October 1, 2024 • 41 mins
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello you great New Zealanders. Matt Heath here. This is
my last week on this podcast sadly, but if you're
not sick of me and you want more of my
weekly content, you can follow my weekly substack mailout article
at Matdheath dot substack dot com. This week I discussed
fighting fomo after my friends betrayed me and went to
Germany without me. You Jerry, g Lane, Joseph and Maniah.
(00:23):
I love you, but you hurt me anyway you seem busy,
I'll let you go to Matteath dot substack dot com. Bless, Bless, bless.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Scared bisave.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
It's the second of October twenty twenty four. Welcome all
you bespokey dokies, the daily bespoke podcast, the third to
last one with old Meddi Heath. Just old Madi Heath
coming down the stairs for the third to last time. Oh,
just good, old Meddi Heath.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Work in the calendar.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
No flies on Old Meddy Heath. I know what you're
up to, Jeremy, going up and down under the ear.
I knew, no flies on old mad Heath. How you're
up to going up and down? Finally coming on down
the stairs. Yeah, just coming on down the old Grandfather's
clock tech top very last time before the old man died. Yeah,
we were talking about on the Radio Highlights podcast today
about well my goldie headphones, my headphones that have had
(01:43):
for the longest time, great peri of head phones. They
stopped working today and it's very reminiscent of that old song.
My grandfather's clock stopped short, never to go again when.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
The old man died.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
And I was really disappointed, actually because I never thought
as a kid to say grandfather's clock. Welcome to the podcast,
to the Daily Spoke podcast, Brody Caine.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Let me get the claps up. Sorry, Brodie, here you go.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
We're on here, We're on the here, We're on there.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Check one too, Check one too.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
I didn't realize that I was. I didn't actually realize
what I was coming in here for. And then I
thought that I could hold on for a WII. But
I needed to go with.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, well you're coming in for because you've written a
book called Woman Uninterrupted?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Is that about? Is that about going wheeze.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Uns your pelvic.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
Floor in general? Look, I think it's not bad, but
I tend to always need to go for about a
four a m.
Speaker 6 (02:54):
We have.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Have you ever considered not going because I was I've
been listening to this sky called the Sleep Doctor, and
he was like, be very careful choosing to go for
the Wii because if you absolutely if you're just doing it,
because what's the reverse of a top up but the
kind of like a top up version because you then
because when you get up, your heartbeat starts beating faster,
and it's actually the speed of your heart decides whether
(03:16):
you go to sleep or not. So if you get
up last your eyes with the bloody lights and the
toilet and your heartbeat gets up, it's very hard to
go to sleep. So you just got I mean, you
will have nightmares. If you need a Wii, you will
go back to sleep and have horrible nightmares. But but
but it just just be very careful, ask yourself, though
I really need to take this Wi well.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Also, he might say, be very careful about going to
the bathroom and a dream, because if you go to
a bathroom and a dream or pretend, well, maybe you're
putting out a fire with a fire hose. I've had
that dream before.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Where we were just talking before off here, probably should
leave it off here about a friend of the show
that I thought he was in.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
It was he thought he was in a bathroom when
he was in the studio. That's right. It was kind
of in a dream, but it was.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
But perssing yourself is more a guy's thing, isn't it?
Or like persing and appropriate when you're.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Drunk, I think, because we're used to just you know,
going like in a bush or on the side of
the road or something, you know, so we we can
clungure up an area to go for a week easier
in our imagination.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
What do they call it though, fire trucking, tucking.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, fire trucking better than dump trucking. But I would
say this as well, dump truck From experience of toddlers,
girls far easier to potty train than boys. They get
them mount of nappy's far quicker. The old girls. They
just want to be more comfortable, There's something about it.
They just get the whole going wheeze thing a little
bit quicker than the boys.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
My son's and like I might be speaking out of
turn here, but one of them seventeen or one of
them's fourteen, we'll still not nappy training fifteen the nappy train,
but they've got an upstairs bathroom. It's just the years
between their rooms. It's a crime scene. I was gonna
be ruthless, so seriously. I mean one thing that it's
bad enough what they do to the towels on the
towel rail, they heat a tael rail.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
They just screw them up on.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
A ball and shove them down and gets But the
other thing is like finishing a roll of toilet paper
and then just haiffing the cylinder across the room. Yeah,
who's going to well, thing's going to clean? That are cleaner,
but my things are cleaner. But anyway, the point is
it's disgusting. Also, have you heard of the toilet brush?
Oh and hellow toilet dark?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Hey? That is not isolated to men, though there are
some there are Women don't check the back either. If
you go for a pool, you check behind you after
you flush, right, and they're like, right, what's happened here?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
As a tidy kiwi?
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Yes, it baffles me how many people don't do that.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Women can make some horrific mess Women.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Women can be foul.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Oh yeah, women. If you go to a nightclub, the
old havevo always used to say to me, check out
the women's toilet at the end.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
He ran at the end.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
At the end of it, at the end of the night,
and he said, look at the women's toilets far more
disgusting than the men's toilets in the night club at
at the end of the night. Yeah, he said, women
are disgusting.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
Yeah, women are disgusting.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Because it's my third to last appearance on this podcast,
I think I can tell a story I've told a
thousand times. But I got screamed at for going into
the wrong bathrooms in Los Angeles by Paris Hilton. I
was at one of those fancy sunset strip nightclubs where
the symbols on.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
The I was standing here, was fucking drunk.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
It's one of those things where you book a table
and it has a bottle of vodka on the table
and you get so steamed. But I was standing between
these two toilet entrants and I was going, I can't
work out what means men and what means woman. And
I go in and this woman starts screaming at me,
calling me a fucker, and get out, and I go.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Paras Hilton, just get.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
That's FANTASTICA It was good.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
I did get out, though I didn't ask you for
an autograph or a picture or anything.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Did she say it like in a because she's very
you know, she's very like, get get the fuck out,
get out.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It was quite get out, get out. No, it was
kind of fuck, you're fucking in the you're in the
fucking girls?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Or were you going in the bath? Were you going
in the basemin or something.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I only just come through the door, So I was
dealing with a lot, immediately realizing I was the wrong
toilet because I couldn't sendy urinals, and then instantly seeing
Paris Hilton in there yelling at me.
Speaker 5 (07:28):
I guess the thing like in her defense because she
clearly needs it.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
You guys, you just have to defini. I was in
the wrong.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
But you know, but why is it as well that
there's never enough toilets for women? Like you go to
the you go to the rugby or anywhere a concert
and there's a line of women outside the women's toilets.
And I mean, I've been no, I've been knowing to
go in the men's when there's no line because I've
got shipped to do.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
I'll tell you, or don't do ship in the to do? Well,
what is that they need to have early.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
On the box.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Women need to create and this is up to women
because God help me as a man coming up with
this idea for women. But women need to wake up
and create urinals for themselves. Because the urinal means that
men move through toilets. It's much easier. For example, when
you go to a festival nowadays, I went recently to
(08:25):
Loloplooza and as a man, you have these urinals, and
so it used to be yet to wait for bloody
portoloos and everybody would have to go on and do
WA's in a portoloo, which is annoying. Now the women
still have cues for their for their women's portoloos, but
the men get to go we have This is my
theory for a woman.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Okay, I'm watching you.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
You have a backward facing urinal, so it's it's almost
like a you sit on a it's a urinal, but
it's got a it's almost got a plank that runs
along it. I mean plank is crude, but some other
kind of nicely designed plank, but it has little petitions
on the side. So but it's it's a all of them.
So women can sit and just do a quick wee
and then move on. Anything goes down the trough down
(09:04):
the side underneath it.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
I've been in one of those rhythm and vines to
do them once. But it's still kind of it's still
kind of demoralizing because on the ground, because you're four
pants down, let's not forget that.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
But you've got a little you've got a little cordoned
off area beside. But you got but I mean a
man standing there with his bloody.
Speaker 5 (09:20):
But but you can kind of like shy away, you know,
from the masses, whereas a girl is like pants down
and you've got a bend over. No dremy, because sometimes
we goes down your legs. You're gonna be careful wide
as possible.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I've got two points to make.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
Sometimes hard I've got.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Two points to make on this.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
In this topic A The Men and Jerry Show tried
to help women and also increase our listenership by handing
out she wheeze like we had weeze giveaways. Yes, but
then we were just getting woman that she we backfired
on me and just dubbed a whole lot of urine
in my andies. So you actually didn't actually solve.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
The problem.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
No, And my second point of that, I'm forgetting well,
before you get to that, what about if you backed
your way into a she wei, but you put down
some toilet paper around the she we, so it wasn't you.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
You're vege touching other with other women's vegies, do you
know what?
Speaker 5 (10:20):
I think? The reality is the reason we're bouncing these
around and that we haven't landed anywhere is because it's
just the flaps formed differently, aren't they Just it's just
not that straightforward.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Some women's flaps. That's true. Actually, not all vaginas have
made the same.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
My second point I've just remembered it is sometimes if
you're a man, you're at a urinal and you say
it's very private, But if someone yells out little boys
weeze anywhere down the urinal, then you have to pull
your pants right down and pull your shirt above your
head and we if that call goes up for a
little boys weeze, then then everyone has to do that,
so that that gets quite revealing.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Can we go back to what you just said? Did
you just say flaps?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
I did?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Is that okay with flaps?
Speaker 5 (10:59):
I'm fine with flaps? I think I don't know if
I'm the moral barometer of all things. What's appropriate to
say though, I like, I like saying flaps. What about la, Well,
that's the thing that's actually legit.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
We would have been using the proper term here, I liked.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
I mean, look, I don't mind flaps.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
No one's ever answered this question for me, and I've
been asking on this podcast for eleven years. Do I
have a mon's pubis?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Are you?
