April 13, 2024 • 26 mins
Ben Maller & Danny G. have a fun Saturday for you! They're talking: Not All Heroes Wear Capes, Popping the Cherry, Idiom of the Week, & more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kabooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. Welcome in Happy Saturday, Saturday Saturday.
The madness continues The Fifth Hour with me Ben mall
and back. He was on assignment yesterday, but he's back today.
Danny g Radio right over there celebrating National Make Lunch
(00:51):
Count Day, which is another dope holiday. There's endless amounts
of dope hollies. How do we get adope holiday, Danny,
we should start adope holiday, like the Fifth Hour Day
or something like that. Just something outrageous and just because
if there's there's National Scrabble Day, there's International Plant Appreciation Day,
(01:11):
smoke every day, insane.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I think, in your honor, we should start the Costco
Clothing Day.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Well, as you know, Daniel, I do have some Costco clothing,
but I'm more of a costco food guy than clothing guy,
because they do have sizes that are extra large, extra
extra large, but you gotta get us online in store,
not so much. I like the extended winner, dare you.
(01:40):
But anyway, on this podcast, we've got not all heroes
wear capes and also popping the cherry and a bunch
of other random things that will pop up here, I'm
sure on the podcast. So we begin with this now,
over the last few days, as we mentioned on the
Friday pod, I'm away. I'm not where I normally am.
(02:03):
I'm gonna talk more about that next week. And I'm
on assignment, on assignment at a far away location, but
for a good cause. So I had to take a
couple of nights off.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
There's lots of assignments going on.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, a lot of assignments. So I missed a couple.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Of days on f Grades.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
It sounds like I missed a couple of days there
in the radio show and whatnot. But one of the
things that took place here this is the Saturday pod.
So the Life and Times of Malor and Danny g
So I'm going to the gym now. I'm not bragging
about going to the gym. I'm not like I'm not
working out, like I'm not gonna win mister Universe or
(02:39):
anything like that. I'm just trying to maintain. So I
go to the gym, and I'm going during the day.
I used to go in the middle of the night,
right after the show, but now I go during the day.
More people there, more activity, et cetera, etcetera. I go
to the gym whatever, normal day. In fact, I was
actually watching This was the day I was watching the
(03:01):
Henry documentary, which we featured on the Friday Pod again.
I rewatched it at the gym. While I was on
the treadmill, I was watching the documentary again, trying to
pick up on some stuff I maybe missed the first time.
So fine, regular day at the gym. I go to
the sauna, sweat a little bit more, get out, go
to the car. So in the car and I'm just
(03:21):
minding my own business. La la la la la la la.
Sit down and kind of take a deep breath, and
I've got my headphones in from the gym. I have
headphones on. Most people do. They don't have to talk
to anyone. So I get to the car, I sit down.
I'm taking a deep breath. I'm like, all r, I'm
gonna take the headphones out. So I start taking the
headphones out, and then I notice, oh my god, there's
(03:42):
a beautiful ladybug that is crawling on my shirt that
somehow got on my shirt while I was walking from
the gym to the car. And it's like, you know what,
I've got to save the ladybug, because if I don't
save the ladybug, the ladybug's gonna die. And who wants
to see a harmless ladybug die? I don't not on
my watch, right, I do not want that. So I
(04:05):
was a little taken aback by the ladybug. It's a
very small thing. As you know, we've all had ladybugs
on us at one point or another. And so I
try to get the ladybug to go onto the finger,
and then I was gonna put it out of the car. Well,
the ladybug does not want to crawl on the finger.
For whatever reason. The Ladybug's like, I'm not crawling on
the finger, that's it, not doing it, and so fine,
so fine. So then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna now
(04:28):
grab the ladybug, and in my haste to grab the
Ladybug and save it. I did end up saving it,
but my headphone went flying out of my ear. The
door was open, and let's just say, I don't know
where that. I think the headphone went into a time portal, Danny,
(04:49):
never to be seen again. I don't know where it went.
I spent fifteen minutes. I thought, well, maybe it's in
my car, So I moved all the seats in the car.
Up I went. I looked under the seats, I got
my freaking flashlight out of my iPhone trying to find
a stupid headphone. And so then I'm like, well, it's
not in the car. So then I'm like, all right,
it must be outside. I must have dropped it out
(05:11):
of the door to save the freaking Ladybug. So then
I got out of the car. Now I'm on my
hands and knees. My hands are covered in tar. It's ridiculous.
I'm a mess, I'm sweaty, and now now it looks
like I'm homeless, I'm a vagrant, and I can't find
the damn headphone. But Danny, I saved that. I saved
(05:32):
that ladybug. Okay, so not all heroes wear your capes
and now I gotta go buy some cheap, ripoff Chinese
headphones to replace my headphones that I lost because you
can't use one headphone, you gotta have the two.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You might have saved that one. But something tells me
the next lady bug you see, you're gonna squish it
into the ground with your toe.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Man, I'm gonna take a hammer. Okay, I'm gonna torture
the ladybug. I'm gonna go corporal punishment on the ladybug
is what I am going to do. And that is
my plan for the ladybug. I mean, is this a
simple thing?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Like it was?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
This freaking ladybug? Why would it not crawl my go
gidda up crawl on my finger? Basic paint by numbers.
I would have taken the damn ladybug out of the car.
