January 14, 2023 • 41 mins
Ben Maller & his 5th Hour home-slice Danny G. are having fun on your Wild Card Saturday! They're talking What a Dinghy, Sea World, He-Man, Pop Goes the Culture, and Back Scratcher!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, the Clearinghouse of hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the a every Way back
at It, the podcast do Joe, No day is off? Well,
that's actually not true. There were some days off. I'll
explain what that's all about. You'll hear that here. You
(00:44):
didn't hear that anywhere else, But here we are because
four hours a night are not enough. It's the Fifth
Hour with Ben Maller and Danny G Radio, the secret
star of Covino and Rich and he hangs out with
us on the weekends here eight days a week, eight
days a week. No, you should have the nervous hearts.
(01:06):
And he's not He's not really Danny G anymore. He's
he's soon to be Daddy G Radio, his new radio Lodikerdy.
Everything good with that? I mean now, every time I
open up Twitter, I see Daddy G all over the place. Yeah,
your new thing. People love it. Man, that's the way
to go. It's like when Snoop Dogg changed his name
(01:29):
Rosy Snoop Lyon or something like that. Yeah, that lasted
about as long as his Steelers fandom. Yeah, we'll just
make sure it doesn't go the way of Kanye when
he became yee and became like a Nazi. You don't.
You don't want to go down that road. You don't.
You want to try to avoid that as much as
you can, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't
(01:50):
think any of us have anything to worry about in
regards to having that sort of meltdown. Highly unlikely. You
most likely have to do a lot of things up
in those Hollywood Hills, a lot of a lot of
pharmaceuticals up in those Hollywood Hills for that to be
the case. So before we get into the nonsense on
the podcast, I would like to point out that I
(02:12):
was not on my watch post on Thursday. I know
we had Thursday into Friday. I know we had Benny
Versus depending on that um, but just a programing. No,
as you know, I hate missing time, and but this
was scheduled in advance there's a family situation where is
no no, it's an it's a tribute to my father
(02:33):
who passed away a couple of years ago. And uh,
in the Jewish faith, you're supposed to have an unveiling
after a year. Well, actually, because of COVID, we couldn't
get everything all the ducks lined up in a row.
And plus there's some logistical issues with my my relatives,
my my brothers who lived outside the area in the
Midwest and the East coast, so everything everyone's in town.
(02:56):
And I felt like I would be a douche bag
if I didn't take some time off and spend time
with people who traveled from far away, and so that's
that's the reason. But after this weekend, I'll be back
to the normal nonsense and all that. So I just
want to get out of that out of the way,
and it's, you know, nothing bad. It's a tribute, and
I get to see some relatives I haven't seen a
long time. I've got people flying in from three time
(03:17):
zones I believe three or four time zones, so it's
pretty pretty neat to see people haven't seen in sometime.
With that being said, on this podcast, wait wait, don't
bury the lead. What's that? What's that? Relatives who dissed
you at Disneyland last time? Are they part of this? No,
they somehow did not make it out. They did not
did not make the trip. But there are others that
(03:39):
didn't diss me that have decided to make the sojourn
to the winter wonderland of southern California. So we've got
what a dinghy sea world he Man hop goes the
culture and back scratchers. So we got a lot of
content for you and you always have to listen to
(04:00):
And people were emailing me, Danny that we we dropped
a few bombshells at the end of the Saturday podcast
that they had to listen all the way through and
if they hadn't, if they hadn't listened to the very end,
they would have missed it. Yeah. Yeah, we really do
save the best for last. Yeah. Sometimes we screw up
and save that. We bury, don't bury the leave Mama
hand and everyone in a while, we bury lead. So
(04:22):
we begin this podcast with a trip back in time
the week that was this being Saturday, as we are
dropping the podcast on Saturday. You can listen whenever you want,
but this is the life of Mallard and the Life
of Danny g And I gotta tell you we are
really international men of mystery, Danny being big time radio personalities.
We're living the dream. We really are living the dream.
(04:43):
Actually it's kind of scary, but that was my dream.
The lesson is to dream bigger, right Danny. When you're
a kid, you know, dream of being a hedge fund
titan or something like that. But it was a wild week.
Everyone I've run across he lives in this southern California area,
has all had amazing stories. It started on a rain
(05:05):
soaked a night on Sunday, but it wasn't that bad.
There was some drizzle, it wasn't really that bad. There
was there was another storm that came in on Monday.
Now I did not pay close attention to the television weather.
I didn't watch the weather. I did see that there
was rain on my smartphone app and so in you know,
(05:30):
as I looked at it was like, you know, it
was probably light rain. It's no big deal. I can
handle that. And also, in fairness, my wife her car
broke down again. We had another mallarmobile meltdown on the
way to work. So I did need to get out
of the house. I had to pick her up from
work after I got done with work, So that was
(05:52):
part of my motivation to leave the Mallard mansion. Nevertheless,
as you know, Danny, and you'll teach your son as
you are now, Daddy g Radio, you teach your son
when your son's older there that life is just a
series of choices, right. The ones you make now will
affect the next choices that you make. And if you
make bad choices and then you make more bad choices,
(06:14):
you end up in a bad situation. So I made
a really dumb decision, a tactical era, a strategic mistake,
as sun Zoo would say. And I learned a valuable
lesson that they say that rising tide raises all boats. Well,
rising water on the highway raises all cars. I learned
(06:35):
that very valuable lesson. It was like and I'm sure
you've got some stories on this, it was like demolition Derby, Danny.
It was a slipping slide and I'm coming all the
way from the north Woods. I got a long commute,
a very long commute, a lot of miles, a lot
of time in in l A and circumventing the highways
and byways of the l A Freeway system, which fortunately
(06:57):
at night when I come in, it's not too bad usually,
but you add a little rain on top and watch out.
So I'm on the If you're familiar with southern California,
those of you that most of our listeners are not
in l A, but on the one oh one Freeway,
which goes through downtown Los Angeles and slices through Hollywood
(07:17):
on its way to the San Fernando Valley. I was
on that part of it, which goes right through the
heart of downtown l A. And it's a very old freeway.
That part of it in l A is really old
and not designed for the modern automobile. And this was
one of the most terrible experiences I've ember had in
(07:38):
my life. I was convinced a couple of times I
was going to end up in a fiery crash, and
I didn't know whether I'd live or not. I was like,
oh my god, it was so bad. And here's how
bad it was, Danny, so right around. You're familiar with this,
so I'm in. I made it through downtown LA It
was not good, but it got even progressively. Versus I
(08:00):
got around Melrose sunset Hollywood like that area. I'm driving
in the middle lane. It's twenty miles an hour. Maybe
I think it's like fifteen twenty miles an hour. Everyone's
got their emergency flashers on. I had not seen that
level of rain in l A. I got've seen bad rain.
(08:22):
I've traveled to Buffalo and Wisconsin and Chicago and some
other places. I've seen some terrible in Boston, but I
never that's not normal in l A. I have not
seen that since elnno Eleno back in the in the nineties,
a long time ago. This is call it what you want,
(08:42):
bomb cyclone atmosphereic River was a lot of fucking rain,
is what it was. That's all I know. It was
a monsoon, typhoon whatever names don't matter. And so that
was really a dumb MOVI. I wear the shame the
bell of the shame bell on that that that was
a bad I'm driving through this deluge and I'm like,
what a dinghy. I should have brought my dinghy. I
would have been better off than in my car. And
(09:05):
and it's like years ago, I would have had no options.
But now ever since COVID and and since some other
stuff that I've done. I have a home studio. Now
I don't have to drive in the bad weather. I
feel bad for for the guys like you know you,
Danny and some of the other guys have no choice.
You have to be in the way like I have
an option and not driving in anyway. I will. I
will let everyone know. I want to let all the
affiliates and all the listeners know. From now on, I'm
(09:28):
gonna look at my weather app Danny. If I see
heavy rain, I am bunkering in place. I am not
leaving the Mallar mansion. I have officially become a pansy.
I I have officially come a whuss. And that's it.
I guess I've become old Danny. I'm now that guy.
