May 3, 2020 • 39 mins
Oddities return and so does the not so fond fan mail inside the bag of tricks of Big Ben. The fellas come back for another round of ear throbbing torture courtesy of the Maller Militia. Ben and his subdued wingman take a trip overseas and into the kitchen with some random stories before they turn the page. Your thoughts and reviews will never be ignored here so continue to chime in with your opinions. Make sure to subscribe, rate, and post a review of the podcast whenever you get the chance.
Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day dred
minutes a week was enough, I think again. He's the
last remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House
of hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. Yes, desperate times
call for desperate measures or in this case, more podcast.
So we are back at it again. I hope your
weekend is going well and you are persevering, right, that's
the word of the weekend, persevere. Right. You gotta gotta
be tenacious in this world is what you have to do.
And so we are being tenacious in the podcast world.
(00:45):
You guys have been great. More downloads and all that.
So it's another edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard.
We are in the air everywhere, the vast power of
My Heart, the global reach of podcasting, and this podcast
heard weekly and and really three days a week now.
Used to be just weekly, but now it's every Friday, Saturday,
(01:08):
Sunday on the I Heart podcast network wherever you found
the podcast and to tell a friend, tell a friend.
Word of mouth advertising the most effective advertising. This drives
people crazing the advertising business because now that I work
in radio, we work in advertising. We need advertisers, which
is great, But the most effective advertising is a recommendation.
So if you recommend this podcast to your neighbor, to
(01:30):
your co worker, to your cousins, to your son's daughters, whatever,
it's great. It helps us out a lot. Just Josh
in Cincinnati, he sent me a message this week. He said, hey, listen,
my wife's now a big fan of The Fifth Hour
and Just Josh a prolicious member of prodigious member of
(01:50):
the Mallard Militia. There a senior brigadier general in the
Mallar Militia. And he says, wife now listens regularly. She's
hooked on the show, and she cannot stand David gas Scan,
which now brings me into David Gascons gag on a
blow light over there. I think we both know that
(02:12):
Just Josh's significant others either a lying or be in denial.
But that's fine. She's listening to it, and I don't
know about that. I mean, she randomly just said she's
a fan, and but she's not a big fan of
your work. You don't need to be a big fan
and at least a little fan, and that's all that matters.
You know, it just starts, It starts with a kiss,
(02:34):
Ben Mallen, and you know, and it develops into something
bigger and better. Yes, I mean it's like this. This
podcast start off one day a week, then it turned
into two and now it's three. So you know, it's that.
It's something happened to you between September to where we're
at right now, where it dawned on you. You just thought, well,
I need to do more podcasts. I need to do
(02:56):
some digital work, I need to do some camera work.
Like all these things just magically happened, and you had
this like great epiphany and you know, I'm just I'm
here here to support you and here to be your
your running mate through all this, through this discovery, this
great discovery of the new Ben Mallor. You are an
(03:18):
ego maniac. You're an ego maniac. We got all our ego.
So what's that I said? We all got our egos.
Speaking of that, Doug sent me an email I just
gotta give this is a long email. I don't give
you the whole thing. But he pretty much laid out
a situation that you shouldn't bow down and kiss my
(03:39):
boot is what you should do. I love this is
a great I'm gonna give you a whole email. But
Doug's a great guy. He says he worked as a
technical writer for thirty years, sixteen of them at Microsoft
and Redmond, Washington, and his wife was a program manager
at Microsoft. So they both were in the microscopt Microsoft world.
Hopefully they bought the stock option and all that, and uh,
(04:03):
hopefully that's the case there and and anyway, so um,
this guy said he's he's started listening to show. They
retired about seven years old. They now live in southern Oregon.
He lives kind of off the grid, and he's you
know all that, but he's he became a big fan.
Uh and when I did the show with Looney. But
I love this line. And he's very he's a big
fan of talk radio and I thank him for that.
It's very very nice. He downloads the podcast and all that,
(04:26):
and he's trying to listen as much as he can,
but he's he's off the grid. And so he says,
this is great. I had heard David Gascon on other
shows doing the sports updates or whatever they are, and
bantering with Steve Hartman, et cetera. And it was not
compelling at all, pretty generic. But with you, David Gascon
(04:47):
is an original and strange personality. There you go about
that I crediting me and Hartman couldn't bring that out
of you. These other blowhards can't bring that out of you.
It's me. I have to bring it out of you.
Kind of a backheaded compliment, but I'll take it. Let
me first preface this all from that email. What I'm
(05:07):
about to say is that my objective and my occupation
while on the Arid Fox Sports Radio is not as
a host. It is as an update anchor. So we're
hard time to the top of every hour to give
trending news for sixty seconds or less. Show some personality,
Tom LOONYLD. I'm not teking four good buddy, but all
(05:31):
those dopey lines Loony used to use in those ridiculous
things that you guys have to do. Show a little life, yeah,
but hold show a little life, gass guy, this guy
dog who is a consumer of our businesses. I had
heard Gascon on other shows doing sports updates bannering with
Steve Hartman. It was not compelling at all, pretty generic
(05:52):
about that generic brand gas guy. My job is not
to be compelling and it's to be informative. There's two
different things. So now again I feel free to go
down and kiss the boot because, as he says, here
with me, with me, Doug says that your original and
a strange personality. I think we all are strange in
(06:14):
somewhere or another, right, But I have a little bit
more carte blanche here to do. Doug was great, Doug.
I know I'm not gonna read the whole thing. I
don't know that you want me to read the whole
thing on the air, but it was tremendous for my ego, Doug,
because not only did you did you destroyed Gascon, you
destroyed Eddie uh, Tom Looney uh, but not really. Looty
(06:35):
was mostly you know, I think it was. It was Garcia,
Looney and Gascon. And he said there were some other
ones there that that sounds much better here in my presence.
What a tribute that is that you make other people,
your co workers, sound better? How amazing is that? Well,
that's that's that's that's great. That is awesome. Well, Doug,
(06:55):
thank you, Doug. I appreciate that because you've annoyed Gascon.
And I was when I saw and I at your
email the other day, dog, and I know I didn't
write back. I got it right back. But I when
I saw that line about Gascon, I said, I gotta
use that on the podcast. That is a podcast line.
That is going to get on the podcast. That is
one of the great lines of all time. And I'm
gonna write that down. I'm gonna save that one. That's poetry?
Is what that is? That Shakespeare? Uh? That is that
(07:18):
is art. It's great that when people twitter your negative
comments about me, you're quick on the trigger to send
it to me. But no, not that email. You stand
back that you son of a bit right heard guest
on bannering with Steve Hartman, etcetera. It was not compelling
at all, pretty generic. Oh my god, is that outstanding?
(07:39):
Is that more of an indictment though? On Steve Hartman
some of the other people that I work with, I
I don't I don't know. I love Hartman. Hartman's the guy.
It's clearly you difference. You know, you just need to
be pushed a little bit working with different people bring
out different things to me, you know, and people are
flatten here at sometimes there are a lot of people
that read and I wish this. I ran a radio station,
(08:01):
I would want to me the number one job of
a broadcasters to be an entertainer. People turn on the
rad I don't care what you're talking about. I've always
believe you want to be entertained. Why what's the point
of hearing somebody drone on and on? I mean, who
wants to Who the funk wants to listen to somebody
like that? So I'm pretty maniacal about this stuff. But
(08:22):
I think that's the secret spice spice that that's required.
But a lot of people disagree. There's a lot of
boring people to do this, which sucks, but it's good
for me because it makes me look better. So I'd
like to make sure that boring people that are doing
tedious radio continue on because those of us that don't
do that, that have aspirations that are bigger than that. Uh,
we're in a better situation. Yeah, I agree, that is
(08:45):
why you have evolved so much, very very happy and
we go tremendous again. Guess guy. I was asked by
the company to mature in the video segment, to broaden
my horizons there. And I think we were off to
(09:05):
a good start with the video. People seem to like
them and they're getting a lot of views on the
different platforms, so it's it's good. Yeah, well, I agreed,
and you're doing a great job. Upward and onward, as
we say, be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Alright,
(09:28):
so we have we don't have a lot of time here,
so we have we'll do a few. Don't stick to sports.
We've got a lot of email mail bag questions, but
don't stick to sports bizarro stories of the week, what
is on the menu, but sort of go overseas for
a few different stories. A Spanish news anchor was accused
of cheating on his TV star girlfriend. But I know
(09:49):
you've you've done zoom now a handful of times. And
most people that are on television now, specially GONNA FF,
SWAN or or ESPN, are doing their broadcasts from home.
But there is a danger to do that stuff at home.
