Where Are The Parents?

When an underaged child gets into legal trouble, there is very limted accounablity from the parents. If parents were held legally responsible for the actions of their children, would things be different? Is it unfair to hold the parents accountable? Patty and the crew discuss.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Whether it's life, relationships, politics, or current events, nothing is off
limits. This is the Patty andthe Millennials podcast powered by ACME Markets,
helping to bridge the gap between babyboomers, gen X and millennials. This
is the podcast conversation Patty and theMillennials and Patty Jackson a forty two year

(00:20):
radio event and I'm in the podcastingand conversation is so important. Did they
ever talk about the parents' responsibility whenyou look at the violence amongst their children.
There was a case just a coupleof weeks ago where the mother was
found guilty and they held her accountablebecause her son went into a school and

(00:43):
it was one of those mass schoolshootings. The parents' responsibility. We look
at what's happening in our city andit's like teenagers running among the parents' responsibility.
We've got Lexi. She is joiningus. First of all, she's
all around the world, she's aduel list, she's doing she's doing it

(01:04):
all. She's joining us. Andwe've got Dexter, and Dexter puts everything
together for us. Hey, guys, how you doing. Good morning,
Dexter. We're gonna start with you. The parents' responsibility when kids. I

(01:26):
don't know go astray. I thinkmost children or kids, I still call
them children. I'm showing my age. They will do things that are like
and then they grow and they learn. But then there's some young people out
here they're destroying their lives. Theparents' responsibility, like I heard cops say

(01:52):
they need to start overturning these mattressesand finding the guns. Well, maybe
they ain't bringing the guns in thehouse. What do you think the parents'
responsibility is. I do think it'sthat. I do think that, like,
at the end of the day,nine times out of ten, these
kids are living with you, SoI think that the parents need to be

(02:12):
more in the child's business, Likeyou need to know what's going on.
I'm not opposed to parents checking cellphones. If I'm paying this bill,
I can check this phone. Ineed to know what's going on. I
think parents should have location trackers.They should know where their children are.
I'm not really big on punishing theparents when the kids do wrong. I'm
fine with punishing the kids, notnecessarily the parents in that situation. But

(02:35):
I do think parents need to stepup and like in parent again. To
be honest with you, LEXI doyou think the most parents are scared of
their kids or they want to betheir kids friends. You should have saw
my face turn uping scared of thekids. I immediately would to and I
will. I'm not gonna say iton air because I don't want the people
to come from me. But Ithink it is the latter. I don't

(02:58):
know if it's more a fear oftheir friends or some of the maybe traumatic
or influential experience experiences they had whenthey were growing up. They lived by
this, or we could live bythis thought of like, well, I
want to be their friends. Soremember when you were growing up if your
parents got on you, like,I'm never going to do that to my
kids, and I'm going to bemy kid's friends. And I think that

(03:19):
what has happened now for especially parentingas a millennial, for me in particular,
you are trying to balance and contendwith the social trappings that are happening
in the world, and then you'rethinking about those things that you did experience
and God rest her soul. Ilove my mom, love my dad,
God rest his soul. But therewere some things that did not help yield

(03:39):
the best responses for a parent andmother daughter, I'll say relationship. So
then I'm trying to contend with thatand the friendships and all the devices.
And so I think that as aparent, we are trying too much to
lean into this friend zone because youdon't want to hold them accountable. But
there's some guilt that comes with that. What I do is for a lot

(04:00):
of parents that do that, it'sbecause they feel guilty because they're always working,
because you know, you got towork like two or three jobs just
to make ends meet and all ofthese things, and so they're trying to
use that as the strategy to parentfrom, and you just simply can't.
Hmmm, very interesting decks. We'regonna swing it back to you. There
was an incident. It just happenedin Missouri, and there was a fight

(04:27):
and the girl just compounding the girl'shead into the ground. And I wonder
where does that anger come from?Mm hmm. What do you think?
You think a lot of it is. I think it's it goes really deeply
into what Lexi said, Like,I do think a lot of parents are
trying to be friends with their children, and like you don't teach them like

