Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Simon.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Very good.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
And where are you calling me from, sir? Excellent? Excellent? Hey,
so Lom you are you're you're a widower.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Yep. Lost my wife about six years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Six years ago. And listen, well, first of all, thank you,
thank you, thank you for calling. Because there there are
two things. And listen, I have an appreciation isn't the
right word understanding? Way A buddy of mine, but a
very very very close friend of mine, uh lost his
wife within the last year. So I have a greater
understanding of I think of what what it's like to
(00:35):
be friends with somebody. Somebody who goes goes through that,
and I'm learning a lot through through through him as
to what whether it's a husband or a wife, goes through.
So understand that that that this is where where where
it comes from. But you said it's been it's been six.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Years ye years ago, August. Can I ask you two questions?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Number one? Number one and go back to early on.
Pardon me? Did you did you get condolence letters from people?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yes, from the older population. She passed away when she
was thirty two, When anybody over the age of sixteen
was a group of people that gave condolence.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Letters, right, I got you. Did you read them or no?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Most of them I threw away because I had no
idea who the people were, and I don't think my
name wife talked to them in the past five or ten.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
Years before that.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Oh wow, you know what, it's acquaintances. It's interesting. It's
interesting you say that.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I was reading about and it seemed like that was
kind of common for older people.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, no, no, just people in general.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That people will send like a condolence note or condolence
letter and to the obviously the surviving partner, and the
surviving partner was like I held on to them for
a year, thinking I'd read them, and I never didn't.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I just throw them a lank, like there's no reason for.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Me to go through and reread all of that and
go through it. Wow, the yeah, and that that surprised me.
But that seems to be a touch more common. It's
than than what you would think on the surface. Right
on the surface, you would think like, oh, here's everybody
you know telling you all these great memories and thoughts
which you get from like those that are really.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Close to you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I understand that, but like like tertiary, people like you
said or acquaintances. You're like, no, don't need any of that,
and they end up tossing it without without reading it.
But on the surface, it seems like something that you
wouldn't expect, right, Like I, or at least me personally,
I don't think I would expect that.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I mean, I'm glad that you said that she was sick.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
For eighteen months and never heard from those people before
for the entire time. Magically if she passed, and that's
when they want to write a letter.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Question number two, did you experience widower fire or widow's fire?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Widower's fire?
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yes, and it got me in and I went out
with somebody at work that did not go well and
well after six months of going out with them.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
But and I've read a bunch about it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Wait, are we talking about the same thing. I'm sure
you go first.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
He seems pretty convinced.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, Yes, started going out and sleeping with somebody at
work and pretty quick, and it was fun, but it
also wasn't at the same time.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Oh see, that's not what I had read.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
But is that so if you if you start going
out with somebody quick, they referred that's also referred to
as widower's fire.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Well, some people take it the other way, and I
guess just because start sleeping around.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
But I had read it as I never heard that term.
I hadn't either.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Can I tell you what I had read it as
sure that it's the the like the heart is broken
but the loins are still alive. So you would be
like in the middle of sobbing, but then take a
break and masturbate.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
What okay? Why is that? Why? Why?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
Why?
Speaker 7 (04:36):
No?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
But I was I'd never heard of that.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
What can it be? All this stuff?
Speaker 3 (04:40):
True?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Dad? You have you heard the masturbation part of it?
Speaker 6 (04:45):
No?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I have not heard that part. Yeah, no, I I
had thought I had read a bunch about it or
crossed all various things that I had not read that one.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah, where it would be like, so I was reading
about some people where it'd be like, you know, it
was two three months later, right, and you're still like
you never get over it, And I really do believe
that you never get over it, and so the so
it was like two or three months later and they
were like, it's you know, like you're learning how to
breathe again and figure stuff out, and like you the
(05:20):
person I was reading about like you'd sit on the
couch and sob and with your heart broken, and then
all of a sudden just be like you'd start thinking
about them, or stee in an old picture and it'd
be like, but you, my loins are still alive, And
all of a sudden you'd have to like dab your
cheeks so that you can masturbate real quick and get
it going. Uh.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Never experienced that myself.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Oh, all right, well you just started sleeping around.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
But I said it didn't end well.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Didn't end well because you realized maybe there wasn't compatibility there,
or did you realize that you had delayed your own healing?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Can I get the third option? Were you just looking
to get off?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
No, the other person that the lady I was going
out with, I could not. I thought I was just,
I guess, replacing my late wife.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I gotcha, I gotcha. And I guess it's probably he
thought you were just looking to get off.
