June 7, 2020 • 50 mins
More jaw-dropping than you'd normally expect, but the fellas promise to not disappoint. Ben and David wrap another weekend of immaturity by taking you away from the sports scope before circling back to you, the fans. A fun-filled mailbag of goodies provides some fascinating questions that hit home to many.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now, taking a bite out
of the forbidden fruit of audio conversation. We are in
the air everywhere the vast power of the I Heart
podcast Network. I'm glad you have found us here. This
is an exclusive podcast only. This is not broadcast on radio.
(00:45):
It is only available for you via download. As you know,
no one else will hear this. We can say really
bad words here because we're not governed by the Federal
Communications Commission. Thank god for that. Uh. And we're here
eight days a week, eight days a week, and we
do this show. It started out with Benny Versus the
Penny was plausibly a sports podcast. We have not talked
(01:05):
about sports in like almost a year, it seems here
very verily do we bring up sports. Um, we do
this because four hours are not enough. This is the
fifth hour, and we talked about things we don't talk
about on the radio show because these are most of
them non sports stories. In right over there, David Gascon
(01:26):
is right making his way in there. He is. You
don't want to say for better or for worse, so
you just thought it was that's usually for worse. That's fine.
The rest of the four or five narcissist guest guys
still haven't been to Guestcon's house, but it's still have
not been invited to the guest gun. But that reminds
(01:48):
me of some great news for you. Uh, your car
instrumance with Geico? Is that the great news? No, nook, Geico,
nothing with your sleep number bed Um, I got the
good news their day. Uh Phyco scores up to eight
oh three. That's that's great news. It's really good. It's
(02:09):
really proud of that. I thought i'd share that with you.
I thought it was important to uh let you know
about that. Yeah, how's that going for you? You're so neurotic,
You're so you're so neurotic. This is what we get.
You say, five, the fifth hour is here, But we're
also hanging on by the third rail too. We've no
(02:30):
I know that Yeah, well, listen, everyone's out to get you,
right they were. They're looking for the next person they
can force into submission. What they're looking for. Yeah, we'll
be canceled out of civilization with the cancel culture. I
don't like you. I am going to end you. I
love the mindset. It is a wonderful, wonderful idea, just
a wonderful cause. Oh I don't like something you said
(02:51):
you could never speak again? Obnoxious? Is that? Well, you've
done a good job of of walking the tight rope.
I know, you know from from Afar it seems like
you are really in the minority with your takes, which
is fascinating. Where Yeah, yeah, I don't know should I
(03:11):
have should I have lied and taken the the pandering
path of life? I just I've always been annoyed, and
I've said this several times in these monologues that we've
done um this week, that I just it's so dishonest,
like the grandstanding, the pandering, the virtue signaling, the pearl
(03:33):
clutching that goes on in these type of stories. It
just is so disingenuous, And I just I don't want
to be a part of it. I don't, but I
think it's weird that you don't want to be a
part of it, and then you can attack for not
wanting to be a part of it like yourself. Well yeah,
because that's the that's the Orwellian thought police that we have.
(03:57):
And uh, it's crazy you read some of this off.
You're like, oh, that's bullshit. That will never happen. Man,
there it is your sense of speech. You punish people
and get them in trouble with their jobs because they
don't agree with what you think. I treat all this
like I'm on the football field, like I got my
head on the swivel. I'm looking left, I'm looking right.
(04:17):
I'm just looking for that next handmaker to come. And
no matter who it is or what. But I understand
it's not personally. These people who are doing this, this
is how they were raised to believe this is the
way to do it, or not raised at all or whatever,
but they they this is and it's very effective the
people that are behind some of these different movements, because um,
it's it's power through shame is what it is, right,
(04:40):
Power through shame will call you horrible things, nasty things,
and then you will submit to us. You will get
down and you will bow down and kiss the boot
is what you're gonna do. And if you don't, you're
a horrible person. We're going to cancel you and you're done.
And even if you do, we're still gonna we're still
gonna cancel you. But at least you'll you'll maybe have
a chance to come back. Well, that's why I think
it's fun that we have the mail bad because we
(05:00):
get to have people chime in mail us and let
us know, like through email or a tax or whatever, like, hey,
what do you like? Would you not like? And then
voice your oppinion on something that's right. If you want
to email the show, it's the Real Fifth Hour at
gmail dot com. And you can also post our Facebook
pages where we get most of these questions. And that's
Ben Mallards Show on Facebook. Ben Maller Show on Facebook.
(05:24):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. So
we got the social media stuff, But can I take you?
I can I take you down to Florida again? I
know we talked about this, uh in a previous episode.
Are we doing. Don't stick to sports. Is that what
we're doing? Yeah, okay, let's go into it. Yes, I
(05:45):
think we've got some good stuff because you you've been
good the last two episodes with Florida Man and Florida Woman.
I'm all about that. Florida Man, I'm all about it.
Since we have Florida Man and Florida Woman again, I
think it's appropriate for this. How about Miami, Florida to
Miami Miami. Miami residents could go back to what they've
been doing about taking care of themselves. And that doesn't
(06:07):
mean going to a dry cleaner. That doesn't mean going
to a nutritionist or the gym. Ben we got dry
through botox. That is back and it's better than ever.
On May the fourth, the State of Florida allowed a
partial relaxing of restrictions and posed due to the coronavirus.
And that means uh certain procedures. One of them is
(06:29):
botox can resume Botox injections and any kind of cosmicic surgery.
I don't know if you can get breast implants through
a drive through, but botox, get one shot and you're
gonna go. So my my favorite part of this story
is the video, which obviously we can't show you because
this is the audio platform, but it looks like a
parody on Saturday Night Live. So you you pull in
(06:51):
your Honda Civic and uh, the doctor and the nurse
are there and they've got like a big town ors
of the different the shots of botox, and then you
roll your window down, you wear your mask, you roll
your window down. They come over and what would you
like today, sir? Would you like to you like the
(07:12):
upsize that you want to supersize that boat talk you
want to you know whatever? And then they just poke
your forehead with botox. Yeah. So here's the thing is,
you can't drive through there and and order. What you
do is you have to go online. You have to
make a reservation and then you have to pay depending
on what kind of service you want, and patients will
sign up and they have botox injections going for a
(07:35):
low price right now. Ben Mallinger of six hundred dollars.
In fact, in the article that I'm looking at, it's
not even a female it's getting the botox. It's a man.
He's getting botox right between the eyes. Um, very vain.
How about the guy's nickname he's known in Miami is
Dr Miami. How great is that Dr Miami? He had
his he had a reality TV show. You know that's good.
(07:57):
I was talking to a friend the other day about this.
I said, whatever you do, don't fucking do this to
your face. And uh, I brought it up to her
because I sent her another tweet from I think it
was like the New York Post with Kloyd Kardashian. And
she looks like a completely different creature, Like I mean,
she's she's pretty looking now, but she looks way different
(08:21):
than she was five ten years ago. And that's because
you peel off a little here, you had a little here,
you take a shot here, like I mean, cosmic surgery. Man,
that thing is ongoing service thing everyone. And they get older,
it looks worse. But imagine, like you know, some people
in Holly, especially the women, had seen him, and some
dudes too, like, oh, was that guy that was always
(08:43):
tatt always tan? Um? You know, I'm thinking about the
dude that had like, what's his name, George Hamilton? Is
that his name? Is that? What I'm thinking of? Who's
the guy the entertainer who was always like tan and
he looked really like as he aged it was not great. Well,
there's like some women in Hollywood get all the plastic
surgery and then they look like plastic dolls by the
(09:05):
time they get to a certain age. Yeah, George Hamilton's
the one you're talking about. But yes, I I know exactly.
But there are some like I mean, Jennifer Lopez looks
she's fifty and she looks she looks like she could
still got her fastball. There's some that look Holly Berry.
I think under further inspection, maybe not about that Holly Berry. Great,
some Hi, it's kind of like you got to do
(09:26):
the the the eyeball test, Like you know how that
you're walking through the park and like maybe you see
somebody from a distance you think, boy, that is the
silhouette of a beautiful person. Yes, and then you get
a little closer and a little closer and you're like,
whoa that is Yeah, not what I originally thought I
was looking at. They say good from far and then
far from good. Yeah, that's that's about right. How about
(09:47):
both both talks and driving boat talks. There's certain things
you wanted to drive through. There's other things, probably not
that would be on the list of probably not all right. Next,
if you want to do it, knock yourself up. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays,
two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific, Far Side, South Chicago. Ben,
how about this Sweet Home Chicago? A robber was in
(10:09):
the process of robbing a hot dog stand. Uh, he
accidentally discharged his firearm. He carried a weapon with himself
to rob this hot dog stand. Benny shot himself in
the dick when he was trying to do that. It's
a thinking the Dalton industry. That's called the cock shot,
I think, And uh, yeah, it was it with a millimeter.
(10:30):
It was a thirty pistol. Oh my god, Oh my god.
You think maybe maybe I shot at like a nine
millimeter No, no, no, no, a thirty eight one to
his dick and oh my god. Oh he's sweet. Oh
he dead. He died, right, he's dead. The man's dead.
He died by killing himself shooting his dick. Yeah, nineteen
(10:53):
year old doing this song. Oh my god, is it
really worth it? I mean, I don't know. Maybe the
guy doesn't enjoy sex, But if you do, I mean,
what are you doing? You got a whole life of
stupid and you're doing that. Come on, a dummy, How
about this in Texas um Sylvia Garcia, she's a representative
in Texas, a Democrat. A few days ago, she unveiled
(11:16):
some legislation that would forbid President Trump from dropping a
nuclear bomb into a hurricane to distrepids path. Is this
actually a thing he's just actually, this is not parody.
This is not from the onion. No, no, but I
mean is it? I mean, like, who would like even
you know, people think Trump's like, you know, some people
(11:38):
who hate him. Whatever, you know, he's so you're doing this.
But I'm gonna give Trump the benefit of the doubt
that even Donald Trump, even if you hate the man
and think he's the dumbest personal world, he's not gonna say,
you know what, let's drop the nukes right out there
in the South Atlanta. Can see what happens. See what happens.
We'll save Florida, We'll save mar Lago. Let me come on,
(12:00):
who what's this woman's name? Sylvia? Yes, she she This
is someone that people voted for to represent them. Yes, yes,
yes she has. The Climate Change in Hurricane Corral Correlation
and Strategy Act requires the administration to produce and submit
to Congress a comprehensive government led strategy and five annual
(12:22):
reports that outline had to properly confront increasing hurricane activity,
which is understandable, but obviously in this legislation, UH yeah,
the president uh does not have the authorization to uh
to take those nuclear launch codes. Pressed a little button.
You imagine that you go to the West wing. Attention Americans.
