Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One hundred. It's that time, time, time, time, luck and load.
The Michael Very Show is on the air right now.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
There's a lot of fallacies about Latinos and we.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Want to clear that up. Oh yeah, like like what officer.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
First of all, not every single Latino is Mexican.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I'm glad you noticed different kind of Mexicans. Puerto Rican Mexicans.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
Nick rockan Mexican, the Medican Mexicus.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I knew nothing of Mexican culture. I'm originally from the Midwest.
I moved to Los Angeles like Sinko Demayo. I didn't
even know what it was. My neighbor's Mexican. I asked him.
I mean in Midwest, we call Tuesday, you know. I
asked him, I go, what is it? He goes, It's
our Independence Day. I go, who'd you beat? He goes
the French. I'm like, well, who didn't you know? I
(01:12):
don't know if it's something to get quite this wound
up about.
Speaker 6 (01:14):
Josey, but if Margarita's are half price, I'm all abouctors
ain't going to.
Speaker 7 (01:19):
Bat the French forces in the Battle of Puebla back in.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Eighteen sixty two.
Speaker 7 (01:40):
It's also an excuse to drink tequila on a Monday
morning at work for Lewis.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
President Obama will.
Speaker 7 (01:45):
Mark the holiday with a reception at the White House.
You have to drink the whole thing and eat the worm.
I wanted to take a moment right here because on Monday,
think of the mile Way too early made sarcastic references
to the way some Americans celebrate the holiday, and it
was not our intention to be distressful, and we sincerely
apologize for those references. You know, after twenty years in
this business, anyone who knows me knows where I stand
(02:07):
on diversity and inclusion. So to those I let down
or feel betrayed, I hear you, and I'm sorry. So
we're going to go over to Lewis now. But the
look at the stories in the courer of this morning,
and I know you are contrite as.
Speaker 8 (02:17):
Well, Thomas, I want to express my sincere apologies as well.
I truly was never my attention to offend anyone, and
if I did, and I know I did, I'm very sorry.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
I guarantee you that in a Mexican woman, that that's
the most offensive thing that's happened to them in their
right Trust me, that's not the worst thing that happened.
All these apologies people being canceled. You're left with a
humorless society, a society that can't laugh. You know what,
You end up with high blood pressure anger. I genuinely
(02:55):
believe that a lot of this road rage that you're
seeing is when it's a black person doing it, it's
because blacks have been told to get madder and madder
and madder and matter. When it's a white person doing it,
it's because they're so pent up over race and resentful
and angry and bitter, and can you blame them? There's
a war on whitey and they've just had enough. They've
(03:17):
had enough. Mexicans. I don't know why they're mad. I'm
never really sure on Mexicans, I mean Hispanians. I mean,
used to Mexicans thought of themselves as minorities, and but
lately they've come over to they've read rovered over our side.
And what a difference it's made.
Speaker 8 (03:37):
Man.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I'm gonna tell you something.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
I got emails coming in from people Alfonso and Alberto
and Jesse that's Mexican.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
And different people, and they're.
Speaker 6 (03:47):
More conservative than the white dudes now are more ready
to say, I mean they're whooa man.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
They are conservative.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
If you think you're having a crappy day, and I
hope you're not, this one might make you feel better
about your situation. A Pennsylvania woman has been arrested for
crapping on the hood of another person's car in a
road rage incident. Now process that for a moment. You
know the tesla stuff, most of that stuff you see
the video. They're they're on their way somewhere and they
(04:16):
go there. You know, I gotta go to my therapy
because they're always on their way of therapy. Have go
to my therapy. I've only had therapy three times today.
And who with my therapy? With therapy, my therapists gonna
be late my therapist. I'm gonna have to have therapy
over being late for therapy. And oh, there's a tesla.
They look around and they go scratch it. Listen to you, dumbasses,
if you haven't seen the news stories yet, the tesla
(04:39):
is a is a phone with a car attached. Their
cameras all the time, all around you. It's amazing.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
It's amazing. So everybody that scratches the tesla got video.
You don't get away with it. It's brilliant.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
They're gonna catch you because you always look distinctive. You
always look goofy anyway, But for you to crap on
the hood of another person's car. You know, over the years,
we'll do occasionally a show. Tell me how you got,
tell me how you quit, or tell me what you
did to show somebody you know your ask or somebody
you hated him. One guy told the story that he
went into his boss's office. He was quitting that day.
(05:16):
His boss was going to lunch, so he went in there,
closed the door behind him, hopped up on the desk,
popped a squad, turned around, dropped a deuce inside the drawer,
closed the drawer back. Man, you hear a story like that,
oh whatever you My reaction is, that's fascinating. But you
think to yourself, all right, you've processed, crapped in his
bosses in his boss's.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Drawer, all right.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
But what you don't think about, like if you actually
genuinely process the moment his boss comes back in sits down.
He might not know Bobby's retired, because Bobby might work
out in the warehouse, probably for the owner's son. Truth
be told the hunter Biden of the company, and he's
(06:01):
sitting there and he's becuz, swello, can you come here
for a minute.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Hey? Uh was the cleaning lady here or something? It
swells weird in here?
Speaker 8 (06:12):
No?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Uh not when you were out? Did were you out
at lunch? Yeah? Man, I think that. I squear. I
know this is kind of crazy. I was like, poop
in here? This is crazy.
Speaker 6 (06:25):
But the thing about it is for you to poop
on the hood of another person's car in a road
rage incident, you had to already have to poop because
I don't know about you.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I can't poop on the mend, right, I just can't
do it. And then for you to have to run
over there and blow dirt, you had to hold it.
Speaker 9 (06:49):
You pitched.
Speaker 6 (06:51):
But I know you're gonna think I'm crazy, But I
have to halfway admire that. I mean, that's that is
that he's impressive. Viral video of the incident shows her
bending over and launching her explosive diarrhea on the hood
of the car. I would get ten emails by cal
(07:13):
You didn't have to describe that.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
All I did.
Speaker 6 (07:15):
I did. Okay, you don't have to listen. You can
go check out what somebody else is doing elsewhere. But
if you go to Walton John Summer Teay something, they
might be discussing this same story because they like a
good producer. Kenny likes a good explosive diarrhea story too.
Steve Johnson might too. I don't know, he probably does.
It's a good story. I mean, you hear a lot
of things. A lot of people, you know, hop out
(07:37):
and fire into the car behind them. Okay, that's been done. Okay,
that's been done. Get out with the baseball batsman, Okay,
been done. I don't know that I've heard. I still
can't get over they took it down. In fact, they
took my page away for a month. I've never recovered
my big Facebook page. I had to start over. You
remember the woman it was out on the eighteen wheeler
(07:58):
on two ninety. I still sometimes wonder what happened to
that lady? Wherever she is she? You know, at least
once a week she's like, hey, you remember that lady
is up on the on the that was me.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I just can get your autograph. I mean, seriously, shoot
ghetto pass.
Speaker 10 (08:14):
It's been.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
There's probably nothing more SI go to Mito than low rudder.
All right, So here's that story. This story.