I'm now turning into my father who would never leave
(09:49):
the house when there was a drop of rain. And
I'm now becoming that guy. Yeah, you you really need
to just stay home and use your home studio when
there's a monsoon. You're on this podcast before, I mentioned
that one lady in my neighborhood who attacks any mailman,
(10:10):
any ups driver, DHL ups, FedEx, it doesn't matter the
driver's company. She hounds these guys because she's lonely, so
as soon as she sees a mail carrier, poor guy
gets trapped in a conversation with her. And we have
overheard her glorious conversations and they all start like this,
(10:34):
can you believe this weather we're having? And my wife
he always shakes her head like that poor guy. She
she's like Jesus, I would just drive away and like
leeve her standing there because she's never shuts up. It
was awesome, Ben, because one of the days where the
(10:56):
rain was coming down so heavy, she was out there
with a raincoat, still trying to talk to one of
the mail carriers. Relentless, relentless, beyond yeah the word to
describe it. She's like to wahwa, she's in a puddle
(11:16):
up to her the top of her socks. That's some persvent.
She's not on social media, like there's ways you can
talk to people. You don't have to be that tenacious
to talk to the mailman. And she must like that
face to face conversation. She must be a fan of that.
Uh yeah, yeah. So the day after, on Tuesday morning,
my school district opened back up. All right, But now
(11:37):
you know from Ben's story and from hearing about her
in the puddle, still attacking the mail carriers. That we
did have a flood here in southern California. So we're
back at it for school. Tuesday morning, I get in,
I opened the campus. The janitor had worked over time,
because there was yellow tape all over the campus blocking
(12:00):
off this puddle and that puddle, and this walkway and
that staircase. And you looked around but and it looked
like Spidy had been there shooting yellow yellow take webs.
And my first thought was, holy sh it, this is
gonna be a day that lives in infamy. A thousand
(12:21):
kids are about to show up and there are puddles
literally up to your thighs. This is not gonna be
an easy day or it's gonna be a fun day
for the kids. Yeah. Yeah, this is gonna be one
of those days where the adults are screaming their heads off.
As my mom would like to say, don't make me
(12:42):
scream my head off. You remember, I'm sure you remember
when you were a kid. I I'm sure you did
the same thing I did. Like, we didn't have a
lot of rainy days in California where I grew up.
We're in a lot of rainy days and something California.
But I remember faun only a few times it did
get rainy, and on recess, just fucking going for it.
(13:06):
Oh yeah, looking for the deepest puddle possible. Yeah, and
then all of us kids would do the long jump. Yeah.
It was so good, so good, especially when your mom
had those cheap rubber boots she would put over your shoes.
When you had those rubber boots on, you were untouchable.
When you had those rubber boots on, your iron Man,
(13:29):
you had your suit, You had your suit on, You're
ready to go, right. My mom would always tell us, you, guys,
the water can still get in through the top of
the boots. You're still ruining your shoes and socks. Care
So I'm thinking, all right, well, I got middle schoolers,
So chances that a sixth grader is going to break
(13:51):
these rules and get inside these yellow tape taped off areas.
I don't know what about the seventh graders. Eighth graders
probably think are too cool. It's the first day back,
so everybody is late. I was actually early because I
knew some ship was gonna go down the first couple
of kids arrive. Now I will change the name of
(14:13):
the kids here to protect the innocent and the guilty.
David and Sam are the first to arrive. Okay, you know,
one of them is reading a book, the other one
fires up the Nintendo system that's in the classroom. Everything
is chill, but now I get a call to open
up the front gate for another kid that arrives, because
(14:36):
they don't open up the front gate for everybody until
seven thirty am. So I make the walk through all
these puddles. Ben It's you know, it's one of those
things where in California we can always dip and dodge,
like there's a puddle there, to the right, to the left,
you can always walk around the puddles. Rain came down
so crazy here. Everything was a huge puddle, so you
(15:00):
felt like you're in Minnesota, the Land of ten thousand Lakes.
They were like, there was no way to keep your
shoes and socks dry. So at this point, this is
my third walk to the front gate, my shoes and
socks are soaked, and I just gave up. At that point,
I'm like, well, it's a lost cause I'm gonna have
to change that stuff when I get home later. Get
(15:22):
to the front gate, let the third kid in and
we make the walk back to my classroom. Now, usually
I could leave David and Sam in there on their
own and it wouldn't be a problem on a normal day.
But as me and the third student walk up, what
do we see? These two are out in front of
(15:44):
the classroom and they are both meat deep and one
of the puddles that has the yellow tape around it, yes,
and they are jumping up and down like little hooligans.
Ben it looked like a scene from Dances with Wolves
(16:05):
with outstanding, So what's your move here? You start yelling
at him, like what's the I mean, I didn't want
to be that guy, you know, because obviously that's a
fun thing for kids to see puddles that deep. I
thought to myself, they're probably never gonna see this again,
or maybe in one or what two times if they
(16:27):
stay here in southern California. I mean, I probably have
only seen that one other time here, and I've lived
in this area for a long time, So I didn't
want to take that joy away. You guys, First of all,
you need to stay in the classroom. Second, Sam, how
in the world are you gonna go to your first
(16:47):
class when you are that. So because I mean, he's
his jeans they looked like cutoffs now because they were
two colors, blue jeans and black from the knees down.
So did he have to do the call of shame
to his mom? And said, yeah, ding ding ding. So
I told him, I'm like, I'm not gonna make the call.
(17:09):
You're gonna make the call. So I let him use
the phone at my desk. He had to call his
parents to bring him a change of clothes. And he's
a seventh grader by the way. Yeah, so this seventh
grader went for it. He had to, uh have his
dad bring him a change of clothes. His dad must
have loved that coming back to the school and uh
(17:30):
And luckily David had on some rubber boots that his
mom gave him and his pants weren't as wet as Sam's,
so he avoided the call of shame. But yeah, man,
to watch those kids jumping up and down in that
huge puddle something I'm never gonna forget. So it was
like SeaWorld basically, right. It was like it was it
(17:52):
was like two whales in the water. Wow, that's outstanding
down by the schoolyard. I wanted to go back. After
my adventure on Noah's Ark, Danny and we talked about
you had a similar experience with hydroplaning, right you were
driving in You're telling me that off the off the air,
(18:15):
but the torrential rain. So I don't work complaining about
the weather like total you know, you know what, losers.
But when I did get to the studio, I had
a couple of hiccups, and I have a feeling that
my hiccups affected you, Danny, all right, and and Cavino
and Rich and I'm gonna come clean here. This is
like a confessional, is what this is? All right? So
(18:37):
I had a pretty interesting night. I don't think of
myself as the strongest guy in the world now. As always,
when I show up on a Sunday night into a
Monday morning, I am greeted, And you know this because
used to work that shift, greeted by the rich aroma
of rotting flesh, rotting trash. It is the smell that
I associate with those studios, the smell of raw, h
(19:01):
random food from the weekend. And I don't know what
these people are eating on the weekends. I don't know
you're there during the weekends. Sometimes but it's it's some
combination of chicken, beef, fish and spices and vegetables rotting
by the time I get in, and it's just fascinating cans.
(19:22):
So I am so used to that smell. I feel
like I worked for the sanitation department. I mean, I hear,
I get that smell every week. So needless to say,
pee you you know that what stinks and and all that.
So I cruise in and I start the weekday line
up after Chris Plank and and Arnie Spanish a couple
of my guys, uh the wonderful job on Sunday night.
(19:43):
And after they get done, a stinking genius turns off
the mic. I flipped the lights. I try to flip
the lights on to set the mood prior to the
top of the hour when I start the show eleven
o'clock in the west. Who I am in the east?
