October 3, 2025 • 28 mins
Keep It Clean With Raylene & Cleaning for a Reason
We highlight an interview conducted by iHeartMedia Q102’s Rach on the Radio about Keep It Clean With Raylene, a Philadelphia-based cleaning company making a difference through its 18-year partnership with Cleaning for a Reason, the nonprofit that provides free home cleanings to cancer patients. Hear how Raylene Arko and her team bring hope, relief, and care to families across the city.
🌐 keepitcleanwithraylene.com | cleaningforareason.org
📱 Instagram: @keepitcleanwithraylene | @cleaningforareason
📞 Phone: 215-990-8149 (Keep It Clean With Raylene)
Women Against Abuse – iPledge Campaign
On October 1st, I was honored to emcee Women Against Abuse’s 18th Annual iPledge Campaign at City Hall, launching Domestic Violence Awareness Month under this year’s theme: HOPE. The event featured a press conference and rally, calling on all of us to raise awareness, support survivors, and build a safer future. We also re-air my powerful interview with Megan, a survivor and thriver who once lived in silence but found inspiration to share her story through attending iPledge. Today, Megan is a voice for others, and this year she returned as a guest speaker at the rally. You’ll also hear an excerpt from the event.
🌐 womenagainstabuse.org
📞 24-Hour Toll-Free Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-866-723-3014
We highlight an interview conducted by iHeartMedia Q102’s Rach on the Radio about Keep It Clean With Raylene, a Philadelphia-based cleaning company making a difference through its 18-year partnership with Cleaning for a Reason, the nonprofit that provides free home cleanings to cancer patients. Hear how Raylene Arko and her team bring hope, relief, and care to families across the city.
🌐 keepitcleanwithraylene.com | cleaningforareason.org
📱 Instagram: @keepitcleanwithraylene | @cleaningforareason
📞 Phone: 215-990-8149 (Keep It Clean With Raylene)
Women Against Abuse – iPledge Campaign
On October 1st, I was honored to emcee Women Against Abuse’s 18th Annual iPledge Campaign at City Hall, launching Domestic Violence Awareness Month under this year’s theme: HOPE. The event featured a press conference and rally, calling on all of us to raise awareness, support survivors, and build a safer future. We also re-air my powerful interview with Megan, a survivor and thriver who once lived in silence but found inspiration to share her story through attending iPledge. Today, Megan is a voice for others, and this year she returned as a guest speaker at the rally. You’ll also hear an excerpt from the event.
🌐 womenagainstabuse.org
📞 24-Hour Toll-Free Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-866-723-3014
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning, and welcome to What's going On, a show
about making a difference in our lives and our communities.
I'm Lorraine Ballard Morrow. We're re airing a moving interview
with Megan, a survivor of domestic violence, conducted last year.
This year, she was a keynote speaker at Women Against
Abus's eighteenth annual I Pledge campaign to kick off Domestic
(00:21):
Violence Awareness Month.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But first we share an.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Interview about a unique program to help women living with
breast cancer, conducted by one of our favorite air personalities
from iHeartMedia station Q one oh two.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
What's going on?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
It's Rach here on Q and O two And some
may or may not know, but October is Breast Cancer
Awareness Month, and in honor of I have a neighbor
friend of mine in here, ray Lean.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Hello, Queen, Hi, Rachel, thank you so much for having
me on.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
No.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
I'm so excited to have you here because I think
we need to shine a light on what you're doing,
because I don't think enough people know about it.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
A little little preface here. Raylean has a business called
keep It Clean with Raylean. Love the alliteration, by the way, but.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
You work in partnership with an organization and it's called
Cleaning for a Reason. Can you tell us a little
bit about the nonprofit right?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yes, absolutely, I can so.
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Cleaning for a Reason. I've been a partner for about
twelve years now, okay, And it was started by our
business coach, Debbie, who also owns a cleaning service in Texas.
And a woman had called looking for cleaning service and
Debbie told her the price and the woman said, I
(01:31):
can't afford that. I'm going through chemo right now, and
she hung up before Debbie had a chance to tell her, no, no,
I'll help you. And so since then she vowed that
she will never let a sick patient go without getting help,
and that's how the organization was formed.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
I love that.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
So when I heard about this, when I joined Debbie's
business group, I said, this is a great way for
my business to give back locally. And we've been partners
ever since twelve years now.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I love that. And you say locally, what areas do
you service?
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Our serving area is. It's on our website, but it's
basically Center City, Philadelphia, South Philly, Port Richmond, Fishtown, Northern Liberties,
and all the little pockets in Center City. But there
are partners all over the country, so you know, you
can go to Cleaning for a Reason dot org and
(02:33):
they will let you know all of the partners in
your area.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
And all you have to do is.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
Be receiving some cancer treatment and you it's a one
page form that you need to fill out with a
signature from your oncologist and that's it.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Honestly, I really prioritize keeping things local, especially here on
Q and O two because I'm like plucked out of
Cherry Hills, South Jersey area, So being a part of
a radio station that I grew up listening to means
a to me. And I always try and focus on
a lot of local things that we have going on
in the community. And I think you bringing a light
to something that would mean so much to somebody who
maybe going through a lot that people don't know about.
(03:10):
The simplicity of just having a clean home after coming
home from a chemo treatment, I'm sure brings a lot
of peace to people who just need to sit on
their couch and decompress after something like that.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
Yes, it's just one less thing that they have to
worry about so they could focus on getting better and
spending time with their family.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
I love that, and you actually deserve a little bit
of credit here. You ended up on the Steve Harvey
Show talking about this, right.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
Yes, yes, back in twenty eighteen, we had some local
press and one of his producers was from Philadelphia and
she happened to be checking the news and she saw
me and we were on there through Skype and it
was a great experience and the organization got a lot
of exposure from that. That's incredible to be a part
(03:54):
of it.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Wow, very cool.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
How many how many people would you say you have
helped within I guess a year. What's like your average
that you're able to take on?
