Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Elliott. How are you doing, brother?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I am doing well. What's with the oversized testicles this morning?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Oversized testicles? What are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
You sound very deep this morning, Like very deep, dude.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I think I ruined my voice. I threw up in Spokane, Washington,
partying one night, and I think I messed up my
voice forever.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Wait. How long ago did you puke in Spokane?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I had to be a couple of years ago. It
was the day before I did the Greek I had
to go in and get steroid shots and uh, and
I threw up aggressively, I mean in my underwear outside
my tour bus in front of a Holiday and Express
and I was like, someone's gonna videotape this, this is
going viral, and uh it was. It was the damn
(00:54):
Irish car bombs. I did five Iris car bombs right
before I went to bed.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Anyway, So Bert, real quick before before we start getting
into stuff, I want to run something by you and
let me know if.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
We can do this. Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
So I was looking at your tour schedule for the
permission to party World Tour, right, so you play Friday Night?
Follow me here Friday night, November the fourteenth at CFG
Bank Arena in Baltimore. Right then then Sunday night, November
sixteenth at the Altria Theater in Richmond. Here's my question.
(01:33):
Here's my question. Would you get in trouble if you
canceled Hershey on Saturday? So you could just come to
DC and we hang out?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
If I get in trouble, I get sued.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Dude. That would be so much fun though, Yeah, that
would be a blast.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Hey, I got a great idea. Why don't you come
to my show Friday Baltimore.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, okay, well that's fine, but then Saturday, just don't
do Hershey and we'll hang out.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, let me look into it. Let me I'm gonna
put a pin in that. And uh yeah, that sounds
like a great idea. Hey, do you know what, Hey?
Do you know what I did? Do you know what
I did the other day? I was swearing, I've never
done this?
Speaker 3 (02:21):
What'd you do?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I walked? I was I was at the University of
Oregon and I walked into the ATO House and I
walked in and I was like, Hey, I'm a I'm
an alumni. I want a beer, and the kids lost
their minds. They were like shut off, shot off. I mean,
I had forty kids in the upstairs hall and they
(02:45):
were like, they were like we were killing beers and
they were asking me questions. The best moment and this
is the broest thing. And I know that there's girls
are gonna roll their eyes, but we're talking about fraternities.
We're talking about toxic mail. Energy. Kid had to be
four foot eleven. He was a pledge. And they're like,
they're like, they're like, Danny, Danny, tell Bert about your
(03:08):
killed sheet and he's like, he's like real confident. He goes,
I'm having sex with every tried help on the campus.
And I said really, and he goes he goes yep.
And then he points to their composite in his room
and there's one face with an ex marked out, and
I go, who's that? And he goes, that's the only
one I've got so far. I looked at him and go, buddy,
(03:34):
it always starts with one. And he goes, thank you, Bert,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Hey, can I stay in the Can I stay in
college world? Then with you for a second, Yeah, yes,
I saw a clip of you on YouTube. Dude, how
awesome was the Florida State pump up a moment.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Uh. I would say, top five life experiences ever, top
five Bert performing out of his swing zone. Dude. They
said to me technically, they were like, here's what we
need you to do. Just go up and say God
Bless the troops, God bless America, ladies and Gentlemen's partner engine, right,
And I was like, I was like sure. So me
(04:16):
and Siagart took over a bar that morning. We get
hammered and I'm talking to Tom about what I'm saying.
He goes, Dude, he goes, if I know you, he goes,
the one thing you're good at is hyping people up.
Your pump up speeches. You're never quit drinking is my
favorite speeches. And he goes, do not listen to what
they're saying. Talk from the hip and just say everything
you feel about this school. And he's like, you love
(04:38):
Florida State. Just talk about the school. I walked out.
It was so thrown together. At the last minute. The
guy producing it just gave me a mike. He goes,
you're on and I went what all of a sudden,
the marching band's behind me, and I'm like, I'm like
I'm going and I had no time to think about it.
And when I dropped, I was baptized in this end
zone when there were wooden bleachers. When that spear hit
(05:01):
the seminal head, tears streamed down my face. Those tiers
were garn it and gold. I heard ninety thousand people
erupt and I went, oh, I'm in the zones. This
is the house that Bobby Bowden built. Ninety thousand people.
Oh dude, it was the best and all that happened.
I walked through the whole stadium that day and just
(05:21):
all anyone said, dude, you fired me up. You fired
me up.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
The clip, the clip on YouTube is so good. It
is great.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Oh it's the It's the highlight of my life. I'll
never do another pop up speech ever again.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Now I do. I do want to ask you one
other college football question.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Did you new phone?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Who this?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
To Bill Belichick?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah? His texts are so cryptic. It's like he was like, hey, BK,
it's BC hc UA and see, And I was like huh.
I was so confused. And then I was like, new
(06:06):
phone who is? And then and then I realized I
started putting together. I was like you and see North Carolina.
