Nipple Time

We talk ice cleats, ornaments on the tree, tipping service people, and Christmas cards!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, we're ready for the Minnesota Goodbye. Yes, all right,
let's get started. Thanks for the there's all. I'm going
to start off with this one. Somebody wrote in a
very very long comic email and it was about commercials
during the podcast, and I would just be honest with you.
It is really long, so I don't want you to

(00:20):
think that I didn't appreciate it. I didn't like it.
It's just really long, so it will not be on
the Minnesota Goodbye. And I feel bad because it's like
you really spent a long time picking out a present.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, and you wrap it up and you put a
little bow on there, and.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
It's just so take too long to don wrap it.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
It would just take too long done rapid. So I
want to let you know here's one that we can
use right away. Here we go, Hello friends. I started
to write this a while ago, so it's not current,
but maybe still relevant.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Bailey.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
I love that you're offering to give your niece a
place to live. I know it's not your responsibility, but
maybe it's your opportunity, a chance to make her life
better and help her on a good path. But you've
also mentioned you wouldn't mind having a built in person
to do some of the things you like to do
with It might be an unexpected blessing for both of you.
I hope that everything works out either way.

Speaker 4 (01:10):
Well, that's I like your point of view. That's kind
of how I feel about it. That you know, my
life's been the same for a long long time, and
if she ends up moving in with me, then it
would force me to have a change, and I don't
think that's necessarily a bad thing, So okay, And I
love her and she's great.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
She sent me a TikTok the other day. Her name's Jayden.

Speaker 4 (01:29):
Jane sent me a TikTok the other day that was
just like, I don't know, her algorithm is different than mine.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
So it was just like a.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
Photo of a girl with this other woman who said, like,
who else has like a woman who's not family who
they like rely on for like all the love in
the world or whatever. And she sent it to me,
meaning it's me, and I was just like, I wanted
to cry so bad.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Ah love me so much. Yeah, I love her.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Dave, you talked about getting ice cleats for your walks. Oh, yes,
I took Bernie for a while last week and then
again on Saturday. I got burning my dog little booties
and a jacket, and I just it was so funny
to watch him walk in these, and it took him
a minute to get used to it. After that, he
did fine. It was probably five degrees on Saturday or

(02:14):
so when we went out. I actually put on the
face mask, the entire face mask, because it was bitter,
bitter cold, but still slippery. And it's like, you know,
if you slip and fall and you go down to
one knee, big deal. But if you slip and fall
and bonk your head or like crack a hip or
something like that, that would be a horrible way to,
you know, to spend a Saturday.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
So, this person, Crystal says, you talked about getting ice
cleats for your walk as a mail carrier. I cannot
recommend this enough, especially on those icy days. Two words
of warning, if there is fresh snow on top of
the ice, they will not help as they're not touching
the ice, just the cushion of the snow. Secondly, do
not wear them on wood surfaces. My front steps are

(02:57):
full of pinholes from them. But keeping two things in mind,
they are an absolute ass saver.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Finally, I love Christmas wish even though they make me
cry almost every time. It's such a reminder of how
hard to season for a season it is for some
of us. And hold the people in your life a
little closer. Closing question, star or angel on top of
your tree? I have a star on top of the
tree right now.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
My mom growing up, we always had an angel on
top of our tree every single year. I don't have
I have a teeny little tree because I have no
space in my apartment, so I don't got anything really
on my tree. It's one of those fiber optic ones,
so it changes color from within the tree.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Do you have a lot of ornaments from when you
were a kid or from your like accumulated over the years.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (03:45):
My mom used to buy both me and my sister
an ornament every single year and then put them into
a box so that when we had a house with
our own Christmas tree, Yeah, we had all the ornaments.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
I don't have a house.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
I don't have my own Christmas tree, so it's just
a box at my mom's house.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Oh, you don't have a tree up at your house.

