October 30, 2022 • 37 mins
Ben Maller is in the studio with Danny G., having some mail bag fun for your Sunday! All questions sent in by P1's of the #MallerMilitia! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day dred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of Hot
takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
(00:23):
Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere Another
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard and Danny g Radio, and
you are in for the drama or rama van break here.
(00:46):
Now that is the mail bag. Oh my god, let's go.
Oh it's so excited. Everyone loves the mail bag. The
crowd goes wild. These are actual letters from actual listeners
to the show. We can't start the mail bag without
a tribute to our friend, Ohio. Al it's bag, all right,
(01:23):
thank you for that, Ohio. The kids like that pretty good.
That's pretty good. Let's go right to the mail bag.
I got mail, Yeah, I got mail. Yea. These are
actual letters by actual listeners to the podcast and the
radio show. And I want to thank the members of
the mallamsh I assume these are members of the Malam motion.
(01:44):
Maybe it's bots. But I put my email on Facebook,
the fifth Hour, Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com,
Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. I put that
on Facebook every week and I have been signed up.
My email has been used for all kinds of insurance is.
People have signed me up for different things on the internet.
I have some. I got an email from a parking
(02:07):
company in Toronto that my parking space is available, but
I have to pay my bill. I've never been to Toronto.
I don't have a parking place, but I'm honored that people.
Either people are doing this or some kind of advanced
AI is using my email address and signing me up
for random shit. So I thank you for that. I appreciate. Yeah,
(02:30):
big fat waste of time. You have to go through
the inbox and hit spam spam. Yeah, yeah, every week.
It's a stack of these things. So the first letter
we get is from Pierre from Parts Unknown, formerly in Springfield,
just down the street from the Pro Basketball of Fame
where Mufett McGraw resides. But Pierre is in a dust
up with fur Dog. Pierre says, been with the chatter
(02:54):
last week that you cut the guest list short for
the Halloween party. How in the hell did the ungrateful
elitist make the cut? Let me guess who am I?
I was Rob Parker's plus one for Mallard's inaugural Halloween party,
and I can't believe that I flew back here for
some cold Domino's pizza and Kirkland brand alcohol. Well, that
(03:19):
sounds like I don't did he post that on social media?
The man wearing this dress. I I don't know if
he did or not, but that sounds like something that
that he would do. Uh, it was clearly an oversight.
It was a mistake, Pierre. It will not happen again. Wrong,
it will not happen again. Mr West of the four
oh five. Well, even if I have to go and
do the unthinkable and invite Goldilocks, Uh, we're too far?
(03:45):
Is that too? That's a bridge too far? Danny Daddy, Yeah,
I can't. Yeah, that's a that's a tough one. Because
he I don't know, he can't. He can't act on
his good behavior, So I don't know if I can't
really invite the guy. All right, come back, pat judge,
it's from call. Well, this is a very important letters
postmarked international from Australia. Ozzy was from Western Australia rights
(04:09):
and he says, good day mate, Big Ben and the
smooth talking Danny g I gave you a call during
the week and I played it back for the misses
from the podcast, and she thought it was really cool,
but then felt sort of bad for me, as she
reckons you couldn't quite understand me. So, Ozzy was his question.
(04:31):
Without trying to be racist, he says, have you ever
had trouble understanding people from other countries? No, No, Ozzy,
was I understood you complete? I did. There was a
slight delay at the beginning of the call. So I'm
a schmuck, I'm a I'm a mama Luke. So let
the mrs know what I was doing with stick a lot,
like any time I see an opportunity. I thought you
(04:52):
could not hear what we were doing, and so I
was doing the old hey you want to get on
the air bit. But you then real eyes that you
could hear us, and whatever connection issues that we had
went away, and no, I understood. In fact, I told
my my wife about your call. I said, Hey, the
guy that got attacked by the kangaroo, Ozzy was I
(05:13):
I told her that he called the show and she
was like, oh man, she loved the information you gave
about the kangaroos. I don't know much about kangaroos other
than I've seen them on a few TV shows and
movies over the years, but I've never seen one in person.
And all that. And so Ozzy was said on the
radio show this week Danny that unlike you know how
(05:33):
deer freezes and the headlights, that phrase deer in the
headlights because the dear old freeze on a country road
when they see cars, Well, a kangaroo, according to Ozzy
was there the opposite. They will run at a light
like the cars drive by and they run. They run
after the light. Yeah, not the brightest move. And behind
(05:55):
the car. Well yeah, they're behind it and they're getting
a lot of work out in, you know, getting their
exercise in. But Ozzy was was listening to our show
in Australia and his car got destroyed by a kangaroo.
Kangaroo came over there in Western Australia just ripped the
car up. So no, I loved your call, as he was,
I hope it doesn't cost you too much money. I'd
(06:16):
love to talk to you again. And I'll make sure
that goes smoother next time. I'm gonna blame the Cooper loop,
is what I'm gonna do. It's clearly his fault. There
was a connection issue, and I'm blaming him. I wish
I could pull off those suits, all right. Next up
we have Kevin in Kansas. He says, Dear Ben and
Danny G. I know a guy who has a tattoo
(06:36):
of a wedding ring on his ring finger. Ben, given
your lost ring or deal, and Danny G with a
possible nuptial in the offing, would either of you consider
this possibility? Alright? So I got a new ring, so
I'm good on that. And I also got these because
of our friend in Denver. I got these rubber eysed
(06:58):
rings that I wear when I go to the beach. Now,
so my goal is to if as long as I
remember and remember to change out the ring, I don't
think I'll worry about losing my wedding ring again, because
any situation where I may lose the ring, I'll just
wear one of these sheep you know, rubber rings that
I got like ten of them for like five bucks
off Amazon. So there's that. But what about you Dannity,
(07:19):
you are getting close to the big day. It's coming
up here before you know it. Well, as you know, Ben,
I'm against tattoos. Yes, that's your religion. But would you
have you have you already bought a ring? Ring? Ring? Ring?
Or yeah? The well my Cleopatra bought me one. That's
the least she could do. As you know, the girl's
(07:40):
ring is about four paychecks and the men's ring is
uh not even not even a quarter of a paycheck. Well,
why is there such a big difference, by the way, Ben,
Why is the girl's ring so fancy and so expensive
and the guy's ring is so drab and cheap? Well,
it really sexism. And I think women should demand to
(08:02):
get the same quality ring the men get, as opposed
to the men demanding the ring the women get. And
it's a it is one of those things in life.
So much has changed, but it's one of those things, Danny,
that's like in his own time warp. And I blame
the people that run jewelry stores, right, They're the they're
the ones holding onto this so like no, no, no,
(08:24):
you gotta you gotta spend x amount of money. And
if you don't do that, you're a schmuck, and you're
a loser and a mom, a luke and and all that. So, yeah,
I do like the one I picked out, But I
told my TENDERNI I was like, why couldn't yours have
been this price? This My monthly payment for her ring
cost more than my ring complete. Yeah, well that's and
(08:47):
this is a preview of future engagements there, Danny, so
be prepared. This is part of the part of the
gig here you have to look forward to. But it's
it'll all work out. Let's see here, all right. Next
up we have Nick in Wisconsin, he says, Benn and Danny.
Two part question, any wild animal in the world, which
one would you be or are you most scared of seeing?
(09:12):
And which do you think you could take on in
a fight? Yeah, so wild animal you think you can
beat in a fight will have to be something kind
of on the small side. One of those um in
the serengetti, you know those small they're like small cats.
(09:33):
That's a plump pussy right there. What what do they they?
They do travel in packs, though, but I think I
could take them down. I forget the name of them.
