Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Let me deal with an issue that'sgoing on inside the studio traumatic. Okay,
So Tyler's so, we're supposed togo to Minneapolis today, right,
and unfortunately we woke up to thisreport that there's major internet issues and everything
(00:22):
all around the world. But Itold you this morning that my power of
positive thinking God was gonna get me. God wants me to see Soul Asylum
in concert tomorrow in their hometown ofMinneapolis, where the Minnesota Yacht Club Festival
is taking place. The first everwe gave away a trip our winter is
sitting at the airport currently, butto be able to go to Minneapolis.
(00:44):
So anyway, right at the endof the last break, Tyler shows me
on his app on his boarding passthat it says the flight has been canceled.
Now, Diane will tell you that'snot true. If the flight hasn't
been canceled. No, well,Kristin excuse me, we'll tell you that
on her boarding pass the flight hasn'tbeen canceled. Tyler pulls up the Delta
(01:04):
website, types in our flight number, and immediately, faster than anything has
ever worked on that computer before,comes a big, big notice that says
canceled. Right, now Diane isstill though after Tyler says, my phone
says canceled and okay please Diane.When Tyler says okay, go ahead that
(01:26):
my phone, the app says canceled, and the website says canceled, Diane
says, nope, I still boardat two nineteen. Update, Well on
yours mind? Does my boarding past? Now says we sincerely apologize that your
flight is canceled? Oh it is? Oh okay. Flight Aware also says
it's canceled. Okay, Diane,you argued with Tyler through the whole braak.
(01:49):
No, we're going about his hisapp showing it. I've got the
same damn app? Right? Wasit? Kay? Language? Language?
But do you think that wait tillI get up to that counter. Delta
is probably having a computer problem.So if it's on flight to where I
believe that? Yes, Kristen.So my app says last three fresh and
(02:13):
updated at seven, and I'm stillwait, you're still boarding. I'm still
boarding at two nineteen and departing attwo fifty nine. Oh excellent, So
you're you're ready to go? Yeah? Now, now Delta is offering me
additional flight options. What are theyoffering us now? This one says,
(02:35):
I don't believe it. What doesit say? It's searching I've heard from
our sweet winter. Omar? Yeah, what it omar says? Hopefully we
board soon. We're going to drinkthis place dry right on. Yet it
omar get after a big man,get after it. So apparently there's not
a glut of alternate flights. SoI still got this spinning. My god?
(03:02):
Can I ask you a question?Are we getting out of here today?
I'll tell you what I am goingto do today. I don't know
for getting out on Delta. Iwill tell you what I am going to
do today, come hell or highwater. I am driving my car to
DCA, and I am parking inthat parking garage. Now there's a six
thirty flight tomorrow morning. Because Ihave already paid for parking. Do I
(03:23):
get that back if they cancel ourflight? Do I get my parking back?
At at National? I too reserved? So I have the same wonder.
How do we just drive to Minneapolis? Oh? My god? Hours
from here to Chicago. Shut yourmouth, Shut your mouth. I'm wrong
(03:46):
with that. We could get driveto Minneapolis seventeen hours. We'll still making
for soul asylum. We'll still andI'm including a stop for gas and a
piss. Diane can take roady stop. You know how drunk I would be.
Okay, that's fine. You're likeomar, Hey, I got a
(04:10):
pier. Yeah no, I'm notstopping. I gotta get there for soul
Asylum. Am I not making itto Minneapolis? You're not making it on
Delta today? Why Diane said there'sa flight? It's there's it's six thirty
tomorrow morning. It gets am.Yes, Kristen, six thirty is the
first am flight tomorrow and there's availabilityon it. Well, I didn't say
(04:32):
that. You know what Tom Good? Idea spirit? What do you have
for me? Baby? So Isend a note to I send a note
to my buddy Josh. But Idon't. I don't know what's wrong,
not not shoehorn. You think Iwould put him in charge anything, Jesus
(04:53):
Christ. I barely put him incharge and taking picture. He's a travel
agent too, hold on, holdon. He has kept us on the
air this morning. Yeah. No, what I said, Josh has been
fantastic today. Would you say twoseconds ago, I wouldn't put him in
charge of anything? The why isGod doing this to me. You want
you to be safe. I amsafe, yeah, by not flying.
(05:14):
But God wanted me to see soulaside. Way it's tomorrow. And the
time difference, there's no time differencean hour. No, isn't Minneapolis East
Coast, No, it is not. Oh so it's only sixteen hours to
get there, but eighteen to getin back. God, oh thank god.
(05:35):
The restaurant we're going to tonight doesn'ttake reservations. I don't have to
cancel those. This sucks the bigone. No, don't just give me
a shrug. I'm shruggling because it'sit's out of your hands. You can't
do anything. What do I doabout my parking at National? I made
seventy dollars? You would hope I'mgonna go park my car there for the
(05:56):
weekend. You would hope that theyrefund that whatever. I'm parking my car
there. This eats it? Whatthat's act of God? That's forest major.
Yeah? What are we though?So you sent a note over what
is the the latest we could leave? You're saying six thirty flight Obviously that
(06:20):
gets you there in time to seea soul Asylum goes on at three local
time? Is that right, well, four, yes, three, which
I didn't realize there was a timechange three o'clock. Yes, So what's
the latest flight we could take out? There's a six thirty, there's an
eight twelve, there's an eleven thirty, eleven thirty. We're not making it
at eight eleven thirty arrives at onepoint seventeen. Oh, we could do
(06:41):
that. Then you gotta get tothe venue, right, That's that's cutting
it really tight. And then you'regoing to be concerned about them playing catch
up, and so we'll see them, and then you're gonna be like,
we're gonna go back to the airportin there. It's either that or we
drive Diane, by the way,and Kristen's been here long enough to understand
(07:03):
this as well. The blessing inall of this is that it's happening on
this side. Were not there there? Yes, that's true. Already.
Do we have to do? Wehave to remind you about the last time.
What was the last time Charleston happenedin Buffalo? Was the bad one?