I would have put the ladybug down. That would have
been in But no, no, the ladybug has to mess
around with me. How dare you, ladybug? But anyway, that
was my my jim tail. Also, by the way, this
(06:24):
week a big week food wise. No, we're not doing
We're gonna take a break on the food fund right
foody fun We're not doing foody fun. This week we
all have to eat. But I did something culinary wise
that I have never done before that I've been planning, undoing,
I've attempted to do. I've gone to establishments. They wouldn't
let me in because they said it was too late
(06:45):
and all that stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
This isn't something you made. This is somewhere you went
and visited.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, we went to We live in an area there's
a lot of Korean restaurants and different picy restaurants whatever, barbecue, Chinese, Japanese,
you name it. They got a little bit of everything.
And so they have a lot of Korean barbecue places
kind of near where I live. And so we've racist
and we're like, ah, I go check it out, and
(07:11):
finally did finally did it. Made the leap, made the
leap to go have the Korean barbecue?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
And did you have the short ribs?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Well, we didn't know. We didn't study it, liked We
made some mistakes. We didn't quite know. Although I love
this place because it was a Korean barbecue place. It
says all you can eat right flat fee. It's like
forty bucks all you can eat, but you have two
hours to eat the food tastes like a touchdown in
your mouth. So how how does that work?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Then?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
If it's all you can eat, why put a cap
on it? Right? Why why put a cap? What's up
with that? Right? But they put a cap on it?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Whatever?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Fine, So yeah, we went in there. We ordered the ribbi,
we got the we made a fatal mistake. We got
the chicken, and but the missed and the steak that
we made was we didn't realize that you had to
cut everything up into little pieces for it to cook fast.
Like the chicken. It took like an hour for the
chicken to cook. So I ate a lot of rice.
(08:12):
It was good though. I liked it. If this is.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
One of the spots where you cooked the meat in
front of you yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, exactly. It says all you can eat Korean barbeue place.
You go in there, they sit you down and they
had robots. It was like C three PO and R
two D two were coming to your table. Like you
would go on your phone and order like I need
a new bowl of rice, loser, and a robot would
(08:38):
come out and deliver the rice to your table and
then go back. And it was very odd. Now I
also made a tactical decision. In an effort to consume
more food, they offered chopsticks at this Korean barbecue place,
and a lot of people were eating with chopsticks and
(08:58):
they seem to be doing fine. But I knew that
the fork trump the chopstick. Danny right, that the fork
was much better than the chopstick.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Especially when you're working on a time limit exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
So I said, hey, I need a Can I get
a fork? And I couldn't ask the robot because the
robot can't talk back, and so anyway, I ended up
what we ended up doing was we found one of
the people that were I think the bar and they
handed like a cheap plastic fork, and they gave me
(09:35):
kind of a look of shame, like.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
You know you shouldn't be needing a fork, you use
your chopsticks. But anyway, I used the used the fork,
and I was able to consume a lot more food.
But the main problem was the waiting for the food
to cook. As you know, Danny, I like my food
well done. I enjoy food on the well done side.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, you like it burned well.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
When you're on a two hour time limit, it becomes
problematic because you want to wait for everything to be
cooked properly. And after the first round we ordered like
four different plates of meat. Didn't realize how big the
plates were, and they had in the fine print on
the menu they said if you don't eat all the meat,
(10:19):
if you have a lot of leftover meat, they'll charge
you extra, which I thought was kind of a douche move.
I mean, I could take the meat right, you know
what I'm saying, don't. I don't need to leave it.
I can take it if you're that if you have
that big a problem with it, I'll just take it.
And but then, of course these all you can eat places,
you're not supposed to take anything right, because that's the
whole business model.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
You know. How you get around that. You take one
of those large zip block bags and a backpack boom just.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Going there have you know, a whole container like one
of those Costco size containers of.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, what are you gonna do? Frisk me, check my
backpack as I leave.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah. So, once we got the hang of it, it's
like some rookie mistakes. Definitely some rookie mistakes that took place,
and that was fine, but it was pretty good You
definitely got to use the scissors. They have scissors there.
You got to cut everything up into really small pieces.
Otherwise it takes way too long to cook.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah, obviously you want the thinner slices of meat. That way,
you didn't get that cooked and ready to go. And
then did you guys get any noodles?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
We got rice. They had some weird like brain crap
that they had on the table. It was some animal
brain stuff. I don't even know what the hell that was,
but I didn't touch itoked it looked like it was normal,
but then they said what it was, and it was
like it was really disgusting. I don't know it was
a brain, but it was some weird part of a
body of an animal that we don't normally eat. So
that was pretty bad. I had a lot of rice
(11:47):
because I determined I got to keep eating here. I
got to get my forty dollars worth of all you
can eat. So the move was like with the food
was taking a long time to cook on the table,
and so I kept ordering rice, which is what they
want because the rice is cheap. They want you to
eat the rice, fill up on the rice because the
meat's more expensive.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Like man, I got to get my forty dollars worth.
That made you contemplate the squirrel brain.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And the other thing too, is how much meat would
one have to consume in two hours to get full
value on the forty dollars You know what I'm saying.
How much would that have to be? How many packs
of meat to get it? Probably not that much for.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
The price of food at grocery stores and especially in
the seafood and meat department nowadays, I'm sure that you
guys got your money's worth.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah. The other thing we learned first time at Korean
barbecue is they have the thing in the table you're
supposed to cook the food, but they like to take
it out because it's a after like every thirty forty minutes,
they want to change out the metal tray that you
cook your food on because they have to clean it.
And we were trying to be polite. We didn't realize that.
