July 11, 2020 • 36 mins
The usual suspects make radio fun, it doesn't matter the stakes. You may know the main actors, but can you identify those that add spice to sports talk conversations? Ben and his isolated wingman explore that subject from the depths of their bunkers as they continue to conspire and create during the year of the pandemic.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House
of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. It is the
Fifth Hour with Ben Miller and David Yes, so we
are in the air everywhere. The vast power of podcasting
now eight days a week, because four hours are not
enough on the Overnight and this I assume you figured
(00:47):
this out now by downloading the podcast and subscribing and
giving his five stars. But this is a spinoff of
the Overnight Show. And this is what we call technically
guessc on an evergreen podcast, which means that at any
particular moment, if something crazy happens, we will go to
this archive of evergreen podcast and here it is why
(01:12):
I'm bad, Thank you, ma'am. And since we are in
an evergreen mode, I get to not acknowledge the time lauds.
But the Ben Mallard family sent a couple of couple
of books my wife. I appreciate that sub right in
the birthday and style. I gotta point out I like
the fact that I immediately right after I say this
(01:32):
is an evergreen podcast, you will immediately date the podcast. No,
I didn't date the podcast. This is very ambiguous. No,
it's not. Anybody listening knows exactly when we did this podcast.
Because of your response, you have just dated the podcast.
It literally a minute of me saying it's an evergreen podcast.
(01:52):
Do you know what the word evergreen means? Yeah, of
course they do. But what date did I give? What
time did I give? I gave nothing of the sore
it's twenty funny. We're indoors. We're in quarantine. So that's
all people can speculate as to what time of the year.
It is, somewhere between January and December. I'm gonna push
back on that because you let me point something here.
People listen. You don't understand how the Mallem militia operates.
(02:15):
They listen to every stupid minute detail that gets said,
and they can connect the dots backwards. These people have
no lives, you understand. Some of these people have no lives,
and they investigate everything. They have said, you have just dated.
I would like you to apologize right now, how dare you? Well,
there's one thing I've learned, at least that you have
taught me, is that you want that you never apologize
(02:35):
and to you never take the knee. So I'm not
gonna apologize. I'm not gonna bend the knee. I'm not
gonna genuine flagged and I haven't given any dates or time.
So let's let's push on, Shelley. Alright, So on this again, Gascon,
stay with me evergreen podcast, which is which is another
way to say it is and this is timeless. This
(02:56):
podcast is timeless and it will stand the many challenges
of time, the corrosion of the elements and all of
that stuff. So we will avoid all of that because again, Gascon,
it is an evergreen podcast, which is very very important.
So this podcast, we're gonna take a look at the
(03:17):
type of people that call sports talk radio. Now, I
had mentioned this years ago on the show, and I
haven't done this in a long time, but there aren't
too many of call in radio shows left. A lot
of these sports talk show host uh, they don't want
anything to do with the callers. The unwashed that call in.
And so we're one of the last of the Mohegans
(03:39):
that takes phone calls. A lot of the other shows
just don't do it because for whatever reason they is
think it's below them to talk to the people that
listen to the show. So we still do it, but
there are generally only a few types of people that
call into sports talk radio shows. And and I'm gonna
(04:00):
it's not a list, guess, because the list would be wrong.
We don't do list radio here. That's something that you do,
but we don't do that. But there are essentially ten
types of people that we've compartmentalized that call into these
radio shows. All right, So if we're not gonna do
a list, does that mean we're gonna do like a
pie chart or bar graph? Like how are you how
(04:20):
are you designing this for the masses? Since that's a
great question. It's like a ven diagram. I've got vent
diagram out of here, so just imagine in your head
event diagram. So we're not doing a mount Rushmore radio
or list radio. We're doing even diagram radio. Is what
we can't do Mount Rushmore radio because that sooner later
will be canceled too. So we can't do that. Yeah,
(04:41):
so exactly. So the goal here is to try to
figure out which of our regular callers on the overnight show,
which of my guys is in this particular department. So, uh,
the first caller that we have that And these are
all the types of people that call sports talk radio shows.
(05:01):
The the first one I have written down here on
my chicken scratch is the guy that's addicted to calling.
And I have more of these type of people than
than anybody else. Uh. And if you listen to sports radio,
you know that this is the type of person that
is so obsessed with not the host, not me, and
(05:25):
it's not the show. They're just obsessed with calling in
to any show. And it doesn't matter whether it's a
sports show, they call in political shows. Um. Typically the
problem is they don't normally have any material, so they
really shouldn't be calling radio shows. But these are the
type of people. And if you listen to other shows,
(05:46):
and not just the Ben Mallor Show, but other shows,
you'll hear the same people on over and over and
over and sometimes now there's two different types of the
addicted to calling, and it's the ky that has nothing
to say, And then there's the guy that has some agenda,
(06:07):
which is actually a different kind of caller. But they
have a certain format they follow and every show they call,
they do the same thing, and typically it's never that good. Uh,
it's never original. And uh, we have a lot of
these guys. Uh, and some of them I like, like
Dick and Dayton comes to mind. Dick's been calling radio
shows forever. Usually doesn't that much to say. Marcel in
(06:31):
Brooklyn is is another guy. Marcell's addicted to calling radio shows. Well,
I think Marcell is a little bit different because you
purposely antagonize him and encourage him to call your show
because you know what upsets the masses. That's a that's
a little bit different. Well, he is a caller of
the year. I know you don't respect those kind of
you know, kind of awards that that you get in life,
(06:54):
but he is a caller of the year. He's he's
reached certainly a more decorated spot the mallamlish than you.
But but no, So anyways, just I just wanted that's
the first type of person that calls radio goes the
person who's addicted the calling. Uh. Then some of the
other types of people that call, we've got the person
(07:14):
that's always interrupting, um, and you know, this kind of
falls into that, Hey, I'm inebriated, I'm having a good time,
I'm feeling no pain, I'm I'm doing the Molly wally,
uh and that kind of thing. But usually, and you know,
gets gonna like the back and forth, the ebb and
(07:34):
flow of a conversation on a radio show, it's uh,
you ta, I introduce you as the caller, you talk
for a little bit, then I talk, and then you talk,
and then I talk, and then usually it's over at
that particular point. Be sure to catch live editions on
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern
(07:55):
eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I
Heart Radio. Wow, can we call this the Looney color
because it seems like, at least back in the day
when you worked with that infamous doctor Tom Looney, you
guys did have conversations, but it was always like you
were talking over him. He was talking over you, and
nobody could hear anything coherent from what you guys were
saying at any given time. Well, I know you're jealous
(08:17):
of looney success in broadcasting, and how popular Looney was
on that Litch show in a w ening show. But
but there is a certain kind of verbal rat a
tat tat ballet or whatever, that that is supposed to
take place. And we get people that call up that
(08:39):
have no concept of how this is supposed to work,
and it is cringe worthy. It is uncomfortable, it is awkward.
And that's only on my end. I can't imagine if
you're listening to this crap what that must sound like.
So you know, that's that's another one. You you know,
just if you're gonna call in just trying to understand
(08:59):
it's conversation. Yeah, there's people he's dropping into the conversation.