I was like, oh my god. So I texted Grom
and Julian Edelman and I was like, I was like, yo,
is this Belichick's number? And both of them are like,
we don't have his phone number? And I was like
for real and they're like, yeah, we don't have his
(06:30):
phone number. And I go, well, does this sound like
a texted sent and they go, that's that's coach Belichick.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I love that. I love that. All right, let me
go back.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
To the beginning. I supposed to go to games.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Yeah, go, let me go back to the beginning.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
So now that like, now that we are in full
tour mode, are we done?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Are we done filming? Where are we with the Netflix
series Bert?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It is wrapped? It is five episodes are in the can,
meaning that we've edited five episodes. We're editing the sixth
right now. And it's I mean, it's I think it's
really good. You know, I don't know. Everyone likes it.
Everyone that's seen it likes it, and uh, you know,
I don't know. You never know what those scripted things.
(07:15):
I hope it works. I hope people will enjoy it.
It's pretty bizarre and it's pretty out there and it's
but it's grounded in reality, it's grounded in my life,
but it still is like a wild kind of story.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
All right, do we do well? First of all, do
you know what? Do you know what it's going to
be out out?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah? January twenty second. I'm not supposed to tell you that,
but yeah January okay, Yeah, premiere is January twenty second.
They just told me that the other day.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
And do you like the I remember we talked about
this with the movie Burt. Do you like everybody that
they got to be your family?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yes? The girl roles Isla is in my opinion, kind
of steals the show. The girl plays Isla. He's just incredible.
Georgia has the heaviest lift because this story is primarily
about Georgia. And then yeah, I pan picked Arden. She's
just amazing. She plays Leanne. But the crazy part is, like,
(08:22):
you know, we started this, we started this script was
just about me and my family. We wrote a pilot,
we shot the pilot, they tested the pilot on Netflix,
they released it on Netflix and people loved it, so
then they picked up the series. So then in writing
the series, we had this idea of a pilot and
we had had people that showed up for the pilot
for like a day roll. They had two lines and
(08:43):
they just came in. This guy Chris, what's what I
forget how to said his last name? This guy, guy
Chris did had two lines, like three lines, and then
we just used him and wrote him a storyline and
now he plays the villain. This guy that did like
a favor for us and said two lines is now
a major lead in the show. And the other people
we added to the show are awesome, and it's taken
(09:05):
all a life of itself. It's the Bizarrest. You're going
to see this. You're gonna call me and you're gonna go,
how did you come up with this theory? How did
you come up with this idea? Right? And then I'm
going to tell you the truth and you're going to
lose your mind.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Okay, but don nco.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
You're not telling me that until I see it on
the twenty second.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
When you see it on the twenty second, you're gonna say,
how did you come up with this? And then I'm
and then you're gonna call me privately and I'll tell
you all right, and I'll say and you're gonna lose your.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Mind, Hey real quick Arden who plays Leanne If? I
remember in the movie when you did the movie, you
purposely made sure that there was a lot of kissing
scenes in the movie.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Same thing in the TV show.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, I couldn't. I tried to slide one in, but
it was kind of looked like I was just friend
to kiss her. I got one. I got one kiss in,
and I counted it. It's like Sigura. Did you see
Segura's bad thoughts? He had like nine sex scenes where like,
we get it, we get it, you want an open relationship.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Where did you? Where did you? Where did you end
up filming the Uh?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
When?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
When did you film the Where did you film the show?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
We should filmed it in Atlanta over the summer. We
did it for like two months and it was so fun.
Here's the thing I can't tell, like, I only watched
me when I watched the show, so I can't give
I can't tell you the show is good because I
haven't seen anyone else act in it. Right, I just
stare it in my face the whole time. I am
(10:38):
awesome in it. But I think other people are good too,
all right.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I want to I want to make sure I get
to a couple of other things real quickly. I saw
an episode of Two Bears that you did with Segura,
and and I think, I think I have this right.
If and if and if not, you'll you'll help me.
So you finished like you said you were. You were
filming in Atlanta, and you end up filming. You finished
(11:06):
filming the the Netflix series. And when you finish, you
and Leanne decide that you.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Are going to go just on like a quick vacation to.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Get away with each other, and the two of you
go to Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
I think I have that right.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And and while you're gone, your bull mastiff had to
be put to sleep, so you had you had your
assistant take the dog to be put down, but you
made your assistant do it on FaceTime so you could
see it.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yep, you got that right. Hold on, it's actually it's
actually worse than that.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I'm I didn't mean to bump it up and make
it sound so good.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
No, it's it's way worse than that. So, first of all,
he wasn't my assistant anymore. He hadn't been my assistant
for like two months, so he was now I'm calling
my old assistant because Isla we were all sitting in
the hotel room and Ila's like, wait, we need we
can't have the person putting him down hold the camera.