(13:01):
So we were trying to be polite. We're like, ah, well,
you're fine, you don't need to change it out, and
they were they were kind of like, nah, we kind
of you know, we would like to, And then they
explained the situation and all that. But I'll be back.
I don't think I'm gonna go very often because it
is kind of expensive and it's hard to consume enough food.
You gotta be really hungry, like after a fast or
something like that. I would if I don't eat for
(13:23):
a couple of days, I'd go in there and just
be a rock star and just go for it.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
And if you I think you have to be only
with like two or three people, I think more than that.
I think it's a little problem because you know, it's
problematic because the thing to cook on is not all
that big. So I don't know that would that would
go well. Also this weekday we had the big solar eclipse,
(13:51):
which happened back on Monday of this week.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
What a bunch of nerds, I know.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I know. It's so funny because Eddie Garcia on the
overn Show and he's like, oh, I don't understand why
anyone's into the solar eclipse and all that stuff, And
so then my phone's blowing up with all my relatives
during Monday, and I was actually at the gym. I
didn't I wasn't out, like I don't. We couldn't really
see it here anyway, right, I don't think it was
viewable from where we were now, Like there was I
(14:19):
remember that street streak of land that went through like
Arkansas up through Cleveland, Buffalo. That way, there's that sliver
of land you can see the solar eclips Anyway, whatever,
I didn't didn't pay attention, but my phone kept blowing up.
All my relatives from back East were sending me photos
of them wearing the funny glasses and all that.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Y'all looked like they were in back to the future too.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, what a scam. How much of those glasses costs?
I should have asked them? That seems like a scam
to me. I don't know, seems a little fugezy, but hey,
I got understand when I was a kid. Though we
were growing up, my dad loved space. He was all
about out space travel and all that stuff. So my
brothers are like totally into it. And I would have
(15:05):
gone out if I gone outside and checked it out.
If it was like something worth watching here, I don't
think again, we'll do the show from some in California.
I don't think it was. It was worth our time.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Yeah, I think I read that northern California had a
little bit better of a view than we did. But
I do remember in elementary school it happening one year
and the teacher made this thing out of a cardboard,
like a cardboard box, maybe a shoe box. You could
see the shadow of it happening in the box.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
What's in the box?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
One kid looked up and that kid got sent to
the office. We had to be led to the office.
We weren't sure why.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
How many people went blind before they realized looking up
not a good idea. Looking up? Probably not a good
idea to do that, you know, just just you know,
there had to be a certain number of people that said,
wait a minute, I can't see now, my vision is
all fed up.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Yeah, probably the same person who first put their hand
inside a beehive.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, oh sure, sure, sure sure. Or I was trying
to pet a lion out on the you know, serengetti
and said, oh that's a nice little lion. Let me
pet the lion. The lion rips their arm off, and
that's that's it. Wonderful. What else do we have? We've got?
I did have, since it is the Saturday Pod, a
rare and appropriate family dinner this week. Now, not just
(16:33):
with my family, I have some a few cousins that
live in the area. I've talked about this in the past.
My brother, my older brother, lives in New York. My
younger brother lives in Wisconsin. Parents aren't around anymore. So
I don't have a lot of a lot of family
in the area. I have a couple of cousins and
you know, a handful of cousins. That's about it. And
(16:55):
I was actually out at a grocery store. This is
probably about a month ago. I don't know if I've
told this story on the podcast or not. So about
a month ago, I was out doing some grocery shopping
with the wife and we happen to run in to
one of the cousins, and the cousins like, hey, you know,
I want to let's get together have a dinner. Now
(17:16):
you know how I feel about dinners, Danny. You know
my position on the socializing rare and appropriate, rare and appropriate.
Try to avoid it. But we pretty much got we
got boxed in. We had to do it right. She
really wanted to do it. We were like, all right,
we'll do so we scheduled for I think it was
(17:36):
last Friday, I believe Friday or Saturday, last weekend. So
it was me, the wife, my cousin, her husband, and
then my other cousin who is also in the media business.
And I've talked about him a few times. He works
on a tabloid TV show. He's done it for years.
(17:56):
Have you ever seen the show Inside Edition? Have you
ever seen that? Of course, been around forever, the number
one syndicated tabloid TV show, and he's been a producer
there for a long time. And we grew up going
to bar Mitzvah's weddings and all that crap. And he
lives in La La Land as well, and so I
don't see him that often. But he came down to
(18:19):
the family dinner and so we we had burgers and
told stories and all that, and it was it was
a lot fun we had. I had a good time,
and I was a little concerned about the food because
I like, as we talked about, with the Korean barbecue
and popping the cherry on the Korean barbecue. I enjoyed, Danny.
I enjoy my food well done. I like my food
(18:41):
well done. And when you go to someone else's house
and they're the ones cooking the food, you're completely helpless.
You're at the mercy of the people cooking the food,
whether or not. And nobody I know likes food the
way I like food, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Yeah, we actually have good taste and to dip everything
in ranch.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Anyway, So they made the burgers, and my wife had
said she kind of let them on say how he
kind of likes his food well done, and so they
made the burger for me well done. But their definition
of well done and my definition of well done not
quite the same. I feel like Jim Nance. I feel
like I need to be like Jim you know Jim
Nantz with the burnt toast thing. Yeah, and he has
(19:23):
a picture of how he wants the toast when he
goes out to some diner to have breakfast after walking
around with his pants down at the Masters so excited.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
He did need it burnt. And we talked about this
last weekend on the podcast. He just actually wanted his
toast toasted.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah, okay, well, but my thing is like I want mine.