Speaker 5 (04:03):
We can take on probably a few a month, okay.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Each patient gets two.
Speaker 5 (04:11):
Free cleanings, okay, that can be used however they choose, Okay,
so they could be back to back, they could be
maybe before they have surgery and then after surgery. So
it's two free cleanings.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
That's amazing.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Well, I really appreciate you doing what you're doing. Where
can people get in contact with you if they have
any questions they kind of just want to be a
part of whatever you're doing. Is there a way that
people can get involved even if they're not a part of.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
Your business, yes, absolutely, they can contact us at our
website keep it Cleanwi Raylean dot com.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I love it. Thank you so so much.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
I really appreciate what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
And again, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, reach
out to Raylean, my girl. I really appreciate everything you're doing,
so thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Rachel.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Join the Lupis Foundation of America Pennsylvania, Delaware Valley Saturday,
October eighteenth and the thirty fourth annual Loopus Loop five
K and What to End Lupisnow help us solve one
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Speaker 2 (05:16):
Right now, our country feels divided, but there's a place
where people are coming together.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
I gotta tell you, I was nervous to talk to
someone so different than me.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Me too, but I'm glad we are. Love has no
labels and one small step are helping people with different
political views, beliefs, and life experiences come together through conversation
and it feels good.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Wow, your story is so interesting.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, when people actually sit down, talk and listen to
one another. They can break down boundaries and connect as
human beings. At Love Hasno Labels dot com slash one
Small Step, you can listen to amazing, life changing conversations
and find simple tools to start a conversation of your own.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
I know one thing this conversation gives me hope.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
It gives me a lot of hope to take a
step toward bringing our country and your community together by
having the courage to start a conversation. At Love Hasno
Labels dot com slash one Small Step. A message from
story Core, Love Has No Labels and the AD Council.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
On October first, I was privileged to mc Women Against
Abuse's eighteenth annual Eye Pledge campaign at City Hall to
kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The event featured a
press conference and community rally, and focused on this year's theme, Hope,
a call to raise awareness, support survivors, and cultivate a
safer future for Philadelphia. I'm re airing an interview from
(06:40):
a year ago with Megan, a survivor and thriver who
experienced relationship violence. Megan's journey is a powerful example of
the complexities many survivors face, often in silence. Her attendants
at Eyepledge and events sponsored by Women Against Abuse inspired
her to become more involved in raising awareness and helping others.
(07:01):
She was a guest speaker this year's Woman Against Abuse
I Pledge rally. Today I had the honors speaking with Megan,
a survivor of domestic abuse who's shown immense courage and
sharing her story. Her story is not just about the
physical aspect of abuse, but also the emotional, mental, and
psychological trauma that often goes unnoticed. Megan's experiences shed light
(07:23):
on the hidden forms of abuse, and she hopes to
make a difference by sharing her journey with us today.
So thank you so much for joining.
Speaker 6 (07:29):
Us, Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Well, you've been very open about sharing your story, and
you mentioned a pivotal moment in the courtroom when the
judge asked did he hit you? Can you talk about
how that moment felt for you and what was being overlooked?
Speaker 6 (07:46):
Sure? So, the very first time I interacted with the
court system was when I had to get a temporary
restraining order and my youngest was four months old and
was literally like strapped in an in carrier on my chest.
It was It's never something you planned to do. It
just happened, and I was standing there asking for a
(08:09):
restraining order against my children's father because I was concerned
he was going to take the children. It had just
recently come out that he had a significant substance abuse problem,
and he had started threatening me that I couldn't keep
him from the children and that he wasn't going to
let that happen. So I had been advised by my
local child services to seek some restraints to protect me
(08:32):
and the kids. And I went through this whole process
of explaining the story to someone behind the scenes so
that I could wessit formally in front of the judge.
So I'd already been through what had happened at home,
the screaming, the holes in the walls, the threats that
he was going to leave me, broken furniture, you know,
everything that he had done, and then the most recent
(08:54):
threat that I wouldn't be allowed, he wouldn't let me
do this to him. And the judge hemmed and hawed
about if my complaint or my concern was valid because
I couldn't say that he'd hit me because he never
actually had physically hit me. There was one time where
(09:15):
he almost did. I was about eight months pregnant with
our second son, and I didn't know at the time
about the substance of the problem, and I had made
a joke about is something wrong, Do you need to
go to rehab? Just trying to figure out, like to
explain to him the gravity of what I was seeing
in his emotions and how quickly he got angry and
(09:36):
violent and he raised his hand as if he was
going to hit me, and I said to him, go ahead,
like hit me, do something that will leave a mark,
and he stopped. And he was so angry. I mean
(09:56):
when I his face, it was that the only way
I can describe it is that like angry gorilla where
you can see like their nostrils flaring and their eyes
were just on fire. And he was so angry. And
that was as close as it had ever gotten. But
(10:17):
I wasn't going to lie to the judge and say
that something had happened, that happened, But it was like
everything else didn't matter. And it completely floored me because
he kept saying, are you sure there isn't anything else?
Are you sure there isn't anything else you want to share?
And I was like this, this is.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Not enough, you know, like he's so he didn't really
acknowledge the fact that abuse was happening because you couldn't
say that he had physically hit you, but in fact,
there was a lot of abuse that was happening emotionally correct.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
And it was so interesting because when I had to
go back a couple months later and we had the
follow up to move, there was straining order into the
divorce proceedings. They gave me the power and control wheel.
