Poop Festival

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, the clearing house of hot takes,
break free or something special. The Fifth Hour, which Ben

(00:24):
Maller starts right now. That it does, and we are
in the air everywhere, Do not be hoodwinked, Do not
be bamboozled or hornswoggle. This is the real McCoy here
for your weekend listening pleasure. Plausibly, it's about sports, but
let's be honest here, the Fifth Hour has morphed into
something else. I don't know if that's good or not,

(00:45):
but it is loosely related to the sporting world. And really,
what I've determined here is that we only talk about
sports when there's nothing else to talk about. We we
then begin with sports, and one of the reasons for
that I will explain here in a second. But we
are available here in the air everywhere, the vast power
of I Hearts Podcast Network available, as you know because

(01:08):
you're listening right now wherever you get your podcast, to
tell a friend, Tell a friend, tell a friend, subscribe
to the podcast. One minute. That's all we ask. You
can be the one minute man. You'll be a hero.
You know, another walks of life. If you're the one
minute man, you're not a hero in this. You're a
hero because all we need is one minute. That's it.
One good minute. And I know this is mind boggling,
but one good minute and we get credit and that's

(01:31):
all we need. So that's that's it. We just need
a minute of your time, download the podcast, subscribed to
the podcast, and that we'll keep doing the podcast. Maybe
we'll even get paid for it at some point. Now
I do this with someone who is Public Enemy number one,
a heathen. He's like a pariah. He might as well
play for the Astros. David Gascon, who is here. He

(01:53):
got his cards. Hold, we'll talk more about that later.
Hello Gascon, I'm you know what. I went to talk
a healthy amount of sports. We try to intertwine it though,
because unlike your show, which is strictly sticking to sports,
otherwise guys get triggered. We try to go off the
beaten path a little bit. We have a little spice
and variety and some humor and some stories behind everything

(02:14):
we do here. So you know it's a mix and match.
But you've got it all week long anyway, right, So yeah,
well I do save some stuff, Like I mean, there's
some of the personal stuff. I feel like this is
for the hardcore hard oh group, you know what I mean.
Like this is like a special group here that listen
to this. These are like the top one percent of
the Mallet militia that download the Fifth Hour. Because it's
not the radio podcast goes to everybody. This podcast is

(02:39):
you gotta like search around for it a little bit. Yeah,
but we we have it housed on your your site
for Fox Sports Radio, so it is it is right
there embedded with everything else throughout the week. So it
just caps off the week. It's a cherry on top
for the for the people like a little color in
their life. Yeah. Anyway, So as far as what's coming

(02:59):
up up on this podcast, we have the gall bladder
punching Back, Costco dust Up, the King of All Douchebags
grab Bag, and we also have study This and I
assume we'll also do you know, don't stick to sports
time permitting. Of course, we got some really good studies
this week. I feel now it's just gonna be one

(03:19):
podcast or two podcast this week. What are we looking at?
We'll do one? I mean we he really pushed it
last week. I felt like I feel like it needed
a meal and maybe some water and a towel after
having to do all that hard labor last week. For
it wasn't hunting. A lot of hard labor. Was wanting
to sit in your ass so you can get hemorrhoids
from talking. I mean, you didn't even talk that much.

(03:40):
I'm the one that talked. I have to carry the
water up the hills. The type people talk during your
shows or during your podcast your bitch and moan about
it like this is mine, my name's on it. I'm
the headliner here, I'm the showcase right out of com
press release for me and have only my name attached
to it. That's Ben Mellay. Well, you gotta know that
you're the old I'm the alpha, and that's in this relationship.

(04:03):
I'm the alpha dog, all right, and I am marking
my territory, urinating all over the podcast is what I'm doing.
You're more like the queen and I'm like Commander Bond.
I just you know I'm here, God save the Queen,
and here I am for you. Yeah, you know the
term there's a thing called the centaur, which combines a
man and a horse. But what happens when you combine
a man and a donkey? What do you call that?

(04:23):
Because that would be you, that would be with you.
I am the citadel for your little your little Kate
crusade throughout this journey. If you're about as good as
the citadel basketball time. This football team, what's that? Or
the football team or the football team, either way? Exactly?
All right, let's let's get into it. Is my man
marcelu would say, this wonderful, glorious weekend as we have

(04:47):
the last full weekend of February, right, this is it.
And then next weekend you got that that gazzy twenty
ninth day, and then we go into March after that.
All right, so the gall bladder punches back. Now, this
is a story I was debating whether or not to tell.
I did not tell it on the radio. It is
tremendously humiliating, It is tremendously unbelievably ridiculous. What has happened

(05:08):
to me? But I figured, since this is only for
the one percent that listened to the Fifth Hour podcast.
I I thought it was would be perfect. So a
little little backstory for you. Prologue, I believe, is that
what I call it. So last November I started feeling
under the weather and I thought I was having, um,

(05:31):
a little case of heartburn hartburn. So I thought I
had some heartburn. And uh, you know, I'm a bit
of a workhorse. I don't like to take time off.
I don't know, I say, I just power through. I
I learned to have a little bit of grit. You
have a little grit in life, and so I tried
to power through. I ended up in the hospital and
they shot me up with morphine and they realized right

(05:54):
away that I was having a gall stone attack. And
so on November three, I had my gall bladder chopped
out of me. I had some emergency surgery. I was
in the hospital for like a week because my goal
bladder was really bad. Um And and the thing is like,
since this has happened, here we are in late February,
it really has not affected my life other than I

(06:18):
have some gnarly scars. I mean, if you're looking at
me with my shirt off, that's bad. Anyway, but it
looks even worse now because I got some scars on
my chest where they chopped me open. And but it
changed this week alright, So on Wednesday, why was Wednesday
different than all of the night saw? On Wednesday Show?
I ended up I fast during the week. I usually
eat like one meal on Sunday afternoon. I tried to

(06:41):
eat Sunday afternoon. I don't eat Sunday night, don't eat
Monday at all, don't eat Tuesday until like Tuesday night typically. Um,
but sometimes I'll skipped to uh to Wednesday. But anyway,
so this week I skipped a couple days on Wednesday show.
So Tuesday into Wednesday, which is Wednesday Show, I end
up breaking my asket, and I broke it a little
later than normal. Um, my wife very kindly cooked up

(07:05):
a delicious meal of grilled chicken and uh it was
kind of an Asian dish with some rice noodles, and
that was wonderful, very delicious, yell meat to my tummy.
But what I've learned is with the gallbladder here, when
you fast and then you you know, you go a
couple of days without eating and then you eat, you
generally have to go to the bathroom within thirty or

(07:28):
ninety minutes, and there's no controlling it. It's life without
a gallbladder. So if you have your gallbladder, be be appreciative.
So so here here's the point of the story. So
I knew I knew at some point I was going
to have to spend some time on the throne. I
knew that, and I had eaten a little later than
I wanted to. But here's the problem. That part didn't

(07:49):
really that part hasn't really impacted my life. So but
I had to leave to go to work. I got
a long drive to go into the Geico Fox Sports
Radio studios. So I make the drive problem. I go
to work and I'm like, oh wait, maybe I don't
have to go to the bathroom now. Maybe everything's good.
Maybe I'm all right, Maybe this is I've moved past
this and I'm fine. So I'm in my little booth.

(08:12):
They're getting ready for the show, doing some copious research
for the for the show that night, and about thirty
minutes before we're scheduled to go on the air, I
get that feeling. We've all had that feeling. It's called
the runs, all right, Now, I immediately stop, I drop
what I'm doing. I then made an executive decision which

(08:36):
I would end up regretting get backfired, that I was
going to use. I was not going to use the
bathroom downstairs because we've got a bunch of animals that
work in our building and I would rather I would
rather use a public bathroom outside a whorehouse than the
bathroom that we use on a regular basis, because people
are disgusting and you know, as as Dion Sanders ranted

(08:58):
this week, guy's aim all over the US. So what
I did, guess Hunt, I said, you know what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna go to the corporate offices of
the Premier Networks. I am gonna go into the main building.
I'm gonna take the elevator because I know the time
they clean the bathrooms by the time I get there.
The cleaning clue crew in the building, the main We
don't have a cleaning crew in our building, but in

(09:19):
their building, they clean everything in that that place, that
part of the building by the time I get there.
So I'm like, I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna
have a clean bathroom. Everything will be great. And this
is where all the executives who pay Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh,
Steve Harvey, Ryan Seacrest, all these big stars at Premiere.
The corporate headquarters, the Global Center is right here, but

(09:43):
at night it's empty, and I have access to it,
and it's got a really cool bathroom. So I'm like,
all right, I'm gonna do this. So I'm walking through
the courtyard now. I happened to walk out with wreck
Itt Ralph, which was a problem because he delayed me
because he told me another story about hacks. So he's
delaying me, which totally screwed the whole thing up. But

(10:05):
I made it in the building. I waved at the guard.
I kept moving because I knew I had the runs.
Gotta hurry up, got a house. I go to the
secure elevator elevator there in the building. I used my
card key to get up to the floor I need
to get to. I walk out of the elevator. I
am then making a right hand turn. I've made that turn.
I make another right hand turn. Now right here, this

(10:28):
is the moment where I see pay dirt. Right there's
this long hallway. It's really long, and think about a
big corporate office is long hallway and on the left
hand side is the men's room. I've got nothing at
this point but open field. I'm the running back at
about the twenty yard line, and uh, no one's in
front of me. No one, There's only people behind me.

(10:50):
There's no one in front of me. I'm gonna make
it right wrong guest gone popery poop. I got the ships.
As I turned that corner, I pooped my pants. And
this was a total fucking nightmare. Uh So, at this point,
I've got about twenty two minutes, two minutes or something

(11:14):
like that till we go on the air. Now, this
is a job that you can't be wait for. You know,
if you have certain jobs you can call up and say, hey,
I'll be a few minutes later or whatever. They don't
really care. You gotta be on time. The show starts.
When the show starts, So I scramble. I'm in scramble mode.
I put my game face on right now. I tried
to contain what I call the Exxon Valdis as an

(11:35):
outdated reference, but I try to contain the spill and
I did. It was it was an underwear situation that
took the brunt of the damage. All right, So what
I did then? You know, I'm I'm like, oh man,
I got it. What am I gonna do here? So
I took him off. I'm in the bathroom here. I
took care of business. I then did what's the term

(11:59):
for cleaning up in the bathroom? You know that I
forget the term that you take a shower in the
sink kind of thing, not as a as a slang term.
But maybe somebody can send it to me. I don't rememberbody.
I'll probably say the wrong thing. It'll be be in
trouble or whatever. But but anyway, so I washed up
as much as I could. Uh and uh, and then

(12:19):
I carried the soiled underwear out. Why why didn't you
carry it out? Because I mean I could wash. I
got a bunch of questions, so keep going, all right,
So I walk out. So at this point, I'm I'm
going I'm I'm rambo, I'm commando because that's what I
am doing, commando style. So I cleaned up again. I

(12:41):
cleaned up everything pretty much I could, I thought, because
you know, corporate people, I could just imagine the president
of the Premier Networks coming in and seeing ship all
over the bathroom. And then you know, you know, goodbye.
I'm done. So I cleaned up everything and I did
all this in twenty two minutes, twenty one minutes or so,
and then I walked out. I went to the car.

