All Episodes

July 19, 2020 • 48 mins

In the world of disillusion, Ben and David come back with more parody and legit news that might throw you for a loop. Not to be ignored are your emails with a healthy dose of bitchin' & moaning after a week of alternative audio. Keep the questions coming and make sure you reach out to the guys on their Cameo accounts for personalized messages and much, much more.

Make sure to subscribe, rate, and post a review on iTunes whenever you get the chance.

Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com

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David is on Twitter @DavidJGascon and Instagram @DaveGascon

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour

(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now that it does a
male bag edition as we are in the air everywhere
the vast and powerful reach of the I Heart Podcast
Network and anywhere you get podcast The Fifth Hour with
Ben Mallard and David Gascon Because four hours are not enough,

(00:50):
we do this now eight days a week, and it's
been a pretty interesting weekend. We started the Weekend podcast
with Darcy Walder Grahame on Friday. That was fa um
and then we had a thirty minute video review that
I Got a little carried Away, guests get. I admitted
I got a little carried away with that John Stossel video,
but it resonated with me. Did Yeah. It was a

(01:12):
short that we turned into a long. No. I just
had a lot. There was so much packed in it.
It was like a can of sardines, and I just
felt like that it shouldn't. It could have been longer,
but there was so much important stuff that people and
I think a lot of people listen to this podcast
are kind of aware and know this stuff, but there
are some that don't. And so I thought it was
you know, it was good. Yeah, And in the day

(01:33):
and age where we lack civil discourse, it's always nice
to be reminded of that. And full disclosure. Since I
know that you had a long rent a few hours
ago about the Washington Redskins, I have not signed an
n d A to join, so everything is throttle with you.
I gotta tell you man that, uh, you know, the

(01:54):
lead up it's not fully al Capones vault, but it's
it's consider ring the what was being sold and what
that turned out to be. What it appears that is,
you know, it just didn't quite live up to the
to the high. That's a false advertising, is the term.
I believe. I used that in the mondel. Now, what if,
what if it could be a a larger version of

(02:16):
like Chinese water torture? What if it's just drip drip, drip,
drip drip. Before we get to opening week in the
National Football League, Like what if there's more? What if
this is just a taste and appetizer. Uh yeah, I
mean that's always always possible, man, A lot of the
wild saucy stuff that was going on in the internet.
I mean, if that had been true, this would have

(02:37):
been the greatest scandal. I was expecting the greatest scandal
in my life. I didn't get to that. I didn't
get to that. Uh. And you know, we'll see what
what happens with the story, how it percolates. And obviously,
when we're doing this podcast in real time, it hasn't
yet percolated. So uh, we'll see if the story has legs,
will let it breathe a little bit. And I imagine
when we come back tonight on the radio, on this

(02:59):
Sunday night into Monday, that we will have more reaction,
more fallout from this. But it's it's better than you
jumping into the Dakota and Tad Prescott. That was a
good monologue. That was a solid monologue. Family feud, brotherly love,
good cop, bad cop. You give that a solid that
give it like a seven seven monologue? Yeah, you go,

(03:23):
all right? Fair enough? All right? Moving on, so we
have study and servey this. Do we have any don't
stick to spose? Yeah, the B or not the B
of course that is making another return second time in
three weeks, of course. Yeah, okay, alright, so we'll have
we'll have a little bit of that. I have some
study and survey of this, mostly just a few of them.
Then we got the mail bag as well. The mail

(03:44):
bag will be good I think this week because of
last week's audio claude or lack thereof. So I'm really
uh excited to hear what do you have to say
about that? All right, well, yeah, here we go. Let's
do some study this first. It is not just your pets.
Human beings or they say actually perk up when hearing
unexpected sounds. That we are much like our dogs that

(04:07):
when we or cats, when we hear something that's we
we kind of perk up. A believe that or not.
I believe that. I believe that my ears perk up
when I hear you know, roulettes and sirens of an
ambulance or or emergency response vehicles all the time. Alright.
Another study says, uh the downside at tech Information Overload

(04:29):
headline on this multitasking modern technology causing more and more
Americans to become forgetful. Yes, uh yeah, but passwords, and
that that's why a lot of people have ridiculously dumb
passwords like one or one, two, three, four, because it's
hard to remember all that ship. But it's just a
retaining the information. Like we've gone through so much stuff

(04:50):
in the political world, the politicians that have been doing
whatever they've had been doing on whatever aisle you're picking.
There's so much information that we can't retain, and I
feel like you need to go back and just reference
all this stuff online just to get a better idea
of what we're digesting. First, Yeah, I'm on all the time.
I love learning new random things. And most of my

(05:11):
education I learned more online than I did in it
from anybody in school. And you know, I think it's great,
it's wonderful. Some of it is bullshit, but you know
that's part of it. Uh So, here's another one of
those cancer stories. Every week there's a different story about
some big breakthrough and cancer research, which is really forget
With all due respect to the Corona, this is the

(05:33):
big one, right, Cancer is the big one, and people
are more people gonna die from cancer this year than
the coronavirus, and every year it's the same thing, whatever
pandemic comes around. Anyway, So scientists say, there's a mysterious,
mysterious fatty acid that has shown it kills cancer cells,
according to Washington State University, and this is the latest

(05:56):
in the never ending line of potential. That's a weasel word,
breakthroughs in cancer treatment. A fatty acid. Uh, the studies
authors have been able to demonstrate that this fatty acid
and then they give the medical name, which I'm not
gonna even try to pronounce. They just call it d
g l A kills human cancer spell cells upon exposure.

