July 14, 2025 • 14 mins
According to studies, people tend to be happier, healthier, and more successful when they have a balance of the “Big Five” personality traits: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. But can we change our personalities to suit? Olga Khazan is an award-winning journalist and staff writer at The Atlantic covering science, health, and psychology. In her book ME, BUT BETTER: The Science and Promise of Personality Change, she reveals the science behind lasting personality change, and how anyone, at any age, can seize the reigns of their destiny.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Get Connected with Nina del Rio, a weekly
conversation about fitness, health and happenings in our community on
one oh six point seven light FM.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Thanks for listening to Get Connected. After testing in the
ninety fourth percentile for neuroticism, our guest Olga Hazan wondered
if it's really possible to change your entire personality. Olga
Hasan is an award winning journalist and staff writer at
the Atlantic covering science, health, and psychology. Her book is
Me But Better, The Science and Promise of Personality Change,
(00:33):
in which she reveals the science behind lasting personality change
and how anyone at any age can seize the reins
of their destiny. Olga Hazan, thank you for being on
the show.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Absolutely thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
So you say your life was objectively excellent, but you
were a victim of yourself. Your neurosis made you a
victim of yourself. If you don't mind, could you add
little color here so we could get an idea of
how that neurosis manifested itself before you started this process.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Well, the book starts with really this objectively kind of
nice day that I had in Miami in the winter
you know, not a cloud in the sky. I was
getting professional photos taken, but a few frustrating things happened
along the way. I got a really bad haircut, I
got stuck in traffic. I had this like annoying debacle
(01:20):
with a shopping cart at the grocery store. I took
the wrong exit and it like made my trip even longer.
There was just like a lot of small frustrations kind
of adding up, and I really just had a total
nervous breakdown.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I was, you know.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Crying, I was chugging wine. I was like yelling to
my boyfriend at the time, you know. And but kind
of with some remove like even later that day, I
was sort of like, well, wait, that wasn't really all
that bad. I kind of was focusing on the worst
parts of it and ignoring the fact that I'm in
Miami at a photo shoot.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
You know, which is a pretty great place to start,
right exactly. So, so this idea that you can change,
let's start with what sort of defines personality in the
first place. Neurosis, which is sort of defined is how
depressed or anxious you are. You can figure it out
that way. It's just one part of personality. What else
defines personality.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Yeah, so generally there are five traits that make up
personality other than neuroticism. The other four are openness to experiences, conscientiousness, extroversion,
and agreeableness. And it's actually so it's good to be
low on neuroticism but high on those other four and
basically having that combination of traits like that, high on
(02:36):
those four and low on neuroticism is just associated with happiness, health, wealth,
et cetera. And so I wanted to kind of get
some of that some of those goodies. I wanted to
have a more functional personality.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So what does the science show about changing your personality?
There's this mantra that people can't change, but what is
actually true?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, so you can change your personality. Essentially, what researchers
have found is that you have to act like the
kind of person you'd like to be. So, as just
an example, if you're naturally kind of introverted, but you're
interested in a career that requires some extraversion, maybe it's
in sales or you know, professors are often very introverted
(03:19):
but have to teach in an engaging way. You can
just go out there and basically kind of try to
challenge and stretch yourself and behave like the sort of
person you want or need to be, and eventually your
personality will shift in that direction.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's an act, as if theory exactly. Yes, So the
first one you started tackling was introversion, and introversion is
really interesting to me because a lot of people take
pride in preferring their own company or say they only
prefer their own company. They say it's about being their authentic,
true selves. But what does the side say about that
brand of authenticity or branding yourself in that way versus
(03:56):
being an extrovert.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Yeah, so what the science shows is that really behaving
like an extrovert for just a couple minutes and really
that just means socializing with other people can really lift
your mood. It makes you happier. And so that doesn't
mean you can never spend time by yourself or you
never need alone time, or even that you have to
not identify as an introvert anymore. It just means, you know,
(04:19):
introducing some group activities into your life, even if you're
not like the life of the party during those activities.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
So you took on improv which I'm going to talk
about in just a moment after I remind everybody who
was speaking with Olda Hazan as our guest. She was
born in the uss I, grew up in West Texas,
and is the former host of the Atlantics podcast How
to Start Over. Her new book is Me But Better,
The Science and Promise of Personality Change. You're listening to
get Connected on one oh six point seven Light FM.
