Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny G Radio and a Happy Saturday. We're
hanging out recording this podcast early on the eighth day
of March as we celebrate National Proofreading Day, something that
not many people do. Proofread does not happen. But this
(00:52):
is a special edition of the Fifth Hour. Now. Danny
G will join me tomorrow. He is busy doing something,
but he would be boys, I believe for the mail Bag.
If not, he won't be with us at all. But
I think he'll be with us on the mail Bag
on Sunday, And so we wanted to on this Saturday
take time away. Now. Normally we don't talk sports. Normally
(01:13):
we don't talk much sports on the weekend Fifth Hour podcast,
but The cool thing about this is that when something
happens that is worthy of our attention, we are able
to break format and go right into it. And so
this being the Saturday edition, the rare and appropriate, rare
and appropriate bonus sporty coverage on the Fifth Hour, the
(01:36):
trade that rocked the NFL. We'll get to that. We
also have the phrase of the week, and who knows
what else will pop up here on the Fifth Hour podcast,
but we'll begin with this an emergency mal monologue, emergency
malar monologue, and we were not planning on doing this,
but the events changed on Friday, so we had an
(01:58):
unexpected trade in the NFL. I assume you know by
now you heard about it, but maybe not. The Raiders
and the Seahawks said, hey, you know what we need
to do. Let's make a deal. And so they made
a deal in Las Vegas acquired quarterback Geno Smith, yes
that guy, Geno Smith from the Seattle Seahawks, in exchange
(02:22):
for a twenty twenty five third round draft pick. So
that's it pretty simple. The Raiders get the player, the
Seattle football team gets a lottery ticket, and that is
the trade. So let us discuss the question for the
esteem panel which you are a part of. What does
the malor report card read? The malor report card read
(02:45):
for this particular deal. All right, So we've got cosplay,
waste management and sopranos, and we will combine all of
these things together and we are going to make a
special meal here on a Saturday, the Gabba ghool. We're
gonna make the Gabba goool, all right, So num Burdwan,
(03:10):
I said, numb burw Yeah, I love the unexpected trade.
Let me start with that. I'll get to the mall
of report card here in a second. But I love
the unexpected trade that these high fullutint plug me in
NFL insiders information men that are supposed to have all
the answers, not always. They're caught flat footed here. They
(03:32):
had no clue they were snapping. Nobody had been whispering
that Geno Smith would be traded. In fact, the opposite
was coming out of Seattle. The Dodo Birds were talking
about extending Gino Smith. They had had meetings with Gino
about an extension. So this came out of left field.
This came out of thin air, which makes it all
(03:53):
the more fun to break down here on an emergency
Malord monologue. So as for the report card, and remember,
we are impartial, we are fair, and we are balanced.
We are measured with our commentary. So I want to
be fair here the Raiders on the Malor report card.
That could be a shock jock and give some kind
(04:16):
of ridiculous score. But I'm not gonna do that. I'm
gonna I'm not gonna go fugayzy on you. The Malor
report card, I jotted down on my note my note
app here on my phone, which I'm looking at right now.
I dotted jotted down an F y as in fair,
as in foul, as in all of that. My god,
(04:37):
oh my, oh no, hell, Bill Miller, I mean, come
on now. So I went F Now, Seattle they're the
team that traded the player. They got a promisory note
in return a third round draft pick. So I gave
the Seahawks the D. I rotate nuts. They got the
(04:57):
D and the Raiders got the F. So what in
the world are we doing here? Welcome to bizarre world.
Remember about a week ago, the Raiders were all hot
and bothered. They thought they had their quarterback, Matthew Stafford.
They were gonna get Matthew Stafford from the Rams. You
can ram it all day, you can ram it all night.
And then Matthew Stafford, after meeting with Tom Brady at
(05:19):
a clandestine location somewhere in Montana, Stafford said, I'm good,
I'm going back to the Rams. It is interesting to
note that after that all went down, a number of
these so called insiders. Oh I knew all along. Oh
he was never going to leave the Rams. Yeah, okay, yeah, sure.
But the Raiders thought they had a shot at Matthew Stafford.
(05:41):
They didn't get him. Then there was Aaron Rodgers and
his name popped up, but instead the Raiders end up
with Gino Smith, which is hilarious. It is I mean,
at some point we need to do a wellness check
on the Raider fan base. Here. It is the mass
Raid ball relocating to a Vegas theater, is what it is.
