March 17, 2024 • 33 mins
Ben Maller & Danny G. deliver Mail Bag fun for your Sunday! All questions sent in by new listeners & P1's of the #MallerMilitia! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Cut booms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Miller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the a eyway. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
and Danny Oge's Saint Patty's Day. I guess if what's
my Irish name? What would my Irish name be here
to celebrate Saint.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Patt Ben o'miller o'miller.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
There you go, Ben o'miller. Boom done.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Now, screw you, Ben o'miller.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Many podcasters, Danny would say, it's a big holiday, there's
no need to do a podcast on Saint Patrick Day.
Why would you bother doing that? Who's going to be
listening to a podcast? People are drinking green beer today,
That's what They're not here for your little stupid podcast.
But no, I have faith in the podcast army that
(01:16):
they will download. They're listening to this right now, Danny.
They're part of this. They're part of this experience while
they're completely sauced on green beer and all the Irish food,
the corn beef and cabbage and all that.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
This makes me think of and you'll relate all the
bad live broadcasts we did in our twenties in the
early thirties for Saint Patti's Day at bars.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Oh yeah, that was an easy remote to sell. Yeah.
I did many a show from bars around Los Angeles. Hey,
come out, you have a half priced beer. You know,
Saint Patty's Day.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Yeah, our whole staff is here. Of course they were,
because everybody's getting sloshed exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
One of my favorite memories though, of Saint Patty's Day
was in Vero Beach when I was doing stuff with
the Dodgers, and it was like a big thing on
Saint Patty's Day. They would wear green hats for Saint
Patty's Day. The Dodgers have they would be green. In
those days, they didn't that was like really unorthodox, right,
But the owner of the team, the O'Malley family, they
(02:22):
liked a thing or two about Saint Patty's Day, and
so they would wear these green hats. And I remember
how important it was they pulled out the green hats.
Now these teams all do these crazy things with uniforms
and all that. The other thing I was thinking about, Danny,
this being Saint Patty's Day, It is also National Corn,
Beef and Cabbage Day, which kind of makes sense. But
there's other holidays today, Like, if you were to have
(02:43):
a holiday, why the hell would you make it on
the same day of Saint Patty's. It makes no sense.
Why would you do that. That's a bad job, right,
I mean, come on, it's Campfire Girls Day.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yeah, that's not real.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I know what is that?
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Somebody made it up and I don't even know why.
It's on that national holiday calendar.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, Doctor Patient Trust Day, Yeah, that's also made up. Yeah,
nobody trust their doctor. And evacuation Day in Boston. So
that's the base Staters how to get out of it.
There might be another great flood of the molasses flood
in Boston, right, that might might be the case you
gotta get out of anyway, There other holidays. But it's
(03:30):
mail bag time, Danny. Let's not Dealey Daly, Let's not
waste any time. The great unwashed have jammed the inbox
with tons and tons of questions. We'll do as many
as we have time for. So let's hit that button
right there. It's all right, thank you, Ohioow. First one
(04:01):
is from Dale, who knows who's known as Dave. Oh wait, no,
excuse me, I said, no, it's Dave, who's known as
Dave in San Francisco. See he's having some fun with
Dick and Date. Dave.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Dave, Dave is Dale.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No, no, no, no, I thought. I looked at the name
quickly and I thought it was Dale. But it's Dave,
not Dale, It's Dave.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Oh gotcha. Okay, all right, my name is Dave, but.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It's Dave who's known as Dave, which shows you that
Dave in San Francisco is a big time fan of
the show. Because that's a quote of Dick and Dayton,
who famously, when he tells the story, he says, yeah,
my friend Dave and he's known as Dave, and it's
just great. Dick and Dayton is an American treaser. He is,
so he says, hey, banon, Danny. I went to the
(04:45):
Facebook link you posted the other day for the Google
doc to vote for the Bennies, but it was for
twenty twenty two. I could not find the one for
this year. He's a screenshot of the post which is
still up the last two years. I was able to
vote using a link you provided on Facebook, as I
(05:06):
am not on Twitter or x anyway, I would have
voted for Jed as the Caller of the Year. With
my vote, he would have won. I'm left feeling like
the election was stolen, Dave says. I'm not sure what happened, Dave,
but you're the only person, the only one that has
(05:27):
had this complaint. I did not get one other person
contacting me who had a similar complaint. But I do
agree the election was stolen. It was stolen from Blair
and Maine. Blair and Maine should have been the one
that won. He did not shame on shame on him.
The voting thing. Yeah, I don't know what that was about.
(05:48):
I mean, maybe you clicked something old. But I posted
the link. It did say twenty twenty three. It's weird
how Koop does it because it's the twenty twenty four Benny's,
but we're celebrating twenty twenty three, so he listed the
twenty three, so it confuses some people. But it wasn't
twenty twenty two.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
I think he's got to do the twenty three dash
twenty four right, like the football season.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, football, basketball, hockey, they go over two years. The
only squat doesn't is baseball, right, that's it. They just
do the summer and one year. And that's all so exactly.
But thank you, Dave, who's known as Dave in San Francisco. Yeah,
I appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I got to get back to, and I have to
go to the northern California in April. I have a
wedding I have to go to. And one of my
favorite restaurants, it was in La it's no longer there.
They closed during COVID. The Stinking rose I love the
Stinking rose On.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Oh yeah, everything garlic.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Oh it's great. There's only one left. It's in San Francisco,
so I'm gonna have to get there. I'll just leave
the windows down so the people won't break the windows
when they break into my car. So that'll be good.
Mike in Fullerton writes in he says, Happy Sat Patty's Day, fellas,
I hope you're wearing something green in honor of this
great holiday. Could you say something nice about Ireland's three
(07:07):
greatest exports, Lucky Charms, Cereal, Irish spring soap, and ferg Dog,
says Mike. Also, have either of you been to Knot's
Boison Berry Festival. It's a great way to spend spring break,
baby g he's old enough now to have a pie,
right question? Mark? Have you been to the Boison Berry
(07:29):
Festival there at notts Berry Farm, Danny the traditional?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Oh, I have not, but I have good memories of
that park. My grandmother loved it. She would take us
to the Fried Chicken restaurant right in front of the park.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I think it's still there. I haven't been.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Yeah, it's there, but it's different now because they've made
it to where you can also stand there at the
booth window and take it to go. People walk into
the park like fat asses, like they're out of County
Fair where it used to be sit down only. Oh okay,
so it's slightly different.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Man, We would get that fried chicken and mashed potatoes
and then waddle into the park with way too many
carbs in our belly.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah. I spent more time at Disneyland, but I did
go to Knots. You know, growing up in southern California,
Orange County, I was right near both so the jam
I'm the jam at Knots.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
My grandma would always bring some raspberry jam home.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And they mass produced those little cookies, those like jam cookies.
You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Oh yeah, those are delicious. They're in stores.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I don't know. I don't think it's everywhere, just in
southern California. But Mike, to answer your other question, my
grandfather loved Irish Spring soap so much. When my grandpa
passed away, we had to obviously go through all of
this stuff and get rid of everything. He had cases
of Irish spring like a lifetime supply. Obviously it was
(08:54):
more than a lifetime supply because my grandpa's died and
we had all this soap and we took it, and
I think we still have some left. It hasn't degraded.