Speaker 6 (08:32):
The story is from NBC Philadelphia about the woman. You know,
I'm thinking to myself, Mom, somebody can really make me
mad on the road, really really make me mad. And
I could want to go back there and do something
to them. I could, but I couldn't blow the dirt
(08:54):
on their hood. I'm not opposed to it.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I'm not. I'm not opposed to it. But for me
to drop a douse on somebody's.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
Hood, I'd have to get that back there, pull my
pants down, get into a squatting position, pull my iPhone out,
start reading the Facebook comments.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I told her bud of mine.
Speaker 6 (09:18):
The other day, He goes, I noticed you started reading
the comments on your postmorrow more lately. That's how I
go through phases. You know what I'm reading when I'm pooping.
You know, I might read Twitter, might read Facebook, might
read you know how the San Antonio over all came about.
I've just been done you, You commented to me while
you were pooping. Yeah, oh you can get any on
(09:40):
you did you? What do you think's going on? But
I'd have to I'd have to get back there and
get real comfortable, you know. Take my glasses off because
I can't read with my glasses. My glasses are for distance,
opposite of most people. I'd have to get everything comfortable. Yeah,
I think by that time they did run me over anyway,
(10:00):
story NBC Philadelphia.
Speaker 11 (10:02):
The police chief or Prospect Park says he has seen
some road raach cases during his career. Somebody cuts someone off,
then the drivers might get into a heated exchange. Then
they typically drive away. But in this case on Tuesday,
there was a little more to that, and the incident
was captured on video by a bystander. That video, shared
(10:24):
thousands of times on Instagram, shows a woman identified Thursday
as Christina Solometto walking to another woman's car. The forty
four year old sits on the hood or not showing
the most graphic parts of the video, including when she
appeared to defecate on the car.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I know it's being joked about a up.
Speaker 12 (10:43):
I know there's all kinds of puns in the window
and humor online about this, but you know the bottom
line is we are treating it seriously. No, it can't
happen in this community. No town wants this to happen.
Speaker 5 (10:56):
In their town.
Speaker 11 (10:57):
Prospect Park Police chief David Madonna says it happened by
Fourth and Madison. Like most people in this neighborhood. Police
say they too, found out about the incident through social media.
Speaker 13 (11:08):
Hi, I think Israel at first with those state news
it was hilarious in the same sense to be able
to poop one a car like that was impressive, but
it was discussing at the same sense crazy.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
You had to go Christina, if you have a comment.
Speaker 11 (11:21):
Solomto was brought to the Prospect Park Police Department Thursday
in handcuffs, offering no remarks. She faces a number of charges,
including in decent exposure and depositing waste on a highway.
Speaker 12 (11:34):
The recognition of town gets over this kind of thing.
It's really unwelcome.
Speaker 11 (11:37):
We don't want this, Chief Madonna says, with any roadreach incident,
there's always a level of frustration, but never need for
it to escalate.
Speaker 12 (11:45):
There's anger people are hurry to get everywhere. Things are
certainly tumultuous in our country, to say the least. There's
a lot of anger out there, and sometimes this is
how it presents itself.
Speaker 11 (11:57):
Now, we spoke with the suspects family a little earlier
this evening. They did not agree to an on camera interview,
but they claim that there's more to the story than
just the video that's being shared. I am told that
they are working on getting an attorney.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Dragging dayson.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Uncle me down.
Speaker 14 (12:21):
Good.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
I've got the best set of good times up to me.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
You don't even try.
Speaker 10 (12:34):
Yeah, we've all been there, you know, when you've got
to go that bad.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
There was a place called There's a place on a
riverwalk call on the Bend, Oysters and something else. It's
the only place I could find to smoke a cigar.
So Indians I could take afternoon nap. And when families
around My wife likes to take an afternoon nap too.
Her father did it. They love their nap. It's sacred
(13:11):
to them. I can't nap, so middle of the afternoon,
we're staying at the Western Riverwalk, which I got to
tell you, bang for the buck. I'm sure there are
cheaper places. I know there are a lot of more
expensive places. Let me tell you that hotel Emma. Now
it's hiring a cat's ask but who it's hiring giraffes? Well,
(13:34):
but man, is it ever nice? The bar at the
hotel Emma. I have received advice approximately one two hundred
and nine times from Jimmy Pappas, and hundred and eight
of them are just been dumb, stupid, repetitive, ridiculous, absurd
or I didn't pay attention to him in the first place.
He nailed it with this one. Well, his daughter Samantha
(13:57):
ran the market there at the Pearl for a long time,
so she told him so really her advice and she
knows what she's doing. And so we went for a
drink there. That place is that it's an old brewery.
It's the old it's the old Pearl Brewery, which was
Otto Kaylor was the guy's name, and they converted the
(14:19):
brewery a guy named Kevin Fink, and he's that whole
Pearl district is really.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Nice now, I mean it's something.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
Levi Good's opened a place right across the river walk
from there called uh Auto's, which is a tribute to
Otto Kaylor and a funny story behind this. Otto Kaylor
had three Emmas in his life. His wife, Emma Kaylor,
his mistress Emma. So he's carrying on with his mistress
(14:48):
and she ends up accepting an offer of marriage from
another fellow. So he puts some move on his mistress.
Emma's roommate in the boarding house, who's also named Emma.
She puts a bullet in him, the original Emma. The
(15:10):
wife takes over the brewery. Uh, you know, gets it
through prohibition and carries on. Yeah, it's a it's a
it's an amazing story anyway. So he's built an ice
house that you would think, you know, this has an
Austin feel. Man, I don't know anything in Austin. Is
(15:32):
this nice as what's going on right now? They had
live music out there. Of course, as always happens, you
get three songs into the guy and go, hey, guy's
pretty good. Did a Jason Bowling song, did a Whaling song,
did an old murle a deep cut? And then I'm
gonna take a break. Of course you're gonna take a break.
The only reason to be up there is to take
a break. Charlie Hager, we all know that we love
you for it. But of course you're gonna take a break.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Anyway.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
When you gotta go, you got to really really go.
You'll do some crazy, crazy things. I would like to
hear that story on where you went, not Pete poop,
where you did it? And if you're thinking yourself exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I don't want to hear that. You don't have to.
Speaker 6 (16:11):
That's the beauty that's free. You can turn it. Jim's
got a story. It starts with I was anyway seven
one three nine nine nine one thousand, seven one three
nine nine nine one.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Thousand extra credit for any woman to call in and
tell the story. To know what around the world is.
Speaker 15 (16:24):
Whistling bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey riders, whoskerdos, hohosker,
don'ts nips and dazers with it without the scooter stick
or one single whistling kiddy chaser.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Michael, So where's that unusual place?
Speaker 6 (16:40):
You couldn't help it. You had to go, and it was.
It had to happen, Jim Mudd says. Our credit director says,
I was delivering pizza on the side when the girls
were little. I was on delivery one night and I
had to go. I knew I wouldn't make it back
to the store. I wasn't close to home. I was
(17:01):
delivering in a neighborhood full of new construction. As luck
would have it, I saw a porta potty. Now, remember
it's dark, so I grabbed my flashlight and walk over.
