September 4, 2024 • 13 mins
Alexander Terblanche knows the deal when it comes to relationships.
He has qualifications in psychotherapy, counselling, and human sexuality. He runs his own practice On Point Therapy, and is the relationship expert for Compatico.
He has a wealth of knowledge and joins Simon Barnett & James Daniels to answer listeners' questions.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Simon Barnett and James Daniels Afternoons
podcast from News Talk Zedbe.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Alexander Tablanche is the real thing when it comes to relationships.
As we've mentioned before, he's got qualifications in psychotherapy counseling
human sexuality. He runs his own practice which is very
successful as well, called on Point Therapy, and he's the
relationship expert for Compettico. Got this wealth of knowledge at
his disposal. He joins us every fortnight. Hello there, Alexander.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Hey guys, there's a game doing great.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Thanks? How are you going?
Speaker 4 (00:37):
More?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Is the point you've got little twins?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I'm doing good.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
I feel I've had much more sleep, more mental acuity
this week, so I'm good to go.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Good Man. Hey, if you've got a question and you'd
like to talk to Alexander, he is very very good
to talk to. So eight hundred and eighty ten eighty
is our phone.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
We've already got some texts and this one says, Alexander,
how do you fix someone whose trust has been damaged
by a previous partner? My husband is very untrusted worthy
due to his ex wife being a prolific cheaterh I
have a lot of male friends who have been friends
with for fifteen odd years. I feel like I'm being
questioned because of the way his ex wife was. What
(01:18):
do I do?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
There a few things worth probably looking into. Firstly, a
shift of a shift of perspective. I think if we're
looking at anything as something that's broken that needs to
be fixed, we can often be met with a bit
of resistance by the person who's on the broken labeling end.
So I think having a look at it from there's
(01:41):
an opportunity here for us to build trust in our relationship,
regardless of what's happened before us. So from a team perspective,
the things that sound like they're appropriate sounds like one
partner values friendships and the other partner values needs emotional safety.
So can we sit down and come up with compromises
(02:04):
that make space for both of those things, space for
friendships and emotional safety. And there are things like boundaries
talking about insecurities, knowing if there are particular triggers, so
if it's particular groups of friends, or if it's particular settings,
or if it's to do with going out late at
night in alcohol.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Having some of those bits of information.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Allow us to work together to set up boundaries for
our relationships so that we can start to build trust
with what we have. Very good.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
This is pretty personal, and so I'll modify the text.
But this is your sexuality expert as well. Hi guys,
I won't mention my name, but a close friends girl
has requested a free pass. I presume you know what
that means, Alexander, Yes, as long as it doesn't happen
in their home. But it did. She said he wasn't
(02:59):
fulfilling her. She is quite manipulative in my view, so
wanted more. He agreed initially, but now he is regretting.
It is any going back, yes.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
I think in short, there is a chance to go back,
but it sounds like some pretty significant conversations need to
be have in order for that to be an option.
Couple therapists sex therapists will often be looking at what
is the balance of power within any relationship?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So who has it?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
How is it shared, how is it negotiated, how is
it abused? And look, it sounds like there's a request
for a free pass, which is a form of an
open relationship. It's where one person gets to go and
pursue something that they would like, usually sexually, away from
the relationship. Free pass is usually a one time, one
(03:52):
time place. And look, it's it's not for everyone, but
it does work for some.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Does it? Does it really work for some? I'm going
to sound highly conservative, but I really struggle with that
concept because I knew when I grew up, and you know,
there was people that I knew that did this and
not honestly, Alexander, not one single couple that had that
free pass or an open relationship stayed together. Not one.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
So but it can work, you reckon one hundred percent.
But I do think to your point, I think too
many people use it as a last resort. Our relationship's
not working. Maybe if we do something extreme like this,
it may fix it. It may bring a spark, it
may bring me joy. That's that's a doomed approach. If
(04:38):
you are going to go down the route of opening
a relationship, you need to be even more secure than
you were before. You need to be even more open
about the communication and the boundaries and how it works
than you were before. So it does work, but you know,
it takes a particular type of relationship, you know, for
it to be able to have, yeah, to have the resilience,
(05:00):
I guess, to move through it. But I mean, interestingly,
now that you bring that up, there's an increase in
the number of mature aged individuals who are going down
the route of opening relationships. It's not just the realm
of sort of the young and frivolous, and you know,
there's a there's some interesting correlation between the reduction in responsibility,
(05:21):
you know, early on in life, but also later on
in life where we feel a little bit more free
and secure to sort of expand.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
And explore when the kids are gone. You mean, yeah, yeah,
but the kids are gone. But also you know, retirement villages,
you know, the amount of sexual activity is through the roof.
