EITM interviews Zoltan Kaszas

EITM interviews Zoltan Kaszas

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Sultan Kasas will be at the ComedyLoft tonight and tomorrow night. Dccomedyloft dot
com for tickets. Please welcome Zultan. How are you, sir? I
thank you for having me. Howdid you know to put on my favorite
pro wrestler's entrance music A huge heartbreakkid fan over here? That couldn't have

(00:20):
gone better? Thank you? Absolutely? How was How was last night?
Last night? Was great? Wasit? Yeah? No one, no
one rushed the stage. That isa good night. Yeah. Yeah,
no one got upset. You know, everyone just had a good time.
By the way, Can I tellyou this right off the bat? The
uh and I would say this whetheror not you were sitting there the When
did the special come out? Threeweeks ago? A lot to go get?
Yeah, dude, it is sofreaking good. Oh you watched it?

(00:42):
Thank you. Why wouldn't I havewatched it? I don't know.
I assume no one would. Thankyou. That means so much. I
appreciate it, my god, itis. It's fantastic. It is great.
It's on YouTube, which I don'tunderstand why, like, like big
major companies are like putting it out. That doesn't make any sense to me.
God, bless you. The lastone was on YouTube. Yeah,

(01:03):
that did millions and millions and millionsof people. Yeah, I don't know
what I think I gotta I thinkI got to rush the offices over at
Netflix and put someone in a headlockand go, hey, come on,
get me on your platform. Wasit? I mean, you must be
thrilled with it, though I'm I'musually very critical of what I put out,
and uh, this one, Iwas so happy. I was happy

(01:25):
with the material, but I waslike really happy with like the video,
the sound, like the way itall looked. I couldn't be happier with
it. Is the guy in thevery bad and this And I feel horrible
because the first thing, it's it'spart of the special, but it has
nothing to do with any of thematerial. Okay, the dude at the
very beginning, though, the olderguy wearing a Zaltan T shirt and the
glasses who pointed at the mic isthe camera? Is he somebody? He's

(01:49):
a fan. He's a local fan. And I didn't know they got that
shot until they sent me the clipsof editing, you know, after the
fact that I'm like, we haveto put that in the guy's It's great
I thought it was like a hattip to like somebody you knew that was
in the crowd or something. Ibelieve his name is Charlie. He came
up to me after my last setin San Diego where I was moving to

(02:09):
New York and he's like, Ilove your comedy, best of luck to
you, and I'll always be hereto support. And then he showed up
for the special tape and with hisshirt on, you can't ask for anything
better than this. So where didWhere did you tape it? At the
Belly Up Tavern in Salona Beach,which is San Diego. It's a music
venue, right, Okay, soyou did it there. And by the
way, I know like you wentfrom San Diego, and I feel like

(02:30):
you mentioned this in the special.Yeah, the a lot went on in
that year, like like you youyou did a ton, you moved,
you got married. Yeah, dideverything in that in that year? How
long were you in San Diego?Most of my life? So I moved
there when I was a kid thirdgrade and then I left last year.

(02:51):
So I take a long time todo anything. But your story is fascinating
to me because you're really from You'refrom Hungary. I was born in Budapest.
Yeah. Right, and then youhad a quick stop in you and
your you and your family moved notyour dad, no, the but your
family moved to Pittsburgh. Yeah.And you were there for a cup of
coffee essentially three four years. Yeah, just enough to get my sports allegiances.

(03:15):
And then and then we moved toDude. Yeah. Well because over
there I went to school there.All they would talk about was the Penguins
and the Steelers and the pip I'mso sorry I hate them. No,
but you didn't. You don't know. I mean, you're just a kid
living there. Yeah. And thenwe moved to San Diego, and they

(03:36):
never I didn't. It took metwo years until I realized San Diego had
a sports team. No one talkedabout it, like it was when the
Chargers made that Super Bowl in ninetyfive. I was like, we have
a football team. No one saidanything, but what about like the Padres.
I didn't hear about them for twoLike, no one brought it up.
No one wore a jersey really yeah, And I was like, oh,

(03:57):
it's East Coast sports fandom is waydifferent than West Coast. Like I
can see why the churchs live itmakes sense. But like the baseball stadium
is beautiful there, one of thebest, one of the best, I
think in the country. It reallyis. It's gorgeous. Like I would
love to I would love to playthere. So when you when you moved

(04:18):
there, when you moved there,but I don't know, I didn't even
mean to start with your whole life, but your life is fascinating. Thank
you. The So it's you youlive. You lived in a trailer park.
That's what we moved into in SanDiego. I went from a mansion
in Pittsburgh because my mom was aliving housekeeper for this rich family are you
yeah, ye, a rich familyand in Pittsburgh sponsored us. That's how

(04:41):
we were able to start. Oh, I thought you guys all lived with
the family. I was like,dude, we did what. We lived
in the basement of this mansion inPittsburgh. And then my mom through friends,
were like, we're moving to theEast Coast, and we went to
the West coast and then we endedup in a trailer park. So I
got to see how much did youhate your mom? I was like,
was it that bad? Was itthat bad? Working for these one percenters

(05:04):
that we got to live in theshoe box with no way suit. Would
we know who the rich people inPittsburgh were, No, they're not.
They're not like DuPont or anybody.She ran like a beauty salon in downtown
Pittsburgh. I think there's two locations, right, so franchise. So then

(05:25):
you moved to a one toilet,yes, a trailer park, single wi
baby in San Diego. Huh andthat but that's where you grew up.
Yeah, yeah, that's where Igrew up. My mom's still there.
Then when I go back to visit, my old room's been taken over by
my brother, right and yeah,yeah, they're holding down the Florida over