I opened the door and double checked the toilet paper situation.
There wasn't any none. I went to the car to
see if we had any napkins.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
We didn't.
Speaker 6 (17:23):
I look in the back seat and see baby whites wipes.
So here I am going ten to two hundred in
the middle of nowhere, in the dark, using a flashlight,
wiping with baby wipes. Can you tell Jim that's the
worst story ever. That's not even an inconvenience. That's what
baby waves are for. I keep baby wipes in my car,
(17:45):
my truck at all times. Baby wipes, sir, I drop
an ash, you gotta drop a deu'e anything. I mean,
baby wipes are amazing. I bet old Christina, the woman
that the road rage woman, she'd been keeping that diarrhea
at bay for some time.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
I bet she was sitting on it. She was pinched up.
You gotta go, I mean, it's gotta go. Are you
close enough to make it work?
Speaker 16 (18:09):
And you go?
Speaker 6 (18:11):
You stop at a gas station, a fast food joint.
You ever go in the fast food joint and you're worried.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
They're judging you, So you're like ham Holder in just
a minute. You hope they're not there when you come back.
Speaker 6 (18:22):
You're playing with fire because when you go in you
might even have time to clean it. I mean it
might might pee all ladies, y'all don't know this, but
in the men's restroom it's filthy.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
You could stop at the grocery store.
Speaker 6 (18:35):
But the problem is, as Rory Scovell, one of my
favorite Southern comics, points out, it's not easy to find
the restroom in the grocery store.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
It's almost like they don't want you to. And when
you're in public.
Speaker 14 (18:47):
If you're in a public place and you need to
use the restroom, we.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
All know the deal.
Speaker 17 (18:51):
Put them in the corners. I'll find them. The grocery
store is like, nah, wann't really roll like that around here.
We'd like to put our bathrooms on the other side
of these kind of too heavy double doors.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You don't even know if you're allowed to go beyond
or not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
They don't even say employees only, and they easily could,
but they don't.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You can't just go back there.
Speaker 14 (19:17):
You gotta go to some sixteen year old kid restocking
the soup as an adult and ask for permission to
use the bathroom.
Speaker 18 (19:28):
And they always like they don't even know if they
have bathrooms or not. Hey, may can't you go back
to those doors and use the bathroom? Oh you know what.
Let me let me go get Matt. Let me go
get Matt too.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I have to bro I have to if I had
to go outside like an adult, and I don't enough time.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
To make it home to do it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. I
would abort the submission. I'd be singing to myself in
the car. I think I want to talk to you.
I have three minutes till this happens.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Enough time for that. You remember the diarrhea song? We
all sang it from the opening scene of the movie Parenthood.
Speaker 19 (20:18):
When you're sliding in the first and you're feeling something
versus diarrhea. Diarrhea when you're sliding heard it when you
just said herd diarrhea diarrhea. When you're sliding in the
hole and you're shrunk a full phone diarrhea, diarrhea. When
you're sitting in your chevy and you're shore you're feeling
(20:38):
heavy diarrhea, diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Kevin, Honey, where'd you learn that song? Wessomer at Camper Ah,
that was money, well spent it.
Speaker 6 (20:50):
When you love to know the first where you were
the first time you did this or that thing? You
know you ate the orange? What's that orange?
Speaker 12 (20:57):
Pop?
Speaker 6 (20:58):
You have to push through it comes in the cylinder,
you have to push it push pop. Yeah, tastes like
children's aspiring. Yeah, that that thing. Wouldn't you love to
have seen the look on your face the first time
you sat down in about six years old in the toilet,
your feet don't even touch the bottom and you read
(21:19):
on the side here, I sit so broken hearted?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Or what's the other one? Beans? Beans good for the heart.
Speaker 6 (21:28):
There's a few of them that when I read to
this day, I still chuckle because I go.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Man.
Speaker 6 (21:33):
I guarantee the guy that wrote that is one of
our listeners. He's got our kind of sense of humor.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
All right, let's start with Kirk Kirk. You're old to
Michael Murray show what's your story?
Speaker 9 (21:42):
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Speaker 16 (21:44):
I was a contractor in Afghanistan. And those guys to
produce the food may really try hard.
Speaker 20 (21:51):
Man.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
They produce a lot.
Speaker 16 (21:52):
Of meals during the dairy, but every now and you
get one where you get the bubbleguts right. So I
just got through eating and I'm driving down that. There's
the main street called Disney, believe it or not. And uh,
you're driving down Disney and there's tanks and there's humbes
and and all these people and I gotta go. Uh
and I'm trying to drid out a U A portage
(22:13):
on and uh there's so many military personnel running around
and I'm not trying to scow it in finding fround
a parking place. Finally found one. I uh was heading
over there. You know, my Bungo is kind of poaching out,
you know, like I could cut washes off of it.
You know, it's so so sticking far out there. And
then somebody's in there. So I had to kind of
(22:34):
wait for this like a I think it's a tech sergeant.
He comes out and I tryed to jump in, and man,
I just barely cleared my drawers for you know, I
had a blast off and it was was so relieving.
But then you know, as soon as I'm done, there's
somebody coming in and right behind me, and like, I
know that was that was rough for them to go
man behind me after that, but you know, that was
that was my story and It was rough, but I
(22:56):
made it out.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Could have been worse, be worse.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
I told you I had a cigar at this place
called on the Bend in the afternoon, and I try
to time everything perfectly.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
It's my desire for efficiency.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
So I'm going to finish my cigar, finish my beer,
and then go downstairs a couple of floors to the restroom.
What I didn't know is they only had one restroom
for both sexes. It's the middle of the afternoon and fiesta,
and I get down there. Some of you may have
(23:31):
seen my Facebook post. If you are waiting on a
toilet that's locked and somebody's inside for over ten minutes,
there's a one percent chance somebody has diarrhea, or they
just had their colon removed and they're cleaning out they're
ask me back. There's a ninety nine percent chance that
that's an employee in there and they're winking off or vaping,
(23:54):
or returning messages or taking a nap or all three.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
And it's so aggravating when they come out of there.
Speaker 6 (24:03):
So aggravating because first of all, this is absentee ownership
kind of stuff. You tell your people, hey, you know
you don't have to be Amazon where you can have
two minutes per eight hour shift. But guys, we got
a one head for men and women. As I'm waiting
to go in and old boys inside there, time is ticking.
(24:25):
So when we start, I'm the only guy, and it's
that kind of deal, you know, you're like a little kid.
I'm going side to side and I'm thinking, I'm gonna burst.
I'm gonna burst. I swear I'm gonna burst. Then a
woman comes up behind me and she goes, is this
the only bathroom?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yes, ma'am?
Speaker 20 (24:42):
Who?
Speaker 6 (24:42):
And I can tell she's thinking, surely this man's a gentleman.
No U, I wet the floor right here? Are not
even gonna do it? I'm sorry. There's no way you
got to go more than I do. No chance. And
she was wearing like a moon move because for some reason,
women go to San Antone and they get that kind
of real light cloth moo moo thing with the flowers
(25:03):
embroidered up at the top.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
That's hideous. And oh, I'm sending down Mexico. Anyway. That
line was at twelve by the time I went in.
