December 25, 2024 • 32 mins
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's talk about the Andy Griffith Show.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
First.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Let's start with the fact that the Andy Griffith Show
ran eight years and Matt Locke ran nine. Now there's
just something wrong with that. Think about that. I loved
the Andy Griffith Show. So I gave as a challenge
to Jim Mudd, our newest team member. I said, I
(00:26):
want you to tell me the top five Andy Griffith characters.
I don't care who they are, and I want you
to pull one clip that represents each one of them.
And he did so, and so here we go. Now
you listen to this. Don't call in, because I got
(00:47):
a lot more to get to this show, but you
can email when you got to take one off and
put one on. This is Jim Mudd's list of the
top five Andy Griffith characters from five to one, and
we'll start with number five, Floyd the barber.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Now, when I pay a man good money to fill
my tank, I want.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Him back there filling out, not some gadget.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
That's the same in barbering, because there's little electric machines now,
you know where you just push a button and it
oozes out ready made ladder. Can you imagine that.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
What's wrong without Floyd?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
What's wrong? Well, I'd rather mix my own lad and
the shaving muggy. I kind of like this how the
brush mixed against the muggy. Yours are kind of a clip,
clep once. I got to do with what I was
just talking about. But just like you said, gadgets, everything's gadgets.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Well, it ain't the same thing, Floyd.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I can understand an electric ladder maker, but you're not
a barber. You don't know about mixing ladder and mug
with a brush and everything. Oh, Cliff, that's such a
nice You.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Know what the truth is. I love those electric ladder makers,
and I bought them probably two or three times in
my life because I think but because you know, you
go to get a cut and but the problem with
that is you gotta keep it fired up all the time,
and it makes a mess. Number five Floyd Floyd the
(02:11):
Barber on Jim Mudd's Top five Andy Griffith Characters. Number
four Ernest T.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Bass All a'm ryan jump in the fire, fire too hot,
jump in the bot pot, you black jump in the
crack back, you high jump in the sky, you floo
jump in canoe can do too shallow jump into taller
too soft, jump in the loft, loft to rotten, jump
in the cotton, cotton, Joe whiteche staying there all night,
(02:40):
tell them it was good.
Speaker 7 (02:43):
That's good, ernest tea.
Speaker 8 (02:45):
Now you want to everything eating.
Speaker 9 (02:46):
Cooper pitch, No thanks, good night.
Speaker 6 (02:51):
Wait a minute, look at here, I can do eight
teen shops.
Speaker 7 (02:58):
That's good, good night. It up. I'm the best rock
throwing to count it.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
And I'm saving up for gold too.
Speaker 9 (03:07):
I'm the man for you, Charlie, and you know it.
Speaker 6 (03:09):
Now I'm gonna to move there s on the jaw.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Earn his tea mask.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
This here's my feed rod, and tomorrow we're having a
preacher winding.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
Just a statisfy you my gold rule. You just to
thank you having the wind tomorrow. Maybe ain't what do
you say? I don't chew me cabbage twice and you
ain't earned the last earn his.
Speaker 8 (03:30):
Tea bag.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
And coming in at number three. And this is where
the Andy Griffith Show was so good, creating characters that
could last. You could create all these scenario. Otis the
town drunk?
Speaker 10 (03:48):
All right? Let me step outside.
Speaker 11 (03:51):
You ain't gonna string me up for just a little drinking.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
That ain't right, Sally, This is a jump rope, jump rolls,
sobriety test.
Speaker 7 (04:01):
I here, hold this in.
Speaker 11 (04:02):
I'll show you. Oh do I have to end it?
Speaker 9 (04:04):
It looks like.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Either that or you tell us where you've been getting
all that moonshine.
Speaker 11 (04:08):
Oh I can't do that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Well, then you have to jump.
Speaker 6 (04:10):
It's just that simple.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You help to turn.
Speaker 7 (04:15):
I watch careful of us.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Okay, go ahead, turn.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Call for them, the call for the nurse.
Speaker 12 (04:25):
Call for the lady with the eligated purse.
Speaker 11 (04:29):
Don't see me doing that.
Speaker 13 (04:30):
I think I'm really drunk.
Speaker 14 (04:32):
Who don't lean.
Speaker 15 (04:33):
I'll get over that.
Speaker 11 (04:34):
Oh come on, turn it, slow it down and let
me in, or I'll go out and get some jute.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Come and a number two goomer pile.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Now the law must be upheld.
Speaker 9 (04:52):
Now.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
If I is just plain John Doe, an ordinary citizen
were to see you making a U turn, I'd have
to make a citizens arrest. Glomer you'll be a better
man if you're trying to think of us all working
together for a common cause.
Speaker 14 (05:07):
Everybody, bring it up.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Let's go back to your homes and places of business.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Come on, bring it up.
Speaker 6 (05:12):
What's go.
Speaker 16 (05:25):
Barney times?
Speaker 4 (05:36):
What are you yelling about like you said, you broach
the law by making an illegal U turn and I
hear by as the citizen of the town of may
Bury in the United States of America.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
The risk Hurry character is so good had to create
his own show, and finally, Jim Mudd's list of five
greatest Andy Griff the show characters. Number one is not
Andy but Barney Fife.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
OTU scamble, You picked up some bootleg liquors. Where did
you gap the liquor? Where did you get the liquor?
Speaker 17 (06:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Why not turn? Test?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Where is the race? Hollister? Still? Otis oda scamble? This
is your subconscious Come.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
In please, what do you wand where's the step?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Where is the stell?
Speaker 17 (06:55):
You go out Route twenty two past Wansboro, Midville, Thorndyke option.
Speaker 7 (07:05):
A little slower.
Speaker 17 (07:09):
D Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
He's making for Canada.
Speaker 17 (07:16):
And back through West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee into Maybury en
Route ten where then to Elm Street for one one
(07:37):
Elm Street.
Speaker 6 (07:38):
I got I got cool, Let's go, Let's get the access.
Speaker 16 (07:42):
Go where where he's said the four eleven Elm Street.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Thank you very much?
Speaker 17 (07:52):
Hey, Barty, don't kind of dress sound a little familiar
to you?
Speaker 14 (07:54):
Familiar?
Speaker 16 (07:55):
How did it sound familiar?
Speaker 9 (07:56):
You're just now told to me the second.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Wait a minute, four eleven Elm Street.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
That's why.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Maybe a subconscious took the wrong turn in Ohio.
Speaker 17 (08:08):
The owner of the still is Barney five.