But ultimately, for this to work, it's a conversation between
the host and whoever's calling it. Of course it's like
a nice casual dance. But but yeah, four hours that
you get a lot of it, and I think oftentimes
too much. Yeah, some of the other types of callers
(09:21):
we get on the Ben Mallory Show and sports talk
radio in general. The here's one of my favorites, they
remember me guy. I get a lot of the remember
me guy. And now I am not talking here gascon
about the regulars that call the show all the time. Um,
and you know the guys that have called me. When
(09:43):
one guy called me when he was like, you know fifteen,
I have a few of these people like fifteen, all
of a sudden there twenty six or nine. They got
a wife, they've got kids, you know that whole thing. Uh,
it's it's it's not so much that it's not about
the guy who randomly every other year will call you
(10:04):
up and then try to reference the previous conversation that
you had, right, you know, keep on. Most of these
calls are like two and a half minutes, three minutes
at the most, and uh, you know, you gotta remember me,
and they get they get upset if you don't remember. Now,
I have a pretty good memory for this. I remember
a lot of these conversations, but not all of them.
(10:25):
And then they want you to remember their their kids
name or their dog's name something like that, and like,
how does that even work? Now? Now full disclosure on this.
Are are you talking about the actual callers that call
on the show and say hey, remember me? Are you
talking about the callers that's somehow finagle away to find
your your own cell phone and then call you up
(10:47):
on your cell phone, remember me. Well that's a whole
different animal, the the personal cell phone, which I should change.
But everyone I know in the business has that numbers.
Oh I have. I feel like I have to keep
the number. So I also get those uncomfortable phone calls
from Doc Mike every week about drinking my own piss
(11:10):
and the and those kind of things, which is which
is great. But that but then remember me guy? Uh yeah,
I mean that's just you know, chances are I'm not
gonna remember you, and maybe I will remember you. But
do we really need to waste time talking about how
I remember you? Is that important? Yeah? Some of the
(11:32):
other types of calls we have and looking at the
not this is not a list. This is a VEN diagram,
the ven diagram that we're using here. So you have
the I told you so guy Gascon. Now, this is
a raging lunatic. This type of guy is a raging
lunatic who will call in right after his prediction like
(11:55):
I don't know, I let's just use a super Bowl.
I picked the Chiefs and Patrick has to win the
Super Bowl. I told you you're that guy, obnoxious asshole.
You just want to punch the guy in the face,
that guy who probably made the prediction a couple of
(12:15):
days before said Super Bowl or a week before or whatever.
And then he is cannot wait to call in and
pat himself on the back and gloat about how wonderful
this person is and what a genius he is and
everyone needs to listen to him. Uh. And of course
we know that that is a total fraud. Uh and
(12:38):
all that stuff because that same caller. What does that
caller never do? Gascon never calls this team loses exactly,
he vanishes. He vanishes. He never calls and said, well,
I got that one wrong, that job by me. That
never happens. The only time that person calls back is
when they got it right. Otherwise they don't make a
return phone call. So therefore there schmuck to prick and
(13:00):
screw them. That reminds me of a couple of guys
that used to call your show back in two thousands
seventeen from Houston. I would talk a lot about that,
and then all of a sudden, when the Houston Texans
would crumble in the postseason or the Eastern Rockets, they
could be nowhere to be found. So a little bit
different with the Astros cheating their way to the World
Series a couple of years ago. Well, and there that
(13:21):
is the difference. So like, because I mean, the difference
to this is really like I have to show up.
Like when the Clippers go out and have the Tennessee
Trots in a playoff game against the Rockets, I gotta
come in here and talk. Or when the Rams go
out and shift the bed against the Patriots in the
Super Bowl, I still got to come in here and
(13:42):
do the show. It would be a lot easier if
I didn't. Now, sometimes it has worked out to my advantage.
Where I had a scheduled day off Ember one year,
the Clippers lost in the playoffs in the Lob City Days,
and people thought I was running for the hills. I wasn't.
I had a scheduled day off, I had a trip
to Vegas and uh, and people thought I was I
(14:04):
was like dodging, and I wasn't. It just happened. I
didn't know that that series was gonna go all the way.
I think they were playing that, like I said, the
jazz I think and then they thought I was up
some shady stuff. But I wasn't. So anyway, to be fair, though,
some people want you at your lowest point because it
does provide riveting talk radio. No, no, I'm at no, No,
I'm at my best guest gon when I am on
(14:26):
top of the mountain and I am basking in the
greatness of wonderful success for my teams. Well, I mean,
if you want to go through that, I don't know
the last time any of your teams actually had butterfide success.
So you can go back the Rams, the Clippers, well,
hold on, sick. The Clippers just won a championship not
that long ago, the Kawhi Leonard Championship. That's a championship
(14:48):
that the Lakers wanted, the Toronto Raptors wanted, but the
l A Clippers won the Kawhi Leonard Championship. The l
A Rams when the NFC Championship beating that punk Drew
Brees and then New Orleans Saints. By the way, Drew
just apologized again. I just want you to know he's
apologized again. And uh and then the the you know,
the the other team, the Dodgers back to back World
(15:10):
Series a couple of years ago. So yeah, I think
I think the last time, I think lost time any
of your teams actually want anything with two thousand and
four team this l King's long their second Stanley Cup
in three years, so that's the last time any of
your teams have walked off of the championship. Be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Miller Show weekdays
(15:30):
at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific. So that
moving on here on the event diagram we have, we
went from the I Told You soap caller, which is
always a staple of sports radio, to the conspiracy guy
conspiracy guy, which I love, right, I love Now. The
great thing about making predictions in sports is that you're
(15:51):
going to be right approximately ninete percent of the time.
Because you say, in the NFL is thirty two teams,
only one of them is going to be standing on
top of the mount at the end and win the
Super Bowl. So if you say a team is not
going to win the Super Bowl, you have a thirty
one out of thirty two chants of being correct. Right.
It's not even really that much because some teams are
not even trying to win. Uh, And you can say
(16:14):
that obviously the numbers are different depending on how many
teams there are, but most of the time teams simply
lose because you know they're not good enough for the
players didn't perform well you know, standard standard stuff by
the books and all that stuff. But the conspiracy guy
calls up and the team didn't lose because they weren't
(16:38):
good enough. They lost because the other team was up
to some shinani. Right, And now there is proof with
the Astros and so that is I didn't see that
one coming, but there is proof of that. But oftentimes
there's no tangible evidence to back up the claims. But
(17:03):
you get the hey, this this game, that game is
thrown and all that stuff, and uh or blame the officials,
but it's some kind of conspiracy that that type of
caller always brings up. And the only, the only time
in the history of the show where this really played
wonderfully was and it was a pre act. It was
(17:24):
a pre emptive shot. I had a guy from Boston
who might or might not be a made man in
Boston who called me up before a random Pirates Cardinals
series when the Cardinals were good, they had LaRussa as
their manager and Albert Poojos and the Pirates were dogshit
and he said, hey, he says, I got a tip.
(17:45):
He says I got a tip. He says, you gotta
bet on the Pirates. They're gonna sweep the Cardinals this weekend,
and just bet on them, you know, let it, let
it run, you know, let it roll. And uh. I
was like, this guy is full of you know, he's
full of happy. You don't know what he's talking about.
And the Pirates won the first game. I was like, oh,
wait a minute. So they won the second game and
(18:08):
then and then they sure enough, and one of those
games was like extra innings, and then they ended up
winning all the games. The guy said they were gonna win.