(06:04):
I mean, this is called like it is. Geno Smith,
for several years now has been doing cosplay. He is
impersonating a QB One. It's like somebody going to comic
Con dressed up as Spider Man. You're not really Spider Man,
You're just dressed up as Spider Man. And that's Gino
Smith now if you want to tell me that Gino
(06:24):
Smith is a high end backup that you can play
for a couple of games and maybe you'll be fine. Okay,
I can even agree with you on that. But if
he's your starting quarterback, you're porked. And if you're trading
for Gino Smith, if this is your move here, that
you're going out and you're trading assets to get him,
(06:44):
what does that say about you? Holy Canoley, I mean,
let's call a spade a spade here. Wow. All right,
So that's where we are. Now, how should Raider fans feel?
Should they feel encouraged or discouraged by this trade for Genosmith?
So I think I've laid it all out for you,
but just to pile on it's a dog pile. I
(07:07):
would say that the Raider fan should not feel encouraged
or discouraged. The emotion would be emasculation because this is
an emasculating, demoralizing, and humiliating moment. You're like, well, Tom
Brady's the guy. Now he's running the show, and you
get an f report card on the malor report card
(07:29):
making this trade. Tom Brady's got a piece of the pile.
We keep hearing how he's he's in. You know, he
owns a little bit of the Raiders ten percent. Mark
Davis the owner who won the genetic lottery to get
controlled of the Raiders. So Mark Davis is the controlling
owner and Tom Brady owns a little bit of it,
(07:51):
but he's making football decisions. And Mark Davis could have
simply hired some twelfth man fanboy in the Pacific Northwest
and said, all right, I want you to run the team.
You're a Seahawks fan, but I want you to run
the Raiders. And that's what they've done. The Raiders have
now recreated the twenty twenty two and twenty twenty three
(08:14):
Seattle Seahawks. Let me repeat that for those of you
in the back of the room that aren't paying attention.
It's early here on a Saturday, as we're doing this
in real time, the Tom Brady front office has recreated
the twenty twenty two and twenty twenty three Seattle Seahawks.
That is a bold strategy, Cotton. The Raiders have one
(08:36):
weapon on offense at this point. Brock byers now keeping
my Gino Smith playing in Seattle, a winning culture, good
defensive players, a coaching staff, I know, Pete Carroll's there,
but he hasn't established himself with the Raiders. But he
had built something up in Seattle. They had a winning culture,
and they had DK Metcalf and a bunch of other playmakers,
(08:58):
and Gino Smith was nothing more than blah. So now
he's going to a team that doesn't have all of
those things, has one player in Brock Bowers. And here
we are, Oh my god, what are you doing? Like seriously?
All right now, page two as we flip the page
here on this edition of the Fifth Hour with me
(09:18):
Ben malor Danny G'll rejoin us tomorrow, yes, sir, and
I'll share with you the real reason Ben hates Gino
so much on Sunday's podcast. So we turned to page
two and the question on page two, is there anything
that we can take away from the timing of the
(09:41):
Geno Smith trade between the Raiders and the Seattle Seahawks.
And my answer, I'm nodding my head. Yes, you can't
see me, but I'm nodding my head. Yes, thousand percent. Right.
This is a PGA tour event, is what it is.
It's a PGA Tour event. It is the Waste Management
Open or go as we like to say, even in
(10:03):
the plugged in world of social media and the interweb
and all that this is a takeout the trash Day
Blue Ribbon special. Right, you release bad news on a
Friday afternoon, Friday evening in an attempt to soften the
scrutiny and people. It is proven on the weekends, you
(10:26):
don't pay as much attention. You've got plans on Friday
and Saturday, and Sunday's a wind down day to wind
back up for the week. And so if you do
something that isn't very popular, if you make a move
like this and it cuts both ways, it's not just
one side, it cuts both ways. So if you make
a move like this and you're trying to avoid as
(10:50):
much negativity as you can, you announce it on a Friday.
You don't announce it on a Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday.
You do it on Friday, and you do it, as
we've laid out, for obvious reasons. Now the reason it's
bad for both sides. For the Seahawks, they are confirming
(11:10):
what we all knew that Geno Smith was a bust,
that this guy was a failure. It didn't work out
in Seattle. They have essentially wasted several seasons of your
fandom if you're in the game there, if you're a
Seahawks fan, and they have been in a holding pattern,
(11:31):
They've been treading water there in Seattle for the last
three years. And it validates my long standing take. I
know Nosterdinas doesn't like this. I think JJ in Renton,
he's on my team crying. Craig also seems to be okay.