Because Buffalo we were eating pizza Buffalo. We went to the airport,
(07:27):
port, Yeah, on Saturday,Yeah, and I had been drinking at
the Caps game. That's right alot. I mean, if it wasn't
for Sein guy, we'd never known. Well, if it weren't for Sein
guy, you would have known whatwas happening on the ice. I must
have the game. The no no. But so here's and I don't know
if this matters. I'm not atravel agent. My buddy, Josh is
(07:48):
is a travel agent. And thelast thing he said to me when we
booked the flights was, hey,is there it's it's X amount for the
flight. It's add several hundred tripinsurance, no non refundable, refundable forable.
And he was like, is thereany chance this flight doesn't happen?
(08:09):
I was like, no, nonrefundable, book it, damn it.
But this is on the airline side. They owe us. Diane SAIDs you
got to note that they're happy toassist with suggested punchments. So what happens
if you select the six I'm notgoing to click accept this flight. No,
Let Josh do it. Let Joshdo it now. Josh is probably
(08:31):
not dealing with anybody else, right, I do think we can get our
money refunded for parking. Oh tellme how, because if not, I'm
treating it as a covered parking lot. This weekend, I'll go park my
car there. They talk about flexiblechanges. That's me if something in your
(08:52):
travel plans is altered, you areable as long as you get to them
an hour before. Oh, I'llget to them, but immediately. So
I think we're okay there, okay, good. My app still says I'm
still flying today, So I'm not. We're not on that flight. Absolutely
(09:13):
not. No, that flight's done. This isn't. We've learned about that.
They can say delayed, delayed,delayed, and then say just kidding,
it's not delayed. But once theysay canceled, you're canceled. It's
done. Can you check the siteagain? Yes? Please, you're right
it. You know what. I'mnot a religious person, but today I
knew I was going to see himbecause God wanted me to see Soul Asylum.
(09:37):
Due to an operational issue, we'vecanceled the flight. We're sorry for
the inconvenience. Not I'm mad atGod. I use the gift of perner
saying can you help me remember howto smile? So? Am I not
(09:58):
going to Minneapolis this weekend? Maybenot just today? Oh, Kenneth checking
in from Iceland is three oh fiveflight to b WI still on time.
See, well, how come theycan do it? Okay? In Iceland's
global and they got they got flyovergeysers and stuff and volcanoes, and Julio
(10:20):
sends over the note. And wedid talk about this that this was Delta
United American communication issues tied to thecrowd fire whatever that is patch that came
through overnight to update the systems.Elliot knows that. But when something affects
him, take for instance, coronavirus, it only Julio affects him and no
(10:46):
one else. Yeah, no,listen, I don't want anybody. Everybody's
got problems. According to a postfrom Bow, seventeen hundred of flight seven
canceled so far today we deal withthis one ongoing issue and nineteen thousand flights
have been delayed. The hardest you'regetting out on times. By the way,
(11:11):
please don't know you were the onethat was like crapping on Tyler's head.
No, I'm going to fight.It was weird that mine wasn't canceled.
Yeah, Christ, Christ's still goingokay, Well, don't deflect,
Yeah canceled. Oh no, yourwife's texting me. According to aline,
would she find a dog that Ihave? Well, now that he's not
(11:33):
going away, I got chores forhim this weekend. The hell you do.
I'm going to stay in a hotelsomewhere. What. According to airline
geeks, the hardest hit is Delta, which is canceled as of seven forty
Eastern Times, so ten minutes agohas canceled over three hundred flights, right,
can they put one back? Like? Did you check that? In
those flights that are possible, thosearen't canceled yet, not yet, I
(11:56):
mean for six thirty tomorrow morning.They're being optimistic schedule, So Josh is
gonna send me a note back?Well, yeah, it's not gonna be
an option if you're trying to getout today and we must and can't risk
going tomorrow morning. We're not flyingDelta. No, yeah, so so
(12:16):
josh Is, But I get thatmoney. It's not your fault. So
yeah, okay, all right,all right now I don't want to go
now. The earliest flight available isthe eleven thirty tomorrow. We gotta get
on it. Why didn't you buy? Yeah, we gotta get on it.
I'm afraid to click anything. Whyare you yesterday? I bought Thursday
night tickets to see Taylor's snowe toMinnesota. Now there is one that's the
(12:46):
non stop. We could take theeight am with a layover and get there
at three. I can't do that. Sol asylums on in three. Yes,
Chris, did your wife would likeyou to call her right now?
On the air? Yes? Shesaid, have him call me on the
air the home phone. Ye,on the air? Did she say?
On the air? She was goingto call in? So I went to
(13:09):
send her the number, and thenshe said, can you please have Elliott
call me the home phone? Okay? Is it nine one? Okay,
I remember this. We are stillin news. Yeah. No, I
just don't want you to take abreak in her josh Off, No,
but this is affecting me. Canwe foster the Great Dane Boxers? Hi?
(13:46):
Jackie? How are you? I'mwell? Thank you and yourself good?
You're on the air. Oh awesome? Okay, Well, Kristen said
that I had to call you immediately. Yes, because it's about your trip.
Oh yeah, what did you Youcan go tomorrow? Like? What
time? Though? Solo Asylum goeson at three and God wants me to
(14:07):
see sol Asylum? They go onat three pm tomorrow Central time. Yeah,
Josh, what time can they gotomorrow? Oh? You're talking to
Josh. Yes, I didn't reallythink I was going to do this on
the air. Yeah, well,Kristen said I had to. Okay,
little land at one. Okay,let me let me let me do that.
(14:28):
Hey, Jack, tell tell Joshgo take a piss or something.
I'm the well, what do youwant me to do? She's turning out.
I understand that, But I'm alsotrying to help you. I know,
and I'm trying to do a radioshow. I understand, which is
part of the reason why I'm tryingto help you. Yes, wait,
so were we going? Dian?Wait? So were we going? At
(14:56):
eleven? We need to discuss thisduring a break. It's gonna be cutting.
I need Yeah, you need todecide how important is that you want
to go? Josh asked me ifyou would drive, that's what I wanted
to do. That's what I wanteddid It's seventeen hours because of the time
change, but eighteen coming back?All right, Hey, Jack, busy,
(15:16):
busy it up with Josh. I'llbe there in a second. Okay,
Okay, by the way, Okay, thank you. I love you.
