December 12, 2020 • 41 mins
He hasn't quite given out his number to the masses, but Big Ben came awfully close to that in recent days. With good reason, played the role of doctor for a longtime "friend."
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven p m
Pacific Booms. If you thought more hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
(00:21):
rich pill poppers in the penthouse to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
starts right now in the air everywhere. Good to have
you along. It's a Saturday podcast. Four hours not enough.
(00:42):
We do this now eight days a week. We thank
you for finding the podcast. We thank you for supporting
the podcast. It does help us out. In five stars
five stars, remember that it seems ridiculous. I don't understand
the politics of the business. But the people that are
in the podcast ask Game, the big cohunas in the podcast,
Game that are in charge of this stuff, they do
(01:04):
look at those numbers. The five stars. The reviews of
the podcast are also important as well, so all of
those things. All of those things. But this is a
mom and pop shop in many respects. We don't have
a big advertising budget. The only advertising we have guerrilla marketing,
word of mouth, which is the most effective, most effective advertising.
(01:28):
I told the story a few months ago. I someone
I used to date contacted me because she was going
out with someone and they talked about During the date,
they were having small talk and they were talking about what,
you know, they listened to. It came up in conversation
and this guy's like, you know, I like this one
sports cast, sports podcast, the Ben Maller Show, and uh,
(01:49):
that's that's the kind of stuff that helps grow the show.
So thank you if you're doing that. We welcome in
West of the four or five. I hear him breathing,
David gas Scot was a pretty well run a day
(02:11):
for you. Yesterday we had Benny Versus the Penny, got
to uh hang out with the chief a little bit,
and you got to dress up and place Santa. So, yes,
it's fun Friday for you. I'm a little jealous. I'm
not gonna lie. I would like to thank you. I
know it was very difficult to book your father on
the show. I know it took a lot of work
to get him on. I'm sure we had to pay
him a lot of money. But but now, I love
(02:32):
your dad, and your dad's great and uh, even though
he lives west of the four or five two, I'll
put up with him. But uh, yeah, it was great
to talk to him, and I love We got into
a lot of different things about the police and defunding
the police and and what that really means in the
real world, and we wrapped it up with what really
people wanted from what I understand here, just hearing stories
(02:54):
about o J. Just hearing stories about your father's experience
living that this amazing story, and all of our lives
that were around those days. And he was right in
the middle of the frying pan when all that was
going on. So it was great to talk to him.
And I'm sure we'll have him on again at some
point here, and so we'll have him on back down
the line. Yeah, it was it was good getting away
(03:15):
from the sports activity for a little bit. But uh,
but yeah, it's it's kind of a wild, wild year,
and I think that kind of he summarized most of
it when we when you first opened the bag, asked
him about some of these questions. What I mentioned the
thing that and I still I mentioned this to him,
but that video of somewhere in l A walking down
(03:37):
the street and it's like a war zone. It's like
a demilitarized zone with all these police cars just lit
up and tagged by these loser thugs. Uh. It was ridiculous,
It was so stupid and uh but an were just
that yesterday and go back and you didn't hear that
podcast for some reason. It is available forever and ever
(03:57):
and ever at the end until someone pulls it off
the podcast world, and then it will be gone forever.
At some point, I'm sure all this will be gone,
but not for a long time, we hope. So on
this podcast we have a wellness check, Humdinger of a
Day and pop quiz. Very exciting. I know you're excited, guest,
So what are you starting with? Alright, let's start with
(04:18):
the wellness check. Now, as much as you like to
take pot shots at the ability of the Mallew Militia
whether to read or to right put their pants on,
not drool any of those over the toilet seat. Wow. Well,
one thing that we do when you're in the Mallew Militia,
(04:40):
when you take the oath as a brigade deer, you
become a brigadier general. In the Mallew Militia. Okay, when
you do these that that thing when you cross the
line there and you solemnly swear to support and defender
ben Mallers show against all enemies foreign in domesty, we
look out for each other in the Mallew Militia. We
have a motto on the Mallew Militia it that every man,
(05:01):
woman and child is welcome to take the oath and joint.
Don't care if you're conservative, live or whatever, gay, straight,
any raised, colored, creator religion. You gotta have thick skin.
You gotta learn to take yourself lightly and above all else,
you gotta be willing to bust balls with each other.
But we also look out for our own right. We
bust chops. For example, a few weeks ago, a friend
(05:22):
of the show, guy's been calling me for so many years,
Dick in Dayton. Dick dropped the bombshell, Dick from Dayton,
who has been a state. But this guy has been
calling me for pretty much the entire time I've been
at Fox Sports Rights twenty years. We've had a relationship.
How ridiculous is that I've ever met Dick from Dayton.
I've just talked to him once a week or so
(05:44):
for twenty years. It's crazy. So anyway, Dick from Dayton
announced on the show a couple weeks ago he had
the COVID. Right now, I look at the numbers, I
look at the science and for you know, you have
a ninety nine point nine percent survival rate or whatever
it is. It's a very large survivor. But when you
(06:04):
get to a certain age, it becomes more of a problem.
So unfortunately, you know, Dick has been calling me for
a long time. He's in the age range where this
becomes problematic. Right, it becomes more of a more of
an issue. You gotta pay closer attention to it than
someone who's, you know, a thirty year old professional athlete
for example. Uh, he's not a spring chicken anymore. And
so after he rang the alarm bells, Dick from Daton
(06:26):
on the show and then he vanished. And he normally
calls in on Monday or Tuesday to recap the Browns.
Hey bet, how about the Browns you know? Or the
Bangals you know? And he he wants to of course,
he never watches the game, but he wants to talk
about them because he loves calling into sports radio. So
he calls in, he announced he has the COVID. We
(06:46):
had not heard from him for a couple of weeks.
I started to get a little worried. I I had
friends of mine who are fans of the show, that said, Hey,
what happened to Dick from Dayton. He said he had
to COVID. What happened to him? He hasn't called the
show and I didn't. Initially I didn't think about it,
but then when people were bringing it up to me
as I got crap, what happened to Dick and Dayton?
So um, First of all, I would like to thank
(07:09):
the crack support staff of the Malleard Militia. I will
not reveal the guilty, but someone in the mallem Militia
had tracked down Dick in Dayton's phone number. Now I
didn't do this. Somebody reached out to me and said, hey,
you know, somewhat recently we had Dick from Dayton's phone number.