(04:47):
I'm Mina del Rio. So you tackled introversion by taking improv?
I have taken improv. I don't like improv for anyone
who's not familiar. Just briefly, it's you're standing in front
of an audience with a ta or one other person
trying to bounce off ideas, create this scene with no
script and hopefully people will laugh. Ha ha ha. How
(05:08):
did you do it? Or how did you do and
what did you learn from that?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
I think you and I are similar. So I also
was very skeptical of improv even while I was doing it.
A lot of times it is not funny because again
there is no script. You and a bunch of strangers
are just kind of doing stuff and yeah, I you know,
even though it wasn't ha ha funny I often found
that it did make me feel happier, I think, just
(05:33):
because it was really nice to be around other people
and be doing something in a playful way that didn't
have some sort of like intellectual purpose.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
You know.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
It wasn't about you know, interviewing someone for a story
or writing or doing something like that. It was it
was just just about having fun, and it was it
was actually fun. And the other thing it did for
me was it made me more comfortable with uncertainty and
kind of chaos. I guess, like because a lot of
times when you're talking to people and introverts know this well,
(06:06):
you can have some discomfort over where is this conversation
going to go? What's the person going to say next?
When do I jump in? What's you know, how is
this all going to play out? And for me, it
was really important to see that you don't have to
have all those answers when you jump into social interaction,
that things can kind of unfold naturally and they can
(06:26):
still be you know, pretty good.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And in what way? Yeah, you survive, I think is
the moral of that story in a lot of ways.
And what did you or how did you put into
practice or how did you test your newfound extraversion.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
Yeah, so what I actually did is I hosted a
party at my house, which I had never done before.
I have a lot of anxiety around having people in
my space and uh, just making sure they all have
a good time, And so I hosted a party and
it was actually totally fine. Like nobody you know, made
fun of my home or you know, said I didn't
(07:00):
have the right snacks or anything like that. It was
it was just like a pretty good time and then
everyone left and you know, we swiffered. So for me,
that was really a nice kind of capstone to that because,
you know, it was it was cool, it was a
good party.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
That's a huge thing. That's a big thing, right, So
onto neuroticism. It is the trade marked by anxiety and depression.
And you quote another author in the book getting to
a more serious point, Andrea Peterson. She says that there
is no greater risk factor for anxiety disorders than being
born female girls and women are far more likely than
boys and men to develop anxiety disorders. Can you talk
(07:36):
about that briefly.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Yeah, we don't totally know the reasons for this. It
could be that girls are kind of more socialized to
be careful and sort of planful. And you know a
few parents who noticed their girl, you know, jumping off
something too high and the playground might be like, you know,
be careful, you know, don't do that, and you know
they see a boy doing the same thing, they're like,
(08:00):
you're so brave, you know, you're so strong.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
So it could be socialization.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
It could be biological, having to do with just you know,
our ancestors and the necessity of women kind of protecting
you know, their their kids and things like that. It
could also be that women have the right amount of
anxiety and men don't have enough anxiety.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
That's one theory is that men should maybe be a
little more anxious.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Well, I think it's interesting to think about the sort
of the second point of that is how someone with
neurosis would approach the world. What motivates neurotic people, both
positively and negatively.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Then, yeah, so neurotic people.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Are really afraid of bad things happening, and you know,
to some extent that's wise, Like it's you know, a
lot of us, you know, we wouldn't show up for
work if we didn't have a little bit of anxiety.
You know, we wouldn't you know, try to do hard things.
It's important to have, you know, a small amount of
anxiety in order to get up and go in the morning.
(09:00):
Where it becomes dysfunctional is when you know it's all
you think about, all you do is worry. You can't
stop and enjoy the good moments because you're kind of
snapping on to the next, you know, thing you're nervous about.
