The Morning Dump 07-23-24

Episode Transcript

(00:15):
So I like to rely on youguys for because you have older children than
mine, can be still hangs withpeople that are younger, right, And
so my youngest, my oldest waslike, hey, do you know what

(00:37):
a water wiener is? A waterdo either of you know what a Lindsey's
look of concern? Those are allmy daughter's nine. Yeah, do you
know what a water wiener is?I do not. No, I'm out.
I have no idea what a waterwiner is. I would like to

(00:58):
think based off what I do.I know some lingo. I may not
be privileged to the exact definition orfeel accustomed to or whatever, but I
feel like I would see it passby here, someone say it. I'm
not selling that, I'm I'm coolor I know it. I'm not not

(01:19):
what I'm saying. I just seeit go by. My thought is like
shriveled up penis like, you know, when you hit cold water and it
shrivels up. But why would anine year old know that that's fair?
And that that's also a fair questionto ask? You know? So what
is the water waterer? It's somewater device. It looks like a wayner.

(01:44):
She said, hold on, holdon, don't look yet. I'll
tell you it looks like a hotdog. And I was like, so,
I'm trying to figure out what she'stalking about. And I was like,
well, where did you see awater winer? She's like on TV?
It was like on TV, whatare you watching? She's like,

(02:06):
I don't know, someone's on likeone of the shows we watched. It's
like, okay, I go,I gotta be honest, I don't know
what a water wiener is. Justthe side side thing saying the word wiener
is so weird. It's hilarious.It's weird. It's not sexy, it's

(02:27):
not flirtatious. The only appropriate noteven if you're going to eat hot dogs,
is saying the word wiener. Okay. The only time that you hear
the word wiener that is even remotelyappropriate is referring to a dox and okay,
wiener dog. Yeah, that's theold Oscar Meyer wiener. Yeah,
very few people say Oscar Meyer wieneronly when you see the mobile, right,

(02:52):
the Wiener mobile. But they changedthe name now, didn't they?
Because I think some people found itoffensive. So yeah, yeah, I
think like earlier this year or lastyear they changed it about I have to
look into that. I don't know. But nonetheless, saying the word Wiener
is just a weird thing. Sohere I am saying the word Wiener over
and over with my nine year oldas we're like, you know, she
we're going to sleep, like she'swe're saying good night and just talking right

(03:15):
talking, We're talking water Wieners.Yeah, And I'm like, it's a
water thing. I go, Igo. The only thing I know is
it's called a water banana. Andshe's like, what's that. I'm like,
well it do you not know whatthat is? But like the floaty
like though, yeah, it's along yellow looks like a banana. There's
seats for everybody, and it getspulled behind a boat. Okay, fair

(03:36):
enough. Yeah, that's the onlything that I can think that remotely looks
anything similar to a Wiener hot dogpenis Otherwise it would be awesome. I
have a giant hot dog to towbehind your boat though, like people ride
on. I bet it's out there. You can order anything from Amazon And
she's like, no, no,it's I know it. Color. This

(03:58):
is what she says. I knowwhat the color. Yeah, it looks
like this, don't look like,uh doc, okay. I'm like okay,
but it is yet long. She'slike, does that have the is
it yellow like with brown spots.I'm like no, She's like, it's
not that. I'm like, okay. So I tell my wife. I
go, your daughter asked me abouta water wiener. She goes, what

(04:21):
what's that? I'm like, okay, so you don't know either. She's
like, no, I guess we'regonna have to circle back and find out
what a water wiener is. Well, I couldn't wait till later, So
I did look up what a waterwiener is, and when you see it,
you will go, I know whatthat. I know what that is?