(07:30):
So I believe it's or not David, I believe it
or not. I earlier this week dialed Dick. I did.
I called in Dick from Dayton. I called in after
the show. It was early in the morning. Uh, and
it was. Secondly, it was a surreal conversation. Okay, because
first of all, I called the number that I was given,
(07:51):
not knowing if this, mind you, was actually Dick and
Dayton's number. This could have been any any Ohio Dayton,
Ohio number. It was a landline, so that led me
to believe it probably was Dick from Dayton. He was
an old guy with the landline. That's the cliche. So anyway,
I may I make the phone call. And it was
the reason it was surreal. Someone else answered the photo
woman and you know, Dick from Dayton, single guy, as
(08:15):
far as I knew and all that, but you know,
the woman was there, and so I asked, is that
is Dick from Dayton there? And she seemed gob smack
like you know, what is this about? You know that
kind of thing. And I'm like, oh, this is a
bad sign. And I said, well, no, it's it's um
you know, it's been in l a. I'm I just
(08:36):
wanted to talk to I heard this was his number,
and I just wanted to talk to Dick from Dayton
and and she's like paused again, and I'm like, oh,
this must not be the right number. I'm like, how embarrassing.
Is this you know? I mean this embarrassing. I called
up someone that you know, It's like six thirty in
the morning, and Dayton, I'm calling him up. And right
after this, half an hour after the show. Um, and
(09:00):
then then I guess a light bulb went off on
her head and she said, oh, Richard. I guess she
calls him rich you know, Dick Richard at the same
and so anyway, she passed. Eventually got she starts screaming,
this is the funny thing. So it's okay, I'll get him.
And she starts screaming, hey, Richard, you got a call, right,
And then I hear in the background, who is it?
Is it work? Is it Lows? You know? Because he
(09:20):
works at Lows? And so eventually he got to the phone,
and this is the this is the most surreal situation.
So I'm on the phone with this guy's been calling
me for twenty years. I'm like, hey, daken s Ben
Maller from Fox, I just wanted to see if you
were doing okay. And about fifty percent of the conversation,
(09:40):
hand to god, he was trying to I had to
explain to him. He didn't understand who I was I
was trying to explain to him that it was really
me and it was not somebody pretending to be me,
like he he thought I might be an impostor you know,
who is this what? You know? I know, I I
You've talked to me on the radio and I was,
And finally I was able to convey it's him. But
literally half the phone call was me saying, no, it's
(10:03):
really me, and I'm you know, I'm the guy on
the radio. And and so anyway, I finally convinced him
and we we talked a little bit. We talked it out,
and he was a little out of it as always
um and just the final point, he did tell me
he lost the sense of taste and smell, which which
so many people you have have said they report that
(10:27):
that issue when they have the COVID. He said it
was kind of like a cold and it wasn't all
that bad, and he was actually said he told me
he was starting to feel better. But he did complain Dick,
and Daton never complains about anything Dick from Daton, but
he did it seem a little perturb which is completely
understandable that some co worker apparently had come to his
work and showed up with the COVID and that's how
(10:50):
he got it wasn't even from a customer, it was
from somebody who was a coworker that showed up with
this thing. Um. And then just to make sure it
was not a fake Dick from Dayton. He then at
the end, I'm asking him how he's doing. After spending
half the time trying to tell him who I was.
I then asked him for a wellness check. He tells
me how he's doing. He then starts lamenting the fact
(11:11):
that there's no Ohio State Michigan game this weekend, which
would have been played today. And then also he was
coming how about the Browns. You know, It's like it
was just like we like a flip of a switch
all of a sudden, and he had become the sports
radio caller guy Dick from Dayton. And but the good
news is he did tell me. At the very end,
(11:33):
he says he's feeling better and he thinks he can
go back to Lows. He was hoping to go back
this weekend if he's cleared. And and then he dropped
the name of like several different radio people from Ohio
that he calls into. Yeah, well, I'm glad you're called.
You know, Steve and Bill they're they're worried about me too.
(11:55):
You know. It was just it was just great. I
love the guy. He's such a character, and he's like
that's just how he is man, just how he is.
And uh, but he's doing all right, So hopefully he
will be back on the show. And I just want
to know, guess gun, do you think Colin Cowhard would
call and check in on a listener? Depends how old
(12:16):
she is. I have plot whoever tracked down his number
that is that has some great recon get his number
to find that and then get it over to his
A plus, we have tremendous the investigative arm of the
Mallard militia. Uh, wonderful. We have advisors and experts and
(12:39):
people that are specialists in different areas of tracking things down. Yeah,
I would have. I have no way. So now I
didn't give Dicken date my number and I didn't call
What did I call from a block number? Oh well,
I don't think Dick's text savvy enough. So even if
I didn't call from a block number, I don't think
they'll be able to figure out that it's my number. Um,
but but yeah, it was. It was great. So I'm
(12:59):
very happy about that. He adds to the list now
of callers I've actually talked to off the air. That
list includes Cowboy, I believe Cowboy and Winsor We've got
of course, Doc Mike calls me every week. He's on
that list, Pete and Pittsburgh. I've had some off of
your conversations. He's a retired caller. He's caller back in
(13:20):
the day, the great J. Scoop Lance the bus driver
is on that list, Genie and Medford, the late great
Genie and Medford, and a handful of others that we
have interacted with. Blind Scott. I've talked to him, so
we hung out a few times in Boston back back
in the day over the years. So you can add
Dick and Dayton to us. But he is doing okay, Yeah,
(13:42):
as long as he's alive and well, that's that's good.
Have you talked to Blind Scott in a while, You know,
he he doesn't call the show that often anymore. He
he does harass me on email. He sends me a
lot of emails. Um, and so lately his Michigas is
(14:04):
that he's getting a new dog. He's getting a new
dog because Kramer's being taken out the pastor and he said, January,
you send me this email. He says, I'm getting my
new dog. They let me know today. So he's got
to go to New Jersey and quarantine, I believe, and
then he gets the dog. I believe. That's how that goes.
(14:27):
Let a mess. Yeah, So good times, good times. So
now I have this this tale I would like to tell.
I'm gonna call this one a humdinger of a day,
all right. It started as a lazy Monday afternoon and
(14:49):
became topsy turvy, was turned up side down, upside down.
So we're gonna flash back in the hot tup times.
This goes back to as I said, Monday, and I'm
doing the normal routine. I'm fasting, and I saying to
go to the store and buy some some bread and
(15:09):
the few other things random things. Have to buy a
few things at the store, bread, salsa, some some other stuff.