And we saw during the NFL Draft, especially with Ceedee
lamb Um. He was actually on he was doing a
hit for his TV show. When he was doing the
(10:11):
hit from his room, a semi naked woman was walking
behind him while they were filming the live segment. Now
this popped up to everybody because this guy's name is
Alfonso Merlos. He was hosting the State of Alarm channel
news report for some Spanish television station about the coronavirus lockdown,
and this woman was walking behind him. Fans immediately pointed
(10:34):
out that this woman was not his girlfriend, and they
started to air him out on social media. He was
quiet for a couple of days, and then he finally
admitted what he was doing and apologized to said girlfriend.
Wow about that man. He admitted to it. But I
guess there's really no way to get around that. I mean,
most women don't walk around naked unless they're sleeping with you. Generally,
(10:57):
that's my experience with women. Maybe I'm wrong on that.
I don't know of women that well, but my experience
is the only time they really get naked around you
is when they're planning to sleep with you or have
slept with you. It's it's one of my favorite parts
of Major League the original when Charlie Sheen sleeps with
Roger Dorne's wife and he's like, I don't know who
she was, I swear to God, but the reason why
(11:18):
she slept with them was because she caught Roger Dorn
at that celebration party leaving with some of the chick
when they got into the elevator. It's pretty awesome. That's
your favorite part of Major League? My favorite part is, Hey,
you want to manage the Indians? I don't know. I'll
get back to you. That was a joke. That was
hilarious that that was a great was it? Tom Brenson
(11:38):
when he got that call and he was in Mexico,
I think, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, well
if that's very funny, very funny, great movie. We go
from Spain to Chicago. A Chicago brewery is being innovative
despite the Wuhan coronavirus COVID nineteen Uh it's taken until
on all of us. But they're doing a little thing different.
They're mimicking and ice cream ice cream truck company. Can
(12:03):
you guess what they're doing? Ben? Alright, so they're mimicking
and ice cream? What are they the Mr Softie song.
They have that thing going on. What do they got?
Sort of the brewery right now, they're called Goose Island Beer.
They're serving customers with deliveries and their orders are being
processed while they're driving around town. So what they did
(12:24):
was they purchased a black van and they're driving throughout traces.
They're driving throughout Chicago right now with the brewery's telephone
number display on the side of each of the vans
they have, and anyone could call or an order in
whatever brew that they want, So they'll deliver beers immediately
whenever they place their order. And on top of that,
(12:45):
they're playing obviously music, so it mimics the ice cream
truck kind of procession when they go up and down
these streets too. It's pretty neat. Oh yeah, that's good.
All listen. I love the miss when every kid. Yeah,
this is a adults. That's like the ice cream truck
for adults, right, get the boot, that's the way to
do it. That's a good job. By then you gotta
be creative, right, you gotta be creative. It's like, you know,
(13:05):
I'm blossoming right now and you got to adapt. It's
Darwinners and you have to adapt or die as a business.
Do you have to you know, live with the means.
And all these businesses are selling these masks now because
they know that there's a market for them, right so
they're like, hey, you know, the Dodgers can slap the
Dodger logo on and you can sell a bunch of
masks and people will buy them. Or the Red Sox
(13:27):
or the Twins or whatever, and people will buy the
stuff you do. It takes off, not about about it.
Girl Scouts of Alaska in a little bit of trouble
for for one reason, and you can obviously guess it's
the coronavirus. Ben. They're working on a federal relief a
loan after getting stuck with a hundred and forty four
thousand unsold boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Uh States trying
(13:47):
to shut down those sales right now. I'll buy them,
Send me some Girl Scout cookie. I mean, how do
you those things? The expert the expiration date. I used
to have some of my office. My wife grabbed them,
move them to the other room. But but aren't they
filled with chemicals and stuff? I mean, and the only
things last for like you know, six seven eight months
or something like that. The shelf life, right, it seems
(14:08):
like it. Do you can you guess which two were
sold the most? Which two brands of cookies in Alaska? No,
the Girl Scout cookies? Yeah, the girls. I'm gonna go
thin Man's and uh, I like the lemon cookies. That's
what I go. But I what, what's the ones with
the chocolate in the those are real popular. What I
forget what they're called. I've never had it is that
(14:29):
the tag along those are sold just as much as
the thin nets. I'm a thin man guy. I don't
mind the tag alongs. I love the lemonades. I think
they're called very good, great job. And now are the
Girl Scouts gonna be forced to stop that? Because the
n c A this week they're they've now opened up
(14:50):
third party money. Uh, and so that means are the
Girl Scouts the last endorsed kind of like slave used
the little Girls sell our cookies organization? Man, I didn't
think about, but yeah, that's great. Great industry was so
five dollars a box and we'll have a bunch of
(15:11):
twelve year old and thirteen year or whatever how they
are on how you're on the Girl Scouts, but around
that age, sell cookie. Can you on? Um? The Royal
Navy's making some headlines. We go overseas again for this one,
as a commander of a nuclear powered submarine got sacked
after allowing his crew to hold a barbecue party. Uh.
(15:32):
Commander Jonathan Lewis, the the captain of Her Majesty's ship,
the Tretch, not allowed the party to lock down at
the Devonport dockyard and began to throw a barbecue there
for all of his entire crew. Now, naturally, Ben, as
you know, through the power of social media, people were
taking videos and they saw a bunch of Uh, they
(15:52):
saw a bunch of sailors obviously parting it up, drinking,
laugh and having a good time. Uh. He has been
immediately relieved of his can And can't you let your
hair down a little bit? Come on? What kind of
world are we living in here? Guess? I mean, please, jeez,
imagine what must have gone on like before modern times.
(16:12):
Like you hear stories about like the Civil War and
like old battles. What was going on? I don't know,
It's just you know, the world we live in. I
just just got something shoved up there, took a sign.
Just how about this. Belgium's needing some help right now.
Belgium's potato industry needs a little bit of a help
(16:35):
from the government, from from the Big shoe. A fascinating
total band. On average, nine of potatoes are exported. But
they're not being export anymore, obviously because of the coronavirus.
So now wait, wait, nine of the potatoes in Belgium
are shipped out? Yes, yes, wow are they? Just are they?
Is this an American thing? I don't even know. I
(16:56):
think my potatoes I think come from California, from California
in the north East. I can imagine. I can imagine.
This is an euth thing. I think this goes all
over potatoes. It must be all over the UK, Yeah,
because we get our idolhood potatoes so or exported. Not
the case now. So there's piles of potatoes that are
now stuck on these farms and they have no facilities
(17:17):
to keep them fresh anymore. So that's it. It's over.
So they're asking people to eat more potatoes, more fresh fries. Baby, Yes,
what's wrong with that? That's a wonderful thing. Yeah, this
is not a bad thing. No, you say potato, I
say potato so a wonderful thing. Yeah, to be driven
potatoes very popular. Yeah, so that's what we got for
(17:39):
belting fries. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific. All Right, we'll get to the mail bag,
is what we'll get to. I mean, just type this
up real quick. Alright. I wrote down some emails, actual questions,
matual listeners. But these were submitted usually on Wednesday, we
(18:00):
host a thing on on Facebook saying hey, we're gonna
do the podcast this weekend. Can you send some questions in?
And then people usually do. It's an amazing thing. You
asking people will respond at build it and asking build it,
and they will come. I think is that the line?
All right, this is from Ethan and Acary. Now Ethan
(18:21):
has come out of nowhere. He has dropped in and
become a huge fan of the show in the last
couple of weeks. He is really talking about me blossoming.
But he is flourishing in the Mallard militia. But he's
new to the show. He's a young guy, and he says, hey, Ben,
can you please recap the William Shatner thing for some
of your newer listeners, like myself Ethan enacting well even
(18:44):
I'll give you the condensed version of that um. But
several years ago, I have a friend of mine named
Fred Dryer who used to play in the NFL and
and he's a listening to the show, which is kind
of cool. I found out he was listening to the show,
and then we we became penpals and whatnot. And Fred
used to be on Twitter and I have I have
Fred on the show like once a year. I always
(19:05):
I'm supposed to get him in more than once, but
I Fred was a star. When I was a kid,
there was a show called Hunter and I loved the
show and Fred Dryer was the star of the show.
And so it's cool, like I feel like, Wow, I'm
like living some kind of dreams. This is a guy
I grew up watching on TV. And now we're we're
you know, we text and you know it's kind of neat,
and so it's anyway, the long story short, I'm supposed
(19:27):
to give you the condensed thumbnail recap. Evan, so I
was corresponding with Fred Dryer. Fred Dryer is friends with
William Shatner, and so Fred would send me messages on Twitter.
