EITM: Panda-ring 10/30/23

(And titillating.)

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Meijiangjangjong yep and ten yeah, umare you in the McLaurin Jersey? The
but you know they never like theyhad kids, but they never made kids.

(00:22):
Was it all artificial insemination? Yes, they are. They every time
they artificially inseminated. That means theywould take his we understand, well maybe
some people don't. They would takehis semen, yeah, and they'd freeze
it and then during mating time theywould insert the frozen seamen in where they

(00:46):
would inseminate using the frozen semen.They have a very small window of what
do they call that, like whenyou're ovulating? No, like when yeah,
I guess so, I guess so. But it's a very small window
when they are when it's that moment, I want to say, they have

(01:07):
like forty eight hours and that's it. So it's a sweet spot. Now,
however, why did they have toinciminate? Okay, we can't continue
to let you pronounce that incorrectly.How do you say it? Semon in
semonate? Isn't that what I'm saying? You're me saying we're seminate in semenate?

(01:27):
How's that? Is that better?In semenate? It's with semen in
seminate, yes, okay, wellwe all pronounce things differently. Hey,
we tried to let it go andthen just set it again. Anyway,
there's a reason that they had toget to insemination instead of the natural way

(01:53):
because well, there was a coupleof things. Number one is pandas panda
bear are very like they they pairup and they're they're not like like everybody's
like hooking up like they have theirtheir their partners. They liked each other,
They liked each other. They justcouldn't have sex. She would pancake

(02:15):
herself down on the ground. Huhwhat does that mean? She would pan
cake like like spread eagle. Yeah, but not in a way that is
like you say, spread eagle,say it's sexier. And my first thought
is, hold on, let meturn my hat around. Here we go
like you hear that, and you'relike, let's get after it. Like
she is spread eagle and waiting.No, no, no, no,

(02:38):
she was she like pancake herself onthe ground and he's face down. Yeah.
And and and couldn't get in there, okay, struggled struggle to get
in there. Well, I mean, obviously, the monetarily, the more
baby pandas the better so and thenhe would he would seeing what you're what

(03:00):
you're saying, or they couldn't havesex. But we struggled because of well,
there were two things. Number one, she've got that thing pushed down
hard on the ground. Number oneof her positioning was bad because she pancake
herself. And number two is therethere is and and listen, I'm not
an expert in pandaa intercourse. Butthey also were doing things to train him

(03:23):
to make his back legs stronger.So I don't know, I don't know
what. No, No, that'sjust like a very specific workout. They
said. They worked him out honestly, like he was an Olympic athlete.
Squats again they were Yeah, butif you knew that on the other side
of squats was some pandapoon, youmight get after it. So they said

(03:46):
they were working and these are peopleat the National Zoo. Well, yeah,
they know what they're doing. Yeah. Oh, they even brought are
you ready they brought in pandemating expertsfrom China to come help out. Can
I ask a question that make itbooed and receive some irols? Yes,
I did mean inseminate. No,but I'm aware you don't have to like

(04:08):
someone to have sex with them.But did these did the pandas get along?
Yes? They did, and sobecause at first they thought, listen,
do you they're animals and they don't. They don't generally have sex for
pleasure. It's sex for to makebabies. And during like the horny time
or the ovulation time or whatever itis, they did get along. So

(04:30):
they did like like fighting occasionally,Well yes, but no, like you
like fighting because like oh you stolemy bamboo or whatever. No, but
they would get no, no,no, they would get so frustrated between
her pancaking and his weak ass legs, they would get so frustrated with each
other. Then they would fight.Oh yeah, so they would fight.