(06:18):
How fucking great would that be if this is actually legit?
How imagine if you're the person that cures cancer but
you work at Washington State. Do you get credit for that?
Do you get the money that that person should be
the richest person and when the Nobel flies and all
that stuff. But if you're just a researcher at Washington State,
how does that work? Yeah? I think the university would
claim work product on that man. That would be oh man,

(06:41):
can you imagine that'd be huge, especially because we're coming
off the heels of Kelly Preston, John Travolta's wife that
passed away from breast cancer. Well, and the thing with
the cancer I know from my mom who had breast cancer.
She had cancer three times, um, and she's got through
it the first couple of times, but the fucking thing
keeps coming back. That's the problem. Man. It's like you

(07:03):
can actually most cancers you can treat the first round,
but then they fucking keep coming back. And that's that's
where it becomes problematic at most other parts of the body.
And it's uh, it sucks anyway. Um. So these are
obviously preliminary, uh, and researchers believe their discovery could that's
what the word lead to a new form of cancer
treatment in the future. Let's hope that actually is not

(07:25):
bullshit and that's reality. Yeah. I mean you're thinking about
moderna that that companies starting stage three of their vaccines
for the coronavirus, and that would be that would be
huge if that breakthrough actually falls in place, and and
we could take it up to another level and get
those vaccines out to the citizens in the United States
as quickly as possible. Yeah. Well, and you're you're buying

(07:46):
stock ascun all right, I am, But gambling. You're spitballing.
One of these companies will hit the sweet spot. I've
been dipping my toes in the line. Yes, yeah, I've
been dabbling more in the stock market recently. There you
used to taking advice from that bland guy. No, no,
well that stock is a what a don't get me
started on that. So you get your get your investment

(08:10):
advice from a blind guy, and you get your real
estate advice from a fake doctor. Yes, yes, and now
you know why I am not of the world five Yes, uh,
in the red I think would be the term. I
think in the red. All right, Well, now I assume
you've dated a handful of women over these and you

(08:32):
probably notice some women are big huggers, you know, they
like to hug in cuddle and other women funck no,
they want nothing to do with that, right. I've never
dealt with a woman that doesn't like to hug, really, yes? Never? Okay, Well,
there are they are out there. They do exist, and
according to a new study, it's hereditary. Hugs are hereditary genetics,

(08:52):
they say play a significant role in how affectionate a
woman is. Yeah, if so. If you ever wondered why
people are known as huggers and others aren't. They don't
like contact with all their beings. It turns out they
claim that biology is behind that, at least for women.
This is where it gets interested. So researchers at the

(09:12):
University of Arizona claim that the genes are the major
deciding factor regarding how affectionate women are. They didn't find
the same relationship among men. That guess, yeah, that's that's good.
I remember a vintage line from from Your Better Half.
At a Christmas party, she said, if I could crawl

(09:35):
into Ben's skin, I would. She's probably on some alcohol.
That's a little that's a little poulter, guys, the I'm good,
you know. That's a little creepy, a little little bit.
All right, last study this, and then we'll get to

(09:56):
the other bits that we have. We have a mail bag.
I want to get to more of the mail bag
because these guys bitch when I don't read their questions.
I gotta keep reading their questions, all right. So last study,
this scientist from the George Washington University in d C
have observed the chimpanzee. That's the first study believed to
have been done on chimpanzees and their hair. It's interesting

(10:17):
because they've observed that when you go I've seen this.
I remember I was a kid and I went to
like the San Diego Zoo and I saw and like
the chimpanzee had gray hair. I was like, it must
be fucking old. Well. No, according to the science, the
observers noticed that gray or silver hair on a chimpanzee
does not mean their old. Most champ chimpanzees see portions

(10:40):
of their hair gray over time until they reach middle age.
After that point, the graying process appears to level off,
so it starts at a young age. And they were
the studies trying to figure out how this relates to
the human you know, graying process. Um, you know that's
obviously that's another one cosmetic. If you could figure out

(11:00):
a way, if you could take a pill and you'd
never get gray hair, I bet you most people would
probably take that. A lot of people, maybe not most,
but a lot of people. I'm starting to get a
lot of gray hair in my beard. Yeah, I've got
that too, And it's like, you know, you can do
it's salt and pepper. I guess you'll be more concerned
when it's all salt, right, I'll just be more considered.

(11:21):
When I start growing hair out of my ears, then
I'll be really concerned. Oh yeah, that's you're you're over
the age of fifties, so usually it starts around that time.
Normally it starts right there. Yeah, go, then you gotta
go to the store and do the walk of shame
and buy one of those nose hair trimmer. Fock man.
It's just, you know, you reached a point where you're like,
what the funk happened to my body? When you're going
to to Walmart to buy a nose trimmer and the

(11:43):
hair ear trimmer. You know that I won't take that walk.
I'll just order that ship on Amazon Prime right next
day delivery. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven
p m. Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I
Heart Radio app. Alright, what isn't that guest? The be
or not the Be? Alright or not to be? This

(12:05):
is Guests Got Obsessed with a Twitter, which is a website.
The Babylon Be, the bablon Bee Bend. These are five
titles that did not make the cut this week. Genius
Trent wears mask, causing media to question effectiveness of masks.
That would not make the cut. Did not know more
people voluntarily committing themselves to asylums to escape insanity of