It was unbelievable. So you don't you don't subscribe to
any kind of conspiracy theory about the Music City Miracle,
then right, probably you acknowledge that that play was legit
and that was a bush. That was a bullshit. That
was an illegal forward past that was not called by
(18:29):
the officials on the field or on instant replay. They
were there holding their dicks. They had no idea what
to do. It was embarrassing. It was It was a
dark day in the history of the NFL, and it
really fucked the Buffalo Bills franchise up. You know, I'm
I'm an honorary member of Bill's mafia. So I'm offended,
all right, Moving on again, these are the types of
people to call sports radio shows. Here's another one on
(18:51):
the event diagram, The old guy. I love the old
guy that calls up. I get so many old guys
that call up. Now. We dominate the older demographic on
the Ben Mallther Show, and I have no problem. You know,
elitist west of the four oh five guys like Gascon. Yeah,
you look down upon older people. I I learned Guscon
(19:14):
to respect my elders. You, of course do not, But
I do not mind taking calls from from the older
people that call up, right. It's it's hey, when when
the guy drinking the Grandpa juse calls up and he
can't sleep because he's got insomnia in the middle of
the night and he can't go to the bathroom because
he's got other problems there, or he goes to the
bathroom too much. Ah, this is the highlight of their
(19:37):
night calling into the show, and they've usually got pretty
good stories to tell. You just gotta dig below the
surface a little bit. Yeah, I think maybe a little
bit of pushback on that is you're more relatable to
the older crowd. You're more relatable to the sixty five
and older, where I have this wide range of you know,
I can relate to the twenty year olds, at thirty
year olds of forty year olds, And part of the
reason is because I don't trigger people like you do
(19:59):
every so often. So yeah, I think that's why you're
more inclined to be relatable to the seventy two and over. Well,
here's it. I'm relatable to the blue collar worker. I'm
relatable to the person of the factory, the person driving
the truck, the person person working a grocery, star stocking shows.
You're relatable to the asshole on top of the mountain
mansion in Beverly Hills or out in the Hamptons in
(20:20):
New York or Scottsdale. Uh, yeah, you're that type of person.
So you're relatable to the to the very wealthy, the aristocrats,
And I'm relatable to the people that bust their ass
and work their work, work the tail off to make pennies. Well,
don't forget that one percent actually provides the jobs for
the other percent, So there's nothing wrong with that. They're
(20:41):
the ones that pay the bills. But not when the
Marxists take over. When the Marxist takeover, guess guy, it's
not gonna be the jig is up, guest guy, and
you're gonna have to move out of West of the
four oh five. So but again, the old timers, Uh,
this is a big thing for these guys. Uh, and
and some of the things we have Skeener in Montana.
(21:02):
Who qualifies as that? I guess Doc Mike, Doc Mike.
He's not your typical old time caller. But Doc is
in his seventies and he's still he's been calling me
since he was in his fifties, and a lot of
my regular guys are older. I haven't heard from Helmet
Man in a while. No, he's not in his seventies.
I think Helmet Man is probably in his late fifties,
(21:26):
early sixties, I would think. But we have not heard
from him in a while as we're doing this evergreen podcast,
So hopefully helping Man's all right. But but the old
guy calls up and you know, typically be like I
like it the way it was back in the old days,
you know that kind of thing, you know, back in
my day, And uh, yeah, So who who doesn't enjoy
(21:47):
a good back in my day rant or get off
my lawn, And it's kind of an ode to one
of your favorite guests, Fred Dryer, Yes, the great Fred
Dryer who just had a birthday and not that long ago,
the great Fred Dryer, of course. And I know you
don't like Fred because you don't like Hollywood and you
don't like guys that crossed over from the NFL. But
(22:10):
Freend's a good guy. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m.
Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Alright, so guess Scott the next
I'm looking at my my ven diagram here. So the
next type of regular caller that calls into sports talk
radio is the blind supporter guy. The blind supporter guy. Now,
(22:31):
this is the kool aid drinking, brainwashed, mesmerized fan boy,
which I am generally offended by. Now. I like the
teams I like, but I am the first one to
rip them and to take pot shots when the When
the Clippers play like crap, or the Rams or the
Dodgers or any of the teams that I support, I
(22:52):
will unload on them. But this blind supporter guy fan boy,
if you will, will not the greatest example this would
be Chris and Houston. Now Christopher called up one of
the great calls. When I write a book, someday, I'm
gonna write about this. So the night the jig was
up with the Astros and all of their cheating, when
the Athletic report came out and detailed everything from Mike
(23:17):
fires on how the Astros were cheating, all these videos
popped up confirming what was in the athletic story with
audio and video of what was going on in the
Bang Bang for the Astros to know what was going on,
whether it was a fastball or a breaking ball to tell.
And we took a phone call that night talking about
seizing the day. We took a phone call from Chris
(23:39):
and Houston who probably had his Astros onesie on and
uh and he had his his Altobe Alboub fathead, and
he said, there's no proof those videos were photos shop,
I need proof and U. He went on this big
rant and then of course they were is in hundreds
(24:01):
of videos that were on YouTube that it all commenced
at the same time there and it just shows you
how you really look like an imbecile when when you
do that. And then it is the other type of
fanboy call though, that whenever you say anything even mildly
critical about a player or a team, these people call
(24:23):
up and just go ballistic, Oh, I I have to
support my you know. It's like their children. It's like
they're treating their team like they're their players, like they're
their kids. It's well disturbing. What I guess what fan
base is most synonymous with this? Is this a Yankees fan?
Is this a Lakers fan? Is this a Cowboys fan?
Or well, it's it's yeah, I mean, it's the I
(24:43):
would say the Laker historians are are over the top.
You of course are part of that. You're you're cuddled
up with fan of James right now, you and you
and it's a little place over there in Brentwood. Um.
But yeah, the Lakers, the Cowboys. O. The Cowboys have
been kicked in the nuts a lot recently. But the
(25:04):
holy trinity would be Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys, the most obnoxious, annoying,
despicable fan bases. But that's not a list, Gascon. This
is a Evan diagram. Yes, yes, it is so, yes,
all right, So some of the other types of yahoo's
the call into these shows you you have the insider guy. Now, guess, Scott,
(25:28):
do you know what the insider guy is? Yeah, you
have infamously have blind Scott on the East Coast, who
is one of your your one of your traders, one
of your daytime traders. He's got inset information for you
to do some stock trading. Uh, the same, the same
thing that's applicable on the sports side of things. No, no, no, no, no,
this is uh, this is hey. My barber cooks the
(25:51):
hair of Jerry Jones dog, you know, Jerry Jones Son
and told me so and so and you know, told
me that cowboys are gonna release Dak Prescott, right, They're
gonna release Dak Prescott. Um and so it's it's the
person that calls up with claiming to have insider knowledge. Now,
(26:12):
I will say, guess, to be fair to this insider guy,
there have been maybe a handful of times that I
have gotten phone calls from people claiming to be the
insider guy trying to climb the social ladder, and it
turned out to be true. But the vast majority, the
vast majority of these type of situations is total bullshit
(26:34):
and there's no truth to it at all. It's just
made up mumbo jumbo. Every every once in a while
it is actually the would you consider Sports Talk with
Barry and Insider? I love Barry. I get a kick
out of Barry. Anytime I see a story that looks
like it should be fake, I think it's got to
(26:55):
be a Berry story. And then oftentimes it's not a
Berry story. Yeah times, or it's so good that it
actually happens two, three, four months down the road. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Well where satire becomes reality right where satire intersects with
reality and it takes a while. But so if you
listen to sports talk radio enough, the Ben Maller Show,
(27:17):
or any of these other shows that take calls, there's
not many of them left. Were the last of the Mohegans.