Don't do a lost cap magnet pencil next, which doesn't
really help right now, Nick, And then which wild animal
would I like. I'd like to see the Komodo dragon.
(09:57):
To me, that's a dinosaur them in the crocod aisle,
So I'd like to see that. As far as scared,
I think any wild animal that's within five ft of
you or ten ft of you is a scary proposition.
Like I've heard horror stories about every even for like buffalo.
I had a buddy of mine was trying to get
a buffalo, an actual live buffalo, for a radio bit
(10:21):
that he was doing, and he was told by the
people that keep the buffalo that they're very angry animals
and they don't like to be around people. So, which
is I thought was amusing because doesn't Colorado football and
Boulder don't they have like live buffalo that run out
in the field and and all that. But anyways, I
(10:41):
guess they were blinders or whatever. So he was he
was telling me that, But uh, scared to see about
like a lion, lion, even an alligator, like a big
eight hundred pound gator, yeah found for a hundred and
fifty years. Yeah, something like that, that would be bad.
What about you, Danny? Uh, let's see the animal I
would like to beat up. Let's go with a hyena,
(11:03):
because when we were kids watching The Lion King, remember
how annoying the hyenas were. I think the hyena was
what I was thinking of, but I couldn't come up
with the name. So really, okay, so we agree on that, Yeah,
because I think we could take a hyena. They're not
that big, right, we could take down a hyena. Yeah,
it's like a medium sized animal. We could take that there. Yeah,
or take them out with bad jokes too. They wouldn't
(11:24):
be laughing at all. Oh, that isn't funny. Yeah. And
then let's see as far as being scared of an animal,
I guess a grizzly bear or yeah, like a huge
grizzly coming after you, because what about a brown bear? Yeah,
not as much as grizzly. I think I saw a
(11:45):
grizzly standing up because those things are fast and they
could rip you apart. What was that story? If you
ever do the animal Thunderdome, this could be in this
in the show. This kind of story. There was a
grandmother somewhere like in the Philippines or someone that was
eating they found her body in some kind of like
a not a lizard, but it was like a snake
(12:06):
or something like a huge python? Right was it a python? Yeah?
So what a way to go out python food? Poor grandma?
She I mean, what are we doing here? I mean, like,
how does that happen? Does she falls she's sleeping in
the python eight? Or while she was sleeping did she
fall down? Did she know what was happening? Like, there's
(12:28):
so many questions you want to know about. I love man.
That's one of the reasons I love the Thunderdome because
you have to do some investigative reporting to find out
how did this fucking happen? And there's so many questions. Yeah, yeah,
that would be a good one to get somebody on
from the local law enforcement or somebody that would have
(12:48):
inside information. No, I'm moving on. You've got males. We
do have mail Berry from Nashville Rights and he says,
yo yo mob. Benny Berry says in Gascon, who has
been gone from the Fifth Hour podcast, we have never
heard from I'm a Pilot? Is it now given that
(13:10):
I'm a Pilot? Was really David Gascon? I say yes, well,
I second that motion by Barry in Nashville, Yo Yo,
Ma Benny, the man that gave me that name. And yes,
I'm a pilot. Either is related to gascon or is
gascon but to completely fall off the face of the earth,
(13:35):
there's god to be talking about investigations. This guy, I'm
a pilot, he emailed us a lot when the podcast started,
every week for a while. He is a pilot, but
he flies long international flights. And I can't confirm that
it is somebody that has access to photos because this
guy was sending photos from China. He went to China
(13:59):
during COVID and he talked about his experience as he
went into immediate quarantine and how they he was like
in prison in a Chinese hotel, and he sent us
photos which I didn't even know you're allowed to take
in China, and it showed us of his some of
his conditions and all that. So so it is somebody
I is gascon per se, but it's probably somebody in
(14:22):
the gascon clan, is what I will say. Barry from Nashville,
and then he says free Justin. I don't know what's justin.
You're talking about wrong. I mean, there's a lot of
people in life named Justin. So I have no no
bleeping clue with Justin. You are refrained. It was a
(14:43):
lot of fun catching up with Gascon at your Halloween party.
One thing, though, I asked him what happened to his parents,
because his parents used to email this show all the
time too. Yeah, and what did he What do you say?
He's like, I don't know what you're talking about, the
same thing he says about pot Yeah, you know who
his parents were, right? Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've had it.
(15:03):
His dad was his dad was on the poxic Yeah,
not that dad. I'm talking about the couple that used
to email the show. Oh yes, yes, yeah, they have it. Yes,
his surrogate parents. What happened to them? I don't know.
Let me see here, let me see the last time
They're gonna look right now, I'm gonna guess. Hold on
(15:23):
April May, June, somewhere around there. Yes, the last email
we received from Helen and Stu was in June. Wow,
good guests. Yeah, it was mid June. So we've been
through July and August and September pretty much all of October.
Now this is our last show in October, so four
(15:44):
months without hearing from Helen and Stu. Maybe they're on
a flight with I'm a pilot. Yeah, I hope they're
I hope they're okay. I mean, I don't I don't know.
They were not feeling particularly good. I'm remember the last
time they they emailed, So I don't know what's going on,
but I have not It's odd that they would just
(16:05):
disappear for that because emailing every other week. I hope
they're okay, But I I don't know what happened to
Helen and st Helen and still have you hear this
reach out to us, let's know you're okay. That's normally
how Maybe I listened to too many crime podcasts, but
that's normally how people cover their tracks before they disappear.
I'm not feeling well. Things that make you go yeah,
(16:30):
And I can hear Helen right now saying you are
fake news. I don't know about that. You've got mail,
al right. Next up, we have mus See or any
meaning Mighty Mike from Fullerton Rights, in no relation to
fur Dog. He says, the talk of the town is
still Ben's monster mash from last weekend, So I have
a couple of questions about it. In each of your
opinions of those in attendance. Who had the best costume,
(16:54):
Who had the worst costume? All right, so we'll start
with those two. And there's another question here. He says,
who had the most offensive costume? So the best costume?
I thought your costume was good. I love Bobo on
the radio. I thought he really nailed it as well.
One of the one of the people from Danny G's
clan or not not you're not your clan, the uh
(17:16):
Looney clan. Uh, they had a pretty good, pretty good
I mean, there were some decent cons there's a pretty
good costume section. The worst costume has to be either
Tom Looney, who just wore a witch's hat and regular clothes,
or with all due respect, Rob Parker who dressed as
Rob Parker, but as Rob Parker. That's the most authentic
Rob Parker costume. So if you're dressing as Rob Parker
(17:37):
and you are Rob Cocker, that can't be the worst costume.
That's gotta be a pretty good costume. Well, Iowa Sam
needs to be in the running. Oh yeah, he just
wore like a mask. He had a two dollar mask
from CVS Pharmacy. Yeah, well, with the putin price, Iche
it was likely a seventeen dollar mass, but still still
not not that good. And as far as offensive, I
(18:00):
don't know what do you think it was offensive? Any offensiveness.
I didn't think mine was offensive until I filled in
on your weekday program Sunday into Monday on the Ben
Mallor Show. Dog. Yeah yeah, Ferg Dog called up during
instead Viceline and said that my costume was racist. Yes,
well everything is racist. This podcast is racist. The whole
(18:22):
thing world is racist. When you're paying homage to the
great Pharaoh and Cleopatra, how is that racist? No? I
thought your costume was. It was wonderful and it looked good,
and I was I was proud of you because, as
I told your your lovely TENDERNI. I've known you for
many years, Danny, You've always been the Tupac Foe Drizzle. Yeah,
(18:45):
always been Tupac at every Halloween event. But no, no
more Tupac. Do you still have the mask? You kept
the mask? Right? Of course? Well, last night at the
school in Van Eyes, I had the Tupac mask on.
