October 2, 2024 • 8 mins
The Surgeon General is out with an advisory regarding stressed out parents. Joining Tony Cruise is Dr. Charles Pemberton with Louisville Dimensions Family Therapy with some helpful advice on how parents can make life easier.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Privileged to have Charles Pemmerson joining us again here at
news Radio, a port of the w h A s
I'm total cruise, along with doctor Premerson, who, of course
says with Louisville, h I'll get it. At some point
you mentioned family therapy a little bit of DFD, so
I appreciate your time. Charles. Let's talk about parents under pressure.
(00:23):
And you know, I know some people who have this
collective eye roll when we talk about the stress on
parents is so much harder these days and everything else. Uh,
if we could all just take a collective uh, well,
let's listen of what's going on, maybe we can learn
some things today. So what are you finding out here
with the stress and particularly for those parents out.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
There well, and you know that that's a great place
to start, is that, you know, whether we really want
to say it's more than what it used to be,
or you know, it's it's the same as what it was,
the fact is that there's a lot of pressure on
our on our parents and in our kids as well,
and our parents are feeling that stress. And you know,
(01:04):
we can point to whether it's things in the news
like unfortunately the shootings that occur or whether it's the
pressure of trying to get into college and paying for college,
or you know, whether it's the social media that's going
on and comparing ourselves. There's there's a lot of stress
out there for our parents, and parents often will not
(01:26):
take the time that they need for themselves or what
they might take that time, but they're really not taking
the time in ways that are beneficial. So you'll ask parents,
so what are you doing for yourself? Well, you know,
I'll get on social media, I'll scroll through Facebook, or
or I take some time and you know, I just
sit and have a quiet cup of coffee. But if
(01:48):
they're not doing something to really recharge their batteries. In
other words, you know, they're you know, scrolling through social media,
but they're comparing themselves to all the other parents, or
they're having that cup of coffee, that quiet cup of coffee,
but they're also sitting there thinking about all the stuff
that they didn't do yesterday and all the things they
(02:08):
have to do today. They're really not taking that time
to recharge their batteries. They're not taking their time to
really be in the moment and take care of themselves.
A great parenting skill to pass on to our children
is the ability to not necessarily be selfish, but to
model that, Hey, sometimes I need to take a break,
(02:32):
I need to take some time for myself and recharge
my batteries. I need to tell people no. And sometimes
that's our spouse, sometimes that's our children, sometimes that's people
outside of the family. But to model that it's okay
to say no. It is a great parenting skill, but
it's something that parents often struggle with because of all
(02:56):
those self those self allayed and ideas of how to
be the best parent and how I compared everyone else.
So I would start right there, take some time for yourself,
plan some time so that you can build up your
own reserves to deal with this onslaught of stress that
we all have.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
We're talking to Mitch Family Therapies doctor Charles Pemberton, who
joined us biweekly here a news radio a forty wahas. Charles,
let's talk a little bit about forty one percent of
parents say that most days, forty one percent in America
say they are so stressed they can't function well. I mean,
I don't know about what that means, but I can't
(03:38):
you know, I can see where it can happen even
if you're working from home, you're on your computer all day,
or let's say you just check your emails, and then
next thing you know, your spouse is on their computer
doing their job whatever the case may be, or they're
not around, and you know, the checking emails goes to
checking out Twitter or TikTok or going to ESPN or
some news situation, and then you start doing it and
(03:59):
you're not even connecting with your spouse anymore.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
A lot of times, well, and that's true. One of
the big changes from past generations to today is working
from home. There's not that boundary from work to your
home life. But also with the event of our social media,
with our emails, with our phones that are in our pockets,
all of a sudden, we can be reached twenty four
(04:22):
hours a day. We can get all that information twenty
four hours a day. In generations past, there was that
disconnect when I went home. Your boss didn't call you
on your home phone that was attached to your wall.