(12:27):
real world? That did not make the cut. How about
this one? Isn't their fake title? Uh Antipa throwing bricks
and molotov cocktails at nation's eagles due to association with
Nazi Party. That's a shout out to our Jackson and
all the anti Semites and sports shout out. Go down
the list there, Stephen Jackson, Alan ivers Ssure, Yeah, absolutely,

(12:52):
Dwane Wade another anti Semite? How how about this? Alexandria
Cassio Cortez claims writers are just burning down neighborhoods to
keep themselves warm, and then last week she described the
crime rates bring up because people were looking to get
some bread. She's also used in that video we talked
about the other day. Didn't she say the world's gonna

(13:13):
end in twelve years or something like that because the
climate change. She's pretty bright. I can see why she's
doing well in politics. Green New Deal. Writers are just
burning down neighborhood themselves warm. I mentioned that one. How
about this the last but not least I new you
appreciate this one. Thousands of CEOs across the country announced
they support Trump and hopes of triggering her boycott. That

(13:34):
is a shout out to Goya Bean's Goya Products, who
who the CEO supports the President Trump and they've seen
a quite a spike in sales in recent days. Yeah.
And the funny thing is the the people that that's
gotta have. That guy's gotta have the biggest balls of
anybody in business, the people the guy that runs Goya, right,

(13:54):
because like with all this nonsense in this you know,
hash was hashtag boycott Goya and all that stuff and
uh and all the backlash and uh, it's just it's
it's pretty amusing that it's not not impacting it. So
there we go the b or not to be ben
I want im. I got five stories for you, and

(14:15):
I want you to let me know if do you
think this is real or this is from the Babylon?
Be all right? Here we go. Story number one, Samber
San Francisco art curator resigns amid toxic white supremacy claims.
Is that real or courtesy of the Babylon? Be all right? Now?
I love San Francisco, that the visuals are wonderful, that

(14:38):
some of the people are fucked up there, but um,
I love that Golden Gate Park, man, is that beautiful?
May I gone to San Francisco for years, like doing
stuff with it when the Dodgers playing the Giants or whatever.
And I've never been to Golden Gate Park until a
few years ago, and I fucking loved it. Have you
been on the Rock? Have you been Alcatraz? I've not.
I've not. I walked across the Golden Gate Bridge, which

(14:58):
was which was cool. I wish there was like a
little gift shop that said you walked across the Golden
Gate Bridge like some dopey hat. I probably would have
bought it. But anyway, San So it's San Francisco, and
so I believe it. It's a woke Wokesters paradise. So
I'm gonna buy this one. I believe that is real
and not from the Babylonia. It is, in fact true.
Carry Garrel's resigned as senior curator at the San Francisco

(15:21):
Museum of Modern Art after he said quote, don't worry,
we will definitely still continue to collect white artists during
a diversity presentation so he was confronted about this and
said that avoiding work by white men would be reversed discrimination.
Internal group of museum staff started a petition calling for
him to resign due to his toxic white supremacist beliefs.

(15:46):
Benny had been there at the museum for twenty years
no more. So again, so someone with reasonable a reasonable
position has lost their job because the lunatics have kicked
them out. People that are hysterical have kicked Okay, that
makes it a right second story, the number two black

(16:06):
conservative informed by white people that he is racist. Okay,
so this is this is like at one. I'm not,
I I do not. I mean, I'm gonna say, yes,
that is a real story because I've seen the videos
of you know, liberal woke white people shouting at black

(16:27):
police officers, which I thought was the most amazing, Like
they were the liberal whites were with the Black Lives
Matter movement and they were attacking a black police officer,
which I thought was so I based on that video
that I saw, which I know is anecdotal, I will
say this is true. That is courtesy the Babylon Beast.
Oh it's not true, I love damn not true. Just yet,

(16:50):
that will likely become truth. Right, that's one of those
that they're ahead of their time, like the Simpsons predict things. Yes, exactly,
story number three, number three to be or not to be?
Business owner charged with hate crime for painting over Black
Lives Matter graffiti on his storefront. All right, So this

(17:12):
is another This is a tough one. It's tougher this
week than in past weeks. Uh, you know, I I
here's the way I look at that stuff. Unless it's
sanctioned by the communities. Is I believe vandalism when you're writing?
Isn't that the different? Right? I mean, you're not allowed
to do that. So, but again, it's a Wokester's paradise.

(17:33):
So in a Wokester's paradise, I would say, I think
that actually is I'm gonna lean towards true. It's unfortunately false.
Unfortunately false, it is false. So I'm at the point now,
gay I believe everything, Now, any any ridiculous story, I believe. Yeah,
this is tough. How about this? One Minneapolis city council

(17:55):
that voted to defund the police is now charging taxpayers
for private security. Is that the b or not? The Oh? No,
that's true. That's that's not going It's going on all
over the place these politicians. It's do as do as
I say, not as I do, is what it is.
Nice little Alliott for you. You You are correct bed so
far criticy the New York Post taxpayers have paid a
hundred and fifty two thousand dollars for private security for

(18:18):
these Minneapolis City council members. In fact, the security costs
forty dollars per day. Wow. And how much of that
goes to the security guy and how much of that
goes to the the company. That's a great question for
the city. I was, you know, we have some police
that listen to the show, the fans of the show.
I was like one of them. I was emailing and

