Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One hundred. It's that time, time, time, time, luck and load.
The Michael Very Show is on the air right now.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
There's a lot of fallacies about Latinos and we.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Want to clear that up. Oh yeah, like like what officer.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
First of all, not every single Latino is Mexican.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I'm glad you noticed different kind of Mexicans. Puerto Rican Mexicans.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
Nick Rocko Mexican, the Medican Mexicus.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I knew nothing of Mexican culture. I'm originally from the Midwest.
I moved to Los Angeles like Sinko Demayo. I didn't
even know what it was. My neighbor's Mexican. I asked him.
I mean in Midwest, we call Tuesday, you know. I
asked him, I go, what is it? He goes, It's
our Independence Day. I go, who'd you beat? He goes
the French. I'm like, well, who didn't you know? I
(01:12):
don't know if it's something to get quite this wound
up about Hosey, but if Margarita's are half price, I'm
all abouctors ain't going to ball.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
The French forces in the Battle of Puebla back in.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Eighteen sixty two.
Speaker 6 (01:40):
It's also an excuse to drink tequila on a Monday.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Morning at work for Lewis.
Speaker 6 (01:44):
President Obama will mark the holiday with a reception at
the White House. You have to drink the whole thing
and eat the worm. I wanted to take a moment
right here because on Monday, think of the mile Way
too early made sarcastic references to the way some Americans
celebrate the holiday, and it was not our intention to
be distressful, and we sincerely apologize for those references. You know,
after twenty years in this business, anyone who knows me
(02:06):
knows where I stand on diversity and inclusion. So to
those I let down or feel betrayed, I hear you,
and I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So we're going to go over to Lewis now.
Speaker 6 (02:14):
But the look at the stories in the courer of
this morning, and I know you are contrite as.
Speaker 7 (02:17):
Well, Thomas, I want to express my sincere apologies as well.
I truly was never my attention to offend anyone, and
if I did, and I know I did, I'm very sorry.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
I guarantee you that in a Mexican woman, that that's
the most offensive thing that's happened to them in their
right Trust me, that's not the worst thing that happened.
All these apologies people being canceled. You're left with a
humorless society, a society that can't laugh. You know what,
You end up with high blood pressure anger. I genuinely
(02:55):
believe that a lot of this road rage that you're
seeing is when it's a black person doing it, it's
because blacks have been told to get madder and madder
and madder and matter. When it's a white person doing it,
it's because they're so pent up over race and resentful
and angry and bitter, and can you blame them? There's
a war on whitey and they've just had enough. They've
(03:17):
had enough. Mexicans. I don't know why they're mad. I'm
never really sure on Mexicans, I mean Hispanians. I mean,
used to Mexicans thought of themselves as minorities, and but
lately they've come over to they've read rovered over our side.
And what a difference it's made.
Speaker 7 (03:37):
Man.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I'm gonna tell you something. I got emails coming in
from people Alfonso and Alberto and Jesse that's Mexican and
different people, and they're more conservative than the white dudes
now are more ready to say, I'm they're whooa man.
They are conservative. If you think you're having a crappy day,
(03:57):
and I hope you're not, this one might make you
feel better about your situation. A Pennsylvania woman has been
arrested for crapping on the hood of another person's car
in a road rage incident. Now process that for a moment.
You know the tesla stuff, most of that stuff you
see the video. They're they're on their way somewhere and
they go there. You know, I gotta go to my
(04:18):
therapy because they're always on their way of therapy. Have
go to my therapy. I've only had therapy three times today.
And who with my therapy? With therapy, my therapists gonna
be late my therapist. I'm gonna have to have therapy
over being late for therapy. And oh, there's a tesla.
They look around and they go scratch it. Listen to you, dumbasses,
if you haven't seen the news stories yet, the tesla
(04:39):
is a is a phone with a car attached. Their
cameras all the time, all around you. It's amazing. It's amazing.
So everybody that scratches the tesla got video. You don't
get away with it. It's brilliant. They're gonna catch you
because you always look distinctive. You always look goofy anyway,
(05:00):
But for you to crap on the hood of another
person's car. You know, over the years, we'll do occasionally
a show. Tell me how you got, tell me how
you quit, or tell me what you did to show
somebody you know your ask or somebody you hated him.
One guy told the story that he went into his
boss's office. He was quitting that day. His boss was
going to lunch, so he went in there, closed the
door behind him, hopped up on the desk, popped the squad,
(05:22):
turned around, dropped a deuce inside the drawer, closed the
drawer back. Man, you hear a story like that, oh
whatever you My reaction is, that's fascinating. But you think
to yourself, all right, you've processed, crapped in his bosses
and his boss's drawer, all right. But what you don't
think about, like if you actually genuinely process the moment
(05:48):
his boss comes back in sits down. He might not
know Bobby's retired because Bobby might work out in the warehouse,
probably for the owner's son. Truth be told the hunter
Biden of the company, and he's sitting there and he's becuz, swello,
can you come here for a minute. Hey? Uh was
the cleaning lady here or something? It swells weird in here?
Speaker 7 (06:12):
No?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Uh not when you were out? Did were you out
at lunch? Yeah? Man, I think that. I squear. I
know this is kind of crazy. I was like, poop
in here? This is crazy. But the thing about it
is for you to poop on the hood of another
person's car in a road rage incident, you had to
already have to poop because I don't know about you.
(06:35):
I can't poop on the mend, right, I just can't
do it. And then for you to have to run
over there and blow dirt, you had to hold it.
Speaker 8 (06:49):
You pitched.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
But I know you're gonna think I'm crazy, But I
have to halfway admire that. I mean, that's that is
that he's impressive. Viral video of the incident shows her
bending over and launching her explosive diarrhea on the hood
of the car. I would get ten emails by cal
(07:13):
You didn't have to describe that. All I did. I did. Okay,
you don't have to listen. You can go check out
what somebody else is doing elsewhere. But if you go
to Walton johnsonmer Tay something, they might be discussing this
same story because they like a good producer. Kenny likes
a good explosive diarrhea story too. Steve Johnson might too.
I don't know, he probably does. It's a good story.
(07:33):
I mean, you hear a lot of things. A lot
of people, you know, hop out and fire into the
car behind them. Okay, that's been done. Okay, that's been done.
Get out with the baseball batsman, Okay, been done. I
don't know that I've heard. I still can't get over
they took it down. In fact, they took my page
away for a month. I've never recovered my big Facebook page.
(07:54):
I had to start over. You remember the woman it
was out on the eighteen wheeler on two ninety. I
still sometimes wonder what happened to that lady? Wherever she
is she? You know, at least once a week she's like, hey,
you remember that lady is up on the on the
that was me. I just can of get your autograph?
I mean, seriously, shoot whettle past.
Speaker 6 (08:14):
It's been.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
There's probably nothing more see go to Mito than low rudder.
