Party Crashers

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Boom. If you thought more hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
break free or something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben

(00:28):
Maller starts right now that it does as we are
back at it in the Magic Podcast Box, not to
be confused with the Magic Radio Box, as it is
a yet another edition of the Fifth Hours. You know
by now because you're listening live. You can hear the
Fifth Hour wherever you get podcasts. It's available there. And

(00:50):
we point out every week that the reason we do
the Fifth Hour is because four hours are not enough,
but really it's just because management wants us to do
the Fifth Hour with me, Ben Maller and the most
popular man in the mallarw Militia these days, David Gascon.
I gotta tell you a guest on more people want
to talk about your narcissistic ways than anything else. It

(01:12):
is overwhelming. The questions I get about you and when
I'm gonna fire your ass are fascinating. You can't fire
somebody that's not getting paid. Well, you got some knee
deep losers amongst the mallarw militia. You got some winners,
you got some overachievers, and then you've got some bona fide.
The word plankton plankton, Yeah, that's that's the word. That's

(01:34):
a wonderful word if we can use that. Well, at
least you finally figured out that I sound louder than you.
And that's a good thing. That's a good thing. I'm
supposed to be louder than you. When I used to
be an intern for Lee hack Saw Hamilton's in San Diego,
and Hacksaw would take a lot of phone calls. He
was the afternoon drive star, and they had a piece

(01:55):
of equipment which is one of the great pieces of
equipment all the time. We don't have it at Fox
Sports Radio, where he would get into these fights with
like a Raider fan or something like that. Right, they
get into screaming matches, and hack Saw had at the
old mighty six ninety he had like a gas pedal
kind of thing, and if he really got into it
and really got heated in in a conversation with the

(02:18):
other caller. He would press his foot on the gas
pedal and it would lower the volume of the caller
so he could always scream over the call. It was
a little magic trick that they had, and it was awesome.
It was great, and uh, we don't have that. Like,
all we can do when we get into a fight
with a caller is I can like put him on hold.

(02:39):
That that's about it, Because why I would need the
engineer to be paying attention, which usually doesn't happen. That's
the problem. So a good engineer will know, hey, let
me fade this guy down a little bit, so, but
that usually doesn't happen, and so I just kind of
go with it. And that's that's how that worked. Well,
fair enough, Why I would appreciate some of the positive

(03:00):
tweets and messages that you get regarding me, all right,
when I get them, I will put them on the ear.
So far, I'm going page down here, page down, page down.
It's a lot of he's irresponsible, h he's all responsible.
You're the guy that showed have thirty forty minutes late
to your own fucking podcast. No, no, no, forty five

(03:22):
minutes late to your own podcast. Anything else? To do today,
and I had to sit and wait for you for
four We have nothing else going on. Let me let
me tell you, Mr deep thinker over there. Okay, uh,
the podcast starts when Mallar shows up. Yeah, okay. Otherwise
you would have done the podcast already and said, well,
you're late. I'm just gonna start without you. But you
didn't do that. You could have started without me and

(03:42):
done the first thirty minutes and then I could have
come in here and done the rest of it. But
you had no contingency plan. That's a bad job by you.
That shows you that the listeners are right here, that
you were your responsible is a good A good podcaster says,
all right, disaster preparedness, I am ready. Well, a ship
does not set sail without its captain. So, uh so

(04:06):
you're admitting I'm the captain. Well that's good. Finally, that's
a baby step. You're admitting now that I am al capitan,
and thank you for that. Well, we gotta give you
at least some kind of accolades for the job not
well done today. That's a fine job. It's a marvelous job.
And I think I should win a purple heart because
I've been ill all week and here I last week

(04:29):
and then you come in here bitching about you gotta
show some grit, you gotta show some persons. Right, I'm
I'm here, dumb, dumb. I am here doing the podcast
making it sound beautiful, alright, is what I am doing here.
I am putting bells and whistles on the podcast like
the Houston Astros did during games. Is what I'm doing. Well,
speaking of bells, what do we got on the menu today?

(04:49):
All right? We have the party planner, Sleepless in Seattle.
We will also have finger food, study this, grab bad egg,
and don't stick to sports stories of the week. Those
are all things coming up here on this edition of
the Fifth Hour. That's on the menu. So we'll start
with the party planning this big weekend. As you listen

(05:12):
to this podcast, depending on when you listen to this podcast,
the idiocy, the ludicrousness will be taking place. It is
going to be quite the hooting nanny. This weekend is
the weekend of the annual Mallard Ugly Sweater Party, a
much talked about event among the Mallard militia uh and

(05:32):
it is created a mythical kind of cloud around this
event with many former colleagues of Fox Sports Radio past
and my radio career in the past, showing up for
debauchery and excess, and uh, it's just going to be wonderful.
It's just going to be absolutely great, and uh look

(05:53):
forward to this this this weekend, GASCA. I'm excited about it.
I think it's a little bit of a trek going
from where we are out in the west side of
town to Arizona. But uh, last year was fun. Before
that was pretty fun as well. I'm always curious to
know who the straggler is. There's always that one guy
that's late to the party and then stays obnoxiously late.

(06:15):
You've had one guy in particular, former colleague here. Yeah,
that usually stays until the good morning of like one
or two o'clock drinking. Well, you're talking about Arty is
what you're talking about. You know you're afraid to name him.
I'm not afraid to name already. He already is a
great friend of mine. I've worked with him for years,
not not a long time, but I worked in local radio.
We already worked at Fox Sports Radio. He's over at

(06:37):
NBC now, but he's a good friend and uh, let
me Tex the life of the party once already shows up.
He now already pre games. You know you're a professional
party person when you pre game. I don't pre game,
I don't he pre games. Yeah, I was. I was
asking the better half of you what I should bring
for for a cocktail for you, but she saidn't really

(06:58):
have a You put it eloquently, she said, you have
an appetite of a teenager and you have a palette
of a teenager as well. So, um, yeah, I had
some ideas of what I was gonna bring, and now
I'm gonna I guess regress back to something. Now. I'm
I'm a simple man. I try to tell you that.
You know, I'm a man of the people. This is

(07:18):
a difference between you me and you. You're a narcissist,
all right, everyone knows that. And you're kind of pompous,
an arrogant West Side of l A kind of guy.
You got that at dude. I'm I'm the working class guy.
I am the blue collar, lunch pale guy. And I'm
I'm a very simple man, is what I am. And

(07:41):
I have simple needs and wants and all that stuff.
But you wouldn't understand that because you're with hanging out
with intellectuals and all that stuff. But i I'm a
factory worker, is what I am. I'm tough, minded, gritty,
overachieving h and all that that. That's what I am.
I'm not. I'm not hanging out in some cubicle somewhere. Not.

(08:02):
That kind of sounds like you're a an employee for
Nikee and those sweatshops back in Asia making shoes for
Lebron James and getting paid a dollar twenty five a day. Well,
I'll see that's you right there, living up to your arrogant, pompous,
obnoxious reputations. What you're doing a lot, how you put it,
I mean just being you know, rolling the color up

(08:23):
and uh, you know, showing that true passion the hard
hat at the lunch. You gotta get some dirt under
your fingernails. You gotta do. It's very important there. Whatever,
I'm looking forward to this party, I wouldn't give me fun.
So now you, I will say, if everyone that goes
to the party, you treat this more like a dating
event than anything. Most people are just going there having fun.
But Gascon's on the prowl when he's at this party. Man,

(08:43):
he's looking around, he's observing. He's seeing what's available and
who's interested. And he's always he's rotating. He's going three
hundred sixty degrees all over the room. I'd like to
call it engaged. Part of the reason for that is
because most of the people that we work with staying
a little buttable or they don't really talk to anyone
else outside of said bubble. And your wife's friends are

(09:04):
in the same kind of nature as well. Married, kids,
bad marriage, getting divorced, separated. They just talking about their problems.
So I like to kind of circulate throughout the room,
worked the room a little bit, Ben mel I know
you didn't do that back in the day and your
twenties and thirties or even your forties. Uh. Something I'd
like to do, like to beat in and out of conversations,

(09:25):
kind of see what's going on, say hi to everybody,
you know, touch everybody at one time or another, as
opposed to guys like Tom Loudy, who will show up
and not say goodbye to anybody as he departs into
the good night. Yeah. Well, well Looney believes in the
and I think this is actually right. I've tried to
convince my wife of this because what Looney does, is right.

(09:47):
I'm I'm very excited to see Looney. I've not seen
Louney in a long time since he got whacked by
the company, and uh, I love the guy him. Well,
that's what the last time I saw him though, it's
but that's that's a while ago. Oh yeah, yeah, I
mean I don't we We We text all the time, but
I don't, you know, in physical presence, I don't see him.
So but the great thing about Looney's when he shows up,

(10:08):
it's like bell he like, he like has red carpet
rolling out, you know, in a DJ like James Harden
showing up to an NBA game and uh and what's
everyone to say? Looney has arrived, you know, And it's
like he has the you know in those movies about
the King and they have this person announcing the King's
about to arrive, and that's Looney when he shows up.