I had to meet with someone for counseling, and they
showed me the power and control wheel, and that was
when I realized, really realized everything that had been happening
(11:16):
to me when it talked about, you know, controlling who
you see and what you do, and using violence, using threats,
you know, breaking things, using male privilege. You know, I
he happens to be a man, but I know there's
a similar one for other relationships like it. Just it
was so interesting to me the dichotomy because it was like,
(11:39):
here is this person who is counseling me. Are you
sure you want to take this restraining order back? Because
look at all of these things that had been happening
to me. But meanwhile, the judge almost didn't give it
to me because those other things weren't being taken into
consideration because I never had a bruise. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Well, you've been very open about the abuse, the gas lighting,
the forced intimacy that you endured, which many people might
not recognize as abuse. How did you come to terms
with those forms of abuse and what helped you find
your voice to speak about them.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
So, I'm not gonna lie. I've been in therapy for
two years now. I had a major panic attack in
what should have been a very relaxing vacation and realized
I needed to do something to help myself, and therapy
was definitely the biggest thing for me. I had to
I had to come to terms with the guilt that
(12:34):
I actually felt about staying. I had to come to
terms with the guilt that I felt for letting it
happen to me. It's interesting because when it first started
coming out and I started sharing it with some of
my colleagues at work, and they were all like, you,
what are you talking about? You are so outspoken, like
(12:56):
you you don't take anything from anybody, And I was like, well,
apparently I I do. I just I didn't know. And
one of the things that has really been a struggle
for me is how much I really did love my
ex husband. And you know, I've shared this as part
of my story. I would have stayed, and I understand
(13:18):
why people stay. I loved him very much.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Yeah, you talk about how you loved him and you
had great moments. You had good moments with your ex husband,
which of course makes leaving more difficult, right, it does.
Speaker 6 (13:32):
Because it is such a it is such it's such
a dichotomy. I I mean, like I he had this
wonderful imagination, just absolutely wonderful, and he would play with
our He didn't really get to play with our youngest,
but with our oldest son. He was They were big
Star Wars people. And Michael could use the force, my
(13:55):
my younger one, he could use the force and throw
his dad across the room and his dad will completely
go along with it and like to see that interaction.
And they would sit together and watch Transformers and you know,
like they just the absolute love. Or like if I
was out late, you know, like I would come home
sometimes after teaching a course, after work, and you know,
(14:17):
he'd have like ice cream or it would be like okay,
you know, like I ran the bath. Here you go
you know, there were there were wonderful moments and you
love that person, like I remember seeing this light in
him that I was like, if you could just be
that all the time, this would be amazing. And if
I could just love him enough, he will get better
(14:40):
and this will stop. And this was a hard one
that I didn't really I still struggle with it as
a mom, especially, but Narron on one of the first
support groups that I went to, they talk a lot
about how you can't make yourself sick enough to make
your loved one better, and really coming to terms with
(15:02):
that for my ex husband was really hard for me
because he did wind up passing away, and there is
still a part of me that feels like, maybe if
I'd stayed, it would have gone differently and that wouldn't
have happened, and he could have been that person that
I know was in there, but I walked away and
(15:22):
it didn't happen, and dealing with that guilt still comes up.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Right right, So you're still working through some of those emotions.
And one thing that I've heard from a number of
women who've experienced this kind of abuse is taking the
responsibility for the abuse in a sense, you know, sort
of blaming oneself, and so I guess a little bit
(15:49):
of self forgiveness has to be a process, right for
those who are experiencing this situation.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
It is. It's a process, and it's it's hard because
everyone tells you it's not your fault and you didn't
deserve it. It's really hard to believe that. I talk
a lot with my therapist about I know it in
my head, but in my heart, I'm still working on
it because you know, there were lots of I was
(16:22):
with my ex husband for seventeen years, and to think
that you could just undo that really quickly. I was
recently asked a question. I was filling out a survey
to tell my story, and the question was about, you know,
how is your life different now that you're safe? And
I was like, safe is such an interesting word, because
(16:43):
even though I'm technically safe, I'm divorced, he has passed away.
My body doesn't always feel safe because it's always there.
It's trauma and it doesn't fully go away. You just
kind of learn to recognize it. Okay, that's mine. I
need to breathe. I need to do some form of
(17:05):
self care. I need to do something to work myself
through that so that it doesn't come out in other
really bad ways. And it's I think it's a lifetime process.
I don't think it just stops because you're no longer
in the relationship right Well.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
One of the things that I also observed among women
that I've met through Women Against Abuse is how advocacy
is really part of that healing process. And you recently
attended I Pledge and expressed a desire to get more
involved with advocacy. I wonder what does that involvement look
like for you, and what message do you hope to
share with others who might still be in a situation
(17:43):
like yours.
Speaker 6 (17:44):
So I Pledge was fantastic, and they've been doing them
for a really long time, and I kind of felt
bad that I've missed so many of them, but I
was really glad to get to this last one. And
for me, advocacy wound up being a huge thing that
I felt like I had to do. It took me
almost a year before I started actually speaking about it,
and the reason is because I was so scared. I
(18:10):
was so scared to talk about it. I didn't even
know what was happening because I just didn't know any better.