(13:02):
I had a little thing of cologne, and I figured
I probably smelled like ship because I shipped my pants.
So I spread cologne all over the place, and uh,
and then I walked into the building. Now here's the question.
I did the show. I didn't say anything. Now here's
the question who. It's multiple choice. Who on the staff
figured out that I had a problem. Was it a Roberto,

(13:26):
b Eddie, C Cooper, Loop or D none of the above?
All right, So the process of elimination, I'd had to say.
You can eliminate Eddie for two reasons. One is he's
in a studio that you guys can't see each other,
and two, he doesn't engage with you at all. That's right, Um,
Coop is oftentimes a loof during your show. Man Roberto

(13:54):
is there, but I don't know if come on, guest guy,
I'm gonna say D. None of the you think that
nobody on my staff, these hard working people that are
extremely important to the show, that nobody noticed that the
host of the show shipped his pants twenty minutes before
the show. Yeah, I'm gonna say no, Well no, he
had nobody all right, the correct answer reveal answers. Reveal answers.

(14:20):
You are correct. Not a single person noticed that. I
had a very unfortunate situation that hadn't happened to me
since I was a child, take place a few minutes
before the show. I was getting a little worried because
the crew has a reputation. I didn't want to soil it.
You know what you're providing me about I I must
have smelled. There used to be a young lady that

(14:42):
worked at our building. She didn't work at Fox, but
she worked across the hall. I don't know if I've
told this story before. Um, but somebody, one of the
I think was Jerry, my producer at the time, I said,
you know, I think she's, um, she's like a stripper.
And I said, what are you talking about. She's she's
a good looking girl. Whatever. I don't, I mean, why
would you call her a stripper? That's I mean, that's

(15:04):
she's just a regular girl with her No, I said,
he said, Smeller, she's got the perfume of a stripper
and uh and sure enough, like when she was in
the building, she left a certain smell in. I mean
it was it was a nice smell, but it was
over the top perfume. And sure enough, when she was there, Jerry,

(15:27):
I guess she had done some adult stuff. Actually not either,
that's like the next level. Jerry found some of the
photos on the internet. What's her name? And it's pretty wild.
What's that? What's her name? I don't even remember her name.
I mean, I don't know what she's doing now. She
maybe she's doing that full time. I don't know. But
it was really funny because I'm guessing I smelled like
that where you because I put so much cologne or

(15:48):
whatever I had on. Yeah, I was like I was
trying to counter the smell that I thought I had.
But then I'm like, well, I'm sitting in a room
by myself. These guys don't really talk to me, so
I'm I think I'm pretty good. It's like, it's not
like I have to go out and speak in a
public square in front of even I am in the
public square, but I'm like hidden in the public square. Yeah. No,

(16:08):
so you're referencing a biday. Correct, I wouldn't know. But
day what that's that's what the thing with the water
that cleans up everything? Yeah? Right, no, no, no, I'm
telling you there's a term when you're in the bathroom
and you shower, but you only use the sink to shower.
I don't know. Alright, So can I ask my questions?
Are you done with the story? Are you gonna interrogate me?

(16:30):
Are you gonna get a little bit the third degree?
A little bit? Yeah? But these aren't gonna be scripted. Um.
First off? First off, what were you? What were you wearing?
What was your tire for the night? All right? So
I had a guy a long sleeve sweatshirt kind of
like the thing the baseball players were under their jersey.
And then I had sweatpants on, I had shoes on. Okay,
what color were the sweatpants? Fortunately, they were black. Okay,

(16:52):
that's good. And in your shoes what color were those?
They were also black? Black? Good tennis shoes on it.
That's good because sometimes as you wear sandals and we
not usually I usually wear shoes, though I usually wish
I know, Um, was there any kind of markings on
the floor on the runway towards the bathroom. No. But

(17:14):
in the bathroom when I pulled everything off, there was
some stainage. All right, What did you do with the
underwear once you were done with it? Alright? So I
tried to wash off the stank as much as I could, um,
but that was kind of disgusting. And then I just
I kind of made it into a ball. The part

(17:38):
that wasn't soiled. I wrapped around the part that was
so I could hold it, um and I and I
then uh made the walk of shame and carried it down.
Where'd you carry it too? Though? Did you put it
into the studio? Did you put it in your car? No? No,
I put in the back of my car. Put in
the back of my car, which is uh. And I
was like, well, it's gonna smell, but it was cold.

(17:59):
It was kind of cool that night. So you didn't
put in the trunk? No I Did I put in
the trunk, Yeah, the back of the trunk. How how
was your opening monologue after that? You know, nobody even't
seemed to notice any different. I was just screaming like
a lunatic about the astros and so that's pretty much
what I on the only thing I've been doing that's

(18:20):
become the centerpiece of the show. And so I don't
think anybody really noticed any difference. I pulled it off.
I'm like the Astros. They pulled off the perfect crime.
I pulled off the perfect ship your pants before twenty
minutes before network radio show? Did you know full disclosure?
Did you know that there was a floor below the
one that you went on that is also operated by

(18:41):
Premiere that you can access? No, I think I was
on the right. Well you're so you're saying, like the
third is that? Is that all you're saying? Yes, I
didn't know. I never go there. I I'm usually, uh,
the fourth floor guy. I'm usually a fourth floor guy
because I wasn't going to go to the fifth because
I know there's people they're doing show those. Yeah, so
I don't I wouldn't do the fifth. I thought the

(19:04):
fourth was good. I've done that before. That's corporate offices mostly,
and they're all gone at five o'clock, so I knew
they had been gone for many hours. And I know
they cleaned those bathrooms. They scrubbed those scrub a dub dub.
They scrubbed those so good. Because they do not they do.
I want those corporate people upset it. All right, So

(19:25):
here's the other here's the last question, type right, the
final question. When you got to the fourth floor, did
you go through the glass doors? No? No, I knew
where the bathroom if I had planned this out. You know,
I learned when I was younger, reading Sun Zoo's book
The Art of War, that you've got to have a plan.
And so I realized, guest gone, I knew where the

(19:46):
bathroom was. I mapped the whole thing out of my head.
I had a whole plan. Ralph left me up a
little bit wreck at Ralph by talking to me, but
I don't think that would have mattered anyway. I believe
that I was just because of the gall bladder. This
was gonna This was inevitable. It was a bad job.
I mean, I should have just used the public bathroom downstairs,
but I tried to go with hygiene and I got burned.

(20:08):
No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. And this
is amazing because just a week prior to this, we
actually talked about someone I think asked us a question
about that. When we talked about, um, have you ever
literally shoot your pants. Yeah and yeah thanks to yet again,
guess gun yet again remember uh you you famously said, hey,
have you ever heard of the emergency surgery? And uh

(20:31):
and then like a week later, I'm in the operating
room that you're a schmuck. You are you know what
you are? You're a plague. Gives what you are? This
is unbelievable. All right, heyway that's my that's my gall
bladder punching back story. So I guess does that make
me more relatable or are people gonna hate me more now?
Or I'm not sure how it works. I don't think

(20:52):
it's relatable because you don't get too many people that
have had their gallbladders removed, and outside of the guys
just have accidents. Though my wife was I told my wife,
she's like, well, she she said, she hears it like
places like Home Depot and Lows. A lot of those
construction guys are going there to take a dump because
they don't have bathrooms they can use, and they'll shift

(21:13):
their pants. Sometimes they'll just leave the underwear in the
in the bathroom at Home Depot and Lows. That's soiled underwear.
Oh man, that's that's tragic. Yeah, and I moved past it.
I'm I'm alright, and I've learned my lessons. So from
now on, I know I have between thirty and ninety
minutes when I fast. I go to day fast. I

(21:33):
usually once a day, but if I do it two
day fast, I know I have to have thirty to
ninety and if I don't go to the bathroom, this
is going to happen again. So I need to plan
out better. And I really have to cut off when
I eat by a certain time otherwise this is this
oil is going to become flowing out. Now do you
think if you would have had anything that was solid

(21:54):
this would have saved you, Like if you had anything
I don't want to say high in fiber because I
would have made you go anyway, but anything with I mean,
I don't know bread or rice, No I no I had.
I had a little rice, but no, it's just and
I'm not a doctor. I can play one on the
on the radio. I play a lawyer on the radio.
But there's something related to the gall bladder and fasting

(22:17):
where it's it's unavoidable. It doesn't matter what I eat,
like I've eaten fried. I used to think it was
just because of fried food. Yeah, but this this was
not This was grilled chicken and some some rice cooked
in rice dood was cooked in the pond. Man, you
are saved by the fact that you work at an
overnight shift and there was nobody in the building. Oh yeah,

(22:37):
but clearly, I mean if I had, I mean it
would have been a nightmare if I during the day
with all those people wandering around wearing nice clothes and
all that, and if if I had an important meeting
to go. Imagine if I had to go to some meeting.
Oh yeah, just imagine if you actually took the time
to show up early to work and prep and get
here at a responsible time, none of the stuff would

(22:57):
have happened. Well, I was there a responsible is I have?
You know the I have the home set up. I
know you're not at that level game. I'm not prep
and not relatable. I have internet access, and I know
you're kind of generic and all that. You do a
little cookie cutter prep, But I I have I spent
a lot of time. I'm type A when it comes

(23:18):
to show prep. I kind of feel bad for you,
and in some ways you don't I do they do
this is? I think you're enjoying my misery. You're doing
some schadenfreud. No, I don't do it like that. I mean,
that's time and place for everything, but it is. It
is reliable for a lot of people that that listen
to your show, especially because we get a lot of

(23:38):
people around the country that drive a ton and there's
not a lot of drop offs. There's not a lot
of get off the runway or the off ramp and
and and go, and that's just nature of the beast.
But a pro tip, find your nearest, nicest hotel and
you're safe. As soon as you walk into the hotel,
make sure you're on your cell phone or pretend like

(23:58):
you're talking on your cell phone, and head straight to
delivery and then you're good. Yeah, that's good. You know
what I did One time I had a situation where
I was I met a friend, my gambling buddy Hunter.
I met him for lunch and I knew that this
was gonna happen. So what I did was I walked
around Tar, I walked around Target, and I used the

(24:20):
facility at Target. At Target, yeah, I wanted a Costco,
but I Costco was too far away. I like Costco
because they have three rolls of toilet paper and each
each to all there at cost. Speaking of costco have
we just done twenty five minutes almost on me shipping
my pain? We've done We've done defication podcast. So we went.