So I go to the store, and uh, I pay
my tab at the grocery store. I go to the
car and that's it, you know. I go to the car.
That's it. Um. But as Paul Harvey would say, all right,
(15:30):
for what it's worth. You know what the news is.
But in a minute you're going to hear the rest
of the story. So it's not just a normal meat
going to the store buying salsa and bread would not
qualify as a mention on the podcast. So I pay
my I pay my bill David at the store there
and I go to the car. I drive home, short
(15:51):
drive live right near the store, back to the Mallard Mansion.
I pull into the Mallard Mansion parking adjacent to the
Mallar Mansion. I jump out, I grabbed my food, and
I head to the door. I reached down to get
the key to open the door, and I noticed that
something is not right. There's something missing. And initially I
(16:12):
wasn't sure what I had the keys, so it wasn't
the keys. I had the keys, obviously. I got in
the car, I was able to drive home. I started
like kind of feeling around my leg. My wallet was
not in my pocket. Yeah, no keeping. At the time,
I was like, well, this is no big deal. You know,
(16:33):
I was wearing sweatpants and they had kind of small pockets,
so I figured probably it probably fell out, like on
the side of the you know when you sit down
the sideboard there of the car. So yeah, yeah. So
I was like, I'll go get it. So I go back.
I'm not even concerned at this point. I reached down
near the side of the seat there and there's buffs.
(16:54):
Oh boy. So then I'm thinking, well, it must have
fallen out. It's on the floorboard underneath the seat, because
maybe it fell down and bounced it the logical that
could happen. So I reached down, goose egg nothing. Nothing.
So now I'm starting to get a little concerned. So
then then I go to the back where I put
the groceries to the back of the car, and I
(17:15):
was like, okay, maybe I just put my wallet down
when I put the groceries. I didn't even realize it.
So I go to the back. Nothing and then I
had this ah ha moment. It hit me like a
bag of bricks. My goddamn wallet had must have fallen
out when getting into the car, right, So I immediately
(17:38):
jump back into malamobile and I am breaking every land
speed record to get back because I figured it if
it fell out, I paid for the food, so it
had to fall out in the parking line like when
I was getting into the car. I was as soon
it just fell out when I was getting the car,
So I zoomed back to the to the grocery store,
and I had remembered the space that I had parked in,
(18:00):
so I slowly turned the get into the parking lot.
I turned the corner into the line where I'm parked
into the space, and another cars parked there. And I
just left a few minutes ago in another cars park there.
So I hop out of the park a hop out
of the car. I then get on my hands and
knees in the parking lot, thinking my wallet was under
the car. Oh, nothing, There's nothing under the car. So
(18:27):
then I'm like where could it be? So then I
retraced my steps and I was like, I tried to remember,
mind you I just done this, but you don't remember
exactly where you're walking. I tried to remember exact way
I walked out of the store through the parking lot,
thinking maybe it's down. I'll to find it on the ground.
I found ziltra. So now I'm really getting agitated and annoyed. Right,
(18:50):
I'm like, holy crap, what have I done? I got everything?
I got my credit card, that a little bit of
cash in there. I had my driver's license and my
whole life was in that wallet, and what a pain
in the acid is to replace all those things. So
I go into the store with my head down, my
tail between my legs defeated, and they're kind of busy.
(19:10):
I walked in through the way you're not supposed to
go in, and I finally got the hold of one
of the managers of the store, and I very quietly asked,
did anyone turn in the wallet? And she paused for
a second. The woman, very nice woman. She paused for
a second, and then she she said, yes, yes, someone
(19:33):
just did turn in a wall a few minutes ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And sure enough, someone had found my wallet in the
parking lot of Good Samaritan had taken it in and
I don't even know who. They didn't leave their name.
I don't know who it is. I would really like
to thank them. And so there's a chance this my
(19:55):
my business card was in the wall, and I'm assuming
they opened the wallet to look what is this? They
might know maybe who I am or something like that,
maybe tracked down this podcast. So if you are the
person that found my wallet, I would like you to
reach out now I've purposely not named the store or
the time that happened. So the reason I did that
I left those pieces of information out is because if
(20:17):
the on the off chance that whoever found my wallet
reaches out to me, I will and gives me the
time this happened and the store, I will give you
a little bit of a reward. So I'm offering a
reward because that's you saved me so many headaches, and
he didn't have to do that. I'm shocked that someone did.
(20:40):
I didn't take a dollar out of it, and all
the money was there, all the credit cards, everything was
just like I had left it. Um, So so thank
you who knew that we still have good people living
amongst us. You get lucked out, man, you really did.
At how much money did you have in your wallet
at the time, I'd rather not disclose letter I shouldn't
guess good, but there were some some twenty dollar bills.
(21:03):
There were a few five dollar bills in there, Okay,
so it's not like you had a couple of bucks.
I yeah, I had more than like eight bucks. I had.
It was probably around you know, maybe a hundred bucks
or something like that. But well, you know what, it is.
I used to use cash a lot, and I just
I haven't spent it on anything, so I just kind
(21:24):
of haven't leaving I was just leaving in my wallet.
But I I pretty much use credit cards exclusively, and
I don't even know I should just take it out
right now. What's the point of having it I don't
use I know, I don't use cash. Really. I used
to go to Tito's tacos and they were cash only,
but now they take credit cards, so I don't have
to worry about that. By the way, I went to
Tito's last weekend. I concerned about that. It was great.
(21:47):
What are you talking about? What do you mean? What
am I talking about? I'm not even bringing it up,
but I I'm not even bringing it up anymore. Well,
it's not lost lost cause I see. Well, wait till
you get your Christmas gift this, you'll be very surprised
with your gift. Are we doing at Christmas party? Christmas
(22:07):
gift not Christmas? Are we doing at Christmas party? We're
not doing one. Well, you have to check with His
Majesty there in California to find out if we're allowed
to have a Christmas party. Uh. Now, I think we'll
take a break on that. We should do a we
should do a bonfire. We could do a bonfire down
in the beach. Yea to the four or five though
(22:28):
I don't know. Steal Beach has some good spots. I
like Seal Beach. My wife we used to go there
a lot. Although there's a lot of oil around there,
like oil on the beach. You know, there's weird. Yeah,
it's it's cool though. Seal Beach is a cool town
in north North oh See. I like Sunset Beach. You
ever spent time, I've never been pretty cool. Yeah, he's
(22:51):
always parking. There's a lot of the problem with the
beach is hard to get parking and there's always a
lot of parking there. And yes, right in a short
walks pretty cool, interesting as far as the beach life goes.