(04:44):
Here is a water wiener. Whatthe fuck is that? Hmm?
Well, is that it's from thepeople called super Squirt? I know?
And okay, okay. You fillit up with water and you you just

(05:05):
your belly and pull it. Itsquirts water. How weird is this?
Who came up with that? Weird? And that's a horrible name for a
toy, A children's toy, yeahmade, It's called the water wiener,
super Squirt, the water water weaning. Thank you? Yeah, water like

(05:28):
that would have made a difference,Like I would have been like, oh,
yeah, I totally know what you'retalking about. Now you're making you're
making it crude. Yeah yeah,no either way. Weird still a bad
name, right yeah? Yeah,got kids all has bro No, I
told you super squirre right, Sookay, I got I got to the

(05:53):
conclusion just some of the funny conversationsI have with my nine year old who's
now like learning about things and peopleand developing her opinion and things like that.
Okay, and so we had anice conversation about water weenie water Whene's
okay. I never had to worryabout anything like that, to be honest

(06:15):
with you, but I don't know. I just never had any weird,
awkward conversations like that with the kidsabout what water weenies are or the fact
that they wanted one. She neversaid she wanted one, She was just
asking if you knew what it was? Yeah, fair enough? Yeah,
well are you gonna get her one? She also brought up this is how
her mind works. No, thisis uh, because I don't know where

(06:38):
we're gonna put it, like wedon't have a pool or like I'm not
Yeah, and so she also momentsthereafter her mind shift to remember when we
were leaving for Cabo. That manthat talked to us when we left,
okay? And I was like,nope, I don't. I don't remember
because you know whatman, the peopleat the ticket counter, the man at

(07:01):
the gate, the people welcome tous on the plane, Like, I
don't know. There's a number ofpeople there. Anybody could have been.
She goes, there were two peoplewe talked to. I was like,
okay, okay, sure which one. She goes, well, one of
them. You said, what's up? Man? Like you knew him?
And I was like, okay,yeah, a listener recognize me. We

(07:23):
did the what's up man? Gotcha? Gotcha? And she said how did
you know him? And you toldme through work. I was like,
yeah, he listens to the tothe show. She goes, yeah,
but how do you know him?Fair point, I don't know him like
that, but I know who heis because he's listened to the shop.

(07:43):
She's like okay. And then theguy right as we got on the plane,
and I couldn't remember, but ithit me this morning. It was
a guy like you know how everybodycorrals around waiting and they're like and he
was sitting and he goes what groupare you when he said group or five
or whatever it was, and he'slike, yeah, I'm group seven,
and then some sort of banter smalltalk that I do not recall, right,

(08:07):
and I was like, not surewhy this person, but to the
point being she transitioned quickly from supersquirts water weening to this man talking about
us, And now I'm trying todraw all these conclusions, like why is
she bringing up these two things together? What's going on in your little head?
Yeah, but they don't. That'snot how they don't run together.

(08:28):
It's just happened to be all overthe place. It's not okay, no
fun. Yeah. Well, I'msurprised that you you had the small talk
with the guy, because you're notone to have small talk with guys or
anybody really for that fact. Imean, I could be cordial, right
to me. Small to me,that's not small talk. Small talk is
we have a conversation, right,you're sitting not exchanging pleasantries. I'll exchange

(08:52):
pleasant sure, Yeah, anything longerthan forty five seconds. We're now in
a conversation and there's no need forthat. What is your go to to
get out of something like that?When you're with a stranger on a plane.
And then he's like, he startsup the conversation. Yeah, we're
in group seven, and man,we spent about five days down here.
I mean, we had a greattime. The Lazy River's fantastic. I'm

(09:13):
not a big fan of you know, the armed guards at the you know,
in the watch tower or whatever.Right, but he keeps rambling on,
So what's your go to to getout of there on that one?
Yeah, that's crazy, man,Yeah, yeah, you don't have to
talk. If usually people that startup those conversations like to talk or like

(09:35):
to hear themselves talk, and ifyou just let them talk, you don't
have to say anything, let themrun themselves down. Yeah, yeah,
and yeah I hear you. Man, that's crazy. Yeah, a lot
of that's crazy. No way,okay, see you later, good luck
on your travels. Yeah. Andthen sure, as the sun fucking comes

(09:58):
up every day, we're in ourseats getting situated and she's like, do
you have the thing? And I'mlike yeah, And he walks by and
he's like, hey, man,fuck, that's why you don't extract.
That's what I don't talk to people. I don't need a fucking plane buddy,
because now you're friends and now thatyou guys can do nothing but just