Okay, Well go just hang upthen that's fine. I have good
news and bad news. Which onedo you want? Let's go with the
good. Absolutely, that's a goodcall, Diane. Good news are winner
Omar who's going to the Minnesota YachtClub Music Festival this weekend. Good news
(15:39):
he boarded his flight. Yep,So is it is it? Is it
safe to assume everything's fixed? No? I do see an alert. Delta
has resumed some departures, which wouldno. No, I didn't even mean.
I didn't even mean like them playingketchup and stuff. But like in
terms of like is banking back online? Is my banking was back? Okay,
so it looks like maybe that noweverybody's going to play catch up.
(16:00):
I understand that. But in termsof getting things going, I mean nine
to one one call centers were scary. That's that. I mean, listen,
I feel bad that Omar was acouple hours late on his flight,
but like, if there's emergencies,medical emergencies that where people's lives are at
risk, that's a problem. Evendoctors' visits. It's a scheduled maybe not
(16:21):
as urgent care as necessary. Butthey were saying that worldwide booking systems were
thrown off and people were having troublegetting to their appointments. That sucks,
very scary. Sorry the the yougotta eat through it. So the good
(16:44):
news is our winner got well.The good news is it looks like systems
are back online. Yeah. Secondbit of good news, omar our winner
he boarded his flight. Bad news. We ain't going no, man,
no, here's the problem. Here'sthe problem. Like two months a lead
off. Oh oh please, Solosilm'splaying tomorrow in their hometown. I was
(17:11):
going to go to the first Avenuedance a tarrium where they broke out of
get a shirt. See the World'sthe biggest candy store. Okay, Now,
I can't tell if you're being honestor if you're now I was to
go there, right. What aboutHooters at the mall, the Mall of
America. Actually that's the one.Yeah, no, that's awesome. We
(17:33):
had a whole weekend plan. Mostpeople said we were crazy to think we
can fit all that in our time. Though, those people are crazy to
think that we can't. Well,we can't anymore, are you? Okay
he's chewing I mean still, he'sactually chewing too sufficiently. So he's not
(17:55):
going to have eggs in the tube, thank you, well, I'm not
eating the eggs. Eight around theeggs, oh, meeting the sausage.
No. So a couple of placeswhere you run into problems and and you
guys didn't think of this earlier.Earlier our flight was canceled. Yes,
our flight has been so yes becauseof all this. Our our flight today
was canceled, not delayed, canceledoutright canceled. It took time for us
(18:19):
all to accept that, but itwas canceled. And then the what you
call it, Then we couldn't geta flight out today at all. Right,
Diane gave us those times and thenthey started disappearing immediately. So,
Josh, my buddy, who isa travel travel agent at a very high
(18:41):
level. Is that like real estateagent and realtor the no no, no,
no, no, no travelatur Butpart of the problem was we weren't
getting there to get if if hecould have gotten us out of there,
out of here, he wasn't gettingus out of here together. Some of
(19:06):
us were gonna have and we werenot getting out of here today. It
would have been tomorrow, It wouldhave been tomorrow, tomorrow was the earliest
he could get us out of here. Some of us would have been on
a flight with a couple of layovers. There may have been one of us
that could have been on a directflight. I bet I know who that
was, Ronnie, But there therewas, there was so by the way,
(19:32):
Diane, that would have topped allthose grievances yesterday. What's that Elliott
would have pulled some garbage like thathe got a direct flight. It's not
whoever Josh booked. Three of ushad like two stops. Yes, one
of them definitely had two stops,and none of us were on the same
flight. But then I was like, I don't even know that we would
(19:53):
have gotten in if any of us, or like the other two are gonna
have to wait at the airport forthe other two to well, No,
but I don't I don't even knowif I would have been the one on
the direct flight, if I hadto guess, but if I if I
could have gotten out, But thenI gotta spend all day as a goddamn
airport shuttle and I'm not seeing anything. And by the way, that's if
we even could have all gotten flights. And for those of you who have
(20:15):
sent over screenshots. I guess you'remade of money. Some of the flights
that you can get, maybe asa single flyer today thousand dollars. I
mean they are gouging. It isalso a day off. I understand that,
but at this point it's crazy.So yeah, that wasn't even an
(20:36):
option. It's like it wasn't likeJoshua was like, hey, I can
get Diane on a flight eighteen hundreddollars, three stops. You imagine,
now, josh did want to knowabout driving. Kristen is still for that
year. She was saying, dowick come on, it's sixteen hours.
(21:00):
No, it's not coming back.No, think about that. If we
left right now, which were not, you'd probably leave closer to like,
let's say noon eleven thirty. Yeah, so say if we left at noon
right, which would be hard todo, regardless, we wouldn't get in
until four or five o'clock tomorrow morning. Cool, And that's driving straight through,
(21:26):
no stops, and you'd be like, sleep, sleep, we got
stuff to do. I assume Iwould be driving. You can sleep,
you cleft in the damn car,if you could deal with the ashes hit
your face. I can't see thespoon Bridge and Cherry. Are you sure
we're here? And where's Mary TylerMoore? But then we'd have to turn
(21:49):
around and come right back. Ohman, this STIGs. Yeah, I
told you it sucks on the highholy hard one. Well you just took
the words out of my mouth.But I I just I I'm really disappointed
because, as we said earlier inthe week, is playing their hometown.
(22:11):
Well, but you've also seen Solosign before, not in their hometown.
It was the first time destination.Yeah, that's what I was even more
so excited about experiencing a place whichwe got so many great tips and recommendations
for for the first time. Ieven wanted to try to jam in a
couple of innings of the Twins game, or just hang out at the Loon
(22:38):
or do anything. I'm not goingto get that. Oh no, oh
that's up there with Hooters. Whatabout No, never mind, So it's
not going to happen. It's notgonna happen, and I feel horrible.
I feel horrible. But the newsat least our winters going. I am
(23:02):
very grateful that he was able toboard. Yeah. I don't even know
who his plus one is, butit'd be cool. If I would have
been bad, way we both couldhave seen sol asylum. Okay, Tom's
right, at least the winner isgoing, that's the most important thing.