Speaker 7 (11:26):
Or what?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Do I have a mon's pubis?
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Because I remember in six classes they were like pointing
to all the bits that woman had, and one of
those at the top, and it's sort of the bone, your.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Hand out your pants and feel at your muppet. What's
that thing at the top of your dick?
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Jesus, I've just sitched up a mon's pubis. And I've
seen a lot of photos of a vagina, but.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I think men have I think we share a mon's pubis.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
We've all got a mon's pubis. No, that's that what
you're looking there as a vagina. Mon's pubis come in
all shapes and sizes, don't they.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
And they really don't human an.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Atom and in mammals in general, the mon's pubis, Oh,
it's the gunt is a round mass of fetty tissue
found over the the pubic.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
It isn't well then, Christian.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
The gun is a little bit higher.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's a gun. There's a gut in the gun.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yes, so ours.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Would be a caunt because it'll be a cock in it.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
You can get that. You can get that little flurns
down that just goes down and sort of sits on
top of the pich.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Jesus, that's a mon's pubis.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I don't know that that was one's got caught an
odd man's pupil.
Speaker 5 (12:40):
Oh, that's the that's it's.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Only showing pictures is a man's.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
I think it is the gun area.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Look at this picture here.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
This guy has got a tiny.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Ship there some Google images when you put it in tho.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
It's an area that's well documented by the.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Under the dock here and the that you boys can see.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
But Jesus christ if I had.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
A willie that small, I would not be Why is
he running a Hitlermo on the top of his penis?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I would not be running a hitler Mo. That is
disrespectful Jesus. And yeah, yeah, I wouldn't be getting a
picture taking myself if I was running a micro anyway?
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Is he in the mon's PAPIs Google image.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Why is he running a hitler over the top of
his penis?
Speaker 4 (13:22):
And why do we have this photo in front of us.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Just for so know what we're talking about. How did
we get here?
Speaker 5 (13:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
There's a great story that you have of coming out
both ends. It's terrible week.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
We're so juvenile.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
This is why I'm having to leave, because you guys
are so juvenile that we have an esteemed guest in
the studio and you just take it straight downstairs.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Jeremy, can we take a break and come back with
a story about Brodie Kine coming out both ends? And
we're back and Bradiy's going to tell us how one
day was coming out both ends? How many ends are
we talking here? Three? It was it was this too.
It was during your service for the country.
Speaker 5 (14:02):
Though, oh you know there's two times. No, I've got confused,
because there was the time in Paris where I'm bleeding
out and shitting in the shower.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
There's the one where Brunei Brunei.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
We're talking about Brunei.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Bruno, the one you told me on Traders when that
person keep on saying.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
Oh stuff like fuck hell, that pussed me off.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, I'm on this fucking punishing show. Don't tell me
to shut up.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
And that's how they told us to stop talking. They'd
say ice because they don't they didn't have enough cameras
to cameras to cover you all the time, or something's
going on, and so they didn't when you have any
conversations that they couldn't.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Use, and they're like, I've got conversations, but I've got
a problem. I can't stop speaking. I'm going to have more. Yeah,
so I'm not going to run out of conversation.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
I don't worry. You've got a whole bunch of precks
from Telly on Telly. We'll be fine. We'll ham it up.
When you need to, let us talk shit. Alright, let's
talk some shaits.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah, we're not going to cleam up.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
Yeah, I don't worry. We're not shy.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Brodie's sorry about coming out of both inns. And it's
not going to make the cut anyway.
Speaker 5 (15:01):
No, I would never make the cut. So I was
in the is in the Army and we were in
Brunei on a jungle training exercise, and we were fully technical,
and so if you can imagine, you get a scenario
where you're in a pretend war, so you've got to
play that out for the entire seven days. So you're
not like, can I have some do you want to
pass it?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
No?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yelling?
Speaker 5 (15:20):
No, it's a whispering and code and all of that.
So it's very serious. And so this one particular morning,
I'm in my I'm on century duty. When your platoon
is in camp, the century duty has to man the
platoon at all times. So it's about eight o'clock in
the morning, and myself and my fellow rifle and just
and all you're doing is lying in the bush waiting
(15:40):
for the enemy, right, And I started to be like, oh,
it's get a bit sweetie, but clammy and I was like,
oh it, you don't feel very well. Stomach started sort
of moving that saliva that you get in your mouth,
and you're like, oh, that's a vomb Yeah, it's yeah,
Prevon And I thought, I thought, I thought.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I think that joke was apparent to people.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
I thought, Ship, this is this is not something they
teach you, like, this is not something that you're not
it's not in the war memo when the war manual,
like you know, I was like, I'm going to be sick.
So I was like, whispered, I was, I'm just gonna
go over here. So as I did, I sort of
shuffled over. And bear in mind, you've got you've got
your rifle, and you've got this your webbing on, which
(16:29):
is like a belt with all your things in it,
your immediate supplies, your utility belt. Yeah, and I just
was like, oh, young, I'm definitely definitely gonna be sick.
And just power chucked, power chucked in the bush. And
it came with such force that, of course there I
absolutely wholeheartedly shat myself and you know, and so but
(16:52):
the worst thing is the more, the more, the more
it came. And so I was like, what the fuck
do you do now? If there's no memo, if there's
no war manual about getting sick, there's certainly no war
manual about shooting yourself.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
And you can't just go and lawn to your bloody panties.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
No, don't say panties again.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
It's like what Mike Mike Tyson said. He said, everyone's
got a plan till they get punched in the face.
And that's the same and war, isn't it all have
a plan to into the theater of war, and you've
thought about a lot of things, but you haven't thought
about that.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
That surprised you. Do you know, wear panties when you're
wearing army fatigues. I've never thought of that. What do
female soldiers wear under there? Fatigues?
Speaker 5 (17:36):
Underwear?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Not pennies issueiesies?
Speaker 5 (17:45):
No, definitely not lacy. Definitely not a G banger.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I'm not a G banger. No, I understand that. Just
not a regular pair of pennies.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
A regular stop don't regular pair of underwear? Yes, what's
wrong with don't stop?
Speaker 4 (18:00):
It?
Speaker 3 (18:02):
So foul it is?
Speaker 5 (18:05):
No, I can't, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
You had a problem with that?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Word would actually kill us, not.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
Gunns, but PAP's fine panties.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, it would kill us to spend some time above
the mons pubis just on this podcast today.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
Anyway, I'll just quickly shut myself shuffle, I mean, I'm
to be fear of keeping it down there, shuffled back
up the hell. Told the platoon that I was really sick.
They're like, do you need the medic? I was like
not not just yet, went over to where my pack was.
You have one spear set of pants and panties and
(18:43):
and so I buried them. So I buried the I
buried the shitty and then was on a drip for
twenty four hours.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
But similar to what happened, we had to bury people.
I mean, who doesn't who hasn't buried a pair of
budies in their life?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Sometimes you just can't bring them back.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
No, No, you can't bring those back to New Zealand.
I don't think.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Sometimes you bury them.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Sometimes you're at home and you still you go, these
undis are done. I'm not They're not going through the
washing machine. There's no nappy sand that's going to save
this situation that these these guys, they've had a good
run r.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
But I'm throwing them in the recycling Yes, this is
too tough for challenge, the nap sand challenges. You can't
deal with this. There's no way put it in.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
A cycling cycling straight in the red, straight in the red.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Oh, I'm doing my bit for the environment.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
And suddenly on bloody villain here someone else, someone else
can use you.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Better to bury them.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
And then but you take them to the refuse transfer
center and there'll be people there that can bring them
back and put them back out on the market.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
I don't know if they've got a pandy section at
the rig. Don't know if there's like TV's dryers petties.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
The guy that's yelling at you know, the guy goes
any middle over here, that middal needs to go over here,
goes any over here. And they're always going to be
the ones people can't bring back.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
So that's yeah. I tell you what. I've been a
lot of my kids on these over the years. I've
been them. It's like, no, these ones I can't be by.
I'm not pulling that. These ones are not coming back.
You know. Justin Bieber, he's one time only. Yes, so
is old Floyd Mayweather. What flo never is a T shirt?
(20:38):
Twice once one, Yeah, one and done. Biber's won and
done withnys.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Robert Smith from the Cures, sheets and done once and
then as people throw the sheets out in there's a
new brand new set of sheets.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
As something wrong with them.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
I mean, at least you're attempting to help the environment
by putting them in the yellow. They're not.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
They're not three hundred and sixty five sets of Egyptian
cotton sheets a year. No, are you great? For the
bloody environment.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Robert Smith from The Cure Brodie, How long did it?
Tell you? How long were you walking around with shit
in your panties before you turfed them?
Speaker 5 (21:12):
Like maybe three hundred meters?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
But minutes? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (21:18):
Oh sorry, I'd say it was about seven or eight minutes.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
And the heat of Brunei, that and the dense bush,
the heat, the dense bush, I imagine very muggy.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Very muggy.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Yeah, what were you doing in Brunei? Of all places?
Speaker 5 (21:31):
That's The New Zealand Army has a sort of you
know what is it? A bilateral relationship with the with the.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Brunei Sultan and Brunei.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
Yeah, so I do believe they might still go there
a yearly because obviously we don't have a jungle to
practice in warfare.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Did you meet the Sultan?
Speaker 5 (21:49):
No, but we went on a boat past the palace.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Did you meet the Sultan's brother, because he's an interesting guy.
He's got a boat of super yachts there with two.