He's not on Twitter anymore, but Fred would send me
messages on Twitter and he would tag me and William
Shanner and I didn't realize it until one day I
got a response in my mentions from William Shatner. I'm like,
(19:52):
holy fuck. You know, Captain Kirk is uh and you
know he is a fan. You know he's responding and
he's sending messages to me, is tagging me in his responses.
So then we made a bit out of it on
the show, and we were going back and forth and
it turned ugly because Shatner was, let's just say not
someone that had a great sense of humor about the
(20:12):
thing and didn't play along with the bit and got offended.
And so we would go back and forth. And the
question that sent him off ethan I asked him this
was when the Lightning were playing the Blackhawks in the
Stanley Cup Final. I remember because Shatner's Canadian says like, hey,
what do you think you're gonna win the Cup? And
he got all upset and said, you know, check your
(20:34):
your blocked, checkmate or something like that, and he blocked.
So then I I talked to Eddie, my advisor, and
we released the hounds and we sicked the Mallard Militia
on William Shatner. So we had three years ethan three
different battles. It was spats with shots Mallard Militia versus
(20:59):
the trek Ease, and we won. We stand victorious. Now
there's a lot of foot soldiers they got blocked Shatner.
That my one of my favorite things. When I write
my books, someday I'll do a chapter on William Shatner,
this humongous figure in American entertainment and pop culture who
one night was so upset with me and my listeners
(21:20):
that he started trying to block everyone that was mentioning
my name that would send him a message, right, So
he did, but he was so flustered, so flummocks Shatner,
that he started accidentally, instead of clicking the block button,
he clicked the follow button. So I'm getting screenshots from
security guards, guys making donuts, guys cleaning toilets that are
(21:45):
now being followed by William Shatner because he doesn't know
how to fucking use Twitter, And uh, it was hilarious.
It was. It was so and he tried to get
me fired. He that was the funny. He sent a
message to e sp In to get me fired because
he heard that Disney had bought Fox or whatever. So
and and he's, uh, it was hilarious. I mean, there
(22:07):
were so many highlights that we don't have time to
get into. But that's that's the small recap. Fox Sports
Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation.
Catch all of our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot
com and within the I Heart Radio app search f
s R to listen live. Ethan Chuck writes, and he says,
is it true that Tammy and Montana is your program director? Guess?
(22:30):
Is that true? No? If that was the case, I
think I have a different time slot. Wow, what what
time slot would you have? I'm gonna share with the
class and get into that at longer and go deeper
in that. No, but we could do that if I was,
you know, if she was the program director. Is that right?
Don't you think? I don't? I don't know. Have you
(22:52):
ever been to Montana? No? Not yet? You have not No,
not yet? Thinking about on your to do list things
to do. I've been a twenty six states so far.
Pat yourself on the back. There Montana is not one
of them. No, not yet sure, but that positive okay. Uh.
(23:12):
Fats from Philadelphia writes in and says, since we're both
about the same age, Ben growing up, this is by
the way, Fats is the guy that lit himself on fire.
This guy's this guy is the walking, talking, living embodiment
of Philadelphia sports fan. I'm sure Fats was one of
those guys climbing the light post after the Eagles won
(23:33):
the Super Bowl and they put Chrisco and all that,
and he's still climbed up anyway, Fats says, growing up,
what was the metal lunchbox that you had for school?
Mine was Charlie Brown and the peanuts. Well, Fats, that's
a great question. You know, this is a sign for
people around my age. The metal lunchbox was was huge.
That was man, man, that was big. My mom, I
(23:54):
either had the tuna fish sandwich or I had the
peanut butter and jelly. I was more of a peanut
butter and jelly guy, because by the time lunch came
around that that let me tell you that tunefih sandwich
did not smell so good by the time lunch came around.
But but anyway, I had uh man, what was remember
this before Guest Guns time the Saturday morning cartoons. They
(24:16):
had all the superheroes, uh and I forget um it
was like it was the Marvel Superheroes. It was like
Captain America, the Hulk was in there, all of them were.
I had that lunch box and then I destroyed that one.
I think I had a Scooby Doo one for a while. Um,
(24:38):
I went through multiple. I had a G I. Joe
lunch box. I remember that one. Yeah, I was really bad.
I would just throw the lunch box. I didn't care.
When I was in elementary school, I would just chuck
the lunch box and would get all the destroyed. And
then every year my mom was like, all right, we'll
get your new lunch box. You destroyed the last one.
So I used to have one too, though mine was
either Transformers or G I. Joe. Those are like the
(24:59):
two you Yeah, yeah, I like the Superheroes one because
it was really colorful with all the characters from Marvel
and and all that. That was. That was neat and
uh yeah, vaguely remember you can flashback and and see
them all. Let's see what is next. You're Tommy from
Bedford says, what's the very first thing you're gonna do
(25:21):
when the orders in place are lifted? Um, Tommy, I'm
gonna get a haircut. That's gonna be the first thing
I do. I need a haircut. Um, So that's number one.
And then number two would be to go to my
some of my favorite restaurants and actually eat at the restaurant.
What about you guys, Yeah, I think haircut number one.
Jim two and Jim that's right, the gym, sure, and
(25:43):
then uh three would probably go in like too. A
couple of finn establishments. Not work though, because I come
and drive into work, you know, when I'm called upon.
That's uh those things. But I also coming to work
when i'm called upon. I also coming to work when
I'm called rolled out of bed, It's fine, get out
of bed. I had to put clothes on. I had
(26:04):
to walk through the one door, and then I walked
down the hallway, and then I had to turn left
through another door, and then I had to turn the
lights on in the studio. I had to sit down.
I had turned the equipment on. There's a lot of
steps to this. It's very complicated. Gascon you wouldn't understand.
I would like to again pat myself on the back
though that I did fix the technical week difficulties. Now
(26:25):
we've had two weeks without any kind of situation where
we went off the air, so they're proud of that.
I worked with the I Heart engineering team and we
were able to fix it. It's fine. You power yourself
down for a listener driven power hour and all of
a sudden the technical problems aren't there anymore. It's fun. Wow,
it's a way to get around that. All right. If
you had to pick one this is from Mark, If
(26:45):
you had to pick one of the following three things
to be very gifted at, which would it be? Uh?
And also the two options not picked will be extremely ungifted.
So you can either be gifted physically intellectually or gifted
with the ladies or men for guest gun marches. All right, Um,
I don't know where that came from. Uh So, all right,
(27:08):
let's break this down. So physically you can get through
life if you're physically gifted. There are plenty of athletes
I've interviewed that are just dumb dumbs, right judge dingle Berries,
But they're very good at what they do physically. They
have the genetical they've won the genetic lottery and the
d n A lottery or whatever, so so they can
make a lot of money doing that. But you know,
(27:29):
there's you know, I don't know. Intellectually is a little
more different because you know, you kind of physically meek
and weak and all that, and just because you're intellectually
intelligent does not mean you can monetize that. So you
could be the smartest guy in the room, but nobody
wants to hang out with you. And then gifted with
the ladies. Yeah, you know, I I've heard some stories
(27:51):
about athletes that could sleep with any woman they ever
wanted to, and at some point, believe it or not,
you get tired of it. You know, if you do
something too much, you're like, you know, I'm a you
think there's no way you could possibly get tired of that.
But I've heard stories. There was one guy that played
back in the nineties that I was buddies with it,
had that life and he just he's just tired of
(28:11):
just thinking. He's like, he was getting any lady he wanted,
but he was tired of it. So all right, I
guess the answer would be all these three you know,
I'm gonna bet on myself. I would go intelligence is
what I would go with, because intelligence there's always a
market for smart people. And I would bet on myself
(28:32):
that I would be able to invent something and come
up with something that would would work out. So that's
that would be the one that I would choose. And
I'd go full like Elon Musk, you know, and I'd
invent a bunch of weird shit. What about you guess yeah,
I'd get the same way, especially because your intelligence you
can carry well into your sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond that.
(28:56):
But if you're physically gifted mother nature, your father time,
the wear and tear in your body does eventually take
its tall. And who cares about being socially inapt with women?
I mean, if if you're loaded and you're smart, they're
gonna come to you anyway. That's the thing. That's the
great thing about women. The great equalizer for men is
if you're very successful in business or athletically, it doesn't
(29:16):
matter if you look like a horrible beast. Look at
Jeff Bezos. I know Jeff Bezos is uh he's living it, man,
He's living it. And and his wife used to you know,
back in the day. He used to enjoy professional athletes,
you know, and May was with Tony Gonzalez and the chiefs.
