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
Yeah, but he kept going, it's not wake them up.
It's like I'm sitting up staring at you. He goes, so, Calum,
we'll wake him up. And it's like he's awake, and
I go, I'm awake, and he goes, don't want to
wake him up, don't And the lights are on. He's

(39:09):
turned on the fucking lights of the bloody room. And
then and then I'm awake. And then he's in the hallway.
I'm like, what are you doing in the hallways? In
the hallway, still shushing, shush, come back. He's the one
that's speaking loudly. And then the end he comes back in,
passes out and there's leader House on the end of

(39:30):
the bed with his feet still on the ground. And
then his head back, so he's got his feet at
the end of the bed. That is peaks snoring.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
That's peak snoring.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
And because he is cranked snoring, he's snoring like nobody's business.
I am.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
When I was in Paris, I was sharing a room
with Maniah, and both me and many are partial to
a little snore. So we had sort of like a
race to go to sleep first, so we keep Joe
and I were doing.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Yeah, so it's like you get into the beard, just like.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
How quickly can I go to sleep so I don't
have to put up with the other one snoring?

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah, And when I aren Joe exactly the same. And
it turns out and I goes to sleep before Joe. Yeah,
every single night. Yeah, jo Joe got about four hours
sleep the entire trip.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
Anyone else, anyone ended up in the lost in their
undies like me when we're.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
In Paris, Joe did Joe end ended up down in
the down in the concierge because he'd locked himself out
of the room but he couldn't remember the room number.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
See this happens to him.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Look, this was me and he's in his undies down
down in the reception. There's something quite humbling about And
for some reason I was on a weird period of
undies when it ended up to me in Paris. Because
you take a wrong turn, go into the bathroom, and
then you hear a click, and then you're at a corridor.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
You don't have your keys just in yournies, you have
to go down the lift and you have to go through.
And when I went through, the bar was still sort
of going in this French hotel. I had to walk
past a lot of people and there were people riving
up and I had to walk up.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
To the to the desk and my undies and go, yeah,
what room are you?

Speaker 1 (41:03):
What room am I? That's good question. I can't remember
the room. I'm in public and my undis like.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Anything. But but the concue they just deal with it
because it must happen a lot.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
So so yeah, because you're not really in it.

Speaker 2 (41:19):
And he's done that before, Joe. He did in London,
remember right, So he's done in London. He's done it
again in Amsterdam, the city. He hasn't ended up in
the lobby and his undies. Oh man, I'll tell you.
You know. He blows out pants, Joe. He's a man
who's blown out so many piece of jeans over the years.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Did he blow up the laser?

Speaker 2 (41:38):
He did not blow that is a huge That is
an unblowout a ball pair of pants.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
He should be wearing them here because he can't wear
really jeans. He shorts all through winter because because he's
an ice hockey player, so he's.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Just blow it out.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
He's just created these massive legs and thighs.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
He's a Chino's nightmare.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Mate. I can't put how.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
Many she's been asked to leave Helenstones before going into.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Mate, you're going to blow up the career of pants
just trying them on.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
No, No, we've had your type in here before.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
You're not.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
You're not going through the rack looking for a pair
of gas that fits your mate.

Speaker 4 (42:11):
He requires the most tapered pair of jeans ever been made,
just so you can do.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Anyway.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
Bloody bloody good, what a great New Zealander just having
lo here.

Speaker 4 (42:21):
Actually on October fish weird dot com. So yeah, Jurry,
you were right about one hundred and twenty nine bucks
for a ladder housing. So there's a longer version of
the ladder housing that has got a different name, the Bunderhorsen.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
The bunderhus And I think that's a big that means
big Sodans, I think means bigger.

Speaker 4 (42:40):
Is that why people say like, oh, she's got what
like like Bunderberg she's got a big you know wonder?

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Yeah? Probably, but you know the Bond League? Oh yeah,
big big league.

Speaker 4 (42:54):
Do you any football over there?

Speaker 2 (42:55):
Nah?

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Well, would you nah, not with you lanning other things.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
But the leader housing that's a good let's tell it.
It's a good.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
Look all right. Then all right, okay then right, okay,
well that was that was that was the first the laugh.
There's just four more of these Daily bespokey donkeys with
my ass, with your ass.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
With is that?

Speaker 1 (43:19):
People not say that with my ass?

Speaker 2 (43:20):
With me my just with me on we say my ass,
do you you're not going to be saying that. Yeah,
that's that's it for me. That's that's it for my
Ass's join my again, same time, same place tomorrow and
it be that's a good sign off.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
I mean, what's Tyler running? Has you got a good
operation back there?

Speaker 1 (43:41):
But yeah, sweet yeah, yeah he's gonna, he's gonna he's
got a good ass. All right, okay, all right, thank
you seem busy.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
All right, it was good.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
It was one of the top ten ever. Hello, I'm
Matt Heath. You have been listening to the Matt and
Jerry Daily Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen to
our Radio Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get barred
up about anyway. Set to download, like, subscribe, write, review,
all those great things. It really helps myself and Jerry

(44:12):
and to a lesser extent, mess and ruder. If you
want to discuss anything raised in this pod, check out
the Conclave, a Matt and Jerry Facebook discussion group. And
while I'm plugging stuff, my book A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen
Ways to Love the Life You've Got is out now
get it wherever you get your books, or just google
the bastard. Anyway you seem busy, I'll let you go.
Bless Blessed, blessed. Give them a taste of key we

(44:34):
from me,