Who said that? Tom for thegood squad? Look at that he gets
(23:22):
it, And John writes, youshould drive? My friend did it in
fourteen hours? Can I ask?Can I ask his friend a question?
Did you do it? With Dianein the car? It would it would
be fourteen hours, but it wouldfeel like a month. Honestly, with
(23:45):
Kristen still cheering for the drive.I it's not even a case of careful
what you wish for. As awarning, I know what that drive would
do to the relationships on this show. It would be it would be no,
Diane would be unbearable, fatal forour careers as a unit. Yeah,
(24:11):
it wrong. I told you I'mabout three hours in a car,
right, Well, this would belike making that five times. My back
hurt's thinking about being in your car. Why you're not driving? You're not
driving? I would drive. Listenif everybody, if everybody was like,
listen, Elliott, we need tohave an intervention. We were driving.
(24:36):
I go. It's but Diane isgoing to be part of that intervention doesn't
make sense. I would, butit just doesn't make sense. Do you
want me to ask Joshua was goingto get the direct flight? Yes,
Tyler. Now from Instagram, peopleare like, wait, you guys have
a flight back, so you onlyhave to drive one way? Good point,
(25:00):
do you get if? That isa good question? Though, If
you have a round trip flight butyou don't do the first part of it,
can you still use the second part? I've never done that. I
don't know. Is that that thatskip jogging thing? Oh? What is
that? Skip lagging? Oh?Pigeon jogging is what I was thinking of,
(25:22):
skip lacking or whatever. I don'tknow what. I don't know what
it is. Yeah, skip wlagingis at different because you, because it's
in the middle, also are intendingto go on the second leg of a
flight or whatever. Right, butnow we're only using the second leg of
a flight. Yeah, I don'tI don't even know if you could do
that. I feel like that getsyou flagged. Wow, what I was
just looking at some pictures that peopleare sending abdullas it's not clearing out anytime
(25:45):
soon. Yeah, but we weren'tflying out a dullas. I know,
But It just illustrates what we've sawit national, we saw what Richmond look
like. I'm saying like it's goingto take a while, So enjoy our
seats. Man and Soul Asylum justfollowed us yesterday on Instagram. Did they
really? God damn it. They'repretty excited that we were all into their
(26:10):
new single. Great song, greatband, one of the greatest bands of
all time. You told us yesterdaywe were going to see the greatest rock
and roll band on Earth. Oh? Could I go to line four?
That's a good suggestion. Hi Elliein the morning. Hey doing, how
you doing? Man? Hey,what's going on? Dude? Yo?
(26:32):
I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin. Sois Diane needed to take a peek break?
I mean, my dad has arestaurant downtown Apple like you could grab
a drink in and you're a nahortoo? Oh wow? See Diane?
And how far is Appleton, wisconsintfrom herenneaol from Minneapolis. I think it's
about five hours? Five hours.That's not bad, right, that's not
bad? All right? Very good, very good, Thank you, my
(26:56):
friend, thank you. I canget everybody in the Minneapolis by ten pm
tomorrow night. I think the curfewon the show is yeah, oh,
you're not making it to the venue. And then you got that Sunday morning
flight. And that's the thing toremember. This is a Friday Saturday festival.
So if you don't go till tomorrow, you do miss half the show.
(27:18):
Oh no, at least three fourthof us would see nobody tomorrow.
Yeah, so you can't so disappointed. You can't. Now what are you
doing? I was just saying,if they're any updates, what update are
you looking for? They're going tosend you a note that says, hey,
your flight's back on psych I don'tknow, and you can't blame the
airline. It was a vendor technologyissue. Yeah, stop it. It
(27:44):
was no I knowstrike people because you'dbe like, oh, it's not Microsoft
the no, no, no,no, but it's a vendor service.
It's got screwed up. Oh ohgreat, a question just came in.
Answer it. It should be thelast one. Okay, then let me
go to line seven. Hi Elliein the morning. Hey, yeah,
(28:07):
Hi, who's this? Hey?This is Mike. Hey. Have you
thought about calling your buddy? Thatgot you on air Force water probably gets
you a pretty quick you know what, It's not the dumbest idea ever.
And I mean, listen, it'snot like Air Force one's being used for
anything else this weekend. So maybeI actually, you know what I mean.
(28:30):
As sad as it is, Iactually thought for a moment of like,
hey, who do I know inthe military, But I don't think
a military flight is going to takeus to Minneapolis. No, well you
don't know that. Hey, youand that giant c one th No,
no, but like to call thepeople, like we know people? But
how do I call Quantico and go, hey, they're plane kicking around that
(28:52):
we could just take off in Terrysays you can call Greyhound. Now I
have to put my foot down.I'm not going. I know, oh
elliote boogie in Eliots boogie bus.I'll take a train all day. I
(29:14):
Am not getting on Greyhound to goto Minneapolis. I have no problem with
city buses. I have no problemwith buses. I ain't taking Greyhound.
I'm a Peter pan guy. Okay, what's the question? Well, first,
oh, yes, from Instagram.If you don't take your outbound flight,
(29:34):
your return cancels. But our outboundflight was canceled. It was Oh,
I think I thought you meant likecoming back. I thought you mean
coming back. So all right,so that's gone. But the question,
that's what you wanted? I pullit back up here. Oh no,
(29:59):
what does this mean for Elliott's weekendmasturbation plans. You know what I'm gonna
do. I'm gonna make it.I'm gonna make a promise right here and
now. It may not be bothnights. No, you know what.
I'm gonna make you a promise.Now I have to see. Maybe I
play my old man hockey game tomorrownight, but I'll be thrilled. Are
(30:25):
they? Are they? The differencebetween winning and losing just showed up?
No, no, no, youknow what. I'm gonna make a promise.
I don't know what day. Idon't know what day, but for
the concern, I promise you eithertonight or tomorrow night, or both,
I will masturbate this weekend. Diane, who's with me? But you know
(30:52):
what, listener, consider it done, Consider it done, Turkey done,
Consider it done, Yellow pea shiver. We could drive. We ain't taking
Greyhound though. I bet someone's masterriding on that bus, probably right behind me.