(18:38):
I was like, listen, here's what's gonna happen. Defund the police. Right,
here's my theory. You're gonna make more money. You're gonna
come out ahead on this as a police office with
your experience, because all these rich people are gonna hire you,
and then you'll make more money than you do in
law enforcement and you'll probably have an easier gig. Yeah.
It's like when you work for the defense Department, right,
if you work as oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah,

(18:59):
you like Halliburton and and and and all that. You
go drive a truck in in a rack and you
make more money than the soldiers do. Yeah. Absolutely. Last,
and not least, this one's a little tricky as well.
Michigan man wins lottery with the wrong ticket. Alright, so
how is it the wrong ticket? I don't understand, Like,
how could you he turned in the wrong ticket. They

(19:21):
gave him the prize. Is that? Yes, that seems impossible.
That seems impossible. It's actually true, really, and it's true.
And man in Michigan did, in fact, he wanted a
two million dollar prize after he received the wrong ticket
accidentally from a store clerk. So this is out working. No, No,
I thought, yeah, that's misleading. I thought the way you

(19:43):
said it, he turned in a ticket and he had
the wrong numbers, but they gave him the prize anyway,
if that, if you had said it that way, of
course I would have. So check this out. He actually
went inside of a gas store to buy a Lucky
seven ticket for gas stations. They don't really call him
gas stores. They call him gas stations. And you know,
civilized America. Yeah, but you have the gas station. He
had the stores where people can buy food and drinks

(20:06):
and ship like that. So anyways, so he bought a
Lucky seven ticket that was priced at ten dollars, and
the clerk actually gave him back one of the other
tickets that was worth twenty dollars. So when the clerk
offered to exchange it for him, he said no, He
had a good idea that this might be something worthwhile.
Turns out and it was the winning lottery ticket. He
took the lump some money and Ben in Michigan he

(20:28):
took home a cool one point three million dollars out
of two after taxes. Yes, pretty good. So my dad
plays the lottery every week, so one day he's gonna
win the lottery. And uh, that's what he tells me. Yeah,
guy in Newport, one's lottery. Next tun channel, let's live
in Newport or whatever. There's an irvine, a planned community
talking about Be sure to catch live editions of the

(20:51):
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Do we have is that it? Are we good? That
is good? Let's go to the mailbag. These are listening
to questions. We open up the mail bag we gotta
get a mail bag song. You know we should steal.
Remember if somebody has a copy. I tried to find it.
I couldn't find it. David Letterman used to have on
his late night show. It's like letters, we get letters.

(21:13):
It was like this little ja we gotta find that.
We are we allowed? We probably allowed to play that.
Who knows. Didn't you have a theme song to a
game show that got got pulled from your Yes? Yes, season.
I've gotten several seasons asist letters over the years. But yeah,
the people from Jeopardy got upset. Yeah, stop playing sports Jeopardy.

(21:35):
So that's why we played Balderdash. Just changed the name
of it anyway. All right, let's see these are actual questions.
I does de Sean Jackson? This is from Clarence in
the Slid slidell Louisiana. Easier for me to say, uh, says,
does de Sean Jackson put hot sauce on his matster
ball soup? Yes? Yeah, Well I did several monologues on

(21:56):
de Sean Jackson, but it's not just him. In the
two weeks or so, I just been more than that.
Since the story came out, we've seen a whole list
of other celebrities that are anti Semitic and they're self identifying,
they're not even shamed of it. It's wild, absolutely wild.
I'm blown away by it. Like there's so much shame,
you know, he calls you racist. People freak out, oh

(22:18):
my god, you're racist, and they're shaming that. But the
opposite of being anti Semitic, there's seemingly no shame. Um,
it's just just crazy. Uh. Here's one from Zach in Columbus.
He says, the Dick Stockton interview was great. Tell gag
On he needs to work on his West of the
four oh five beard? What as? Uh? What do you?

(22:41):
Apparently not not up to the beer standard? That's a
great beer? What the fund is he talking about? Didn't
not like the appearance of your beer? Yeah? Steve writes
in from Denver, and he says, hey, guys, did you
record the show on a MR microphone last week? Yes?

(23:01):
We did. Guess I used I think we used the
MR microphone? Is that right? That was your technical expertise?
There sportful job zoom, Yes, the greatest of zoom technology.
So Kyle writes in in he's in the San Antonio
metro area. Universal City he says, is there much of

(23:21):
a point to bring back sports the sports leagues with
these truncated seasons, limited or no fans in attendance, and
all manner of whiting by the players about how abused
they are. He says, well, that's a good point. We'll
stop right there on that. I know you had more there,
he said, there's he said, there's two options. Either they
really really are struggling as hard as heavenly possible to

(23:43):
bring entertainment back to the people, or they're greedy and
desperate to restore their revenue streams. No. Listen, there's no
question Kyle, that the North American athlete is the most
entitled athlete, the most spoiled athlete. Uh. They have their
toes licked. They get manni's and petties from the fan
boys and the hangers on, and it's just it's a
plague in America, the athlete worship. I love sports, I've

(24:06):
watched sports. I like some athletes. I don't worship athletes.
I'm not a fanboy. I've never been like that. I
know a lot of people are. Uh. And that's just
the way it is. And and the byproduct of that
is what we have we have a little adversity. Things
not the way they're supposed to be in people just
you know, shipping shipping their their diapers and they can't hear.