Speaker 7 (06:27):
It's a little bit of an avoidance for him too,
Like I'm yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Simon, I hope you're not upset. You called not at all?
All right? Excellent, thank you, my friend, Thank you.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
His wonderful insight.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Yeah, clearly if he was he said he's read a
lot on Widower's Fire. He clearly did a lot of research,
and so.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Does it does it? Does it cover all of it?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
I don't mean just research on that, but he seems
to be well read when.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
It comes to no.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
No, But that's what I mean, like if it if
it's like his widow was in my mind when I
read this was fire is like you know, okay.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
So that sound effect you usually reserved for cunnelingus, but
for those who weren't watching.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
The Channel one, Yeah, no, you went from sobbing you're
masturbating to sobbing.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
That's what I thought it was.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
But if you're just going out and dating and throwing
it around, you're kind of just.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I mean, you are kind of masturbating.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
But you can imagine wrestling with it.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Amen stops, Amen, wrest no no, no, with this feeling
like I would you say your loins are still alive.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
That's what I read in the thing where it was
a woman who was like, my loins were on fire.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
But you're you're wanting to go out, but at the
same time you're in the bathroom at the bar crying.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah no, So instead of doing that, you just sit
at home and you know, wrestle with it.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
It's complicated.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Line three, Hi Eelli in the morning.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi, who's this Michelle?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Michelle? You know where this is going with the first question.
First question, Oh, did you read condolence letters?
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Did I?
Speaker 7 (08:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
We had some good Did you masturbate a lot?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Did I know?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
But I got into a relationship kind of quickly, just
like the last call it.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Oh did you really?
Speaker 7 (08:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
That was that because like the one the I think
it was a woman that I was reading about was like, like, listen,
you still get horny, right, like you're you're still even
though even though your your heart may be sad, your
your your your bagoon is still horny, so you know,
to get after it.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So you did the same thing.
Speaker 7 (08:50):
Yeah, I mean it took up about a year, you know,
but within that year it's it was you met someone
and just looked out, So right.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Did you masturbate it all during that year?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Okay, there you go. There's the widows. How long how
long afterwards you've said it you've messed up? I can't
it doesn't because it doesn't sound right.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
But wouldn't be a widow widows fire widows are you
could depending on if you're a man or a woman,
you can have it? What is the can I ask
you this, ma'am? How How long? How long after until
your first masturbation?
Speaker 8 (09:29):
Oh gosh, I.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Don't Maybe a few months for me because I was
really upset at that time.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, sure, so like two months, three months? And then
you can I can I ask? Can I ask you
one other question? Please don't be offended.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay, sure, toy or no.
Speaker 5 (09:50):
Toy?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Okay, all right, very good, very good. Where are you
calling from Richmond?
Speaker 8 (09:55):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Okay, yeah, no, the phone sounded a little week. All right,
very good, very good. I appreciate it. Thank you, ma'am,
thank you.
Speaker 7 (10:00):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
A couple of months, got right back into it.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
So the thing that stood out in that back and
forth was the yeah, sure, would would your friends describe
you as occasionally because you're uncomfortable a dismissive person to
try to change the topic? Wait, what do you mean
if you're discussing somebody's spouse passing?
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Right?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Assuring them a lot?
Speaker 7 (10:29):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Not normally? Where did I YEA assure them.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
When she said she was really sad?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, no no, but of course you are. Why wouldn't
you be you mean devastated?
Speaker 7 (10:40):
I maybe, Oh, I know, I understand.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Well, don't they know that he said that at the beginning?