Speaker 11 (08:13):
Yet that's the buying system you.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Got there, Barney.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
You ought to write a book, call it The Barney
five Subconscious progra Primers.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
The Michael Barry Show, Michael Barry Show.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So I asked our talented show to as we lurch
toward the end of the year, during this the Christmas
season in preparation for our Christmas special, which we began
back in October, to send me their favorite Christmas movie
and a clip from that movie. And we have a
(08:56):
lot to get to so let's get to it. I
want to I want to make sure we get every
one of them in here. First up is Chad Knock,
Aishi's movie. He is the executive producer. He gets to
go first. He loves Charlie Brown Christmas. In this scene,
Charlie Brown gets increasingly disgusted with the commercialization of Christmas
and wonders whether anyone even remembers the true meaning of Christmas.
(09:17):
Linus recites his memorable meaning of Christmas. After he finishes,
he steps off stage and says, that's what Christmas is
all about, Charlie Brown.
Speaker 9 (09:28):
Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about? Sure,
Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.
Speaker 14 (09:35):
Life Poe.
Speaker 9 (09:35):
And there were in the same country, shepherds abiding in
the field, keeping watch over their flock. By night. Loo
the Angel of the Lord came upon them. The glory
of the Lord till round about them, and they were
sore afraid. And the Angel said, unto them, fear not,
for behold, I bring you tiding for great joy which
will be to all people. For unto you is born
(09:56):
this day in the City of David, a savior, just
Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign on
t he you. You shall find the way wrapped in
swaddling clothes, lying in an angel. And suddenly there was
with the Angel and multitude of the heavenly host, praising
God and saying glory to God in the highest and
on earth. Peace would will toward me. That's what Christmas
is all about, Charlie Brown.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's a wonderful life. In this scene, George, played by
the awesome Jimmy Stewart maybe my favorite Jimmy Stewart role,
is doing some courting of Donna Reed's character.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Let's get this out of the way right now. We're
all friends here, we can talk openly about this. Well,
Donna Reed was a looker haul, Yes, a stoned cold fox,
as my friend Jesse Kelly says, a dime. Anyways, that's all.
George is walking Marry home when he promises to lasts
(10:51):
the moon for her. This really is a great scene.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
Mary.
Speaker 8 (10:54):
I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow and the next day,
and next year and a year after that. I'm shaking
the dust of the crumby little town off my feet,
and I'm gonna see the world Italy, Greece, the Parthenon,
the Colosseum, and then I'm coming back here and go
to college and see what they know. And then I'm
gonna build things. I'm gonna build airfield, I'm gonna build
skyscrapers one hundred stories high. I'm gonna build bridges a
(11:16):
mile long. Were you gonna throw a rock? Hey, that's
pretty good. What do you wish Mary Huffalo, Girls, can't
you come out to me?
Speaker 7 (11:34):
Can't you come out?
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Come out?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Girls?
Speaker 8 (11:38):
Can't you come out tonight? Dance by the light of
the moon. What do you wish when you threw that rack? No?
If I told you might not come through?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
What does you want?
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Mary?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
What do you want?
Speaker 8 (11:55):
You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll
throw a lassole around and pull it.
Speaker 14 (12:00):
Hey, that's a pretty good idea.
Speaker 8 (12:03):
I'll give you the moon, right, I'll take it. Then
what well, then you could swallow it and it all dissolves.
See and the moon beams that shoot out of your
fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair.
Am I talking too much?
Speaker 11 (12:20):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Why don't you Kisser set talking of a death?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
How was I?
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Why don't Chuck Kissers set.
Speaker 17 (12:27):
Up talking at a death.
Speaker 8 (12:31):
One way to kiss her?
Speaker 11 (12:32):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Oh?
Speaker 17 (12:34):
You just washing on the wrong people.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Our research director Sandy Peterson loves a Christmas story. She
wrote in her submission as to why this was her
choice of what she wanted it to be known by quote,
I think that this movie perfectly captures the aching desire
for that one gift that you know it's highly unlikely
you'll ever get for Ralphie, it was the Red Rider
(12:58):
be begun. For me, it was a pony. Sandy didn't
ever say if she got that pony. Maybe the story
is better if she didn't.
Speaker 14 (13:07):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 15 (13:08):
Stick my tongue to stupid poets? Dug, that's cause you
know him stick here full of it? Oh yeah, yeah,
like double dog darey I triple dog dairya. All right,
all right, we'll go on smart Joey.
Speaker 7 (13:25):
I'm going, I'm going this isn't it that really part?
Speaker 8 (13:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 18 (13:54):
Come back, come back?
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Can wait?
Speaker 9 (13:57):
The poet?
Speaker 8 (13:58):
What are you doing?
Speaker 5 (14:00):
I'm all a joy.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Jim Mudd's favorite Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation because he's brilliant.
I'm gonna say that's a good one. Not my favorite,
but a good one. The only sequel to National Lampoons
Vacation that holds up to the original Fight me. In
this film, our hero Clark Griswold is hosting the family
(14:25):
Christmas celebration at his house for the first time. It's
a huge to do and Clark wants it to be perfect.
That's the setup for all of the National Lampoons, right. Well,
nothing goes as plan, especially when cousin Eddie shows up
in an RV unannounced with his family in tow. When
Clark finds out that Eddie is broke, he offers to
(14:46):
buy gifts for Eddie's kids.
Speaker 14 (14:49):
Here we go, Eddie, Ellen, and I want to help
you give the kids a nice Christmas.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
Clark.
Speaker 17 (14:57):
I couldn't do that.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
No, no, we insists.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Oh no, I'm not one for charity.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Now I know that, Eddie.
Speaker 9 (15:04):
This is a charity.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
It's family.
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Now, come on, if you don't tell me what they want,
I'll go out and get it on my own.
Speaker 7 (15:18):
Boy, this is a surprise, Clark, just a real nice surprise,
Just a real nice surprise. Here's a little less alphabetical,
starting with Catherine. And if it wouldn't be too much,
(15:39):
I'd like to get something for you, Clark, something really nice.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So Ramone's favorite submission for some reason was or is.
I guess it's active today, but you submitted this a
couple of weeks ago. Ramone's favorite submission as a movie.
Speaker 5 (15:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
You gotta tell us which version, but anyway, it's Scrooge.
Speaker 9 (16:01):
Hello you that boy me, sir?
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Yes, you a good fellow.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
What day is today? Today?
Speaker 9 (16:09):
What's Christmas Day.
Speaker 14 (16:10):
Of course, Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I haven't missed it.
Speaker 11 (16:15):
The spirits did it all in one night.
Speaker 14 (16:17):
Well, they can do anything they like, of course the case.
Speaker 11 (16:20):
Hello, my fine fellow.
Speaker 7 (16:21):
Hello.
Speaker 14 (16:22):
Do you know the poulterers in the next street, but
one on the corner? I should hope I did. Intelligent boy,
remarkable boy.