So I noticed the light next to my chair are
where I normally sit on the far end of the studio,
is not on, and I'm flipping the switch back and
(20:05):
forth and it's not turned on. So I'm I'm looking
around the room and I'm processing everything, and I'm like, okay,
I'm tall enough. This is one of my advantages. Use
your strengths. So I'm like, I'll just stand up straight
and I'll reach up and I'll twist the light because
it's probably just a little loose, and I'll twist the
(20:27):
light and that'll fix it. So I get over to
where I need to go. I stand up, I stretched
my arm out, I grabbed the light. These are very
hot lights. But it wasn't working. So I was like,
who cares? So I grabbed the light and I twisted
a little bit, and then I go back to turn
it on and it doesn't work. So I'm like, all right,
maybe I need to twist it the other way. So
(20:47):
I go back and I attempt to twist it the
other way. At this point, Danny, I grabbed, I twisted,
and boom, the thing falls off in my hands from
the sea. I've not I've now ripped the damn light
off the ceiling and um, and so you know, I'm like, well,
(21:08):
this is wonderful, right, And so this is like a
minute before the show starts. I'm like, oh boy, I
tried to get it back. I would not go back on.
So now we get to the show and I do
the show that's fine, the show works whatever. And then
we get to the end of the show and I'm
cleaning up my notes and my papers and my my
headphones and my mic condom and all this crap, the
(21:31):
random ship that I bring as we curse on the podcast.
I'm closing out my computer. I'm closing out all the windows.
I'm getting things ready for Jonas, Knox, LaVar Arrington, and
Brady Quit. Brady was actually intent. He usually does the
show from Florida, but he was in town, so as
I am, I'm pushing the microphone back where it needs
(21:51):
to be for Jonas, and it's a little crooked, so
I had to twist the microphone. I think. Know what happened? Yeah,
I didn't know. You didn't though, So I had to
twist the microphone. Right, So I twist the microphone, and
somehow I I turned into either he Man or Quasi
(22:12):
Modo or the abominable snow Man. I was the YETI
I was Goliath. I was all of these things. Suddenly
I find myself holding the thousand dollar microphone in my
hand as it is falling off the mic arm. So
then I'm thinking. Initially, Danny, I'm thinking, well, that's fine,
(22:33):
I'll just put it back on the mine. But then
the plastic, it's cheap, shitty plastic from God only knows
where the plastic had snapped, So no idea. I did
not use that much force. I know. I like to
brag about how, you know, I'm the size of a
mack truck and all that, but I literally just used
(22:56):
a little force the thing comes falling off. So I
guess I, like he Man, I had super human strength
and the endurance and all that, and I didn't have
to hoist the gray skull castle or anything like that.
But this was some kind of interdimensional portal, Danny, because
(23:19):
I don't know what the hell happened in the span
of four hours. I too, I took down a light
and the microphone and so. But but you know, Danny,
this is like two minutes before Jonas is about to start,
and there's no chance to switch out to mic arm
So poor Jonas I felt like such an asshole. He
had to spend his entire show holding the mic because
(23:43):
there was no way to do it. So let me
interject for a second, because now we're on the air
for Coveno and Rich Rich is having a microphone issue.
I'm sure, I'm sure he is having a microphone and Ramos,
you know, wantsome He didn't know it was you, but
he tells, yes, some idiot broke mike too, so Rich
(24:19):
sounded what we call in the industry crunchy. Anything he
said was distorted. Now now hold, I did not the
mic was fine. It was the mic arm. I don't
did they tape it back together something? Something also went
bad with the microphone, okay, because Carris was called in
(24:41):
and you know that's bad news. When the uh yeah,
I don't even know his title, but one of the
one of the guys there when it comes to uh
remote and the head engineers, Yeah, yeah, yeah, he coordinates
the engineering there at our network. Whenever you call him
early in the morning, he wants you to call him
(25:02):
immediately if something goes wrong. But the moment you call him,
he breathes really heavy into the phone. He's like, did
you do it? Was it like that? When you got there?
That's what he says. A really fun guy to call.
And situations like this, Ramos is explaining to me the
mic arm problem and now there's an actual microphone problem
(25:25):
because Karas switched it out and he had to do
this and do that, but now Rich's voice was distorted.
Ramo says, well, I'll talk to him tomorrow. They finally
got to it Ben For two shows in a row,
Rich Davis's voice sounded crunchy and just started. And Harris
(25:47):
was in there on our show trying to fix the
armed thing again and switch off the microphone, and he
was shaking his head and sighing and breathing really heavy,
and all of this it happened because of you, and
I had no idea. Well, in my defense that that
was not an intentional act that was that was called
(26:08):
it an accident. Uh And but yeah, it was that feeling,
that moment, Danny, when I went to adjusting, like I'm
doing a good mitzvah for Jonas, I'm I'm cleaning up
the studio, I'm fixing the mic and I twist the
mic and the thing comes off in my hand. I'm
like I'm holding and I'm like, you gotta be joking, man,
There's no way I'm not Hercules here. What is going on?
(26:32):
We're gonna have to commission one more nickname for you,
something like the studio Destroyer. I guess, I guess, But man,
maybe maybe I have a six pack abs or something
like that now, and I'm I'm like a beefcake. Wrong.
All right, we'll move on from that. But that was
the interesting studios. Maybe they'll just ask me to stay
(26:54):
home because I break too much shit. Curious will be like, hey,
you know, don't come in here anymore. Just keep it
your home studio. You know you're you're Austin is too
much money. When they open our brand new studio in
a few weeks, will probably not allow you in it. Yeah, yeah,
I mean it's probably better that way. It's probably better
that way. So pop goes the culture. That means ohio,
aw strike up the band for our guy, ohioowojoojo. Alright, wonderful.
(27:29):
So we'll do a few of these. We don't we
don't have too much time left. We'll do a few
of these things. These are pop culture stories that caught
my attention during the week. Brian Cranston, you've heard of him, right,
kind of a big deal in Hollywood at of course,
breaking bad, Breaking Bad. So he did the Conan O'Brien podcast.
I guess he's got a poke because I think he
(27:50):
does a little better than us. But Brian Cranston was
on the Conan O'Brian podcast and randomly, out of nowhere,
told the story about how he lost his virginity to
an austri In prostitute at a whore house in Austria.
That was interesting. His family was proud to hear that story. Yeah, yeah,
no he was. He told like in great detail about
(28:12):
how he didn't have enough money chicken out, and then
I guess the woman felt pity on him and just
took a deal and it took his took his money.
You had this weird Rod Stewart story that popped back up.
I don't know if you saw that one this week
where I guess it's an old story but I didn't
hear about it, and popped back up on the radar
where he back in the day in the eighties and
(28:33):
he would do the cocaine. But of course it's actually
Elon Musk kind of activated this because he sent out
a tweet about it. Rod Stewart he he had a
cocaine habit, but he was worried about his voice and
he knew that he did a lot of cocaine it
would mess up his nose and his voice, and so
instead of using it the old fashioned way, through the nose. Well,
(28:54):
I guess he did use it the old fashioned way.
What's the other way, Danny, that one can consume coke sane?
Some people smoke it. No, No, how about the through
the back door? Danny? How about I don't even know.
I don't even know how else you can use cocaine.
(29:15):
Well I didn't either until I read this story. But yeah,
Rod Stewart, he loved the cocaine in the eighties as
a rock star. But he did it. He would put
it in Oh no, yeah, we put in a little
capsules and then right up the kista, right up the
poop shoot right there in the h Yeah. As little kids,
(29:38):
we knew from Crocodile Johnde that you could put it
into hot water and stir it up to help the
guy's cold. Remember, Yeah, yeah, sure, But man, Rod Stewart,
man back in the eighties, how that? Man? What else today?
Do you need the cocaine that badly? If you're gonna
(29:59):
go to that level? I mean, I'm just saying, I'm
just you know, that's a that's no longer your number
one drug choice, that's your number two drug choice. Yeah. Hello, uh,
here's what that that famous mean of the it's the
(30:22):
little kid, a little black kid who's he's holding a
Popeye's cup. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the kid in the
orange shirt. Yeah yeah, did you see this kid? He's
a college football players, an offensive lineman. And he sent
out he sent out a comment on on Instagram and
Twitter and about how he's all grown up now and
(30:44):
he's in college and all that, and he got an
n I L deal from Popeye's because of it. That's perfect, right,
they kind of a check they should crazy. Yeah, the
kid looks as he's probably early maybe late teens, early twenties.
He looks just like you would imagine, like he's grown up.
He's a he's a you know, he's a cute fat kid.
(31:05):
Now he's you know, he looks like he's been offensive line.