All right, So here's that story. This story. The story
is from NBC Philadelphia about the woman. You know, I'm
thinking to myself, Mom, somebody can really make me mad
(08:43):
on the road, really really make me mad. And I
could want to go back there and do something to them.
I could, but I couldn't blow the dirt on their hood.
I'm not opposed to it. I'm not. I'm not opposed
to it. But for me to drop a douse on
somebody's hood, I'd have to get that back there, pull
(09:06):
my pants down, get into a squatting position, pull my
iPhone out, start reading the Facebook comments. I told her
bud of mine the other day, He goes, I noticed
you started reading the comments on your postmorrow more lately.
That's why I go through phases. You know what I'm
reading when I'm pooping. You know, I might read Twitter,
(09:29):
might read Facebook, might read you know how the San
Antonio over all came about. I've just been done you.
You commented to me while you were pooping. Yeah, oh
you can get any on you did you? What do
you think's going on? But I'd have to I'd have
to get back there and get real comfortable, you know,
(09:49):
take my glasses off because I can't read with my glasses.
My glasses are for distance, opposite of most people. I'd
have to get everything comfortable. Yeah, I think by that
time they did run me over anyway, story NBC Philadelphia.
Speaker 9 (10:02):
The police chief or Prospect Park says he has seen
some roadreach cases during his career. Somebody cuts someone off,
then the drivers might get into a heated exchange. Then
they typically drive away. But in this case on Tuesday,
there was a little more to that, and the incident
was captured on video by a bystander. That video, shared
(10:24):
thousands of times on Instagram, shows a woman identified Thursday
as Christina Solometto walking to another woman's car. The forty
four year old sits on the hood or not showing
the most graphic parts of the video, including when she
appeared to defecate on the car.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I know it's being joked about a up.
Speaker 10 (10:43):
I know there's all kinds of puns in the window
and humor online about this, but you know the bottom
line is we are treating it seriously. No, it can't
happen in this community. No town wants this to happen.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
In their town.
Speaker 9 (10:57):
Prospect Park Police chief David Madonna says it happened by
Fourth and Madison. Like most people in this neighborhood. Police
say they too, found out about the incident through social media.
Speaker 11 (11:08):
Hi, I think Israel at first with those state news
it was hilarious in the same sense to be able
to poop one a car like that was impressive, but
it was discussing at the same sense crazy.
Speaker 7 (11:19):
You had to go Christina, if you have a comment.
Speaker 9 (11:21):
Solomto was brought to the Prospect Park Police Department Thursday
in handcuffs, offering no remarks. She faces a number of charges,
including in decent exposure and depositing waste on a highway.
Speaker 10 (11:34):
The recognition of town gets over this kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
It's really unwelcome.
Speaker 9 (11:37):
We don't want this, Chief Madonna says, with any roadreach incident,
there's always a level of frustration, but never need for
it to escalate.
Speaker 10 (11:45):
There's anger people are hurry to get everywhere. Things are
certainly tumultuous in our country, to say the least. There's
a lot of anger out there, and sometimes this is
how it presents itself.
Speaker 9 (11:57):
Now, we spoke with the suspects family a little earlier
this evening. They did not agree to an on camera interview,
but they claim that there's more to the story than
just the video that's being shared. I am told that
they are working on getting an attorney.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Dragging Dason uncle me down. Good, I've got the best
set of good times up to me.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
You don't even try.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Yeah, we've all been there, you know, when you've got
to go that bad. There was a place called There's
a place on a riverwalk call on the Bend, Oysters
(12:55):
and something else. It's the only place I could find
to smoke a cigar. So Indians I could take afternoon nap.
And when families around My wife likes to take an
afternoon nap too. Her father did it. They love their nap.
It's sacred to them. I can't nap, so middle of
the afternoon, we're staying at the Western Riverwalk, which I
(13:20):
got to tell you, bang for the buck. I'm sure
there are cheaper places. I know there are a lot
of more expensive places. Let me tell you that hotel Emma.
Now it's hiring a cat's ask but who it's hiring giraffes? Well,
but man, is it ever nice? The bar at the
hotel Emma. I have received advice approximately one two hundred
(13:42):
and nine times from Jimmy Pappas and inwohundred and eight
of them are just been dumb, stupid, repetitive, ridiculous, absurd
or I didn't pay attention to him in the first place.
He nailed it with this one. Well, his daughter Samantha
ran the market there at the Pearl for a long time,
(14:02):
so she told him so really her advice and she
knows what she's doing. And so we went for a
drink there. That place is that it's an old brewery.
It's the old it's the old Pearl Brewery, which was
Otto Kaylor was the guy's name, and they converted the
brewery a guy named Kevin Fink, and he's that whole
(14:24):
Pearl district is really nice now, I mean it's something.
Levi Good's opened a place right across the river walk
from there called uh Auto's, which is a tribute to
Otto Kaylor and a funny story behind this. Otto Kaylor
had three Emmas in his life. His wife, Emma Kaylor,
his mistress Emma. So he's carrying on with his mistress
(14:48):
and she ends up accepting an offer of marriage from
another fellow. So he puts some move on his mistress,
Emma's roommate in the boarding house, who's also named Emma.
She puts a bullet in him, the original Emma. The
(15:10):
wife takes over the brewery. Uh, you know, gets it
through prohibition and carries on. Yeah, it's a it's a
it's an amazing story anyway. So he's built an ice
house that you would think, you know, this has an
Austin feel. Man, I don't know anything in Austin. Is
(15:32):
this nice as what's going on right now? They had
live music out there. Of course, as always happens, you
get three songs into the guy and go, hey, guy's
pretty good. Did a Jason Bowling song, did a Whaling song,
did an old murle a deep cut? And then I'm
gonna take a break. Of course you're gonna take a break.
The only reason to be up there is to take
a break. Charlie Hager, we all know that we love
you for it. But of course you're gonna take a break. Anyway.
(15:56):
When you gotta go, you got to really really go.
You'll do some crazy, crazy things. I would like to
hear that story on where you went, not Pete poop,
where you did it? And if you're thinking yourself exactly.
I don't want to hear that. You don't have to.
That's the beauty that's free. You can turn it. Jim's
got a story. It starts with I was anyway seven
(16:17):
one three nine nine nine one thousand, seven one three
nine nine nine one thousand extra credit for any woman
to call in and tell the story. To know what
around the world is.
Speaker 12 (16:24):
Whistling bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey riders, whoskerdos, whosker
don'ts nips and dazers with it without the scooter stick
or one single whistling kiddy chaser.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Michael, So, where's that unusual place? You couldn't help it.
You had to go, and it was. It had to happen,
Jim Mudd, says. Our credit director says, I was delivering
pizza on the side when the girls were little. I
was on delivery one night and I had to go.
(16:56):
I knew I wouldn't make it back to the store.