(04:48):
true discipline, because to be honestwith you if you're fighting somebody, you
truly have discipline, you know whenit's over. But when people they don't
have discipline, so it's just anger. Think the only thing you have to
lean back on is your anger,because you're not disciplined enough to say,
you know what, I've subdued thisperson, this is over, let me

(05:08):
move on. They don't do that, like they keep going like they want
to draw blood. They want tohurt and in some cases even killed the
other person that's opposing them. Andif they're not using their hands and feet
and weapons to do it, likethey're putting my guns and shooting these shooting
these people because there's a lack ofdiscipline. And I do think that falls
back on the parents. LEXI,do you think that falls back on the

(05:30):
parents? You know what, Ithink it's fault. So we had an
incident at school where camilitants, wherea student brought in an airsoft gun rifle
air soft rifle, and so Ithink what's happening is again we're just too
busy, and I'm talking to myselflike I have to check myself and challenge
myself. Coming into this year,I was in a lot of prayer about

(05:54):
where am I showing up? BecauseI get it right, You're trying to
do the things to build yourself professionallyand whatever that looks like. And you
got these kids that you just cannottake your eyes off of. And I
remember, and I'm just being transparenthere being upset that she wasn't making it
easier on me to parents. AndI remember when I was getting on her,

(06:15):
I was like, Camel, Igot so many things going on.
I need you to be about it. But that's not her responsibility. So
I had to check myself and say, you know what, you may be
busy, but you gotta make timebecause if you don't make time, what
it they used to stand in thepast, The streets will make time.
And now what we're seeing is thestreets look like so many different things.
It's not just getting into you know, gangs and violence and that capacity is,

(06:38):
it's substance use, it's peer influence, it's I want to try to
blend in and and that's still afactor so much with peer impressions that that
is what will has become the streets. So yes, I think it is
our responsibility as parents to keep akeen eye. Like Deck said, I'm
checking phones, iPads, you nothaving a lot of access, and then

(06:58):
too, I'm gonna take it astep first and say we need our villages
back involved as well, like Ineed you. If you see Camilla or
you know that she's a part ofyour village, check in with her.
Hey, how you doing? What'sgoing on? Because sometimes the other voices
that need to be heard in thischild's life can't just come from those immediate
parents because it's really hard. SoI also need the village to understand the

(07:21):
impressions that they can meet. Wesee the violence in our streets. We
see kids out of control, wesee gun violence in our schools. A
parent was recently found guilty because herson went into a school and shot it
up. Beterroom broadcaster Uncle Oh isjoining us. Oh should the parents be

(07:46):
held responsive responsible when these acts happen? What are the parents' responsibility? Are
they too busy being a friend?Are they afraid of their children? Or
they just want to turn the blindeye to things that are going on.
I think you have just hit thenail on the head with all of them.

(08:09):
I think all of them are true. They are turning a blind eye.
They're also afraid, and they're friendswith their children. And let me
just tell you, I'm so gladyou asked this question because I was just
this weekend at the Youth Study Centerout in West Philly on forty eighth Street,
talking with the kids because one ofmy friends, a New Style,

(08:31):
has a program there and this iswhat I learned. Let me share this
with the parents, so you canshare this with your young kids. So
when adults get locked up and they'resitting and waiting to go to court,
you know, you get that astime serve once you get sentenced. Right
for the young folks, that's notthe case. If they're sitting and they're

(08:54):
sitting for a year, that yeardoes not count. When you get sentenced,
you get sentenced and you got todo those that time that two years.
So parents better stop being friends withtheir kids and start parenting. Wow,
now you taught me something new.I had no idea that I didn't
either. One of the young kidsthere I was talking to was frustrated and

(09:18):
told me that, and he said, hey, listen, we're in here
and the time we're here is notthe time when they sentence us. This
time doesn't count. You know whatI always tell people, I said,
have fun of that baby shower becauseit switches up quickly. Parenting. Parenting

(09:39):
is not easy. It really isn't, not by a long shot. Not
by a long shot. You don'tknow what you're going to be hit with.
But some states are making parents accountablefor what their kids do. I
mean, I'm kind of torn onon that because you just don't know sometimes