(10:30):
And then when he leaves, you're like, hey, where's Looney?
Did he didn't? You know? It never says goodbye to anybody.
He just he just gets out. And that's the way
to do it, because like when when I go to
a family functions with my wife, it's it's an extra
half hour of saying goodbye to everybody at the end.
You know what I'm saying. It's and I don't mind
saying goodbye him, but it's like you have to tick
about and it's like attacks on an extra half hour

(10:52):
where we just like slid out the back door and
be like, where did they go? I don't know where
they wait? No one would mind. I think that's best
executed too, in correct me if I'm wrong, But I
think that you can execute that to perfection at weddings
and at funerals, because you never really want to say
goodbye anybody at a funeral, and usually at a wedding
or wedding reception, having a couple of drinks, and usually

(11:14):
after that it's whatever you may be doing if you
gotta a partner with you. So those are two legit
reasons to bow out of a of a festival. Uh
if I might say, as opposed to a I don't
want to say it's a company party because it's not.
But uh no, it's not a company party. There will
be no management people there, so you don't have to
worry about that. I know you don't like management, so

(11:35):
you don't have to worry about running in any of them,
they will not be at the particular party, and I
don't know who's gonna show up and say. It's one
of those things, kind of like when I go out
and meet and greet people when I do these stupid
little Mallardmolitia events, because we invited a bunch of people,
but I don't know. Usually it's the same people to
show up every year, and there's like a couple of
other people that will out of curiosity show up. But

(11:56):
we invited a few new people this year, so we'll
see who shows up. Marlin's Man was invited, but unfortunately
he said some health problems, so he will not be attending.
I thought that would be kind of funny if me
and my buddy marlins Man hung out, you know, and
everyone could take pictures of him and his Marlins jersey
and it would be be good. But unfortunately can't make it,
so that's not gonna happen. And uh yeah, I think

(12:19):
the biggest celebrity I think will be Lee Kleine, the
Prince of Dark, who will be making his yearly sojourn
to show up and make offensive jokes to as many
people as you make. But you appreciate you liked it.
I do. I think Coop is the only guy that
kind of treads that deep end of the pool on
your show with the dark side of jokes, and so

(12:41):
I appreciate that. And uh, I look forward to a
lengthy conversation with Lee because the last time we got
together for tacos, you kind of you kind of broke
up that party as we were getting uh knee deep
into some fun with his his stories and some of
the stuff that you guys used to do back in
the day of Yeah. Oh yeah, me and Lee Man
back in the old days. We can get away with
bloody murder back then in the early days of radio,

(13:02):
well early days for me of radio. But yeah, we
we had a great time. We used to hang out.
You know, the Clippers were terrible in the nineties and
I covered the team for the mighty six nine and
we would hang out at at the sports Arena. I'd
get there like four in the you know, four three
in the afternoon, and after games games within about ten o'clock,
we do a post game and I just hang out

(13:23):
in the parking lot. You know, we would play football
or whatever, just kind of chill out and uh, you know,
living the left, go get food or whatever, living the life,
bachelor life and all that for for years with a
morbid uh Clipper team. But as far as the party,
just to put the ball on the party. We'll have
the post game show next week. That'll be the postgame show.
I know. Excited about that. And it's kind of like

(13:45):
junior high school prom because my wife invites many more
people than I invite because I don't know, I don't
get along with very many people, so my wife invites
most of her you know, French. Everyone loves my wife.
So it's like junior high school prom. There's like a
or a Mike Tyson fight against France botha there's an
outdated reference. There's like a point of demarcation and there's

(14:08):
like a line and you can't cross the line. Don't
cross the line, as they say, and then that's usually
what happens, and everyone's kind of staring at each other
and yeah, so that's that's where I coming. That's why
I like circulating around the room because you don't know
these people, and I think it's a lot of fun.
You know, I talk the same We should know him

(14:29):
because you've been coming every year and harassing them, so
you should know them by now. Coming twice doesn't change
that much, you know, I think it a little bit older,
so you want to go a little younger. It's all good.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Wow. Alright,

(14:49):
sleepless in Seattle. We have the proverbial and uh regular
I went to the word I'm looking for here. Uh
the demanded Mallard Militia meet and greet update, which is
coming up later in December. This podcast is for super
fans of the show, the top one percent of the
Mallard Militias of our obligatory Mallard Man March updates coming

(15:15):
at the end of December. Now, this is really for
our guys in in Seattle, in the Seattle area, but
it really could be anybody. People have been emailing me
from Vancouver and uh, there's one guy has been listening
for years in Vancouver who's thinking about driving down if
you're anywhere in Washington State, if you you know, I

(15:37):
don't recommend driving far, but some people said that they're
thinking about making a weekend out of it and coming
and hanging out in Seattle. I don't know how entertaining
I'm gonna be, but it'd be nice to meet you
if you do show up there. It's not a sanction event.
This is not some event through KJR, the home of
the Ben Maller Show in Seattle, or Fox Sports Radio.
They want nothing to do with it, so uh, and

(16:00):
I don't blame them. So this is just me hanging
out with the people, pressing the flesh, having a good time,
telling stories and that kind of stuff. And we have
our senior Mallard Militia Maller Man, March guy Jay Scoop,
who's been working over time. He's already found a restaurant
to hang out with everybody December. And I don't think

(16:23):
I'm allowed to say the name of the restaurant yet
because for for other reasons, but um, we know the name.
It looks great. I looked at the menu, looks awesome.
It's it's not that far away from the Seahawks Stadium there,
so it's it's all everything's right next to each other
there in Seattle. So it's that'll be on Saturday night
about seven thirty in Seattle, me hanging out with like

(16:47):
Jay Scoop and Christina Ed from Spokane. Maybe j J
and Rent will show up, maybe Dre from Seattle will
be there, and Lee from Seattle, some of the guys
that have been supporting the show over the years. So
we'll do that on on Saturday, and I'm just gonna
hang out for a couple of hours, why not. And
then on Sunday the twenty nine, at roughly ten thirty

(17:10):
in the morning, guest on the Mallard Man March begins.
And this is probably at least a one mile march
through the rain soaked streets of Seattle, as we will
lead our way with our fearless leader ed from Spokanan's bullhorn,
a seeing slogans too. People to listen to the show,

(17:32):
and we'll have signs and it's it's gonna be an
amazing thing. It's it's it's really like a religious revival,
is what it's going to be for the Mallary Militia.
And so we're gonna march all the way down about
a mile from some hotel in Seattle, all the way
down to the stadium and then we'll go in and
watch the game. I'm looking forward to it, especially because

(17:54):
that game, if everything stays as is, that game could
mean either a one or two seed in the NFC
and of course home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Yeah. Yeah,
it's it's got the chance of being an awesome night.
And by the way, if you want more information on that,
instead of contacting me, I'm gonna give you and I'm
gonna give out our friend Jay Scoop's information. Now you

(18:18):
can contact me. I might or might not get back
to you, but Jay Scoop says, hey, bring it on,
send me messages. I'll tell everyone and he wants to
show up anybody that emails me if I as questions, Uh,
you can do that. It's uh Jesse j E S
s E, c R e A N and that is
the Twitter account at Jesse and then c R E

(18:42):
A and Creane I believe this is the name. But
you can message him and he has an email which
is just Jesse dot cream at gmail dot com. And
he said, hey, give that out if you want. If
people want to kind of hang out, so we get
an idea of how many people are planning on attending,
as I think. I told Jay Scoop that I've done
these things in Boston and Pittsburgh and uh, you know,

(19:05):
in Buffalo and different random places Kansas City, and usually
there's a lot more people that say they're gonna do it,
and then when they actually have to show up, Oh,
you know, my wife had me, I have I have
someone I have to do or you know, crap happens.
But we'll see what happens this week. I know we've
got a number of people have already R s V pete.
So it's gonna be fun. And that's at the end

(19:25):
of December again, December, December twenty nine, so we've got
a couple of weeks roughly give or take a little
less than that before this begins. Now, what are you
flying up? Are you flying like Delta? You're United American?
I know you're no, no, no, no no. When you
fly to Seattle, you fly Alaska Airlines. That's that's the airline.
That's a life hack from Jay Scoop. There. You you
fly Alaskan Airlines because that is a hub of Alaskan

(19:49):
airlines and there's tons of flights to choose from. Very
bougie of you. I assume you're flying out of l
A X so it's of course, yes, all right, very
very bougie of you. Well, I mean that's the I'll
be dry, mean seven hours to get to the airports,
so and then I have to uh you know, it's
a short flight from l A Seattle and then you're
staying in downtown Seattle to right four star hotel. Uh yeah,