(12:17):
And Isla's like, Mac needs to view so many loves.
I goes call Pete and I go, you know, Pete
doesn't work for any man anymore. She goes, it doesn't matter.
He's like a brother to me. Call Pete. So I
called Peter. Now here's what you don't know. And this
is a secret that I don't think. I'm just going
to tell you. Pete lost his sister at a very
young age, and he lost his mom at a young age.
So Pete has a lot of unspoken for trauma of
(12:39):
surrounding death that he doesn't approach, nor does he deal with,
nor is he in therapy for. And we send him
in to put down a dog, and Buddy, it was
the hardest moment for Pete. You're watching Pete break down,
Ilah's breaking down, everyone's crying, and the phone was on
(12:59):
your directly on Max's nostrils. So we're watching Max literally
take his last breath. My dad is texting me the
whole time. Yo, buddy, we have a tea time. Let's
go and I'm like, Dad, I'm in the middle of something.
He's like, I know, don't make a meal out of it,
though it's just a dog. And I'm like, keep. I'm like, Dad,
(13:20):
I'm in the middle of something. He goes, I know,
but I'm your father. I've got maybe seven years last.
The dog's dead. It's already dead. Let's spend time together,
me and you, and then and then, and then I
literally put the dog down. Pete's shaking, crying. He's crying
so hard. Island George and Leanne are sobbing uncontrollably. I
watched Mac take his last breath, and I go, all right,
(13:42):
I go play golf with my dad and they're like what.
I was like, I don't have the same relationship you
have with me. I can't say no to that man.
So I went out and play golf with my dad.
Here's the worst part, Elliott. I played the best golf
of my life ever. On the seventh hold, my dad
looks at me. He goes, buddy, you should kill a
dog time you go play golf, dude. It was. It
(14:07):
was rough. And then we had five more days in Hawaii,
which was nice.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Hey, but can you can you tell the part.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So that's all great, but then it takes a really
weird turn. Can you tell the part about Georgia at
the restaurant?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Oh? Wait, which which part at the restaurants?
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Okay? Now I don't know which. I don't know what
other story there could be. Wasn't Georgia working at a
restaurant and somebody came in with a book?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Yes? Okay, yes, so yes. So then two weeks later,
george Georgia works at a restaurant where she goes to college.
She's a waitress and she walks up and this lady says, uh, Georgia,
season has a and she goes, oh, I we have
(15:02):
bull mastiffs and she goes do you and Georgie said yeah.
He goes as a matter of fact, we just had
to put our big guy down. And she goes, oh
my god, that's so terrible. And then the lady said,
where did you guys get your bull mastiff? Georgie goes
Arizona and she goes, oh, that's where I got mine.
Do you know the kennel? And Georgia goes, uh, yeah,
Desert Sky and she goes, I got mine from Desert Sky.
(15:25):
She goes, wait, how old was your dog, and Georgia
goes five. George. Lady looks at George and she goes,
He's five, do you know what Literate's from? And George's like,
hold on, she calls Leanne is from like Johnny Cash
and and and and why Nett or whatever? I forget.
The two dogs are named after a country music stars.
(15:46):
And Georgie goes over and tells the lady and the
lady goes, your dog was my dog's brother. And George's like,
what She's like, this is Mac's sister in the restaurant
in Oregon in I mean. Georgia starts bawling, looks at
this dog and realizes it is the spitting image of Mac.
(16:07):
Is crazy, and then the lady's like, it's insane. It
is insane, And then Georgia literally the lady says, you know,
I travel. Is there any chance you'd ever want a
house sit and watch my dog? And Georgia's like, are
you kidding me? I'll do it for free. So isn't
that crazy? That is the wildest story. I thought you
(16:27):
were talking about the restaurant we went to that night
after we put down our dog was we went to
a We went to a my my brother in law,
a Disney adult, and so we went to a Disney
property's lu al and I was livid. I was livid.
(16:49):
I mean I got there, I murdered four drinks and
the guy goes, you must be thirsty. They're on a table,
there are blue lions. I go, I put my dog down,
and he goes, there's no alcohol in those. And I
was like, oh my god. It was yeah, it was.
That was the whole trip.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
The whole trip was last thing and then I'm gonna
have to let you jump.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I absolutely loved. What I thought was one of the
one of the best things I've seen in forever.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What's that?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
You know, I love you, and you know I love
Todd Glass.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
The two of you doing the podcast together was one
of the greatest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Let me tell you, Todd Glass is the national treasure
and his energy is exactly you know. I'm so lost
on that cast because I don't want to talk about politics,
and I don't want to talk about trans rights and
whatever is popular and podcasting right now. It's not what
(17:47):
I'm interested in. I'm interested in just being goofy and
having a good time in giggling and that is not
what is uh clickbait these days. It's just not You
got to be talking to politicians. And by the way,
I'm talking about my friends. I love my friends and
I love that they're interested in this stuff. It's so important.