I wasn't close to home. I was delivering in a
neighborhood full of new construction. As luck would have it,
I saw a porta potty. Now, remember it's dark, so
I grabbed my flashlight and walk over. I opened the
door and double checked the toilet paper situation. There wasn't
any none. I went to the car to see if
(17:20):
we had any napkins. We didn't. I look in the
back seat and see baby whites wipes. So here I
am going ten to two hundred in the middle of nowhere,
in the dark, using a flashlight, wiping with baby wipes.
Can you tell Jim that's the worst story ever. That's
not even an inconvenience. That's what baby waves are for.
(17:43):
I keep baby wipes in my car, my truck at
all times. Baby wipes, sir, I drop an ash, you
gotta drop a deu'e anything. I mean, baby wipes are amazing.
I met Old Christina, the woman that the road rage woman.
She'd been keeping that diarrhea at bay for some time.
I bet she was sitting on it. She was pinched up.
(18:05):
You gotta go, I mean, it's gotta go. Are you
close enough to make it work?
Speaker 13 (18:09):
And you go?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
You stop at a gas station, a fast food joint.
You ever go in the fast food joint and you're
worried they're judging you, So you're like ham Holder in
just a minute, you hope they're not there when you
come back. You're playing with fire because when you go
in you might even have time to clean it. I
mean it might might pee all ladies, y'all don't know this,
but in the men's restroom it's filthy. You could stop
(18:33):
at the grocery store. But the problem is, as Rory Scovell,
one of my favorite Southern comics, points out, it's not
easy to find the restroom in the grocery store. It's
almost like they don't want you to. And when you're
in public.
Speaker 14 (18:47):
If you're in a public place and you need to
use the restroom, we.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
All know the deal.
Speaker 14 (18:51):
Put them in the corners.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I'll find them.
Speaker 15 (18:56):
The grocery store is like, nah, wann't really roll like
that around here. We like to put our bathrooms on
the other side of these kind of too heavy double doors.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You don't even know if you're allowed to go beyond
or not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
They don't even say employees only, and they easily could,
but they don't.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You can't just go back there.
Speaker 16 (19:17):
You gotta go to some sixteen year old kid restocking
the soup as an adult and ask for permission to
use the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
And they always like they don't even.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Know if they have bathrooms or not.
Speaker 14 (19:32):
Hey, may can't you go back to those doors and
use the bathroom? Oh you know what. Let me let
me go get Matt. Let me go get Matt too.
I have to bro I.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Have to if I had to go outside like an adult,
and I don't.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Enough time to make it home to do it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. I
would abort the submission. I'd be singing to myself in
the car. I think I want to talk to you.
I have three minutes till this happens.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Enough time for that. You remember the diarrhea song? We
all sang it from the opening scene of the movie Parenthood.
Speaker 17 (20:18):
When you're sliding in the first and you're feeling something
versus diarrhea. Diarrhea when you're sliding heard it when you
just said herd diarrhea diarrhea. When you're sliding in the
hole and you're shrunk a full phone diarrhea, diarrhea. When
you're sitting in your Chevy and you're shore you're feeling
(20:38):
heavy diarrhea diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Kevin, Honey, where'd you learn that song? Wessomer at camper
Ah That was money, well spent it? When you love
to know the first where you were the first time
you did this or that thing? You know you ate
the orange? What's that orange?
Speaker 10 (20:57):
Pop?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
You have to push through it comes in the cylinary,
you have to push it push pop. Yeah, tastes like
children's aspiring. Yeah, that that thing. Wouldn't you love to
have seen the look on your face the first time
you sat down in about six years old in the toilet,
your feet don't even touch the bottom, and you read
(21:19):
on the side here, I sit so broken hearted? Or
what's the other one? Beans? Beans good for the heart.
There's a few of them that when I read to
this day, I still chuckle because I go. Man, I
guarantee the guy that wrote that is one of our listeners.
He's got our kind of sense of humor. All right,
let's start with Kirk Kirk. You're old to Michael Murray
(21:40):
show what's your story?
Speaker 13 (21:42):
Yes, sir, yes, sir, I was a contractor in Afghanistan.
And those guys to produce the food may really try hard.
Speaker 18 (21:51):
Man.
Speaker 13 (21:51):
They produce a lot of meals during the dairy, but
every now and you get one where you get the bubbleguts, right,
so I just got through eating and I'm driving down that.
There's the main street called Disney, believe it or not.
And uh, you're driving down Disney and there's tanks and
there's humbies and and all these people and I gotta go.
Uh and I'm trying to drid out a U A
(22:13):
portage on and uh, there's so many military personnel running
around and I'm not trying to screw it in finding
fround a parking place. Finally found one. I uh was
heading over there. You know, my bunghole is kind of
poaching out, you know, like I could cut washes off
of it. You know, it's so so sticking far out there.
And then somebody's in there. So I had to kind
(22:34):
of wait for this like a I think it's a
tech sergeant. He comes out and I tryed to jump in,
and man, I just barely cleared my drawers for you know,
I had a blast off and it was was so relieving.
But then you know, as soon as I'm done, there's
somebody coming in and right behind me, and like, I
know that was that was rough for them to go
man behind me after that, but you know, that was
that was my story and It was rough, but I
(22:56):
made it out.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Could have been worse, be worse. I told you I
had a cigar at this place called on the Bend
in the afternoon, and I try to time everything perfectly.
It's my desire for efficiency. So I'm going to finish
my cigar, finish my beer, and then go downstairs a
couple of floors to the restroom. What I didn't know
(23:19):
is they only had one restroom for both sexes. It's
the middle of the afternoon and fiesta, and I get
down there. Some of you may have seen my Facebook post.
If you are waiting on a toilet that's locked and
somebody's inside for over ten minutes, there's a one percent
(23:40):
chance somebody has diarrhea, or they just had their colon
removed and they're cleaning out they're ask me back. There's
a ninety nine percent chance that that's an employee in
there and they're winking off or vaping, or returning messages
or taking a nap or all three. And it's so
(24:01):
aggravating when they come out of there. So aggravating because
first of all, this is absentee ownership kind of stuff.
You tell your people, hey, you know you don't have
to be Amazon where you can have two minutes per
eight hour shift. But guys, we got a one head
for men and women. As I'm waiting to go in
and old boys inside there, time is ticking. So when
(24:25):
we start, I'm the only guy, and it's that kind
of deal, you know, you're like a little kid. I'm
going side to side and I'm thinking, I'm gonna burst.
I'm gonna burst. I swear I'm gonna burst. Then a
woman comes up behind me and she goes, is this
the only bathroom? Yes, ma'am?
Speaker 18 (24:42):
Who?
Speaker 3 (24:42):
And I can tell she's thinking, surely this man's a gentleman.