(24:40):
We went for the month of January, we went all
death talk and now in February we've done all defecation sore.
And when can we get like the people at porta
Potty to smile this or the squatty potty people to
sponsor this. You know what your birthday is coming up,
Maybe we should get you some diapers. Well I'm heading
that direction here. You know what they call that in

(25:02):
the Civil War? This is this is a random thing.
This my head so so fucked up. So I remember
watching the documentary about the Civil War. You know what
they call what I happened to me in the Civil War?
They called it the Tennessee Trots, is what they called it.
It's another way of saying dysenterry, but it's the I
had the Tennessee Trots. That is what I had. I was.

(25:23):
I jumped on the poop train. This is great. This
is probably a little bit of karma since you were
taunting and flaunting your your Taco Night and Taco Day
with Bob Fesco over in Kansas City, the Great Bob Fesco,
respected member of the radio fraternity, the Brotherhood of Sports
gas Bags right number one morning show in Kansas City.
And we're hanging out, we're schmoozing at El Coyote on

(25:45):
Beverly in l A. And drove him over to the
Getty After that, the Getty Center dropped him off, gave
him a ride over there. It was a wonderful a
wonderful time to talk to a professional, respected broadcast and
it was just absolutely got a little ship on your
nose now and not on your ass anymore. Fox Sports
Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation.

(26:06):
Catch all of our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot
com and within the I Heart Radio app search f
s R to listen live. All right, So the Costco
dust dump dummy, the Costco dust up dummy. So last weekend, uh,
but my life is turning into a sitcom. So last
weekend I made my traditional sample run at Costco, but

(26:28):
I decided to change it up gas gun and I
went to a different foreign location than I normally do.
And this was in several cities over from where I.
Usually there's two costcos I rotate in my area, so
I'm like in between two costcos. This was a totally different.
It's like, this is about the thirty minutes away. I

(26:48):
just happened to go there. I I do some business
in that area, so I thirty minutes away. I figured
I would give the local sample workers that tanned out
the food the week off, and so I ended up
getting into a verbal rhubarb with someone at Costco. All right,
this is again, this is not my Costco. This is
just some other Costco and I end up getting into
a bit of a dust up. Now you want to

(27:10):
take a guess here was this is multiple choice? Was
it a a customer at Costco, be a Costco employee
that wanted to see my Costco card and stop me
at the door, or see none of the above. Well,
it's gotta be somebody, so I'll go with B. All right,

(27:31):
that is correct. I got into a disagreement with the
people handing out the samples, one person in particular, guy
or girl woman. All right. So they had this little
popcorn thing with like sugar on top or whatever. They
little pop big bags of popcorn. They were trying to
to sell. But they had samples, and I figured it

(27:53):
was whatever. But it was free and I learned when
I was a kid, if it's freeze for me. Um.
So I had my rotation, go I had that. They
had a chicken dumpling thing going, they had chicken nuggets.
They had several stands that were okay. I mean i'd
give I'd grade the samples like, uh, I can give
him a CE. So anyway, I'm doing my rotation and
this old woman, this grandmas, you know, she's handing out

(28:16):
the samples. It's fine, no problem with older women or whatever.
That's fine. So she starts giving me this sales wrap
role I'm grabbing the sample. I ignored her. So the
next time I come around, she's a little more aggressive.
She says, do you really like that popcorn a lot?
Don't you? Right now, I'm not interested in play by
play when i'm I'm a whore at you know, samples.

(28:39):
You know what I'm saying. I don't want to hear
the play by play when i'm eating. I want to
enjoy it. I don't need your commentary. I'm gonna hit
the mute button. But I didn't say anything right, just
kind of whatever. So the next time I come around,
she again this, This older woman says, you like that
popcorn a lot? Then this is what set me off.
This was what said off the neutron bomb. She then

(29:00):
it's an addendum, this woman says, why don't you buy
a bag? Now? What do you think? My rebuttal was
nobody fucking asked no. My response was, why don't you
buy me a bag? All right? Now? This woman's then
she's flummacks. This woman's flummicks. Why she's taking it back.
She's like, I can't believe this guy said this to me.

(29:20):
What was the level of audio that you said this set?
It was pretty loud because I was irritated. I was bothered,
and I kept my mouth shut the first couple of
times she annoyed me, But at this point it was
such a headache. I was like, well, screw it, I'm
going it's not my normal costco. So anyway, so I say,
I say that line, why don't you buy me a bag?
She then is like she's knocked back a little bit.

(29:42):
She then says she doesn't have any money. So my
response is, well, guess what, I don't have any money either,
which is true. I didn't have any cash in my
wall at the time, so anyway, so I kept but
I I'm a soldier. I wandered around and the next
three times I made the rounds to get the popcorn.

(30:02):
That woman kept her mouth shut. She did not say
anything to me. You know what that is, guest, gone,
that's winning at the Costco sample game? Us what that is?
Because I've heard, I've talked to somebody. I'm friends with.
Some of these people to hand out the Costco samples.
Their job is just to hand out the samples. Yeah,
they got to give a sales wrap. But you you know,
you do not stop people from getting samples. You know,
they get as many as they want. That's just the

(30:24):
way it is now. That's it. Period stops. So you
meant you made a Costco employee bend the knee as
she was providing samples for you, and you decided to
crush her. I mean, she probably had a smile on
her face when she said this, and almost sudden he
snapped back at her. No, she seemed a little annoyed
that I was taking so many samples. She's seen bothered.
But and it's not really a Costco employee. They sub

(30:46):
let that out third party. I would never do that
to a Costco plus. So was she god, was she
an older or younger woman? No, I said she was
a little older. I don't know. I'm bad at judging ages.
I don't know. Most of those people are are either
really young it's their first job, or they're really old,
and there's not a lot of people in between that
do that job. That was was your wife with you? No,

(31:09):
Unfortunately she was not with me. She's very happy about
that that she wasn't with She would have snapped, she
would have bit her fucking head off. Yeah. Yeah, she
does not appreciate that kind of civil discourse. Oh yeah,
you're you're your better half has some sauce, you're better
a half has a ninety nine fast but that will
cut inside on people. Yeah, she's You've got a potty

(31:30):
mouth and all that stuff. So I love it. Unfortunately,
it was just between me and the person. You've had
ever seen that person again? Yeah, but you've had some
mug again. You've had some brutal dust ups now at Costco.
You've had your car hit, You've you've lost your fucking
cell phone there, and now you've gotten into a roue
bar with with an employee that was passing up free samples.

(31:51):
And you wonder why it's one place I go every week.
It's like to me, it's like my it's my tabernacle,
it's my church, it's my sanctuary. What it is my temple?
You have no kitchen, though, How the funk are you
doing all this at Costco? Well, I'm just wandering around.
I don't buy anything when I'm doing the same like
lately the last month, two months now, I haven't bought anything.

(32:13):
I just get samples. So let me get this straight.
For as frugal as you are, you actually take the
time to drive to a Costco further away to get
free samples of bullshit? Well, I was actually doing something
in the area, so I just happened to be in
the area. But it worked out that way, and uh yeah,
I happened to pop into Costco. And this is more
embarrassed in the new shipping your pants, Oh do you

(32:36):
keep your mouth shut over there? This is I'm embarrassed
for you now. I'm not even happy that. But I
hang out with the flotsam and jetsam is what I do.
I hang out with um. So I invite you my
pants at Costco. And I would have been a lot
better if you actually do that in front of her.

(32:57):
You have had a toxics bill, I apologize. How about
I buy a bag and then shoot all over your feet?
How about that? Thanks? Is that part of the deal?
Is that part of the package. So I invite you
out for a wonderful night of baseball between cal State
Fullerton Tulane and you reject me to go get free
samples at Costco. Well, like, this is what your day

(33:20):
has become. First of all, listen, you wanted me to
do some kind of work. Was enjoying baseball. I do
not work for free. Yeah you do, Yeah, you do.
I do not. I want my work rewarded. I do
not want my work unrewarded. And uh the the simple
Active Charity ends at this pro bono podcast, which we

(33:43):
have still not been paid for. And we've done it
for how many months? Now? Do we had? Seven months?
I think this thing's been going on. Yeah. We launched
it late September early October. Yeah. Yeah, So like if
they're even if you had paid me twenty bucks, I
probably would have done it. But uh no, I'm not
got stuff to do. You know, I got a lot
of things. I gotta go to Costco, I gotta watch

(34:05):
out for my gall bladder. You don't live a busy life,
all right. Well, moving on, the king of douchebags that
would be David gascon Now, I didn't start with this
because I didn't want to feed your ego. I know
you're a narcissist and all that, but you have really
touched a nerve with the Malley militia and every man,

(34:26):
woman and child seemingly united together, all right, they are
united together in their range. You are such a dickhead,
you are. I don't really, I don't know if you
realize it. So for those that haven't been playing along,
it's time to dish out some real talk. Um. And
so David Gascon fix is kind of funny to to

(34:49):
funk with his co workers. And h you are such
a disgrace when it comes to the automobile that literally
Henry Ford and Carl Benz are rolled over in their
graves at the way you drive and the way that
you park. And this led to a feeding frenzy to
to the Malam militias. So the other day I'm pulling

(35:10):
to work a guesstconsta in the news desk, and first
of all, I couldn't get in the building because my
parking pass wouldn't work for some reason. There was a glitch,
which was my first problem. But then I get in,
I drive a little bit, make a right hand turn
into the I Heart Media Slash Premiere Networks parking lot there,
which other people use sometimes. So I go in there

(35:31):
and uh, I immediately see this car in an odd angle. Now,
originally I thought, well, that must be just a car,
you know, stop for a second, then the car will
get out and move on. And then I realized, no,
the lights are off on the car. The car is
not moving. The car is parked at a forty five
degree angle. I guess, uh, crossing over my parking place
which I park in every night, and the one next

(35:55):
to it. The two premier parking spaces are both covered
up by this assholes car. And it is none other
then David Jay Gascon especially known as I was as
they would call it an acute angle that I was
parked debt and uh, I was on the line, so

(36:17):
it was perfect. But you know this, this building that
we park in has eight floors, and I think I
did you guys a little bit of service because you
guys are always in your regular routine, very lazy, showing
up just a couple of seconds before the show actually
goes on the air. And I had to make you
guys walk in additional ten ft ten fifteen feet. So

(36:39):
I think I added a little bit something to your
dynamic of the show, because one, you get the blood
flowing a little bit, because I know you guys are
typically just static and too that you guys actually had
something else to talk about. And uh, I thought you
got the entire show involved, which is nice because at
times a rather dormant for at least three or four hours, um,
and then the list. There is an awful lot of

(37:02):
people in this world that have some sad lives. Call you.
Let's let me give you some call you. Hold on
a sec, Hold on a sec, your mama, Luke, let
me give you some some Mallard militia reaction here. Uh
and how we should adjudicate this, Bob wrote in on

(37:24):
our Facebook page. He said car dealerships use a washable
ink to write on their car windows. Looks like a
Bingo marker, So I say you gotta inc all of
the windows. Russell pointed out the trailer park boys. And
he has a photo here of Cyrus's Corvette where they
wrote on the on the hood of the car dick

(37:46):
with an arrow pointing at the driver. I think that's
a good idea. I think that's pretty funny. Uh Chris says,
clearly guests gone blocking emergency exits and is a safety
hazard immediately in Pound the car are is what he
had to say. Uh. Andre pointed out that Gagon parks
like he's from Houston, right. Fred's very upset, He's he's sad.