Let me deal with an issue that'sgoing on inside the studio traumatic. Okay,
So Tyler's so, we're supposed togo to Minneapolis today, right,
and unfortunately we woke up to thisreport that there's major internet issues and everything
(00:22):
all around the world. But Itold you this morning that my power of
positive thinking God was gonna get me. God wants me to see Soul Asylum
in concert tomorrow in their hometown ofMinneapolis, where the Minnesota Yacht Club Festival
is taking place. The first everwe gave away a trip our winter is
sitting at the airport currently, butto be able to go to Minneapolis.
(00:44):
So anyway, right at the endof the last break, Tyler shows me
on his app on his boarding passthat it says the flight has been canceled.
Now, Diane will tell you that'snot true. If the flight hasn't
been canceled. No, well,Kristin excuse me, we'll tell you that
on her boarding pass the flight hasn'tbeen canceled. Tyler pulls up the Delta
(01:04):
website, types in our flight number, and immediately, faster than anything has
ever worked on that computer before,comes a big, big notice that says
canceled. Right, now Diane isstill though after Tyler says, my phone
says canceled and okay please Diane.When Tyler says okay, go ahead that
(01:26):
my phone, the app says canceled, and the website says canceled, Diane
says, nope, I still boardat two nineteen. Update, Well on
yours mind? Does my boarding past? Now says we sincerely apologize that your
flight is canceled? Oh it is? Oh okay. Flight Aware also says
it's canceled. Okay, Diane,you argued with Tyler through the whole braak.
(01:49):
No, we're going about his hisapp showing it. I've got the
same damn app? Right? Wasit? Kay? Language? Language?
But do you think that wait tillI get up to that counter. Delta
is probably having a computer problem.So if it's on flight to where I
believe that? Yes, Kristen.So my app says last three fresh and
(02:13):
updated at seven, and I'm stillwait, you're still boarding. I'm still
boarding at two nineteen and departing attwo fifty nine. Oh excellent, So
you're you're ready to go? Yeah? Now, now Delta is offering me
additional flight options. What are theyoffering us now? This one says,
(02:35):
I don't believe it. What doesit say? It's searching I've heard from
our sweet winter. Omar? Yeah, what it omar says? Hopefully we
board soon. We're going to drinkthis place dry right on. Yet it
omar get after a big man,get after it. So apparently there's not
a glut of alternate flights. SoI still got this spinning. My god?
(03:02):
Can I ask you a question?Are we getting out of here today?
I'll tell you what I am goingto do today. I don't know
for getting out on Delta. Iwill tell you what I am going to
do today, come hell or highwater. I am driving my car to
DCA, and I am parking inthat parking garage. Now there's a six
thirty flight tomorrow morning. Because Ihave already paid for parking. Do I
(03:23):
get that back if they cancel ourflight? Do I get my parking back?
At at National? I too reserved? So I have the same wonder.
How do we just drive to Minneapolis? Oh? My god? Hours
from here to Chicago. Shut yourmouth, Shut your mouth. I'm wrong
(03:46):
with that. We could get driveto Minneapolis seventeen hours. We'll still making
for soul asylum. We'll still andI'm including a stop for gas and a
piss. Diane can take roady stop. You know how drunk I would be.
Okay, that's fine. You're likeomar, Hey, I got a
(04:10):
pier. Yeah no, I'm notstopping. I gotta get there for soul
Asylum. Am I not making itto Minneapolis? You're not making it on
Delta today? Why Diane said there'sa flight? It's there's it's six thirty
tomorrow morning. It gets am.Yes, Kristen, six thirty is the
first am flight tomorrow and there's availabilityon it. Well, I didn't say
(04:32):
that. You know what Tom Good? Idea spirit? What do you have
for me? Baby? So Isend a note to I send a note
to my buddy Josh. But Idon't. I don't know what's wrong,
not not shoehorn. You think Iwould put him in charge anything, Jesus
(04:53):
Christ. I barely put him incharge and taking picture. He's a travel
agent too, hold on, holdon. He has kept us on the
air this morning. Yeah. No, what I said, Josh has been
fantastic today. Would you say twoseconds ago, I wouldn't put him in
charge of anything? The why isGod doing this to me. You want
you to be safe. I amsafe, yeah, by not flying.
(05:14):
But God wanted me to see soulaside. Way it's tomorrow. And the
time difference, there's no time differencean hour. No, isn't Minneapolis East
Coast, No, it is not. Oh so it's only sixteen hours to
get there, but eighteen to getin back. God, oh thank god.
(05:35):
The restaurant we're going to tonight doesn'ttake reservations. I don't have to
cancel those. This sucks the bigone. No, don't just give me
a shrug. I'm shruggling because it'sit's out of your hands. You can't
do anything. What do I doabout my parking at National? I made
seventy dollars? You would hope I'mgonna go park my car there for the
(05:56):
weekend. You would hope that theyrefund that whatever. I'm parking my car
there. This eats it? Whatthat's act of God? That's forest major.
Yeah? What are we though?So you sent a note over what
is the the latest we could leave? You're saying six thirty flight Obviously that
(06:20):
gets you there in time to seea soul Asylum goes on at three local
time? Is that right, well, four, yes, three, which
I didn't realize there was a timechange three o'clock. Yes, So what's
the latest flight we could take out? There's a six thirty, there's an
eight twelve, there's an eleven thirty, eleven thirty. We're not making it
at eight eleven thirty arrives at onepoint seventeen. Oh, we could do
(06:41):
that. Then you gotta get tothe venue, right, That's that's cutting
it really tight. And then you'regoing to be concerned about them playing catch
up, and so we'll see them, and then you're gonna be like,
we're gonna go back to the airportin there. It's either that or we
drive Diane, by the way,and Kristen's been here long enough to understand
(07:03):
this as well. The blessing inall of this is that it's happening on
this side. Were not there there? Yes, that's true. Already.
Do we have to do? Wehave to remind you about the last time.
What was the last time Charleston happenedin Buffalo? Was the bad one?