He's a big guy. This ruins it. Though. I like
it when TV kids stay as TV kids forever. I
don't like that where are they now? I don't want
to see what they look like now. Like remember that
liar liar thing we saw from that online magazine, oh
(31:26):
the tabloids in London and yeah, yeah, yeah that was
yeah that kid that was liar liar. He he looks
like a Canadian football player. Now, yeah, it's odd how
that works. I wish I could pull off those suits.
Pretty pretty wild. Yeah, so the meme guy grew up
(31:46):
in cashed in Chiching to Ching to Ching. I saw
Tom Hanks did an interview this week. He was complaining
he was upset with people who accuse his family of
nepotism and uh. But his argument was, it's the family business,
(32:08):
right that That's what you know, Like if you have
a you've got your kid in the oven there, Danny,
and when your kid gets out, if your kid wants
to be in radio or podcasting, that would be the
family business and you could like lead him on the way.
And I I don't know about that with Hanks now,
but because the way the way I understand Hollywood, it's like,
once you're associated with Tom Hanks, doors are open for
(32:32):
you that would not be open for Joe Blow. You
still got to do the work though, and you still
need to be talented on screen, Like his son is
very talented. Now if he sucked, then you could say,
well it's because he's Tom Hanks's son. Yeah, but that's
like the difference in sports, if you're Michael Jordan's kid.
(32:54):
Michael Jordan's kid didn't make the NBA, Magic Johnson's kids.
You know, it's like you now, there aren't. Scottie Pippen's
kid is a fringe NBA player. But it's not like
in Hollywood. I feel like it's easier with acting. And
it's possibly because I think saying, anybody could be a
good actor. Yeah that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(33:15):
that's exactly what I'm saying. It's I don't think it's
that difficult, Like I don't. I mean, because the way
acting has done. These did Now there are some roles
that are over the top and all that, But yeah,
I don't. I think that it's that are playing in
the NBA and scoring thirty points a game. I think
it's easier to be an actor. But what do I know.
(33:36):
I don't know. I just do Weekend the Oscar nominee. Yeah,
last one on the pop goes the culture. Did you
see the excitement, the pandemonium in the state of Tennessee.
The governor announced that Blank would be opening up. It's
(33:58):
a restaurant. Did you see this restaurant? Will be I
saw a couple of my friends who live in that
state hosting this on Facebook. Yeah, they are bringing the
first in and out burger, a staple of California, La,
La Land, and it is heading to the Eastern time zone.
(34:18):
That is the first we are told in and out
burger on the eastern part of the United States. And
can you imagine, Danny, Like we live in l A
every in and out Burger I go around, there's a
line any time of the day. Imagine that the ex
Californians that left the People's Republic of California that live
(34:42):
in the South or within somewhat reasonable driving distance, can
you think about how long the line is going to
be at that in and out burger? And quite a
few ex Californians moved to the state of Tennessee. Like
even personally, we know friends and I'm some extended family
who all moved to Nashville during COVID. Oh yeah we
(35:03):
I I know so many people that live in now
in the South Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Texas is another big one. Yeah,
we have lots of Like if I go on a
road trip to the South, I know a bunch of
people now, Like people I used to work with in
radio friends of mine from different jobs I've had over
the years. So and it's like when a lion s
(35:25):
has a taste for human blood, all still eat ben
So you know those people, they crave in and out.
They were freaking out on Facebook and social media. So
you talk about lines, it's not just a regular line
of cars. It's a line around the block and it
goes into the main street. Can you imagine what that
line is gonna be, Like, it's gonna be the size
(35:48):
of a whale. It's gonna blue whale. It's gonna be
astronomically massive. Ridunculus is what it's gonna be. And it's
not the same. Like I know the comparison, the comp
would be can California. We have five guys, but I've
never been to a five guys that has a line
at the door. I have not seen it. Yeah, it
(36:11):
is pricey. And they took the peanuts away once COVID started.
I don't know if they're back. It took the peanuts away.
I'd go in there and eat peanuts for ten minutes
and I'd fill myself up and eat a small burger.
Everybody knows that you get COVID from peanuts clearly, although
you're you're gonna die from the yeah. Uh. And then
the other one is Calvers, which I love. Calver's is
(36:31):
not where I am. It's a Midwestern like in and
out Wisconsin place. They have the cheese kurds. But I
get my fixed when I go to Arizona. So in fact,
I text my my cousin I said, I said this week,
I said, I'll probably come visiting you around the super
Bowl and I'll uh, I'll see you and I'll go
get some some cheese curds. That's what I will. I
(36:53):
will beginning there. All right, we have backscratcher real quick.
We'll get down on back scratcher. Did we have Danny
no reviews, one review, two reviews, or none of the above.
I'm gonna say one review this week, Danny g You
are incorrect. We had three three reviews this week. We're
(37:17):
blowing up, all right. First one from and these are
actual reviews by actual consumers of the podcast. You know
how you read Amazon. There's bullshit on there that's not real.
These are real human beings. These are people that have jobs,
that have families, that have pets that get out of bed.
Put one sock on at the time. The whole thing
p and poop. Also, I believe they ship and they piss. Also,
(37:41):
James in Arkansas writes in and he give us five stars,
Danny five stars. He says, it seems to me it
is poor management if your bosses depend on podcast reviews
to decide if you have a good show. It's a
five star podcast, asked suits, what a bunch of overpromoted morons. Wait,
(38:06):
you can't say that in the reviews they read those,
You're fired. How about James taking a cheap shot at
our bosses? That's outstanding. Good job by you, James. We
did not tell you to do that, right, Danny, We
had nothing to do with James, absolutely nothing to do
with that. Uh. Speaking of bosses, I should have probably
used this earlier in the show. I got the weird
(38:30):
phone call, that awkward phone called Danny from our bosses
cousin who's a big fan of Fox Sports Radio in Minnesota,
who the show she's lists. She listens from time to time,
and she called into the show. And so, as always,
if the cousin of the boss calls in, what happens Danny?
They get as much air time as they want. We
(38:51):
we blow out the clock and they can talk and
talk and talk. And I saw some Twitter traffic about this,
and I wondered what everybody was tweeting about. Now I know, Yeah,
I blew past the break about seven minutes and we
just let her talk about random stuff. And uh, and
I'll keep my job for another year. Uh. J D writes,
and he says, great show, Ben and Danny, you brighten
(39:13):
up the weekend. How great is that we brighten up
this guy's weekend. It's nuts and meat, That's what it is. Wonderful,
all right, last one we'll get out on this, mom man.
Jason and Rocky Mountain Virginia headline on this says, the
best guys. As you know, I am a long time
listener and have taken the Militia oath. The fifth hour
(39:36):
is simply the best. I look forward to it all
week and you kill it every time. Definitely ten stars.
If they had the option, uh five stars, uh plus
two or what I got five for me and five
for you? There you go. He says, they don't have
the option for day, but anyway, I get what you're
saying there, Jason, thank you for that. Jason, A hat
(39:58):
benefactor he sent me the one of the Red Sox
minor League affiliates there in Virginia, so I have that
in my in my rotation. Anything your momode here, Danny.
We've got NFL playoff Action playoffs. Yeah, yeah, it is Saturday.
That means I'm go to go in have some fun
on the air with Jonas Knox from eleven am to
(40:19):
one pm West Coast time, and then right after that
Steve Hartman and I from saloon. Make sure those guys
don't leave any rotting food in the trash, and don't
break the microphones. I know they're all swollen over there,
and they're all buffed and all that, and they're built
like me, like a tank, so try not. There's a
sign on the second mic arm that was put in
(40:41):
its place that you broke. It says do not touch.
Stay away from Calamity Mallard. Please stay away, stay was
stay was stay away. And Danny, you, of course you're
not gonna tell management. You're not gonna wrap me out, right.
This is our little secret, and I know they all
listen to this. This is our little secret right there.
I would never tell a soul until he gets in
(41:03):
on Monday. Yeah, you're not gonna get on with Cavino,
and Rich said, wait, you guys are gonna believe this one.
Wait till you hear what I found out. Alright, anyway,
have a great day today. Thank you for supporting the podcast.
