December 23, 2023 • 51 mins
Ben Maller & his 5th Hour homie Danny G. have a fun holiday special for you! They're talking: Poster Boy, Benny's Big Board, Ho Ho-Hospital, Bah Humbug, Back Scratcher, Foodie Fun, the Mail Bag, & more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere, and a happy happy Saturday to you.
It is the day before the day before, a day
that many look forward to. This the twenty third day
of the great month of December. Happy Saturday to you.
(00:50):
The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio
in the air everywhere worldwide, thanks to the power of
the pod. The power of the pod. And we'll jump
right into it. Danny. We had a spicy hot pod
on Friday, very sporty with Yamamoto, the news coming down
(01:11):
on Thursday leading into our Friday morning sojourn there with
Yamamoto going to the Dodgers and people up in arms.
I did enjoy. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't consume
too much social media, but I was on there and
the people that were outraged by that, and just the
Dodgers in general. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it like
(01:31):
somehow that's a bad thing that the Dodgers spent a
sack load of money to get good players, like they
should be shamed for doing that. And I don't get that. Logic.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Sports radio in the Bay Area I heard that it
was a shit show on Friday morning and all day
Friday with all the San Francisco Giants fans whining.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I've seen Yankee fans posting videos and Yankee fans
Danny the personification, the epitome of deep pocket baseball. The
New York Yankees and some of their fans are furious
right that the Dodgers now sit in the lap of
luxury and all that. But anyway, I just got to
kick out of this. I wanted to mention that at
(02:16):
the start. But on this the Saturday Pod, we've got
the poster boy Bennie's Big Board, Ho Ho Hospital, and
we'll have some other fun I'm sure Danny some things
you want to toss into the to the stew here.
And by the way, since this is a holiday weekend,
the powers that be have informed us this podcast because
(02:39):
it is Christmas weekend, a two for one bonus pod.
We are going to jam into this podcast two podcasts
for the price of one. You can't do that. You can't.
That's wicked good is what that is? Right, I mean,
that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Nuts, that's a bargain.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Normally you only have to pay US five ninety nine
to subscribe to this show. This is free this weekend,
and it's two shows inside one day.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a two for one special. Buy one,
get one free, and that's what we have going for it.
And you're very lucky that you've stumbled.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Perfect timing because I'm going to be at Disneyland tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, well there you go. All right, So we have
we have the greatest supporters in all of radio land.
Very blessed, the very blessed. I've been doing this a
long time, and yeah, the people that listen to the
Overnight Show have been so amazing, so wonderful. This week,
I was blown away. It takes a lot for me
to be blown away. It happens every so often, and
(03:43):
usually it happens when you don't expect it happens. So
our friend Femi, who I actually met in Minnesota. He
lives in Minnesota. He's the number one Uber East driver
in the Twin Cities. He's become a brigadier general in
the mal Or Militia. And he dropped what I would
call a thunderbolt my direction. Just on a random night.
(04:04):
I'm just doing the show, whatever people have sending comments
in nothing out of the ordinary, just normal radio night,
and then right out of left field, Femi posts the
message on social He informs me that I hadn't heard
from him in a while. Usually checks in every week
with some content. He informed me that his father had
passed away. I was like, well, that's sad, and he
(04:26):
said there was an elaborate funeral in his homeland in Nigeria,
and he attached a couple of photos. And in these
photos you might have seen them if you follow me
on social media. If not, they're available. We saw a
group of Nigerians holding up a poster that had my
(04:49):
ugly mug on it and the Ben mal show name
and the Fox Ports radio logo. As Femi the photo
journalist said he had I'd converted some of the locals
there in his native Nigeria into the mal Or Militia,
and he claimed in Nigerian culture, when someone dies, we
(05:12):
have the celebration of life everywhere, but in Nigeria they
do like a carnival thing for two days to celebrate,
as Femi said, a life well lived. So this just
blew mey. So from La to Nigeria, we do the
show in La seven eight hundred and twelve miles to
get from where we are to Nigeria in the middle
(05:35):
of Africa, and they're promoting the show. Was it was
really cool, wild wild wild, So thank you, Femi. I
do appreciate that, and in honor of that, I was inspired.
Now I don't do list Danny. You know I'm not
(05:55):
a list guy, right.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
No, not at all. You do big boards, that's right.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
So I'm gonna do big board, which is not a list.
It's not a checklist. It's not a watch list. It's
not a hot list, it's not a short list. It
is none of those things. Wrong. It is a big board,
which is much different. And oftentimes people are confused by
(06:19):
big board. So don't be confused, right at all. It's
like the stock market. It's the Dow Jones, it's the
New York Stock Exchange, which is not a big board.
It's not.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
It's just like how the mail bag is not anything
like ask Ben.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Exactly exactly. See, you get it right. The mail bag.
People confuse that all the time because people are stupid.
It's nothing like the mail bag. The mail bag and Aspen,
they're not They're not the same. So on Big Ben's
Big board, this is the first time I've ever done this,
the ten most memorable things at this time that a
p One has done as a super fan of the
(06:59):
Ben Malor Show over the years. And I guarantee you
I'm forgetting a bunch of stuff that's really good, stuff
that happened and it just slipped through my memory. So
I would like if Anthony and Anaheim here's this, or
Alf the Alien opineer, any of the guys that have
been with the show for a long time that have
(07:21):
listened chipping the cues, who's been with me since the
early days, if you can refresh my memory on some
of the stuff I forgot. So with that as the backdrop,
immediately admitting this is probably a terrible list, which is
not a list, it's a big board. So these are
the ten most memorable things that p ones have done
as super fans of the Ben Mahler Show at my
(07:42):
time at Fox Sports Radio. In no particular order. I'm
not putting these because that would make it a list, dandy.
If I put them in a certain order, that would
be a list. But there are ten things in no
particular order that we can move around. We can put
one here and move one down and all that. I'm
fine with that. But the first one I want to
bring up is Doc Mike. Now, Doc has done a
(08:04):
couple of anythings with me over the years. The two
things that Doc Mike has done that I want to
mention for the Big Board. Uh. One of my favorite
memories of Doc is when Michael Vick was in prison
in Levenworth in Kansas and Doc Mike so delusional that
he was convinced that Michael Vick wanted to talk to
(08:26):
him and that he just had to travel to Levenworth
prison to meet with Michael Vick. So Doc got in
his car from Chicago, drove to Levenworth, Kansas, and every
day for a week he would go into Levenworth and
try to meet with Michael Vick, and the wardens would be, well,
(08:47):
you're not on the list. He doesn't you know, he
doesn't know you can't come in. And Doc would call
me from leven outside Levenworth. He's like, I'm here, I'm here.
I'm waiting for them to open up. You know, it's
a few hours away. They're gonna open up. And it was.
It was ridiculous. And then the other one, which is
doctored this several years. The most famous one was he'd
go to Wrigley Field every year and drop a goat
(09:07):
head off the Curse of the Billy Goat, and the
Cubs obviously won the World Series since this happened. But
this is a long time ago, and so he do
this every year. One year before a Cub Giant game,
he drops off the goat head. Now the game ends
up getting rained out. And since the Cub game got
rained out at Wrigley Opening Day, the sports writers had
(09:30):
nothing to write, so instead they wrote about this goatthead.
I'm going to decapitate a goat, bloody goatthead that had
been dropped off by a lunatic fan, and I will
never forget. The then mayor of Chicago, rom Emmanuel was
his name at the time, and he held a news
(09:52):
conference announcing that no resource would not be used to
find out who put the goat head at Wrigley Field.
He said the Chicago police were going to investigate this.
They we're gonna get to the bottom of it, and
we doc Mike like he laid out the whole blueprint
on the air of what he was doing. It was,
(10:14):
and then the mayor of Chicagoo, We're gonna get to
the bottom of this. I think, well, I think we
know who did it. I think we know who did it.
Another name that popped up on my big board here
David from winter Park, Florida, along with Roscoe the Parrot.
So David went above and beyond the call of duty here.
He drove from winter Park, Florida, which is I'm told
(10:35):
I've never been to winter Park, Florida, but I've told
it's kind of not far from Orlando. And he drove
up I ninety five to Boston with Roscoe the parrot,
a giant stuffed animal, Roscoe the Parrot and met me
at the Cask and Flagon in Boston for the Malor
Meet and greed and that that was just nuts it
(10:58):
and that was only I was for like a couple hour.
He's meet and greets are a couple hours and he
drove all the way from Florida to hang out for
a couple hours at a random bar in Boston. So
that was that was pretty cool. And then at that
same event, Wayne from Southey is also on Big Ben's
Big Board the ten most memorable things that Pee Ones
(11:18):
have done as super fans in the show. Because Wayne
from Southee, this is a guy. I did it for Mallor.
I did it for Malor and he claimed he had
been sober for a number of years and he kept
buying me alcohol and buying people shots in the bar
and he wanted everyone to toast me. And so he
(11:39):
and I've been sober, you know, we have the drop.
And then I forget what exactly what he said, but
I did it for Mallor and that was hilarious. What
a great character Wayne from Southee is. And he didn't
call the show much anymore, but he was just wonderful.
We love Wayne. It was great. Now, also on the
Big Board, we have Ed in Spokane. Now. Ed actually
(12:02):
makes a couple appearances on Big Ben's Big Board. This
one was from the Malor Man March in twenty nineteen.
Wandering the streets of Seattle. Me and Ed and Jay
Scoop was there, and Robbie the Mariner fan, and we
had several other superstar listeners of the show from the
Pacific Northwest that had united for the malor Man March
(12:27):
from a certain point in downtown Seattle to the Seahawks Stadium.
They're playing the forty nine ers. It was like the
last week of the season the winner got in the playoffs,
and so it was a big deal, and of course
such a big deal they wouldn't let me in the stadium.
But nonetheless, nonetheless we marched, and Wayne had his or
not Wayne ed ed excuse me, Ed had his bullhorn
(12:50):
and was doing chance and homeless people were yelling at
him to shut up. They homeless in Seattle because he
was so annoying. Ben Mahler Show. Listen to the Ben
Mahler Show. Also, as we continue Big Benny's Big Board,
here the ten most memorable things that pe Ones have
done as super fans of the show over the years.