I'm just not and it's not getting me views. That
(18:09):
Podglass podcast has seven thousand views. That's it. That's what
we'll all it'll ever get. People are actually avoiding it.
But it is the funnest podcast. It is the It
is what podcasting should be. It was so ridiculous for
those of you have who haven't watched it, and that's everyone.
Pod Glass comes over and he brings gifts for me,
(18:30):
and one of the gifts he brings me is an
oil lamp, and he says, you know, everyone likes to
sit by the fire, but sometimes you can't. You don't
have an outdoor space to do it. But if you
put this on in a room and you crank it up,
it feels like you're at a fire because it flickers.
And then he lights a pine and gone on fire
and he blows it out and he goes, now it
smells like a fire, and then we turn the TV.
(18:51):
That says bird Cast, because that's brandings, that's what you do.
Want a podcast, we just turn it off and we
put on it raining and a window like we're in
the woods. And then we got high, and I swear
to god, I thought we were in the woods. I
escaped for like four hours and felt like I was
in the woods with Todd Glass. And it was so
(19:12):
fun and just the way Todd loves to do a
bit like I was like, Todd, take a bite of
something and pretend you're inducting me into the Hall of
Fame of Comedy, and then he does it and he's
so funny. But that's not what gets views these days.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
So it was so good.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
It's so good, it's so fun. And then I did
one with Ronda Rauti the other day and she crashes
Rogan that'll get millions of you.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I decided I want to come do Here's something that
will never happen, but in my mind I wanted to.
I want to go to Palm Springs with you and
Todd Glass to go see Paul Anka in concert.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He just sent me a link for tickets. I swear
to god. His text pod Glasses texts are sometimes when
I'm sad, I just open up his text chained to me,
and it's like it's like I swear to I swear
on your life and your family's life. You don't answer
my texts. I hope you get aids. I hope you die,
(20:17):
and I hope the last thing you see is my
face giggling at your death. And then he writes next text, sorry,
that was meant for my sister.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Is you know whatever.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
The funniest guy in the world. He is the funniest
guy in the world. And it's I mean, listen, it's listen.
I get click baby too. I you know, like I
understand how it works. I understand that. You know, YouTube
is the medium and everyone you want to the outrage
is what sells things. Sure, but man, sometimes just good
old funny and like is like so enjoyable to forget
(20:53):
about your problems and watch two grown men, two middle
aged men pretend they're camping on a podcast because they're
so high. It's I mean, that's that's the world I
want to live it.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
You know what made me laugh so hard?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
He said something to you and he was trying to
be funny and it bombed.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
It just didn't go over. And he said, hey, Bert
that was so and so's make a wish. He wanted
me to say it on your podcast. So thank you
for giving me the time.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
He said. Do you know this is my favorite thing?
He said, he goes every time you do a podcast,
people go, hey, take it out? Can you edit that out?
He goes, People never say can you edit this in?
And then two weeks later he sent me a list
of things and asked if I could edit them into
the podcast. He is, he is brilliant man, And I like,
(21:48):
I said, I'm I'm I'm thinking of something else to
do with birdcast, just because I did that one and
it was so fun and I was like, man, I
don't want to have to bring people on just to
how to find drama. And then got to deal with trauma.
I mean, I got it's like because everyone so it
becomes such a pain in the ass because you don't
(22:11):
know who you talk about and and you're not even
saying anything mean. Sometimes you just say something factual and
then you get a phone call from Pete David Send
He's like, can you edit that out of the podcast,
And like, dude, well I don't even know you, all right,
I mean, it's insane to me. It's insane to me
that I that, I like, it's not worth my energy
(22:34):
to have to deal with what is happening in this world.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Okay, I gotta know what did Pete Davidson one out
of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Some songs Charlie Days sang that was hysterical, and I
guess I don't know. I don't know. Hey, we're gonna
get a call from Pete today when he hears this.
It's like for the guy that is so hands off
with media, he mean, he's got his his lawyers all right,
(23:04):
three days then not even gonna say it now because
because sadly, I've always liked Pete Davidson. I've always thought
he was a nice guy. But like you know, and
so I and I you know, I don't I mean,
I don't have a problem with him, but his lawyers
have a problem with me.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Three dates of note January twenty second is what I'm
being told. That's the premiere for Bert series on Netflix. Friday,
November fourteenth. The Permission to Party World Tour will be
at CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore. Sunday, November sixteenth, The
Permission to Party World Tour will be at the Aultrea
Theater in Richmond. Gotta work on canceling that Hershey, date, Bert,
(23:42):
I appreciate it. Good to talk to you, my friend.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I love you, guys. I love you guys. Hey, if
I'm there Friday, why don't I come in studio Friday morning? Okay, done, done,
I'll see you in studio.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
All right, buddy, we'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
All right.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Love you guys, all right, Love you too.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Latter Ban
Elliott. How are you doing, brother?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I am doing well. What's with the oversized testicles this morning?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Oversized testicles? What are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
You sound very deep this morning, Like very deep, dude.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I think I ruined my voice. I threw up in Spokane, Washington,
partying one night, and I think I messed up my
voice forever.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Wait. How long ago did you puke in Spokane?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I had to be a couple of years ago. It
was the day before I did the Greek I had
to go in and get steroid shots and uh, and
I threw up aggressively, I mean in my underwear outside
my tour bus in front of a Holiday and Express
and I was like, someone's gonna videotape this, this is
going viral, and uh it was. It was the damn
(00:54):
Irish car bombs. I did five Iris car bombs right
before I went to bed.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Anyway, So Bert, real quick before before we start getting
into stuff, I want to run something by you and
let me know if.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
We can do this. Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
So I was looking at your tour schedule for the
permission to party World Tour, right, so you play Friday Night?