(24:28):
I love the It's it's an automatic. You could just
see it in writing down too. Is that one day
you'll have people that say we should follow and understand
and listen to athletes and what they say outside the
sports world, which is obviously understandable, and then listen to
them about their political beliefs and their social idea beliefs.
And the next day, ben you get an a memo

(24:51):
sent by the NBA to the players saying, hey, make
sure when you answer your door for the food that
you receive, you dress appropriately. Like like, yes, I should
listen to these athletes about what they believe in terms
of social ideas and causes, but at the same time
they need to be reminded to dress fucking appropriately to

(25:11):
answer room service. Well, it's like Anthony Davis, who he
wore the that's all folks, sure, And then his defense
was he didn't actually dress himself as a you know,
in his mid twenties. He had somebody else lay his
clothes out, like his mom on his bed to choose
what to wear for that day. It's it's pretty funny,
all right, Kentucky J. Writes and says, if you and
David Gascon were both drafted by the Dodgers tomorrow, who

(25:35):
would win out of YouTube for the final pitching spot.
And why what, Kentucky J. That's a great question. The
answer is obviously me. I'm a season veteran. I have
thrown out the first pitch and I believe four minor
league baseball games over the years, and I have mixed
a variety of pitches. And uh, not only do I
bring the gas. Not only do I have the fastball,

(25:56):
I've got an ef his pitch that keeps the hitter
locks their knee ease. I've got a knuckleball that I
can throw a Uncle Charlie curveball, lollipop curveball, we call
it um. So I've got a variety of pitches. I've
got experience. I'm a veteran. I'm intimidating on the mound,
so it would be me, and you know, guesscan He'd

(26:17):
throw like one pitch and then he said, I've got
my elbows hurting. I gotta go on at d L.
Listen if there's anything that you can take from history,
it's that the greatest picture of all time is a
left hander, and Sandy Kofas in today's modern day best
picture of the Dodgers is also a left hander. And
claimed I among the two and the south paw. And

(26:39):
you know that if you need anything in Major League
Baseball is left handed pitching. I have a live fastball,
I got a curveball. I have a slider and also
have a splitter. Also have youth on my side. Who's
the old ten years younger than you are? Who's the
strikeout king? Is he left handed or right hand? Oh?
That's right, he's right handed because pitched for thirty any years?

(27:00):
Fucking god? He he gave me autographs when I was
a kid. Don't trash Nolan Ryan. He signed autographs, Fat Benny,
he did. Don't don't trash Nolan Ryan. Nicest guy he's
he'd have his own autograph show outside the hotel for fans.
It was wild. Um anyway, um, moving on from that,
with all the controversy on team names, a lot have

(27:23):
vanished and probably more will. But which one would you
bring back? This is from Mark in so Cal can
go first. You want to you want to give this
a shot. Yeah, I'd like to go with the Washington bullets.
You want to bring back to Washington bullets. Bullets is good?
Why I don't understand why the bullets is removed? Um? Well,

(27:48):
because people, the Wokesters at that time, were offended. They
thought that gun violence would go down if you got
rid of the name bullets. How's that working on? Don't
forget locally, we can't say the Long Beach State for niners. Yes,
that's right, very offensive. The names I would bring back,
I'm gonna go old school, though, guess I'm gonna go
before our time. I remember when I read a story

(28:10):
when I was a kid about the early NBA. They
had some really fucking cool nicknames. In the early NBA.
They had the Providence steam Rollers. Isn't that a good
name for a team? The steam Rollers? There was a
there was a team called was it the St. Louis Bombers?

(28:31):
Was it was another one? And uh? What was the
team in Pittsburgh had an interesting name too, I forget
off the top of my head. But the but the
early NBA, man, they had some really unique names that
were were pretty cool, that were pretty cool and Pittsburgh Condors. No,

(28:52):
it was something to do with like steel or something
like that. I'd have to I'd have to look up
you want to talk for a second. I can look
this up, of course, but at least we can go back.
I guess we could say it, oh to h to
Darcy from from a couple episodes ago, he got the
Black Cocks. Oh yeah, yeah, that's right, you know, full

(29:17):
disclosure guests going yes. When I asked him what their
logo would be. That is an homage to Student Ahan
and the old Jim Healy radio show in l A.
Because Healy one of the funny drops they played on
that show. Uh. Student Ahan was doing the morning sports
at KBC in l A and the Dodgers that played
the Astros, and he said something like and the Dodgers,
uh either beat or lost. I think he was the
Dodgers beat the ass assholes last night. And so then

(29:40):
you know, yeah, I just can't say that on radio.
And then so so the one of the morning guys
on the on the show said Hey, I wonder what
their logo would look like? Good but no. The Pittsburgh
iron Men Pittsburgh iron Man was an original NBA team
that's not bad. I like iron Men, Steamrollers, um and

(30:00):
all that. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven
pm Pacific. That's solid. How about the Houston cult. Oh yeah,
there's another another gun one Chicago. What is a Stag?
There was an NBA team called the Stag that It's
like it's a horse. Oh so there you go, obviously, right.
So that's different though, it's a different way of saying yeah.

(30:22):
But those are some of the names that I like.
Some of the names that I thought were we're cool,
you know. In the original NBA, it's gonna offend people.
The original NBA had the Sheboygan Redskins. About that. It
was a team called the Redskins in the original NBA.
Offended just thinking about it, I really am offended anyway.
All right, thank you, Marky. That was a good question.