The tenders are called tits titties one and titties tits
one and two. Is that right, man? That's correct, tits
one and two.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
He's terrible, can be Jeoffrey or Prince Jeffrey or something.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
He's been banished though, hasn't he?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
I think so. He's been banished with about six billion dollars.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I'm just looking at your book and it says yarns
on a life lived at a million miles I love it, broadcaster, podcaster,
and go get a Brodie Kane, I mine it, said
meth Heath is a well known broadcaster, producer, actor, podcaster,
TV personnel and sports commentator. Where was mine million miles
an hour? And all these compliments that you're that, your
bloody publisher, Harper Collins, put on your thing for me.
Speaker 5 (22:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
You're not going a million miles an hour. You're sleeping.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
A sloth like individual.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
We'll give you thirty k. We'll give you thirty k.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
And now a sloth like individual who has lived his
life basically asleep.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Some famous people here, Richie mccaull.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
You spooned him, yes, on a mountain.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Who is the big spoon? Who is the little spoon?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
He was the big spoon?
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Oh so revealing.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yeah, that's very revealing.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
Poor guy. I think I think he'd rather the mountain
extracted him from doing that.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
Buddy in the spoon position.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You don't know if you're very quick.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
It was very quick.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
He was bakespone. McCall was bakespone.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Did you say he wasspone?
Speaker 5 (23:16):
It was very quick. It was just a quick little
rendezvous in the sleeping bag just for the camera out
he got that.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Sounds quite good. Yeah, I wouldn't mind being a little
spoony Richie Ritchie too. It was.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
It was the it was the pinnacle of Ritchie.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Oh look show me a man who doesn't bar up
in a in a big spoon position. I mean, I'd
say most men would bar up in that situations, especially
if you're uper mountain it's thin.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
Air and treating someone for hypothermia, which was do you
have it was the scenario.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Do you pretend to have hypothermia? So Richard McCall, big spooned,
you believe.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I remember on outdoor education class we dug a snow cone,
a snow cave currentic peak, and I ended up being
that there was a girl I liked and I ended
up being having to go into a sleeping bed with
her for the for the to keep warm.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Did you get in the reach?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
I did?
Speaker 5 (24:11):
Yeah, of course you're human.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Oddly I didn't want to at that point because it
was really, well, it wasn't. It wasn't an amorous situation.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Does she feel it? I?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
We we did a weird thing. We were but to butt?
Speaker 4 (24:26):
Is it just to hide the direction?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Though?
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Was that like a kind of what that's not good?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
But to but smoke?
Speaker 1 (24:31):
That's embarrassed. But but won't you bring back? Won't bring
you back from hypothermia?
Speaker 5 (24:35):
No, we really won't.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
You need to be front to front and a sort
of koala kuala and koala situation.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Hm.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
So it's to really peer back hypothermia?
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Do you you really need to be inside each other now?
I think the only way to bring this hypothermia back
is for me to be inside.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You, inside each other? How do you she has to be?
It's it's like, okay, boy, you go inside me?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Right? Why am I?
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Why am I trying?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Gosh?
Speaker 5 (25:14):
I don't know what that happened?
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Drink water even gone out the back?
Speaker 5 (25:20):
Oh no, that's careful, careful because I have had a
green smoothie. They can go straight through you.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Oh boy, they can, they certainly can. We're off to christ.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Your hometown. Well, Brady, how do you think? What do
you think?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
About this is I don't I haven't earned respect, so
I can't demand it. But this is my last week
and for some reason they're flying us my last week
on radio. We just want to do a victory lap
in neutral. We want to put the least different possible
and but we're all being flying to Christch to do
a this classic music radio, do a podcast from a
(25:59):
spar like a radio show from a spar pool in
christ Church, just like there's a freaking sparple in my
backyard from he.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Knows all about this. You would have been in the
spark with fits at some stage down in cross Church.
Speaker 5 (26:13):
Weekly with I didn't I didn't do it. Oh no,
not from a spar pool.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
No really, no, okay, I thought everywhere I thought, that's
just staple, that's radio.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
Yeah, it really is original.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
We used to do ZI Tuesday. We were in the
spar pool every Tuesday.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
And so is this a paid gig? You have to
do it so that you keep your station afloat.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Someone someone gets paid, not us?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, well we do get a blanket pay. But yeah
there's no there's no bonus.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
A couple in the spa.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Actually I'll find out later. Jerry gets a bonus and
I don't now what.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
Do you wear?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
What?
Speaker 5 (26:48):
What are you? Are you a board shorts or slightly
higher than a board short, a speedo, a euro tog
What are we wearing in?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Me and Jurie recently went to Fiji. Were at the
Helton dinner ow.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
Yeah, and we wow, we're super super tourists.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, we wore met beore. We wore matching, matching little
speedos for the whole week.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Yeah, fantastic. I'm in big support of the speedo.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (27:16):
Do you know Brady, when we were on that trip
we were there was a whole bunch of mums that
were there at the same time, and we were having
conversations with them, and they thought that these two were
a couple. And then I was the child for that trip.
And because these two were just marching around in speedos, who.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
What were they?
Speaker 7 (27:28):
Were they like some kind of old school Sidney's kind
of style trunk more than a speedo, weren't they?
Speaker 3 (27:32):
I think they were a basic speed I mean you
were when you mess looks very good in the speedo.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
They were actually from those mums. Because it's not only
gaming that we're speedos all the time. I mean I
don't mind that they thought we were gay, But that
was that was profiling, wasn't it.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
I just think I just think the speedo is a
fantastic thing that all mens should get around, Like I
think all bodies welcome, all speedos.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Welcome speedo bodies. Men's bodies look way better than speedos,
it turns out. For the longest time people thought, I
know that looks my gun. An actual fact that it makes.
You can't look better in a speedo than on a bloody.
Speaker 6 (28:05):
Board short if your size down. They want to type
things up around there here. Mesh did a lot of
good work with these mums. Very fond of Mesh and
she Mesh was very fond of them too, except he
kept asking the same question he.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Had a few he didn't wanted to. It was like
kept asking, yeah, so when you guys, how long are
you guys here for? Like when you guys off? He
must have seen that then five times, and by the
end of it they were like, Tuesday.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
They love me, Those numes love me.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Probably they didn't really like each other.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
They were a part of a WhatsApp group for some
kids sport, and the idea had gone out that they
all go away together.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
They didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And then and then after five days it was too long.
They decided to go five days together and they realized
they only really knew each other from the WhatsApp. Oh yeah,
and then they started turning on each other.
Speaker 5 (28:54):
You don't go on your first holiday like that with
people you don't really know. That's a disaster.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
They thought they knew each other, yeah, but they didn't.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
And then they're like that, that's Sharon.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
They were cornering us.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
I can sit with her at the buffet the birch.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
We were just trying to have our fifty eighth pinicolata
in a row comedy drink.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
And then they were on our ass about someone else's
kid winning the Player of the day like three months ago,
that didn't deserve it. And we're like, we just want
to hang out in their speedo.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
We just want to live our best lives at the
Hilton dinner around and then there's a lot of bell.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
There was a lot of bell, like you know, checking
off items.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
She had that bottle of herve and I actually only
had half a glass, and then I went and then
I went to OJ and so I didn't actually have
any of the alcohol and I don't think we should
have to split the bell.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
There was a lot of that going on. She Now
I think about it.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Maybe it wasn't so much the speed up, but put
me and Jerry booked ourselves into a bunch of like
we were in a couples that week, put ourselves into
couples massages well and such. So maybe that also suggested
that we were in a relationship. A few years ago
we went to I would never get something that could
It's ridiculous to think I'd be punching, but then that
is what.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
People would be. People would people would be sitting there going, fuck,
he's punching, you know, like the whole it'd be the
talk of the buffet. It was we did. We were
a few years ago, four of us girls actually, and
we stated a resort. It was beautiful resort, but it
was full of couples, right, and we were like, it's
a bit lame, but we're a great little villa on
(30:26):
the beach and that. But every breakfast, because I love
to people watching make up stories about couples and whatnot
and who's having interfair and whatnot. So what we did
what we did, we alternated who would sit with and
our and our four of girls. So we would walk
hand in hand to breakfast with one one day and
then one the next day. And sometimes we would all
(30:49):
sit together and sometimes apart, and you knew that they
were thinking, they've all had a falling out. Yeah, I
love to funk with them.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
They thought that you were part of a foursome, but
and sometimes a quadruple.
Speaker 5 (31:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
I was just trying to scan down through the met
and Jewy showed shirt to bring up some pictures of
us there. But then I realized, no one kist somewhere
as well of.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
You guys at the at the at the pool, well,
we wore the We wore the speedos around the entire time.
So if we played golf, we wore the speedos with
a Hawaiian style shirt. It was actually really liberating.
Speaker 5 (31:21):
Did they let you do that though at the golf
course there? Gosh, it surprises me.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Fijeans don't tend to cure about rules.
Speaker 5 (31:30):
See, that's absolutely need that I need to. That is fantastic. Yeah, no,
so I'm absolutely on board with that. Yeah, that's fucking great.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
It is speed out, but it is with the flory,
the sort of the shirt and in the Necklie.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
You can see how the howick mum's got there. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
Yeah, that's a fucking vibe, guys. I'm so here.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
And the thing is, the first day you go out
to the pool and your speedo and you're really nervous
because you feel weird, and then and then you start
to like it. And it's like the walls of the
short shat redemption. First first you hate them, then you
get used to them, and then you can't live without them,
you know. And then basically by the end of it,
I couldn't I couldn't operate out.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Trying to speed back home on the plane.
Speaker 5 (32:13):
But that's fantastic. I just think that's great, that's real.
It's a real good body positivity message.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Yeah. Well yeah, well it was.