Follow me here Friday night, November the fourteenth at CFG
Bank Arena in Baltimore. Right then then Sunday night, November
sixteenth at the Altria Theater in Richmond. Here's my question.
(01:33):
Here's my question. Would you get in trouble if you
canceled Hershey on Saturday? So you could just come to
DC and we hang out?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
If I get in trouble, I get sued.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Dude. That would be so much fun though, Yeah, that
would be a blast.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Hey, I got a great idea. Why don't you come
to my show Friday Baltimore.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, okay, well that's fine, but then Saturday, just don't
do Hershey and we'll hang out.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, let me look into it. Let me I'm gonna
put a pin in that. And uh yeah, that sounds
like a great idea. Hey, do you know what, Hey?
Do you know what I did? Do you know what
I did the other day? I was swearing, I've never
done this?
Speaker 3 (02:21):
What'd you do?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I walked? I was I was at the University of
Oregon and I walked into the ATO House and I
walked in and I was like, Hey, I'm a I'm
an alumni. I want a beer, and the kids lost
their minds. They were like shut off, shot off. I mean,
I had forty kids in the upstairs hall and they
(02:45):
were like, they were like we were killing beers and
they were asking me questions. The best moment and this
is the broest thing. And I know that there's girls
are gonna roll their eyes, but we're talking about fraternities.
We're talking about toxic mail. Energy. Kid had to be
four foot eleven. He was a pledge. And they're like,
they're like, they're like, Danny, Danny, tell Bert about your
(03:08):
killed sheet and he's like, he's like real confident. He goes,
I'm having sex with every tried help on the campus.
And I said really, and he goes he goes yep.
And then he points to their composite in his room
and there's one face with an ex marked out, and
I go, who's that? And he goes, that's the only
one I've got so far. I looked at him and go, buddy,
(03:34):
it always starts with one. And he goes, thank you, Bert,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Hey, can I stay in the Can I stay in
college world? Then with you for a second, Yeah, yes,
I saw a clip of you on YouTube. Dude, how
awesome was the Florida State pump up a moment.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Uh. I would say, top five life experiences ever, top
five Bert performing out of his swing zone. Dude. They
said to me technically, they were like, here's what we
need you to do. Just go up and say God
Bless the troops, God bless America, ladies and Gentlemen's partner engine, right,
And I was like, I was like sure. So me
(04:16):
and Siagart took over a bar that morning. We get
hammered and I'm talking to Tom about what I'm saying.
He goes, Dude, he goes, if I know you, he goes,
the one thing you're good at is hyping people up.
Your pump up speeches. You're never quit drinking is my
favorite speeches. And he goes, do not listen to what
they're saying. Talk from the hip and just say everything
you feel about this school. And he's like, you love
(04:38):
Florida State. Just talk about the school. I walked out.
It was so thrown together. At the last minute. The
guy producing it just gave me a mike. He goes,
you're on and I went what all of a sudden,
the marching band's behind me, and I'm like, I'm like
I'm going and I had no time to think about it.
And when I dropped, I was baptized in this end
zone when there were wooden bleachers. When that spear hit
(05:01):
the seminal head, tears streamed down my face. Those tiers
were garn it and gold. I heard ninety thousand people
erupt and I went, oh, I'm in the zones. This
is the house that Bobby Bowden built. Ninety thousand people.
Oh dude, it was the best and all that happened.
I walked through the whole stadium that day and just
(05:21):
all anyone said, dude, you fired me up. You fired
me up.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
The clip, the clip on YouTube is so good. It
is great.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Oh it's the It's the highlight of my life. I'll
never do another pop up speech ever again.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Now I do. I do want to ask you one
other college football question.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Did you new phone?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Who this?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
To Bill Belichick?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah? His texts are so cryptic. It's like he was like, hey, BK,
it's BC hc UA and see, And I was like huh.
I was so confused. And then I was like, new
(06:06):
phone who is? And then and then I realized I
started putting together. I was like you and see North Carolina.