It's just we don't use it that often. Every once
in a while, pull out the Irish ring soap. And
I know, Danny, you were like every other kid with
lucky charms. You just pull out all the marshmallows in
(09:15):
the lucky charms that we all did.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
I love those marshmallows.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah, just making we would make millions if we just
made a cereal that was just marshmallows. Just that's it. Nothing,
nothing else, just the marshmallow. That's the best part. J
Bone from Portland main Wright. Since is there any chance
we can get our old friend or a burn though
on the podcast for a life update? Miss him and
hope he is living his best life. The wheels on
(09:42):
the bus go round and round. The wheels on the
bus go round end round. Yes, Jaybone, I have thought
about contacting Rebur. He'll text me every once in a
while to bust my balls about the Clippers. What is
still wrong with the Clippers? So yeah, and I do
have some events coming up. I have to travel, so
that'll affect the podcast. So we might do some evergreen
(10:06):
conversations and Roberto could be my baseball guy. What we're
we're on talk about the baseball season, So I will
definitely try to get him on at some point unless
his appearance. How much do you think he's charging now,
Danny to do the podcast? What do you think he's
looking to get there?
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Well, he's union now, so you'd have to pay the
union rate. I think that is seventy five dollars and
fifty seven cents per hour.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And he's a bus driver, So we have to finish
by four o'clock, right, isn't that when the bus drivers
days over at four o'clock.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
They say four, but the last bus actually arrives at
five point fifteen.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well it's traffic, you know, it's truck. Stan in Portland
writes in He says, hey, Ben and Danny, congrats on
the trade that you guys have completed of Iowa Sam
for Lorena. Were there any draft picks involved? Oh?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Yeah, This reminded me Ben of the great Mike Ditt
How many picks did he use in that massive trade
back in the day.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Reggie was not Reggie. What was his name? H h
what's the guy's name running back from Texas?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yeah, Williams, Ricky will Weed Smoker.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, yeah, he wore the wedding dress on the cover
of Sports Illustrated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there were tons. Yeah,
was it like?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
That was the That was the big I think that
was the biggest haul in NFL history at that time.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And it worked out really well. Ricky Williams was a
Hall of Famer for the Saints and just just amazing.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Yeah, that's what we got for Lorena.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
But Iowa Sam we did allow Covino and Rich get
you guys get to share the air frier from Iowa Sam.
The Fried Daddy hooked us up with an air fier,
so you get to you get to enjoy the air
frier that Iowa Sam got, which was supposed to go
to Roberto. But Roberto left before he could get the
air frier. He quit.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
You know what I get though, that you're going to
miss out on now. I get Iowa Sam dog updates.
I love to see pictures of his dog. He tells
me little updates about his pet. And you're going to
miss out on that from now on.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I am. I'm devastated, actually perf hearf. I'm also devastated
about him pestering me about the commercials. I'm devastated by that. Also.
I don't know how I'm gonna overcome that. I'll try
to overcome it.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Uh, you'd have two more Discovery Ben you only have
ninety minutes, ninety minutes to fit two of them in.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I know, I know, I gotta get those. I gotta
did you do it? I didn't hear it. You didn't
do it. I didn't hear it. At one point, Iowa
Sam was bugging me so much that he just started.
Every time I do a commercial, Hey, Iowa, Sam, I'm
doing name just to make sure you.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
In your airpiece. Ben. I know you're in the middle
of a monologue, but I need to discover from you.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Alf basking in the glow
from a recent Alf appearance on Impractical Jokers. Right, So
he says, have you ever played a prank on a coworker?
And he says early nomination for Drop of the Year
by Strip Club John, pointing out that FSR Tech Queen
Lorena has whole potential because of her stick figure stripper tattoo. Yeah, Lorraina.
(13:14):
This week, she's been training. Still she takes over next
or this past week, but next week starting to know, well,
not tonight, Io was Sam's in tonight and then Monday
into Tuesday. I think Lorraina is on her own there.
But she revealed this guy's strip club John, the guy
from Cleveland that runs the ballet. He was quizzing Lorena
and she was very open as she got quite the personality.
(13:38):
She revealed that she does have a stick figure stripper
tattoo on one of her ankles.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
So, yeah, I've seen it.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
We learned that from him. As far as far as
the prank, yeah, I mean we don't. I don't do
that much anymore. Back in the old days, there was
a thing where if somebody left their social media count open, Yeah,
we would have a field day with that.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Oh yeah, we'd always say I'm listening to the best
host who's ever been on Baltsmort's radio.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
His name is Ben Mallor. Then they would look at
it and be like, all that Ben Maller got into
my account.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah. There were many a hosts that were very sloppy
when they were leaving and would leave their social media
open on the computers. And hey, the rule is it's
fair game if you're too lazy to close out your windows.
And there's some very interesting windows that have been open
over the years that people have left that they really
should not have left open. But if you leave it open,
(14:39):
you know they listen. You know, stuff happens. Stuff happens, Dan,
What are you going to do? Stuff happens? That was
the big, big practical joke. Any other big pranks that
we've you've pulled off or I'm trying to remember something,
And there's.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Been a lot of I got in trouble with one
of my April Fools ones. Yeah what, Yeah, I think
I told you how I had admitted to the audience
that I got my ex pregnant and we had like
a little roundtable discussion about it on my morning show
at the time. And I guess I was a very
effective actor, ben because the staff bought it. My general
(15:13):
manager walked over to the studio when our show ended
and gave me a hug. It was it was for
April Fools, and I felt so bad because all these
dozens and dozens of listeners called in and spilled their
guts to me about how they went through something similar.
And the whole time I'm taking these calls, I'm thinking,
(15:34):
how am I going to break it to all these
people that I was bullshitting on this just for a joke.
The next day I did the April Fools, I got
looks of death from everybody that I worked with.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Backfire.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Yeah, you know, stuff seemed like a good idea to
time I had in the old days, before the introweb.
I'm sound like a dinosaur, But with the ap newswire
and I had access to it, I copy it sometimes
and then put it in an email. I'd copy the
ap News wire, cut and paste it into an email
and send it to people and change the names, like
(16:10):
if there was a trade, like there was an AP
News bulletin Ah. And I was able to convince people
of wild trades. And a couple of years ago, I
felt somebody sent me a woge. It was just kind
of fun. Actually no wog, but it was a fake
woge where you could create fake tweets of wog. Oh okay, yeah,
And so I did that and I made some outrageous
(16:31):
trades and send it to I don't think I sent
it to you, but some of my friends who are
Laker fans about just like crazy ridiculous trades.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
You sparked a great Dodger memory. You're going to love this.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Clay Travis used to talk shit about Dodger Stadium because
when he came out here to visit, he had a
Dodger dog because he had heard so much about them.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
And he got on the air the next day and said, eh,
I give it a two out of ten. It was
way overrated, not good at all. For a couple of
weeks he talked all this shit about Dodger dogs. Get
to April and I got a hold of our boss, Scott,
and I said, Scott, you got to help me with this.