No U, I wet the floor right here? Are not
even gonna do it? I'm sorry. There's no way you
got to go more than I do. No chance. And
she was wearing like a moon move because for some reason,
women go to San Antone and they get that kind
of real light cloth moo moo thing with the flowers
(25:03):
embroidered up at the top. That's hideous. And oh, I'm
sending on Mexico anyway. That line was at twelve by
the time I went in. All right, hold on, if
you're on the money to Michael Berry's show.
Speaker 10 (25:24):
No.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
We closed on our big deal this morning, merging with
a major company. I've read the Wall Street Journal and
Investors Business Daily trying to figure out if I'm going
to get into cryptocurrency. I may go back and get
an MBA executive. I decide if I'm going to start
(25:49):
lifting again or not. I might do that intermittent fasting.
I'm considering the implications of artificial intelligence on my job.
I wonder what Michael Berry's talking about. Let me see,
you know what I got twenty minutes till I get
to that meeting. Let me switch over and see what
he's talking about. If you just tuned in, there's a story,
(26:11):
it's a big deal. A woman in Pennsylvania. She was
engaged in road rage and she ran to the car
behind her, lifted up her momo in blue dirt all
over the hood, and then she went back got in
her car. People said she was full of crap, but
(26:32):
not anymore. What's amazing is that the sheriff has to
be so serious. You know, I know there's a lot
of jokes going around, but we're taking this real serious.
He don't even use adverts, doesn't have adverts, and it's
just adjectives, straight adjuctives. We're taking this real serious. Listen, fella,
you and I both know that if you and me
(26:53):
and Brandon Bess and a couple of other guys I
can't name because it'll blow their cover, was having drinks
tonight and you started into that. Guys, y'all, don't make
any jokes about that. It's just real serious. We're taking
real serious. We would start laughing, and you would too.
We're taking this real serious. Well, you got to sureff,
otherwise there'll be a whole rash of it. Everybody'll be
(27:16):
doing it. I was glad. Does he get home and
his wife's like, honey, You remember Tommy uh No country
for Amen, Al Gore's cause room mate, Tommy Lee Jones.
You remember the woman that's kind of his his his
you know, I don't. I don't know if they're married,
or he goes out there and he has to borrow
her trailer to bring the horses out. Remember you remember
(27:40):
the exchange pull this up in the next break, she says,
be careful, I won't be It'll be this. I'm not
that that little exchange. That little pattern right there is
brilliant writing, brilliant, But I just imagine the sheriff coming
home and his why going honey house. So proud of you, everybody.
I know. Murna down to the hair salon. I'm up underneath
the dryers and she comes over and I'm trying to
(28:02):
catch up on my Cosmo. She's three years behind. But
there was an interesting article in seven ways to please
your man without ever having to get your lips dirty,
and she would She said, uh, Joey Inn, Joey Inn,
could you uh could I talk to you for just
saying I'm up under the driver right And she said,
I know, I know you've heard about it already, but
your husband was on there. I don't know what to do.
(28:24):
That woman that did she really did she She must
have had all over. I couldn't stop laughing. And I
was proud of you. I was proud of you, Tommy.
You didn't you didn't make no jokes or nothing, because
it's serious, you know. And I'm proud of you taking
your job real serious Amo because she doesn't do adverbs either,
still know, Oh Jane, who got a lady Jane?
Speaker 8 (28:41):
Go ahead, good morning. So I have actually a story
about my sister. Okay, we loaded up in the car
to drive to Albuquerque with my mom, her daughter, and
my daughter, and we're about louling and I think she
was a little hungover from the night before. My daughter
got a nosebleed, so she's stuffed tambon in her nose
(29:04):
to stop her nose bleed. And my sister started laughing
so hard she shouted her pants. We had to stop
in the buck at the bucket to change her up
and get her cleaned up and get the car cleaned
up so that we could drive to Albuquerque.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Not the worst story. I mean, it's a funny story,
but not the worst story. You know, think about it
is when when people will come to work and you go, hey,
how was your weekend? Baby didn't sleep? I can't help
but think to myself that poor dude cleaned poop all weekend.
And women, You know, for some reason, women get angry
(29:42):
when I brag on them. I don't know why, but
a stay at home mom. I used to think the laziest,
most good for nothing thing. Now I think it's the
highest calling, the most sacred, the angel on high. Can
you imagine you see a woman that has multiple kids,
so you got you know, they got irish twins, but
(30:04):
they'll having back to back. She's got one that's one
year old, she's got one that's two one, a's three one,
and then she's got one somewhere and then another one poopin.
I mean, she's just all day. How do you eat?
Speaker 6 (30:17):
Like?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
How do you h And they're doing it, God bless them. Woody,
you're on the Michael Berry Show.
Speaker 18 (30:26):
Well, good morning. This happened about twenty years ago. We're
living down in the Corpus area and I was taking
my kids and nephew's fishing, and I made the mistake
of eating a few deviled eggs early in the morning
before we left, and as we're boating towards we're going
to go, I started having a little bit of antestinal distress. Well,
(30:48):
we got over to the right off the King Grange
shoreline and I couldn't wait, and it's going, all right,
what am I going to do? And saw a little
five gallon bucket on boat, So I was gonna just
take this bucket and go on the shortlane do my business. Well,
as usual, when you got to go real bad and
you see something you're supposed to go, well, it's going
(31:10):
to come. So I just pulled my pants down, did
a pirouet off the side of the boat and the
spray goes everywhere in the water. I laid it in
the water, and when I came back up, I look
up and here I see all these boys faces with
this oh my god look on their faces. You know,
(31:32):
you know, it was just funny.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
I believe in reducing the shame of the taboo. I
think that taboo makes us u Anyway, Tony, you're on
to Michael Berry Show. What say you, sir?
Speaker 19 (31:51):
Hey, I want to invite you to go visit the
most famous bathrooms, probably in the United States, if not
the world. They're in Sulfer Springs, Texas, my hometown, about
halfway between Dallas, Texas, Canada. They're in downtown Suffer Springs
on the Square, which is actually round, and they're two bathrooms.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
They have two.
Speaker 19 (32:12):
Way glass, so if you're on the outside, you're going
to see yourself in the beer, but if you're on
the inside, you can see everybody walking around while you're
doing your business inside. They're so famous Steve Harvey had
them on his show and Texas Country Reporter did a
special report on him. So if you're ever in Sulfer Springs, Texas.
(32:33):
You got to go visit the two way glass bathrooms
in downtown Sulfur Springs, Hopkins County, dairy capital of Texas.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
I have never heard of that, but I am so
glad you told me that. You sound like Tom Ramsey.
Speaker 19 (32:54):
Just retired assistant athletic director after forty five years.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
From where.
Speaker 19 (33:00):
H from, Texas City is d Texas City, the Sting
of Rese, the Stingarease, and the Lamark Cougars Well remote
roads plates for the Texas City Stingarese.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
That's what I hear. Obviously you didn't make much impression
on him.