You will hear insider guy calling up and working his
his magic is what you will hear. So what else
do we have? We got a few more here. I
know we've got to skit dattle, but we have the
the business guy. Now, the business guy is we don't
(27:40):
get a lot of these guys because we're a blue
collar show. These are more daytime type of callers. The
business guy. Uh, but they'll call up and try to
brag about their credentials. Anytime you hear somebody call the
radio show and talk about how they went to medical
school or law school, you know, they're full of bullshit
right there. But anybody calls up to demonstrate how credible
(28:02):
they are, right Like, we've talked a lot during the
pandemic about labor negotiations with baseball and these other sports
leagues and things like that. So then you've got a
guy that calls up, you know, I've I've practiced labor
law for fifteen years in Manhattan in my younger days,
and then tries to tell you exactly what's going on
(28:24):
because they're they've got this glowing resume, and then they
know exactly what they're talking about. And oftentimes this is
just bullshit. It's just a way for you to It's
like a pissing contest to show you show everyone how
smart you are. Painting the ask well. On one occasion, though,
we have had an East Coast doctor that listens to
the show of the podcast that came on and was
(28:47):
a guest of ours talking about the coronavirus. That was
one nice thing that the other yeah, there are except well,
I had a lawyer call up during the trial and
tribut lations of Bob Kraft and when he was getting
the tug of the rubbing tug or the tug and
rub there in Florida, and I had this old guy
(29:08):
who he checked you, talking about boxes. He was an
old guy, he was resume guy, he was all of that.
And he called up and said, Hey, I am I'm
a lawyer. I'm not an active lawyer anymore. I'm retired.
But Robert Kraft is going to get out of this.
And I said, what are you? What are you? What
(29:28):
are you talking about here? And he brought up this
random legal statute that goes back many many years. It's uh,
what was it? I gotta look it up here. Um,
it was the fruit of the poisonous tree, I believe
is what it's called. I think that's right. And uh,
and it was. It was amazing because it was like
(29:52):
explaining word for word how Robert Kraft was gonna get
out of this. And I and no one else had
brought this up, no one else else had brought this
kind of thing up. And was, uh, No, I think
it's across the board. Though I don't think it's just
I don't think it's just in Florida. Um, and I'm
(30:12):
trying to think. I don't I'm trying to think of
the term here. I'm looking through some stuff. I'm trying
to find it. But it was the uh. It was
pretty crazy because yeah, I hear it is the uh yeah,
it is the fruit of the poisonous tree. And this
is from a lawyer in Florida, like a retired lawyer
that called up and was the hey look at me,
I look at my resume guy, and it stated if
(30:35):
the tree is tainted, then anything gained from it is
tainted as well. And then we're talking about the video
evidence of Robert Kraft in the act and also some
of the when he got pulled over by the police officer. Uh.
And that was not a legal situation. So anyway that
turned out to be legit and and well it's still
(30:57):
going through the legal process, but Robert Craft has a
very good chance of winning because of the fruit of
the poisonous tree, which some random lawyer we just happen
to be listening. Uh. And he couldn't sleep four in
the morning in Florida and he called up and told
us about it. So that was pretty cool. All right,
what else do we have we have the don't understand
(31:19):
the way the call in talk radio delay works. This
is always a big one here. Uh this this is
like an homage to Joe and san Antonio who's always
in over his head. So Guesscott, now you know live radio.
You plausibly do live radio. But the delay system has
(31:40):
been in place since, believe it or not, nineteen fifty two.
Did you know that? No, I didn't know you were
around that long, but that's pretty fast in and L.
I didn't know you're that old, but that's it's finally
you got jokes. You got jokes. Bu K A P.
You know what what city be? K he was in
(32:01):
Gascon sestra radio knowledge? Did you pay attention in radio school?
Probably I'll make a guess it is what would be St. Louis, Missouri.
That is incorrect. W k P in Allantown, Pennsylvania, just
outside Philadelphia, which at one point I don't know if
it still is, but at one point that station became
(32:21):
a Fox Sports radio affiliate, which was pretty cool. But
that was the first broadcast in a five second delay.
That's almost seventy years ago. So the delay in talk radio,
which was actually invented the year the bar code and
(32:41):
the hydrogen bomb were were discovered. So it's been around
for almost seventy years, and um, anyway, it was it
was pretty cool because that station carried the show. But
the point of this is that we get the type
of caller that calls into the show and does not
understand that there's a delay and they have their radio
turned up hollering. James does this a lot. Several of
(33:04):
the callers will call up and and so then it
creates this very weird again back and forth. We talked
about it. You know, the the interrupting guy that interrupts
all the time. Well, that's kind of a relatable situation
to the person that doesn't understand how the delay works
calling radio shows, because it creates this awkward situation. And
(33:27):
so so that's the that's the deal on that. So
you got that. I'm trying to what are some of
the other types of callers here gascon that I did
not mention in this ven diagram edition of The Fifth
Hour with Ben Maller. Fox Sports Radio has the best
sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our
(33:48):
shows at Fox Sports Radio dot com and within the
I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live.
I'm surprised you to mention it. But there's two that
come to mind. One is the drawing are intoxicated a caller, Yeah,
that's that's that's a byproduct of being on overnight though.
Uh well, you get a lot of listeners that can't sleep. There, insomniacts,
(34:10):
They can't sleep, so they call in the other ones
that passed out sleeper that you're You're basically their alarm clocks.
So when they're passed out, you just you book them
on live radio, and all of a sudden, you just
let them snore into the phone. Yeah, my greatest We
we had back to back and belly to belly snoring callers. Actually,
(34:33):
I think at one point, well cowboy fell asleep, cowboy wins.
We have this guy, this the voice guy from San Diego.
This guy had big pipes, sounded like you should be
a voiceover guy. And then a third call, three in
a row, fell asleep that has never been duplicated, that
will never be matched. That is that was virgin territory.
No one, what are the odds that you will have
(34:55):
three consecutive callers in one segment that are all sleeping.
You talk about threading a needle gascon I believe. Yeah,
I mean not an hour, but a segment that's that's
comprised of what anywhere from twelve to fifty minutes. That's
pretty phenomenal. Imagine how boring my monologue must have been
to put everyone to sleep like that is a power,
(35:16):
that is a superpower. To be able to do that,
you must have been doing clip talk. Um. What about
the ones where they just continue to swear no matter what.
They don't understand that they can't cut on live radio.
Uh yeah, well yeah, that that's related to the drunk.
That's related to the person who's all schnuckered up that
calls up and you know, they turn inside out. They
(35:36):
don't they don't realize they're on the radio. That's what
That's what I like to Also, when you have guys
on for a certain amount that are regulars that they
think they're just you know, we're a couple of guys
at a bar hanging out, which is which is really
funny because that's what program directors when I first got
into radio, they always want to just make it seem
like it's conversational, like you're at a restaurant or a bar,
you're talking to your buddies. The problem with that is,
long story short, the problem with that is when you
(35:58):
do that and guys just randomly throw a fuck in
there or ship um, which which is what guys do.
That's what men do, and I'm guessing women do the
same thing when they're talking to their girlfriends. But it
doesn't create work when you have to dump it and
then it's just yeah, so it's but it's tied with
the drunk thing. Yeah, it's gotta be. I didn't. I didn't.
(36:21):
I didn't put in I just want to. I didn't
put in the handicap. I know you probably you wanted
me to include the handicap because you're west of the
four h five guy. But I I don't look at
the handicap thing. I mean that people call up they're blind,
whatever they got. I got guys that are in hospitals
and listen to the show and all that and whatever
can cheer them up.
