Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, it's so funny. Before we started the podcast,
I said to Bailey, I said, all right, you'll bitch,
you're ready, And Bailey said, because when your friends you
say things like that to each other, and I love that.
It's like, you know, my joke is always like, you know,
when your friend has like, you know, like a I
don't know, like if you're a boil, you might be like,
(00:20):
oh my god, that thing is waving at me. But
if you're not friends, you'll pretend that you don't notice
the boil.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Right, I've been meaning to ask you about the boil
on your neck?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Dave, is it that noticeable it's waving at me? He
just gave me the middle finger.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We're giving Jenny a hard time the other day because
Jenny literally burned her neck with a curling iron, which
sounds like what a teenage girl would do or a
cheating wife would do if she had a hickey, But
she literally did burn her neck with curly iron.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
She really got like she got in there with it too,
because when I saw it, I thought it was a
hickey as well, but it was almost like too long,
but like, gosh, she must have really just let it
sizzle for a second, because that look, it's really painful.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Remember a couple of weeks or so ago, a woman
wrote in named Rachel about going out to eat alone,
and we had a big discussion about whether she should
go to eat alone, whether it would feel funny, whether
somebody would try to talk to her. She doesn't want
people feeling sorry for her, and we allimously, unanimously said
go eat alone, and if you don't like it, don't
do it again. Well, she wrote a very long, very
(01:24):
long email that I really appreciate, but I'll only read
the last like a little like highlights. She said she
did it, and she didn't mind it at all. It's
not like she would go do it again all the time,
but she said she would do it again. So she
wraps up and she says, I really appreciate the guys,
the advice you guys gave, especially Bailey and the listener
(01:47):
that wrote in encouraging me to eat by myself, and
I'm happy I did it. I do really like what
Bailey said also about if you're scared of doing something alone,
you'll never do it, and I will try to take
that advice going forward. If I have a concert or play,
I want to see that nobody else wants to go to.
I don't have to worry about missing it or trying
to convince somebody to go with me. Now that I've
eaten out by myself, I think I'll be a little
(02:09):
less worried about doing it again in the future, especially
if it's a restaurant that I want to try, etcetera, etcetera.
So she says, thanks again, guys.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Nice you did it, and now that you've done it,
you can do it again and again without you know,
reservation whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
No pun intended.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, and honestly like, yeah, you can get into places
all the time when it's just you.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Uh. Here we go with Dave and the Dave Ryan
Show team, Davis your best friend, Mitchill Mitch Here. I
was listening to the Minnesota Goodbye podcast a few weeks
ago when I heard Dave's so called friend Ben right
in to say how wonderful and genuine of a nice
guy Dave is in real life. I'd like to offer
a counterbalance to this fairy tale, because the truth is,
(02:53):
Dave in real life is a total douche Canoe and
I have a very real story that illustrates just how
big of a off he can be, you know, just
to keep the record fair and balanced. First of all,
I've known Day for over a decade, ever since he
started the legendary band at Dat Brasto. We stayed very
close over the years, and by very close, I mean
once every other month. We text each other nothing but
(03:16):
egg plant emojis and water droplet emojis. So yeah, we're
basically family. Anyway. One day, not too long ago, I
finally convinced Dave to go out to lunch with me.
He said yes, but only if I paid for the meal,
reimburse his gas, and venmoed him fifty dollars for an
appearance fee to be seen in public with me. We
sit down a nice little restaurant and Dave immediately lights
(03:36):
up a cigarette like it's nineteen eighty five. I said, Dave,
I thought you quit, and he says, what the fuck
are you my parole officer? Chill? It makes me look
kind of hot. Then the server comes over, a kind
twenty something woman who politely says, excuse me, sure there's
no smoking in here. You could see Dave get annoyed.
He takes a huge drag, looks at her dead in
the eyes, and blows the biggest cloud of smoke right
(03:59):
into her face. She starts coughing. Dave Cashley crushes the
cigarette right out on the tabletop, then, in his classic
Dave Ryan voices, says, look, sweet cheeks, why don't you
make yourself useful and get Daddy beary gin and tonic.