Speaker 10 (25:11):
All right, hold on, if you're on the money to
Michael Berry's show.
Speaker 18 (25:24):
No.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
We closed on our big deal this.
Speaker 6 (25:26):
Morning, merging with a major company. I've read the Wall
Street Journal and Investors Business Daily trying to figure out
if I'm going to get into cryptocurrency. I may go
back and get an MBA executive. I decide if I'm
(25:47):
going to start lifting again or not. I might do
that intermittent fasting. I'm considering the implications of artificial intelligence
on my job. I wonder what Michael Berry's talking about.
Let me see, you know what I got twenty minutes
till I get to that meeting. Let me switch over
and see what he's talking about. If you just tuned in,
(26:10):
there's a story, it's a big deal.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
A woman in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 6 (26:15):
She was engaged in road rage and she ran to
the car behind her, lifted up her momo in blue
dirt all over the hood, and then she went back
got in her car. People said she was full of crap,
but not anymore. What's amazing is that the sheriff has
(26:36):
to be so serious. You know, I know there's a
lot of jokes going around, but we're taking this real serious.
He don't even use adverts, doesn't have adverts, and it's
just adjectives, straight adjuctives.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
We're taking this real serious.
Speaker 6 (26:48):
Listen, fella, you and I both know that if you
and me and Brandon Bess and a couple of other
guys I can't name because it'll blow their cover, was
having drinks tonight and you started into that. Guys, y'all,
don't make any jokes about that. It's just real serious.
We're taking real serious.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
We would start laughing, and you would too. We're taking
this real serious. Well, you got to sureff, otherwise there'll
be a whole rash of it. Everybody'll be doing it.
I was glad.
Speaker 6 (27:18):
Does he get home and his wife's like, honey, You
remember Tommy uh No country for Amen, Al Gore's cause
room mate, Tommy Lee Jones.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
You remember the woman that's kind of his his his
you know, I don't.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
I don't know if they're married, or he goes out
there and he has to borrow her trailer to bring
the horses out. Remember you remember the exchange pull this
up in the next break, she says, be careful, I
won't be It'll be this.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
I'm not that that little exchange.
Speaker 6 (27:47):
That little pattern right there is brilliant writing, brilliant, But
I just imagine the sheriff coming home and his why
going honey house.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
So proud of you, everybody.
Speaker 6 (27:56):
I know.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Murna down to the hair salon.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
I'm up underneath the dryers and she comes over and
I'm trying to catch up on my Cosmo.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
She's three years behind.
Speaker 6 (28:04):
But there was an interesting article in seven ways to
please your man without ever having to get your lips dirty,
and she would She said, uh, Joey Inn, Joey Inn,
could you uh could I talk to you for just
saying I'm up under the driver right And she said,
I know, I know you've heard about it already, but
your husband was on there. I don't know what to do.
(28:24):
That woman that did she really did she she must
have had all. I couldn't stop laughing. And I was
proud of you. I was proud of.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
You, Tommy.
Speaker 6 (28:31):
You didn't you didn't make no jokes or nothing, because
it's serious, you know. And I'm proud of you taking
your job real serious. Amo because she doesn't do adverbs either,
still know, Oh Jane, who got a lady Jane?
Speaker 9 (28:41):
Go ahead, good morning. So I have actually a story
about my sister. Okay, we loaded up in the car
to drive to Albuquerque with my mom, her daughter, and
my daughter, and we're about louling and I think she
was a little hungover from the night before. My daughter
got a nosebleed, so she stuffed tembone in her nose
(29:04):
to stop her nose bleed, and my sister started laughing
so hard she shouded her pants. We had to stop
in the buck at the bucket to change her up
and get her cleaned up and get the car cleaned
up so that we could drive to Albuquerque.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Not the worst story.
Speaker 6 (29:21):
I mean, it's a funny story, but not the worst story.
You know, think about it is when when people will
come to work and you go.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Hey, how was your weekend? Baby didn't sleep?
Speaker 6 (29:35):
I can't help but think to myself that poor dude
cleaned poop all weekend. And women, You know, for some reason,
women get angry when I brag on them. I don't
know why, but a stay at home mom. I used
to think the laziest, most good for nothing thing. Now
I think it's the highest calling, the most sacred, the
angel on high. Can you imagine you see a woman
(29:59):
that has multiple kids, so you got you know, they
got irish twins, but they'll having back to back. She's
got one that's one year old, she's got one that's
two one, a's three one, and then she's got one
somewhere and then another one poopin.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
I mean, she's just all day. How do you eat?
Speaker 7 (30:17):
Like?
Speaker 6 (30:17):
How do you h And they're doing it, God bless them. Woody,
you're on the Michael Berry Show.
Speaker 20 (30:26):
Well, good morning. This happened about twenty years ago. We're
living down in the Corpus area and I was taking
my kids and nephew's fishing, and I made the mistake
of eating a few deviled eggs early in the morning
before we left, and as we're boating towards we're going
to go, I started having a little bit of an
intestinal distress. Well, we got over to the right off
(30:50):
the King Grange shoreline and I couldn't wait, and it's going,
all right, what am I going to do? And saw
a little five gallon bucket on boat, So I was
gonna just take this bucket and go on the shortlane
do my business. Well, as usual, when you got to
go real bad and you see something you're supposed to go, well,
it's going to come. So I just pulled my pants down,
(31:14):
did a pirouet off the side of the boat and
the spray goes everywhere in the water. I laid it
in the water, and when I came back up, I
look up and here I see all these boys faces
with this oh my god look on their faces. You know,
you know, it was just funny.
Speaker 6 (31:37):
I believe in reducing the shame of the taboo. I
think that taboo makes us Anyway, Tony, you're on to
Michael Berry Show.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
What say you, sir?
Speaker 21 (31:51):
Hey, I want to invite you to go visit the
most famous bathrooms, probably in the United States, if not
the world. They're in Sulfer Springs, Texas, my hometown, about
halfway between Dallas, Texas, Canada. They're in downtown Suffer Springs
on the Square, which is actually round, and they're two bathrooms.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
They have two.
Speaker 21 (32:12):
Way glass, so if you're on the outside, you're going
to see yourself in the beer, but if you're on
the inside, you can see everybody walking around while you're
doing your business inside. They're so famous Steve Harvey had
them on his show and Texas Country Reporter did a
special report on him. So if you're ever in Sulfer Springs, Texas,
(32:33):
you got to go visit the two way glass bathrooms
in downtown Sulfur Springs, Hopkins County, Dairy capital of Texas.
Speaker 6 (32:43):
I have never heard of that, but I am so
glad you told me that. You sound like Tom Ramsey.
Speaker 21 (32:54):
Just retired assistant athletic director after forty five years.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
From where.
Speaker 21 (33:00):
H from, Texas City is d Texas City, the Sting
of Rese, the Stingarease, and the Lamark Cougars Well remote
roads plates for the Texas City Stingarese. That's what I heard.
Speaker 6 (33:19):
Obviously, you didn't make much impression on him.