I pretended like Farmer John's was a new sponsor on
(17:11):
the network, and Scott sent me an email copied Clay
and gave a copy that I sent to Scott. I
typed this fake Farmer's john copy about how Dodger dogs
are the best thing in.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
The world and all this stuff.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
Clay read it live on his show, thinking it was
a sponsor. Then when he got to the part of
the copy they're the best hot dogs in all of baseball,
he didn't know what to do. I interrupted him, which,
as you know, is a big no no, especially during sponsors,
And I said, I thought you'd been saying you don't
(17:49):
like Dodger dogs. And he's like, oh, no, no, no,
I love them.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
That's outstanding.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm in the middle of the read.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
I'm like, well, I know what I've said about the
Dodger dog, but if they're going to pay us a
lot of money, then I will sell out. I'll dw
sell out if you pay me enough money. All right,
I've been straightforward about this. If you pay me enough money,
I will one billion percent say your productive is good.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Even if I hate it and.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
If you have an issue with that, man, have an
issue with capitalism, all right, Like I don't. I don't
get to just come on and just say what products
I like. I advertise whatever people are willing to spend
money with on the show. That's how the business works.
So uh Like, I was like, well, I guess I'm
gonna say the Dodger dogs are great now. So the
(18:41):
I out because it was I was supposed to say
I love Dodger dogs.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
So listen.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
So I interrupt Clay during his reed, which is a no, no,
you know, and it remind him that he talked trash
about the Dodger dog on Friday. So we go to
commercial break and during the commercial, Clay he's like, why
would you do that?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
You know, we got in trouble before when you know,
we made fun of a sponsor. And so I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I know, I know. Okay, yeah, sorry, I won't do that.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
So we come back and right before the ice Cube song,
I play the clip of Clay dogging the Dodger dog
on Friday, and Clay was furious.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
He's like, what just played?
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Did you not hear what I just said to you?
Speaker 3 (19:14):
We could lose over one hundred thousand dollars. And then
and then Roberto says, your mic is hot, you're live
on me here.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
And I was just gonna flip it and start talking
about Kristavs Worzingos like nothing had happened.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Oh that was beautiful.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
By the way, in that commercial copy, Clay read everyone
knows about the Irish brothers Francis and Bernard Clohorty's expertise
with a knife.
Speaker 6 (19:39):
I have no idea they started out with a few
pork bellies. I buy into that. I agree with Clay.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
The old day, if you can get a grilled Dodger dog,
they don't do that.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Anymore, though they're they're they're they boil them right now, righting.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yes, Yeah, there this guy Walt who was the chef
in the press box at Dodger Stadium, and he would
grill him up and make him well done. And they
were wonderful. But the Finway Frank is the better dog.
And the Cleveland hot dog they're no the Cleveland Indians.
I was at some Indians games back in the day.
(20:18):
They don't exist anywhere. They're dead. The wolters kill them.
But they had really good hot dogs in Cleveland, but
the Boston Finway, the Monster Dog at Finway is the
number one hot dog. And every once in a while
somebody one of our listeners in Boston will send me
a screenshot. They'll be at a Red Sox game. I
got to the monster dog, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Oh dude, that listener that sent them to us.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
The guy from Cambridge was great. He was Every year
we get his big box of Finway Franks and monster dogs.
It was wonderful.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Yeah, he packed them in that special ice. Yeah yeah,
and yeah we put them right into our freezer. You're right, man,
those were the best ballpark hot dogs I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Yeah, they really really good. So anyway, thank you for that.
Al Matt from Parts Unknown rights and he says, Ben
and Danny, he says, for you, Ben, what did ranch
dressing do to you? It is God's condiment. And I'll
never understand how someone could hate the creamy deliciousness of
the most wonderful dipping sauce. No man kind. Amen, Well,
(21:21):
you're part of the ranch people trying to brainwash society.
First of all, ranch dressing is disgusting, right. It is
milk that is halfway rotten, halfway rotten. Milk. It is,
as I have called it, the devil's blood wrong, and
(21:41):
it has been. It's been shoved down people's throats since
the I think late eighties. Since nineteen ninety two, ranch
dressing has been the most popular salad dressing, which tells
you how bad the taste buds are of your average American.
It's horrific. Now, I'm no fan of blue cheese because
(22:02):
blue cheese is a cousin of the devil's blood. But
at least I'm told there's a little bit better flavor.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
It's like a more it is not a better flavor.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Well, listen, I want no part of ranch dressing. It's disgusting.
It's gooey goop and it should be thrown out is
what it should be done. And the fact that people
mass consume it, it says more about you than me.
You're on the wrong side of history, Matt, You and
your look ranch dressing cult. Okay, so I want to
hear about it. And you've made a deal with the devil, Okay.
(22:32):
You are drinking the devil's blood, is what you're doing.
So you have to live with that. Good luck.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Well, definition of a cult is a small minority of
people that that's you. So you're actually in the cult
for a hating ranch.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
You've been in doctrinate. You've been brainwashed, Danny. We need
to deprogram you. We have to deprogram you. We must
do it.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You can dip just about every delicious food into ranch.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Well, you can dip into any sauce. That doesn't mean
it's good, No true. How about horse rat if anything, a.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Piece of pizza into horse radish?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
No, but you could. I'd rather do it than that.
How about that.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
I'd rather pepperoni and olive pizza dip that into a
wonderful ranch.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
There's nothing better.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
There's nothing better.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
What you what kind of what kind of terrible better?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
You heathen?
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Think about a really good chicken finger? You dip that
in a really good ranch? Heaven?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
No, honey mustard is what you dip it in? He
a barbecue sauce. A barbecue sauce that's second and third
to ranch. Man, that is blasphemy what you were saying
right now, This podcast is going to be blacklisted because
of you. Okay, racist, You're a slimeball with it, all right?
Moving on a mass whole mickey, all right, sin, he says, guys,
(23:54):
what's one alcohol that you used to drink but cannot
have any more from drinking too much of it or
got in air quotes sick and cannot even smell anymore
without getting nauseous. That's from mass whole Mickey in Massachusetts.
He says, as soon as I crack open a bottle
of Southern Comfort, I'll be like this, And he's got
(24:16):
the bar like sick emoji there it would appear. He
also told the story here Danny. He said he wanted
to know if we've ever woken up during a medical procedure.
Says last week he had a colonoscopy and an endo
oscopy and woke up while they were performing the colonoscopy
procedure and the doctor, the doctors and nurses said it's okay,
(24:39):
we're almost done, and then he fell back asleep. But
he said, in reality, they just gave me more of
the sleeping gas.