And I know that isolation, and some of it is
because we don't talk about it. It's the stuff that
we just keep in the dark. So I actually I'm
working on a book right now about it, to share
(18:31):
the story and to help others just not be afraid
to reach out. Because one of the things I've been
very lucky with is that every time I've reached out
to someone, they've met me with open arms, and that
you really will be surprised. I think that's my message, Like,
if you reach out to your friends, if you reach
out to your family, and you are very honest about
(18:54):
what's going on, they will surprise you. And I mean, like,
I remember my best friend. I didn't even want to
tell her what was happening at first because I didn't
want her to think badly of my ex husband. And
when it all finally came out, she had come over
and she brought me tea because she's just an amazing person,
(19:14):
and I told her and she just broke down in
tears and she I gave her this huge hug because
I was I don't know if it's numb, but at
that point I just couldn't cry. And I remember her
pulling away and going like, why am I crying? You're
the one who's supposed to be crying, Like why is
this happening to you? You're an amazing person, Like this
(19:36):
is so backwards. And she asked me what I needed,
and at the time I couldn't think of anything. And
literally three days later, just trays of food that she
told her husband, You're going to cook these because I
don't know what else to do to help. My friend
showed up and she probably fed me and my two
children for months with the amount of food that she
(19:58):
sent over. And I didn't ask, she just did. And
you know, that was my biggest thing. Was a lot
of times I didn't ask. It was just people went,
oh my goodness. You know. When I had to, I
just saw the family home and it was very challenging
because it was a full house and my ex wasn't there.
(20:20):
But I had to pack everything up that was his
and leave it someplace, and the all of the people
that I work with actually came in on the weekend
I was moving and packed up my house, moved some
of it to storage, moved some of it to my
dad's house where we were moving to. Like, people will
amaze you if you are open and honest, and if
(20:43):
they don't, then they shouldn't be in your life anyway.
Like I'm just going to say that, but overwhelmingly, people
will be there to support you. And if you open up.
I have found this. The more I tell my story,
the more people come up to me and say me too, Like,
you really will discover how unalone you are. I had
(21:06):
the privilege of sharing some of this story at an
event in New York a couple of weeks ago, and
it was maybe thirty six people, and of that I
was one of those thirty six people. And of that,
three people came up and said thank you so much,
because me too. Like the statistics are overwhelming, Like, you
are not alone. It's okay to ask for help. What
(21:28):
makes this so bad is we hide it and we're
so terrified that people are going to think badly of us,
and that's not what's going to happen. People will help
you if you ask for it.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
That's a wonderful message because so often the dynamics of
abuse is about isolating you from your friends and family,
and so the fact that you were able to express
it and share it, it's what a beautiful story that
all these people came to your support and it was
(22:02):
a wonderful lesson too that yeah, you can ask for
help and people will come and meet you halfway. Well,
I want to thank you so much for spending time
with us and sharing your story. It's a powerful story.
Hopefully there's someone out there who's listening and who understands
that maybe now is the time to take a stand
and to get help, and that help can come from
(22:25):
calling the Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline. That number is eight
sixty six seven two three three zero one four. That's
eight sixty six seven three zero one four, and there
are counselors there twenty four hours a day. They can
provide support, resources, a safety plan and escape plan, perhaps
(22:46):
a place to stay if you need one. It's absolutely
a fantastic number to call for anyone out there who
needs help getting out of an abusive situation. And it
sounds like you are thriving your stand up comedian on.
Speaker 6 (23:00):
The side, it's been a really wonderful journey.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
I love it.
Speaker 6 (23:04):
That's so great. This is not funny, but being a
mom and I did get remarried, so I now have
four boys. I have a lot of material now to.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Joke about yes, I have three boys, so I feel
you plenty of a chanity. Well listen, if people want
to find out more about your stand up work. Do
you have a website?
Speaker 6 (23:29):
Oh, I do the Lady Who Laughs dot com. I
host a monthly mic for women. It is female focused
in Flemington, New Jersey. It's the second Sunday of every month.
What I really love is is a lot of first
timers who get to come out and try it because
humor is to me very healing because it allows a
connection with other people. So yeah, it's been a really
(23:50):
wonderful healing journey for me.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
That is wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That's exciting.
I'd be terrified to do that, So that takes a
lot of bravery on your part. You are very brave
and very eloquent. And thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for being an advocate for women against Abuse
and folks out there call that hotline if you need
(24:13):
the help. It's there eight sixty six seven three three
one four the Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline, and of course,
Women Against Abuse is a great one stop shop for
more information. And we hope that folks are hearing your
message and are helped by it. I'm sure they are.
Thank you so much Megan for joining us today.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
That was domestic abuse advocate Megan who spoke at the
eighteenth annual Eye Pledge campaign kickoff at City Hall, which
I was privileged to. Mc macan spoke at that rally.
Here's an excerp to the last moments of that rally
after Megan spoke. Thank you, Megan for sharing your story
(24:54):
so courageously and for opening our eyes to the many
realities that survivors encounter. We are deeply grateful for your
trust and for the powerful reminder that support, understanding, and
hope can make a life changing difference. At this point,
I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to
(25:14):
someone that has been lost to violence. My husband's beloved cousin,
Cynthia Avilis, was killed by her husband in a murder suicide.
Each year, and this was actually a couple of days ago,
her family gathers together to remember a beautiful soul whose
life was tragically ended by domestic violence in twenty seventeen.
(25:38):
She was twenty seven years old. Much like many people
in those situations, she was isolated from her.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
Family and friends.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Her husband took her away from Philadelphia down to Florida,
and that's where it happened. She was all by herself alone.
But that's what we're here to talk about, because nobody
can or have to be alone. Because that's what I
pledge is all about. She and countless souls are lost,
(26:08):
and that's why we do what we do, why we
make this pledge to end relationship violates. We're now ready
to close out today's event with a group pledge recitation
that will be joined by members of City Council. So
I'd like to ask all of today's speakers and any
(26:29):
elected officials and attendance to please join us on stage
so we can recite this pledge together. You can find
the pledge on your program handouts in English, Spanish, and Mandarin.