You guys are the greatest and when we will catch
you on Sunday with the mail bag. Asta pasta, I
(41:28):
gotta murder, Gotta go.
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, the Clearinghouse of hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the a every Way back
at It, the podcast do Joe, No day is off? Well,
that's actually not true. There were some days off. I'll
explain what that's all about. You'll hear that here. You
(00:44):
didn't hear that anywhere else, But here we are because
four hours a night are not enough. It's the Fifth
Hour with Ben Maller and Danny G Radio, the secret
star of Covino and Rich and he hangs out with
us on the weekends here eight days a week, eight
days a week. No, you should have the nervous hearts.
(01:06):
And he's not He's not really Danny G anymore. He's
he's soon to be Daddy G Radio, his new radio Lodikerdy.
Everything good with that? I mean now, every time I
open up Twitter, I see Daddy G all over the place. Yeah,
your new thing. People love it. Man, that's the way
to go. It's like when Snoop Dogg changed his name
(01:29):
Rosy Snoop Lyon or something like that. Yeah, that lasted
about as long as his Steelers fandom. Yeah, we'll just
make sure it doesn't go the way of Kanye when
he became yee and became like a Nazi. You don't.
You don't want to go down that road. You don't.
You want to try to avoid that as much as
you can, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't
(01:50):
think any of us have anything to worry about in
regards to having that sort of meltdown. Highly unlikely. You
most likely have to do a lot of things up
in those Hollywood Hills, a lot of a lot of
pharmaceuticals up in those Hollywood Hills for that to be
the case. So before we get into the nonsense on
the podcast, I would like to point out that I
(02:12):
was not on my watch post on Thursday. I know
we had Thursday into Friday. I know we had Benny
Versus depending on that um, but just a programing. No,
as you know, I hate missing time, and but this
was scheduled in advance there's a family situation where is
no no, it's an it's a tribute to my father
(02:33):
who passed away a couple of years ago. And uh,
in the Jewish faith, you're supposed to have an unveiling
after a year. Well, actually, because of COVID, we couldn't
get everything all the ducks lined up in a row.
And plus there's some logistical issues with my my relatives,
my my brothers who lived outside the area in the
Midwest and the East coast, so everything everyone's in town.
(02:56):
And I felt like I would be a douche bag
if I didn't take some time off and spend time
with people who traveled from far away, and so that's
that's the reason. But after this weekend, I'll be back
to the normal nonsense and all that. So I just
want to get out of that out of the way,
and it's, you know, nothing bad. It's a tribute, and
I get to see some relatives I haven't seen a
long time. I've got people flying in from three time
(03:17):
zones I believe three or four time zones, so it's
pretty pretty neat to see people haven't seen in sometime.
With that being said, on this podcast, wait wait, don't
bury the lead. What's that? What's that? Relatives who dissed
you at Disneyland last time? Are they part of this? No,
they somehow did not make it out. They did not
did not make the trip. But there are others that
(03:39):
didn't diss me that have decided to make the sojourn
to the winter wonderland of southern California. So we've got
what a dinghy sea world he Man hop goes the
culture and back scratchers. So we got a lot of
content for you and you always have to listen to
(04:00):
And people were emailing me, Danny that we we dropped
a few bombshells at the end of the Saturday podcast
that they had to listen all the way through and
if they hadn't, if they hadn't listened to the very end,
they would have missed it. Yeah. Yeah, we really do
save the best for last. Yeah. Sometimes we screw up
and save that. We bury, don't bury the leave Mama
hand and everyone in a while, we bury lead. So
(04:22):
we begin this podcast with a trip back in time
the week that was this being Saturday, as we are
dropping the podcast on Saturday. You can listen whenever you want,
but this is the life of Mallard and the Life
of Danny g And I gotta tell you we are
really international men of mystery, Danny being big time radio personalities.
We're living the dream. We really are living the dream.
(04:43):
Actually it's kind of scary, but that was my dream.
The lesson is to dream bigger, right Danny. When you're
a kid, you know, dream of being a hedge fund
titan or something like that. But it was a wild week.
Everyone I've run across he lives in this southern California area,
has all had amazing stories. It started on a rain
(05:05):
soaked a night on Sunday, but it wasn't that bad.
There was some drizzle, it wasn't really that bad. There
was there was another storm that came in on Monday.
Now I did not pay close attention to the television weather.
I didn't watch the weather. I did see that there
was rain on my smartphone app and so in you know,
(05:30):
as I looked at it was like, you know, it
was probably light rain. It's no big deal. I can
handle that. And also, in fairness, my wife her car
broke down again. We had another mallarmobile meltdown on the
way to work. So I did need to get out
of the house. I had to pick her up from
work after I got done with work, So that was
(05:52):
part of my motivation to leave the Mallard mansion. Nevertheless,
as you know, Danny, and you'll teach your son as
you are now, Daddy g Radio, you teach your son
when your son's older there that life is just a
series of choices, right. The ones you make now will
affect the next choices that you make. And if you
make bad choices and then you make more bad choices,
(06:14):
you end up in a bad situation. So I made
a really dumb decision, a tactical era, a strategic mistake,
as sun Zoo would say. And I learned a valuable
lesson that they say that rising tide raises all boats. Well,
rising water on the highway raises all cars. I learned
(06:35):
that very valuable lesson. It was like and I'm sure
you've got some stories on this, it was like demolition Derby, Danny.
It was a slipping slide and I'm coming all the
way from the north Woods. I got a long commute,
a very long commute, a lot of miles, a lot
of time in in l A and circumventing the highways
and byways of the l A Freeway system, which fortunately
(06:57):
at night when I come in, it's not too bad usually,
but you add a little rain on top and watch out.
So I'm on the If you're familiar with southern California,
those of you that most of our listeners are not
in l A, but on the one oh one Freeway,
which goes through downtown Los Angeles and slices through Hollywood
(07:17):
on its way to the San Fernando Valley. I was
on that part of it, which goes right through the
heart of downtown l A. And it's a very old freeway.
That part of it in l A is really old
and not designed for the modern automobile. And this was
one of the most terrible experiences I've ember had in
(07:38):
my life. I was convinced a couple of times I
was going to end up in a fiery crash, and
I didn't know whether I'd live or not. I was like,
oh my god, it was so bad. And here's how
bad it was, Danny, so right around. You're familiar with this,
so I'm in. I made it through downtown LA It
was not good, but it got even progressively. Versus I
(08:00):
got around Melrose sunset Hollywood like that area. I'm driving
in the middle lane. It's twenty miles an hour. Maybe
I think it's like fifteen twenty miles an hour. Everyone's
got their emergency flashers on. I had not seen that
level of rain in l A. I got've seen bad rain.
(08:22):
I've traveled to Buffalo and Wisconsin and Chicago and some
other places. I've seen some terrible in Boston, but I
never that's not normal in l A. I have not
seen that since elnno Eleno back in the in the nineties,
a long time ago. This is call it what you want,
(08:42):
bomb cyclone atmosphereic River was a lot of fucking rain,
is what it was. That's all I know. It was
a monsoon, typhoon whatever names don't matter. And so that
was really a dumb MOVI. I wear the shame the
bell of the shame bell on that that that was
a bad I'm driving through this deluge and I'm like,
what a dinghy. I should have brought my dinghy. I
would have been better off than in my car. And
(09:05):
and it's like years ago, I would have had no options.
But now ever since COVID and and since some other
stuff that I've done. I have a home studio. Now
I don't have to drive in the bad weather. I
feel bad for for the guys like you know you,
Danny and some of the other guys have no choice.
You have to be in the way like I have
an option and not driving in anyway. I will. I
will let everyone know. I want to let all the
affiliates and all the listeners know. From now on, I'm
(09:28):
gonna look at my weather app Danny. If I see
heavy rain, I am bunkering in place. I am not
leaving the Mallar mansion. I have officially become a pansy.
I I have officially come a whuss. And that's it.
I guess I've become old Danny. I'm now that guy.