(30:44):
R J and san Antonio's listener questions. We're doing the
mail bag, actual questions from actual listeners. R J and
san Antonio says, what toppings would you have on your
perfect pizza? Well, r J, this is this is easy.
I used to have a pizza in Grand Rapids Michigan,
there was a restaurant that had the map of Pizza,
which is one of them. It's not around anymore, but
by the last Floyd Mayweather's hometown there, Grand Rappid anyway.

(31:07):
So the Mallard pizza is a traditional pie. Now I
have tried to figure out how to make bubbles, and
the perfect pie has a lot of bubbles in the crust. Okay,
but it's it's a cheese base pizza that you have
the tomato sauce, You've got the cheese there, and then
you've got onions, bell peppers, green peppers, red peppers, yellow

(31:28):
peppers to dress up at make it exciting, garlic, roasted garlic,
and you spread it evenly all over. Then you put
a layer of cheese on top of it. Then you
put more of that on top, and then you cook
it and then you eat it and it's the greatest
thing in the world. And your your your breath is
gonna smell terrible, but it doesn't matter because it's delicious.

(31:49):
It sounds, it sounds wonderful. Now, quick question with regards
to that, how do you do the crust? Are you
going deep dish? Are you going thin crusts? Like well,
I like, I love deep dish pizza. I don't know
how to make it at home, so I do not
a thin crust, but like a medium like. I try
to flatten down the middle part and then fatten up

(32:11):
the crust as much as I can. If you know
what I mean, I'm describing that the right way there,
fair enough. I think yours is probably some tofu or
some Western the four. If I go pizza toppings, it
probably has to be a meat lovers. It has to
go bacon, turkey, probably some meatballs. Some ground beef is good. Um,

(32:31):
I can't do steak, but of course pepperoni is on top,
a little bit of ham. What about pineapple pineapple? And
there is a great debate pineapple or no pine I
can't do pineapple and pineapple. It was all right, Yeah,
it's it's good, but I like pineapple cold. They can't
have it warm. That is a really weird when it's
warmed up. That is I agree with you. It's a
little weird on that. And plenty of cheese. Of course,

(32:54):
I gotta go with some mazzarella cheese. Mozzarell mazzaret. Alright, John,
I'm the jailer, our buddy, and Allantown, PA, says Ben,
do you think major League Baseball could prevent cheating by
having Enrico Palazzo umpire all future astrotas. I like that
you included a photo here, John, of that iconic character

(33:17):
from The Naked Gun back in the day. Why not?
What the heck there you go? That was a classic
piece of entertainment. Here's one from Jack in Greensboro, he says,
Ben and Gascon. Everyone has a weird or odd habit
that they wish they could stop or change. What is yours?
I'm trying to think here, what is my weird odd?

(33:41):
I don't know, Like I guess I bite my fingernails
sometimes that's annoying. Um, I pick it my hair because
I'm when I'm working, if I'm not finding what I'm
looking for, and I'm you know, struggling to find stuff,
I'll like, I have little nervous twitches. I guess that
I do that That annoys me. You have nervous twitches. Well, now,
I don't know if nervous tritches the way, But but

(34:02):
I'm when I'm focused on something, I have like laser
like focused, but I end up like biting my fingernails.
Or like picking up my hair or something like that.
You know what about you? I M the perfect West
of the four or five. I guess bad habits probably
drinking too many energy drinks or when I fast. When
I break the fast, I eat way too much and

(34:23):
I don't stop. That's not a problem for me, because
if you go two days without eating, you can go
big and then you're good. Yeah. But I go from
fasting too then eating something healthy and decent, and then
I just fall off the fucking wagon. Like I'm pretty good,
Like I I'm like my body now. I have noticed,
like since I started doing the fasting thing a couple

(34:45):
of years ago, and I've gotten more obsessive with it.
I do longer and longer fast every week. Like I
have noticed that, uh, like I don't have as big
as it bothers me because my appetite has gone down.
Even when I eat a lot, it's not nearly as
much as I used to eat, you know what I mean.
Like it's it's and then I feel kind of bloated
after I go really big, and then I'm like excited

(35:05):
to fast again because I'll clear out my my whole,
my innerants, my small intestine in my all that stuff. Um. Anyway,
all right, that's the the answer to Jack Jason and
Rocky Mount Virginia says, I have a serious question here.
Is it pinky swear or pinky promise? And your legit
argument for your answer? Listen, Jason, it is pinky promise.

(35:26):
Everyone fucking knows that this has been investigated. I did
Google research. He's referring gascone to pass word. The other
day this week we had passed where there was a
great controversy with our guy from Boston who was my contestant,
and the clue I I them, I used the maloneuver.
I said, uh, and that we were trying to get.
The word we're trying to get was promise, right, And

(35:49):
so the way the malo maneuver worse, I lead into
the the answer and then the previous The reason it
was promise was obvious. It is because the of the
this clue I gave was pledge, so it wouldn't be swear.
Swear is not related to to pledge. It's it's not.
It's not so anyway, it's pinky promise. And there's a

(36:11):
lot of uneducated people apparently, I think it's pinky swear.
But I hope you see the light come out of
the darkness and see the light, please please. All right,
A Berry from Chattanooga rights and again he says A
Ben and guesstcon How concerned are you about saying something
that the mob comes after you and tries to cancel you?
All right, Well, Barry, this is a fair question, and

