June 26, 2024 • 13 mins
Alexander Terblanche knows the deal when it comes to relationships.
He has qualifications in psychotherapy, counselling, and human sexuality. He runs his own practice On Point Therapy, and is the relationship expert for Compatico.
He has a wealth of knowledge and joins Simon Barnett & James Daniels to answer listeners' questions.
LISTEN ABOVE
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Simon Barnett and James Daniels Afternoons
podcast from News Talk ZEDB.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Alexander to Blanche is an incredible guy when it comes
to relationships. He's got qualifications in psychotherapy, in counseling and
in human sexuality. He runs his own practice on Point
Therapy and is the relationship expert for Competico. He has
a wealth of knowledge. Joins us every fortnight. Hello there, Alexander,
Hey guys, how's it going.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Amen?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Ah, we're great, mate, Thank you very much for coming
on again.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Yeah, hello, good to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
We often find after we've finished our session with you,
James and I go away and we go man, that
guy's good, like it just seems so level headed with
everything there's and you very comfortable talking about some pretty
awkward situations. So yeah, we really appreciate it. If you've
got a question for Alexander, oh, eight hundred eighty ten
eighty is our phone number. If you've never phoned before
and think, oh, I don't know. If I want to,
you can keep your name private eight hundred and eighty
(00:58):
ten eighty or text us. Sam has been waiting here
already in anticipation gooday, Sam, Hey boy, good mate, Thank you.
Alexander's standing by Alexander.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Mate.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
This one's probably gonna to earn your name. I was
married on separated and I've had a child. But I
met this girl after I was separated, and she's been
for a pretty tough life. And I've been pully her
best friend more than beaually for ten years. And I'm
trying to distance herself from from me. But she's got
kids with that, which I'm close to. But I sort
(01:28):
of kept.
Speaker 6 (01:29):
Getting dragged back into her life and she's dragging me.
You know. I do love her. It's my best friend,
but I'm trying to find a way to sort of
like separate myself from her.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Tough one.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Any thoughts, Alexander, Yeah, yeah, it's a tough one.
Speaker 7 (01:47):
So so just to recap you were together, you've you've
had kids together or does she have kids from I.
Speaker 6 (01:53):
Had dad and I went for a separation. I meet
her quite quickly under my separation. I had a child.
Speaker 5 (01:58):
She's got four kids as well.
Speaker 6 (02:00):
We sort of went through the sort of break up
together and she is my best friend.
Speaker 7 (02:04):
I love her.
Speaker 6 (02:04):
I was trying to break away from her. I kept
keep going through like dramas and sort of dragged me
back into her dramas. You know, I don't want to
be there, but I don't know how to break those dramas.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
You know, you know what I mean, walk away from it.
Speaker 7 (02:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, that makes a lot of sense.
I think if we're going through stuff that's that we
share similarities with other people, we can we can get
a bond through that, and we can sort of become
a little bit dependent on each other. So there's something
in relationships that we call codependency, which means that we
(02:39):
lean on each other when we're going through hardship, and
if we can recognize that in someone else, it feels
really really close. But that makes it hard when or
if we get to the point where we want to
move away. And so one of the best ways in
which to do this is to sit down and have
a conversation about all of the things that you value
(03:00):
and putting it forward and saying, look, I am wanting
to maybe move a little bit away and become I'm
a little bit less connected. It's not that I don't
want to be friends with you. Really highlight the things
that you value, but also highlight that maybe it's time
for both of you that you create a little bit
more firm boundaries and once you set those, the tricky
(03:20):
part of.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
The energy that you need to actually stick to them.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
Yeah, I've tried that before. I know what you're saying,
like hard friends with the NJA and they get dragged
back in if you.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Sam, it's James, he Sam, Look, this is an awkward question. Maybe,
but is it a physical relationship you're having with this person?