You know, no tenderon insight, I'm Tupac because she told
me you could be Tupac. But then what am I
gonna be to match that. And I said you could
(19:06):
be one of my house and for some reason she
did not appreciate that. She laughed. She loves Tupacs music,
so she's like, okay, Mr, I get around all right.
Next up, we have Big Greg from Iowa, he says,
Dear Ben and Danny g Since this will be seen
after the Halloween party, Ben Jonas wants to know where
(19:29):
his invite was. Well, it was lost in the mail.
It was lost, and and Jonas and I gotta tell
you there were guys that well, I wasn't I invite.
Jonas got upset, LaVar Arrington got upset. They were busting
my chops. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna
put these guys on blast. I'm gonna invite all these
people that were complaining they didn't get an invite. Who
I was polite. I didn't want to have them have
(19:50):
to not show up and tell me they're not coming
because they live so far away. But if they want
to invite, I'll give them an invite. And if we
have a Christmas Ugly Sweater part, I'll invite him and
we'll see how many of these guys show up we'll
see who shows up. Jonas complains about driving from his
place to the studios on Saturday mornings, so I can't
(20:11):
imagine him driving all the way to where you live.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you're right about that.
I've invited Jonas for years and he never shows up,
and so I was like, all right, I just won't
even it's just a radio bit at this point, Yeah, exactly.
Greg also says, since you were going as Bob Ross,
and one of the miss of Bob Ross is that
(20:31):
his paintings, we were where he hid the bodies, Danny
g and Ben painting the pictures. Uh. And and will
you will you need to do a head count at
work in the future, uh, He says. So I think
he's making a dead body joke there. I got a
thing about dead bodies from Big Greg, and I was
(20:53):
next up Sweet Potato Bob. You know it's big of
Sweet Potato. Bob's writing in from Cincinnati, Ohio, He says, Ben,
break this down for me. Why don't this a sport
o question? He says, why don't all special teams defenses
have a seven footer who jumps up and blocks extra
points and field goals? I'd pay the guy a million
(21:16):
dollars just to do that. It's actually not a terrible idea.
It's not a terrible idea. It sounds like something that
would have happened in the nineties, seventies or the early eighties,
but not now because there's too many hard oh guys
in football that don't have any outside the box thinking.
Like there was a time in the NFL where you'd
(21:37):
see guys who were tracking field stars who would get
signed to be wide receivers. You don't see a lot
of that anymore. Occasionally you'll see a college basketball player
become a tight end. The last experiment like this we had,
remember the the AUSSI rules football player, the Azzy Muffit,
the punter for the forty niners today, Mike, Yeah, so
(22:05):
they don't do those kinds, but that would be that
would definitely be a unique approach. Just have one guy,
but you have specialists. You have a guy that only
plays only plays as a punter, and a guy that's
only a kicker. So he'd have to be a fat,
tall guy otherwise he'd get pushed off the line, not
necessarily if he's if he's a couple of feet behind
(22:26):
the line as in the linebacker position and he jumps off. Yeah,
you'd have to have pretty good hops. Yeah, you can
absolutely pull that off. I think that's a solid idea.
And by the way, in obvious passing situations, you'd take
away the middle of the field. You wouldn't be able
to throw to his side of the field, assuming the
(22:48):
guy has some strength, and you could put him in
the end zone on a hail Mary. That's right, man,
this is a no brainer. Sweet Potato Bob wins the day.
You should be running the Bengals front office. Sweet Potato Bob.
It's bad job by them not hiring you. I got mail, Yeah,
I got mail. Yea, all right. Next up is Mark
(23:11):
from Parts Unknown. Ben, Why do you yell and holler
way more nowadays? Well, it's a great question, Mark, And
the reason I've decided to yell and to scream more
now is I was trying to think of how I
could annoy you, and I thought, Mark, by yelling occasionally
and raising my voice, that that would annoy you, and
(23:35):
that would also cause the crowd to go wild. Talk Now,
I don't really think I'm yelling or hollowing anymore than
I used to, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't spoiler alert.
You ever listen back to your own podcasts? No, I don't, don't.
(23:56):
Don't don't listen to these podcasts? Are you kidding me?
I don't listen to the show the Beast. I don't
listen to you. I don't listen to me. I don't
listen to anybody. I don't. Uh man, you only talk
and yo, you never listen. It's talk radio. It's not
listen radio. It is not They don't pass to listen.
They don't. All right, what was that next thing? I know?
(24:18):
I just saw this white thing flying at my face there, alright.
Next up, we have Noah from Austin, Texas, and I
want to hip cities these days in the United States,
He says, Big Ben, what advice would you give someone
who's wanting to start a successful podcast? So don't do it,
(24:40):
Noah from Austin wanting to start a successful podcast. You
can do it, but you gotta have a plan. You
got you gotta have a plan so that you're an
alarm for three am. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Well, you
have to find a niche. There's there's a podcast, there's
seventh Housing podcasts for everything. So you gotta look at
(25:03):
the podcast market and say, how can I build an audience?
What is going to be my niche, What is going
to be the thing that makes me stand out? So
you gotta start with the content, and then you gotta
figure out how many days of weeks the podcast can be.
You know, how many downloads do I have to get
to before I can can make money? And there's a
(25:23):
lot of things and and I don't want to be
Benny Buzzkill here, but the reality of a podcast game
is most of the podcast that people listen to are
owned by big media companies, so very few mom and
pop podcasts have been able to draw a big audience.
(25:44):
That's just the reality. Now. The good news is, if
you show a little razmatazz on a podcast, one of
the big podcast companies would likely buy you up and
then give you a bigger stage, a bigger megaphone to
be heard. It's like, listen, even what we do here, right, Danny,
we do a big podcast. We have a lot of
people that love the show, and I've been very lucky.
(26:07):
I've loyal members of the Malla militia that have followed
me from the radio to the podcast, and they support
what I do, and we do pretty well. But there's
other podcasts at our company. There's one certain host I
will not name him, who has his own podcast network
that destroys the amount of downloads that we get. All right,
we get a fraction of the amount of downloads that
(26:28):
that guy gets because for for many many reasons. So
and everyone's fighting the game there. But you can do it.
Don't expect to be an overnight sensation there, noah. It's
gonna take a little time, and you gotta find ways
to market it, come up with giveaways and things to
double the audience. The cool thing I've learned from my
years in radio and on the podcast. It's a little
(26:49):
harder with the podcast game. But in radio there's people
always trying to find new programming and scanning the radio
dial old school in the car, and so they'll come
across you on a late night drive and we're on
and things like that. And so if you can just
double the audience, easier said than done. If you have
seven people listening, if they get one more person, that's fourteen.
(27:12):
And then if those other seven people get and you
just keep it keeps morphing like Grimlin's here's a tip
for him. Even if you have to make monthly payments,
buy some quality equipment. I understand that it's a different
world nowadays when it comes to audio equipment, but there
is some equipment that's affordable that actually sounds good. You
(27:33):
just got to do the research. Yeah, and a little
life hack for you know. Uh. These a lot of
these places on Amazon and other places they sell podcasting
microphones that you can plug into the back of your computer,
which sounds like a good idea. They're not that expensive,
but they're my experience, I've tried a few of them.
Absolute shit. And I mixing. Yeah, Like if you can
(27:57):
get a mixing board and then connect that to the
back of your computer, that's what I use. I have
my own set up on the right side. Here I
have the terrestrial radio equipment on the left, which is
a big box of all these different gadgets and thingam
the jigs and all that. But on the other side,
I have just a mixer board and a good microphone.
