December 20, 2024 • 10 mins
Holiday celebrations are a lot harder for Floridians who've suffered losses in this year's hurricanes. For example, preparing a Christmas dinner is nearly impossible if your kitchen got wiped out
by flooding. We speak with University of South Florida management professor Lisa Penney about how to deal with holiday stress, especially if you suffered property or personal losses from events such as Hurricanes Helene and Milton.
by flooding. We speak with University of South Florida management professor Lisa Penney about how to deal with holiday stress, especially if you suffered property or personal losses from events such as Hurricanes Helene and Milton.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Gordon Bird Beyond the News. Of course, we are facing
another holiday season, facing Christmas, New Year's, honakkah Oh related holidays,
and that for a lot of people means dealing with stress,
the stress of family, the stress of preparing for visitors,
the stress of getting dinners ready or going out to
(00:22):
events with family, and there are a lot of stresses
that are related to that, and we decided that we
would be wise to bring in some experts to help
us deal with that. One of them is Professor Lisa Penny.
She is Professor of Management at the Mumma College of
Business and she joins us here on Beyond the News
to give us some tips for dealing with holiday stress.
(00:44):
Professor Penny, welcome to Beyond the News.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Thank you, Gordon. It's a pleasure to be here all right.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
What causes holiday stress? Is it just a matter of,
first of all, of taking on too much, just trying
to pile on so many things, so many activities at
this time of year.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Well, you know, stress really is what we experience when
we have more on our plate than we have the
capacity to handle. So it's not just on taking too much,
it's really about the balance between the demands that we
have what's on our plate and the resources our ability
to meet those demands. But what makes holiday stress, I
think especially challenging is that the holidays are full of
(01:24):
traditions and expectations about how we should be celebrating and
what that's supposed to look like. Now that's not to
say that there's anything wrong with having traditions. They can
actually be a beautiful expression of what we value, like
spending time with our loved ones and sharing our joy
and gratitude. But it's when our traditions our expectations become
(01:46):
disconnected from our values, so that they're more about doing
things a certain way or trying to make our experience
look a certain way, especially when we don't have the
capacity to do that, that's when we can really feel stressed,
even overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
As I'm listening to you and I'm thinking about this,
and I realized that for a lot of families and couples,
an unrealized source of stress that they may not ever
have thought of is the stress around the tree. You
know what what's going to be on the tree and
where to put it up and when do you put
it up? And it just occurred to me that there
(02:23):
are so many factors. And I say that to illustrate
important not to say that the trees are the prime
source of holiday stress. But there are so many factors
and so many traditions and so many things that you
have to factor in with so many people that there
are things that come at you from so many directions
and they just add up.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yes, absolutely, I think trees are a good example. Holiday
meals are another really good example. And a lot of
that pressure and all that, you know, think about the
cognitive load of a meal. It's not just having the meal,
it's thinking about when you're going to have the meal,
who's going to be there, doing the planning, the shopping,
that preparing, the cooking, and the clean It's a lot
(03:03):
and I think a lot of times, you know, the
decisions that we make about whether or not to put
up a tree or have you know, a big family meal.
And again not that there's anything wrong with that at all.
These are it can be beautiful traditions. I think it's
when we start forgetting about why we're doing it, and
it's just becomes sort of an automatic knee jerk, Well,
(03:24):
this is what we've always done, so we have to
do it. This way instead of pausing to think about, well,
what's really important to us? You know, why, why is
it do we have the tree, what does it mean
to us? What do the decorations mean to us? What
does it symbolize? And how do we want to express that?
And also how can we you know, express that this
year without putting ourselves off too much. Same thing with meals.
(03:49):
You know a lot of families have traditional meals that
they serve, and they may have wonderful memories and beautiful
meals with lots of people attending, and we might forget that.
We'll maybe that was great then. But I think especially
in the Tampa Bay area having gone through to hurricanes
this year, you know, I'm talking to some people, they
don't have kitchens right now, and so they, you know, well,
(04:12):
we typically, you know, celebrate Christmas at your house, but well,
I don't have a kitchen any right now. I won't
have one till after the holidays. So what do we do?