(20:11):
I'm staying at a hotel not far from the stadium,
so probably WiFi in there. Well, I'm assuming there'll be
some WiFi. Mean that's remember, well you're not that you're
not that savvy. But back in the old days, in
the hotel game, back in the old days, they originally
hotel signs to get people to stay there with say

(20:31):
color television. Then then they shifted to HBO or cable television.
Right now, a savvy hotel people don't care about television anymore.
It's all about WiFi and free WiFi, right well, yeah,
especially in Las Vegas, because in Las Vegas, for people
that don't know, they charge you what's called a quote

(20:53):
unquote resort fee, and it's usually anywhere from fifty dollars
and that pays for the gym, which most people don't
use when they go to Vegas. WiFi, the telephone, cable
um and then I think housekeeping too. And then on
top of that, they charge you for parking if you
don't use the parking lot you drive out there. So yeah,

(21:13):
that's spots in Vegas that really jam you up. Now
with that resort fee that they quote unquote use, well,
they started charge. I love Vegas, but they started charging
for parking. And you can blame the National Hockey League
for that and that arena. When the Vegas Golden Night started,
I was talking to somebody that works at one of
the casinos there and explained the whole thing out to
me that the they were worried that, you know, to

(21:36):
make money as a professional sports team, one of the
big things you make money from his parking. And you know,
in Vegas, if you want to go to the game,
the arenas right behind the New York New York Hotel
casino and you can just park anywhere and just walk over.
You don't have to park any designated a lot for
the arena. So they were very concerned about the fact
that people were just gonna park at every hotel in

(21:57):
Vegas and walk over and they didn't make no money
from parking. Well, so they around the time the team started,
they started putting charges at all the hotels in that
area of the strip, like if you go to if
you go to Old Vegas, which I like because it's
that's where the degenerates really are free months pretty much
parking there. There is some pay parking, but there's also

(22:20):
some free parking, right, and so you so you got that,
you got that awesome, So you got both things there.
But but anyway, so that's the deal with that. Well,
I'm looking forward to this. I want to see Christmas
party will be fun. But then you go to the
Pacific Northwest to end the twenty nineteen football season with
a Divisional round matchup with Seattle and obviously San Francisco.

(22:43):
It's gonna be a lot of fun. I'm curious to
how many people show up. Yeah, it's gonna be cool.
And I'm also fired up because of the game like this,
I hope these guys don't don't funk it up. But
I Seattle and in the forty nine that could be
like the first playoff game, right because the winner would
have a by receivably and the loser would have to
start out next weekend the weekend after that on wild

(23:06):
card weekends. So it uh, it cranks it up, It
ratches it it up ratch and for all intents of purposes,
that team will both teams will have at least ten
wins already. San Francisco's gotta eleven. Things play out the
way they are, you could go to Philadelphia or Dallas
and there's no guarantee that those teams are at nine
and seven. That could be eight and eight or seven
and nine. Yeah, like, I mean, you should, you should

(23:29):
be able to beat the wild card opponent. But it's
every every extra game you play, you're you're putting more
players at risk, and you're thinning the herd, as they say,
and uh, the en dual injuries in the NFL are continuous,
unrelenting and never ending. I think, right, yeah, absolutely yeah.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller

(23:49):
Show weekdays at two am Eastern Pacific. Alright, finger Foods
is next? And to go or not to go? And
I received the invitation from our fine fearless leaders scotch
up here. I I normally don't check my work email
um because I just don't corporate email. I never check it.

(24:10):
They have to email me to check my corporate email.
In fact, I hadn't checked my email and so long
my password expired, and it had been so long that
they wouldn't even issue me a new There's like a
website you go to to get a new password. But
it had taken so long that they would not even
give me a new password. So I had to email
someone to get a new password. That's how long I

(24:32):
had not logged into the company email system. But anyway,
so they sent out these invitations to the holiday party,
which used to be the gold standard. It was the
the yardstick to all social events back in the day,
the Premier Radio Networks Holiday party. Before you were around
guess gun, Let me tell you something. We used to

(24:53):
hang out at hotels in Beverly Hills and uh I
remember we were we wed have it was like a
black tie affair. We'd have amazing food and drinks and
it was just awesome. And they'd fly in all the
big Premiere radio hosts that in those days. Art Bell
would be there, the legendary overnight host, uh Rush Limbaugh,

(25:18):
dr Laura, the big radio star at that time, Matt
Drudge had a show at the Premiere Networks. They flew
him in and everyone just hanging out, drink and eat
and be merry and get all dolled up and dressed
up and sparing no expense. It was an amazing night.
And uh, we can be celebrities like Bruce Willis. I

(25:40):
remember one time we were at one of the hotels
in Beverly Hills and Bruce Willis and a couple of
other people, these old Hollywood stars were hanging out in
the bar drinking um. And then that when we had
the recession in uh like oh eight oh nine that area,
I think it was oh eight. Uh that that was
the end of it. Uh that was that was it.

(26:02):
No more Galla parties and uh the balloon had popped.
And that's also the time I said I'm not going
to the holiday party anymore. That's it, because I have
such fun memories of those parties. It's as some of
the greatest social events I've been at. But I'm thinking
about going this year to the Premier Radio Networks Holiday Party,

(26:22):
which is a scaled down event. Yeah, it's a scale down.
It's more like a happy hour type thing. Now it
would be like the equivalent of going to a Ruth
Chris or like a Mastro's. Any kind of any kind
of steakhouse. And then and then all of a sudden,
you kick it all the way back and you go
to out back. That's what the equivalent of this is. Well,

(26:46):
out back is not bad, it's fine. I like the
blooming onion again, compass, arrogant, elitist. I'm just comparing it
so people get an idea how lavish these parties were
that you went to. Yeah, they were amazing. You weren't
the only one that told me about this. There were
guys that would sing the praise of these holiday parties

(27:06):
back in the day, like, oh, they were an amazing thing.
You know, it was just unbelieve everyone. That was great
for morale the company everyone. This is an amazing place
to This is an amazing place to work, you know,
with these amazing parties, and you need to meet all
these big you know, you know, if you're a radio
nerd like myself, to meet legends of radio. And uh,
well that was by Jim Rome used to show up

(27:27):
all the time too, that he was the big guest are. Yeah,
it's just the overall engagement right of a fellow employees
that you don't necessary work with. I know, you don't
taluch people on the fourth the third floor, because the
hours don't permit that. So it's always nice to engage
with those people that have an impact on your daily work.
But now you can see exactly what they do, see
them outside of their cubicle or their office and talk

(27:48):
to him and get to know him a little bit
and have a cocktailer too, and then be in your
marry way. That's always nice. Like you said, it's good
for company morale. Yeah, no it is, and so I'm
thinking about showing up, but I don't know it's it's
I gotta deal with rush hour. I mean, the positives
are there's a good chance I'll get some face time
with some very powerful, powerful people at the Premiere Radio

(28:08):
Networks who are very nice, and I can I can
suck up to them. Uh, they'll be free food, I'm
told they'll be gifts. I like gifts. I like free food.
The negatives are a very long drive in rush hour
Los Angeles traffic, which I generally avoid because of the
schedule that I have, and I would be as Shaquille
O'Neal would say, I'd be spending my purse. I would

(28:29):
be spending my personal time on company time, meaning those
things the streams would cross. I don't know I'm saying
that right, but but I'm not getting paid to attend,
you know. It's just this is I choose to go,
and it's uh, it's pro bono. So well, it's it's
the equivalent of doing a podcast every Thursday. For it
is exactly so what I It'll be a game time decision.

(28:55):
I'm day to day on this. I'm today, I'm thinking
about going, you know, because it will be hot other
than Popeye's grease. You know, I'm thinking about going. But
but then I might decide. Now I think there's a
polar vortex and I just don't want to get out
of bed. Yeah, you're a very fair weather employee, colleague,
depending on which were the winds blowing? What kind of moving? Wow,

(29:17):
I mean fair weather. I don't know about that. I'm
I'm loyal. I've worked at the company for twenty years.
They got it rid of me. I didn't get rid
of them. You know, I'm like my favorite infomercial of
all time, Ron Popeil said it, and forget it, you know,
you know, have me do the show, said it, forget it.
I'll take no time off until December. I'll do every
show I can unless they chop my gall bladder out

(29:39):
of me and then I'll have to miss a week.
But other than that, I'm good to go. I'm the
showtime rotisseary of UH the radio world, right as Ron
Popel said, said it and forget it. Well, you so,
if you go to this company party, would you host
your show at night? No? No, I would not. I
would not. I would take a day. So I'm thinking

(29:59):
about doing you forget it. All of a sudden, he's
not going to host the show at night if he
goes to the company party. Well, I don't know if
you know this, guest, come, but I have eleven there's
eleven holiday days that I have cured over the course
of the twenty nineteen season. That means eleven days of
me working on holidays when other people not working. UH.