(28:18):
A good microphone is gonna cost you a couple hundred bucks,
but it's worth it, and these things last forever. These
things will survive a nuclear war. These microphones so very
rarely do you have to replace them. They last a
long time. In fact, at Fox Sports Radio, we're using
the same mics we use when the place opened twenty
something years ago, twenty two years ago, so we're still
using the same microphone. Well they bought futuristic equipment back then, Yeah,
(28:42):
they were. They were planning ahead, like Star Trek. All right.
Next up Fred from Spring Texas and Fred Rice, and
he says, does Danny g feel destined to work in
radio because his last name is radio? Is that? Is
that true? Danny? Is that? I thought your name was
Gara Deli. I was just gonna say radio and more specifically,
(29:05):
Gradio is a stage name. My real last name on
my driver's licenses, Gara Deli. So I actually thought I
was destined to work in the family business. But my
grandfather told all of us, he said, look, I just
want you guys to be successful and happy no matter
what you do, even if you don't want to be
one of America's finest chocolate tears. And we do love chocolate.
(29:28):
But the press of Coco has gone up, and so yeah,
it's a it's a pricey thing, bunch of hookers, and man,
you've got mail all right. Daniel in Ohio is next
in the mail bag. He says, do you guys think
there was an advanced civilization before us? And do you
think there was life on Mars? And if so, do
(29:50):
you think we are them? These are these are George
Nori related questions. Is nor is not on the podcast
this week? We can't ask George so to answer this,
I I I every once in a while, I'll go
out and do a place outside the city the city
lights and look up to the heavens and think that
(30:12):
there's probably thousands of planets just like this one with
life on it, and there's other planets with life that
we have no idea. So I don't know that there
were their civilizations on this planet before us, but I
do believe there there are other life forms. I believe
there are UFOs flying around. It's it's stuff that our
(30:35):
human minds cannot grasp the technology because they are more
advanced than us. And I wouldn't be shocked if there
was life on Mars in the past. And there's a
lot of stuff that certain people know but they don't
want to share with the masses. And they're starting to
(30:56):
open that up a little bit. In recent years, they're
now admitting there's a bunch of UFOs that they have
no idea what the funk these things are, and they're
flying around military bases and whatnot. And so I absolutely
believe there's a bunch of stuff that has kind of
been around the planet from other worlds and whatnot. And
(31:17):
and uh, eventually we won't be around, but there'll be
people in future generations that will well take the human
human beings out to the cost. So what about you, Danny,
any thoughts on whether or not there was an advanced
civilization before us, or life on Mars or any of that. No,
it sounds like you could bullshit your way through sitting
(31:39):
in for George Nori. I could never fill in for him. No,
I would love to feel in. I would think that
would be awesome. I we should have and I know
the company won't do this because I'm a pimple on
an elefense asked, But I'd love for George Nori to
host the show. Yeah, and then we maybe on April
Fool's Day, like, We'll have George do the Ben Mallor
(32:00):
Show and I'll do the Coast to Coast And I'd
love to do a Mallar monologue. Um, and I could.
I could do it about the shadow people. It would
be like Switzer Rude Day at school where the cafeteria
lady gets to be the principal for the day and
the principles in the cafeterias serving food all day be awesome, man,
(32:22):
I would be all about I love the opportunity to
coast to coast. I they I did fill in for
Jim Rome one time, you know that at the Premiere
Networks when Jim the premiere. It was right before he left,
and I did a show with Lincoln Kennedy and it
was like from the gym Rome show, the premiere of
Smack Oh. I was in the jungle ban I had
(32:43):
my machete. I was like, I was going for it.
I was like, finally I've arrived in the jungle. I'm here, man,
I'm a big time guy. Let's see what is next
on the Old Male Bag. All right, wait a minute,
there we go. All right, we have Frank from Parts
and I says, I just want to know, were there
(33:04):
any happy little trees on the Mallard Mountain of Money
this week? Uh so, I'm not. I don't know quite
there was a happy little true. My wife was dressed
as a happy happy A little true. We had the
Mallard Mountain Money. I did not play Mallards Mountain Money
this week. Bad job by the people that picked the contestants.
Next up Jeff and deston Florida Rights, and he says,
(33:26):
Ben and Danny g why do punters try the coffin
corner any Why don't they try the coffin corn anymore?
There's actually another good sporting question. When we were kids, Danny,
we saw this a lot, right, You try to pun
it with inside the ten yard line out of bounds?
Why why don't we We don't see that anymore. Yeah,
that's a good question. You think that would be something
(33:49):
that is very effective and you don't have to worry
about a routine. You can box the people in. It's
it's it's odd that that has left the game of football.
Did they changed the rule or something that if the
punt goes out of bounds, it's it goes to the
thirty five yard line or something like that. Yeah, I don't.
I don't think so either. All right, our NFL rule book. Yeah,
(34:13):
that's that's compelling podcasting. Uh r J in San Antonio says,
have you tried any of Roberto's recipes and if so,
which one is your favorite? Yeah? Back in the old days,
Roberto would bring in some of the food, like the
night he was Yeah, we tried a few things. What
was your favorite, Dananny? And you remember there the enchiladas
(34:35):
he brought all kinds of old he brought in that
night were really good. Yeah, those were pretty good. I
would go with that. But he's he's very talented. There
was also a steak dish that he brought in one
time that was really cooked. Well, yeah, no, he does
a good job on that. It's a bummer that Dodgers
didn't fire Dave Roberts so he can't send out those
(34:56):
recipes anymore. Uh, let's see how rich? Right? And he says,
where does the fake Fudgi post his online recipes? Well,
I don't know he's fake. He does have a Twitter account.
The fake Fudgi has a Twitter account, and I don't
know much more about him. During instant advice line, you
heard him during the Oh yeah, he calls up every week.
That's his big spot. And he and that Now there's
(35:17):
impersonators of Fudgi. Wow, we do like a rip off.
Fudgi impersonation. So that's yeah, exactly all right, we'll get
out on that. Everyone else. We thank you for the
questions and all that. And if you we did not
get to your question this week, don't worry. There's another
mail bag next week. These things one after another, so
I'll be out there panhandling for questions on the Fifth
(35:41):
Hour podcast every Tuesday. But thanks to all you guys
who took time out to send a question. I do
appreciate it, and you can join the the list. We
love when new people send questions. We had some new
people this week, a few new people mixed in with
our regulars. Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real
fifth Hour at gmail dot com and also on the
Facebook page, which is Ben Mallor showing I know. I'll
(36:03):
be on the radio tonight, Danny back in the Magic
Radio Box. It's Halloween tomorrow, a lot of Halloween parties
this this weekend and all that, And in fact, there's
a little party from my nieces and nephews and cousins
that we're throwing today. So I'm gonna try to get
(36:23):
into the the main studio tonight, but I'll be back then.
Anything to promote Danny anything and all your day off. Well,
let me promote the penny because it being Sunday morning,
this is your last chance to listen to Benny versus
the Penny week number eight. Yeah, last chance saloon, last
opportunity to hear all the pis before the games. Keep off.
(36:46):
My right hand was getting a workout. I'm not a
fan of that anyway. Let's have a great day to day,
enjoy the rest of your we enjoy the NFL games today,
and I'll catch you and I'll be ranting and rabing
like a lunatic about a bunch of these NFL games
tonight on the Ben Mallory Show, which starts at eleven
pm Pacific time on Sunday night, but two am in
the East and where most people live on the Eastern seaboard,
(37:09):
two to six in the morning. We'll catch you then
and see you later. We're out like a pig snout.