Speaker 6 (03:41):
Yeah? Yeah, we were best friend both.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
There's also political if you know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (03:44):
Yeah, exactly Does.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
That make a difference, Alexander, Yeah, I mean it does.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
It does.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
It's it's a lot easier to keep boundaries in place
with friendships. It becomes a lot more complicated when there's
a greater depth of intimacy. When we're talking about physicality
and those sorts of things. It is one of those
aspects where there's no real shortcut through the discomfort and
the awkwardness of the initial taking space. But the issue
(04:16):
that most people have is that they start well, they
mean well, and then they slip up and return back
to it and then have to go through the process
all over again. So it's making a decision about what
you want, communicating that really clearly with her, making sure
that she understands, and then it's what can you do
to make sure that you stick to that and reiterate
(04:39):
or reaffirm those boundaries, because it sounds like you know
what to do.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
It's just a case of sticking to it.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, Sam, thank you very much for the question, and
good luck to you.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
We've got to text here, Adam, and he says, Hello, Alexander, Hi,
this is a dumb question, really, and I know you'll
just tell me to harden up, but here goes. I've
been married for thirty six years to the same woman.
She had over twenty lovers before we met and married.
I've struggled with this and even now just can't seem
to let it go. She is faithful and a great mum,
(05:10):
but I just can't seem to deal with the emotions
that her past conjures up for me. What a great text.
So when she gives me no reason to be I'm crazy?
Am I?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No?
Speaker 2 (05:23):
That's a great text? Can I like? Because there's almost
a lot of sitcoms talk about that very thing where
the guy will say to the lady and the ladies,
how I'm happening for me. Is it a big thing, Alexander.
Speaker 7 (05:36):
It's really common.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
So firstly, definitely not crazy.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
It's really really common for many of us to have
insecurities about partner's previous relationships. So it can be sex,
it can be money, it can be previous children, it
can be travel, it can be all sorts. So I think, firstly,
really really normal. I think the anger is an interesting one,
and the facts that did I hear right that it
(06:02):
was sort of married.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Thirty six this years?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yes, that's right.
Speaker 7 (06:06):
Yeah, okay, so it's a long time to be carrying
some of that. It sounds like maybe resentments in there too,
So I think my tips to Adam would be firstly,
emotions are our body's way of send message to us.
So the message that you're receiving is anger. What I
think would be worth while being curious about is what
(06:29):
is the anger masking. So in this instance, anger is
likely a secondary emotion, which means that it's showing up
in response to a primary one, which is more uncomfortable. So,
for instance, I sometimes get angry when I feel abandoned
because anger is a lot easier to feel than it
is to sit.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
In the abandonment, so first would become curious.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
So would it be the overwriting emotion I would say
for most people would be just pure old jealousy. Wouldn't
it like I don't want you to have done that before?
Necessarily of that many people? And how do I measure up?
Speaker 7 (07:06):
Would it be? Well an interesting Jealousy can also be
a little bit secondary too, so often often they're hiding insecurities,
and the insecurities can often be fear based. So if
we fear something, if you know, if we're if we're
being disconnected, if we're feeling not good enough, if it's
if it's tapping into something that we believe about ourselves,
(07:28):
we can react to that by being jealous, by being frustrated,
by being angry. So the key is figure out what's underneath,
and when you do that, then communicate that to your partner.
So it's the opposite of hard enough. It's it's softening up.
When I think about your past, I actually become ready
and secure.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
This is what goes on within me. What is it
that we can do to maybe support what's underneath?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Not so much the anger and great answer. That's a
great answer, Alexander, you're very good in fact, we're getting
a couple of texts saying, hey, this guy is excellent
in this next text set. I thought this segment would
be done, but I'm learning quite a lot. Thank you.
Our guest is Alexander to Blanche every Fortnight Relationship Expert,
if you've got some issues with your relationship one hundred
(08:15):
and eighty ten eighty or textus nineteen nine to your question.
Diane has put her name to a text good on
her no surname, but she says this Alexander, I don't
feel valued or listened to. My requests for intimacy get
turned down repeatedly, so I gave up asking to see
if that would be reciprocated. It wasn't. What do I
do here?
Speaker 7 (08:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, Oh indeed, I think, yeah, feeling under values,
feeling unheard sucks. There's no sort of two ways about that,
and the two incredibly important things that we need in
order for a relationship to continue to grow. So I think, firstly, yeah,
(08:57):
really really important to be able to voice those needs.