(13:11):
And please add to this if I'm forgetting something, how
about Pete and Pittsburgh when the company laid me off
in August of actually was January's January of nine, January
twentieth o nine, I got laid off. I was rehired
in August, six months and twenty six days later, but
heat in Pittsburgh called into the King of All Media,
(13:35):
Howard Stearn's radio show, to say how upset he was
that I had been laid off. And so Howard talked
about my situation with Pete and Pittsburgh and not just mine,
but so many people, good hardworking radio people that were
whacked on that faithful day. And it was really funny
(13:57):
because I had a bunch of relatives that aren't sports
fans that were Stern fans, and I had people reaching
out to me. Did you see your name was mentioned?
Do you hear your name was mentioned on the Stern Show?
And so I want to thank Pete for that.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
That's cool. I never heard that story.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, that was really it was really wild. And I
actually have the audio of somebody sent me a copy
of it. I haven't in my inbox. But that was
that was cool. Now, to be fair, I mean I've
ripped Howard. I think Howard lost his fastball, but only
recently within the last like five seven years. This was
this goes back about fifteen years now. Number number five,
but again no particular order, But this is the fifth
(14:35):
name we'll put on the list, which is not a list,
it's Benny's big board. So number five random Cleveland fan.
Now I don't have the name of this person. I
don't know whether they're actually a fan or not. But
what they did was what a p one would do.
So we'll go back to the year twenty sixteen. I
believe it was the Cleveland Cadavers had beaten the Golden State,
(15:00):
or as they'd come back to beat Golden State. This
was the series. Raymond Green played the Nutcracker and got suspended,
and that turned the series around, allowed Cleveland to get
back in the series so that they win. The Cavaliers
win the championship, and I'm whatever, I'm moving on with
my life. They have a massive parade, massive rally in
downtown Cleveland, and that evening I'm getting people sending me
(15:27):
photos that were taken by newspapers and news websites from
the parade, and a random person I don't know who
this is. I've never seen this person before or after
this incident, was walking around the parade with a giant
poster board and on the poster board were the photos
(15:49):
of Skip Bayless steven A Smith, Yours truly and a
couple of the random people, and they had listed all
of us as Lebron Halves, haters, trash who were picking
against the Calves and said they weren't going to win
the big championship. And so it was hilarious because I'm
(16:11):
like right next to stephen A and Skip Bayless, which
is our accountants. Actually, Danny say the same, You're right
in the same tax bracket as stephen A and Skip Baalis.
But it was a great photo and I actually have
it up in my studio where I do a lot
of the work from here because it's it's like a
million people behind this guy. He's holding up a poster
(16:32):
with all of our photos on it. It was just
it was priceless. So it was just absolutely precious. Also,
Femi's obviously on the list. We already mentioned Femi the
Nigerian funeral for his father, the Malor poster, which was great.
I've got a few more on Benny's big board. How
about Fats from Philadelphia lighting himself on fire during the
(16:54):
COVID NFL draft of twenty twenty and screaming my name
that was that was amazing. He lit his chest on fire.
He also later on he did the doc mic thing,
drank some of the yellow juice, and he did it
right from the tap Danny, Oh yeah, well yeah, And
(17:17):
he ended up showing all of the internet little fats
which we didn't need to see. But the fats is
an all time great typical Philadelphia hardcore Eagles Neanderthal fan.
Also and in Spokane is on here again on Big
Ben's big board. This is arguably the funniest thing and
(17:39):
some would say the most controversial thing that anyone's done
for the show. This goes back again to the pandemic
in twenty twenty when the world was shut down and
all that they were protesters, the James Floyd situation and
all that that was going on as a wild time,
and there was a Black Lives Matter ralegh is all
(18:00):
over the place and edin' Spokane, Washington showed up to
a Black Lives Matter rally protest in somewhere. I don't
think it was in Spokane, but somewhere, you know, in Washington.
He shows up at the rally. People are all upset
and they're complaining and protesting and the whole thing, and
he's got a megaphone, listen to the Ben Mahler Show.
(18:23):
You know he's.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Oh man.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
The thing about Ed is he has no filter. Like
a lot of people would be like, I can't do that.
I'd be so embarrassed, you know, I don't want to
do that. But edin' Spokane is like, no, screw it,
I don't care. He's got no shame in his game.
And it's just the video of him screaming to listen
to the Ben Mahler Show overnights you know, and see
(18:50):
you in Seattle, Washington, whatever, and the looks on the
face of the people there that are protesting is what
are you doing?
Speaker 4 (18:59):
It was.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It was absolutely priceless, and I would be remiss if
you do it. Benny's big board and not mentioning the
greatest advertising anyone could ask for from a listener. Moving
Man Matt from Boston with his mobile Mallard billboard. Yeah
that he's got two trucks, moving trucks. He goes from
(19:22):
coast to coast moving thousands of pounds of product, and
he has the very bottom on each side of his
truck promotion of the Ben Maler Show, and so that
that's just amazing. So thank you Moving Man Matt. I'm
sure I'm missing a bunch.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
I got a couple really quick. What do you okay?
How about the cake benefactor?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Oh yeah, we were getting cake every other week. And
not just cake Dandy. These were designer cakes. These were
luxury cakes every single week. These were pieces of art
that we were getting. I want a camel.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
It was so amazing.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
And then also I got to add to that list
Rod and Bakersfield. He brought steak to the studio and
he also had us out for a steak dinner when
we were at the baseball game there.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Oh that's right, Yeah, we're in Bakersfield. Closed the whole
team down. Yes, the Bakersfield Blaze. They were a blaze, Yeah, exactly.
Mallard burned it down. Yeah, we were. The curse of
the Ben Bino was in effect there. Yeah, that was
very kind of rot.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
And there's been a few listeners Ben that treated us
to fat sALS. I'm thinking of Big Lou who treated
us a few times, and a couple others. Thank you
when I was on your live show. Thank you for
the extra ten twelve pounds I gained while I was there.
I'm working so hard even now to get rid of
that weight.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
No, absolutely, and everyone's been been amazing and people have
been so kind. I know, when the pandemic was going on,
people were just like sending us random stuff in the mail,
like just you mean so much, just like so important.
Here's here's a hat, here's a shirt.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
From mugs to stickers to that woman that sent us
the Boston hot Dogs.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Oh that's yes, I completely that's a that's another one.
I I had a guy in Boston who was a
big fan, and I love the Finway Monster Dog, which is,
to me, the greatest ballpark hot dog I've ever had,
and you can buy them in the grocery stores around Boston.
I don't live in Boston, and so this guy every
(21:40):
year would overnight a giant and I say giant. This
thing was massive. There were probably fifty hot dogs or
more in this thing, and he just overnighted and there
you go. We had Finway Monster Dogs, Finway Franks and
I would grill those things up during the summer and
(22:01):
it was just awesome. So a wonderful gesture for sure,
And thanks to everyone else, and really really really cool,
really really really cool. I know there were some other stuff,
Danny Ray, you had some things on your mind. You
wanted to share with the class this week and things
that have happened as we wind down heading in this
(22:21):
is a two for one special this holiday weekend.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Yeah, I wanted to ask you a fun question that
we covered on Old School and fifty Hits.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
This past Thursday.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
On Covino and Rich it was National ba Humbug Day
and the question was what's one thing that everybody else
loves but you hate. We got some great calls, really
good stories from the guys dumb for my answer, but
they laughed because I said soup. Not a fan of soup, No,
(22:53):
because my mom used to serve tomato soup and I'd say,
what's for dinner and she'd say the soup that's on
the table, and I'm like, that's not dinner.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
Yeah, Soup's not dinner. It's an appetizer.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, I agree with you, unless it's a hearty like
a thick chicken soup with lots of chicken. But for
the most part, ninety eight percent of soup is not
It's just it doesn't fill you up.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
And then after if you can think of one, well,
I tell you this lady called in Amber from Dallas.
She called in and she ranted in a fun way,
but she ranted on what she called Disneyland adults.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Disney adults people.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Who are grown but still act like little kids when
they get to go to Disneyland and they wear the
ears and they go maybe without kids. She was trying
to make the point that only kids belong at that park.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Yeah, yeah, she hates it. Everyone else loves it. She
hates it.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, she's a Debbie Downer. I'm famous for I can't
say I hate this because I've never had it, but coffee.
So many people love coffee. I've never had a cup
of coffee. And like everywhere I go, Tom Looney know,
I do the TV show with Benny versus the Penny.
He's always trying to every week. You just have some coffee.
You know, you should really drink some coffee. Like it's
(24:13):
like this peer pressure my wife, you drink some CoFe
should really have some coffee. You know your life would
be better with coffee. I'm like, no, I don't need
the coffee.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
You just hate hearing people talk about it.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
The other one, much like you with your mom and
the soup. My mom loved turkey, bless her soul, So
anytime anything big happened in the family birthday holiday, she
would run to make a turkey. I ate so much
turkey that I don't like turkey anymore. I hate it.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
We had a caller who called up and said his
uncle bought big tubs of peanut butter, and for months
and months and months they lived off that peanut butter.
And to this day he can no longer eat peanut butter.
Whatso whoever, that reminds me of that. And I'll say
for my mom, besides that tomato soup, she used to
(25:07):
serve us baloney sandwiches all the time. It got to
the point where I asked her, I said, is there
anything else we could put in the bread? If I
even smelled bloni right now, I would probably vomit.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Yeah. For me, the sandwich was tunafish. My mom loved
to give me a tuna fish sandwich because she read
in some magazine that was healthy for you. Of course,
it probably had so much mercury at that time when
I was a kid.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
I don't know that mercury and mayonnaise.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, exactly. It was covered in mayonnaise. But the problem
was she would put an ice pack in there. But
I'd go to school at seven thirty in the morning,
you know, started at eight, and it was hot in
a late you know, early in the year be hot,
and the ice pack would wear off by the time
I got the lunch. It was a warm tuna fish sandwich. Gross,
(26:00):
not really to my taste, buds, I did not really
enjoy a warm tuna fish sandwich. So that's the only fish.