But ever since the clock changed and you know, the
sun goes down for forty or whatever it is, I
(23:12):
just haven't got I don't go to the beach. I
love I used to. During the summer, we go to
the beach all the time. We go to see the
sunset or whatever. It's kind of chill out and recoup
from the week. And but it's it goes down so
early these days, and we just don't I mean I
don't don't do it, do not do it. So anyway,
it's just point that out. Somebody was saying we should
(23:33):
do a zoom Christmas party, but I think that'd be
just kind of dope. Yeah, I'd be like, because after
like ten minutes, what are you gonna do? You know,
it's like a quick ten minute hello, get the hell
out of here type of situation. I'm not good with that. Yeah,
you want the real thing, Yeah, to make it happen.
Here's the deal. Hopefully by this, you know, maybe the
(23:53):
summer of one you can have a big summer bash,
the fourth of July bash. Now, if you if you
have a Fourth of July bash at your place, will
you require people to show you a vaccine CERTivity to
enter your house? No? No, I will tell you though
my the I have relatives, my in laws here, my
(24:17):
my I don't know. How does it work if you
just call them by their their title, their family title,
like my wife's aunt, so then she's my aunt in law, Yeah,
one of my aunt in laws or just aunt. I
don't know. I just call my aunt wonderful, my wife's
aunt how about that my wife's my wife's aunt and
(24:38):
her son actually just they announced that the COVID so
they have it right now. So they're going through that
and uh, yeah, now I don't have it. I'm good. Um,
hopefully that I continue, but you never know. Now here's
a question for you, and uh, I get to ask
it because um, it was brought to my attention a
(24:59):
couple of days ago. What happens if, let's just say,
for argument's sake, your wife works in dispatch. Yeah, so
what happens Let's say, for example, she has like she
can't work remotely, she has to actually go into the
dispatch center. What happens if she's if she comes in
(25:21):
contact with someone that has COVID and she gets tested
and doesn't have it, but then she comes in contact
with you. Are you worried? Are you worried? You know?
I'm not. Uh, maybe I should be, but I'm not
really well. And they changed. I mean, she's pretty isolated there.
(25:42):
They don't they don't allow the different branches of the
department to mingle. Back in the day, everyone would mingle
the police and the officers would come in and they'd
all hang out, and you know, the commod camaraderie at
a police station. But it's not quite the same right now.
Now it's mostly via text, and you know, they have
the different things they use. But I mean that's always
a possibility. But as I go to the store all
(26:02):
the time, and that's the thing from what I've read
on the science on the COVID, it's like you can
take every precaution in the world and still get it.
So it's you know, it's just kind of it's it's
a hit and miss situation. So I why worry about it,
you know, I mean I don't want to get it.
I don't want to give it to anybody, and all
those things, But I'm not gonna sit here and obsess
(26:22):
about it. If you get it, you get through it.
And you know, plenty of people have gotten it, and
many more people are gonna get it and and all that.
I know, you'll be first in line to get that vaccine, David,
You're the first in line to get that vaccine. We
were talking about this the other day. William Shakespeare got
it overseas. Oh yeah, what's the politics? What's the politics
(26:45):
behind who gets to get Like I saw that ninety
year old woman in Britain was like the first one
to get it, and they trumped her out and look
at those like who makes that call? Like it's gotta
be some blue ribbon panel. It's like, all right, we're
gonna we're gonna take a ninety year old British woman
and she will be the first one that gets to
have and we're gonna have the media there for a
photo ops so everyone can see it and we here
(27:08):
it is. It's like breaking new ground right where you
cut the ribbon in front of the building. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like they have those giant oversized scissors and the
big ribbon and they cut the ribbon. What are you doing?
Are you going? You have to go elderly first and
then autoimmune second, right, yeah, well elderly who are obviously
(27:29):
still going around and all that. And then you know
the people that have pre existing conditions that they have
because they actually now have they have evidence of what
conditions really lead to major problems. So those are the
people that need to be at the front of the line.
And and also the people that work in hospitals and
you know if they if they are so inclined to
take it, and the people that are frontline workers that
(27:52):
are out there putting themselves and people that work at
grocery stores, for God's sakes, that are out around the
unwashed public should be the ones that get that before
the red to us losers. And it's true. Yeah, all right,
So let we got we got a little time. Let's
get the pop quiz here. We gotta go go to
pop quiz guest scouts. So these are actual fun facts
that I will phrase as a question to you, and
(28:15):
you the listener can attempt to answer them as well,
and we'll have some fun. We'll have some frivality. Is good,
all right. A new survey of two thousand adults, they
were asked to name the top things they're looking forward
to for the holidays this year. This was the number answer.
(28:39):
This is tricky. Um, I'm gonna say not having to
buy presents. So not buying presents. No. The number one
thing people were looking forward to for the holidays was
quote going nowhere, staying home and not traveling. Hey, I
was kind of in the same area. Could you said gifts?
(29:03):
Gifts and travel are not the same thing? Sat job
by you? All right? Only ten of men know how
to fix this? What is it? Something you could have
in your on your body right now. I was let's say,
(29:23):
fix the tie. Oh yeah, you're not that far away.
It's a button. Okay, I think I could fix a button.
Do you think so? Yeah? The only thing about like
my mom tried to teach me selling when I was little.
She was very good at selling. But I don't know
how do you when you I could sew the button in,
(29:44):
but how do you get rid of the rest of
the string that you just cut it out? Is that it?
That's all you do? Wrap it underneath? Okay? That part
I don't know the part of putting the string through
the in the pin pin, threading the needle and all.
I could do that, all right, for the average woman,
and you know about women, guest, the average woman, this
will occur about four times in her lifetime? Do boy,
(30:08):
do do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Do? Do Do? Do the
kinder gentler? I don't bad, I don't know. I don't
want to swing a mess either, kinder gender. Uh no,
it is a they will receive a terrible haircut. Okay,
that only four times, that's what they say. How do
they know that? By the way, you know, on average,
(30:30):
what do they every woman? There's a million women. You
know what they do pay a hefty price for haircuts.
Oh that's true, man, they what a what a racket
they have cutting women's hair. Man, guys were like a scam,
were like bucks. Right, woman goes in there, a little cut,
little coloring. Oh it's all. It's a day at the salon.