Speaker 7 (24:46):
And that's pretty terrible. That's like, yeah, that's why I
have a horror movie, right, And that's that's you know
who wants that? I mean, that's the chainsaw massacre. You're
getting cut open and h wow.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
That's I never drank that much, so probably the wrong
person to answer that any any alcoholic beverage back in
the day, Danny, that you just can't have anymore because
you're too old and it'll screw.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Oh yeah, oh yeah. I went to a concert in
my twenties and my friend and I drank Jaeger Meister
mixed with Red Bull the whole time. Em to this day,
even if I smell Jaeger Meister, it makes me sick
to my stomach.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Get that gag reflex going a little bit.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Well, if you know Jaeger it comes in that green
bottle and it kind of has the smell and a
little bit of the taste of liquorice. Yes, yeah, imagine
overdosing on liquorice. That's that is what it's like, except
this licorice makes you puke.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
A little much, Yeah, a little much, But thank you, masshole. Masshole.
Mickey's one of the last guys listening that is a
newspaper delivery guy. He delivers newspapers from around Boston to
the different grocery stores. And at one point when I
started doing overnights, we had i'd say sixty seventy percent
(26:05):
of the audience was newspaper delivery people. But now not
so much. Hardly any deliver the newspaper. That's one thing
that has changed a lot, Harry in how.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
They delivered Amazon.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yes, right, yeah, Harry and West Palm Beach. Right. So
he says, guys, thanks for doing the pod. He says,
you're with me. I do my errands here on Sunday morning.
I listen to you, guys, don't most people do errands
on Saturday, by the way, not Sunday. I don't know.
I'm not sure. I don't know. Anyway, it says Bernie
Sanders wants to change from a five day work week
(26:39):
to a four day work week without lowering pay. As
Ben likes to say. It says, you guys do this
podcast eight days a week. Would you guys support a
four day a week work week. Well that's a very
odd question, Harry to ask the Fifth Hour podcast, But
thank you for asking it.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I was going to say that would not work for
us at all.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
No, and with all I say with all due respect,
which is equivalent of saying the word but because when
you say it with all due respect, whatever you're about
to say is completely going to destroy the person you're
going to talk about. But there is no way on
God's green earth that you're going to be able to
keep salaries the way they are, not lower pay. If
people are working four days a week. That's not the
(27:24):
way life works. Okay, I'm an adult, I'm a grown up.
I know how it works. And you can say it's
not right and all that chastise it. But if you
work less, you're going to get paid less. That's the
way that it goes. And I'm against this because I
feel like, right now, it's five days, and most people
don't even work five days. I've worked with people that
(27:46):
almost never work five days. So if you go to
four days, people are going to then work three days.
So yeah, in our business, you've got to be there.
Radio is all about audio content. You have to be there.
You have to be part of people's routines or else
out of sight, out of mind, right, Danny, we all
learned back in the day. Freddie from New Hampshire writes
(28:07):
in Beauty New Hampshire Awesome. I'd never been to New
Hampshire before last year when I went on my Northeastern
sojourn and just really impressed with New Hamper although it
was a tourist town, so ye know, it's a state.
But the town we went to was a tourist town anyway,
right off I ninety five there, Freddie says, Fellas, now,
(28:30):
with Iowa Sam leaving your show, you're adding another body
to your list as the Pummeler of producers. That's right,
one of my nicknames, the Pummeler of producers. And Freddie says,
can you name all of the board ops you've had
since you worked at a box?
Speaker 3 (28:48):
That would be impossible.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
I actually cannot. I can name the regular people. I
let's see here, let's see if I can. Jake Warner
worked with me twice. Jerry was my engineer in the
early days before you were there.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Profit dude, Yeah, but this is producers, not just engineers.
Oh yeah, produce a combination of the two.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah, forget about it. The board ops Jake Jerry.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Yeah, who was the profit dude, Profit dude.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Probably. He was the one where we the building got
shot at while we were on the air, and he
just decided to close the blind so at least they
didn't know where they were aiming.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
That was a good and whenever he messed up, he
blamed it on the computer, yes, which the program was
called profit so he just said profit, dude.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah, And at one point I love Jerry, but we
determined that Jerry was just a spinning chair because he
had this thing where he could not just sit in
one place. You know, He's always had to walk around.
And part of the job when you have that job
is you got to kind of be anchored. You can't
really run around. You got to be there. And I'd
look over back sometimes. I guess I can say this
(29:59):
the statue of himations. But sometimes somebody would curse on
the air, and those days, the only one that could
dump it was the boardop. So somebody would say something
bad on the air, I'd look over to Jerry, you
know the sign. I'd give him the sign. He wasn't there.
It was his chair spinning around. I was like, all right,
well I got on the air. Uh. We had Julio
who was with me for a number of years in
(30:20):
the early days. Julio.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah, he had that late night Jay Leno TV show
on local cable.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Yes, yes, yes, I love Julio and he he was there.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Then I'd like you to be a guest on my
late night.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Ship, that's right. And he had the he had the
oh is it man? I'm telling you. Uh oh, the
Cougars were in the Cougar's commercial played. He was part
of the show. Then we had Jeff Durey. I don't
think you know, do you know Jeff? Probably I know Jeff,
You do not Jeff. Okay, Jeff was there from Boston.
I don't know what happened to him. Martinez Artie, who
(30:54):
you've met.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Of course, he closes down your parties at your house.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Of course you're on the list. Roberto, and then we
have the Queen that's I don't know. And there's been
a there have been a few other ones that were
only there for a short period of time. As far
as the producers, my god, we have Felix, we got
the well, oh, I forgot the amazing Vladimir I feel
I forgot.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah, yeah, amazing. He's in Miami these days.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I love lave lad I wish he was not that.
I don't like any of the people I worked glad.
I just loved the vibe. He was a generate. He
was a what's the word I'm looking for, gambling, yes, yes,
and he always knew whether he went or not based
on his mood, which is a real degenerate gambler, real
degenerated gambler. So yeah, so that was kind of that's
(31:44):
some of the names the producers. Felix Coop's been with
me a while. You obviously on that list. Trying to
think Burgie, Oh yeah, wrong, Button, Bob, Miranda, Marino, Bob Gara.
Yeah yeah, So been a lot of names that have
passed through. That's usually what happens when you stay somewhere
for a while. There's people.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Miranda left your show and popped out like three kids.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I know, she became all grown up. She was, you know,
single girl at a boyfriend and now she's been married
for years and a bunch of kids. It's also how
life works. I think it's a circle of life. I
believe that's just how like the normal ebb and flow
of life generally speaking. We'll get out on that note, Danny,
it's Saint Patti's day. You gonna go out bar hopping today.
(32:30):
I have to be on my best behavior because the
show tonights.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Remember the hangover where they put little Carlos in the holder?
Yeah yeah, and they have them the front holder, not
the backpack holder for the baby, and so that way
little Carlos can look me in the eyes as I'm
drinking green beer. I'll make a CoA green bottle so
he can feel like he's, you know, part of the festivities. Yeah,
(32:56):
we're gonna party today.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Party Hardy man. You got a party, Hardy party alright,
have a wonderful sant Patti's day, enjoy the Irish food
and everyone's Irish for a day. I'm wearing green right now,
and we'll talk to you tonight. We'll be on the radio.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
I'm Daniel Gallagher tonight.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, there you go. I'll be hanging out with you
on the radio tonight eleven o'clock in the west, two
am in the east, early Monday morning, on what will
be the eighteenth day of the month and baseball season
starting in a couple of days. We'll catch you then later.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
Skater gotta murder. I gotta go
Cut booms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Miller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the a eyway. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
and Danny Oge's Saint Patty's Day. I guess if what's
my Irish name? What would my Irish name be here
to celebrate Saint.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Patt Ben o'miller o'miller.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
There you go, Ben o'miller. Boom done.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Now, screw you, Ben o'miller.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Many podcasters, Danny would say, it's a big holiday, there's
no need to do a podcast on Saint Patrick Day.