Speaker 6 (16:30):
Do you know if they've sold the prize turkey that
was hanging there?
Speaker 9 (16:33):
What the one's biggest me?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Delightful boy, the pleasure talking to the.
Speaker 8 (16:40):
One as big as you.
Speaker 10 (16:41):
It's hanging there.
Speaker 14 (16:42):
Now we're going by it, Yes, going by it and
bring them round so that I may tell them where
to deliver it.
Speaker 9 (16:48):
Come back with the man.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
I'll give you a shilling.
Speaker 14 (16:51):
Come back in less than five minutes.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I'll give you half a crown.
Speaker 14 (17:00):
I mus dressing myself so much to do so much
loose anytime, I was like, I'm just happy. It is
an eden.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I'm is made.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
That he just gidey? Is he drunken man? Merry Christmas
to everybody and not happy.
Speaker 18 (17:27):
Yeah to the world.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
This is the Michael Bay Show. The news is so
bad these days that one of the things we do
here at the Michael Berry Show, or at least we
try is to make you laugh. Liberals, the woke mob,
all of it. It can be infuriating, so we try
to laugh at it because when you laugh at it,
(17:52):
you own it, and that wounds them the worst one
of the days. One of the ways we do this
is with parodies. We try to take the worst news
and make a joke out of it, not because we
don't take it seriously, but because we want to expose
how ridiculous and absurd it is. And I don't like
(18:15):
to get all braggadocious or anything, but I think we
do is find a job as anyone in the country
at making parodies. We certainly make more. Not that quality
is quantity, but we see humor in a lot of
the crazy that's going on, and it's our goal to
make a joke of it, because sometimes you can get
(18:37):
through with a joke in ways that you can't if
you're dead. Pen So let's look back on some of
our favorite parodies, in no particular order. Let's start at
the top. This first one was one we did when
Paul Pelosi was arrested for dui. This was the first
(18:58):
time he was hammered.
Speaker 19 (19:00):
Oh, mister Pelosi, do you know why I pulled you
over that because my wife wanted to defund the funnel.
Speaker 20 (19:10):
No, that's not that defund you.
Speaker 18 (19:12):
No, sir, you were speeding and driving radically.
Speaker 20 (19:16):
I bear your pardoner, officer. I'm many two years old
and i haven't been ratic in many years. Please step
out of the car, sir.
Speaker 21 (19:28):
Okay, Josie, sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?
Speaker 18 (19:36):
I'm married to a Dorian Gray painting.
Speaker 5 (19:39):
How much do you think I've had to drink him?
Speaker 14 (19:42):
Young man, I've gotta pree, sir.
Speaker 18 (19:46):
Let's have a seat in the back of my cruiser.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
There you go.
Speaker 18 (19:49):
Watch your head. No, you watch your head might.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
Tell you what to do? You not tell me?
Speaker 17 (19:56):
My tell you.
Speaker 19 (19:59):
I've got a okay, sir, We're gonna take you down
to the precinct. You'll have to catchway first, popper. You're
already in my car, sir.
Speaker 18 (20:10):
I'm getting way too old for this.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
The lawn burn Lawn, I seem I'll be even since
I don't know where, I think the production value of
that parody was outstanding, if I may say soone So
this next one took it to the next level. This
(20:32):
was a parody featuring the fictitious hood Rat Airlines when
LaToya the Destroyer, the mayor of New Orleans had to
pay back thirty thousand dollars for her flight to France.
Speaker 13 (20:45):
This is your captain speaking, thank you again for flying
Hoodratt Airlines. We'll be landing in New Orleans in just
about twenty minutes or so, where the temperature is currently
eighty five degrees with a little bit of an overcast.
By the way, just a quick reminder that flying in
coach is never a safe place, especially if you're the
(21:05):
mayor of New Orleans. That's why here at Hoodrat Beer Lines,
we are always happy to upgrade any female democrat mayor
of a city in the South for free to first class.
That's our policy and we're sticking to it. You got
a problem with that, cracker?
Speaker 7 (21:22):
Will a study out.
Speaker 6 (21:26):
Done?
Speaker 8 (21:26):
A dirty road.
Speaker 14 (21:30):
Study out?
Speaker 18 (21:34):
All in the sunway down?
Speaker 14 (21:42):
It's across the hill.
Speaker 8 (21:47):
In the town the world gods.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Still remember when Ron DeSantis sent a planeload of illegals
to Martha's vineyard and the left lost their minds. Well,
if you remember, our very own correspondent, Sleepy Fernando, was
on that plane.
Speaker 16 (22:09):
Olah, it's me sleepy Fernando.
Speaker 14 (22:15):
I know it's been a while.
Speaker 12 (22:16):
Some of you are probably.
Speaker 16 (22:17):
Wondering why I haven't been showing my face down at
the border lately. Did I get kidnapped? Did my cousin
stabby Pedro get mad and stab me? No, I mean,
no more stabbing than usual. What lately I've been busy
chilling up, not for a place called Vinito de Marta,
the lorcals calling Martha's vineyard. I'm not so sure why
they call you that. There is no vineyards or wineries.
(22:41):
It's just a bunch of gringos, well, gringos and Obama.
But now I'm being redundant. Anyway, I'm having a great time.
He's very nice here. They give you free lunch, and
if you wave hello to the people on the street,
they scream at the top of their lungs before throwing
money at you and running.
Speaker 13 (22:59):
And the up is it direction?
Speaker 16 (23:01):
I enjoy being here so much that I'm going to
use the money they gave me to fly more of
my family members here from down South. Anyway, I gotta go,
he scring goes. I'm going to rob themselves. See what
mother's vineyor.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
And remember when WHOOPI Goldberg on that stupid hen party
of the view said that we can keep our yeehaul
guns but not our ar fifteens. So our friends at
Ballistic Bob's seized on that publicity.
Speaker 12 (23:52):
Ballistic Bob here reminding you that Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, we're
having a big sale on the most popular atom here.
Y'all go uns. Yeah, come get your guns, wather getting's good.
We are keey all guns and all makes and models.
We've got your runneck revolvers. He met the handguns net
job nine millimeters hot from Mega Magazines, Flora ball derringers,
(24:16):
white supremacist suppressors, and right wing Reminton's our yee all
gun selection is overflowing with slave owning shut guns or
presser optics and gold plated Grand Wizard clocks. We don't
have many chiefs, but we got lots of guns down
here at Holistic Bobs. If we ain't got it, you
ain't shutting.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, Michael Berry Show, let's do one more segment looking
back at some of the best parodies from the Michael
Berry Show. Yeah, we're kind of proud of them, and
hopefully for some of you who have a sense of humor,
(24:57):
you'll remember that, and oh, I'd forgotten. That's a good one.