One hundred. It's that time, time, time, time, luck and load.
The Michael Very Show is on the air right now.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
There's a lot of fallacies about Latinos and we.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Want to clear that up. Oh yeah, like like what officer.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
First of all, not every single Latino is Mexican.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I'm glad you noticed different kind of Mexicans. Puerto Rican Mexicans.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
Nick Rocko Mexican, the Medican Mexicus.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I knew nothing of Mexican culture. I'm originally from the Midwest.
I moved to Los Angeles like Sinko Demayo. I didn't
even know what it was. My neighbor's Mexican. I asked him.
I mean in Midwest, we call Tuesday, you know. I
asked him, I go, what is it? He goes, It's
our Independence Day. I go, who'd you beat? He goes
the French. I'm like, well, who didn't you know? I
(01:12):
don't know if it's something to get quite this wound
up about Hosey, but if Margarita's are half price, I'm
all abouctors ain't going to ball.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
The French forces in the Battle of Puebla back in.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Eighteen sixty two.
Speaker 6 (01:40):
It's also an excuse to drink tequila on a Monday.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Morning at work for Lewis.
Speaker 6 (01:44):
President Obama will mark the holiday with a reception at
the White House. You have to drink the whole thing
and eat the worm. I wanted to take a moment
right here because on Monday, think of the mile Way
too early made sarcastic references to the way some Americans
celebrate the holiday, and it was not our intention to
be distressful, and we sincerely apologize for those references. You know,
after twenty years in this business, anyone who knows me
(02:06):
knows where I stand on diversity and inclusion. So to
those I let down or feel betrayed, I hear you,
and I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So we're going to go over to Lewis now.
Speaker 6 (02:14):
But the look at the stories in the courer of
this morning, and I know you are contrite as.
Speaker 7 (02:17):
Well, Thomas, I want to express my sincere apologies as well.
I truly was never my attention to offend anyone, and
if I did, and I know I did, I'm very sorry.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
I guarantee you that in a Mexican woman, that that's
the most offensive thing that's happened to them in their
right Trust me, that's not the worst thing that happened.
All these apologies people being canceled. You're left with a
humorless society, a society that can't laugh. You know what,
You end up with high blood pressure anger. I genuinely
(02:55):
believe that a lot of this road rage that you're
seeing is when it's a black person doing it, it's
because blacks have been told to get madder and madder
and madder and matter. When it's a white person doing it,
it's because they're so pent up over race and resentful
and angry and bitter, and can you blame them? There's
a war on whitey and they've just had enough. They've
(03:17):
had enough. Mexicans. I don't know why they're mad. I'm
never really sure on Mexicans, I mean Hispanians. I mean,
used to Mexicans thought of themselves as minorities, and but
lately they've come over to they've read rovered over our side.
And what a difference it's made.
Speaker 7 (03:37):
Man.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I'm gonna tell you something. I got emails coming in
from people Alfonso and Alberto and Jesse that's Mexican and
different people, and they're more conservative than the white dudes
now are more ready to say, I'm they're whooa man.
They are conservative. If you think you're having a crappy day,
(03:57):
and I hope you're not, this one might make you
feel better about your situation. A Pennsylvania woman has been
arrested for crapping on the hood of another person's car
in a road rage incident. Now process that for a moment.
You know the tesla stuff, most of that stuff you
see the video. They're they're on their way somewhere and
they go there. You know, I gotta go to my
(04:18):
therapy because they're always on their way of therapy. Have
go to my therapy. I've only had therapy three times today.
And who with my therapy? With therapy, my therapists gonna
be late my therapist. I'm gonna have to have therapy
over being late for therapy. And oh, there's a tesla.
They look around and they go scratch it. Listen to you, dumbasses,
if you haven't seen the news stories yet, the tesla
(04:39):
is a is a phone with a car attached. Their
cameras all the time, all around you. It's amazing. It's amazing.
So everybody that scratches the tesla got video. You don't
get away with it. It's brilliant. They're gonna catch you
because you always look distinctive. You always look goofy anyway,
(05:00):
But for you to crap on the hood of another
person's car. You know, over the years, we'll do occasionally
a show. Tell me how you got, tell me how
you quit, or tell me what you did to show
somebody you know your ask or somebody you hated him.
One guy told the story that he went into his
boss's office. He was quitting that day. His boss was
going to lunch, so he went in there, closed the
door behind him, hopped up on the desk, popped the squad,
(05:22):
turned around, dropped a deuce inside the drawer, closed the
drawer back. Man, you hear a story like that, oh
whatever you My reaction is, that's fascinating. But you think
to yourself, all right, you've processed, crapped in his bosses
and his boss's drawer, all right. But what you don't
think about, like if you actually genuinely process the moment
(05:48):
his boss comes back in sits down. He might not
know Bobby's retired because Bobby might work out in the warehouse,
probably for the owner's son. Truth be told the hunter
Biden of the company, and he's sitting there and he's becuz, swello,
can you come here for a minute. Hey? Uh was
the cleaning lady here or something? It swells weird in here?
Speaker 7 (06:12):
No?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Uh not when you were out? Did were you out
at lunch? Yeah? Man, I think that. I squear. I
know this is kind of crazy. I was like, poop
in here? This is crazy. But the thing about it
is for you to poop on the hood of another
person's car in a road rage incident, you had to
already have to poop because I don't know about you.
(06:35):
I can't poop on the mend, right, I just can't
do it. And then for you to have to run
over there and blow dirt, you had to hold it.
Speaker 8 (06:49):
You pitched.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
But I know you're gonna think I'm crazy, But I
have to halfway admire that. I mean, that's that is
that he's impressive. Viral video of the incident shows her
bending over and launching her explosive diarrhea on the hood
of the car. I would get ten emails by cal
(07:13):
You didn't have to describe that. All I did. I did. Okay,
you don't have to listen. You can go check out
what somebody else is doing elsewhere. But if you go
to Walton johnsonmer Tay something, they might be discussing this
same story because they like a good producer. Kenny likes
a good explosive diarrhea story too. Steve Johnson might too.
I don't know, he probably does. It's a good story.
(07:33):
I mean, you hear a lot of things. A lot
of people, you know, hop out and fire into the
car behind them. Okay, that's been done. Okay, that's been done.
Get out with the baseball batsman, Okay, been done. I
don't know that I've heard. I still can't get over
they took it down. In fact, they took my page
away for a month. I've never recovered my big Facebook page.
(07:54):
I had to start over. You remember the woman it
was out on the eighteen wheeler on two ninety. I
still sometimes wonder what happened to that lady? Wherever she
is she? You know, at least once a week she's like, hey,
you remember that lady is up on the on the
that was me. I just can of get your autograph?
I mean, seriously, shoot whettle past.
Speaker 6 (08:14):
It's been.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
There's probably nothing more see go to Mito than low rudder.