And I think in those situations where it's a little
more choiceless, it's easier to say, well, we can pivot
and do something different. I can make one thing, we
can do pop luck, we can cater we can have it,
you know, go out to eat instead. But I think
(04:32):
when you know we're in a situation where it's easier
to just fall back on habits and tradition, well, this
is the way we've always done it, I think that's
where we can kind of get ourselves into trouble when
we don't stop to realize, you know, maybe this full meal,
you know, what's really what's what are we really trying
to do here, what's important to us instead of just
jumping into doing something just because it's the way we've
(04:54):
always done it.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And you point out another factor that is specific to
us in our area in terms of of the effect
of really over the greater area three hurricanes Debbie, Helene
and Milton that have made many people temporarily at least
we hope, homeless, and have damaged other homes and affected
(05:16):
people's ability to celebrate and even if they're even if
they're still in their homes, they've suffered damage and they've
had costs, and it's not quite the same in terms
of being able to afford what they might normally be
able to afford. So, you know, how do we come
to terms with that and how do we remain aware
(05:37):
because we might be okay because we might not have
suffered that damage, but people that we know have how
do we avoid making that stress for them?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Yeah? I think and this is I think my suggestion
is something that's really hard for us to do when
we're under stress, because when we're under stressed, we have
a tendency to want to go fast, you know, that
fight or flight reaction. Our brain wants to go fast,
which means to make decisions fast based on the way
we've always done it, And so we may not be
if we're moving quickly, we may not be consciously aware
(06:08):
of the challenges that our friends and family members might
be facing. If we're moving fast ourselves and well, this
is the way we've always done it, we're not stopping
to really consider, you know, what we have, what our
current capacity is, and also what's really important to us,
you know, holiday meals. When you've survived the tragedies that
(06:32):
a lot of folks have gone through this year with
the storms, you know, we can really stop, you know,
we could. Let's see if we fight it, pretend everything's fine,
it and I'll just strong arm myself into trying to
do the holidays like I've always done it. In the past,
even though you know, my financial resources are tapped, my
emotional resources are tapped because I've been dealing with damage
(06:53):
from a flooded home or you know, any other number
of things that people are dealing with, and we don't
stop to think about, Wait a minute, is this really
realistic right now? And also what's really important? You know
doing it because we've always done it. To me, I've
never thought as a good reason. But what is that
tradition and expression of If it's what's really important, and
(07:14):
say a holiday meal is that we come together but
those we love and we just share time together and
break bread together, then there are a lot of different
ways that we can accomplish that that don't involve doing
you know, a big If you're the one who's used
to hosting a big family meal and cooking everything from
scratch and you just simply don't have the capacity to
(07:35):
do that, that's okay. Falling back on what's really important,
you know, spending time with my family, and you know,
figure out is how can we do that? How can
we share a meal together that's not going to require
all these other things that I just can't do right now,
And you know, it's not just something we have to
figure out on our own. I think one really important thing,
(07:57):
especially around the holidays, is to communicate to each other,
our loved ones, whoever they are, about where we are
and what we need, you know. And I think if
we start with what's important, you know, it's like I
really value the time that we spend together at the holidays,
you know, sitting down with you, conversations, all of that.
Here's where my limits are, you know, this year. How
(08:20):
can we have this time together within these constraints. Does
that make sense?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
I think it makes sense. I guess that would kind
of lead to our final question is how do you
how do you sort out when it's necessary to say
no and when it's necessary to kind of back off
a little bit?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, you know, I think again it goes back to
just simply pausing, which is really challenging for us, if
especially in the aftermath of the storm, for those of
us who have been dealing with the aftermath of storms.
And my mom's house was flooded, so she's you know,
luckier than most, but also been dealing with a lot.
(09:00):
Is to just stop. It's really easy when you get
caught up in that hurry hurry, hurry, hurry, take care
of this. You're still in survival mode. We're not really
stopping to really reflect on what's important. So I think
how we go about sorting it out first is to
simply pause and reflect on what's important to us, not
just one thing, but you know, so certainly family, spending
time with family is important, and what else is important?
(09:22):
Maybe it's important for us to take care of ourselves
and recognize that. You know, I don't want to. I've
been dealing with a lot this year, and I want
to make sure that I'm not going to overwhelm myself
with more things after having had such a rough year.