(04:55):
That happens to human beings who arestruggling, preach, No, what do
you talk about? He was here. You don't have to strip in your
legs, jackie, pancake yourself.And I was like, God, damn
it, no, I feel likeno. Couples who were who are trying
you talk about your super sperm,but trying to get pregnant and they can't

(05:15):
that they could. It could.There's finger pointing, there's fighting. Yeah,
no, I mean it's stressful.And I just looked up what his
exercise was. They said they workedhim out like an Olympic athlete doing one
thing all the time. What's thatthey'd make him stand up? I am

(05:40):
beat, dude, Hey you wantthat bagoon? Get up? Get up?
Five four? I can't on one. No, But they said that
they they tried getting him to standas tall as he could to strengthen those

(06:00):
legs. I had no idea that, like their legs typically are so weak.
The they're not we just him justnot yet. No, I think
they're spread out kind of like uh, kind of like but they know they
they said that they worked him outlike an Olympic athlete, you know,
in that Olympic sport of Stanton competed. Now they've said not not his problem,

(06:32):
but in other situations. They havetried several things with with pandas.
Oh well, they did this withwhat's what's the girl panda's name, Mashan.
They tried to train her that insteadof pancaking flat on the ground,
to lay herself over a log.Oh no, ass uhha, just to

(07:00):
kind of get it elevated like asex log. Yeah, exactly. They'd
be like, hey, Maijong,bend it over this way. Say another
thing. You see it's more ofa pillow or a wedge, but you
see that with humans. Yes,yeah, oh absolutely, So they were
trying to teach this old gal,Hey just lean it on over here.

(07:20):
Let's get that thing up in theair. I've been training my boy to
stand. This will work now.The other thing they said that the National
Zoo did not have to do,which has been done with others around the
world. They did not have togive TNTN viagra. Oh now close the

(07:47):
exhibit. The no, no,they by the way they did say.
They did say that the like atnight, they would intentionally like turn off
all the lights and like make sureit was very quiet so the two of
them get after it. But theydid say the National Zoo I'm paraphrasing,
did come out and say, ohno, he gets would thank you just

(08:11):
because I can't stand what? AmI dead? I can't get up?
But this won't go down. No. No, that they with other pandas
where there's been arousal issues that they'vehad to give them viagra in order to

(08:33):
get the panda kind of horned.And they said no, no, no,
not the case with t he washe was cool. He just couldn't
do anything with it. So we'retoo. Well, there was one other
thing, but but we are tojust believe that the only position that the

(09:00):
Candas will made in it is ais it like a rear entry doggie,
like an animalistic like what you seein the world of dog an Amelia Yeah,
doggy okay, yes? Or PandyPandy. Pandy is when you go
to do it but she's pancaked andyou can't. You can't even hold your
haunches up. Yes, make yeah, No no, I don't think he

(09:22):
was like, come on, flipit. No, no, no,
it is it is what you callrear entry. Ugh, but yes doggie
yeah. Now. I don't knowif this is true, but they said
in other countries where they've had thisproblem, they have shown like at night,

(09:46):
hoping that the animals would mimic it, And this is where they believe
that it would. It would notwork where they've shown pandas other pandas having
sex, oh like screwing, andthey think they're gonna attain that from watching.
They think that yes, they thinkthat like the pandas would see the
other like Maijong and ten ten wouldsee these other pandas getting at it,

(10:11):
and it would be like, sweet, do that? Well, he can
stand. But they said that pandasgenerally don't like aren't pack animals, so
they wouldn't be around to see liketheir parents do it. Therefore they didn't

(10:31):
think so, but they try itanyway. Hell, I'd watch panda porn.
It probably is a little disturbing withthe size of these animals. I'd
still watch it. I for you'resaying, for like educational purposes. If
somebody sent me a video and saidthis is what it looks like when two
pandas have sex, I'd watch thatall right, Yeah, I click not

(10:56):
oh, no virus, so ifyou get it over a log if?
Yes? So anyway, they onlyever had inseminated babies, But if it
was so hard to get these twotogether, yes, and the time in
which sex would maybe lead very short, very short amount of time to to

(11:20):
a child. That's why there wereso many fake pregnancies. Why why didn't
they always resort to artificial insemination becausethe timing I feel like you could get
better because they'd done our thing.They do want there to be natural childbirth,
I understand, but you're telling meit's two days and they can't even
get these two to stop pancaking orsitting. No. No, but I
mean, I mean, think aboutthink about this, right if if if