This next parody was a major coup for us. Remember
when Joe Biden was ushered around by the Easter Bunny. Well,
we received an insider communication from the person wearing that
bunny costume.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Yes, I was in the bunny costume that day at
the White House. It was my job to shadow the president.
It was easter, so someone thought that it'd be a
good idea to dress me in a bunny outfit. They
thought that if I'd dressed up like the Easter Bunny,
I could blend it in the crowd, and if the
President went off script, I would be able to steer
him back to a more appropriate conversation. Now it's time
(25:38):
for the event on the White House long Things were
going pretty well at first, but then the President decided
to mingle with the people. First, he saw a man
in the crowd that was, how do I say it? Slow?
So the President kind of leaned in any stage whispered
to me, tell me about the radit's George. I think
he thought that referencing Lenny of Mice and Mine And
(26:00):
when he saw someone that was a little slow was
funny because I was dressed like a giant rabbit. However,
this is the type of situation that I was there
to steer him away from. My job in that scenario
was to mention how much his dead son Bo loved Easter.
I mean that always works to get the President back
on course. If he strays away from the script, we
always bring it back to Bow always. And later when
(26:24):
he tried to talk about Pakistan with a toddler, I
mentioned Bo. Nothing this time it didn't work. He was
going to talk about Pakistan with that toddler no matter what.
I'll admit I panicked. At this point. I start waving
my arms and I say the code word Lansbury. See
Lansbury is the code we have with the President. When
(26:46):
we see he's starting to get a little tired or
maybe end over his head, we say Lansbury. He knows
it's time to go up to the residents and lay
down and watch murder. She wrote. The President loves a
good who done it? We play that same episode right
before his nap every day. He never remembers that he's
seen it, and it's his favorite episode. So it's a
win win for us. But I'm telling you right now,
(27:08):
if they asked me to dress up like his mother
again for Mother's Day, and he trains to breastfeed like
last year. I'm out of here. I don't need this
job that bad.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Next up, New Orleans Mayor LaToya the Destroyer. She was
involved in another scandal with her quote unquote charity Face
Forward New Orleans.
Speaker 10 (27:35):
Hello, it's me LaToya Cantrell, the Mayor of New Orleans.
Speaker 13 (27:40):
I just wanted to clean some things up for gotten.
Speaker 10 (27:42):
My non profitable organization called Forward Together New Orleans, and
my nowgure fund also name Forward Together New Orleans. You see,
I strongly believe that New Orleans needs to face forward,
and we need to do that together. We don't need
none of y'all to be faced and backwards now, no way.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
No how.
Speaker 10 (28:03):
I'm sure this hell ain't facing backwards. Ever since I
was a little girl, people always said, girl, why are
you facing forward?
Speaker 18 (28:10):
That's just how my mama raised me. Can't help it,
Thank you Jesus.
Speaker 10 (28:15):
That's why I name everything I do Forward Together, New
Orleans for my mama. I ain't heard no one complain
when George Foreman name all his children George not once.
Some people say that I'm cooking they wrong. Some people
say that I'm making myself rich day round. Some people
say that I'm a nightmare. But I'm here to tell
(28:37):
you that I'm a mayor during the daytime too. Lord Jesus,
I'm the toy of the destroyer. Peace y'all.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
I walk into the new world.
Speaker 18 (28:51):
I'm doing the man to Perversham.
Speaker 5 (28:54):
When not yet through, walking in boo when not getting.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Back to There are so many to choose from. Let's
go with Pedo Pete. If you'll recall, Hunter Biden's cell
phone was hacked and it was discovered that he had
his father in his phone, not as Dad Pops Joe Biden,
the President. He had his father in his phone as
Pedo Pete. Joe Biden has referred to himself as Pete
(29:23):
from a movie character. I won't waste your time on
all that, but the pedo as in short for pedophile.
His own son knows he's a pedophile.
Speaker 21 (29:32):
Hello, everybody, This is Pete Henderson, a friend in close
associate of first son Hunter Biden.
Speaker 18 (29:39):
He calls me Peto Pete.
Speaker 21 (29:41):
He only calls me that because I've always liked the
company of small children.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
That's not a crime, is it.
Speaker 21 (29:48):
At least I'm not his daddy. Joe Biden has been
screwing this country for fifty years and nobody says.
Speaker 18 (29:55):
Boom, I like to smell the hell of little kids.
Speaker 21 (29:58):
And suddenly I'm the He's pimped out Ukraine for billions. Yeah, sir,
I'd like to shower with my teenage daughter to save
on the water bill. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.
The big guy has sold the country out to the
Chinese for ten percent of the take. I'm not fond
of the nickname Pete O Pete.
Speaker 18 (30:20):
However, I'm just glad I'm not Jill Biden. Hunter has
some choice nicknames for her.
Speaker 21 (30:26):
He once said to me, Pete, if you are a
blues musician, they call you Bud Didley, but I call
my mom Hank Williams Junior.
Speaker 18 (30:36):
Do you know why he called her that?
Speaker 21 (30:39):
Because he said she was a.
Speaker 9 (30:40):
Real country bore Cancer VI.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Count Bob's Cancer VI. This next parody saw the debut
of one of our favorite characters who has become a
recurring theme, and that is Kyle Feather, the host of
an NPR show called Guns Are Scary.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
The following program is only made possible by contributions from listeners.
Speaker 14 (31:10):
Like you.
Speaker 18 (31:12):
Namaste to you. You're listening to why guns are scary.
I'm your host, Kyle Featherbottom. Today we will examine the
effect that bullets and assault bullets have on the human
body for those of you in our listening audience that
are unfamiliar with guns. A bullet is a projectile that
is spit out of a gun's barrel or its front,
as it were. Handgun bullets are smaller than larger, scarier
(31:37):
military weapon assault bullets like those spit out by the
AR fifteen. While still dangerous, a handgun bullet will often
pass through the person that has been shot, unless, of course,
the handgun has been used by a police officer against
a person of color. The officer's inherent racism adds extra
power to the velocity of the bullet, turning it into
(31:58):
a mini assault bullets, causing more damage than if the
bullet was used by a person of color against another
person of color. The assault bullet of a high caliber
weapon like an AR fifteen is so powerful that it
has the heat of molten lava. It will literally liquefy
any organ it hits. The effects on smaller humans are
(32:20):
much worse, those lava bullets have been known to vaporize
an entire little person. We are nearing the end of
this violent program, so let's take a moment to clear
our minds with any fear that this discussion may have caused.