One hundred. It's that time, time, time, time, luck and load.
The Michael Very Show is on the air right now.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
There's a lot of fallacies about Latinos and we.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Want to clear that up. Oh yeah, like like what officer.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
First of all, not every single Latino is Mexican.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I'm glad you noticed different kind of Mexicans. Puerto Rican Mexicans.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
Nick rockan Mexican, the Medican Mexicus.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I knew nothing of Mexican culture. I'm originally from the Midwest.
I moved to Los Angeles like Sinko Demayo. I didn't
even know what it was. My neighbor's Mexican. I asked him.
I mean in Midwest, we call Tuesday, you know. I
asked him, I go, what is it? He goes, It's
our Independence Day. I go, who'd you beat? He goes
the French. I'm like, well, who didn't you know? I
(01:12):
don't know if it's something to get quite this wound
up about.
Speaker 6 (01:14):
Josey, but if Margarita's are half price, I'm all abouctors
ain't going to.
Speaker 7 (01:19):
Bat the French forces in the Battle of Puebla back in.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Eighteen sixty two.
Speaker 7 (01:40):
It's also an excuse to drink tequila on a Monday
morning at work for Lewis.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
President Obama will.
Speaker 7 (01:45):
Mark the holiday with a reception at the White House.
You have to drink the whole thing and eat the worm.
I wanted to take a moment right here because on Monday,
think of the mile Way too early made sarcastic references
to the way some Americans celebrate the holiday, and it
was not our intention to be distressful, and we sincerely
apologize for those references. You know, after twenty years in
this business, anyone who knows me knows where I stand
(02:07):
on diversity and inclusion. So to those I let down
or feel betrayed, I hear you, and I'm sorry. So
we're going to go over to Lewis now. But the
look at the stories in the courer of this morning,
and I know you are contrite as.
Speaker 8 (02:17):
Well, Thomas, I want to express my sincere apologies as well.
I truly was never my attention to offend anyone, and
if I did, and I know I did, I'm very sorry.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
I guarantee you that in a Mexican woman, that that's
the most offensive thing that's happened to them in their
right Trust me, that's not the worst thing that happened.
All these apologies people being canceled. You're left with a
humorless society, a society that can't laugh. You know what,
You end up with high blood pressure anger. I genuinely
(02:55):
believe that a lot of this road rage that you're
seeing is when it's a black person doing it, it's
because blacks have been told to get madder and madder
and madder and matter. When it's a white person doing it,
it's because they're so pent up over race and resentful
and angry and bitter, and can you blame them? There's
a war on whitey and they've just had enough. They've
(03:17):
had enough. Mexicans. I don't know why they're mad. I'm
never really sure on Mexicans, I mean Hispanians. I mean,
used to Mexicans thought of themselves as minorities, and but
lately they've come over to they've read rovered over our side.
And what a difference it's made.
Speaker 8 (03:37):
Man.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I'm gonna tell you something.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
I got emails coming in from people Alfonso and Alberto
and Jesse that's Mexican.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
And different people, and they're.
Speaker 6 (03:47):
More conservative than the white dudes now are more ready
to say, I mean they're whooa man.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
They are conservative.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
If you think you're having a crappy day, and I
hope you're not, this one might make you feel better
about your situation. A Pennsylvania woman has been arrested for
crapping on the hood of another person's car in a
road rage incident. Now process that for a moment. You
know the tesla stuff, most of that stuff you see
the video. They're they're on their way somewhere and they
(04:16):
go there. You know, I gotta go to my therapy
because they're always on their way of therapy. Have go
to my therapy. I've only had therapy three times today.
And who with my therapy? With therapy, my therapists gonna
be late my therapist. I'm gonna have to have therapy
over being late for therapy. And oh, there's a tesla.
They look around and they go scratch it. Listen to you, dumbasses,
if you haven't seen the news stories yet, the tesla
(04:39):
is a is a phone with a car attached. Their
cameras all the time, all around you. It's amazing.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
It's amazing. So everybody that scratches the tesla got video.
You don't get away with it. It's brilliant.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
They're gonna catch you because you always look distinctive. You
always look goofy anyway, But for you to crap on
the hood of another person's car. You know, over the years,
we'll do occasionally a show. Tell me how you got,
tell me how you quit, or tell me what you
did to show somebody you know your ask or somebody
you hated him. One guy told the story that he
went into his boss's office. He was quitting that day.
(05:16):
His boss was going to lunch, so he went in there,
closed the door behind him, hopped up on the desk,
popped a squad, turned around, dropped a deuce inside the drawer,
closed the drawer back. Man, you hear a story like that,
oh whatever you My reaction is, that's fascinating. But you
think to yourself, all right, you've processed, crapped in his
bosses in his boss's.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Drawer, all right.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
But what you don't think about, like if you actually
genuinely process the moment his boss comes back in sits down.
He might not know Bobby's retired, because Bobby might work
out in the warehouse, probably for the owner's son. Truth
be told the hunter Biden of the company, and he's
(06:01):
sitting there and he's becuz, swello, can you come here
for a minute.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Hey? Uh was the cleaning lady here or something? It
swells weird in here?
Speaker 8 (06:12):
No?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Uh not when you were out? Did were you out
at lunch? Yeah? Man, I think that. I squear. I
know this is kind of crazy. I was like, poop
in here? This is crazy.
Speaker 6 (06:25):
But the thing about it is for you to poop
on the hood of another person's car in a road
rage incident, you had to already have to poop because
I don't know about you.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I can't poop on the mend, right, I just can't
do it. And then for you to have to run
over there and blow dirt, you had to hold it.
Speaker 9 (06:49):
You pitched.
Speaker 6 (06:51):
But I know you're gonna think I'm crazy, But I
have to halfway admire that. I mean, that's that is
that he's impressive. Viral video of the incident shows her
bending over and launching her explosive diarrhea on the hood
of the car. I would get ten emails by cal
(07:13):
You didn't have to describe that.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
All I did.
Speaker 6 (07:15):
I did. Okay, you don't have to listen. You can
go check out what somebody else is doing elsewhere. But
if you go to Walton John Summer Teay something, they
might be discussing this same story because they like a
good producer. Kenny likes a good explosive diarrhea story too.
Steve Johnson might too. I don't know, he probably does.
It's a good story. I mean, you hear a lot
of things. A lot of people, you know, hop out
(07:37):
and fire into the car behind them. Okay, that's been done. Okay,
that's been done. Get out with the baseball batsman, Okay,
been done. I don't know that I've heard. I still
can't get over they took it down. In fact, they
took my page away for a month. I've never recovered
my big Facebook page. I had to start over. You
remember the woman it was out on the eighteen wheeler
(07:58):
on two ninety. I still sometimes wonder what happened to
that lady? Wherever she is she? You know, at least
once a week she's like, hey, you remember that lady
is up on the on the that was me.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I just can get your autograph. I mean, seriously, shoot
ghetto pass.
Speaker 10 (08:14):
It's been.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
There's probably nothing more SI go to Mito than low rudder.
All right, So here's that story. This story.