(10:01):
what your kids are doing. Butit also forces you to know exactly what
your kids are doing and then holdthem accountable for the stuff that they're doing
out here that may be out ofpocket and wrong. We've got author Kim
Reid. She has a great book, Optimist Always Wins. I can't wait
for the sequel and part two forthat, I'm just going to put it

(10:24):
in the atmosphere. Kim. We'retalking about the parents' responsibility. We see
young people just committing heinous crimes.There was a case three weeks ago where
they found the mother guilty when herson went and shot up to school.
What are the parents' responsibility? BecauseI think we're in limbo. You want

(10:46):
to be the kid's friend, Youwant your kids to like you. You
don't want to discipline them. Youwant to turn a blind die or you're
so busy caught up in your stuffthat you're not paying attention to your kids.
What's the parents' responsibility in this?So the parents' responsibility is to be

(11:07):
a parent. And what I meanby that, because that's such a broad
stroke, but what I mean bythat, Patty, is, you know,
I hate to compare our parents.They're our generation to the new to
the parents now. Because there areincredible parents out there, no question about
it. But there are also someparents that are still growing and still maturing,

(11:28):
and they're growing up with their children. And so to your point about
being their friends, they're they're notthe disciplinarian like you know, we had
Big Mama right or our grandmother's todiscipline us if if if we were out
of line. We had a communityof people. You know, when I
was walking down walking down the streetat a at three point thirty one,

(11:50):
you know, my next door neighbor, missus sheriff, who was retired,
would say, Kim, come tomy house until your mom gets home,
you know, because I know thatshe's running late. It's I think we
need a community, We need astronger villages. I think we need parents
to you know, it's maturity Youcan't tell people to grow up, Patty,

(12:13):
you just can't. I think it'sthe times that we're in the parenting
and parents are just different. Theirmakeup is different, the profile of parent
is different, not saying bad,but different. And you know, I
think that if we had more disciplinarians, I think we had more of a
closer knit village in the community outsideof our families. I think that we

(12:39):
could start to make a dentt inwhat is happening around our city with these
horrific acts of violence and also too, you know, mental health. Some
of the parents are going through theirown stuff. Like you said, you
know, you go to the grocerystore and three things are you know,
two hundred dollars and people are tryingto make it. So you have that

(13:03):
pressure on top of trying to parent, or one parent household, or the
father is not in the home forthese young boys. So you know,
there's so many variables that I thinkthat we have to be sensitive to.
But we really have to understand andlock down on. Look, we are
a parent, not their friends.Right now, what do you think about

(13:31):
the parents being held responsible? Alot of people are torn that case with
the woman in the Midwest. Theyfound out guilty of what her son did
right right, you know. Input this way, Ryan and Barbara were
accountable for everything that Kim Reid did, everything till I was eighteen, because

(13:54):
I went off to college and theystill were in my business. When I
went off to college, right andI was first two years, I was
an hour and a half away,and I thought my parents were in lived
in my dorm room because they wereon it because they knew the temptation of
you know, drinking and all theother stuff that I would have party in,

(14:16):
you know extra you know, havingsome extra friends, boyfriends in my
life all that. The reason whyI say that is because you are responsible
for that child. You are responsiblefor your child. I have nieces and
I use air quotes because you know, I'm an only child, Patty,
but I have nieces and god daughtersthat I'm responsible, I'm partly responsible for,

(14:39):
and so Patty is I'm probably not. This is probably not going to
be the popular answer, but youdamn right. Those parents are parents should
be held accountable. That is yourchild. If you live in the same
house as that child, that isyour responsibility. Spend time with them instead
of running the street perhaps, orwhatever you do, if it's not productive

(15:00):
in working in a necessity of life, stay your behind home so these children
can see great examples of men andwomen that are out here making a difference
or being an example, being akind person, being a good person.
That's yes, you are responsible foryour Thanks for joining us the podcast conversation

(15:26):
Patty and the Millennials. We're talkingabout the parents' responsibility. We see the
violence in the streets, we seewhat's happening, kids shooting up schools.
But now they're holding parents accauntable onemom was found guilty. We've got Songstress,
We've got Desi Neil. We alsohave Chocolate Divinity, LaToya Charleston.