And that was really where I was. So I wanted
to just dial back into that healthy range.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
You were focused on having a child and moving. Those
were kind of the two things you were balancing or
trying to to navigate in your mind. Can you talk
about that sort of that cycle of worry for just
a moment.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah, I was very I wanted to have a baby.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
I think I like, well, I did end up having baby,
but I was like not sure about it for most
of the book, and I was I was nervous about
the prospect of parenthood. I was also nervous about maybe
not even being able to get pregnant.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I also wanted to.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Move to Florida, but that was another element of anxiety
there because I was nervous about hurricanes and so, yeah,
I was just kind of stuck in this loop of
like researching things and googling, you know, IV and googling hurricanes,
and yeah, it.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Was a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
So can you talk about your odyssey of addressing that
anxiety with mindfulness and meditation? How did that go?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:10):
So I signed up for this intensive meditation class that
has actually been shown to work about as well as
lexapro for anxiety and depression, which is an antidepressant. And
it was forty five minutes of meditating every day for
I think like eight weeks or ten weeks or something
like that. And I honestly have to say that I
never totally took to it. I wasn't one of those
(10:30):
people who would get out of a forty five minute
session and go.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Ah, like I feel so refreshed.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
I was kind of just like, wow, that was such
a long time.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
I'm so glad to be done.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
But there was I feel like there was just something
happening in the background where it was working, even though
I wasn't really trying to get it to work, because
in the end, my neuroticism did go.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Down at this point. Now, when you have a moment
of panic or worry, is there a tactic you have
found that actually helps I mean, a forty five minute
session of meditation is not particularly practical most of the time.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
So yeah, especially not for new parents. Actually, one thing
that really helped me is this quote I came across
from David Axelrod, who's a political consultant, not a Zen Buddhist,
and he says, all we can do is everything we
can do, And to me, that's really a reminder that
you can try really really hard. You can set yourself
(11:25):
up for success. You can, you know, triple check everything
you know, you can send, schedule all the emails to send,
but you can't ultimately control every outcome. Some things are
just out of your hands. You can try really hard,
but then you have to let go. So I really
try to remind myself, you know, have I done everything
here that I can to prevent, you know, whatever it
(11:46):
is that I'm worried about from happening.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And if the answer is yes, I kind of just
try to say, Okay, well that's it.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
I've done everything I can do, And that really helps
MI neuroticism.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I've found you also in the book addressed working on country, anciousness, agreeableness, openness.
For all these personality traits, what did you discover about
what is choice and what is sort of built into
ourselves what is immobile?
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Yeah, so we do get You know, about half of
our personalities are genetic, meaning that they just are kind
of arise from our genes, But that doesn't mean that
they're immobile. Instead, all of the choices that you make,
all of the environments you put yourself in, you know,
your friends, your relationships, your jobs, you know where you live,
(12:39):
what kinds of things you pay attention to, what kinds
of things you do, all of those things are going
to influence your personality. You are never kind of stuck
with whatever you got at birth. You always have a
choice about how to act.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Of course, you've had a child since then, so I
think it's also worth asking how did having a child
impact your personality and in what ways?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
You know, It's interesting.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
I always thought I wasn't a baby person, and that
I would really hate the part of having a baby
where you're kind of being really silly and cooing and
giggling and cuddling them.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
But that's actually been my favorite part.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
I think I really unlock this level of agreeableness and
warmth and kind of loving my baby and loving the
baby stage that I didn't really think I had in me,
so that was a really interesting turn for me.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It's lovely and just overall, how are you now?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
How am I now?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You know?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I will still say I'm quite nervous about my baby
a lot, but I think overall I have better tools
to manage my neuroticism, and I'm also a lot more extroverted.
I seek connection with other people rather than retreat into myself.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
That's fantastic. Olga Hazan's book is Me But Better, The
Science and Promise of personality Change. She's also a staff
writer at the Atlantic. Thank you for joining me on
Get Connected.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Absolutely, Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
This has been Get Connected with Nina del Rio on
one oh six point seven light Fm. The views and
opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the views
of the station. If you missed any part of our
show or want to share it, visit our website for
downloads and podcasts at one O six seven lightfm dot com.