Oh that's a new one. That's a that's the second
time I've done that one. Okay, Hey, hey, I'm let
you go. I like to Saint Go raiders. Check put baby,
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day dred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of Hot
takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
(00:23):
Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere Another
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard and Danny g Radio, and
you are in for the drama or rama van break here.
(00:46):
Now that is the mail bag. Oh my god, let's go.
Oh it's so excited. Everyone loves the mail bag. The
crowd goes wild. These are actual letters from actual listeners
to the show. We can't start the mail bag without
a tribute to our friend, Ohio. Al it's bag, all right,
(01:23):
thank you for that, Ohio. The kids like that pretty good.
That's pretty good. Let's go right to the mail bag.
I got mail, Yeah, I got mail. Yea. These are
actual letters by actual listeners to the podcast and the
radio show. And I want to thank the members of
the mallamsh I assume these are members of the Malam motion.
(01:44):
Maybe it's bots. But I put my email on Facebook,
the fifth Hour, Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com,
Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. I put that
on Facebook every week and I have been signed up.
My email has been used for all kinds of insurance is.
People have signed me up for different things on the internet.
I have some. I got an email from a parking
(02:07):
company in Toronto that my parking space is available, but
I have to pay my bill. I've never been to Toronto.
I don't have a parking place, but I'm honored that people.
Either people are doing this or some kind of advanced
AI is using my email address and signing me up
for random shit. So I thank you for that. I appreciate. Yeah,
(02:30):
big fat waste of time. You have to go through
the inbox and hit spam spam. Yeah, yeah, every week.
It's a stack of these things. So the first letter
we get is from Pierre from Parts Unknown, formerly in Springfield,
just down the street from the Pro Basketball of Fame
where Mufett McGraw resides. But Pierre is in a dust
up with fur Dog. Pierre says, been with the chatter
(02:54):
last week that you cut the guest list short for
the Halloween party. How in the hell did the ungrateful
elitist make the cut? Let me guess who am I?
I was Rob Parker's plus one for Mallard's inaugural Halloween party,
and I can't believe that I flew back here for
some cold Domino's pizza and Kirkland brand alcohol. Well, that
(03:19):
sounds like I don't did he post that on social media?
The man wearing this dress. I I don't know if
he did or not, but that sounds like something that
that he would do. Uh, it was clearly an oversight.
It was a mistake, Pierre. It will not happen again. Wrong,
it will not happen again. Mr West of the four
oh five. Well, even if I have to go and
do the unthinkable and invite Goldilocks, Uh, we're too far?
(03:45):
Is that too? That's a bridge too far? Danny Daddy, Yeah,
I can't. Yeah, that's a that's a tough one. Because
he I don't know, he can't. He can't act on
his good behavior, So I don't know if I can't
really invite the guy. All right, come back, pat judge,
it's from call. Well, this is a very important letters
postmarked international from Australia. Ozzy was from Western Australia rights
(04:09):
and he says, good day mate, Big Ben and the
smooth talking Danny g I gave you a call during
the week and I played it back for the misses
from the podcast, and she thought it was really cool,
but then felt sort of bad for me, as she
reckons you couldn't quite understand me. So, Ozzy was his question.
(04:31):
Without trying to be racist, he says, have you ever
had trouble understanding people from other countries? No, No, Ozzy,
was I understood you complete? I did. There was a
slight delay at the beginning of the call. So I'm
a schmuck, I'm a I'm a mama Luke. So let
the mrs know what I was doing with stick a lot,
like any time I see an opportunity. I thought you
(04:52):
could not hear what we were doing, and so I
was doing the old hey you want to get on
the air bit. But you then real eyes that you
could hear us, and whatever connection issues that we had
went away, and no, I understood. In fact, I told
my my wife about your call. I said, Hey, the
guy that got attacked by the kangaroo, Ozzy was I
(05:13):
I told her that he called the show and she
was like, oh man, she loved the information you gave
about the kangaroos. I don't know much about kangaroos other
than I've seen them on a few TV shows and
movies over the years, but I've never seen one in person.
And all that. And so Ozzy was said on the
radio show this week Danny that unlike you know how
(05:33):
deer freezes and the headlights, that phrase deer in the
headlights because the dear old freeze on a country road
when they see cars, Well, a kangaroo, according to Ozzy
was there the opposite. They will run at a light
like the cars drive by and they run. They run
after the light. Yeah, not the brightest move. And behind
(05:55):
the car. Well yeah, they're behind it and they're getting
a lot of work out in, you know, getting their
exercise in. But Ozzy was was listening to our show
in Australia and his car got destroyed by a kangaroo.
Kangaroo came over there in Western Australia just ripped the
car up. So no, I loved your call, as he was,
I hope it doesn't cost you too much money. I'd
(06:16):
love to talk to you again. And I'll make sure
that goes smoother next time. I'm gonna blame the Cooper loop,
is what I'm gonna do. It's clearly his fault. There
was a connection issue, and I'm blaming him. I wish
I could pull off those suits, all right. Next up
we have Kevin in Kansas. He says, Dear Ben and
Danny G. I know a guy who has a tattoo
(06:36):
of a wedding ring on his ring finger. Ben, given
your lost ring or deal, and Danny G with a
possible nuptial in the offing, would either of you consider
this possibility? Alright? So I got a new ring, so
I'm good on that. And I also got these because
of our friend in Denver. I got these rubber eysed
(06:58):
rings that I wear when I go to the beach. Now,
so my goal is to if as long as I
remember and remember to change out the ring, I don't
think I'll worry about losing my wedding ring again, because
any situation where I may lose the ring, I'll just
wear one of these sheep you know, rubber rings that
I got like ten of them for like five bucks
off Amazon. So there's that. But what about you Dannity,
(07:19):
you are getting close to the big day. It's coming
up here before you know it. Well, as you know, Ben,
I'm against tattoos. Yes, that's your religion. But would you
have you have you already bought a ring? Ring? Ring? Ring?
Or yeah? The well my Cleopatra bought me one. That's
the least she could do. As you know, the girl's
(07:40):
ring is about four paychecks and the men's ring is
uh not even not even a quarter of a paycheck. Well,
why is there such a big difference, by the way, Ben,
Why is the girl's ring so fancy and so expensive
and the guy's ring is so drab and cheap? Well,
it really sexism. And I think women should demand to
(08:02):
get the same quality ring the men get, as opposed
to the men demanding the ring the women get. And
it's a it is one of those things in life.
So much has changed, but it's one of those things, Danny,
that's like in his own time warp. And I blame
the people that run jewelry stores, right, They're the they're
the ones holding onto this so like no, no, no,
(08:24):
you gotta you gotta spend x amount of money. And
if you don't do that, you're a schmuck, and you're
a loser and a mom, a luke and and all that. So, yeah,
I do like the one I picked out, But I
told my TENDERNI I was like, why couldn't yours have
been this price? This My monthly payment for her ring
cost more than my ring complete. Yeah, well that's and
(08:47):
this is a preview of future engagements there, Danny, so
be prepared. This is part of the part of the
gig here you have to look forward to. But it's
it'll all work out. Let's see here, all right. Next
up we have Nick in Wisconsin, he says, Benn and Danny.
Two part question, any wild animal in the world, which
one would you be or are you most scared of seeing?
(09:12):
And which do you think you could take on in
a fight? Yeah, so wild animal you think you can
beat in a fight will have to be something kind
of on the small side. One of those um in
the serengetti, you know those small they're like small cats.
(09:33):
That's a plump pussy right there. What what do they they?
They do travel in packs, though, but I think I
could take them down. I forget the name of them.
Don't do a lost cap magnet pencil next, which doesn't
really help right now, Nick, And then which wild animal
would I like. I'd like to see the Komodo dragon.