Speaker 4 (10:46):
Yes, sure, just came out call earlier, said that we
weren't judging people.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Hi Elliott in the morning? Yeah, Hi, who's this Laric?
And you were a widower? Yes? Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
The well that's what I asked to call Diane.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
How long ago? If you don't mind my asking?
Speaker 6 (11:10):
May two years ago?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh okay, okay, sorry about that. Hey, the the wait
a minute? At that time I tried to add, but
that still gets shot down.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
You know, sir, you know there's no comfort. There's no
comfortable anyway.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
The is that your side?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Gig number one? Number one? Did you get sent condolence letters?
Speaker 6 (11:37):
I got a few of them sent to me. Did
you read them? People?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Now?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
See yeah, no, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Everybody thinks.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Everybody thinks that you would want to read these things?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And was the idea? I don't like. I'm trying.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I'm trying to grieve over losing them, and all you're
doing is telling me what I'm missing.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Yes, Oh wow, A lot of a lot of memories
they had with that person, and you go, yeah, I
don't even know who you are.
Speaker 7 (12:08):
So yeah, like the first guy said, where it was
like they hadn't talked in years, Right, but you do?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Can I let me ask you this. You sound like
you're gonna be honest with me. I love you. You.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You sound like you're you're not upset that they felt
compelled or a desire to do it. And you understand
that it probably comes from a well intentioned place, but
you don't want to read it.
Speaker 6 (12:34):
No, it's the same people that say, oh, if you
need anything, just reach out, knowing that you're never going
to do that, so you you kind of hold that in,
and they send you. They send you letters and saying, hey,
you know, I have this great memory with you know,
your sniffing another and you go, that's that's great. I don't.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
I don't.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
I'm trying to grieve losing her.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Yeah, right, exactly, not the good time you had with her, right, yeah,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
And and again it seems counterintuitive to what you would
what you would think, right, because you would think old
people people want to see this outpouring of that.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And and now I understand.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
That, which is why I, as of today, I will
never write a condolence letter.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
Have you bet just to get a card that says
sorry for your loss?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I mean, if you're that close, you're going to be
involved throughout the process.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
And if not, you don't need me to. You don't
need me to write you a letter, you know, two
months later. Okay, Now let me move on to my
second question. How long? How long? How long afterwards before
you masturbated for the first time?
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Couple? A couple of days? Wow, and there's a there's
a reason why.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah, you were horny.
Speaker 6 (13:45):
No, you're you're so worn out from being sad, right,
you just want something that makes you happy. Can I
ask a lot of people turn to a lot of
people turn to drinking and drugs and things like that.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Nope, Nope, no you you you went to the meet Hey,
can I ask you?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Can I ask you this? And if if you don't
want to answer, I'm not trying to make anybody.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Uncomfortable, right, Okay, when you were masturbating a couple of
days afterwards, were.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
You what were you thinking about? Oh Jesus like.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Were you thinking about her or were you just her pastimes?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Okay, good, good, No, that makes me happy. That makes
me happy.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You got the winnerwer fire.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
Yeah, her pastimes at the end of it.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah sure, no, no, no, I understand like horny times. Yeah,
I get it.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
I get it if somebody was honestly, but if somebody
was just watching or generic random pornographic video, that would
not make you happy.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah no, no, any of it makes me what.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
You're saying because of what he was imagining.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh yeah, no, no, no, no no, it makes me
happy that you're still able to.
Speaker 6 (14:56):
I don't think the I don't think the first priority
at that point was just goes searching porn sites.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Hey, don't.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I didn't judge you.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
All right, very good. Hey, I appreciate the phone call.
Thank you, sir, Thank you. See, I told you it's a.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Legit thing, and it's very clear you're enthralled with this
idea of widow or widower's fire.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
Oh yes, I am. Sympathy cards may have been a setup.
Speaker 9 (15:24):
But I am just completely flabbergases by that, which one
that that people don't read the card, tossing the letters
in the cards.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I was.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I was surprised to read that I was. I was
surprised to read that I would be honest. I was
also surprised to read.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
That people start masturbating so quickly, like I want to
ask my mom about it?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
The card? Do you want me to call her? The cars?
