October 11, 2025 • 30 mins
Ben Maller & Danny G. have a fun Saturday podcast for you! They talk: 5 Hour Mariners Marathon, Island Games, Heat Lamps, New Comic Book - Utensil Man, & more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kabooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday, College football
Saturday today, the eleventh day of October. Danny, and there's
a baseball game today. How about that game last night,
the Holy Canoly.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
You mean the one that ended ten minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I gotta tell you, I thought, well, you know, Friday night.
I love elimination games. I'm a loser, Danny. I spent
my Friday night. I thought the game would last two
and a half hours. That thing lasted five hours, five
hours before Jorge Polanco delivered the dagger for the Mariners.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Let's put it this way, Benny. I did the CNR podcast,
I did their Best of the Week podcast. I cut
up clips for sponsors, sent emails left the network, sat
in traffic for an hour, got home, had dinner, baby,
sat CoA for two hours, and the game was still going.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah, no, no, no. I was like, okay, so that
is Friday. The game starts on the West Coast at
five o'clock or five oh eight or whatever. This thing
will be over by seven thirty, LA time, no problem.
The thing ended after ten o'clock. It was like one
in the you know, I think it was after ten o'clock.
It was ridiculous. But the Mariners congratulations to what Robbie
(01:55):
the Mariner fan JJ and written crying Craig no denis
the long suffering Mariner apologist, all all you guys, as
the Mariners have advanced to the American League Championship Series.
The winner take all Game five, and uh the the
line from John Sterling that's been on this podcast. That's baseball, Susan.
(02:18):
The Tigers lose both games started by clearing away the
top pitcher in the American League, Schooble, and they both
games he started, they end up losing, and they lose
the series. So it's bananas. I did have a developing take,
which it's no one's gonna remember it because the Mariners
(02:39):
won the game. It was the I think it was
the what ending? Was it the sixth inning? George Kirby
had thrown five shutout innings for the Mariners. To me,
this was peak modern baseball stupidity, and I jotted it down.
I wrote a little note because I knew I'd be
talking about this game, and this game will be old
by the time the radio show comes back around, right,
(03:00):
So I was like, maybe I'll mention this on the podcast.
But it bothered me so much, and it's like it's
one of those things. Since Seattle won, It's like, who cares.
But you've got George Kirby who was dealing and I
don't even think he's that good, but he was dealing bullets,
mowing guys down in this winner take all game. And
Dan Wilson looks at his iPad and goes, well, you know,
(03:23):
it's third time through the order penalty. The chart says,
take him out of the game. You can't make this
stuff up. And this is the religion of analytics at
its dumble.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
H Oh, yeah, you mean, like how glass now was
dealing and he got pulled and good thing that worked
out for the Dodgers.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
But had it not, we'd be talking about that still.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, well then they claimed he had a cramp, which,
as I said, there's some jokes we used to make
on the radio. We don't make anymore about cramps.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
But he Nolan Ryan is laughing to himself right now.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
But this guy Danny threw, he was throwing a jam.
I was like he was matching.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
He wasn't striking out as many as a schoogle, but
he was getting the outs. In fact, he had the
lead at that point, sixty six pitches, no runs, and
they handed the ball the Mariners to Gabe Speier, who
had a five point four ERA in the postseason and
who exactly baseball malpractice. Of course, Carry Carpenter hit a
(04:21):
home run. He went to Poundtown and hit a two
run bomb. Boom goes the dynamite off the reliever. You know,
Seattle won the game. So it's like it's only one
of those things that'll be something I remember about this.
But you're right, Nolan Ryan, You're absolutely right. Laugh Randy Johns,
even Randy Johnson would laugh at that.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
And the like you pussy's do you think I didn't
have any ramps when I was on my one hundred
and twenty fifth pitch.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Oh, the one hundred pitch thing drives me nuts. And
I guess every day on this podcast because yesterday I
was ripping the Philadelphia Phillies on the podcast. I was
mocking the analytics, right, because the analytics would tell you
the dog should not have won that game because the Phillies.
All the Dodgers did was put the ball in play.
It was the funniest thing that the game game was
(05:10):
a game four Dodgers and Phillies. When Andy pie is
he hit a little two hopper that went about thirty
five forty feet and he's doing the postgame interview on
Turner like he was a hero of the game. Because
this is the problem. You put the ball in play,
you make people make plays. That's another one of these things,
the cult of baseball, modern baseball. They don't believe in that,
(05:31):
and they don't you know, you're not allowing people to
test the limits like all that stuff. Just pot listen, Sea,
I don't one. Congratulations and so we are set.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Up another five today.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
That's right. Well, yeah, we'll be definitely watching that with
baited breath from Milwaukee as the Brew Crew and the
Cubbies will decide who gets to play the Dodgers, so
we're we're guaranteed to have a well if the Dodgers
get there, we'll definitely have a World Series with someone
they've ever played before. The Mariners have never been to
the World Series, and as far as the Dodgers have
(06:06):
played the Brewers and Cubs, I feel like they've played
them a lot in the playoffs.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
That would be a West Coast World Series and the
Dodgers would have home field.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Oh with Seattle?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Is that yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Would they really? Okay?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I think so? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I don't know the overall records the matchup though, the
Brewers and the Cubs. I don't believe either team has
listed a starting pitcher. And it's the morning of the game,
which seems problematic. The Brewers are a slight favorite in
that game tonight, so that's what's up in the winner,
we'll take on the the Doyers, you get the Mariners
(06:42):
and the Blue Jays. Game Game one of that series
will be tomorrow, So quick turnaround for the Mariners.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
And Mariners won ninety games. Dodgers won ninety three games.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh wow, Okay, so they would have they would have
home field, and they would have if the Cubs win,
would the Dodgers have home field? They would have home
fielder with Cubs, I would assume, right, is that.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Over the Cubs? But not Yeah, but not the Brewers.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, not the Brewers. I don't think it matters, like
you know, it's not. There's not like a moat around
the field with alligators if you go to the warning
track and all that stuff. So I wanted to begin
though on this podcast. We've got the island life heat
lamps and lunch with the plastics, but I want to
(07:28):
begin with this. So I used this term a lot,
and I've had some people reach out to me says,
I don't understand what is that? What does that mean?
An island game? An island game? Now you're the listener.
I don't know if you know, Danny, you know what
an island games, but maybe the listeners does not know.
So it's the one NFL game on the schedule. Now,
(07:50):
this was a The game last night between the Tigers
and the Mariners was an island game. It was a
standalone game. But the island game is mostly a football term.