Thanks for listening.
Welcome to Get Connected with Nina del Rio, a weekly
conversation about fitness, health and happenings in our community on
one oh six point seven light FM.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Thanks for listening to Get Connected. After testing in the
ninety fourth percentile for neuroticism, our guest Olga Hazan wondered
if it's really possible to change your entire personality. Olga
Hasan is an award winning journalist and staff writer at
the Atlantic covering science, health, and psychology. Her book is
Me But Better, The Science and Promise of Personality Change,
(00:33):
in which she reveals the science behind lasting personality change
and how anyone at any age can seize the reins
of their destiny. Olga Hazan, thank you for being on
the show.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Absolutely thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
So you say your life was objectively excellent, but you
were a victim of yourself. Your neurosis made you a
victim of yourself. If you don't mind, could you add
little color here so we could get an idea of
how that neurosis manifested itself before you started this process.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Well, the book starts with really this objectively kind of
nice day that I had in Miami in the winter
you know, not a cloud in the sky. I was
getting professional photos taken, but a few frustrating things happened
along the way. I got a really bad haircut, I
got stuck in traffic. I had this like annoying debacle
(01:20):
with a shopping cart at the grocery store. I took
the wrong exit and it like made my trip even longer.
There was just like a lot of small frustrations kind
of adding up, and I really just had a total
nervous breakdown.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I was, you know.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Crying, I was chugging wine. I was like yelling to
my boyfriend at the time, you know. And but kind
of with some remove like even later that day, I
was sort of like, well, wait, that wasn't really all
that bad. I kind of was focusing on the worst
parts of it and ignoring the fact that I'm in
Miami at a photo shoot.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
You know, which is a pretty great place to start,
right exactly. So, so this idea that you can change,
let's start with what sort of defines personality in the
first place. Neurosis, which is sort of defined is how
depressed or anxious you are. You can figure it out
that way. It's just one part of personality. What else
defines personality.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Yeah, so generally there are five traits that make up
personality other than neuroticism. The other four are openness to experiences, conscientiousness, extroversion,
and agreeableness. And it's actually so it's good to be
low on neuroticism but high on those other four and
basically having that combination of traits like that, high on
(02:36):
those four and low on neuroticism is just associated with happiness, health, wealth,
et cetera. And so I wanted to kind of get
some of that some of those goodies. I wanted to
have a more functional personality.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So what does the science show about changing your personality?
There's this mantra that people can't change, but what is
actually true?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, so you can change your personality. Essentially, what researchers
have found is that you have to act like the
kind of person you'd like to be. So, as just
an example, if you're naturally kind of introverted, but you're
interested in a career that requires some extraversion, maybe it's
in sales or you know, professors are often very introverted
(03:19):
but have to teach in an engaging way. You can
just go out there and basically kind of try to
challenge and stretch yourself and behave like the sort of
person you want or need to be, and eventually your
personality will shift in that direction.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's an act, as if theory exactly. Yes, So the
first one you started tackling was introversion, and introversion is
really interesting to me because a lot of people take
pride in preferring their own company or say they only
prefer their own company. They say it's about being their authentic,
true selves. But what does the side say about that
brand of authenticity or branding yourself in that way versus
(03:56):
being an extrovert.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Yeah, so what the science shows is that really behaving
like an extrovert for just a couple minutes and really
that just means socializing with other people can really lift
your mood. It makes you happier. And so that doesn't
mean you can never spend time by yourself or you
never need alone time, or even that you have to
not identify as an introvert anymore. It just means, you know,
(04:19):
introducing some group activities into your life, even if you're
not like the life of the party during those activities.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
So you took on improv which I'm going to talk
about in just a moment after I remind everybody who
was speaking with Olda Hazan as our guest. She was
born in the uss I, grew up in West Texas,
and is the former host of the Atlantics podcast How
to Start Over. Her new book is Me But Better,
The Science and Promise of Personality Change. You're listening to
get Connected on one oh six point seven Light FM.