(09:57):
To me, that's a dinosaur them in the crocod aisle,
So I'd like to see that. As far as scared,
I think any wild animal that's within five ft of
you or ten ft of you is a scary proposition.
Like I've heard horror stories about every even for like buffalo.
I had a buddy of mine was trying to get
a buffalo, an actual live buffalo, for a radio bit
(10:21):
that he was doing, and he was told by the
people that keep the buffalo that they're very angry animals
and they don't like to be around people. So, which
is I thought was amusing because doesn't Colorado football and
Boulder don't they have like live buffalo that run out
in the field and and all that. But anyways, I
(10:41):
guess they were blinders or whatever. So he was he
was telling me that, But uh, scared to see about
like a lion, lion, even an alligator, like a big
eight hundred pound gator, yeah found for a hundred and
fifty years. Yeah, something like that, that would be bad.
What about you, Danny? Uh, let's see the animal I
would like to beat up. Let's go with a hyena,
(11:03):
because when we were kids watching The Lion King, remember
how annoying the hyenas were. I think the hyena was
what I was thinking of, but I couldn't come up
with the name. So really, okay, so we agree on that, Yeah,
because I think we could take a hyena. They're not
that big, right, we could take down a hyena. Yeah,
it's like a medium sized animal. We could take that there. Yeah,
or take them out with bad jokes too. They wouldn't
(11:24):
be laughing at all. Oh, that isn't funny. Yeah. And
then let's see as far as being scared of an animal,
I guess a grizzly bear or yeah, like a huge
grizzly coming after you, because what about a brown bear? Yeah,
not as much as grizzly. I think I saw a
(11:45):
grizzly standing up because those things are fast and they
could rip you apart. What was that story? If you
ever do the animal Thunderdome, this could be in this
in the show. This kind of story. There was a
grandmother somewhere like in the Philippines or someone that was
eating they found her body in some kind of like
a not a lizard, but it was like a snake
(12:06):
or something like a huge python? Right was it a python? Yeah?
So what a way to go out python food? Poor grandma?
She I mean, what are we doing here? I mean, like,
how does that happen? Does she falls she's sleeping in
the python eight? Or while she was sleeping did she
fall down? Did she know what was happening? Like, there's
(12:28):
so many questions you want to know about. I love man.
That's one of the reasons I love the Thunderdome because
you have to do some investigative reporting to find out
how did this fucking happen? And there's so many questions. Yeah, yeah,
that would be a good one to get somebody on
from the local law enforcement or somebody that would have
(12:48):
inside information. No, I'm moving on. You've got males. We
do have mail Berry from Nashville Rights and he says,
yo yo mob. Benny Berry says in Gascon, who has
been gone from the Fifth Hour podcast, we have never
heard from I'm a Pilot? Is it now given that
(13:10):
I'm a Pilot? Was really David Gascon? I say yes, well,
I second that motion by Barry in Nashville, Yo Yo,
Ma Benny, the man that gave me that name. And yes,
I'm a pilot. Either is related to gascon or is
gascon but to completely fall off the face of the earth,
(13:35):
there's god to be talking about investigations. This guy, I'm
a pilot, he emailed us a lot when the podcast started,
every week for a while. He is a pilot, but
he flies long international flights. And I can't confirm that
it is somebody that has access to photos because this
guy was sending photos from China. He went to China
(13:59):
during COVID and he talked about his experience as he
went into immediate quarantine and how they he was like
in prison in a Chinese hotel, and he sent us
photos which I didn't even know you're allowed to take
in China, and it showed us of his some of
his conditions and all that. So so it is somebody
I is gascon per se, but it's probably somebody in
(14:22):
the gascon clan, is what I will say. Barry from Nashville,
and then he says free Justin. I don't know what's justin.
You're talking about wrong. I mean, there's a lot of
people in life named Justin. So I have no no
bleeping clue with Justin. You are refrained. It was a
(14:43):
lot of fun catching up with Gascon at your Halloween party.
One thing, though, I asked him what happened to his parents,
because his parents used to email this show all the
time too. Yeah, and what did he What do you say?
He's like, I don't know what you're talking about, the
same thing he says about pot Yeah, you know who
his parents were, right? Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've had it.
(15:03):
His dad was his dad was on the poxic Yeah,
not that dad. I'm talking about the couple that used
to email the show. Oh yes, yes, yeah, they have it. Yes,
his surrogate parents. What happened to them? I don't know.
Let me see here, let me see the last time
They're gonna look right now, I'm gonna guess. Hold on
(15:23):
April May, June, somewhere around there. Yes, the last email
we received from Helen and Stu was in June. Wow,
good guests. Yeah, it was mid June. So we've been
through July and August and September pretty much all of October.
Now this is our last show in October, so four
(15:44):
months without hearing from Helen and Stu. Maybe they're on
a flight with I'm a pilot. Yeah, I hope they're
I hope they're okay. I mean, I don't I don't know.
They were not feeling particularly good. I'm remember the last
time they they emailed, So I don't know what's going on,
but I have not It's odd that they would just
(16:05):
disappear for that because emailing every other week. I hope
they're okay, But I I don't know what happened to
Helen and st Helen and still have you hear this
reach out to us, let's know you're okay. That's normally
how Maybe I listened to too many crime podcasts, but
that's normally how people cover their tracks before they disappear.
I'm not feeling well. Things that make you go yeah,
(16:30):
And I can hear Helen right now saying you are
fake news. I don't know about that. You've got mail,
al right. Next up, we have mus See or any
meaning Mighty Mike from Fullerton Rights, in no relation to
fur Dog. He says, the talk of the town is
still Ben's monster mash from last weekend, So I have
a couple of questions about it. In each of your
opinions of those in attendance. Who had the best costume,
(16:54):
Who had the worst costume? All right, so we'll start
with those two. And there's another question here. He says,
who had the most offensive costume? So the best costume?
I thought your costume was good. I love Bobo on
the radio. I thought he really nailed it as well.
One of the one of the people from Danny G's
clan or not not you're not your clan, the uh
(17:16):
Looney clan. Uh, they had a pretty good, pretty good
I mean, there were some decent cons there's a pretty
good costume section. The worst costume has to be either
Tom Looney, who just wore a witch's hat and regular clothes,
or with all due respect, Rob Parker who dressed as
Rob Parker, but as Rob Parker. That's the most authentic
Rob Parker costume. So if you're dressing as Rob Parker
(17:37):
and you are Rob Cocker, that can't be the worst costume.
That's gotta be a pretty good costume. Well, Iowa Sam
needs to be in the running. Oh yeah, he just
wore like a mask. He had a two dollar mask
from CVS Pharmacy. Yeah, well, with the putin price, Iche
it was likely a seventeen dollar mass, but still still
not not that good. And as far as offensive, I
(18:00):
don't know what do you think it was offensive? Any offensiveness.
I didn't think mine was offensive until I filled in
on your weekday program Sunday into Monday on the Ben
Mallor Show. Dog. Yeah yeah, Ferg Dog called up during
instead Viceline and said that my costume was racist. Yes,
well everything is racist. This podcast is racist. The whole
(18:22):
thing world is racist. When you're paying homage to the
great Pharaoh and Cleopatra, how is that racist? No? I
thought your costume was. It was wonderful and it looked good,
and I was I was proud of you because, as
I told your your lovely TENDERNI. I've known you for
many years, Danny, You've always been the Tupac Foe Drizzle. Yeah,
(18:45):
always been Tupac at every Halloween event. But no, no
more Tupac. Do you still have the mask? You kept
the mask? Right? Of course? Well, last night at the
school in Van Eyes, I had the Tupac mask on.