I do not want any hankage, shall we say or whatever?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
You know what I'm saying, Yeah, you don't want the
burger talking.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
To you exactly. I like to pretend my food was
never living, not a vegan. I'm not a vegetarian.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
I like me.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I like to think that it's just all gray. It's
all gray and all that, and so I should just
go out to the parking lot, look at the tire.
It should look something like that, something like the tread
on the tire from tire rack dot com, and you're
good to go. So anyway, they're very nice. I mean,
we love them. They're great people with like came out
with them. Although I'm an introvert on the weekends, I
(20:23):
genuinely try to avoid and try to avoid extra talking.
As you know, Danny, when you do talk for a living,
you don't want to talk when it's you're not getting paid.
And it's kind of like, but I've heard, Danny a hooker,
you know, and your job is to perform certain activities
you do on your downtime. You're not doing that, you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
A bunch of hookers and cocaine.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I've read that somewhere. I don't know if that's true
or not. But anyway, they made the burger well done.
They were very proud of themselves, like, hey, burger's well done.
And I bid into that thing. Danny, and it was
not well done. It was medium, well me burger.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
But that's better than it being overcooked. Because when we
were on our trip to Hawaii, I asked for a
burger medium. Well I should have just asked for it medium,
because it came back burnt, too hard to even really
cut into, to cut the burger in half. That's worse,
I think.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Well, it was not the ideal, but I powered through, Danny,
very proud of myself. I did the grown up thing here.
I smiled. I said how much I enjoyed the burger,
and how I loved the burger and I hate the burger.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
So you were an actor.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yes, it was performance art. I was doing performance art.
I should have won some kind of Academy award or
something because I really powered through, really powered through. Cut
that meat. Time out for the Idiom of.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
The week, Idiom of the week.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Well this is very cool. I started the idiom of
the week, the word of the week, the phrase of
the week, whatever you want to call it, just because
I like and now, Danny, this is two weekends in
a row where the p ones of the podcast have
now filled up the content machine and said, hey, I'd
like to hear you tell me the origin of word
(22:13):
X or phrase X, and so that's pretty cool. This
week we give a tip of a cap to Nick
in Wisconsin. Met Nick at the Mallard meet and greet
at the Mermaid in Minneapolis, and Nick was the guy
that made me look bad throwing access even though I
looked great. He edited the video, bad job by him.
The idiom of the week is speak of the devil,
(22:37):
Speak of the devil, and he will appear. I've heard
this one, right, Danny. We've all heard this over the years. Yeah,
of course, yeah, Like I was just talking about that
exactly exactly. The phrase, obviously, in modern lingo and the
lexicon of the modern world, is kind of a fun, fluffy,
(22:58):
lighthearted ref phrase to something unexpectedly happening and when being
talked about, right, it's someone called it serendipity, right, a
serendipitous moment or whatever. But didn't you know the term
speak of the devil prior to the twentieth century, it
was not a lighthearted term at all. In fact, the
(23:23):
full form of the phrase speak of the devil, he
will appear, or there was another reference of involving elbow,
the elbow of the devil, but it was meant as
a warning, a warning to not talk about the devil,
because people were so religious in in the mid fifteen
(23:45):
hundred and sixteen hundreds that they were convinced if you
spoke of the devil, the devil would appear.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
So that phrase goes back hundreds of years, five hundred
plus years ago, which.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Is also around the same time yesterday we had the
phrase was punching Judy Hitter, which is a reference to
an Italian marinette show from the sixteenth century. So we're
going old school, Danny g we are going old school Renaissance. Yeah,
that is kind of cool. That a phrase you come
(24:25):
up with in the sixteen hundreds and you're dead fifty
times over, and yet it is still used to this day.
Do you think any of these things that we're cooking
up on TikTok five hundred years from now, assuming there's
not nuclear armageddon?
Speaker 3 (24:42):
Oh yeah, I know. One, sluts are still going to
be twerking.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
You think they'll still be only fans and they'll be
a shake your booty and all that.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Only fans and are two things that'll survive.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, did you see the story. I think it was
last week there was a story that Britney Spears, if
she started in OnlyFans, she would make hundreds of millions
of dollars. She would make more money from OnlyFans than
she made from her career as a pop star like
(25:14):
all the and she was very successful, although I guess
a lot of the money she didn't get to keep
right because of that weird family situation she had. But anyway,
they said she would make more money from OnlyFans per
year than she made her entire career in music, And
it got me thinking, Daddy, how much money are people spent?
(25:35):
I mean, how much money are people spending on these
only is insane? It's an insane situation. Like who knew
that you had that kind of disposable income to spend.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
A lot of thirsty dudes out there?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Yes, I know, but this, like you know, it's like
the porn is free online. I don't know what you're doing, man,
I don't get it. I don't understand. Anyway, we'll get
out on that, enjoy the rest of your Saturday here
and there will slide in tomorrow. We've got It's Pete
Rose's birthday tomorrow and Dick and Dayton's birthday Dick does
(26:11):
not listen to this podcast. He only listens to radio.
But we'll have a fresh pod on a Sunday, little
mail bag, and who knows what else.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
He Rose does listen to this podcast, and he watched
his Benny versus the Penny Duh.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Of course, come on, get tips tips the NFL season. Anyway,
have a great day today. Any you want to promote,
any Saturday, anything you want to yap.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
About quickly on tomorrow's podcast. I have an Arby's story
for you.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Okay, a little hot Arby's for you on the stunde.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
There's an Arby's tease right there.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
All right, very good, Have a great rest oh of
your day, Joy your Saturday. We'll talk to you tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Austa pasta my flation
Kabooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. Welcome in Happy Saturday, Saturday Saturday.