That's why the last fish I ate. This next tale
is very relatable. Now. Recently I made my annual trip
(26:23):
to the North Pole. What a perfect time this holiday
weekend here the day before, the day before that matters,
so our tradition of taking Rudolph the rent Nose reindeer
to Santa's workshop yours truly, wearing a Santa suit, as
I portrayed the legendary character Santa Claus Chris Kringle each
(26:46):
year give back to the community. The wife is a
public servant as a nine to one to one operator
in the town she works in. I get to play
Santa Claus and I get strapped to the back of
a fire truck. In fact, I'll put some photos online
later today so you can see see what I've got
going on. But we ride around the town my wife
(27:06):
works in with a police escort, and I wave at men,
women and children as I spread holiday joy and fun
fact about Santa Claus. Now, according to the Internet, this
must be true because I read it on the Internet,
and the Internet's never wrong. The modern American version of
(27:27):
the suit is attributed to a guy named Thomas Nast
who was working for Harper's Weekly magazine, and it's often
confused with Coca Cola. Now Coca Cola. This guy, Hayden's
sun Bloom is the guy's name. He standardized what the
image of Santa looks like, and because of Coca Cola,
(27:50):
they had the red suit and the white for trim,
which is what we associate with ever since then. But
this goes back way back to the eighteen hundreds, and
the image that was drawn by this guy, Thomas Nast,
is what is Santa Claus. He took and combined created
(28:12):
the modern version of Santa Claus, which was based on
a couple of German figures Saint Nicholas, and we Hashtisman
probably butchered that not great with Germany racist. But this
guy Nast, who's been dead for over one hundred years,
I believe now, But what a contribution to still modern
(28:36):
society because he created what is the image of Santa
Claus as people know it in the Western world. But
also he created the elephant, which is the symbol for
the Republican Party. That you know, that drawing of the elephant. Yeah,
that was his, that was his, that he came up
with it. And they still the Republican car the Republican
(28:56):
Party still uses that as there they're met all these
years later, and he's he's been called the father of
American cartoon, the father of the American cartoons. So anyway,
I get back to the point. Please all right, So
I'm sorry, but I just got cured. But back to
my day of Santa Claus. So I had a blast.
(29:17):
People genuinely enjoyed the night. That's the vibe I got.
A lot of kiddos were smiling. I know things were
going well because I saw a lot of statue of liberties.
You know what the statue of liberty is, Daniel, When
you're at an event and everyone's holding up their arm
and yeah, photos like they're this, you know, holding up
the torch, this Lady Liberty and so that was kind
(29:40):
of cool. People wanted to record it.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Now did you get to throw candy?
Speaker 1 (29:45):
I did not, but people, some of the people, some
of the jokesters were actually throwing like like they were
fake snowballs. They were like little like cloth snowballs, and
so they would throw them at me, and every once
in a while I would catch one and throw it
back at him, and they were howling like when I
(30:05):
threw it back, like, well, Santa Claus is throwing a
snowball back at us. That's the funniest thing in the world.
So this lasted like three I was we went up
in the mountains. It was a mountain community, went up
in the mountains. It was very cold, probably in the
high thirties when we went up to the mountains there,
and I'm just wearing a Santa suit doing my thing,
and everything's great. The hardest part of that, you know what,
the hardest part of the day was, Danny, I'm gonna
(30:26):
take a guess.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
When you had a urinate.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
No, I didn't drink water all day because I didn't
want to have to urinate and get out of the
Santa suit. So that was not the problem. The hardest
part was getting off the fire truck. And this is
a dicey situation. So in my haste needed a crane. Well,
in my haste, daddy. It was hard enough to get
on the fire truck, the very top of the fire truck,
but then to get off the fire truck. Now, as
(30:50):
you know, I'm a gymnast and I am, like I
do yoga, I'm very flexible. Wrong again, And as I
was crawling on the roof of the fire truck to
reach over the side to try to put my massive
feet on the steps to get off said fire truck.
I get down off the truck, and it was like
that classic episode of the old comedy The Honeymooners. Oh
(31:13):
my aching back. I had lower back pain for most
of the last week, and I'm like walking around like
an old guy. I could not even like bend over.
It was like I couldn't sleep on my side. I
had to sleep. It's where you have to sleep on
your back when you hurt your back, you have to
(31:34):
kind of lay flat. And took most of the week
before my back kind of snapped back in place. But
it was like, I mean, I'm at the age now
we're even getting off a freaking fire truck. I might
end up damaging myself. So it was it was whole, whole,
whole hospital. But unfortunately did not have to go to
the hospital. I probably should have had it checked out,
(31:56):
but I knew I had just twisted a muscle at
my lower back, and I was like, yeah, you know,
be fine. And plus I couldn't really complain about it.
I didn't mention it on the radio because I have
pointed out, and this is hand to god, a true
story when I covered the NBA back in the nineties,
and this was like a running joke among the coaches
and whatnot.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
Oh yeah, the famous back injury.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yeah, when like a player went out and had a
little too much fun with the ladies and the boothe
both and they wanted to miss a game, they'd come
up with a lower back injury. Because at that time,
and I still think this is the case, there's no
there's no test, there's no real treatment that you can do.
It's just, you know, it's when it feels better, you're
able to play and all that stuff. And so it's
a phantom injury exactly. So I can't say, well, I
(32:39):
had a lower back injury. I couldn't miss work. I
have a lower back injury. So because everyone knows that's
a bogus injury. But I had it and it hurt
like a mofo. I was like, damn, I know you've
had some backstuff, Danny, right, you've had some issues from
now now and again right to pop up.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
In fact, what was it?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
It was Thursday afternoon that Covino was complaining about a
back injury he has. He did it at the gym,
and then he re injured it by getting into his
car really quick because of the downpour. He like contorted
his body in a weird way to get into the
car extra fast because of the rain, and so he
(33:18):
retweaked it. He was groaning in pain. Rich called him
a pussy on the air and he stopped complaining. But
I busted out one of those Shaquille O'Neal sticks that
numb the lower back.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
The roller Oh those.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Yeah, yeah, man, I have that in my backpack because
from time to time my lower back barks to the
point where I got to roll that bad boy on
there and just numb it.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Ruh. Yeah, It's like, yeah, come on, Like I don't
feel that old, but stuff like that happens. I'm like,
I can't even get off a fire truck, like I
used to jump off those things. It was no problem.
But then I was like, I gotta I gotta have
like an army of people around me to make sure
I go slowly and not jump off the truck. And
what a pain in Okas, we do have a Backscratcher
(34:06):
this week, and we'll just get to that real quickly.
This is on the Apple podcast page. Follow the podcast
and then you can really help us out if you
post a review. It's in the description. Danny, make sure
to put it in there. Every episode we had one
from I don't think this is the real name, Kwang
from Vietnam. Now maybe we have a listener in Vietnam.
(34:28):
It's possible.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
Probably not one of your brother's friends that he's going
to visit.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
That's right, yeah, he says. Headline fight Club. On the
Backscratcher review, he says, these guys never even ask for reviews,
which is nice, So I figured i'd review out of
the kindness of my heart. Five stars.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
The review. Nice. See that's what we're saying. It's fight club.
You don't mention it in you go the other direction
like that.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Yeah. See, this is what we were hoping for. Unlike
the Donkey last week, I think it was who was Well,
these guys have been really nice of management. Didn't that
force them to ask for people to post the you
know things on the backscratcher They're like, oh.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
Man, yeah, man, play it off. Be cool, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I know we're not doing foody fun. I did have
some foody fun, so I just wanted to mention the
big story in food and we're not gonna have time
to get to the meat of this. But Costco did
you see the news? Did this come up on Covino
and Rich They are discontinuing one of their popular items
in the food court. It's going away in twenty twenty four. Costco,
(35:42):
did you see us? They're eliminating the Truro. They're getting
rid of the turo what and in the place of
the turo they will put in a jumbo sized chocolate
chip cookie, so churros out, chalk flit chip cookie in
and as an added bonus, we are told that Costco
(36:07):
is going to add in the summer of twenty twenty four,
corner to internet speculation, chocolate ice cream to the food court.
They added strawberry I Scream, which was a I didn't
think that would be good, but I love it. I
get to bury Sunday with the strawberry ice cream at
the food court. Yeah, oh man, it's a nice upgrade.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
On this podcast, we've mentioned the old school McDonald's burning
hot apple pies. Yes, yes, I didn't get to test
it because I'm on a no sugar kick right now.
Do you ever go to Panda Express.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Every once in a while. Yeah, I will go there,
and maybe I'll even go there on Christmas because I
used to always go there with my dad. We'd have
Christmas eat Chinese food like all yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Nice, okay, next time you go in there, and for
our audience, next time you walk in, get dessert. Because
they are now offering hot apple pies. The picture at
least looked like the old school McDonald's.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Is that right, that's cool. Yeah, no, the McDonald's. We
talked about this on the podcast months ago. But there's
one McDonald's that serves the original apple pie, and I
think I think it's around here.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
It's in Downy Downey, California.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Yeah, so you can. We're lucky we live close enough
geographically desirable we can get the old apple pie. Also,
do you see that Chick fil a? Some Chick fil
A locations may soon be open on Sunday. It's this
a seven seven year old policy that wow, don't changed.
Why because of politicians in New York and it didn't
(37:41):
get a lot of attention, But the New York State
Assembly proposed the rest Stop Restaurant Act, which would require
food and beverage companies along the New York State Thruway
to stay open seven days a week.
Speaker 4 (37:53):
Now.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Chick fil A currently operates seven locations on the New
York through Way and has three more scheduled to be built.
And if this does end up going and continuing through
the as a law, they will be forced to have
either get rid of their locations on the New York
through Away, which apparably they like because they're adding three more,
(38:14):
or they're going to have to open on Sunday. Hey
you jesus, how pissed would those employees be at Chick
fil A? Right? They get Sundays off?
Speaker 3 (38:25):
You We're on Sunday and now you go, that's when
they should just schedule all the atheists that they have
on staff.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Well, yeah, you could do that, and they have one
at the Falcon Stadium in Atlanta, right that they But
it's not all it's weird. They have one in the steam,
but it's not open on Sunday. They play on Sunday.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Yeah, come on.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
My wife and I we always crave chicken from their joint,
and it's always a Sunday. We're always like, why do
we want to go there on Sunday? We know they're
not open, but it's happened a few times. We're like, man,
I want Chick fil A today. Oh crap, it's Sunday.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
No, it always seems to happen.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Well, that's one of the reasons that they put and
this is brilliant by our friends at Raising Canes. They
often will put a Raising Canes right across the street
from a Chick fil A, because James knows at least
one day a week they will own the chicken market.
They also know that Chick fil A often has a
line of cars, and sometimes people will go and see
(39:21):
the line of cars and the drive through at Chick
fil A, and they'll say, I'm not going to wait
and line, I'm going to go over to Raising Canes.
Maybe I can get in there quicker and get my
chicken bock box chicken just like that.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
And so that wasn't a drop.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
No, that was a drop. I wouldn't. I'm a professional broadcast.