It's fantastic. It's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
We actually we heard that somewhere else to that we're discussing.
We were blown away. Yeah, someone said that, and we go,
you're kidding and you're confirming, Is that right, Alexander.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
All of the research that's coming through suggests that that,
in fact, it's it's increasing significantly, you know, and for
a very good reason too.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I think it's a yeah, what is the good reason?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Well, like I said before, I think I think people
get maybe a bit freer, freer within themselves, freer within
who they are, the need or the.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Desire to be to express more openly.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
There's a lot less societal reductions as we get older,
because we start thinking, you know, to hell with it.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
But what happens if you're a guy like me, right
and just let's just presuppose my wife hadn't passed away
last year, because I love her with all of my heart. Now,
if she said to me that I'm only discussing this
because I find this quite fascinating. If she came to
me and said, Simon, I would like to have a
free pass, I would rate from the get go, Alexander.
I would be crushed, devastated, inconsolable that somehow, some way
(06:50):
I wasn't fulfilling that part of her that she desired,
let's say, and so to me, then it's almost irreparable
because I could try and do more. But if she
wants that it's already out there, how does that ever
be redeemed? Because I'm not that I would never ask that.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
I think firstly, we need to know our partners well
enough to know whether that's a question that we can
bring up, and the little that I do know about
your relationship, I'm surprised if your your wife would have
brought that up.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Knowing how you feel about monogamy.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
So that's true, she wouldn't have, but it would be
some would be Yeah that she definitely wouldn't have. She
was the most faithful person in the world. But yeah,
I don't know how you would cope with that if
your partner suggested it and you're.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
Like, no, well to do that? You just say that,
you say no, I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Yeah, yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
So I mean we we ramp sets up to be
this sort of big, extreme thing, but it's really just
another aspect of a relationship. So we should be able
to ask our partner, how would you feel about maybe
spending more time overseas, maybe doing this, maybe doing that,
maybe opening up our relationship. It should be and it's
something that's open to being brought to the table. Whether
(08:03):
or not that's sort of accepted.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
That doesn't matter.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
It's about can we be open enough to voice our desires,
our concerns And there are some people who So there's
a concept called Compersian, which is being able to see
my partner happy and fulfilled brings me fulfillment, and so
being able to see our partner go and pursue something
that maybe we're not interested in offering, but they're able
(08:30):
to get it somewhere else and come back to the
relationship more fulfilled.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
There are some people.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Isn't that just having your cake and eating it too.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
It's a very sort of old school monogamous way of
seeing relationships.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
That works for me.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
And me too, Me too, but I get it.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah, Okay, fascinating Alexander. It's really really interesting talking to me
about We're joined by our relationship expert Alexander to Blanche.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
Text here saying, hello, guys, I'm unhappy in my relationship.
Eighteen months ago I told my wife that I felt
the real relationship was broken and that I felt lonely.
We're still together, nothing has changed. She said she didn't
like conflict, which I replied, it's not conflict, it's communication.
How can I make this work?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Look, I think you are right.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Communication and you know is important and shouldn't be confused
with conflict. I think those of us that are conflict
averse or don't like to bring up hard things tend
to go long periods of time with not really chatting
about the small things that we would that we would
like to be doing different in a relationship, and so
(09:45):
it builds up. Our frustration can turn into into resentment,
you know, or sort of isolation or disconnection. The key
is to have frequent conversations about the small things so
that it doesn't feel like conflict. It just feels like
communication in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
My advice to this.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Particular person is maybe have a chat to your partner
about starting again about you know, not making it this
big thing, but saying, hey, look are you happy with
where things are at? There are a couple of things
that I was thinking maybe we could try and do differently.
Would you be open to it? That sounds very much
like communication and far less like conflict?
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Right? This is interesting this I wonder if it's relatable
to many people. It says Hi Alexander and signed James.
My partner of seven years is jealous of my kids
and our relationship to the point where sometimes we can't
even talk to each other about it is very hard work.