All right, So here's that story. This story. The story
is from NBC Philadelphia about the woman. You know, I'm
thinking to myself, Mom, somebody can really make me mad
(08:43):
on the road, really really make me mad. And I
could want to go back there and do something to them.
I could, but I couldn't blow the dirt on their hood.
I'm not opposed to it. I'm not. I'm not opposed
to it. But for me to drop a douse on
somebody's hood, I'd have to get that back there, pull
(09:06):
my pants down, get into a squatting position, pull my
iPhone out, start reading the Facebook comments. I told her
bud of mine the other day, He goes, I noticed
you started reading the comments on your postmorrow more lately.
That's why I go through phases. You know what I'm
reading when I'm pooping. You know, I might read Twitter,
(09:29):
might read Facebook, might read you know how the San
Antonio over all came about. I've just been done you.
You commented to me while you were pooping. Yeah, oh
you can get any on you did you? What do
you think's going on? But I'd have to I'd have
to get back there and get real comfortable, you know,
(09:49):
take my glasses off because I can't read with my glasses.
My glasses are for distance, opposite of most people. I'd
have to get everything comfortable. Yeah, I think by that
time they did run me over anyway, story NBC Philadelphia.
Speaker 9 (10:02):
The police chief or Prospect Park says he has seen
some roadreach cases during his career. Somebody cuts someone off,
then the drivers might get into a heated exchange. Then
they typically drive away. But in this case on Tuesday,
there was a little more to that, and the incident
was captured on video by a bystander. That video, shared
(10:24):
thousands of times on Instagram, shows a woman identified Thursday
as Christina Solometto walking to another woman's car. The forty
four year old sits on the hood or not showing
the most graphic parts of the video, including when she
appeared to defecate on the car.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I know it's being joked about a up.
Speaker 10 (10:43):
I know there's all kinds of puns in the window
and humor online about this, but you know the bottom
line is we are treating it seriously. No, it can't
happen in this community. No town wants this to happen.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
In their town.
Speaker 9 (10:57):
Prospect Park Police chief David Madonna says it happened by
Fourth and Madison. Like most people in this neighborhood. Police
say they too, found out about the incident through social media.
Speaker 11 (11:08):
Hi, I think Israel at first with those state news
it was hilarious in the same sense to be able
to poop one a car like that was impressive, but
it was discussing at the same sense crazy.
Speaker 7 (11:19):
You had to go Christina, if you have a comment.
Speaker 9 (11:21):
Solomto was brought to the Prospect Park Police Department Thursday
in handcuffs, offering no remarks. She faces a number of charges,
including in decent exposure and depositing waste on a highway.
Speaker 10 (11:34):
The recognition of town gets over this kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
It's really unwelcome.
Speaker 9 (11:37):
We don't want this, Chief Madonna says, with any roadreach incident,
there's always a level of frustration, but never need for
it to escalate.
Speaker 10 (11:45):
There's anger people are hurry to get everywhere. Things are
certainly tumultuous in our country, to say the least. There's
a lot of anger out there, and sometimes this is
how it presents itself.
Speaker 9 (11:57):
Now, we spoke with the suspects family a little earlier
this evening. They did not agree to an on camera interview,
but they claim that there's more to the story than
just the video that's being shared. I am told that
they are working on getting an attorney.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Dragging Dason uncle me down. Good, I've got the best
set of good times up to me.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
You don't even try.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Yeah, we've all been there, you know, when you've got
to go that bad. There was a place called There's
a place on a riverwalk call on the Bend, Oysters
(12:55):
and something else. It's the only place I could find
to smoke a cigar. So Indians I could take afternoon nap.
And when families around My wife likes to take an
afternoon nap too. Her father did it. They love their nap.
It's sacred to them. I can't nap, so middle of
the afternoon, we're staying at the Western Riverwalk, which I
(13:20):
got to tell you, bang for the buck. I'm sure
there are cheaper places. I know there are a lot
of more expensive places. Let me tell you that hotel Emma.
Now it's hiring a cat's ask but who it's hiring giraffes? Well,
but man, is it ever nice? The bar at the
hotel Emma. I have received advice approximately one two hundred
(13:42):
and nine times from Jimmy Pappas and inwohundred and eight
of them are just been dumb, stupid, repetitive, ridiculous, absurd
or I didn't pay attention to him in the first place.
He nailed it with this one. Well, his daughter Samantha
ran the market there at the Pearl for a long time,
(14:02):
so she told him so really her advice and she
knows what she's doing. And so we went for a
drink there. That place is that it's an old brewery.
It's the old it's the old Pearl Brewery, which was
Otto Kaylor was the guy's name, and they converted the
brewery a guy named Kevin Fink, and he's that whole
(14:24):
Pearl district is really nice now, I mean it's something.
Levi Good's opened a place right across the river walk
from there called uh Auto's, which is a tribute to
Otto Kaylor and a funny story behind this. Otto Kaylor
had three Emmas in his life. His wife, Emma Kaylor,
his mistress Emma. So he's carrying on with his mistress
(14:48):
and she ends up accepting an offer of marriage from
another fellow. So he puts some move on his mistress,
Emma's roommate in the boarding house, who's also named Emma.
She puts a bullet in him, the original Emma. The
(15:10):
wife takes over the brewery. Uh, you know, gets it
through prohibition and carries on. Yeah, it's a it's a
it's an amazing story anyway. So he's built an ice
house that you would think, you know, this has an
Austin feel. Man, I don't know anything in Austin. Is
(15:32):
this nice as what's going on right now? They had
live music out there. Of course, as always happens, you
get three songs into the guy and go, hey, guy's
pretty good. Did a Jason Bowling song, did a Whaling song,
did an old murle a deep cut? And then I'm
gonna take a break. Of course you're gonna take a break.
The only reason to be up there is to take
a break. Charlie Hager, we all know that we love
you for it. But of course you're gonna take a break. Anyway.
(15:56):
When you gotta go, you got to really really go.
You'll do some crazy, crazy things. I would like to
hear that story on where you went, not Pete poop,
where you did it? And if you're thinking yourself exactly.
I don't want to hear that. You don't have to.
That's the beauty that's free. You can turn it. Jim's
got a story. It starts with I was anyway seven
(16:17):
one three nine nine nine one thousand, seven one three
nine nine nine one thousand extra credit for any woman
to call in and tell the story. To know what
around the world is.
Speaker 12 (16:24):
Whistling bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey riders, whoskerdos, whosker
don'ts nips and dazers with it without the scooter stick
or one single whistling kiddy chaser.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Michael, So, where's that unusual place? You couldn't help it.
You had to go, and it was. It had to happen,
Jim Mudd, says. Our credit director says, I was delivering
pizza on the side when the girls were little. I
was on delivery one night and I had to go.
(16:56):
I knew I wouldn't make it back to the store.