I have decided we're being attacked by a hurricane and
(12:44):
we will be dropping nuclear weapons at seven o'clock tonight
the hurricane. It's pretty good. Um. So I mentioned my
my friend earlier with with the botox thing. Um, she
sent me a great story earlier. Because there's so many
things that are out there with the news cycle and
with the the looting, with the politics and whatnot, this
is a good one, especially as as football fans the
(13:06):
audience can appreciate. Uh. Philadelphia residents loot a furniture store,
local furniture store, and they take everything in the store.
Accept a Dallas Cowboys recliner? What's Philly man? You don't
want to be You gotta keep some street crap. If
you're out there looting and pillaging communities, and burning them
(13:27):
down and stealing the merchandise. You gotta keep it real, right,
you gotta keep it real in the neighborhood. You can't
be stealing a cowboy, the cowboys of the enemy, the
sworn enemy of the Philadelphia Eagles. If you don't listen
my new friend Fats in Philadelphia, I know the mindset.
You cannot be doing that. They would beat you into
submission if you stole a cowboy recliner. It's hilarious. How
(13:50):
about this. A Spanish porn star has been arrested on man,
stop right there. You had me at Spanish porn star,
had me at Spanish porn star. It's a male. It's
a male. Especially to take that back, I'd like to
retract the previous date. But he's he's been arrested. All
think you're doing male porn stories. Look at you, I'm diverse.
What do you want from me? I didn't know you
watched the Most guys don't admit to knowing the male
(14:13):
porn stories. Other than Ron Jeremy. I didn't name him
by first name. I just it's keep looking at his work,
you know, I don't think so. I was Anyways, he's
been arrested on on manslaughter charges following, uh, the death
of a man Ben He was he was inhaling psychedelic
(14:33):
toad venom. He was in this mystic ritual and he
started to inhale psychedelic toad venom. Like I've heard of
people going down to South America to try some ayahuasca.
I've never heard someone go to Madrid, Spain to inhale
some psychedelic toad venom. This is some Joe rogan ship,
is what this is? Right, He's into that kind of
(14:54):
weird wild stuff. Man. Yeah. Wow, the guy died from this. Yeah, yeah,
he died for it. So apparently has some It has
a few psychedelic substances in it. So are they doing
what was the guy was this? This is a dude, right,
these two dudes guys? All right? So what about remember
(15:14):
the TV guy in l A at Channel five that
died in the hotel with the male prostitute. Yes, and uh,
that part didn't come out right away. No, No, there
were glowing tributes. But he was like doing all these
wild drugs and he was married with kids and he
was just living like this double life and all that,
and everyone apparently everyone loved him at work, like respected
(15:35):
member of the community, you know, the role model TV
anchor giving you the news. And then when he got
done with the news, on his way home he had
to stop by he had to work late at the office,
and stop by the hotel with the male prostitute. Yeah
it's pretty dark, it is. Yeah, all right, So that's
what we got for not sticking to sports. Be sure
(15:56):
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am East Time now four inbox all right,
mail back mail, back mail back, actual questions, actual listeners.
If you want to send a question for a future episode,
you can email me Real fifth hour at gmail dot com,
or go to our Facebook page. Follow me on the
(16:16):
Facebook page, like our page actually the Benn Maller Show,
and then you click the like button or whatever on
there to like our page. And then every Wednesday, usually
in the morning, certainly by midday, I will post something
online asking for questions. Now, the way this works, to
give me your name and city, and then we might
(16:36):
use your question on the show. Very simple. Let's get
to as many of these as we possibly can. We
have some time, So that's good. Fats from Philadelphia Rights
and He says, what is the most single climactic sports
ending of a game you witnessed in person or live
on TV? Good or bad? Mine, unfortunately, was the Joe
(16:58):
Carter walk off. It's like it was yesterday, Fats says.
He also mentioned some hockey game. All right, so Fats
in person, the most dramatic thing, it's either it's not
really the well it is Game seven's Game seven of
the Words. So there was not real drama when the
cheating as Strow's beat the Dodgers. But I was at
that game that was a dud. The most dramatic game
(17:20):
I've ever been at was a World Series game, Game
seven seven, long time ago. The Cleveland Indians and the
Miami then they were called the Florida Marlins, and that
was it. Then Joe Robbie Stadium in Miami and or
Fort Laud or whatever it is, but it was. It
was why we were there covering it. I was standing
outside the Cleveland Indians locker room. The Indians had the lead,
(17:44):
it looked like they were gonna win the game. The
Marlins came back to tie. It went to extra innings,
but they had to tear down the plastic that they
had put up in the in the Indian's locker room
because they were getting ready to celebrate the World Series.
They had the champagne in the cart and then they scrambled.
They had to pull it down, and then the Marlins
ended up winning an extra innings. Edgar rent Aria and
(18:06):
Craig Counsel the heroes there for the Marlins with you.
I remember that the whole stadium going crazy a while,
and it was nuts. It was actually a Marlins game
where people attended. But that's the craziest one I witnessed
in person on television. I gotta say the Music City
Miracle was the most ridiculous thing. It was a forward
passed by Frank White check the Kevin Dyson illegal forward
(18:29):
passed and for some reason it was not called by
the incompetent stumble bum officials. So that would be it.
What about you, a gas gun man? That's that's so tough? Um.
Can I go up the beaten path and tell you
something a climatic moment that I was at that I
did not see high school football? No. Um. So in
two thousand fourteen, my my very first day working for
(18:51):
Fox Sports Radio, I was working an overnight shift. When
is this what is this again? This was in two
thousand fourteen, and you're so I didn't know that, Like,
our call times were kind of like lax, And my
very first day here, I wanted to obviously have a
good impression. So I was like, okay, I need to
be here at ten pm, no matter what ben I
(19:14):
was at. I was at game five of the Stanley
Cup Final in two thousand and fourteen, and I had
a ticket, and I was at that game Kings and Rangers.
L A was up in the series three games to one.
Back here at Staples Center, the game started at five
o'clock obviously for the East Coast audience, and the fucking
game went to overtime. So as the game went to overtime,
(19:37):
was thinking, like, ship, this needs to end soon otherwise
I need to leave and I need to get to work,
like I don't want to get fired on my first day.
First overtime comes, nobody scores. Second time overtime comes, uh,
double overtime comes, and all of a sudden, I'm like,
I need I have like twenty minutes before I get
to get out of here. Kept waiting and waiting and
waiting and no dice, and so I told my sister
(20:00):
was with a parent, was like, you know, next stoppage,
I gotta both, I gotta get out of here. I
gotta get to Sherman Oaks. I walk out of the
building and I walked two blocks down to get to
my car, and as soon as I turned on the car,
I heard Nick Nixon say, Alec Martinez just scored and
won the game for the Kings and they won the
fucking Cup. Oh I was you know what I should
have mentioned. I was at that game. That was awesome.
(20:22):
That was the the hot hockey's great. How they present
that that that is wonderful. The Kings to Stanley Cups
were amazing. I love that. I was standing here. I'm
gonna be like guest, got a name drop, um. But
I was with Barry Melrose, who was working in still
Is at ESPN. But we were watching on a monitor
(20:43):
right behind. We were waiting because you have to wait
in line to go out. They the media out on
the ice after they win. They used to win the
Stanley Cup. So I'm standing with Barry Melrose, who coached
the Kings in the Stanley Cup final against Montreal when
they lost, and we were watching the King's finally win
their first Stanley Cup and it was cool. Yeah, that
that was the one moment, like and the worst part
(21:05):
is I got to work on time, like at ten
o'clock and you know, my supervisor, Dan Buyer is like, oh,
you should have told me that I would have given
you the nine off or something like that. I was
so fucking mad, you know. I didn't want to leave
a bad impression. So I guess like live that I
have seen that I have watched has been all hockey.
Like Mike Krusalniski scored in nineteen ninety against the Calgary
Flames and a double overtime. I saw that live. I
(21:28):
saw Gretzky's game winner in two thousands or not two
thousand in nineteen against Toronto in game six to force
a Game seven. You gotta give it up to hockey, man,
because that you go to overtime in a Stanley Cup
finals game, and it is it is nuts. Every time
they get past the blue line there and they're in
the in the zone and you're like, whoa, this could
(21:49):
be it, this could end it right here. Yeah. I
think the other two that I saw TV that like
jumped out to me. I saw obviously Derek Fisher's point
four that shot against San Antonio, which Al Michael's called
in and fucking raheem more getting beat over the fucking
top by I was so happy, like so excited, I
wanted to I almost had an orgasm. Yeah, I wanted
(22:11):
to eat my own ship. I was so fucking mad
at that game. Like I was on the air bend
the first time calling an Aztecs game, and I saw
that during a pregame show while I'm on the air,
and I said, you got it, Jacobe Jones over the
top for a seven yard touchdown. I was just sick
to my fucking stomach. It was awful. But yeah, thanks
(22:33):
fat Alright matt Man's Field, Texas Right soon, he says,
if you were looting, Ben and Guest gone, which stores
would you choose? Alright, So guess if you became a
bad actor, Um, what would you do here? What would what?
What kind of trouble would you would you cause? There?
(22:54):
So I can't do cheesecake, that's already been done. So
you're now human scum, right, You're they're stealing, You're you're
a miscreant, is what you are. You're running a muck
and all that and you don't care. You're like, I
don't care if I go to the Gray Bar Hotel.
I'm gonna do it. Yeah, you see the people I
would go. I know they've been destroying a t M
(23:16):
is trying to I try to get cash because it's
hard to trace the cash, you know what I'm saying, Like,
the real morons are the ones that are robbing Apple
stores and you're you're stealing a tracking device and apples
and they've said that they know the ain't no ways
to there's when you turn the phone on, they can
activate something where they know exactly where you are. But
(23:37):
the problem is that with an A t M they
have limited cash in the A t M dispensers too.
That's true. But whatever you get, you got, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, man, it's tough because I think
the only thing that I can get away with that
if I had to steal, it would probably be like
a luxury car. What the funk are you talking about?
(23:58):
How I should get away with a uxtree car because
you can't track the car, and you could. They don't
have license plates on them yet they have the VIN
number though, Yeah, well do they? Yes, the vennumber. Oh yeah,
the vet numbers on the side of the car. Yeah,
it's on the inside of the car. It's all over
the place. Yeah, I could probably all if if the
(24:19):
Mercedes Benz dealership gets robbed, the BMW dealership gets robbed,
and all of a sudden, a week later you show
up with a brand new, shiny red Beamer. Do you
think people might not get suspicious? Possibly and say, well,
maybe this guy's one of the agitators, one of the troublemakers.
I would either I'd go over the border in New
Mexico and sell that ship. No you would, Yeah, why
(24:41):
not get it all figured out? Man, it happened to
me once. So your dad is very upset, very very upset.
Discipline end upset exactly all right. These are actual questions
by actual fans of the show. Thank you, Matt, They're great.
Great question. Joe from Richmond, virgin He writes, and he says,
(25:03):
two questions, one humorous, the other not other series humorous.