The madness continues The Fifth Hour with me Ben mall
and back. He was on assignment yesterday, but he's back today.
Danny g Radio right over there celebrating National Make Lunch
(00:51):
Count Day, which is another dope holiday. There's endless amounts
of dope hollies. How do we get adope holiday, Danny,
we should start adope holiday, like the Fifth Hour Day
or something like that. Just something outrageous and just because
if there's there's National Scrabble Day, there's International Plant Appreciation Day,
(01:11):
smoke every day, insane.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I think, in your honor, we should start the Costco
Clothing Day.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Well, as you know, Daniel, I do have some Costco clothing,
but I'm more of a costco food guy than clothing guy,
because they do have sizes that are extra large, extra
extra large, but you gotta get us online in store,
not so much. I like the extended winner, dare you.
(01:40):
But anyway, on this podcast, we've got not all heroes
wear capes and also popping the cherry and a bunch
of other random things that will pop up here, I'm
sure on the podcast. So we begin with this now,
over the last few days, as we mentioned on the
Friday pod, I'm away. I'm not where I normally am.
(02:03):
I'm gonna talk more about that next week. And I'm
on assignment, on assignment at a far away location, but
for a good cause. So I had to take a
couple of nights off.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
There's lots of assignments going on.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, a lot of assignments. So I missed a couple.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Of days on f Grades.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
It sounds like I missed a couple of days there
in the radio show and whatnot. But one of the
things that took place here this is the Saturday pod.
So the Life and Times of Malor and Danny g
So I'm going to the gym now. I'm not bragging
about going to the gym. I'm not like I'm not
working out, like I'm not gonna win mister Universe or
(02:39):
anything like that. I'm just trying to maintain. So I
go to the gym, and I'm going during the day.
I used to go in the middle of the night,
right after the show, but now I go during the day.
More people there, more activity, et cetera, etcetera. I go
to the gym whatever, normal day. In fact, I was
actually watching This was the day I was watching the
(03:01):
Henry documentary, which we featured on the Friday Pod again.
I rewatched it at the gym. While I was on
the treadmill, I was watching the documentary again, trying to
pick up on some stuff I maybe missed the first time.
So fine, regular day at the gym. I go to
the sauna, sweat a little bit more, get out, go
to the car. So in the car and I'm just
(03:21):
minding my own business. La la la la la la la.
Sit down and kind of take a deep breath, and
I've got my headphones in from the gym. I have
headphones on. Most people do. They don't have to talk
to anyone. So I get to the car, I sit down.
I'm taking a deep breath. I'm like, all r, I'm
gonna take the headphones out. So I start taking the
headphones out, and then I notice, oh my god, there's
(03:42):
a beautiful ladybug that is crawling on my shirt that
somehow got on my shirt while I was walking from
the gym to the car. And it's like, you know what,
I've got to save the ladybug, because if I don't
save the ladybug, the ladybug's gonna die. And who wants
to see a harmless ladybug die? I don't not on
my watch, right, I do not want that. So I
(04:05):
was a little taken aback by the ladybug. It's a
very small thing. As you know, we've all had ladybugs
on us at one point or another. And so I
try to get the ladybug to go onto the finger,
and then I was gonna put it out of the car. Well,
the ladybug does not want to crawl on the finger.
For whatever reason. The Ladybug's like, I'm not crawling on
the finger, that's it, not doing it, and so fine,
so fine. So then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna now
(04:28):
grab the ladybug, and in my haste to grab the
Ladybug and save it. I did end up saving it,
but my headphone went flying out of my ear. The
door was open, and let's just say, I don't know
where that. I think the headphone went into a time portal, Danny,
(04:49):
never to be seen again. I don't know where it went.
I spent fifteen minutes. I thought, well, maybe it's in
my car, So I moved all the seats in the car.
Up I went. I looked under the seats, I got
my freaking flashlight out of my iPhone trying to find
a stupid headphone. And so then I'm like, well, it's
not in the car. So then I'm like, all right,
it must be outside. I must have dropped it out
(05:11):
of the door to save the freaking Ladybug. So then
I got out of the car. Now I'm on my
hands and knees. My hands are covered in tar. It's ridiculous.
I'm a mess, I'm sweaty, and now now it looks
like I'm homeless, I'm a vagrant, and I can't find
the damn headphone. But Danny, I saved that. I saved
(05:32):
that ladybug. Okay, so not all heroes wear your capes
and now I gotta go buy some cheap, ripoff Chinese
headphones to replace my headphones that I lost because you
can't use one headphone, you gotta have the two.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You might have saved that one. But something tells me
the next lady bug you see, you're gonna squish it
into the ground with your toe.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Man, I'm gonna take a hammer. Okay, I'm gonna torture
the ladybug. I'm gonna go corporal punishment on the ladybug
is what I am going to do. And that is
my plan for the ladybug. I mean, is this a
simple thing?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Like it was?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
This freaking ladybug? Why would it not crawl my go
gidda up crawl on my finger? Basic paint by numbers.
I would have taken the damn ladybug out of the car.