I wasn't close to home. I was delivering in a
neighborhood full of new construction. As luck would have it,
I saw a porta potty. Now, remember it's dark, so
I grabbed my flashlight and walk over. I opened the
door and double checked the toilet paper situation. There wasn't
any none. I went to the car to see if
(17:20):
we had any napkins. We didn't. I look in the
back seat and see baby whites wipes. So here I
am going ten to two hundred in the middle of nowhere,
in the dark, using a flashlight, wiping with baby wipes.
Can you tell Jim that's the worst story ever. That's
not even an inconvenience. That's what baby waves are for.
(17:43):
I keep baby wipes in my car, my truck at
all times. Baby wipes, sir, I drop an ash, you
gotta drop a deu'e anything. I mean, baby wipes are amazing.
I met Old Christina, the woman that the road rage woman.
She'd been keeping that diarrhea at bay for some time.
I bet she was sitting on it. She was pinched up.
(18:05):
You gotta go, I mean, it's gotta go. Are you
close enough to make it work?
Speaker 13 (18:09):
And you go?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
You stop at a gas station, a fast food joint.
You ever go in the fast food joint and you're
worried they're judging you, So you're like ham Holder in
just a minute, you hope they're not there when you
come back. You're playing with fire because when you go
in you might even have time to clean it. I
mean it might might pee all ladies, y'all don't know this,
but in the men's restroom it's filthy. You could stop
(18:33):
at the grocery store. But the problem is, as Rory Scovell,
one of my favorite Southern comics, points out, it's not
easy to find the restroom in the grocery store. It's
almost like they don't want you to. And when you're
in public.
Speaker 14 (18:47):
If you're in a public place and you need to
use the restroom, we.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
All know the deal.
Speaker 14 (18:51):
Put them in the corners.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I'll find them.
Speaker 15 (18:56):
The grocery store is like, nah, wann't really roll like
that around here. We like to put our bathrooms on
the other side of these kind of too heavy double doors.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You don't even know if you're allowed to go beyond
or not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
They don't even say employees only, and they easily could,
but they don't.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You can't just go back there.
Speaker 16 (19:17):
You gotta go to some sixteen year old kid restocking
the soup as an adult and ask for permission to
use the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
And they always like they don't even.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Know if they have bathrooms or not.
Speaker 14 (19:32):
Hey, may can't you go back to those doors and
use the bathroom? Oh you know what. Let me let
me go get Matt. Let me go get Matt too.
I have to bro I.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Have to if I had to go outside like an adult,
and I don't.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Enough time to make it home to do it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. I
would abort the submission. I'd be singing to myself in
the car. I think I want to talk to you.
I have three minutes till this happens.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Enough time for that. You remember the diarrhea song? We
all sang it from the opening scene of the movie Parenthood.
Speaker 17 (20:18):
When you're sliding in the first and you're feeling something
versus diarrhea. Diarrhea when you're sliding heard it when you
just said herd diarrhea diarrhea. When you're sliding in the
hole and you're shrunk a full phone diarrhea, diarrhea. When
you're sitting in your Chevy and you're shore you're feeling
(20:38):
heavy diarrhea diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Kevin, Honey, where'd you learn that song? Wessomer at camper
Ah That was money, well spent it? When you love
to know the first where you were the first time
you did this or that thing? You know you ate
the orange? What's that orange?
Speaker 10 (20:57):
Pop?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
You have to push through it comes in the cylinary,
you have to push it push pop. Yeah, tastes like
children's aspiring. Yeah, that that thing. Wouldn't you love to
have seen the look on your face the first time
you sat down in about six years old in the toilet,
your feet don't even touch the bottom, and you read
(21:19):
on the side here, I sit so broken hearted? Or
what's the other one? Beans? Beans good for the heart.
There's a few of them that when I read to
this day, I still chuckle because I go. Man, I
guarantee the guy that wrote that is one of our listeners.
He's got our kind of sense of humor. All right,
let's start with Kirk Kirk. You're old to Michael Murray
(21:40):
show what's your story?
Speaker 13 (21:42):
Yes, sir, yes, sir, I was a contractor in Afghanistan.
And those guys to produce the food may really try hard.
Speaker 18 (21:51):
Man.
Speaker 13 (21:51):
They produce a lot of meals during the dairy, but
every now and you get one where you get the bubbleguts, right,
so I just got through eating and I'm driving down that.
There's the main street called Disney, believe it or not.
And uh, you're driving down Disney and there's tanks and
there's humbies and and all these people and I gotta go.
Uh and I'm trying to drid out a U A
(22:13):
portage on and uh, there's so many military personnel running
around and I'm not trying to screw it in finding
fround a parking place. Finally found one. I uh was
heading over there. You know, my bunghole is kind of
poaching out, you know, like I could cut washes off
of it. You know, it's so so sticking far out there.
And then somebody's in there. So I had to kind
(22:34):
of wait for this like a I think it's a
tech sergeant. He comes out and I tryed to jump in,
and man, I just barely cleared my drawers for you know,
I had a blast off and it was was so relieving.
But then you know, as soon as I'm done, there's
somebody coming in and right behind me, and like, I
know that was that was rough for them to go
man behind me after that, but you know, that was
that was my story and It was rough, but I
(22:56):
made it out.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Could have been worse, be worse. I told you I
had a cigar at this place called on the Bend
in the afternoon, and I try to time everything perfectly.
It's my desire for efficiency. So I'm going to finish
my cigar, finish my beer, and then go downstairs a
couple of floors to the restroom. What I didn't know
(23:19):
is they only had one restroom for both sexes. It's
the middle of the afternoon and fiesta, and I get
down there. Some of you may have seen my Facebook post.
If you are waiting on a toilet that's locked and
somebody's inside for over ten minutes, there's a one percent
(23:40):
chance somebody has diarrhea, or they just had their colon
removed and they're cleaning out they're ask me back. There's
a ninety nine percent chance that that's an employee in
there and they're winking off or vaping, or returning messages
or taking a nap or all three. And it's so
(24:01):
aggravating when they come out of there. So aggravating because
first of all, this is absentee ownership kind of stuff.
You tell your people, hey, you know you don't have
to be Amazon where you can have two minutes per
eight hour shift. But guys, we got a one head
for men and women. As I'm waiting to go in
and old boys inside there, time is ticking. So when
(24:25):
we start, I'm the only guy, and it's that kind
of deal, you know, you're like a little kid. I'm
going side to side and I'm thinking, I'm gonna burst.
I'm gonna burst. I swear I'm gonna burst. Then a
woman comes up behind me and she goes, is this
the only bathroom? Yes, ma'am?
Speaker 18 (24:42):
Who?
Speaker 3 (24:42):
And I can tell she's thinking, surely this man's a gentleman.