We ask you to raise your voice with us in
the language of your choice as we recite together. Anybody
(26:56):
will that, yes, Okay, all right, we're going to speak
as one right now, Let's raise our voices together. I
pledge to take action as an advocate.
Speaker 6 (27:10):
For healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I will believe survivors a relationship abuse and amplify the
voices of those who have been silenced. I will actively
work against oppression and commit to be part of the
change needed to create a community that is safe.
Speaker 6 (27:31):
And just for every person.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Thank you for joining us today. We encourage you to
sign the Pledge before you leave to symbolize your support
in the Movement to End Domestic Violence, or sign it
at i Pledge WAA dot org. Thank you for being
here today, Thank you for taking the pledge. Thank you
(27:55):
for committing to the hope that someday we can end
domestic violence.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
You can listen to all of today's interviews by going
to our station website and typing in keyword Community. You
can also listen on the iHeartRadio app Keywords Philadelphia Community Podcast.
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Lorraine Ballard. I'm
Lorraine Ballard MOREL and I stand for service to our
community and media that empowers. What will you stand for?
(28:32):
You've been listening to what's going on, and thank you.
Good morning, and welcome to What's going On, a show
about making a difference in our lives and our communities.
I'm Lorraine Ballard Morrow. We're re airing a moving interview
with Megan, a survivor of domestic violence, conducted last year.
This year, she was a keynote speaker at Women Against
Abus's eighteenth annual I Pledge campaign to kick off Domestic
(00:21):
Violence Awareness Month.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But first we share an.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Interview about a unique program to help women living with
breast cancer, conducted by one of our favorite air personalities
from iHeartMedia station Q one oh two.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
What's going on?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
It's Rach here on Q and O two And some
may or may not know, but October is Breast Cancer
Awareness Month, and in honor of I have a neighbor
friend of mine in here, ray Lean.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Hello, Queen, Hi, Rachel, thank you so much for having
me on.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
No.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
I'm so excited to have you here because I think
we need to shine a light on what you're doing,
because I don't think enough people know about it.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
A little little preface here. Raylean has a business called
keep It Clean with Raylean. Love the alliteration, by the way, but.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
You work in partnership with an organization and it's called
Cleaning for a Reason. Can you tell us a little
bit about the nonprofit right?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yes, absolutely, I can so.
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Cleaning for a Reason. I've been a partner for about
twelve years now, okay, And it was started by our
business coach, Debbie, who also owns a cleaning service in Texas.
And a woman had called looking for cleaning service and
Debbie told her the price and the woman said, I
(01:31):
can't afford that. I'm going through chemo right now, and
she hung up before Debbie had a chance to tell her, no, no,
I'll help you. And so since then she vowed that
she will never let a sick patient go without getting help,
and that's how the organization was formed.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
I love that.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
So when I heard about this, when I joined Debbie's
business group, I said, this is a great way for
my business to give back locally. And we've been partners
ever since twelve years now.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I love that. And you say locally, what areas do
you service?
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Our serving area is. It's on our website, but it's
basically Center City, Philadelphia, South Philly, Port Richmond, Fishtown, Northern Liberties,
and all the little pockets in Center City. But there
are partners all over the country, so you know, you
can go to Cleaning for a Reason dot org and
(02:33):
they will let you know all of the partners in
your area.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
And all you have to do is.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
Be receiving some cancer treatment and you it's a one
page form that you need to fill out with a
signature from your oncologist and that's it.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Honestly, I really prioritize keeping things local, especially here on
Q and O two because I'm like plucked out of
Cherry Hills, South Jersey area, So being a part of
a radio station that I grew up listening to means
a to me. And I always try and focus on
a lot of local things that we have going on
in the community. And I think you bringing a light
to something that would mean so much to somebody who
maybe going through a lot that people don't know about.
(03:10):
The simplicity of just having a clean home after coming
home from a chemo treatment, I'm sure brings a lot
of peace to people who just need to sit on
their couch and decompress after something like that.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
Yes, it's just one less thing that they have to
worry about so they could focus on getting better and
spending time with their family.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
I love that, and you actually deserve a little bit
of credit here. You ended up on the Steve Harvey
Show talking about this, right.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
Yes, yes, back in twenty eighteen, we had some local
press and one of his producers was from Philadelphia and
she happened to be checking the news and she saw
me and we were on there through Skype and it
was a great experience and the organization got a lot
of exposure from that. That's incredible to be a part
(03:54):
of it.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Wow, very cool.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
How many how many people would you say you have
helped within I guess a year. What's like your average
that you're able to take on?
Speaker 5 (04:03):
We can take on probably a few a month, okay.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Each patient gets two.