Speaker 6 (08:32):
The story is from NBC Philadelphia about the woman. You know,
I'm thinking to myself, Mom, somebody can really make me
mad on the road, really really make me mad. And
I could want to go back there and do something
to them. I could, but I couldn't blow the dirt
(08:54):
on their hood. I'm not opposed to it.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I'm not. I'm not opposed to it. But for me
to drop a douse on somebody's.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
Hood, I'd have to get that back there, pull my
pants down, get into a squatting position, pull my iPhone out,
start reading the Facebook comments.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I told her bud of mine.
Speaker 6 (09:18):
The other day, He goes, I noticed you started reading
the comments on your postmorrow more lately. That's how I
go through phases. You know what I'm reading when I'm pooping.
You know, I might read Twitter, might read Facebook, might
read you know how the San Antonio over all came about.
I've just been done you, You commented to me while
you were pooping. Yeah, oh you can get any on
(09:40):
you did you? What do you think's going on? But
I'd have to I'd have to get back there and
get real comfortable, you know. Take my glasses off because
I can't read with my glasses. My glasses are for distance,
opposite of most people. I'd have to get everything comfortable. Yeah,
I think by that time they did run me over anyway,
(10:00):
story NBC Philadelphia.
Speaker 11 (10:02):
The police chief or Prospect Park says he has seen
some road raach cases during his career. Somebody cuts someone off,
then the drivers might get into a heated exchange. Then
they typically drive away. But in this case on Tuesday,
there was a little more to that, and the incident
was captured on video by a bystander. That video, shared
(10:24):
thousands of times on Instagram, shows a woman identified Thursday
as Christina Solometto walking to another woman's car. The forty
four year old sits on the hood or not showing
the most graphic parts of the video, including when she
appeared to defecate on the car.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I know it's being joked about a up.
Speaker 12 (10:43):
I know there's all kinds of puns in the window
and humor online about this, but you know the bottom
line is we are treating it seriously. No, it can't
happen in this community. No town wants this to happen.
Speaker 5 (10:56):
In their town.
Speaker 11 (10:57):
Prospect Park Police chief David Madonna says it happened by
Fourth and Madison. Like most people in this neighborhood. Police
say they too, found out about the incident through social media.
Speaker 13 (11:08):
Hi, I think Israel at first with those state news
it was hilarious in the same sense to be able
to poop one a car like that was impressive, but
it was discussing at the same sense crazy.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
You had to go Christina, if you have a comment.
Speaker 11 (11:21):
Solomto was brought to the Prospect Park Police Department Thursday
in handcuffs, offering no remarks. She faces a number of charges,
including in decent exposure and depositing waste on a highway.
Speaker 12 (11:34):
The recognition of town gets over this kind of thing.
It's really unwelcome.
Speaker 11 (11:37):
We don't want this, Chief Madonna says, with any roadreach incident,
there's always a level of frustration, but never need for
it to escalate.
Speaker 12 (11:45):
There's anger people are hurry to get everywhere. Things are
certainly tumultuous in our country, to say the least. There's
a lot of anger out there, and sometimes this is
how it presents itself.
Speaker 11 (11:57):
Now, we spoke with the suspects family a little earlier
this evening. They did not agree to an on camera interview,
but they claim that there's more to the story than
just the video that's being shared. I am told that
they are working on getting an attorney.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Dragging dayson.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Uncle me down.
Speaker 14 (12:21):
Good.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
I've got the best set of good times up to me.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
You don't even try.
Speaker 10 (12:34):
Yeah, we've all been there, you know, when you've got
to go that bad.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
There was a place called There's a place on a
riverwalk call on the Bend, Oysters and something else. It's
the only place I could find to smoke a cigar.
So Indians I could take afternoon nap. And when families
around My wife likes to take an afternoon nap too.
Her father did it. They love their nap. It's sacred
(13:11):
to them. I can't nap, so middle of the afternoon,
we're staying at the Western Riverwalk, which I got to
tell you, bang for the buck. I'm sure there are
cheaper places. I know there are a lot of more
expensive places. Let me tell you that hotel Emma. Now
it's hiring a cat's ask but who it's hiring giraffes? Well,
(13:34):
but man, is it ever nice? The bar at the
hotel Emma. I have received advice approximately one two hundred
and nine times from Jimmy Pappas, and hundred and eight
of them are just been dumb, stupid, repetitive, ridiculous, absurd
or I didn't pay attention to him in the first place.
He nailed it with this one. Well, his daughter Samantha
(13:57):
ran the market there at the Pearl for a long time,
so she told him so really her advice and she
knows what she's doing. And so we went for a
drink there. That place is that it's an old brewery.
It's the old it's the old Pearl Brewery, which was
Otto Kaylor was the guy's name, and they converted the
(14:19):
brewery a guy named Kevin Fink, and he's that whole
Pearl district is really.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Nice now, I mean it's something.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
Levi Good's opened a place right across the river walk
from there called uh Auto's, which is a tribute to
Otto Kaylor and a funny story behind this. Otto Kaylor
had three Emmas in his life. His wife, Emma Kaylor,
his mistress Emma. So he's carrying on with his mistress
(14:48):
and she ends up accepting an offer of marriage from
another fellow. So he puts some move on his mistress.
Emma's roommate in the boarding house, who's also named Emma.
She puts a bullet in him, the original Emma. The
(15:10):
wife takes over the brewery. Uh, you know, gets it
through prohibition and carries on. Yeah, it's a it's a
it's an amazing story anyway. So he's built an ice
house that you would think, you know, this has an
Austin feel. Man, I don't know anything in Austin. Is
(15:32):
this nice as what's going on right now? They had
live music out there. Of course, as always happens, you
get three songs into the guy and go, hey, guy's
pretty good. Did a Jason Bowling song, did a Whaling song,
did an old murle a deep cut? And then I'm
gonna take a break. Of course you're gonna take a break.
The only reason to be up there is to take
a break. Charlie Hager, we all know that we love
you for it. But of course you're gonna take a break.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Anyway.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
When you gotta go, you got to really really go.
You'll do some crazy, crazy things. I would like to
hear that story on where you went, not Pete poop,
where you did it? And if you're thinking yourself exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I don't want to hear that. You don't have to.
Speaker 6 (16:11):
That's the beauty that's free. You can turn it. Jim's
got a story. It starts with I was anyway seven
one three nine nine nine one thousand, seven one three
nine nine nine one.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Thousand extra credit for any woman to call in and
tell the story. To know what around the world is.
Speaker 15 (16:24):
Whistling bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey riders, whoskerdos, hohosker,
don'ts nips and dazers with it without the scooter stick
or one single whistling kiddy chaser.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Michael, So where's that unusual place?
Speaker 6 (16:40):
You couldn't help it. You had to go, and it was.
It had to happen, Jim Mudd says. Our credit director says,
I was delivering pizza on the side when the girls
were little. I was on delivery one night and I
had to go. I knew I wouldn't make it back
to the store. I wasn't close to home. I was
(17:01):
delivering in a neighborhood full of new construction. As luck
would have it, I saw a porta potty. Now, remember
it's dark, so I grabbed my flashlight and walk over.