(38:10):
He said, who could park in Ben Mallory's parking spot? John?
I thought John summed it up very well and from Colorado.
He said, that's how they park west of the four
oh five. And that's true. John, this is a douchebag move.
But this is a move. The irony, though, is our
studio and the garage is actually east of the four

(38:31):
o five. I know, but you're parking like a west
of the four five guy. That's why I wouldn't work where.
I wouldn't go to that building if it was if
they moved across the four or four oh five and
the one on one in l A. But I would move.
I wouldn't work there. I quit. I'm a pilot, said,
when you make an entrance like that, you can park
however you want. Good job by David. I thought that
was probably the best one that you have about. How

(38:52):
about Kelly from Honolulu? Man says, my son owns a
towing company. We can have that car repode. That's great, Kelly.
Can you get that on a boat? Can you get
that on a boat? Please? There a lot of triggered people.
It reminds me of twict. I'm just beginning here. People,
are you have really soiled? I'll use that word again.

(39:14):
Your your reputation even more. You can't use the same
adjective during the same podcast. All right, let's see. Koli
Klei writes in from Parts unknown and says, since he's there,
do him a solid and check his tires by kicking
off the tire stems. It's what that guy's recommending. Brent,

(39:37):
longtime listener on the number one sports station the country,
k FAN one hundred point three on the FM dial
in Minneapolis. Do you know that's the number one sports
station in the whole country? What is it? Is it
Minnesota than Seattle? I don't know who's in number two.
But I know that that the k fan is number
one the most listened to sports talk radio station, and

(39:58):
our show is on that we're and it's true, man,
Even in the middle of the night, like I have
the local radio in some cities, I feel like there's
more people listening at three in the morning in Minnesota
than there are when I've done mid days in like Denver.
It's crazy, Yeah, because they're I think they have a
blow towards to Well. I also believe they have no competition.
I don't think there's any competitor in the market, and

(40:19):
they cover the entire state. There's like a fan network
around the state of Minnesota. So it's wild man. And
then you know, all those teams usually blow and the
Vikings have been a playoff team, but the Twins, I
guess they've been twin They can't beat anybody, and the
Wolves suck all right anyway, So Brent writes, and he says,
here's the response from Fox Sports Radio Management quote, we

(40:41):
have met with Mr Gagon and he has expressed in
sere remorse and has fully explained his rationale behind his
parking era. Therefore, this time FSR management will not be
punishing Mr Gagon. Furthermore, any retaliation from Mr Mallard any
of his Mallard Militia associates, uh will result in discipline

(41:01):
two said parties. Uh, there you go, says that's that
came right from Scotch Shapiro, who apparently is a big
fan of what's his name, Rob May. I love it
all right? You want more? I mean, I can go
on on here. I do. I do take offense to
the fact that you post on Instagram and on Facebook,
which I'm not on Facebook thankfully, and Instagram I wasn't

(41:26):
properly tagged, so you need to do a better drop
of that. I did tag you on on the Instagram.
I put your little stupid name on there. That's a
great name. It's a good parking job. There's a lot
of triggered people out there in this country. Ben it
is absolutely william Sir Williams says he lives in the Bronx.
He says, this is how we park out here in
the Bronx during snowstorms. What he said, who was somebody

(41:51):
from who is it from Utah? The recommend of the
boot from Hawaii? No, somebody guy? Oh yeah, the guy
from Utah. Yeah, that guy. That's his job. He's parking
in forcement right around like I think he's in Salt
Lake or outside Salt Lake, and he drives around at
night booting people's cars. That's his gig. Can you imagine
seeing that on your car? Waking up one day with

(42:11):
a food on your car? Maybe too, that guy would
do it. He said he would do it. Jimmy writes,
because you're not Steve Harvey, move your vehicle. Yeah, Steve
Harvey did that. We'd all laugh and say that's you know,
do what you want. I'll lick your feet after you're done,
I'll wash your cars. That's exactly how you guys play
this out anybody else. Mike says, I go get some

(42:35):
dogshit and uh put it on the door handle. Doggie
do under his door handle. That's what Brian also says.
Russell says, key that piece of ship. That's what he
has to say. He's an idiot. To um, Emiliano says,
have Roberto's primos come take tires and rims on brakes

(43:00):
and has a good idea wrap the car in plastic.
How about you remember this? They u see this in
the NBA a lot. I don't know if they do anymore,
fill the entire car with popcorn. Popcorn. Yeah, that's a
good bit. That's a good that's a fun thing to do,
but you gotta get access to it. I've I've heard
of people do shaving cream under the door handle or
vasselin on the doors, like the door handle and the

(43:20):
doors um or eggs too. Or you could put something
in the tail pipe, but I think you have to
be careful because that could cause a serious problem. But
there's like the yeah you want to puck really smells
where they people that drive the car don't have access
to it. Or fish, Yeah, like fish is a good one.
The other thing you could do is you could write, like,

(43:42):
you know, a message like hey, this guy's a dickhead,
but you write it on the passenger side and you
take the chance that the driver will not go to
that side of the car, because most people when they
go to their car, they don't walk around the car,
and then that will be on the side of the
car when the person is driving around that you know, Hey,
this guy is an asshole, this guy's a schmuck. That
kind of thing, Dan says. Dan writes in and regarding

(44:04):
your parking here, He's from Maine. And he says, call
a tow truck, tell them that this your car broke down.
You need a toad to a repair shop, is what
he what he recommended. Uh, so you can't read that
on the air. Wait when you can't read that on
the air on podcast, I guess we could. Shane says,
should should you just let the air out of the tires.

(44:26):
See what people don't understand is that one of those
people would never do this, and two that requires work
that none of you guys would ever do anyway. Like
you guys have a hard time getting someone to change
your oil every five thousand or ten thousand miles, let
alone letting air out of someone's tire or trying to
keep it or trying to mark it up with any

(44:48):
kind of invisible ink. Dan Don letter Don writes and says, uh,
you do know that you can say jackass, we can
handle it. Well he is, he is a jackass. And
then this guy is like, hey, there's other people. Just
let the militia handle this. We'll take care of this guy.
Carlos says, let Sean the hood guy funk with his car. Guy, Yeah,

(45:11):
that's one of our listeners. You don't listen ricks as
slashes tires? How about that? Have ever slashed someone's tires before? No,
I have vandalized cars before, like I when I was
really Yeah, wheneveryone started driving in high school. We me
and my buddies on the football team. We uh, we
had some guys on the team that we were goofing on.

(45:32):
So we drove, like ten o'clock at night. We drove
around and just picked up random ship on the side
of the road to put on the people's car, our
guys car, one of the other guys on the offensive line.
And we even like picked up a shopping cart. We
put it on top of the car. We wrapped it
in toilet paper put rotting. There was like a rotting
piece of fish, some leftover food that we put I

(45:55):
mean we get all of it. That's pretty good. Be
sure to catch live edition of the Ben Mallery Show
weekdays at two am Eastern Pacific. Now, do you want
to hear my karma from that story about my parking job? Okay,
the home, No, but the following day. Um, the place
I train at, there's a gym and an in and

(46:19):
out right next to it. They're probably distance wise or
probably about fifty yards away from each other. I get
out of the gym, finished with the workout, and lo
and behold on my car. I had a gift certificate
for ten dollars for in and out. Someone placed it
on the hood of my car. And it was a

(46:40):
bunch of cars that were out in front of the gym.
We all had in and out gift certificates and absolutely
made my day. I went to get a double double
right after. I thought it was really good. I thought
it was I thought a nice touch to what I
had done earlier in the week. Courtesy of the Premier
Radio Studios. This is what you get for trying to

(47:00):
rat out Jonas about a month or a month and
a half ago, taking a picture of his car and
then bitching about parking for him. And it wasn't even
his truck. He tried to air me out a couple
of months ago with my parking job because it was
a couple of feet away from the back of the
parking spot. Who cares, nobody, Nobody cares parking a different

(47:21):
spot in a different lane. Let me explain something to you, dummy. Um,
these are the kind of things you're a nuisance, is
what you are. No I'm not. Do you understand that?
Do you understand the word nuisance? Yes? I do, and
I'm not. That's what you are. This is the kind
of everyday little ship that's an inconvenience in an annoyance,
and it's an irritation. You know. It is because you

(47:43):
had to parces the kind of stuff and you had
to go life more difficult. You had noy You irritate,
you exasperate people because of this kind of stuff. And
this is what leads to hostility. You don't even realize it.
This is you don't even realize that you're agitating because
people can relate to this because everyone's gone to park

(48:04):
somewhere and some dick bag has has gone and parked,
you know, two spaces and there's no You're at the
mall on the weekend, you know, and you want to
park and you find a space, and then you realize
that the guy with the corvette parked in two spaces
and took up the space. You understand. Yeah, then the
backside that is you running to that same guy in

(48:25):
a department store is probably picking a fight with a
teller or someone in customer service over a free samples. Again,
the exact kind of things that make life not enjoyable.
I think you don't seem to think that. You think
this is all funny. I think you're not going to
be able to convert anyone convert not on the right