Speaker 7 (32:21):
I mean well, I mean I found it the following
day after the first night we've got there, and feeder
I found, you know, I had to come and collect
you guys before we went off, essentially just babysitting at
this point, Brady, we went were going on a day.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
Trip, just the three of you.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Anastasia coming off the back of a three day bender.
That sounds better, right, Yeah, yeah, she hadn't slept for
three days.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
And then I found you, Medie. You were still in
your Speedos.
Speaker 7 (32:44):
You're in the bathtub sipping on it something from that
you picked up at Judy Free.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Yeah, that's rights.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
Didn't come off for three days.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
I got a video of you.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Didn't stand you leave a noodle on for three days?
Speaker 5 (32:55):
And did you not wash out the gusset of your
speedos every day?
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Poor glass of vodka down there every now and then.
Speaker 5 (33:03):
You've got to wash the gusset.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Out, which I just found. Oh of you actually while
we're away, and it's like.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
This is great for the listeners.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Yeah, this is Was this a field trip or was
this a trap?
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (33:20):
We had to do a radio show from the Hilton
for some reason. We took someone as over there. It
was lovely, but it was just a big a couple
of days. We've only for about two three days when
we fell.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
Yeah, it was a great time.
Speaker 5 (33:28):
It was, and was the October Fist and September good Jerry,
great times.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah. There was not a lot of Speedo's action, but
it was they were a good time.
Speaker 5 (33:39):
Do you feel like you need to go to rehab?
Speaker 4 (33:41):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Man, yeah, I actually feel so. I got back on
Friday afternoon. Yeah, I'm still not right. Yeah, yeah, And
I mean I wasn't because you fly over this twenty
seven hours and then you just clicked just acclimatize by
about day five, and then you've got one day and
then we flew back again and it was drinking every
single day. Yeah, that's a bum. I wonder what should
(34:01):
probably gone on there.
Speaker 5 (34:03):
You've got serious things to do now, pal, You've got
to start prepping for the current affairs and ship exactly like.
You can't be fucking around with with big beers in that.
Now you've got to go and be like, oh eight hundred,
tell us your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Hey look at this?
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Can I look at this? Brady?
Speaker 5 (34:18):
Okay, come on?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
This is this is this is what we're doing again.
I'm just scrolling through.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
There we are, and there I am in a speedo
and doing the sparkol thing we did again, and you
can in a Praori with a great rig.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Jerry's looking pretty good. I left a rash shit on there.
Speaker 5 (34:34):
I think you need to not.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Do you want to see the video, have a look
on your phone, and you watched the video that I
filmed with you must have been around about sort of
Midnight Day three. Yeah, there's a part of it as
acting and a part of it is not. I'm good,
I'm good.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Oh dear.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Oh man, you're making it a stage. It look sober. Wow,
that's a great. Oh, we had a good time on that.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
We have fun. Oh, we have fun.
Speaker 5 (35:10):
Don't you do look more intelligent with your short hair
that way? Yeah, that's good. That's a good here cut
for yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think they'd welcome you.
And have you had that long here, probably you wouldn't
have got the job.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
I've actually got some good audio here.
Speaker 5 (35:26):
Gosh, this is all you guys scrolling for ship on
your phone exception.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
We're in the abiquities of the show. Yeah, so you
know you can afford yourself. Listen to this, Brady, I'm
listening because listen to this.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Mike Hosku, Matt Heath, all the names you can trust.
This is news talk news that's surely sati.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Sometimes you can trust. It sounds like it's for meeting media.
Lutch some you can try us and you know, you
know that the joke's going threes, so it's like a
set up for the punchline.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Could you actually just could you see that to me?
Could you see in that audio?
Speaker 4 (36:08):
To me? How does some simulation stuff?
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Paul Kesley, he'll really enjoy that. Fuck.
Speaker 5 (36:16):
They still get that orchestra out for the old bloody
news talk, don't they.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I was actually thinking about seeing it to Paul Kesley
because I just reaped of something you do.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
And have you seen that? Because I really want to
see that time.
Speaker 5 (36:28):
I've got an important question. Have you done your photo
shirt yet?
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Or did you wear They actually put me in a
bone throw a shitty in the photo set because they
put me in.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
A bone suit.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Gosh, and I looked like Richie, I look like.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
I looked a lot like have you gone all bino
on it? Why are you wearing a bone suit? I
know That's what I said.
Speaker 5 (36:49):
What are they going to make you something you're not?
Are they going to make you be a wounder as
it bee wounder as Chris can.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
I said, be yourself because you can't be anybody else.
Speaker 5 (36:57):
But what if they're like, you know, hey, you can't
be this kind of wounder that you were before. We
need you to be more serious, won't Like? What if
they try and take your personality way?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Well, then there'll be a very short tenure.
Speaker 5 (37:07):
And what if they what if they said, mate, you
need to just pump the brakes on being at Morning
side teven so much. We need you.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
We've done that here as we've been doing that here
for the last ten years.
Speaker 5 (37:20):
Little we need people to take Like, what if they
have they said that. Have they said anything like we
actually do need you to be a bit more like serious?
They haven't.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Actually they haven't. Actually I guess what they've sort of
said to me not much. Actually, yeah, it might be
if you've seen that, you know, the producers. Maybe it's
a text right off. They're getting me on there for
you know, like you try and get the worst possible
you can and for for you know, I don't know,
they haven't. They haven't seen anything like that. Actually, in fact,
they've seen the opposite. They said, we want you to
(37:49):
be yourself, and it's like, I'm not.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
Even myself here yet.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
I haven't even really unleashed or I really like ever
although it would be crazy because sometimes on the show,
when I'll go really drunk, I've slept under the table
and so I'm here when the show comes on here
and the next morning, but imagine that I'm sleeping right
through Hoskins Showine.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Get the dice.
Speaker 5 (38:12):
Fucking Gucci lifers.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Just right through Carrie's show.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
She would welcome me.
Speaker 5 (38:21):
Yeah, yeah, mind you. They've got about ten studios up there,
so you could just use one of the backup ones.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Well, I will be vaping in the studio, that's for sure.
I'm not going to give up that. I was good.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Love that the vopes or not.
Speaker 5 (38:33):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
He'd run a great vape.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I think he's I think he was ging them like
this has like six I was listening. I think it's
like four almonds a day. It's exactly four. And then
he has a particular type of smoothie with something in
at a particular time. He brings in his breakfast and
a little chiller bag and it's all the same, exact,
same thing. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, you worked with him, Brody.
Speaker 5 (38:57):
You know I did work with him. It was a
meat case.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
I want to be.
Speaker 5 (39:05):
She used to bring in, she used to bring in baking.
I never saw her eat it.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
I want to be one of those people. I always
thought about that. I was thinking for a year I
might try and not eat in front of other people,
because then people think you might be an alien.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
I'd like someone to.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Say, I've never seen Matt eat anything, but i'd be
like slamming food, like under my bed sheets or something.
But I always thought that'd be an interesting thing. I've
never seen that guy eat. Maybe he's not a human.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
Yeah, I don't think he's a human.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
I don't think he's I've never seen him, mate, But
he's quite fair.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
He's clearly eating somewhere somewhere. He's clearly a lot of
late night a lot of late night drive through. Thank
you so much, Brody, ca do.
Speaker 5 (39:50):
You reckon that would have told the book?
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Can we give a book away?
Speaker 5 (39:54):
I've got a book for Rody.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
Woman interrupted.
Speaker 5 (40:01):
Interrupted, piece of Ship.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Yeah, tell you why have you interrupted me?
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Then I'll tell you what it's been one interrupted with you, buddy,
coming in saying pantings when she was trying to tell
your stories. You've been interrupting her the whole bloody show mate, Carrie.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
What I'm saying a romp through glorious and gross adventures,
Roady writes, as if you're a best friend, by the end,
you're really wish she wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Why did she say that? It's a real score seiling Carie.
Speaker 5 (40:30):
It makes you just intrigued, like funk what she said?
Speaker 2 (40:34):
You know?
Speaker 1 (40:35):
So slide into our DMS.
Speaker 7 (40:38):
Yes, or you can should we do something even on
the conclaves on the conclave maybe what do you reckon?
Speaker 5 (40:42):
Signed it?
Speaker 3 (40:43):
Which signed up?
Speaker 6 (40:43):
Well?
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Either go to the conclave.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
It's either on the conclave or d muse at met
in Jerry show.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
On Instagram.
Speaker 4 (40:55):
Let's just wrap this sh up.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Take a photo.
Speaker 4 (40:57):
I'll take a photo the three of you, and then
we'll blast the hold.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
On comment to one. I've got to go.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
We're gonna goss.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
I'm going to go. All right, thank you?
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Right, Hello, I'm Matt Heath. You have been listening to
the Matt and Jerry Daily Bespoke podcast. Right now you
can listen to our Radio Highlights podcast, which you will
absolutely get barred up about anyway. Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer,
review all those great things. It really helps myself and
Jerry and to a lesser extent, mess and ruder. If
(41:27):
you want to discuss anything raised in this pod, check
out the Conclave, a Matt and Jerry Facebook discussion group.
And while I'm plugging stuff, my book A Lifeless Punishing
Thirteen Ways to Love The life you've got is out,
now get it wherever you get your books, or just
google the bastard. Anyway you seem busy, I'll let you go.
Bless blessed, blessed. Give them a taste of key we
from me.
Hello you great New Zealanders. Matt Heath here. This is
my last week on this podcast sadly, but if you're
not sick of me and you want more of my
weekly content, you can follow my weekly substack mailout article
at Matdheath dot substack dot com. This week I discussed
fighting fomo after my friends betrayed me and went to
Germany without me. You Jerry, g Lane, Joseph and Maniah.