But that Noster Denis, he was so far up Gino
(11:55):
Smith took us. He could not see the sun. I mean,
he's right up there. But validates my long standing criticism
that Gino Smith has full Jabbroni status as the quarterback
in Seattle, and he is not only a quarterback, he
is a Schmendrick. And for the Raiders, as we have
also spelled out for you, but we'll spell it out again,
(12:17):
you downplay this trade for obvious reasons. You have just
acquired a thirty four year old quarterback who is a jag,
not a Jacksonville Jag. He's just a guy, and you're
going to then apparently pay him if when I'm hearing
his accurate, the Raiders are going to give Geno Smith
a new contract. So you traded a third round pick.
(12:39):
Who cares about that? But you got a guy who's
thirty four, so he's passed his athletic prime, not that
he was ever good, and you're going to pay him
more money. And so again Tom Brady has recreated the
twenty twenty two to twenty twenty three Seahawks of Pete
Carroll and Gino Smith. They were together two years in Seattle.
Those cats combined had an eighteen and sixteen regular season
(13:02):
and somewhere Al Davis is spinning around in a graveyard
near you. Eighteen and sixteen, the record a five to
twenty nine winning percentage together, and again that was with
the Seahawks that had playmakers around. Gino Smith, had some
names on defense, and there was a winning environment. None
of those things exist in Las Vegas. And now they
(13:24):
compete in an AFC Division AMC West that has the
Mahomes Reid dynasty in Cana City, the Jim Harbaugh Chargers,
and the Sean Payton Broncos. And so you're you're in
that mix, which is good afternoon, good evening, and good night,
(13:46):
if you know what I'm saying. Now, final thought from
the Seattle side of things I mentioned on the Mallor
report card. The Seahawks got a C on the Mallor
report card because they have a The word I will
use is flim plan at best. That's being kind. They
have a flimsy plan in Seattle. You're trading away Geno Smith,
(14:09):
which again I think that's a positive. You're finally admitting
that we've got a problem here, and that's the first step,
but doesn't mean you're on your way to fix anything.
But you're getting rid of Geno Smith, so you're at
least gonna have somebody new at the quarterback position, some
younger blood. Okay, so Geno Smith goes for the ninety
second pick. That's what we're hearing here, the ninety second
(14:31):
pick of the draft, which is nothing that gets you
all turned on. You know, you don't feel a little tingled.
You get the ninety second pick in the draft. Who
knows what that will be? Likely nothing, But then you
find out the whispers on who Seattle's going after. Now,
when I first saw this trade pop up on my phone,
(14:51):
I said, okay, well maybe that's where Aaron Rodgers will
end up. He'll go to the Pacific Northwest. They don't
have anybody else there, so he'll go, hey, hang out
and we'll see how that goes. And that'll be good
for talk radio. It'll be fun to have Aaron Rodgers
in Seattle. Well not so fast. So then the name
that keeps popping up is a guy named Sam. Not
(15:17):
Iowa Sam, That would be Sam Donald. The plot thickens. Yeah, yeah, yes,
that's the same Sam Donald. I know, I understand your reaction.
I had the same reaction. I I know it's rather shocking.
It's rather shocking. All right, So how how do you
(15:40):
process the Seahawks going after Sam Donald? So as they
they said on the iconic show The Sopranos back in
the day, marown Like if I was a pirate, I
would say, shiver me timbers, is what I would say.
This is like trading in a bag of manure. You're like,
I've had the manure for while, I don't need them
(16:01):
newer anymore. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna trade in
the bag of manure and I'm gonna go buy a
bag of fertilizer. I think the fertilizer will do better
than the manure. I don't need the manure anymore. I'm
gonna get rid of the manure. I'm gonna say, buy
the manure, and then I'm gonna bring in a bag
of fertilizer, and that is going to change my life
in amazing ways. Sam Donald is a younger version of Suck.
(16:25):
He's I believe, twenty seven. But that doesn't matter. It
is the fact that he has an underlying pre existing
condition here. And you know what that condition is. Are
you aware of the condition that Sam Donald has. My
right hand was getting a workout that is correct. Yes,
(16:45):
he has a glitch. I don't even know if that's
strong enough. It was a cataclysmic debacle. At the end
of his run in Minnesota, he was fine, he was fine,
he was fine, and then it was not a telethon,
It was a gagathon. He suffered from a panic attack
(17:05):
as he gagged at the end, death by asphyxiation. There
for a one Sam Donald, who did all of the
things you can't do. It was an unmitigated disaster for
the Vikings, who got down to the very last game
of the year against the Lions in the regular season
(17:26):
and then football Armageddon. It wasn't just a snaff woo.
It was uncomfortable. It was awkward. It was purgatory. The
Boogeyman was knocking on the door. It was one of
those things that go bump it he bumpity bump in
(17:46):
the night. Sam Donald was not just a sloppy Joe.
He was stuck in a maze, could not get himself out.
