Nick Leighton, cohost and producer of Were You Raised by Wolves?, a weekly podcast in which he and cohost Leah Bonnema look into the many sticky social situations we all face. ''With each of the questions that we get, from the bonkers to the ordinary, I always try to take a step back and ask, ‘What are the bigger principles here?' I'm always looking for topics that help us make a larger point. ''In each episode, Leighton, a two-time Emmy Award-winning journalist, and Bonnema, a comic/writer, share practical advice on how to navigate a wide range of situations, from the serious to the whimsical - - whether they tackle interrupting excessive talkers, establishing healthy boundaries with coworkers, or the proper way to eat Cheetos. When they developed the show in 2019, Leighton and Bonnema had one goal in mind: to have empathy for other people. Their informal conversations tackle a mix of personal topics, viewer questions, and the occasional historical fact with warmth and positivity and humor. Leighton views this approach as an antidote to a lot of the negativity he sees in the online world and says: ''I want to give everybody the tools to solve their own etiquette problems''.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is a podcast from Doubor.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Here again is Larry Menty with the doubr Saturday Morning Show.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
It's always uncomfortable at a restaurant when the bill comes
and you are with several people. How do you even
bring up splitting the check? Apparently there are rules, according
to etiquette expert Nick Layton, and he shares them with us. Nick,
thanks for being here, Thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
This is a treat.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Now it's a treat for us as well. Listen before
we get to.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
The and I just tease the whole thing, and I'm
going to say, now, let's just hold off. And the
only reason I'm saying hold off is because we had
a caller earlier and he brought up something that has
been kind of a controversy throughout the day, not only
here in the studio, but other people that have called in.
And it has to do with Mother's Day and if
on Mother's Day the husband should give a gift to
(00:54):
his wife considering she is not his mother.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Oh good question.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Well, I think the question is is this an etiquette
question or is this just a marriage counseling question?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So who cares what the etiquette is? Would it kill
you to get some flowers.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Then I agree with you, and I think if the
wife gave the husband a Father's Day gift, that's a
really good hint that the wife expects a Mother's Day gift.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, all right, hold on, hold on, now you lost me.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
The father's Day gifts are never as good as the
Mother's Day gifts.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Okay, never. But you know what, in June, you always
have the better weather. We always have rain and cold,
and you have sunshine and warms.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
So there you go. So it's payback to that with
a chief presence or payback for that.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Fathers get screwed all the time, Nick, all the time.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
All right, they get the flowers. It just gets the flowers.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I agree with you, although my wife wants jewelry from
Mother's Day, so it's a little bit more expensive than that.
Let's talk about the restaurant bills, because I think everybody
has been through this. Are there rules for this, like,
for instance, should you I would imagine this is a
smart thing to do, but nobody ever does it? Should
you bring it up before you even have the meal?
Speaker 4 (02:12):
I mean, it's nice to know what the rules are
gonna be, yeah, and what everybody's expecting. So yeah, if
you're not sure who's hosting and who might be paying.
It's fine to clarify, and you can do that in
a plight yet direct way at the beginning of the meal,
no problem. But the rule is if you're invited out,
then you are a guest, and generally speaking, guests do
(02:33):
not pay. So I think the question is how is
the invitation issued.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I like that a lot, and I'm not inviting anybody
anymore after I hear that. I'm gonna wait to be invited,
I you.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
Know, And I like the fact that do it at
the beginning of the meal, not when the bill comes out,
because we had an incident. This was years ago, and
we were all went out as couples and the bill
came and this one guy took it and he started saying, okay,
who had the chicken franches for twenty four and ninety
nine And he's like checking it off, and we're like,
we're just gonna split this, like we're not.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Part No, no, no, no, you don't split the bill.
You don't. If you're gonna if you're gonna pay, you
gotta pay what you owe.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
I I ask Nick, Nick, well, I if I have
a salad he and they have prime rib, But do
I have to pay the same?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Do I have to pay for part of this prime rib?
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Well, we want fairness in the world, and I think
the question is how often do you dine with these people?
And in the grand ledger of your life when we
look back, is it gonna work out? Is it gonna
kind of come out in the wash? So I think
that's the question. You know, with my friends, sometimes I'll
pay the bill, sometimes they'll pay the bill.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Sometimes I had the martini and the steak and they
have the salad. Sometimes it's the other way around. So
in the end it kind of works out. But if
you want to split something to the penny, and maybe
you do.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
If you want to do that, you grab the check,
you put it all on your card, and then later
after the meal you can reach out. You can venmo
work ask people what they owe. But let's not do
the calculator at the table or we're getting it down
with the penny like that.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Now, if someone else pays the bill, if you're out
with a couple of people and they pay the bill,
should the other person be offering to leave the tip?