Why would you bother doing that? Who's going to be
listening to a podcast? People are drinking green beer today,
That's what They're not here for your little stupid podcast.
But no, I have faith in the podcast army that
(01:16):
they will download. They're listening to this right now, Danny.
They're part of this. They're part of this experience while
they're completely sauced on green beer and all the Irish food,
the corn beef and cabbage and all that.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
This makes me think of and you'll relate all the
bad live broadcasts we did in our twenties in the
early thirties for Saint Patti's Day at bars.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Oh yeah, that was an easy remote to sell. Yeah.
I did many a show from bars around Los Angeles. Hey,
come out, you have a half priced beer. You know,
Saint Patty's Day.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Yeah, our whole staff is here. Of course they were,
because everybody's getting sloshed exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
One of my favorite memories though, of Saint Patty's Day
was in Vero Beach when I was doing stuff with
the Dodgers, and it was like a big thing on
Saint Patty's Day. They would wear green hats for Saint
Patty's Day. The Dodgers have they would be green. In
those days, they didn't that was like really unorthodox, right,
But the owner of the team, the O'Malley family, they
(02:22):
liked a thing or two about Saint Patty's Day, and
so they would wear these green hats. And I remember
how important it was they pulled out the green hats.
Now these teams all do these crazy things with uniforms
and all that. The other thing I was thinking about, Danny,
this being Saint Patty's Day, It is also National Corn,
Beef and Cabbage Day, which kind of makes sense. But
there's other holidays today, Like, if you were to have
(02:43):
a holiday, why the hell would you make it on
the same day of Saint Patty's. It makes no sense.
Why would you do that. That's a bad job, right,
I mean, come on, it's Campfire Girls Day.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yeah, that's not real.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I know what is that?
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Somebody made it up and I don't even know why.
It's on that national holiday calendar.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, Doctor Patient Trust Day, Yeah, that's also made up. Yeah,
nobody trust their doctor. And evacuation Day in Boston. So
that's the base Staters how to get out of it.
There might be another great flood of the molasses flood
in Boston, right, that might might be the case you
gotta get out of anyway, There other holidays. But it's
(03:30):
mail bag time, Danny. Let's not Dealey Daly, Let's not
waste any time. The great unwashed have jammed the inbox
with tons and tons of questions. We'll do as many
as we have time for. So let's hit that button
right there. It's all right, thank you, Ohioow. First one
(04:01):
is from Dale, who knows who's known as Dave. Oh wait, no,
excuse me, I said, no, it's Dave, who's known as
Dave in San Francisco. See he's having some fun with
Dick and Date. Dave.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Dave, Dave is Dale.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No, no, no, no, I thought. I looked at the name
quickly and I thought it was Dale. But it's Dave,
not Dale, It's Dave.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Oh gotcha. Okay, all right, my name is Dave, but.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It's Dave who's known as Dave, which shows you that
Dave in San Francisco is a big time fan of
the show. Because that's a quote of Dick and Dayton,
who famously, when he tells the story, he says, yeah,
my friend Dave and he's known as Dave, and it's
just great. Dick and Dayton is an American treaser. He is,
so he says, hey, banon, Danny. I went to the
(04:45):
Facebook link you posted the other day for the Google
doc to vote for the Bennies, but it was for
twenty twenty two. I could not find the one for
this year. He's a screenshot of the post which is
still up the last two years. I was able to
vote using a link you provided on Facebook, as I
(05:06):
am not on Twitter or x anyway, I would have
voted for Jed as the Caller of the Year. With
my vote, he would have won. I'm left feeling like
the election was stolen, Dave says. I'm not sure what happened, Dave,
but you're the only person, the only one that has
(05:27):
had this complaint. I did not get one other person
contacting me who had a similar complaint. But I do
agree the election was stolen. It was stolen from Blair
and Maine. Blair and Maine should have been the one
that won. He did not shame on shame on him.
The voting thing. Yeah, I don't know what that was about.
(05:48):
I mean, maybe you clicked something old. But I posted
the link. It did say twenty twenty three. It's weird
how Koop does it because it's the twenty twenty four Benny's,
but we're celebrating twenty twenty three, so he listed the
twenty three, so it confuses some people. But it wasn't
twenty twenty two.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
I think he's got to do the twenty three dash
twenty four right, like the football season.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, football, basketball, hockey, they go over two years. The
only squat doesn't is baseball, right, that's it. They just
do the summer and one year. And that's all so exactly.
But thank you, Dave, who's known as Dave in San Francisco. Yeah,
I appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I got to get back to, and I have to
go to the northern California in April. I have a
wedding I have to go to. And one of my
favorite restaurants, it was in La it's no longer there.
They closed during COVID. The Stinking rose I love the
Stinking rose On.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Oh yeah, everything garlic.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Oh it's great. There's only one left. It's in San Francisco,
so I'm gonna have to get there. I'll just leave
the windows down so the people won't break the windows
when they break into my car. So that'll be good.
Mike in Fullerton writes in he says, Happy Sat Patty's Day, fellas,
I hope you're wearing something green in honor of this
great holiday. Could you say something nice about Ireland's three
(07:07):
greatest exports, Lucky Charms, Cereal, Irish spring soap, and ferg Dog,
says Mike. Also, have either of you been to Knot's
Boison Berry Festival. It's a great way to spend spring break,
baby g he's old enough now to have a pie,
right question? Mark? Have you been to the Boison Berry
(07:29):
Festival there at notts Berry Farm, Danny the traditional?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Oh, I have not, but I have good memories of
that park. My grandmother loved it. She would take us
to the Fried Chicken restaurant right in front of the park.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I think it's still there. I haven't been.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Yeah, it's there, but it's different now because they've made
it to where you can also stand there at the
booth window and take it to go. People walk into
the park like fat asses, like they're out of County
Fair where it used to be sit down only. Oh okay,
so it's slightly different.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Man, We would get that fried chicken and mashed potatoes
and then waddle into the park with way too many
carbs in our belly.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah. I spent more time at Disneyland, but I did
go to Knots. You know, growing up in southern California,
Orange County, I was right near both so the jam
I'm the jam at Knots.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
My grandma would always bring some raspberry jam home.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And they mass produced those little cookies, those like jam cookies.
You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Oh yeah, those are delicious. They're in stores.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I don't know. I don't think it's everywhere, just in
southern California. But Mike, to answer your other question, my
grandfather loved Irish Spring soap so much. When my grandpa
passed away, we had to obviously go through all of
this stuff and get rid of everything. He had cases
of Irish spring like a lifetime supply. Obviously it was
(08:54):
more than a lifetime supply because my grandpa's died and
we had all this soap and we took it, and
I think we still have some left. It hasn't degraded.