(30:22):
And I get to cash all my chips in, and
I have to cash them in because if I don't
cash my chips in, then I don't get to carry
those over. So that would be a rookie mistake. I
am not going to make a rookie mistake. You shouldn't.
You would, but I'm not. No, I don't know what
holidays are. I don't know what paid holidays are. I
don't know what PTO is. Here we go, this is

(30:43):
gonna get My violence is me playing the victim cars vitima,
the victim. You have a persecution complex? What you have?
Victim mentality? It's everyone's fall comfortable for some people. I
can see this attitude. I can be times personal a

(31:03):
year with that victim attitude, losers mentality, snowflake. Ye, the
whole thing in California. Sid fits too. Yeah, you do
fit in California. Everyone pitches about something and it's just
it's out of control. Man. It just does not does
not end well. Listen, if you go to the company party,
I will be there. You are going to show up, yeah,

(31:25):
because I'll be here working. So while you are enjoying
the lavish, extravagant spread of food and drink and prizes
and giveaways, I'll be on the powerful Fox Sports Radio
studio microphones. So yeah, well, maybe I'll stop buy and
give you a little doggie bag of hot dogs, a
little mini hot think whatever I can get it this boy.

(31:46):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox Sports
radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app
search f s R to listen live. I hear you.
All right, moving on, and let's see what's next on
the fifth hour here with Ben Mahler and guest count.
Why don't we get to study this. This is where
we determine is this true or is this not true?

(32:10):
And we we try to answer really the polarizing questions
that we we we will fix the time space continuum
is what we're going to do with this, and we
look forward to it. But we'll do study this. These
are actual studies by actual people. And let's get this
party started. Me just do a couple of things here

(32:30):
over here, all right, Have you ever hurt been hurt
by your phone? There's a new study out to find
cell phone related injuries are on the rise. Have you
ever been injured by your phone? Guess count? Never? I
actually have, and uh, And I think I'm like most people.

(32:51):
I think I'm like most people when it comes to this.
And I'll explain what happens. So when I'm going to sleep,
I'm usually already ready to zonk out when I'm going
to sleep, right, so I'll have the phone. I'll be
laying in bed and I'll have the phone in front
of my face right and I will fall asleep sometimes

(33:12):
and the phone will whack me, like right in the
nose of the forehead. I consider that a phone related
injury because it kind of zons me a little bit there.
I don't know how else could you injure yourself with
your phone other than that, you know what I'm saying,
Like dropping on your foot, Well, that's not gonna phone
doesn't wait that much. It's not gonna hurt your foot,

(33:33):
is it. No, But it's like anything else, like a
like a bedpost or a door, like if you just
walk into it on accident, you don't suspect you're gonna
hit it, and it hits like a small toe or
even a big tie that could be bruised, or the
top of your foot just in a sweet spot. Yeah. Now,
the only thing I've done, like I said, is the
drop while you're sleeping. You know, you're falling asleep and

(33:55):
you have the phone and you're like, oh man, what
the heck is that all about? There? That's not cool,
you know that, what if the whole thing is happened.
But if you're sitting down and you dropping and falls
on your nuts. Well, well, you shouldn't have your phone
like in that area there where when you could hit
your nuts unless you got you had supersized nuts or
something like that. What do you got softball nuts? What

(34:18):
are you? What are you doing here? Well, if you're
hosting your show and maybe you're taking a selfie or
taking a picture of the other studio, I don't take selfies.
Well that's not that's a lie. That is a lie.
But let's say you did, you had butter fingers and
you dropped it. It's gonna happen. Yeah, weird things happen, Ben,
I don't. I think I'm right. All right, here's uh, well,
here's a new one. Speaking of phones on that theme

(34:39):
here these are actual studies by actual universities and businesses.
Study finds that percent of smartphone users are addicted. Sixty
two complain of severe distraction that impacts their life from
their from their phones. And they also this is a

(35:00):
appropriate because they found that smartphones this explains you a lot, guest, gun,
that smartphones encourage narcissism, even by non narcissistic people. No, no, no,
no, no no, no, no, no no. First of all, let me
go on the record by saying that if you went
to my Instagram page, I have hardly any pictures by
myself any Like, I don't take selfies. If I take pictures,

(35:24):
it's usually with food or alcohol or a scenic shot.
When I go to Europe, I've taken some pictures with you,
my colleagues that I call games with or stadium or
arena or an ice drink. I do those things with
with Instagram. So I realized that by saying you're not
a narcissist, you sound like a narcis No. No No, that's
like saying, do understand the way this sounds to the listen. No,

(35:48):
no, no no, no, that's like saying, you know, I'm not
a racist. But that's what that's saying. I don't say that,
not a narcissist. There's nothing a part of me that's
like me, me me, Like listen to me for four
hours money through Friday on an overnight show. Me me me,
me me, Like I'm just using an example, like if
I needed four hours to to talk to the world.

(36:08):
You know, So, have you stopped beating your girlfriend? Him? Rome?
That's a reference to David Stir to Jim Row, that's
really good. All right, thank you? Man, I'm here, be
here all all day, all right, moving on here through
three and four. People believe natural remedies like cannabis are

(36:33):
actually safer than traditional medicines that like prescription medicine. Um
and and this is now. This is because of I
think a lot of media stuff. People have been been
abusing prescription drugs. But I I think most of the
time prescription modern medicine is better than than old remedies.

(36:54):
I do do a lot of old remedy stuff with
garlic and when I get sick and things like that.
Then natural remedies, I do dabble in that, But I
still when i'm really when I'm really screwed up, I
need the traditional medicine. I'm not going to some faith
healer to try to get my bad thing out of
my body. I'm going to a doctor to chop it out,

(37:14):
is what I'm doing. If you have a problem, throw
it out. But but most people these days, they're all
about that cannabis or some other kind of hokey pokey
quackery they find on the internet and they buy into it.
Like that's why Doc Mike is so successful in Chicago.
He's been a quack doctor for years, and people, especially
in Equador, they buy into it. They love it. I think,

(37:36):
not the cannabis method, but I think a lot of
this has to do with diet and exercise, more so
the diet, just because of what people put in another
body and what they don't. UM. We've talked about this
a handful of times, like what we listened to while
we're either in the gym or sitting in traffic. UM.
I listened to a doctor's name is doctor Michael Gregor,

(37:56):
and I put him on YouTube, and he's a nutritionist
as well, and so he talks about how in the
medical practice, the medical world, when people men and women
go to medical school, they aren't taught much of anything,
if at all, about the importance of nutrition. He says, like,
I think it's like about an hour worth of curriculum

(38:16):
that's that's put into nutrition, and everything else is about
like fixing people, correcting injuries, like you said. But I
think a lot of this just goes back to the
nutritional aspect that if you're putting crap in your body,
they're gonna get crap that comes out of it. And
of course it's like a car, right you put oil
into it, you let the oil sit for ten or
fifteen thousand miles. You don't change it. All of a

(38:38):
sudden you got a bad engine, a bad engine block
and a car breaks down. So yeah, I go, well,
I I would say, and I have some friends at
work in the military, not military, in the medical industry,
got the gym that I go to. That one of
a few people I talked to at the gym, and
he's even said, he's agreed that it's kind of a
self fulfilling prophecy, because it's the conspiracy is if you

(39:03):
teach people nutrition, you won't have as many sick people,
you won't need as many doctors, right, And it's it's
kind of like the argument, you know, you want to
cure to you want to treat diseases, but not cure
them because you know, think how much money would be
lost if they could find a cure for cancer. Cancer. Now,
the counter argument is the to that conspiracy is, well, yeah,

(39:25):
but whoever found the cure to cancer would be you know,
it would make so much money and win all these awards,
and they the schools after them and they live on forever.
That's the counter argument. And then the other argument is that, well,
there'll always be Humans will always be some disease because
we're fallible, that will come along. You know, when they
cure one disease, something else comes along. And all that stuff.