(05:45):
there. So but then, butif you just moved, how old are
you now? I am. Ijust turned thirty seven, so till thirty
five, thirty six, you're you'reyou're in San Diego. Why did you
leave San Diego to move to NewYork? I have always wanted to live
in New York, Like, evenif I didn't do stand up, if
I sold insurance, I've always likewatching I've watched Muppets tick Manhattan, and
I was like, how do youlive in a city like that? Like

(06:08):
that looks so exciting, right,And I finally started making enough money where
I can actually afford an apartment outthere, and I talked my wife into
it, and she's like, I'mdown, let's go. And we're taking
a swing at it. We're tryingto be city slickers the and and she's
obviously from Toronto. Yeah, she'sfrom Toronto, and so she's used to
city living a little bit. Yeah. Where did you meet her? At

(06:31):
a cat convention in San Jose,California. ID The more I tell about
my life, the more ridiculous itall sounds. But I had a cat
joke go viral, right, andI got booked by a cat convention in
San Jose. My wife used torun a cat e commerce company, so

(06:51):
she was there and that's how howwe met. You approached too at the
convention. My wife hates this story. She approached me? Did she really?
She like, oh here comes thefamous what's the cat joke? Guy?
She had no clue who I was. Really you you were just a

(07:12):
piece of ass at the convention.I'm gonna tell her that that is awesome.
Yes, I yeah, she didn'tknow who I was. Was this
long hair chubby Zultan or short hairless chubby, long hair less chubby.
So I had lost the weight.I was wearing like a denim jacket you
know when you put on a blackCanada though. Ye. Yeah, she

(07:33):
was like it was it was hittinga spot for her for sure. Uh.
And then we were hitting it off. And then we went out that
night and this was the best thing. This like never happens to me.
But while we're walking to a bar. Uh, some guy in the street
was like, hey, you're Zoltanand I was I played it cool.
I was like, sure I am. And then she was like, who
are you? That has not happenedsince it was like once. It couldn't

(08:00):
have happened at a better time.It was perfect. So how did you
so? So you meet it?You meet at this awesome cat convention.
The did you hate going honestly orwere you like, you know what,
like what you're I mean, you'rethat joke took off. Yeah, it
was everywhere. It went gangbusters,which was great for my career. Uh.
The cat convention was so weird.It was interesting and that I didn't

(08:22):
hate it because I had never experiencedit. Like I went on after right
after me was a cat rapper namedmost show Uh, he's a real guy.
You can check out. He didall these rap songs about cats and
me. I felt so bad becauseI only had like seven minutes on cats
and the rest of my show wasjust regular jokes, and so I thought
the cat rapper was doing the samething. He's gonna have like one cat

(08:43):
song that took off and the restabout other stuff. No, he did
forty five minutes. Yeah, hehad the whole chan crowd channing. He's
like, what do we not do? And the crowd's like, we don't
decall. I felt like I wassuch a loose because I didn't have an
hour of cat drokes like this guyhad cat wraps. So it was really

(09:05):
it was a fascinating thing to bea part of, but not not to
not to keep digging into it.So you two you tube meet in San
Jose, Yes, what is likewhat happens out? Do you go back
to San Diego? Does she goback to Toronto? At the time,
she was living in Florida, sowe were just kind of keep in touch,
right, and I was working cruiseships at the time, which in
and out of Florida all the time, so comic as a comic so I

(09:26):
would. I would visit her,like during turnaround days things like that,
And then she ended up taking ajob in San Diego. She sold her
company, took a job in SanDiego and moved in the day before the
lockdowns happened, and so, uh, we got to know each other really
quick. Wow, we didn't movein together, she had her own place,
but we hung out all pandemic anduh, you know a lot of

(09:48):
marriages and relationships ended during the pandemic, ours kicked off because of it.
That's great. Yeah, that's great. Hey, so it's ultan. Let
me ask you this the like likethe the like when you're doing like being
a cruise ship comic, Yeah,did you enjoy that or like, were
you used to at the point whereit's like, I'm just I'm doing anything
I can, Like, I gottawork that, like if it wasn't.

(10:11):
It was first colleges. That's howI was able to quit my day job,
and then I aged out of thatreally quick, and then thankfully cruise
ships came around, and that's howI was able to pay the rent and
have a living. I think cruiseships are probably fun to go on with
a loved one or a family member, but when you're there by yourself and
you're on like deck one, likebehind the HR office. It's not that

(10:35):
great. I didn't enjoy it thatmuch. What was your last job before
comedy paid all your bills? Iworked at a mechanic shop doing the books.
My best friend's mechanic shop, who'verun by his dad, Darryl Jones,
who I talk about in the special. That's why the specials called honorary
Jones. But I worked at hismechanic shop for I think five years,

(10:56):
and then I was able to bookall these colleges, so I finally got
to graduate into doing this full time. Is Daryl the one where the all
the violent stories where he choked thekid in the best bat? Yes?
Yes, no, no? Butis he? Is he the one where

(11:16):
and I'm where I'm trying to rememberthe exact story. Okay, There's like
at some point I heard you talkingabout there was somebody who was like into
multi level marketing or something like that, and you were talking about how you
had this friend, Daryl who wasn'tand I think it was him who was
trying to sell his car at aused car dealership and somebody was turning their

(11:39):
car in Oh, Wow, youheard this story. Yes, yes,
And somebody was turning it in andthe guy who was turning his car in
they made a deal. Yeah,didn't like what the dealer offered. Ye'd
be like Diane and I I'm goingthere to buy a car. Diane's trying
to turn hers in. The dealershipoffers Diane money for the car. She
knows, I don't. I don'tknow. That's not an enough money.