(04:47):
I'm Mina del Rio. So you tackled introversion by taking improv?
I have taken improv. I don't like improv for anyone
who's not familiar. Just briefly, it's you're standing in front
of an audience with a ta or one other person
trying to bounce off ideas, create this scene with no
script and hopefully people will laugh. Ha ha ha. How
(05:08):
did you do it? Or how did you do and
what did you learn from that?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
I think you and I are similar. So I also
was very skeptical of improv even while I was doing it.
A lot of times it is not funny because again
there is no script. You and a bunch of strangers
are just kind of doing stuff and yeah, I you know,
even though it wasn't ha ha funny I often found
that it did make me feel happier, I think, just
(05:33):
because it was really nice to be around other people
and be doing something in a playful way that didn't
have some sort of like intellectual purpose.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
You know.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
It wasn't about you know, interviewing someone for a story
or writing or doing something like that. It was it
was just just about having fun, and it was it
was actually fun. And the other thing it did for
me was it made me more comfortable with uncertainty and
kind of chaos. I guess, like because a lot of
times when you're talking to people and introverts know this well,
(06:06):
you can have some discomfort over where is this conversation
going to go? What's the person going to say next?
When do I jump in? What's you know, how is
this all going to play out? And for me, it
was really important to see that you don't have to
have all those answers when you jump into social interaction,
that things can kind of unfold naturally and they can
(06:26):
still be you know, pretty good.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And in what way? Yeah, you survive, I think is
the moral of that story in a lot of ways.
And what did you or how did you put into
practice or how did you test your newfound extraversion.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
Yeah, so what I actually did is I hosted a
party at my house, which I had never done before.
I have a lot of anxiety around having people in
my space and uh, just making sure they all have
a good time, And so I hosted a party and
it was actually totally fine. Like nobody you know, made
fun of my home or you know, said I didn't
(07:00):
have the right snacks or anything like that. It was
it was just like a pretty good time and then
everyone left and you know, we swiffered. So for me,
that was really a nice kind of capstone to that because,
you know, it was it was cool, it was a
good party.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
That's a huge thing. That's a big thing, right, So
onto neuroticism. It is the trade marked by anxiety and depression.
And you quote another author in the book getting to
a more serious point, Andrea Peterson. She says that there
is no greater risk factor for anxiety disorders than being
born female girls and women are far more likely than
boys and men to develop anxiety disorders. Can you talk
(07:36):
about that briefly.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Yeah, we don't totally know the reasons for this. It
could be that girls are kind of more socialized to
be careful and sort of planful. And you know a
few parents who noticed their girl, you know, jumping off
something too high and the playground might be like, you know,
be careful, you know, don't do that, and you know
they see a boy doing the same thing, they're like,
(08:00):
you're so brave, you know, you're so strong.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
So it could be socialization.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
It could be biological, having to do with just you know,
our ancestors and the necessity of women kind of protecting
you know, their their kids and things like that. It
could also be that women have the right amount of
anxiety and men don't have enough anxiety.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
That's one theory is that men should maybe be a
little more anxious.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Well, I think it's interesting to think about the sort
of the second point of that is how someone with
neurosis would approach the world. What motivates neurotic people, both
positively and negatively.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Then, yeah, so neurotic people.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Are really afraid of bad things happening, and you know,
to some extent that's wise, Like it's you know, a
lot of us, you know, we wouldn't show up for
work if we didn't have a little bit of anxiety.
You know, we wouldn't you know, try to do hard things.
It's important to have, you know, a small amount of
anxiety in order to get up and go in the morning.
(09:00):
Where it becomes dysfunctional is when you know it's all
you think about, all you do is worry. You can't
stop and enjoy the good moments because you're kind of
snapping on to the next, you know, thing you're nervous about.