I would have put the ladybug down. That would have
been in But no, no, the ladybug has to mess
around with me. How dare you, ladybug? But anyway, that
was my my jim tail. Also, by the way, this
(06:24):
week a big week food wise. No, we're not doing
We're gonna take a break on the food fund right
foody fun We're not doing foody fun. This week we
all have to eat. But I did something culinary wise
that I have never done before that I've been planning, undoing,
I've attempted to do. I've gone to establishments. They wouldn't
let me in because they said it was too late
(06:45):
and all that stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
This isn't something you made. This is somewhere you went
and visited.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, we went to We live in an area there's
a lot of Korean restaurants and different picy restaurants whatever, barbecue, Chinese, Japanese,
you name it. They got a little bit of everything.
And so they have a lot of Korean barbecue places
kind of near where I live. And so we've racist
and we're like, ah, I go check it out, and
(07:11):
finally did finally did it. Made the leap, made the
leap to go have the Korean barbecue?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
And did you have the short ribs?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Well, we didn't know. We didn't study it, liked We
made some mistakes. We didn't quite know. Although I love
this place because it was a Korean barbecue place. It
says all you can eat right flat fee. It's like
forty bucks all you can eat, but you have two
hours to eat the food tastes like a touchdown in
your mouth. So how how does that work?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Then?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
If it's all you can eat, why put a cap
on it? Right? Why why put a cap? What's up
with that? Right? But they put a cap on it?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Whatever?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Fine, So yeah, we went in there. We ordered the ribbi,
we got the we made a fatal mistake. We got
the chicken, and but the missed and the steak that
we made was we didn't realize that you had to
cut everything up into little pieces for it to cook fast.
Like the chicken. It took like an hour for the
chicken to cook. So I ate a lot of rice.
(08:12):
It was good though. I liked it. If this is.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
One of the spots where you cooked the meat in
front of you yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, exactly. It says all you can eat Korean barbeue place.
You go in there, they sit you down and they
had robots. It was like C three PO and R
two D two were coming to your table. Like you
would go on your phone and order like I need
a new bowl of rice, loser, and a robot would
(08:38):
come out and deliver the rice to your table and
then go back. And it was very odd. Now I
also made a tactical decision. In an effort to consume
more food, they offered chopsticks at this Korean barbecue place,
and a lot of people were eating with chopsticks and
(08:58):
they seem to be doing fine. But I knew that
the fork trump the chopstick. Danny right, that the fork
was much better than the chopstick.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Especially when you're working on a time limit exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
So I said, hey, I need a Can I get
a fork? And I couldn't ask the robot because the
robot can't talk back, and so anyway, I ended up
what we ended up doing was we found one of
the people that were I think the bar and they
handed like a cheap plastic fork, and they gave me
(09:35):
kind of a look of shame, like.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
You know you shouldn't be needing a fork, you use
your chopsticks. But anyway, I used the used the fork,
and I was able to consume a lot more food.
But the main problem was the waiting for the food
to cook. As you know, Danny, I like my food
well done. I enjoy food on the well done side.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, you like it burned well.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
When you're on a two hour time limit, it becomes
problematic because you want to wait for everything to be
cooked properly. And after the first round we ordered like
four different plates of meat. Didn't realize how big the
plates were, and they had in the fine print on
the menu they said if you don't eat all the meat,
(10:19):
if you have a lot of leftover meat, they'll charge
you extra, which I thought was kind of a douche move.
I mean, I could take the meat right, you know
what I'm saying, don't. I don't need to leave it.
I can take it if you're that if you have
that big a problem with it, I'll just take it.
And but then, of course these all you can eat places,
you're not supposed to take anything right, because that's the
whole business model.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
You know. How you get around that. You take one
of those large zip block bags and a backpack boom just.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Going there have you know, a whole container like one
of those Costco size containers of.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, what are you gonna do? Frisk me, check my
backpack as I leave.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah. So, once we got the hang of it, it's
like some rookie mistakes. Definitely some rookie mistakes that took place,
and that was fine, but it was pretty good You
definitely got to use the scissors. They have scissors there.
You got to cut everything up into really small pieces.
Otherwise it takes way too long to cook.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah, obviously you want the thinner slices of meat. That way,
you didn't get that cooked and ready to go. And
then did you guys get any noodles?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
We got rice. They had some weird like brain crap
that they had on the table. It was some animal
brain stuff. I don't even know what the hell that was,
but I didn't touch itoked it looked like it was normal,
but then they said what it was, and it was
like it was really disgusting. I don't know it was
a brain, but it was some weird part of a
body of an animal that we don't normally eat. So
that was pretty bad. I had a lot of rice
(11:47):
because I determined I got to keep eating here. I
got to get my forty dollars worth of all you
can eat. So the move was like with the food
was taking a long time to cook on the table,
and so I kept ordering rice, which is what they
want because the rice is cheap. They want you to
eat the rice, fill up on the rice because the
meat's more expensive.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Like man, I got to get my forty dollars worth.
That made you contemplate the squirrel brain.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And the other thing too, is how much meat would
one have to consume in two hours to get full
value on the forty dollars You know what I'm saying.
How much would that have to be? How many packs
of meat to get it? Probably not that much for.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
The price of food at grocery stores and especially in
the seafood and meat department nowadays, I'm sure that you
guys got your money's worth.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah. The other thing we learned first time at Korean
barbecue is they have the thing in the table you're
supposed to cook the food, but they like to take
it out because it's a after like every thirty forty minutes,
they want to change out the metal tray that you
cook your food on because they have to clean it.
And we were trying to be polite. We didn't realize that.
(13:01):
So we were trying to be polite. We're like, ah, well,
you're fine, you don't need to change it out, and
they were they were kind of like, nah, we kind
of you know, we would like to, And then they
explained the situation and all that. But I'll be back.