Speaker 4 (03:59):
It's teen it's like a table tree, like even smaller
than a table tree.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
It's little.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
I remember one year I was Susan and I have
not always been together, in case you think we've been
together consistently. We broke up in the mid nineties and
I was actually engaged to somebody else, and a lot
of people don't know that. But then we broke up,
and then she moved out, and that Christmas I didn't
have a tree. I had a snow globe with a

(04:25):
tree inside your Christmas snow globe and that was kind
of sad and pathetic. But yeah, we've got a tree now,
but it's sparsely decorated with ornaments because we've got a
lifetime of ornaments. We've got ornaments from my mom and dad.
We've got ornaments that, you know, just all kinds, and
we just we put a sparse spattering of ornaments on

(04:49):
the tree, but all over.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
The place, right, like you don't just concentrate on one side.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
Oh yeah, all over the place. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:55):
My friend Katie has been seeing this guy and she
sent me like a picture of his Christmas tree that
looks like, you know, single guy lives alone decorated this
Christmas tree. It's just like pretty barren tree with some
white lights and then a spattering of ornaments at eye level,
just an eye and that's it, like on one side,
eye level, and like that is the ugliest freaking tree.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, somebody needs to talk to that man.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
It seems a little lazy.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
It seems lazy. I mean put the tree up.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Well, we did notice this. The girls were over this
weekend and they were they were terrible this weekend. They
really were, and they I don't know, but they were terrible,
and they were taking ornaments off the trees and they
broke one and I said, those are not toys. They
are not meant to be handled. They are meant to
be looked at. And then they pulled you know the

(05:46):
cord that lets down a blind Yeah, okay, they pulled
it till it came off.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
They broke it. Yep, it was an accident because they
were being they were.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Being little terrors. Yes, And I don't know if your
kids do this or if you I've had kids. They
get into a ball and they roll around and they
fight and giggle iteeh ow.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Ow quit it he ow stop it eva.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Quit it ow he.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
And I'm like, stop it, because how does it always end?
One of them gets hurt and starts to cry, yes
every fucking goddamn time. And Susan, who is the most
patient Grammy of all time, she had had it. She
had frozen in her chair in front of the TV,
and she's like, I'm not handling them anymore. I'm not
doing it anymore. I'm not handling anymore. And I said okay,

(06:36):
And they were there rolling around in a ball.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Oh quit ow he.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
And I said, all right, that's it. I've asked you
too to stop so many times. You come with me.
I picked Ava up and I brought her into the
dining room where there's a couch. I put her on
the couch. Stay there, don't move. I took Evelyn three,
picked her up, took her in the other room, put
her on the piano bench.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Stay there.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
I don't talk. Do not get up. Give me that
toy in your hand. No toys. How long do we
well you, the more you talk, the longer you're gonna
have to stay there. And it's like they just needed
some sort of consequences. Yeah, because they just ran right
over us and they're sweet, sweet girls. And it gets
to a point where it's like it's not cute anymore.

Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yeah, like stop it I told you to stop it.
I'm not listening to me, though. It seems like they
at least know what a timeout is, which is nice
they do, Yeah, because I know plenty of kids who
have never heard of a time out in their life.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
It feels like they'd be like you guys.

Speaker 4 (07:33):
We were talking about it last week, where we're saying,
you guys, stop that, now you stop that, or else,
Now you stop that or else or else?

Speaker 3 (07:42):
What Mom?

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, well that's happened. You gotta have those consequences. And
there was another time this weekend that happened. On Saturday.
I had to move them to separate ends of the couch.
The couch is l shaped and they were doing the
same thing, rolling around in a ball, giggling, pinching, kicking
and whatever, and so I put them on the opposite
in the ends of the couch and it was a
matter of time until one of them crawled over to

(08:04):
the other one and started punching and hitting her. So
come on, all right, next one from Liz, just chirping in. Yes,
the Minnesota Goodbye worked fine when I listened to it
earlier in the week. No issues whatsoever on the iHeart
app not sure when it decided to change or become
shorter as that. One listener stated, the new system sounds
like it is going to be an issue. Your podcast today,

(08:24):
hungary or horny was a little annoying put in a
five minute ad. A five minute ad in the middle
of a story. Bailey was telling it's annoying, but I
got to listen to you, and I just keep hitting
plus thirty plus thirty plus thirty. I will raise hell
if they figured out how to remove the option to
skip ads like they do on streaming shows. Shit, I

(08:45):
probably just jinked myself. Love you all, Happy Holidays, Merry
Christmas from Liz. Well, that's true because when you're watching
Hulu sometimes it'll be like ad up in the right
hand corner, a yellow button that says AD three minutes
thirty seconds and you can't skip through those.

Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
Oh and those are the worst. I hate those so much.
I hope they don't do that with these A knock
on wood. But so we were talking about this last
week that we have a brand new like podcast system
and I upload the podcast every day, and literally, like
on the day that we got the someone saying that
the live podcast wasn't loading right and I tried to

(09:20):
go in and now there's an alert that says, like,
you need to put in an AD. You need to
put in an AD, and I just push a button
and it just automatically inserts the AD. I'm going to
see if I can like choose where it goes, because
maybe I can't.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
But anyway, so now every time I upload something, it
tells me you are required to put in a mid
roll AD is what it's called.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
And so you drop it in, but you don't know
exactly where it's going to fall. No, I have no idea,
but it could be in the middle of your story.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
I mean you could.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
You could surgically go in and insert it between a
gap and the show, but you don't have to I.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
Don't, so maybe I'll try.

Speaker 4 (09:53):
I'll try that today and see if I can make
that work so it's not in the middle of something.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Maybe. Okay, Well see I'm innovative.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 3 (10:01):
Sure you do.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
You've caught on with the zero audio editing experience, and
you edit all the slow parts out of War of
the Roses. You'll edit some slow parts out of other
things you upload the podcast, you upload the Minnesota, Goodbye.
How difficult is that to do?

Speaker 3 (10:18):
It's not difficult at all.

Speaker 4 (10:20):
So I when I first started, and I don't know,
I must have been vont or Jenny whatever, showed me
how to upload the podcast every day, like the podcast
of the show. Once they showed it to me, in
my brain, I knew I could grasp that. I was like, Okay,
I can do that. I will take that on as
one of my responsibilities. And so pretty much anytime that

(10:41):
I know that I can grasp something, I'll be like,
I'll do it because I want to take something off
of Jenny's plate. Usually Yeah, and this one it's just
for the podcast like Uploader. I feel like in the
year and a half that I've been here, we've had
two brand new podcasts like Uploaders that we've had to
work with. Yeah, and a lot of it. Honestly, I

(11:01):
give myself a tiny bit of credit because I'm good
at just troubleshooting crap on my own. Yeah, Or like
if I can't figure something out, instead of asking someone
and being like, could you help me, I'll just be like,
hold on, let me click a million things and they'll
figure it.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Out my way. I admire that about you, so it's
not hard, okay.

Speaker 4 (11:17):
I think like when Jenny showed me how to edit
the pauses and weird stuff out of war the roses.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
She can do that so fast. She'll be like cock
cock cock cocka click. It takes me forever.

Speaker 4 (11:29):
But really it's because I'm sitting there listening to it
and then I get distracted by my phone and I go, oh, crap,
and then I go back to listen to it again,
and it takes me a while.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
And there's been a couple of times where Bailey missed
something where we usually bleep the person's name out. It's
like Adam and we bleep out Adam, or if somebody
says motherfucker, we usually try to bleep out motherfucker. And
then we're like, oh, Bailey, you missed a motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
Oops, my bad oo.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
Next email is from well they say, don't say my
name fair enough. I just finished my holiday car for teachers,
bus drivers, pairs and all the other folks, as well
as the USPS carry or trash collector recycling carrier, et cetera.
I was making these extra cards for mail trash. I
was curious what I should be tipping those folks. The
search online has a large range, and I don't want

(12:14):
to seem too cheap. But I don't want to go
too crazy since money around the holidays just pours out
of the bank account. If there's any good ideas on
what people tend to tip, that would be great. I
gifted bus drivers twenty, teachers fifty. I know that's overkill,
but they deserve it. Trash, recycling and mail each thirty
dollars everything cash again, don't say my name, and happy

(12:35):
tipping everyone.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
Wow, I feel like you're generous for tipping at.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
All one hundred percent. I think our trash collector tapes
a note to our trash can that says Merry Christmas
or whatever, which is kind of like a key or
a Q two tip, which I don't mind. You know what,
if we can afford it and they're out there doing
something that you know, nobody goes. I want to collect trash, Well, yeah,

(12:59):
we give them a little something.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Yeah, I've I don't think i've ever tip.

Speaker 4 (13:02):
I mean I don't own a home, but like, I've
never tipped a trash collector. I used to when I
was a kid, like leave candy for the mailman.

Speaker 3 (13:10):
That's pretty much okay. That's all I ever.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Did we do the thing where we have a box
on our front porch for all the drivers, and it's like,
there's beef sticks, there's chips. We don't put pop out
there because it'll freeze. Yeah, but little snacky snacks that
sounds lovely and it says, hey, it's for all of
our lovely ups, mail whatever, drivers, Amazon, whatever, And most
of them don't take anything. But once in a while

(13:32):
it's kind of gratifying to see on the ring cam
somebody like leaning over and digging through the box for
a slim gym. Yes, so we love that. I did
my Christmas cards over the weekend and I mailed out
I think forty seven currently. That's how many I've finally
got up to forty seven Christmas cards.