(39:48):
And plus the other thing with like a cancer is
there's like so many different versions of it. It's hard
to say you can cure. They have a cure for
certain parts of cancer, but I'm just using that as
an example, but there's some that they have no no
clue how to stop. Oh yeah, And it's like buying
a car or put this in smaller form, like an
Apple phone or a MacBook. You're usually buying one every

(40:11):
four or five years, a MacPro or Mac or even
an iPhone. People get a new cell phone almost every
other year. And part of that because the battery on
the phone or the charger or whatever it Maybe that's
true or the technology they stopped. They the industry and
they're brilliant to people that may It's like they do
the same thing in television technology. They know, we gotta

(40:32):
keep selling TVs, so let's change the TVs every few years,
will change the TVs. And and in the people like Apple,
I have an iPhone and I have to keep that
thing charged seven because the battery is so low now,
and I'm at the point I've had this thing for
so long where I could like get a new battery.
It's only like sixty bucks, but I don't know that
it's gonna last that long. But I'm also at the

(40:53):
point now where I'm like, well, I should just get
a new phone, because you know, all these other phones
are much better than mine. I I have phone aiming.
When I pull my phone app pompous arrogant a holes
are like, wow, you you're you're you're you're really must
be poor because you have a shitty phone, you know.
And I'm like, I don't think it's a shitty phone.
It's a fine phone. But but anyway, so that is

(41:13):
that is legit alright. Moving on here some other studies.
These are actual studies from actual people who do these
kind of things. Um, here's a a survey. What percentage
of Americans do not trust other drivers on roads during
the winter? Wow? Um, what percentage? Yes, percentage of American

(41:37):
drivers that do not trust the other drivers on the
road driving in the winter when it's rainy and snowy
and nasty. And that is a decent guest. But you
are wrong. Ninety one of American drivers do not trust
other drivers. Now do you think this is this comes

(41:58):
into play with not only the other but the people
that are driving being distracted because they're using said cell phones.
I don't know about that. I think you know that
maybe is part of it, but I think just people.
There's the weird thing when and I've driven in bad weather,
although we don't live in a place with really bad weather,
when I travel and driving places where the weather is
all screwed up, like, the problem is like certain percentage

(42:21):
of people drive crazier, like they're comic kazees, and then
other people drive too slow. So you have this this
weird the economy where you have some people that are
driving like they're on the Autobahn even though it's snowing,
and then you have other people that are overly concerned
about like black ice or something like that, and they're
driving slow, and so it's a it creates for a
very odd and um sluggish commute. Have you ever driven

(42:46):
uh down in Florida? Oh? Yeah, I've been in Florida
a few times over the years. I bring that up
because last year I went to go visit my sister
and I drove from I drove from like the Tampa
Bay area, and I drove down to my me and
I drove through Alligator Alley. Oh I've done that, but yeah,
I drove from I flew into Orlando and flew it,

(43:06):
drove to Vero Beach, and then we drove down to
Miami after that. Yeah, okay, so when I went to
when I drove through Alligator Alley, I was in a
rental car, like a little Honda, little beat up Honda.
I mean, how many takes you get? I didn't get any,
but ben a kid, you not. It was dumping so
hard when it was sunny for the majority of the
day that I had to stop and pull over on

(43:27):
the shoulder because my windshield wipers could not push the
water off the windshield. And I'm in a vehicle that
doesn't handle well. It was old. It was like late nineties,
and this thing was barely the windshiel wipers were barely moving.
So I could not even justify driving at the speed limit,
which was sixty five or seventy miles per hour. Had

(43:49):
a tone that thing dad and pull over on the
shoulder for a few minutes. And there, yeah, there were
cars just you know, blazon on by and I couldn't
do anything about it, just because I had never been
in that kind of an environment before. I also drove
in snow and Springfield, Missouri, and that was pretty challenging
to just because I had never driven those kind of conditions.
Um So, yeah, if you're a new being that kind

(44:09):
of environment, yeah, you gotta tread lightly, no pun intended. Yeah,
Well I I had. I had something along those lines
back in Buffalo. I was leaving a Bill's game in
the Great Lakes up there in Buffalo, and uh, you know,
driving along on the New York Expressway going down to
New York City, and it was nighttime. It was like

(44:31):
that you know builds that played a game. They played
the Titans. It was actually a night game. Uh go
fit you a long time ago. Uh, And we're driving
and it rained so much the cars in front of
me stopped on the middle of the New York Expressway
and so I had to stop. It was I don't
know I was from the lake or whatever, but it

(44:51):
was it was insanity. It was absolute insanity there. I've
never seen I have never ever seen as much rain
as I did that. It was like I felt like
I was driving through a hurricane. You know, it was.
It was absolutely nuts, is what it was. But that
that was my My worst rain experience was in beautiful

(45:13):
Buffalo from uh maybe the weather from Lake Ontario and
Lake Erie got together or something like that, right, they
all formed a super superstorm that Lake effect rain or
whatever it was. It was wild. That's pretty good. How
long did it take it to get to your destination? Uh,
that's a long that's a long drive. Well, funnily, we
we tried. We'll have to tell the story sometimes because

(45:35):
I I spent a night homeless in Buffalo and um
and that's part of the reason that we drove in
the middle of the night to New York City. Um. So, yeah,
that was that was a slight mistake by me. Uh,
involving hotels and apps and phones and uh, the fact

(45:56):
that you can't book a room and there's a you
know after a time, and it was a big it
was a big mess. I don't have time to get
into it right now. You brought up the auto bun
I did drive that two years ago. Really, Yeah, it's
kind of fun. I made it. How fast did you
go on the auto bunt? I went about sixty five.
My my friend was scared shitless because he ran the
car or van and we were going as a bachelor

(46:17):
party slash wedding, So we were actually going from Berlin
and making a trip down to Oschwitz and berken Out
to go to the concentration cap So what are the
what are the rules here on the Automa, Because are
there any rules? I mean, you can drive however fast
you want, but what happens to the slow people? No,
they just get passed them by. It's nothing like you'd
experienced here in Los Angeles. Like we're on you know,

(46:38):
if we're on the four oh five freeway going north
or south, there's usually four lanes and maybe a car pool.
Or if we go on the ninety one of the ten,
which goes east and west, there's about three or four lanes.
Autoba was like ten lanes going you know, one side
and the other and just open real estate, plenty of green.
It was actually beautiful to drive. But yeah, sometimes when

(46:59):
when ours are going slow, they get all the way
over to the right and they'll sit behind trucks and
then just go at their own speeds. That's pretty much it.
But yeah, you can blow by anybody. There's a couple
of tolls. That's pretty much it. But I gotta have
enough change for the tolls, and that's pretty much it.
You don't have any stops though, so there's no off
ramps or kind of pit stops you can make to
go take a leak or to get something to eat. Wow,

(47:20):
all right, there you go, do you have I have
always talked about the auto bun, but I've never been it.
Probably will never go to the auto bun. I don't
believe I will ever be doing that. All right, here
we go. Study finds that we now know they according
to these people do the study, they believe they know
who's to blame for fake news. Who's to blame for

(47:40):
fake news? According to researchers from Ohio State University, they
say that much fake news is created by people, can
you know, people consuming news? Guess I'll just say social media.
So that's kind of close. No, no, check this out.
They they've determined that a lot of people get credible,
legitimate statistics and information of the news on on a

(48:04):
topic like a something involving Trump or something like that,
and they misremember or you know, you know what. It's
like that game telephone. It's that kind of the message
gets twisted as you pass the message to more people,
and that that people also mix in their biases, their

(48:25):
personal biases, whether their Republicans or Democrats, and then so
it creates this superstorm where they get legitimate information and
then they twisted and morph it into fake news to
fit their agenda. Yeah, it's like it's like if you
or I. If it's like if you and I witnessed
the crime or an accident and we had a police
officer interview both of us, He's not gonna get the

(48:47):
same answer from both of us because we were seeing
it through a different lens, and so the same thing,
the interpretation of what people are looking at. I was
reading yesterday that only a third of Americans are actually
watching the impeachment and worry. It's pretty fascinating. Yeah, I've
I've checked it out. I've I've watched it. Um, but

(49:08):
I get a kick out. I like the political theory.
It doesn't like raise my blood pressure something A lot
of people like, Oh, I can't handle it it you know.
So in fact, here's a here's a say eight out
of ten Americans say politics are the biggest source of
stress in their life. And I it's it's not it's
I'm not stressed at all. Yeah, I mean I think
they're I think both our parties are all fucked up.

(49:29):
And then, uh, you know, I get a kick out
of it. I actually enjoy the people that are triggered
by Trump. I think it's pretty funny. I think it's amusing.
And they, you know, they think the world's gonna come
to an end and all that stuff. The world's not
gonna come to an end. Even if Trump gets re
elected in There'll be a new president soon enough, don't worry,
and they'll and if you want them to change everything,

(49:51):
they'll change everything, and then that'll be fun. Would you
ever moved to Canada if a president gotta like that
you didn't want to elect to? Of course not. I'm
moved the Canada? Please? Are you kidding me? I'll moved
to a tropical destination instead of Canada. What are you
talking about? All? Right? Time now for grab bag actual
questions from actual listeners like yourself. First one comes from

(50:12):
Let's do a sporty question from Brandon in bon Aqua, Tennessee.
I've never heard of that? Is that a real place?
I don't know which do you think between the Braves
and the Buffalo Bills of the nineteen nineties the greatest
team to underachieve during their prime years, So Buffalo four
straight Super Bowls or the Atlanta Braves, who were the

(50:35):
team of the nineties but only won one World Series. Now,
the easy answer would be to say Buffalo, because Buffalo
Brandon didn't win the Super Bowl with Jim Kelly and
Thurman Thomas and Andre Reid. But I'm gonna go with Atlanta.
Atlanta had three Hall of Fame pictures, they had Hall
of Fame position players, and the only one one World Series.