(12:00):
And then your buddy bought the carfrom her, right on the spot cash
in front of the salesman, muchto his dismay. They cut the deal
on. That is the most geniusthing I've ever heard of in my life.
That was genius. He did alot of things that I've I've never
seen done before or since, andI'm waiting for the opportunity to replicate so

(12:22):
many things I've been I've been waitingfor the gas company to come because I
saw him do this at the shopwhere they're like, excuse me, I'm
here to check the meters, where'syour meters? And he's like, I
don't think that's any of your business, Just like that quick. I'd love
to say that to some I don'tthink that's any of your damn business where
my meters are. He would dothat kind of stuff all the time.

(12:43):
I loved him for it. TheSo, so you worked at the at
the at the car shop or themechanic shop. How long before that were
you working at the old Folks Home. I worked there for four years,
so two years in high school andthen two years after. Yeah, and
you liked. I thought it wasa really great job. I got to

(13:05):
I don't know, I got tobefriend these people. And I got my
first bowl of French onion soup withthis sweet lady who wanted to be called
the Murf. Her last name wasMurphy, and she's like, call me
the Murf. And then one dayI was a waiter there for a while
and I gave her French onion soup. She's like, this isn't French onion
soup. I'll show you a realFrench onion soup. Pick me up on

(13:26):
Saturday. So I came in onmy day off. Me and her went
for like a lunch data like aRuby Tuesdays or something, and we had
French onion soup and she's like,now that's a French onion soup, and
like meet you meet these like interestingcharacters, and I don't know, I
really enjoyed my time there, didyou like when the families would come visit.
Those were the worst parts because theywere horrible, Like all the residents.

(13:50):
Even if they were difficult, theywere still you got to know them
and they became sweet. Their familywould like they would treat you like like
the worst waiter at a at aRuby Tuesday or something like this one lady.
I feel bad for doing this now, but I was sixteen, so
I think this was justified. Butshe would wouldn't make eye contact with me.
She would like talk forward but atme, and she was so rude

(14:13):
and towards the dessert time she goes, I dropped my fork and just held
it up and gave it to me. And so I went to go get
a clean one, but instead Ijust grabbed a dirty one off another plate
and flicked like a blueberry off ofit, and I was like, here
you go. I hope dementia's contagious. And I guess the lesson that don't

(14:35):
mess with the people that serve yourfood. You know. So where did
the where did the comedy bug comefrom? I? Man, I always
loved stand up. I always lovedstand up and then when I was nineteen,
my original dream because I grew upin the trailer park, was to
be a professional wrestler. That wasmy original dream. That's why I love
the Shawn Michaels theme song. WhenI started, and but I had a

(14:58):
bad shoulder, so I was gonnago get shoulder surgery, and I'm like,
I need something to do while Iheal. So I went to an
open mic, thinking I can dothis while I heal, and I thought
I would crush. I had thisweird dumb confidence at nineteen and it went
so bad. But were you intolike, like, were you watching comedy?
Like were you all into it?Oh? Okay, yeah I watched

(15:18):
Uh those are my two loves.I loved watching stand up and watching pro
wrestling. But for some reason,my dumb brain was like I could never
do stand up. That wrestling thingthat looks legitimate, Yeah, and watch
it like who were the who werethe people that you were like that that
were like the comics that you thatyou love. I love my favorite at

(15:39):
the time. It still is Davidtel Right. That guy's a legend.
But I watched all the Jim gaffagain. Brian Reagan, Mark Marin,
like, those were the guys Iwould I would watch their Comedy Central Presents
was really hot at the time,so I would just watch those on on
repeat as much as I could.Right, So you're watching that and then
you the while you're waiting for theshoulder to heal. Yeah, the But

(16:00):
had you been at home like whenyou went to the open mic? Had
you had you been at home likewriting and thinking like if I'm gonna go
do this open mic, right,I'm gonna get myself material or did you
just go like, well, I'mdumb, I'm watch this and I'm just
gonna get up on stage and tryto tell jokes. No. I wrote
a week before I made the decision, and I signed up. In the
next week. I went to theopen mic, but I wrote a page

(16:22):
front and back, all on onetopic, Like I didn't know you could
do different jokes. So I dida whole six minute set on why we
should watch out for the Canadians comingacross the border instead of the Mexican people,
and very original for two thousand andsix, I'm assuming, very you
know. Cutting in I was like, I'm the next John Stewart. Listen

(16:45):
to this and it couldn't have goneworse. Like half the audience was my
friends, and none of them.Nobody laughed at the right spots. They
laughed at these weird spots where I'mlike, that's not funny. And then
so I was like dumbfounded as towhy it didn't work. And then for
yeah, at least the next sixmonths, I was like, why am

(17:06):
I not getting any I thought I'dbe good at this, and it was
a real long haul until I rememberone time I finally told a story that
happened to me that day and itworked, and I think that was the
first time something clicked where I'm like, oh, maybe I should do more
stories. How long? How long? Though? So after the first open
mic, yeah bombs, I don'tYeah, yeah, horrible. Yeah,
But like, do you know anycomics, like any any comics whether famous

(17:30):
or unpcoming or anywhere in between,where their first open mic was a home
run? So I've heard a lotof stories where their first open mic is
a home run because they bring alltheir friends, and then their second one
none of their friends come, andthen they die to death, right,
and then that's really deflating obviously,But me, I had this reverse thing
where my first six months the showswere horrible and I just kept showing up,

(17:52):
like begrudgingly and uh, and theneventually, slowly it got better.
So yeah, how long after thatfirst open mic before you went back into
the second one the next week?Yeah, because it was a weekly Thursday
open mic and I was too youngto go to the comedy store. I
didn't know that you could just waitoutside and then they'd let you in underage,
did you your set, and youcould leave, which I did that