(30:53):
Let's go to the salon. It's yeah, it's bad. It's
actually good now that the it's one good thing that
King Newsom has done. He shut the on the salons,
saving money on that. I um, I dated a couple
of stylists back in the day, and man, it made
me feel not her, but it made me feel like
high school again because the chatter boxes in a salon
(31:18):
do you just hear everyone and their mother talking about
and they just let it all fly. They just let
everything about their personal life fly because they have that
kind of intimacy with their stylists. There are no secrets.
None is sucking unreal. Oh god, the legend, the trope
for guys is at the barbershop. You know what goes
(31:39):
on at the barbershop. But I always would try to
get in there and not talk to the barber. I
always I I purposely went to this angry old barber
in l A when I lived in because he never
wanted to talk. Come here, let me cut your hair.
You know what kind of haircut you want, and that's it,
and he wouldn't talk the whole time. I loved it.
And then you have the other kind of barber that's
asking you a million questions about your life. What do
you do, you know who you're dating, what do you
(32:01):
that whole thing, Like, oh my god, I've got to
a couple of there's like a Floyd's barbershop down in
like Torrance, Ferdando Her most of that area, and you
get men and women in there that are that are barbers,
and I gotta admit, like they have some amazing artwork
(32:21):
on their bodies. Yeah, like these women are. I'm not
a huge tat guy, but the women that have these tats,
it's almost sleeve to sleeve or some of them on
their backs or their legs. It's kind of attractive. So
you you are into the tattooed lady, I'm not really
a fan of it, but they make them look good. Well,
(32:45):
I'm glad you brought that up, because this actually relates
to that. Almost twenty of people who have this particular tattoo.
Wish they've never done it. What tattoo? Is it obviously
a widespread tattoo or else? This wouldn't matter. My first
guess was the name. But obviously you said a designed
so it would be like, it's not a name of
(33:06):
a person, either a dragon or a butterfly. You have
gotten it right, guestcot, you got it right. A butterfly.
Almost people whish they had not gotten. Yeah. I I've
seen the ladies. When I was dating, I didd a
few that had tattoos, a little butterfly, usually on the ankle,
usually on the it was like the back of the
you know, the wrist area, they'd have a little butterfly there.
(33:26):
And the one I thought when I was in high school,
the big tattoo that everyone was getting was that razor
wire around the arm, little travel band. Yeah, yeah, that
was like the big thing. And now I see people
my age with it and I'm like, oh, boys, yeah,
looking so good anymore. You need an arm, you need
(33:48):
some muscle hold that thing up. You gotta have some guns, man,
you gotta have the guns. A recent survey says the
average person complains three times per day, and this is
the most common thing that they grumble about someone else's
parking spots. Please, I will say, I will say weather. No, well,
(34:12):
a lot of you here they don't complain about the
weather's California. But it's bad customer service, like bad parking
would be related to customer service. Or it's it's waiting
at the store and you're not and you're not taking
care of you quickly enough for you. You can't find something.
There's no one to ask that kind of stuff. I've
I've found it. When you're nice suits of the customer
(34:34):
service reps, they actually go above and beyond what you
wanted or needed. Is that right? Yeah? I actually learned
that when I was a kid from Mary Poppins. Just
a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. It's
pretty good. She's thank you you liked Mary pop. She's hot,
(34:55):
she had everything in that bag she did. Yeah. I
tell my my wife's like Mary. I tell her she's
like Mary Poppets because she's always got like this big
bag with stuff, massive bag with stuff. She always carries around.
All right, let's see who do we have. Women will
wear this during the holidays, scarf slippers, I bet it's
(35:21):
more than that. I bet it's higher than sales of
this item spike around the holidays. What is sales of
this lights? No, it's a high end item. Um diamond rings. Yeah,
(35:41):
look at you, gascon diamonds. Diamonds. What are the great
marketing campaigns of all time? You know the slogan diamonds
are forever. Yes, diamonds are forever. What whoever came up
with that, whatever ad agency in New York came up
with that, they earned their money. James Bond movie pretty good,
all right? According to a survey, this happens to the
(36:03):
average person at nine forty in the morning. What is it?
M hmm. They get a they're gonna call on a
I don't know. They get a call from their boss. No,
(36:23):
they are fully awake at nine forty the morning. I
am fully asleep at nine forty in the morning. If
I'm awake, there's a problem. Something has gone terribly wrong
in my life. If I'm awake at ninety in the morning.
So does that mean when if you work nine to five,
you get up at seven, seven thirty, get in the
(36:46):
car by eight, work at nine. Would that be right? Yeah,
that would be right. I'm a little puzzled though, because
if that is the time that we're fully awake, why
does school typically start at eight am? Just because it
always has? No one wants to change. They should make
they should have. But I think the reason it starts
at eight a m. And so parents can drop the
(37:07):
kids off before they go to work at nine, right,
Isn't that why they did that? So it's all set
up perfectly, drop the kid off at eight, drive to work,
you're there at nine, work nine. The problems kids get
out like three in the afternoon on a normal period
of school, and so you're still at work. That's why
they have the car pool situation. Seventy of the ladies
(37:30):
say they do this more during the holidays than any
other time of the year. Cook not clean, clean because
you got the in laws coming over? Yeah, yeah, not
now I guess you don't have to clean now, good luck?
You know what? What what's the point of clean? And
no one can come over? Seven pcent? There's a lot,
there's a lot of heavy women. Woman edition of this
(37:54):
edition of pop Quiz, eighty seven percent of women have
at least one of these in their purse. What is
it you said? You claim? You have an expert knowledge
on women, So pepper spray. Yeah, uh no, an eyelash curler, Hell,
(38:15):
isn't an eyelash curlers? I mean it's usually pretty good size.
I don't know if I buy that. Seems like bulls
bull crap to me. I alright, during the last ten
months of the pandemic, curler is right, No, I don't know.
(38:37):
They're like tongs like okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah okay, now yeah okay. You can imagine carrying that
ship around on your person. You can also, you know,
pick roast a marshmallow. All right. Ten months now into
the pandemic, six of people said they that this gave
(38:58):
them an added sense of whole. What is it the
end of the year? I guess now their pet? Uh fight? Oh.
A new survey says thirty three of people now have
at least one more of these than they did in
twenty nineteen. What is it? Significant? Others now it is
(39:22):
also a pet? Like, yeah, let's get another dog, got
a cat, Let's get another cat, got a squirrel, Let's
get another squirrel in here? You know? Why not? Alright?
