Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Whether it's life, relationships, politics, or current events, nothing is
off limits. This is the Patty and the Millennials podcast,
powered by Independence Blue Cross, helping to bridge the gap
between baby boomers, gen X and millennials.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome to the podcast conversation Patty and Millennials.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I'm Patty Jackson.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I'm a radio event in Philadelphia and I've sound surrounded
myself with millennials and gen X and gen y and
just jen everything. We just have great conversation. I'm a
baby boomer. By the way, we talked about everything. Dessi
Neil is a singer. Now we can say she's a
ted talker and she's kicking off this week. And I
(00:45):
was reading something. It was a survey about relationships Deaisi,
and it said, you know, most people think, well, relationships
don't last because of the cheating. No, it's the finances
and the lack of honesty with money, your.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Thoughts, honesty.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
I never thought that I would be able to say this,
but I am at the place where I believe I
could get over a cheat. I feel that conversation is
so imperative and the truth is so imperative. Just like
you said that if we have a conversation and we're
able to converse.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
In most of the time.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
To comes from childhood trauma and things that people really
don't want to address before they even hop in a bed. Unfortunately,
now the money thing, Let's be absolutely clear, if you
date your friend first, and I listen, I'm nobody's wife
and nobody's bad right now. But my friends who have
been open with me right I feel like I'm supposed
to date a friend if we stop jumping right into
the relationship thing.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
People don't have.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
The flex in front, you know what I mean, and
show like they got stuff that they really don't have,
then you will know the true them and you will
know what that coin is life.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Do you think more people should be honest in relationships?
Most definitely.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
But see there are some people who are like, be
honest with me, be honest with me, but they're really
not writy for that. So, like, you have to be
honest with yourself if you're currently being honest with yourself
about stuff like if you're big, you got to know
you big, right, if you're unhealthy, if you're broke, you
got to know those things about yourself before you go
desern that honesty from other people. So if you're doing it,
then I feel like people should do it and you
can accept it better.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
We've got Whitney Robert. She's a woman of everything, podcasting
and writing and living in her truth. She's a mommy,
she's a wife, and she's a part of our podcast,
Patty and the Millennials. Whitney, I want to talk about
finances and relationships. A lot of relationships do not last,
(02:47):
and it boils down to money. I think a lot
of people are afraid to be honest. Like I like
to shop a lot, and I like the ward. I'm
not making the money that I said I was making. You, Whitney,
we all know people they're shopping, they can't stop shopping.
They're hiding the boxes, the bags, and people are not
(03:10):
being honest. And unfortunately, once that that money thing hits,
that love goes out the door. Do you think there
needs to be more honesty in relationships about money?
Speaker 3 (03:24):
You said it, that's the absolute key word.
Speaker 6 (03:27):
Honesty is the key, especially like with the things that
we liked, like so for for our example, like me
and my husband, we actually sit down and we have meetings,
We have dedicated meetings where we talk about our finances,
what we're bringing in things that we want to do,
like if we want to take a vacation, what we're
saving for if we want to like you know, we
(03:47):
have our own separate finances, but what we bring to
the table is for the family. And then if we
want to splurge with our own money that we've set
aside for ourselves, we can do that, but that comes
with years and years and gears of honesty about our
money situation.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
And you can't play with people's money because there's a
lot of time, god things tied up with money.
Speaker 6 (04:07):
You know, there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot
of connections, there's a lot of people's people tie their
self worth to money. So you can't play with people's money. So, yes,
so needs to be more honesty.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Dexter is joining us and we're talking about we talk
about a lot of stuff, but I'm noticing that when
people break up it boils down to money. Do you
think that a lot of people are just not being honest.
I'm talking about those who are ordering on Amazon all
the time, shopping hiding the packages, not being honest is
(04:41):
what they're doing with the money. You ever look at
someone deck and say what you always broke.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
What are you doing with the money? I just gave
you you money?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Do you think that there is a lot of dishonesty
in relationships regarding money.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
I do. I think a lot of peop people are
dishonest in relationships when it comes to money. But I
also think the bigger issue is that there's a lack
of money. And I think when you don't have something
like it's really you don't want to talk about it.
It's a source subject. It's hard to talk about money
if you or your spouse are like both we all
together don't have a lot of money. So then it
(05:19):
becomes one of those things where it's like you don't
say nothing about it. I don't say nothing about it,
But then when it's an issue, we're arguing about it.
I always say in my marriage counsel says this too.