Any advice is that a thing where people get yet
(10:47):
this is there They've got the children together, but it
appears right, yeah, that their children, but it appears, and
I think this is from the man. He's saying his
partner is jealous of his relationship with the kids. That
does that happen very often?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
I mean I think I think jealousy within a relationship
it's quite common, and so regardless of whether it's someone
spending too much time with friends or too much attention
to the kids, or too much time at work, often
we can get caught up in the content, right, meaning
it's the kids, or it's the friends, or it's the work,
when really what's sitting underneath that that we should be
(11:25):
having a chat about. Is I feel left out, I'm
not feeling included, or I feel like there's not a
whole lot of quality time left for us.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
That's a very different conversation. Then you're spending too much
time at work, too much time with the kids, right.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Because then you're going to get a defensive response and
you're going to become more disconnected.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Have a conversation about what's underneath.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Very good, Okay? Texted George has said my wife says
I'm not present and I'm withdrawn, and then reacts with
cheap shots and also drinks to cope. Then she forgets
those nasty comments, which makes me pull further away. So
what should I do? Asks George.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
George, Okay, this is very common, very common for every
relationship to have a series of cycles or patterns that
if we stand back, can become quite obvious. And it's
normal for a relationship to have one partner who is
a pursuer, meaning they kind of move towards the relationship,
and another.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Who's a withdrawer.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
So you've got one person who's seeking space and one
person who's seeking closeness. And what can happen is it
starts small. Someone comes home from work and they want
to have a conversation. The other person feels overwhelmed, so
they try and shut the conversation.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Down and move away. Then it amplifies.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
The person who's seeking closeness follows gets louder, I want to.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Talk about it.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
The other person who's withdrawer gets more extreme, shuts down,
spends more time at work. So I think, regardless of
what it does, have a look at or become curious
about what the cycle is within your relationship. Who is
the pursuer or the one that seeks closest, who withdraws?
And once you see the cycle, you can start to
(13:15):
pick up when it starts, and when it starts, you
have a conversation around. Hold on second, I'm doing that
chasing thing. Hold on a second, I'm doing that with
drawing thing. We can take a breath, slow down, and
it's far easier to connect after that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Very good stuff, Alexander. We really enjoy chatting with you.
Thank you for what you're bring on the show. Yeah,
really enjoyable. Good luck at home with the twins. Hope
you get some sleeping and we're talking again soon. Thank
you very much.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah, awesome guy, Thank you, Thanks.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Andrew, Alexander blanche I just reminder Alexander has his own
practice called on Point Therapy.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
News Talks EDB For more from Simon Barnett and James
Daniels afternoons, listen live to News Talks EDB, or follow
the podcast on iHeartRadio
You're listening to the Simon Barnett and James Daniels Afternoons
podcast from News Talk Zedbe.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Alexander Tablanche is the real thing when it comes to relationships.
As we've mentioned before, he's got qualifications in psychotherapy counseling
human sexuality. He runs his own practice which is very
successful as well, called on Point Therapy, and he's the
relationship expert for Compettico. Got this wealth of knowledge at
his disposal. He joins us every fortnight. Hello there, Alexander.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Hey guys, there's a game doing great.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Thanks? How are you going?
Speaker 4 (00:37):
More?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Is the point you've got little twins?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I'm doing good.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
I feel I've had much more sleep, more mental acuity
this week, so I'm good to go.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Good Man. Hey, if you've got a question and you'd
like to talk to Alexander, he is very very good
to talk to. So eight hundred and eighty ten eighty
is our phone.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
We've already got some texts and this one says, Alexander,
how do you fix someone whose trust has been damaged
by a previous partner? My husband is very untrusted worthy
due to his ex wife being a prolific cheaterh I
have a lot of male friends who have been friends
with for fifteen odd years. I feel like I'm being
questioned because of the way his ex wife was. What
(01:18):
do I do?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
There a few things worth probably looking into. Firstly, a
shift of a shift of perspective. I think if we're
looking at anything as something that's broken that needs to
be fixed, we can often be met with a bit
of resistance by the person who's on the broken labeling end.
So I think having a look at it from there's
(01:41):
an opportunity here for us to build trust in our relationship,
regardless of what's happened before us. So from a team perspective,
the things that sound like they're appropriate sounds like one
partner values friendships and the other partner values needs emotional safety.
So can we sit down and come up with compromises
(02:04):
that make space for both of those things, space for
friendships and emotional safety. And there are things like boundaries
talking about insecurities, knowing if there are particular triggers, so
if it's particular groups of friends, or if it's particular settings,
or if it's to do with going out late at
night in alcohol.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Having some of those bits of information.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Allow us to work together to set up boundaries for
our relationships so that we can start to build trust
with what we have. Very good.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
This is pretty personal, and so I'll modify the text.