(10:22):
chat it up the entire flight back. But he could have been maybe he
recognized me from the I don't know, a hundred different things could have been
just nice. Could have found mywife attracted, could have found my children.
I don't fucking know. But Ijust nothing wrong with like, hey,
do you know what time they're bordingand going? Yeah? Like in
ten minutes? Okay? Cool?Right, Right, I leave it at
that. That's fine. Like whereare you going? Right? You live

(10:46):
in Dallas? Then where are yougoing? Never been? Do you like
it there? How's their food?Have you been anywhere else? I had
a friend once that went there.You're like, Oh, for the fucking
Jesus of me, come on,where are you from? Oh? Worst

(11:07):
worst question? Automatically, I'm debatingmultiple answers, and what's the one that
will in the fucking conversation? Right? You can't be too exotic, like
I'm from Zimbabwe. Really, I'venever met anybody from Zimbabwe before, so
I'm immediately like like judging you andgoing, you don't look like you're from

(11:28):
Iowa, but you might know something. You do look like a Wisconsin.
Iight, okay, Canada like,oh never been, Yeah, you don't
have the accent. Yeah, mother'sside it comes and goes, I'm really
drunk. See fuck now you're init. You're in it. Yeaheah,

(11:54):
Well that's a good one. WeSo that's funny you bring that up because
we were at a at the resortand this one guy he kept talking to
us over and over because they're usuallythe same type of people mingle, like
the people that go right away orthere eat breakfast first thing. Yeah,
right, typically see them over andover again. And so we were in

(12:18):
the pool by nine thirty and maybeeven earlier than that. And yeah,
I was definitely earlier in that becausethe hotel bar opened at nine and I
remember going there okay anyway, andso uh he was like, hey,
good morning. Like that's not apleasantry is that's like we're about to have
a fucking social interaction. Yeah,how'd you sleep last night? Yes?

(12:41):
Yes? What is this place?Great night? Yes? And so uh,
typically like my wife like I'm likebeing the water with the girls,
and my wife will be laying outor vice like whatever. We just and
so I'm in the water with thegirls and they're diving for stuff and goggles,

(13:01):
fix my goggles all that other stuff, right, and he's like,
hey, good morning, good morning, good morning. I'm Frank. Fuck
yeah what yeah, I go anice to meet you, Frank. I
don't even give him my name back, and he's like, yeah, we're

(13:22):
here. My son graduated. We'rehere for his his like, and I'm
like, do I have a sign? He's like, I'm over here for
my kids graduation. This is wherehe wanted to go. So, so
here we are. You don't say, Frank, who are these two?

(13:43):
Ah? Shit? So now I'mlike, do I tell my fucking kids'
names? Because I think that's weirdto just ask someone's child's names. Yeah.
Yeah, but you could always belike this is thing one and this
is thing too. Yeah right.It keeps the names anonymous but makes him
happy. And so luckily I marrieda woman who is very similar to me
in a lot of ways. Andone of them is one stranger danger and

(14:07):
two doesn't want to have fucking smalltalk. So one of two things usually
happen when this is going on.She will either try to interfere to stop
the conversation, or she's like,good fucking luck. This was a she
got involved once they said or hewas like, what's your kids' names?
Whatever? And so whatever, Isay the name and then he's like,

(14:30):
do you guys come to cabbo alot. They're like, shit, how
can I give an answer that's definitive? No? Oh, okay, well
I'm a second grade teacher. I'mlike, fuck, there it is.
That's why he's being so talkative.He can't help himself freeze around children.
That's not a negative trait, that'sjust who he is by nature. So

(14:54):
then like every day, I'm nowhis fucking best friend, Cobo buddy.
He's like, hey Corbyn, becauseeventually I had to spill it. Hey
Corbyn, good morning. Yeah.Indeed, why don't just funk with people
and they're like, what's your name? Latitia? You know, just fuck

