We Gauge Cage
Two Best F***ing Friends Forever For Life For Real For Sure are very skeptical of whether Nicolas Cage is actually the "good" actor that everyone seems to accept he is. Truth be told, Brian and Brock haven't seen enough Nic Cage movies to be sure. So each week they will watch and review one of his movies, rated from worst to best, in an effort to gauge Cage's performance and ultimately decide whether or not he is worth his status as the World's Favorite Good Bad Actor.
Episodes
It's been a long time coming....
Brock and Brian plopped down and caught up on what Shrek, Fiona, Donkey, and - most importantly - Puss were up to. That's right! We watched 2004's Shrek 2.
Before all that, the boys talk about offending children, home renovations, and other nonsense. And then they draft Cats!
Shrek it out.
Episode 111 Proudly Partially Produced by Olivia Engebretson, Inc., LLC, PCB
Technical Difficulties be damned!
Look, folks. Brock and Brian admittedly recorded this entire podcast episode before they discovered that Brock's microphone and Brian's computer were deciding to be real Farquaads, just Farqin' around.
They chose to edit the heck out of and release this episode, because they didn't want to deny the people the experience of watching and reviewing 2001's Animated Classic, Shr...
Which Carpenter? Which Son? You'll have to tune in to find out!
Brock and Brian make some amends, corrections, and confessions. They take communion in each other's warm banter. They...perform other rituals, like drafting Cookies.
And then they talk about Nic Cage's 2026 smash hit psychological thriller The Carpenter's Son. Will Nic try an Arabic accent? Or even British, since everyone back in those days was Briti...
Bang Bang Into Your Hearts.
Wait a minute. Let me take you there.
Bri Gun The Gun's Gun and Brocked and Bro-ded saddled up and wartched them some 2025 Gunslingers action. There were guns. There were slingers. We're almost caught up to Nic's full oeuvre.
Speaking of oeuvres, Brian wants to get horny about space. Nothing like talkin' bout a vast, infinite, ever-expanding unit to get the juices flowing.
Speaking o...
You know what they say about long legs, don't you?
Long pants. Probably like 34 inch inseam, if we're being honest with ourselves here. And we are. We are.
Where were we? Oh yes, Brock and Brian watched them some Longlegs, a hit horror movie from 2024. Before they step into it, the boys talk zombified bootyholes (or something like that), they discuss the Ideal Child's Birthday Party. They gaze longingly into each oth...
I'm a dude. You're a dude. He's a dude. She's a dude. 'Cause we're all dudes.
Hey.
Let's talk about it. Brian and Brock sat down and watched the best Australian movie since the movie Australia. We're talking about Nic Cage's 2024/5 "psychological thriller" The Surfer.
Before that, the boys talk haircuts - what else! - and barbers and hack jobs from whack jobs.
They draft Least ...
What would a podcast between two dudebros be if it didn't mention butt stuff, weiners, and neuroscientific observations regarding the mind's eye?
This is what you came for.
Brock and Brian break down the boarded-up windows of Nic's 2024 horror film Arcadian. Before that, they talk about aphantasia and hyperphantasia, they get The Runs, and they flirt a little.
Let's get into it.
Psst! Hey you, kid. Over here.
I got that new We Gauge Cage for ya. Fresh off the lot. Don't ask me how I got my hands on it. The details ain't important.
Well hi everybody! The loveable scamps, Brian and Brock, are back! Delivering on their promise to watch the 2024 psychological think-piece "Dream Scenario."
Before that, the boys catch up on TWO YEARS worth of life, they talk butt stuff, they draft their favori...
We're Back! A Dinosaur Story
And these two dinosaurs, Brock and Brian, catch up and talk about the usual topics: eating, pooing, and animal moi-duh.
Then we review Butcher's Crossing, a thriller(?) set in oldey times. Bald Nic!
Get into it.
It's been a long time coming. And a quick time leaving...our memory banks.
Brock and Brian have waited ages and ages for The Retirement Plan to be released. Did it live up to expectations?
Speaking of "live," the boys did a little sneaky and decided to record an episode live, together, and in person during their latest bromantic getaway.
They catch up on running, and not running. And then they draft the...
I bet you thought 100 Episodes was enough, didn't ya? Didn't ya? Did you not?!?
Welp, Nic keeps making 'em, so we'll keep gauging 'em.
Brock and Brian catch each other up with their movements over the past few months, bowel and otherwise.
They pay homage to the in-movie diner with a food draft.
And then they talk about this friggin' movie, the cat-and-mouse, two-hander, bottle film t...
You asked for it*! A fantastical event a century (worth of episodes) in the making.
*You likely didn't.
For the 100th episode, the boys reminisce, they look ahead, and they break down the 2023 horror-action-comedy Renfield. Along the way, they craft the perfect Nic-enstein's Monster's Monster. They answer the important questions: Did it suck? Did Nic get better at playing a vampire this time around? Wou...
New Episode. Old Way?!?
It's been a while. A long long while. But the blame must be placed solely on Nic Cage and his various production companies (we're looking at you, Saban...) for the lack of content by which to gauge Nic.
Anywho, Brock and Brian dusted off their dusters, grew out their disgusting mustaches, and holstered their six shooters to discuss Nic's foray into Western fare.
How did they fare...
You asked (?) for it, you got it! Brock and Brian knocked the dust off of their microphones and recorded an episode by the people, for the people.
While waiting for Nic's projects to get edited, the boys dug back into a 1992 Saturday Night Live episode that Nic hosted.
Before that, they discuss their boys' night out, and draft Favorite Fruits!
What a treat!
Look, folks. If it's good enough for Nick Cage's and Javi's Top 3, it has to be good enough for this podcast to watch whilst waiting for the next Nicolas Cage movie, right? Right?!?!?
Live and in person and alive and too personal, Brock joins Brian for a recap of the week that was, and the movie that was-n't....that....great. That film was 2017's Paddington 2. The boys answer the tough questions: <...
Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my babies.
That's right. You didn't really think we could quit the podcast without holding out for the Nic Cage film in which Nicolas Cage plays Nick Cage in a film about Nicolas Cage, did you?!?
On this episode, Brian and Brock discuss their opening-weekend, theatre-going experience to watch the meta movie The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.
Howdy ho, neighborinos.
'Tis been quite the little while. But when your podcast is built upon a single actor's resume, and the well runneth dry between releases, then you have some gaps.
Brock and Brian catch up: on Disneyworld, on DeezNutsWorld, on their families and their neighbors and all sorts of fun stuff. They have a draft of the Best Fictional Mommies.
And then they rewatched 2017's "Mom an...
The boys are back at it.
Did you think that last episode had too much ball talk? Did you really expect that to change? If so, then you haven't been paying attention to this podcast.
On this episode, the boys talk more balls. Big and beautiful. They talk high fashion.
Then, they draft Vacation Spots (with quite possibly one of the worst picks in any draft they're ever done).
After all the...
How can they keep getting away with this?
Brock and Brian hop on the microphone to settle old scores (not THAT "Score to Settle").
They recap the weekend that followed the last episode. Virtual Golf. Hottest Wings. Axe Throwing. Shenanigans!
Then the boys get wicked and cast aspersions with their "Movie Roles to Replace with Nic Cage" Draft. It gets...interesting.
To finish it of...
What the heck are Nic's Bits, you ask?
Well, Brock and Brian have run out of the important movies starring Nicolas Cage, so they take a trip down memory lane, back to where his career started.
Brian cultivated each and every small appearance of Nic's over the many, many, many....many years. We watched each and every appearance. We gauged him.
Before all of that, the boys wax poetic whilst staring into each o...
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