(15:52):
Ladies, how you doing O Godfor you? We're gonna start with you.
The parents respond, Do we startholding parents responsible for their children's behavior?
You absolutely have to. And Iknow it's a little sad because I
mean, parents, you can doyour best and you can instill good,

(16:17):
you know, a foundation into yourkid. But once a kid gets a
certain age, that temptation to dowhat they want is always going to be
there. But at the end ofthe day, I mean, it's kind
of hard for me to say becauseI am not a parent, but if
a child is living in your household, there should be no reason that you
have no idea what is going onin certain things like so I'm even going

(16:38):
back to, you know, theColumbine shooting. These boys were in their
basements building bombs. As a parent, how do you not know what's going
on in your basement? So yes, parents do need to start being held
accountable for some of the stuff theirkids do. Again, not everything,
but when your kid is out hereplanning on being a mass murderer, man,

(17:03):
the parent is sitting up there saying, I have no idea. There
is a problem, and there wasdefinitely something wrong with how that child was
raised. So let's get to thebottom of that. DESI, you are
a parent, Do you think thatkids should be that their parents should be
held accountable for their action? Mostdefinitely. So let me start by saying,

(17:27):
first of all, I am extremelyimpassioned by this conversation because I have
had times where I felt like aunicorn and a weirdo for being a real
one out here. I'm still theone that's gonna take your phone because you
don't have a phone I do.I'm still the one along check your room
because you don't have a room.I do. And so the misalignment of
the black family is the beginning.We were never meant to be doing this

(17:48):
alone, but here we are,as black women. We're doing it alone,
most of us, right, Sothe family is in disalignment, and
then our children become turnkey kids.We have to work long hours to overthrow
We begin to overcompensate for not beingthere, and in turn, there's this
friendship, this bond that starts.But some parents don't make that clear delineation

(18:10):
between I'm not sure I can't justbe your friend. We can be confidence,
we can you can learn and teachme, but I'm not your friend
at the end of the day,I'm your mom. And so that guilt
that comes from overworking and not beinghome leads to over compensation. I'm gonna
give you more than I had.I'm gonna do more than I did.
You know what I mean, morethan my mom did, And then we
set up a false pretense of whatcan be achieved. You can't always get

(18:33):
a Jordan as an adult because youain't gonna have the money. So when
we work these long hours, haveour kids alone at home, y'all see,
I'm impassionate about this thing. Thekids is alone at home, we're
over provided. Then they become theseseventeen year olds who want everything, and
unfortunately for young black men, theyain't gonna stop until damn it, they
get it. And if I gotto still kill or do anything else to
get it, I'm gonna do it. And these attitude issues. Now you're

(18:56):
mad. So now you living ina video game. Now you're killing somebody
and think that you could press thebutton and restart the game. And niggas
is dead because you think you canrestart the game. We are so wrong.
Parents, you know what's going onin your household. And for the
ones who because you're struggling, you'relooking to your sons to help you pay
the bills. Get over it.Pick better sex. Doctor Heather is joining

(19:22):
us the podcast Conversation Patty and theMillennials. She is a real sexologist.
We've got Miriam Rockmand she's a studentat the m Hotep School and she's been
helping me out here at the stationand I started having these conversations with her
the parents' responsibility, Doctor Heather.We're going to start with you should parents

(19:47):
be held accountable. And from asexual perspective, how important is the parents
to have a role because you havepeople out here, young kids sex They
really don't know what they're doing.They really don't understand protection. They really
don't understand when someone is abusing youor using you because that partner may be

(20:15):
selfish, like I, I don'tthink they have a real understanding, right,
No, they don't. Hey,Patty, thank you for having me
and talking about this. This isso important and it is under the same
umbrella as sexual health and decisions thatare not so great that you know,
our young children are making around sexualdecisions and other decisions that harm them,

(20:38):
you know, And I think parentsare parents should be held responsible in all
the ways because if somebody, ifyou have a child that go robs a
store, versus a child to gorape somebody, right, that's all under
the same umbrella. To me,as a parent, you need to talk
to your kid. You need tohave some type of communication that is effective.