Jeff Bezos wife who we I knew or did you
(29:37):
know her when she were now now, Laurence Sanchez used
to work in l She was the Lakers locker room reporter.
And all the players would google and ogle Lawrence Sanchez
when she remember because I'd see at the back of
the day of the forum and uh, actually, my man
a staple center early days, a staple center. But it
was it was pretty wild, pretty pretty wild there. So
(30:00):
all right, what is next year? Matt in Mansfield at Texas,
says Ben. Hot tub or sauna, not including the hot
tub time machine. Uh yeah, you know, I'm more of
a hot tub guy than a sauna guy. But I
don't like being in a hot tub with a bunch
of weird people. Like if if i'm if it's a
community hot tub, I'll go for the sauna. But if
(30:20):
it's like a backyard hot tub, I'll go hot tub
im sauna because I don't stand there for a long
period of time, like five ten minutes max. And then
I'm out. I like the steam room. I like to
after I work out, I like to go on the
steam right. I didn't sweat as much in the sauna,
but the steam room I would just be dripping sweat down.
(30:41):
Are those gonna be allowed back once they open up
the gyms again? Are we still not gonna be allowed
to go in the hot tub, the sauna and all
that stuff? Is that's still gonna be banned? I don't know.
You're if you're gonna state if you're gonna allow a
gym to be open, then you gotta let everything be open, right,
I don't know, do you have to? What are the
rules here? Are they gonna have the locker rooms open
because people and not be able to social distance? Are
(31:01):
they going to let let like four people in the
locker room at a time? And that's a good question.
I don't know. William writes, and what what is the
meaning of life? Guescan you want to handle this one?
Don't stick the spot? Don't now? Well? I think the
meaning of life is to to work hard, to have
family and friends, and to be a good person and
(31:25):
and try to give back a little bit to society
in one way or another. And that could be just
driving a truck and making sure people have shipped on
the shelves and stores and or whatever you might be doing,
but being a productive member of society, not killing anybody,
not hurting people. And then you check out, and then
somebody else doesn't. You know, It's like somebody else gets
up on the stage and gets to do their turn,
and then society gets better as it goes through. Max
(31:47):
out on life. That's all it is, exactly. You only
get a short amount of it, so you enjoy it.
Uh Nayla writes in and it says what evidence exists
that says humans went to the moon? Uh Nayla? Are
you from the flat Earth or the hollow Earth society? Naila? Uh? No,
(32:08):
I just I believe that human beings went to the Moon.
I think the evidence is when you look at the
satellites that are in space. You can see some of them,
you know Twilight right, you can see the satellites going around,
and I believe those to be mad made. But do
I have any actual proof I've I actually been to
the moon. No, I've not have actually seen this in person. No,
I have not, So you're taking other people's word for it.
(32:30):
But I generally, even though I'm a skeptic. I do
believe we've gone to the Moon. I've said many years.
I think a lot of the stuff we have, like
is is alien technology. For example, the government and the
Navy just released the they officially announced that there were
the UFOs that they found a few years ago. The
video is out there right now. I think UFOs have
been around. To think that we're the only, you know,
(32:52):
life form. I don't know whether the grays or some
of the other supposed aliens that people have had little
drawings of a for the years, but I'm sure there's
plenty of other species, tons of them, endless amounts, mind
blowing amounts that are out in in the cosmos, around
the different galaxies and all. That's just amazing. I love.
One of the things I love. I don't do very often,
(33:13):
but you go out, you know, I'm I'm in a
place where the city lights poison but the sky. But
you go out in a place where you're away from
the city and you look up and see all those lights. Man,
that is just that is just you feel like a
little piece of sand on a gigantic beach or in
the middle of the Sahara desert. When you do that
(33:34):
and you know you're not alone. Yeah, exactly, and then
as okay, you know it's good. You know so far?
Why not? Terry writes and says, what up Tiller nation?
I don't know what that means? What was your favorite
color of your air Assault sized twenties? He says, I'm
gonna say my favorite color. I ain't pretty much a
(33:55):
black shoes most of the time. It's usually how that goes.
I did have the back in the day, I had
the purple and before Nike they had the purple and
gold converse. My mom got me some of those and
the green they that was it was magic was purple
and gold, and then bird was the green. Those are
(34:16):
some good looking shoes back in the day. Yeah, the converses,
let's see, Dan writes in says what is more what
what has the more disturbing fixation? Or who has the
more disturbing fixation? Excuse me, angry Bill with Bella or
guesscon with your wife about that? Well, clearly, guests gone,
(34:37):
it's more much more disturbing than angry Bill. You're great, Yeah,
absolutely fascinating. Yes, I have a big fan of dance. Question. Yes,
I don't know where the funk they came from. But
all right, just out of left field. I'm sure that'll
be addressed during your show next week on a Sunday
night into a Monday morning. All right. A new rights
(34:57):
in from Kentucky says, do you feel you have reach
that point of accomplishment at your age? Uh? Well, I
know I have not stopped to smell the roses, but
I feel pretty comfortable with where I am right now.
Although I would obviously like to do more. I've always
had multiple gigs. I only have one gig right now.
I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket,
(35:19):
so I'd like to do something else on the side
to enhance my situation. So but generally, i'm i'm I'm
pleased with where I am right now in my life.
Jesse from Promota writes in he says, I'm back in
the Jordan's voice. Let's get into it. Shout out, Marcel.
Have you got so into a game? Jesse says that
(35:44):
you could could have destroyed your television or radio if
your team lost, or run down the street yelling if
they want if you have which game was it? Well?
This is easy, Jesse. It's a famous story, but It
goes back to the Music City Miracle, and I had
a rather large breath of large wager on the the
(36:07):
Buffalo Bills. It was. That was the Doug Flutie, Brad
Johnson Buffalo Bills. John now Rob Johnson, Yeah, Rob Johnson.
So the playoff game, Wade Phillips was coaching Buffalo, and uh,
the game came down to the to the very end.
I had the Buffalo on the money line and uh,
(36:30):
Frank White check through an illegal forward pass to Kevin Dyson. Uh.
And until my last breath in this mortal coil, I
will believe. And that goes back twenty years. That's over
twenty years now. I was in two thousand and I
am still as upset and bitter and broken at that
particular fucking game. Um. Then anything he said, well, what
(36:54):
about the World Series? What about the Dodgers in Game
seven and the youth darrish in the cheating A holes
and all that. Okay, The problem is I was at
that game, and so I was at the Red Sox
the World Series and all that. So it's a different
reaction than when you're watching it on TV. I listen
to it on the radio, So I do remember walking
out of Dodger Stadium after they lost the Astros and
(37:16):
guys ripping trash cans down and throwing them around and
all that. I do recall that. So that's awful. How
how much money did you wager on that game? I
don't want to get into a guest. Alright, it was
it's it's it's a source suping, all right. Carlos and
Houston says this is for a gag on. Since it's
(37:36):
Ben's birthday week, can you sing Happy birthday to him
in Greek or whatever language you said you had to
learn from Petros's dad, So can you go ahead and
do that for Carlos and Houghston. No, I will not
do that for Carlos and Houston. Absolutely don't call me.
You don't text me on the birthday. And you're not
saying that's a little bit different. He did not talk
(37:58):
to tex So weak man. Anyone could do that. Uh.
Carlos also says, if you had to invite one guy
to your birthday, who would it be that leech in Miami,
Mark the full name guy or Angry Bill? Well, if
Mark the full name guys on his meds, I'd take
Mark the full name Guy Uh, the guy in Miami
(38:19):
would stink and he'd ask me for money the whole time.
An angry Bill would try to sleep with Bellas. So
I don't think I need that. Uh. Pete in Pittsburgh says,
please bring Pete and Pittsburgh back. Who cares what your
producer thinks, America still loves him. Yeah, you're welcome back, Pete.
I never banned you from the show. We love you. Pete.
You're one of the great callers in the history of
the show and talk radio in general. John last One.
(38:40):
John says, if you had to pick one, would you
rather live without music or sports? It's obvious? Yeah, bye
bye music. Come on, please, who needs music? It's an
obvious one. You all right, listen, have a great rest
of your weekend, whatever the left of it. I'll be
back in the Magic Radio Box Sunday into Monday. It's
(39:03):
eleven pm in the West Sunday night, but two am
in the East on a Monday, as we'll get back
into it our first full week of shows here, first
week of shows in the month of May. As we
look forward to that, and you can follow us on
social media, and we've already given that out. I believe,
but follow me on Twitter at Ben Maller, Instagram, Ben
Maller on Fox, and our Facebook page Ben Mallard Show.