(50:56):
And the reason I bring up Atlanta and it bothers
me is because guy that one of the architects of
the Atlanta Braves in the nineteen nineties was a guy
named Stan Casting. He is now an executive with the Dodgers,
and he is trying to recreate the nineteen nineties Atlanta
Braves and it bothers the hell out of me. That's
the Dodger model. The Dodger model is to be like

(51:17):
the Bridge. They want to be in the playoffs every year.
They think that they have this weird thing that the
mindset over there is that we're gonna be like the
nineteen nineties Atlanta Braves, but unlike them, we're gonna win
multiple World Series. Well so far, guesscan how's that working out? Zero?
And yeah, I will agree with you on that too.
You can talk about Maddox, you talk about Smoltz, I

(51:39):
mean to the best pictures in our lifetime. And Tom Glavin, yeah,
the former hockey player turn baseball player. I mean those
are dominant guys. Smalltile the starter at closer and then
a starter again. And you forgot to mention Bobby Cox.
So so you have Cox the manager BoNT Aqua, population
five thousand, fourty four in Tennessee. So look at that

(52:02):
Brandon bon Aqua, Tennessee. But he's the most famous person
from bon Aqua, Tennessee. It could be Brandon Brandon might
be the most famous person from bon Aqua, Tennessee. Well
that is that is certainly uh, that is certainly your
your Mallard Militia throwback. Right, that's the only person that's
from bon Aqua. Yeah, I don't think I've ever ever

(52:23):
gotten in a correspondence what part of Tennessee is that
in that must be out in the sticks, right, must
be out? Uh? Yeah, you don't know. You don't you
know your Tennessee geography. I'm looking at the map. Yeah,
it's it's actually considered inside Hickman County. If you know
what Hickman County. That doesn't do anything for me. Although
I'm reading here, I just typed something into the Internet.
It says country music legend Johnny Cash. Come on what

(52:49):
he first thing that shows up on Google? He yeah,
he used to. Well, when I'm supposed to go seven
pages in, I mean, I don't have time for that,
but he Johnny Cash used to own a Weam's old
farmhouse for over three decades and the Storyteller's Museum, which
converted from a general store and recording studio that Johnny
Cash used as a place for local concerts. How about that.

(53:12):
That's a landmark in Bonock. I love Johnny Kess to
look at it as a connection. I'm connected to to Brandon,
who's living around where Johnny Cash did his stuff. How cool?
Is that? Very cool? All right? Emmanuel from Portugal rights
and he's the big Jonas Knox guy. He says, should
I leave everything behind in Portugal and live in the

(53:32):
United States? Whereabouts in Portugal? He doesn't say just this Portugals.
I went to port to Portugal in the summertime. Ben
it was gorgeous, look at you bragging. It's on the
northwest tip of of Portugal. Did some kayaking there, some
cliff diving in a bunch of food, drink a ton

(53:53):
of beer. People were nice. They're definitely different than here
in Los Angeles. Uh it is. Well, here's a I
would say, Manuel, There's a lot of different places in
the United States to live, and it really depends on
if you want eladist Hollywood assholes. You can live in
Los Angeles. You want pompous Wall Street dicks, you can
live in New York. If you want nice normal people
live in the flyover country. That's where most of those

(54:15):
people are living. And uh, you know, on the coast
is where the assholes and elitist like yescon live. Um.
But if you want, you know, regular folks, you gotta
go Inland. But yeah, I mean Portugal. I've never been
to portgal but I've heard it's nice there. And that's
a tough call, man, because all your families there and
all your friends are there, You're gonna be homesick and
all that. I'd give it a shot. Though I don't

(54:35):
know how old the manual is, but you know, give
it a shot for a couple of years if you
can pull it off, and if you can, if you
can afford it. That's the one thing that people come
from the East coast to the West coast and they
never want to leave Los Angeles. But there are a
lot of people that migrate from Chicago or Kansas City
or St. Louis and believe or not, they relocate to Scottsdale,
Arizona and Scottsdale. They call that like the poor man's

(54:58):
version of Newport Beach. But Scottsdale is a great city
in Arizona, is a lot of fun. There's a lot
of beautiful people there. The weather gets obviously a lot
hotter during the summertime, triple digits, but there's things to
do and so yeah, depending on your age, like you said, Ben,
that might be a spot to relocate to as well. Well.
Scottsdale in Vegas are like to you know how New

(55:19):
York has like Miami Dade County in Miami, where like you,
when you get to a certain age in New York,
you relocate the Florida and it's the it's the other
beer Borough of New York City, and then it peel
a lot of people in l A. Although it's they've
been going all over. It used to be Seattle was
the hotspot for people from l A. Then it was
it moved. It was Portland for a while, and I

(55:41):
think Phoenix is still popular in Vegas, Idaho, Boise, Idaho,
a lot of people were moving to Boise, Idoh. Yeah,
we get a lot of California people that moved to Boise,
Idaho now just because the taxes, Like you don't want
to get crushed on state taxes here in California. Um,
you get gas as usually a dollar to a are
fifty more here and CALLI compared to like Texas or Florida,

(56:05):
the Midwest somewhere. Yeah, it's it's not like you get
a lot of benefits out that. The roads are still
fucked up, and there's homeless people everywhere, you know, and
I feel bad for the homeless people. But I'm thinking, like,
all the money we pay for taxes, shouldn't they be
able to solve the problem. But it's not. I mean,
it's it's one of those things too. The other problem
is it's a problem that creates another problem. Right, you

(56:27):
solve one problem and then you create another problem because
they've they've decided not to go that's the third round,
my man. But they they've just talked about building all
this housing in Los Angeles for the homeless. But what
do you think that's gonna do? That The words gonna
get out gas on and every other homeless person is
gonna be like, you know what, I'm moving to l
A because I get a house. Yeah. It perpetuates the problem.

(56:48):
That's exactly what it does, exactly. All right, moving on here,
let's see here. John the jailer from Allantown, Pennsylvania says, Ben,
are you pro or anti pigeons wearing a little cowboy hats? Yeah?
Have you seen that guest of you in Vegas? This
is amazing. I want to know how they pull this off. Now,

(57:09):
every time I get near a pigeon, you know what
they do? They fly away or they walk away. But
somebody has been putting these little tiny cowboy hats on
pigeons around Vegas, and the animal rights people are freaking out.
They're like, hi, and we gotta get these things off itself. No,
he said, you shouldn't do it, but it's hilarious. Uh

(57:31):
to to see the little pigeons walking around, your fat
pigeon with a with a hat on like a cowboy hat.
Pretty good, you'd admit that, right guy? Percent All right,
Who's who's next? Travis and Roseberg Oregon says is Roberto's
Mexican doppler actually just a dartboard? Yes? Yes, yes, it

(57:55):
is Tommy Lee in the Lothian, Maryland, Right since says
a question for everyone. Casket or urn? Alright? Yeah, so
they're gonna burn you up? Are they gonna bury your
ass in the ground. I'm a casket guy because I
come from a family believes in burials. My wife's an
urn woman. Um, she's about the urn. But I'll I'll

(58:17):
be well, I guess I'll be surprised because I won't
really know because I'll be dead. But I believe I
will end up in a casket. I believe I'll maybe
they'll put a bell in there because I wake up
and then I can alert someone to come let me out.
You know what if I what if I'm there for
it and I drop in the ocean in your casket? Well,
yeah you can do that too, you know, burial, let's
sea there I can be fish food, so you can

(58:37):
do that. Rego. By the way, what are you doing
agether you're you're I think you're an urned guy. No,
I'm probably a coffin guy guy just in case they
can wake up. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. You know
I'm in Plus, you know I'm I have his beautiful body.
Why would I want to burn it up? I'd like
I'd rather let it rot um, which is the traditional
way to go. Rego from the Harbor Area says there

(59:00):
hasn't been a fried chicken debate for a while. Where
does Popeye's chicken sandwich rank on my list? It's number one?
But also I haven't had raising canes yet. Well, werego.
You've got to correct that problem. You've got to find
raising canes because you're really uneducated on this. Now. I
have not had the Popeyes chicken sandwich yet, so I'm
uneducated on it. And I've tried to cut back a

(59:22):
little bit on the fried food since they chopped my
gall bladder out of me. But I will I will
partake in the The Popeye chicken sandwich looks very good.
Eddi's had it, says it's it's a solid sandwich. He
really enjoys it a lot. But I've not had yet.
I'm all about that raising Kanes action, so and I
know Gascon doesn't need any of that, so you I
can't even ask you man, I'm I'm down for for KFC.