We love the drop you hang up on yourself, Ben Maller,
it's actually I think Bill Miller, when was the last
time you slammed down the phone on someone? And what
was the topic? Well, that is a good question. I
hang up on people regularly that just annoyed me. Typically
(25:23):
on the radio show. It's I can handle like a
certain level of drunkard activity, but then at a certain
point it just comes ridiculous and then I'm like, I
don't want even engage in this, So I hang up
with people on there I'm trying to I don't usually
talk on the phone very much anymore. Um do four
hours of radio a day, So I don't usually try
try not to talk much other than the show because
(25:44):
I'm a dude. I don't like to talk that much.
But um, I don't remember the last time I hung
up on someone. I guess that's a problem. What about you,
guest once the last time I hung up on somebody?
Uh rudely hung up. I hung up on a female
on recently, Yeah, what was what? Why would you do? Uh?
(26:05):
Because she wasn't paying attention to what I was saying,
Like she was talking and then asking questions about something
I just told her, and I was like, I just
I just actually said that. Like. It takes a lot
from It takes a lot to annoy me. My engine
doesn't run hot. Usually I'm pretty patient, but the fact
that she just did not listen to anything I said,
and it was probably talking about herself. I was like,
(26:28):
I'm out, and just like, well, my old my old man.
He repeats he's about five stories and he doesn't do much.
Obviously he doesn't leave his house very much because of
the apocalypse. But he there's about five stories. One involves
the dogs, one involves baseball, listening on transistor radio when
he was a kid to the World Series during the day.
There's that story. There's like, there's like five stories and
(26:49):
he just rotates them, but I've heard all of them.
When he has nothing to say, he'll go through his
role the decks of stories and start telling me the stories.
And I know exactly what he's gonna say next, but
I don't hang up. I just kind of like bite
my tongue, just kind of bite my tongue, and I
was like, Okay, it's story time. I've heard the story.
But why not? Uh? And as far as uh, The
(27:10):
other question from Joey says you mentioned being fired in
the past and how common that experiences in the radio business.
Please describe how you reacted and your path back to employment,
and offer any advice to so many who are losing
their jobs right now based on your own experience. Uh well,
the first time I got fired in radio, I was
on a Friday and I had worked all week and
(27:32):
I called. I remember calling my mom. I was leaving
the radio staysistem, Mom, I just lost my job. I
don't I don't think I'll ever work in radio. Gain,
I said, this is it. I was freaking out. I
lost my mind, and then you know, I you you
calm down, You're like, Okay. You go through the stages
of like any kind of morning process, right the stages
(27:54):
of Initially you are depressed. You're in grief that you
lost the job. You're in denial, You're like, why did
I get I shouldn't have lost the job. You're angry.
Then you start to kind of bargain a little bit.
Um you do have the depression. But then you when
you accept it, once you finally accept it, you're like, Okay,
(28:14):
I'm good, I can work, I can get another job,
and I'm gonna I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna pound the
streets until I get another job. And that was my mindset.
My mom my mindset was like, funk those people. I'm
gonna make them look like idiots. I'm gonna be good
at this, and they're gonna wish that they had not
gotten rid of me. And I did actually get a
(28:34):
message from one of the program directors that fired me,
David Hall, who was he was famous for running kf I,
and he whacked me at at a job I had,
and he did send me a message years later to
congratulate me on my success. So that that was a
that was a big pat on the back for me
that I had done it. So I think the advice
(28:58):
I would give people this is different obviously. But I
lost my job. It wasn't in a pandemic. Uh. Last
time I lost my job was in OH nine, which
was a global recession, well a US recession, when the
um the economy went in the toilet there the great
collapse of OH eight. In an OH nine um and uh,
I mean I just scrambled. I just went to scramble mode.
(29:19):
And and it was like I started. I was fortunate.
I had some contacts in the radio business that I
had made and I started making phone calls. And one
of the problems is, and you learned this in radio
and you don't have a job, people treat you like
you you you've got some kind of illness. They socially
distanced from you. They don't people that would talk to
you all the time and don't talk to you anymore. Um.
(29:39):
But I just I did some fill in gigs. I
I filled in when I got let go from Fox.
I filled in at the Angel Station. I had a
try out at uh this small station in Orange County
A M. A. Thirty where Roger Lodge does the show.
I did a show from there, right down the hall
from Artie Marino Studios. I was allowed to fill in
for Mike Adams on Planet Mikey, very popular show at
(30:02):
the time in Boston. And uh so I knew some
people at EI, they were fans of mine. They gave
me the opportunity, so that was pretty cool. Um. But
my advice now, I guess, is if you gotta look
at this objectively, if your career is fucked, if your
industry is fucked, try to find something that it can't
(30:22):
be apocalypse proof. Put close. Like, you know, look at
the people that are still working during the last few
months that have been essential truck drivers, people to work
at grocery stores, um, those type of jobs. And depending
on what you do obviously if you're if you're that
kind of a worker. But that's what I would, I would,
I would try to go where the jobs are. Yeah,
(30:45):
I've been I'd be lying if I if I didn't
say this, But I've been looking just because of the
industry that we're in in the digital scope, I've been
looking at startups like I've been looking at hard at
startups because of the Typically it's ares being progressive and
aggressive with their thoughts and mentality on how to now
(31:06):
I developed, but to create new and different means of
communications and media content and other forms of distributions. So
I've always been fastening by that, you know, like I've
like I was thought and this kind of the thing
that was preached with us from from up top. Julie Talbot,
she was saying how the company, but you know she
(31:30):
was basic, Yeah, with with the way that our our
industry is, or at least the network is that it's
not a radio station. It's it's a media company. And
that's exactly what it is. You know, Like we have
social media, we have terrestrial radio, and we have the
digital platforms. So whether you're on Twitter or Twitch, YouTube,
whatever it may be, Like there's ways to monetize and
get your message out to the audience. And I've always
(31:53):
felt like that, like, obviously you want to have this
thing splinter off in a various directions, but at the
same time, that's how you grow any kind of audience.
Or even if you're in sales, how do you get sales.
You get sales from obviously making one transaction, then getting
referrals from that individual or place to business, and I
think that's the way to do in the media. So yeah,
I've been looking hard and long and hard at that. Well,
(32:15):
really in any job though, it's human relations, right, It's
it's one on one. You know, these are big corporations
and big media companies that we work for, but ultimately
most of it's done by who you know. And that's
that's one of the reasons. Like college is a lot
of college is bullshit. But one of the things about
(32:35):
college that gives you a lie and advantage in life
is that fraternity thing, where like if you go to
a college that has like if you go to Harvard
and you're you're almost set because Harvard people hire other
Harvard people, and Harvard people get good jobs, and so
you you have more access to it than somebody that
went to say, Saddleback College, like you know, comparing me
(32:57):
to somebody that went to Syracuse, which is a sportscasting
of clearinghouse, right, a factory for sportscasters. I didn't go there.
I didn't have that experience. I don't you know. I
had a guy used to know who who's out here
working in l A and he went to he end
up going to Syracuse. Bob Costas called the radio station
(33:17):
to help him get a job. Bob Costas called the
radios because he because he was a Syracuse guy. I
can't get Bob Costas to call the radio station to
get me a job. I mean, who am I gonna get?
I mean, I'm sinking about Saddleback alumni Mark Grace. I
could get him the former call he went to saddle Back,
Anthony Carter, the old basketball player for the Miami Heat,
Saddleback gaucho. It's the smallest. That means, like I called
(33:41):
Chris Mortenson because Chris went to uh MO. Yeah, he
went to U s R. He went to obviously the ESPN,
but he went to El Camino. Yeah, but I don't
know that made people in media that went to San
Diego State or Northeastern. Actually, Alex Faulst, who's the television
voice of the l A Kings, he went to the
Northeastern or Northwestern in Chicago's a lot of like iters
that went to Northwestern. Yeah, all right. Fox Sports Radio
(34:04):
has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch
all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com
and within the I Heart Radio app search f s
R to listen live. Let's keep it going here, rat
a tat tat. As the questions never end, the answers
do come to an end at some point here a
New Hampshire. Bob alright, so he says, I know you
(34:25):
can work from wherever you are. Would you ever consider
moving to the northeast? That is from Bob, Well, Bob,
this has come up from time to time. We talked
earlier about Boston. I love Boston, um big fan, and
I love Boston Radio. I love sports radio is the
number one format in Boston, which just as great for
(34:48):
someone that makes the living in sports talk radio. It's
just wonderful because you know in l A. It's it's
not number one, anywhere close to number one in l A.
It's like top forty music and that kind of stuff.
That's number one. But I loved the Boston passion for
sports and I I have actually been offered jobs uh
in Boston and I had to turn them down. I
(35:08):
got married. Now, if I see, it's all about timing
in life. If they had offered me those jobs in
Boston to do different day parts like when I was younger,
before I got married, I would have done it. But
my wife's got a good job, and more important, she's
got a stable job, and so I was unable to
do that. But they didn't let me do some remote
work for EI, which I loved, and I missed that.
(35:30):
I missed doing that kind of stuff. So would I consider, Yeah,
my wife lost her job or whatever, and there was
more money to be made there, I would absolutely do
It would be great. I'd have a wonderful time. Of course,
it's gonna have to happen in the next couple of years.
I don't think. I think that ship will leave the port,
but I but I do love it. Matt in Rochester
writes in he says, if you had to make a choice,
(35:52):
which would it be, uh A, which pair to wear?
This is for both of us guests. Gone A really
comfortable pair of pants and an itchy shirt or a
really comfortable shirt and an itchy pair of pants. So
would you rather scratch like your arms or your legs? Um?
(36:15):
I think I'm gonna go shirt. I'd rather have an
itchy shirt because it's easier because you like, you get
the pants, you gotta like bend down and you know
it's more it's easier to scratch the itch if it's
a shirt. Yeah, So I'm going that's my strategic answer. Yeah,
I'll go with that too, especially because I always use
the us, always use the corner walls here, like the
(36:37):
doorstops or whatever to scratch my back like a bear. Yeah.
I always get like an itchy back. It's a country
bear jamboree. How about you buy a fucking backscratcher? How
about that? No? Uh, let's see. Yeah, I'll go with
a nitchy, itchy shirt al right. Next up, these are
(36:58):
actual questions by actual listeners. Thank you. Matt John writes
in from Parts Unknown. He says, if you could have
five pounds of anything, what would it be money? Five
pounds of hundred dollar bills? Sign me up. That's good.
How much would that be? Five pounds of bills. I
got the Google that five pounds of hundred dollar bills
(37:19):
of do do do do? Do do do? There's a
Google of the search that's it would be. Uh there's
like a Reddit page on there too, so according to that,
it would be forty five thousand, three hundred dollars. Really
(37:41):
five pounds? Great? Yeah, that's good. I'm in Jordan writes
and says, we need more triggered Coop. Yeah, Coop's got
a Coop's got a growing fan base though, Like the
hard core liberals that listen to the show, Love they
lay love when he uh, he pushes back, he he
(38:04):
love they love it. I can't get enough. Do they
call into the show right now? Now? They hide behind
their phones and stuff. They don't they don't call in.