And early if you watch football on Sunday, normally the
early window, you have the late window. But when it's
an island game, there's no there's no competition, there's.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
No red zone.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
There's one game, one stage, one reason. You know you're
texting your friends about that one game. That's it. That's it.
It's the island, not a palm tree, not my tie.
There's no hammock anywhere, and that's it. Like Monday night
football originated the island life, it became an event. It
(08:33):
was Howard Cosell in your living room telling you what
you already knew, but had very good dictation and was
the grown up in the room. It was the soundtrack
back in those days, like massive ratings felt important and
all that, and and the NFL over the years they said,
well why stop at Monday. So they did Thursday, and
(08:54):
they do Sunday night, even the technically the London game.
There's a lot of these now and if you're on
the West coast, that is six in the morning they
kick off the London game and so you can enjoy
that while you're eating a stale bagel or whatever. But
the NFL does not miss an opportunity to remind you
(09:16):
that they run the show. They run the counter. There's
something different about these island games and I in the
gambling world. It's kind of more of a gambling thing
than anything, but you certainly feel it. You can tell
it's bigger when even when it is it it's the
only show in town. Like we had Jacksonville and Kansas City.
Nobody gets up for Jacksonville. But that was the last
(09:37):
Monday night game. It was an island game. Is everyone's watching.
Everything is micro analyzed an island game. Every throw, every punt,
every bad time out feels louder like for example, the
end of that last Monday night game between Kansas City
and Jacksonville, you had Trevor Lawrence fall down, get up,
(09:59):
look around in shock. No one was there and walking
to the end zone because Chris Jones decided he didn't
want to hustle on the play.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
He actually fell twice.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah, yeah, felt but Chris Jones standing there watching like
he was one of the camera people were security butt. Yeah,
that was That was great and so u as in
football we love it and all that. It's it's great,
but the party, party of one, party of one, and
when you're watching on Sunday in the early window at
one o'clock Eastern or even four o'clock. There's there's usually
(10:32):
a few other games at four o'clock Eastern, but there's noise,
there's other games, there's distractions. You might miss a play.
You know, you're flipping around. I'm watching two or three well,
in the early window, I'm usually watching three or four games.
The late window, I'm flipping around to all three games.
But an island game, an island game, every mistake under
the microscope right becomes a headline. You blow a coverage
(10:53):
on Monday night, they're replaying it as we were just
laid out here. If you don't hustle playing it for
days to come. And if you're a quarterback at one
o'clock in the afternoon and you throw a terrible interception,
it's not being dissected like a frog in a lab.
It's not. And again, the Gambers kind of figure this
(11:14):
stuff out first. This is their playground. You can pretend
it's about football, but it's just more juice on island games.
And there's no hedging with seven other bets and all
that stuff is just one game. You're either winning or
you're throwing the remote control. And the other thing, which
is great, it's undeniable, is the communal aspect of that.
(11:36):
That in this streaming world where you watch stuff on
demand when you want something where everyone is united and
everyone's watching the same thing, and it's like the Last Bastion,
if you will, where everyone's doing the same thing at
the same time. I say everyone. There's still a lot
of people don't care about football and all that, but
(11:56):
it's either shared dread or shared joy depending on the outcome,
like the super Bowl, but the entire football consuming public
looking at the same whether it's bad offense or you know,
people say, I don't know, what's that coach doing. You fired.
It's like a church or a temple if the tabernacle
(12:17):
or synagogue had prop bets pretty much right, you got.
A quarterback can have a bad throw in the early windows,
I said, people are gonna remember it. You throw the
same lame duck in a primetime Island game and you
become a trending topic and we're all ranting Daniel and
the radio about you in island. It's an ordinary thing
(12:38):
an island games, there's an ordinary play into a defining moment,
and reputations are often enhanced and people come out of
nowhere and occasionally, you know, things are overcooked by Tuesday
morning and all that. But that's the beauty of the NFL,
the master illusionists in the NFL. It turns the little
(13:00):
scheduling quirk into this national ritual of watching. And again,
it doesn't matter who's in there. You know, you could
put the Tennessee Titans against the Cleveland Browns and it
would look like Picasso if you just shine the right
light on it. And so everyone kind of understands that,
and they know they know we're gonna watch, right, and
(13:23):
we know we're gonna they know many of us are
gonna bet on it, and so yeah, even if we
all post on social media, boy, this game stinks. Or
did you hear what al Michael said. That's the genius
of it. It's an island game because the NFL made
it an island game. It's a Maden man made creation.
It's like a skyscraper man made it. But the point
(13:44):
is that island games, it's not about the quality, it's
about the focus. It's one giant magnifying glass. And so
there you go.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Isild in games. Moon.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
When you first said that, I thought you were talking
about how they scouted play Thompson's dad, Michael back in the.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Day, back back in the day. Michael Thompson, who I
used to have on the radio when he was playing, Well,
he wasn't playing. He was a broadcaster for the Trailblazers
back in the day. But yeah, he's still.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Doing his he's still a little almost man.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
He's still doing the Laker games, right, I think he is.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Yeah, he is.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
So, there you go.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
That's the island game. So don't ask me about it again.
I don't. If you have any questions, look for Sports
with Coleman. He'll answer all your questions about island game.
No bikinis, no palm trees, none of that stuff. And
certainly in an island game, because you have the island life,
there are no there are no heat lamps because it's
an island game. You don't need heat lamps because there's
enough juice out there.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Yeah, let me take you back to Monday at Fox
Sports Radio. Monday, Monday, you know, usually Monday evening at
the network is usually kind of uneventful. I see Mike
Carmon in the blue kitchen. I see Jason Smith walking
down the hallway as I'm leaving. Monday night football is
(15:01):
going on. So you hear a little editors reacting to
the football game, as you said, because it's an island game.
Other than that, you know, not a lot of fireworks
going on at that hour. This past Monday was different
because Rob Parker was celebrating press box being named after him.
(15:21):
Oh yeah, and I know, Ben, I'm sure your alma
mater there in Orange County is going to name a
press box after you pretty soon.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Oh sure, I'm sure they're working on it right now
as we speak. They're waiting for Do they even have
a press box there? Yes, it has three chairs in it. Yeah,
but hey, I'll take it. You know they want to
do it, eh, saddle back then?