I opened the door and double checked the toilet paper situation.
There wasn't any none. I went to the car to
see if we had any napkins.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
We didn't.
Speaker 6 (17:23):
I look in the back seat and see baby whites wipes.
So here I am going ten to two hundred in
the middle of nowhere, in the dark, using a flashlight,
wiping with baby wipes. Can you tell Jim that's the
worst story ever. That's not even an inconvenience. That's what
baby waves are for. I keep baby wipes in my car,
(17:45):
my truck at all times. Baby wipes, sir, I drop
an ash, you gotta drop a deu'e anything. I mean,
baby wipes are amazing. I bet old Christina, the woman
that the road rage woman, she'd been keeping that diarrhea
at bay for some time.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
I bet she was sitting on it. She was pinched up.
You gotta go, I mean, it's gotta go. Are you
close enough to make it work?
Speaker 16 (18:09):
And you go?
Speaker 6 (18:11):
You stop at a gas station, a fast food joint.
You ever go in the fast food joint and you're worried.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
They're judging you, So you're like ham Holder in just
a minute. You hope they're not there when you come back.
Speaker 6 (18:22):
You're playing with fire because when you go in you
might even have time to clean it. I mean it
might might pee all ladies, y'all don't know this, but
in the men's restroom it's filthy.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
You could stop at the grocery store.
Speaker 6 (18:35):
But the problem is, as Rory Scovell, one of my
favorite Southern comics, points out, it's not easy to find
the restroom in the grocery store.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
It's almost like they don't want you to. And when
you're in public.
Speaker 14 (18:47):
If you're in a public place and you need to
use the restroom, we.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
All know the deal.
Speaker 17 (18:51):
Put them in the corners. I'll find them. The grocery
store is like, nah, wann't really roll like that around here.
We'd like to put our bathrooms on the other side
of these kind of too heavy double doors.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You don't even know if you're allowed to go beyond
or not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
They don't even say employees only, and they easily could,
but they don't.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You can't just go back there.
Speaker 14 (19:17):
You gotta go to some sixteen year old kid restocking
the soup as an adult and ask for permission to
use the bathroom.
Speaker 18 (19:28):
And they always like they don't even know if they
have bathrooms or not. Hey, may can't you go back
to those doors and use the bathroom? Oh you know what.
Let me let me go get Matt. Let me go
get Matt too.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I have to bro I have to if I had
to go outside like an adult, and I don't enough time.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
To make it home to do it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. I
would abort the submission. I'd be singing to myself in
the car. I think I want to talk to you.
I have three minutes till this happens.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Enough time for that. You remember the diarrhea song? We
all sang it from the opening scene of the movie Parenthood.
Speaker 19 (20:18):
When you're sliding in the first and you're feeling something
versus diarrhea. Diarrhea when you're sliding heard it when you
just said herd diarrhea diarrhea. When you're sliding in the
hole and you're shrunk a full phone diarrhea, diarrhea. When
you're sitting in your chevy and you're shore you're feeling
(20:38):
heavy diarrhea, diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Kevin, Honey, where'd you learn that song? Wessomer at Camper Ah,
that was money, well spent it.
Speaker 6 (20:50):
When you love to know the first where you were
the first time you did this or that thing? You
know you ate the orange? What's that orange?
Speaker 12 (20:57):
Pop?
Speaker 6 (20:58):
You have to push through it comes in the cylinder,
you have to push it push pop. Yeah, tastes like
children's aspiring. Yeah, that that thing. Wouldn't you love to
have seen the look on your face the first time
you sat down in about six years old in the toilet,
your feet don't even touch the bottom and you read
(21:19):
on the side here, I sit so broken hearted?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Or what's the other one? Beans? Beans good for the heart.
Speaker 6 (21:28):
There's a few of them that when I read to
this day, I still chuckle because I go.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Man.
Speaker 6 (21:33):
I guarantee the guy that wrote that is one of
our listeners. He's got our kind of sense of humor.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
All right, let's start with Kirk Kirk. You're old to
Michael Murray show what's your story?
Speaker 9 (21:42):
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Speaker 16 (21:44):
I was a contractor in Afghanistan. And those guys to
produce the food may really try hard.
Speaker 20 (21:51):
Man.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
They produce a lot.
Speaker 16 (21:52):
Of meals during the dairy, but every now and you
get one where you get the bubbleguts right. So I
just got through eating and I'm driving down that. There's
the main street called Disney, believe it or not. And uh,
you're driving down Disney and there's tanks and there's humbes
and and all these people and I gotta go. Uh
and I'm trying to drid out a U A portage
(22:13):
on and uh there's so many military personnel running around
and I'm not trying to scow it in finding fround
a parking place. Finally found one. I uh was heading
over there. You know, my Bungo is kind of poaching out,
you know, like I could cut washes off of it.
You know, it's so so sticking far out there. And
then somebody's in there. So I had to kind of
(22:34):
wait for this like a I think it's a tech sergeant.
He comes out and I tryed to jump in, and man,
I just barely cleared my drawers for you know, I
had a blast off and it was was so relieving.
But then you know, as soon as I'm done, there's
somebody coming in and right behind me, and like, I
know that was that was rough for them to go
man behind me after that, but you know, that was
that was my story and It was rough, but I
(22:56):
made it out.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Could have been worse, be worse.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
I told you I had a cigar at this place
called on the Bend in the afternoon, and I try
to time everything perfectly.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
It's my desire for efficiency.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
So I'm going to finish my cigar, finish my beer,
and then go downstairs a couple of floors to the restroom.
What I didn't know is they only had one restroom
for both sexes. It's the middle of the afternoon and fiesta,
and I get down there. Some of you may have
(23:31):
seen my Facebook post. If you are waiting on a
toilet that's locked and somebody's inside for over ten minutes,
there's a one percent chance somebody has diarrhea, or they
just had their colon removed and they're cleaning out they're
ask me back. There's a ninety nine percent chance that
that's an employee in there and they're winking off or vaping,
(23:54):
or returning messages or taking a nap or all three.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
And it's so aggravating when they come out of there.
Speaker 6 (24:03):
So aggravating because first of all, this is absentee ownership
kind of stuff. You tell your people, hey, you know
you don't have to be Amazon where you can have
two minutes per eight hour shift. But guys, we got
a one head for men and women. As I'm waiting
to go in and old boys inside there, time is ticking.
(24:25):
So when we start, I'm the only guy, and it's
that kind of deal, you know, you're like a little kid.
I'm going side to side and I'm thinking, I'm gonna burst.
I'm gonna burst. I swear I'm gonna burst. Then a
woman comes up behind me and she goes, is this
the only bathroom?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yes, ma'am?
Speaker 20 (24:42):
Who?
Speaker 6 (24:42):
And I can tell she's thinking, surely this man's a gentleman.
No U, I wet the floor right here? Are not
even gonna do it? I'm sorry. There's no way you
got to go more than I do. No chance. And
she was wearing like a moon move because for some reason,
women go to San Antone and they get that kind
of real light cloth moo moo thing with the flowers
(25:03):
embroidered up at the top.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
That's hideous. And oh, I'm sending down Mexico. Anyway. That
line was at twelve by the time I went in.