(15:16):
with them? No, that's sothat way for the rest of the vacation,
he thinks your name is Latitia.No, that's that's that's fair,
right, except I'm a fucking horribleliar, So like I'm that's why I'm
just bad at being honest because Ican't keep the lies straight. So if
I say Laquisha and they'll be like, fuck, what did I name myself

(15:39):
yesterday because I can't remember people's namesmuch less a nickname I give myself.
And that's the beauty of it,because then you just give him a different
name and he's like, what Ithought your name was Latitia, and now
all of a sudden, it's Hobvier. Well, I sometimes go by both,
it's Latitia Hobber. I think that'slike why I like going to resorts,
because when you get service from theperson that's making you drinks or whatever,

(16:03):
it's very simple pleasantries. It's like, good morning, what would you
like to drink? Now there's aquestion I'm ready to answer, give him
the thing, and they're like,all right, there you go, have
a great day, you too,man, I'll see you soon. Right,
that's it. That's the kind ofthing I'm looking for. I don't

(16:25):
need, like the guy making mydrink, you know, I don't need
him going like, so where areyou going? What's where you're from?
Where's that? I don't know?You know what I'm saying, Yeah,
I don't. I feel like that'sthe exact opposite of Lindsay. I think
Lindsay would be Frank on those trips. You the one to shadow. I

(16:48):
feel like both Gimpy and I wouldbe like talking to everyone making friends with
with the bartender. I think,well, I think you would unsolicited.
I think Gimpy would solicit it.Somebody asked me, yes, yeah,
yes, But gim Be's pretty mucha to himself type of person in a
lot of scenarios for the most part. I mean, I'm at one of

(17:11):
the guys there at the hotel Iwas staying at in Daytona Beach simply because
he was sitting in his chair smokinga cigarette and he was in the way
of me getting into my hotel room. And the chair was like right in
front of your door. Yeah,it was right, It's like my doors
here in the chair was right therenext to it, but either which way,
Mike had to get up and moveso I can, you know,

(17:32):
get in. But he was cool. He saw me lugging this big ass
fucking cooler into the room. He'slike, hey, let me let me
help you out, and he's like, where's key at And I was like,
boom, there you go open thedoor for me. Boom. We
fucking uh, you know, Igot the cooler in there, and then
I was like, thanks, here'sa beer, you know. We chatted
up a little bit, and thatwas about that. I was about that.
I really didn't talk to a lotof people while I was I was

(17:55):
down there, maybe the bartenders morethan anything, right, you know,
But I mean that's just what youdo when you're in the are, you
know, especially if you're one ofthe only ones in there because it's ten
o'clock in the morning and they justopened up. So yeah, we do
tend to make friends with people whereverwe go, especially if it's like day
two and we're seeing the same people. Right then it's more like, how

(18:18):
you doing Why I'm just siddy.There's nothing wrong with it. By the
way, just because I don't likeit doesn't mean that so if people have
children, because our kids will juststart playing with one another in the pool
or what, I don't even dothat. Yeah, I don't even do
that. Yeah, because our kidsare playing together, I gotta fucking make
pleasantries. Well yeah, and nowthey're on a fucking play date, man.
Yeah, no they're not. They'rein a community area. Yep,

(18:44):
yep. That's just how we roll. Yeah. Again, there's nothing wrong
with it. If that's the wayyou live your life. I think that
that's completely fine. But like onekid started playing with our kids and like
we were playing, like they weren'tlooking. I was throwing the the sinky
things. And then this girl cameout of nowhere like just fucking injected herself
into the situation, which whatever,kids are kids, and so she started

(19:08):
playing and I don't know where herparents were. I'm not going to go
look for her parents. I'm notgoing to be like, Hi, I'm
Corbin. Your kid's playing with mykid. Cool. Right, That's a
fucking weird conversation for me. Hewas the only guy that I'm only person

(19:29):
that really talked to besides the personI went with, Right, But I
did learn like this cat had beenthere. He goes been to going there
for like the past twenty five years, right, same spot, same hotel,
him and his old lady. AndI was like, well, that's
that's cool. And then on thefourth of July he went out and purchased
like thirteen hundred dollars worth oh itworks and just you know, went down