Last one? A new report claims the average person will
walk four miles each year while doing this activity. What
is it four miles a year? Something that we all
(39:45):
generally do, shopping? No, making the bed, making the bed
four miles. Now, when I was in college, I never
made the bed, And even when I was a bachelor,
I didn't make I'd make the bed like once maybe
(40:05):
once a week, I would make the bed. But now
I'm married, so I actually do like this is there's
something kind of cool getting into a bed that's perfectly made.
You know, if you feel feel like you're in a
hotel or something, especially because the pillows are typically nice
and cool and comfortable. That's that's my favorite feeling. Whenever
I I check into a hotel, I'll strip the bed
(40:26):
down and make sure that the sheets are there. But
the pillows they have to be nice and and and
set and ready. And then if they're nice and cool,
it makes the makes the sleeping experience that much better.
The cool side of a pillow as cool as the
old Steward Scott line, and he rested in piece, as
cool as the other side of the pillow's right there.
(40:48):
All right, that's it. Guess gon, we're done, We're out here.
We get the Sunday Mailbag podcast to look forward to.
Cannot wait for that, some really good questions the Mallard
militia coming through on the Facebook page age and also
via the emails who were fired up for that? And
uh and remember if you have not seen Benny Versus
the Penny, it was recorded on Friday at five o'clock
(41:12):
in the East, two o'clock in the west. But we
have now a rebroadcast available on YouTube. You can check
that out and we'll be back again tomorrow. Have a
great day. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Miller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
Pacific
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven p m
Pacific Booms. If you thought more hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
(00:21):
rich pill poppers in the penthouse to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
starts right now in the air everywhere. Good to have
you along. It's a Saturday podcast. Four hours not enough.
(00:42):
We do this now eight days a week. We thank
you for finding the podcast. We thank you for supporting
the podcast. It does help us out. In five stars
five stars, remember that it seems ridiculous. I don't understand
the politics of the business. But the people that are
in the podcast ask Game, the big cohunas in the podcast,
Game that are in charge of this stuff, they do
(01:04):
look at those numbers. The five stars. The reviews of
the podcast are also important as well, so all of
those things. All of those things. But this is a
mom and pop shop in many respects. We don't have
a big advertising budget. The only advertising we have guerrilla marketing,
word of mouth, which is the most effective, most effective advertising.
(01:28):
I told the story a few months ago. I someone
I used to date contacted me because she was going
out with someone and they talked about During the date,
they were having small talk and they were talking about what,
you know, they listened to. It came up in conversation
and this guy's like, you know, I like this one
sports cast, sports podcast, the Ben Maller Show, and uh,
(01:49):
that's that's the kind of stuff that helps grow the show.
So thank you if you're doing that. We welcome in
West of the four or five. I hear him breathing,
David gas Scot was a pretty well run a day
(02:11):
for you. Yesterday we had Benny Versus the Penny, got
to uh hang out with the chief a little bit,
and you got to dress up and place Santa. So, yes,
it's fun Friday for you. I'm a little jealous. I'm
not gonna lie. I would like to thank you. I
know it was very difficult to book your father on
the show. I know it took a lot of work
to get him on. I'm sure we had to pay
him a lot of money. But but now, I love
(02:32):
your dad, and your dad's great and uh, even though
he lives west of the four or five two, I'll
put up with him. But uh, yeah, it was great
to talk to him, and I love We got into
a lot of different things about the police and defunding
the police and and what that really means in the
real world, and we wrapped it up with what really
people wanted from what I understand here, just hearing stories
(02:54):
about o J. Just hearing stories about your father's experience
living that this amazing story, and all of our lives
that were around those days. And he was right in
the middle of the frying pan when all that was
going on. So it was great to talk to him.
And I'm sure we'll have him on again at some
point here, and so we'll have him on back down
the line. Yeah, it was it was good getting away
(03:15):
from the sports activity for a little bit. But uh,
but yeah, it's it's kind of a wild, wild year,
and I think that kind of he summarized most of
it when we when you first opened the bag, asked
him about some of these questions. What I mentioned the
thing that and I still I mentioned this to him,
but that video of somewhere in l A walking down
(03:37):
the street and it's like a war zone. It's like
a demilitarized zone with all these police cars just lit
up and tagged by these loser thugs. Uh. It was ridiculous,
It was so stupid and uh but an were just
that yesterday and go back and you didn't hear that
podcast for some reason. It is available forever and ever
(03:57):
and ever at the end until someone pulls it off
the podcast world, and then it will be gone forever.
At some point, I'm sure all this will be gone,
but not for a long time, we hope. So on
this podcast we have a wellness check, Humdinger of a
Day and pop quiz. Very exciting. I know you're excited, guest,
So what are you starting with? Alright, let's start with
(04:18):
the wellness check. Now, as much as you like to
take pot shots at the ability of the Mallew Militia
whether to read or to right put their pants on,
not drool any of those over the toilet seat. Wow. Well,
one thing that we do when you're in the Mallew Militia,
(04:40):
when you take the oath as a brigade deer, you
become a brigadier general. In the Mallew Militia. Okay, when
you do these that that thing when you cross the
line there and you solemnly swear to support and defender
ben Mallers show against all enemies foreign in domesty, we
look out for each other in the Mallew Militia. We
have a motto on the Mallew Militia it that every man,
(05:01):
woman and child is welcome to take the oath and joint.
Don't care if you're conservative, live or whatever, gay, straight,
any raised, colored, creator religion. You gotta have thick skin.
You gotta learn to take yourself lightly and above all else,
you gotta be willing to bust balls with each other.
But we also look out for our own right. We
bust chops. For example, a few weeks ago, a friend
(05:22):
of the show, guy's been calling me for so many years,
Dick in Dayton. Dick dropped the bombshell, Dick from Dayton,
who has been a state. But this guy has been
calling me for pretty much the entire time I've been
at Fox Sports Rights twenty years. We've had a relationship.
How ridiculous is that I've ever met Dick from Dayton.
I've just talked to him once a week or so
(05:44):
for twenty years. It's crazy. So anyway, Dick from Dayton
announced on the show a couple weeks ago he had
the COVID. Right now, I look at the numbers, I
look at the science and for you know, you have
a ninety nine point nine percent survival rate or whatever
it is. It's a very large survivor. But when you
(06:04):
get to a certain age, it becomes more of a problem.