(59:43):
I haven't had raising canes. Uh do like Chicken fil A,
But I'm all about fried food, man, were talking about it.
I'm a I'm a fat guy trapped in the fat
guy's body. Really, Yeah, I think I love fried food. Yeah,
but who doesn't. This is the great you put anting
a deep friar to is good, but vegeta they should
deep fried vegetables. I'd eat those. I've had some deep

(01:00:05):
fried cauliflower before. Yeah, cauliflower sells smells so disgusting that
I I'm I'm turned off by my wife would make
just make massive amounts of cauliflower and I'll be like,
what died in the house? Like why does something you're
cooking a dead animal here? Or something like that. Jose
from Repping Repping the nine five six area code says,

(01:00:28):
does guests gan use regular eighty nine gas or ninety
one Supreme? Ye? I'm not an idiot. I use nine. Yeah,
thank you. We this debate I've had with the Coop,
the Loop and these uh, these some of these other
idiots that the text in here about this is insane.
Nine percent of cars do not need the higher grade gasoline.

(01:00:54):
It is all a scam. I've had people that work
in the fuel industry that have told me this that
there's hardly any difference. Is sometimes there's no difference between
the eighty nine and ninety one. It's all a scam
to get you pay a little bit extra for pretty
much the same damn product. And people are dumb. And
I give people credit in the gas industry because they
know human nature. People think if something is they're charging

(01:01:17):
more for a product, that it's better. Right. It's like
the reason people don't buy their wrapping paper at the
nine cent store or Dollar General or the Dollar Tree.
A lot of people buy their wrapping paper at like
Target or one of those other stores. They charge more
for the same damn thing, but they think they're getting
It's this mental thing where we think we're getting a
better product if they charge more. And I've I've studied

(01:01:38):
marketing a little bit. I know a little bit about
marketing just from books. I've read things on the Internet,
and uh, you know, gasoline is the same thing most
most cars. It's a complete waste of money. But yet
people buy the more expensive gas because they think they
think while you're getting a better product, when they're not.
So would you ever drive a car? I guess those

(01:02:00):
onom efficient. I don't know the smart cars like a Tesla, right,
like those cars like yeah, like I've had it. I
had an electric car for a little bit. It died.
I had to get rid of it. It It was a lemon.
Yeah I had. I had a gas electric where you
could plug it in. Yeah. In fact, if you come
to the house, I have an electric plug in and
but the car was a lemon and we didn't get

(01:02:21):
I got a hybrid. Now I don't have a gas electric.
I would love to get an electric car. I would
love to get a Tesla. I can't afford a Tesla.
And also I don't know how I don't know if
I can trust it. I don't know how long they last.
I want to if I spend money on a car,
I don't think I'll ever get a new car again.
By the way, I think that's a scam. I learned
I'm way too late that you should not get should

(01:02:43):
not get a scam or should not should not be
part of a scam. I mean, and get to get
a new car. I think you get a pre owned car?
Is the way to go? Lightly used pre owned car?
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I might have to
come around to that in a year or two. I'm
over an hundred fifty thousand miles on a five year car.
So yeah, I hear you. Apparently someone's spying on the

(01:03:03):
podcast here. Let's see what's next year. Let's see page down,
page down? Uh, Dan, and we got a bunch of
me email about you? Dan and Kalamazoo Michigan says how
much cocaine does Gagon do every weekend? Gescan you want
to comment on that? I don't think I have enough
energy to sound like I'm doing cocaine. Uh. Kohli is
in round Rock, Texas, Home of the Express. He says,

(01:03:25):
which Rodney Dangerfield movie character do you ben most likely resemble? Gascon?
Probably never watched a danger Field movie in his life.
He prefers Streisan movies. He's such a gentle for sure. Uh,
you've ever watched the movie with Barbara Streisand in it? Yeah?

(01:03:46):
I think so. But you know Rodney Dangerfield, I think
can you name off any I mean out of the
Caddy Shock? What other movies come to mind for you? Uh?
Well the one he made it at the end, you know,
back to back to School goes back, remember back this
Bool and all that? Uh that was was that was
one of his final big hits, right yeah, back in

(01:04:07):
the nine eighties. I guess that was because he didn't
I was in an elevator with Rodney Dangerfield Burbank what
what do you? What do you? Uh? This is like
you with with Steve Harvey, Like I was in a
parking lot one time with No No No I. You
guys worked together. That's why. Well no, I worked at
the thirty four hundred Riverside Drive, which is now all

(01:04:28):
Warner Brothers. It used to have. We had radio stations there,
the I of the clear channel radio stations like Kiss
FM and Kiss AM. We're in that building and that's
where I worked for about eight eight nine years back
in the late nineties early two thousand's kind of yeah,
I worked there for a while. Anyway, I'm in and

(01:04:49):
I get in the elevator. It's it's kind of like
midday and uh, I look over and Rodney fucking danger
Field is standing next to me in the elevator, and
I'm like, holy fuck, you know, this is uh you know,
this is an amazing, amazing thing, you know. I mean like,
I mean, this is a this is a legend Rodney

(01:05:12):
Rodney Dangerfield and all that stuff, and uh, you know,
it was only a couple of years before he died.
But I guess he had his agency had been in that.
I found out later his agency was in that building
with some of his representation. Um, but I'm still upset.
I I should have said something to him, and I
had like stage fright and I didn't. I didn't say

(01:05:33):
anything to to him, and I was like, that's my
only shot, you know. I'm I was in an elevator
with Spike Lee one time and uh so so Spike Lee.
This is back when Pete Carroll was coaching USC and
they had all the stars, you know where there was
a big event in l A. And I get in

(01:05:54):
the at the coliseum. There was one elevator and to
go up to the press box. And I get the
elevator and it's me Rick Fox and Spike Lee right,
and Spike Lee, I am I am about seven times
the size of Spike Lee, right, and he looked at
me and looked like he was like kind of intimidated.

(01:06:16):
But I got this kind of weird vibe from Spike
Lee that is like this guy could kick my ass
and this elevator, you know, when the door was closed
and all this, it was weird. That's pretty good. Yeah,
And uh I didn't say anything of them either. I
think I might. I might have said hello or something
like that, but it was like a brief kind of
it was awkward because he they I think Spike expected

(01:06:37):
to be in the elevator by himself, with just him
and Rick Fox, and then I got in and it
kind of fed up, fed up the whole thing. You know,
maybe they were looking at your attire because uh, yeah,
they were probably dressed the nines and you're probably dressed
like a common man. Right. Well, No, I dressed any
When I used to go those games, I had a
decent outfit on. It was fine. I was an aid
in an elevator once with Jerry Bruckheimer. Oh yeah, we

(01:06:59):
were going from bottom floor all the way up to
the top at Staples Center. Who was a King's game.
Jerry Brockner was a huge hockey fan. So it was
during the Stanley Cup playoffs a few years ago. I
knew exactly who he was, and we had a great
conversation for like ten minutes as people were coming on
and coming off and just talking and ship and talking
about the Kings and talking about hockey in general. Totally

(01:07:19):
nice guy, like, just easy to todd to. Of course,
it always helps when you try to engage in a
conversation as opposed to standing in a corner and measuring
people up there like a fraction of your size. But
uh yeah, well that's and I had. Uh well, I've
told my my Adam Sandler. He walked into me because
he he showed up to a Staples Center. It was
a Knicks game, Nicks Knicks Lakers, and I'm walking to

(01:07:43):
my seat and this guy with his head down, head
first walks into me. Because Adam sander I give him
credit because he he didn't come in through the the
usual celebrity interests is Staples Center. He came in through
the regular interests where the normal people come in. Um.
But then he for some reason thought maybe if I
just keep my head down, they won't realize, you know,
it's Adam Sandler. Uh, and he so he didn't. He

(01:08:07):
had a hat on, like a Jets hat on or
something like that, and he walked right into me because
he was trying. He didn't want anyone to see his face.
So he had his head down and he wasn't even
on his phone or anything like that. He just had
his head down. And uh, you know, so all right,
I don't know what other celebrities I've walked into. More questions,
A few more questions for you. Here, we'll put the
baby to bed. Uh, let's see here, any meany mighty mo?