You know, no tenderon insight, I'm Tupac because she told
me you could be Tupac. But then what am I
gonna be to match that. And I said you could
(19:06):
be one of my house and for some reason she
did not appreciate that. She laughed. She loves Tupacs music,
so she's like, okay, Mr, I get around all right.
Next up, we have Big Greg from Iowa, he says,
Dear Ben and Danny g Since this will be seen
after the Halloween party, Ben Jonas wants to know where
(19:29):
his invite was. Well, it was lost in the mail.
It was lost, and and Jonas and I gotta tell
you there were guys that well, I wasn't I invite.
Jonas got upset, LaVar Arrington got upset. They were busting
my chops. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna
put these guys on blast. I'm gonna invite all these
people that were complaining they didn't get an invite. Who
I was polite. I didn't want to have them have
(19:50):
to not show up and tell me they're not coming
because they live so far away. But if they want
to invite, I'll give them an invite. And if we
have a Christmas Ugly Sweater part, I'll invite him and
we'll see how many of these guys show up we'll
see who shows up. Jonas complains about driving from his
place to the studios on Saturday mornings, so I can't
(20:11):
imagine him driving all the way to where you live.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you're right about that.
I've invited Jonas for years and he never shows up,
and so I was like, all right, I just won't
even it's just a radio bit at this point, Yeah, exactly.
Greg also says, since you were going as Bob Ross,
and one of the miss of Bob Ross is that
(20:31):
his paintings, we were where he hid the bodies, Danny
g and Ben painting the pictures. Uh. And and will
you will you need to do a head count at
work in the future, uh, He says. So I think
he's making a dead body joke there. I got a
thing about dead bodies from Big Greg, and I was
(20:53):
next up Sweet Potato Bob. You know it's big of
Sweet Potato. Bob's writing in from Cincinnati, Ohio, He says, Ben,
break this down for me. Why don't this a sport
o question? He says, why don't all special teams defenses
have a seven footer who jumps up and blocks extra
points and field goals? I'd pay the guy a million
(21:16):
dollars just to do that. It's actually not a terrible idea.
It's not a terrible idea. It sounds like something that
would have happened in the nineties, seventies or the early eighties,
but not now because there's too many hard oh guys
in football that don't have any outside the box thinking.
Like there was a time in the NFL where you'd
(21:37):
see guys who were tracking field stars who would get
signed to be wide receivers. You don't see a lot
of that anymore. Occasionally you'll see a college basketball player
become a tight end. The last experiment like this we had,
remember the the AUSSI rules football player, the Azzy Muffit,
the punter for the forty niners today, Mike, Yeah, so
(22:05):
they don't do those kinds, but that would be that
would definitely be a unique approach. Just have one guy,
but you have specialists. You have a guy that only
plays only plays as a punter, and a guy that's
only a kicker. So he'd have to be a fat,
tall guy otherwise he'd get pushed off the line, not
necessarily if he's if he's a couple of feet behind
(22:26):
the line as in the linebacker position and he jumps off. Yeah,
you'd have to have pretty good hops. Yeah, you can
absolutely pull that off. I think that's a solid idea.
And by the way, in obvious passing situations, you'd take
away the middle of the field. You wouldn't be able
to throw to his side of the field, assuming the
(22:48):
guy has some strength, and you could put him in
the end zone on a hail Mary. That's right, man,
this is a no brainer. Sweet Potato Bob wins the day.
You should be running the Bengals front office. Sweet Potato Bob.
It's bad job by them not hiring you. I got mail, Yeah,
I got mail. Yea, all right. Next up is Mark
(23:11):
from Parts Unknown. Ben, Why do you yell and holler
way more nowadays? Well, it's a great question, Mark, And
the reason I've decided to yell and to scream more
now is I was trying to think of how I
could annoy you, and I thought, Mark, by yelling occasionally
and raising my voice, that that would annoy you, and
(23:35):
that would also cause the crowd to go wild. Talk Now,
I don't really think I'm yelling or hollowing anymore than
I used to, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't spoiler alert.
You ever listen back to your own podcasts? No, I don't, don't.
(23:56):
Don't don't listen to these podcasts? Are you kidding me?
I don't listen to the show the Beast. I don't
listen to you. I don't listen to me. I don't
listen to anybody. I don't. Uh man, you only talk
and yo, you never listen. It's talk radio. It's not
listen radio. It is not They don't pass to listen.
They don't. All right, what was that next thing? I know?
(24:18):
I just saw this white thing flying at my face there, alright.
Next up, we have Noah from Austin, Texas, and I
want to hip cities these days in the United States,
He says, Big Ben, what advice would you give someone
who's wanting to start a successful podcast? So don't do it,
(24:40):
Noah from Austin wanting to start a successful podcast. You
can do it, but you gotta have a plan. You
got you gotta have a plan so that you're an
alarm for three am. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Well, you
have to find a niche. There's there's a podcast, there's
seventh Housing podcasts for everything. So you gotta look at
(25:03):
the podcast market and say, how can I build an audience?
What is going to be my niche, What is going
to be the thing that makes me stand out? So
you gotta start with the content, and then you gotta
figure out how many days of weeks the podcast can be.
You know, how many downloads do I have to get
to before I can can make money? And there's a
(25:23):
lot of things and and I don't want to be
Benny Buzzkill here, but the reality of a podcast game
is most of the podcast that people listen to are
owned by big media companies, so very few mom and
pop podcasts have been able to draw a big audience.
(25:44):
That's just the reality. Now. The good news is, if
you show a little razmatazz on a podcast, one of
the big podcast companies would likely buy you up and
then give you a bigger stage, a bigger megaphone to
be heard. It's like, listen, even what we do here, right, Danny,
we do a big podcast. We have a lot of
people that love the show, and I've been very lucky.
(26:07):
I've loyal members of the Malla militia that have followed
me from the radio to the podcast, and they support
what I do, and we do pretty well. But there's
other podcasts at our company. There's one certain host I
will not name him, who has his own podcast network
that destroys the amount of downloads that we get. All right,
we get a fraction of the amount of downloads that
(26:28):
that guy gets because for for many many reasons. So
and everyone's fighting the game there. But you can do it.
Don't expect to be an overnight sensation there, noah. It's
gonna take a little time, and you gotta find ways
to market it, come up with giveaways and things to
double the audience. The cool thing I've learned from my
years in radio and on the podcast. It's a little
(26:49):
harder with the podcast game. But in radio there's people
always trying to find new programming and scanning the radio
dial old school in the car, and so they'll come
across you on a late night drive and we're on
and things like that. And so if you can just
double the audience, easier said than done. If you have
seven people listening, if they get one more person, that's fourteen.
(27:12):
And then if those other seven people get and you
just keep it keeps morphing like Grimlin's here's a tip
for him. Even if you have to make monthly payments,
buy some quality equipment. I understand that it's a different
world nowadays when it comes to audio equipment, but there
is some equipment that's affordable that actually sounds good. You
(27:33):
just got to do the research. Yeah, and a little
life hack for you know. Uh. These a lot of
these places on Amazon and other places they sell podcasting
microphones that you can plug into the back of your computer,
which sounds like a good idea. They're not that expensive,
but they're my experience, I've tried a few of them.
Absolute shit. And I mixing. Yeah, Like if you can
(27:57):
get a mixing board and then connect that to the
back of your computer, that's what I use. I have
my own set up on the right side. Here I
have the terrestrial radio equipment on the left, which is
a big box of all these different gadgets and thingam
the jigs and all that. But on the other side,
I have just a mixer board and a good microphone.