And that was really where I was. So I wanted
to just dial back into that healthy range.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
You were focused on having a child and moving. Those
were kind of the two things you were balancing or
trying to to navigate in your mind. Can you talk
about that sort of that cycle of worry for just
a moment.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah, I was very I wanted to have a baby.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
I think I like, well, I did end up having baby,
but I was like not sure about it for most
of the book, and I was I was nervous about
the prospect of parenthood. I was also nervous about maybe
not even being able to get pregnant.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I also wanted to.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Move to Florida, but that was another element of anxiety
there because I was nervous about hurricanes and so, yeah,
I was just kind of stuck in this loop of
like researching things and googling, you know, IV and googling hurricanes,
and yeah, it.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Was a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
So can you talk about your odyssey of addressing that
anxiety with mindfulness and meditation? How did that go?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:10):
So I signed up for this intensive meditation class that
has actually been shown to work about as well as
lexapro for anxiety and depression, which is an antidepressant. And
it was forty five minutes of meditating every day for
I think like eight weeks or ten weeks or something
like that. And I honestly have to say that I
never totally took to it. I wasn't one of those
(10:30):
people who would get out of a forty five minute
session and go.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Ah, like I feel so refreshed.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
I was kind of just like, wow, that was such
a long time.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
I'm so glad to be done.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
But there was I feel like there was just something
happening in the background where it was working, even though
I wasn't really trying to get it to work, because
in the end, my neuroticism did go.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Down at this point. Now, when you have a moment
of panic or worry, is there a tactic you have
found that actually helps I mean, a forty five minute
session of meditation is not particularly practical most of the time.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
So yeah, especially not for new parents. Actually, one thing
that really helped me is this quote I came across
from David Axelrod, who's a political consultant, not a Zen Buddhist,
and he says, all we can do is everything we
can do, And to me, that's really a reminder that
you can try really really hard. You can set yourself
(11:25):
up for success. You can, you know, triple check everything
you know, you can send, schedule all the emails to send,
but you can't ultimately control every outcome. Some things are
just out of your hands. You can try really hard,
but then you have to let go. So I really
try to remind myself, you know, have I done everything
here that I can to prevent, you know, whatever it
(11:46):
is that I'm worried about from happening.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And if the answer is yes, I kind of just
try to say, Okay, well that's it.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
I've done everything I can do, And that really helps
MI neuroticism.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I've found you also in the book addressed working on country, anciousness, agreeableness, openness.
For all these personality traits, what did you discover about
what is choice and what is sort of built into
ourselves what is immobile?
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Yeah, so we do get You know, about half of
our personalities are genetic, meaning that they just are kind
of arise from our genes, But that doesn't mean that
they're immobile. Instead, all of the choices that you make,
all of the environments you put yourself in, you know,
your friends, your relationships, your jobs, you know where you live,
(12:39):
what kinds of things you pay attention to, what kinds
of things you do, all of those things are going
to influence your personality. You are never kind of stuck
with whatever you got at birth. You always have a
choice about how to act.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Of course, you've had a child since then, so I
think it's also worth asking how did having a child
impact your personality and in what ways?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
You know, It's interesting.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
I always thought I wasn't a baby person, and that
I would really hate the part of having a baby
where you're kind of being really silly and cooing and
giggling and cuddling them.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
But that's actually been my favorite part.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
I think I really unlock this level of agreeableness and
warmth and kind of loving my baby and loving the
baby stage that I didn't really think I had in me,
so that was a really interesting turn for me.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It's lovely and just overall, how are you now?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
How am I now?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You know?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I will still say I'm quite nervous about my baby
a lot, but I think overall I have better tools
to manage my neuroticism, and I'm also a lot more extroverted.
I seek connection with other people rather than retreat into myself.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
That's fantastic. Olga Hazan's book is Me But Better, The
Science and Promise of personality Change. She's also a staff
writer at the Atlantic. Thank you for joining me on
Get Connected.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Absolutely, Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
This has been Get Connected with Nina del Rio on
one oh six point seven light Fm. The views and
opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the views
of the station. If you missed any part of our
show or want to share it, visit our website for
downloads and podcasts at one O six seven lightfm dot com.
Thanks for listening.
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