Speaker 4 (04:15):
I mean, you could certainly offer it. That's very nice.
But what you should do is reciprocate. So the next
time you should pick up the bill, Well.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
What if I just gave the tip, would I have
to then reciprocate?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
You don't have to do anything, but Edkin has a
way of having consequences.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
So if you don't get future invitations from me, you.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Know, you might wonder why exactly I haven't got one yet,
So I'm not gonna don't forge.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
There is always that uncomfortable moment when the bill comes.
If nobody grabs for it right away, should that be
a sign that you have.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
To pick it up?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
If somebody he doesn't just go ahead immediately and grab the.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Bill, well, someone needs to touch it at some point.
But yes, you could grab it and you could say,
should we all just cover what we ordered?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Question mark? Leave it for the table, So you could
certainly do that if if nobody wants to volunteer, it
seems like.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
It's a great deal being the person invited. Are there
any rules if you're invited to go out to dinner?
Because if the other person's going to pay the check?
What what do I? What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I know I never know what to do.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
I'm like, do I offer, am I going to insult them?
Speaker 4 (05:33):
I guess it's you can absolutely offer, like, oh are
you sure?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Oh that's very nice.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
But yeah, I think you want to make a genuine effort,
you know, if somebody's gonna pick up the bill, and
then yeah, you just want to send a thank you
note of some sort, so at least a text afterwards.
I love a good handwritten note sent in the mail,
but you do you, But yeah, gratitude is important.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
You know, you want to say that you're actually appreciated
that gesture. I want to have friend I'd love to
get a great time.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
I have a couple of friends who do handwritten notes,
and it is the nicest thing I have to say.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I agree with.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
You so low effort.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
It takes so little effort to send it, and the
emotional impact that a handwritten note has is wildly disproportionate.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
So I'm a big fan.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
But actually I prefer that you don't do it, because
it makes my notes look better. I look like a
better person because I'm the only person that sends notes.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I actually would prefer nobody to send notes. I would
like to be the only one.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
You know what I can't stand and and I've been
involved with this before and I wasn't paying. Somebody else
was paying. But when there's like a big party and
somebody brings an unexpected guest, what happens?
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Then you note that about that person that they are
a bad person, and you make sure that you never
invite that person ever again.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Showing up with uninvited.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Guests is so rude to not let your host know, Like,
that's so rude, And nobody who does that has ever
hosted a party, because if you actually were ever a host,
you would know that you would never do that.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Nick. Look, I'm a Cretan, so we need you to
come back.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
We'd love to talk to you again because I feel
like I'm going to school. Thanks so much. Nick Layton,
etiquette expert and co host of the hit podcast Were
You Raised by Wolves? Which could be heard right here
on the iHeartRadio app. Thanks again, Nick, thanks so much
for that. Thank you noticed in the mail.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
This has been a podcast from wo R
This is a podcast from Doubor.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Here again is Larry Menty with the doubr Saturday Morning Show.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
It's always uncomfortable at a restaurant when the bill comes
and you are with several people. How do you even
bring up splitting the check? Apparently there are rules, according
to etiquette expert Nick Layton, and he shares them with us. Nick,
thanks for being here, Thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
This is a treat.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Now it's a treat for us as well. Listen before
we get to.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
The and I just tease the whole thing, and I'm
going to say, now, let's just hold off. And the
only reason I'm saying hold off is because we had
a caller earlier and he brought up something that has
been kind of a controversy throughout the day, not only
here in the studio, but other people that have called in.
And it has to do with Mother's Day and if
on Mother's Day the husband should give a gift to
(00:54):
his wife considering she is not his mother.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Oh good question.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Well, I think the question is is this an etiquette
question or is this just a marriage counseling question?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So who cares what the etiquette is? Would it kill
you to get some flowers.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Then I agree with you, and I think if the
wife gave the husband a Father's Day gift, that's a
really good hint that the wife expects a Mother's Day gift.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, all right, hold on, hold on, now you lost me.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
The father's Day gifts are never as good as the
Mother's Day gifts.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Okay, never. But you know what, in June, you always
have the better weather. We always have rain and cold,
and you have sunshine and warms.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
So there you go. So it's payback to that with
a chief presence or payback for that.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Fathers get screwed all the time, Nick, all the time.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
All right, they get the flowers. It just gets the flowers.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I agree with you, although my wife wants jewelry from
Mother's Day, so it's a little bit more expensive than that.
Let's talk about the restaurant bills, because I think everybody
has been through this. Are there rules for this, like,
for instance, should you I would imagine this is a
smart thing to do, but nobody ever does it? Should
you bring it up before you even have the meal?