So reflecting having some self compassion and also compassion for
others as well, and thinking about what's really important and
(09:44):
also thinking about what's realistic, there's going to be the pull,
I would imagine, you know, for the comfort of having
things the way they've always been. But if you're you know,
if you're one of those people whose house was severely
damaged during the storm, and you just you don't, Like
I said, I over heard a conversation today, Well, we
can't have Christmas at my house because I don't have
a kitchen. You know, recognizing what's realistic and within your
(10:09):
current capacity. So I think if we just pause, really
just pause, take a breath and take a beat, and
really think about what's important and what's realistic, I think
that'll help us to start to discover different ways forward
where we can work within the work with what we have.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Lisa Penny is a professor of management at the Muma
College of Business at USF, and she has been talking
with us about managing holiday stress. A very timely conversation
and very timely for us at this time of year
and after what we've seen this year. Professor Penny, thank
you very much for joining us on Beyond the News.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Thank you, Gardon
Gordon Bird Beyond the News. Of course, we are facing
another holiday season, facing Christmas, New Year's, honakkah Oh related holidays,
and that for a lot of people means dealing with stress,
the stress of family, the stress of preparing for visitors,
the stress of getting dinners ready or going out to
(00:22):
events with family, and there are a lot of stresses
that are related to that, and we decided that we
would be wise to bring in some experts to help
us deal with that. One of them is Professor Lisa Penny.
She is Professor of Management at the Mumma College of
Business and she joins us here on Beyond the News
to give us some tips for dealing with holiday stress.
(00:44):
Professor Penny, welcome to Beyond the News.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Thank you, Gordon. It's a pleasure to be here all right.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
What causes holiday stress? Is it just a matter of,
first of all, of taking on too much, just trying
to pile on so many things, so many activities at
this time of year.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Well, you know, stress really is what we experience when
we have more on our plate than we have the
capacity to handle. So it's not just on taking too much,
it's really about the balance between the demands that we
have what's on our plate and the resources our ability
to meet those demands. But what makes holiday stress, I
think especially challenging is that the holidays are full of
(01:24):
traditions and expectations about how we should be celebrating and
what that's supposed to look like. Now that's not to
say that there's anything wrong with having traditions. They can
actually be a beautiful expression of what we value, like
spending time with our loved ones and sharing our joy
and gratitude. But it's when our traditions our expectations become
(01:46):
disconnected from our values, so that they're more about doing
things a certain way or trying to make our experience
look a certain way, especially when we don't have the
capacity to do that, that's when we can really feel stressed,
even overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
As I'm listening to you and I'm thinking about this,
and I realized that for a lot of families and couples,
an unrealized source of stress that they may not ever
have thought of is the stress around the tree. You
know what what's going to be on the tree and
where to put it up and when do you put
it up? And it just occurred to me that there
(02:23):
are so many factors. And I say that to illustrate
important not to say that the trees are the prime
source of holiday stress. But there are so many factors
and so many traditions and so many things that you
have to factor in with so many people that there
are things that come at you from so many directions
and they just add up.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yes, absolutely, I think trees are a good example. Holiday
meals are another really good example. And a lot of
that pressure and all that, you know, think about the
cognitive load of a meal. It's not just having the meal,
it's thinking about when you're going to have the meal,
who's going to be there, doing the planning, the shopping,
that preparing, the cooking, and the clean It's a lot
(03:03):
and I think a lot of times, you know, the
decisions that we make about whether or not to put
up a tree or have you know, a big family meal.
And again not that there's anything wrong with that at all.
These are it can be beautiful traditions. I think it's
when we start forgetting about why we're doing it, and
it's just becomes sort of an automatic knee jerk, Well,
(03:24):
this is what we've always done, so we have to
do it. This way instead of pausing to think about, well,
what's really important to us? You know, why, why is
it do we have the tree, what does it mean
to us? What do the decorations mean to us? What
does it symbolize? And how do we want to express that?
And also how can we you know, express that this
year without putting ourselves off too much. Same thing with meals.
(03:49):
You know a lot of families have traditional meals that
they serve, and they may have wonderful memories and beautiful
meals with lots of people attending, and we might forget that.
We'll maybe that was great then. But I think especially
in the Tampa Bay area having gone through to hurricanes
this year, you know, I'm talking to some people, they
don't have kitchens right now, and so they, you know, well,
(04:12):
we typically, you know, celebrate Christmas at your house, but well,
I don't have a kitchen any right now. I won't
have one till after the holidays. So what do we do?