But first I have to remind you that following this show,
Kelly Gleeson will tell you how to preserve root vegetables
for the winner. Now, let's close our eyes and think
(32:42):
about whatever it is that brings you joy.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
Oh oh,
Let's talk about the Andy Griffith Show.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
First.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Let's start with the fact that the Andy Griffith Show
ran eight years and Matt Locke ran nine. Now there's
just something wrong with that. Think about that. I loved
the Andy Griffith Show. So I gave as a challenge
to Jim Mudd, our newest team member. I said, I
(00:26):
want you to tell me the top five Andy Griffith characters.
I don't care who they are, and I want you
to pull one clip that represents each one of them.
And he did so, and so here we go. Now
you listen to this. Don't call in, because I got
(00:47):
a lot more to get to this show, but you
can email when you got to take one off and
put one on. This is Jim Mudd's list of the
top five Andy Griffith characters from five to one, and
we'll start with number five, Floyd the barber.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Now, when I pay a man good money to fill
my tank, I want.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Him back there filling out, not some gadget.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
That's the same in barbering, because there's little electric machines now,
you know where you just push a button and it
oozes out ready made ladder. Can you imagine that.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
What's wrong without Floyd?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
What's wrong? Well, I'd rather mix my own lad and
the shaving muggy. I kind of like this how the
brush mixed against the muggy. Yours are kind of a clip,
clep once. I got to do with what I was
just talking about. But just like you said, gadgets, everything's gadgets.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Well, it ain't the same thing, Floyd.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I can understand an electric ladder maker, but you're not
a barber. You don't know about mixing ladder and mug
with a brush and everything. Oh, Cliff, that's such a
nice You.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Know what the truth is. I love those electric ladder makers,
and I bought them probably two or three times in
my life because I think but because you know, you
go to get a cut and but the problem with
that is you gotta keep it fired up all the time,
and it makes a mess. Number five Floyd Floyd the
(02:11):
Barber on Jim Mudd's Top five Andy Griffith Characters. Number
four Ernest T.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Bass All a'm ryan jump in the fire, fire too hot,
jump in the bot pot, you black jump in the
crack back, you high jump in the sky, you floo
jump in canoe can do too shallow jump into taller
too soft, jump in the loft, loft to rotten, jump
in the cotton, cotton, Joe whiteche staying there all night,
(02:40):
tell them it was good.
Speaker 7 (02:43):
That's good, ernest tea.
Speaker 8 (02:45):
Now you want to everything eating.
Speaker 9 (02:46):
Cooper pitch, No thanks, good night.
Speaker 6 (02:51):
Wait a minute, look at here, I can do eight
teen shops.
Speaker 7 (02:58):
That's good, good night. It up. I'm the best rock
throwing to count it.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
And I'm saving up for gold too.
Speaker 9 (03:07):
I'm the man for you, Charlie, and you know it.
Speaker 6 (03:09):
Now I'm gonna to move there s on the jaw.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Earn his tea mask.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
This here's my feed rod, and tomorrow we're having a
preacher winding.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
Just a statisfy you my gold rule. You just to
thank you having the wind tomorrow. Maybe ain't what do
you say? I don't chew me cabbage twice and you
ain't earned the last earn his.
Speaker 8 (03:30):
Tea bag.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
And coming in at number three. And this is where
the Andy Griffith Show was so good, creating characters that
could last. You could create all these scenario. Otis the
town drunk?
Speaker 10 (03:48):
All right? Let me step outside.
Speaker 11 (03:51):
You ain't gonna string me up for just a little drinking.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
That ain't right, Sally, This is a jump rope, jump rolls,
sobriety test.
Speaker 7 (04:01):
I here, hold this in.
Speaker 11 (04:02):
I'll show you. Oh do I have to end it?
Speaker 9 (04:04):
It looks like.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Either that or you tell us where you've been getting
all that moonshine.
Speaker 11 (04:08):
Oh I can't do that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Well, then you have to jump.
Speaker 6 (04:10):
It's just that simple.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You help to turn.
Speaker 7 (04:15):
I watch careful of us.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Okay, go ahead, turn.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Call for them, the call for the nurse.
Speaker 12 (04:25):
Call for the lady with the eligated purse.
Speaker 11 (04:29):
Don't see me doing that.
Speaker 13 (04:30):
I think I'm really drunk.
Speaker 14 (04:32):
Who don't lean.
Speaker 15 (04:33):
I'll get over that.
Speaker 11 (04:34):
Oh come on, turn it, slow it down and let
me in, or I'll go out and get some jute.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Come and a number two goomer pile.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Now the law must be upheld.
Speaker 9 (04:52):
Now.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
If I is just plain John Doe, an ordinary citizen
were to see you making a U turn, I'd have
to make a citizens arrest. Glomer you'll be a better
man if you're trying to think of us all working
together for a common cause.
Speaker 14 (05:07):
Everybody, bring it up.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Let's go back to your homes and places of business.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Come on, bring it up.
Speaker 6 (05:12):
What's go.
Speaker 16 (05:25):
Barney times?
Speaker 4 (05:36):
What are you yelling about like you said, you broach
the law by making an illegal U turn and I
hear by as the citizen of the town of may
Bury in the United States of America.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
The risk Hurry character is so good had to create
his own show, and finally, Jim Mudd's list of five
greatest Andy Griff the show characters. Number one is not
Andy but Barney Fife.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
OTU scamble, You picked up some bootleg liquors. Where did
you gap the liquor? Where did you get the liquor?
Speaker 17 (06:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Why not turn? Test?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Where is the race? Hollister? Still? Otis oda scamble? This
is your subconscious Come.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
In please, what do you wand where's the step?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Where is the stell?
Speaker 17 (06:55):
You go out Route twenty two past Wansboro, Midville, Thorndyke option.
Speaker 7 (07:05):
A little slower.
Speaker 17 (07:09):
D Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
He's making for Canada.
Speaker 17 (07:16):
And back through West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee into Maybury en
Route ten where then to Elm Street for one one
(07:37):
Elm Street.
Speaker 6 (07:38):
I got I got cool, Let's go, Let's get the access.
Speaker 16 (07:42):
Go where where he's said the four eleven Elm Street.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Thank you very much?
Speaker 17 (07:52):
Hey, Barty, don't kind of dress sound a little familiar
to you?
Speaker 14 (07:54):
Familiar?
Speaker 16 (07:55):
How did it sound familiar?
Speaker 9 (07:56):
You're just now told to me the second.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Wait a minute, four eleven Elm Street.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
That's why.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Maybe a subconscious took the wrong turn in Ohio.
Speaker 17 (08:08):
The owner of the still is Barney five.