I was like, oh my god. So I texted Grom
and Julian Edelman and I was like, I was like, yo,
is this Belichick's number? And both of them are like,
we don't have his phone number? And I was like
for real and they're like, yeah, we don't have his
(06:30):
phone number. And I go, well, does this sound like
a texted sent and they go, that's that's coach Belichick.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I love that. I love that. All right, let me
go back.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
To the beginning. I supposed to go to games.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Yeah, go, let me go back to the beginning.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
So now that like, now that we are in full
tour mode, are we done?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Are we done filming? Where are we with the Netflix
series Bert?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It is wrapped? It is five episodes are in the can,
meaning that we've edited five episodes. We're editing the sixth
right now. And it's I mean, it's I think it's
really good. You know, I don't know. Everyone likes it.
Everyone that's seen it likes it, and uh, you know,
I don't know. You never know what those scripted things.
(07:15):
I hope it works. I hope people will enjoy it.
It's pretty bizarre and it's pretty out there and it's
but it's grounded in reality, it's grounded in my life,
but it still is like a wild kind of story.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
All right, do we do well? First of all, do
you know what? Do you know what it's going to
be out out?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah? January twenty second. I'm not supposed to tell you that,
but yeah January okay, Yeah, premiere is January twenty second.
They just told me that the other day.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
And do you like the I remember we talked about
this with the movie Burt. Do you like everybody that
they got to be your family?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yes? The girl roles Isla is in my opinion, kind
of steals the show. The girl plays Isla. He's just incredible.
Georgia has the heaviest lift because this story is primarily
about Georgia. And then yeah, I pan picked Arden. She's
just amazing. She plays Leanne. But the crazy part is, like,
(08:22):
you know, we started this, we started this script was
just about me and my family. We wrote a pilot,
we shot the pilot, they tested the pilot on Netflix,
they released it on Netflix and people loved it, so
then they picked up the series. So then in writing
the series, we had this idea of a pilot and
we had had people that showed up for the pilot
for like a day roll. They had two lines and
(08:43):
they just came in. This guy Chris, what's what I
forget how to said his last name? This guy, guy
Chris did had two lines, like three lines, and then
we just used him and wrote him a storyline and
now he plays the villain. This guy that did like
a favor for us and said two lines is now
a major lead in the show. And the other people
we added to the show are awesome, and it's taken
(09:05):
all a life of itself. It's the Bizarrest. You're going
to see this. You're gonna call me and you're gonna go,
how did you come up with this theory? How did
you come up with this idea? Right? And then I'm
going to tell you the truth and you're going to
lose your mind.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Okay, but don nco.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
You're not telling me that until I see it on
the twenty second.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
When you see it on the twenty second, you're gonna say,
how did you come up with this? And then I'm
and then you're gonna call me privately and I'll tell
you all right, and I'll say and you're gonna lose your.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Mind, Hey real quick Arden who plays Leanne If? I
remember in the movie when you did the movie, you
purposely made sure that there was a lot of kissing
scenes in the movie.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Same thing in the TV show.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, I couldn't. I tried to slide one in, but
it was kind of looked like I was just friend
to kiss her. I got one. I got one kiss in,
and I counted it. It's like Sigura. Did you see
Segura's bad thoughts? He had like nine sex scenes where like,
we get it, we get it, you want an open relationship.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Where did you? Where did you? Where did you end
up filming the Uh?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
When?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
When did you film the Where did you film the show?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
We should filmed it in Atlanta over the summer. We
did it for like two months and it was so fun.
Here's the thing I can't tell, like, I only watched
me when I watched the show, so I can't give
I can't tell you the show is good because I
haven't seen anyone else act in it. Right, I just
stare it in my face the whole time. I am
(10:38):
awesome in it. But I think other people are good too,
all right.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I want to I want to make sure I get
to a couple of other things real quickly. I saw
an episode of Two Bears that you did with Segura,
and and I think, I think I have this right.
If and if and if not, you'll you'll help me.
So you finished like you said you were. You were
filming in Atlanta, and you end up filming. You finished
(11:06):
filming the the Netflix series. And when you finish, you
and Leanne decide that you.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Are going to go just on like a quick vacation to.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Get away with each other, and the two of you
go to Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
I think I have that right.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And and while you're gone, your bull mastiff had to
be put to sleep, so you had you had your
assistant take the dog to be put down, but you
made your assistant do it on FaceTime so you could
see it.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yep, you got that right. Hold on, it's actually it's
actually worse than that.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I'm I didn't mean to bump it up and make
it sound so good.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
No, it's it's way worse than that. So, first of all,
he wasn't my assistant anymore. He hadn't been my assistant
for like two months, so he was now I'm calling
my old assistant because Isla we were all sitting in
the hotel room and Ila's like, wait, we need we
can't have the person putting him down hold the camera.