I'm now turning into my father who would never leave
(09:49):
the house when there was a drop of rain. And
I'm now becoming that guy. Yeah, you you really need
to just stay home and use your home studio when
there's a monsoon. You're on this podcast before, I mentioned
that one lady in my neighborhood who attacks any mailman,
(10:10):
any ups driver, DHL ups, FedEx, it doesn't matter the
driver's company. She hounds these guys because she's lonely, so
as soon as she sees a mail carrier, poor guy
gets trapped in a conversation with her. And we have
overheard her glorious conversations and they all start like this,
(10:34):
can you believe this weather we're having? And my wife
he always shakes her head like that poor guy. She
she's like Jesus, I would just drive away and like
leeve her standing there because she's never shuts up. It
was awesome, Ben, because one of the days where the
(10:56):
rain was coming down so heavy, she was out there
with a raincoat, still trying to talk to one of
the mail carriers. Relentless, relentless, beyond yeah the word to
describe it. She's like to wahwa, she's in a puddle
(11:16):
up to her the top of her socks. That's some persvent.
She's not on social media, like there's ways you can
talk to people. You don't have to be that tenacious
to talk to the mailman. And she must like that
face to face conversation. She must be a fan of that.
Uh yeah, yeah. So the day after, on Tuesday morning,
my school district opened back up. All right, But now
(11:37):
you know from Ben's story and from hearing about her
in the puddle, still attacking the mail carriers. That we
did have a flood here in southern California. So we're
back at it for school. Tuesday morning, I get in,
I opened the campus. The janitor had worked over time,
because there was yellow tape all over the campus blocking
(12:00):
off this puddle and that puddle, and this walkway and
that staircase. And you looked around but and it looked
like Spidy had been there shooting yellow yellow take webs.
And my first thought was, holy sh it, this is
gonna be a day that lives in infamy. A thousand
(12:21):
kids are about to show up and there are puddles
literally up to your thighs. This is not gonna be
an easy day or it's gonna be a fun day
for the kids. Yeah. Yeah, this is gonna be one
of those days where the adults are screaming their heads off.
As my mom would like to say, don't make me
(12:42):
scream my head off. You remember, I'm sure you remember
when you were a kid. I I'm sure you did
the same thing I did. Like, we didn't have a
lot of rainy days in California where I grew up.
We're in a lot of rainy days and something California.
But I remember faun only a few times it did
get rainy, and on recess, just fucking going for it.
(13:06):
Oh yeah, looking for the deepest puddle possible. Yeah, and
then all of us kids would do the long jump. Yeah.
It was so good, so good, especially when your mom
had those cheap rubber boots she would put over your shoes.
When you had those rubber boots on, you were untouchable.
When you had those rubber boots on, your iron Man,
(13:29):
you had your suit, You had your suit on, You're
ready to go, right. My mom would always tell us, you, guys,
the water can still get in through the top of
the boots. You're still ruining your shoes and socks. Care
So I'm thinking, all right, well, I got middle schoolers,
So chances that a sixth grader is going to break
(13:51):
these rules and get inside these yellow tape taped off areas.
I don't know what about the seventh graders. Eighth graders
probably think are too cool. It's the first day back,
so everybody is late. I was actually early because I
knew some ship was gonna go down the first couple
of kids arrive. Now I will change the name of
(14:13):
the kids here to protect the innocent and the guilty.
David and Sam are the first to arrive. Okay, you know,
one of them is reading a book, the other one
fires up the Nintendo system that's in the classroom. Everything
is chill, but now I get a call to open
up the front gate for another kid that arrives, because
(14:36):
they don't open up the front gate for everybody until
seven thirty am. So I make the walk through all
these puddles. Ben It's you know, it's one of those
things where in California we can always dip and dodge,
like there's a puddle there, to the right, to the left,
you can always walk around the puddles. Rain came down
so crazy here. Everything was a huge puddle, so you
(15:00):
felt like you're in Minnesota, the Land of ten thousand Lakes.
They were like, there was no way to keep your
shoes and socks dry. So at this point, this is
my third walk to the front gate, my shoes and
socks are soaked, and I just gave up. At that point,
I'm like, well, it's a lost cause I'm gonna have
to change that stuff when I get home later. Get
(15:22):
to the front gate, let the third kid in and
we make the walk back to my classroom. Now, usually
I could leave David and Sam in there on their
own and it wouldn't be a problem on a normal day.
But as me and the third student walk up, what
do we see? These two are out in front of
(15:44):
the classroom and they are both meat deep and one
of the puddles that has the yellow tape around it, yes,
and they are jumping up and down like little hooligans.
Ben it looked like a scene from Dances with Wolves
(16:05):
with outstanding, So what's your move here? You start yelling
at him, like what's the I mean, I didn't want
to be that guy, you know, because obviously that's a
fun thing for kids to see puddles that deep. I
thought to myself, they're probably never gonna see this again,
or maybe in one or what two times if they
(16:27):
stay here in southern California. I mean, I probably have
only seen that one other time here, and I've lived
in this area for a long time, So I didn't
want to take that joy away. You guys, First of all,
you need to stay in the classroom. Second, Sam, how
in the world are you gonna go to your first
(16:47):
class when you are that. So because I mean, he's
his jeans they looked like cutoffs now because they were
two colors, blue jeans and black from the knees down.
So did he have to do the call of shame
to his mom? And said, yeah, ding ding ding. So
I told him, I'm like, I'm not gonna make the call.
(17:09):
You're gonna make the call. So I let him use
the phone at my desk. He had to call his
parents to bring him a change of clothes. And he's
a seventh grader by the way. Yeah, so this seventh
grader went for it. He had to, uh have his
dad bring him a change of clothes. His dad must
have loved that coming back to the school and uh
(17:30):
And luckily David had on some rubber boots that his
mom gave him and his pants weren't as wet as Sam's,
so he avoided the call of shame. But yeah, man,
to watch those kids jumping up and down in that
huge puddle something I'm never gonna forget. So it was
like SeaWorld basically, right. It was like it was it
(17:52):
was like two whales in the water. Wow, that's outstanding
down by the schoolyard. I wanted to go back. After
my adventure on Noah's Ark, Danny and we talked about
you had a similar experience with hydroplaning, right you were
driving in You're telling me that off the off the air,
(18:15):
but the torrential rain. So I don't work complaining about
the weather like total you know, you know what, losers.
But when I did get to the studio, I had
a couple of hiccups, and I have a feeling that
my hiccups affected you, Danny, all right, and and Cavino
and Rich and I'm gonna come clean here. This is
like a confessional, is what this is? All right? So
(18:37):
I had a pretty interesting night. I don't think of
myself as the strongest guy in the world now. As always,
when I show up on a Sunday night into a
Monday morning, I am greeted, And you know this because
used to work that shift, greeted by the rich aroma
of rotting flesh, rotting trash. It is the smell that
I associate with those studios, the smell of raw, h
(19:01):
random food from the weekend. And I don't know what
these people are eating on the weekends. I don't know
you're there during the weekends. Sometimes but it's it's some
combination of chicken, beef, fish and spices and vegetables rotting
by the time I get in, and it's just fascinating cans.
(19:22):
So I am so used to that smell. I feel
like I worked for the sanitation department. I mean, I hear,
I get that smell every week. So needless to say,
pee you you know that what stinks and and all that.
So I cruise in and I start the weekday line
up after Chris Plank and and Arnie Spanish a couple
of my guys, uh the wonderful job on Sunday night.
(19:43):
And after they get done, a stinking genius turns off
the mic. I flipped the lights. I try to flip
the lights on to set the mood prior to the
top of the hour when I start the show eleven
o'clock in the west. Who I am in the east?
So I noticed the light next to my chair are
where I normally sit on the far end of the studio,
is not on, and I'm flipping the switch back and
(20:05):
forth and it's not turned on. So I'm I'm looking
around the room and I'm processing everything, and I'm like, okay,
I'm tall enough. This is one of my advantages. Use
your strengths. So I'm like, I'll just stand up straight
and I'll reach up and I'll twist the light because
it's probably just a little loose, and I'll twist the
(20:27):
light and that'll fix it. So I get over to
where I need to go. I stand up, I stretched
my arm out, I grabbed the light. These are very
hot lights. But it wasn't working. So I was like,
who cares? So I grabbed the light and I twisted
a little bit, and then I go back to turn
it on and it doesn't work. So I'm like, all right,
maybe I need to twist it the other way. So
(20:47):
I go back and I attempt to twist it the
other way. At this point, Danny, I grabbed, I twisted,
and boom, the thing falls off in my hands from
the sea. I've not I've now ripped the damn light
off the ceiling and um, and so you know, I'm like, well,
(21:08):
this is wonderful, right, And so this is like a
minute before the show starts. I'm like, oh boy, I
tried to get it back. I would not go back on.