I would never say that. What else I saw that?
If you have if you have a daughter, or you're
just a you know, you're a woman or a dude
that loves Hello Kitty, I don't know. Hey, who knows?
They not Goldfish? They will have limited edition Hello Kitty
(39:58):
Strawberry shortcake flavored edition of the Goldfish Crackers in twenty
twenty four.
Speaker 4 (40:07):
Oh wow, you just made some cookies shaped like that.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I did know. Chocolates. I've made some chocolates from my
knee chocolate. In fact, I'm gonna make more because she's
gonna come over on my my nieces and cousins, little
girls are gonna come over, So I'm gonna make them
Hello Kitty chocolates and some other random crap that I
will I will make this weekend. I am such a
radio loser. I don't give away brief mail bag because
(40:34):
this is the two for one special and we'll get
out of that, right But ohio Al, come on, man,
it's bag all right, thank you very much, ohio Al.
(40:56):
These are actual letters by actual listeners to the mail bag.
We're not going to get to everyone that sent their
letter in. Unfortunately, but we do thank you, and just
send one in for next week and hopefully we'll be
able to get your message on the air. But you
can email me right now, don't have to wait real
fifth hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth hour at
gmail dot com, and you can do that or wait
(41:17):
for me to post on Facebook. But let's get right
to the bag. What's in the bag? First one from
Alf the cybersecurity department of FSR. He's excited there that
he saw construction of aforementioned raising canes in Connecticut. He said. Also, Ben,
as I was consuming last week's collection of podcast, something
particularly caused my ears to perk up. It has been
(41:39):
brought to my attention that my TikTok account may have
been compromised. During the footy fund portion of the podcast,
you mentioned stories and videos that I had bookmarked only
days earlier that I was planning on sending you and
Daddy G. So it is evident to me that someone
on your social media staff either hacked my account or
(42:00):
you as a closet TikTok aficionato. The latter is obviously
not true, because we're where would you find the time
to do such research for the pod. That's what you
pay an army of underlings for, absolutely alf you get it,
don't you get it? Pal? That'd be like saying that
(42:22):
you spend hours on end preparing for the overnight show
and your producer has very little to do with the
show outside screening a few calls here and there. I
hope I can count on you to do the right
thing and reprimand the guilty and maintain the honorable ben
Malor brand Well. I will do that. Alf heads are
going to roll. He also included a link to the
(42:44):
former McDonald's chef that we referenced on a previous pod,
and his tip to acquiring the pickles that taste almost
identical to the ones at McDonald's, which I'm good what
I do. I don't know about you, Danny. When I
get the hamburger, the cheeseburger, I take the pickles off.
I don't like the pickles.
Speaker 4 (43:05):
I don't like the pickles when they're warm.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, alps kick his fetish as the pickle. He loves
the pickle. Next up, Daniel in Fort Wayne, Indiana says, Hey, guys,
have you considered coming to Fort Wayne to take in
a comet that's a hockey minor league hockey team or
a ten Caps during baseball season. Danny, I'm sure you
(43:28):
and the wife and CoA and the family there would
love to go to Fort Wayne, right, that's on your
bucket list to visit for a vacation.
Speaker 4 (43:35):
It's on my top ten board, which is not a list.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Not a list, it's a big board because you don't
do lists because you don't be irrelevant if you do
a list. Yeah, Daniel is part of the Chamber of Comers.
He's just started calling the show recently. I liked Dane.
He's a character. I can tell this guy's got the
ability to rise the ranks. He's an up and comer
in the mal and militia, and he loves Fort Wayne.
He can't get enough of Fort Wayne. And he promotes
(44:03):
Fort Wayne. He wants people to come to Fort Wayne.
He loves his town. And it's just it's a music.
I wouldn't mind going to a baseball game. We have
not thrown out the first pitch at a baseball game
in a while, so it'd be a lot of fun
to go to a Tin Caps game and throw out
the first pitch. And I haven't been to a minor
league hockey game in a while either, So thank you, Daniel,
(44:23):
And again Danny's us it's high in his vacations. It's
either that of the Bahamas and you know oftentimes they'll
go Fort Wayne George and Uvaldi says, guys, which movie
do you prefer this time of the year, Scrooged with
Bill Murray or National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase.
So this is tough because Bill Murray is a legend.
(44:44):
We love Bill Murray, but I'm going with chevy Chase
on this one. I've watched that National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
where he cuts down the tree in the middle of
the forest and the whole thing. I watched that more
than probably any other Christmas movie, So that gets my vote.
Speaker 4 (44:59):
What about you, Dany.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Chevy Chase sledding out of control into the Walmart parking
lot is an all time favorite scene. I gotta go
that route. And then the other movie I would throw
in there Home Alone. It's something I love and everybody
in the family loves it. So that's a movie that's
going to be on this weekend.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, that gets play a lot. My wife loves the
Will ferrell One as the Elf.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
Oh yeah, we watched Elf last weekend.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Fan of that last one. We'll get out on this
as this two for one pod. And this is from
the Queen of the Mahlard Militia, Queen Roxanne and Colorado says.
She says, Ben, could you please give us an update
on the Malard Militia pe Ones, As you know, I
now work days and don't always get to hear the
(45:46):
whole show later. And she also wants to hear the nicknames,
which you know, that's people what the people want, Danny, I,
as you know.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
How about you give us an early Christmas gift and
you don't give the nickname list.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Well, listen, Danny. I was raised properly by my parents.
They taught me to not to not disappoint the listener.
And they say the most important thing, the customer is
always right.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
This is usually where I mutter under my breath, Jesus.
In this case, Jesus would not want you to do
this to us.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
It's the holiday season, day season of giving, it's the
season of making people happy. So I cannot. Queen Roxanne's
a beautiful woman. I cannot be rude to her and
just get it over with. I am known as the
(46:45):
spinmaster of misinformation, the bannering broadcaster. I've been called the
Beethoven of bs, Curmudgeon of commentary, Chasm of sarcasm, the
Czar of zany, the dark night of weak night sports radio,
the mogul of mischief, Benny, the brazen king of zing
Moneyball Mallard, Benny not even halfway but sheeeshaus Fox. I've
(47:11):
been called the Sultan of insulting who, the Shaman of shodenfreude,
dumping Jack of wisecrack, in sight of overnight medicine Man Mallard.
Speaker 4 (47:22):
This isn't not the number one station anymore?
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Neighbour of negativity, the Sage of outrage, Pinnacle of cynegal
princip preposterous professor of propaganda, the Hizar Hyperbolee, and the
floating turd of the spoken word, and the mad hatter
of sports chatter. How about shut up and Danny? That's
only half of my nicknames? Can you believe that that's
(47:47):
only half? And Queen Roxanne wants all my nicknames, Danny.
She wants all this. She don't want half. She's a
you know, she's a grown woman. She wants all the nicknames,
so I've also been called the Baron of Balddog.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
Don't do this, know it.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
I got to holidays.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
My gift, Ben Socks.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
Big gall Bladder, Benish the Menace, Captain nee Jerk, the
Duke of the north Woods, General of Degenerates, Tycoon of Tease,
Master of Disaster, the Hustler of Philibuster, night Light of Nightlife,
Okay hell Bill Miller, Holler of Producers, Benny Brightside, Manatee
(48:27):
of Insanity, Mark Cony, Maller, Moneyline Mallard, Emissary of embellishment,
week Night wind Bag. I think that one made the
TV show this week. Wizard of Wacky, Slayer of Naysayers,
Grand Goober of gabb the Oligarch of Dark Tower of
babbel On Honest, the Donnis, Nocturnal Colonel, the Underdog of Monologue,
(48:51):
and the Holy Pope of the Slippery Slope. Never heard
of them, Danny, Those are all my knee.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
Look at the time. Oh my god, I gotta start
packing for Disneyland, and.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
With that we say bye bye. Enjoy the holidays. I
will be taking a couple of days and the man
cave there by request, Danny, I actually tried to work
management at Fox. Our great boss, Scott Schapiro's like, you
really should take some you know, you need to take
a break. You got to recharge your batteries and all that. So,
(49:23):
but I am going to work a few days this week.
I will not be on the next couple of nights
that in fact, nobody will be on on Christmas Eve
tomorrow because we have best of kind of year in
review that we put together and it's it's our show
and a bunch of other shows we each do one hour.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
I spent a whole week putting the Cavino and Rich
hour together.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
Yeah, so we look back at some of the funny
moments that happened on the show if you might have
missed it, and we replay some of the great things
that happen. It's a really fun idea that we've done
for years. And you can hear a little bit from
every show and you can sample our show and the
cool thing. Some people complain Danny say, well, what only
just play your episode over and over again. It was like, well, no,
we want to expose you to other people. And our
(50:04):
episode gets played in other times, and so people for
our show at times that we're not on, and so
it's great for everyone.
Speaker 4 (50:12):
Cross contamination.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
Yes, we can taminate your mind with other shows, and
so it's it's a really great idea, and I'm glad
that we're included because we get to play be played
in the daytime a little bit and at night and
so it's good and in rotation and all that. But
to be safe, Danny, assume you're taking a little break too.
Are you taking a whole time here this week?
Speaker 3 (50:32):
Yeah, So we're going to be at the park tomorrow
in Anaheim, and then Covino and Rich we'll be back,
but not on the afternoon show. We'll be back next
Wednesday for Dan Patrick and we're doing the hat trick
Wednesday Thursday Friday morning.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
All right, very cool. And I will be in a
couple of nights. I'm off Christmas even to Christmas Day
and Christmas Night into the following day. But then I'll
be in two nights. I'll have the TV show. That's
part of the reason I'm not taking the whole week off.
So I will have the TV show next weekend, and
I'll do a couple of nights of radio and we'll
(51:08):
have the pod next weekend and all that. So that
is the schedule. But be safe. Hopefully you spend some
time with family and friends and if not, if we're
If we're your friends and family, Happy holidays, Merry Christmas
to you. Love good hoes here for you, and we
love you.
Speaker 3 (51:25):
And go back and catch up on all the Fifth
Hour podcasts. Now you got some free time to go
back and listen to everything.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
Yeah, we've got a big archive of work. You don't
just have to download the one where I poop my pants.
There's other episodes that you can download. We'll get out.
Have you a wonderful rest of your weekend in the
next couple of days, here and be safe and Merry Christmas,
Happy holidays, and we'll catch you when we catch you.