There weren't emails that you felt like you had to check,
or you know, ims that you had to check all
the time. Now, whether you're home or whether you're working
(04:45):
in the office, there is a there's a boundary that
has been really blurred between work and our home life. Well,
that same thing has been blurred with our kids when before,
when our kids went to school, well we kind of said, well,
kids are in school. Now, we can still reach our kids. Now,
we can still check on our kids, So we're always
(05:05):
connected in that way. That said, you are absolutely correct
that we're not really connecting in any way other than
that electronic device. And one of the best ways we
can build resilience to our stress is to have meaningful
connections with people. And I don't believe email and i
(05:27):
ams are meaningful connections. I mean the old fashioned getting
together for dinner, you know, sitting out on the porch,
having long conversations on the phone. Even those are ways
we connect with people, and unfortunately that has not been
a priority for us in a while. So I would
(05:50):
tell parents, tell people again, one of the ways you
can build resilience to this stress is to build up
your natural support systems, which are your friends, your family,
and really connect with them, take that time to sit
down and have a real conversation face to face.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I remember hearing you know, back after World War Two,
you had a nice home. Everybody had almost the same
kind of home and everything was just wonderful. And you know, forties, fifties, sixties,
all of a sudden you wanted to you know, some
people were upgrading to bigger homes. Next thing, you know,
two car families. Next thing, you know, mom and dads
both work. And next thing, you know, we've got childcare
(06:29):
situations where it's up twenty three percent or thirty percent
more than it was, you know, just a couple of
years ago. Those kinds of issues. So I put down
to three c's Charles Pemmerton, how do we find contentment,
coping skills and considerations. Maybe you maybe consider a new
job or staying at home or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
With a job, you know, that's that's a tall order,
but you've hit the nail on the head with that,
and it doesn't necessarily have to be by big changes.
It's not necessarily a matter of Okay, so you're I
have to quit my job and I have to sell
my big house, and there are little things that you
can do to prioritize every day. One of the I
(07:11):
was reading an article that was really interesting where it
said that one thing you can do is you can
put down your top ten, your top ten things goals
for the next year, and then put down ten more,
and then force yourself to put down five more without
any repeating it, and then put down three more. So
you've got this big list of goals and then start
going through and crossing off the ones that aren't important,
(07:34):
until you get down to where if you spend all
this time, what are your top three goals? And is
that family? Is that? Friends? Is that? Money? Is that?
And then really focusing on what that is that all said,
I would really encourage that one of those be connections
(07:55):
with people because in that connection with people, that is
where you could find a lot of those seas. You
also build a lot of resiliency so when times are hard,
you know who you can lean on and you filled
your emotional bank. I know that sounds a little way
out there, but it's important to fill our emotional bank
(08:15):
so that we can deal with all that stress.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Right. We're not robots, at least we say we're not,
except we are sometimes.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, it feels that way.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Charles appreciates your time as always. Thank you, Charles Pemmerton
to Minchia family. There be Louisvilledft dot com have a
great week, we'll see you.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Coming up, Scott is job with a check of sports.
Of course, we've got John Chandler in the news. We're
going to talk to coach Scottie deed Elman. Knight's getting
ready for some basketball and they're going to be in
the Highlands once again, back where they belong. That's coming
up in about fifteen minutes on Kentucky outas Morning News.
Privileged to have Charles Pemmerson joining us again here at
news Radio, a port of the w h A s
I'm total cruise, along with doctor Premerson, who, of course
says with Louisville, h I'll get it. At some point
you mentioned family therapy a little bit of DFD, so
I appreciate your time. Charles. Let's talk about parents under pressure.
(00:23):
And you know, I know some people who have this
collective eye roll when we talk about the stress on
parents is so much harder these days and everything else. Uh,
if we could all just take a collective uh, well,
let's listen of what's going on, maybe we can learn
some things today. So what are you finding out here
with the stress and particularly for those parents out.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
There well, and you know that that's a great place
to start, is that, you know, whether we really want
to say it's more than what it used to be,
or you know, it's it's the same as what it was,
the fact is that there's a lot of pressure on
our on our parents and in our kids as well,
and our parents are feeling that stress. And you know,
(01:04):
we can point to whether it's things in the news
like unfortunately the shootings that occur or whether it's the
pressure of trying to get into college and paying for college,
or you know, whether it's the social media that's going
on and comparing ourselves. There's there's a lot of stress
out there for our parents, and parents often will not
(01:26):
take the time that they need for themselves or what
they might take that time, but they're really not taking
the time in ways that are beneficial. So you'll ask parents,
so what are you doing for yourself? Well, you know,
I'll get on social media, I'll scroll through Facebook, or
or I take some time and you know, I just
sit and have a quiet cup of coffee. But if
(01:48):
they're not doing something to really recharge their batteries. In
other words, you know, they're you know, scrolling through social media,
but they're comparing themselves to all the other parents, or
they're having that cup of coffee, that quiet cup of coffee,
but they're also sitting there thinking about all the stuff
that they didn't do yesterday and all the things they
(02:08):
have to do today. They're really not taking that time
to recharge their batteries. They're not taking their time to
really be in the moment and take care of themselves.
A great parenting skill to pass on to our children
is the ability to not necessarily be selfish, but to
model that, Hey, sometimes I need to take a break,
(02:32):
I need to take some time for myself and recharge
my batteries. I need to tell people no. And sometimes
that's our spouse, sometimes that's our children, sometimes that's people
outside of the family. But to model that it's okay
to say no. It is a great parenting skill, but
it's something that parents often struggle with because of all
(02:56):
those self those self allayed and ideas of how to
be the best parent and how I compared everyone else.