Ja Dot from Utahs says, what's the worst toothache you've
ever experienced? Uh? Well, actually I had some dental issues
years ago where I actually had a cracked a tooth
(38:27):
and it fell out and that hurt like a mofo.
That was, um, what about you guess? Gunn and dental
issues that remember this In high school, a buddy of
mine had a barbecue at his house and um, you know,
we we're not at the appropriate drinking age. Massive barbecue
(38:48):
at his house, giant person, giant pool party, and um,
I misjudged the depth of the pool, and I did
a regular dive in the pool, and as I dove in,
it was not the depth that I thought it was.
I was lied to. I was told I was like
twelve feet. It was not twelve ft. So I scraped
(39:12):
my two front teeth on the bottom of the surface
of the pool. And I'm lucky I was inebriated because
the next couple of days it did not feel good.
I'm not getting to bust my teeth, but wow, yeah,
it's pretty bad. I'm looking at a break my neck,
just a troublemacer. You're a mystery Kevin in camp Loops, BC.
(39:36):
You ever heard of that k M L O O
P S. I've never heard of it. I never heard either.
I'm like every dumb American that must be near Vancouver.
It's in British Columbi. It must be near Vancouver, all right,
He says. If you guys drive into a busy outdoor
mall parking lot and see someone entering their car supposedly
to leave, if you're waiting for that spot, but they
(39:59):
are not leaving right away. How many minutes do you
wait before you say forget it and drive off to
try for another space. I don't even know if I
make it a sixty seconds. And I just want to
point out, Kevin, We've talked about this before. I'm the
guy that when I find out somebody's waiting for my
parking place, it annoys me. I don't like to be rushed,
and I purposely will not leave the parking place. I'm
(40:22):
the I'm the douchebag. I admit it. I admit it.
It's one of my neurosis issues in my life. But
when I am going out and walking in the parking lot,
I feel like I'm being shadowed by a car. You know,
it's trying to follow me. I'll walk down the wrong
aisle to throw them off, all right, I'll walk where
my car is not and then walk on the other
(40:43):
side so they don't have time to get the space.
That's one of my moves. I've done that. Man, I
what an asshole? Yeah, I do that. I do that. Uh.
And then if if they do follow me all the
way to my car and I feel like I'm rushed,
I will then roll down the windows and I will
put the seat in the line position and not turn
the car on down. You are you are, You're a
(41:04):
lethal I hate it. I'm actually the exact opposite. In fact,
like during Christmas time or holidays when there's a lot
of shopping either like at the Dialamo Mall of the
South Coast Plasma in origin the name job, we're all
over the country, guest guy, nobody knows your mass all right,
well south west of the four oh five guest guys.
South Coast Plaza Mall is actually east or northeast of
(41:24):
the four or five way, but it is very it's
a it's adjacent, it's four oh five adjacent. Yeah, it
is a for for men out there. It's a target
riched environment. But like shot going shopping, They're like, you're
gonna go on tender No, I'm gonna go to South
Coast Plast to the Bloomingdale is what I'm gonna do.
You know, you're you're, you're, you're someone with with a
bunch of sharks there. But I always tell people like, hey,
(41:47):
I'm leaving my spot or hey, come follow me, I'm
leaving my spot because you tell people, Yeah, I never
tell them I'm courteous man. I do not tell them.
I want probably privacy. You know what it is though,
part of it the way that I shop. When I
go in the shop, I know exactly what I'm getting.
I get in and get the funk out, like I
don't walk around that because you're a man. That's how
(42:08):
men operate. I'm the same way, are you. No? No, no,
that's not sure. You take your selfies like, hey, I
have my mask on, let me take a selfie in
front of a Costco. Like bullshit? Like that? You little
a little bit. We're a multimedia platform here we go.
We need content on all different platforms. And my corporate
(42:28):
overload was telling me on the weekends, Hey, Ben, when
you're out shopping, why don't just put a photo on Instagram?
People love that stuff, okay, boss? And then I gotta
here with this bullshit from you. I gotta hear from you.
Oh I was taking photos out of the Costco and
he's doing this at Walmart, and I'm like, OK, it's
a multimedia comany guest, and I'll teach you how the sports.
We're not just a radio I got it. That's the
(42:53):
Tom Looney school of broadcasting about the way that's the
Looney school of broadcasting. What you know. I would say
something the first hour blitz, and then three hours later
he would repeat it verbatim, word for word. He would
repeat exactly what it is, a carbon copy, and then
turn off his mic and laugh hysterically as he'd just
stolen my material. Good check, all right, Kentucky J writes
(43:14):
and says, would you rather coach the Atlanta Hawks for
five years making gobs of money but knowing the team
is not good yet? Or coach the Sstros for two
years at minimal pay, but you will be able to
be rate them about integrity and cheating face to face daily. Yeah.
(43:35):
I as much as I love bashing the Astros, and
I love the idea of making Jose Altuve and Alex
Bregman and Springer run gassers, I love that if I
was the manager, I could do that. Show me the money,
show me the money, give me the Atlanta Hawks. That's
(43:56):
tough because taxes are different each state, even if you're
making a minimum in Houston compared to a boatload of
money in Atlanta. The other thing is the food, Like
you give me you give me eighty one games in
Houston with the barbecue. I don't know if that that's tough. Right?
If you get forty one in Atlanta, they get the
(44:16):
fried food man, I don't know. I think i'd go baseball,
talking base ball more working baseball hundred sixty two versus.
But like I like baseball more than basketball anyway, well
I like baseball more than basketball too, But the money
part of it's a job. They get paid. It would
be be great. Jack in Greensboro, North Carolina. Right since
(44:39):
this band. If you could bankrupt any person, company, country,
or organization, what would it be? Oh, ship, that's pretty deep. Yeah,
you can bankrupt the country. Yeah, you know, it's one
of those things. This is one of those you know,
do you want to be the The serious answer would
be the serious answers, China bank grub the funk out
(45:00):
of the Chinese. Okay, so you bankrupt China. That would
be the serious answer. And then the fun sporty answer
would be the Astros. The Astros, how about that? They
Astro has become the first North American major sports franchise
to go bankrupt and fold in my lifetime? How great
would that be? That'd be pretty good. I'd be awesome
(45:21):
if you if you have bankrupt somebody. I've had to
bankrupt a person. Uh, let's see who would be good
to bankrupt. I think I want to bankrupt Jeff Bezos,
just to see where Laurence Sanchez goes next. Yeah, you know,
she's only there for a couple of billion reasons. Uh,
(45:41):
I don't know one person. Most of my enemies are
dead now, so that would be a Joe the One
Eyed Trucker from Boston writes, and he says, Ben, do
you think all Patriot fans are puppets? Well, that's a
great question, Joe. We are going to find out, Joe
the One Eyed Trucker from Boston. We're about to find out,
because if the Patriots do suck, I don't think you're
(46:03):
gonna suck right away, but if they do end up blowing,
we will soon find out whether or not these fans
are band wag nerves, as Blair and Maine would say,
and how many of these people are still Patriot fans. Alright,
we're gonna we're gonna find the answer out here. All right,
let's see any time for one more. Let's see here,
(46:25):
d d Well, I think I'm gonna leave Tracy's question.
He's got a good nickname. Stir scratch scratch off. I
don't think we have time to get to that one,
because I want to. I want it to be there.
It was okay, but it wasn't like the greatest of
all time. Uh let's see here. Pete from Cedar Rapids,
Iowa says multiple questions for you, says, what do you
(46:47):
consider to be the five most instantly recognizable logos in
college athletics? So don't forget the Iowa Hawk guys. Uh,
well you think you think? Um, I how about just helmets?
When I think of college football, I think of Michigan,
Notre Dame, Ohio State, Alabama. They just have like the
(47:10):
weird um like the number thing there. I think of Alabama.
Um USC also is on that list. Um am I
forgetting I'm trying to think, Yeah, the long Horns have
a good look. Tennessee with the T, the big T there.
Um Miami with the U back in the eggs. Mostly
because my age, because I remember when Miami had great
(47:32):
teams every year. Um So, Penn State is that taboo
to say? Because if it happens good Oklahoma, Well that's
a good one. Oklahoma, Nebraska. The end on the Nebraska helmets.
Pretty pretty good. Yeah, so those are some of them?
Any chance? Uh? Did did Doc Mike and Genie I'm
(47:54):
a doctor go to med school together? No? I don't
think they did. And blind does Blind Scott consider the
Star Spangled Band discriminatory? I haven't. I have to ask him.
And what is the exchange rate of the Mallard Golden Ticket? Uh?
You can turn that Mallard Golden ticket in for a
lifetime supply of nothing and a trip to nowhere, a
round trip to nowhere. Um and and that that's what
(48:16):
the Mallard Golden tickets for. So if you don't want
the Mallard Golden Ticket, you can exchange it. We will
give you a lifetime supply nothing. In fact, whenever you
want nothing, just call us up and ask us to
send nothing. We're gonna send nothing anyway. That that's it.
Follow us on social media, guest, God's got a social
engagement he's got to go to. You can follow me
on Twitter at Ben Mallar, Instagram, Ben Maller on Fox Facebook,
(48:39):
Ben Mallard Show. And don't forget the cameo. I will
make my own cameo for you. The question before we
get out of here. I thought we had to go.
We do, but I got a question before we go.
So what happens? What happens if if someone asks you
to take a private cameo video and they actually ask
you a disrobe and they pay for it, Well that
(49:02):
rates more than the rate that I'm charging on cameo.
So if you want, if you pay me enough, I
will show you the Hogan. I have the Hogan haircut,
have the Hull Cogan haircut. I've got the Hull Cogan
hair my my hair. I don't know when this happened.
I woke up one morning and my hair started looking
like Hulkan Young Hul Colden Hogan, old Hulk Cogan. I
(49:22):
don't know how that happened. But well, you don't have
the biceps or the handlebar mustache. So I'm sorry, but
I did. Maybe it's because when I was a kid,
I did eat the Hull Cogan vitamin. I did enjoy
the prayers, Yeah I did. I didn't have that back
in the back in the day. But yeah, yeah. People
want to make any request on on the cameo site.
You know, most people so far have been you know,
(49:44):
advised people. One guy asked me for some advice. Um,
it was a kid's birthday. That was pretty cool. Big
fan of the show, young Guy. And there were a
few other things. So I've only done a few of them.
I gotta really. I keep saying I'm gonna send this
out on social media, and I haven't done it yet.
Maybe this will be the weekend that I actually did it.
I don't know. But anyway, and and so follow me
(50:05):
on all those things. How can people follow you? Gag
on Twitter at David J. Gascon just the letter J,
and then Instagram is at Dave Gascon. Alright, wonderful, have
a great rest of your weekend, and don't forget We're
back in the Magic Radio Box eleven pm Pacific on
Sunday night. That's well, look at the math on. That's
(50:25):
two am in the East on Monday morning, so just
past the witching hour and we'll be on the radio.