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Yeah, Well, I mean he didn't go to a big school, right,
isn't it southern Connecticut?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Yes, yes, yes, I saw. I saw a photo. It
looked it looked kind of cool. His name was right here.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Hey, they painted it, Danny. That's a big upgrade.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Nice they did. They painted it, They put his name
on it.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Sell the alarm if you know.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
He loves some Rob And it's not a bad thing
because all these years he's been really good at promoting himself.
The next newspaper writing gig the next TV gig, the next.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Radio gig, No Lie no bs.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
It got really good because as I'm in the Casey
case And Production studio doing the Covino and Rich podcast.
After the show, Iowa Sam comes walking by and knocks
on the door, sticks his head in, and he says, dude,
they are setting up heat lamps out there in the kitchen.
Ooh yeah, like really, And he was so excited telling
(16:40):
a little kid they're going to get to go to
the toy section at Target because Iowa Sam, there's nothing
better than free food. In the mind of that guy.
There's free food. Sure, it starts at seven pm. I'm
going to go home and shower and shape. It was
like Sam was getting ready for a date.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
So just for the record, for those that don't know,
so we have the Smurf Kitchen at Fox Sports Radio.
So what you're describing here is Rob Parker decided to
rent out the venue, the hall, which is not even
a hall, it's a blue table.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
So he took that party from Connecticut and had another
party in Sherman Oaks with some of the staff there
at our network. So it was a good turnout and
there was ribs, there was mac and cheese. There was
corn bread chicken wings. Of course, Rob loves the flats.
(17:34):
That's a joke on the show that whenever Rob goes
to like a chicken wing place, no drums, no drums,
he tells them all flats. Don't even try to give
me any drums. I want all flats, really good catering company.
Rob went all out for his party. Rob g who
used to produce your fine radio show, Wrong Button Bob,
(17:55):
Yeah yeah, funny ass snow man. And then Kelvin Washington
is on air partner. He said, Kelvin, you're gonna do
the second toast. Okay, Elijah, you got the video set up.
There was like a news piece in Connecticut where they
did a story on Rob.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Wow. All right, guys, I know everyone's hungry.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
You all want to eat, but we're gonna hear from
a couple of people that I work closely with, and
then you're gonna watch a video and then we're gona
have a toast and then we're gonna eat.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Well, this is impressive.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, listen, there's no question I love Rob. Clearly did
not get the inner. You know, when you think of me, Danny,
you think of an introvert. He did not get the
introvert a gene. Rob, he did not. I was at
his birthday party. Was it a couple of years ago?
Remember he rented out the hall at the MGM Grand
in Vegas.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
And then oh, yeah, that's right, you had the.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Big birthday bash there that was hundreds of people. That
was insane how many people were there. But this was
obviously a smaller, a smaller event. I did not get
the invite actually saw Rob. Now, I get there pretty early.
I get to the to the station pretty early before
the show because I've got a very long drive from
the north Wood, So I usually try to get there
(19:11):
sometimes up to ninety minutes before the show, just so
I can finish getting ready and I don't have to
be rushed worry about an accident or anything like that.
So I get there early and I'm walking in and
Rob's walking out with trays of food and he's got
a couple of his buddies with them, and I was like, well,
that's kind of odd because Rob was way before, way
before that time. And yeah, he said there's some corn
(19:33):
bread in there if you want some, So there was.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Yeah, that's all they left you. Yeah, speaking of that cornbread.
The other amazing feat of the night, one of our
coworkers I won't say their name, he was first in
line for the food. And you know that's always kind
of awkward too, because you don't want to rush to
the front. You let other people go first. We especially
the couple of girls that were there, we let them
(19:56):
go first as gentlemen. So we're watching this. I load
up a plate super high. Oh my god, he must
be hungry. And he turns to Rob and he said,
I didn't eat anything all day. I saved it up
for this. So yeah, so he was off shot.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
At his birthday party. I'm pretty sure he was doing
inventory on what was being consumed and what was you
know what I mean, he is keeping track. Rob does
keep track of what's being consumed and what's not being consumed.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Well, he didn't stop this coworker from going back a
second time, because when we were finally sitting down eating
our first plate, this guy went back to all of
the uh, what are the catering trays?
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
He goes back to all the heat lamps in the
trays and starts piling up a second plate. He has
the second plate in one hand and in the other
hand he has one of the to go containers that
the catering company had on the table. I think they
meant for those to be used at the end of
the party. Not only was he first in line, he's
(21:03):
now eating a second plate while we're eating our first
and he's loading up. But to go plate, Well, you
got something you should something you should know about summer
radio peoples, if there is free food, be there early
and be there first.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So this guy went in there and just was gobbling
up all the food and didn't even like no decorum.
My grandfather would say a hawser Yiddish for a pig, porky,
porky the pig. Wow, all right, we got I guess
there you go. So the lesson to Rob is to
have have that somewhere else and not invite whoever that
(21:37):
I think I know who that was, but don't invite them.
That's that's it, man. I had one more, as all
stories do. This was an ordinary weekday adventure, and this
is the Saturday podcast, so it's the Life of mal
or the Life of Danny g. So it started out
any other ordinary weekday, although this time my wife she
(21:58):
went into work a little later. She at night during
the week, and so we had a little bit of
a lunch thing. And we do this every time she
gets either the night off or she goes into work
a little later, because we don't really see each other
much during the week at all. It's pretty much just
on the weekends. And you know, sometimes she has plans
then too, so I don't even see her then. But
she didn't have to be at work so that early.
(22:19):
So we thought we'll be civilized humans, will go out,
have a nice meal whatever normally cook is, I like
to say here, and so sat down at the table.
Don't have to be at home where Moxie's farting while
we're eating, you know, and all that. So we picked
up a local restaurant, nothing fancy, you know, place that
has my kind of food, fried food, which I like
(22:42):
when I go out and all that. And so I
had my chili chili fries, which is my new Michagas.
Tastes like a touchdown in your mouth, and I'm living
my best middle aged dream right there. And then I
bit into them. It was like the I can bite
and I bit into and it was like kind of crunchy,
(23:03):
and it was like some crunchy And now crunch is
fine when you expect crunch if you bite it, bite
a chip, you know it's I don't. I don't eat pickles,
but I've been around people like, who are weird that
like pickles? And you get a crunch, Maybe eat a
fry you know that fry it that it's been in
the deep fryer a little too long.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Oh yeah, But there's nothing weird about pickles. You're the
weird one for not liking.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Though I like the smell of them, I don't like
the texture. I don't like the taste. I had to
I was forced to eat them as a kid. But
so this crunch, the crunch did not feel quite right.