(19:52):
to the beach and put on afireworks show for us or whatever. And
I was like, that's cool,Mike's got the right idea. I'm going
to be like Mike, I'm goingto start I think. I was like,
man, maybe I should start goinghere for vacation every year. Make
it my spot. How old washe? He was early sixties, Okay,
So I was like, okay,this seems about right. You know,
he's about my age. Him andhis old lady came down here,

(20:14):
discovered this place, fell in lovewith it, and he's you know,
he's talking and he's like, I'malready booked for next year, same room,
same and everything. I was like, all right, Mike, I
may see you next year then andthen yeah, man, fuck yeah,
are you doing that trip again?You think, yeah, more than likely.
But I will probably drive as opposedto ride my bike because I've already
done that. You wouldn't try goingsomewhere, whether you drive or go to

(20:37):
the bike, you wouldn't try somewhereelse. You know. Maybe maybe I
don't know, maybe like a differentkind of vacation, not so much like
a summer vacation, because there's Iguess obviously I want to see the rest
of the country, in the worldor whatever. But you know my parents,
you know, they they they wentto Hawaii one time, fell in
love with it, and that's wherethey always went, you know, for
vacation, and I'm I'm kind oflike, that's not about you like it.

(21:00):
It's good, it's fun, youknow, it's affordable. Why the
hell not you know, why goto New York and you know, bust
myself on a budget. If Idon't have to, you know what I'm
saying, it would be nice.Don't get me wrong. I'm sure I'd
love to go up to Boston andcheck that out, but I don't know.
I just live by the seat ofmy pants, you know that.
Would you drive and then rent abike like a ride? I thought about

(21:25):
that when I was actually in Colorado, right because I didn't ride my bike
up there when I went to Coloradoa couple of years back. And that's
just not cheap, you know.And if it's it's one thing, you
know, it's my bike, Iknow how it handles. When it's somebody
else's bike, it's just a differentbeast. And I'm like, I don't
I don't know if I want thatkind of pressure, you know what I
mean. We talked about it whenwe were in Cazamel, about renting a

(21:49):
bike and riding, and I waslike, ah, I don't like driving
in foreign countries in a car,right, and now we're gonna do it
on a motorcycle. Right, It'snot so much the d If anything goes
wrong with it, it's on me. You know. I've rented enough vehicles
in the past and they're like,what the fucking scratch right here? Mother

(22:11):
fuck of that scratching net was therewhen I got it? Well, you
know we didn't have it, honest, So it automatically comes back on me,
and I'm paying more than what Ishouldn't know. Yeah, but that's
like with a rental car like that. That's it with anything. Yeah to
me, like when we went tothe Dominican Republic uh A, Aruba.
When we went to Aruba, thenumber of drunk drivers is insane, Like

(22:33):
it was crazy. They have moreproblems with drug drivers than any other crime
on the island. Right. Well, I don't want to ride a motorcycle,
no kidding, Right, well,all that shit going on running around
all drunks shit, Yeah, forsure, for sure. I have thought
about taking a cruise though, lookingin a couple of years to a little
four day cruise or whatever, youknow, because we only get a week,
We only get a week, andso I was like, four days

(22:56):
wouldn't be that bad. A littleCaribbean cruise. You know, I'm not
going to fucking Alaska or anything.Oh why not? That'd be cool too.
That seems like a long ways awayand cold. You know, I
don't know what's the average temperature inJuly and Alaska, you know, like
sixteen sixty Okay, yeah, summertime. I shouldn't have to pack, you

(23:18):
know, pants. I'm with youon that one. As much as I
want to take in Alaska cruise,I don't want to dress warm in the
summertime, right, I should bewearing next to nothing on a beach somewhere,
you know, sand, blue water, not fucking blue whales. Where

(23:41):
are you thinking of taking a cruise? Ah? Some are tropical. Yeah,
I don't know, Virgin Islands,maybe, I don't know anywhere.
But I want to start small,like a quick four day just to make
sure I like it. Oh yeah, wouldn't I suck? Exactly a week
long cruise, a seven day cruiseand you get like two days in You're