If we're with someone who doesn't sound like they're listening
or doesn't seem to be open to what it is
that we're sharing. I guess My feedback to Diane would
be focus on the things that you can control. So
I'm going to make some tips probably for you particularly,
(09:22):
have a look at how you're bringing things up, when
you're bringing them up, in the language in which you're using,
and maybe write some stuff down in terms of intentions,
because I think a good way to position it is
to let our partner know, here is something very important
to me that I want to discuss with you, and
(09:44):
I want to make sure that you are in the
right place to be open to having that conversation. How
about you let me know when it's a good time
for you in the next twenty four hours, so then
the partner feels equipped to know that, Okay, this is serious.
I know the topic, so I've got some time to
go away and think about it, and I feel as
though I'm included in this conversation, not perhaps sort of
(10:06):
blind in sided or sort of caught unaware. And they
can come and meet you, meet you in the middle,
and then it's a case of stating your needs. As
I've said before, really focus on the eye statements what
I need and this is why it's important to me.
And I was hoping that we could come up with
a solution together. If the partner is unable to kind
(10:28):
of meet you there, which it sounds like maybe he's not,
then it's the time to be really, really firm with
Andrew's This is a non negotiable for me. I really
want for this relationship to work, but this is an
important part of.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
That happening.
Speaker 7 (10:45):
So it's either yeah, not an ultimatum, but I think
really making it significant and clear is important.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Where Diane in that text was talking, she said her
requests for intimacy have been turned down repeatedly, So is
there any way to come back from that? Like if
you're constantly spurred when it spurned when it comes to
the physical side of it, I mean, how do you
get that right?
Speaker 7 (11:07):
Perhaps you can have a conversation about where the where
the barriers are or what the reluctance is, rather than
just coming from approach of is.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Now aga time?
Speaker 7 (11:16):
Would you like to how about now? How about now?
Not suggesting that that's what Diane's doing, but if essentially,
if we have a look at the issue being not
either of the persons as individuals, but rather a relational issue.
This is something that the relationships at Greensling. There's not
enough intimacy. If you bring it up in terms of
(11:38):
what are some of the barriers, what are ways in
which we could perhaps approach this, it feels like you're
on the same team working towards something, as opposed to
one person's letting the team down. They're likely to become
defensive and some people, like perhaps Diane's partner, does they withdraw,
they shut down, and they just don't go to very good.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Okay, we've got a text her who has put her
name to this Alexander, we've been engaged for twenty eight years.
How do I get my wonderful fiance to agree on
a date? Or has the ship sailed? I don't want
to be walking down the aisle with a zimmer frame.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
What a great question.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with walking down the aisle with
a zimmer frame.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
But I hear your question, and there's no there's no
right or wrong time.
Speaker 7 (12:26):
I don't think there's any issue with people that don't
get engaged at all, or people that are engaged for
long periods of time.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
But it was a problem for this woman though, Alexander.
She's saying were twenty eight years and he won't commit.
Doesn't that show a lack of something. I'm not sure what,
but a lack of something commitment. Yeah on the guy's part.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
Well, I would start the question around what does marriage
mean to this particular person, So rather about when are
we going to get married, maybe have a conversation about
the concept of marriage.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Many of us come from homes.
Speaker 7 (13:03):
That haven't been particularly great when it comes to examples
of marriage, and so they may represent roadblocks. There may
be issues that we bring into the relationship that we
haven't really spoken about. So if it's been that long,
ask what marriage means and have a look at what
some of the potential barriers are.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
In the individual's meaning.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
That's a really good reframing of that issue. Well done, Alexander.
I wish we had another hour with you, but we don't.
And to all the people that are texting in Tyler's
even as we speak, copying and pasting these texts so
we will have them for Alexander when you're on a
fortnight mate, thank you so much for coming on the
show again.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Man pleasure as always, Guys, thank.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You, Alexander T Blanche Just a reminder he runs his
own practice on point therapy there online and he's a
relationship expert for competigoat knows the stuff.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
He's great for more from Simon Barnett and James Daniels afternoons.