(00:23):
I love you, but you hurt me anyway you seem busy,
I'll let you go to Matteath dot substack dot com. Bless, Bless, bless.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Scared bisave.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
It's the second of October twenty twenty four. Welcome all
you bespokey dokies, the daily bespoke podcast, the third to
last one with old Meddi Heath. Just old Madi Heath
coming down the stairs for the third to last time. Oh,
just good, old Meddi Heath.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Work in the calendar.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
No flies on Old Meddy Heath. I know what you're
up to, Jeremy, going up and down under the ear.
I knew, no flies on old mad Heath. How you're
up to going up and down? Finally coming on down
the stairs. Yeah, just coming on down the old Grandfather's
clock tech top very last time before the old man died. Yeah,
we were talking about on the Radio Highlights podcast today
about well my goldie headphones, my headphones that have had
(01:43):
for the longest time, great peri of head phones. They
stopped working today and it's very reminiscent of that old song.
My grandfather's clock stopped short, never to go again when.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
The old man died.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
And I was really disappointed, actually because I never thought
as a kid to say grandfather's clock. Welcome to the podcast,
to the Daily Spoke podcast, Brody Caine.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Let me get the claps up. Sorry, Brodie, here you go.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
We're on here, We're on the here, We're on there.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Check one too, Check one too.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
I didn't realize that I was. I didn't actually realize
what I was coming in here for. And then I
thought that I could hold on for a WII. But
I needed to go with.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, well you're coming in for because you've written a
book called Woman Uninterrupted?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Is that about? Is that about going wheeze.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Uns your pelvic.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
Floor in general? Look, I think it's not bad, but
I tend to always need to go for about a
four a m.
Speaker 6 (02:54):
We have.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Have you ever considered not going because I was I've
been listening to this sky called the Sleep Doctor, and
he was like, be very careful choosing to go for
the Wii because if you absolutely if you're just doing it,
because what's the reverse of a top up but the
kind of like a top up version because you then
because when you get up, your heartbeat starts beating faster,
and it's actually the speed of your heart decides whether
(03:16):
you go to sleep or not. So if you get
up last your eyes with the bloody lights and the
toilet and your heartbeat gets up, it's very hard to
go to sleep. So you just got I mean, you
will have nightmares. If you need a Wii, you will
go back to sleep and have horrible nightmares. But but
but it just just be very careful, ask yourself, though
I really need to take this Wi well.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Also, he might say, be very careful about going to
the bathroom and a dream, because if you go to
a bathroom and a dream or pretend, well, maybe you're
putting out a fire with a fire hose. I've had
that dream before.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Where we were just talking before off here, probably should
leave it off here about a friend of the show
that I thought he was in.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
It was he thought he was in a bathroom when
he was in the studio. That's right. It was kind
of in a dream, but it was.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
But perssing yourself is more a guy's thing, isn't it?
Or like persing and appropriate when you're.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Drunk, I think, because we're used to just you know,
going like in a bush or on the side of
the road or something, you know, so we we can
clungure up an area to go for a week easier
in our imagination.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
What do they call it though, fire trucking, tucking.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, fire trucking better than dump trucking. But I would
say this as well, dump truck From experience of toddlers,
girls far easier to potty train than boys. They get
them mount of nappy's far quicker. The old girls. They
just want to be more comfortable, There's something about it.
They just get the whole going wheeze thing a little
bit quicker than the boys.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
My son's and like I might be speaking out of
turn here, but one of them seventeen or one of
them's fourteen, we'll still not nappy training fifteen the nappy train,
but they've got an upstairs bathroom. It's just the years
between their rooms. It's a crime scene. I was gonna
be ruthless, so seriously. I mean one thing that it's
bad enough what they do to the towels on the
towel rail, they heat a tael rail.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
They just screw them up on.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
A ball and shove them down and gets But the
other thing is like finishing a roll of toilet paper
and then just haiffing the cylinder across the room. Yeah,
who's going to well, thing's going to clean? That are cleaner,
but my things are cleaner. But anyway, the point is
it's disgusting. Also, have you heard of the toilet brush?
Oh and hellow toilet dark?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Hey? That is not isolated to men, though there are
some there are Women don't check the back either. If
you go for a pool, you check behind you after
you flush, right, and they're like, right, what's happened here?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
As a tidy kiwi?
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Yes, it baffles me how many people don't do that.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Women can make some horrific mess Women.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Women can be foul.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Oh yeah, women. If you go to a nightclub, the
old havevo always used to say to me, check out
the women's toilet at the end.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
He ran at the end.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
At the end of it, at the end of the night,
and he said, look at the women's toilets far more
disgusting than the men's toilets in the night club at
at the end of the night. Yeah, he said, women
are disgusting.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
Yeah, women are disgusting.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Because it's my third to last appearance on this podcast,
I think I can tell a story I've told a
thousand times. But I got screamed at for going into
the wrong bathrooms in Los Angeles by Paris Hilton. I
was at one of those fancy sunset strip nightclubs where
the symbols on.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
The I was standing here, was fucking drunk.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
It's one of those things where you book a table
and it has a bottle of vodka on the table
and you get so steamed. But I was standing between
these two toilet entrants and I was going, I can't
work out what means men and what means woman. And
I go in and this woman starts screaming at me,
calling me a fucker, and get out, and I go.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Paras Hilton, just get.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
That's FANTASTICA It was good.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
I did get out, though I didn't ask you for
an autograph or a picture or anything.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Did she say it like in a because she's very
you know, she's very like, get get the fuck out,
get out.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It was quite get out, get out. No, it was
kind of fuck, you're fucking in the you're in the
fucking girls?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Or were you going in the bath? Were you going
in the basemin or something.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I only just come through the door, So I was
dealing with a lot, immediately realizing I was the wrong
toilet because I couldn't sendy urinals, and then instantly seeing
Paris Hilton in there yelling at me.
Speaker 5 (07:28):
I guess the thing like in her defense because she
clearly needs it.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
You guys, you just have to defini. I was in
the wrong.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
But you know, but why is it as well that
there's never enough toilets for women? Like you go to
the you go to the rugby or anywhere a concert
and there's a line of women outside the women's toilets.
And I mean, I've been no, I've been knowing to
go in the men's when there's no line because I've
got shipped to do.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
I'll tell you, or don't do ship in the to do? Well,
what is that they need to have early.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
On the box.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Women need to create and this is up to women
because God help me as a man coming up with
this idea for women. But women need to wake up
and create urinals for themselves. Because the urinal means that
men move through toilets. It's much easier. For example, when
you go to a festival nowadays, I went recently to
(08:25):
Loloplooza and as a man, you have these urinals, and
so it used to be yet to wait for bloody
portoloos and everybody would have to go on and do
WA's in a portoloo, which is annoying. Now the women
still have cues for their for their women's portoloos, but
the men get to go we have This is my
theory for a woman.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Okay, I'm watching you.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
You have a backward facing urinal, so it's it's almost
like a you sit on a it's a urinal, but
it's got a it's almost got a plank that runs
along it. I mean plank is crude, but some other
kind of nicely designed plank, but it has little petitions
on the side. So but it's it's a all of them.
So women can sit and just do a quick wee
and then move on. Anything goes down the trough down
(09:04):
the side underneath it.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
I've been in one of those rhythm and vines to
do them once. But it's still kind of it's still
kind of demoralizing because on the ground, because you're four
pants down, let's not forget that.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
But you've got a little you've got a little cordoned
off area beside. But you got but I mean a
man standing there with his bloody.
Speaker 5 (09:20):
But but you can kind of like shy away, you know,
from the masses, whereas a girl is like pants down
and you've got a bend over. No dremy, because sometimes
we goes down your legs. You're gonna be careful wide
as possible.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I've got two points to make.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
Sometimes hard I've got.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Two points to make on this.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
In this topic A The Men and Jerry Show tried
to help women and also increase our listenership by handing
out she wheeze like we had weeze giveaways. Yes, but
then we were just getting woman that she we backfired
on me and just dubbed a whole lot of urine
in my andies. So you actually didn't actually solve.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
The problem.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
No, And my second point of that, I'm forgetting well,
before you get to that, what about if you backed
your way into a she wei, but you put down
some toilet paper around the she we, so it wasn't you.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
You're vege touching other with other women's vegies, do you
know what?
Speaker 5 (10:20):
I think? The reality is the reason we're bouncing these
around and that we haven't landed anywhere is because it's
just the flaps formed differently, aren't they Just it's just
not that straightforward.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Some women's flaps. That's true. Actually, not all vaginas have
made the same.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
My second point I've just remembered it is sometimes if
you're a man, you're at a urinal and you say
it's very private, But if someone yells out little boys
weeze anywhere down the urinal, then you have to pull
your pants right down and pull your shirt above your
head and we if that call goes up for a
little boys weeze, then then everyone has to do that,
so that that gets quite revealing.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Can we go back to what you just said? Did
you just say flaps?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
I did?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Is that okay with flaps?
Speaker 5 (10:59):
I'm fine with flaps? I think I don't know if
I'm the moral barometer of all things. What's appropriate to
say though, I like, I like saying flaps. What about la, Well,
that's the thing that's actually legit.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
We would have been using the proper term here, I liked.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
I mean, look, I don't mind flaps.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
No one's ever answered this question for me, and I've
been asking on this podcast for eleven years. Do I
have a mon's pubis?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Are you?
Speaker 7 (11:26):
Or what?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Do I have a mon's pubis?
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Because I remember in six classes they were like pointing
to all the bits that woman had, and one of
those at the top, and it's sort of the bone, your.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Hand out your pants and feel at your muppet. What's
that thing at the top of your dick?