(01:08:31):
Brian from north Bridge, Massachusetts, Beautiful north Bridge, Massachusetts, God's
Country says, how does Gascon still have a job? Whose
desk is he under? And he says he's the guy.
Also that outed real talk as John from Massoo. So
that's Brian's good work there on the show. So, Gascon,
how do you still have a job? Well, a couple

(01:08:51):
of things. Um got a powerful voice a little bit
better than yours. Here we go, Here we go, Here
we go. I'm half your age, which he helps in
this industry. I have an excellent work ethics. So if
I was like a Madden card with rankings and ratings,
you'd have work ethic as a ninety nine gritted out
grit as anti um. I'm a huge sports fan, student

(01:09:15):
of the game. Don't forget douche bag. No, no, no, no
no one's ever called me a douche bag. And you
can't get a hundred rating on any of these video games. Dumb, obnoxious, whatever, narcissistic,
that is a hundred. Listen, pretends to be Superman. Well,
we all do at certain times of the day, so

(01:09:35):
it all depends when he's he pretends to be Superman,
but when things don't go his way, he's a sniveling
little child. To be fair, though, like you told me
a few weeks ago, I do make you feel young
again because I have revitalized your your faith. I have
never said that. That's a bull shit. We talked about
this to open up that podcast, because you've wanted to
do this for years. I never have. You could, Well, yeah,

(01:09:56):
I could have done it with I could have done
it with the you know mouse. You know, I could
have done it with her raccoon or something. I'll remember
that next week. Yeah, all right, why don't we move on?
Don't stick to sports stories the week? What do we
have here guest on this week and the don't stick
to sports stories of the week. I got all kinds
of things go on. How about this? Well, all right,

(01:10:18):
go back to your personal life then, real quick, how
did you propose the misses? I proposed tour uh at
the right right in downtown Los Angeles. Actually we're outside
a famous theater in l A on Hope Street, and
Uh I got down on my knee there and made

(01:10:39):
the big proposal. And we went out to these stinking
rows uh the Great Garlic Restaurant and had a nice
meal and the rest is history. Well, okay, so you
did that and then got married in Hawaii, right, Yes,
we got We got married in Kawaii, the Garden Island
on Poi Poo. If you when you go to the
airport in Apoo and you drive north in Kauai on

(01:11:04):
the one highway they have there in Quai between the
mile three and mile four marker, there's a small dirt road.
You take that dirt road and you'll need to have
your car aligned if you If your car makes it
a lot of potholes and bumps and whatnot. And then
go to the end of it and there's this deserted
stretch of beach and that is where that is where

(01:11:25):
I got married. That's romantic. Well I bring that up
because this this is like if your mirror side is great.
But how about this an East Coaster, A guy in
Erie County, New York, actually stage a proposal to his
girlfriend by staging an actual robbery inside of a convenience store. Uh.
Security footage actually captured the entire event where a man

(01:11:47):
appears to be robbing the convenience store with a gun
before leaving and then coming back in. He follows the
store clerk and then gets down in front of his
girlfriend who was there with him, and gets down on
bend and knee and proposed to her, all on camera.
Security footage though. Yeah, well that's good for the woman
because she knows what the marriage is gonna be like
in the future. You know what I'm saying, Like, he's

(01:12:09):
gonna if things go bad, he's gonna start robbing banks.
They'll just he'll choreograph everything, He'll he'll align everything up.
That's that's how that goes. We we mentioned parking earlier.
How about this. A third of hospitals in England right
now put up car parking charges last year tolling over
two hundred and fifty four million euro, So you compute

(01:12:32):
that in the US dollars, but two d four million
dollar two million euro for people from people going to
see sick people at hospital, yes, patients visitors. Well that's
kind of like the thing here you gas on like
season you do. I know you're gonna go with this, No,

(01:12:53):
I don't do this. Well, well no, I'm I'm just
saying they have like valet parking, and they have paid,
like I like hospital, You shouldn't have to pay for
parking in a hospital, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
we get. So there's valet parking at hospitals here and
also at malls. Like there was a ninety nine cent
store when I lived in Mid City, l A near

(01:13:14):
the I lived near the Grove for for years before
actually the grove was there, and then a couple of
years after they built the grove. But I lived in
an apartment over there, and there was a ninety nine
cent store that in the afternoon, hand to god, had
valet parking. I don't understand why you would need valet
parking to go to a ninety nine cent store, and

(01:13:35):
it was that was like the only store that was
in that area, and they had guys with red valet
vests that would park the cars. I mean it's like,
what are you doing? You know you're isn't god damn
ninety nine cent store? You do not need the valet
park anyway. Um, so that that's right. The whole parking
thing is a night. I hate paying for parking, right,
I would rather walk five miles than pay for parking. Yeah,

(01:13:58):
you mean both we go from car too. Insects, how
about this? Ben? Researchers in Mexico have identified a new
species of spider, which I kid you not. The venomin
said the spoder and the spider is capable of rotting
human flesh. Have ever been spider? Yes? I have been
been by spider like a bad bite. Like I'm talking

(01:14:20):
about something that's like the size of like I don't know,
like a thumbnail or like a nut. I mean it
was never that bad. I mean, we have spiders that
you know, everyone's got spiders. I don't know how you
get rid of spiders. And there's I happen to live
in an area a lot of trees around here, so
there's a lot more bugs and all that critters and
things like that. But yeah, no, I I don't. I

(01:14:42):
don't have any terrible spider bite. Like. Guy, we have
brown recluse spiders around here. Those are pretty bad. What
color are they are? They like black? Or they brown
at all? Or you know they're like brown. They they
were crawling around here. You see him, I'll show you some.
When you come over, everyone will bite you. Yeah, that's
exactly what I want to have. Is So they just
determined they they this sounds weird to me. Like this

(01:15:04):
they just found out there's a spider that that rots
human flesh. Yeah, it won't kill you. The venom itself
will not kill you, but it will leave a scar.
So at least you get to you a little up
and up. So that's a good story to tell, you know,
I'm gonna go from parking to that. Um, there was
another story I wanted to get into. They gotta be
brief on it since, uh, well it's no longer with

(01:15:26):
us anymore since it was taken down. But did you
hear about a man who farts? His farts are so
deadly he actually kills mosquitoes within a six meter radius. Yeah,
I believe that to be bullshit. I don't think that's
a real story. You think that's a legitimate story. I
do not know, I don't. I mean, it's a funny
story and I saw this story, but I yeah, that

(01:15:51):
that has to be like parody that I think the
reason that story was deleted was because that story is
not true. That that's my theory on that. But it
is a hilarious headline that a man's fart is so
deadly that he would kill mosquitoes, right, And I think

(01:16:13):
I think the story said that that they claimed that
that people were trying to uh trying to package they
were studying his his fart. But it came from the
sun in the u K. Gone with the wind was
the headline. And uh, the man who's deadly farts can

(01:16:36):
kill mosquitoes hired to create mosquito repellent made from his
intestinal gas. But yeah, I don't buy it. I think
it's fake. I don't have a photo of the guy.
He's a forty eight year old guy from Uganda in
the in Africa, and he wears the same hat I wear.
So you know, it seems like a good looking chapter.
That's not bad. That's not bad. Yeah, why not? All right?

(01:16:59):
That is uh, that is it for now. We all right,
I know you've got a plenty of things to dip
into Tonight's we'll stay away from the NFL stuff. But
uh yeah, I know that you're not wanna pat yourself
on the back, so I will pat you on the
back for we we clip six figures podcasting downloads. We
started this journey one end of September, beginning of October. Yeah,

(01:17:22):
and we published so week one of the football season,
so fifteen weeks of this is week fifteen years four weeks. Yeah. Yeah,
So we're past six digits. So we gotta thank everyone
that's been listening, downloading, commenting, saying nice things about you
and bad things about me. Uh, still participating because it's
important to get that kind of momentum as we head

(01:17:43):
in because I know, as you smooth at the company event,
you've got some things on your on your block that
need to be taking off of it. One includes uh,
sponsored reads on a podcast. I know I would love
to do commercial reads on this. I think I'm pretty
good at commercial reads and I loved I love our
responses with us is advertising when the advertising business? And

(01:18:03):
why not spread the gospel about great products that we
can we can sell. So it's it's been a good run.
I mean we're not over yet. We're gonna keep doing
the podcast. I guess although I'm taking some time off,
they still do the podcast. I mean I'll probably still
do it. I'll likely still do it. Uh. You know,
I have some studio changes that are coming to also guests.

(01:18:25):
Remote studio is changing a lot. Yeah, I mean, like
I said last week's podcast, you have thousands of dollars
worth of equipment and said your studio. And I was
dealing with a small um handheld camcorder and a small
microphone and a MacBook to record last week's edition or
two weeks ago. So yeah, that's that's not true. That's

(01:18:46):
the Ivory Towers, the ben mallor private studio. Well, you
live in a fish bowl, and you like your your
microphones are actually a Mr microphone and a baby monitor.
You have those two things, and so anyway, we'll put
the baby to bed, have great weekend, enjoy the football.
This weekend. We'll be back on the and try the
other podcast, which is just a herd oh football podcast

(01:19:06):
picking NFL games. Uh, and tell a friend about this.
Tell a friend. We get you know, one person, one
of your friends listens, and everyone does that, we double
our audience on the podcast. Just have them subscribe. I
always tell you know that we used to do this
on the radio, where if you have like elderly grandparents
or whatever, and just have them or your parents are
are a little older, get their smartphone and and subscribe

(01:19:30):
for them, and we get credit for that. It's that's
simple as that. Even if they don't listen all the time,
we still get credit for it. All right, have a
great weekend. We'll be back on the radio and the
Magic Radio Box Sunday night into Monday, eleven pm in
the West on Sunday two am in the East, and
we'll catch you next time.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Host

Ben Maller

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Party Crashers