Speaker 5 (15:48):
They feel like?
Speaker 4 (15:49):
She occasionally shared with me, Sorry, ma'am, this is a
two part question. She shared with me some of the
stories that were in the letters, and that was comforting
as a child to hear.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
I don't know, maybe it's just now.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
It was also two widowers who said they didn't read
the cards.
Speaker 5 (16:12):
Could this be a gender thing?
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Do I at a woman?
Speaker 7 (16:16):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Is there Christen understood? Is there a woman on the phone?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Elliot in the morning? Here you go? Yes, Hi? How
are you?
Speaker 8 (16:28):
I'm fine?
Speaker 5 (16:28):
How are you good?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Obviously you lost your husband? Correct, I'm sorry about that.
How long ago, if you don't mind my asking.
Speaker 8 (16:36):
Ten months so I'm relatively fresh.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Oh wow, wow, I'm honestly, I'm very very sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I'm very very sorry.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
I for her to have the strength to call in
the law must appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yes, number one, number one?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Did you get did you get inundated with like condolence
cards and letters and.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Stuff like that?
Speaker 8 (16:56):
You know I did, And I'm kind of on the
same page as Tylerybe. That's just the kind of person
I am. But I read all of them. He passed
from cancer, so we went through what's referred to as
the law goodbye if you will.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Sure.
Speaker 8 (17:10):
I think if he had been diagnosed and died after
only a few months, or it had been something traumatic
like a car accident or something, I would have been
too angry to even open a card. But everybody's different.
Just because of where I was in my grief process,
it was actually really helpful for me to get the
cards and I enjoyed reading them. The majority were from
people that we know, right, but if you were from
(17:32):
his coworkers who I'd never met before, and they shared
just everything that they admired about him, and it was
good for me at the time.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
You know, good good on you.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer,
And maybe it's just ladies read them.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
I was. I was the son of a lady.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Question number two in the last ten months, have you
masturbated yet?
Speaker 8 (17:58):
So I know, and you're a question I have not
experienced what I was fired. It's definitely a thing though
that I had never heard of until I lost my
husband and started going to support group. A lot of
people experience it, and I think if you think about it,
it makes a lot of sense. You're lonely if somebody
(18:18):
goes out and hooks up with somebody, you're just looking
for physical touch and you're just looking at you with
a human being, if you're self pleasuring yourself like the
other colors that I think he hit it spot on,
like you're just looking for to be happy, something other
than sadness. Yeah, you're just looking It's like almost it's
self care, right, like you're just looking to give yourself
a break, to give your body relief, to feel better
(18:40):
in some way, shape or form, as you with Greef.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Go ahead, No, I was gonna say, can I ask
you this? And you're not going to get mad at me?
You know it comes from a good place.
Speaker 8 (18:49):
Now, I love you, Elliott, Now go ahead.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Are you are you envious at all of those that
because you said you you did not experience or have
not yet experienced any uh widows fire?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Which is fine?
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Right?
Speaker 8 (19:01):
Yeah, yea, so far I haven't.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Are you envious of those that do?
Speaker 8 (19:10):
I don't know. That's a really good question. I haven't
thought about it. I don't know that envious is the
right way to look at it. I mean, I'm I
guess it makes me a little bit hopeful that maybe
one day I'll get to a point in my life
that I'll feel like I'm ready to meet somebody, not
that somebody that is experiencing wows fired that's their goal
(19:32):
to meet somebody. For some, it is, for some it isn't.
But it kind of you know that there's there's different
there's different things out there as you're, excuse me, processing
your grief. But I don't know that allows you to
meet other people and find happiness in different ways. I'm
just not there yet.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Okay, Yeah, no, that's fine, that's fine. No, that's great,
that's great. All right, very good, very good. I appreciate it.
Thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Thank you know where he thinks.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Entire show today has been so honest.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
I love it. It's making four very intimate chats
Simon.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Very good.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
And where are you calling me from, sir? Excellent? Excellent? Hey,
so Lom you are you're you're a widower.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Yep. Lost my wife about six years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Six years ago. And listen, well, first of all, thank you,
thank you, thank you for calling. Because there there are
two things. And listen, I have an appreciation isn't the
right word understanding? Way A buddy of mine, but a
very very very close friend of mine, uh lost his
wife within the last year. So I have a greater
understanding of I think of what what it's like to
(00:35):
be friends with somebody. Somebody who goes goes through that,
and I'm learning a lot through through through him as
to what whether it's a husband or a wife, goes through.
So understand that that that this is where where where
it comes from. But you said it's been it's been six.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Years ye years ago, August. Can I ask you two questions?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Number one? Number one and go back to early on.
Pardon me? Did you did you get condolence letters from people?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yes, from the older population. She passed away when she
was thirty two, When anybody over the age of sixteen
was a group of people that gave condolence.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Letters, right, I got you. Did you read them or no?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Most of them I threw away because I had no
idea who the people were, and I don't think my
name wife talked to them in the past five or ten.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
Years before that.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Oh wow, you know what, it's acquaintances. It's interesting. It's
interesting you say that.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I was reading about and it seemed like that was
kind of common for older people.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, no, no, just people in general.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That people will send like a condolence note or condolence
letter and to the obviously the surviving partner, and the
surviving partner was like I held on to them for
a year, thinking I'd read them, and I never didn't.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I just throw them a lank, like there's no reason for.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Me to go through and reread all of that and
go through it. Wow, the yeah, and that that surprised me.
But that seems to be a touch more common. It's
than than what you would think on the surface. Right
on the surface, you would think like, oh, here's everybody
you know telling you all these great memories and thoughts
which you get from like those that are really.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Close to you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I understand that, but like like tertiary, people like you
said or acquaintances. You're like, no, don't need any of that,
and they end up tossing it without without reading it.
But on the surface, it seems like something that you
wouldn't expect, right, Like I, or at least me personally,
I don't think I would expect that.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I mean, I'm glad that you said that she was sick.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
For eighteen months and never heard from those people before
for the entire time. Magically if she passed, and that's
when they want to write a letter.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Question number two, did you experience widower fire or widow's fire?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Widower's fire?
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yes, and it got me in and I went out
with somebody at work that did not go well and
well after six months of going out with them.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
But and I've read a bunch about it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Wait, are we talking about the same thing. I'm sure
you go first.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
He seems pretty convinced.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, Yes, started going out and sleeping with somebody at
work and pretty quick, and it was fun, but it
also wasn't at the same time.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Oh see, that's not what I had read.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
But is that so if you if you start going
out with somebody quick, they referred that's also referred to
as widower's fire.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Well, some people take it the other way, and I
guess just because start sleeping around.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
But I had read it as I never heard that term.
I hadn't either.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Can I tell you what I had read it as
sure that it's the the like the heart is broken
but the loins are still alive. So you would be
like in the middle of sobbing, but then take a
break and masturbate.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
What okay? Why is that? Why? Why?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
Why?
Speaker 7 (04:36):
No?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
But I was I'd never heard of that.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
What can it be? All this stuff?
Speaker 3 (04:40):
True?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Dad? You have you heard the masturbation part of it?
Speaker 6 (04:45):
No?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I have not heard that part. Yeah, no, I I
had thought I had read a bunch about it or
crossed all various things that I had not read that one.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah, where it would be like, so I was reading
about some people where it'd be like, you know, it
was two three months later, right, and you're still like
you never get over it, And I really do believe
that you never get over it, and so the so
it was like two or three months later and they
were like, it's you know, like you're learning how to
breathe again and figure stuff out, and like you the
(05:20):
person I was reading about like you'd sit on the
couch and sob and with your heart broken, and then
all of a sudden just be like you'd start thinking
about them, or stee in an old picture and it'd
be like, but you, my loins are still alive, And
all of a sudden you'd have to like dab your
cheeks so that you can masturbate real quick and get
it going. Uh.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Never experienced that myself.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Oh, all right, well you just started sleeping around.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
But I said it didn't end well.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Didn't end well because you realized maybe there wasn't compatibility there,
or did you realize that you had delayed your own healing?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Can I get the third option? Were you just looking
to get off?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
No, the other person that the lady I was going
out with, I could not. I thought I was just,
I guess, replacing my late wife.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I gotcha, I gotcha. And I guess it's probably he
thought you were just looking to get off.