Financial stress is the worst stress you can put on
a relationship.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
We've got chocolate divinity, Lotoya Charleston. With relationships and money,
sometimes it's not a great mix, Toya.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Do you feel.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
That then a lot of people are lying about their
finances in relationship?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Do you think lack of honesty?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Lack of honesty is the problem and why some relationships
you could be like when we start, if we were
madly in love, then I found that that you was
stealing the money or not paying the bills.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Not paying the bills would make my head spend but your.
Speaker 7 (06:09):
Thoughts absolutely no, there definitely has. I unfortunately have seen
relationships like marriages in and because of that mistrust of money.
I just feel like, when you are married, this is
a partnership. And yes, of course nobody is watching over
(06:30):
you twenty four sevens to find out every penny that
you are spending, but for you to be fiscally irresponsible
and knowing you have a family or somebody to think
of outside of yourself, it's just never a good idea.
Speaker 8 (06:47):
Now. Also, will I do come from a household where
you know, having the black Mama, they would always tell,
you know, keep a little something stashed for yourself just
in case. But that usually has to do with temperaments
and because you kind of never know if it's going
to end. But to strategically not pay something because you
(07:07):
are maybe you and I've known people patty where they
haven't an argument with the spouse and then because you
mad at them, you ain't gonna pay the mortgage, but
you don't want to be homeless, dummy. It makes no
sense to me, but it's disgusting behavior. Again, I'm all
for you know, you don't have to be checking everything
(07:28):
that I'm spending, but when it comes to the maintaining
of our lifestyle, that is very important and you have
to be open about that and if you are not.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Then don't get married.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
At the stage less legendary broadcaster Uncle Oh is joining
us the podcast conversation Patty and the Millennials.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
When you think of when.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
A lot of what breaks couples up, money is eighty
five percent of the time, is the roote.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
People think it's cheating.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
I'm like, no, it's money because there's not a lot
of honesty about finances in relationship to your thought.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Oh, I believe it to be true.
Speaker 9 (08:15):
A lot of times, a lot of what couple's fights
are is finances.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Bills aren't getting paid, people are not being honest about.
Speaker 9 (08:24):
What they have in their accounts, and sometimes it goes
there and some and sometimes it's not even intentional. It's
just that you don't talk about it because you maybe
you don't have it, and people want to talk about.
Speaker 10 (08:37):
Things that you don't have.
Speaker 9 (08:38):
We can't discuss money if I don't have it.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
But what about the people that are sneaking the packages in?
Speaker 9 (08:47):
And what about the ones that are bring the packages
in in your face?
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And you don't have money?
Speaker 11 (08:54):
Why we spend the money.
Speaker 8 (08:56):
That we don't have?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Well, you know, Oh, there's this new thing I've been
hearing lack of a couple has a fight.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
They won't like pay a bill.
Speaker 5 (09:06):
Oh no, I don't know nothing about that. The bills
have them, bills got to get paid.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I don't care how much we don't get along.
Speaker 9 (09:13):
If we got the money, we paying those bills.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Let's talk finances in a relationship re screen recent graduate
Saint Jose University. When you think about relationships that have
gone left, wait.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
A minute, y'all want so much in love? What happened?
Eighty five percent of the time it's finances. People think
that it's cheating.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
No, it's finances, and people are not being honest. Do
you think that most people deliberately hide they don't know
how to say I don't know how to handle my money.
Speaker 10 (09:50):
Or yes, I think mainly it'd be with men too.
I'm not gonna lie. They will tell us chawdy everything
that they can get her.
Speaker 12 (09:56):
They're gonna promise the whole world all at once, tell
her you're going to take her all to these expensive
dates and this and that, and so they will. They'll
take her to like one expensive date in the beginning,
maybe two, and then that's it because that's all they money.
And then my thing is when you set that money
standard so high, that's all she's gonna expect from you.
So then when you can't produce that, she's gonna look
at you crazy. You have to be honest. The whole
(10:18):
point of the relationship is being honest. You want to
be upfront, tell your girl, like whatever financial situation you're
going through, and then if she wants to be with you,
then she'll be with you.
Speaker 10 (10:28):
If she's not, then she'll leave. You know what I mean.
Don't live beyond your means for someone that isn't supposed
to stay in your life for a while.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
This is the podcast conversation Patty and the Millennials. He's
a comedian, he's a magician, and he's not afraid to
speak his mind. We got Derekally and we're talking about
finances and relationships and the number one reason why couples
don't last. Why marriages don't last? It's money. Either people
(11:02):
are lying, either people are lying of honesty about finances.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Your thoughts, well.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
They're absolutely right.