No U, I wet the floor right here? Are not
even gonna do it? I'm sorry. There's no way you
got to go more than I do. No chance. And
she was wearing like a moon move because for some reason,
women go to San Antone and they get that kind
of real light cloth moo moo thing with the flowers
(25:03):
embroidered up at the top. That's hideous. And oh, I'm
sending on Mexico anyway. That line was at twelve by
the time I went in. All right, hold on, if
you're on the money to Michael Berry's show.
Speaker 10 (25:24):
No.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
We closed on our big deal this morning, merging with
a major company. I've read the Wall Street Journal and
Investors Business Daily trying to figure out if I'm going
to get into cryptocurrency. I may go back and get
an MBA executive. I decide if I'm going to start
(25:49):
lifting again or not. I might do that intermittent fasting.
I'm considering the implications of artificial intelligence on my job.
I wonder what Michael Berry's talking about. Let me see,
you know what I got twenty minutes till I get
to that meeting. Let me switch over and see what
he's talking about. If you just tuned in, there's a story,
(26:11):
it's a big deal. A woman in Pennsylvania. She was
engaged in road rage and she ran to the car
behind her, lifted up her momo in blue dirt all
over the hood, and then she went back got in
her car. People said she was full of crap, but
(26:32):
not anymore. What's amazing is that the sheriff has to
be so serious. You know, I know there's a lot
of jokes going around, but we're taking this real serious.
He don't even use adverts, doesn't have adverts, and it's
just adjectives, straight adjuctives. We're taking this real serious. Listen, fella,
you and I both know that if you and me
(26:53):
and Brandon Bess and a couple of other guys I
can't name because it'll blow their cover, was having drinks
tonight and you started into that. Guys, y'all, don't make
any jokes about that. It's just real serious. We're taking
real serious. We would start laughing, and you would too.
We're taking this real serious. Well, you got to sureff,
otherwise there'll be a whole rash of it. Everybody'll be
(27:16):
doing it. I was glad. Does he get home and
his wife's like, honey, You remember Tommy uh No country
for Amen, Al Gore's cause room mate, Tommy Lee Jones.
You remember the woman that's kind of his his his
you know, I don't. I don't know if they're married,
or he goes out there and he has to borrow
her trailer to bring the horses out. Remember you remember
(27:40):
the exchange pull this up in the next break, she says,
be careful, I won't be It'll be this. I'm not
that that little exchange. That little pattern right there is
brilliant writing, brilliant, But I just imagine the sheriff coming
home and his why going honey house. So proud of you, everybody.
I know. Murna down to the hair salon. I'm up underneath
the dryers and she comes over and I'm trying to
(28:02):
catch up on my Cosmo. She's three years behind. But
there was an interesting article in seven ways to please
your man without ever having to get your lips dirty,
and she would She said, uh, Joey Inn, Joey Inn,
could you uh could I talk to you for just
saying I'm up under the driver right And she said,
I know, I know you've heard about it already, but
your husband was on there. I don't know what to do.
(28:24):
That woman that did she really did she She must
have had all over. I couldn't stop laughing. And I
was proud of you. I was proud of you, Tommy.
You didn't you didn't make no jokes or nothing, because
it's serious, you know. And I'm proud of you taking
your job real serious Amo because she doesn't do adverbs either,
still know, Oh Jane, who got a lady Jane?
Speaker 8 (28:41):
Go ahead, good morning. So I have actually a story
about my sister. Okay, we loaded up in the car
to drive to Albuquerque with my mom, her daughter, and
my daughter, and we're about louling and I think she
was a little hungover from the night before. My daughter
got a nosebleed, so she's stuffed tambon in her nose
(29:04):
to stop her nose bleed. And my sister started laughing
so hard she shouted her pants. We had to stop
in the buck at the bucket to change her up
and get her cleaned up and get the car cleaned
up so that we could drive to Albuquerque.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Not the worst story. I mean, it's a funny story,
but not the worst story. You know, think about it
is when when people will come to work and you go, hey,
how was your weekend? Baby didn't sleep? I can't help
but think to myself that poor dude cleaned poop all weekend.
And women, You know, for some reason, women get angry
(29:42):
when I brag on them. I don't know why, but
a stay at home mom. I used to think the laziest,
most good for nothing thing. Now I think it's the
highest calling, the most sacred, the angel on high. Can
you imagine you see a woman that has multiple kids,
so you got you know, they got irish twins, but
(30:04):
they'll having back to back. She's got one that's one
year old, she's got one that's two one, a's three one,
and then she's got one somewhere and then another one poopin.
I mean, she's just all day. How do you eat?
Speaker 6 (30:17):
Like?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
How do you h And they're doing it, God bless them. Woody,
you're on the Michael Berry Show.
Speaker 18 (30:26):
Well, good morning. This happened about twenty years ago. We're
living down in the Corpus area and I was taking
my kids and nephew's fishing, and I made the mistake
of eating a few deviled eggs early in the morning
before we left, and as we're boating towards we're going
to go, I started having a little bit of antestinal distress. Well,
(30:48):
we got over to the right off the King Grange
shoreline and I couldn't wait, and it's going, all right,
what am I going to do? And saw a little
five gallon bucket on boat, So I was gonna just
take this bucket and go on the shortlane do my business. Well,
as usual, when you got to go real bad and
you see something you're supposed to go, well, it's going
(31:10):
to come. So I just pulled my pants down, did
a pirouet off the side of the boat and the
spray goes everywhere in the water. I laid it in
the water, and when I came back up, I look
up and here I see all these boys faces with
this oh my god look on their faces. You know,
(31:32):
you know, it was just funny.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
I believe in reducing the shame of the taboo. I
think that taboo makes us u Anyway, Tony, you're on
to Michael Berry Show. What say you, sir?
Speaker 19 (31:51):
Hey, I want to invite you to go visit the
most famous bathrooms, probably in the United States, if not
the world. They're in Sulfer Springs, Texas, my hometown, about
halfway between Dallas, Texas, Canada. They're in downtown Suffer Springs
on the Square, which is actually round, and they're two bathrooms.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
They have two.
Speaker 19 (32:12):
Way glass, so if you're on the outside, you're going
to see yourself in the beer, but if you're on
the inside, you can see everybody walking around while you're
doing your business inside. They're so famous Steve Harvey had
them on his show and Texas Country Reporter did a
special report on him. So if you're ever in Sulfer Springs, Texas.
(32:33):
You got to go visit the two way glass bathrooms
in downtown Sulfur Springs, Hopkins County, dairy capital of Texas.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
I have never heard of that, but I am so
glad you told me that. You sound like Tom Ramsey.
Speaker 19 (32:54):
Just retired assistant athletic director after forty five years.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
From where.
Speaker 19 (33:00):
H from, Texas City is d Texas City, the Sting
of Rese, the Stingarease, and the Lamark Cougars Well remote
roads plates for the Texas City Stingarese.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
That's what I hear. Obviously you didn't make much impression
on him.
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