Listen live to News Talk said Be or follow the
podcast on iHeartRadio
You're listening to the Simon Barnett and James Daniels Afternoons
podcast from News Talk ZEDB.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Alexander to Blanche is an incredible guy when it comes
to relationships. He's got qualifications in psychotherapy, in counseling and
in human sexuality. He runs his own practice on Point
Therapy and is the relationship expert for Competico. He has
a wealth of knowledge. Joins us every fortnight. Hello there, Alexander,
Hey guys, how's it going.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Amen?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Ah, we're great, mate, Thank you very much for coming
on again.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Yeah, hello, good to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
We often find after we've finished our session with you,
James and I go away and we go man, that
guy's good, like it just seems so level headed with
everything there's and you very comfortable talking about some pretty
awkward situations. So yeah, we really appreciate it. If you've
got a question for Alexander, oh, eight hundred eighty ten
eighty is our phone number. If you've never phoned before
and think, oh, I don't know. If I want to,
you can keep your name private eight hundred and eighty
(00:58):
ten eighty or text us. Sam has been waiting here
already in anticipation gooday, Sam, Hey boy, good mate, Thank you.
Alexander's standing by Alexander.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Mate.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
This one's probably gonna to earn your name. I was
married on separated and I've had a child. But I
met this girl after I was separated, and she's been
for a pretty tough life. And I've been pully her
best friend more than beaually for ten years. And I'm
trying to distance herself from from me. But she's got
kids with that, which I'm close to. But I sort
(01:28):
of kept.
Speaker 6 (01:29):
Getting dragged back into her life and she's dragging me.
You know. I do love her. It's my best friend,
but I'm trying to find a way to sort of
like separate myself from her.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Tough one.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Any thoughts, Alexander, Yeah, yeah, it's a tough one.
Speaker 7 (01:47):
So so just to recap you were together, you've you've
had kids together or does she have kids from I.
Speaker 6 (01:53):
Had dad and I went for a separation. I meet
her quite quickly under my separation. I had a child.
Speaker 5 (01:58):
She's got four kids as well.
Speaker 6 (02:00):
We sort of went through the sort of break up
together and she is my best friend.
Speaker 7 (02:04):
I love her.
Speaker 6 (02:04):
I was trying to break away from her. I kept
keep going through like dramas and sort of dragged me
back into her dramas. You know, I don't want to
be there, but I don't know how to break those dramas.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
You know, you know what I mean, walk away from it.
Speaker 7 (02:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, that makes a lot of sense.
I think if we're going through stuff that's that we
share similarities with other people, we can we can get
a bond through that, and we can sort of become
a little bit dependent on each other. So there's something
in relationships that we call codependency, which means that we
(02:39):
lean on each other when we're going through hardship, and
if we can recognize that in someone else, it feels
really really close. But that makes it hard when or
if we get to the point where we want to
move away. And so one of the best ways in
which to do this is to sit down and have
a conversation about all of the things that you value
(03:00):
and putting it forward and saying, look, I am wanting
to maybe move a little bit away and become I'm
a little bit less connected. It's not that I don't
want to be friends with you. Really highlight the things
that you value, but also highlight that maybe it's time
for both of you that you create a little bit
more firm boundaries and once you set those, the tricky
(03:20):
part of.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
The energy that you need to actually stick to them.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
Yeah, I've tried that before. I know what you're saying,
like hard friends with the NJA and they get dragged
back in if you.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Sam, it's James, he Sam, Look, this is an awkward question. Maybe,
but is it a physical relationship you're having with this person?