It's just we don't use it that often. Every once
in a while, pull out the Irish ring soap. And
I know, Danny, you were like every other kid with
lucky charms. You just pull out all the marshmallows in
(09:15):
the lucky charms that we all did.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
I love those marshmallows.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah, just making we would make millions if we just
made a cereal that was just marshmallows. Just that's it. Nothing,
nothing else, just the marshmallow. That's the best part. J
Bone from Portland main Wright. Since is there any chance
we can get our old friend or a burn though
on the podcast for a life update? Miss him and
hope he is living his best life. The wheels on
(09:42):
the bus go round and round. The wheels on the
bus go round end round. Yes, Jaybone, I have thought
about contacting Rebur. He'll text me every once in a
while to bust my balls about the Clippers. What is
still wrong with the Clippers? So yeah, and I do
have some events coming up. I have to travel, so
that'll affect the podcast. So we might do some evergreen
(10:06):
conversations and Roberto could be my baseball guy. What we're
we're on talk about the baseball season, So I will
definitely try to get him on at some point unless
his appearance. How much do you think he's charging now,
Danny to do the podcast? What do you think he's
looking to get there?
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Well, he's union now, so you'd have to pay the
union rate. I think that is seventy five dollars and
fifty seven cents per hour.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And he's a bus driver, So we have to finish
by four o'clock, right, isn't that when the bus drivers
days over at four o'clock.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
They say four, but the last bus actually arrives at
five point fifteen.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well it's traffic, you know, it's truck. Stan in Portland
writes in He says, hey, Ben and Danny, congrats on
the trade that you guys have completed of Iowa Sam
for Lorena. Were there any draft picks involved? Oh?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Yeah, This reminded me Ben of the great Mike Ditt
How many picks did he use in that massive trade
back in the day.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Reggie was not Reggie. What was his name? H h
what's the guy's name running back from Texas?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yeah, Williams, Ricky will Weed Smoker.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, yeah, he wore the wedding dress on the cover
of Sports Illustrated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there were tons. Yeah,
was it like?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
That was the That was the big I think that
was the biggest haul in NFL history at that time.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And it worked out really well. Ricky Williams was a
Hall of Famer for the Saints and just just amazing.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Yeah, that's what we got for Lorena.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
But Iowa Sam we did allow Covino and Rich get
you guys get to share the air frier from Iowa Sam.
The Fried Daddy hooked us up with an air fier,
so you get to you get to enjoy the air
frier that Iowa Sam got, which was supposed to go
to Roberto. But Roberto left before he could get the
air frier. He quit.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
You know what I get though, that you're going to
miss out on now. I get Iowa Sam dog updates.
I love to see pictures of his dog. He tells
me little updates about his pet. And you're going to
miss out on that from now on.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I am. I'm devastated, actually perf hearf. I'm also devastated
about him pestering me about the commercials. I'm devastated by that. Also.
I don't know how I'm gonna overcome that. I'll try
to overcome it.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Uh, you'd have two more Discovery Ben you only have
ninety minutes, ninety minutes to fit two of them in.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I know, I know, I gotta get those. I gotta
did you do it? I didn't hear it. You didn't
do it. I didn't hear it. At one point, Iowa
Sam was bugging me so much that he just started.
Every time I do a commercial, Hey, Iowa, Sam, I'm
doing name just to make sure you.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
In your airpiece. Ben. I know you're in the middle
of a monologue, but I need to discover from you.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Alf basking in the glow
from a recent Alf appearance on Impractical Jokers. Right, So
he says, have you ever played a prank on a coworker?
And he says early nomination for Drop of the Year
by Strip Club John, pointing out that FSR Tech Queen
Lorena has whole potential because of her stick figure stripper tattoo. Yeah, Lorraina.
(13:14):
This week, she's been training. Still she takes over next
or this past week, but next week starting to know, well,
not tonight, Io was Sam's in tonight and then Monday
into Tuesday. I think Lorraina is on her own there.
But she revealed this guy's strip club John, the guy
from Cleveland that runs the ballet. He was quizzing Lorena
and she was very open as she got quite the personality.
(13:38):
She revealed that she does have a stick figure stripper
tattoo on one of her ankles.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
So, yeah, I've seen it.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
We learned that from him. As far as far as
the prank, yeah, I mean we don't. I don't do
that much anymore. Back in the old days, there was
a thing where if somebody left their social media count open, Yeah,
we would have a field day with that.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Oh yeah, we'd always say I'm listening to the best
host who's ever been on Baltsmort's radio.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
His name is Ben Mallor. Then they would look at
it and be like, all that Ben Maller got into
my account.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah. There were many a hosts that were very sloppy
when they were leaving and would leave their social media
open on the computers. And hey, the rule is it's
fair game if you're too lazy to close out your windows.
And there's some very interesting windows that have been open
over the years that people have left that they really
should not have left open. But if you leave it open,
(14:39):
you know they listen. You know, stuff happens. Stuff happens, Dan,
What are you going to do? Stuff happens? That was
the big, big practical joke. Any other big pranks that
we've you've pulled off or I'm trying to remember something,
And there's.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Been a lot of I got in trouble with one
of my April Fools ones. Yeah what, Yeah, I think
I told you how I had admitted to the audience
that I got my ex pregnant and we had like
a little roundtable discussion about it on my morning show
at the time. And I guess I was a very
effective actor, ben because the staff bought it. My general
(15:13):
manager walked over to the studio when our show ended
and gave me a hug. It was it was for
April Fools, and I felt so bad because all these
dozens and dozens of listeners called in and spilled their
guts to me about how they went through something similar.
And the whole time I'm taking these calls, I'm thinking,
(15:34):
how am I going to break it to all these
people that I was bullshitting on this just for a joke.
The next day I did the April Fools, I got
looks of death from everybody that I worked with.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Backfire.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Yeah, you know, stuff seemed like a good idea to
time I had in the old days, before the introweb.
I'm sound like a dinosaur, But with the ap newswire
and I had access to it, I copy it sometimes
and then put it in an email. I'd copy the
ap News wire, cut and paste it into an email
and send it to people and change the names, like
(16:10):
if there was a trade, like there was an AP
News bulletin Ah. And I was able to convince people
of wild trades. And a couple of years ago, I
felt somebody sent me a woge. It was just kind
of fun. Actually no wog, but it was a fake
woge where you could create fake tweets of wog. Oh okay, yeah,
And so I did that and I made some outrageous
(16:31):
trades and send it to I don't think I sent
it to you, but some of my friends who are
Laker fans about just like crazy ridiculous trades.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
You sparked a great Dodger memory. You're going to love this.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Clay Travis used to talk shit about Dodger Stadium because
when he came out here to visit, he had a
Dodger dog because he had heard so much about them.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
And he got on the air the next day and said, eh,
I give it a two out of ten. It was
way overrated, not good at all. For a couple of
weeks he talked all this shit about Dodger dogs. Get
to April and I got a hold of our boss, Scott,
and I said, Scott, you got to help me with this.