(12:17):
And Isla's like, Mac needs to view so many loves.
I goes call Pete and I go, you know, Pete
doesn't work for any man anymore. She goes, it doesn't matter.
He's like a brother to me. Call Pete. So I
called Peter. Now here's what you don't know. And this
is a secret that I don't think. I'm just going
to tell you. Pete lost his sister at a very
young age, and he lost his mom at a young age.
So Pete has a lot of unspoken for trauma of
(12:39):
surrounding death that he doesn't approach, nor does he deal with,
nor is he in therapy for. And we send him
in to put down a dog, and Buddy, it was
the hardest moment for Pete. You're watching Pete break down,
Ilah's breaking down, everyone's crying, and the phone was on
(12:59):
your directly on Max's nostrils. So we're watching Max literally
take his last breath. My dad is texting me the
whole time. Yo, buddy, we have a tea time. Let's
go and I'm like, Dad, I'm in the middle of something.
He's like, I know, don't make a meal out of it,
though it's just a dog. And I'm like, keep. I'm like, Dad,
(13:20):
I'm in the middle of something. He goes, I know,
but I'm your father. I've got maybe seven years last.
The dog's dead. It's already dead. Let's spend time together,
me and you, and then and then, and then I
literally put the dog down. Pete's shaking, crying. He's crying
so hard. Island George and Leanne are sobbing uncontrollably. I
watched Mac take his last breath, and I go, all right,
(13:42):
I go play golf with my dad and they're like what.
I was like, I don't have the same relationship you
have with me. I can't say no to that man.
So I went out and play golf with my dad.
Here's the worst part, Elliott. I played the best golf
of my life ever. On the seventh hold, my dad
looks at me. He goes, buddy, you should kill a
dog time you go play golf, dude. It was. It
(14:07):
was rough. And then we had five more days in Hawaii,
which was nice.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Hey, but can you can you tell the part.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So that's all great, but then it takes a really
weird turn. Can you tell the part about Georgia at
the restaurant?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Oh? Wait, which which part at the restaurants?
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Okay? Now I don't know which. I don't know what
other story there could be. Wasn't Georgia working at a
restaurant and somebody came in with a book?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Yes? Okay, yes, so yes. So then two weeks later,
george Georgia works at a restaurant where she goes to college.
She's a waitress and she walks up and this lady says, uh, Georgia,
season has a and she goes, oh, I we have
(15:02):
bull mastiffs and she goes do you and Georgie said yeah.
He goes as a matter of fact, we just had
to put our big guy down. And she goes, oh
my god, that's so terrible. And then the lady said,
where did you guys get your bull mastiff? Georgie goes
Arizona and she goes, oh, that's where I got mine.
Do you know the kennel? And Georgia goes, uh, yeah,
Desert Sky and she goes, I got mine from Desert Sky.
(15:25):
She goes, wait, how old was your dog, and Georgia
goes five. George. Lady looks at George and she goes,
He's five, do you know what Literate's from? And George's like,
hold on, she calls Leanne is from like Johnny Cash
and and and and why Nett or whatever? I forget.
The two dogs are named after a country music stars.
(15:46):
And Georgie goes over and tells the lady and the
lady goes, your dog was my dog's brother. And George's like,
what She's like, this is Mac's sister in the restaurant
in Oregon in I mean. Georgia starts bawling, looks at
this dog and realizes it is the spitting image of Mac.
(16:07):
Is crazy, and then the lady's like, it's insane. It
is insane, And then Georgia literally the lady says, you know,
I travel. Is there any chance you'd ever want a
house sit and watch my dog? And Georgia's like, are
you kidding me? I'll do it for free. So isn't
that crazy? That is the wildest story. I thought you
(16:27):
were talking about the restaurant we went to that night
after we put down our dog was we went to
a We went to a my my brother in law,
a Disney adult, and so we went to a Disney
property's lu al and I was livid. I was livid.
(16:49):
I mean I got there, I murdered four drinks and
the guy goes, you must be thirsty. They're on a table,
there are blue lions. I go, I put my dog down,
and he goes, there's no alcohol in those. And I
was like, oh my god. It was yeah, it was.
That was the whole trip.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
The whole trip was last thing and then I'm gonna
have to let you jump.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I absolutely loved. What I thought was one of the
one of the best things I've seen in forever.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What's that?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
You know, I love you, and you know I love
Todd Glass.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
The two of you doing the podcast together was one
of the greatest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Let me tell you, Todd Glass is the national treasure
and his energy is exactly you know. I'm so lost
on that cast because I don't want to talk about politics,
and I don't want to talk about trans rights and
whatever is popular and podcasting right now. It's not what
(17:47):
I'm interested in. I'm interested in just being goofy and
having a good time in giggling and that is not
what is uh clickbait these days. It's just not You
got to be talking to politicians. And by the way,
I'm talking about my friends. I love my friends and
I love that they're interested in this stuff. It's so important.