He had anxiety, and that was what we expected. We
expected that to happen, and it happened even worse than
(18:07):
we thought it was going to happen. The wobbling, the
gyrations of grimacing from agony and all that. You have
to wonder what kind of LSD they're enjoying in the
Seattle Seahawks' front office there, if this is really the move. No,
I don't want to kill them too much because they
haven't added Sam Darnald. But if you look at the
(18:30):
map from thirty thousand feet in the sky, the jigsaw
puzzle is starting to fill out. Stafford stays with the Rams,
the Raiders trade for a Hindenburg like quarterback and Geno
Smith thinking somehow they're going to be able to not
get manhandled, and by the rest of the division. Seattle
(18:52):
now is on a rampage to get Sam Darneld, which
would mean Aaron Rodgers ends up going to the team
that plays with the Giants at this point, and then
you've got who's next the next wave of quarterbacks as
Arizona finds somebody that is dumb enough to take alligator
arms Murray who is easy to disarm because he's got
(19:14):
alligator arms, and eventually as the season goes on, he
falls apart in the second half. That happens pretty much
all the time. And then you've got the Kirk Cousins thing.
Does he end up in Cleveland? So things are starting
to settle into place as we see teams. If you're
unprepared here, you're screwed. You're screwed if you're unprepared. But
(19:37):
there's a lot of moving around going on as the
new league gear in the NFL going to begin soon enough.
But that that was quite the day, Quite the day.
Back on Friday, as the Raiders Tom Brady be careful
what you wish for? They go out. Is he gonna
blame Brady? Does he get criticism because this seems like
(19:58):
he's not doing a good job, being unfair to Tom Brady.
That hiring Tom Brady to bring in the Seattle Seahawks
of twenty twenty two and twenty twenty three is not
what you were expecting that that should be for voting,
But it's not vermoting. It went on, he did it,
and because he's Tom Brady, it's like authorized and it's
permissible to do that. And you're like, well, I don't
(20:20):
think it should be. I mean, like come on, yeah,
just again, I can't stress it up. Gino Smith was
not very good when he had two or three really
good playmakers. He now goes to a Raiders team, barring
some kind of dramatic offseason improvement, a Raiders team that
has less than Seattle. They have less to work with
(20:45):
than the team he was at. Now. The other factor here,
if Seattle is able to get the right quarterback, which
would not be Sam Donald, would not be Sam Donald,
is there a path to keep Dk Metcalf. Now, my argument,
I did a monologue about this during the week on
the Overnight Show, is that the reason Dk Metcalf want
(21:07):
it out, we want money is always at the top.
But then behind money, he realized that he was not
getting the ball enough in Seattle. He didn't like the environment,
didn't think they were gonna be able to win in Seattle. Well,
now that DK Metcalf doesn't have to play with Gino
Smith anymore, who he must think is absolutely horrible, and
they get somebody else in there, does that change things
(21:29):
for DK Metcalf? Does he now say, all right, well,
maybe I'll stay in Seattle. They're gonna pay me. Old
John McKay quote. When you talk about what's going on
with the Raiders and the Seahawks, you do a lot
of praying, but most of the time the answers no right.
And the Seahawks, it's the term that has been used
a lot well is rebuild, But that's really just code.
(21:51):
That's lip service for we're gonna suck, right, and we're
not in it to win it and all that. And
football is one of those sports. I know, no Stredina
doesn't understand this and some of the other dopes, but
football is one of those sports where even if you
have a remote possibility, you go for it. You go
for it, and you never want to be that team
(22:12):
that just settles in to the little village called Suckville.
You just don't want to embrace the suck. You can't
do it, and it's a shame. You got to have
that perseverance to go out there and compete, and even
when things aren't looking great, luck be a lady here.
(22:33):
Maybe you'll run into some kind of fluky thing and
some good stuff will happen to you, even though you
don't have a great quarterback or this, that or the
other thing. But I'm sure we'll have plenty of time
to talk about that more as the off season rolls on.
But I wanted to make sure to do that. And
it's one of the great things that we have here
on the Fifth Hour a pod is that we are
(22:54):
able to when we feel like it, we can just
do sporting. We can be a sporty pod. And I
didn't do another rant was some of years a I
got from Cleveland, Well, you're gonna do a rant this
weekend on the podcast. But that story with Miles Garrett
was like, no, probably not. I mean I saw it.
I can only do one Mallard monologue per Fifth Hour.
(23:17):
We've already met our quota on this edition. But I
am aware that the Browns owner Jimmy Haslam declined the
request to meet with Miles Garrett as he asked for
a trade. And again, I'm not doing a full monologue.