This sounded to me like the crunch of doom. So
my mind starts spinning. Here, my mind is wandering, right,
I'm like, did I just like, is a tooth? Did
I just bite a tooth out of my mouth? Is
(23:45):
this is maybe they put a metal shard in the chili?
You know, I'm going through all this.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Right, and it was a finger in your fry?
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Has my lunch become a crime scene or something like
that we need to get a CSI crew in here
or something like that. And my wife looks at me
across the table, and you know, like in my head,
I'm like, wait a minute, I'm like, I got my tongue,
I'm kind of moving around my teeth throw all there.
I don't feel any chips or anything like that. I'm thinking, Oh,
they must have put something in the chili. I'm going
to file a lawsuit, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna
(24:15):
contact one of these ambulance chasing lawyers. And I'm I'm
kind of but I wanted to know what it was.
And I'm like, looking examining the chili, I'm like searching
for Jimmy Hoffa there. And then and then the culprit emerged,
and after my investigation, it was determined it was not
a rock. It was not a piece of metal. It
was not a filling. It was not a shard from
(24:36):
something in the kitchen. It was the cutlery that I
was using. It was the fork, stupid. It was the fork.
Not not just any fork. We're talking about one of
those black plastic forks. You know what I'm talking.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Oh yeah, yeah, this has happened to Brenda before at
Panda express she had a fork that it broke and
she swallowed parting it.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I had bitten clean through this
utensil like it owed me money or something like that.
A giant chunk was missing, gone, presumed in my stomach.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
And so not just the prong. It was an actual
piece of the fork.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
It was more than just a little piece. It was
a It was a pretty big chunk. And so I've
read articles about micro plastics, you know, in our guts
and all that, so micro being the operative work. This
was like a macro plastic, Danny. I swallowed this thing.
So it was not This wasn't a molecule. This is
like a souvenir from the gift shop. And and so
(25:31):
in my brain, I've already I've already melted from all
the late nights doing radio and all that stuff. So
I start spinning, and this is this is how my
mind wanders, Danny. So in my head, I'm like, wait
a minute, I just ate a large chunk of a
plastic fork. And so I'm thinking of all those Marvel stories,
you know, the comic book stories of Marvel, And I'm like,
(25:51):
if Peter Parker gets bitten by a radioactive Spider becomes
Spider Man and Bruce Banner gets hit with gamma rays
and becomes the Hulk. Then what happens if I, you know,
I swallow a chunk of a plastic from a discount chili,
you know, a fork at a chili restaurant? Do I
become plastic Man? Right? Do I stretch across the studio
(26:12):
console and grab grab my drink? You know, without standing up?
I do? I melt in the sun because I made
out of plastic? Can I go on Coast to Coast?
Because I can now ship, I can shape shift into
like a solo cup, and that way I can get
into those Dodger playoff games. I'm banned because the Dodger's
not room for me because of all the Japanese media.
But if I could become plastic Man, I could shape shift.
(26:35):
I could also get a guest spot on Coast to Coast,
And then I was thinking, I can go on vacation.
You know, if I'm plastic Man, Danny, I'll take a
pilgrimage to the Great Plastic You know that Pacific garbage
patch out in the ocean. Have you you've seen that, right?
You know that big thing of plastic. That's like circling
around the ocean. That could be my vacation spot. Like,
that could be my can coon. I could go out
(26:56):
there the mecca of the plastics, and I can I
can have a powwow with my people, other plastic people,
and if I'm really plastic man, I was like, what
will my origin story be my local radio guy or
you know, syndicate a radio guy bites fork, swallows destiny
or whatever. So like all this was going through my
(27:17):
head and then the other thing was like is that
going to be painful coming out the other side. I
was thinking about that too. I was like, well, wait
a minute, here do I sell that maybe maybe ferg
Dog would want to buy the piece of plastic if
it comes out. I was like, maybe I can put
it in it is like a Mallard of Militia action figure.
You know, it could be like a sword, you know,
(27:37):
something like that.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Yeah, pork on the way in, sword on the way out.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
And uh So, anyway, then I realized, well, I'll probably
just forget all about this and maybe I'll mention it
on the podcast and I'll go back to complaining about
quarterbacks on the overnight, and uh I guess I'll just
every time I use a plastic fork. Now I'm gonna
have PTSD, right, I'm gonna be like, oh no.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
You know, ben as utensil man. The kind of crime,
the kind of crime you could fight. We've talked on
the podcast before about how Rich Davis steals thirty forks, yes,
stacks of napkins every time he goes to Chipotle. You
could go to all these different restaurants and catch thieves
like Rich.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
That's a great idea, although I would feel bad because,
as I've told the story, I was rich in the past,
like I used when I was a bachelor. I had
a drawer of napkins that I gotten from restaurants. I
had a drawer of plastic forks. I had a drawer
of condiments. I had one drawer just for ketchup packets
from the restaurants. I had another drawer for like barbecue sauce,
(28:41):
because I love barbecue. Suck.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
It could be part of the origin story.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Put it in it. But make a movie. Yeah, comic book,
we should do it. Somebody put that out.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
You used to be who you hate?
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I Yeah, that's there, you go. That's the storyboard right there,
all right? We'll get out on that. Enjoy the baseball
game tonight. Are we suppose I have no skin in
the game. Are we supposed to pull for the Brewers
or the Cubs? I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
I guess if we want home field advantage, then we
go for the Cubs.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
My thing is, Danny, I want to learn this by you.
My position is that the Dodgers will have an easier
time with the Cubs than the Brewers like. The Brewers,
to me, are the kind of team that the Dodgers
will have more trouble with because they got a lot
of pesky. You wouldn't know the last couple of days
in Chicago because you know, they were terrible. But the
Brewers generally have a really pesky kind of team. That
(29:35):
to me, that's the kind of team that will give
them more problems. But you know, the way the Dodgers
are starting pitching is they're in really good shape. And
as long as they as I pointed out on the
Friday podcast, as long as they avoid the actual real
relief pitchers and just use Rory Suzaki in the bullpen,
they're good. So there you go, They've solved it. So
have a great rest of your Saturday. Remember the mail
(29:55):
bag is tomorrow. If you want to send a letter
into the mail bag, send it care of Real fits
Hour at gmail dot com. Don't forget Bennie versus the
Penny streaming live on tape on YouTube week six, so
you get all day today and tomorrow in the morning
before the afternoon game start. Forget about the lending game,
but watch Benny versus De Penny on YouTube YouTube dot com,
(30:17):
slash at Bennievspenny YouTube dot com slash at Bennievspenny, and
we'll do it all over again tomorrow later.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Skater Myopulation
Kabooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday, College football
Saturday today, the eleventh day of October. Danny, and there's
a baseball game today. How about that game last night,
the Holy Canoly.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
You mean the one that ended ten minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I gotta tell you, I thought, well, you know, Friday night.