Speaker 6 (03:41):
Yeah? Yeah, we were best friend both.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
There's also political if you know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (03:44):
Yeah, exactly Does.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
That make a difference, Alexander, Yeah, I mean it does.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
It does.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
It's it's a lot easier to keep boundaries in place
with friendships. It becomes a lot more complicated when there's
a greater depth of intimacy. When we're talking about physicality
and those sorts of things. It is one of those
aspects where there's no real shortcut through the discomfort and
the awkwardness of the initial taking space. But the issue
(04:16):
that most people have is that they start well, they
mean well, and then they slip up and return back
to it and then have to go through the process
all over again. So it's making a decision about what
you want, communicating that really clearly with her, making sure
that she understands, and then it's what can you do
to make sure that you stick to that and reiterate
(04:39):
or reaffirm those boundaries, because it sounds like you know
what to do.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
It's just a case of sticking to it.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, Sam, thank you very much for the question, and
good luck to you.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
We've got to text here, Adam, and he says, Hello, Alexander, Hi,
this is a dumb question, really, and I know you'll
just tell me to harden up, but here goes. I've
been married for thirty six years to the same woman.
She had over twenty lovers before we met and married.
I've struggled with this and even now just can't seem
to let it go. She is faithful and a great mum,
(05:10):
but I just can't seem to deal with the emotions
that her past conjures up for me. What a great text.
So when she gives me no reason to be I'm crazy?
Am I?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No?
Speaker 2 (05:23):
That's a great text? Can I like? Because there's almost
a lot of sitcoms talk about that very thing where
the guy will say to the lady and the ladies,
how I'm happening for me. Is it a big thing, Alexander.
Speaker 7 (05:36):
It's really common.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
So firstly, definitely not crazy.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
It's really really common for many of us to have
insecurities about partner's previous relationships. So it can be sex,
it can be money, it can be previous children, it
can be travel, it can be all sorts. So I think, firstly,
really really normal. I think the anger is an interesting one,
and the facts that did I hear right that it
(06:02):
was sort of married.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Thirty six this years?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yes, that's right.
Speaker 7 (06:06):
Yeah, okay, so it's a long time to be carrying
some of that. It sounds like maybe resentments in there too,
So I think my tips to Adam would be firstly,
emotions are our body's way of send message to us.
So the message that you're receiving is anger. What I
think would be worth while being curious about is what
(06:29):
is the anger masking. So in this instance, anger is
likely a secondary emotion, which means that it's showing up
in response to a primary one, which is more uncomfortable. So,
for instance, I sometimes get angry when I feel abandoned
because anger is a lot easier to feel than it
is to sit.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
In the abandonment, so first would become curious.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
So would it be the overwriting emotion I would say
for most people would be just pure old jealousy. Wouldn't
it like I don't want you to have done that before?
Necessarily of that many people? And how do I measure up?
Speaker 7 (07:06):
Would it be? Well an interesting Jealousy can also be
a little bit secondary too, so often often they're hiding insecurities,
and the insecurities can often be fear based. So if
we fear something, if you know, if we're if we're
being disconnected, if we're feeling not good enough, if it's
if it's tapping into something that we believe about ourselves,
(07:28):
we can react to that by being jealous, by being frustrated,
by being angry. So the key is figure out what's underneath,
and when you do that, then communicate that to your partner.
So it's the opposite of hard enough. It's it's softening up.
When I think about your past, I actually become ready
and secure.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
This is what goes on within me. What is it
that we can do to maybe support what's underneath?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Not so much the anger and great answer. That's a
great answer, Alexander, you're very good in fact, we're getting
a couple of texts saying, hey, this guy is excellent
in this next text set. I thought this segment would
be done, but I'm learning quite a lot. Thank you.
Our guest is Alexander to Blanche every Fortnight Relationship Expert,
if you've got some issues with your relationship one hundred
(08:15):
and eighty ten eighty or textus nineteen nine to your question.
Diane has put her name to a text good on
her no surname, but she says this Alexander, I don't
feel valued or listened to. My requests for intimacy get
turned down repeatedly, so I gave up asking to see
if that would be reciprocated. It wasn't. What do I
do here?
Speaker 7 (08:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, Oh indeed, I think, yeah, feeling under values,
feeling unheard sucks. There's no sort of two ways about that,
and the two incredibly important things that we need in
order for a relationship to continue to grow. So I think, firstly, yeah,
(08:57):
really really important to be able to voice those needs.