(18:14):
for a long time. Remember therewas one open mic. It was at
a bar and they made me standoutside and it was raining, and the
security guard gave me his jacket,So I'm just wearing this giant jacket standing
in the rain. And then Iwent on stage with his jacket in my
open mic set and uh, andthen I left and it was it was
just a lot of the you knowthose kind of things. Were you driving

(18:37):
up to La I mean, isthere is there? So you were doing
this in in San Diego? Iwas doing this in San Diego. Is
there much of a comedy scene inSan Diego? A lot of stage time
in San Diego? I was Iwas telling Uh, I was telling this
guy to her left, my lefthe over here, Like, uh,
there's a lot of comics from LAthat make the three to four hour drive
down to San Diego just to doeight minutes on a Wednesday at the comedy

(18:59):
store for no money, just becausewe actually have a crowd there. So
the reason I think I got goodat this is because I had There was
so much stage time in San Diegoin front of real audiences, and that's
something that's really hard to fight forin a big scene like LA. Because
I thought, like, and Iknew that you went from San Diego to
New York. I thought the wholereason that you that you left, at

(19:22):
least in reading about it, wasyou can't break out of San Diego.
Right Well, I mean every successI've had I was in San Diego,
right Like I've I've done some thingshere in New York and in New York
and all that, but like,I was gonna move there no matter what
I did, just to get itto you, right. Well, I
didn't know that you would watch themuppets take Manhattan, that damn Jim Mansen.

(19:48):
But yeah, I hope some goodthings come out of living there.
I mean that was definitely on mymind too, like maybe just being adjacent
to these comics that are so muchahead of me and better than me would
would be good for me. Butbut I thought, I was like,
well, I can have at leasta decent career coming out of San Diego,
for sure, because I feel likenow and again you would know better

(20:08):
than me. But you'll hear peoplego like because it used to be like
La, like everybody wanted to bein La and stuff, but it's almost
like you hear now where everybody's going, Like it's so hard in La.
Like the comedy scene isn't great inLA. And I don't know if that's
true or not. And so that'swhy in my head, I was like,
oh, well, that's why youwent to New York, right.
I always all my favorite comics,and this is going back to the Comedy

(20:30):
Central Presents days we're out of NewYork, like all my favorite ones.
David tel the Bill Burr's another one, Louis like all those guys I see
as New York guys. So Iwas like, that's where I want to
go. I did you know?I went up to La to do sets.
I lived there for a really shorttime when I was very new,
and it just wasn't great for me. I didn't feel like I got better

(20:52):
living out there. But in NewYork, I mean, there's been multiple
times where I've had to go onafter Jim Gaffigan where he just shows up.
Manager's like, oh, we're gonnapop Jim up for ten and then
then it's you and I look andit's Jim Gaffigan, and I'm like,
I gotta follow that guy. Andthen the audience reacts like they just saw
God. I saw a guy whenhe got introduced, a grown man put

(21:12):
his hands on his head and went, oh my god when they introduced gaff
when they introduced gaff again, andI'm like, this guy is gonna be
so disappointed in ten minutes when it'sme, you know. And that's the
part of New York that I thinkis really good for me, is going
on after people that are so legendaryand so funny and holding my own like

(21:33):
I didn't bomb and I called outthe elephant in the room that you guys
just saw someone awesome and then hereI am, who's this person? And
just being able to hold your ownin that in that realm feels really good.
Are you still really hard on yourself. Yeah. Yeah, I nipick
at myself all the time. LikeI'll watch videos of myself and I'll just

(21:55):
be like, oh, that's whatyou do when you do that, I
don't like that. Oh really?Yeah. When I do a new joke,
I have this weird tick where Icock my wrist like I have cerebral
palsy or something. It's a reallyweird thing that I do. But it's
because I'm nervous and I'm worried abouthow it's going to land, and I'll
just lock up like that, andthen as soon as the laugh comes,
it releases, and I'm like,what a weird thing that I hope no

(22:18):
one else notices? And I shouldnever say on the radio. I'll tell
you what I can't. Oh,I hope there's a new joke tonight.
I mean, you watch my wriskcock You're like, oh, this is
no Zaltian had cerebral palsy. Ihad no idea is it cerebral? Did
I say it wrong? Like anidiot? The what is it cerebral?
Cerebral? No? What is itcerebral palsy? Yeah? Cerebral? No?

(22:41):
Right? Oh okay, all right, No, you got it right.
Yeah, No, you're fine.I have that fear when I say
a big word. I'm like,we're going for it right room, Yeah
all right, let me do this, Let me do this, Give me
a give me a quick break.I do have a ton of stuff that
I haven't even gotten into with youyet. Take a quick break. Zultan
will be at the Comedy Loft tonightand tomorrow night. Two shows tonight tomorrow

(23:04):
night. I think the early showboth nights are sold out. That's true.
U dccomedyloft dot calm to get yourtickets. Quick break. It's Elliot
in the Morning's your friend Jelly Roll. I'm a fan the uh well yeah,
high five the man. God sayhe was trying to high five someone
else, but I definitely snuck ina high five that that damn five k

(23:27):
it was. It was Chryscher's fiveK right, and I was ahead,
uh and it looped back around andthen we saw them coming and I was
like oh, and I got myphone out and he was coming towards me
and had his hand and I'm likewow about And then I realized he was
high five and a guy behind me. But I was already committed, so

(23:47):
I grabbed and held on and thenI was like, God, that's that's
why I never go for a highfive because something embarrassing that. Uh the
special is about a month old outon out on YouTube. A couple of
questions have to go back to thatnumber one, you have paint in your
testicle? Uh sometimes, I meanit's only been seven years, you know.