Because Buffalo we were eating pizza Buffalo. We went to the airport,
(07:27):
port, Yeah, on Saturday,Yeah, and I had been drinking at
the Caps game. That's right alot. I mean, if it wasn't
for Sein guy, we'd never known. Well, if it weren't for Sein
guy, you would have known whatwas happening on the ice. I must
have the game. The no no. But so here's and I don't know
if this matters. I'm not atravel agent. My buddy, Josh is
(07:48):
is a travel agent. And thelast thing he said to me when we
booked the flights was, hey,is there it's it's X amount for the
flight. It's add several hundred tripinsurance, no non refundable, refundable forable.
And he was like, is thereany chance this flight doesn't happen?
(08:09):
I was like, no, nonrefundable, book it, damn it.
But this is on the airline side. They owe us. Diane SAIDs you
got to note that they're happy toassist with suggested punchments. So what happens
if you select the six I'm notgoing to click accept this flight. No,
Let Josh do it. Let Joshdo it now. Josh is probably
(08:31):
not dealing with anybody else, right, I do think we can get our
money refunded for parking. Oh tellme how, because if not, I'm
treating it as a covered parking lot. This weekend, I'll go park my
car there. They talk about flexiblechanges. That's me if something in your
(08:52):
travel plans is altered, you areable as long as you get to them
an hour before. Oh, I'llget to them, but immediately. So
I think we're okay there, okay, good. My app still says I'm
still flying today, So I'm not. We're not on that flight. Absolutely
(09:13):
not. No, that flight's done. This isn't. We've learned about that.
They can say delayed, delayed,delayed, and then say just kidding,
it's not delayed. But once theysay canceled, you're canceled. It's
done. Can you check the siteagain? Yes? Please, you're right
it. You know what. I'mnot a religious person, but today I
knew I was going to see himbecause God wanted me to see Soul Asylum.
(09:37):
Due to an operational issue, we'vecanceled the flight. We're sorry for
the inconvenience. Not I'm mad atGod. I use the gift of perner
saying can you help me remember howto smile? So? Am I not
(09:58):
going to Minneapolis this weekend? Maybenot just today? Oh, Kenneth checking
in from Iceland is three oh fiveflight to b WI still on time.
See, well, how come theycan do it? Okay? In Iceland's
global and they got they got flyovergeysers and stuff and volcanoes, and Julio
(10:20):
sends over the note. And wedid talk about this that this was Delta
United American communication issues tied to thecrowd fire whatever that is patch that came
through overnight to update the systems.Elliot knows that. But when something affects
him, take for instance, coronavirus, it only Julio affects him and no
(10:46):
one else. Yeah, no,listen, I don't want anybody. Everybody's
got problems. According to a postfrom Bow, seventeen hundred of flight seven
canceled so far today we deal withthis one ongoing issue and nineteen thousand flights
have been delayed. The hardest you'regetting out on times. By the way,
(11:11):
please don't know you were the onethat was like crapping on Tyler's head.
No, I'm going to fight.It was weird that mine wasn't canceled.
Yeah, Christ, Christ's still goingokay, Well, don't deflect,
Yeah canceled. Oh no, yourwife's texting me. According to aline,
would she find a dog that Ihave? Well, now that he's not
(11:33):
going away, I got chores forhim this weekend. The hell you do.
I'm going to stay in a hotelsomewhere. What. According to airline
geeks, the hardest hit is Delta, which is canceled as of seven forty
Eastern Times, so ten minutes agohas canceled over three hundred flights, right,
can they put one back? Like? Did you check that? In
those flights that are possible, thosearen't canceled yet, not yet, I
(11:56):
mean for six thirty tomorrow morning.They're being optimistic schedule, So Josh is
gonna send me a note back?Well, yeah, it's not gonna be
an option if you're trying to getout today and we must and can't risk
going tomorrow morning. We're not flyingDelta. No, yeah, so so
(12:16):
josh Is, But I get thatmoney. It's not your fault. So
yeah, okay, all right,all right now I don't want to go
now. The earliest flight available isthe eleven thirty tomorrow. We gotta get
on it. Why didn't you buy? Yeah, we gotta get on it.
I'm afraid to click anything. Whyare you yesterday? I bought Thursday
night tickets to see Taylor's snowe toMinnesota. Now there is one that's the
(12:46):
non stop. We could take theeight am with a layover and get there
at three. I can't do that. Sol asylums on in three. Yes,
Chris, did your wife would likeyou to call her right now?
On the air? Yes? Shesaid, have him call me on the
air the home phone. Ye,on the air? Did she say?
On the air? She was goingto call in? So I went to
(13:09):
send her the number, and thenshe said, can you please have Elliott
call me the home phone? Okay? Is it nine one? Okay,
I remember this. We are stillin news. Yeah. No, I
just don't want you to take abreak in her josh Off, No,
but this is affecting me. Canwe foster the Great Dane Boxers? Hi?
(13:46):
Jackie? How are you? I'mwell? Thank you and yourself good?
You're on the air. Oh awesome? Okay, Well, Kristen said
that I had to call you immediately. Yes, because it's about your trip.
Oh yeah, what did you Youcan go tomorrow? Like? What
time? Though? Solo Asylum goeson at three and God wants me to
(14:07):
see sol Asylum? They go onat three pm tomorrow Central time. Yeah,
Josh, what time can they gotomorrow? Oh? You're talking to
Josh. Yes, I didn't reallythink I was going to do this on
the air. Yeah, well,Kristen said I had to. Okay,
little land at one. Okay,let me let me let me do that.
(14:28):
Hey, Jack, tell tell Joshgo take a piss or something.
I'm the well, what do youwant me to do? She's turning out.
I understand that, But I'm alsotrying to help you. I know,
and I'm trying to do a radioshow. I understand, which is
part of the reason why I'm tryingto help you. Yes, wait,
so were we going? Dian?Wait? So were we going? At
(14:56):
eleven? We need to discuss thisduring a break. It's gonna be cutting.
I need Yeah, you need todecide how important is that you want
to go? Josh asked me ifyou would drive, that's what I wanted
to do. That's what I wanteddid It's seventeen hours because of the time
change, but eighteen coming back?All right, Hey, Jack, busy,
(15:16):
busy it up with Josh. I'llbe there in a second. Okay,
Okay, by the way, Okay, thank you. I love you.