Have a great rest of your day. We'll catch you
next time.
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now, taking a bite out
of the forbidden fruit of audio conversation. We are in
the air everywhere the vast power of the I Heart
podcast Network. I'm glad you have found us here. This
is an exclusive podcast only. This is not broadcast on radio.
(00:45):
It is only available for you via download. As you know,
no one else will hear this. We can say really
bad words here because we're not governed by the Federal
Communications Commission. Thank god for that. Uh. And we're here
eight days a week, eight days a week, and we
do this show. It started out with Benny Versus the
Penny was plausibly a sports podcast. We have not talked
(01:05):
about sports in like almost a year, it seems here
very verily do we bring up sports. Um, we do
this because four hours are not enough. This is the
fifth hour, and we talked about things we don't talk
about on the radio show because these are most of
them non sports stories. In right over there, David Gascon
(01:26):
is right making his way in there. He is. You
don't want to say for better or for worse, so
you just thought it was that's usually for worse. That's fine.
The rest of the four or five narcissist guest guys
still haven't been to Guestcon's house, but it's still have
not been invited to the guest gun. But that reminds
(01:48):
me of some great news for you. Uh, your car
instrumance with Geico? Is that the great news? No, nook, Geico,
nothing with your sleep number bed Um, I got the
good news their day. Uh Phyco scores up to eight
oh three. That's that's great news. It's really good. It's
(02:09):
really proud of that. I thought i'd share that with you.
I thought it was important to uh let you know
about that. Yeah, how's that going for you? You're so neurotic,
You're so you're so neurotic. This is what we get.
You say, five, the fifth hour is here, But we're
also hanging on by the third rail too. We've no
(02:30):
I know that Yeah, well, listen, everyone's out to get you,
right they were. They're looking for the next person they
can force into submission. What they're looking for. Yeah, we'll
be canceled out of civilization with the cancel culture. I
don't like you. I am going to end you. I
love the mindset. It is a wonderful, wonderful idea, just
a wonderful cause. Oh I don't like something you said
(02:51):
you could never speak again? Obnoxious? Is that? Well, you've
done a good job of of walking the tight rope.
I know, you know from from Afar it seems like
you are really in the minority with your takes, which
is fascinating. Where Yeah, yeah, I don't know should I
(03:11):
have should I have lied and taken the the pandering
path of life? I just I've always been annoyed, and
I've said this several times in these monologues that we've
done um this week, that I just it's so dishonest,
like the grandstanding, the pandering, the virtue signaling, the pearl
(03:33):
clutching that goes on in these type of stories. It
just is so disingenuous, And I just I don't want
to be a part of it. I don't, but I
think it's weird that you don't want to be a
part of it, and then you can attack for not
wanting to be a part of it like yourself. Well yeah,
because that's the that's the Orwellian thought police that we have.
(03:57):
And uh, it's crazy you read some of this off.
You're like, oh, that's bullshit. That will never happen. Man,
there it is your sense of speech. You punish people
and get them in trouble with their jobs because they
don't agree with what you think. I treat all this
like I'm on the football field, like I got my
head on the swivel. I'm looking left, I'm looking right.
(04:17):
I'm just looking for that next handmaker to come. And
no matter who it is or what. But I understand
it's not personally. These people who are doing this, this
is how they were raised to believe this is the
way to do it, or not raised at all or whatever,
but they they this is and it's very effective the
people that are behind some of these different movements, because um,
it's it's power through shame is what it is, right,
(04:40):
Power through shame will call you horrible things, nasty things,
and then you will submit to us. You will get
down and you will bow down and kiss the boot
is what you're gonna do. And if you don't, you're
a horrible person. We're going to cancel you and you're done.
And even if you do, we're still gonna we're still
gonna cancel you. But at least you'll you'll maybe have
a chance to come back. Well, that's why I think
it's fun that we have the mail bad because we
(05:00):
get to have people chime in mail us and let
us know, like through email or a tax or whatever, like, hey,
what do you like? Would you not like? And then
voice your oppinion on something that's right. If you want
to email the show, it's the Real Fifth Hour at
gmail dot com. And you can also post our Facebook
pages where we get most of these questions. And that's
Ben Mallards Show on Facebook. Ben Maller Show on Facebook.
(05:24):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. So
we got the social media stuff, But can I take you?
I can I take you down to Florida again? I
know we talked about this, uh in a previous episode.
Are we doing. Don't stick to sports. Is that what
we're doing? Yeah, okay, let's go into it. Yes, I
(05:45):
think we've got some good stuff because you you've been
good the last two episodes with Florida Man and Florida Woman.
I'm all about that. Florida Man, I'm all about it.
Since we have Florida Man and Florida Woman again, I
think it's appropriate for this. How about Miami, Florida to
Miami Miami. Miami residents could go back to what they've
been doing about taking care of themselves. And that doesn't
(06:07):
mean going to a dry cleaner. That doesn't mean going
to a nutritionist or the gym. Ben we got dry
through botox. That is back and it's better than ever.
On May the fourth, the State of Florida allowed a
partial relaxing of restrictions and posed due to the coronavirus.
And that means uh certain procedures. One of them is
(06:29):
botox can resume Botox injections and any kind of cosmicic surgery.
I don't know if you can get breast implants through
a drive through, but botox, get one shot and you're
gonna go. So my my favorite part of this story
is the video, which obviously we can't show you because
this is the audio platform, but it looks like a
parody on Saturday Night Live. So you you pull in
(06:51):
your Honda Civic and uh, the doctor and the nurse
are there and they've got like a big town ors
of the different the shots of botox, and then you
roll your window down, you wear your mask, you roll
your window down. They come over and what would you
like today, sir? Would you like to you like the
(07:12):
upsize that you want to supersize that boat talk you
want to you know whatever? And then they just poke
your forehead with botox. Yeah. So here's the thing is,
you can't drive through there and and order. What you
do is you have to go online. You have to
make a reservation and then you have to pay depending
on what kind of service you want, and patients will
sign up and they have botox injections going for a
(07:35):
low price right now. Ben Mallinger of six hundred dollars.
In fact, in the article that I'm looking at, it's
not even a female it's getting the botox. It's a man.
He's getting botox right between the eyes. Um, very vain.
How about the guy's nickname he's known in Miami is
Dr Miami. How great is that Dr Miami? He had
his he had a reality TV show. You know that's good.
(07:57):
I was talking to a friend the other day about this.
I said, whatever you do, don't fucking do this to
your face. And uh, I brought it up to her
because I sent her another tweet from I think it
was like the New York Post with Kloyd Kardashian. And
she looks like a completely different creature, Like I mean,
she's she's pretty looking now, but she looks way different
(08:21):
than she was five ten years ago. And that's because
you peel off a little here, you had a little here,
you take a shot here, like I mean, cosmic surgery. Man,
that thing is ongoing service thing everyone. And they get older,
it looks worse. But imagine, like you know, some people
in Holly, especially the women, had seen him, and some
dudes too, like, oh, was that guy that was always
(08:43):
tatt always tan? Um? You know, I'm thinking about the
dude that had like, what's his name, George Hamilton? Is
that his name? Is that? What I'm thinking of? Who's
the guy the entertainer who was always like tan and
he looked really like as he aged it was not great. Well,
there's like some women in Hollywood get all the plastic
surgery and then they look like plastic dolls by the
(09:05):
time they get to a certain age. Yeah, George Hamilton's
the one you're talking about. But yes, I I know exactly.
But there are some like I mean, Jennifer Lopez looks
she's fifty and she looks she looks like she could
still got her fastball. There's some that look Holly Berry.
I think under further inspection, maybe not about that Holly Berry. Great,
some Hi, it's kind of like you got to do
(09:26):
the the the eyeball test, Like you know how that
you're walking through the park and like maybe you see
somebody from a distance you think, boy, that is the
silhouette of a beautiful person. Yes, and then you get
a little closer and a little closer and you're like,
whoa that is Yeah, not what I originally thought I
was looking at. They say good from far and then
far from good. Yeah, that's that's about right. How about
(09:47):
both both talks and driving boat talks. There's certain things
you wanted to drive through. There's other things, probably not
that would be on the list of probably not all right. Next,
if you want to do it, knock yourself up. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays,
two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific, Far Side, South Chicago. Ben,
how about this Sweet Home Chicago? A robber was in
(10:09):
the process of robbing a hot dog stand. Uh, he
accidentally discharged his firearm. He carried a weapon with himself
to rob this hot dog stand. Benny shot himself in
the dick when he was trying to do that. It's
a thinking the Dalton industry. That's called the cock shot,
I think, And uh, yeah, it was it with a millimeter.
(10:30):
It was a thirty pistol. Oh my god, Oh my god.
You think maybe maybe I shot at like a nine
millimeter No, no, no, no, a thirty eight one to
his dick and oh my god. Oh he's sweet. Oh
he dead. He died, right, he's dead. The man's dead.
He died by killing himself shooting his dick. Yeah, nineteen
(10:53):
year old doing this song. Oh my god, is it
really worth it? I mean, I don't know. Maybe the
guy doesn't enjoy sex, But if you do, I mean,
what are you doing? You got a whole life of
stupid and you're doing that. Come on, a dummy, How
about this in Texas um Sylvia Garcia, she's a representative
in Texas, a Democrat. A few days ago, she unveiled
(11:16):
some legislation that would forbid President Trump from dropping a
nuclear bomb into a hurricane to distrepids path. Is this
actually a thing he's just actually, this is not parody.
This is not from the onion. No, no, but I
mean is it? I mean, like, who would like even
you know, people think Trump's like, you know, some people
(11:38):
who hate him. Whatever, you know, he's so you're doing this.
But I'm gonna give Trump the benefit of the doubt
that even Donald Trump, even if you hate the man
and think he's the dumbest personal world, he's not gonna say,
you know what, let's drop the nukes right out there
in the South Atlanta. Can see what happens. See what happens.
We'll save Florida, We'll save mar Lago. Let me come on,
(12:00):
who what's this woman's name? Sylvia? Yes, she she This
is someone that people voted for to represent them. Yes, yes,
yes she has. The Climate Change in Hurricane Corral Correlation
and Strategy Act requires the administration to produce and submit
to Congress a comprehensive government led strategy and five annual
(12:22):
reports that outline had to properly confront increasing hurricane activity,
which is understandable, but obviously in this legislation, UH yeah,
the president uh does not have the authorization to uh
to take those nuclear launch codes. Pressed a little button.
You imagine that you go to the West wing. Attention Americans.
I have decided we're being attacked by a hurricane and
(12:44):
we will be dropping nuclear weapons at seven o'clock tonight
the hurricane. It's pretty good. Um. So I mentioned my
my friend earlier with with the botox thing. Um, she
sent me a great story earlier. Because there's so many
things that are out there with the news cycle and
with the the looting, with the politics and whatnot, this
is a good one, especially as as football fans the
(13:06):
audience can appreciate. Uh. Philadelphia residents loot a furniture store,
local furniture store, and they take everything in the store.