(11:43):
let's say there was only two dayson the calendar that you and Lindsay are
gonna get after it when you wantto give it a shot. Before they
just came in and they were like, hey, do it in here again.
We're not pandas. No. No, And they're also they also don't
have three hundred and sixty three otherdays of like let's just fool around and
let me tune in Tokyo here understood. Yeah, so they only get two

(12:05):
days of getting after it. Soimagine two days. And again it's not
like he couldn't get a boner,and it's not like there was an interest.
It was just she's pancaking. Thisis weak af Yeah, they can't
get after it. So that's whenthey started the insimination. But that's why
I would just think at some point, because of panda reproduction being such a
vital part of captivity, yes,that they would just say screw it,

(12:28):
we can't these two and how itwas like twenty years the two of them
were here or something like that.Oh, they've been here, They've been
here forever. Yeah. I wouldjust like, let's always who's that who's
that woman who went viral because shejust like likes to be pregnant because she
hates getting a period. Oh doesn'tshe have like five kids under the age
she's been pregnant for seven years straight. Yeah. I understand you don't want

(12:50):
to do that to somebody, right, or a panda, but like,
I just feel like I would.I wonder if there was something else.
I wonder if they're not in dangerholding him back from constantly just doing the
insemination. Well bad eyes, no, but I wonder if it's like they
had enough. I'm sure if theywere at a desperately low number of pandas

(13:15):
that they would have just inseminated NonStop. I would have, but maybe they
thought, you know what, Oh, here you go, give him a
little uh, give him a runat it. Natural mating is preferred because
artificial insemination requires two procedures in whichboth animals are sedated. Oh, you
got to do this, and thenyou got to put it in there,

(13:39):
so so they don't get the Isthat is that true? Anytime that they
get the like horses get their stufftaken. Do you always have to like
put the animal to sleep before youyou go get the semen? Is Montana
listening? We just saw them theNo. By the way, Christian's friend

(14:01):
would know that she probably has goneafter she has. She's told us that
that she would she would get theseamen panda's well, no, kid,
there ain't a panda Montana. Thereprobably ain't even a panda express. We've
talked about that. Wait, herfriend gets semen out of animals, tell
us about it. Really? OhI blocked that out. Oh I hugged

(14:22):
her. Oh so I always thoughtthey were awake. Where's all of our
horse people? Here's your status whenthey get when they get semen out of
a horse? Is the horse out? I didn't think so. No,

(14:43):
it's up right. Yeah. Who'sour horse listener? Cappy? Yeah yeah,
Cappy just there. I go.Don't know if she's involved, but
okay, uh. Female giant pandasgoing to heat once a year for twenty
four to seventy two hours. Right. The gestation period is sixty to ninety
days, and that's why they don'tknow if Sometimes it's hard to tell if

(15:03):
there's a pregnancy like, we've hadmany false alarms. Twenty four to seventy
two hours. That's all you get. As many tuned in to find out
if she was pregnant at the endof her cycle. We I mean you
were. We did that with Dianeand then Kristen's friend. Just to be

(15:26):
safe, she hooked up Scott,who was not sedated. Where am I
going, Josh line one? Thankyou. I have such a twitch in
my right eye that has nothing todo with allergies. By the way,
I know what it is. It'slike a muscle. It's like my bottom

(15:48):
lid is just going the die.Doctor says, it's to me all the
time, the twitch. It makesthe exam more difficult. Can you get
some sleep? Oh no? Andthen I lost the person. God damn
it. Look it up. Somebodyhad somebody told me that there is a
or somebody was on hold. There'sa panda joke with Henry Kissinger in it.