(48:46):
side of history. I'm gonna I don't need to evangelize
by this because everyone's already converted. They're all the believers
with my doctrine. Oh boy, it's embarrassing. You got a
lot of keyboard warriors that follow you. You know, if
you ever get divorced, I think you'll have no problems
picking up where you left off because you've got plenty
of guys out there that will definitely date you when
you become available. If you know you're jealous, because again,

(49:08):
what am I jealous about? There's no guess gone. I
don't need someone seeking my praises and kissing my toes,
someone trying to wash my underwear when I soiled them.
I mean, you know someone probably did that my own underwear.
Would we should do that? We should put your dirty
underwear on eBay and see how much you'll get sold for.
I can guarantee you someone that listens to your show
I actually buy it. Yeah, Okay, yeah, how much will

(49:31):
they pay for it? I don't know. Put it on
eBay Mallards soiled underwear. See if anybody seriously, I'll sell
I have the underwear. I haven't watched him yet. Unless
I have, why we'll do it all right. Anyway, you
are the King of Douche. Congratulations on that. Time for
our grab back segment. These are actual questions from actual listeners,

(49:51):
and let's get into it on this one as well.
This is from Gael in Apple Valley, California. Have some
friends at live in Apple Valley. Gail says, my husband
thinks that talk is overrated and he hates the Clippers.
Can you please explain to me why he loves listening
to your podcast. That's stuff from Gail. Well, he's clearly

(50:13):
a discerning customer, Gail, And yeah, we do talk about
the Clippers from time to time, but regardless of that,
it is entertaining. How would I describe the show, it's uh,
sports chatter, loosely sports chat o chatter. If I could talk,
that would help. But yeah, people, I have noticed people

(50:35):
have really enjoyed my meltdowns on the astros. That maybe
that's why he listens. Because I have just I'm like
a nuclear bomb every night. Here I'm in route nation
over the Astros. So maybe that's why. I don't know,
but I'm glad he's listening. Thank you, Gail's husband. But
prior to the reason is there's not a lot of
people in the mainstream media that have taken shots at

(50:57):
the Astros, like with the with a bloody bat, like
everyone everyone. There's a lot of people softball in this
thing and kind of adhering to what Manfred has said
and now what the Astros are saying with their interviews
with Ken Rosenthal. I have no idea why there's a
lot of outrage. Theory. I have a theory of y
all right, I thought about it, because you're right. I mean,

(51:19):
the media elites, the cover baseball, the academia crowd, they're
not partaking in the feeding frenzy. It's it's the overnight
radio guy that is doing that night. There's two reasons. A.
I believe a lot of these in our business and radio,
a lot of these people were caught off guard. They
do not want to talk about baseball, they don't and

(51:39):
they were caught nappy. This is a huge scandal to me.
This is not even a baseball story. It's a scandal story,
and there is no better story than a scandal story.
The greatest story of all is the scandal. I ranted
about this. I did a little rant on the the
Show the other night about this, and I believe it
to be true. The scandal is the gift. And so yeah,

(52:02):
you say it's a baseball story because it's about the Astros,
but it's really about the scandal. And every morsel of
a scandal should be chewed up, devoured like a delicious cake.
When you do my job and when you work in radio,
and there's a lot of these guys that would rather
talk about NFL draft rumors, which is what we'd normally
be talking about, or they'd rather break down, you know,
the latest NBA scuttle but whatever Lebron James says. But no,

(52:27):
I want to be part. I want to be one
of the piranha. And there's blood in the water and
I'm part of the feeding frenzy and it's it's great.
I mean, there's many reasons why scandals are wonderful. They're tittilating, right,
you know, other people getting in trouble, breaking the rules.
That's kind of cool. Uh. We can take pleasure out
of this. There's some pleasure and there's no real punishment.

(52:48):
Normally we take pleasure out of the punishment, and uh.
In this case, there's some people taking pleasure because the
Astros got away with it. A right, that's the other
thing here. They got away with this. That's that's the
thing that's upset me. The players, these little snot nose punks,
these Mama Luke's and uh. And there's also a pleasure
that you get because typically this hasn't been the case

(53:09):
with the Astros because they're not apologizing. But normally in
a scandal you have somebody apologize and asked for forgiveness.
That hasn't happened, but normally does. But the most important
part of a scandal is it is a distraction from
the tedious nonsense that I just referenced on sports radio
in February when we're talking about every made up rumor.

(53:32):
These NFL guys, they throw spaghetti against the walls. They
spin the wheel of speculation hoping something sticks. Uh. And
then so that's normally what we do. And I listen,
I'm not against that kind of radio. But to me,
if you can give me a scandal, I'm gonna take
the scandal. Oh yeah, absolutely. The other thing that not
a lot of people have even discussed is that this

(53:53):
was an opportunity for this to be a criminal investigation too,
because when you go down to the you go down
to the heavy meat and potatoes of this. This is
this consumer fraud, isn't it? Where you have it is?
I mean, now, if the conspiracy, like you said, yeah,
baseball has a lot of protections from the federal government.
And the thing that Baseball really has going for them

(54:15):
is that there's an election season, and a lot of
Washington d C. Is so focused on the Democratic race
and Donald Trump and all that that this is in
the back of their minds, just in the back burner.
But if this was not a presidential election year, I
would think that already we would have had Jose Altuve, Bregman,

(54:36):
a j Hine cheff Luno called into the Capitol Hill
area there and have a special you know, congressional hearing
about this. Well the best part because you're you're looking
at what these guys got paid with bonuses for the
World Series. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's it's you're talking about
four hundred thousand dollars or almost five hundred thousand dollars

(54:59):
in in buses. Yeah, and it's you don't know what
you got from Boston, and but you definitely know you
got in two thousand seventeen. And then obviously Carlos kre
had taken shots at Cody Bellinger with ken h the
same guy that got the immunity is saying, you got
to know the facts. Well, I can't get the facts
if you've been given immunity, idiot, don't you just want

(55:21):
to kick him in the nuts. But it's like, it's
this is racketeering, right. The racketeering is obtaining or extorting
money illegally or carrying on illegal business activities. That is,
would anyone disagree this is racketeering. The Astros committed racketeering. Um,
you know, and these some of these guys should be
brought up on grand larceny charges because they're frauds. Uh,

(55:42):
these these players, but it will be gotten gains, that's
how it works. They should not should avoid the trophy, tried,
convicted and executed, Good afternoon, good evening, and good night. Yeah,
just imagine they're part of I mean, well, yea Manchester
was at Manchester City or Manchester United. I think it's
Manchester City. They got banned for two years. How embarrassing

(56:05):
is that European soccer gets it right in baseball does not?
How embarrassing is that for America? Yeah, it's it's a
freaking disgrace, all right. Anyway, Joe writes in with a
political crush. He says, do you think that Roger Stone
is a tough guy or just a phony? Uh? He says,
a trump phony. He says, I love Roger Stone. I
think Roger Stone is one of the great characters of

(56:27):
our time and was part of the great Just Wonderful
um documentary on Netflix, Get Me Roger Stone, which is
one of my favorite, one of my favorite documentaries in
recent years. Here and I saw this week Roger Stone
got about forty months. And that's a federal sentence, right, Yeah,

(56:49):
so you're typically you have to serve out at least
eight of a federal offense if you are convicted. And
so what are we looking at here? Do the math
on that? Guess they said there would be no math.
So if you're doing eighty times four, that's what uh
thirty two? So thirty two months. So he's gonna have
to spend a couple of years in jail. To spend

(57:11):
two and almost three years in jail right now, I'm
sure this is gonna be appealed. Yeah, it should be
if he's got a pretty good case to appeal. And yeah,
after I would say he's gonna have to go to
if he does end up going to jail, you have
to go to jail for until I'm gonna go on
a limb here and say till January. If Trump wins,

(57:33):
he will then get a either either he loses or
he wins, but either way, on the way out of
Trump will pardon him. I just I just love how
federal agents there was, what thirty or forty of them,
plus CNN had a storm a sixty five seven year
old man's house and then bring him out in shackles. Yeah,

(57:54):
you know the old things. I mean, listen, you can
say what you wanted about Roger Stone. You might not
agree with him politically, the guy is one of the
great characters in American politics of of all time. He's
just I was so I was taken a back by
how good that documentary was. I didn't know a lot
of I'd heard about Roger Stone. I didn't know a
lot about him but it was it was crazy. Everyone's
got a lot of dirt. Yeah, he know, he knows

(58:15):
where the bodies are buried, which is a blessing and
a curse at the same time. Uh, let's hear Mike
and Japan says, has Gascon ever injured anyone with his
pathetic parking sales? Gascon? Have you ever heard anyone by
your parking if you backed someone over? No, I've injured
someone driving, but I haven't injured in and parking yet, thankfully.
All Right, Mark in Ottawa writes, and he says, if

(58:36):
Eddie found a new job and you were forced to
pick between Gagon and Ralph as your number two for
the rest of your career, who would you pick? All Right, Mark,
I'm gonna go this is a this is a tough question,
like this is like Sophie's choice. Um, but I'm gonna
go with not to be above what I'm gonna go. No,
I would not want to have either one of these,
but I guess I would probably choose Ralph because what

(58:56):
I would do is I just changed the locks on
the door so Ralph couldn't come in and harass me
every every break that we have. We not that we're
supposed to ever break but every pause that we take.
But I wouldn't pick you, guess because you can't handle
the overnights. You're a daytime guy. You know. It's it's fine.
It's not for everybody. A little tough guy. I have
a little great to work the overnight. Yeah, yeah, I

(59:16):
gotta work an overnight update shift. Um with a lot
of things not trending at two o'clock in the morning,
three o'clock in the morning. What you're talking about, you
gonna have some fire in your in your belly. You
gotta talk about I always have the questionable games of
note and um, yeah, I mean we do that midway

(59:37):
through the season. In the end, there's a lot of
it happens overnight. We get people arrested, in people dying
while on the radio. I I did do Kobe Bryant's
death on a on a Sunday morning at ten thirty.
Heard you really handle that well? I didn't. I handled
it extremely well. Had watch had calls from from Don Martin,
your boss, um, from from Steve Harmon saying it did

(59:59):
a great job. Hub and uh, you know, while's up
doing this reporting it on what was trending you were asleep,
so I had to text you and wake you up,
and uh, yeah, you weren't too thrilled about it. Yeah,
you like sending message here you so and so died.
Thank you. Glad to know somebody die. You don't want
me a part of an overnight show anyway? What's that?
You don't want me part of your overnight show anyway?