Speaker 3 (51:50):
Ho ho ho hohe me austa pasta got a murder.
Speaker 4 (51:55):
I gotta go.
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere, and a happy happy Saturday to you.
It is the day before the day before, a day
that many look forward to. This the twenty third day
of the great month of December. Happy Saturday to you.
(00:50):
The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio
in the air everywhere worldwide, thanks to the power of
the pod. The power of the pod. And we'll jump
right into it. Danny. We had a spicy hot pod
on Friday, very sporty with Yamamoto, the news coming down
(01:11):
on Thursday leading into our Friday morning sojourn there with
Yamamoto going to the Dodgers and people up in arms.
I did enjoy. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't consume
too much social media, but I was on there and
the people that were outraged by that, and just the
Dodgers in general. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it like
(01:31):
somehow that's a bad thing that the Dodgers spent a
sack load of money to get good players, like they
should be shamed for doing that. And I don't get that. Logic.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Sports radio in the Bay Area I heard that it
was a shit show on Friday morning and all day
Friday with all the San Francisco Giants fans whining.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I've seen Yankee fans posting videos and Yankee fans
Danny the personification, the epitome of deep pocket baseball. The
New York Yankees and some of their fans are furious
right that the Dodgers now sit in the lap of
luxury and all that. But anyway, I just got to
kick out of this. I wanted to mention that at
(02:16):
the start. But on this the Saturday Pod, we've got
the poster boy Bennie's Big Board, Ho Ho Hospital, and
we'll have some other fun I'm sure Danny some things
you want to toss into the to the stew here.
And by the way, since this is a holiday weekend,
the powers that be have informed us this podcast because
(02:39):
it is Christmas weekend, a two for one bonus pod.
We are going to jam into this podcast two podcasts
for the price of one. You can't do that. You can't.
That's wicked good is what that is? Right, I mean,
that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Nuts, that's a bargain.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Normally you only have to pay US five ninety nine
to subscribe to this show. This is free this weekend,
and it's two shows inside one day.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a two for one special. Buy one,
get one free, and that's what we have going for it.
And you're very lucky that you've stumbled.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Perfect timing because I'm going to be at Disneyland tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, well there you go. All right, So we have
we have the greatest supporters in all of radio land.
Very blessed, the very blessed. I've been doing this a
long time, and yeah, the people that listen to the
Overnight Show have been so amazing, so wonderful. This week,
I was blown away. It takes a lot for me
to be blown away. It happens every so often, and
(03:43):
usually it happens when you don't expect it happens. So
our friend Femi, who I actually met in Minnesota. He
lives in Minnesota. He's the number one Uber East driver
in the Twin Cities. He's become a brigadier general in
the mal Or Militia. And he dropped what I would
call a thunderbolt my direction. Just on a random night.
(04:04):
I'm just doing the show, whatever people have sending comments
in nothing out of the ordinary, just normal radio night,
and then right out of left field, Femi posts the
message on social He informs me that I hadn't heard
from him in a while. Usually checks in every week
with some content. He informed me that his father had
passed away. I was like, well, that's sad, and he
(04:26):
said there was an elaborate funeral in his homeland in Nigeria,
and he attached a couple of photos. And in these
photos you might have seen them if you follow me
on social media. If not, they're available. We saw a
group of Nigerians holding up a poster that had my
(04:49):
ugly mug on it and the Ben mal show name
and the Fox Ports radio logo. As Femi the photo
journalist said he had I'd converted some of the locals
there in his native Nigeria into the mal Or Militia,
and he claimed in Nigerian culture, when someone dies, we
(05:12):
have the celebration of life everywhere, but in Nigeria they
do like a carnival thing for two days to celebrate,
as Femi said, a life well lived. So this just
blew mey. So from La to Nigeria, we do the
show in La seven eight hundred and twelve miles to
get from where we are to Nigeria in the middle
(05:35):
of Africa, and they're promoting the show. Was it was
really cool, wild wild wild, So thank you, Femi. I
do appreciate that, and in honor of that, I was inspired.
Now I don't do list Danny. You know I'm not
(05:55):
a list guy, right.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
No, not at all. You do big boards, that's right.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
So I'm gonna do big board, which is not a list.
It's not a checklist. It's not a watch list. It's
not a hot list, it's not a short list. It
is none of those things. Wrong. It is a big board,
which is much different. And oftentimes people are confused by
(06:19):
big board. So don't be confused, right at all. It's
like the stock market. It's the Dow Jones, it's the
New York Stock Exchange, which is not a big board.
It's not.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
It's just like how the mail bag is not anything
like ask Ben.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Exactly exactly. See, you get it right. The mail bag.
People confuse that all the time because people are stupid.
It's nothing like the mail bag. The mail bag and Aspen,
they're not They're not the same. So on Big Ben's
Big board, this is the first time I've ever done this,
the ten most memorable things at this time that a
p One has done as a super fan of the
(06:59):
Ben Malor Show over the years. And I guarantee you
I'm forgetting a bunch of stuff that's really good, stuff
that happened and it just slipped through my memory. So
I would like if Anthony and Anaheim here's this, or
Alf the Alien opineer, any of the guys that have
been with the show for a long time that have
(07:21):
listened chipping the cues, who's been with me since the
early days, if you can refresh my memory on some
of the stuff I forgot. So with that as the backdrop,
immediately admitting this is probably a terrible list, which is
not a list, it's a big board. So these are
the ten most memorable things that p ones have done
as super fans of the Ben Mahler Show at my
(07:42):
time at Fox Sports Radio. In no particular order. I'm
not putting these because that would make it a list, dandy.
If I put them in a certain order, that would
be a list. But there are ten things in no
particular order that we can move around. We can put
one here and move one down and all that. I'm
fine with that. But the first one I want to
bring up is Doc Mike. Now, Doc has done a
(08:04):
couple of anythings with me over the years. The two
things that Doc Mike has done that I want to
mention for the Big Board. Uh. One of my favorite
memories of Doc is when Michael Vick was in prison
in Levenworth in Kansas and Doc Mike so delusional that
he was convinced that Michael Vick wanted to talk to
(08:26):
him and that he just had to travel to Levenworth
prison to meet with Michael Vick. So Doc got in
his car from Chicago, drove to Levenworth, Kansas, and every
day for a week he would go into Levenworth and
try to meet with Michael Vick, and the wardens would be, well,
(08:47):
you're not on the list. He doesn't you know, he
doesn't know you can't come in. And Doc would call
me from leven outside Levenworth. He's like, I'm here, I'm here.
I'm waiting for them to open up. You know, it's
a few hours away. They're gonna open up. And it was.
It was ridiculous. And then the other one, which is
doctored this several years. The most famous one was he'd
go to Wrigley Field every year and drop a goat
(09:07):
head off the Curse of the Billy Goat, and the
Cubs obviously won the World Series since this happened. But
this is a long time ago, and so he do
this every year. One year before a Cub Giant game,
he drops off the goat head. Now the game ends
up getting rained out. And since the Cub game got
rained out at Wrigley Opening Day, the sports writers had
(09:30):
nothing to write, so instead they wrote about this goatthead.
I'm going to decapitate a goat, bloody goatthead that had
been dropped off by a lunatic fan, and I will
never forget. The then mayor of Chicago, rom Emmanuel was
his name at the time, and he held a news
(09:52):
conference announcing that no resource would not be used to
find out who put the goat head at Wrigley Field.
He said the Chicago police were going to investigate this.
They we're gonna get to the bottom of it, and
we doc Mike like he laid out the whole blueprint
on the air of what he was doing. It was,
(10:14):
and then the mayor of Chicagoo, We're gonna get to
the bottom of this. I think, well, I think we
know who did it. I think we know who did it.
Another name that popped up on my big board here
David from winter Park, Florida, along with Roscoe the Parrot.
So David went above and beyond the call of duty here.
He drove from winter Park, Florida, which is I'm told
(10:35):
I've never been to winter Park, Florida, but I've told
it's kind of not far from Orlando. And he drove
up I ninety five to Boston with Roscoe the parrot,
a giant stuffed animal, Roscoe the Parrot and met me
at the Cask and Flagon in Boston for the Malor
Meet and greed and that that was just nuts it
(10:58):
and that was only I was for like a couple hour.
He's meet and greets are a couple hours and he
drove all the way from Florida to hang out for
a couple hours at a random bar in Boston. So
that was that was pretty cool. And then at that
same event, Wayne from Southey is also on Big Ben's
Big Board the ten most memorable things that Pee Ones
(11:18):
have done as super fans in the show. Because Wayne
from Southee, this is a guy. I did it for Mallor.
I did it for Malor and he claimed he had
been sober for a number of years and he kept
buying me alcohol and buying people shots in the bar
and he wanted everyone to toast me. And so he
(11:39):
and I've been sober, you know, we have the drop.
And then I forget what exactly what he said, but
I did it for Mallor and that was hilarious. What
a great character Wayne from Southee is. And he didn't
call the show much anymore, but he was just wonderful.
We love Wayne. It was great. Now, also on the
Big Board, we have Ed in Spokane. Now. Ed actually
(12:02):
makes a couple appearances on Big Ben's Big Board. This
one was from the Malor Man March in twenty nineteen.
Wandering the streets of Seattle. Me and Ed and Jay
Scoop was there, and Robbie the Mariner fan, and we
had several other superstar listeners of the show from the
Pacific Northwest that had united for the malor Man March
(12:27):
from a certain point in downtown Seattle to the Seahawks Stadium.
They're playing the forty nine ers. It was like the
last week of the season the winner got in the playoffs,
and so it was a big deal, and of course
such a big deal they wouldn't let me in the stadium.
But nonetheless, nonetheless we marched, and Wayne had his or
not Wayne ed ed excuse me, Ed had his bullhorn
(12:50):
and was doing chance and homeless people were yelling at
him to shut up. They homeless in Seattle because he
was so annoying. Ben Mahler Show. Listen to the Ben
Mahler Show. Also, as we continue Big Benny's Big Board,
here the ten most memorable things that pe Ones have
done as super fans of the show over the years.
(13:11):
And please add to this if I'm forgetting something, how
about Pete and Pittsburgh when the company laid me off
in August of actually was January's January of nine, January
twentieth o nine, I got laid off. I was rehired
in August, six months and twenty six days later, but
heat in Pittsburgh called into the King of All Media,
(13:35):
Howard Stearn's radio show, to say how upset he was
that I had been laid off. And so Howard talked
about my situation with Pete and Pittsburgh and not just mine,
but so many people, good hardworking radio people that were
whacked on that faithful day. And it was really funny
(13:57):
because I had a bunch of relatives that aren't sports
fans that were Stern fans, and I had people reaching
out to me. Did you see your name was mentioned?