Speaker 5 (04:11):
Free cleanings, okay, that can be used however they choose, Okay,
so they could be back to back, they could be
maybe before they have surgery and then after surgery. So
it's two free cleanings.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
That's amazing.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Well, I really appreciate you doing what you're doing. Where
can people get in contact with you if they have
any questions they kind of just want to be a
part of whatever you're doing. Is there a way that
people can get involved even if they're not a part of.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
Your business, yes, absolutely, they can contact us at our
website keep it Cleanwi Raylean dot com.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I love it. Thank you so so much.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
I really appreciate what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
And again, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, reach
out to Raylean, my girl. I really appreciate everything you're doing,
so thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Rachel.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Join the Lupis Foundation of America Pennsylvania, Delaware Valley Saturday,
October eighteenth and the thirty fourth annual Loopus Loop five
K and What to End Lupisnow help us solve one
of the world's most unpredictable and devastating diseases. Sign up
today at Lupis dot org slash PDV.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Right now, our country feels divided, but there's a place
where people are coming together.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
I gotta tell you, I was nervous to talk to
someone so different than me.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Me too, but I'm glad we are. Love has no
labels and one small step are helping people with different
political views, beliefs, and life experiences come together through conversation
and it feels good.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Wow, your story is so interesting.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, when people actually sit down, talk and listen to
one another. They can break down boundaries and connect as
human beings. At Love Hasno Labels dot com slash one
Small Step, you can listen to amazing, life changing conversations
and find simple tools to start a conversation of your own.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
I know one thing this conversation gives me hope.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
It gives me a lot of hope to take a
step toward bringing our country and your community together by
having the courage to start a conversation. At Love Hasno
Labels dot com slash one Small Step. A message from
story Core, Love Has No Labels and the AD Council.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
On October first, I was privileged to mc Women Against
Abuse's eighteenth annual Eye Pledge campaign at City Hall to
kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The event featured a
press conference and community rally, and focused on this year's theme, Hope,
a call to raise awareness, support survivors, and cultivate a
safer future for Philadelphia. I'm re airing an interview from
(06:40):
a year ago with Megan, a survivor and thriver who
experienced relationship violence. Megan's journey is a powerful example of
the complexities many survivors face, often in silence. Her attendants
at Eyepledge and events sponsored by Women Against Abuse inspired
her to become more involved in raising awareness and helping others.
(07:01):
She was a guest speaker this year's Woman Against Abuse
I Pledge rally. Today I had the honors speaking with Megan,
a survivor of domestic abuse who's shown immense courage and
sharing her story. Her story is not just about the
physical aspect of abuse, but also the emotional, mental, and
psychological trauma that often goes unnoticed. Megan's experiences shed light
(07:23):
on the hidden forms of abuse, and she hopes to
make a difference by sharing her journey with us today.
So thank you so much for joining.
Speaker 6 (07:29):
Us, Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Well, you've been very open about sharing your story, and
you mentioned a pivotal moment in the courtroom when the
judge asked did he hit you? Can you talk about
how that moment felt for you and what was being overlooked?
Speaker 6 (07:46):
Sure? So, the very first time I interacted with the
court system was when I had to get a temporary
restraining order and my youngest was four months old and
was literally like strapped in an in carrier on my chest.
It was It's never something you planned to do. It
just happened, and I was standing there asking for a
(08:09):
restraining order against my children's father because I was concerned
he was going to take the children. It had just
recently come out that he had a significant substance abuse problem,
and he had started threatening me that I couldn't keep
him from the children and that he wasn't going to
let that happen. So I had been advised by my
local child services to seek some restraints to protect me
(08:32):
and the kids. And I went through this whole process
of explaining the story to someone behind the scenes so
that I could wessit formally in front of the judge.
So I'd already been through what had happened at home,
the screaming, the holes in the walls, the threats that
he was going to leave me, broken furniture, you know,
everything that he had done, and then the most recent
(08:54):
threat that I wouldn't be allowed, he wouldn't let me
do this to him. And the judge hemmed and hawed
about if my complaint or my concern was valid because
I couldn't say that he'd hit me because he never
actually had physically hit me. There was one time where
(09:15):
he almost did. I was about eight months pregnant with
our second son, and I didn't know at the time
about the substance of the problem, and I had made
a joke about is something wrong, Do you need to
go to rehab? Just trying to figure out, like to
explain to him the gravity of what I was seeing
in his emotions and how quickly he got angry and
(09:36):
violent and he raised his hand as if he was
going to hit me, and I said to him, go ahead,
like hit me, do something that will leave a mark,
and he stopped. And he was so angry. I mean
(09:56):
when I his face, it was that the only way
I can describe it is that like angry gorilla where
you can see like their nostrils flaring and their eyes
were just on fire. And he was so angry. And
that was as close as it had ever gotten. But
(10:17):
I wasn't going to lie to the judge and say
that something had happened, that happened, But it was like
everything else didn't matter. And it completely floored me because
he kept saying, are you sure there isn't anything else?
Are you sure there isn't anything else you want to share?
And I was like this, this is.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Not enough, you know, like he's so he didn't really
acknowledge the fact that abuse was happening because you couldn't
say that he had physically hit you, but in fact,
there was a lot of abuse that was happening emotionally correct.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
And it was so interesting because when I had to
go back a couple months later and we had the
follow up to move, there was straining order into the
divorce proceedings. They gave me the power and control wheel.
I had to meet with someone for counseling, and they
showed me the power and control wheel, and that was
when I realized, really realized everything that had been happening
(11:16):
to me when it talked about, you know, controlling who
you see and what you do, and using violence, using threats,
you know, breaking things, using male privilege. You know, I
he happens to be a man, but I know there's
a similar one for other relationships like it. Just it
was so interesting to me the dichotomy because it was like,
(11:39):
here is this person who is counseling me. Are you
sure you want to take this restraining order back? Because
look at all of these things that had been happening
to me. But meanwhile, the judge almost didn't give it
to me because those other things weren't being taken into
consideration because I never had a bruise. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Well, you've been very open about the abuse, the gas lighting,
the forced intimacy that you endured, which many people might
not recognize as abuse. How did you come to terms
with those forms of abuse and what helped you find
your voice to speak about them.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
So, I'm not gonna lie. I've been in therapy for
two years now. I had a major panic attack in
what should have been a very relaxing vacation and realized
I needed to do something to help myself, and therapy
was definitely the biggest thing for me. I had to
I had to come to terms with the guilt that
(12:34):
I actually felt about staying. I had to come to
terms with the guilt that I felt for letting it
happen to me. It's interesting because when it first started
coming out and I started sharing it with some of
my colleagues at work, and they were all like, you,
what are you talking about? You are so outspoken, like
(12:56):
you you don't take anything from anybody, And I was like, well,
apparently I I do. I just I didn't know. And
one of the things that has really been a struggle
for me is how much I really did love my
ex husband. And you know, I've shared this as part
of my story. I would have stayed, and I understand
(13:18):
why people stay. I loved him very much.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Yeah, you talk about how you loved him and you
had great moments. You had good moments with your ex husband,
which of course makes leaving more difficult, right, it does.