I pretended like Farmer John's was a new sponsor on
(17:11):
the network, and Scott sent me an email copied Clay
and gave a copy that I sent to Scott. I
typed this fake Farmer's john copy about how Dodger dogs
are the best thing in.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
The world and all this stuff.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
Clay read it live on his show, thinking it was
a sponsor. Then when he got to the part of
the copy they're the best hot dogs in all of baseball,
he didn't know what to do. I interrupted him, which,
as you know, is a big no no, especially during sponsors,
And I said, I thought you'd been saying you don't
(17:49):
like Dodger dogs. And he's like, oh, no, no, no,
I love them.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
That's outstanding.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm in the middle of the read.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
I'm like, well, I know what I've said about the
Dodger dog, but if they're going to pay us a
lot of money, then I will sell out. I'll dw
sell out if you pay me enough money. All right,
I've been straightforward about this. If you pay me enough money,
I will one billion percent say your productive is good.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Even if I hate it and.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
If you have an issue with that, man, have an
issue with capitalism, all right, Like I don't. I don't
get to just come on and just say what products
I like. I advertise whatever people are willing to spend
money with on the show. That's how the business works.
So uh Like, I was like, well, I guess I'm
gonna say the Dodger dogs are great now. So the
(18:41):
I out because it was I was supposed to say
I love Dodger dogs.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
So listen.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
So I interrupt Clay during his reed, which is a no, no,
you know, and it remind him that he talked trash
about the Dodger dog on Friday. So we go to
commercial break and during the commercial, Clay he's like, why
would you do that?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
You know, we got in trouble before when you know,
we made fun of a sponsor. And so I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I know, I know. Okay, yeah, sorry, I won't do that.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
So we come back and right before the ice Cube song,
I play the clip of Clay dogging the Dodger dog
on Friday, and Clay was furious.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
He's like, what just played?
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Did you not hear what I just said to you?
Speaker 3 (19:14):
We could lose over one hundred thousand dollars. And then
and then Roberto says, your mic is hot, you're live
on me here.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
And I was just gonna flip it and start talking
about Kristavs Worzingos like nothing had happened.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Oh that was beautiful.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
By the way, in that commercial copy, Clay read everyone
knows about the Irish brothers Francis and Bernard Clohorty's expertise
with a knife.
Speaker 6 (19:39):
I have no idea they started out with a few
pork bellies. I buy into that. I agree with Clay.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
The old day, if you can get a grilled Dodger dog,
they don't do that.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Anymore, though they're they're they're they boil them right now, righting.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yes, Yeah, there this guy Walt who was the chef
in the press box at Dodger Stadium, and he would
grill him up and make him well done. And they
were wonderful. But the Finway Frank is the better dog.
And the Cleveland hot dog they're no the Cleveland Indians.
I was at some Indians games back in the day.
(20:18):
They don't exist anywhere. They're dead. The wolters kill them.
But they had really good hot dogs in Cleveland, but
the Boston Finway, the Monster Dog at Finway is the
number one hot dog. And every once in a while
somebody one of our listeners in Boston will send me
a screenshot. They'll be at a Red Sox game. I
got to the monster dog, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Oh dude, that listener that sent them to us.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
The guy from Cambridge was great. He was Every year
we get his big box of Finway Franks and monster dogs.
It was wonderful.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Yeah, he packed them in that special ice. Yeah yeah,
and yeah we put them right into our freezer. You're right, man,
those were the best ballpark hot dogs I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Yeah, they really really good. So anyway, thank you for that.
Al Matt from Parts Unknown rights and he says, Ben
and Danny, he says, for you, Ben, what did ranch
dressing do to you? It is God's condiment. And I'll
never understand how someone could hate the creamy deliciousness of
the most wonderful dipping sauce. No man kind. Amen, Well,
(21:21):
you're part of the ranch people trying to brainwash society.
First of all, ranch dressing is disgusting, right. It is
milk that is halfway rotten, halfway rotten. Milk. It is,
as I have called it, the devil's blood wrong, and
(21:41):
it has been. It's been shoved down people's throats since
the I think late eighties. Since nineteen ninety two, ranch
dressing has been the most popular salad dressing, which tells
you how bad the taste buds are of your average American.
It's horrific. Now, I'm no fan of blue cheese because
(22:02):
blue cheese is a cousin of the devil's blood. But
at least I'm told there's a little bit better flavor.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
It's like a more it is not a better flavor.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Well, listen, I want no part of ranch dressing. It's disgusting.
It's gooey goop and it should be thrown out is
what it should be done. And the fact that people
mass consume it, it says more about you than me.
You're on the wrong side of history, Matt, You and
your look ranch dressing cult. Okay, so I want to
hear about it. And you've made a deal with the devil, Okay.
(22:32):
You are drinking the devil's blood, is what you're doing.
So you have to live with that. Good luck.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Well, definition of a cult is a small minority of
people that that's you. So you're actually in the cult
for a hating ranch.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
You've been in doctrinate. You've been brainwashed, Danny. We need
to deprogram you. We have to deprogram you. We must
do it.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You can dip just about every delicious food into ranch.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Well, you can dip into any sauce. That doesn't mean
it's good, No true. How about horse rat if anything, a.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Piece of pizza into horse radish?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
No, but you could. I'd rather do it than that.
How about that.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
I'd rather pepperoni and olive pizza dip that into a
wonderful ranch.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
There's nothing better.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
There's nothing better.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
What you what kind of what kind of terrible better?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
You heathen?
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Think about a really good chicken finger? You dip that
in a really good ranch? Heaven?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
No, honey mustard is what you dip it in? He
a barbecue sauce. A barbecue sauce that's second and third
to ranch. Man, that is blasphemy what you were saying
right now, This podcast is going to be blacklisted because
of you. Okay, racist, You're a slimeball with it, all right?
Moving on a mass whole mickey, all right, sin, he says, guys,
(23:54):
what's one alcohol that you used to drink but cannot
have any more from drinking too much of it or
got in air quotes sick and cannot even smell anymore
without getting nauseous. That's from mass whole Mickey in Massachusetts.
He says, as soon as I crack open a bottle
of Southern Comfort, I'll be like this, And he's got
(24:16):
the bar like sick emoji there it would appear. He
also told the story here Danny. He said he wanted
to know if we've ever woken up during a medical procedure.
Says last week he had a colonoscopy and an endo
oscopy and woke up while they were performing the colonoscopy
procedure and the doctor, the doctors and nurses said it's okay,
(24:39):
we're almost done, and then he fell back asleep. But
he said, in reality, they just gave me more of
the sleeping gas.
Speaker 7 (24:46):
And that's pretty terrible. That's like, yeah, that's why I
have a horror movie, right, And that's that's you know
who wants that? I mean, that's the chainsaw massacre. You're
getting cut open and h wow.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
That's I never drank that much, so probably the wrong
person to answer that any any alcoholic beverage back in
the day, Danny, that you just can't have anymore because
you're too old and it'll screw.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Oh yeah, oh yeah. I went to a concert in
my twenties and my friend and I drank Jaeger Meister
mixed with Red Bull the whole time. Em to this day,
even if I smell Jaeger Meister, it makes me sick
to my stomach.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Get that gag reflex going a little bit.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Well, if you know Jaeger it comes in that green
bottle and it kind of has the smell and a
little bit of the taste of liquorice. Yes, yeah, imagine
overdosing on liquorice. That's that is what it's like, except
this licorice makes you puke.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
A little much, Yeah, a little much, But thank you, masshole. Masshole.