Do you hear your name was mentioned on the Stern Show?
And so I want to thank Pete for that.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
That's cool. I never heard that story.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, that was really it was really wild. And I
actually have the audio of somebody sent me a copy
of it. I haven't in my inbox. But that was
that was cool. Now, to be fair, I mean I've
ripped Howard. I think Howard lost his fastball, but only
recently within the last like five seven years. This was
this goes back about fifteen years now. Number number five,
but again no particular order, But this is the fifth
(14:35):
name we'll put on the list, which is not a list,
it's Benny's big board. So number five random Cleveland fan.
Now I don't have the name of this person. I
don't know whether they're actually a fan or not. But
what they did was what a p one would do.
So we'll go back to the year twenty sixteen. I
believe it was the Cleveland Cadavers had beaten the Golden State,
(15:00):
or as they'd come back to beat Golden State. This
was the series. Raymond Green played the Nutcracker and got suspended,
and that turned the series around, allowed Cleveland to get
back in the series so that they win. The Cavaliers
win the championship, and I'm whatever, I'm moving on with
my life. They have a massive parade, massive rally in
downtown Cleveland, and that evening I'm getting people sending me
(15:27):
photos that were taken by newspapers and news websites from
the parade, and a random person I don't know who
this is. I've never seen this person before or after
this incident, was walking around the parade with a giant
poster board and on the poster board were the photos
(15:49):
of Skip Bayless steven A Smith, Yours truly and a
couple of the random people, and they had listed all
of us as Lebron Halves, haters, trash who were picking
against the Calves and said they weren't going to win
the big championship. And so it was hilarious because I'm
(16:11):
like right next to stephen A and Skip Bayless, which
is our accountants. Actually, Danny say the same, You're right
in the same tax bracket as stephen A and Skip Baalis.
But it was a great photo and I actually have
it up in my studio where I do a lot
of the work from here because it's it's like a
million people behind this guy. He's holding up a poster
(16:32):
with all of our photos on it. It was just
it was priceless. So it was just absolutely precious. Also,
Femi's obviously on the list. We already mentioned Femi the
Nigerian funeral for his father, the Malor poster, which was great.
I've got a few more on Benny's big board. How
about Fats from Philadelphia lighting himself on fire during the
(16:54):
COVID NFL draft of twenty twenty and screaming my name
that was that was amazing. He lit his chest on fire.
He also later on he did the doc mic thing,
drank some of the yellow juice, and he did it
right from the tap Danny, Oh yeah, well yeah, And
(17:17):
he ended up showing all of the internet little fats
which we didn't need to see. But the fats is
an all time great typical Philadelphia hardcore Eagles Neanderthal fan.
Also and in Spokane is on here again on Big
Ben's big board. This is arguably the funniest thing and
(17:39):
some would say the most controversial thing that anyone's done
for the show. This goes back again to the pandemic
in twenty twenty when the world was shut down and
all that they were protesters, the James Floyd situation and
all that that was going on as a wild time,
and there was a Black Lives Matter ralegh is all
(18:00):
over the place and edin' Spokane, Washington showed up to
a Black Lives Matter rally protest in somewhere. I don't
think it was in Spokane, but somewhere, you know, in Washington.
He shows up at the rally. People are all upset
and they're complaining and protesting and the whole thing, and
he's got a megaphone, listen to the Ben Mahler Show.
(18:23):
You know he's.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Oh man.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
The thing about Ed is he has no filter. Like
a lot of people would be like, I can't do that.
I'd be so embarrassed, you know, I don't want to
do that. But edin' Spokane is like, no, screw it,
I don't care. He's got no shame in his game.
And it's just the video of him screaming to listen
to the Ben Mahler Show overnights you know, and see
(18:50):
you in Seattle, Washington, whatever, and the looks on the
face of the people there that are protesting is what
are you doing?
Speaker 4 (18:59):
It was.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It was absolutely priceless, and I would be remiss if
you do it. Benny's big board and not mentioning the
greatest advertising anyone could ask for from a listener. Moving
Man Matt from Boston with his mobile Mallard billboard. Yeah
that he's got two trucks, moving trucks. He goes from
(19:22):
coast to coast moving thousands of pounds of product, and
he has the very bottom on each side of his
truck promotion of the Ben Maler Show, and so that
that's just amazing. So thank you Moving Man Matt. I'm
sure I'm missing a bunch.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
I got a couple really quick. What do you okay?
How about the cake benefactor?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Oh yeah, we were getting cake every other week. And
not just cake Dandy. These were designer cakes. These were
luxury cakes every single week. These were pieces of art
that we were getting. I want a camel.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
It was so amazing.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
And then also I got to add to that list
Rod and Bakersfield. He brought steak to the studio and
he also had us out for a steak dinner when
we were at the baseball game there.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Oh that's right, Yeah, we're in Bakersfield. Closed the whole
team down. Yes, the Bakersfield Blaze. They were a blaze, Yeah, exactly.
Mallard burned it down. Yeah, we were. The curse of
the Ben Bino was in effect there. Yeah, that was
very kind of rot.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
And there's been a few listeners Ben that treated us
to fat sALS. I'm thinking of Big Lou who treated
us a few times, and a couple others. Thank you
when I was on your live show. Thank you for
the extra ten twelve pounds I gained while I was there.
I'm working so hard even now to get rid of
that weight.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
No, absolutely, and everyone's been been amazing and people have
been so kind. I know, when the pandemic was going on,
people were just like sending us random stuff in the mail,
like just you mean so much, just like so important.
Here's here's a hat, here's a shirt.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
From mugs to stickers to that woman that sent us
the Boston hot Dogs.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Oh that's yes, I completely that's a that's another one.
I I had a guy in Boston who was a
big fan, and I love the Finway Monster Dog, which is,
to me, the greatest ballpark hot dog I've ever had,
and you can buy them in the grocery stores around Boston.
I don't live in Boston, and so this guy every
(21:40):
year would overnight a giant and I say giant. This
thing was massive. There were probably fifty hot dogs or
more in this thing, and he just overnighted and there
you go. We had Finway Monster Dogs, Finway Franks and
I would grill those things up during the summer and
(22:01):
it was just awesome. So a wonderful gesture for sure,
And thanks to everyone else, and really really really cool,
really really really cool. I know there were some other stuff,
Danny Ray, you had some things on your mind. You
wanted to share with the class this week and things
that have happened as we wind down heading in this
(22:21):
is a two for one special this holiday weekend.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Yeah, I wanted to ask you a fun question that
we covered on Old School and fifty Hits.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
This past Thursday.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
On Covino and Rich it was National ba Humbug Day
and the question was what's one thing that everybody else
loves but you hate. We got some great calls, really
good stories from the guys dumb for my answer, but
they laughed because I said soup. Not a fan of soup, No,
(22:53):
because my mom used to serve tomato soup and I'd say,
what's for dinner and she'd say the soup that's on
the table, and I'm like, that's not dinner.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
Yeah, Soup's not dinner. It's an appetizer.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, I agree with you, unless it's a hearty like
a thick chicken soup with lots of chicken. But for
the most part, ninety eight percent of soup is not
It's just it doesn't fill you up.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
And then after if you can think of one, well,
I tell you this lady called in Amber from Dallas.
She called in and she ranted in a fun way,
but she ranted on what she called Disneyland adults.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Disney adults people.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Who are grown but still act like little kids when
they get to go to Disneyland and they wear the
ears and they go maybe without kids. She was trying
to make the point that only kids belong at that park.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Yeah, yeah, she hates it. Everyone else loves it. She
hates it.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, she's a Debbie Downer. I'm famous for I can't
say I hate this because I've never had it, but coffee.
So many people love coffee. I've never had a cup
of coffee. And like everywhere I go, Tom Looney know,
I do the TV show with Benny versus the Penny.
He's always trying to every week. You just have some coffee.
You know, you should really drink some coffee. Like it's
(24:13):
like this peer pressure my wife, you drink some CoFe
should really have some coffee. You know your life would
be better with coffee. I'm like, no, I don't need
the coffee.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
You just hate hearing people talk about it.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
The other one, much like you with your mom and
the soup. My mom loved turkey, bless her soul, So
anytime anything big happened in the family birthday holiday, she
would run to make a turkey. I ate so much
turkey that I don't like turkey anymore. I hate it.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
We had a caller who called up and said his
uncle bought big tubs of peanut butter, and for months
and months and months they lived off that peanut butter.
And to this day he can no longer eat peanut butter.
Whatso whoever, that reminds me of that. And I'll say
for my mom, besides that tomato soup, she used to
(25:07):
serve us baloney sandwiches all the time. It got to
the point where I asked her, I said, is there
anything else we could put in the bread? If I
even smelled bloni right now, I would probably vomit.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Yeah. For me, the sandwich was tunafish. My mom loved
to give me a tuna fish sandwich because she read
in some magazine that was healthy for you. Of course,
it probably had so much mercury at that time when
I was a kid.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
I don't know that mercury and mayonnaise.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, exactly. It was covered in mayonnaise. But the problem
was she would put an ice pack in there. But
I'd go to school at seven thirty in the morning,
you know, started at eight, and it was hot in
a late you know, early in the year be hot,
and the ice pack would wear off by the time
I got the lunch. It was a warm tuna fish sandwich. Gross,
(26:00):
not really to my taste, buds, I did not really
enjoy a warm tuna fish sandwich. So that's the only fish.