(39:27):
And you're on there as well, guest Yeah. Twitter at
David Jake Gascon, Instagram at Dave Gascon. Alright, have a
great day. We'll talk to you next time. Thanks for downloaded.
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day dred
minutes a week was enough, I think again. He's the
last remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House
of hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. Yes, desperate times
call for desperate measures or in this case, more podcast.
So we are back at it again. I hope your
weekend is going well and you are persevering, right, that's
the word of the weekend, persevere. Right. You gotta gotta
be tenacious in this world is what you have to do.
And so we are being tenacious in the podcast world.
(00:45):
You guys have been great. More downloads and all that.
So it's another edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard.
We are in the air everywhere, the vast power of
My Heart, the global reach of podcasting, and this podcast
heard weekly and and really three days a week now.
Used to be just weekly, but now it's every Friday, Saturday,
(01:08):
Sunday on the I Heart podcast network wherever you found
the podcast and to tell a friend, tell a friend.
Word of mouth advertising the most effective advertising. This drives
people crazing the advertising business because now that I work
in radio, we work in advertising. We need advertisers, which
is great, But the most effective advertising is a recommendation.
So if you recommend this podcast to your neighbor, to
(01:30):
your co worker, to your cousins, to your son's daughters, whatever,
it's great. It helps us out a lot. Just Josh
in Cincinnati, he sent me a message this week. He said, hey, listen,
my wife's now a big fan of The Fifth Hour
and Just Josh a prolicious member of prodigious member of
(01:50):
the Mallard Militia. There a senior brigadier general in the
Mallar Militia. And he says, wife now listens regularly. She's
hooked on the show, and she cannot stand David gas Scan,
which now brings me into David Gascons gag on a
blow light over there. I think we both know that
(02:12):
Just Josh's significant others either a lying or be in denial.
But that's fine. She's listening to it, and I don't
know about that. I mean, she randomly just said she's
a fan, and but she's not a big fan of
your work. You don't need to be a big fan
and at least a little fan, and that's all that matters.
You know, it just starts, It starts with a kiss,
(02:34):
Ben Mallen, and you know, and it develops into something
bigger and better. Yes, I mean it's like this. This
podcast start off one day a week, then it turned
into two and now it's three. So you know, it's that.
It's something happened to you between September to where we're
at right now, where it dawned on you. You just thought, well,
I need to do more podcasts. I need to do
(02:56):
some digital work, I need to do some camera work.
Like all these things just magically happened, and you had
this like great epiphany and you know, I'm just I'm
here here to support you and here to be your
your running mate through all this, through this discovery, this
great discovery of the new Ben Mallor. You are an
(03:18):
ego maniac. You're an ego maniac. We got all our ego.
So what's that I said? We all got our egos.
Speaking of that, Doug sent me an email I just
gotta give this is a long email. I don't give
you the whole thing. But he pretty much laid out
a situation that you shouldn't bow down and kiss my
(03:39):
boot is what you should do. I love this is
a great I'm gonna give you a whole email. But
Doug's a great guy. He says he worked as a
technical writer for thirty years, sixteen of them at Microsoft
and Redmond, Washington, and his wife was a program manager
at Microsoft. So they both were in the microscopt Microsoft world.
Hopefully they bought the stock option and all that, and uh,
(04:03):
hopefully that's the case there and and anyway, so um,
this guy said he's he's started listening to show. They
retired about seven years old. They now live in southern Oregon.
He lives kind of off the grid, and he's you
know all that, but he's he became a big fan.
Uh and when I did the show with Looney. But
I love this line. And he's very he's a big
fan of talk radio and I thank him for that.
It's very very nice. He downloads the podcast and all that,
(04:26):
and he's trying to listen as much as he can,
but he's he's off the grid. And so he says,
this is great. I had heard David Gascon on other
shows doing the sports updates or whatever they are, and
bantering with Steve Hartman, et cetera. And it was not
compelling at all, pretty generic. But with you, David Gascon
(04:47):
is an original and strange personality. There you go about
that I crediting me and Hartman couldn't bring that out
of you. These other blowhards can't bring that out of you.
It's me. I have to bring it out of you.
Kind of a backheaded compliment, but I'll take it. Let
me first preface this all from that email. What I'm
(05:07):
about to say is that my objective and my occupation
while on the Arid Fox Sports Radio is not as
a host. It is as an update anchor. So we're
hard time to the top of every hour to give
trending news for sixty seconds or less. Show some personality,
Tom LOONYLD. I'm not teking four good buddy, but all
(05:31):
those dopey lines Loony used to use in those ridiculous
things that you guys have to do. Show a little life, yeah,
but hold show a little life, gass guy, this guy
dog who is a consumer of our businesses. I had
heard Gascon on other shows doing sports updates bannering with
Steve Hartman. It was not compelling at all, pretty generic
(05:52):
about that generic brand gas guy. My job is not
to be compelling and it's to be informative. There's two
different things. So now again I feel free to go
down and kiss the boot because, as he says, here
with me, with me, Doug says that your original and
a strange personality. I think we all are strange in
(06:14):
somewhere or another, right, But I have a little bit
more carte blanche here to do. Doug was great, Doug.
I know I'm not gonna read the whole thing. I
don't know that you want me to read the whole
thing on the air, but it was tremendous for my ego, Doug,
because not only did you did you destroyed Gascon, you
destroyed Eddie uh, Tom Looney uh, but not really. Looty
(06:35):
was mostly you know, I think it was. It was Garcia,
Looney and Gascon. And he said there were some other
ones there that that sounds much better here in my presence.
What a tribute that is that you make other people,
your co workers, sound better? How amazing is that? Well,
that's that's that's that's great. That is awesome. Well, Doug,
(06:55):
thank you, Doug. I appreciate that because you've annoyed Gascon.
And I was when I saw and I at your
email the other day, dog, and I know I didn't
write back. I got it right back. But I when
I saw that line about Gascon, I said, I gotta
use that on the podcast. That is a podcast line.
That is going to get on the podcast. That is
one of the great lines of all time. And I'm
gonna write that down. I'm gonna save that one. That's poetry?
Is what that is? That Shakespeare? Uh? That is that
(07:18):
is art. It's great that when people twitter your negative
comments about me, you're quick on the trigger to send
it to me. But no, not that email. You stand
back that you son of a bit right heard guest
on bannering with Steve Hartman, etcetera. It was not compelling
at all, pretty generic. Oh my god, is that outstanding?
(07:39):
Is that more of an indictment though? On Steve Hartman
some of the other people that I work with, I
I don't I don't know. I love Hartman. Hartman's the guy.
It's clearly you difference. You know, you just need to
be pushed a little bit working with different people bring
out different things to me, you know, and people are
flatten here at sometimes there are a lot of people
that read and I wish this. I ran a radio station,
(08:01):
I would want to me the number one job of
a broadcasters to be an entertainer. People turn on the
rad I don't care what you're talking about. I've always
believe you want to be entertained. Why what's the point
of hearing somebody drone on and on? I mean, who
wants to Who the funk wants to listen to somebody
like that? So I'm pretty maniacal about this stuff. But
(08:22):
I think that's the secret spice spice that that's required.
But a lot of people disagree. There's a lot of
boring people to do this, which sucks, but it's good
for me because it makes me look better. So I'd
like to make sure that boring people that are doing
tedious radio continue on because those of us that don't
do that, that have aspirations that are bigger than that. Uh,
we're in a better situation. Yeah, I agree, that is
(08:45):
why you have evolved so much, very very happy and
we go tremendous again. Guess guy. I was asked by
the company to mature in the video segment, to broaden
my horizons there. And I think we were off to
(09:05):
a good start with the video. People seem to like
them and they're getting a lot of views on the
different platforms, so it's it's good. Yeah, well, I agreed,
and you're doing a great job. Upward and onward, as
we say, be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Alright,
(09:28):
so we have we don't have a lot of time here,
so we have we'll do a few. Don't stick to sports.
We've got a lot of email mail bag questions, but
don't stick to sports bizarro stories of the week, what
is on the menu, but sort of go overseas for
a few different stories. A Spanish news anchor was accused
of cheating on his TV star girlfriend. But I know
(09:49):
you've you've done zoom now a handful of times. And
most people that are on television now, specially GONNA FF,
SWAN or or ESPN, are doing their broadcasts from home.
But there is a danger to do that stuff at home.