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House
of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. It is the
Fifth Hour with Ben Miller and David Yes, so we
are in the air everywhere. The vast power of podcasting
now eight days a week, because four hours are not
enough on the Overnight and this I assume you figured
(00:47):
this out now by downloading the podcast and subscribing and
giving his five stars. But this is a spinoff of
the Overnight Show. And this is what we call technically
guessc on an evergreen podcast, which means that at any
particular moment, if something crazy happens, we will go to
this archive of evergreen podcast and here it is why
(01:12):
I'm bad, Thank you, ma'am. And since we are in
an evergreen mode, I get to not acknowledge the time lauds.
But the Ben Mallard family sent a couple of couple
of books my wife. I appreciate that sub right in
the birthday and style. I gotta point out I like
the fact that I immediately right after I say this
(01:32):
is an evergreen podcast, you will immediately date the podcast. No,
I didn't date the podcast. This is very ambiguous. No,
it's not. Anybody listening knows exactly when we did this podcast.
Because of your response, you have just dated the podcast.
It literally a minute of me saying it's an evergreen podcast.
(01:52):
Do you know what the word evergreen means? Yeah, of
course they do. But what date did I give? What
time did I give? I gave nothing of the sore
it's twenty funny. We're indoors. We're in quarantine. So that's
all people can speculate as to what time of the year.
It is, somewhere between January and December. I'm gonna push
back on that because you let me point something here.
People listen. You don't understand how the Mallem militia operates.
(02:15):
They listen to every stupid minute detail that gets said,
and they can connect the dots backwards. These people have
no lives, you understand. Some of these people have no lives,
and they investigate everything. They have said, you have just dated.
I would like you to apologize right now, how dare you? Well,
there's one thing I've learned, at least that you have
taught me, is that you want that you never apologize
(02:35):
and to you never take the knee. So I'm not
gonna apologize. I'm not gonna bend the knee. I'm not
gonna genuine flagged and I haven't given any dates or time.
So let's let's push on, Shelley. Alright, So on this again, Gascon,
stay with me evergreen podcast, which is which is another
way to say it is and this is timeless. This
(02:56):
podcast is timeless and it will stand the many challenges
of time, the corrosion of the elements and all of
that stuff. So we will avoid all of that because again, Gascon,
it is an evergreen podcast, which is very very important.
So this podcast, we're gonna take a look at the
(03:17):
type of people that call sports talk radio. Now, I
had mentioned this years ago on the show, and I
haven't done this in a long time, but there aren't
too many of call in radio shows left. A lot
of these sports talk show host uh, they don't want
anything to do with the callers. The unwashed that call in.
And so we're one of the last of the Mohegans
(03:39):
that takes phone calls. A lot of the other shows
just don't do it because for whatever reason they is
think it's below them to talk to the people that
listen to the show. So we still do it, but
there are generally only a few types of people that
call into sports talk radio shows. And and I'm gonna
(04:00):
it's not a list, guess, because the list would be wrong.
We don't do list radio here. That's something that you do,
but we don't do that. But there are essentially ten
types of people that we've compartmentalized that call into these
radio shows. All right, So if we're not gonna do
a list, does that mean we're gonna do like a
pie chart or bar graph? Like how are you how
(04:20):
are you designing this for the masses? Since that's a
great question. It's like a ven diagram. I've got vent
diagram out of here, so just imagine in your head
event diagram. So we're not doing a mount Rushmore radio
or list radio. We're doing even diagram radio. Is what
we can't do Mount Rushmore radio because that sooner later
will be canceled too. So we can't do that. Yeah,
(04:41):
so exactly. So the goal here is to try to
figure out which of our regular callers on the overnight show,
which of my guys is in this particular department. So, uh,
the first caller that we have that And these are
all the types of people that call sports talk radio shows.
(05:01):
The the first one I have written down here on
my chicken scratch is the guy that's addicted to calling.
And I have more of these type of people than
than anybody else. Uh. And if you listen to sports radio,
you know that this is the type of person that
is so obsessed with not the host, not me, and
(05:25):
it's not the show. They're just obsessed with calling in
to any show. And it doesn't matter whether it's a
sports show, they call in political shows. Um. Typically the
problem is they don't normally have any material, so they
really shouldn't be calling radio shows. But these are the
type of people. And if you listen to other shows,
(05:46):
and not just the Ben Mallor Show, but other shows,
you'll hear the same people on over and over and
over and sometimes now there's two different types of the
addicted to calling, and it's the ky that has nothing
to say, And then there's the guy that has some agenda,
(06:07):
which is actually a different kind of caller. But they
have a certain format they follow and every show they call,
they do the same thing, and typically it's never that good. Uh,
it's never original. And uh, we have a lot of
these guys. Uh, and some of them I like, like
Dick and Dayton comes to mind. Dick's been calling radio
shows forever. Usually doesn't that much to say. Marcel in
(06:31):
Brooklyn is is another guy. Marcell's addicted to calling radio shows. Well,
I think Marcell is a little bit different because you
purposely antagonize him and encourage him to call your show
because you know what upsets the masses. That's a that's
a little bit different. Well, he is a caller of
the year. I know you don't respect those kind of
you know, kind of awards that that you get in life,
(06:54):
but he is a caller of the year. He's he's
reached certainly a more decorated spot the mallamlish than you.
But but no, So anyways, just I just wanted that's
the first type of person that calls radio goes the
person who's addicted the calling. Uh. Then some of the
other types of people that call, we've got the person
(07:14):
that's always interrupting, um, and you know, this kind of
falls into that, Hey, I'm inebriated, I'm having a good time,
I'm feeling no pain, I'm I'm doing the Molly wally,
uh and that kind of thing. But usually, and you know,
gets gonna like the back and forth, the ebb and
(07:34):
flow of a conversation on a radio show, it's uh,
you ta, I introduce you as the caller, you talk
for a little bit, then I talk, and then you talk,
and then I talk, and then usually it's over at
that particular point. Be sure to catch live editions on
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern
(07:55):
eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I
Heart Radio. Wow, can we call this the Looney color
because it seems like, at least back in the day
when you worked with that infamous doctor Tom Looney, you
guys did have conversations, but it was always like you
were talking over him. He was talking over you, and
nobody could hear anything coherent from what you guys were
saying at any given time. Well, I know you're jealous
(08:17):
of looney success in broadcasting, and how popular Looney was
on that Litch show in a w ening show. But
but there is a certain kind of verbal rat a
tat tat ballet or whatever, that that is supposed to
take place. And we get people that call up that
(08:39):
have no concept of how this is supposed to work,
and it is cringe worthy. It is uncomfortable, it is awkward.
And that's only on my end. I can't imagine if
you're listening to this crap what that must sound like.
So you know, that's that's another one. You you know,
just if you're gonna call in just trying to understand
(08:59):
it's conversation. Yeah, there's people he's dropping into the conversation.