That's why the last fish I ate. This next tale
is very relatable. Now. Recently I made my annual trip
(26:23):
to the North Pole. What a perfect time this holiday
weekend here the day before, the day before that matters,
so our tradition of taking Rudolph the rent Nose reindeer
to Santa's workshop yours truly, wearing a Santa suit, as
I portrayed the legendary character Santa Claus Chris Kringle each
(26:46):
year give back to the community. The wife is a
public servant as a nine to one to one operator
in the town she works in. I get to play
Santa Claus and I get strapped to the back of
a fire truck. In fact, I'll put some photos online
later today so you can see see what I've got
going on. But we ride around the town my wife
(27:06):
works in with a police escort, and I wave at men,
women and children as I spread holiday joy and fun
fact about Santa Claus. Now, according to the Internet, this
must be true because I read it on the Internet,
and the Internet's never wrong. The modern American version of
(27:27):
the suit is attributed to a guy named Thomas Nast
who was working for Harper's Weekly magazine, and it's often
confused with Coca Cola. Now Coca Cola. This guy, Hayden's
sun Bloom is the guy's name. He standardized what the
image of Santa looks like, and because of Coca Cola,
(27:50):
they had the red suit and the white for trim,
which is what we associate with ever since then. But
this goes back way back to the eighteen hundreds, and
the image that was drawn by this guy, Thomas Nast,
is what is Santa Claus. He took and combined created
(28:12):
the modern version of Santa Claus, which was based on
a couple of German figures Saint Nicholas, and we Hashtisman
probably butchered that not great with Germany racist. But this
guy Nast, who's been dead for over one hundred years,
I believe now, But what a contribution to still modern
(28:36):
society because he created what is the image of Santa
Claus as people know it in the Western world. But
also he created the elephant, which is the symbol for
the Republican Party. That you know, that drawing of the elephant. Yeah,
that was his, that was his, that he came up
with it. And they still the Republican car the Republican
(28:56):
Party still uses that as there they're met all these
years later, and he's he's been called the father of
American cartoon, the father of the American cartoons. So anyway,
I get back to the point. Please all right, So
I'm sorry, but I just got cured. But back to
my day of Santa Claus. So I had a blast.
(29:17):
People genuinely enjoyed the night. That's the vibe I got.
A lot of kiddos were smiling. I know things were
going well because I saw a lot of statue of liberties.
You know what the statue of liberty is, Daniel, When
you're at an event and everyone's holding up their arm
and yeah, photos like they're this, you know, holding up
the torch, this Lady Liberty and so that was kind
(29:40):
of cool. People wanted to record it.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Now did you get to throw candy?
Speaker 1 (29:45):
I did not, but people, some of the people, some
of the jokesters were actually throwing like like they were
fake snowballs. They were like little like cloth snowballs, and
so they would throw them at me, and every once
in a while I would catch one and throw it
back at him, and they were howling like when I
(30:05):
threw it back, like, well, Santa Claus is throwing a
snowball back at us. That's the funniest thing in the world.
So this lasted like three I was we went up
in the mountains. It was a mountain community, went up
in the mountains. It was very cold, probably in the
high thirties when we went up to the mountains there,
and I'm just wearing a Santa suit doing my thing,
and everything's great. The hardest part of that, you know what,
the hardest part of the day was, Danny, I'm gonna
(30:26):
take a guess.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
When you had a urinate.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
No, I didn't drink water all day because I didn't
want to have to urinate and get out of the
Santa suit. So that was not the problem. The hardest
part was getting off the fire truck. And this is
a dicey situation. So in my haste needed a crane. Well,
in my haste, daddy. It was hard enough to get
on the fire truck, the very top of the fire truck,
but then to get off the fire truck. Now, as
(30:50):
you know, I'm a gymnast and I am, like I
do yoga, I'm very flexible. Wrong again, And as I
was crawling on the roof of the fire truck to
reach over the side to try to put my massive
feet on the steps to get off said fire truck.
I get down off the truck, and it was like
that classic episode of the old comedy The Honeymooners. Oh
(31:13):
my aching back. I had lower back pain for most
of the last week, and I'm like walking around like
an old guy. I could not even like bend over.
It was like I couldn't sleep on my side. I
had to sleep. It's where you have to sleep on
your back when you hurt your back, you have to
(31:34):
kind of lay flat. And took most of the week
before my back kind of snapped back in place. But
it was like, I mean, I'm at the age now
we're even getting off a freaking fire truck. I might
end up damaging myself. So it was it was whole, whole,
whole hospital. But unfortunately did not have to go to
the hospital. I probably should have had it checked out,
(31:56):
but I knew I had just twisted a muscle at
my lower back, and I was like, yeah, you know,
be fine. And plus I couldn't really complain about it.
I didn't mention it on the radio because I have
pointed out, and this is hand to god, a true
story when I covered the NBA back in the nineties,
and this was like a running joke among the coaches
and whatnot.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
Oh yeah, the famous back injury.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yeah, when like a player went out and had a
little too much fun with the ladies and the boothe
both and they wanted to miss a game, they'd come
up with a lower back injury. Because at that time,
and I still think this is the case, there's no
there's no test, there's no real treatment that you can do.
It's just, you know, it's when it feels better, you're
able to play and all that stuff. And so it's
a phantom injury exactly. So I can't say, well, I
(32:39):
had a lower back injury. I couldn't miss work. I
have a lower back injury. So because everyone knows that's
a bogus injury. But I had it and it hurt
like a mofo. I was like, damn, I know you've
had some backstuff, Danny, right, you've had some issues from
now now and again right to pop up.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
In fact, what was it?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
It was Thursday afternoon that Covino was complaining about a
back injury he has. He did it at the gym,
and then he re injured it by getting into his
car really quick because of the downpour. He like contorted
his body in a weird way to get into the
car extra fast because of the rain, and so he
(33:18):
retweaked it. He was groaning in pain. Rich called him
a pussy on the air and he stopped complaining. But
I busted out one of those Shaquille O'Neal sticks that
numb the lower back.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
The roller Oh those.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Yeah, yeah, man, I have that in my backpack because
from time to time my lower back barks to the
point where I got to roll that bad boy on
there and just numb it.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Ruh. Yeah, It's like, yeah, come on, Like I don't
feel that old, but stuff like that happens. I'm like,
I can't even get off a fire truck, like I
used to jump off those things. It was no problem.
But then I was like, I gotta I gotta have
like an army of people around me to make sure
I go slowly and not jump off the truck. And
what a pain in Okas, we do have a Backscratcher
(34:06):
this week, and we'll just get to that real quickly.
This is on the Apple podcast page. Follow the podcast
and then you can really help us out if you
post a review. It's in the description. Danny, make sure
to put it in there. Every episode we had one
from I don't think this is the real name, Kwang
from Vietnam. Now maybe we have a listener in Vietnam.
(34:28):
It's possible.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
Probably not one of your brother's friends that he's going
to visit.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
That's right, yeah, he says. Headline fight Club. On the
Backscratcher review, he says, these guys never even ask for reviews,
which is nice, So I figured i'd review out of
the kindness of my heart. Five stars.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
The review. Nice. See that's what we're saying. It's fight club.
You don't mention it in you go the other direction
like that.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Yeah. See, this is what we were hoping for. Unlike
the Donkey last week, I think it was who was Well,
these guys have been really nice of management. Didn't that
force them to ask for people to post the you
know things on the backscratcher They're like, oh.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
Man, yeah, man, play it off. Be cool, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I know we're not doing foody fun. I did have
some foody fun, so I just wanted to mention the
big story in food and we're not gonna have time
to get to the meat of this. But Costco did
you see the news? Did this come up on Covino
and Rich They are discontinuing one of their popular items
in the food court. It's going away in twenty twenty four. Costco,
(35:42):
did you see us? They're eliminating the Truro. They're getting
rid of the turo what and in the place of
the turo they will put in a jumbo sized chocolate
chip cookie, so churros out, chalk flit chip cookie in
and as an added bonus, we are told that Costco
(36:07):
is going to add in the summer of twenty twenty four,
corner to internet speculation, chocolate ice cream to the food court.
They added strawberry I Scream, which was a I didn't
think that would be good, but I love it. I
get to bury Sunday with the strawberry ice cream at
the food court. Yeah, oh man, it's a nice upgrade.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
On this podcast, we've mentioned the old school McDonald's burning
hot apple pies. Yes, yes, I didn't get to test
it because I'm on a no sugar kick right now.
Do you ever go to Panda Express.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Every once in a while. Yeah, I will go there,
and maybe I'll even go there on Christmas because I
used to always go there with my dad. We'd have
Christmas eat Chinese food like all yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Nice, okay, next time you go in there, and for
our audience, next time you walk in, get dessert. Because
they are now offering hot apple pies. The picture at
least looked like the old school McDonald's.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Is that right, that's cool. Yeah, no, the McDonald's. We
talked about this on the podcast months ago. But there's
one McDonald's that serves the original apple pie, and I
think I think it's around here.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
It's in Downy Downey, California.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Yeah, so you can. We're lucky we live close enough
geographically desirable we can get the old apple pie. Also,
do you see that Chick fil a? Some Chick fil
A locations may soon be open on Sunday. It's this
a seven seven year old policy that wow, don't changed.
Why because of politicians in New York and it didn't
(37:41):
get a lot of attention, But the New York State
Assembly proposed the rest Stop Restaurant Act, which would require
food and beverage companies along the New York State Thruway
to stay open seven days a week.
Speaker 4 (37:53):
Now.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Chick fil A currently operates seven locations on the New
York through Way and has three more scheduled to be built.
And if this does end up going and continuing through
the as a law, they will be forced to have
either get rid of their locations on the New York
through Away, which apparably they like because they're adding three more,
(38:14):
or they're going to have to open on Sunday. Hey
you jesus, how pissed would those employees be at Chick
fil A? Right? They get Sundays off?
Speaker 3 (38:25):
You We're on Sunday and now you go, that's when
they should just schedule all the atheists that they have
on staff.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Well, yeah, you could do that, and they have one
at the Falcon Stadium in Atlanta, right that they But
it's not all it's weird. They have one in the steam,
but it's not open on Sunday. They play on Sunday.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Yeah, come on.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
My wife and I we always crave chicken from their joint,
and it's always a Sunday. We're always like, why do
we want to go there on Sunday? We know they're
not open, but it's happened a few times. We're like, man,
I want Chick fil A today. Oh crap, it's Sunday.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
No, it always seems to happen.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Well, that's one of the reasons that they put and
this is brilliant by our friends at Raising Canes. They
often will put a Raising Canes right across the street
from a Chick fil A, because James knows at least
one day a week they will own the chicken market.
They also know that Chick fil A often has a
line of cars, and sometimes people will go and see
(39:21):
the line of cars and the drive through at Chick
fil A, and they'll say, I'm not going to wait
and line, I'm going to go over to Raising Canes.
Maybe I can get in there quicker and get my
chicken bock box chicken just like that.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
And so that wasn't a drop.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
No, that was a drop. I wouldn't. I'm a professional broadcast.
I would never say that. What else I saw that?
If you have if you have a daughter, or you're
just a you know, you're a woman or a dude
that loves Hello Kitty, I don't know. Hey, who knows?