So unfortunately, you know, Dick has been calling me for
a long time. He's in the age range where this
becomes problematic. Right, it becomes more of a more of
an issue. You gotta pay closer attention to it than
someone who's, you know, a thirty year old professional athlete
for example. Uh, he's not a spring chicken anymore. And
so after he rang the alarm bells, Dick from Daton
(06:26):
on the show and then he vanished. And he normally
calls in on Monday or Tuesday to recap the Browns.
Hey bet, how about the Browns you know? Or the
Bangals you know? And he he wants to of course,
he never watches the game, but he wants to talk
about them because he loves calling into sports radio. So
he calls in, he announced he has the COVID. We
(06:46):
had not heard from him for a couple of weeks.
I started to get a little worried. I I had
friends of mine who are fans of the show, that said, Hey,
what happened to Dick from Dayton. He said he had
to COVID. What happened to him? He hasn't called the
show and I didn't. Initially I didn't think about it,
but then when people were bringing it up to me
as I got crap, what happened to Dick and Dayton?
So um, First of all, I would like to thank
(07:09):
the crack support staff of the Malleard Militia. I will
not reveal the guilty, but someone in the mallem Militia
had tracked down Dick in Dayton's phone number. Now I
didn't do this. Somebody reached out to me and said, hey,
you know, somewhat recently we had Dick from Dayton's phone number.
(07:30):
So I believe it's or not David, I believe it
or not. I earlier this week dialed Dick. I did.
I called in Dick from Dayton. I called in after
the show. It was early in the morning. Uh, and
it was. Secondly, it was a surreal conversation. Okay, because
first of all, I called the number that I was given,
(07:51):
not knowing if this, mind you, was actually Dick and
Dayton's number. This could have been any any Ohio Dayton,
Ohio number. It was a landline, so that led me
to believe it probably was Dick from Dayton. He was
an old guy with the landline. That's the cliche. So anyway,
I may I make the phone call. And it was
the reason it was surreal. Someone else answered the photo
woman and you know, Dick from Dayton, single guy, as
(08:15):
far as I knew and all that, but you know,
the woman was there, and so I asked, is that
is Dick from Dayton there? And she seemed gob smack
like you know, what is this about? You know that
kind of thing. And I'm like, oh, this is a
bad sign. And I said, well, no, it's it's um
you know, it's been in l a. I'm I just
(08:36):
wanted to talk to I heard this was his number,
and I just wanted to talk to Dick from Dayton
and and she's like paused again, and I'm like, oh,
this must not be the right number. I'm like, how embarrassing.
Is this you know? I mean this embarrassing. I called
up someone that you know, It's like six thirty in
the morning, and Dayton, I'm calling him up. And right
after this, half an hour after the show. Um, and
(09:00):
then then I guess a light bulb went off on
her head and she said, oh, Richard. I guess she
calls him rich you know, Dick Richard at the same
and so anyway, she passed. Eventually got she starts screaming,
this is the funny thing. So it's okay, I'll get him.
And she starts screaming, hey, Richard, you got a call, right,
And then I hear in the background, who is it?
Is it work? Is it Lows? You know? Because he
(09:20):
works at Lows? And so eventually he got to the phone,
and this is the this is the most surreal situation.
So I'm on the phone with this guy's been calling
me for twenty years. I'm like, hey, daken s Ben
Maller from Fox, I just wanted to see if you
were doing okay. And about fifty percent of the conversation,
(09:40):
hand to god, he was trying to I had to
explain to him. He didn't understand who I was I
was trying to explain to him that it was really
me and it was not somebody pretending to be me,
like he he thought I might be an impostor you know,
who is this what? You know? I know, I I
You've talked to me on the radio and I was,
And finally I was able to convey it's him. But
literally half the phone call was me saying, no, it's
(10:03):
really me, and I'm you know, I'm the guy on
the radio. And and so anyway, I finally convinced him
and we we talked a little bit. We talked it out,
and he was a little out of it as always
um and just the final point, he did tell me
he lost the sense of taste and smell, which which
so many people you have have said they report that
(10:27):
that issue when they have the COVID. He said it
was kind of like a cold and it wasn't all
that bad, and he was actually said he told me
he was starting to feel better. But he did complain Dick,
and Daton never complains about anything Dick from Daton, but
he did it seem a little perturb which is completely
understandable that some co worker apparently had come to his
work and showed up with the COVID and that's how
(10:50):
he got it wasn't even from a customer, it was
from somebody who was a coworker that showed up with
this thing. Um. And then just to make sure it
was not a fake Dick from Dayton. He then at
the end, I'm asking him how he's doing. After spending
half the time trying to tell him who I was.
I then asked him for a wellness check. He tells
me how he's doing. He then starts lamenting the fact
(11:11):
that there's no Ohio State Michigan game this weekend, which
would have been played today. And then also he was
coming how about the Browns. You know, It's like it
was just like we like a flip of a switch
all of a sudden, and he had become the sports
radio caller guy Dick from Dayton. And but the good
news is he did tell me. At the very end,
(11:33):
he says he's feeling better and he thinks he can
go back to Lows. He was hoping to go back
this weekend if he's cleared. And and then he dropped
the name of like several different radio people from Ohio
that he calls into. Yeah, well, I'm glad you're called.
You know, Steve and Bill they're they're worried about me too.
(11:55):
You know. It was just it was just great. I
love the guy. He's such a character, and he's like
that's just how he is man, just how he is.
And uh, but he's doing all right, So hopefully he
will be back on the show. And I just want
to know, guess gun, do you think Colin Cowhard would
call and check in on a listener? Depends how old
(12:16):
she is. I have plot whoever tracked down his number
that is that has some great recon get his number
to find that and then get it over to his
A plus, we have tremendous the investigative arm of the
Mallard militia. Uh, wonderful. We have advisors and experts and
(12:39):
people that are specialists in different areas of tracking things down. Yeah,
I would have. I have no way. So now I
didn't give Dicken date my number and I didn't call
What did I call from a block number? Oh well,
I don't think Dick's text savvy enough. So even if
I didn't call from a block number, I don't think
they'll be able to figure out that it's my number. Um,
but but yeah, it was. It was great. So I'm
(12:59):
very happy about that. He adds to the list now
of callers I've actually talked to off the air. That
list includes Cowboy, I believe Cowboy and Winsor We've got
of course, Doc Mike calls me every week. He's on
that list, Pete and Pittsburgh. I've had some off of
your conversations. He's a retired caller. He's caller back in
(13:20):
the day, the great J. Scoop Lance the bus driver
is on that list, Genie and Medford, the late great
Genie and Medford, and a handful of others that we
have interacted with. Blind Scott. I've talked to him, so
we hung out a few times in Boston back back
in the day over the years. So you can add
Dick and Dayton to us. But he is doing okay, Yeah,
(13:42):
as long as he's alive and well, that's that's good.