Speaker 7 (06:27):
It's a little bit of an avoidance for him too,
Like I'm yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Simon, I hope you're not upset. You called not at all?
All right? Excellent, thank you, my friend, Thank you.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
His wonderful insight.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Yeah, clearly if he was he said he's read a
lot on Widower's Fire. He clearly did a lot of research,
and so.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Does it does it? Does it cover all of it?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
I don't mean just research on that, but he seems
to be well read when.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
It comes to no.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
No, But that's what I mean, like if it if
it's like his widow was in my mind when I
read this was fire is like you know, okay.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
So that sound effect you usually reserved for cunnelingus, but
for those who weren't watching.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
The Channel one, Yeah, no, you went from sobbing you're
masturbating to sobbing.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
That's what I thought it was.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
But if you're just going out and dating and throwing
it around, you're kind of just.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I mean, you are kind of masturbating.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
But you can imagine wrestling with it.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Amen stops, Amen, wrest no no, no, with this feeling
like I would you say your loins are still alive.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
That's what I read in the thing where it was
a woman who was like, my loins were on fire.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
But you're you're wanting to go out, but at the
same time you're in the bathroom at the bar crying.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah no, So instead of doing that, you just sit
at home and you know, wrestle with it.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
It's complicated.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Line three, Hi Eelli in the morning.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi, who's this Michelle?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Michelle? You know where this is going with the first question.
First question, Oh, did you read condolence letters?
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Did I?
Speaker 7 (08:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
We had some good Did you masturbate a lot?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Did I know?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
But I got into a relationship kind of quickly, just
like the last call it.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Oh did you really?
Speaker 7 (08:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
That was that because like the one the I think
it was a woman that I was reading about was like, like, listen,
you still get horny, right, like you're you're still even
though even though your your heart may be sad, your
your your your bagoon is still horny, so you know,
to get after it.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So you did the same thing.
Speaker 7 (08:50):
Yeah, I mean it took up about a year, you know,
but within that year it's it was you met someone
and just looked out, So right.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Did you masturbate it all during that year?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Okay, there you go. There's the widows. How long how
long afterwards you've said it you've messed up? I can't
it doesn't because it doesn't sound right.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
But wouldn't be a widow widows fire widows are you
could depending on if you're a man or a woman,
you can have it? What is the can I ask
you this, ma'am? How How long? How long after until
your first masturbation?
Speaker 8 (09:29):
Oh gosh, I.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Don't Maybe a few months for me because I was
really upset at that time.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, sure, so like two months, three months? And then
you can I can I ask? Can I ask you
one other question? Please don't be offended.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay, sure, toy or no.
Speaker 5 (09:50):
Toy?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Okay, all right, very good, very good. Where are you
calling from Richmond?
Speaker 8 (09:55):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Okay, yeah, no, the phone sounded a little week. All right,
very good, very good. I appreciate it. Thank you, ma'am,
thank you.
Speaker 7 (10:00):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
A couple of months, got right back into it.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
So the thing that stood out in that back and
forth was the yeah, sure, would would your friends describe
you as occasionally because you're uncomfortable a dismissive person to
try to change the topic? Wait, what do you mean
if you're discussing somebody's spouse passing?
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Right?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Assuring them a lot?
Speaker 7 (10:29):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Not normally? Where did I YEA assure them.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
When she said she was really sad?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, no no, but of course you are. Why wouldn't
you be you mean devastated?
Speaker 7 (10:40):
I maybe, Oh, I know, I understand.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Well, don't they know that he said that at the beginning?