I love elimination games. I'm a loser, Danny. I spent
my Friday night. I thought the game would last two
and a half hours. That thing lasted five hours, five
hours before Jorge Polanco delivered the dagger for the Mariners.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Let's put it this way, Benny. I did the CNR podcast,
I did their Best of the Week podcast. I cut
up clips for sponsors, sent emails left the network, sat
in traffic for an hour, got home, had dinner, baby,
sat CoA for two hours, and the game was still going.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah, no, no, no. I was like, okay, so that
is Friday. The game starts on the West Coast at
five o'clock or five oh eight or whatever. This thing
will be over by seven thirty, LA time, no problem.
The thing ended after ten o'clock. It was like one
in the you know, I think it was after ten o'clock.
It was ridiculous. But the Mariners congratulations to what Robbie
(01:55):
the Mariner fan JJ and written crying Craig no denis
the long suffering Mariner apologist, all all you guys, as
the Mariners have advanced to the American League Championship Series.
The winner take all Game five, and uh the the
line from John Sterling that's been on this podcast. That's baseball, Susan.
(02:18):
The Tigers lose both games started by clearing away the
top pitcher in the American League, Schooble, and they both
games he started, they end up losing, and they lose
the series. So it's bananas. I did have a developing take,
which it's no one's gonna remember it because the Mariners
(02:39):
won the game. It was the I think it was
the what ending? Was it the sixth inning? George Kirby
had thrown five shutout innings for the Mariners. To me,
this was peak modern baseball stupidity, and I jotted it down.
I wrote a little note because I knew I'd be
talking about this game, and this game will be old
by the time the radio show comes back around, right,
(03:00):
So I was like, maybe I'll mention this on the podcast.
But it bothered me so much, and it's like it's
one of those things. Since Seattle won, It's like, who cares.
But you've got George Kirby who was dealing and I
don't even think he's that good, but he was dealing bullets,
mowing guys down in this winner take all game. And
Dan Wilson looks at his iPad and goes, well, you know,
(03:23):
it's third time through the order penalty. The chart says,
take him out of the game. You can't make this
stuff up. And this is the religion of analytics at
its dumble.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
H Oh, yeah, you mean, like how glass now was
dealing and he got pulled and good thing that worked
out for the Dodgers.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
But had it not, we'd be talking about that still.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, well then they claimed he had a cramp, which,
as I said, there's some jokes we used to make
on the radio. We don't make anymore about cramps.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
But he Nolan Ryan is laughing to himself right now.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
But this guy Danny threw, he was throwing a jam.
I was like he was matching.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
He wasn't striking out as many as a schoogle, but
he was getting the outs. In fact, he had the
lead at that point, sixty six pitches, no runs, and
they handed the ball the Mariners to Gabe Speier, who
had a five point four ERA in the postseason and
who exactly baseball malpractice. Of course, Carry Carpenter hit a
(04:21):
home run. He went to Poundtown and hit a two
run bomb. Boom goes the dynamite off the reliever. You know,
Seattle won the game. So it's like it's only one
of those things that'll be something I remember about this.
But you're right, Nolan Ryan, You're absolutely right. Laugh Randy Johns,
even Randy Johnson would laugh at that.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
And the like you pussy's do you think I didn't
have any ramps when I was on my one hundred
and twenty fifth pitch.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Oh, the one hundred pitch thing drives me nuts. And
I guess every day on this podcast because yesterday I
was ripping the Philadelphia Phillies on the podcast. I was
mocking the analytics, right, because the analytics would tell you
the dog should not have won that game because the Phillies.
All the Dodgers did was put the ball in play.
It was the funniest thing that the game game was
(05:10):
a game four Dodgers and Phillies. When Andy pie is
he hit a little two hopper that went about thirty
five forty feet and he's doing the postgame interview on
Turner like he was a hero of the game. Because
this is the problem. You put the ball in play,
you make people make plays. That's another one of these things,
the cult of baseball, modern baseball. They don't believe in that,
(05:31):
and they don't you know, you're not allowing people to
test the limits like all that stuff. Just pot listen, Sea,
I don't one. Congratulations and so we are set.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Up another five today.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
That's right. Well, yeah, we'll be definitely watching that with
baited breath from Milwaukee as the Brew Crew and the
Cubbies will decide who gets to play the Dodgers, so
we're we're guaranteed to have a well if the Dodgers
get there, we'll definitely have a World Series with someone
they've ever played before. The Mariners have never been to
the World Series, and as far as the Dodgers have
(06:06):
played the Brewers and Cubs, I feel like they've played
them a lot in the playoffs.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
That would be a West Coast World Series and the
Dodgers would have home field.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Oh with Seattle?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Is that yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Would they really? Okay?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I think so? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I don't know the overall records the matchup though, the
Brewers and the Cubs. I don't believe either team has
listed a starting pitcher. And it's the morning of the game,
which seems problematic. The Brewers are a slight favorite in
that game tonight, so that's what's up in the winner,
we'll take on the the Doyers, you get the Mariners
(06:42):
and the Blue Jays. Game Game one of that series
will be tomorrow, So quick turnaround for the Mariners.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
And Mariners won ninety games. Dodgers won ninety three games.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh wow, Okay, so they would have they would have
home field, and they would have if the Cubs win,
would the Dodgers have home field? They would have home
fielder with Cubs, I would assume, right, is that.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Over the Cubs? But not Yeah, but not the Brewers.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, not the Brewers. I don't think it matters, like
you know, it's not. There's not like a moat around
the field with alligators if you go to the warning
track and all that stuff. So I wanted to begin
though on this podcast. We've got the island life heat
lamps and lunch with the plastics, but I want to
(07:28):
begin with this. So I used this term a lot,
and I've had some people reach out to me says,
I don't understand what is that? What does that mean?
An island game? An island game? Now you're the listener.
I don't know if you know, Danny, you know what
an island games, but maybe the listeners does not know.
So it's the one NFL game on the schedule. Now,
(07:50):
this was a The game last night between the Tigers
and the Mariners was an island game. It was a
standalone game. But the island game is mostly a football term.