(24:11):
After I got the diagnosis of whatit is, I'm like, all
right, you know, I guessthe surgery sounds invasive and it's not the
biggest deal, so it's all right. And at some point before you leave,
I must see the cheese dance thathas to that. It's a lot
of pointing. So I go intothe fridge and I start nipping at the

(24:37):
cheese in the bag. I starteating like big lead chew, you know,
like putting it in the lit andthen I just kind of have a
pointy dance, a lot of hips, a lot of pointing at people that
aren't around. And then my wife'son the couch and she's like, you
realize you're not alone, right,Like this is the cheese dance. You
gotta you gotta have a cheese dance. I'm trying to remember you there's a

(24:59):
there. There's a great line ofthe special. You talk about being married
and you do. You talk aboutlike you moved, you got married,
like a lot has happened in thein the year, but you talk about
this is so it's Emma's first marriage. Yeah, your second marriage. But
I love where you talk about like, if this one doesn't work, maybe
it is me, Maybe it's me. Maybe she was right. I wonder

(25:22):
that about like famous guys that havehad a bunch of wives, like a
Rick Flair, Like I wonder ifhe has that mirror moment where you're it's
like, it's not them, itcan't be all of them, All of
you are wrong. I am great. So is that why so? Well?
No, because it's her first marriage. You guys eloped, yeah yeah,

(25:45):
yeah, you guys ran away toItaly. Yes. Yeah. We
were trying to plan a wedding andafter a month of trying, Emma's like,
this is the worst thing I've everdone. And I forget who's a
It might have been her idea ormind someone threw out the idea, Like
why what if we'd like nobody canaim and we just ran off somewhere.
She's like, I love that idea, but it kind of backfired because we
ended up having three weddings because wehad to go to the courthouse in San

(26:08):
Diego that my mom came to.She was the witness, so it was
a very you know, courthouse ceremonythat was the official official one. We
went to Italy by ourselves, andthen her her family wanted to feel included,
so we had We tried to doa dinner in Toronto that ended up
being pretty much a full on weddingat this Persian restaurant where we didn't rent

(26:29):
it out. There was another Persianwedding going on over there, and then
regular people eating dinner with this liveband, and we kept getting called up
with the other couple and to dancein front of people that are eating dinner.
And I was like, this isa wedding like this, This is
as much of a wedding as itcould get. Because I forgot. I
forgot about the part where like youdo have to do like the courthouse thing

(26:52):
to make it official and then thenyou go off the because I always thought
like to run away and get itylow to getting very it's sounds so romantic
until you have kids. No,because I feel that way, like my
kids aren't. They're they're not gettingmarried anytime soon. But I always thought
that would be the It would beawesome just to run away and do that.
It would break my heart. Nowif like my kid ran off and

(27:15):
I wasn't there for the wedding,oh my god, it would break my
heart. It would kill me.Well now I feel bad. Thanks,
Well, no, but your momwas there. She got her family.
That's a that's for her to dealwith. Well, her family loved the
dinner like they they loved all that. And then my mom's crying at a
courthouse, you know. It's it'sit's so weird to get emotional at a

(27:37):
court. I remember Emma and Ihad this moment because they're doing the vows
and all that, and my mom'scrying and I'm like, I'm looking at
her. I'm like are you good? And she's like I'm fine, and
I'm like she's like are you good. I'm like, I got nothing.
It's because like the death certificates arethe next office. So it's it's hard
to like fully get into the moment, you know, But my mom did
the and and I mentioned it earlier, like when when so you're in you're

(28:00):
in Budapest. Yeah, and youguys had left before, Like, you
don't know your dad at all.I never met him. I only know
of him from my mom. Andis there Have you ever played that in
your head of try to find nottry to find. I'm you know,
I'm so embarrassing, but I'm soanti social that a lot of the reason

(28:22):
I think I don't even look intoit. I'm like, that'd be such
an awkward conversation. It'd be solike yesterday I went to what I thought
was a sandwich shop, but theyI just saw pizzas on the menu,
so I'm like, I guess I'mgetting a Grandma slice. And then instead
of just asking, hey, Isaw there were sandwiches on your menu online.
And then as I left, Isaw someone else had a sandwich,

(28:45):
and I'm like, oh, youguys did have because they probably asked.
That's how much I avoid human interaction, Do you really? Yeah, I'm
just so in my head, whyare you here? I'm so I'm always
terrified. Like the first time Iwent into a sandwich shop a bagel shop
in New York. I was justwanted a big old cream cheese and there
were so many aggressive New York guysbehind the counter with hairnets. And this

(29:08):
one guy he pointed at me,He's like, what do you want?
I just like freaked, look atthe menu and yelled the first thing I
saw, which was turkey explosion,and so I just went darky explosion,
which is not even on a bagel. There's no cream cheese. It's a
seventeen dollars hogie. And my wife'slike, why did you order that?
I was like, Hey, whydid you yell at me? I wasn't
ready, you know. And soI think a lot of that has to

(29:32):
do with it, too. AndI don't know what i'd say to him,
you know, it would just beit would be a hard, vulnerable
moment, and I'm like, Idon't know what to say to the guy.
I don't think he's a bad guy, and I'm not angry at him,
right And my parents were young.He was a musician, so he's
probably like chasing violin fame, whichI'm doing. What I do, I

(29:52):
get it, you know, Iget it. Were oddly enough, he
was in an or orchestra on cruiseships, so weirdly enough, we both
did the same thing. I didcomedy on a cruise ship. He was
in an orchestra. So how weirdis that? Yeah, I guess we
all become our fathers, whether weneed so. Once you guys split your

(30:14):
your mom never heard from him again. No, they didn't keep in contact.
And I think I'm sure my momhas told me this that if I
wanted, she could put us inor figure it out, because then I
was wondering, like, are now, like, does it ever cross your
mind now that you're famous that hewould try to find you? I guess,
yeah, that has crossed my mind, but it hasn't happened. So

(30:36):
yeah, maybe I guess the wayI look at it, it'd be interesting
to meet him, but also,you know, the social stuff would be
weird. But then also I believeyou're that anti social. I'm just it's
it's all in my own head.The easiest person to talk to. Thank
God. It's terrifying there right now. Yeah in my head. No,
No, this is cool. WhenI first walked in, I was were

(30:56):
you terrified when you first walked Yeah? I don't know, because like,
you guys have your own stick,and then I'm like trying to meld into
the groove you guys already have andso all that always crossed. This is
like going into a house party.I'm looking for a corner to stand in
with my drink and within reach ofthe chips. That's like, my that's
my whole thing. I hope I'vebeen a good host. You've been wonderful.