Accept a Dallas Cowboys recliner? What's Philly man? You don't
want to be You gotta keep some street crap. If
you're out there looting and pillaging communities, and burning them
(13:27):
down and stealing the merchandise. You gotta keep it real, right,
you gotta keep it real in the neighborhood. You can't
be stealing a cowboy, the cowboys of the enemy, the
sworn enemy of the Philadelphia Eagles. If you don't listen
my new friend Fats in Philadelphia, I know the mindset.
You cannot be doing that. They would beat you into
submission if you stole a cowboy recliner. It's hilarious. How
(13:50):
about this. A Spanish porn star has been arrested on man,
stop right there. You had me at Spanish porn star,
had me at Spanish porn star. It's a male. It's
a male. Especially to take that back, I'd like to
retract the previous date. But he's he's been arrested. All
think you're doing male porn stories. Look at you, I'm diverse.
What do you want from me? I didn't know you
watched the Most guys don't admit to knowing the male
(14:13):
porn stories. Other than Ron Jeremy. I didn't name him
by first name. I just it's keep looking at his work,
you know, I don't think so. I was Anyways, he's
been arrested on on manslaughter charges following, uh, the death
of a man Ben He was he was inhaling psychedelic
(14:33):
toad venom. He was in this mystic ritual and he
started to inhale psychedelic toad venom. Like I've heard of
people going down to South America to try some ayahuasca.
I've never heard someone go to Madrid, Spain to inhale
some psychedelic toad venom. This is some Joe rogan ship,
is what this is? Right, He's into that kind of
(14:54):
weird wild stuff. Man. Yeah. Wow, the guy died from this. Yeah, yeah,
he died for it. So apparently has some It has
a few psychedelic substances in it. So are they doing
what was the guy was this? This is a dude, right,
these two dudes guys? All right? So what about remember
(15:14):
the TV guy in l A at Channel five that
died in the hotel with the male prostitute. Yes, and uh,
that part didn't come out right away. No, No, there
were glowing tributes. But he was like doing all these
wild drugs and he was married with kids and he
was just living like this double life and all that,
and everyone apparently everyone loved him at work, like respected
(15:35):
member of the community, you know, the role model TV
anchor giving you the news. And then when he got
done with the news, on his way home he had
to stop by he had to work late at the office,
and stop by the hotel with the male prostitute. Yeah
it's pretty dark, it is. Yeah, all right, So that's
what we got for not sticking to sports. Be sure
(15:56):
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am East Time now four inbox all right,
mail back mail, back mail back, actual questions, actual listeners.
If you want to send a question for a future episode,
you can email me Real fifth hour at gmail dot com,
or go to our Facebook page. Follow me on the
(16:16):
Facebook page, like our page actually the Benn Maller Show,
and then you click the like button or whatever on
there to like our page. And then every Wednesday, usually
in the morning, certainly by midday, I will post something
online asking for questions. Now, the way this works, to
give me your name and city, and then we might
(16:36):
use your question on the show. Very simple. Let's get
to as many of these as we possibly can. We
have some time, So that's good. Fats from Philadelphia Rights
and He says, what is the most single climactic sports
ending of a game you witnessed in person or live
on TV? Good or bad? Mine, unfortunately, was the Joe
(16:58):
Carter walk off. It's like it was yesterday, Fats says.
He also mentioned some hockey game. All right, so Fats
in person, the most dramatic thing, it's either it's not
really the well it is Game seven's Game seven of
the Words. So there was not real drama when the
cheating as Strow's beat the Dodgers. But I was at
that game that was a dud. The most dramatic game
(17:20):
I've ever been at was a World Series game, Game
seven seven, long time ago. The Cleveland Indians and the
Miami then they were called the Florida Marlins, and that
was it. Then Joe Robbie Stadium in Miami and or
Fort Laud or whatever it is, but it was. It
was why we were there covering it. I was standing
outside the Cleveland Indians locker room. The Indians had the lead,
(17:44):
it looked like they were gonna win the game. The
Marlins came back to tie. It went to extra innings,
but they had to tear down the plastic that they
had put up in the in the Indian's locker room
because they were getting ready to celebrate the World Series.
They had the champagne in the cart and then they scrambled.
They had to pull it down, and then the Marlins
ended up winning an extra innings. Edgar rent Aria and
(18:06):
Craig Counsel the heroes there for the Marlins with you.
I remember that the whole stadium going crazy a while,
and it was nuts. It was actually a Marlins game
where people attended. But that's the craziest one I witnessed
in person on television. I gotta say the Music City
Miracle was the most ridiculous thing. It was a forward
passed by Frank White check the Kevin Dyson illegal forward
(18:29):
passed and for some reason it was not called by
the incompetent stumble bum officials. So that would be it.
What about you, a gas gun man? That's that's so tough? Um.
Can I go up the beaten path and tell you
something a climatic moment that I was at that I
did not see high school football? No. Um. So in
two thousand fourteen, my my very first day working for
(18:51):
Fox Sports Radio, I was working an overnight shift. When
is this what is this again? This was in two
thousand fourteen, and you're so I didn't know that, Like,
our call times were kind of like lax, And my
very first day here, I wanted to obviously have a
good impression. So I was like, okay, I need to
be here at ten pm, no matter what ben I
(19:14):
was at. I was at game five of the Stanley
Cup Final in two thousand and fourteen, and I had
a ticket, and I was at that game Kings and Rangers.
L A was up in the series three games to one.
Back here at Staples Center, the game started at five
o'clock obviously for the East Coast audience, and the fucking
game went to overtime. So as the game went to overtime,
(19:37):
was thinking, like, ship, this needs to end soon otherwise
I need to leave and I need to get to work,
like I don't want to get fired on my first day.
First overtime comes, nobody scores. Second time overtime comes, uh,
double overtime comes, and all of a sudden, I'm like,
I need I have like twenty minutes before I get
to get out of here. Kept waiting and waiting and
waiting and no dice, and so I told my sister
(20:00):
was with a parent, was like, you know, next stoppage,
I gotta both, I gotta get out of here. I
gotta get to Sherman Oaks. I walk out of the
building and I walked two blocks down to get to
my car, and as soon as I turned on the car,
I heard Nick Nixon say, Alec Martinez just scored and
won the game for the Kings and they won the
fucking Cup. Oh I was you know what I should
have mentioned. I was at that game. That was awesome.
(20:22):
That was the the hot hockey's great. How they present
that that that is wonderful. The Kings to Stanley Cups
were amazing. I love that. I was standing here. I'm
gonna be like guest, got a name drop, um. But
I was with Barry Melrose, who was working in still
Is at ESPN. But we were watching on a monitor
(20:43):
right behind. We were waiting because you have to wait
in line to go out. They the media out on
the ice after they win. They used to win the
Stanley Cup. So I'm standing with Barry Melrose, who coached
the Kings in the Stanley Cup final against Montreal when
they lost, and we were watching the King's finally win
their first Stanley Cup and it was cool. Yeah, that
that was the one moment, like and the worst part
(21:05):
is I got to work on time, like at ten
o'clock and you know, my supervisor, Dan Buyer is like, oh,
you should have told me that I would have given
you the nine off or something like that. I was
so fucking mad, you know. I didn't want to leave
a bad impression. So I guess like live that I
have seen that I have watched has been all hockey.
Like Mike Krusalniski scored in nineteen ninety against the Calgary
Flames and a double overtime. I saw that live. I
(21:28):
saw Gretzky's game winner in two thousands or not two
thousand in nineteen against Toronto in game six to force
a Game seven. You gotta give it up to hockey, man,
because that you go to overtime in a Stanley Cup
finals game, and it is it is nuts. Every time
they get past the blue line there and they're in
the in the zone and you're like, whoa, this could
(21:49):
be it, this could end it right here. Yeah. I
think the other two that I saw TV that like
jumped out to me. I saw obviously Derek Fisher's point
four that shot against San Antonio, which Al Michael's called
in and fucking raheem more getting beat over the fucking
top by I was so happy, like so excited, I
wanted to I almost had an orgasm. Yeah, I wanted
(22:11):
to eat my own ship. I was so fucking mad
at that game. Like I was on the air bend
the first time calling an Aztecs game, and I saw
that during a pregame show while I'm on the air,
and I said, you got it, Jacobe Jones over the
top for a seven yard touchdown. I was just sick
to my fucking stomach. It was awful. But yeah, thanks
(22:33):
fat Alright matt Man's Field, Texas Right soon, he says,
if you were looting, Ben and Guest gone, which stores
would you choose? Alright, So guess if you became a
bad actor, Um, what would you do here? What would what?
What kind of trouble would you would you cause? There?
(22:54):
So I can't do cheesecake, that's already been done. So
you're now human scum, right, You're they're stealing, You're you're
a miscreant, is what you are. You're running a muck
and all that and you don't care. You're like, I
don't care if I go to the Gray Bar Hotel.
I'm gonna do it. Yeah, you see the people I
would go. I know they've been destroying a t M
(23:16):
is trying to I try to get cash because it's
hard to trace the cash, you know what I'm saying, Like,
the real morons are the ones that are robbing Apple
stores and you're you're stealing a tracking device and apples
and they've said that they know the ain't no ways
to there's when you turn the phone on, they can
activate something where they know exactly where you are. But
(23:37):
the problem is that with an A t M they
have limited cash in the A t M dispensers too.
That's true. But whatever you get, you got, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, man, it's tough because I think
the only thing that I can get away with that
if I had to steal, it would probably be like
a luxury car. What the funk are you talking about?
(23:58):
How I should get away with a uxtree car because
you can't track the car, and you could. They don't
have license plates on them yet they have the VIN
number though, Yeah, well do they? Yes, the vennumber. Oh yeah,
the vet numbers on the side of the car. Yeah,
it's on the inside of the car. It's all over
the place. Yeah, I could probably all if if the
(24:19):
Mercedes Benz dealership gets robbed, the BMW dealership gets robbed,
and all of a sudden, a week later you show
up with a brand new, shiny red Beamer. Do you
think people might not get suspicious? Possibly and say, well,
maybe this guy's one of the agitators, one of the troublemakers.
I would either I'd go over the border in New
Mexico and sell that ship. No you would, Yeah, why
(24:41):
not get it all figured out? Man, it happened to
me once. So your dad is very upset, very very upset.
Discipline end upset exactly all right. These are actual questions
by actual fans of the show. Thank you, Matt, They're great.
Great question. Joe from Richmond, virgin He writes, and he says,
(25:03):
two questions, one humorous, the other not other series humorous.