But ultimately, for this to work, it's a conversation between
the host and whoever's calling it. Of course it's like
a nice casual dance. But but yeah, four hours that
you get a lot of it, and I think oftentimes
too much. Yeah, some of the other types of callers
(09:21):
we get on the Ben Mallory Show and sports talk
radio in general. The here's one of my favorites, they
remember me guy. I get a lot of the remember
me guy. And now I am not talking here gascon
about the regulars that call the show all the time. Um,
and you know the guys that have called me. When
(09:43):
one guy called me when he was like, you know fifteen,
I have a few of these people like fifteen, all
of a sudden there twenty six or nine. They got
a wife, they've got kids, you know that whole thing. Uh,
it's it's it's not so much that it's not about
the guy who randomly every other year will call you
(10:04):
up and then try to reference the previous conversation that
you had, right, you know, keep on. Most of these
calls are like two and a half minutes, three minutes
at the most, and uh, you know, you gotta remember me,
and they get they get upset if you don't remember. Now,
I have a pretty good memory for this. I remember
a lot of these conversations, but not all of them.
(10:25):
And then they want you to remember their their kids
name or their dog's name something like that, and like,
how does that even work? Now? Now full disclosure on this.
Are are you talking about the actual callers that call
on the show and say hey, remember me? Are you
talking about the callers that's somehow finagle away to find
your your own cell phone and then call you up
(10:47):
on your cell phone, remember me. Well that's a whole
different animal, the the personal cell phone, which I should change.
But everyone I know in the business has that numbers.
Oh I have. I feel like I have to keep
the number. So I also get those uncomfortable phone calls
from Doc Mike every week about drinking my own piss
(11:10):
and the and those kind of things, which is which
is great. But that but then remember me guy? Uh yeah,
I mean that's just you know, chances are I'm not
gonna remember you, and maybe I will remember you. But
do we really need to waste time talking about how
I remember you? Is that important? Yeah? Some of the
(11:32):
other types of calls we have and looking at the
not this is not a list. This is a VEN diagram,
the ven diagram that we're using here. So you have
the I told you so guy Gascon. Now, this is
a raging lunatic. This type of guy is a raging
lunatic who will call in right after his prediction like
(11:55):
I don't know, I let's just use a super Bowl.
I picked the Chiefs and Patrick has to win the
Super Bowl. I told you you're that guy, obnoxious asshole.
You just want to punch the guy in the face,
that guy who probably made the prediction a couple of
(12:15):
days before said Super Bowl or a week before or whatever.
And then he is cannot wait to call in and
pat himself on the back and gloat about how wonderful
this person is and what a genius he is and
everyone needs to listen to him. Uh. And of course
we know that that is a total fraud. Uh and
(12:38):
all that stuff because that same caller. What does that
caller never do? Gascon never calls this team loses exactly,
he vanishes. He vanishes. He never calls and said, well,
I got that one wrong, that job by me. That
never happens. The only time that person calls back is
when they got it right. Otherwise they don't make a
return phone call. So therefore there schmuck to prick and
(13:00):
screw them. That reminds me of a couple of guys
that used to call your show back in two thousands
seventeen from Houston. I would talk a lot about that,
and then all of a sudden, when the Houston Texans
would crumble in the postseason or the Eastern Rockets, they
could be nowhere to be found. So a little bit
different with the Astros cheating their way to the World
Series a couple of years ago. Well, and there that
(13:21):
is the difference. So like, because I mean, the difference
to this is really like I have to show up.
Like when the Clippers go out and have the Tennessee
Trots in a playoff game against the Rockets, I gotta
come in here and talk. Or when the Rams go
out and shift the bed against the Patriots in the
Super Bowl, I still got to come in here and
(13:42):
do the show. It would be a lot easier if
I didn't. Now, sometimes it has worked out to my advantage.
Where I had a scheduled day off Ember one year,
the Clippers lost in the playoffs in the Lob City Days,
and people thought I was running for the hills. I wasn't.
I had a scheduled day off, I had a trip
to Vegas and uh, and people thought I was I
(14:04):
was like dodging, and I wasn't. It just happened. I
didn't know that that series was gonna go all the way.
I think they were playing that, like I said, the
jazz I think and then they thought I was up
some shady stuff. But I wasn't. So anyway, to be fair, though,
some people want you at your lowest point because it
does provide riveting talk radio. No, no, I'm at no, No,
I'm at my best guest gon when I am on
(14:26):
top of the mountain and I am basking in the
greatness of wonderful success for my teams. Well, I mean,
if you want to go through that, I don't know
the last time any of your teams actually had butterfide success.
So you can go back the Rams, the Clippers, well,
hold on, sick. The Clippers just won a championship not
that long ago, the Kawhi Leonard Championship. That's a championship
(14:48):
that the Lakers wanted, the Toronto Raptors wanted, but the
l A Clippers won the Kawhi Leonard Championship. The l
A Rams when the NFC Championship beating that punk Drew
Brees and then New Orleans Saints. By the way, Drew
just apologized again. I just want you to know he's
apologized again. And uh and then the the you know,
the the other team, the Dodgers back to back World
(15:10):
Series a couple of years ago. So yeah, I think
I think the last time, I think lost time any
of your teams actually want anything with two thousand and
four team this l King's long their second Stanley Cup
in three years, so that's the last time any of
your teams have walked off of the championship. Be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Miller Show weekdays
(15:30):
at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific. So that
moving on here on the event diagram we have, we
went from the I Told You soap caller, which is
always a staple of sports radio, to the conspiracy guy
conspiracy guy, which I love, right, I love Now. The
great thing about making predictions in sports is that you're
(15:51):
going to be right approximately ninete percent of the time.
Because you say, in the NFL is thirty two teams,
only one of them is going to be standing on
top of the mount at the end and win the
Super Bowl. So if you say a team is not
going to win the Super Bowl, you have a thirty
one out of thirty two chants of being correct. Right.
It's not even really that much because some teams are
not even trying to win. Uh, And you can say
(16:14):
that obviously the numbers are different depending on how many
teams there are, but most of the time teams simply
lose because you know they're not good enough for the
players didn't perform well you know, standard standard stuff by
the books and all that stuff. But the conspiracy guy
calls up and the team didn't lose because they weren't
(16:38):
good enough. They lost because the other team was up
to some shinani. Right, And now there is proof with
the Astros and so that is I didn't see that
one coming, but there is proof of that. But oftentimes
there's no tangible evidence to back up the claims. But
(17:03):
you get the hey, this this game, that game is
thrown and all that stuff, and uh or blame the officials,
but it's some kind of conspiracy that that type of
caller always brings up. And the only, the only time
in the history of the show where this really played
wonderfully was and it was a pre act. It was
(17:24):
a pre emptive shot. I had a guy from Boston
who might or might not be a made man in
Boston who called me up before a random Pirates Cardinals
series when the Cardinals were good, they had LaRussa as
their manager and Albert Poojos and the Pirates were dogshit
and he said, hey, he says, I got a tip.
(17:45):
He says I got a tip. He says, you gotta
bet on the Pirates. They're gonna sweep the Cardinals this weekend,
and just bet on them, you know, let it, let
it run, you know, let it roll. And uh. I
was like, this guy is full of you know, he's
full of happy. You don't know what he's talking about.
And the Pirates won the first game. I was like, oh,
wait a minute. So they won the second game and
(18:08):
then and then they sure enough, and one of those
games was like extra innings, and then they ended up
winning all the games. The guy said they were gonna win.