(31:17):
That's what I was saying, Like, Hey, you like watched the
special you got all you know,all this stuff you brought up stuff I
said in a podcast where I'm like, oh my wow, this guy is
like this guy knows me. That'sawesome. Right, So then let me
ask you this. When you weredoing cruise ships and stuff, is that
where you wrecked the scooter or wasthat completely different? Yeah? I wrecked
a scooter in Cosmmel, Mexico becauseI made a friend with one of the

(31:41):
He was in this other group,a cappella group, and he was a
retired Chippendales dancer. He's a reallygood dude. He's a friend, and
we made friends and we had thesame flight home in Cozumel. That wasn't
ntil that evening. So he's like, you want to rent scooters and right
around the island And I was likesure, and he's like, have you
ridden a scooter before, and I'mlike, absolutely, and I've never I've
never ridden a scooter. But youknow, when you make a new friend,

(32:01):
you don't want to like sound lame, so I'm like, I'll write
them all the time. I'm likea scooter officionado. And as soon as
I got on it, He's like, you've never been on one before.
I'm like, what I'm doing great? And I crash it right because I'm
following him, and then he madea quick right, so then I made
a quick right and I realized Idon't know how to turn right. There

(32:21):
was no tutorial, and so Ismashed into the island like the median and
smashed the bike. I flew.I was very bloody, and I walked
the bike back to the rental shacklike I was. It ran, but
I was too scared. All plasticsripped off of it, and the guy
alli, the only English he knewwas was what happened? That's not like

(32:45):
he goes what happened. I'm like, I don't why wasn't there tutorial?
Like it was the whole question inmy head. And then he just kept
saying ten thousand pesos, that's thecost, ten thousand pesos. So I
just handed my credit card and I'mlike, I have no clue with tenthous
some pace. I hope I havethat, you know. And once I
got home, I realized it's fivehundred bucks, so I was like,

(33:05):
cool, I can afford I canafford a scooter repair in Cosmo, Mexico.
Now, who was your friend whohot wired a scooter so he could
keep it as his own. That'smy friend, Dave Callan's that, by
the way, is you have alot of genius friends a lot of poor
friends. You got the guy who'sbuying trade ins that people don't like,

(33:30):
so you already know what the startingpoint is. A guy who like sees
like a bird scooter is like,why would I rent it? I'll just
hot wire the thing and I'll ownit. That's genius. He brought it
over to my house and I'm like, you know, there's more. He's
like, no, no, thisone's mine. Oh my god. Oh

(33:51):
man. I know a lot ofpeople that aren't doing well. Do you
do you think you're doing well?Yet I feel like, well, growing
up where how I grew up?I feel like Rick Flair. Do you
realize yeah, because I'm I guesstechnically I'm middle class, but I grew
up poor. So the fact thatwe just uber eats whenever, it is

(34:15):
like insane, Like that's insane.So like you're living back at the mansion
in Pittsburgh in your head, whatit feels like like, I'm like,
it doesn't get up from here.This is great, it's wonderful. Like
I mean, I hope my careergets better, but I tell people all
the time, if it just stayslike this till they throw dirt in my
face, we're good. This isamazing. Yeah, I can't beat this.

(34:37):
The the the I read something,So go back to LA. So
you were out of Los Angeles forthe the you did Chryscher's Run where you
jelly roll? Yes, but thatwas part of that whole Netlix Place is
a joke festival. Were you wereyou performing for for that? I had
a show that was a part ofthe festival. Yes, right, Okay,
so that's great, that's awesome.But I was reading where and this,

(35:00):
so I think I like this aboutyou. So you go back to
New York, You go back home, huh, And I guess like just
regular comedy. You were just goingout it wasn't like, come to see
Zoltan do three nights at whatever.You were just getting up on stage and
just performing and just doing your thing. I read somewhere where you said that
three nights in a row didn't gowell. I think the words you used

(35:23):
like you bombed for three nights ina row. Yes, yeah, it
was just one of those things whereI had three I can't even blame the
crowd because I watched other comics dowell. Sometimes you have that I always
compared to like baseball, you know, like you sometimes hitters go into a
slump, right and they just like, for whatever reason, they just can't
hit in the month of August,and yeah, I was just in a

(35:45):
three day slump and I came homeand I was telling my wife. I
was like, I think I forgothow to do this, because what gets
in my head now is now I'mon the road on the weekends. The
people that buy tickets to see me, for the most part, they know
who I am, right, Soit's like a home field advantage. When
you're performing on regular shows in NewYork, that's a that's a fair audience.