And also you should smile more. Okay, if that wasn't enough,
he flicks his cigarette butt right add her in ads,
maybe you don't know who I am, but I'm Dave
(04:20):
Ryan from KATWB. Now get in that kitchen and make
me a Reuben, all right, sugar Tits Needless to say,
I was mortified, and honestly, this isn't even the worst
thing I've seen. I could tell you about the penguin
and the adult VHS tape incident, but for legal reasons
and the fact that I still dry heave when I
think about it, we'll save that for another letter. Anyway,
Love you, Dave, have a good week. Regards Mitchell. Mitchell,
(04:41):
fuck you for telling everybody the story. This is such bullshit.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I was excited because I thought it was going to
be a real story about someone actually thinking that you're
a douche canoe, and I thought, oh, this is gonna
be I was nervous.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I was a little bit nervous when I got this one,
and I thought, well, when I saw it was from
my friend Mitchell, I thought, Mitchell doesn't have any negative experiences.
Maybe I did something that he really thought was awful. Yeah,
maybe I did, And thank god it was Mitchell. Just
is that parody or satire? That is satire?
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
That was actually Mitchell. I've known you for ten years.
You've never been funny, not even once, and now this
where did the funny come from? I never even knew
you to be funny. You've been fucking holding back on
me minute whole time.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yeah, that was I mean, he put effort into.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
That, he did. Thank you. Mitchell loved that one. Thought, uh,
next one, they plug a well, they plug a local
jewelry store, So I'm gonna leave out the local jewelry
store and basically vaunt consider a custom design for Alyssa's
(05:45):
dream ring. We got engaged on July sixth. My ring
is so perfect. It's such a special feeling to wear
a one of a kind piece that was specifically designed
by my amazing fiance. That's from ALIPs. I love your show.
Listen daily. You guys always brightened my day and I
look forward to new episodes each week. Thanks for all
you do to entertain and fill my mornings with laughter.
(06:05):
The morning crew is full of such amazing people. Thank you.
That is very nice. Thank you. Alan.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Forward that to a van so he can see about
rings and things.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Good idea, hold on stall for me for a second.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Okay, let's see.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Let's see yesterday I stumbled upon an opera in the woods,
and now I'm going to go back and see it
for realsies, because how cute is that?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
What kind of what kind of joy?
Speaker 1 (06:28):
To make that up?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
No, it sounds made up.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
No. I literally was walking through the woods and I
heard like people clapping, and I was like, what's happening?
And I wandered in and people were singing opera. It
was awesome and it was real life.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
It sounds made up.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I'm going to go back and see it for real
so I can actually like bring a chair in like
a little blanket and enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
You know what I want to do is in Victoria
there's an amphitheater where the benches are big boulders. Yes,
And I went her to see Carson play I think
in high school or a community band one time, and
it was just it's like the nicest little setting and
they have things there like every Wednesday at six o'clock
and I really want to go. I want to ride
(07:06):
my bicycle out there. Yeah, my e bike. It's about
maybe a thirty minute ride to go out there and
go sit and watch a concert in Victoria.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Victoria is so cute.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I've only been there like a couple of times because
there's a brewery there that.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Used to be it used to be Inky. It is
now Omni. And by the way, shout out. We went
there on Saturday night. Inky's food was okay, but they
had the best pizza, not a flatbread but a pizza.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
We got dill pickle pizza. Chef's kiss so good. Shout
out Omni Brewing.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, that was my first mega walk I went on
as I walked to back when it was still Inanky.
I walked to Yanky Brewing from Minneapolis, so that was
twenty miles and that was so fun and I felt
so cool, like going up to this counter and be like,
oh walked here, and they're like, okay, well you.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Do want to brag about that. It's like when I
got to the top of Bike's Peak a year ago,
I wanted people to go, did you hike up?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
And I'm wearing my back pack around and I thought
people would be like, oh my god, did you hike up?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
And one person did and you're.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Doing it again.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I'm doing it again. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Are you prepared?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I don't know. I truly don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Have you been skipping LEG day or no.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
I do LEG day, But I don't think I've done
enough cardio because I did at Snap yesterday. I did
the StairMaster with a thirty pound pack on and it
was rough. And then my Apple Watch says your heart
rate recovery is worse than it was over the last
nine weeks. So, in other words, when your heart rate
when you're really exerting yourself, let's say your heart rate's
(08:34):
at one sixty yeah, the faster you recover back down
to your normal rate, the healthier you are. So I
was recovering a year ago at about twenty two beats
per minute. So if I was at one sixty a
minute later, I'd be at one thirty eight. Okay, Now
it's recovering at like much slower, like fourteen beats per minute. No,
(08:55):
and I don't know what that means, like I'm not
doing enough cardio. But cardio is really important and in
the Pike's Peak high because you're really doing a lot
of cardio.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Oh, I wonder too if it's part of it's because Oh,
I guess it wouldn't have been just like from one day.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
But I'm like, you ate a lot of salty food
on Saturday.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
It's a trend over nine weeks. So I'm a little
bit concerned about my carter you cardio fitness.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
So that sometime you got ten days not a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I'm going to wrap up with this one because it's
very sweet, and there are some other ones we have
not gotten to, but I will get to more tomorrow.