Speaker 13 (11:10):
And I'll just say this to the men, because people
sit back and say our bash women all the time,
I'll say this to the men. The men have got
to be able to carry the woman just in case
she does not work or she does not have a job,
and vice versa. But it's the man responsibility to carry
and take care of that woman. But some people want
a relationship so bad they will move a fool in
(11:32):
and you knew he wasn't working when he was dating them.
Speaker 11 (11:35):
But it's the man job to work.
Speaker 13 (11:37):
The man has got to provide, protect and show positivity.
Speaker 5 (11:41):
So it's the.
Speaker 11 (11:41):
Man's job to be the whole man.
Speaker 13 (11:43):
But the problem is today some women not my daughter,
but some women want a relationship so bad.
Speaker 11 (11:50):
They will overlook the unemployed man. They will overlook the
fact is that he's not working. They will overlooked that
he's coming from his mama's house into her house. If
a man is coming from his mama house to your house,
he really gained a man he couldn't even take care
of himself. What makes you think he could take care
of you? So look in the mirror and call yourself
an idiot.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
We've got Lexi.
Speaker 10 (12:12):
She's a doula.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
She's an outstanding woman.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I love the work that she does with women who
are expecting. This is the podcast conversation Patty and the
Millennials and Lexi. I was reading a survey and they
were saying that cheating is not the number one reason
why marriages or relationships break up. It's money, and it's
because people are not honest about their spending habits, things
(12:41):
that day doing, trying to hide all the packages they
don't order it on Amazon.
Speaker 14 (12:46):
Your thoughts, So, okay, the Amazon part is crazy, But
you know that that makes sense because I remember historically
when they were talking about like some of the eating
causes a divorce.
Speaker 15 (13:02):
Communication obviously is always one, but money and finances were another.
But I believe even communication about money is why there
are issues. And so I think in this society where
we also have more people choosing to move their households
separately from a financial perspective, like you know, my money
is this, my money is that. But then if one
(13:23):
partner makes more than the other, what have you there
can cause resentment. So I can absolutely see that being
an issue. And I've just come from the school with
thought that, like we should be able to share, sharing
and caring, we should be able to do this together.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Why do you think some people are not honest? I mean,
let's face it, a lot of people do not know
how to be financially responsible. This is why I wish
it was taught in school because it's important.
Speaker 15 (13:50):
It is very important, And I actually used to run
a program that helped bring these sorts of life skills
to young people, like financial literacy. And I think people
don't talk about it. You just said it. They don't
know about it, they don't feel comfortable talking about it,
they're not secure in it.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
And two like.
Speaker 15 (14:06):
Sometimes for us, especially as black people, our spending habits
may not always be the best. Like what I saw
growing up was what came in went out, So if
you got paid, it went out. And I'm not talking
just bills, I'm talking about even on extracurricular and things
like that. So my husband actually though, was the one
that helped me developed a better relationship with money and
(14:27):
communicating about it made it easier on me.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
In a recent survey, they were talking about why a
lot of couples break up? Why a lot of marriages
break up? And you think that cheating is there or
sexual problems? Finances is the reason they say a lot
of couples break up because there's a lot of dishonesty.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
We got sex docked there head there.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Does something like this surprise you or did you think
it would be something sexual?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
That's the reason why people don't mesh.
Speaker 16 (14:59):
Well, hey, Patty, so let me tell you. I love
all the questions, this one in particular, because this.
Speaker 8 (15:05):
Is right up my alley.
Speaker 16 (15:07):
You know, I've been doing what I do since two
thousand and four, and it's research way back then, Patty.
Number one reason why people break up and get divorced
is money, right, It's been that way for a very
long time. So I already know that that's a thing
between people because sex is not the number one reason.
(15:28):
Because when everyone feels like financially secure, what happens their libido,
their desire, It goes up. Some people have money attached
to their desire in libido. You know a lot of
people they feel like less done. They don't feel confident
is the word I want to use.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Right, So if you don't have.
Speaker 16 (15:48):
Confidence around your finances. A lot of people don't have
confidence in the bedroom, or they don't even have a
desire Patty, to want.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
To have sex.
Speaker 16 (15:56):
So it's definitely not sex. But no, I'm not surprised
at all that it remains money. You know, people need
to be in healthy relationships, and being in a healthy
relationships need talking about money. You don't know how many
people come to me and they never talk about money, Patty.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Thanks for joining us for the podcast conversation Patty and
the Millennials. Great conversation is a must. I'm Patty Jackson.
You'll find us where podcasts live. Thanks for joining us. Conversation.
Like I said, it's a muss. This is Patty and
the Millennials.