I'm just a couple of thoughts on that. For Steve
who's in Ohio and Steve O in Ohio. All I
would say is there's there's one of two scenarios in
(23:40):
play with Jimmy Haslam and his decision to not meet
with Miles Garrett. It is either a Haslam is a
softy and he knows that if they have a face
to face meeting, Miles Garrett can sweet talk him, use
that Svengali effect, and then all of a sudden, Jimmy
as them will pay him more money and they'll patch
(24:02):
things up. It's either that Haslam's a softy, or Haslam
it's the other extreme that he wants. He wants Garrett gone.
He don't want to pay him, and he doesn't want
to meet with him, doesn't want to do it. Wants
other people and a lot of rich guys are cowards
who wants somebody else to be the go beatryt between
(24:24):
the intermediary and set all that up and not. He
doesn't want to have to be the one that's the
bad guy. Doesn't want to be the bad guy in
all that all right, time now, time now, in the
fifth hour, that's enough of that sporty stuff. Way too
much of that. Let's get to the phrase of the week.
(24:45):
That's right, the phrase of the week. I've always appropriate
this week in honor of the trade of Geno Smith,
which was just for a third round pick, a three
year starting quarterback only worth a third round pick, as
the Raiders traded a third round pick to Seattle for
Gino Smith. So let's go back in the hot top
time machine. You probably don't remember this. It goes back
(25:07):
man almost forty years. One of the great quotes in
NFL history about a trade, about a trade, and it
was from a head coach in the NFL who said,
trade him for a six pack. It doesn't even have
to be cold. Close phrase, that is the phrase of
(25:28):
the week. That's right, trade him for a six pack.
It doesn't even have to be cold. Now, that phrase
originated with one of the great characters in the NFL
many many generations ago, but a guy named Buddy Ryan.
Buddy Ryan was the defensive guru of the Chicago Bears
(25:49):
the last time they won the Super Bowl in the
nineteen eighty five season or Championship after the eighty four season,
and Buddy Ryan would go on become a head football
coach in Philadelphia, and he did not like to bite
his tongue. He liked to let it rip. And so
Buddy Ryan in nineteen eighty six. So we're going back
(26:10):
a minute, but Buddy Ryan is in training camp. He's
the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, and he did
not seem to light one of his running backs very much.
They had a running back named Ernest Jackson on the
nineteen eighty six Philadelphia Eagles, and he was not a
coach's favorite. Buddy didn't something about him. I don't know
what it was. I even go back and look at
(26:31):
the archives. But Buddy was not a fan of Ernest Jackson,
and so he said, hey, trade him for a six pack.
It doesn't even have to be cool. Now. Jackson played
the season with the Pittsburgh Steelers. He went to the
Pro Bowl. That was back when the Pro Bowl meant something,
not now where the Pro Bowl is water balloon toss
and tic tac toe and pinned the tail on the donk.
(26:55):
Back then, it actually was an all star game, the
Pro Bowl, and was an honor to be there. Even
to this day though it's all pro status is what
matters more. But anyway, so Ernest Jackson played one more
season with the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Buddy Ryan quote, trade
him for a six pack, it doesn't even have to
be cold, is one of his most memorable phrases. I
(27:18):
would argue that Buddy Ryan had more memorable phrases as
head coach than he did actual success on the field.
Some of the other classics from from Buddy Ryan. Remember
he had said quarterbacks are overpaid, overrated, pompous bastards and
(27:40):
must be punished. That was a Buddy Ryan quote. He
was the defensive guru, of course for the Bears and whatnot,
and he hated quarterbacks. Couldn't stand him, could not stand him.
He's also been credited I'm not sure if he's the
first one to say this about he said one of
the the players on the on the Eagles would be
(28:04):
selling insurance in two years. That's what he say said,
Which is you say that now? Oh my god, I
can't believe he said that. Oh my god, you can't
say that. You are such a mean person. What is
wrong with you? And that whole deal. Some of the
old school coaches, Yeah, it's it's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Maybe
(28:28):
once in a while, we get a great, great SoundBite
like Mike Gundy at Oklahoma State few years back when
he he said, I'm a man, I'm forty right, you know,
you go after me and all that stuff. That was
a funny one. It's sporadic, but the old school guys tremendous,
absolutely tremendous. All Right, we'll get out on that, have
(28:49):
a wonderful rest of your Saturday. We'll have the mail bag.
Hopefully Danny g will join us on the Sunday mail Bag,
and I get his thoughts too, because he's mister Raider.
We'll get his thoughts on the big trade tomorrow. But
until then, we'll chat with you down the line and
have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Later, Skater, he's
(29:13):
a winner. Bo Folation