(01:00:21):
I know, I don't think you can handle. You'd end
up in the hospital. No, I just it's one of
those things when you're you're accustomed to having people just
throw rose pedals at you and feed you fruit and
serenade you and all that stuff. It's, uh, it's a
little bit different with me. I tend to push back
a little bit and not be so foaming at the
mouth as some of your other fanboys. Be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at

(01:00:43):
two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio
and the I Heart Radio app. Here's a depressing fun fact,
just pressing fun fact. Yeah. Every second there there they say,
roughly fifty nine million people die every year, right, so
they've done the average. That means about two people every
second on average, more than a hundred sixty thousand people

(01:01:06):
die every day. About that? Not coronavirus induced. No, I
mean it just happens. People get old, they die, they
have accidents. I mean, this is what happens. Can we
not talk about death today? I mean we've done a
great job the last night. I'm sorry, but yeah, yeah,
all of a sudden, I have more questions here, jose Right,
since this, what's your earliest memory you can recall? Um,

(01:01:27):
I've been asked this before, Jose My. I don't remember
a lot. I have, just like everyone else, childhood amnesia. Right,
I have childhood amnesia. I forgot a lot um. But
the one, the one memory, the first memory I can
really recall where I was. I was clear as day

(01:01:48):
was when Ronald Reagan was shot like that. I think
that was in n one and I because I was
on the school bus and they had the guy had
the radio, the news radio station was on in the
school bus and I still remember and I was like
the last kid on the school bus, and so the

(01:02:09):
guy turned the radio all the way up and they
were like these news bulletins. President Ronald Reagan has been
shot and wounded in Washington, d C. He's an emergency surgery.
Right now, he's getting out of his limo for some
some speech in d C or whatever. And uh, you know,
the attempted assassination. And so I remember that, I because
I was then the reporter. I then when I got

(01:02:29):
off the school bus, I ran to my mom, Hey, Mom,
the president were shot. You know, an idea her the
whole thing. And that's my first memory. What about you, gas,
I have a couple of them. Actually happened in the
same game. I was playing little league baseball on left handed.
One of my coaches actually got me a left handed
catcher's glove and a game that doesn't say a lot

(01:02:51):
about your parking that you're left handed. That's okay, um,
we're smarter than right hander's um. Anyways, the game that
I played in and caught in, I I had the
buster posey rule not invoked. I got ran over at
home plate by this humongous kid and uh somehow held
out of the ball, and a good job by whoever

(01:03:11):
that kid he was. He was called out, but I
remember just being launched like head over heels. It was.
It was pretty traumatic. I was so excited about being
able to catch and call a game. I did it
play at the plate. I thought I was tough, but
I got truck stick that was absolutely brutal. Do your
video of that? Does your dad have video? Your mom
a video? No? I do you What was your favorite

(01:03:36):
show growing up as a kid. Um, that's a good question.
I when I was little, I liked I was gonna
be a cop or a fireman, so I loved There
was a show called Chips with Pontorello. I love that show.
And there was a show called Emergency. Oh I remember that. Yeah,
it was like about paramedics. Yes, and I loved that show.

(01:03:58):
In fact, you live west of the four oh five
is where that fire station is they used on the
TV show No Kidding, And I'd like to I want
to go buy there sometime because I, you know, just
two memories watching that show when I was a kid.
That's how bad television was. Those are my shows that
I watched when I was a kid. That in like
Tom and Jerry cartoons and Sunday Morning they had all
the greatest cartoons in the world on TV. Had to
wait till Sunday morning. Yeah, and then we had professional

(01:04:20):
wrestling on Sunday, you know, Saturday morning as well. That
was big this Weekend Baseball, This Weekend Baseball. Oh man,
that was before the national Game of the week. Yes,
mine for twin notes around the major leagues. You know,
I learned I learned from Frank Viola on This Weekend
Baseball to throw the circle change because Mel Allen did

(01:04:41):
a feature and Frank Viola that was his big pitch
for the Twins. Yeah, and uh, and I learned. I
tried to throw it. Literally, Yeah, we're gonna get with it. No,
I sucked. It was terrible and one of my favorite
shows that well, actually I liked it, but I didn't
like it. I know, you don't get along with him
too well. Was was Rescued nine one one? Yeah, I
don't know. Do you remember that show? No, I don't

(01:05:02):
really know. Well, William Shatner was the host of that show,
and so it was a docuseries based on It was
like Cops, but before Cops, whether to talk about things
that would happened, whether it was in l A or
Orange County, like crime scene investigations and murders and robbery
and all that stuff. But the music the open, and
then here comes Shatner and you know you're you're a kid,

(01:05:25):
and you know, your dad's a cops so it's kind
of like, oh, ship, this is what he's in the
middle of, you know. Yeah, yeah, no, I I liked
also well, Fred Dryer a friend of the show Hunter
and Hunter. Yes, that was a good show. There was
called a show called Swat. Yeah, it was a cheeseball thing.
Did you watch Killed? Did you watch Mash? I did
a little bit because that was like the number one

(01:05:47):
show when I was a little kid. Yeah, and my
parents would watch it. So yeah, we had that on
from time to time. A questions keep coming in This
is a new in Owensboro, Kentucky, and the news as
who is your favorite colleague at Fox Sports Radio? And
do not say gag on? Well, of course I wouldn't
say that because you guys do a podcast to give
the same question and rules apply to David well a

(01:06:10):
new You know you're trying to get me to pick favorites.
I would never do that unless I would um My
my all time favorite employee Fox Sports Radio as a
former employee. He's now part of the Fox Sports Radio
Alumni association the TV Dentist, so he doesn't count. Um
I get along with like I get along with pretty
much everybody, and there's nobody. There's no real douche bag

(01:06:30):
that works in a place that's in the building. Um,
but I would say like Jonas. Uh. But you know
the guy I love, I love hanging out with and
talking shop is Rob Parker. I get such a kick
out of Rob Parker. I love it. He's a very
interesting live he was a baseball writer for a long time.
He worked at ESPN. He's even those rotating gas bags

(01:06:53):
with Skip Bayliss and all that. I think Rob's awesome.
So I love I love hanging out with Rob. We
we in fact, we need to have dinner gas John.
We need to have a power dinner with with these
guys get together and they talk. Yeah, we definitely need
to do that. I think I will agree with you
with Rob because I didn't know Rob prior to his
day's ESPN. So when he came here along with Cris Brussard,

(01:07:16):
it was like a breath of fresh air. They're just
different takes, different guys, and plus, I don't know, it's
just something about it. I know there's a lot of
people that love football and hockey and basketball, but when
he talked to baseball people, they can just talk and
talk for a while, and it just feels like hanging
out with Rob and bullshitting with him about different things.
We could just talk forever, and it's so in depth

(01:07:38):
with baseball, but then you get to go on his
career and where he's traveled. And yeah, he was a
kid when he covered the Yankees. I think he was
twenty one years old when he was on the Yankees beat,
which was unprecedented because oftentimes when he said with his
paper was that they were required to cover prep sports
in high school sports. But he got launched right away

(01:07:59):
and obviously covering the Yankees as a kid and going
to Detroit and he's been all over the place. So yeah,
I mean, and I think we I wasn't never a sportswriter,
but I got started when I was nineteen. I was
covering Major League Baseball at the time. So I have
some fond memories of the early days. Guys that I
was cheering for for booing a few months earlier, and

(01:08:20):
all of a sudden, I'm interviewing them. It was it
was crazy, but yeah, I would say Rob Parker's And
Plus the thing about Rob is I feel like me
and Rob have the same the same boiler plate of
how to do radio or happening, a lot of opinions
and a lot of you know, we I feel like
it's the similar thing where you're not in. The glass

(01:08:40):
isn't always half full, it's half empty and broken. Yeah.
But well that's the other thing too, is that you
guys aren't grabbing ankles over anybody either. There's a few
of that little pompons and and and a little powder,
a little cushion on their seat and there's a yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean Rob is outspoken, he's frank, he's he's clever,

(01:09:01):
and those are all things I aspire to be. I'm
not I'm not usually those things. But entertaining, I think
the most important thing in radio. People forget this is entertainment.
But there's ways you can get to entertainment. You just
want to be boring, as there's different ways to cut
the cake. You want to be loved or hated, but
you don't want to be in between. Yeah, absolutely, you
don't want to be in between. Uh let's see here,

(01:09:22):
you get a couple more time is getting away from
us though, and some other stuff that we want to
get to. Uh. I always see here, what else? Uh,
Carlos in Bang Bang Houston, Texas says, I am pissed
that Sean the Hood Guy did not win Caller of
the Year. Stop letting Weedman back on the show. Uh,
there you go, he says. Anyway, have you guys ever

(01:09:44):
been part of a natural disaster to a point where
you all had to be evacuated? I know he's from Texas, Carlos,
because he said, y'all that's a Texas thing. Um, No,
I've not. I've you know, living in California, I don't
live in the hills where the fires are, so that
it's never happened. I've been close to fires, I've gotten
the smoke and the ash and all that. But I

(01:10:04):
had to be evacuated, So that's never happened. Um, what
else would you be evacuated for? Like a hurricane? No,
that's never happened. Earthquakes they don't tell you, so you
can't evacuate. So no, what about you guests, ever been
evacuated from your home? No? The closest though, was right
on part with what you were mentioning with the fires.
And I think it was two thousand four, two thousand five.
I was in San Diego and I lived right next

(01:10:27):
to Qualcom Stadium, UH formerly the home of the Chargers,
And I remember one morning, it was the day after Halloween.
I woke up and the sky was just a bright
orange color and it was a horrible night for me
the night prior and I woke up badly hungover, days
and confused from a girlfriend. And I look at my

(01:10:49):
car and it was just covered, and I thought, what
the fuck, why is it snowing in southern California, Because
my car at that time was black. My car was
covered and it was white. It was a picture perfect
white color. And then I get to it, I smell it,
and I touch it, and it's all ash. And so
the fires that were in San Diego, we're near Script's Ranch,

(01:11:13):
and that's where most of the San Diego Chargers actually live,
like Thominson, Vincent Jackson, like a bunch of those guys
lived in that area. But it was a pretty wealthy
area as well, so a lot of those people, those
people that live there had to be evacuated, and a
lot of them actually centralized at Qualcom Stadium. They had
first aid and paramedics and and all kinds of emergency

(01:11:34):
response teams and so a couple of us. You know,
we'd go down there and drop off water and some
of the rations and things. Look at you, Look at
you trying to get compliments for handing out water. How
there you know? I mean, we were all part of
it somewhere all of a sudden, No, but you know
it hits you, right, I could just psyching, narcissist way went,
why you were just bragging last week about goodwill and

(01:11:57):
donating to a charity. Get the funk out of here
with stop. I The reason I did that is because
I felt like I needed to pay off. We had
a contest, and I didn't say that we won the contest,
so I had to say that. Well, I'm just answering
a question, and I'm putting it into content should be
seen but not her alright, true charity should be anonymous. Well,