And we saw during the NFL Draft, especially with Ceedee
lamb Um. He was actually on he was doing a
hit for his TV show. When he was doing the
(10:11):
hit from his room, a semi naked woman was walking
behind him while they were filming the live segment. Now
this popped up to everybody because this guy's name is
Alfonso Merlos. He was hosting the State of Alarm channel
news report for some Spanish television station about the coronavirus lockdown,
and this woman was walking behind him. Fans immediately pointed
(10:34):
out that this woman was not his girlfriend, and they
started to air him out on social media. He was
quiet for a couple of days, and then he finally
admitted what he was doing and apologized to said girlfriend.
Wow about that man. He admitted to it. But I
guess there's really no way to get around that. I mean,
most women don't walk around naked unless they're sleeping with you. Generally,
(10:57):
that's my experience with women. Maybe I'm wrong on that.
I don't know of women that well, but my experience
is the only time they really get naked around you
is when they're planning to sleep with you or have
slept with you. It's it's one of my favorite parts
of Major League the original when Charlie Sheen sleeps with
Roger Dorne's wife and he's like, I don't know who
she was, I swear to God, but the reason why
(11:18):
she slept with them was because she caught Roger Dorn
at that celebration party leaving with some of the chick
when they got into the elevator. It's pretty awesome. That's
your favorite part of Major League? My favorite part is, Hey,
you want to manage the Indians? I don't know. I'll
get back to you. That was a joke. That was
hilarious that that was a great was it? Tom Brenson
(11:38):
when he got that call and he was in Mexico,
I think, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, well
if that's very funny, very funny, great movie. We go
from Spain to Chicago. A Chicago brewery is being innovative
despite the Wuhan coronavirus COVID nineteen Uh it's taken until
on all of us. But they're doing a little thing different.
They're mimicking and ice cream ice cream truck company. Can
(12:03):
you guess what they're doing? Ben? Alright, so they're mimicking
and ice cream? What are they the Mr Softie song.
They have that thing going on. What do they got?
Sort of the brewery right now, they're called Goose Island Beer.
They're serving customers with deliveries and their orders are being
processed while they're driving around town. So what they did
(12:24):
was they purchased a black van and they're driving throughout traces.
They're driving throughout Chicago right now with the brewery's telephone
number display on the side of each of the vans
they have, and anyone could call or an order in
whatever brew that they want, So they'll deliver beers immediately
whenever they place their order. And on top of that,
(12:45):
they're playing obviously music, so it mimics the ice cream
truck kind of procession when they go up and down
these streets too. It's pretty neat. Oh yeah, that's good.
All listen. I love the miss when every kid. Yeah,
this is a adults. That's like the ice cream truck
for adults, right, get the boot, that's the way to
do it. That's a good job. By then you gotta
be creative, right, you gotta be creative. It's like, you know,
(13:05):
I'm blossoming right now and you got to adapt. It's
Darwinners and you have to adapt or die as a business.
Do you have to you know, live with the means.
And all these businesses are selling these masks now because
they know that there's a market for them, right so
they're like, hey, you know, the Dodgers can slap the
Dodger logo on and you can sell a bunch of
masks and people will buy them. Or the Red Sox
(13:27):
or the Twins or whatever, and people will buy the
stuff you do. It takes off, not about about it.
Girl Scouts of Alaska in a little bit of trouble
for for one reason, and you can obviously guess it's
the coronavirus. Ben. They're working on a federal relief a
loan after getting stuck with a hundred and forty four
thousand unsold boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Uh States trying
(13:47):
to shut down those sales right now. I'll buy them,
Send me some Girl Scout cookie. I mean, how do
you those things? The expert the expiration date. I used
to have some of my office. My wife grabbed them,
move them to the other room. But but aren't they
filled with chemicals and stuff? I mean, and the only
things last for like you know, six seven eight months
or something like that. The shelf life, right, it seems
(14:08):
like it. Do you can you guess which two were
sold the most? Which two brands of cookies in Alaska? No,
the Girl Scout cookies? Yeah, the girls. I'm gonna go
thin Man's and uh, I like the lemon cookies. That's
what I go. But I what, what's the ones with
the chocolate in the those are real popular. What I
forget what they're called. I've never had it is that
(14:29):
the tag along those are sold just as much as
the thin nets. I'm a thin man guy. I don't
mind the tag alongs. I love the lemonades. I think
they're called very good, great job. And now are the
Girl Scouts gonna be forced to stop that? Because the
n c A this week they're they've now opened up
(14:50):
third party money. Uh, and so that means are the
Girl Scouts the last endorsed kind of like slave used
the little Girls sell our cookies organization? Man, I didn't
think about, but yeah, that's great. Great industry was so
five dollars a box and we'll have a bunch of
(15:11):
twelve year old and thirteen year or whatever how they
are on how you're on the Girl Scouts, but around
that age, sell cookie. Can you on? Um? The Royal
Navy's making some headlines. We go overseas again for this one,
as a commander of a nuclear powered submarine got sacked
after allowing his crew to hold a barbecue party. Uh.
(15:32):
Commander Jonathan Lewis, the the captain of Her Majesty's ship,
the Tretch, not allowed the party to lock down at
the Devonport dockyard and began to throw a barbecue there
for all of his entire crew. Now, naturally, Ben, as
you know, through the power of social media, people were
taking videos and they saw a bunch of Uh, they
(15:52):
saw a bunch of sailors obviously parting it up, drinking,
laugh and having a good time. Uh. He has been
immediately relieved of his can And can't you let your
hair down a little bit? Come on? What kind of
world are we living in here? Guess? I mean, please, jeez,
imagine what must have gone on like before modern times.
(16:12):
Like you hear stories about like the Civil War and
like old battles. What was going on? I don't know,
It's just you know, the world we live in. I
just just got something shoved up there, took a sign.
Just how about this. Belgium's needing some help right now.
Belgium's potato industry needs a little bit of a help
(16:35):
from the government, from from the Big shoe. A fascinating
total band. On average, nine of potatoes are exported. But
they're not being export anymore, obviously because of the coronavirus.
So now wait, wait, nine of the potatoes in Belgium
are shipped out? Yes, yes, wow are they? Just are they?
Is this an American thing? I don't even know. I
(16:56):
think my potatoes I think come from California, from California
in the north East. I can imagine. I can imagine.
This is an euth thing. I think this goes all
over potatoes. It must be all over the UK, Yeah,
because we get our idolhood potatoes so or exported. Not
the case now. So there's piles of potatoes that are
now stuck on these farms and they have no facilities
(17:17):
to keep them fresh anymore. So that's it. It's over.
So they're asking people to eat more potatoes, more fresh fries. Baby, Yes,
what's wrong with that? That's a wonderful thing. Yeah, this
is not a bad thing. No, you say potato, I
say potato so a wonderful thing. Yeah, to be driven
potatoes very popular. Yeah, so that's what we got for
(17:39):
belting fries. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific. All Right, we'll get to the mail bag,
is what we'll get to. I mean, just type this
up real quick. Alright. I wrote down some emails, actual questions,
matual listeners. But these were submitted usually on Wednesday, we
(18:00):
host a thing on on Facebook saying hey, we're gonna
do the podcast this weekend. Can you send some questions in?
And then people usually do. It's an amazing thing. You
asking people will respond at build it and asking build it,
and they will come. I think is that the line?
All right, this is from Ethan and Acary. Now Ethan
(18:21):
has come out of nowhere. He has dropped in and
become a huge fan of the show in the last
couple of weeks. He is really talking about me blossoming.
But he is flourishing in the Mallard militia. But he's
new to the show. He's a young guy, and he says, hey, Ben,
can you please recap the William Shatner thing for some
of your newer listeners, like myself Ethan enacting well even
(18:44):
I'll give you the condensed version of that um. But
several years ago, I have a friend of mine named
Fred Dryer who used to play in the NFL and
and he's a listening to the show, which is kind
of cool. I found out he was listening to the show,
and then we we became penpals and whatnot. And Fred
used to be on Twitter and I have I have
Fred on the show like once a year. I always
(19:05):
I'm supposed to get him in more than once, but
I Fred was a star. When I was a kid,
there was a show called Hunter and I loved the
show and Fred Dryer was the star of the show.
And so it's cool, like I feel like, Wow, I'm
like living some kind of dreams. This is a guy
I grew up watching on TV. And now we're we're
you know, we text and you know it's kind of neat,
and so it's anyway, the long story short, I'm supposed
(19:27):
to give you the condensed thumbnail recap. Evan, so I
was corresponding with Fred Dryer. Fred Dryer is friends with
William Shatner, and so Fred would send me messages on Twitter.
He's not on Twitter anymore, but Fred would send me
messages on Twitter and he would tag me and William
Shanner and I didn't realize it until one day I
got a response in my mentions from William Shatner. I'm like,
(19:52):
holy fuck. You know, Captain Kirk is uh and you
know he is a fan. You know he's responding and
he's sending messages to me, is tagging me in his responses.