Speaker 4 (02:12):
I mean, it's nice to know what the rules are
gonna be, yeah, and what everybody's expecting. So yeah, if
you're not sure who's hosting and who might be paying.
It's fine to clarify, and you can do that in
a plight yet direct way at the beginning of the meal,
no problem. But the rule is if you're invited out,
then you are a guest, and generally speaking, guests do
(02:33):
not pay. So I think the question is how is
the invitation issued.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I like that a lot, and I'm not inviting anybody
anymore after I hear that. I'm gonna wait to be invited,
I you.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
Know, And I like the fact that do it at
the beginning of the meal, not when the bill comes out,
because we had an incident. This was years ago, and
we were all went out as couples and the bill
came and this one guy took it and he started saying, okay,
who had the chicken franches for twenty four and ninety
nine And he's like checking it off, and we're like,
we're just gonna split this, like we're not.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Part No, no, no, no, you don't split the bill.
You don't. If you're gonna if you're gonna pay, you
gotta pay what you owe.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
I I ask Nick, Nick, well, I if I have
a salad he and they have prime rib, But do
I have to pay the same?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Do I have to pay for part of this prime rib?
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Well, we want fairness in the world, and I think
the question is how often do you dine with these people?
And in the grand ledger of your life when we
look back, is it gonna work out? Is it gonna
kind of come out in the wash? So I think
that's the question. You know, with my friends, sometimes I'll
pay the bill, sometimes they'll pay the bill.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Sometimes I had the martini and the steak and they
have the salad. Sometimes it's the other way around. So
in the end it kind of works out. But if
you want to split something to the penny, and maybe
you do.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
If you want to do that, you grab the check,
you put it all on your card, and then later
after the meal you can reach out. You can venmo
work ask people what they owe. But let's not do
the calculator at the table or we're getting it down
with the penny like that.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Now, if someone else pays the bill, if you're out
with a couple of people and they pay the bill,
should the other person be offering to leave the tip?
Speaker 4 (04:15):
I mean, you could certainly offer it. That's very nice.
But what you should do is reciprocate. So the next
time you should pick up the bill, Well.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
What if I just gave the tip, would I have
to then reciprocate?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
You don't have to do anything, but Edkin has a
way of having consequences.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
So if you don't get future invitations from me, you.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Know, you might wonder why exactly I haven't got one yet,
So I'm not gonna don't forge.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
There is always that uncomfortable moment when the bill comes.
If nobody grabs for it right away, should that be
a sign that you have.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
To pick it up?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
If somebody he doesn't just go ahead immediately and grab the.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Bill, well, someone needs to touch it at some point.
But yes, you could grab it and you could say,
should we all just cover what we ordered?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Question mark? Leave it for the table, So you could
certainly do that if if nobody wants to volunteer, it
seems like.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
It's a great deal being the person invited. Are there
any rules if you're invited to go out to dinner?
Because if the other person's going to pay the check?
What what do I? What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I know I never know what to do.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
I'm like, do I offer, am I going to insult them?
Speaker 4 (05:33):
I guess it's you can absolutely offer, like, oh are
you sure?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Oh that's very nice.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
But yeah, I think you want to make a genuine effort,
you know, if somebody's gonna pick up the bill, and
then yeah, you just want to send a thank you
note of some sort, so at least a text afterwards.
I love a good handwritten note sent in the mail,
but you do you, But yeah, gratitude is important.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
You know, you want to say that you're actually appreciated
that gesture. I want to have friend I'd love to
get a great time.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
I have a couple of friends who do handwritten notes,
and it is the nicest thing I have to say.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I agree with.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
You so low effort.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
It takes so little effort to send it, and the
emotional impact that a handwritten note has is wildly disproportionate.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
So I'm a big fan.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
But actually I prefer that you don't do it, because
it makes my notes look better. I look like a
better person because I'm the only person that sends notes.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I actually would prefer nobody to send notes. I would
like to be the only one.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
You know what I can't stand and and I've been
involved with this before and I wasn't paying. Somebody else
was paying. But when there's like a big party and
somebody brings an unexpected guest, what happens?
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Then you note that about that person that they are
a bad person, and you make sure that you never
invite that person ever again.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Showing up with uninvited.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Guests is so rude to not let your host know, Like,
that's so rude, And nobody who does that has ever
hosted a party, because if you actually were ever a host,
you would know that you would never do that.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Nick. Look, I'm a Cretan, so we need you to
come back.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
We'd love to talk to you again because I feel
like I'm going to school. Thanks so much. Nick Layton,
etiquette expert and co host of the hit podcast Were
You Raised by Wolves? Which could be heard right here
on the iHeartRadio app. Thanks again, Nick, thanks so much
for that. Thank you noticed in the mail.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
This has been a podcast from wo R
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