I'm just not and it's not getting me views. That
(18:09):
Podglass podcast has seven thousand views. That's it. That's what
we'll all it'll ever get. People are actually avoiding it.
But it is the funnest podcast. It is the It
is what podcasting should be. It was so ridiculous for
those of you have who haven't watched it, and that's everyone.
Pod Glass comes over and he brings gifts for me,
(18:30):
and one of the gifts he brings me is an
oil lamp, and he says, you know, everyone likes to
sit by the fire, but sometimes you can't. You don't
have an outdoor space to do it. But if you
put this on in a room and you crank it up,
it feels like you're at a fire because it flickers.
And then he lights a pine and gone on fire
and he blows it out and he goes, now it
smells like a fire, and then we turn the TV.
(18:51):
That says bird Cast, because that's brandings, that's what you do.
Want a podcast, we just turn it off and we
put on it raining and a window like we're in
the woods. And then we got high, and I swear
to god, I thought we were in the woods. I
escaped for like four hours and felt like I was
in the woods with Todd Glass. And it was so
(19:12):
fun and just the way Todd loves to do a
bit like I was like, Todd, take a bite of
something and pretend you're inducting me into the Hall of
Fame of Comedy, and then he does it and he's
so funny. But that's not what gets views these days.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
So it was so good.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
It's so good, it's so fun. And then I did
one with Ronda Rauti the other day and she crashes
Rogan that'll get millions of you.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I decided I want to come do Here's something that
will never happen, but in my mind I wanted to.
I want to go to Palm Springs with you and
Todd Glass to go see Paul Anka in concert.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He just sent me a link for tickets. I swear
to god. His text pod Glasses texts are sometimes when
I'm sad, I just open up his text chained to me,
and it's like it's like I swear to I swear
on your life and your family's life. You don't answer
my texts. I hope you get aids. I hope you die,
(20:17):
and I hope the last thing you see is my
face giggling at your death. And then he writes next text, sorry,
that was meant for my sister.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Is you know whatever.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
The funniest guy in the world. He is the funniest
guy in the world. And it's I mean, listen, it's listen.
I get click baby too. I you know, like I
understand how it works. I understand that. You know, YouTube
is the medium and everyone you want to the outrage
is what sells things. Sure, but man, sometimes just good
old funny and like is like so enjoyable to forget
(20:53):
about your problems and watch two grown men, two middle
aged men pretend they're camping on a podcast because they're
so high. It's I mean, that's that's the world I
want to live it.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
You know what made me laugh so hard?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
He said something to you and he was trying to
be funny and it bombed.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
It just didn't go over. And he said, hey, Bert
that was so and so's make a wish. He wanted
me to say it on your podcast. So thank you
for giving me the time.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
He said. Do you know this is my favorite thing?
He said, he goes every time you do a podcast,
people go, hey, take it out? Can you edit that out?
He goes, People never say can you edit this in?
And then two weeks later he sent me a list
of things and asked if I could edit them into
the podcast. He is, he is brilliant man, And I like,
(21:48):
I said, I'm I'm I'm thinking of something else to
do with birdcast, just because I did that one and
it was so fun and I was like, man, I
don't want to have to bring people on just to
how to find drama. And then got to deal with trauma.
I mean, I got it's like because everyone so it
becomes such a pain in the ass because you don't
(22:11):
know who you talk about and and you're not even
saying anything mean. Sometimes you just say something factual and
then you get a phone call from Pete David Send
He's like, can you edit that out of the podcast,
And like, dude, well I don't even know you, all right,
I mean, it's insane to me. It's insane to me
that I that, I like, it's not worth my energy
(22:34):
to have to deal with what is happening in this world.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Okay, I gotta know what did Pete Davidson one out
of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Some songs Charlie Days sang that was hysterical, and I
guess I don't know. I don't know. Hey, we're gonna
get a call from Pete today when he hears this.
It's like for the guy that is so hands off
with media, he mean, he's got his his lawyers all right,
(23:04):
three days then not even gonna say it now because
because sadly, I've always liked Pete Davidson. I've always thought
he was a nice guy. But like you know, and
so I and I you know, I don't I mean,
I don't have a problem with him, but his lawyers
have a problem with me.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Three dates of note January twenty second is what I'm
being told. That's the premiere for Bert series on Netflix. Friday,
November fourteenth. The Permission to Party World Tour will be
at CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore. Sunday, November sixteenth, The
Permission to Party World Tour will be at the Aultrea
Theater in Richmond. Gotta work on canceling that Hershey, date, Bert,
(23:42):
I appreciate it. Good to talk to you, my friend.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I love you, guys. I love you guys. Hey, if
I'm there Friday, why don't I come in studio Friday morning? Okay, done, done,
I'll see you in studio.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
All right, buddy, we'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
All right.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Love you guys, all right, Love you too.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Latter Ban
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