And early if you watch football on Sunday, normally the
early window, you have the late window. But when it's
an island game, there's no there's no competition, there's.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
No red zone.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
There's one game, one stage, one reason. You know you're
texting your friends about that one game. That's it. That's it.
It's the island, not a palm tree, not my tie.
There's no hammock anywhere, and that's it. Like Monday night
football originated the island life, it became an event. It
(08:33):
was Howard Cosell in your living room telling you what
you already knew, but had very good dictation and was
the grown up in the room. It was the soundtrack
back in those days, like massive ratings felt important and
all that, and and the NFL over the years they said,
well why stop at Monday. So they did Thursday, and
(08:54):
they do Sunday night, even the technically the London game.
There's a lot of these now and if you're on
the West coast, that is six in the morning they
kick off the London game and so you can enjoy
that while you're eating a stale bagel or whatever. But
the NFL does not miss an opportunity to remind you
(09:16):
that they run the show. They run the counter. There's
something different about these island games and I in the
gambling world. It's kind of more of a gambling thing
than anything, but you certainly feel it. You can tell
it's bigger when even when it is it it's the
only show in town. Like we had Jacksonville and Kansas City.
Nobody gets up for Jacksonville. But that was the last
(09:37):
Monday night game. It was an island game. Is everyone's watching.
Everything is micro analyzed an island game. Every throw, every punt,
every bad time out feels louder like for example, the
end of that last Monday night game between Kansas City
and Jacksonville, you had Trevor Lawrence fall down, get up,
(09:59):
look around in shock. No one was there and walking
to the end zone because Chris Jones decided he didn't
want to hustle on the play.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
He actually fell twice.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah, yeah, felt but Chris Jones standing there watching like
he was one of the camera people were security butt. Yeah,
that was That was great and so u as in
football we love it and all that. It's it's great,
but the party, party of one, party of one, and
when you're watching on Sunday in the early window at
one o'clock Eastern or even four o'clock. There's there's usually
(10:32):
a few other games at four o'clock Eastern, but there's noise,
there's other games, there's distractions. You might miss a play.
You know, you're flipping around. I'm watching two or three well,
in the early window, I'm usually watching three or four games.
The late window, I'm flipping around to all three games.
But an island game, an island game, every mistake under
the microscope right becomes a headline. You blow a coverage
(10:53):
on Monday night, they're replaying it as we were just
laid out here. If you don't hustle playing it for
days to come. And if you're a quarterback at one
o'clock in the afternoon and you throw a terrible interception,
it's not being dissected like a frog in a lab.
It's not. And again, the Gambers kind of figure this
(11:14):
stuff out first. This is their playground. You can pretend
it's about football, but it's just more juice on island games.
And there's no hedging with seven other bets and all
that stuff is just one game. You're either winning or
you're throwing the remote control. And the other thing, which
is great, it's undeniable, is the communal aspect of that.
(11:36):
That in this streaming world where you watch stuff on
demand when you want something where everyone is united and
everyone's watching the same thing, and it's like the Last Bastion,
if you will, where everyone's doing the same thing at
the same time. I say everyone. There's still a lot
of people don't care about football and all that, but
(11:56):
it's either shared dread or shared joy depending on the outcome,
like the super Bowl, but the entire football consuming public
looking at the same whether it's bad offense or you know,
people say, I don't know, what's that coach doing. You fired.
It's like a church or a temple if the tabernacle
(12:17):
or synagogue had prop bets pretty much right, you got.
A quarterback can have a bad throw in the early windows,
I said, people are gonna remember it. You throw the
same lame duck in a primetime Island game and you
become a trending topic and we're all ranting Daniel and
the radio about you in island. It's an ordinary thing
(12:38):
an island games, there's an ordinary play into a defining moment,
and reputations are often enhanced and people come out of
nowhere and occasionally, you know, things are overcooked by Tuesday
morning and all that. But that's the beauty of the NFL,
the master illusionists in the NFL. It turns the little
(13:00):
scheduling quirk into this national ritual of watching. And again,
it doesn't matter who's in there. You know, you could
put the Tennessee Titans against the Cleveland Browns and it
would look like Picasso if you just shine the right
light on it. And so everyone kind of understands that,
and they know they know we're gonna watch, right, and
(13:23):
we know we're gonna they know many of us are
gonna bet on it, and so yeah, even if we
all post on social media, boy, this game stinks. Or
did you hear what al Michael said. That's the genius
of it. It's an island game because the NFL made
it an island game. It's a Maden man made creation.
It's like a skyscraper man made it. But the point
(13:44):
is that island games, it's not about the quality, it's
about the focus. It's one giant magnifying glass. And so
there you go.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Isild in games. Moon.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
When you first said that, I thought you were talking
about how they scouted play Thompson's dad, Michael back in the.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Day, back back in the day. Michael Thompson, who I
used to have on the radio when he was playing, Well,
he wasn't playing. He was a broadcaster for the Trailblazers
back in the day. But yeah, he's still.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Doing his he's still a little almost man.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
He's still doing the Laker games, right, I think he is.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Yeah, he is.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
So, there you go.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
That's the island game. So don't ask me about it again.
I don't. If you have any questions, look for Sports
with Coleman. He'll answer all your questions about island game.
No bikinis, no palm trees, none of that stuff. And
certainly in an island game, because you have the island life,
there are no there are no heat lamps because it's
an island game. You don't need heat lamps because there's
enough juice out there.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Yeah, let me take you back to Monday at Fox
Sports Radio. Monday, Monday, you know, usually Monday evening at
the network is usually kind of uneventful. I see Mike
Carmon in the blue kitchen. I see Jason Smith walking
down the hallway as I'm leaving. Monday night football is
(15:01):
going on. So you hear a little editors reacting to
the football game, as you said, because it's an island game.
Other than that, you know, not a lot of fireworks
going on at that hour. This past Monday was different
because Rob Parker was celebrating press box being named after him.
(15:21):
Oh yeah, and I know, Ben, I'm sure your alma
mater there in Orange County is going to name a
press box after you pretty soon.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Oh sure, I'm sure they're working on it right now
as we speak. They're waiting for Do they even have
a press box there? Yes, it has three chairs in it. Yeah,
but hey, I'll take it. You know they want to
do it, eh, saddle back then?
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Yeah, Well, I mean he didn't go to a big school, right,
isn't it southern Connecticut?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Yes, yes, yes, I saw. I saw a photo. It
looked it looked kind of cool. His name was right here.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Hey, they painted it, Danny. That's a big upgrade.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Nice they did. They painted it, They put his name
on it.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Sell the alarm if you know.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
He loves some Rob And it's not a bad thing
because all these years he's been really good at promoting himself.