Speaker 4 (10:46):
Yes, sure, just came out call earlier, said that we
weren't judging people.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Hi Elliott in the morning? Yeah, Hi, who's this Laric?
And you were a widower? Yes? Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
The well that's what I asked to call Diane.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
How long ago? If you don't mind my asking?
Speaker 6 (11:10):
May two years ago?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh okay, okay, sorry about that. Hey, the the wait
a minute? At that time I tried to add, but
that still gets shot down.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
You know, sir, you know there's no comfort. There's no
comfortable anyway.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
The is that your side?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Gig number one? Number one? Did you get sent condolence letters?
Speaker 6 (11:37):
I got a few of them sent to me. Did
you read them? People?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Now?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
See yeah, no, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Everybody thinks.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Everybody thinks that you would want to read these things?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And was the idea? I don't like. I'm trying.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I'm trying to grieve over losing them, and all you're
doing is telling me what I'm missing.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Yes, Oh wow, A lot of a lot of memories
they had with that person, and you go, yeah, I
don't even know who you are.
Speaker 7 (12:08):
So yeah, like the first guy said, where it was
like they hadn't talked in years, Right, but you do?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Can I let me ask you this. You sound like
you're gonna be honest with me. I love you. You.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You sound like you're you're not upset that they felt
compelled or a desire to do it. And you understand
that it probably comes from a well intentioned place, but
you don't want to read it.
Speaker 6 (12:34):
No, it's the same people that say, oh, if you
need anything, just reach out, knowing that you're never going
to do that, so you you kind of hold that in,
and they send you. They send you letters and saying, hey,
you know, I have this great memory with you know,
your sniffing another and you go, that's that's great. I don't.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
I don't.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
I'm trying to grieve losing her.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Yeah, right, exactly, not the good time you had with her, right, yeah,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
And and again it seems counterintuitive to what you would
what you would think, right, because you would think old
people people want to see this outpouring of that.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And and now I understand.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
That, which is why I, as of today, I will
never write a condolence letter.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
Have you bet just to get a card that says
sorry for your loss?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I mean, if you're that close, you're going to be
involved throughout the process.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
And if not, you don't need me to. You don't
need me to write you a letter, you know, two
months later. Okay, Now let me move on to my
second question. How long? How long? How long afterwards before
you masturbated for the first time?
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Couple? A couple of days? Wow, and there's a there's
a reason why.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah, you were horny.
Speaker 6 (13:45):
No, you're you're so worn out from being sad, right,
you just want something that makes you happy. Can I
ask a lot of people turn to a lot of
people turn to drinking and drugs and things like that.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Nope, Nope, no you you you went to the meet Hey,
can I ask you?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Can I ask you this? And if if you don't
want to answer, I'm not trying to make anybody.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Uncomfortable, right, Okay, when you were masturbating a couple of
days afterwards, were.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
You what were you thinking about? Oh Jesus like.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Were you thinking about her or were you just her pastimes?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Okay, good, good, No, that makes me happy. That makes
me happy.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You got the winnerwer fire.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
Yeah, her pastimes at the end of it.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah sure, no, no, no, I understand like horny times. Yeah,
I get it.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
I get it if somebody was honestly, but if somebody
was just watching or generic random pornographic video, that would
not make you happy.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah no, no, any of it makes me what.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
You're saying because of what he was imagining.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh yeah, no, no, no, no no, it makes me
happy that you're still able to.
Speaker 6 (14:56):
I don't think the I don't think the first priority
at that point was just goes searching porn sites.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Hey, don't.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I didn't judge you.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
All right, very good. Hey, I appreciate the phone call.
Thank you, sir, Thank you. See, I told you it's a.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Legit thing, and it's very clear you're enthralled with this
idea of widow or widower's fire.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
Oh yes, I am. Sympathy cards may have been a setup.
Speaker 9 (15:24):
But I am just completely flabbergases by that, which one
that that people don't read the card, tossing the letters
in the cards.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I was.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I was surprised to read that I was. I was
surprised to read that I would be honest. I was
also surprised to read.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
That people start masturbating so quickly, like I want to
ask my mom about it?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
The card? Do you want me to call her? The cars?