We love the drop you hang up on yourself, Ben Maller,
it's actually I think Bill Miller, when was the last
time you slammed down the phone on someone? And what
was the topic? Well, that is a good question. I
hang up on people regularly that just annoyed me. Typically
(25:23):
on the radio show. It's I can handle like a
certain level of drunkard activity, but then at a certain
point it just comes ridiculous and then I'm like, I
don't want even engage in this, So I hang up
with people on there I'm trying to I don't usually
talk on the phone very much anymore. Um do four
hours of radio a day, So I don't usually try
try not to talk much other than the show because
(25:44):
I'm a dude. I don't like to talk that much.
But um, I don't remember the last time I hung
up on someone. I guess that's a problem. What about you,
guest once the last time I hung up on somebody?
Uh rudely hung up. I hung up on a female
on recently, Yeah, what was what? Why would you do? Uh?
(26:05):
Because she wasn't paying attention to what I was saying,
Like she was talking and then asking questions about something
I just told her, and I was like, I just
I just actually said that. Like. It takes a lot
from It takes a lot to annoy me. My engine
doesn't run hot. Usually I'm pretty patient, but the fact
that she just did not listen to anything I said,
and it was probably talking about herself. I was like,
(26:28):
I'm out, and just like, well, my old my old man.
He repeats he's about five stories and he doesn't do much.
Obviously he doesn't leave his house very much because of
the apocalypse. But he there's about five stories. One involves
the dogs, one involves baseball, listening on transistor radio when
he was a kid to the World Series during the day.
There's that story. There's like, there's like five stories and
(26:49):
he just rotates them, but I've heard all of them.
When he has nothing to say, he'll go through his
role the decks of stories and start telling me the stories.
And I know exactly what he's gonna say next, but
I don't hang up. I just kind of like bite
my tongue, just kind of bite my tongue, and I
was like, Okay, it's story time. I've heard the story.
But why not? Uh? And as far as uh, The
(27:10):
other question from Joey says you mentioned being fired in
the past and how common that experiences in the radio business.
Please describe how you reacted and your path back to employment,
and offer any advice to so many who are losing
their jobs right now based on your own experience. Uh well,
the first time I got fired in radio, I was
on a Friday and I had worked all week and
(27:32):
I called. I remember calling my mom. I was leaving
the radio staysistem, Mom, I just lost my job. I
don't I don't think I'll ever work in radio. Gain,
I said, this is it. I was freaking out. I
lost my mind, and then you know, I you you
calm down, You're like, Okay. You go through the stages
of like any kind of morning process, right the stages
(27:54):
of Initially you are depressed. You're in grief that you
lost the job. You're in denial, You're like, why did
I get I shouldn't have lost the job. You're angry.
Then you start to kind of bargain a little bit.
Um you do have the depression. But then you when
you accept it, once you finally accept it, you're like, Okay,
(28:14):
I'm good, I can work, I can get another job,
and I'm gonna I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna pound the
streets until I get another job. And that was my mindset.
My mom my mindset was like, funk those people. I'm
gonna make them look like idiots. I'm gonna be good
at this, and they're gonna wish that they had not
gotten rid of me. And I did actually get a
(28:34):
message from one of the program directors that fired me,
David Hall, who was he was famous for running kf I,
and he whacked me at at a job I had,
and he did send me a message years later to
congratulate me on my success. So that that was a
that was a big pat on the back for me
that I had done it. So I think the advice
(28:58):
I would give people this is different obviously. But I
lost my job. It wasn't in a pandemic. Uh. Last
time I lost my job was in OH nine, which
was a global recession, well a US recession, when the
um the economy went in the toilet there the great
collapse of OH eight. In an OH nine um and uh,
I mean I just scrambled. I just went to scramble mode.
(29:19):
And and it was like I started. I was fortunate.
I had some contacts in the radio business that I
had made and I started making phone calls. And one
of the problems is, and you learned this in radio
and you don't have a job, people treat you like
you you you've got some kind of illness. They socially
distanced from you. They don't people that would talk to
you all the time and don't talk to you anymore. Um.
(29:39):
But I just I did some fill in gigs. I
I filled in when I got let go from Fox.
I filled in at the Angel Station. I had a
try out at uh this small station in Orange County
A M. A. Thirty where Roger Lodge does the show.
I did a show from there, right down the hall
from Artie Marino Studios. I was allowed to fill in
for Mike Adams on Planet Mikey, very popular show at
(30:02):
the time in Boston. And uh so I knew some
people at EI, they were fans of mine. They gave
me the opportunity, so that was pretty cool. Um. But
my advice now, I guess, is if you gotta look
at this objectively, if your career is fucked, if your
industry is fucked, try to find something that it can't
(30:22):
be apocalypse proof. Put close. Like, you know, look at
the people that are still working during the last few
months that have been essential truck drivers, people to work
at grocery stores, um, those type of jobs. And depending
on what you do obviously if you're if you're that
kind of a worker. But that's what I would, I would,
I would try to go where the jobs are. Yeah,
(30:45):
I've been I'd be lying if I if I didn't
say this, But I've been looking just because of the
industry that we're in in the digital scope, I've been
looking at startups like I've been looking at hard at
startups because of the Typically it's ares being progressive and
aggressive with their thoughts and mentality on how to now
(31:06):
I developed, but to create new and different means of
communications and media content and other forms of distributions. So
I've always been fastening by that, you know, like I've
like I was thought and this kind of the thing
that was preached with us from from up top. Julie Talbot,
she was saying how the company, but you know she
(31:30):
was basic, Yeah, with with the way that our our
industry is, or at least the network is that it's
not a radio station. It's it's a media company. And
that's exactly what it is. You know, Like we have
social media, we have terrestrial radio, and we have the
digital platforms. So whether you're on Twitter or Twitch, YouTube,
whatever it may be, Like there's ways to monetize and
get your message out to the audience. And I've always
(31:53):
felt like that, like, obviously you want to have this
thing splinter off in a various directions, but at the
same time, that's how you grow any kind of audience.
Or even if you're in sales, how do you get sales.
You get sales from obviously making one transaction, then getting
referrals from that individual or place to business, and I
think that's the way to do in the media. So yeah,
I've been looking hard and long and hard at that. Well,
(32:15):
really in any job though, it's human relations, right, It's
it's one on one. You know, these are big corporations
and big media companies that we work for, but ultimately
most of it's done by who you know. And that's
that's one of the reasons. Like college is a lot
of college is bullshit. But one of the things about
(32:35):
college that gives you a lie and advantage in life
is that fraternity thing, where like if you go to
a college that has like if you go to Harvard
and you're you're almost set because Harvard people hire other
Harvard people, and Harvard people get good jobs, and so
you you have more access to it than somebody that
went to say, Saddleback College, like you know, comparing me
(32:57):
to somebody that went to Syracuse, which is a sportscasting
of clearinghouse, right, a factory for sportscasters. I didn't go there.
I didn't have that experience. I don't you know. I
had a guy used to know who who's out here
working in l A and he went to he end
up going to Syracuse. Bob Costas called the radio station
(33:17):
to help him get a job. Bob Costas called the
radios because he because he was a Syracuse guy. I
can't get Bob Costas to call the radio station to
get me a job. I mean, who am I gonna get?
I mean, I'm sinking about Saddleback alumni Mark Grace. I
could get him the former call he went to saddle Back,
Anthony Carter, the old basketball player for the Miami Heat,
Saddleback gaucho. It's the smallest. That means, like I called
(33:41):
Chris Mortenson because Chris went to uh MO. Yeah, he
went to U s R. He went to obviously the ESPN,
but he went to El Camino. Yeah, but I don't
know that made people in media that went to San
Diego State or Northeastern. Actually, Alex Faulst, who's the television
voice of the l A Kings, he went to the
Northeastern or Northwestern in Chicago's a lot of like iters
that went to Northwestern. Yeah, all right. Fox Sports Radio
(34:04):
has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch
all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com
and within the I Heart Radio app search f s
R to listen live. Let's keep it going here, rat
a tat tat. As the questions never end, the answers
do come to an end at some point here a
New Hampshire. Bob alright, so he says, I know you
(34:25):
can work from wherever you are. Would you ever consider
moving to the northeast? That is from Bob, Well, Bob,
this has come up from time to time. We talked
earlier about Boston. I love Boston, um big fan, and
I love Boston Radio. I love sports radio is the
number one format in Boston, which just as great for
(34:48):
someone that makes the living in sports talk radio. It's
just wonderful because you know in l A. It's it's
not number one, anywhere close to number one in l A.
It's like top forty music and that kind of stuff.
That's number one. But I loved the Boston passion for
sports and I I have actually been offered jobs uh
in Boston and I had to turn them down. I
(35:08):
got married. Now, if I see, it's all about timing
in life. If they had offered me those jobs in
Boston to do different day parts like when I was younger,
before I got married, I would have done it. But
my wife's got a good job, and more important, she's
got a stable job, and so I was unable to
do that. But they didn't let me do some remote
work for EI, which I loved, and I missed that.
(35:30):
I missed doing that kind of stuff. So would I consider, Yeah,
my wife lost her job or whatever, and there was
more money to be made there, I would absolutely do
It would be great. I'd have a wonderful time. Of course,
it's gonna have to happen in the next couple of years.
I don't think. I think that ship will leave the port,
but I but I do love it. Matt in Rochester
writes in he says, if you had to make a choice,
(35:52):
which would it be, uh A, which pair to wear?
This is for both of us guests. Gone A really
comfortable pair of pants and an itchy shirt or a
really comfortable shirt and an itchy pair of pants. So
would you rather scratch like your arms or your legs? Um?
(36:15):
I think I'm gonna go shirt. I'd rather have an
itchy shirt because it's easier because you like, you get
the pants, you gotta like bend down and you know
it's more it's easier to scratch the itch if it's
a shirt. Yeah, So I'm going that's my strategic answer. Yeah,
I'll go with that too, especially because I always use
the us, always use the corner walls here, like the
(36:37):
doorstops or whatever to scratch my back like a bear. Yeah.
I always get like an itchy back. It's a country
bear jamboree. How about you buy a fucking backscratcher? How
about that? No? Uh, let's see. Yeah, I'll go with
a nitchy, itchy shirt al right. Next up, these are
(36:58):
actual questions by actual listeners. Thank you. Matt John writes
in from Parts Unknown. He says, if you could have
five pounds of anything, what would it be money? Five
pounds of hundred dollar bills? Sign me up. That's good.
How much would that be? Five pounds of bills. I
got the Google that five pounds of hundred dollar bills
(37:19):
of do do do do? Do do do? There's a
Google of the search that's it would be. Uh there's
like a Reddit page on there too, so according to that,
it would be forty five thousand, three hundred dollars. Really
(37:41):
five pounds? Great? Yeah, that's good. I'm in Jordan writes
and says, we need more triggered Coop. Yeah, Coop's got
a Coop's got a growing fan base though, Like the
hard core liberals that listen to the show, Love they
lay love when he uh, he pushes back, he he
(38:04):
love they love it. I can't get enough. Do they
call into the show right now? Now? They hide behind
their phones and stuff. They don't they don't call in.