Mickey's one of the last guys listening that is a
newspaper delivery guy. He delivers newspapers from around Boston to
the different grocery stores. And at one point when I
started doing overnights, we had i'd say sixty seventy percent
(26:05):
of the audience was newspaper delivery people. But now not
so much. Hardly any deliver the newspaper. That's one thing
that has changed a lot, Harry in how.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
They delivered Amazon.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yes, right, yeah, Harry and West Palm Beach. Right. So
he says, guys, thanks for doing the pod. He says,
you're with me. I do my errands here on Sunday morning.
I listen to you, guys, don't most people do errands
on Saturday, by the way, not Sunday. I don't know.
I'm not sure. I don't know. Anyway, it says Bernie
Sanders wants to change from a five day work week
(26:39):
to a four day work week without lowering pay. As
Ben likes to say. It says, you guys do this
podcast eight days a week. Would you guys support a
four day a week work week. Well that's a very
odd question, Harry to ask the Fifth Hour podcast, But
thank you for asking it.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I was going to say that would not work for
us at all.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
No, and with all I say with all due respect,
which is equivalent of saying the word but because when
you say it with all due respect, whatever you're about
to say is completely going to destroy the person you're
going to talk about. But there is no way on
God's green earth that you're going to be able to
keep salaries the way they are, not lower pay. If
people are working four days a week. That's not the
(27:24):
way life works. Okay, I'm an adult, I'm a grown up.
I know how it works. And you can say it's
not right and all that chastise it. But if you
work less, you're going to get paid less. That's the
way that it goes. And I'm against this because I
feel like, right now, it's five days, and most people
don't even work five days. I've worked with people that
(27:46):
almost never work five days. So if you go to
four days, people are going to then work three days.
So yeah, in our business, you've got to be there.
Radio is all about audio content. You have to be there.
You have to be part of people's routines or else
out of sight, out of mind, right, Danny, we all
learned back in the day. Freddie from New Hampshire writes
(28:07):
in Beauty New Hampshire Awesome. I'd never been to New
Hampshire before last year when I went on my Northeastern
sojourn and just really impressed with New Hamper although it
was a tourist town, so ye know, it's a state.
But the town we went to was a tourist town anyway,
right off I ninety five there, Freddie says, Fellas, now,
(28:30):
with Iowa Sam leaving your show, you're adding another body
to your list as the Pummeler of producers. That's right,
one of my nicknames, the Pummeler of producers. And Freddie says,
can you name all of the board ops you've had
since you worked at a box?
Speaker 3 (28:48):
That would be impossible.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
I actually cannot. I can name the regular people. I
let's see here, let's see if I can. Jake Warner
worked with me twice. Jerry was my engineer in the
early days before you were there.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Profit dude, Yeah, but this is producers, not just engineers.
Oh yeah, produce a combination of the two.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah, forget about it. The board ops Jake Jerry.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Yeah, who was the profit dude, Profit dude.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Probably. He was the one where we the building got
shot at while we were on the air, and he
just decided to close the blind so at least they
didn't know where they were aiming.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
That was a good and whenever he messed up, he
blamed it on the computer, yes, which the program was
called profit so he just said profit, dude.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah, And at one point I love Jerry, but we
determined that Jerry was just a spinning chair because he
had this thing where he could not just sit in
one place. You know, He's always had to walk around.
And part of the job when you have that job
is you got to kind of be anchored. You can't
really run around. You got to be there. And I'd
look over back sometimes. I guess I can say this
(29:59):
the statue of himations. But sometimes somebody would curse on
the air, and those days, the only one that could
dump it was the boardop. So somebody would say something
bad on the air, I'd look over to Jerry, you
know the sign. I'd give him the sign. He wasn't there.
It was his chair spinning around. I was like, all right,
well I got on the air. Uh. We had Julio
who was with me for a number of years in
(30:20):
the early days. Julio.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah, he had that late night Jay Leno TV show
on local cable.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Yes, yes, yes, I love Julio and he he was there.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Then I'd like you to be a guest on my
late night.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Ship, that's right. And he had the he had the
oh is it man? I'm telling you. Uh oh, the
Cougars were in the Cougar's commercial played. He was part
of the show. Then we had Jeff Durey. I don't
think you know, do you know Jeff? Probably I know Jeff,
You do not Jeff. Okay, Jeff was there from Boston.
I don't know what happened to him. Martinez Artie, who
(30:54):
you've met.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Of course, he closes down your parties at your house.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Of course you're on the list. Roberto, and then we
have the Queen that's I don't know. And there's been
a there have been a few other ones that were
only there for a short period of time. As far
as the producers, my god, we have Felix, we got
the well, oh, I forgot the amazing Vladimir I feel
I forgot.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah, yeah, amazing. He's in Miami these days.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I love lave lad I wish he was not that.
I don't like any of the people I worked glad.
I just loved the vibe. He was a generate. He
was a what's the word I'm looking for, gambling, yes, yes,
and he always knew whether he went or not based
on his mood, which is a real degenerate gambler, real
degenerated gambler. So yeah, so that was kind of that's
(31:44):
some of the names the producers. Felix Coop's been with
me a while. You obviously on that list. Trying to
think Burgie, Oh yeah, wrong, Button, Bob, Miranda, Marino, Bob Gara.
Yeah yeah, So been a lot of names that have
passed through. That's usually what happens when you stay somewhere
for a while. There's people.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Miranda left your show and popped out like three kids.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I know, she became all grown up. She was, you know,
single girl at a boyfriend and now she's been married
for years and a bunch of kids. It's also how
life works. I think it's a circle of life. I
believe that's just how like the normal ebb and flow
of life generally speaking. We'll get out on that note, Danny,
it's Saint Patti's day. You gonna go out bar hopping today.
(32:30):
I have to be on my best behavior because the
show tonights.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Remember the hangover where they put little Carlos in the holder?
Yeah yeah, and they have them the front holder, not
the backpack holder for the baby, and so that way
little Carlos can look me in the eyes as I'm
drinking green beer. I'll make a CoA green bottle so
he can feel like he's, you know, part of the festivities. Yeah,
(32:56):
we're gonna party today.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Party Hardy man. You got a party, Hardy party alright,
have a wonderful sant Patti's day, enjoy the Irish food
and everyone's Irish for a day. I'm wearing green right now,
and we'll talk to you tonight. We'll be on the radio.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
I'm Daniel Gallagher tonight.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, there you go. I'll be hanging out with you
on the radio tonight eleven o'clock in the west, two
am in the east, early Monday morning, on what will
be the eighteenth day of the month and baseball season
starting in a couple of days. We'll catch you then later.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
Skater gotta murder. I gotta go
Host
Ben Maller
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