So now we get to the show and I do
the show that's fine, the show works whatever. And then
we get to the end of the show and I'm
cleaning up my notes and my papers and my my
headphones and my mic condom and all this crap, the
(21:31):
random ship that I bring as we curse on the podcast.
I'm closing out my computer. I'm closing out all the windows.
I'm getting things ready for Jonas, Knox, LaVar Arrington, and
Brady Quit. Brady was actually intent. He usually does the
show from Florida, but he was in town, so as
I am, I'm pushing the microphone back where it needs
(21:51):
to be for Jonas, and it's a little crooked, so
I had to twist the microphone. I think. Know what happened? Yeah,
I didn't know. You didn't though, So I had to
twist the microphone. Right, So I twist the microphone, and
somehow I I turned into either he Man or Quasi
(22:12):
Modo or the abominable snow Man. I was the YETI
I was Goliath. I was all of these things. Suddenly
I find myself holding the thousand dollar microphone in my
hand as it is falling off the mic arm. So
then I'm thinking. Initially, Danny, I'm thinking, well, that's fine,
(22:33):
I'll just put it back on the mine. But then
the plastic, it's cheap, shitty plastic from God only knows
where the plastic had snapped, So no idea. I did
not use that much force. I know. I like to
brag about how, you know, I'm the size of a
mack truck and all that, but I literally just used
(22:56):
a little force the thing comes falling off. So I
guess I, like he Man, I had super human strength
and the endurance and all that, and I didn't have
to hoist the gray skull castle or anything like that.
But this was some kind of interdimensional portal, Danny, because
(23:19):
I don't know what the hell happened in the span
of four hours. I too, I took down a light
and the microphone and so. But but you know, Danny,
this is like two minutes before Jonas is about to start,
and there's no chance to switch out to mic arm
So poor Jonas I felt like such an asshole. He
had to spend his entire show holding the mic because
(23:43):
there was no way to do it. So let me
interject for a second, because now we're on the air
for Coveno and Rich Rich is having a microphone issue.
I'm sure, I'm sure he is having a microphone and Ramos,
you know, wantsome He didn't know it was you, but
he tells, yes, some idiot broke mike too, so Rich
(24:19):
sounded what we call in the industry crunchy. Anything he
said was distorted. Now now hold, I did not the
mic was fine. It was the mic arm. I don't
did they tape it back together something? Something also went
bad with the microphone, okay, because Carris was called in
(24:41):
and you know that's bad news. When the uh yeah,
I don't even know his title, but one of the
one of the guys there when it comes to uh
remote and the head engineers, Yeah, yeah, yeah, he coordinates
the engineering there at our network. Whenever you call him
early in the morning, he wants you to call him
(25:02):
immediately if something goes wrong. But the moment you call him,
he breathes really heavy into the phone. He's like, did
you do it? Was it like that? When you got there?
That's what he says. A really fun guy to call.
And situations like this, Ramos is explaining to me the
mic arm problem and now there's an actual microphone problem
(25:25):
because Karas switched it out and he had to do
this and do that, but now Rich's voice was distorted.
Ramo says, well, I'll talk to him tomorrow. They finally
got to it Ben For two shows in a row,
Rich Davis's voice sounded crunchy and just started. And Harris
(25:47):
was in there on our show trying to fix the
armed thing again and switch off the microphone, and he
was shaking his head and sighing and breathing really heavy,
and all of this it happened because of you, and
I had no idea. Well, in my defense that that
was not an intentional act that was that was called
(26:08):
it an accident. Uh And but yeah, it was that feeling,
that moment, Danny, when I went to adjusting, like I'm
doing a good mitzvah for Jonas, I'm I'm cleaning up
the studio, I'm fixing the mic and I twist the
mic and the thing comes off in my hand. I'm
like I'm holding and I'm like, you gotta be joking, man,
There's no way I'm not Hercules here. What is going on?
(26:32):
We're gonna have to commission one more nickname for you,
something like the studio Destroyer. I guess, I guess, But man,
maybe maybe I have a six pack abs or something
like that now, and I'm I'm like a beefcake. Wrong.
All right, we'll move on from that. But that was
the interesting studios. Maybe they'll just ask me to stay
(26:54):
home because I break too much shit. Curious will be like, hey,
you know, don't come in here anymore. Just keep it
your home studio. You know you're you're Austin is too
much money. When they open our brand new studio in
a few weeks, will probably not allow you in it. Yeah, yeah,
I mean it's probably better that way. It's probably better
that way. So pop goes the culture. That means ohio,
aw strike up the band for our guy, ohioowojoojo. Alright, wonderful.
(27:29):
So we'll do a few of these. We don't we
don't have too much time left. We'll do a few
of these things. These are pop culture stories that caught
my attention during the week. Brian Cranston, you've heard of him, right,
kind of a big deal in Hollywood at of course,
breaking bad, Breaking Bad. So he did the Conan O'Brien podcast.
I guess he's got a poke because I think he
(27:50):
does a little better than us. But Brian Cranston was
on the Conan O'Brian podcast and randomly, out of nowhere,
told the story about how he lost his virginity to
an austri In prostitute at a whore house in Austria.
That was interesting. His family was proud to hear that story. Yeah, yeah,
no he was. He told like in great detail about
(28:12):
how he didn't have enough money chicken out, and then
I guess the woman felt pity on him and just
took a deal and it took his took his money.
You had this weird Rod Stewart story that popped back up.
I don't know if you saw that one this week
where I guess it's an old story but I didn't
hear about it, and popped back up on the radar
where he back in the day in the eighties and
(28:33):
he would do the cocaine. But of course it's actually
Elon Musk kind of activated this because he sent out
a tweet about it. Rod Stewart he he had a
cocaine habit, but he was worried about his voice and
he knew that he did a lot of cocaine it
would mess up his nose and his voice, and so
instead of using it the old fashioned way, through the nose. Well,
(28:54):
I guess he did use it the old fashioned way.
What's the other way, Danny, that one can consume coke sane?
Some people smoke it. No, No, how about the through
the back door? Danny? How about I don't even know.
I don't even know how else you can use cocaine.
(29:15):
Well I didn't either until I read this story. But yeah,
Rod Stewart, he loved the cocaine in the eighties as
a rock star. But he did it. He would put
it in Oh no, yeah, we put in a little
capsules and then right up the kista, right up the
poop shoot right there in the h Yeah. As little kids,
(29:38):
we knew from Crocodile Johnde that you could put it
into hot water and stir it up to help the
guy's cold. Remember, Yeah, yeah, sure, But man, Rod Stewart,
man back in the eighties, how that? Man? What else today?
Do you need the cocaine that badly? If you're gonna
(29:59):
go to that level? I mean, I'm just saying, I'm
just you know, that's a that's no longer your number
one drug choice, that's your number two drug choice. Yeah. Hello, uh,
here's what that that famous mean of the it's the
(30:22):
little kid, a little black kid who's he's holding a
Popeye's cup. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the kid in the
orange shirt. Yeah yeah, did you see this kid? He's
a college football players, an offensive lineman. And he sent
out he sent out a comment on on Instagram and
Twitter and about how he's all grown up now and
(30:44):
he's in college and all that, and he got an
n I L deal from Popeye's because of it. That's perfect, right,
they kind of a check they should crazy. Yeah, the
kid looks as he's probably early maybe late teens, early twenties.
He looks just like you would imagine, like he's grown up.
He's a he's a you know, he's a cute fat kid.
(31:05):
Now he's you know, he looks like he's been offensive line.