They not Goldfish? They will have limited edition Hello Kitty
(39:58):
Strawberry shortcake flavored edition of the Goldfish Crackers in twenty
twenty four.
Speaker 4 (40:07):
Oh wow, you just made some cookies shaped like that.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I did know. Chocolates. I've made some chocolates from my
knee chocolate. In fact, I'm gonna make more because she's
gonna come over on my my nieces and cousins, little
girls are gonna come over, So I'm gonna make them
Hello Kitty chocolates and some other random crap that I
will I will make this weekend. I am such a
radio loser. I don't give away brief mail bag because
(40:34):
this is the two for one special and we'll get
out of that, right But ohio Al, come on, man,
it's bag all right, thank you very much, ohio Al.
(40:56):
These are actual letters by actual listeners to the mail bag.
We're not going to get to everyone that sent their
letter in. Unfortunately, but we do thank you, and just
send one in for next week and hopefully we'll be
able to get your message on the air. But you
can email me right now, don't have to wait real
fifth hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth hour at
gmail dot com, and you can do that or wait
(41:17):
for me to post on Facebook. But let's get right
to the bag. What's in the bag? First one from
Alf the cybersecurity department of FSR. He's excited there that
he saw construction of aforementioned raising canes in Connecticut. He said. Also, Ben,
as I was consuming last week's collection of podcast, something
particularly caused my ears to perk up. It has been
(41:39):
brought to my attention that my TikTok account may have
been compromised. During the footy fund portion of the podcast,
you mentioned stories and videos that I had bookmarked only
days earlier that I was planning on sending you and
Daddy G. So it is evident to me that someone
on your social media staff either hacked my account or
(42:00):
you as a closet TikTok aficionato. The latter is obviously
not true, because we're where would you find the time
to do such research for the pod. That's what you
pay an army of underlings for, absolutely alf you get it,
don't you get it? Pal? That'd be like saying that
(42:22):
you spend hours on end preparing for the overnight show
and your producer has very little to do with the
show outside screening a few calls here and there. I
hope I can count on you to do the right
thing and reprimand the guilty and maintain the honorable ben
Malor brand Well. I will do that. Alf heads are
going to roll. He also included a link to the
(42:44):
former McDonald's chef that we referenced on a previous pod,
and his tip to acquiring the pickles that taste almost
identical to the ones at McDonald's, which I'm good what
I do. I don't know about you, Danny. When I
get the hamburger, the cheeseburger, I take the pickles off.
I don't like the pickles.
Speaker 4 (43:05):
I don't like the pickles when they're warm.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, alps kick his fetish as the pickle. He loves
the pickle. Next up, Daniel in Fort Wayne, Indiana says, Hey, guys,
have you considered coming to Fort Wayne to take in
a comet that's a hockey minor league hockey team or
a ten Caps during baseball season. Danny, I'm sure you
(43:28):
and the wife and CoA and the family there would
love to go to Fort Wayne, right, that's on your
bucket list to visit for a vacation.
Speaker 4 (43:35):
It's on my top ten board, which is not a list.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Not a list, it's a big board because you don't
do lists because you don't be irrelevant if you do
a list. Yeah, Daniel is part of the Chamber of Comers.
He's just started calling the show recently. I liked Dane.
He's a character. I can tell this guy's got the
ability to rise the ranks. He's an up and comer
in the mal and militia, and he loves Fort Wayne.
He can't get enough of Fort Wayne. And he promotes
(44:03):
Fort Wayne. He wants people to come to Fort Wayne.
He loves his town. And it's just it's a music.
I wouldn't mind going to a baseball game. We have
not thrown out the first pitch at a baseball game
in a while, so it'd be a lot of fun
to go to a Tin Caps game and throw out
the first pitch. And I haven't been to a minor
league hockey game in a while either, So thank you, Daniel,
(44:23):
And again Danny's us it's high in his vacations. It's
either that of the Bahamas and you know oftentimes they'll
go Fort Wayne George and Uvaldi says, guys, which movie
do you prefer this time of the year, Scrooged with
Bill Murray or National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase.
So this is tough because Bill Murray is a legend.
(44:44):
We love Bill Murray, but I'm going with chevy Chase
on this one. I've watched that National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
where he cuts down the tree in the middle of
the forest and the whole thing. I watched that more
than probably any other Christmas movie, So that gets my vote.
Speaker 4 (44:59):
What about you, Dany.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Chevy Chase sledding out of control into the Walmart parking
lot is an all time favorite scene. I gotta go
that route. And then the other movie I would throw
in there Home Alone. It's something I love and everybody
in the family loves it. So that's a movie that's
going to be on this weekend.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, that gets play a lot. My wife loves the
Will ferrell One as the Elf.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
Oh yeah, we watched Elf last weekend.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Fan of that last one. We'll get out on this
as this two for one pod. And this is from
the Queen of the Mahlard Militia, Queen Roxanne and Colorado says.
She says, Ben, could you please give us an update
on the Malard Militia pe Ones, As you know, I
now work days and don't always get to hear the
(45:46):
whole show later. And she also wants to hear the nicknames,
which you know, that's people what the people want, Danny, I,
as you know.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
How about you give us an early Christmas gift and
you don't give the nickname list.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Well, listen, Danny. I was raised properly by my parents.
They taught me to not to not disappoint the listener.
And they say the most important thing, the customer is
always right.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
This is usually where I mutter under my breath, Jesus.
In this case, Jesus would not want you to do
this to us.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
It's the holiday season, day season of giving, it's the
season of making people happy. So I cannot. Queen Roxanne's
a beautiful woman. I cannot be rude to her and
just get it over with. I am known as the
(46:45):
spinmaster of misinformation, the bannering broadcaster. I've been called the
Beethoven of bs, Curmudgeon of commentary, Chasm of sarcasm, the
Czar of zany, the dark night of weak night sports radio,
the mogul of mischief, Benny, the brazen king of zing
Moneyball Mallard, Benny not even halfway but sheeeshaus Fox. I've
(47:11):
been called the Sultan of insulting who, the Shaman of shodenfreude,
dumping Jack of wisecrack, in sight of overnight medicine Man Mallard.
Speaker 4 (47:22):
This isn't not the number one station anymore?
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Neighbour of negativity, the Sage of outrage, Pinnacle of cynegal
princip preposterous professor of propaganda, the Hizar Hyperbolee, and the
floating turd of the spoken word, and the mad hatter
of sports chatter. How about shut up and Danny? That's
only half of my nicknames? Can you believe that that's
(47:47):
only half? And Queen Roxanne wants all my nicknames, Danny.
She wants all this. She don't want half. She's a
you know, she's a grown woman. She wants all the nicknames,
so I've also been called the Baron of Balddog.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
Don't do this, know it.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
I got to holidays.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
My gift, Ben Socks.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
Big gall Bladder, Benish the Menace, Captain nee Jerk, the
Duke of the north Woods, General of Degenerates, Tycoon of Tease,
Master of Disaster, the Hustler of Philibuster, night Light of Nightlife,
Okay hell Bill Miller, Holler of Producers, Benny Brightside, Manatee
(48:27):
of Insanity, Mark Cony, Maller, Moneyline Mallard, Emissary of embellishment,
week Night wind Bag. I think that one made the
TV show this week. Wizard of Wacky, Slayer of Naysayers,
Grand Goober of gabb the Oligarch of Dark Tower of
babbel On Honest, the Donnis, Nocturnal Colonel, the Underdog of Monologue,
(48:51):
and the Holy Pope of the Slippery Slope. Never heard
of them, Danny, Those are all my knee.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
Look at the time. Oh my god, I gotta start
packing for Disneyland, and.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
With that we say bye bye. Enjoy the holidays. I
will be taking a couple of days and the man
cave there by request, Danny, I actually tried to work
management at Fox. Our great boss, Scott Schapiro's like, you
really should take some you know, you need to take
a break. You got to recharge your batteries and all that. So,
(49:23):
but I am going to work a few days this week.
I will not be on the next couple of nights
that in fact, nobody will be on on Christmas Eve
tomorrow because we have best of kind of year in
review that we put together and it's it's our show
and a bunch of other shows we each do one hour.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
I spent a whole week putting the Cavino and Rich
hour together.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
Yeah, so we look back at some of the funny
moments that happened on the show if you might have
missed it, and we replay some of the great things
that happen. It's a really fun idea that we've done
for years. And you can hear a little bit from
every show and you can sample our show and the
cool thing. Some people complain Danny say, well, what only
just play your episode over and over again. It was like, well, no,
we want to expose you to other people. And our
(50:04):
episode gets played in other times, and so people for
our show at times that we're not on, and so
it's great for everyone.
Speaker 4 (50:12):
Cross contamination.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
Yes, we can taminate your mind with other shows, and
so it's it's a really great idea, and I'm glad
that we're included because we get to play be played
in the daytime a little bit and at night and
so it's good and in rotation and all that. But
to be safe, Danny, assume you're taking a little break too.
Are you taking a whole time here this week?
Speaker 3 (50:32):
Yeah, So we're going to be at the park tomorrow
in Anaheim, and then Covino and Rich we'll be back,
but not on the afternoon show. We'll be back next
Wednesday for Dan Patrick and we're doing the hat trick
Wednesday Thursday Friday morning.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
All right, very cool. And I will be in a
couple of nights. I'm off Christmas even to Christmas Day
and Christmas Night into the following day. But then I'll
be in two nights. I'll have the TV show. That's
part of the reason I'm not taking the whole week off.
So I will have the TV show next weekend, and
I'll do a couple of nights of radio and we'll
(51:08):
have the pod next weekend and all that. So that
is the schedule. But be safe. Hopefully you spend some
time with family and friends and if not, if we're
If we're your friends and family, Happy holidays, Merry Christmas
to you. Love good hoes here for you, and we
love you.
Speaker 3 (51:25):
And go back and catch up on all the Fifth
Hour podcasts. Now you got some free time to go
back and listen to everything.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
Yeah, we've got a big archive of work. You don't
just have to download the one where I poop my pants.
There's other episodes that you can download. We'll get out.
Have you a wonderful rest of your weekend in the
next couple of days, here and be safe and Merry Christmas,
Happy holidays, and we'll catch you when we catch you.
Speaker 3 (51:50):
Ho ho ho hohe me austa pasta got a murder.
Speaker 4 (51:55):
I gotta go.
Host
Ben Maller
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