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Jesus, I've just sitched up a mon's pubis. And I've
seen a lot of photos of a vagina, but.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I think men have I think we share a mon's pubis.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
We've all got a mon's pubis. No, that's that what
you're looking there as a vagina. Mon's pubis come in
all shapes and sizes, don't they.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
And they really don't human an.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Atom and in mammals in general, the mon's pubis, Oh,
it's the gunt is a round mass of fetty tissue
found over the the pubic.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
It isn't well then, Christian.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
The gun is a little bit higher.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's a gun. There's a gut in the gun.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yes, so ours.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Would be a caunt because it'll be a cock in it.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
You can get that. You can get that little flurns
down that just goes down and sort of sits on
top of the pich.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Jesus, that's a mon's pubis.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I don't know that that was one's got caught an
odd man's pupil.
Speaker 5 (12:40):
Oh, that's the that's it's.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Only showing pictures is a man's.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
I think it is the gun area.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Look at this picture here.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
This guy has got a tiny.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Ship there some Google images when you put it in tho.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
It's an area that's well documented by the.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Under the dock here and the that you boys can see.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
But Jesus christ if I had.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
A willie that small, I would not be Why is
he running a Hitlermo on the top of his penis?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I would not be running a hitler Mo. That is
disrespectful Jesus. And yeah, yeah, I wouldn't be getting a
picture taking myself if I was running a micro anyway?
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Is he in the mon's PAPIs Google image.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Why is he running a hitler over the top of
his penis?
Speaker 4 (13:22):
And why do we have this photo in front of us.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Just for so know what we're talking about. How did
we get here?
Speaker 5 (13:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
There's a great story that you have of coming out
both ends. It's terrible week.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
We're so juvenile.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
This is why I'm having to leave, because you guys
are so juvenile that we have an esteemed guest in
the studio and you just take it straight downstairs.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Jeremy, can we take a break and come back with
a story about Brodie Kine coming out both ends? And
we're back and Bradiy's going to tell us how one
day was coming out both ends? How many ends are
we talking here? Three? It was it was this too.
It was during your service for the country.
Speaker 5 (14:02):
Though, oh you know there's two times. No, I've got confused,
because there was the time in Paris where I'm bleeding
out and shitting in the shower.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
There's the one where Brunei Brunei.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
We're talking about Brunei.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Bruno, the one you told me on Traders when that
person keep on saying.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
Oh stuff like fuck hell, that pussed me off.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, I'm on this fucking punishing show. Don't tell me
to shut up.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
And that's how they told us to stop talking. They'd
say ice because they don't they didn't have enough cameras
to cameras to cover you all the time, or something's
going on, and so they didn't when you have any
conversations that they couldn't.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Use, and they're like, I've got conversations, but I've got
a problem. I can't stop speaking. I'm going to have more. Yeah,
so I'm not going to run out of conversation.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
I don't worry. You've got a whole bunch of precks
from Telly on Telly. We'll be fine. We'll ham it up.
When you need to, let us talk shit. Alright, let's
talk some shaits.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah, we're not going to cleam up.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
Yeah, I don't worry. We're not shy.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Brodie's sorry about coming out of both inns. And it's
not going to make the cut anyway.
Speaker 5 (15:01):
No, I would never make the cut. So I was
in the is in the Army and we were in
Brunei on a jungle training exercise, and we were fully technical,
and so if you can imagine, you get a scenario
where you're in a pretend war, so you've got to
play that out for the entire seven days. So you're
not like, can I have some do you want to
pass it?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
No?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yelling?
Speaker 5 (15:20):
No, it's a whispering and code and all of that.
So it's very serious. And so this one particular morning,
I'm in my I'm on century duty. When your platoon
is in camp, the century duty has to man the
platoon at all times. So it's about eight o'clock in
the morning, and myself and my fellow rifle and just
and all you're doing is lying in the bush waiting
(15:40):
for the enemy, right, And I started to be like, oh,
it's get a bit sweetie, but clammy and I was like,
oh it, you don't feel very well. Stomach started sort
of moving that saliva that you get in your mouth,
and you're like, oh, that's a vomb Yeah, it's yeah,
Prevon And I thought, I thought, I thought.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I think that joke was apparent to people.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
I thought, Ship, this is this is not something they
teach you, like, this is not something that you're not
it's not in the war memo when the war manual,
like you know, I was like, I'm going to be sick.
So I was like, whispered, I was, I'm just gonna
go over here. So as I did, I sort of
shuffled over. And bear in mind, you've got you've got
your rifle, and you've got this your webbing on, which
(16:29):
is like a belt with all your things in it,
your immediate supplies, your utility belt. Yeah, and I just
was like, oh, young, I'm definitely definitely gonna be sick.
And just power chucked, power chucked in the bush. And
it came with such force that, of course there I
absolutely wholeheartedly shat myself and you know, and so but
(16:52):
the worst thing is the more, the more, the more
it came. And so I was like, what the fuck
do you do now? If there's no memo, if there's
no war manual about getting sick, there's certainly no war
manual about shooting yourself.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
And you can't just go and lawn to your bloody panties.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
No, don't say panties again.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
It's like what Mike Mike Tyson said. He said, everyone's
got a plan till they get punched in the face.
And that's the same and war, isn't it all have
a plan to into the theater of war, and you've
thought about a lot of things, but you haven't thought
about that.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
That surprised you. Do you know, wear panties when you're
wearing army fatigues. I've never thought of that. What do
female soldiers wear under there? Fatigues?
Speaker 5 (17:36):
Underwear?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Not pennies issueiesies?
Speaker 5 (17:45):
No, definitely not lacy. Definitely not a G banger.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I'm not a G banger. No, I understand that. Just
not a regular pair of pennies.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
A regular stop don't regular pair of underwear? Yes, what's
wrong with don't stop?
Speaker 4 (18:00):
It?
Speaker 3 (18:02):
So foul it is?
Speaker 5 (18:05):
No, I can't, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
You had a problem with that?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Word would actually kill us, not.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
Gunns, but PAP's fine panties.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, it would kill us to spend some time above
the mons pubis just on this podcast today.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
Anyway, I'll just quickly shut myself shuffle, I mean, I'm
to be fear of keeping it down there, shuffled back
up the hell. Told the platoon that I was really sick.
They're like, do you need the medic? I was like
not not just yet, went over to where my pack was.
You have one spear set of pants and panties and
(18:43):
and so I buried them. So I buried the I
buried the shitty and then was on a drip for
twenty four hours.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
But similar to what happened, we had to bury people.
I mean, who doesn't who hasn't buried a pair of
budies in their life?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Sometimes you just can't bring them back.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
No, No, you can't bring those back to New Zealand.
I don't think.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Sometimes you bury them.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Sometimes you're at home and you still you go, these
undis are done. I'm not They're not going through the
washing machine. There's no nappy sand that's going to save
this situation that these these guys, they've had a good
run r.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
But I'm throwing them in the recycling Yes, this is
too tough for challenge, the nap sand challenges. You can't
deal with this. There's no way put it in.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
A cycling cycling straight in the red, straight in the red.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Oh, I'm doing my bit for the environment.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
And suddenly on bloody villain here someone else, someone else
can use you.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Better to bury them.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
And then but you take them to the refuse transfer
center and there'll be people there that can bring them
back and put them back out on the market.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
I don't know if they've got a pandy section at
the rig. Don't know if there's like TV's dryers petties.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
The guy that's yelling at you know, the guy goes
any middle over here, that middal needs to go over here,
goes any over here. And they're always going to be
the ones people can't bring back.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
So that's yeah. I tell you what. I've been a
lot of my kids on these over the years. I've
been them. It's like, no, these ones I can't be by.
I'm not pulling that. These ones are not coming back.
You know. Justin Bieber, he's one time only. Yes, so
is old Floyd Mayweather. What flo never is a T shirt?
(20:38):
Twice once one, Yeah, one and done. Biber's won and
done withnys.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Robert Smith from the Cures, sheets and done once and
then as people throw the sheets out in there's a
new brand new set of sheets.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
As something wrong with them.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
I mean, at least you're attempting to help the environment
by putting them in the yellow. They're not.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
They're not three hundred and sixty five sets of Egyptian
cotton sheets a year. No, are you great? For the
bloody environment.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Robert Smith from The Cure Brodie, How long did it?
Tell you? How long were you walking around with shit
in your panties before you turfed them?
Speaker 5 (21:12):
Like maybe three hundred meters?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
But minutes? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (21:18):
Oh sorry, I'd say it was about seven or eight minutes.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
And the heat of Brunei, that and the dense bush,
the heat, the dense bush, I imagine very muggy.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Very muggy.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Yeah, what were you doing in Brunei? Of all places?
Speaker 5 (21:31):
That's The New Zealand Army has a sort of you
know what is it? A bilateral relationship with the with the.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Brunei Sultan and Brunei.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
Yeah, so I do believe they might still go there
a yearly because obviously we don't have a jungle to
practice in warfare.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Did you meet the Sultan?
Speaker 5 (21:49):
No, but we went on a boat past the palace.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Did you meet the Sultan's brother, because he's an interesting guy.
He's got a boat of super yachts there with two.
The tenders are called tits titties one and titties tits
one and two. Is that right, man? That's correct, tits
one and two.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
He's terrible, can be Jeoffrey or Prince Jeffrey or something.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
He's been banished though, hasn't he?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
I think so. He's been banished with about six billion dollars.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I'm just looking at your book and it says yarns
on a life lived at a million miles I love it, broadcaster, podcaster,
and go get a Brodie Kane, I mine it, said
meth Heath is a well known broadcaster, producer, actor, podcaster,
TV personnel and sports commentator. Where was mine million miles
an hour? And all these compliments that you're that, your
bloody publisher, Harper Collins, put on your thing for me.