He's a big guy. This ruins it. Though. I like
it when TV kids stay as TV kids forever. I
don't like that where are they now? I don't want
to see what they look like now. Like remember that
liar liar thing we saw from that online magazine, oh
(31:26):
the tabloids in London and yeah, yeah, yeah that was
yeah that kid that was liar liar. He he looks
like a Canadian football player. Now, yeah, it's odd how
that works. I wish I could pull off those suits.
Pretty pretty wild. Yeah, so the meme guy grew up
(31:46):
in cashed in Chiching to Ching to Ching. I saw
Tom Hanks did an interview this week. He was complaining
he was upset with people who accuse his family of
nepotism and uh. But his argument was, it's the family business,
(32:08):
right that That's what you know, Like if you have
a you've got your kid in the oven there, Danny,
and when your kid gets out, if your kid wants
to be in radio or podcasting, that would be the
family business and you could like lead him on the way.
And I I don't know about that with Hanks now,
but because the way the way I understand Hollywood, it's like,
once you're associated with Tom Hanks, doors are open for
(32:32):
you that would not be open for Joe Blow. You
still got to do the work though, and you still
need to be talented on screen, Like his son is
very talented. Now if he sucked, then you could say,
well it's because he's Tom Hanks's son. Yeah, but that's
like the difference in sports, if you're Michael Jordan's kid.
(32:54):
Michael Jordan's kid didn't make the NBA, Magic Johnson's kids.
You know, it's like you now, there aren't. Scottie Pippen's
kid is a fringe NBA player. But it's not like
in Hollywood. I feel like it's easier with acting. And
it's possibly because I think saying, anybody could be a
good actor. Yeah that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(33:15):
that's exactly what I'm saying. It's I don't think it's
that difficult, Like I don't. I mean, because the way
acting has done. These did Now there are some roles
that are over the top and all that, But yeah,
I don't. I think that it's that are playing in
the NBA and scoring thirty points a game. I think
it's easier to be an actor. But what do I know.
(33:36):
I don't know. I just do Weekend the Oscar nominee. Yeah,
last one on the pop goes the culture. Did you
see the excitement, the pandemonium in the state of Tennessee.
The governor announced that Blank would be opening up. It's
(33:58):
a restaurant. Did you see this restaurant? Will be I
saw a couple of my friends who live in that
state hosting this on Facebook. Yeah, they are bringing the
first in and out burger, a staple of California, La,
La Land, and it is heading to the Eastern time zone.
(34:18):
That is the first we are told in and out
burger on the eastern part of the United States. And
can you imagine, Danny, Like we live in l A
every in and out Burger I go around, there's a
line any time of the day. Imagine that the ex
Californians that left the People's Republic of California that live
(34:42):
in the South or within somewhat reasonable driving distance, can
you think about how long the line is going to
be at that in and out burger? And quite a
few ex Californians moved to the state of Tennessee. Like
even personally, we know friends and I'm some extended family
who all moved to Nashville during COVID. Oh yeah we
(35:03):
I I know so many people that live in now
in the South Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Texas is another big one. Yeah,
we have lots of Like if I go on a
road trip to the South, I know a bunch of
people now, Like people I used to work with in
radio friends of mine from different jobs I've had over
the years. So and it's like when a lion s
(35:25):
has a taste for human blood, all still eat ben
So you know those people, they crave in and out.
They were freaking out on Facebook and social media. So
you talk about lines, it's not just a regular line
of cars. It's a line around the block and it
goes into the main street. Can you imagine what that
line is gonna be, Like, it's gonna be the size
(35:48):
of a whale. It's gonna blue whale. It's gonna be
astronomically massive. Ridunculus is what it's gonna be. And it's
not the same. Like I know the comparison, the comp
would be can California. We have five guys, but I've
never been to a five guys that has a line
at the door. I have not seen it. Yeah, it
(36:11):
is pricey. And they took the peanuts away once COVID started.
I don't know if they're back. It took the peanuts away.
I'd go in there and eat peanuts for ten minutes
and I'd fill myself up and eat a small burger.
Everybody knows that you get COVID from peanuts clearly, although
you're you're gonna die from the yeah. Uh. And then
the other one is Calvers, which I love. Calver's is
(36:31):
not where I am. It's a Midwestern like in and
out Wisconsin place. They have the cheese kurds. But I
get my fixed when I go to Arizona. So in fact,
I text my my cousin I said, I said this week,
I said, I'll probably come visiting you around the super
Bowl and I'll uh, I'll see you and I'll go
get some some cheese curds. That's what I will. I
(36:53):
will beginning there. All right, we have backscratcher real quick.
We'll get down on back scratcher. Did we have Danny
no reviews, one review, two reviews, or none of the above.
I'm gonna say one review this week, Danny g You
are incorrect. We had three three reviews this week. We're
(37:17):
blowing up, all right. First one from and these are
actual reviews by actual consumers of the podcast. You know
how you read Amazon. There's bullshit on there that's not real.
These are real human beings. These are people that have jobs,
that have families, that have pets that get out of bed.
Put one sock on at the time. The whole thing
p and poop. Also, I believe they ship and they piss. Also,
(37:41):
James in Arkansas writes in and he give us five stars,
Danny five stars. He says, it seems to me it
is poor management if your bosses depend on podcast reviews
to decide if you have a good show. It's a
five star podcast, asked suits, what a bunch of overpromoted morons. Wait,
(38:06):
you can't say that in the reviews they read those,
You're fired. How about James taking a cheap shot at
our bosses? That's outstanding. Good job by you, James. We
did not tell you to do that, right, Danny, We
had nothing to do with James, absolutely nothing to do
with that. Uh. Speaking of bosses, I should have probably
used this earlier in the show. I got the weird
(38:30):
phone call, that awkward phone called Danny from our bosses
cousin who's a big fan of Fox Sports Radio in Minnesota,
who the show she's lists. She listens from time to time,
and she called into the show. And so, as always,
if the cousin of the boss calls in, what happens Danny?
They get as much air time as they want. We
(38:51):
we blow out the clock and they can talk and
talk and talk. And I saw some Twitter traffic about this,
and I wondered what everybody was tweeting about. Now I know, Yeah,
I blew past the break about seven minutes and we
just let her talk about random stuff. And uh, and
I'll keep my job for another year. Uh. J D writes,
and he says, great show, Ben and Danny, you brighten
(39:13):
up the weekend. How great is that we brighten up
this guy's weekend. It's nuts and meat, That's what it is. Wonderful,
all right, last one we'll get out on this, mom man.
Jason and Rocky Mountain Virginia headline on this says, the
best guys. As you know, I am a long time
listener and have taken the Militia oath. The fifth hour
(39:36):
is simply the best. I look forward to it all
week and you kill it every time. Definitely ten stars.
If they had the option, uh five stars, uh plus
two or what I got five for me and five
for you? There you go. He says, they don't have
the option for day, but anyway, I get what you're
saying there, Jason, thank you for that. Jason, A hat
(39:58):
benefactor he sent me the one of the Red Sox
minor League affiliates there in Virginia, so I have that
in my in my rotation. Anything your momode here, Danny.
We've got NFL playoff Action playoffs. Yeah, yeah, it is Saturday.
That means I'm go to go in have some fun
on the air with Jonas Knox from eleven am to
(40:19):
one pm West Coast time, and then right after that
Steve Hartman and I from saloon. Make sure those guys
don't leave any rotting food in the trash, and don't
break the microphones. I know they're all swollen over there,
and they're all buffed and all that, and they're built
like me, like a tank, so try not. There's a
sign on the second mic arm that was put in
(40:41):
its place that you broke. It says do not touch.
Stay away from Calamity Mallard. Please stay away, stay was
stay was stay away. And Danny, you, of course you're
not gonna tell management. You're not gonna wrap me out, right.
This is our little secret, and I know they all
listen to this. This is our little secret right there.
I would never tell a soul until he gets in
(41:03):
on Monday. Yeah, you're not gonna get on with Cavino,
and Rich said, wait, you guys are gonna believe this one.
Wait till you hear what I found out. Alright, anyway,
have a great day today. Thank you for supporting the podcast.
You guys are the greatest and when we will catch
you on Sunday with the mail bag. Asta pasta, I
(41:28):
gotta murder, Gotta go.
Host
Ben Maller
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