So then we made a bit out of it on
the show, and we were going back and forth and
it turned ugly because Shatner was, let's just say not
someone that had a great sense of humor about the
(20:12):
thing and didn't play along with the bit and got offended.
And so we would go back and forth. And the
question that sent him off ethan I asked him this
was when the Lightning were playing the Blackhawks in the
Stanley Cup Final. I remember because Shatner's Canadian says like, hey,
what do you think you're gonna win the Cup? And
he got all upset and said, you know, check your
(20:34):
your blocked, checkmate or something like that, and he blocked.
So then I I talked to Eddie, my advisor, and
we released the hounds and we sicked the Mallard Militia
on William Shatner. So we had three years ethan three
different battles. It was spats with shots Mallard Militia versus
(20:59):
the trek Ease, and we won. We stand victorious. Now
there's a lot of foot soldiers they got blocked Shatner.
That my one of my favorite things. When I write
my books, someday I'll do a chapter on William Shatner,
this humongous figure in American entertainment and pop culture who
one night was so upset with me and my listeners
(21:20):
that he started trying to block everyone that was mentioning
my name that would send him a message, right, So
he did, but he was so flustered, so flummocks Shatner,
that he started accidentally, instead of clicking the block button,
he clicked the follow button. So I'm getting screenshots from
security guards, guys making donuts, guys cleaning toilets that are
(21:45):
now being followed by William Shatner because he doesn't know
how to fucking use Twitter, And uh, it was hilarious.
It was. It was so and he tried to get
me fired. He that was the funny. He sent a
message to e sp In to get me fired because
he heard that Disney had bought Fox or whatever. So
and and he's, uh, it was hilarious. I mean, there
(22:07):
were so many highlights that we don't have time to
get into. But that's that's the small recap. Fox Sports
Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation.
Catch all of our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot
com and within the I Heart Radio app search f
s R to listen live. Ethan Chuck writes, and he says,
is it true that Tammy and Montana is your program director? Guess?
(22:30):
Is that true? No? If that was the case, I
think I have a different time slot. Wow, what what
time slot would you have? I'm gonna share with the
class and get into that at longer and go deeper
in that. No, but we could do that if I was,
you know, if she was the program director. Is that right?
Don't you think? I don't? I don't know. Have you
(22:52):
ever been to Montana? No? Not yet? You have not No,
not yet? Thinking about on your to do list things
to do. I've been a twenty six states so far.
Pat yourself on the back. There Montana is not one
of them. No, not yet sure, but that positive okay. Uh.
(23:12):
Fats from Philadelphia writes in and says, since we're both
about the same age, Ben growing up, this is by
the way, Fats is the guy that lit himself on fire.
This guy's this guy is the walking, talking, living embodiment
of Philadelphia sports fan. I'm sure Fats was one of
those guys climbing the light post after the Eagles won
(23:33):
the Super Bowl and they put Chrisco and all that,
and he's still climbed up anyway, Fats says, growing up,
what was the metal lunchbox that you had for school?
Mine was Charlie Brown and the peanuts. Well, Fats, that's
a great question. You know, this is a sign for
people around my age. The metal lunchbox was was huge.
That was man, man, that was big. My mom, I
(23:54):
either had the tuna fish sandwich or I had the
peanut butter and jelly. I was more of a peanut
butter and jelly guy, because by the time lunch came
around that that let me tell you that tunefih sandwich
did not smell so good by the time lunch came around.
But but anyway, I had uh man, what was remember
this before Guest Guns time the Saturday morning cartoons. They
(24:16):
had all the superheroes, uh and I forget um it
was like it was the Marvel Superheroes. It was like
Captain America, the Hulk was in there, all of them were.
I had that lunch box and then I destroyed that one.
I think I had a Scooby Doo one for a while. Um,
(24:38):
I went through multiple. I had a G I. Joe
lunch box. I remember that one. Yeah, I was really bad.
I would just throw the lunch box. I didn't care.
When I was in elementary school, I would just chuck
the lunch box and would get all the destroyed. And
then every year my mom was like, all right, we'll
get your new lunch box. You destroyed the last one.
So I used to have one too, though mine was
either Transformers or G I. Joe. Those are like the
(24:59):
two you Yeah, yeah, I like the Superheroes one because
it was really colorful with all the characters from Marvel
and and all that. That was. That was neat and
uh yeah, vaguely remember you can flashback and and see
them all. Let's see what is next. You're Tommy from
Bedford says, what's the very first thing you're gonna do
(25:21):
when the orders in place are lifted? Um, Tommy, I'm
gonna get a haircut. That's gonna be the first thing
I do. I need a haircut. Um, So that's number one.
And then number two would be to go to my
some of my favorite restaurants and actually eat at the restaurant.
What about you guys, Yeah, I think haircut number one.
Jim two and Jim that's right, the gym, sure, and
(25:43):
then uh three would probably go in like too. A
couple of finn establishments. Not work though, because I come
and drive into work, you know, when I'm called upon.
That's uh those things. But I also coming to work
when i'm called upon. I also coming to work when
I'm called rolled out of bed, It's fine, get out
of bed. I had to put clothes on. I had
(26:04):
to walk through the one door, and then I walked
down the hallway, and then I had to turn left
through another door, and then I had to turn the
lights on in the studio. I had to sit down.
I had turned the equipment on. There's a lot of
steps to this. It's very complicated. Gascon you wouldn't understand.
I would like to again pat myself on the back
though that I did fix the technical week difficulties. Now
(26:25):
we've had two weeks without any kind of situation where
we went off the air, so they're proud of that.
I worked with the I Heart engineering team and we
were able to fix it. It's fine. You power yourself
down for a listener driven power hour and all of
a sudden the technical problems aren't there anymore. It's fun. Wow,
it's a way to get around that. All right. If
you had to pick one this is from Mark, If
(26:45):
you had to pick one of the following three things
to be very gifted at, which would it be? Uh?
And also the two options not picked will be extremely ungifted.
So you can either be gifted physically intellectually or gifted
with the ladies or men for guest gun marches. All right, Um,
I don't know where that came from. Uh So, all right,
(27:08):
let's break this down. So physically you can get through
life if you're physically gifted. There are plenty of athletes
I've interviewed that are just dumb dumbs, right judge dingle Berries,
But they're very good at what they do physically. They
have the genetical they've won the genetic lottery and the
d n A lottery or whatever, so so they can
make a lot of money doing that. But you know,
(27:29):
there's you know, I don't know. Intellectually is a little
more different because you know, you kind of physically meek
and weak and all that, and just because you're intellectually
intelligent does not mean you can monetize that. So you
could be the smartest guy in the room, but nobody
wants to hang out with you. And then gifted with
the ladies. Yeah, you know, I I've heard some stories
(27:51):
about athletes that could sleep with any woman they ever
wanted to, and at some point, believe it or not,
you get tired of it. You know, if you do
something too much, you're like, you know, I'm a you
think there's no way you could possibly get tired of that.
But I've heard stories. There was one guy that played
back in the nineties that I was buddies with it,
had that life and he just he's just tired of
(28:11):
just thinking. He's like, he was getting any lady he wanted,
but he was tired of it. So all right, I
guess the answer would be all these three you know,
I'm gonna bet on myself. I would go intelligence is
what I would go with, because intelligence there's always a
market for smart people. And I would bet on myself
(28:32):
that I would be able to invent something and come
up with something that would would work out. So that's
that would be the one that I would choose. And
I'd go full like Elon Musk, you know, and I'd
invent a bunch of weird shit. What about you guess yeah,
I'd get the same way, especially because your intelligence you
can carry well into your sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond that.
(28:56):
But if you're physically gifted mother nature, your father time,
the wear and tear in your body does eventually take
its tall. And who cares about being socially inapt with women?
I mean, if if you're loaded and you're smart, they're
gonna come to you anyway. That's the thing. That's the
great thing about women. The great equalizer for men is
if you're very successful in business or athletically, it doesn't
(29:16):
matter if you look like a horrible beast. Look at
Jeff Bezos. I know Jeff Bezos is uh he's living it, man,
He's living it. And and his wife used to you know,
back in the day. He used to enjoy professional athletes,
you know, and May was with Tony Gonzalez and the chiefs.
Jeff Bezos wife who we I knew or did you
(29:37):
know her when she were now now, Laurence Sanchez used
to work in l She was the Lakers locker room reporter.