I don't think I'm gonna go very often because it
is kind of expensive and it's hard to consume enough food.
You gotta be really hungry, like after a fast or
something like that. I would if I don't eat for
(13:23):
a couple of days, I'd go in there and just
be a rock star and just go for it.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
And if you I think you have to be only
with like two or three people, I think more than that.
I think it's a little problem because you know, it's
problematic because the thing to cook on is not all
that big. So I don't know that would that would
go well. Also this weekday we had the big solar eclipse,
(13:51):
which happened back on Monday of this week.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
What a bunch of nerds, I know.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I know. It's so funny because Eddie Garcia on the
overn Show and he's like, oh, I don't understand why
anyone's into the solar eclipse and all that stuff, And
so then my phone's blowing up with all my relatives
during Monday, and I was actually at the gym. I
didn't I wasn't out, like I don't. We couldn't really
see it here anyway, right, I don't think it was
viewable from where we were now, Like there was I
(14:19):
remember that street streak of land that went through like
Arkansas up through Cleveland, Buffalo. That way, there's that sliver
of land you can see the solar eclips Anyway, whatever,
I didn't didn't pay attention, but my phone kept blowing up.
All my relatives from back East were sending me photos
of them wearing the funny glasses and all that.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Y'all looked like they were in back to the future too.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, what a scam. How much of those glasses costs?
I should have asked them? That seems like a scam
to me. I don't know, seems a little fugezy, but hey,
I got understand when I was a kid. Though we
were growing up, my dad loved space. He was all
about out space travel and all that stuff. So my
brothers are like totally into it. And I would have
(15:05):
gone out if I gone outside and checked it out.
If it was like something worth watching here, I don't
think again, we'll do the show from some in California.
I don't think it was. It was worth our time.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Yeah, I think I read that northern California had a
little bit better of a view than we did. But
I do remember in elementary school it happening one year
and the teacher made this thing out of a cardboard,
like a cardboard box, maybe a shoe box. You could
see the shadow of it happening in the box.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
What's in the box?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
One kid looked up and that kid got sent to
the office. We had to be led to the office.
We weren't sure why.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
How many people went blind before they realized looking up
not a good idea. Looking up? Probably not a good
idea to do that, you know, just just you know,
there had to be a certain number of people that said,
wait a minute, I can't see now, my vision is
all fed up.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Yeah, probably the same person who first put their hand
inside a beehive.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, oh sure, sure, sure sure. Or I was trying
to pet a lion out on the you know, serengetti
and said, oh that's a nice little lion. Let me
pet the lion. The lion rips their arm off, and
that's that's it. Wonderful. What else do we have? We've got?
I did have, since it is the Saturday Pod, a
rare and appropriate family dinner this week. Now, not just
(16:33):
with my family, I have some a few cousins that
live in the area. I've talked about this in the past.
My brother, my older brother, lives in New York. My
younger brother lives in Wisconsin. Parents aren't around anymore. So
I don't have a lot of a lot of family
in the area. I have a couple of cousins and
you know, a handful of cousins. That's about it. And
(16:55):
I was actually out at a grocery store. This is
probably about a month ago. I don't know if I've
told this story on the podcast or not. So about
a month ago, I was out doing some grocery shopping
with the wife and we happen to run in to
one of the cousins, and the cousins like, hey, you know,
I want to let's get together have a dinner. Now
(17:16):
you know how I feel about dinners, Danny. You know
my position on the socializing rare and appropriate, rare and appropriate.
Try to avoid it. But we pretty much got we
got boxed in. We had to do it right. She
really wanted to do it. We were like, all right,
we'll do so we scheduled for I think it was
(17:36):
last Friday, I believe Friday or Saturday, last weekend. So
it was me, the wife, my cousin, her husband, and
then my other cousin who is also in the media business.
And I've talked about him a few times. He works
on a tabloid TV show. He's done it for years.
(17:56):
Have you ever seen the show Inside Edition? Have you
ever seen that? Of course, been around forever, the number
one syndicated tabloid TV show, and he's been a producer
there for a long time. And we grew up going
to bar Mitzvah's weddings and all that crap. And he
lives in La La Land as well, and so I
don't see him that often. But he came down to
(18:19):
the family dinner and so we we had burgers and
told stories and all that, and it was it was
a lot fun we had. I had a good time,
and I was a little concerned about the food because
I like, as we talked about, with the Korean barbecue
and popping the cherry on the Korean barbecue. I enjoyed, Danny.
I enjoy my food well done. I like my food
(18:41):
well done. And when you go to someone else's house
and they're the ones cooking the food, you're completely helpless.
You're at the mercy of the people cooking the food,
whether or not. And nobody I know likes food the
way I like food, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Yeah, we actually have good taste and to dip everything
in ranch.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Anyway, So they made the burgers, and my wife had
said she kind of let them on say how he
kind of likes his food well done, and so they
made the burger for me well done. But their definition
of well done and my definition of well done not
quite the same. I feel like Jim Nance. I feel
like I need to be like Jim you know Jim
Nantz with the burnt toast thing. Yeah, and he has
(19:23):
a picture of how he wants the toast when he
goes out to some diner to have breakfast after walking
around with his pants down at the Masters so excited.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
He did need it burnt. And we talked about this
last weekend on the podcast. He just actually wanted his
toast toasted.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah, okay, well, but my thing is like I want mine.