(01:12:18):
I wasn't tweeting it out at that time. I didn't
take any selfies like look at me, I'm in the
middle of a fire. Wasn't on Facebook or my Space
at that time. So here I am answering a question.
Why can't you accept it? Overbearingly modest David Gasca clearly? Alright,
time now for study. This is it real or is
it bullshit? We got some good ones this week, Yes,
we do, all right, These are actual studies. New study

(01:12:40):
reveals the age most people discover their favorite band their
favorite band, What age do you think that is? Guest?
That is correct? Muse. The results revealed that most people
discover their favorite music artist at the age of thirteen. Now,
this is my theory to me, the golden years of
childhood are between the age of like nine or ten

(01:13:05):
and thirteen, because you're not a douchebag yet, you haven't
become a really horrific teenager, and you remember pretty much
everything from around that age, and so anything that you
experience is going to be something that the rest of
your life. Every band you're going to compare to your
favorite band when you were thirteen. Every in sports, like

(01:13:27):
if you've become a sports fan between the ages of
nine and thirteen and and then the rest of your life,
the athletes are never as good as they were between
the ages of nine and thirteen. The teams are never
as good. Sports are never as fun because you gotta
go eventually get a job, and you have life that
gets in the way and all that stuff. But yeah,
there's that's an amazing time. When you're a kid nine
to thirteen, it's awesome and so much stuff you for

(01:13:49):
the rest of your life, you're gonna judge your life
compared to what happened those years. So when you grew up,
what were your favorite bands at that age? You know,
I was not. I was not into music very I'm
more into music now than I was. Like, I was
such a hard old sports guy that I wasn't really
into it. I got listened to whatever my mom would
listen to, you know, whatever, and that kind of stuff.
But I didn't really have like a favorite band. So

(01:14:10):
I'm not I'm the exception of the rule. What about
you guess? So at that age I was Metallica, Pearl Jam,
Sound Garden, and you can only have one, you can't
have But I don't know. I just thought they were
all good at that time. Yeah, I mean I wasn't. Yeah,
so that you you would think that that's the golden

(01:14:31):
age for you of music, right, yeah, that's you remember.
But for somebody else to be like, oh that music suck,
it was better, you know. When I was a kid, yeah,
I was. That was a great time. Eight nine, ten
years old. Dodgers Lakers, they're all winning something, and I
became a Broncos fan. They were winning something. They get
blown out in Super Bowls. It all came together from

(01:14:51):
me during that time and it fell apart. All right,
now I'm moving on. Let's see A new study finds
that Americans have blank in used gift cards and credits
looking for dollar amount here. Yeah, um, I don't know.
I'll say like seven dollars. No, No, it's total amount,
total amount for the whole country, total amount cards and

(01:15:14):
credit cards. Funk, I don't know. You gotta tell me
on the twenty billion dollars. Now, this has been my
theory on this. The reason stores give out gift cards
and uh and and encourage people around the holidays to
give out gift cards is because a they know it's
it's kind of like the same thing money back guarantee.
Most people will never ask for the money back guarantee.

(01:15:36):
Even if the products defective. They won't ask for the
money back guarantee because it's uncomfortable. You have to You
have to go through the phone system where go meet
someone and you have to explain the situation. There's a
lot of red tape. But I think the same thing
applies with gift cards and credit cards. The other thing
that happens is even if people use said gift cards,
oftentimes they'll have a little money left over. Like there's

(01:15:58):
a barbecue restaurant I go too, and I have gift
cards for it I get at Costco. But I'll use
it and then i won't use the full amount, and
then I'll forget about it, and I will I like,
I have gift cards right now that have like maybe
eight bucks on it. They started out with like fifty
bucks or seventy bucks, and now they're down to eight bucks,
but I don't use them because they only have eight
bucks there. So do you do gift certificates anymore for

(01:16:21):
people or no? Well, you know sometimes listen, my wife's
in charge of handing out the gifts most of the time.
But I have done them. But they, by the way,
they say that by generation, the millennials leave the most
unused fifty gen X is at forty. So there you go.

(01:16:43):
That's a a study idea. Let's see. Do you hate
the sound of your own voice, guest ghunt? Now you
don't hear narcissist. I don't like listen to myself. I
don't either. According to a new survey, sixtent of people,
though hate the sound of her own voice. I think
it's higher than that. Yeah, like you probably for sure

(01:17:05):
back in the day, you probably hear the sound of
your voice. Yeah, I still can't, still can't stand. You're
supposed to do air checks every once in a while,
see how you sound. I hear every mistake and it's
just so disgust No, I mean like the audible of
your voice, like the sound sound think at whatever, I'm
fine with this. You're much better now than you were
back in the day. It sounded like back and then

(01:17:26):
like someone's pinching your vocal cords. Yeah. I was a
kid when I started. No, no, no, a lot of
cigarettes and here I am just I've got to bacco voice.
Is that what it is like back in the day,
guys with smoke and then drink some whiskey and the
broadcast booth. Oh totally, man, guys, dude. When I first
got into the business, there were guys that were chained smoke.

(01:17:46):
We used to have an update guy Fox that would
go out and chain smoke in between his every twenty
minute update thing. It was insane. That's unbelievable. You guys
like asking for he was like a walking ashtray and craziness. Anyway,
All right, let's see here. How about this story. There's
a study out of the New York area there that

(01:18:07):
because New Jersey has sports gambling, yes, they realized that
the state of New Jersey is collected eight hundred thirty
seven million dollars from mobile sports gamblers who live in
New New York. About that. Did you wager on the
Super Bowl at all? Uh? Yeah, I want I had

(01:18:29):
Kansas City on that. So yeah, I'm grateful. I'm grateful today,
and I really love San Francisco in that game. I'm
grateful that I was not able to go to Vegas
or anywhere else too. I heard a rumor that California
is gonna have legalized sports gambling next year. I believe one. Supposedly.

(01:18:50):
I'll believe it when it happened, I hope. So. A
new survey by a bank shows that a third of
Americans say gosh is their fa favorite way to pay um. Well, yeah,
well a lot of these stories are going cashless. Yeah,
I think that's bullshit. There's just a matter of convenience
to I don't know about you, but the banks that

(01:19:13):
I bank with allow me to access cash from tellers,
like at a seven eleven, so there's no service fee attached.
Oh that's nice than these four dollar service fee. Yeah.
Like in Vegas, if you're in a casino, god forbid,
you need extra cash, it's like four or five dollars
per transaction withdraw some money. Oh it's a scam. Man.

(01:19:33):
Better off leaving the casino and going to a bank
is what you're better off? Or if you go to
an arco, an arco, even if the gas is cheaper
and you use your card, will charge you like thirty
five or fifty cents for the transaction, which is bullshit too. Yeah,
I know you don't go all right, here we go?
This is uh. A large survey of one point two

(01:19:55):
million Americans, researchers from Yale and Oxford Universities have shown
that people who exercise are markedly happier than people who don't,
even if they have listening to and I think this
is bullshit. Now I don't. We can compare each other. Ah,
I was morbidly OBEs. I never went to The only
gym I had in my life was I had a
friend named Jim. That's it. I didn't go to the

(01:20:15):
gym at all, didn't work out for many, many years.
I just ate terribly. I was happy, like I'm happy.
I'm relatively happy now, but I'm not any more happy.
And I go to the gym five days a week.
But I'm not any happier now than I was when
I was morbidly obese, sitting on my sofa eating Cheetos
and candy bars. I I have to disagree, Like your stewarts,

(01:20:38):
my experience is, I'm telling you my life experience. Well,
you seem a lot more pleasant now than you did
back in the day when I was at my peak
peak eating, I was Joey Chestnut. You didn't know me that, Yeah,
but I knew you when you were taking what your
thousand steps per night during the show everything. When I
used to walk around the b in the building. You're
a lot more homeless people around the studios. Yeah, you're

(01:21:01):
a lot more pleasant now than you were before. Probably
that's probably because, like I'm I'm working with you and
I've added some life into your career. And uh, that's
a lie, I don't know. Yeah, don't you feel better
when you put on clothes now that you're not having
a labor to putting things on, to button them up,
or you feel like now they're too big, and so

(01:21:21):
now I still look like I look like a loser.
I'm disheveled, I'm raggedy, and over here it's a it's
a mess. There's something great about working off your obesity,
is there not? No, it does feel good when you
put clothes on that didn't fit and now they fit.
That I mean that does you. You do get a
sense of accomplishment. But it's still it bothers me because

(01:21:43):
I'm cheap and I don't want to have to buy
new clothes. Maybe I should gain a few pounds back,
get a couple of extra cheeseburgers, and then the clothes
will fit perfectly, and then I don't have to buy
new clothes. You know, It's like that does go through
my head from from time to time. All right, let's
do a couple more here. What do we have? A
new WHO survey finds that nearly a quarter of Americans

(01:22:04):
say that working on Monday is more dreadful than the
d m V or the dentist. You agree with that,
I don't believe that. I believe it. I'll tell you why.
Now we have a pretty good job and it's it's fun.
I look forward to going back to work, and I
always excited on the weekends because I come in Sunday night.
In the Monday, there's always a lot of stuff. There's

(01:22:24):
like a couple of days that I can can dissect
and find stuff to talk about. So I always look
forward to that. Um. But I get it. I understand
why if you have a job that you you hate,
that you despise, or like, I don't want to go
back there. I don't want to deal with Everyone's in
a bad mood. Everyone's a sour puss, everyone's kyrie irving
on Monday. You know who wants to deal with that?