Speaker 6 (13:32):
Because it is such a it is such it's such
a dichotomy. I I mean, like I he had this
wonderful imagination, just absolutely wonderful, and he would play with
our He didn't really get to play with our youngest,
but with our oldest son. He was They were big
Star Wars people. And Michael could use the force, my
(13:55):
my younger one, he could use the force and throw
his dad across the room and his dad will completely
go along with it and like to see that interaction.
And they would sit together and watch Transformers and you know,
like they just the absolute love. Or like if I
was out late, you know, like I would come home
sometimes after teaching a course, after work, and you know,
(14:17):
he'd have like ice cream or it would be like okay,
you know, like I ran the bath. Here you go
you know, there were there were wonderful moments and you
love that person, like I remember seeing this light in
him that I was like, if you could just be
that all the time, this would be amazing. And if
I could just love him enough, he will get better
(14:40):
and this will stop. And this was a hard one
that I didn't really I still struggle with it as
a mom, especially, but Narron on one of the first
support groups that I went to, they talk a lot
about how you can't make yourself sick enough to make
your loved one better, and really coming to terms with
(15:02):
that for my ex husband was really hard for me
because he did wind up passing away, and there is
still a part of me that feels like, maybe if
I'd stayed, it would have gone differently and that wouldn't
have happened, and he could have been that person that
I know was in there, but I walked away and
(15:22):
it didn't happen, and dealing with that guilt still comes up.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Right right, So you're still working through some of those emotions.
And one thing that I've heard from a number of
women who've experienced this kind of abuse is taking the
responsibility for the abuse in a sense, you know, sort
of blaming oneself, and so I guess a little bit
(15:49):
of self forgiveness has to be a process, right for
those who are experiencing this situation.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
It is. It's a process, and it's it's hard because
everyone tells you it's not your fault and you didn't
deserve it. It's really hard to believe that. I talk
a lot with my therapist about I know it in
my head, but in my heart, I'm still working on
it because you know, there were lots of I was
(16:22):
with my ex husband for seventeen years, and to think
that you could just undo that really quickly. I was
recently asked a question. I was filling out a survey
to tell my story, and the question was about, you know,
how is your life different now that you're safe? And
I was like, safe is such an interesting word, because
(16:43):
even though I'm technically safe, I'm divorced, he has passed away.
My body doesn't always feel safe because it's always there.
It's trauma and it doesn't fully go away. You just
kind of learn to recognize it. Okay, that's mine. I
need to breathe. I need to do some form of
(17:05):
self care. I need to do something to work myself
through that so that it doesn't come out in other
really bad ways. And it's I think it's a lifetime process.
I don't think it just stops because you're no longer
in the relationship right Well.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
One of the things that I also observed among women
that I've met through Women Against Abuse is how advocacy
is really part of that healing process. And you recently
attended I Pledge and expressed a desire to get more
involved with advocacy. I wonder what does that involvement look
like for you, and what message do you hope to
share with others who might still be in a situation
(17:43):
like yours.
Speaker 6 (17:44):
So I Pledge was fantastic, and they've been doing them
for a really long time, and I kind of felt
bad that I've missed so many of them, but I
was really glad to get to this last one. And
for me, advocacy wound up being a huge thing that
I felt like I had to do. It took me
almost a year before I started actually speaking about it,
and the reason is because I was so scared. I
(18:10):
was so scared to talk about it. I didn't even
know what was happening because I just didn't know any better.
And I know that isolation, and some of it is
because we don't talk about it. It's the stuff that
we just keep in the dark. So I actually I'm
working on a book right now about it, to share
(18:31):
the story and to help others just not be afraid
to reach out. Because one of the things I've been
very lucky with is that every time I've reached out
to someone, they've met me with open arms, and that
you really will be surprised. I think that's my message, Like,
if you reach out to your friends, if you reach
out to your family, and you are very honest about
(18:54):
what's going on, they will surprise you. And I mean, like,
I remember my best friend. I didn't even want to
tell her what was happening at first because I didn't
want her to think badly of my ex husband. And
when it all finally came out, she had come over
and she brought me tea because she's just an amazing person,
(19:14):
and I told her and she just broke down in
tears and she I gave her this huge hug because
I was I don't know if it's numb, but at
that point I just couldn't cry. And I remember her
pulling away and going like, why am I crying? You're
the one who's supposed to be crying, Like why is
this happening to you? You're an amazing person, Like this
(19:36):
is so backwards. And she asked me what I needed,
and at the time I couldn't think of anything. And
literally three days later, just trays of food that she
told her husband, You're going to cook these because I
don't know what else to do to help. My friend
showed up and she probably fed me and my two
children for months with the amount of food that she
(19:58):
sent over. And I didn't ask, she just did. And
you know, that was my biggest thing. Was a lot
of times I didn't ask. It was just people went,
oh my goodness. You know. When I had to, I
just saw the family home and it was very challenging
because it was a full house and my ex wasn't there.