It was unbelievable. So you don't you don't subscribe to
any kind of conspiracy theory about the Music City Miracle,
then right, probably you acknowledge that that play was legit
and that was a bush. That was a bullshit. That
was an illegal forward past that was not called by
(18:29):
the officials on the field or on instant replay. They
were there holding their dicks. They had no idea what
to do. It was embarrassing. It was It was a
dark day in the history of the NFL, and it
really fucked the Buffalo Bills franchise up. You know, I'm
I'm an honorary member of Bill's mafia. So I'm offended,
all right, Moving on again, these are the types of
people to call sports radio shows. Here's another one on
(18:51):
the event diagram, The old guy. I love the old
guy that calls up. I get so many old guys
that call up. Now. We dominate the older demographic on
the Ben Mallther Show, and I have no problem. You know,
elitist west of the four oh five guys like Gascon. Yeah,
you look down upon older people. I I learned Guscon
(19:14):
to respect my elders. You, of course do not, But
I do not mind taking calls from from the older
people that call up, right. It's it's hey, when when
the guy drinking the Grandpa juse calls up and he
can't sleep because he's got insomnia in the middle of
the night and he can't go to the bathroom because
he's got other problems there, or he goes to the
bathroom too much. Ah, this is the highlight of their
(19:37):
night calling into the show, and they've usually got pretty
good stories to tell. You just gotta dig below the
surface a little bit. Yeah, I think maybe a little
bit of pushback on that is you're more relatable to
the older crowd. You're more relatable to the sixty five
and older, where I have this wide range of you know,
I can relate to the twenty year olds, at thirty
year olds of forty year olds, And part of the
reason is because I don't trigger people like you do
(19:59):
every so often. So yeah, I think that's why you're
more inclined to be relatable to the seventy two and over. Well,
here's it. I'm relatable to the blue collar worker. I'm
relatable to the person of the factory, the person driving
the truck, the person person working a grocery, star stocking shows.
You're relatable to the asshole on top of the mountain
mansion in Beverly Hills or out in the Hamptons in
(20:20):
New York or Scottsdale. Uh, yeah, you're that type of person.
So you're relatable to the to the very wealthy, the aristocrats,
And I'm relatable to the people that bust their ass
and work their work, work the tail off to make pennies. Well,
don't forget that one percent actually provides the jobs for
the other percent, So there's nothing wrong with that. They're
(20:41):
the ones that pay the bills. But not when the
Marxists take over. When the Marxist takeover, guess guy, it's
not gonna be the jig is up, guest guy, and
you're gonna have to move out of West of the
four oh five. So but again, the old timers, Uh,
this is a big thing for these guys. Uh, and
and some of the things we have Skeener in Montana.
(21:02):
Who qualifies as that? I guess Doc Mike, Doc Mike.
He's not your typical old time caller. But Doc is
in his seventies and he's still he's been calling me
since he was in his fifties, and a lot of
my regular guys are older. I haven't heard from Helmet
Man in a while. No, he's not in his seventies.
I think Helmet Man is probably in his late fifties,
(21:26):
early sixties, I would think. But we have not heard
from him in a while as we're doing this evergreen podcast,
So hopefully helping Man's all right. But but the old
guy calls up and you know, typically be like I
like it the way it was back in the old days,
you know that kind of thing, you know, back in
my day, And uh, yeah, So who who doesn't enjoy
(21:47):
a good back in my day rant or get off
my lawn, And it's kind of an ode to one
of your favorite guests, Fred Dryer, Yes, the great Fred
Dryer who just had a birthday and not that long ago,
the great Fred Dryer, of course. And I know you
don't like Fred because you don't like Hollywood and you
don't like guys that crossed over from the NFL. But
(22:10):
Freend's a good guy. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m.
Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Alright, so guess Scott the next
I'm looking at my my ven diagram here. So the
next type of regular caller that calls into sports talk
radio is the blind supporter guy. The blind supporter guy. Now,
(22:31):
this is the kool aid drinking, brainwashed, mesmerized fan boy,
which I am generally offended by. Now. I like the
teams I like, but I am the first one to
rip them and to take pot shots when the When
the Clippers play like crap, or the Rams or the
Dodgers or any of the teams that I support, I
(22:52):
will unload on them. But this blind supporter guy fan boy,
if you will, will not the greatest example this would
be Chris and Houston. Now Christopher called up one of
the great calls. When I write a book, someday, I'm
gonna write about this. So the night the jig was
up with the Astros and all of their cheating, when
the Athletic report came out and detailed everything from Mike
(23:17):
fires on how the Astros were cheating, all these videos
popped up confirming what was in the athletic story with
audio and video of what was going on in the
Bang Bang for the Astros to know what was going on,
whether it was a fastball or a breaking ball to tell.
And we took a phone call that night talking about
seizing the day. We took a phone call from Chris
(23:39):
and Houston who probably had his Astros onesie on and
uh and he had his his Altobe Alboub fathead, and
he said, there's no proof those videos were photos shop,
I need proof and U. He went on this big
rant and then of course they were is in hundreds
(24:01):
of videos that were on YouTube that it all commenced
at the same time there and it just shows you
how you really look like an imbecile when when you
do that. And then it is the other type of
fanboy call though, that whenever you say anything even mildly
critical about a player or a team, these people call
(24:23):
up and just go ballistic, Oh, I I have to
support my you know. It's like their children. It's like
they're treating their team like they're their players, like they're
their kids. It's well disturbing. What I guess what fan
base is most synonymous with this? Is this a Yankees fan?
Is this a Lakers fan? Is this a Cowboys fan?
Or well, it's it's yeah, I mean, it's the I
(24:43):
would say the Laker historians are are over the top.
You of course are part of that. You're you're cuddled
up with fan of James right now, you and you
and it's a little place over there in Brentwood. Um.
But yeah, the Lakers, the Cowboys. O. The Cowboys have
been kicked in the nuts a lot recently. But the
(25:04):
holy trinity would be Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys, the most obnoxious, annoying,
despicable fan bases. But that's not a list, Gascon. This
is a Evan diagram. Yes, yes, it is so, yes,
all right, So some of the other types of yahoo's
the call into these shows you you have the insider guy. Now, guess, Scott,
(25:28):
do you know what the insider guy is? Yeah, you
have infamously have blind Scott on the East Coast, who
is one of your your one of your traders, one
of your daytime traders. He's got inset information for you
to do some stock trading. Uh, the same, the same
thing that's applicable on the sports side of things. No, no, no, no, no,
this is uh, this is hey. My barber cooks the
(25:51):
hair of Jerry Jones dog, you know, Jerry Jones Son
and told me so and so and you know, told
me that cowboys are gonna release Dak Prescott, right, They're
gonna release Dak Prescott. Um and so it's it's the
person that calls up with claiming to have insider knowledge. Now,
(26:12):
I will say, guess, to be fair to this insider guy,
there have been maybe a handful of times that I
have gotten phone calls from people claiming to be the
insider guy trying to climb the social ladder, and it
turned out to be true. But the vast majority, the
vast majority of these type of situations is total bullshit
(26:34):
and there's no truth to it at all. It's just
made up mumbo jumbo. Every every once in a while
it is actually the would you consider Sports Talk with
Barry and Insider? I love Barry. I get a kick
out of Barry. Anytime I see a story that looks
like it should be fake, I think it's got to
(26:55):
be a Berry story. And then oftentimes it's not a
Berry story. Yeah times, or it's so good that it
actually happens two, three, four months down the road. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Well where satire becomes reality right where satire intersects with
reality and it takes a while. But so if you
listen to sports talk radio enough, the Ben Maller Show,
(27:17):
or any of these other shows that take calls, there's
not many of them left. Were the last of the Mohegans.