(36:33):
I'm not gonna say it's not a concern. It absolutely is. Um.
People attack you for all kinds of ridiculou stuff. You
don't agree with their orthodoxy. Uh, they attack you. I think. Unfortunately,
being in sports radio, I think once sports get back,
I will be out of the danger zone per se.
Although I don't even know if that's true anymore with
the politics being intertwined in sports and the NBA, who

(36:58):
can't clean up their own house anti Semitism, but they're
telling you how to live your life things like that. Um,
But no, it's obviously concerned. And the good thing is
that now it's like in the old days when I
first got in the business, if if you lost a
gig or something like that, you know, they didn't people
couldn't find you. You just kind of vanished. Now because
of social media and you know, you can do a show,

(37:22):
you might not make as much money. But some of
these guys, I have guys that don't do you know,
traditional old media radio shows that make more money from
YouTube and from Twitch and things like. I mean, they're
they're making Unless they're a lying to me, maybe they are,
but they've told me they've actually monetized it and they've
got a cult. Father you really don't have to have

(37:42):
that huge a following to do it. So but I'm
not I don't really obsess about it, bar Is. To
answer the question, it's obviously a possibility at any moment.
It's a possibility. That's just the way of the world.
It's you know, people will get triggered by the most
ridiculous things, the most benign things. And uh, fortunately the
bosses that Fox have been very supportive and they want

(38:03):
different opinions. We have a bunch of liberal guys that
work at Fox Sports Radio, got a bunch of conservative
guys that work at Fox Sports Radio, and I think
it's a good balance. It's rare that that happens. I
don't think a lot of places have that. So I
think it's a credit to the management at Fox that
they allow that to happen, and and you can pick
and choose what you like, and you can hear different
ideas and different opinions, which I think is what the
melting pot is supposed to be. It's not usually like that,

(38:25):
but that's the way. If you listen to Fox Sports
Radio for a day, you're gonna hear all different perspectives
on the spectrum. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports
talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows
at Fox Sports Radio dot com and within the I
Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live,
which is always nice not see. I've been told differently,

(38:47):
not because of being on the radio side of things,
but doing play by play. I've been told by by
people I trust that are in management positions that say
you need to stay on topic and don't fall into, uh,
the social justice or political realm, because that's not what
they're That's not what they want their play by play
guys to be all about. You're supposed to be milk toast,

(39:11):
boring and ra ra team. Yes, yeah, that's that's how
that is supposed to go. But yeah it is. It
is interesting. All the more reason you should follow me
on social media in case anything happens. If you don't
hear me all of a sudden, then you know I've
I've probably been canceled and it's time to go watch
me on twitch or YouTube or something along those lines.

(39:32):
And those are all There's a lot of media platforms now.
It's not just the old me. I love old media.
I've worked in old media my whole life, the blue
blood media. But there's other media now that's available to people. Yeah,
I've encouraged that for years with you. You're you're the
king of narcissism. Carlos in Houston says, So, I'm a

(39:54):
big conspiracy guy. He says, do you think Roger Goodell
secretly suspended Colin Kaepernick for cost think the NFL so
much money when he started kneeling? Uh? Well, it was
more of like a shadow band, Carlos. I don't think
there was any formal decree that came down from the NFL.

(40:14):
But it doesn't mean they didn't talk amongst each other
and say hey, this is not good and and all
that and uh but Kaepernick really made his own bed.
I mean, I don't feel bad for Kaepernick. He there's
no injustice against Kaepernick. He was a bad quarterback, and
he piled it. It's one thing to be a bad quarterback,
but it's another thing to be a bad quarterback, which
he had been for several years, and then be considered

(40:35):
a malcontent in the in in a troublemaker that hurts
the team and the and and there's different ways to
hurt the teams said, Well, he'd be fine a locker room.
I believe that to be true. I thin Kaepernick would
be liked in NFL locker room. The problem, though, is
it's it's the business, right. You gotta sell tickets and merchandise,
and you try to avoid, at least you used to
try to avoid polarizing that those type of polarizing things.

(40:57):
Now I guess the NFL's in lockstep, but I'm not
buying that. You know, there's an actual suspension. I think
it was more of a something that was a wink
and a nod type. Yeah, don't forget Goodell works for
the owners and for Kaepernick. He's making hundreds and thousands
of dollars not playing quarterback anymore and not getting hit

(41:18):
by defensive linement and tackles anymore. So yeah, yeah, I
think he's living a pretty good life. Pierre from Springfield Rights.
He says, what are the chances that some Major League
Baseball teams get created with the piped and crowd noise
and add a few wrinkles when the Astros come to town?
Maybe a bang bang here or a whistle whistle there? Well,
I like how you think, Pierre. The chances of that

(41:40):
happening are very low, and I'll tell you why because
whoever does that will lose their job. And that's the
sad case of the world. Fun has been canceled in
That would be some harmless fund, some some who cares,
you know, have a good time fun, and it would
it would lead to the demise. It's like when the
person wearing the Mr Med outfit gave the middle finger

(42:02):
and it was on the front page of the New
York Post and then the guy, the guy lost his
job or whatever. It couldn't be Mr Men anymore because
fund has been canceled canceled. Scott and Rancho Cucamonga rights
and says, have you ever been kicked out of a stadium?
Either for actions or saying inappropriate things? Next year, please
come to Rancho Cucamongo. The Dodgers single a affiliate and