(20:20):
But I had to pack everything up that was his
and leave it someplace, and the all of the people
that I work with actually came in on the weekend
I was moving and packed up my house, moved some
of it to storage, moved some of it to my
dad's house where we were moving to. Like, people will
amaze you if you are open and honest, and if
(20:43):
they don't, then they shouldn't be in your life anyway.
Like I'm just going to say that, but overwhelmingly, people
will be there to support you. And if you open up.
I have found this. The more I tell my story,
the more people come up to me and say me too, Like,
you really will discover how unalone you are. I had
(21:06):
the privilege of sharing some of this story at an
event in New York a couple of weeks ago, and
it was maybe thirty six people, and of that I
was one of those thirty six people. And of that,
three people came up and said thank you so much,
because me too. Like the statistics are overwhelming, Like, you
are not alone. It's okay to ask for help. What
(21:28):
makes this so bad is we hide it and we're
so terrified that people are going to think badly of us,
and that's not what's going to happen. People will help
you if you ask for it.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
That's a wonderful message because so often the dynamics of
abuse is about isolating you from your friends and family,
and so the fact that you were able to express
it and share it, it's what a beautiful story that
all these people came to your support and it was
(22:02):
a wonderful lesson too that yeah, you can ask for
help and people will come and meet you halfway. Well,
I want to thank you so much for spending time
with us and sharing your story. It's a powerful story.
Hopefully there's someone out there who's listening and who understands
that maybe now is the time to take a stand
and to get help, and that help can come from
(22:25):
calling the Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline. That number is eight
sixty six seven two three three zero one four. That's
eight sixty six seven three zero one four, and there
are counselors there twenty four hours a day. They can
provide support, resources, a safety plan and escape plan, perhaps
(22:46):
a place to stay if you need one. It's absolutely
a fantastic number to call for anyone out there who
needs help getting out of an abusive situation. And it
sounds like you are thriving your stand up comedian on.
Speaker 6 (23:00):
The side, it's been a really wonderful journey.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
I love it.
Speaker 6 (23:04):
That's so great. This is not funny, but being a
mom and I did get remarried, so I now have
four boys. I have a lot of material now to.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Joke about yes, I have three boys, so I feel
you plenty of a chanity. Well listen, if people want
to find out more about your stand up work. Do
you have a website?
Speaker 6 (23:29):
Oh, I do the Lady Who Laughs dot com. I
host a monthly mic for women. It is female focused
in Flemington, New Jersey. It's the second Sunday of every month.
What I really love is is a lot of first
timers who get to come out and try it because
humor is to me very healing because it allows a
connection with other people. So yeah, it's been a really
(23:50):
wonderful healing journey for me.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
That is wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That's exciting.
I'd be terrified to do that, So that takes a
lot of bravery on your part. You are very brave
and very eloquent. And thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for being an advocate for women against Abuse
and folks out there call that hotline if you need
(24:13):
the help. It's there eight sixty six seven three three
one four the Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline, and of course,
Women Against Abuse is a great one stop shop for
more information. And we hope that folks are hearing your
message and are helped by it. I'm sure they are.
Thank you so much Megan for joining us today.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
That was domestic abuse advocate Megan who spoke at the
eighteenth annual Eye Pledge campaign kickoff at City Hall, which
I was privileged to. Mc macan spoke at that rally.
Here's an excerp to the last moments of that rally
after Megan spoke. Thank you, Megan for sharing your story
(24:54):
so courageously and for opening our eyes to the many
realities that survivors encounter. We are deeply grateful for your
trust and for the powerful reminder that support, understanding, and
hope can make a life changing difference. At this point,
I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to
(25:14):
someone that has been lost to violence. My husband's beloved cousin,
Cynthia Avilis, was killed by her husband in a murder suicide.
Each year, and this was actually a couple of days ago,
her family gathers together to remember a beautiful soul whose
life was tragically ended by domestic violence in twenty seventeen.
(25:38):
She was twenty seven years old. Much like many people
in those situations, she was isolated from her.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
Family and friends.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Her husband took her away from Philadelphia down to Florida,
and that's where it happened. She was all by herself alone.
But that's what we're here to talk about, because nobody
can or have to be alone. Because that's what I
pledge is all about. She and countless souls are lost,
(26:08):
and that's why we do what we do, why we
make this pledge to end relationship violates. We're now ready
to close out today's event with a group pledge recitation
that will be joined by members of City Council. So
I'd like to ask all of today's speakers and any
(26:29):
elected officials and attendance to please join us on stage
so we can recite this pledge together. You can find
the pledge on your program handouts in English, Spanish, and Mandarin.
We ask you to raise your voice with us in
the language of your choice as we recite together. Anybody
(26:56):
will that, yes, Okay, all right, we're going to speak
as one right now, Let's raise our voices together. I
pledge to take action as an advocate.
Speaker 6 (27:10):
For healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I will believe survivors a relationship abuse and amplify the
voices of those who have been silenced. I will actively
work against oppression and commit to be part of the
change needed to create a community that is safe.
Speaker 6 (27:31):
And just for every person.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Thank you for joining us today. We encourage you to
sign the Pledge before you leave to symbolize your support
in the Movement to End Domestic Violence, or sign it
at i Pledge WAA dot org. Thank you for being
here today, Thank you for taking the pledge. Thank you
(27:55):
for committing to the hope that someday we can end
domestic violence.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
You can listen to all of today's interviews by going
to our station website and typing in keyword Community. You
can also listen on the iHeartRadio app Keywords Philadelphia Community Podcast.
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Lorraine Ballard. I'm
Lorraine Ballard MOREL and I stand for service to our
community and media that empowers. What will you stand for?
(28:32):
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