The next newspaper writing gig the next TV gig, the next.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Radio gig, No Lie no bs.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
It got really good because as I'm in the Casey
case And Production studio doing the Covino and Rich podcast.
After the show, Iowa Sam comes walking by and knocks
on the door, sticks his head in, and he says, dude,
they are setting up heat lamps out there in the kitchen.
Ooh yeah, like really, And he was so excited telling
(16:40):
a little kid they're going to get to go to
the toy section at Target because Iowa Sam, there's nothing
better than free food. In the mind of that guy.
There's free food. Sure, it starts at seven pm. I'm
going to go home and shower and shape. It was
like Sam was getting ready for a date.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
So just for the record, for those that don't know,
so we have the Smurf Kitchen at Fox Sports Radio.
So what you're describing here is Rob Parker decided to
rent out the venue, the hall, which is not even
a hall, it's a blue table.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
So he took that party from Connecticut and had another
party in Sherman Oaks with some of the staff there
at our network. So it was a good turnout and
there was ribs, there was mac and cheese. There was
corn bread chicken wings. Of course, Rob loves the flats.
(17:34):
That's a joke on the show that whenever Rob goes
to like a chicken wing place, no drums, no drums,
he tells them all flats. Don't even try to give
me any drums. I want all flats, really good catering company.
Rob went all out for his party. Rob g who
used to produce your fine radio show, Wrong Button Bob,
(17:55):
Yeah yeah, funny ass snow man. And then Kelvin Washington
is on air partner. He said, Kelvin, you're gonna do
the second toast. Okay, Elijah, you got the video set up.
There was like a news piece in Connecticut where they
did a story on Rob.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Wow. All right, guys, I know everyone's hungry.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
You all want to eat, but we're gonna hear from
a couple of people that I work closely with, and
then you're gonna watch a video and then we're gona
have a toast and then we're gonna eat.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Well, this is impressive.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, listen, there's no question I love Rob. Clearly did
not get the inner. You know, when you think of me, Danny,
you think of an introvert. He did not get the
introvert a gene. Rob, he did not. I was at
his birthday party. Was it a couple of years ago?
Remember he rented out the hall at the MGM Grand
in Vegas.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
And then oh, yeah, that's right, you had the.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Big birthday bash there that was hundreds of people. That
was insane how many people were there. But this was
obviously a smaller, a smaller event. I did not get
the invite actually saw Rob. Now, I get there pretty early.
I get to the to the station pretty early before
the show because I've got a very long drive from
the north Wood, So I usually try to get there
(19:11):
sometimes up to ninety minutes before the show, just so
I can finish getting ready and I don't have to
be rushed worry about an accident or anything like that.
So I get there early and I'm walking in and
Rob's walking out with trays of food and he's got
a couple of his buddies with them, and I was like, well,
that's kind of odd because Rob was way before, way
before that time. And yeah, he said there's some corn
(19:33):
bread in there if you want some, So there was.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Yeah, that's all they left you. Yeah, speaking of that cornbread.
The other amazing feat of the night, one of our
coworkers I won't say their name, he was first in
line for the food. And you know that's always kind
of awkward too, because you don't want to rush to
the front. You let other people go first. We especially
the couple of girls that were there, we let them
(19:56):
go first as gentlemen. So we're watching this. I load
up a plate super high. Oh my god, he must
be hungry. And he turns to Rob and he said,
I didn't eat anything all day. I saved it up
for this. So yeah, so he was off shot.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
At his birthday party. I'm pretty sure he was doing
inventory on what was being consumed and what was you
know what I mean, he is keeping track. Rob does
keep track of what's being consumed and what's not being consumed.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Well, he didn't stop this coworker from going back a
second time, because when we were finally sitting down eating
our first plate, this guy went back to all of
the uh, what are the catering trays?
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
He goes back to all the heat lamps in the
trays and starts piling up a second plate. He has
the second plate in one hand and in the other
hand he has one of the to go containers that
the catering company had on the table. I think they
meant for those to be used at the end of
the party. Not only was he first in line, he's
(21:03):
now eating a second plate while we're eating our first
and he's loading up. But to go plate, Well, you
got something you should something you should know about summer
radio peoples, if there is free food, be there early
and be there first.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So this guy went in there and just was gobbling
up all the food and didn't even like no decorum.
My grandfather would say a hawser Yiddish for a pig, porky,
porky the pig. Wow, all right, we got I guess
there you go. So the lesson to Rob is to
have have that somewhere else and not invite whoever that
(21:37):
I think I know who that was, but don't invite them.
That's that's it, man. I had one more, as all
stories do. This was an ordinary weekday adventure, and this
is the Saturday podcast, so it's the Life of mal
or the Life of Danny g. So it started out
any other ordinary weekday, although this time my wife she
(21:58):
went into work a little later. She at night during
the week, and so we had a little bit of
a lunch thing. And we do this every time she
gets either the night off or she goes into work
a little later, because we don't really see each other
much during the week at all. It's pretty much just
on the weekends. And you know, sometimes she has plans
then too, so I don't even see her then. But
she didn't have to be at work so that early.
(22:19):
So we thought we'll be civilized humans, will go out,
have a nice meal whatever normally cook is, I like
to say here, and so sat down at the table.
Don't have to be at home where Moxie's farting while
we're eating, you know, and all that. So we picked
up a local restaurant, nothing fancy, you know, place that
has my kind of food, fried food, which I like
(22:42):
when I go out and all that. And so I
had my chili chili fries, which is my new Michagas.
Tastes like a touchdown in your mouth, and I'm living
my best middle aged dream right there. And then I
bit into them. It was like the I can bite
and I bit into and it was like kind of crunchy,
(23:03):
and it was like some crunchy And now crunch is
fine when you expect crunch if you bite it, bite
a chip, you know it's I don't. I don't eat pickles,
but I've been around people like, who are weird that
like pickles? And you get a crunch, Maybe eat a
fry you know that fry it that it's been in
the deep fryer a little too long.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Oh yeah, But there's nothing weird about pickles. You're the
weird one for not liking.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Though I like the smell of them, I don't like
the texture. I don't like the taste. I had to
I was forced to eat them as a kid. But
so this crunch, the crunch did not feel quite right.
This sounded to me like the crunch of doom. So
my mind starts spinning. Here, my mind is wandering, right,
I'm like, did I just like, is a tooth? Did
I just bite a tooth out of my mouth? Is
(23:45):
this is maybe they put a metal shard in the chili?