And I think in those situations where it's a little
more choiceless, it's easier to say, well, we can pivot
and do something different. I can make one thing, we
can do pop luck, we can cater we can have it,
you know, go out to eat instead. But I think
(04:32):
when you know we're in a situation where it's easier
to just fall back on habits and tradition, well, this
is the way we've always done it, I think that's
where we can kind of get ourselves into trouble when
we don't stop to realize, you know, maybe this full meal,
you know, what's really what's what are we really trying
to do here, what's important to us instead of just
jumping into doing something just because it's the way we've
(04:54):
always done it.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And you point out another factor that is specific to
us in our area in terms of of the effect
of really over the greater area three hurricanes Debbie, Helene
and Milton that have made many people temporarily at least
we hope, homeless, and have damaged other homes and affected
(05:16):
people's ability to celebrate and even if they're even if
they're still in their homes, they've suffered damage and they've
had costs, and it's not quite the same in terms
of being able to afford what they might normally be
able to afford. So, you know, how do we come
to terms with that and how do we remain aware
(05:37):
because we might be okay because we might not have
suffered that damage, but people that we know have how
do we avoid making that stress for them?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Yeah? I think and this is I think my suggestion
is something that's really hard for us to do when
we're under stress, because when we're under stressed, we have
a tendency to want to go fast, you know, that
fight or flight reaction. Our brain wants to go fast,
which means to make decisions fast based on the way
we've always done it, And so we may not be
if we're moving quickly, we may not be consciously aware
(06:08):
of the challenges that our friends and family members might
be facing. If we're moving fast ourselves and well, this
is the way we've always done it, we're not stopping
to really consider, you know, what we have, what our
current capacity is, and also what's really important to us,
you know, holiday meals. When you've survived the tragedies that
(06:32):
a lot of folks have gone through this year with
the storms, you know, we can really stop, you know,
we could. Let's see if we fight it, pretend everything's fine,
it and I'll just strong arm myself into trying to
do the holidays like I've always done it. In the past,
even though you know, my financial resources are tapped, my
emotional resources are tapped because I've been dealing with damage
(06:53):
from a flooded home or you know, any other number
of things that people are dealing with, and we don't
stop to think about, Wait a minute, is this really
realistic right now? And also what's really important? You know
doing it because we've always done it. To me, I've
never thought as a good reason. But what is that
tradition and expression of If it's what's really important, and
(07:14):
say a holiday meal is that we come together but
those we love and we just share time together and
break bread together, then there are a lot of different
ways that we can accomplish that that don't involve doing
you know, a big If you're the one who's used
to hosting a big family meal and cooking everything from
scratch and you just simply don't have the capacity to
(07:35):
do that, that's okay. Falling back on what's really important,
you know, spending time with my family, and you know,
figure out is how can we do that? How can
we share a meal together that's not going to require
all these other things that I just can't do right now,
And you know, it's not just something we have to
figure out on our own. I think one really important thing,
(07:57):
especially around the holidays, is to communicate to each other,
our loved ones, whoever they are, about where we are
and what we need, you know. And I think if
we start with what's important, you know, it's like I
really value the time that we spend together at the holidays,
you know, sitting down with you, conversations, all of that.
Here's where my limits are, you know, this year. How
(08:20):
can we have this time together within these constraints. Does
that make sense?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
I think it makes sense. I guess that would kind
of lead to our final question is how do you
how do you sort out when it's necessary to say
no and when it's necessary to kind of back off
a little bit?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, you know, I think again it goes back to
just simply pausing, which is really challenging for us, if
especially in the aftermath of the storm, for those of
us who have been dealing with the aftermath of storms.
And my mom's house was flooded, so she's you know,
luckier than most, but also been dealing with a lot.
(09:00):
Is to just stop. It's really easy when you get
caught up in that hurry hurry, hurry, hurry, take care
of this. You're still in survival mode. We're not really
stopping to really reflect on what's important. So I think
how we go about sorting it out first is to
simply pause and reflect on what's important to us, not
just one thing, but you know, so certainly family, spending
time with family is important, and what else is important?
(09:22):
Maybe it's important for us to take care of ourselves
and recognize that. You know, I don't want to. I've
been dealing with a lot this year, and I want
to make sure that I'm not going to overwhelm myself
with more things after having had such a rough year.
So reflecting having some self compassion and also compassion for
others as well, and thinking about what's really important and
(09:44):
also thinking about what's realistic, there's going to be the pull,
I would imagine, you know, for the comfort of having
things the way they've always been. But if you're you know,
if you're one of those people whose house was severely
damaged during the storm, and you just you don't, Like
I said, I over heard a conversation today, Well, we
can't have Christmas at my house because I don't have
a kitchen. You know, recognizing what's realistic and within your
(10:09):
current capacity. So I think if we just pause, really
just pause, take a breath and take a beat, and
really think about what's important and what's realistic, I think
that'll help us to start to discover different ways forward
where we can work within the work with what we have.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Lisa Penny is a professor of management at the Muma
College of Business at USF, and she has been talking
with us about managing holiday stress. A very timely conversation
and very timely for us at this time of year
and after what we've seen this year. Professor Penny, thank
you very much for joining us on Beyond the News.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Thank you, Gardon
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