Okay, Well go just hang upthen that's fine. I have good
news and bad news. Which onedo you want? Let's go with the
good. Absolutely, that's a goodcall, Diane. Good news are winner
Omar who's going to the Minnesota YachtClub Music Festival this weekend. Good news
(15:39):
he boarded his flight. Yep,So is it is it? Is it
safe to assume everything's fixed? No? I do see an alert. Delta
has resumed some departures, which wouldno. No, I didn't even mean.
I didn't even mean like them playingketchup and stuff. But like in
terms of like is banking back online? Is my banking was back? Okay,
so it looks like maybe that noweverybody's going to play catch up.
(16:00):
I understand that. But in termsof getting things going, I mean nine
to one one call centers were scary. That's that. I mean, listen,
I feel bad that Omar was acouple hours late on his flight,
but like, if there's emergencies,medical emergencies that where people's lives are at
risk, that's a problem. Evendoctors' visits. It's a scheduled maybe not
(16:21):
as urgent care as necessary. Butthey were saying that worldwide booking systems were
thrown off and people were having troublegetting to their appointments. That sucks,
very scary. Sorry the the yougotta eat through it. So the good
(16:44):
news is our winner got well.The good news is it looks like systems
are back online. Yeah. Secondbit of good news, omar our winner
he boarded his flight. Bad news. We ain't going no, man,
no, here's the problem. Here'sthe problem. Like two months a lead
off. Oh oh please, Solosilm'splaying tomorrow in their hometown. I was
(17:11):
going to go to the first Avenuedance a tarrium where they broke out of
get a shirt. See the World'sthe biggest candy store. Okay, Now,
I can't tell if you're being honestor if you're now I was to
go there, right. What aboutHooters at the mall, the Mall of
America. Actually that's the one.Yeah, no, that's awesome. We
(17:33):
had a whole weekend plan. Mostpeople said we were crazy to think we
can fit all that in our time. Though, those people are crazy to
think that we can't. Well,we can't anymore, are you? Okay
he's chewing I mean still, he'sactually chewing too sufficiently. So he's not
(17:55):
going to have eggs in the tube, thank you, well, I'm not
eating the eggs. Eight around theeggs, oh, meeting the sausage.
No. So a couple of placeswhere you run into problems and and you
guys didn't think of this earlier.Earlier our flight was canceled. Yes,
our flight has been so yes becauseof all this. Our our flight today
was canceled, not delayed, canceledoutright canceled. It took time for us
(18:19):
all to accept that, but itwas canceled. And then the what you
call it, Then we couldn't geta flight out today at all. Right,
Diane gave us those times and thenthey started disappearing immediately. So,
Josh, my buddy, who isa travel travel agent at a very high
(18:41):
level. Is that like real estateagent and realtor the no no, no,
no, no, no travelatur Butpart of the problem was we weren't
getting there to get if if hecould have gotten us out of there,
out of here, he wasn't gettingus out of here together. Some of
(19:06):
us were gonna have and we werenot getting out of here today. It
would have been tomorrow, It wouldhave been tomorrow, tomorrow was the earliest
he could get us out of here. Some of us would have been on
a flight with a couple of layovers. There may have been one of us
that could have been on a directflight. I bet I know who that
was, Ronnie, But there therewas, there was so by the way,
(19:32):
Diane, that would have topped allthose grievances yesterday. What's that Elliott
would have pulled some garbage like thathe got a direct flight. It's not
whoever Josh booked. Three of ushad like two stops. Yes, one
of them definitely had two stops,and none of us were on the same
flight. But then I was like, I don't even know that we would
(19:53):
have gotten in if any of us, or like the other two are gonna
have to wait at the airport forthe other two to well, No,
but I don't I don't even knowif I would have been the one on
the direct flight, if I hadto guess, but if I if I
could have gotten out, But thenI gotta spend all day as a goddamn
airport shuttle and I'm not seeing anything. And by the way, that's if
we even could have all gotten flights. And for those of you who have
(20:15):
sent over screenshots. I guess you'remade of money. Some of the flights
that you can get, maybe asa single flyer today thousand dollars. I
mean they are gouging. It isalso a day off. I understand that,
but at this point it's crazy.So yeah, that wasn't even an
(20:36):
option. It's like it wasn't likeJoshua was like, hey, I can
get Diane on a flight eighteen hundreddollars, three stops. You imagine,
now, josh did want to knowabout driving. Kristen is still for that
year. She was saying, dowick come on, it's sixteen hours.
(21:00):
No, it's not coming back.No, think about that. If we
left right now, which were not, you'd probably leave closer to like,
let's say noon eleven thirty. Yeah, so say if we left at noon
right, which would be hard todo, regardless, we wouldn't get in
until four or five o'clock tomorrow morning. Cool, And that's driving straight through,
(21:26):
no stops, and you'd be like, sleep, sleep, we got
stuff to do. I assume Iwould be driving. You can sleep,
you cleft in the damn car,if you could deal with the ashes hit
your face. I can't see thespoon Bridge and Cherry. Are you sure
we're here? And where's Mary TylerMoore? But then we'd have to turn
(21:49):
around and come right back. Ohman, this STIGs. Yeah, I
told you it sucks on the highholy hard one. Well you just took
the words out of my mouth.But I I just I I'm really disappointed
because, as we said earlier inthe week, is playing their hometown.
(22:11):
Well, but you've also seen Solosign before, not in their hometown.
It was the first time destination.Yeah, that's what I was even more
so excited about experiencing a place whichwe got so many great tips and recommendations
for for the first time. Ieven wanted to try to jam in a
couple of innings of the Twins game, or just hang out at the Loon
(22:38):
or do anything. I'm not goingto get that. Oh no, oh
that's up there with Hooters. Whatabout No, never mind, So it's
not going to happen. It's notgonna happen, and I feel horrible.
I feel horrible. But the newsat least our winters going. I am
(23:02):
very grateful that he was able toboard. Yeah. I don't even know
who his plus one is, butit'd be cool. If I would have
been bad, way we both couldhave seen sol asylum. Okay, Tom's
right, at least the winner isgoing, that's the most important thing.