You will hear insider guy calling up and working his
his magic is what you will hear. So what else
do we have? We got a few more here. I
know we've got to skit dattle, but we have the
the business guy. Now, the business guy is we don't
(27:40):
get a lot of these guys because we're a blue
collar show. These are more daytime type of callers. The
business guy. Uh, but they'll call up and try to
brag about their credentials. Anytime you hear somebody call the
radio show and talk about how they went to medical
school or law school, you know, they're full of bullshit
right there. But anybody calls up to demonstrate how credible
(28:02):
they are, right Like, we've talked a lot during the
pandemic about labor negotiations with baseball and these other sports
leagues and things like that. So then you've got a
guy that calls up, you know, I've I've practiced labor
law for fifteen years in Manhattan in my younger days,
and then tries to tell you exactly what's going on
(28:24):
because they're they've got this glowing resume, and then they
know exactly what they're talking about. And oftentimes this is
just bullshit. It's just a way for you to It's
like a pissing contest to show you show everyone how
smart you are. Painting the ask well. On one occasion, though,
we have had an East Coast doctor that listens to
the show of the podcast that came on and was
(28:47):
a guest of ours talking about the coronavirus. That was
one nice thing that the other yeah, there are except well,
I had a lawyer call up during the trial and
tribut lations of Bob Kraft and when he was getting
the tug of the rubbing tug or the tug and
rub there in Florida, and I had this old guy
(29:08):
who he checked you, talking about boxes. He was an
old guy, he was resume guy, he was all of that.
And he called up and said, Hey, I am I'm
a lawyer. I'm not an active lawyer anymore. I'm retired.
But Robert Kraft is going to get out of this.
And I said, what are you? What are you? What
(29:28):
are you talking about here? And he brought up this
random legal statute that goes back many many years. It's uh,
what was it? I gotta look it up here. Um,
it was the fruit of the poisonous tree, I believe
is what it's called. I think that's right. And uh,
and it was. It was amazing because it was like
(29:52):
explaining word for word how Robert Kraft was gonna get
out of this. And I and no one else had
brought this up, no one else else had brought this
kind of thing up. And was, uh, No, I think
it's across the board. Though I don't think it's just
I don't think it's just in Florida. Um, and I'm
(30:12):
trying to think. I don't I'm trying to think of
the term here. I'm looking through some stuff. I'm trying
to find it. But it was the uh. It was
pretty crazy because yeah, I hear it is the uh yeah,
it is the fruit of the poisonous tree. And this
is from a lawyer in Florida, like a retired lawyer
that called up and was the hey look at me,
I look at my resume guy, and it stated if
(30:35):
the tree is tainted, then anything gained from it is
tainted as well. And then we're talking about the video
evidence of Robert Kraft in the act and also some
of the when he got pulled over by the police officer. Uh.
And that was not a legal situation. So anyway that
turned out to be legit and and well it's still
(30:57):
going through the legal process, but Robert Craft has a
very good chance of winning because of the fruit of
the poisonous tree, which some random lawyer we just happen
to be listening. Uh. And he couldn't sleep four in
the morning in Florida and he called up and told
us about it. So that was pretty cool. All right,
what else do we have we have the don't understand
(31:19):
the way the call in talk radio delay works. This
is always a big one here. Uh this this is
like an homage to Joe and san Antonio who's always
in over his head. So Guesscott, now you know live radio.
You plausibly do live radio. But the delay system has
(31:40):
been in place since, believe it or not, nineteen fifty two.
Did you know that? No, I didn't know you were
around that long, but that's pretty fast in and L.
I didn't know you're that old, but that's it's finally
you got jokes. You got jokes. Bu K A P.
You know what what city be? K he was in
(32:01):
Gascon sestra radio knowledge? Did you pay attention in radio school?
Probably I'll make a guess it is what would be St. Louis, Missouri.
That is incorrect. W k P in Allantown, Pennsylvania, just
outside Philadelphia, which at one point I don't know if
it still is, but at one point that station became
(32:21):
a Fox Sports radio affiliate, which was pretty cool. But
that was the first broadcast in a five second delay.
That's almost seventy years ago. So the delay in talk radio,
which was actually invented the year the bar code and
(32:41):
the hydrogen bomb were were discovered. So it's been around
for almost seventy years, and um, anyway, it was it
was pretty cool because that station carried the show. But
the point of this is that we get the type
of caller that calls into the show and does not
understand that there's a delay and they have their radio
turned up hollering. James does this a lot. Several of
(33:04):
the callers will call up and and so then it
creates this very weird again back and forth. We talked
about it. You know, the the interrupting guy that interrupts
all the time. Well, that's kind of a relatable situation
to the person that doesn't understand how the delay works
calling radio shows, because it creates this awkward situation. And
(33:27):
so so that's the that's the deal on that. So
you got that. I'm trying to what are some of
the other types of callers here gascon that I did
not mention in this ven diagram edition of The Fifth
Hour with Ben Maller. Fox Sports Radio has the best
sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our
(33:48):
shows at Fox Sports Radio dot com and within the
I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live.
I'm surprised you to mention it. But there's two that
come to mind. One is the drawing are intoxicated a caller, Yeah,
that's that's that's a byproduct of being on overnight though.
Uh well, you get a lot of listeners that can't sleep. There, insomniacts,
(34:10):
They can't sleep, so they call in the other ones
that passed out sleeper that you're You're basically their alarm clocks.
So when they're passed out, you just you book them
on live radio, and all of a sudden, you just
let them snore into the phone. Yeah, my greatest We
we had back to back and belly to belly snoring callers. Actually,
(34:33):
I think at one point, well cowboy fell asleep, cowboy wins.
We have this guy, this the voice guy from San Diego.
This guy had big pipes, sounded like you should be
a voiceover guy. And then a third call, three in
a row, fell asleep that has never been duplicated, that
will never be matched. That is that was virgin territory.
No one, what are the odds that you will have
(34:55):
three consecutive callers in one segment that are all sleeping.
You talk about threading a needle gascon I believe. Yeah,
I mean not an hour, but a segment that's that's
comprised of what anywhere from twelve to fifty minutes. That's
pretty phenomenal. Imagine how boring my monologue must have been
to put everyone to sleep like that is a power,
(35:16):
that is a superpower. To be able to do that,
you must have been doing clip talk. Um. What about
the ones where they just continue to swear no matter what.
They don't understand that they can't cut on live radio.
Uh yeah, well yeah, that that's related to the drunk.
That's related to the person who's all schnuckered up that
calls up and you know, they turn inside out. They
(35:36):
don't they don't realize they're on the radio. That's what
That's what I like to Also, when you have guys
on for a certain amount that are regulars that they
think they're just you know, we're a couple of guys
at a bar hanging out, which is which is really
funny because that's what program directors when I first got
into radio, they always want to just make it seem
like it's conversational, like you're at a restaurant or a bar,
you're talking to your buddies. The problem with that is,
long story short, the problem with that is when you
(35:58):
do that and guys just randomly throw a fuck in
there or ship um, which which is what guys do.
That's what men do, and I'm guessing women do the
same thing when they're talking to their girlfriends. But it
doesn't create work when you have to dump it and
then it's just yeah, so it's but it's tied with
the drunk thing. Yeah, it's gotta be. I didn't. I didn't.
(36:21):
I didn't put in I just want to. I didn't
put in the handicap. I know you probably you wanted
me to include the handicap because you're west of the
four h five guy. But I I don't look at
the handicap thing. I mean that people call up they're blind,
whatever they got. I got guys that are in hospitals
and listen to the show and all that and whatever
can cheer them up.
Host
Ben Maller
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