But this is your sexuality expert as well. Hi guys,
I won't mention my name, but a close friends girl
has requested a free pass. I presume you know what
that means, Alexander, Yes, as long as it doesn't happen
in their home. But it did. She said he wasn't
(02:59):
fulfilling her. She is quite manipulative in my view, so
wanted more. He agreed initially, but now he is regretting.
It is any going back, yes.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
I think in short, there is a chance to go back,
but it sounds like some pretty significant conversations need to
be have in order for that to be an option.
Couple therapists sex therapists will often be looking at what
is the balance of power within any relationship?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So who has it?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
How is it shared, how is it negotiated, how is
it abused? And look, it sounds like there's a request
for a free pass, which is a form of an
open relationship. It's where one person gets to go and
pursue something that they would like, usually sexually, away from
the relationship. Free pass is usually a one time, one
(03:52):
time place. And look, it's it's not for everyone, but
it does work for some.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Does it? Does it really work for some? I'm going
to sound highly conservative, but I really struggle with that
concept because I knew when I grew up, and you know,
there was people that I knew that did this and
not honestly, Alexander, not one single couple that had that
free pass or an open relationship stayed together. Not one.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
So but it can work, you reckon one hundred percent.
But I do think to your point, I think too
many people use it as a last resort. Our relationship's
not working. Maybe if we do something extreme like this,
it may fix it. It may bring a spark, it
may bring me joy. That's that's a doomed approach. If
(04:38):
you are going to go down the route of opening
a relationship, you need to be even more secure than
you were before. You need to be even more open
about the communication and the boundaries and how it works
than you were before. So it does work, but you know,
it takes a particular type of relationship, you know, for
it to be able to have, yeah, to have the resilience,
(05:00):
I guess, to move through it. But I mean, interestingly,
now that you bring that up, there's an increase in
the number of mature aged individuals who are going down
the route of opening relationships. It's not just the realm
of sort of the young and frivolous, and you know,
there's a there's some interesting correlation between the reduction in responsibility,
(05:21):
you know, early on in life, but also later on
in life where we feel a little bit more free
and secure to sort of expand.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
And explore when the kids are gone. You mean, yeah, yeah,
but the kids are gone. But also you know, retirement villages,
you know, the amount of sexual activity is through the roof.
It's fantastic. It's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
We actually we heard that somewhere else to that we're discussing.
We were blown away. Yeah, someone said that, and we go,
you're kidding and you're confirming, Is that right, Alexander.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
All of the research that's coming through suggests that that,
in fact, it's it's increasing significantly, you know, and for
a very good reason too.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I think it's a yeah, what is the good reason?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Well, like I said before, I think I think people
get maybe a bit freer, freer within themselves, freer within
who they are, the need or the.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Desire to be to express more openly.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
There's a lot less societal reductions as we get older,
because we start thinking, you know, to hell with it.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
But what happens if you're a guy like me, right
and just let's just presuppose my wife hadn't passed away
last year, because I love her with all of my heart. Now,
if she said to me that I'm only discussing this
because I find this quite fascinating. If she came to
me and said, Simon, I would like to have a
free pass, I would rate from the get go, Alexander.
I would be crushed, devastated, inconsolable that somehow, some way
(06:50):
I wasn't fulfilling that part of her that she desired,
let's say, and so to me, then it's almost irreparable
because I could try and do more. But if she
wants that it's already out there, how does that ever
be redeemed? Because I'm not that I would never ask that.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
I think firstly, we need to know our partners well
enough to know whether that's a question that we can
bring up, and the little that I do know about
your relationship, I'm surprised if your your wife would have
brought that up.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Knowing how you feel about monogamy.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
So that's true, she wouldn't have, but it would be
some would be Yeah that she definitely wouldn't have. She
was the most faithful person in the world. But yeah,
I don't know how you would cope with that if
your partner suggested it and you're.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
Like, no, well to do that? You just say that,
you say no, I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Yeah, yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
So I mean we we ramp sets up to be
this sort of big, extreme thing, but it's really just
another aspect of a relationship. So we should be able
to ask our partner, how would you feel about maybe
spending more time overseas, maybe doing this, maybe doing that,
maybe opening up our relationship. It should be and it's
something that's open to being brought to the table. Whether
(08:03):
or not that's sort of accepted.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
That doesn't matter.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
It's about can we be open enough to voice our desires,
our concerns And there are some people who So there's
a concept called Compersian, which is being able to see
my partner happy and fulfilled brings me fulfillment, and so
being able to see our partner go and pursue something
that maybe we're not interested in offering, but they're able
(08:30):
to get it somewhere else and come back to the
relationship more fulfilled.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
There are some people.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Isn't that just having your cake and eating it too.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
It's a very sort of old school monogamous way of
seeing relationships.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
That works for me.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
And me too, Me too, but I get it.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah, Okay, fascinating Alexander. It's really really interesting talking to me
about We're joined by our relationship expert Alexander to Blanche.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
Text here saying, hello, guys, I'm unhappy in my relationship.