(36:06):
Most of them don't know who youare, so it's just based on
how funny you are. So havingthree bad sets like that really makes you
question, oh am, I justused to home field advantage games and I
can't play on the road and uhand so yeah, that was really getting
into my head. But I remember, so there was the like can I
do this anymore? Like have Ijust lost it? Yeah? But like

(36:27):
even even but but I guess theamount that that impacts you, like even
I think it was. And thenyou went out, so three of them
you were like, I went overthree, it sucked, still kept going,
which God blessed. And then youhad two that went well and you
were like, okay, the firstone wasn't like a fluke, like I'm
actually okay at this here I goand I'm going yeah. But you were

(36:47):
talking about how even even Emma,your wife, was like yeah, like
you're you're son of a bitch,when like during those three days, it's
just bad. It's doom and gloom. Like people see me on stage and
I try to come off. Whatyou see on stage is me trying to
be the best version of myself.Right. I wish I could be that
guy all the time. I'm not. I go through waves of highs and

(37:09):
lows well everybody, yeah, yeah, like a normal I'm not a psycho.
Yeah, but when I'm in alow, like it stays low,
everything sad, I don't want todo anything, and yeah, all my
joy, which I wish this didn'twasn't like this, but like a lot
of my joy comes from how wellI do on stage, Like that can

(37:30):
really boost my mood or just destroymy confidence. But then I'll hear you
say something like if there's if,if there's so much, and by the
way, I would I would expectthat. That's probably pretty common with comedians.
I would assume, yeah, theBut then you'll go on and say
something like my problem is I don'tknow how to open. Yeah, I
don't know how to Like I knowhow to start on the road. I

(37:52):
can get on stage, make funof the room. I'm in DC.
I don't live in DC. NATO'sin town. I couldn't get an uber.
We can start, I can startright, But when I'm at like
Gotham in New York, I'm like, how do I start? Like,
what's the beginning? I don't knowbecause normally I just like to talk about
my day, but those crowds areso used to seeing good comedy immediately right

(38:13):
in the moment, start crushing that, Like getting started is so stuck in
my head on how to do it. Yeah, and the so when I
saw that, I was like,your whole day revolves around your first ten
seconds on stage. That's it.That's it. It's like, if we
get off to a good start,it's going to be a good set.

(38:36):
If we don't, now, I'mlike, I'm trying. I'm like,
Okay, we need to turn thisaround for them to come around. That's
what I'm so impressed with with somany comedians in New York. There's a
guy I think is amazing, SeanPatten, and he went on in front
of a hot crowd once and hisfirst five minutes they were not with him.
But he didn't quit, he didn'tchange his material, he didn't do
anything. He just like he had. It's like he had a mindset like,

(39:00):
you guys are gonna come along eventually, and they did. By the
end of his fifteen minute set.They loved him. And I felt bad
for whoever I had to go afterAnd I want that. I want that
confidence to stand there, have itnot go well, stick to my guns
and know you guys are gonna come, because sometimes they might not. Then

(39:20):
you're just out there. But ifyou're not the I'm leaning into it.
I'm going, are you doing therest of the set? Curled up like
you got balls again? Like I'lltry anything to do. Yeah, Yeah,
I get into that fear mode.And this is a comic. I'm
eighteen years in and I still havethat fear, and I'll start being like,
no, I gotta, I gottaget out of this, and you
try to look for an escape patch, something something to grasp onto. Even

(39:45):
have you ever just walked off stage? You know what? No, no,
no, no. One time.The only time I didn't do my
time was at the Delano Casino,which is a card room in Delaye,
California, which is farm country upby Bakersfield. And it was such a
bad I was supposed to do fortyfive minutes and at that point they had

(40:07):
already kicked a guy out. Theywere about to taser a drunk pregnant woman.
I'm gonna repeat that sentence because it'sworth repeating. They were about to
taser a drunk pregnant woman. AndI turned to the booker, this guy
Dave, and I go, howmuch time have I done, He goes
thirty eight and I'm like, isthis good? And he's like yeah.

(40:29):
So I ended up not doing myentire forty five but normally normally normally I
plant my feet and I take mywhippings. You know, I don't want
anything to go wrong, but Iwould pay to see that happen tomorrow night.

(40:50):
Ah. That was Oh Man,Delano, California. What a gem?
A gem? Do you still hatethe people at NBC? Oh,
the America's Got Talent? Yeah?Yeah, I mean if they gave me
this old Tank show, I'd beenright back there. I forgive them.
Yeah, the America's Got Talent thing. I was really upset by because they

(41:15):
they set me up for failure,which I understand, it's still my moment
to shine or not. But thefact that, like they were so cool
with putting my career on in Jeopardyand just being very nonchalant about it,
right, it made me upset atall the producers that put me in the
situation to fail, and matt atmyself for not seeing that that's what they

(41:37):
were setting me up for and goingthrough with it anyway. Explain that.
So I was on the same tapingas a friend of mine, Vicky Barblack,
who did really well on that season. Right, And a week before
we had been talking to producers,and a week before she's like, Oh,
I got my date. I'm filmingthis Friday, and they've already come
to the trailer park. They've donelike background filming. And I was like,

(41:59):
oh, that's great. There's soyou're living at the trailer park in
San Diego. Not at this time, my mom, but she also there's
a lot of trailer parks. It'snot funny in my head. It's like
all mansions on the beach in Coronado. Yeah, but someone's got to work
those mansions. So there's also abig trailer park. But she had they

(42:20):
had already done tapings with her,and she's like, I'm filming on Friday,
and I'm like, all right,I haven't heard yet, but maybe.
And then Friday morning, I geta phone call at like nine am
saying can you be in Pasadena thisafternoon? And I was like, I
guess, I guess I'm doing it. I should have known then they don't
have big plans for me, becauselike I'm a day of fill in,
right, and I show up andimmediately the show had already been going on,

(42:42):
and they start filming all these interviewswith me in different areas, and
I never have a moment to bein my head. They film interviews with
me, asking me the same fivequestions in all these different settings up until
they call my name, and thenI'm like, wait, am I next?
And they're like yeah, I'm like, can we stop for a second,
I can just like think about myset, and then they let like
what they should call your like TerryKruz. Yeah, like going out on