If we're with someone who doesn't sound like they're listening
or doesn't seem to be open to what it is
that we're sharing. I guess My feedback to Diane would
be focus on the things that you can control. So
I'm going to make some tips probably for you particularly,
(09:22):
have a look at how you're bringing things up, when
you're bringing them up, in the language in which you're using,
and maybe write some stuff down in terms of intentions,
because I think a good way to position it is
to let our partner know, here is something very important
to me that I want to discuss with you, and
(09:44):
I want to make sure that you are in the
right place to be open to having that conversation. How
about you let me know when it's a good time
for you in the next twenty four hours, so then
the partner feels equipped to know that, Okay, this is serious.
I know the topic, so I've got some time to
go away and think about it, and I feel as
though I'm included in this conversation, not perhaps sort of
(10:06):
blind in sided or sort of caught unaware. And they
can come and meet you, meet you in the middle,
and then it's a case of stating your needs. As
I've said before, really focus on the eye statements what
I need and this is why it's important to me.
And I was hoping that we could come up with
a solution together. If the partner is unable to kind
(10:28):
of meet you there, which it sounds like maybe he's not,
then it's the time to be really, really firm with
Andrew's This is a non negotiable for me. I really
want for this relationship to work, but this is an
important part of.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
That happening.
Speaker 7 (10:45):
So it's either yeah, not an ultimatum, but I think
really making it significant and clear is important.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Where Diane in that text was talking, she said her
requests for intimacy have been turned down repeatedly, So is
there any way to come back from that? Like if
you're constantly spurred when it spurned when it comes to
the physical side of it, I mean, how do you
get that right?
Speaker 7 (11:07):
Perhaps you can have a conversation about where the where
the barriers are or what the reluctance is, rather than
just coming from approach of is.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Now aga time?
Speaker 7 (11:16):
Would you like to how about now? How about now?
Not suggesting that that's what Diane's doing, but if essentially,
if we have a look at the issue being not
either of the persons as individuals, but rather a relational issue.
This is something that the relationships at Greensling. There's not
enough intimacy. If you bring it up in terms of
(11:38):
what are some of the barriers, what are ways in
which we could perhaps approach this, it feels like you're
on the same team working towards something, as opposed to
one person's letting the team down. They're likely to become
defensive and some people, like perhaps Diane's partner, does they withdraw,
they shut down, and they just don't go to very good.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Okay, we've got a text her who has put her
name to this Alexander, we've been engaged for twenty eight years.
How do I get my wonderful fiance to agree on
a date? Or has the ship sailed? I don't want
to be walking down the aisle with a zimmer frame.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
What a great question.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with walking down the aisle with
a zimmer frame.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
But I hear your question, and there's no there's no
right or wrong time.
Speaker 7 (12:26):
I don't think there's any issue with people that don't
get engaged at all, or people that are engaged for
long periods of time.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
But it was a problem for this woman though, Alexander.
She's saying were twenty eight years and he won't commit.
Doesn't that show a lack of something. I'm not sure what,
but a lack of something commitment. Yeah on the guy's part.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
Well, I would start the question around what does marriage
mean to this particular person, So rather about when are
we going to get married, maybe have a conversation about
the concept of marriage.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Many of us come from homes.
Speaker 7 (13:03):
That haven't been particularly great when it comes to examples
of marriage, and so they may represent roadblocks. There may
be issues that we bring into the relationship that we
haven't really spoken about. So if it's been that long,
ask what marriage means and have a look at what
some of the potential barriers are.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
In the individual's meaning.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
That's a really good reframing of that issue. Well done, Alexander.
I wish we had another hour with you, but we don't.
And to all the people that are texting in Tyler's
even as we speak, copying and pasting these texts so
we will have them for Alexander when you're on a
fortnight mate, thank you so much for coming on the
show again.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Man pleasure as always, Guys, thank.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You, Alexander T Blanche Just a reminder he runs his
own practice on point therapy there online and he's a
relationship expert for competigoat knows the stuff.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
He's great for more from Simon Barnett and James Daniels afternoons.
Listen live to News Talk said Be or follow the
podcast on iHeartRadio
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.