Speaker 11 (08:13):
Yet that's the buying system you.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Got there, Barney.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
You ought to write a book, call it The Barney
five Subconscious progra Primers.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
The Michael Barry Show, Michael Barry Show.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So I asked our talented show to as we lurch
toward the end of the year, during this the Christmas
season in preparation for our Christmas special, which we began
back in October, to send me their favorite Christmas movie
and a clip from that movie. And we have a
(08:56):
lot to get to so let's get to it. I
want to I want to make sure we get every
one of them in here. First up is Chad Knock,
Aishi's movie. He is the executive producer. He gets to
go first. He loves Charlie Brown Christmas. In this scene,
Charlie Brown gets increasingly disgusted with the commercialization of Christmas
and wonders whether anyone even remembers the true meaning of Christmas.
(09:17):
Linus recites his memorable meaning of Christmas. After he finishes,
he steps off stage and says, that's what Christmas is
all about, Charlie Brown.
Speaker 9 (09:28):
Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about? Sure,
Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.
Speaker 14 (09:35):
Life Poe.
Speaker 9 (09:35):
And there were in the same country, shepherds abiding in
the field, keeping watch over their flock. By night. Loo
the Angel of the Lord came upon them. The glory
of the Lord till round about them, and they were
sore afraid. And the Angel said, unto them, fear not,
for behold, I bring you tiding for great joy which
will be to all people. For unto you is born
(09:56):
this day in the City of David, a savior, just
Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign on
t he you. You shall find the way wrapped in
swaddling clothes, lying in an angel. And suddenly there was
with the Angel and multitude of the heavenly host, praising
God and saying glory to God in the highest and
on earth. Peace would will toward me. That's what Christmas
is all about, Charlie Brown.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's a wonderful life. In this scene, George, played by
the awesome Jimmy Stewart maybe my favorite Jimmy Stewart role,
is doing some courting of Donna Reed's character.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Let's get this out of the way right now. We're
all friends here, we can talk openly about this. Well,
Donna Reed was a looker haul, Yes, a stoned cold fox,
as my friend Jesse Kelly says, a dime. Anyways, that's all.
George is walking Marry home when he promises to lasts
(10:51):
the moon for her. This really is a great scene.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
Mary.
Speaker 8 (10:54):
I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow and the next day,
and next year and a year after that. I'm shaking
the dust of the crumby little town off my feet,
and I'm gonna see the world Italy, Greece, the Parthenon,
the Colosseum, and then I'm coming back here and go
to college and see what they know. And then I'm
gonna build things. I'm gonna build airfield, I'm gonna build
skyscrapers one hundred stories high. I'm gonna build bridges a
(11:16):
mile long. Were you gonna throw a rock? Hey, that's
pretty good. What do you wish Mary Huffalo, Girls, can't
you come out to me?
Speaker 7 (11:34):
Can't you come out?
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Come out?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Girls?
Speaker 8 (11:38):
Can't you come out tonight? Dance by the light of
the moon. What do you wish when you threw that rack? No?
If I told you might not come through?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
What does you want?
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Mary?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
What do you want?
Speaker 8 (11:55):
You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll
throw a lassole around and pull it.
Speaker 14 (12:00):
Hey, that's a pretty good idea.
Speaker 8 (12:03):
I'll give you the moon, right, I'll take it. Then
what well, then you could swallow it and it all dissolves.
See and the moon beams that shoot out of your
fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair.
Am I talking too much?
Speaker 11 (12:20):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Why don't you Kisser set talking of a death?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
How was I?
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Why don't Chuck Kissers set.
Speaker 17 (12:27):
Up talking at a death.
Speaker 8 (12:31):
One way to kiss her?
Speaker 11 (12:32):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Oh?
Speaker 17 (12:34):
You just washing on the wrong people.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Our research director Sandy Peterson loves a Christmas story. She
wrote in her submission as to why this was her
choice of what she wanted it to be known by quote,
I think that this movie perfectly captures the aching desire
for that one gift that you know it's highly unlikely
you'll ever get for Ralphie, it was the Red Rider
(12:58):
be begun. For me, it was a pony. Sandy didn't
ever say if she got that pony. Maybe the story
is better if she didn't.
Speaker 14 (13:07):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 15 (13:08):
Stick my tongue to stupid poets? Dug, that's cause you
know him stick here full of it? Oh yeah, yeah,
like double dog darey I triple dog dairya. All right,
all right, we'll go on smart Joey.
Speaker 7 (13:25):
I'm going, I'm going this isn't it that really part?
Speaker 8 (13:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 18 (13:54):
Come back, come back?
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Can wait?
Speaker 9 (13:57):
The poet?
Speaker 8 (13:58):
What are you doing?
Speaker 5 (14:00):
I'm all a joy.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Jim Mudd's favorite Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation because he's brilliant.
I'm gonna say that's a good one. Not my favorite,
but a good one. The only sequel to National Lampoons
Vacation that holds up to the original Fight me. In
this film, our hero Clark Griswold is hosting the family
(14:25):
Christmas celebration at his house for the first time. It's
a huge to do and Clark wants it to be perfect.
That's the setup for all of the National Lampoons, right. Well,
nothing goes as plan, especially when cousin Eddie shows up
in an RV unannounced with his family in tow. When
Clark finds out that Eddie is broke, he offers to
(14:46):
buy gifts for Eddie's kids.
Speaker 14 (14:49):
Here we go, Eddie, Ellen, and I want to help
you give the kids a nice Christmas.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
Clark.
Speaker 17 (14:57):
I couldn't do that.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
No, no, we insists.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Oh no, I'm not one for charity.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Now I know that, Eddie.
Speaker 9 (15:04):
This is a charity.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
It's family.
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Now, come on, if you don't tell me what they want,
I'll go out and get it on my own.
Speaker 7 (15:18):
Boy, this is a surprise, Clark, just a real nice surprise,
Just a real nice surprise. Here's a little less alphabetical,
starting with Catherine. And if it wouldn't be too much,
(15:39):
I'd like to get something for you, Clark, something really nice.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So Ramone's favorite submission for some reason was or is.
I guess it's active today, but you submitted this a
couple of weeks ago. Ramone's favorite submission as a movie.
Speaker 5 (15:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
You gotta tell us which version, but anyway, it's Scrooge.
Speaker 9 (16:01):
Hello you that boy me, sir?
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Yes, you a good fellow.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
What day is today? Today?
Speaker 9 (16:09):
What's Christmas Day.
Speaker 14 (16:10):
Of course, Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I haven't missed it.
Speaker 11 (16:15):
The spirits did it all in one night.
Speaker 14 (16:17):
Well, they can do anything they like, of course the case.
Speaker 11 (16:20):
Hello, my fine fellow.
Speaker 7 (16:21):
Hello.
Speaker 14 (16:22):
Do you know the poulterers in the next street, but
one on the corner? I should hope I did. Intelligent boy,
remarkable boy.