And all the players would google and ogle Lawrence Sanchez
when she remember because I'd see at the back of
the day of the forum and uh, actually, my man
a staple center early days, a staple center. But it
was it was pretty wild, pretty pretty wild there. So
(30:00):
all right, what is next year? Matt in Mansfield at Texas,
says Ben. Hot tub or sauna, not including the hot
tub time machine. Uh yeah, you know, I'm more of
a hot tub guy than a sauna guy. But I
don't like being in a hot tub with a bunch
of weird people. Like if if i'm if it's a
community hot tub, I'll go for the sauna. But if
(30:20):
it's like a backyard hot tub, I'll go hot tub
im sauna because I don't stand there for a long
period of time, like five ten minutes max. And then
I'm out. I like the steam room. I like to
after I work out, I like to go on the
steam right. I didn't sweat as much in the sauna,
but the steam room I would just be dripping sweat down.
(30:41):
Are those gonna be allowed back once they open up
the gyms again? Are we still not gonna be allowed
to go in the hot tub, the sauna and all
that stuff? Is that's still gonna be banned? I don't know.
You're if you're gonna state if you're gonna allow a
gym to be open, then you gotta let everything be open, right,
I don't know, do you have to? What are the
rules here? Are they gonna have the locker rooms open
because people and not be able to social distance? Are
(31:01):
they going to let let like four people in the
locker room at a time? And that's a good question.
I don't know. William writes, and what what is the
meaning of life? Guescan you want to handle this one?
Don't stick the spot? Don't now? Well? I think the
meaning of life is to to work hard, to have
family and friends, and to be a good person and
(31:25):
and try to give back a little bit to society
in one way or another. And that could be just
driving a truck and making sure people have shipped on
the shelves and stores and or whatever you might be doing,
but being a productive member of society, not killing anybody,
not hurting people. And then you check out, and then
somebody else doesn't. You know, It's like somebody else gets
up on the stage and gets to do their turn,
and then society gets better as it goes through. Max
(31:47):
out on life. That's all it is, exactly. You only
get a short amount of it, so you enjoy it.
Uh Nayla writes in and it says what evidence exists
that says humans went to the moon? Uh Nayla? Are
you from the flat Earth or the hollow Earth society? Naila? Uh? No,
(32:08):
I just I believe that human beings went to the Moon.
I think the evidence is when you look at the
satellites that are in space. You can see some of them,
you know Twilight right, you can see the satellites going around,
and I believe those to be mad made. But do
I have any actual proof I've I actually been to
the moon. No, I've not have actually seen this in person. No,
I have not, So you're taking other people's word for it.
(32:30):
But I generally, even though I'm a skeptic. I do
believe we've gone to the Moon. I've said many years.
I think a lot of the stuff we have, like
is is alien technology. For example, the government and the
Navy just released the they officially announced that there were
the UFOs that they found a few years ago. The
video is out there right now. I think UFOs have
been around. To think that we're the only, you know,
(32:52):
life form. I don't know whether the grays or some
of the other supposed aliens that people have had little
drawings of a for the years, but I'm sure there's
plenty of other species, tons of them, endless amounts, mind
blowing amounts that are out in in the cosmos, around
the different galaxies and all. That's just amazing. I love.
One of the things I love. I don't do very often,
(33:13):
but you go out, you know, I'm I'm in a
place where the city lights poison but the sky. But
you go out in a place where you're away from
the city and you look up and see all those lights. Man,
that is just that is just you feel like a
little piece of sand on a gigantic beach or in
the middle of the Sahara desert. When you do that
(33:34):
and you know you're not alone. Yeah, exactly, and then
as okay, you know it's good. You know so far?
Why not? Terry writes and says, what up Tiller nation?
I don't know what that means? What was your favorite
color of your air Assault sized twenties? He says, I'm
gonna say my favorite color. I ain't pretty much a
(33:55):
black shoes most of the time. It's usually how that goes.
I did have the back in the day, I had
the purple and before Nike they had the purple and
gold converse. My mom got me some of those and
the green they that was it was magic was purple
and gold, and then bird was the green. Those are
(34:16):
some good looking shoes back in the day. Yeah, the converses,
let's see, Dan writes in says what is more what
what has the more disturbing fixation? Or who has the
more disturbing fixation? Excuse me, angry Bill with Bella or
guesscon with your wife about that? Well, clearly, guests gone,
(34:37):
it's more much more disturbing than angry Bill. You're great, Yeah,
absolutely fascinating. Yes, I have a big fan of dance. Question. Yes,
I don't know where the funk they came from. But
all right, just out of left field. I'm sure that'll
be addressed during your show next week on a Sunday
night into a Monday morning. All right. A new rights
(34:57):
in from Kentucky says, do you feel you have reach
that point of accomplishment at your age? Uh? Well, I
know I have not stopped to smell the roses, but
I feel pretty comfortable with where I am right now.
Although I would obviously like to do more. I've always
had multiple gigs. I only have one gig right now.
I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket,
(35:19):
so I'd like to do something else on the side
to enhance my situation. So but generally, i'm i'm I'm
pleased with where I am right now in my life.
Jesse from Promota writes in he says, I'm back in
the Jordan's voice. Let's get into it. Shout out, Marcel.
Have you got so into a game? Jesse says that
(35:44):
you could could have destroyed your television or radio if
your team lost, or run down the street yelling if
they want if you have which game was it? Well?
This is easy, Jesse. It's a famous story, but It
goes back to the Music City Miracle, and I had
a rather large breath of large wager on the the
(36:07):
Buffalo Bills. It was. That was the Doug Flutie, Brad
Johnson Buffalo Bills. John now Rob Johnson, Yeah, Rob Johnson.
So the playoff game, Wade Phillips was coaching Buffalo, and uh,
the game came down to the to the very end.
I had the Buffalo on the money line and uh,
(36:30):
Frank White check through an illegal forward pass to Kevin Dyson. Uh.
And until my last breath in this mortal coil, I
will believe. And that goes back twenty years. That's over
twenty years now. I was in two thousand and I
am still as upset and bitter and broken at that
particular fucking game. Um. Then anything he said, well, what
(36:54):
about the World Series? What about the Dodgers in Game
seven and the youth darrish in the cheating A holes
and all that. Okay, The problem is I was at
that game, and so I was at the Red Sox
the World Series and all that. So it's a different
reaction than when you're watching it on TV. I listen
to it on the radio, So I do remember walking
out of Dodger Stadium after they lost the Astros and
(37:16):
guys ripping trash cans down and throwing them around and
all that. I do recall that. So that's awful. How
how much money did you wager on that game? I
don't want to get into a guest. Alright, it was
it's it's it's a source suping, all right. Carlos and
Houston says this is for a gag on. Since it's
(37:36):
Ben's birthday week, can you sing Happy birthday to him
in Greek or whatever language you said you had to
learn from Petros's dad, So can you go ahead and
do that for Carlos and Houghston. No, I will not
do that for Carlos and Houston. Absolutely don't call me.
You don't text me on the birthday. And you're not
saying that's a little bit different. He did not talk
(37:58):
to tex So weak man. Anyone could do that. Uh.
Carlos also says, if you had to invite one guy
to your birthday, who would it be that leech in Miami,
Mark the full name guy or Angry Bill? Well, if
Mark the full name guys on his meds, I'd take
Mark the full name Guy Uh, the guy in Miami
(38:19):
would stink and he'd ask me for money the whole time.
An angry Bill would try to sleep with Bellas. So
I don't think I need that. Uh. Pete in Pittsburgh says,
please bring Pete and Pittsburgh back. Who cares what your
producer thinks, America still loves him. Yeah, you're welcome back, Pete.
I never banned you from the show. We love you. Pete.
You're one of the great callers in the history of
the show and talk radio in general. John last One.
(38:40):
John says, if you had to pick one, would you
rather live without music or sports? It's obvious? Yeah, bye
bye music. Come on, please, who needs music? It's an
obvious one. You all right, listen, have a great rest
of your weekend, whatever the left of it. I'll be
back in the Magic Radio Box Sunday into Monday. It's
(39:03):
eleven pm in the West Sunday night, but two am
in the East on a Monday, as we'll get back
into it our first full week of shows here, first
week of shows in the month of May. As we
look forward to that, and you can follow us on
social media, and we've already given that out. I believe,
but follow me on Twitter at Ben Maller, Instagram, Ben
Maller on Fox, and our Facebook page Ben Mallard Show.
(39:27):
And you're on there as well, guest Yeah. Twitter at
David Jake Gascon, Instagram at Dave Gascon. Alright, have a
great day. We'll talk to you next time. Thanks for downloaded.
Host
Ben Maller
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