I'm reaching out to see if you will give my
son Tanner a shout out during your show. He listens
all the way from Wilson, North Carolina on iHeart while
he's working. Truly become one of your biggest fans. He
(09:39):
is not only a loyal listener of The Dave Ryan Show,
but also the Minnesota Goodbye. He has bought Dave's book
and constantly text me about hilarious moments from the show
or sends your Instagram post like Dave picking up dog
poop with his bare hand. Classic. He even recently texted
the show about buying one of the shirts you're selling
to the fair, and followed it up at the message
saying he loves Bailey ha ha. I've been a long
(10:01):
time listener myself from Eau Claire for the past thirty
one years. So grateful for iHeartRadio, which lets me listen
to the full show now instead of catching just bits
during my morning show commute. Tanner remembers hearing Dave on
the radio during his rides todaycare Wow and school growing up.
So your show has been a part of his life
for years twenty six years to be.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Exact, a long time.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
It would absolutely make his day to hear a shout
out from you all. Thank you for considering and after
can bringing so much joy and laughter to our mornings.
Thank you from Sarah.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I just love that. I think that's so sweet. As
somebody who grew up listening to the radio, there was
really nobody that I listened to for that stands out
like for years and years. I mean I can name
some DJs that I listened to that I loved, but
there was none that I spent my whole life listening to, right, Yeah,
but I get the connection. There's a magic to radio
(10:57):
that nothing else can touch. Yeah, And I just love
being a part of that.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
And honestly, it's funny because this is the show that
I've listened to since I was like five. And it's
funny because on Saturday, when we were driving into the fair,
you and I were going early, and you were stuck
in traffic, so you went live, and so I went
into your live because I was also stuck in traffic.
And then it felt like I was listening to the
radio like in the morning, and I was like, yeah,
(11:23):
it's like it's like Dave's on the radio and I'm
just driving into.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Work like the old days, like the old day.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Did you get a notification that's my pen, by the way,
that's my pen.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, it was in the little jar over there of pens,
and none of the pens over here work anymore.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
That's my pen, and I want it back.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
You're not using it right now.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I don't want you using my pen a little bit,
using it. That's my mom. Bailey took my pen.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Mom says, shut it, Mom.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
You like Bailey more than me?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
He says, yes, clearly.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Okay, you use my pen all you want. It's a
nice pen, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Yes, it's pretty.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Did you get an alert that showed that I popped
up on Instagram? How did you know I was live?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I mean I might?
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Is there?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Does Instagram send you notifications? No?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I think that I interact with your account enough where
you show up as like the first thing like on
my when I open it up, like.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
You're the first little story.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Oh really? Oh yeah, so I thank you. That's why.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Yeah, you're welcome, buddy.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Well, you can follow me on Instagram. Dave Ryan Katie
WDB watched the video of Bernie and Carson meeting for
the first time last night because they'd never met. Carson
has not been home in three months, and we got
Bernie about two and a half months ago, and they
met and Susan videoed it from the very first moment,
and Bernie is very shyly walking up to Carson like
(12:41):
I don't know you, and within seconds he just loved him.
It is like he they loved each other. And Carson's
got a big smile on his face. Carson's so quiet,
he didn't say a peep during the entire thing, but
it's very cute.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
He's letting Bernie do all the talking.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
He is. Go watch that on Dave Dave Ryan KDWB.
And then there's also Bailey on airl Go follow Bailey.
Thanks for listening, Minnesota, Goodbye. Email Ryan Show at KDWB
dot com