Speaker 6 (16:30):
Do you know if they've sold the prize turkey that
was hanging there?
Speaker 9 (16:33):
What the one's biggest me?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Delightful boy, the pleasure talking to the.
Speaker 8 (16:40):
One as big as you.
Speaker 10 (16:41):
It's hanging there.
Speaker 14 (16:42):
Now we're going by it, Yes, going by it and
bring them round so that I may tell them where
to deliver it.
Speaker 9 (16:48):
Come back with the man.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
I'll give you a shilling.
Speaker 14 (16:51):
Come back in less than five minutes.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I'll give you half a crown.
Speaker 14 (17:00):
I mus dressing myself so much to do so much
loose anytime, I was like, I'm just happy. It is
an eden.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I'm is made.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
That he just gidey? Is he drunken man? Merry Christmas
to everybody and not happy.
Speaker 18 (17:27):
Yeah to the world.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
This is the Michael Bay Show. The news is so
bad these days that one of the things we do
here at the Michael Berry Show, or at least we
try is to make you laugh. Liberals, the woke mob,
all of it. It can be infuriating, so we try
to laugh at it because when you laugh at it,
(17:52):
you own it, and that wounds them the worst one
of the days. One of the ways we do this
is with parodies. We try to take the worst news
and make a joke out of it, not because we
don't take it seriously, but because we want to expose
how ridiculous and absurd it is. And I don't like
(18:15):
to get all braggadocious or anything, but I think we
do is find a job as anyone in the country
at making parodies. We certainly make more. Not that quality
is quantity, but we see humor in a lot of
the crazy that's going on, and it's our goal to
make a joke of it, because sometimes you can get
(18:37):
through with a joke in ways that you can't if
you're dead. Pen So let's look back on some of
our favorite parodies, in no particular order. Let's start at
the top. This first one was one we did when
Paul Pelosi was arrested for dui. This was the first
(18:58):
time he was hammered.
Speaker 19 (19:00):
Oh, mister Pelosi, do you know why I pulled you
over that because my wife wanted to defund the funnel.
Speaker 20 (19:10):
No, that's not that defund you.
Speaker 18 (19:12):
No, sir, you were speeding and driving radically.
Speaker 20 (19:16):
I bear your pardoner, officer. I'm many two years old
and i haven't been ratic in many years. Please step
out of the car, sir.
Speaker 21 (19:28):
Okay, Josie, sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?
Speaker 18 (19:36):
I'm married to a Dorian Gray painting.
Speaker 5 (19:39):
How much do you think I've had to drink him?
Speaker 14 (19:42):
Young man, I've gotta pree, sir.
Speaker 18 (19:46):
Let's have a seat in the back of my cruiser.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
There you go.
Speaker 18 (19:49):
Watch your head. No, you watch your head might.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
Tell you what to do? You not tell me?
Speaker 17 (19:56):
My tell you.
Speaker 19 (19:59):
I've got a okay, sir, We're gonna take you down
to the precinct. You'll have to catchway first, popper. You're
already in my car, sir.
Speaker 18 (20:10):
I'm getting way too old for this.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
The lawn burn Lawn, I seem I'll be even since
I don't know where, I think the production value of
that parody was outstanding, if I may say soone So
this next one took it to the next level. This
(20:32):
was a parody featuring the fictitious hood Rat Airlines when
LaToya the Destroyer, the mayor of New Orleans had to
pay back thirty thousand dollars for her flight to France.
Speaker 13 (20:45):
This is your captain speaking, thank you again for flying
Hoodratt Airlines. We'll be landing in New Orleans in just
about twenty minutes or so, where the temperature is currently
eighty five degrees with a little bit of an overcast.
By the way, just a quick reminder that flying in
coach is never a safe place, especially if you're the
(21:05):
mayor of New Orleans. That's why here at Hoodrat Beer Lines,
we are always happy to upgrade any female democrat mayor
of a city in the South for free to first class.
That's our policy and we're sticking to it. You got
a problem with that, cracker?
Speaker 7 (21:22):
Will a study out.
Speaker 6 (21:26):
Done?
Speaker 8 (21:26):
A dirty road.
Speaker 14 (21:30):
Study out?
Speaker 18 (21:34):
All in the sunway down?
Speaker 14 (21:42):
It's across the hill.
Speaker 8 (21:47):
In the town the world gods.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Still remember when Ron DeSantis sent a planeload of illegals
to Martha's vineyard and the left lost their minds. Well,
if you remember, our very own correspondent, Sleepy Fernando, was
on that plane.
Speaker 16 (22:09):
Olah, it's me sleepy Fernando.
Speaker 14 (22:15):
I know it's been a while.
Speaker 12 (22:16):
Some of you are probably.
Speaker 16 (22:17):
Wondering why I haven't been showing my face down at
the border lately. Did I get kidnapped? Did my cousin
stabby Pedro get mad and stab me? No, I mean,
no more stabbing than usual. What lately I've been busy
chilling up, not for a place called Vinito de Marta,
the lorcals calling Martha's vineyard. I'm not so sure why
they call you that. There is no vineyards or wineries.
(22:41):
It's just a bunch of gringos, well, gringos and Obama.
But now I'm being redundant. Anyway, I'm having a great time.
He's very nice here. They give you free lunch, and
if you wave hello to the people on the street,
they scream at the top of their lungs before throwing
money at you and running.
Speaker 13 (22:59):
And the up is it direction?
Speaker 16 (23:01):
I enjoy being here so much that I'm going to
use the money they gave me to fly more of
my family members here from down South. Anyway, I gotta go,
he scring goes. I'm going to rob themselves. See what
mother's vineyor.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
And remember when WHOOPI Goldberg on that stupid hen party
of the view said that we can keep our yeehaul
guns but not our ar fifteens. So our friends at
Ballistic Bob's seized on that publicity.
Speaker 12 (23:52):
Ballistic Bob here reminding you that Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, we're
having a big sale on the most popular atom here.
Y'all go uns. Yeah, come get your guns, wather getting's good.
We are keey all guns and all makes and models.
We've got your runneck revolvers. He met the handguns net
job nine millimeters hot from Mega Magazines, Flora ball derringers,
(24:16):
white supremacist suppressors, and right wing Reminton's our yee all
gun selection is overflowing with slave owning shut guns or
presser optics and gold plated Grand Wizard clocks. We don't
have many chiefs, but we got lots of guns down
here at Holistic Bobs. If we ain't got it, you
ain't shutting.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, Michael Berry Show, let's do one more segment looking
back at some of the best parodies from the Michael
Berry Show. Yeah, we're kind of proud of them, and
hopefully for some of you who have a sense of humor,
(24:57):
you'll remember that, and oh, I'd forgotten. That's a good one.