Speaker 5 (22:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
You're not going a million miles an hour. You're sleeping.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
A sloth like individual.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
We'll give you thirty k. We'll give you thirty k.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
And now a sloth like individual who has lived his
life basically asleep.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Some famous people here, Richie mccaull.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
You spooned him, yes, on a mountain.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Who is the big spoon? Who is the little spoon?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
He was the big spoon?
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Oh so revealing.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yeah, that's very revealing.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
Poor guy. I think I think he'd rather the mountain
extracted him from doing that.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
Buddy in the spoon position.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You don't know if you're very quick.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
It was very quick.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
He was bakespone. McCall was bakespone.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Did you say he wasspone?
Speaker 5 (23:16):
It was very quick. It was just a quick little
rendezvous in the sleeping bag just for the camera out
he got that.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Sounds quite good. Yeah, I wouldn't mind being a little
spoony Richie Ritchie too. It was.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
It was the it was the pinnacle of Ritchie.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Oh look show me a man who doesn't bar up
in a in a big spoon position. I mean, I'd
say most men would bar up in that situations, especially
if you're uper mountain it's thin.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
Air and treating someone for hypothermia, which was do you
have it was the scenario.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Do you pretend to have hypothermia? So Richard McCall, big spooned,
you believe.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I remember on outdoor education class we dug a snow cone,
a snow cave currentic peak, and I ended up being
that there was a girl I liked and I ended
up being having to go into a sleeping bed with
her for the for the to keep warm.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Did you get in the reach?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
I did?
Speaker 5 (24:11):
Yeah, of course you're human.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Oddly I didn't want to at that point because it
was really, well, it wasn't. It wasn't an amorous situation.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Does she feel it? I?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
We we did a weird thing. We were but to butt?
Speaker 4 (24:26):
Is it just to hide the direction?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Though?
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Was that like a kind of what that's not good?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
But to but smoke?
Speaker 1 (24:31):
That's embarrassed. But but won't you bring back? Won't bring
you back from hypothermia?
Speaker 5 (24:35):
No, we really won't.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
You need to be front to front and a sort
of koala kuala and koala situation.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Hm.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
So it's to really peer back hypothermia?
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Do you you really need to be inside each other now?
I think the only way to bring this hypothermia back
is for me to be inside.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You, inside each other? How do you she has to be?
It's it's like, okay, boy, you go inside me?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Right? Why am I?
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Why am I trying?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Gosh?
Speaker 5 (25:14):
I don't know what that happened?
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Drink water even gone out the back?
Speaker 5 (25:20):
Oh no, that's careful, careful because I have had a
green smoothie. They can go straight through you.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Oh boy, they can, they certainly can. We're off to christ.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Your hometown. Well, Brady, how do you think? What do
you think?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
About this is I don't I haven't earned respect, so
I can't demand it. But this is my last week
and for some reason they're flying us my last week
on radio. We just want to do a victory lap
in neutral. We want to put the least different possible
and but we're all being flying to Christch to do
a this classic music radio, do a podcast from a
(25:59):
spar like a radio show from a spar pool in
christ Church, just like there's a freaking sparple in my
backyard from he.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Knows all about this. You would have been in the
spark with fits at some stage down in cross Church.
Speaker 5 (26:13):
Weekly with I didn't I didn't do it. Oh no,
not from a spar pool.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
No really, no, okay, I thought everywhere I thought, that's
just staple, that's radio.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
Yeah, it really is original.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
We used to do ZI Tuesday. We were in the
spar pool every Tuesday.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
And so is this a paid gig? You have to
do it so that you keep your station afloat.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Someone someone gets paid, not us?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, well we do get a blanket pay. But yeah
there's no there's no bonus.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
A couple in the spa.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Actually I'll find out later. Jerry gets a bonus and
I don't now what.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
Do you wear?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
What?
Speaker 5 (26:48):
What are you? Are you a board shorts or slightly
higher than a board short, a speedo, a euro tog
What are we wearing in?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Me and Jurie recently went to Fiji. Were at the
Helton dinner ow.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
Yeah, and we wow, we're super super tourists.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, we wore met beore. We wore matching, matching little
speedos for the whole week.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Yeah, fantastic. I'm in big support of the speedo.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (27:16):
Do you know Brady, when we were on that trip
we were there was a whole bunch of mums that
were there at the same time, and we were having
conversations with them, and they thought that these two were
a couple. And then I was the child for that trip.
And because these two were just marching around in speedos, who.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
What were they?
Speaker 7 (27:28):
Were they like some kind of old school Sidney's kind
of style trunk more than a speedo, weren't they?
Speaker 3 (27:32):
I think they were a basic speed I mean you
were when you mess looks very good in the speedo.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
They were actually from those mums. Because it's not only
gaming that we're speedos all the time. I mean I
don't mind that they thought we were gay, But that
was that was profiling, wasn't it.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
I just think I just think the speedo is a
fantastic thing that all mens should get around, Like I
think all bodies welcome, all speedos.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Welcome speedo bodies. Men's bodies look way better than speedos,
it turns out. For the longest time people thought, I
know that looks my gun. An actual fact that it makes.
You can't look better in a speedo than on a bloody.
Speaker 6 (28:05):
Board short if your size down. They want to type
things up around there here. Mesh did a lot of
good work with these mums. Very fond of Mesh and
she Mesh was very fond of them too, except he
kept asking the same question he.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Had a few he didn't wanted to. It was like
kept asking, yeah, so when you guys, how long are
you guys here for? Like when you guys off? He
must have seen that then five times, and by the
end of it they were like, Tuesday.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
They love me, Those numes love me.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Probably they didn't really like each other.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
They were a part of a WhatsApp group for some
kids sport, and the idea had gone out that they
all go away together.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
They didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And then and then after five days it was too long.
They decided to go five days together and they realized
they only really knew each other from the WhatsApp. Oh yeah,
and then they started turning on each other.
Speaker 5 (28:54):
You don't go on your first holiday like that with
people you don't really know. That's a disaster.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
They thought they knew each other, yeah, but they didn't.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
And then they're like that, that's Sharon.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
They were cornering us.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
I can sit with her at the buffet the birch.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
We were just trying to have our fifty eighth pinicolata
in a row comedy drink.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
And then they were on our ass about someone else's
kid winning the Player of the day like three months ago,
that didn't deserve it. And we're like, we just want
to hang out in their speedo.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
We just want to live our best lives at the
Hilton dinner around and then there's a lot of bell.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
There was a lot of bell, like you know, checking
off items.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
She had that bottle of herve and I actually only
had half a glass, and then I went and then
I went to OJ and so I didn't actually have
any of the alcohol and I don't think we should
have to split the bell.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
There was a lot of that going on. She Now
I think about it.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Maybe it wasn't so much the speed up, but put
me and Jerry booked ourselves into a bunch of like
we were in a couples that week, put ourselves into
couples massages well and such. So maybe that also suggested
that we were in a relationship. A few years ago
we went to I would never get something that could
It's ridiculous to think I'd be punching, but then that
is what.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
People would be. People would people would be sitting there going, fuck,
he's punching, you know, like the whole it'd be the
talk of the buffet. It was we did. We were
a few years ago, four of us girls actually, and
we stated a resort. It was beautiful resort, but it
was full of couples, right, and we were like, it's
a bit lame, but we're a great little villa on
(30:26):
the beach and that. But every breakfast, because I love
to people watching make up stories about couples and whatnot
and who's having interfair and whatnot. So what we did
what we did, we alternated who would sit with and
our and our four of girls. So we would walk
hand in hand to breakfast with one one day and
then one the next day. And sometimes we would all
(30:49):
sit together and sometimes apart, and you knew that they
were thinking, they've all had a falling out. Yeah, I
love to funk with them.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
They thought that you were part of a foursome, but
and sometimes a quadruple.
Speaker 5 (31:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
I was just trying to scan down through the met
and Jewy showed shirt to bring up some pictures of
us there. But then I realized, no one kist somewhere
as well of.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
You guys at the at the at the pool, well,
we wore the We wore the speedos around the entire time.
So if we played golf, we wore the speedos with
a Hawaiian style shirt. It was actually really liberating.
Speaker 5 (31:21):
Did they let you do that though at the golf
course there? Gosh, it surprises me.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Fijeans don't tend to cure about rules.
Speaker 5 (31:30):
See, that's absolutely need that I need to. That is fantastic. Yeah, no,
so I'm absolutely on board with that. Yeah, that's fucking great.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
It is speed out, but it is with the flory,
the sort of the shirt and in the Necklie.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
You can see how the howick mum's got there. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
Yeah, that's a fucking vibe, guys. I'm so here.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
And the thing is, the first day you go out
to the pool and your speedo and you're really nervous
because you feel weird, and then and then you start
to like it. And it's like the walls of the
short shat redemption. First first you hate them, then you
get used to them, and then you can't live without them,
you know. And then basically by the end of it,
I couldn't I couldn't operate out.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Trying to speed back home on the plane.
Speaker 5 (32:13):
But that's fantastic. I just think that's great, that's real.
It's a real good body positivity message.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Yeah. Well yeah, well it was.
Speaker 7 (32:21):
I mean well, I mean I found it the following
day after the first night we've got there, and feeder
I found, you know, I had to come and collect
you guys before we went off, essentially just babysitting at
this point, Brady, we went were going on a day.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
Trip, just the three of you.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Anastasia coming off the back of a three day bender.
That sounds better, right, Yeah, yeah, she hadn't slept for
three days.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
And then I found you, Medie. You were still in
your Speedos.