(24:03):
like, fuck, I'm stuck andI hate it. Yeah, my wife's
trying to talk me into a Disneycruise. I've heard about those I've had
friends that go on those and thereyou know, their kids liked it.
From what we're finding, if you'regonna spend money, it's like half of
what a Disney trip would be,right, And they have a lot of
things for adults and a lot ofthere's like you still get the Disney experience

(24:26):
without having to fucking watch nineteen eightyMarionettes seeing it's a small world, right,
or be stuck in a goddamn linefor three years just to go one
ride. Yes, yeah, andthey go to their private island, so
it's like this whole I'm like,Okay, my cousin used to be the
Disney cruise line director and she saidthe whole cruise line, yes, like

(24:48):
nineteen ships or something. Yeah,she wow, yeah, And she said
she must be great at planning parties. But when she worked for them,
it was absolutely the greatest experience foryour kids. We never did it,
but well that's a shitty cousin then, yeah, right, but she says,
like absolutely, one hundred percent.It is so worry free for parents

(25:14):
and the kids because everything that youdrop your kids off for, whether they're
five years old or ten years old, there's something geared towards their age group,
and there's like sit it's completely worryfree. If there is a problem,
you can you get a text onyour phone whatever. You can check
in at any time. If you'redoing the adult stuff, you never have

(25:36):
to worry about anything. That's cool. Like, yeah, it's just it's
awesome. And they said it's almostlike being in the in the parks.
Well, for me, this isthe big sell for me. This is
the one that I was like,Okay, I'm willing to put aside my
feelings of cruise ships for this isif you go to Disney World Land,
people save forever and it might bethe only trip they ever take, so

(26:00):
they go and balls out it.Yeah, where a Disney cruise isn't like
that. Now, I'm not sayingpeople don't say money and do all those
things. I'm just saying that peopledon't make that their big trip, right
right. You don't have for therespending ten thousand dollars. Yes, like
I paid this much money, it'scost me this we're fucking jumping to the

(26:21):
head of line or fuck you orfuck that. Where this is a little
more feels like it would be alittle more tame. You have to pull
from your four to oh one kjust to go yes, right, yeah
right. That's something I thought aboutwhen I first was in broadcasting school.
Was being a cruise line DJ.Yeah, you know. I was like,
well, I could be fucking yeahand explore. You know, I

(26:42):
was in my mid twenties, whythe hell not. But I just had
a couple of kids too, soI was like, oh, you shouldn't
do that, right, But Ithink it'd be a hoop. I was
watching the show and it was aguy and he we like watching house Hunters
International, and they were in Thailandand the guy had no experience. He
just is like, I have agood personality, and he found a job

(27:03):
in this resort town in Thailand foran American radio station. I'm like,
that's fucking awesome. It's a partyresort like Ibeza is right, And he
got a job at this doing AmericanHe's American doing radio in fucking Thailand.
Good morning Thailand. Yeah, AndI'm like, that's man, Young Corbyn,

(27:26):
that's fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah. All the lady boys shake a
stick in yeah, I mean yeah, I guess yeah. If that's what
you're into a lot of boy girlsor whatever, they're calling, I'm talking
about the lady boys. Yeah,all though I've talked to those those vets
that you know, ventured over thereand the things that those prostitutes can do,

(27:49):
just like really well we talked alwayslike I saw one shoot a dart
out of her vagina. I'm like, really, what talent? Man?
How do you get to that pointin your life? You're like, I'm
gonna start shooting darts out of mytwat? Where do you? How do
you come up with the thought tothink about doing that? And the tips

(28:11):
money right, money, money willmotivate you to do a lot of things
you never do. Ask sketch.Right, that's Brother Tuesday. All right,
we gotta take a break or wegot to end this UFO gets more
weird, Yeah, before it getsmore awkward. Patio Party number four is
having at Jamison's on Friday, onlyone more after that for the year.
So makes you come out and joinus? Two dollar fifty million lights,

(28:33):
Jamison's and broken Aer. You guyshave a great week. Say up.