(28:18):
A good microphone is gonna cost you a couple hundred bucks,
but it's worth it, and these things last forever. These
things will survive a nuclear war. These microphones so very
rarely do you have to replace them. They last a
long time. In fact, at Fox Sports Radio, we're using
the same mics we use when the place opened twenty
something years ago, twenty two years ago, so we're still
using the same microphone. Well they bought futuristic equipment back then, Yeah,
(28:42):
they were. They were planning ahead, like Star Trek. All right.
Next up Fred from Spring Texas and Fred Rice, and
he says, does Danny g feel destined to work in
radio because his last name is radio? Is that? Is
that true? Danny? Is that? I thought your name was
Gara Deli. I was just gonna say radio and more specifically,
(29:05):
Gradio is a stage name. My real last name on
my driver's licenses, Gara Deli. So I actually thought I
was destined to work in the family business. But my
grandfather told all of us, he said, look, I just
want you guys to be successful and happy no matter
what you do, even if you don't want to be
one of America's finest chocolate tears. And we do love chocolate.
(29:28):
But the press of Coco has gone up, and so yeah,
it's a it's a pricey thing, bunch of hookers, and man,
you've got mail all right. Daniel in Ohio is next
in the mail bag. He says, do you guys think
there was an advanced civilization before us? And do you
think there was life on Mars? And if so, do
(29:50):
you think we are them? These are these are George
Nori related questions. Is nor is not on the podcast
this week? We can't ask George so to answer this,
I I I every once in a while, I'll go
out and do a place outside the city the city
lights and look up to the heavens and think that
(30:12):
there's probably thousands of planets just like this one with
life on it, and there's other planets with life that
we have no idea. So I don't know that there
were their civilizations on this planet before us, but I
do believe there there are other life forms. I believe
there are UFOs flying around. It's it's stuff that our
(30:35):
human minds cannot grasp the technology because they are more
advanced than us. And I wouldn't be shocked if there
was life on Mars in the past. And there's a
lot of stuff that certain people know but they don't
want to share with the masses. And they're starting to
(30:56):
open that up a little bit. In recent years, they're
now admitting there's a bunch of UFOs that they have
no idea what the funk these things are, and they're
flying around military bases and whatnot. And so I absolutely
believe there's a bunch of stuff that has kind of
been around the planet from other worlds and whatnot. And
(31:17):
and uh, eventually we won't be around, but there'll be
people in future generations that will well take the human
human beings out to the cost. So what about you, Danny,
any thoughts on whether or not there was an advanced
civilization before us, or life on Mars or any of that. No,
it sounds like you could bullshit your way through sitting
(31:39):
in for George Nori. I could never fill in for him. No,
I would love to feel in. I would think that
would be awesome. I we should have and I know
the company won't do this because I'm a pimple on
an elefense asked, But I'd love for George Nori to
host the show. Yeah, and then we maybe on April
Fool's Day, like, We'll have George do the Ben Mallor
(32:00):
Show and I'll do the Coast to Coast And I'd
love to do a Mallar monologue. Um, and I could.
I could do it about the shadow people. It would
be like Switzer Rude Day at school where the cafeteria
lady gets to be the principal for the day and
the principles in the cafeterias serving food all day be awesome, man,
(32:22):
I would be all about I love the opportunity to
coast to coast. I they I did fill in for
Jim Rome one time, you know that at the Premiere
Networks when Jim the premiere. It was right before he left,
and I did a show with Lincoln Kennedy and it
was like from the gym Rome show, the premiere of
Smack Oh. I was in the jungle ban I had
(32:43):
my machete. I was like, I was going for it.
I was like, finally I've arrived in the jungle. I'm here, man,
I'm a big time guy. Let's see what is next
on the Old Male Bag. All right, wait a minute,
there we go. All right, we have Frank from Parts
and I says, I just want to know, were there
(33:04):
any happy little trees on the Mallard Mountain of Money
this week? Uh so, I'm not. I don't know quite
there was a happy little true. My wife was dressed
as a happy happy A little true. We had the
Mallard Mountain Money. I did not play Mallards Mountain Money
this week. Bad job by the people that picked the contestants.
Next up Jeff and deston Florida Rights, and he says,
(33:26):
Ben and Danny g why do punters try the coffin
corner any Why don't they try the coffin corn anymore?
There's actually another good sporting question. When we were kids, Danny,
we saw this a lot, right, You try to pun
it with inside the ten yard line out of bounds?
Why why don't we We don't see that anymore. Yeah,
that's a good question. You think that would be something
(33:49):
that is very effective and you don't have to worry
about a routine. You can box the people in. It's
it's it's odd that that has left the game of football.
Did they changed the rule or something that if the
punt goes out of bounds, it's it goes to the
thirty five yard line or something like that. Yeah, I don't.
I don't think so either. All right, our NFL rule book. Yeah,
(34:13):
that's that's compelling podcasting. Uh r J in San Antonio says,
have you tried any of Roberto's recipes and if so,
which one is your favorite? Yeah? Back in the old days,
Roberto would bring in some of the food, like the
night he was Yeah, we tried a few things. What
was your favorite, Dananny? And you remember there the enchiladas
(34:35):
he brought all kinds of old he brought in that
night were really good. Yeah, those were pretty good. I
would go with that. But he's he's very talented. There
was also a steak dish that he brought in one
time that was really cooked. Well, yeah, no, he does
a good job on that. It's a bummer that Dodgers
didn't fire Dave Roberts so he can't send out those
(34:56):
recipes anymore. Uh, let's see how rich? Right? And he says,
where does the fake Fudgi post his online recipes? Well,
I don't know he's fake. He does have a Twitter account.
The fake Fudgi has a Twitter account, and I don't
know much more about him. During instant advice line, you
heard him during the Oh yeah, he calls up every week.
That's his big spot. And he and that Now there's
(35:17):
impersonators of Fudgi. Wow, we do like a rip off.
Fudgi impersonation. So that's yeah, exactly all right, we'll get
out on that. Everyone else. We thank you for the
questions and all that. And if you we did not
get to your question this week, don't worry. There's another
mail bag next week. These things one after another, so
I'll be out there panhandling for questions on the Fifth
(35:41):
Hour podcast every Tuesday. But thanks to all you guys
who took time out to send a question. I do
appreciate it, and you can join the the list. We
love when new people send questions. We had some new
people this week, a few new people mixed in with
our regulars. Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real
fifth Hour at gmail dot com and also on the
Facebook page, which is Ben Mallor showing I know. I'll
(36:03):
be on the radio tonight, Danny back in the Magic
Radio Box. It's Halloween tomorrow, a lot of Halloween parties
this this weekend and all that, And in fact, there's
a little party from my nieces and nephews and cousins
that we're throwing today. So I'm gonna try to get
(36:23):
into the the main studio tonight, but I'll be back then.
Anything to promote Danny anything and all your day off. Well,
let me promote the penny because it being Sunday morning,
this is your last chance to listen to Benny versus
the Penny week number eight. Yeah, last chance saloon, last
opportunity to hear all the pis before the games. Keep off.
(36:46):
My right hand was getting a workout. I'm not a
fan of that anyway. Let's have a great day to day,
enjoy the rest of your we enjoy the NFL games today,
and I'll catch you and I'll be ranting and rabing
like a lunatic about a bunch of these NFL games
tonight on the Ben Mallory Show, which starts at eleven
pm Pacific time on Sunday night, but two am in
the East and where most people live on the Eastern seaboard,
(37:09):
two to six in the morning. We'll catch you then
and see you later. We're out like a pig snout.
Oh that's a new one. That's a that's the second
time I've done that one. Okay, Hey, hey, I'm let
you go. I like to Saint Go raiders. Check put baby,
Host
Ben Maller
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