Speaker 10 (25:11):
All right, hold on, if you're on the money to
Michael Berry's show.
Speaker 18 (25:24):
No.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
We closed on our big deal this.
Speaker 6 (25:26):
Morning, merging with a major company. I've read the Wall
Street Journal and Investors Business Daily trying to figure out
if I'm going to get into cryptocurrency. I may go
back and get an MBA executive. I decide if I'm
(25:47):
going to start lifting again or not. I might do
that intermittent fasting. I'm considering the implications of artificial intelligence
on my job. I wonder what Michael Berry's talking about.
Let me see, you know what I got twenty minutes
till I get to that meeting. Let me switch over
and see what he's talking about. If you just tuned in,
(26:10):
there's a story, it's a big deal.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
A woman in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 6 (26:15):
She was engaged in road rage and she ran to
the car behind her, lifted up her momo in blue
dirt all over the hood, and then she went back
got in her car. People said she was full of crap,
but not anymore. What's amazing is that the sheriff has
(26:36):
to be so serious. You know, I know there's a
lot of jokes going around, but we're taking this real serious.
He don't even use adverts, doesn't have adverts, and it's
just adjectives, straight adjuctives.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
We're taking this real serious.
Speaker 6 (26:48):
Listen, fella, you and I both know that if you
and me and Brandon Bess and a couple of other
guys I can't name because it'll blow their cover, was
having drinks tonight and you started into that. Guys, y'all,
don't make any jokes about that. It's just real serious.
We're taking real serious.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
We would start laughing, and you would too. We're taking
this real serious. Well, you got to sureff, otherwise there'll
be a whole rash of it. Everybody'll be doing it.
I was glad.
Speaker 6 (27:18):
Does he get home and his wife's like, honey, You
remember Tommy uh No country for Amen, Al Gore's cause
room mate, Tommy Lee Jones.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
You remember the woman that's kind of his his his
you know, I don't.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
I don't know if they're married, or he goes out
there and he has to borrow her trailer to bring
the horses out. Remember you remember the exchange pull this
up in the next break, she says, be careful, I
won't be It'll be this.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
I'm not that that little exchange.
Speaker 6 (27:47):
That little pattern right there is brilliant writing, brilliant, But
I just imagine the sheriff coming home and his why
going honey house.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
So proud of you, everybody.
Speaker 6 (27:56):
I know.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Murna down to the hair salon.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
I'm up underneath the dryers and she comes over and
I'm trying to catch up on my Cosmo.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
She's three years behind.
Speaker 6 (28:04):
But there was an interesting article in seven ways to
please your man without ever having to get your lips dirty,
and she would She said, uh, Joey Inn, Joey Inn,
could you uh could I talk to you for just
saying I'm up under the driver right And she said,
I know, I know you've heard about it already, but
your husband was on there. I don't know what to do.
(28:24):
That woman that did she really did she she must
have had all. I couldn't stop laughing. And I was
proud of you. I was proud of.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
You, Tommy.
Speaker 6 (28:31):
You didn't you didn't make no jokes or nothing, because
it's serious, you know. And I'm proud of you taking
your job real serious. Amo because she doesn't do adverbs either,
still know, Oh Jane, who got a lady Jane?
Speaker 9 (28:41):
Go ahead, good morning. So I have actually a story
about my sister. Okay, we loaded up in the car
to drive to Albuquerque with my mom, her daughter, and
my daughter, and we're about louling and I think she
was a little hungover from the night before. My daughter
got a nosebleed, so she stuffed tembone in her nose
(29:04):
to stop her nose bleed, and my sister started laughing
so hard she shouded her pants. We had to stop
in the buck at the bucket to change her up
and get her cleaned up and get the car cleaned
up so that we could drive to Albuquerque.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Not the worst story.
Speaker 6 (29:21):
I mean, it's a funny story, but not the worst story.
You know, think about it is when when people will
come to work and you go.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Hey, how was your weekend? Baby didn't sleep?
Speaker 6 (29:35):
I can't help but think to myself that poor dude
cleaned poop all weekend. And women, You know, for some reason,
women get angry when I brag on them. I don't
know why, but a stay at home mom. I used
to think the laziest, most good for nothing thing. Now
I think it's the highest calling, the most sacred, the
angel on high. Can you imagine you see a woman
(29:59):
that has multiple kids, so you got you know, they
got irish twins, but they'll having back to back. She's
got one that's one year old, she's got one that's
two one, a's three one, and then she's got one
somewhere and then another one poopin.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
I mean, she's just all day. How do you eat?
Speaker 7 (30:17):
Like?
Speaker 6 (30:17):
How do you h And they're doing it, God bless them. Woody,
you're on the Michael Berry Show.
Speaker 20 (30:26):
Well, good morning. This happened about twenty years ago. We're
living down in the Corpus area and I was taking
my kids and nephew's fishing, and I made the mistake
of eating a few deviled eggs early in the morning
before we left, and as we're boating towards we're going
to go, I started having a little bit of an
intestinal distress. Well, we got over to the right off
(30:50):
the King Grange shoreline and I couldn't wait, and it's going,
all right, what am I going to do? And saw
a little five gallon bucket on boat, So I was
gonna just take this bucket and go on the shortlane
do my business. Well, as usual, when you got to
go real bad and you see something you're supposed to go, well,
it's going to come. So I just pulled my pants down,
(31:14):
did a pirouet off the side of the boat and
the spray goes everywhere in the water. I laid it
in the water, and when I came back up, I
look up and here I see all these boys faces
with this oh my god look on their faces. You know,
you know, it was just funny.
Speaker 6 (31:37):
I believe in reducing the shame of the taboo. I
think that taboo makes us Anyway, Tony, you're on to
Michael Berry Show.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
What say you, sir?
Speaker 21 (31:51):
Hey, I want to invite you to go visit the
most famous bathrooms, probably in the United States, if not
the world. They're in Sulfer Springs, Texas, my hometown, about
halfway between Dallas, Texas, Canada. They're in downtown Suffer Springs
on the Square, which is actually round, and they're two bathrooms.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
They have two.
Speaker 21 (32:12):
Way glass, so if you're on the outside, you're going
to see yourself in the beer, but if you're on
the inside, you can see everybody walking around while you're
doing your business inside. They're so famous Steve Harvey had
them on his show and Texas Country Reporter did a
special report on him. So if you're ever in Sulfer Springs, Texas,
(32:33):
you got to go visit the two way glass bathrooms
in downtown Sulfur Springs, Hopkins County, Dairy capital of Texas.
Speaker 6 (32:43):
I have never heard of that, but I am so
glad you told me that. You sound like Tom Ramsey.
Speaker 21 (32:54):
Just retired assistant athletic director after forty five years.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
From where.
Speaker 21 (33:00):
H from, Texas City is d Texas City, the Sting
of Rese, the Stingarease, and the Lamark Cougars Well remote
roads plates for the Texas City Stingarese. That's what I heard.
Speaker 6 (33:19):
Obviously, you didn't make much impression on him.
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