(42:22):
I love the show in the podcast, What's that Guess
the Quakes Rancho Quakes. I would love to go to
Rancho Cucamonga and Scott make that happen next year. We
gotta we gotta support these minor league baseball teams once
this apocalypse ends. UH. There are a lot of teams
that are gonna go out of business. The ones that
are still around are gonna need extra help support minor
league baseball. I love minor league baseball. They've been very

(42:43):
kind to us over the years. It's great. It's cheap
family fund and you know, it's it's awesome. I love
what they do in minor league baseball. I really do. Yeah,
they're they're great. I have I've actually been removed from
a stadium before UM. To answer his question, it wasn't
because of me, but it was because of my girlfriend.
I went to UH. I went to a historic game

(43:03):
down San Diego, the Chargers and Broncos, and I went
and met up with a buddy of mine and his
girlfriend and the four of us were tail gatting seven
eight o'clock in the morning, and my girlfriend was ben
the elbow a little bit drinking a little bit harder
than she should have been liquor and beer. And uh,
we get into Qualcomm Stadium. We have great seats south

(43:23):
end zone, Ben Broncos and Chargers, and she starts mumbling
and stumbling while the national anthem is being played, so
I had to sit her down. She sat the first
quarter and started like wobbling all over the place, And
as soon as the second quarters started, she stood up
and she threw up on the couple in front of her,

(43:46):
and I was like, oh, my fucking god. I she
just came down like she got away with it for
a while, mostly because she's top heavy. Um. But they
escorted me out, kicked her out obviously, and we couldn't
drive back home to l A. So I decided to
unt a hotel room that right on Friar's Road next
to Quacom Stadium. Bennett was the same game la Damian

(44:07):
Thomlinson brooke the touchdown record. Wow out So it's pretty good.
So at least I get to watch that while she
was drunk passed out in a hotel bed. Oh that's good. Um,
Well I didn't get kicked, I guess I in a
way I did. I was covering the Pro Bowl for
a small Network and we were doing radio shows. But

(44:32):
one of the guys that was in a traveling party,
unbeknownst to me, like apparently stole something out of locker
room the A I think it was the a f
C locker room stole something out of there, and the
NFL pulled all the credentials. So I mean Hawaii at
the to cover the Pro Bowl. I was there for
like the whole week covering practice, and I was not allowed.

(44:54):
I watched the Pro Bowl from bar uh in the
uh well part of it. I watched in the bar
the hotel, and then I watched the rest of it
my hotel room. But um, yeah, so that that's the
way I got banned. That was fun though, that that
Pro Bowl that was so laid back. I think this
was the two thousand two Pro Bowl, so it's been

(45:14):
eighteen years, um, And we were hanging out there in
the NFC locker room. Andy Reid was the coach because
of course the Eagles had lost the NFC championship game.
In those days, the coach who lost had to go
coach the Pro Bowl. And they had a team meeting
about what their game plan was going to be. And
I'm standing in the back. Nobody said you have to leave.

(45:35):
I just stood there and listen to Andy Reid give
a team meeting to the to the two thousand two
NFC Pro Bowl team, which was pretty cool. It's a
good memory. Uh. Mr Goopy writes in in Maine. He says,
my son and I, which I think is the name
of like a movie in a book and a TV
my son and I. Mr Goopy says, recently watched the
two thousand one Space Odyssey. Can you draw parallels from

(45:59):
that movie to either your career or the Mallard Militia?
All right, so did you ever see that movie, the
two thousand one Space obously guess yeah, So it's it's
if you haven't seen the movie. They discover an artifact,
write some weird and mysterious thing, and then it's buried
underneath the lunar surface, and everyone's trying to figure out

(46:20):
the origins and all that stuff, and they get help
from the supercomputer. And I'm trying, how does that relate
to to the career. Maybe because of your voice, what
do you what do you mean? Because you went you
went from you went from fat to skinny, so your
voice actually changed to you discovered some deep pipes. You

(46:43):
discovered you've got some testosterone in you. Now you've got
more more juice in the tank. I don't know, but
I'm just trying to say. The voice comes and goes, oh,
that's an interesting reference. But I think we should We'll
leave it there. We'll leave it there anyway. I think.
I don't. I don't have an answer. Mr mean, it's good.

(47:04):
I brought it off. I don't know why I brought
it off. I don't have an answer. I mean, maybe
what do you think Marcel and Brooklyn uses uh this
supercomputer how nine thousand to figure out what he's gonna
say in his calls. I guess that's how the Mallam
Militia last to it. Or um Mark the full name
guy in Medford, Oregon's up to some Shenanigans. Or maybe
Jay Scoop our guy in Seattle's got some stuff going on.
I don't anyway, listen, have a great rest of your Sunday.

(47:26):
We will be back behind the powerful microphones of Fox
Sports Radio on the overnight show. UH Tonight's Sunday into Monday.
Sunday on the West Coast at eleven pm, and then
Monday on the East Coast at to a m bluviating
the overnight away. Don't don't forget check out cameo dot com,
slash Ben and what didn't not slash? Just type my
name in Ben Maller there if you want a personalized

(47:48):
video message, be happy to do that. Also on Twitter
at Ben Mallard, Instagram, Ben Maller on Fox and Facebook
Ben Mallard Show and guest Scott on How Can the
People Find You? All over Twitter and cameos same name
at David Gascon and on Instagram at Dave Gascon. All right,
so we say Asta lavista, bon voyage Jay and was

(48:12):
it audios muchachos? I think that's how you say. I
don't forget to say choo and choo
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