Speaker 7 (32:44):
You're in the bathtub sipping on it something from that
you picked up at Judy Free.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Yeah, that's rights.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
Didn't come off for three days.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
I got a video of you.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Didn't stand you leave a noodle on for three days?
Speaker 5 (32:55):
And did you not wash out the gusset of your
speedos every day?
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Poor glass of vodka down there every now and then.
Speaker 5 (33:03):
You've got to wash the gusset.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Out, which I just found. Oh of you actually while
we're away, and it's like.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
This is great for the listeners.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Yeah, this is Was this a field trip or was
this a trap?
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (33:20):
We had to do a radio show from the Hilton
for some reason. We took someone as over there. It
was lovely, but it was just a big a couple
of days. We've only for about two three days when
we fell.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
Yeah, it was a great time.
Speaker 5 (33:28):
It was, and was the October Fist and September good Jerry,
great times.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah. There was not a lot of Speedo's action, but
it was they were a good time.
Speaker 5 (33:39):
Do you feel like you need to go to rehab?
Speaker 4 (33:41):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Man, yeah, I actually feel so. I got back on
Friday afternoon. Yeah, I'm still not right. Yeah, yeah, And
I mean I wasn't because you fly over this twenty
seven hours and then you just clicked just acclimatize by
about day five, and then you've got one day and
then we flew back again and it was drinking every
single day. Yeah, that's a bum. I wonder what should
(34:01):
probably gone on there.
Speaker 5 (34:03):
You've got serious things to do now, pal, You've got
to start prepping for the current affairs and ship exactly like.
You can't be fucking around with with big beers in that.
Now you've got to go and be like, oh eight hundred,
tell us your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Hey look at this?
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Can I look at this? Brady?
Speaker 5 (34:18):
Okay, come on?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
This is this is this is what we're doing again.
I'm just scrolling through.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
There we are, and there I am in a speedo
and doing the sparkol thing we did again, and you
can in a Praori with a great rig.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Jerry's looking pretty good. I left a rash shit on there.
Speaker 5 (34:34):
I think you need to not.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Do you want to see the video, have a look
on your phone, and you watched the video that I
filmed with you must have been around about sort of
Midnight Day three. Yeah, there's a part of it as
acting and a part of it is not. I'm good,
I'm good.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Oh dear.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Oh man, you're making it a stage. It look sober. Wow,
that's a great. Oh, we had a good time on that.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
We have fun. Oh, we have fun.
Speaker 5 (35:10):
Don't you do look more intelligent with your short hair
that way? Yeah, that's good. That's a good here cut
for yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think they'd welcome you.
And have you had that long here, probably you wouldn't
have got the job.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
I've actually got some good audio here.
Speaker 5 (35:26):
Gosh, this is all you guys scrolling for ship on
your phone exception.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
We're in the abiquities of the show. Yeah, so you
know you can afford yourself. Listen to this, Brady, I'm
listening because listen to this.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Mike Hosku, Matt Heath, all the names you can trust.
This is news talk news that's surely sati.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Sometimes you can trust. It sounds like it's for meeting media.
Lutch some you can try us and you know, you
know that the joke's going threes, so it's like a
set up for the punchline.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Could you actually just could you see that to me?
Could you see in that audio?
Speaker 4 (36:08):
To me? How does some simulation stuff?
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Paul Kesley, he'll really enjoy that. Fuck.
Speaker 5 (36:16):
They still get that orchestra out for the old bloody
news talk, don't they.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I was actually thinking about seeing it to Paul Kesley
because I just reaped of something you do.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
And have you seen that? Because I really want to
see that time.
Speaker 5 (36:28):
I've got an important question. Have you done your photo
shirt yet?
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Or did you wear They actually put me in a
bone throw a shitty in the photo set because they
put me in.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
A bone suit.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Gosh, and I looked like Richie, I look like.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
I looked a lot like have you gone all bino
on it? Why are you wearing a bone suit? I
know That's what I said.
Speaker 5 (36:49):
What are they going to make you something you're not?
Are they going to make you be a wounder as
it bee wounder as Chris can.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
I said, be yourself because you can't be anybody else.
Speaker 5 (36:57):
But what if they're like, you know, hey, you can't
be this kind of wounder that you were before. We
need you to be more serious, won't Like? What if
they try and take your personality way?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Well, then there'll be a very short tenure.
Speaker 5 (37:07):
And what if they what if they said, mate, you
need to just pump the brakes on being at Morning
side teven so much. We need you.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
We've done that here as we've been doing that here
for the last ten years.
Speaker 5 (37:20):
Little we need people to take Like, what if they
have they said that. Have they said anything like we
actually do need you to be a bit more like serious?
They haven't.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Actually they haven't. Actually I guess what they've sort of
said to me not much. Actually, yeah, it might be
if you've seen that, you know, the producers. Maybe it's
a text right off. They're getting me on there for
you know, like you try and get the worst possible
you can and for for you know, I don't know,
they haven't. They haven't seen anything like that. Actually, in fact,
they've seen the opposite. They said, we want you to
(37:49):
be yourself, and it's like, I'm not.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
Even myself here yet.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
I haven't even really unleashed or I really like ever
although it would be crazy because sometimes on the show,
when I'll go really drunk, I've slept under the table
and so I'm here when the show comes on here
and the next morning, but imagine that I'm sleeping right
through Hoskins Showine.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Get the dice.
Speaker 5 (38:12):
Fucking Gucci lifers.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Just right through Carrie's show.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
She would welcome me.
Speaker 5 (38:21):
Yeah, yeah, mind you. They've got about ten studios up there,
so you could just use one of the backup ones.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Well, I will be vaping in the studio, that's for sure.
I'm not going to give up that. I was good.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Love that the vopes or not.
Speaker 5 (38:33):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
He'd run a great vape.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I think he's I think he was ging them like
this has like six I was listening. I think it's
like four almonds a day. It's exactly four. And then
he has a particular type of smoothie with something in
at a particular time. He brings in his breakfast and
a little chiller bag and it's all the same, exact,
same thing. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, you worked with him, Brody.
Speaker 5 (38:57):
You know I did work with him. It was a
meat case.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
I want to be.
Speaker 5 (39:05):
She used to bring in, she used to bring in baking.
I never saw her eat it.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
I want to be one of those people. I always
thought about that. I was thinking for a year I
might try and not eat in front of other people,
because then people think you might be an alien.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
I'd like someone to.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Say, I've never seen Matt eat anything, but i'd be
like slamming food, like under my bed sheets or something.
But I always thought that'd be an interesting thing. I've
never seen that guy eat. Maybe he's not a human.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
Yeah, I don't think he's a human.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
I don't think he's I've never seen him, mate, But
he's quite fair.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
He's clearly eating somewhere somewhere. He's clearly a lot of
late night a lot of late night drive through. Thank
you so much, Brody, ca do.
Speaker 5 (39:50):
You reckon that would have told the book?
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Can we give a book away?
Speaker 5 (39:54):
I've got a book for Rody.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
Woman interrupted.
Speaker 5 (40:01):
Interrupted, piece of Ship.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Yeah, tell you why have you interrupted me?
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Then I'll tell you what it's been one interrupted with you, buddy,
coming in saying pantings when she was trying to tell
your stories. You've been interrupting her the whole bloody show mate, Carrie.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
What I'm saying a romp through glorious and gross adventures,
Roady writes, as if you're a best friend, by the end,
you're really wish she wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Why did she say that? It's a real score seiling Carie.
Speaker 5 (40:30):
It makes you just intrigued, like funk what she said?
Speaker 2 (40:34):
You know?
Speaker 1 (40:35):
So slide into our DMS.
Speaker 7 (40:38):
Yes, or you can should we do something even on
the conclaves on the conclave maybe what do you reckon?
Speaker 5 (40:42):
Signed it?
Speaker 3 (40:43):
Which signed up?
Speaker 6 (40:43):
Well?
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Either go to the conclave.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
It's either on the conclave or d muse at met
in Jerry show.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
On Instagram.
Speaker 4 (40:55):
Let's just wrap this sh up.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Take a photo.
Speaker 4 (40:57):
I'll take a photo the three of you, and then
we'll blast the hold.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
On comment to one. I've got to go.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
We're gonna goss.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
I'm going to go. All right, thank you?
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Right, Hello, I'm Matt Heath. You have been listening to
the Matt and Jerry Daily Bespoke podcast. Right now you
can listen to our Radio Highlights podcast, which you will
absolutely get barred up about anyway. Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer,
review all those great things. It really helps myself and
Jerry and to a lesser extent, mess and ruder. If
(41:27):
you want to discuss anything raised in this pod, check
out the Conclave, a Matt and Jerry Facebook discussion group.
And while I'm plugging stuff, my book A Lifeless Punishing
Thirteen Ways to Love The life you've got is out,
now get it wherever you get your books, or just
google the bastard. Anyway you seem busy, I'll let you go.
Bless blessed, blessed. Give them a taste of key we
from me.
Popular Podcasts
True Crime Tonight
If you eat, sleep, and breathe true crime, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT is serving up your nightly fix. Five nights a week, KT STUDIOS & iHEART RADIO invite listeners to pull up a seat for an unfiltered look at the biggest cases making headlines, celebrity scandals, and the trials everyone is watching. With a mix of expert analysis, hot takes, and listener call-ins, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT goes beyond the headlines to uncover the twists, turns, and unanswered questions that keep us all obsessed—because, at TRUE CRIME TONIGHT, there’s a seat for everyone. Whether breaking down crime scene forensics, scrutinizing serial killers, or debating the most binge-worthy true crime docs, True Crime Tonight is the fresh, fast-paced, and slightly addictive home for true crime lovers.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.