(16:10):
I'm surprised you don't know it.I am too. I thought I
liked know this one. How doI not know it? It's a panda
joke, but Henry Kissinger in it? Hi Elliot in the morning. Hi
this me? Yeah, Hi,who's this Hey, good morning. This
is Mike from Germantown. How areyou doing, Elliott? Hey, I'm
doing great. Thank you. Wereyou at Were you at the zoo over

(16:32):
the weekend? I was there onSaturday, Yes, sir, was it
crazy busy? It definitely was.Since the pandas are leading in about two
weeks, there was a lot ofpeople there and especially around the panda area.
Did you go because it was thelast chance to see the pandas before
they leave? We had family intown visiting this weekend and they wanted to

(16:56):
see the pandas before they departed.So yes, you know what, And
and honestly, I think we,being like living around here, we probably
take it for granted. Like Idon't have a desire I don't feel a
desire to go rushing to the Nationalbecause I've already seen them and I feel
like it'll be crowded, it'll benut to butt. But for a lot

(17:17):
of people, it is a thatis a huge tourist attraction, which is
why the US would love do Wewill still have Zebras at San Diego,
right, Zebras not Zebras Panda,same colors, but at the at the
San Diego zoo, we'll still havepandas right, I would assume. So
I believe the contract for all ofthem is gone. So they're all going

(17:40):
back to China. But why doI feel like the ones from San Diego
don't go back immediately? Is it? Bowboo bowbo bow bow Hey Bobo bowbow.
Know Panda's left the San Diego Zooin twenty nineteen, so this,
Oh wow, they've been gone alittle bit the so this is it?

(18:00):
These are literally the last two?Wow? I believe? So wow?
How about that? Hey will havehand a bears? That's it Atlanta.
I knew somebody had them there yougo, but I want them here.
And I do think we take ita little for granted, but that is

(18:21):
a massive tourist attract You're exactly right. Why why? And listen? I
do understand that it was a dealthat we worked out with Kissinger. God,
what is that joke? When Nixonwas in office? The what is
like? And I understand they goback and it's China's property and we knew
that the whole time, But whywhy not let us keep a couple?

(18:45):
Oh why not extend? Yeah?Why not extend? Or listen? I
know I know. Hey, thankyou, sir. I know relations aren't
the greatest, but I think it'sjust holding to the contract. It says
for Atlanta, any offspring of Lunlinand Yang Yang they go, they go
and Meetia have to go back.Yes, that is true when they are
able to age wise able to Soit's just it's the end of the contract.

(19:10):
Sorry, but that's it. Wesigned on in seventy two. We
said we would do it to twentytwenty three, and that's it. And
the pandas in Atlanta go back intwenty twenty four. Oh so they're right
behind me. Yeah, and therehas been no discussion of extending the program.
That sucks. Bight seven, Thankyou. Hi Ellie in the morning.

(19:37):
Hello, Hello, Yes, ma'am. Hi. Who is this?
Oh Hi, this is Karen.Hi Karen. What can I do for
you? I just wanted to callto let you know that dogs and horses
Kyle's are all awake. Oh whenyou go, when you go get the
seamen, Yeah, the the bustspecial. Yeah. Why would they do?

(20:02):
I have it right like when yousay there's they have to be sedated
for two reasons. I assume oneis to get the semen from the man
and to inciminate then number two proceduresto inciminate the panda or is it I
would imagine, sir, and soI guess since were wild, animals are
not going to cooperate as much.So that's why I probably they have to

(20:26):
do it that way. Or isit just that they're too But horses are
a powerful animal. Yeah, butyou put them in a shoot and then
you give them a little something.They it's cappy, all right, very
good, very good, Thank you, ma'am, thank you, Yes,
Tyler, maybe that's what happened atthe Nationals. Do they put it in

(20:48):
the shoot? Let's hey, ifyou're going to pancake, what do you
want me to do it? Doessay? That's retreat eving the semen quote
quote unquote. Here always better toget fresh semen, whatever the species.
Always always How many times I've hadto complain, Oh, this is sales

(21:12):
would need to be sedated for thefresh sample for the extraction. Wow,
not for a horse man. MM. Let's get that bad boy going
now? Do you want me todid anybody google panda joke? Henry Kissinger?

(21:33):
Oh my god, I have toknow what it is now