This next parody was a major coup for us. Remember
when Joe Biden was ushered around by the Easter Bunny. Well,
we received an insider communication from the person wearing that
bunny costume.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Yes, I was in the bunny costume that day at
the White House. It was my job to shadow the president.
It was easter, so someone thought that it'd be a
good idea to dress me in a bunny outfit. They
thought that if I'd dressed up like the Easter Bunny,
I could blend it in the crowd, and if the
President went off script, I would be able to steer
him back to a more appropriate conversation. Now it's time
(25:38):
for the event on the White House long Things were
going pretty well at first, but then the President decided
to mingle with the people. First, he saw a man
in the crowd that was, how do I say it? Slow?
So the President kind of leaned in any stage whispered
to me, tell me about the radit's George. I think
he thought that referencing Lenny of Mice and Mine And
(26:00):
when he saw someone that was a little slow was
funny because I was dressed like a giant rabbit. However,
this is the type of situation that I was there
to steer him away from. My job in that scenario
was to mention how much his dead son Bo loved Easter.
I mean that always works to get the President back
on course. If he strays away from the script, we
always bring it back to Bow always. And later when
(26:24):
he tried to talk about Pakistan with a toddler, I
mentioned Bo. Nothing this time it didn't work. He was
going to talk about Pakistan with that toddler no matter what.
I'll admit I panicked. At this point. I start waving
my arms and I say the code word Lansbury. See
Lansbury is the code we have with the President. When
(26:46):
we see he's starting to get a little tired or
maybe end over his head, we say Lansbury. He knows
it's time to go up to the residents and lay
down and watch murder. She wrote. The President loves a
good who done it? We play that same episode right
before his nap every day. He never remembers that he's
seen it, and it's his favorite episode. So it's a
win win for us. But I'm telling you right now,
(27:08):
if they asked me to dress up like his mother
again for Mother's Day, and he trains to breastfeed like
last year. I'm out of here. I don't need this
job that bad.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Next up, New Orleans Mayor LaToya the Destroyer. She was
involved in another scandal with her quote unquote charity Face
Forward New Orleans.
Speaker 10 (27:35):
Hello, it's me LaToya Cantrell, the Mayor of New Orleans.
Speaker 13 (27:40):
I just wanted to clean some things up for gotten.
Speaker 10 (27:42):
My non profitable organization called Forward Together New Orleans, and
my nowgure fund also name Forward Together New Orleans. You see,
I strongly believe that New Orleans needs to face forward,
and we need to do that together. We don't need
none of y'all to be faced and backwards now, no way.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
No how.
Speaker 10 (28:03):
I'm sure this hell ain't facing backwards. Ever since I
was a little girl, people always said, girl, why are
you facing forward?
Speaker 18 (28:10):
That's just how my mama raised me. Can't help it,
Thank you Jesus.
Speaker 10 (28:15):
That's why I name everything I do Forward Together, New
Orleans for my mama. I ain't heard no one complain
when George Foreman name all his children George not once.
Some people say that I'm cooking they wrong. Some people
say that I'm making myself rich day round. Some people
say that I'm a nightmare. But I'm here to tell
(28:37):
you that I'm a mayor during the daytime too. Lord Jesus,
I'm the toy of the destroyer. Peace y'all.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
I walk into the new world.
Speaker 18 (28:51):
I'm doing the man to Perversham.
Speaker 5 (28:54):
When not yet through, walking in boo when not getting.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Back to There are so many to choose from. Let's
go with Pedo Pete. If you'll recall, Hunter Biden's cell
phone was hacked and it was discovered that he had
his father in his phone, not as Dad Pops Joe Biden,
the President. He had his father in his phone as
Pedo Pete. Joe Biden has referred to himself as Pete
(29:23):
from a movie character. I won't waste your time on
all that, but the pedo as in short for pedophile.
His own son knows he's a pedophile.
Speaker 21 (29:32):
Hello, everybody, This is Pete Henderson, a friend in close
associate of first son Hunter Biden.
Speaker 18 (29:39):
He calls me Peto Pete.
Speaker 21 (29:41):
He only calls me that because I've always liked the
company of small children.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
That's not a crime, is it.
Speaker 21 (29:48):
At least I'm not his daddy. Joe Biden has been
screwing this country for fifty years and nobody says.
Speaker 18 (29:55):
Boom, I like to smell the hell of little kids.
Speaker 21 (29:58):
And suddenly I'm the He's pimped out Ukraine for billions. Yeah, sir,
I'd like to shower with my teenage daughter to save
on the water bill. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.
The big guy has sold the country out to the
Chinese for ten percent of the take. I'm not fond
of the nickname Pete O Pete.
Speaker 18 (30:20):
However, I'm just glad I'm not Jill Biden. Hunter has
some choice nicknames for her.
Speaker 21 (30:26):
He once said to me, Pete, if you are a
blues musician, they call you Bud Didley, but I call
my mom Hank Williams Junior.
Speaker 18 (30:36):
Do you know why he called her that?
Speaker 21 (30:39):
Because he said she was a.
Speaker 9 (30:40):
Real country bore Cancer VI.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Count Bob's Cancer VI. This next parody saw the debut
of one of our favorite characters who has become a
recurring theme, and that is Kyle Feather, the host of
an NPR show called Guns Are Scary.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
The following program is only made possible by contributions from listeners.
Speaker 14 (31:10):
Like you.
Speaker 18 (31:12):
Namaste to you. You're listening to why guns are scary.
I'm your host, Kyle Featherbottom. Today we will examine the
effect that bullets and assault bullets have on the human
body for those of you in our listening audience that
are unfamiliar with guns. A bullet is a projectile that
is spit out of a gun's barrel or its front,
as it were. Handgun bullets are smaller than larger, scarier
(31:37):
military weapon assault bullets like those spit out by the
AR fifteen. While still dangerous, a handgun bullet will often
pass through the person that has been shot, unless, of course,
the handgun has been used by a police officer against
a person of color. The officer's inherent racism adds extra
power to the velocity of the bullet, turning it into
(31:58):
a mini assault bullets, causing more damage than if the
bullet was used by a person of color against another
person of color. The assault bullet of a high caliber
weapon like an AR fifteen is so powerful that it
has the heat of molten lava. It will literally liquefy
any organ it hits. The effects on smaller humans are
(32:20):
much worse, those lava bullets have been known to vaporize
an entire little person. We are nearing the end of
this violent program, so let's take a moment to clear
our minds with any fear that this discussion may have caused.
But first I have to remind you that following this show,
Kelly Gleeson will tell you how to preserve root vegetables
for the winner. Now, let's close our eyes and think
(32:42):
about whatever it is that brings you joy.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
Oh oh,
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.