I do not want any hankage, shall we say or whatever?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
You know what I'm saying, Yeah, you don't want the
burger talking.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
To you exactly. I like to pretend my food was
never living, not a vegan. I'm not a vegetarian.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
I like me.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I like to think that it's just all gray. It's
all gray and all that, and so I should just
go out to the parking lot, look at the tire.
It should look something like that, something like the tread
on the tire from tire rack dot com, and you're
good to go. So anyway, they're very nice. I mean,
we love them. They're great people with like came out
with them. Although I'm an introvert on the weekends, I
(20:23):
genuinely try to avoid and try to avoid extra talking.
As you know, Danny, when you do talk for a living,
you don't want to talk when it's you're not getting paid.
And it's kind of like, but I've heard, Danny a hooker,
you know, and your job is to perform certain activities
you do on your downtime. You're not doing that, you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
A bunch of hookers and cocaine.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I've read that somewhere. I don't know if that's true
or not. But anyway, they made the burger well done.
They were very proud of themselves, like, hey, burger's well done.
And I bid into that thing. Danny, and it was
not well done. It was medium, well me burger.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
But that's better than it being overcooked. Because when we
were on our trip to Hawaii, I asked for a
burger medium. Well I should have just asked for it medium,
because it came back burnt, too hard to even really
cut into, to cut the burger in half. That's worse,
I think.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Well, it was not the ideal, but I powered through, Danny,
very proud of myself. I did the grown up thing here.
I smiled. I said how much I enjoyed the burger,
and how I loved the burger and I hate the burger.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
So you were an actor.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yes, it was performance art. I was doing performance art.
I should have won some kind of Academy award or
something because I really powered through, really powered through. Cut
that meat. Time out for the Idiom of.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
The week, Idiom of the week.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Well this is very cool. I started the idiom of
the week, the word of the week, the phrase of
the week, whatever you want to call it, just because
I like and now, Danny, this is two weekends in
a row where the p ones of the podcast have
now filled up the content machine and said, hey, I'd
like to hear you tell me the origin of word
(22:13):
X or phrase X, and so that's pretty cool. This
week we give a tip of a cap to Nick
in Wisconsin. Met Nick at the Mallard meet and greet
at the Mermaid in Minneapolis, and Nick was the guy
that made me look bad throwing access even though I
looked great. He edited the video, bad job by him.
The idiom of the week is speak of the devil,
(22:37):
Speak of the devil, and he will appear. I've heard
this one, right, Danny. We've all heard this over the years. Yeah,
of course, yeah, Like I was just talking about that
exactly exactly. The phrase, obviously, in modern lingo and the
lexicon of the modern world, is kind of a fun, fluffy,
(22:58):
lighthearted ref phrase to something unexpectedly happening and when being
talked about, right, it's someone called it serendipity, right, a
serendipitous moment or whatever. But didn't you know the term
speak of the devil prior to the twentieth century, it
was not a lighthearted term at all. In fact, the
(23:23):
full form of the phrase speak of the devil, he
will appear, or there was another reference of involving elbow,
the elbow of the devil, but it was meant as
a warning, a warning to not talk about the devil,
because people were so religious in in the mid fifteen
(23:45):
hundred and sixteen hundreds that they were convinced if you
spoke of the devil, the devil would appear.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
So that phrase goes back hundreds of years, five hundred
plus years ago, which.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Is also around the same time yesterday we had the
phrase was punching Judy Hitter, which is a reference to
an Italian marinette show from the sixteenth century. So we're
going old school, Danny g we are going old school Renaissance. Yeah,
that is kind of cool. That a phrase you come
(24:25):
up with in the sixteen hundreds and you're dead fifty
times over, and yet it is still used to this day.
Do you think any of these things that we're cooking
up on TikTok five hundred years from now, assuming there's
not nuclear armageddon?
Speaker 3 (24:42):
Oh yeah, I know. One, sluts are still going to
be twerking.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
You think they'll still be only fans and they'll be
a shake your booty and all that.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Only fans and are two things that'll survive.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, did you see the story. I think it was
last week there was a story that Britney Spears, if
she started in OnlyFans, she would make hundreds of millions
of dollars. She would make more money from OnlyFans than
she made from her career as a pop star like
(25:14):
all the and she was very successful, although I guess
a lot of the money she didn't get to keep
right because of that weird family situation she had. But anyway,
they said she would make more money from OnlyFans per
year than she made her entire career in music, And
it got me thinking, Daddy, how much money are people spent?
(25:35):
I mean, how much money are people spending on these
only is insane? It's an insane situation. Like who knew
that you had that kind of disposable income to spend.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
A lot of thirsty dudes out there?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Yes, I know, but this, like you know, it's like
the porn is free online. I don't know what you're doing, man,
I don't get it. I don't understand. Anyway, we'll get
out on that, enjoy the rest of your Saturday here
and there will slide in tomorrow. We've got It's Pete
Rose's birthday tomorrow and Dick and Dayton's birthday Dick does
(26:11):
not listen to this podcast. He only listens to radio.
But we'll have a fresh pod on a Sunday, little
mail bag, and who knows what else.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
He Rose does listen to this podcast, and he watched
his Benny versus the Penny Duh.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Of course, come on, get tips tips the NFL season. Anyway,
have a great day today. Any you want to promote,
any Saturday, anything you want to yap.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
About quickly on tomorrow's podcast. I have an Arby's story
for you.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Okay, a little hot Arby's for you on the stunde.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
There's an Arby's tease right there.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
All right, very good, Have a great rest oh of
your day, Joy your Saturday. We'll talk to you tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Austa pasta my flation
Host
Ben Maller
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