Ja Dot from Utahs says, what's the worst toothache you've
ever experienced? Uh? Well, actually I had some dental issues
years ago where I actually had a cracked a tooth
(38:27):
and it fell out and that hurt like a mofo.
That was, um, what about you guess? Gunn and dental
issues that remember this In high school, a buddy of
mine had a barbecue at his house and um, you know,
we we're not at the appropriate drinking age. Massive barbecue
(38:48):
at his house, giant person, giant pool party, and um,
I misjudged the depth of the pool, and I did
a regular dive in the pool, and as I dove in,
it was not the depth that I thought it was.
I was lied to. I was told I was like
twelve feet. It was not twelve ft. So I scraped
(39:12):
my two front teeth on the bottom of the surface
of the pool. And I'm lucky I was inebriated because
the next couple of days it did not feel good.
I'm not getting to bust my teeth, but wow, yeah,
it's pretty bad. I'm looking at a break my neck,
just a troublemacer. You're a mystery Kevin in camp Loops, BC.
(39:36):
You ever heard of that k M L O O
P S. I've never heard of it. I never heard either.
I'm like every dumb American that must be near Vancouver.
It's in British Columbi. It must be near Vancouver, all right,
He says. If you guys drive into a busy outdoor
mall parking lot and see someone entering their car supposedly
to leave, if you're waiting for that spot, but they
(39:59):
are not leaving right away. How many minutes do you
wait before you say forget it and drive off to
try for another space. I don't even know if I
make it a sixty seconds. And I just want to
point out, Kevin, We've talked about this before. I'm the
guy that when I find out somebody's waiting for my
parking place, it annoys me. I don't like to be rushed,
and I purposely will not leave the parking place. I'm
(40:22):
the I'm the douchebag. I admit it. I admit it.
It's one of my neurosis issues in my life. But
when I am going out and walking in the parking lot,
I feel like I'm being shadowed by a car. You know,
it's trying to follow me. I'll walk down the wrong
aisle to throw them off, all right, I'll walk where
my car is not and then walk on the other
(40:43):
side so they don't have time to get the space.
That's one of my moves. I've done that. Man, I
what an asshole? Yeah, I do that. I do that. Uh.
And then if if they do follow me all the
way to my car and I feel like I'm rushed,
I will then roll down the windows and I will
put the seat in the line position and not turn
the car on down. You are you are, You're a
(41:04):
lethal I hate it. I'm actually the exact opposite. In fact,
like during Christmas time or holidays when there's a lot
of shopping either like at the Dialamo Mall of the
South Coast Plasma in origin the name job, we're all
over the country, guest guy, nobody knows your mass all right,
well south west of the four oh five guest guys.
South Coast Plaza Mall is actually east or northeast of
(41:24):
the four or five way, but it is very it's
a it's adjacent, it's four oh five adjacent. Yeah, it
is a for for men out there. It's a target
riched environment. But like shot going shopping, They're like, you're
gonna go on tender No, I'm gonna go to South
Coast Plast to the Bloomingdale is what I'm gonna do.
You know, you're you're, you're, you're someone with with a
bunch of sharks there. But I always tell people like, hey,
(41:47):
I'm leaving my spot or hey, come follow me, I'm
leaving my spot because you tell people, Yeah, I never
tell them I'm courteous man. I do not tell them.
I want probably privacy. You know what it is though,
part of it the way that I shop. When I
go in the shop, I know exactly what I'm getting.
I get in and get the funk out, like I
don't walk around that because you're a man. That's how
(42:08):
men operate. I'm the same way, are you. No? No, no,
that's not sure. You take your selfies like, hey, I
have my mask on, let me take a selfie in
front of a Costco. Like bullshit? Like that? You little
a little bit. We're a multimedia platform here we go.
We need content on all different platforms. And my corporate
(42:28):
overload was telling me on the weekends, Hey, Ben, when
you're out shopping, why don't just put a photo on Instagram?
People love that stuff, okay, boss? And then I gotta
here with this bullshit from you. I gotta hear from you.
Oh I was taking photos out of the Costco and
he's doing this at Walmart, and I'm like, OK, it's
a multimedia comany guest, and I'll teach you how the sports.
We're not just a radio I got it. That's the
(42:53):
Tom Looney school of broadcasting about the way that's the
Looney school of broadcasting. What you know. I would say
something the first hour blitz, and then three hours later
he would repeat it verbatim, word for word. He would
repeat exactly what it is, a carbon copy, and then
turn off his mic and laugh hysterically as he'd just
stolen my material. Good check, all right, Kentucky J writes
(43:14):
and says, would you rather coach the Atlanta Hawks for
five years making gobs of money but knowing the team
is not good yet? Or coach the Sstros for two
years at minimal pay, but you will be able to
be rate them about integrity and cheating face to face daily. Yeah.
(43:35):
I as much as I love bashing the Astros, and
I love the idea of making Jose Altuve and Alex
Bregman and Springer run gassers, I love that if I
was the manager, I could do that. Show me the money,
show me the money, give me the Atlanta Hawks. That's
(43:56):
tough because taxes are different each state, even if you're
making a minimum in Houston compared to a boatload of
money in Atlanta. The other thing is the food, Like
you give me you give me eighty one games in
Houston with the barbecue. I don't know if that that's tough. Right?
If you get forty one in Atlanta, they get the
(44:16):
fried food man, I don't know. I think i'd go baseball,
talking base ball more working baseball hundred sixty two versus.
But like I like baseball more than basketball anyway, well
I like baseball more than basketball too, But the money
part of it's a job. They get paid. It would
be be great. Jack in Greensboro, North Carolina. Right since
(44:39):
this band. If you could bankrupt any person, company, country,
or organization, what would it be? Oh, ship, that's pretty deep. Yeah,
you can bankrupt the country. Yeah, you know, it's one
of those things. This is one of those you know,
do you want to be the The serious answer would
be the serious answers, China bank grub the funk out
(45:00):
of the Chinese. Okay, so you bankrupt China. That would
be the serious answer. And then the fun sporty answer
would be the Astros. The Astros, how about that? They
Astro has become the first North American major sports franchise
to go bankrupt and fold in my lifetime? How great
would that be? That'd be pretty good. I'd be awesome
(45:21):
if you if you have bankrupt somebody. I've had to
bankrupt a person. Uh, let's see who would be good
to bankrupt. I think I want to bankrupt Jeff Bezos,
just to see where Laurence Sanchez goes next. Yeah, you know,
she's only there for a couple of billion reasons. Uh,
(45:41):
I don't know one person. Most of my enemies are
dead now, so that would be a Joe the One
Eyed Trucker from Boston writes, and he says, Ben, do
you think all Patriot fans are puppets? Well, that's a
great question, Joe. We are going to find out, Joe
the One Eyed Trucker from Boston. We're about to find out,
because if the Patriots do suck, I don't think you're
(46:03):
gonna suck right away, but if they do end up blowing,
we will soon find out whether or not these fans
are band wag nerves, as Blair and Maine would say,
and how many of these people are still Patriot fans. Alright,
we're gonna we're gonna find the answer out here. All right,
let's see any time for one more. Let's see here,
(46:25):
d d Well, I think I'm gonna leave Tracy's question.
He's got a good nickname. Stir scratch scratch off. I
don't think we have time to get to that one,
because I want to. I want it to be there.
It was okay, but it wasn't like the greatest of
all time. Uh let's see here. Pete from Cedar Rapids,
Iowa says multiple questions for you, says, what do you
(46:47):
consider to be the five most instantly recognizable logos in
college athletics? So don't forget the Iowa Hawk guys. Uh,
well you think you think? Um, I how about just helmets?
When I think of college football, I think of Michigan,
Notre Dame, Ohio State, Alabama. They just have like the
(47:10):
weird um like the number thing there. I think of Alabama.
Um USC also is on that list. Um am I
forgetting I'm trying to think, Yeah, the long Horns have
a good look. Tennessee with the T, the big T there.
Um Miami with the U back in the eggs. Mostly
because my age, because I remember when Miami had great
(47:32):
teams every year. Um So, Penn State is that taboo
to say? Because if it happens good Oklahoma, Well that's
a good one. Oklahoma, Nebraska. The end on the Nebraska helmets.
Pretty pretty good. Yeah, so those are some of them?
Any chance? Uh? Did did Doc Mike and Genie I'm
(47:54):
a doctor go to med school together? No? I don't
think they did. And blind does Blind Scott consider the
Star Spangled Band discriminatory? I haven't. I have to ask him.
And what is the exchange rate of the Mallard Golden Ticket? Uh?
You can turn that Mallard Golden ticket in for a
lifetime supply of nothing and a trip to nowhere, a
round trip to nowhere. Um and and that that's what
(48:16):
the Mallard Golden tickets for. So if you don't want
the Mallard Golden Ticket, you can exchange it. We will
give you a lifetime supply nothing. In fact, whenever you
want nothing, just call us up and ask us to
send nothing. We're gonna send nothing anyway. That that's it.
Follow us on social media, guest, God's got a social
engagement he's got to go to. You can follow me
on Twitter at Ben Mallar, Instagram, Ben Maller on Fox Facebook,
(48:39):
Ben Mallard Show. And don't forget the cameo. I will
make my own cameo for you. The question before we
get out of here. I thought we had to go.
We do, but I got a question before we go.
So what happens? What happens if if someone asks you
to take a private cameo video and they actually ask
you a disrobe and they pay for it, Well that
(49:02):
rates more than the rate that I'm charging on cameo.
So if you want, if you pay me enough, I
will show you the Hogan. I have the Hogan haircut,
have the Hull Cogan haircut. I've got the Hull Cogan
hair my my hair. I don't know when this happened.
I woke up one morning and my hair started looking
like Hulkan Young Hul Colden Hogan, old Hulk Cogan. I
(49:22):
don't know how that happened. But well, you don't have
the biceps or the handlebar mustache. So I'm sorry, but
I did. Maybe it's because when I was a kid,
I did eat the Hull Cogan vitamin. I did enjoy
the prayers, Yeah I did. I didn't have that back
in the back in the day. But yeah, yeah. People
want to make any request on on the cameo site.
You know, most people so far have been you know,
(49:44):
advised people. One guy asked me for some advice. Um,
it was a kid's birthday. That was pretty cool. Big
fan of the show, young Guy. And there were a
few other things. So I've only done a few of them.
I gotta really. I keep saying I'm gonna send this
out on social media, and I haven't done it yet.
Maybe this will be the weekend that I actually did it.
I don't know. But anyway, and and so follow me
(50:05):
on all those things. How can people follow you? Gag
on Twitter at David J. Gascon just the letter J,
and then Instagram is at Dave Gascon. Alright, wonderful, have
a great rest of your weekend, and don't forget We're
back in the Magic Radio Box eleven pm Pacific on
Sunday night. That's well, look at the math on. That's
(50:25):
two am in the East on Monday morning, so just
past the witching hour and we'll be on the radio.
Have a great rest of your day. We'll catch you
next time.
Host
Ben Maller
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