So I would start right there, take some time for yourself,
plan some time so that you can build up your
own reserves to deal with this onslaught of stress that
we all have.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
We're talking to Mitch Family Therapies doctor Charles Pemberton, who
joined us biweekly here a news radio a forty wahas. Charles,
let's talk a little bit about forty one percent of
parents say that most days, forty one percent in America
say they are so stressed they can't function well. I mean,
I don't know about what that means, but I can't
(03:38):
you know, I can see where it can happen even
if you're working from home, you're on your computer all day,
or let's say you just check your emails, and then
next thing you know, your spouse is on their computer
doing their job whatever the case may be, or they're
not around, and you know, the checking emails goes to
checking out Twitter or TikTok or going to ESPN or
some news situation, and then you start doing it and
(03:59):
you're not even connecting with your spouse anymore.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
A lot of times, well, and that's true. One of
the big changes from past generations to today is working
from home. There's not that boundary from work to your
home life. But also with the event of our social media,
with our emails, with our phones that are in our pockets,
all of a sudden, we can be reached twenty four
(04:22):
hours a day. We can get all that information twenty
four hours a day. In generations past, there was that
disconnect when I went home. Your boss didn't call you
on your home phone that was attached to your wall.
There weren't emails that you felt like you had to check,
or you know, ims that you had to check all
the time. Now, whether you're home or whether you're working
(04:45):
in the office, there is a there's a boundary that
has been really blurred between work and our home life. Well,
that same thing has been blurred with our kids when before,
when our kids went to school, well we kind of said, well,
kids are in school. Now, we can still reach our kids. Now,
we can still check on our kids, So we're always
(05:05):
connected in that way. That said, you are absolutely correct
that we're not really connecting in any way other than
that electronic device. And one of the best ways we
can build resilience to our stress is to have meaningful
connections with people. And I don't believe email and i
(05:27):
ams are meaningful connections. I mean the old fashioned getting
together for dinner, you know, sitting out on the porch,
having long conversations on the phone. Even those are ways
we connect with people, and unfortunately that has not been
a priority for us in a while. So I would
(05:50):
tell parents, tell people again, one of the ways you
can build resilience to this stress is to build up
your natural support systems, which are your friends, your family,
and really connect with them, take that time to sit
down and have a real conversation face to face.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I remember hearing you know, back after World War Two,
you had a nice home. Everybody had almost the same
kind of home and everything was just wonderful. And you know, forties, fifties, sixties,
all of a sudden you wanted to you know, some
people were upgrading to bigger homes. Next thing, you know,
two car families. Next thing, you know, mom and dads
both work. And next thing, you know, we've got childcare
(06:29):
situations where it's up twenty three percent or thirty percent
more than it was, you know, just a couple of
years ago. Those kinds of issues. So I put down
to three c's Charles Pemmerton, how do we find contentment,
coping skills and considerations. Maybe you maybe consider a new
job or staying at home or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
With a job, you know, that's that's a tall order,
but you've hit the nail on the head with that,
and it doesn't necessarily have to be by big changes.
It's not necessarily a matter of Okay, so you're I
have to quit my job and I have to sell
my big house, and there are little things that you
can do to prioritize every day. One of the I
(07:11):
was reading an article that was really interesting where it
said that one thing you can do is you can
put down your top ten, your top ten things goals
for the next year, and then put down ten more,
and then force yourself to put down five more without
any repeating it, and then put down three more. So
you've got this big list of goals and then start
going through and crossing off the ones that aren't important,
(07:34):
until you get down to where if you spend all
this time, what are your top three goals? And is
that family? Is that? Friends? Is that? Money? Is that?
And then really focusing on what that is that all said,
I would really encourage that one of those be connections
(07:55):
with people because in that connection with people, that is
where you could find a lot of those seas. You
also build a lot of resiliency so when times are hard,
you know who you can lean on and you filled
your emotional bank. I know that sounds a little way
out there, but it's important to fill our emotional bank
(08:15):
so that we can deal with all that stress.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Right. We're not robots, at least we say we're not,
except we are sometimes.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, it feels that way.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Charles appreciates your time as always. Thank you, Charles Pemmerton
to Minchia family. There be Louisvilledft dot com have a
great week, we'll see you.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Coming up, Scott is job with a check of sports.
Of course, we've got John Chandler in the news. We're
going to talk to coach Scottie deed Elman. Knight's getting
ready for some basketball and they're going to be in
the Highlands once again, back where they belong. That's coming
up in about fifteen minutes on Kentucky outas Morning News.
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