(01:22:45):
So I think that's right. I agree for most people
that have jobs they don't like. Why would you be
excited about? But how would that be any different from
a Tuesday or a Wednesday, or a Thursday or Friday. Well,
because when you get further in the week, you feel
like you're closer to another weekend, you know what I'm saying, Like,

(01:23:06):
you know Wednesdays, I get through Wednesday at Thursday. Maybe
I'll take Friday off and then the weekends too. I
don't know. There's people that work. I work on the weekends,
and that sucks working on the weekends. You know, come,
I get take a number. I worked, and I worked
ten years. Actually more than that. I worked weekend overnights
for years, and I could not date anyone. No one
would be around me. I stopped getting invited to parties

(01:23:28):
and and all that. But I didn't mind it. Actually,
I liked working weekends because I got all this free
times during the week. It was kind of cool. Yeah,
I mean it's a give and take. But like you said,
you couldn't socialize and mingle and go out. But I
don't like socializing them. Yeah, I'm okay with it. I'm
perfectly l a. D m v s are absolutely horrendous.
So that's why I go out to that. You've got

(01:23:51):
to go out to the sticks is what you gotta do.
You gotta get a reservation. It's exactly what you don't do.
And when I do that. Now, have I learned My
wife knows how to play the game. Oh boy, she does.
How often do you wash your bath towels? A new
survey says it's every blank days, every five days, No,

(01:24:12):
every three days. People, I'm a once a week. Guy,
I have a rotation. I have two bath towels. You
have two towels, Well, yeah, I rotate them. One's the
towel I used for Monday and Wednesday, and the other
is like is Tuesday Thursday. You don't wash your towels
every day now after usage? No, I'm I'm worried about

(01:24:34):
the environment. This global warming, your climate changer. Ye, climate change.
You are really fucking cheap. All right. Here's another one.
More than a hundred million Americans are eligible to vote
but do not actually vote. So explain that. Guess why
would a hundred million people be eligible to vote and say, ah,

(01:24:56):
fuck it, I'm not gonna vote. Um because they're too lazy. Yeah,
I don't. I don't have the answer that I'm just
you know, they just know I'm just asking the question
because they feel like their vote won't count anyway. Like
here in California, if you're a Republican, your vote really
doesn't matter. If you're in New York, your Republican doesn't
really matter. Yeah, I mean if you're in a battleground

(01:25:18):
state like Michigan, and then it really matters because it
could flip. Um. But I think it's also some people
are are We're worried about the deep state and people
getting their information, and they don't want to deal with it,
and they figured like they just stay out of the system.
I think there's a lot of those people. If it's
the same people that also give their blood to look
up their heritage to like you, I don't I'm not,

(01:25:40):
I don't care. I listen. I'll be dead before you know.
It's so who cares? You know, have at it your
years now, it won't matter. That's true anyway. Uh did
you vote when you were eighteen? Did you vote? Like
when you became eligible to vote, did you start voting? Oh? Yeah,
I mean my I grew up you know why, I
my fun memories. You know, I'm so I us, I'm
so old now that my parents my mom was more

(01:26:02):
of like a Democrat, my dad more of a Republican,
and so they would fight at dinner done about politics, right,
And so I grew up with this as in my childhood.
And but the funny thing is that they didn't like
not talk to each other because they disagreed about politics. Today,
you can't even be in the same room with someone
who's in the other party. And people are people have

(01:26:24):
have regressed so much. But so, yeah, when in my house,
it was like a big deal, and both my parents
tried to get me to vote for their party. When
you're eighteen, your dumby, you don't know what that was
going on, right, Yeah, My So my grandmother on my
mom's side, uh, she was from Boston, and uh my

(01:26:46):
grandfather was a police officer. He was also in the
in the military too. But back in the day, I
remember it because there'd be news talk shows on or
the radio was on, like Paul Harvey of course, and whenever, yeah,
whenever we'd go over there, my dad was with us.
It was always like that political law enforcement conversation, and
my grandmother would be peppering my dad or my grandfather

(01:27:09):
questions and and obviously conversing. But they talked about those
things back in the day, and you just you're none
of the wiser until obviously you start paying attention more
to it. But well, I remember too, like my we
would watch like sixty Minutes, which was, you know, still on,
and I remember my mom actually wrote a letter. Back
in those days you had write letters, and they read

(01:27:30):
it at the end of sixty minutes when they had
Andy Rooney. But they had a letter segment and and
they read my mom's letter on sixty minutes. I forget
what it was about, but it was like a big
deal in the house, you know. It was like a
big deal. And my mom's letter was read on sixty minutes.
I was like, wow, you know that's pretty good. Yeah, uh,
don't six of sports. Well, I got a few minutes
left her guest scouts. So anything you want to work

(01:27:51):
in here? Yeah, this was the favorite one that I
know jumped out to you. And since we were talking
earlier about my car and and me being a physical specimen,
how about this a test of vehicle has been tricked
now to accelerating to a speed limit that as a
little alarming um on your computers at least back in

(01:28:14):
the day. Uh, did you have any security on your
computers or would you download the security software? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
I would download You talk about that virus stuff to
protect from viruses? Yeah? Yeah that So a research company
at one of these industry has actually placed two inch
long pieces of electrical tape horizontally across the three on

(01:28:37):
a thirty five speed limit sign and it caused the
tests of cars that have cameras attached to them to
actually misread the print on the speed limit sign, so
they would actually accelerate from thirty five miles per hour
to eighty five miles per hour. Wow, that's that's uh,

(01:29:00):
that's scary, man. And how do they Did anybody get
in an accident doing this? Or there was there was
a controlled situation. No, it wasn't control, but there were complaints.
There was a there's a grand total of a hundred
twenty seven complaints. They actually were sent to the National
Highway Safety Administration claiming that some of the models were
accelerating decelerating at certain spots and that was because the

(01:29:24):
the speed limit signs that were posted and so um,
it's caused at a grand total of a hundred and
ten crashes so far since those incidents have been reported.
But can you imagine that you're driving through like oh,
I know speed a speed limit through a school zones
twenty five, but you're in a residential area I think
it's twenty five or thirty. Yeah, you do something like

(01:29:46):
that and you're part of town in Malibu, then your
your game over, especially around like l A where you know,
now the status symbol is the Tesla. It used to
be the BMW or the Mercedes or the Escalade eighties. Now,
all about that Tesla. That's a sign of wealth in
Los Angeles. How about this? Uh, I had a traumatic

(01:30:08):
experience at your Christmas party, but this is actually a
good one, picking up on all the women that are there.
A Kentucky man was arrested last weekend after thorities say
he attempted to rob a restaurant. Benno was a Raising
Cane's restaurant when he tried to rob it, And there
was an office that should be capital murder if you
try to jack a raising Cane chickens through your chicken tracks.

(01:30:31):
Could you imagine trying to rob something and there's an
off duty police officer just hanging out in the middle
of the night in that same location. It happened at
ten o'clock at night in Louisville, Kentucky. Um. He obviously
went to the register, demanded some cash, shut off his gun. Uh.
And that's when a couple off duty police officers are

(01:30:52):
actually inside um and obviously arrested him and popped him.
So that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, you gotta be care
you know, you think like well, there's no police around,
but sometimes the police when they're off work still I
still got guns with them, and I never know. That's
why you shouldn't do this kind of stupid stuff, because
you never know there might be just some random off
duty cop that's got that got their gun with him,

(01:31:12):
and ord somebody that has a gun who's not a copy.
That way, it's a bad situation. Have you ever had
a gun flashed at you? No, I've not. I've not
to know had that. No, you want to flash a
gun at me now you No? No, I'm always just curious. Um,
how about this? UM? Kenton County, Kentucky, So we're stay
in Kentucky. UM. A district judge has actually ordered the

(01:31:36):
Kentucky Transportation Cabinet to pay a man attorney fees uh
and more in a hundred and fifty thousand dollars worth
the litigation costs because he was denied a personal license
plate that said I'm god, you know I I saw
this story and now but this is just he's not

(01:31:57):
getting the money. Rs. It's attorney feast. But yeah, so
it's really just it would be better if he was
getting the money. Unfortunately, he's just paying the attorneys. Yet again,
who wins a lawsuit? It's always the attorneys. It's always
the attorneys. They're the ones that win. And you should
never call an attorney and ask if you have a case.
You know why, They're gonna say yes, because they get paid.

(01:32:19):
Even if you don't have a case, they're gonna get paid. Right,
It's pretty damn good though. That's their ace in the
hole right there. Could but could you imagine having a
license plate and says I'm got on it, especially on
your horrid car? What my car? Leave my car out
of this. I know you're jealous in my car. I
think it's kind of ugly. Steve Harvey, America's entertainer Steve

(01:32:44):
Harvey walked by my car told his his security guard
that I liked the color of that car. How about
this here in Los Angeles? Um one of nine people
charge in l A were pot for voter fraud scheme.
That was not amongst the dead ben But they are

(01:33:05):
actually throughout skid row. So there's different spots here in
l A, like downtown Los Angeles, near Dodger Stadium, near Hollywood,
near the Hollywood Bowl. They would consider so many spots
obviously dangerous but skid row. This man pleaded guilty and
was sentenced to a year in county jail. Um homeless

(01:33:27):
people were given cash and cigarettes exchange for fraudulent signatures
on ballot initiative petitions and voter registration forms just last year.
Isn't that how they do it in Chicago where they
have the dead people voting. I guess in l A
we get the homeless people. I guess some of them
are eligible to vote though, Right, but you don't have

(01:33:48):
an address, have an address to vote? No, don't, well,
you don't have a driver's life send Where do they
send the ballot? I don't know if a peel box?
I would imagine, right. Do you think the home less
have peo box? No? No, I'm saying that someone's fraudulently
setting this up, and they probably put some kind of
peeo box that would be on there. Yeah, I don't know.

(01:34:09):
All right, let's put the baby to bed, guest gun
all right, if you want, that's fine. I know you
showed up late. I didn't show up late. You did
showed up. You showed up late. You were fifteen twenty
minutes later. I have to drive far to get to
where I work I don't have to roll out. I
don't get to roll out of bed like you do.
Hold on, let me get my little violin out here.
We'll play my little violin the world's smallest violin. I
haven't just for this because you are the Hindenburg. That's

(01:34:31):
what you are. That's your nickname. The new nickname is
the Hindenburg. Wow. Yeah, I could have gone Mount St. Helen's.
I could have gone Titanic or something like that, you know. Yeah,
you could have the Challenger, Yeah, Exxon Valds. I think
I used that one earlier. What else? What the Chernobyl's one? Right? Yeah?
It could have been a race car driver in Lamon's.

(01:34:51):
I don't know, it could have been uh was that
loose tons, right or whatever it's called? Second? Remember that? Yeah?
That's yeah. Please can we stop with all this death talk?
And I mean, listen, have a great weekend, enjoy the
XFL this weekend and the Astros scandal. Will have the
latest developments on that, and enjoy yourself. Hey, and to

(01:35:13):
follow me on Instagram. Ben Mallard on Fox. I'm trying
to get my followers up close to a thousand right now,
so I need to get a few more this weekend
and that would help out. And I'm planning on having
another Mallard food review on Instagram this weekend, so it's
very exciting. Yeah, to make sure you follow me on
Instagram to Dave Gascon is the I G handle. I

(01:35:35):
have plenty of glamour shots on their um exercise nutrition
tips on their UM go try cooking for Ben every
once in a while with green, healthy, nutritious food. I
gotta go. All right, you have a great weekend. Uh.
Aloha means goodbye, Sayanara of even their child by by
car

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