Eighteen months ago I told my wife that I felt
the real relationship was broken and that I felt lonely.
We're still together, nothing has changed. She said she didn't
like conflict, which I replied, it's not conflict, it's communication.
How can I make this work?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Look, I think you are right.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Communication and you know is important and shouldn't be confused
with conflict. I think those of us that are conflict
averse or don't like to bring up hard things tend
to go long periods of time with not really chatting
about the small things that we would that we would
like to be doing different in a relationship, and so
(09:45):
it builds up. Our frustration can turn into into resentment,
you know, or sort of isolation or disconnection. The key
is to have frequent conversations about the small things so
that it doesn't feel like conflict. It just feels like
communication in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
My advice to this.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Particular person is maybe have a chat to your partner
about starting again about you know, not making it this
big thing, but saying, hey, look are you happy with
where things are at? There are a couple of things
that I was thinking maybe we could try and do differently.
Would you be open to it? That sounds very much
like communication and far less like conflict?
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Right? This is interesting this I wonder if it's relatable
to many people. It says Hi Alexander and signed James.
My partner of seven years is jealous of my kids
and our relationship to the point where sometimes we can't
even talk to each other about it is very hard work.
Any advice is that a thing where people get yet
(10:47):
this is there They've got the children together, but it
appears right, yeah, that their children, but it appears, and
I think this is from the man. He's saying his
partner is jealous of his relationship with the kids. That
does that happen very often?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
I mean I think I think jealousy within a relationship
it's quite common, and so regardless of whether it's someone
spending too much time with friends or too much attention
to the kids, or too much time at work, often
we can get caught up in the content, right, meaning
it's the kids, or it's the friends, or it's the work,
when really what's sitting underneath that that we should be
(11:25):
having a chat about. Is I feel left out, I'm
not feeling included, or I feel like there's not a
whole lot of quality time left for us.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
That's a very different conversation. Then you're spending too much
time at work, too much time with the kids, right.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Because then you're going to get a defensive response and
you're going to become more disconnected.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Have a conversation about what's underneath.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Very good, Okay? Texted George has said my wife says
I'm not present and I'm withdrawn, and then reacts with
cheap shots and also drinks to cope. Then she forgets
those nasty comments, which makes me pull further away. So
what should I do? Asks George.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
George, Okay, this is very common, very common for every
relationship to have a series of cycles or patterns that
if we stand back, can become quite obvious. And it's
normal for a relationship to have one partner who is
a pursuer, meaning they kind of move towards the relationship,
and another.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Who's a withdrawer.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
So you've got one person who's seeking space and one
person who's seeking closeness. And what can happen is it
starts small. Someone comes home from work and they want
to have a conversation. The other person feels overwhelmed, so
they try and shut the conversation.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Down and move away. Then it amplifies.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
The person who's seeking closeness follows gets louder, I want to.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Talk about it.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
The other person who's withdrawer gets more extreme, shuts down,
spends more time at work. So I think, regardless of
what it does, have a look at or become curious
about what the cycle is within your relationship. Who is
the pursuer or the one that seeks closest, who withdraws?
And once you see the cycle, you can start to
(13:15):
pick up when it starts, and when it starts, you
have a conversation around. Hold on second, I'm doing that
chasing thing. Hold on a second, I'm doing that with
drawing thing. We can take a breath, slow down, and
it's far easier to connect after that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Very good stuff, Alexander. We really enjoy chatting with you.
Thank you for what you're bring on the show. Yeah,
really enjoyable. Good luck at home with the twins. Hope
you get some sleeping and we're talking again soon. Thank
you very much.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah, awesome guy, Thank you, Thanks.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Andrew, Alexander blanche I just reminder Alexander has his own
practice called on Point Therapy.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
News Talks EDB For more from Simon Barnett and James
Daniels afternoons, listen live to News Talks EDB, or follow
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