Speaker 3 (13:52):
Did you send me one?

Speaker 1 (13:53):
You'll find out I hand address every one of them,
because you know how I feel.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
I've talked about it before.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Or if you send out a Christmas card where a
computer does all the work, then the card is not
about them. It's about you, and I don't want the
card to be about Look how wonderful I am that
I sent you a card. That's narcissistic. I hate that
I want you to know that I love you and
I thought about you, so I hand address it rather
than have a computer print out a bunch of labels.
Because if you're making Christmas cards too easy, this is

(14:23):
my opinion, you're making it about Look at me. I
gave you a Christmas card? Would you agree or disagree?

Speaker 4 (14:30):
I don't really have an opinion about it. I feel
like I'm just happy to get them in the first place.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
What do you do with your cards?

Speaker 4 (14:37):
So I just I keep all of them because you
never know, like when you won't see those people ever again,
and you want to look back on them. I have
a friend who has Christmas cards, Birthday cards, any kind
of like cards that he gets in the mail. And
he bought himself one of those like postcard spinners that
you see like in retail shops, you know, wherever you go,

(14:58):
and he keeps all of the cards in this little
postcard spinner. And I want one of those dang postcard
spinners so bad. But they're like weirdly like expensive, and
that's how he keeps all of them. Then he like
displays the ones that are most relevant on the outside,
so it's a it's like a decor item.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
I feel bad throwing them away. We tape ours to
the side of the refrigerator. Actually, the side of the
our oven is in a cabinet, so I type did
the cabinet on the side, and it usually gets you know,
we probably get about thirty or forty Christmas cards or
forty six. Oh really, well, I'm older and I got
a lot more like older people that send cards. My
sister Vivian, she's just so lovely. She really is just

(15:36):
one of my favorite people ever. And she hand makes
a Christmas card and she actually writes a letter inside.

Speaker 3 (15:42):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
I don't not like people who put a Christmas letter
in there, like a standard, you know what I mean,
Like little Tommy went to football camp and little Sharona
got into mit. I don't do those. I don't disrespect them,
but I don't read them. Yeah, and it's not because
I don't like them. I just don't read them.

Speaker 4 (16:03):
I only read them if they're like really close friends,
but I actually cared about their family or know who
their family is.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
But if I barely know them and they're like.

Speaker 4 (16:10):
Yeah, Jessica got accepted to and I'm like, I don't
know who Jessica is.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Who's that I don't care.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
I wish they would write like a real one, like well,
once again Bill was caught cheating on me with a
gay man.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
That would be so good.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
And Bill caught herpes, which he says that I gave
to him. But I found out that he was cheating
with a gay man because the gay man showed up
naked on our front porch on Halloween. We are now
getting a divorce and we've hired Jonathan Fogel, who is great.
But my husband got what I would love to get
that Little Jessica lost her IUD she was playing volleyball

(16:45):
or IUD fell out on the volleyball court. And little
Thomas he is still having the meth problem, but we're
pretty sure that we can get him into Betty Ford.
I mean, I'd love to hear that type.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Of shit, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (16:57):
Now, I want to write a Christmas card just so
I can write this expand story that I know no
one's going to read, and it's going to be a test,
and it's like, if you've made it to the end
of this letter, please that.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Would be a funny bit bit. Susan has enjoyed her
career on OnlyFans and is now making three hundred and
seventy five dollars a week with a thing that she
does called Nipple Time every afternoon from three until four.
And she has had several gentleman callers show up at
the house and they do disappear into the basement for

(17:28):
several hours, but she comes out looking and see what.
People go fuck and then at the end go, if
you got this far Merry Christmas. All of this is bullshit.
I think people would. I'm gonna do that next year.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
Okay, do it. Write it down, Write it down.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
I'm gonna forget Jenny down. Write it down, all right?
Anything else you want to cover on Minnesota Goodbye?

Speaker 3 (17:48):
No, I think that's it. That's all we got.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Is that all you got?

Speaker 4 (17:51):
That's all she wrote. I think that was good to
end on. Write it down, Jenny, that's a good bit.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Okay, I like that all right? That is that is
the Minnesota Goodbye for today. Little short on emails, So
if you want to send one in, we'd always love
to hear from you. Send that into Ryan Show at
KDWB dot com and we'll see you next time on
the Minnesota Goodbye