(20:59):
The problem is is I don't thinkcommunication is effective. And when you
are a parent and you don't haveeffective communication with your partner, right this
boils down to the same thing Ialways talk about, which is communication right,
you don't know how to communicate withyour significant other, your baby daddy
or your partner or your baby mamaor whatever. Right, how the heck
do you know how to communicate withyour child? Your child is watching you

(21:22):
have a challenging communication with other people, right, So you're not talking to
them about anything that's sexual health related. So they're going out here, they're
curious, they got hormones, andthey're raging, and they're looking at stuff
and thinking it's okay because nobody tellingthem, Hey, that's not appropriate,
that's not okay. So you haveI do parents need to be held responsible

(21:47):
in all the ways. And Ithink it could be a paradigm shift,
meaning that parents have to start doingthis thing because it's law. Now they'll
start doing it. That's how youimplement laws and things. How about people
getting to know their sexuality? Sleepingaround a lot and not really understanding that

(22:08):
part. A lot of parents donot talk to their kids about sex,
and as how you treat yourself andnot let someone abuse you. There you
go. It's all about communication,self esteem, showing your child that they
mean something to themselves, right,showing your child that they have to love

(22:30):
themselves. But It starts with theparent, Patty, just like you,
the parent has to love themselves,because what child is going to listen to
a parent that doesn't love themselves.Kids are smart, Let's just start there.
They are smart, They pay attention. They are watching you, especially
when you think they aren't. Soif you're sitting around here not loving on
you, how do you want totell your kid to love on you and

(22:52):
make better decisions when you're not makingthe best decisions? Miriam, do you
think parents should be held responsible forthe actions of their kids you are representing
gen Z. Yes, I am. I definitely think for sure that parents
should be held responsible let alone.We all know that. Honestly, all

(23:17):
parents are a reflection of kids,like kids look at their parents and say,
Okay, how should I go aboutthis? Definitely when it comes to
just making sure that our young kidsaren't outside, you know, just being
out just doing anything. Definitely,for sure. I know my parents specifically,
my mother always was transparent with me. She made sure that I knew

(23:37):
what was going on, what's outthere, no matter the age limit,
Like, I always knew what wasgoing on. So when it was time
for me to actually make that choice, I'm like, Okay, I don't
have to do that or that's notthe time yet. So I definitely think
that parents definitely need to be moretransparent, definitely need to work on communication
because most of the time they're tryingto hide, like they want to sugarcoat

(24:00):
their kids from life, and theydon't want to tell them what's out there
and what's important, and then theyend up surprised when they end up with
a baby. So like, Idefinitely think for sure, for sure they
need to work on communication. Theyshould be held responsible. We have our
youngest millennial days yet joining us,so we're talking about the parents' responsibility.

(24:22):
We see the violence in the streets. We see there was a mother they
found her guilty when her son shotup a school. A parent's responsibility in
their kids' actions. Do you knowthat your kids are having guns, that
they have these guns in your house, that they're running a monk, that

(24:45):
they're not going to school, what'sthe parent's responsibility. I think that's where
your kid is a kid, becauseyou may not Your child gets older and
you can't control their actions and whatthey're gonna do. They can have stuff
going on in your house and youwill never know about it. They could
just happen, But how how didyou raise them from being a child.
You have to train a child inthe way they should go. So did
you do that properly? I feellike so, yes and no. It

(25:07):
starts as them being younger and thenwhen they get to a certain age there's
not much of a parent can do. But it all goes back to the
beginning, the responsibility of a parentand how important it is we see things
with our children, we see thingswith our young people. Should they be
held accountable for that? This isthe podcast conversation Patty and the Millennials to

(25:36):
Miriam who's representing gen Z, doctorHeather Sex doctor Heather, and Dasia who
is representing the younger and of themillennials. Conversation is important. You can
find this where we live and alsoplease leave a comment. We would love
to hear your thoughts. We're onPandora and Spotify and Apple podcast down Cloud.

(26:00):
iHeartMedia podcasts. Conversation is a mustand we must have it. This
is the podcast conversation Patty and theMillennials.