(43:02):
stage in front of Howie Mantel andSimon and Heidi klu whoever in this giant
theater. I'm like, give mea second to myself. And I went
on after a guy who was ona trampoline with an inflatable zebra doing backflips,
and they and keep in mind,while I'm doing these interviews for forty
five minutes, I hear that they'rebooing every act because this now we're three

(43:27):
hours into this tape, right,and they're booing every act. And I'm
getting a moment to myself. AndI'm watching this guy do backflips on an
inflatable zebra on a trampoline, andI'm like, they did not set me
up for six. I think they'reputting me in to like the blueber reel,
you know. So I remember tellingmyself, no matter what goes on
out there, don't lose your cool, don't cuss anybody out, just smile

(43:49):
like an idiot, and they won'tbe able to edit anything bad. And
so I went out there told theytold me to do my cat joke.
So I did my cat joke.They booed me, they me mercilessly.
I remember a fat guy, likea dad, with an Oxford shirt cup
in his hands, and I'm like, okay, children, and I wanted
to say something to them, butI'm like, I'm not gonna lose my

(44:12):
cool. So I'm like, oh, you guys don't like cat jokes,
well how about I tell you Igrew up without a dad. And then
I started doing my no dad jokesand I actually turned them. This is
how phony of an audience that was. In three minutes. They liked me
in the beginning, they booed me, and they liked me at the end.
All my years in stand up,I've never seen that before. If
they boo you, they're not goingto turn around in two seconds. Also,

(44:36):
but who gets boot what is theapollo? And so technically I got
passed only Simon x me. Theother three judges passed me, but now
it's up to producers. They endedup not going through with it, and
then the edit came out and theydidn't show me getting booed or turning the
audience around. They just showed cricketslike nothing happened, right, And that's
how the and they put me ina montage of losers. And I think

(45:00):
that clip is somewhere on YouTube andI will burn down NBCs. But I
did. I did read. Theone thing that you were pissed about is
like, you know what, showthem booing me. I'll live with that.
Show them cheering me, I'll livewith that. But don't put the
fake edit in of it just beingcrickets, right, because now I don't
like they don't realize it, Likemaybe that guy doing backflips on the inflatable

(45:22):
zebra isn't doing that for a living, right, But I'm doing this for
a lit and they knew that.Yeah, it's not like you camped outside.
We're like, I'm going to trystand up now. They called you.
They they asked me for two orthree years in a row because they
have like a thousand producers, andI kept turning them down because I thought
I wasn't right for that show.I'm not ninety seconds or three minutes isn't

(45:43):
where I shine. I shine tenminutes, fifteen minutes longer. I'm at
agree with that. Yeah, Itotally agree with that. Yeah. I'm
not a quarter horse. I'm likea thoroughbred, you know, like I
need more time to really show whatI can do. And but my agent
at the time was like, wellwhy not try? And I was like,
yeah, why not? And Ithink the lesson I learned from that
is know what you're good at,know where your weaknesses are, and put

(46:06):
yourself in there for success. Soas much as I blame them, I
also blame myself, right, ButI mean I could see you get that
call and they've been trying for years. You're like, Okay, you know
what, maybe listen. It's abig show. Huge show people have had
a run. And this is ata time where I was on cruise ships,
not able to sell it. IfI had a gun, I couldn't
sell a ticket, so like thiscould be a big Oh my god.
I didn't realize it was at thatpoint. If you were doing it,

(46:27):
I would have gone the first year. Are you kidding me? If you're
doing cruise ships, go absolutely No, you were very smart to go.
Yeah I was smart to go.But yeah it was Uh. I'm glad
I did it because I think youlearn, you learn through failure, and
that was definitely one. Would youdo anything? Like you joked, like

(46:49):
if NBC wanted to give you theZultan Show, but I thought, you
have no desires to do acting.Yeah, you know what it is.
It's the negative self talk. Ijust feel like I wouldn't be good at
it. But yeah, I havelike an idea for his oldtand show because
I like, I think my childhoodis interesting about being poor, but it's
fascinating. Yeah, like a poorfamily that lives in a mansion, I
think is really interesting. And soI was like messing around with the idea

(47:15):
for a show, and I wastalking to a couple of production companies.
But that's awesome. I mean we'llyeah, we'll see if anything ever comes
of it. But but yeah,yeah, like something like that does sound
interesting. So what do you dountil the TV career takes off? Like
I saw, you have a coupleof months left on the schedule, and
then that's it. I have Ihave tour dates. I have I'm taking
August off, but I have tourdates. All are taking August off.

(47:36):
I just for sanity, because I'man every weekend guy, right every weekend.
So I took a lot of Mayoff and then I'm taking August off.
But those are the only two months, and then everything else is pretty
much every weekend. I'm cooking anduh, just trying to see where fans
are coming out and see how howwe can grow this. Do you like
doing that though? The every weekObviously you love the stand up part of

(47:59):
it, but like, do youlove the like flying and seeing new cities
and in going around to places?I do you know the flying? You
know that kicks you butt? Forsure? The travel is hard, But
I love going to new cities.I love knowing which jokes work in certain
areas, why they do, whythey don't, things I can change to
make them work universally, and justvisiting new places. I went to Panama

(48:20):
City, Florida. I didn't knowthey had one, Like I thought Panama
City was in Panama and no,they got one. And it's didn't you
watch MTV spring Break. They werealways in Panama City. I never pieced
that together. I always thought DaytonaBeach. Well, they did go there
also. Yeah, of course Ifound that out afterwards, that it's a
big spring break. Yeah yeah,all right. Tonight and tomorrow night at

(48:45):
the Comedy Loft Early show Tonight,early show Tomorrow night sold out, dccomedyloft
dot com soldan Thank you so muchfor coming in, dude, this was
a blast. Thank you for havingme.