You know, I'm going through all this.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Right, and it was a finger in your fry?
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Has my lunch become a crime scene or something like
that we need to get a CSI crew in here
or something like that. And my wife looks at me
across the table, and you know, like in my head,
I'm like, wait a minute, I'm like, I got my tongue,
I'm kind of moving around my teeth throw all there.
I don't feel any chips or anything like that. I'm thinking, Oh,
they must have put something in the chili. I'm going
to file a lawsuit, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna
(24:15):
contact one of these ambulance chasing lawyers. And I'm I'm
kind of but I wanted to know what it was.
And I'm like, looking examining the chili, I'm like searching
for Jimmy Hoffa there. And then and then the culprit emerged,
and after my investigation, it was determined it was not
a rock. It was not a piece of metal. It
was not a filling. It was not a shard from
(24:36):
something in the kitchen. It was the cutlery that I
was using. It was the fork, stupid. It was the fork.
Not not just any fork. We're talking about one of
those black plastic forks. You know what I'm talking.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Oh yeah, yeah, this has happened to Brenda before at
Panda express she had a fork that it broke and
she swallowed parting it.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I had bitten clean through this
utensil like it owed me money or something like that.
A giant chunk was missing, gone, presumed in my stomach.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
And so not just the prong. It was an actual
piece of the fork.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
It was more than just a little piece. It was
a It was a pretty big chunk. And so I've
read articles about micro plastics, you know, in our guts
and all that, so micro being the operative work. This
was like a macro plastic, Danny. I swallowed this thing.
So it was not This wasn't a molecule. This is
like a souvenir from the gift shop. And and so
(25:31):
in my brain, I've already I've already melted from all
the late nights doing radio and all that stuff. So
I start spinning, and this is this is how my
mind wanders, Danny. So in my head, I'm like, wait
a minute, I just ate a large chunk of a
plastic fork. And so I'm thinking of all those Marvel stories,
you know, the comic book stories of Marvel, And I'm like,
(25:51):
if Peter Parker gets bitten by a radioactive Spider becomes
Spider Man and Bruce Banner gets hit with gamma rays
and becomes the Hulk. Then what happens if I, you know,
I swallow a chunk of a plastic from a discount chili,
you know, a fork at a chili restaurant? Do I
become plastic Man? Right? Do I stretch across the studio
(26:12):
console and grab grab my drink? You know, without standing up?
I do? I melt in the sun because I made
out of plastic? Can I go on Coast to Coast?
Because I can now ship, I can shape shift into
like a solo cup, and that way I can get
into those Dodger playoff games. I'm banned because the Dodger's
not room for me because of all the Japanese media.
But if I could become plastic Man, I could shape shift.
(26:35):
I could also get a guest spot on Coast to Coast,
And then I was thinking, I can go on vacation.
You know, if I'm plastic Man, Danny, I'll take a
pilgrimage to the Great Plastic You know that Pacific garbage
patch out in the ocean. Have you you've seen that, right?
You know that big thing of plastic. That's like circling
around the ocean. That could be my vacation spot. Like,
that could be my can coon. I could go out
(26:56):
there the mecca of the plastics, and I can I
can have a powwow with my people, other plastic people,
and if I'm really plastic man, I was like, what
will my origin story be my local radio guy or
you know, syndicate a radio guy bites fork, swallows destiny
or whatever. So like all this was going through my
(27:17):
head and then the other thing was like is that
going to be painful coming out the other side. I
was thinking about that too. I was like, well, wait
a minute, here do I sell that maybe maybe ferg
Dog would want to buy the piece of plastic if
it comes out. I was like, maybe I can put
it in it is like a Mallard of Militia action figure.
You know, it could be like a sword, you know,
(27:37):
something like that.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Yeah, pork on the way in, sword on the way out.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
And uh So, anyway, then I realized, well, I'll probably
just forget all about this and maybe I'll mention it
on the podcast and I'll go back to complaining about
quarterbacks on the overnight, and uh I guess I'll just
every time I use a plastic fork. Now I'm gonna
have PTSD, right, I'm gonna be like, oh no.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
You know, ben as utensil man. The kind of crime,
the kind of crime you could fight. We've talked on
the podcast before about how Rich Davis steals thirty forks, yes,
stacks of napkins every time he goes to Chipotle. You
could go to all these different restaurants and catch thieves
like Rich.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
That's a great idea, although I would feel bad because,
as I've told the story, I was rich in the past,
like I used when I was a bachelor. I had
a drawer of napkins that I gotten from restaurants. I
had a drawer of plastic forks. I had a drawer
of condiments. I had one drawer just for ketchup packets
from the restaurants. I had another drawer for like barbecue sauce,
(28:41):
because I love barbecue. Suck.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
It could be part of the origin story.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Put it in it. But make a movie. Yeah, comic book,
we should do it. Somebody put that out.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
You used to be who you hate?
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I Yeah, that's there, you go. That's the storyboard right there,
all right? We'll get out on that. Enjoy the baseball
game tonight. Are we suppose I have no skin in
the game. Are we supposed to pull for the Brewers
or the Cubs? I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
I guess if we want home field advantage, then we
go for the Cubs.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
My thing is, Danny, I want to learn this by you.
My position is that the Dodgers will have an easier
time with the Cubs than the Brewers like. The Brewers,
to me, are the kind of team that the Dodgers
will have more trouble with because they got a lot
of pesky. You wouldn't know the last couple of days
in Chicago because you know, they were terrible. But the
Brewers generally have a really pesky kind of team. That
(29:35):
to me, that's the kind of team that will give
them more problems. But you know, the way the Dodgers
are starting pitching is they're in really good shape. And
as long as they as I pointed out on the
Friday podcast, as long as they avoid the actual real
relief pitchers and just use Rory Suzaki in the bullpen,
they're good. So there you go, They've solved it. So
have a great rest of your Saturday. Remember the mail
(29:55):
bag is tomorrow. If you want to send a letter
into the mail bag, send it care of Real fits
Hour at gmail dot com. Don't forget Bennie versus the
Penny streaming live on tape on YouTube week six, so
you get all day today and tomorrow in the morning
before the afternoon game start. Forget about the lending game,
but watch Benny versus De Penny on YouTube YouTube dot com,
(30:17):
slash at Bennievspenny YouTube dot com slash at Bennievspenny, and
we'll do it all over again tomorrow later.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Skater Myopulation
Host
Ben Maller
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