Speaker 5 (15:48):
They feel like?
Speaker 4 (15:49):
She occasionally shared with me, Sorry, ma'am, this is a
two part question. She shared with me some of the
stories that were in the letters, and that was comforting
as a child to hear.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
I don't know, maybe it's just now.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
It was also two widowers who said they didn't read
the cards.
Speaker 5 (16:12):
Could this be a gender thing?
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Do I at a woman?
Speaker 7 (16:16):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Is there Christen understood? Is there a woman on the phone?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Elliot in the morning? Here you go? Yes, Hi? How
are you?
Speaker 8 (16:28):
I'm fine?
Speaker 5 (16:28):
How are you good?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Obviously you lost your husband? Correct, I'm sorry about that.
How long ago, if you don't mind my asking.
Speaker 8 (16:36):
Ten months so I'm relatively fresh.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Oh wow, wow, I'm honestly, I'm very very sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I'm very very sorry.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
I for her to have the strength to call in
the law must appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yes, number one, number one?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Did you get did you get inundated with like condolence
cards and letters and.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Stuff like that?
Speaker 8 (16:56):
You know I did, And I'm kind of on the
same page as Tylerybe. That's just the kind of person
I am. But I read all of them. He passed
from cancer, so we went through what's referred to as
the law goodbye if you will.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Sure.
Speaker 8 (17:10):
I think if he had been diagnosed and died after
only a few months, or it had been something traumatic
like a car accident or something, I would have been
too angry to even open a card. But everybody's different.
Just because of where I was in my grief process,
it was actually really helpful for me to get the
cards and I enjoyed reading them. The majority were from
people that we know, right, but if you were from
(17:32):
his coworkers who I'd never met before, and they shared
just everything that they admired about him, and it was
good for me at the time.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
You know, good good on you.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer,
And maybe it's just ladies read them.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
I was. I was the son of a lady.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Question number two in the last ten months, have you
masturbated yet?
Speaker 8 (17:58):
So I know, and you're a question I have not
experienced what I was fired. It's definitely a thing though
that I had never heard of until I lost my
husband and started going to support group. A lot of
people experience it, and I think if you think about it,
it makes a lot of sense. You're lonely if somebody
(18:18):
goes out and hooks up with somebody, you're just looking
for physical touch and you're just looking at you with
a human being, if you're self pleasuring yourself like the
other colors that I think he hit it spot on,
like you're just looking for to be happy, something other
than sadness. Yeah, you're just looking It's like almost it's
self care, right, like you're just looking to give yourself
a break, to give your body relief, to feel better
(18:40):
in some way, shape or form, as you with Greef.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Go ahead, No, I was gonna say, can I ask
you this? And you're not going to get mad at me?
You know it comes from a good place.
Speaker 8 (18:49):
Now, I love you, Elliott, Now go ahead.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Are you are you envious at all of those that
because you said you you did not experience or have
not yet experienced any uh widows fire?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Which is fine?
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Right?
Speaker 8 (19:01):
Yeah, yea, so far I haven't.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Are you envious of those that do?
Speaker 8 (19:10):
I don't know. That's a really good question. I haven't
thought about it. I don't know that envious is the
right way to look at it. I mean, I'm I
guess it makes me a little bit hopeful that maybe
one day I'll get to a point in my life
that I'll feel like I'm ready to meet somebody, not
that somebody that is experiencing wows fired that's their goal
(19:32):
to meet somebody. For some, it is, for some it isn't.
But it kind of you know that there's there's different
there's different things out there as you're, excuse me, processing
your grief. But I don't know that allows you to
meet other people and find happiness in different ways. I'm
just not there yet.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Okay, Yeah, no, that's fine, that's fine. No, that's great,
that's great. All right, very good, very good. I appreciate it.
Thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Thank you know where he thinks.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Entire show today has been so honest.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
I love it. It's making four very intimate chats
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