Who said that? Tom for thegood squad? Look at that he gets
(23:22):
it, And John writes, youshould drive? My friend did it in
fourteen hours? Can I ask?Can I ask his friend a question?
Did you do it? With Dianein the car? It would it would
be fourteen hours, but it wouldfeel like a month. Honestly, with
(23:45):
Kristen still cheering for the drive.I it's not even a case of careful
what you wish for. As awarning, I know what that drive would
do to the relationships on this show. It would be it would be no,
Diane would be unbearable, fatal forour careers as a unit. Yeah,
(24:11):
it wrong. I told you I'mabout three hours in a car,
right, Well, this would belike making that five times. My back
hurt's thinking about being in your car. Why you're not driving? You're not
driving? I would drive. Listenif everybody, if everybody was like,
listen, Elliott, we need tohave an intervention. We were driving.
(24:36):
I go. It's but Diane isgoing to be part of that intervention doesn't
make sense. I would, butit just doesn't make sense. Do you
want me to ask Joshua was goingto get the direct flight? Yes,
Tyler. Now from Instagram, peopleare like, wait, you guys have
a flight back, so you onlyhave to drive one way? Good point,
(25:00):
do you get if? That isa good question? Though, If
you have a round trip flight butyou don't do the first part of it,
can you still use the second part? I've never done that. I
don't know. Is that that thatskip jogging thing? Oh? What is
that? Skip lagging? Oh?Pigeon jogging is what I was thinking of,
(25:22):
skip lacking or whatever. I don'tknow what. I don't know what
it is. Yeah, skip wlagingis at different because you, because it's
in the middle, also are intendingto go on the second leg of a
flight or whatever. Right, butnow we're only using the second leg of
a flight. Yeah, I don'tI don't even know if you could do
that. I feel like that getsyou flagged. Wow, what I was
just looking at some pictures that peopleare sending abdullas it's not clearing out anytime
(25:45):
soon. Yeah, but we weren'tflying out a dullas. I know,
But It just illustrates what we've sawit national, we saw what Richmond look
like. I'm saying like it's goingto take a while, So enjoy our
seats. Man and Soul Asylum justfollowed us yesterday on Instagram. Did they
really? God damn it. They'repretty excited that we were all into their
(26:10):
new single. Great song, greatband, one of the greatest bands of
all time. You told us yesterdaywe were going to see the greatest rock
and roll band on Earth. Oh? Could I go to line four?
That's a good suggestion. Hi Elliein the morning. Hey doing, how
you doing? Man? Hey,what's going on? Dude? Yo?
(26:32):
I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin. Sois Diane needed to take a peek break?
I mean, my dad has arestaurant downtown Apple like you could grab
a drink in and you're a nahortoo? Oh wow? See Diane?
And how far is Appleton, wisconsintfrom herenneaol from Minneapolis. I think it's
about five hours? Five hours.That's not bad, right, that's not
bad? All right? Very good, very good, Thank you, my
(26:56):
friend, thank you. I canget everybody in the Minneapolis by ten pm
tomorrow night. I think the curfewon the show is yeah, oh,
you're not making it to the venue. And then you got that Sunday morning
flight. And that's the thing toremember. This is a Friday Saturday festival.
So if you don't go till tomorrow, you do miss half the show.
(27:18):
Oh no, at least three fourthof us would see nobody tomorrow.
Yeah, so you can't so disappointed. You can't. Now what are you
doing? I was just saying,if they're any updates, what update are
you looking for? They're going tosend you a note that says, hey,
your flight's back on psych I don'tknow, and you can't blame the
airline. It was a vendor technologyissue. Yeah, stop it. It
(27:44):
was no I knowstrike people because you'dbe like, oh, it's not Microsoft
the no, no, no,no, but it's a vendor service.
It's got screwed up. Oh ohgreat, a question just came in.
Answer it. It should be thelast one. Okay, then let me
go to line seven. Hi Elliein the morning. Hey, yeah,
(28:07):
Hi, who's this? Hey?This is Mike. Hey. Have you
thought about calling your buddy? Thatgot you on air Force water probably gets
you a pretty quick you know what, It's not the dumbest idea ever.
And I mean, listen, it'snot like Air Force one's being used for
anything else this weekend. So maybeI actually, you know what I mean.
(28:30):
As sad as it is, Iactually thought for a moment of like,
hey, who do I know inthe military, But I don't think
a military flight is going to takeus to Minneapolis. No, well you
don't know that. Hey, youand that giant c one th No,
no, but like to call thepeople, like we know people? But
how do I call Quantico and go, hey, they're plane kicking around that
(28:52):
we could just take off in Terrysays you can call Greyhound. Now I
have to put my foot down.I'm not going. I know, oh
elliote boogie in Eliots boogie bus.I'll take a train all day. I
(29:14):
Am not getting on Greyhound to goto Minneapolis. I have no problem with
city buses. I have no problemwith buses. I ain't taking Greyhound.
I'm a Peter pan guy. Okay, what's the question? Well, first,
oh, yes, from Instagram.If you don't take your outbound flight,
(29:34):
your return cancels. But our outboundflight was canceled. It was Oh,
I think I thought you meant likecoming back. I thought you mean
coming back. So all right,so that's gone. But the question,
that's what you wanted? I pullit back up here. Oh no,
(29:59):
what does this mean for Elliott's weekendmasturbation plans. You know what I'm gonna
do. I'm gonna make it.I'm gonna make a promise right here and
now. It may not be bothnights. No, you know what.
I'm gonna make you a promise.Now I have to see. Maybe I
play my old man hockey game tomorrownight, but I'll be thrilled. Are
(30:25):
they? Are they? The differencebetween winning and losing just showed up?
No, no, no, youknow what. I'm gonna make a promise.
I don't know what day. Idon't know what day, but for
the concern, I promise you eithertonight or tomorrow night, or both,
I will masturbate this weekend. Diane, who's with me? But you know
(30:52):
what, listener, consider it done, Consider it done, Turkey done,
Consider it done, Yellow pea shiver. We could drive. We ain't taking
Greyhound though. I bet someone's masterriding on that bus, probably right behind me.
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