Have you talked to Blind Scott in a while, You know,
he he doesn't call the show that often anymore. He
he does harass me on email. He sends me a
lot of emails. Um, and so lately his Michigas is
(14:04):
that he's getting a new dog. He's getting a new
dog because Kramer's being taken out the pastor and he said, January,
you send me this email. He says, I'm getting my
new dog. They let me know today. So he's got
to go to New Jersey and quarantine, I believe, and
then he gets the dog. I believe. That's how that goes.
(14:27):
Let a mess. Yeah, So good times, good times. So
now I have this this tale I would like to tell.
I'm gonna call this one a humdinger of a day,
all right. It started as a lazy Monday afternoon and
(14:49):
became topsy turvy, was turned up side down, upside down.
So we're gonna flash back in the hot tup times.
This goes back to as I said, Monday, and I'm
doing the normal routine. I'm fasting, and I saying to
go to the store and buy some some bread and
(15:09):
the few other things random things. Have to buy a
few things at the store, bread, salsa, some some other stuff.
So I go to the store, and uh, I pay
my tab at the grocery store. I go to the
car and that's it, you know. I go to the car.
That's it. Um. But as Paul Harvey would say, all right,
(15:30):
for what it's worth. You know what the news is.
But in a minute you're going to hear the rest
of the story. So it's not just a normal meat
going to the store buying salsa and bread would not
qualify as a mention on the podcast. So I pay
my I pay my bill David at the store there
and I go to the car. I drive home, short
(15:51):
drive live right near the store, back to the Mallard Mansion.
I pull into the Mallard Mansion parking adjacent to the
Mallar Mansion. I jump out, I grabbed my food, and
I head to the door. I reached down to get
the key to open the door, and I noticed that
something is not right. There's something missing. And initially I
(16:12):
wasn't sure what I had the keys, so it wasn't
the keys. I had the keys, obviously. I got in
the car, I was able to drive home. I started
like kind of feeling around my leg. My wallet was
not in my pocket. Yeah, no keeping. At the time,
I was like, well, this is no big deal. You know,
(16:33):
I was wearing sweatpants and they had kind of small pockets,
so I figured probably it probably fell out, like on
the side of the you know when you sit down
the sideboard there of the car. So yeah, yeah. So
I was like, I'll go get it. So I go back.
I'm not even concerned at this point. I reached down
near the side of the seat there and there's buffs.
(16:54):
Oh boy. So then I'm thinking, well, it must have
fallen out. It's on the floorboard underneath the seat, because
maybe it fell down and bounced it the logical that
could happen. So I reached down, goose egg nothing. Nothing.
So now I'm starting to get a little concerned. So
then then I go to the back where I put
the groceries to the back of the car, and I
(17:15):
was like, okay, maybe I just put my wallet down
when I put the groceries. I didn't even realize it.
So I go to the back. Nothing and then I
had this ah ha moment. It hit me like a
bag of bricks. My goddamn wallet had must have fallen
out when getting into the car, right, So I immediately
(17:38):
jump back into malamobile and I am breaking every land
speed record to get back because I figured it if
it fell out, I paid for the food, so it
had to fall out in the parking line like when
I was getting into the car. I was as soon
it just fell out when I was getting the car,
So I zoomed back to the to the grocery store,
and I had remembered the space that I had parked in,
(18:00):
so I slowly turned the get into the parking lot.
I turned the corner into the line where I'm parked
into the space, and another cars parked there. And I
just left a few minutes ago in another cars park there.
So I hop out of the park a hop out
of the car. I then get on my hands and
knees in the parking lot, thinking my wallet was under
the car. Oh, nothing, There's nothing under the car. So
(18:27):
then I'm like where could it be? So then I
retraced my steps and I was like, I tried to remember,
mind you I just done this, but you don't remember
exactly where you're walking. I tried to remember exact way
I walked out of the store through the parking lot,
thinking maybe it's down. I'll to find it on the ground.
I found ziltra. So now I'm really getting agitated and annoyed. Right,
(18:50):
I'm like, holy crap, what have I done? I got everything?
I got my credit card, that a little bit of
cash in there. I had my driver's license and my
whole life was in that wallet, and what a pain
in the acid is to replace all those things. So
I go into the store with my head down, my
tail between my legs defeated, and they're kind of busy.
(19:10):
I walked in through the way you're not supposed to
go in, and I finally got the hold of one
of the managers of the store, and I very quietly asked,
did anyone turn in the wallet? And she paused for
a second. The woman, very nice woman. She paused for
a second, and then she she said, yes, yes, someone
(19:33):
just did turn in a wall a few minutes ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And sure enough, someone had found my wallet in the
parking lot of Good Samaritan had taken it in and
I don't even know who. They didn't leave their name.
I don't know who it is. I would really like
to thank them. And so there's a chance this my
(19:55):
my business card was in the wall, and I'm assuming
they opened the wallet to look what is this? They
might know maybe who I am or something like that,
maybe tracked down this podcast. So if you are the
person that found my wallet, I would like you to
reach out now I've purposely not named the store or
the time that happened. So the reason I did that
I left those pieces of information out is because if
(20:17):
the on the off chance that whoever found my wallet
reaches out to me, I will and gives me the
time this happened and the store, I will give you
a little bit of a reward. So I'm offering a
reward because that's you saved me so many headaches, and
he didn't have to do that. I'm shocked that someone did.
(20:40):
I didn't take a dollar out of it, and all
the money was there, all the credit cards, everything was
just like I had left it. Um, So so thank
you who knew that we still have good people living
amongst us. You get lucked out, man, you really did.
At how much money did you have in your wallet
at the time, I'd rather not disclose letter I shouldn't
guess good, but there were some some twenty dollar bills.
(21:03):
There were a few five dollar bills in there, Okay,
so it's not like you had a couple of bucks.
I yeah, I had more than like eight bucks. I had.
It was probably around you know, maybe a hundred bucks
or something like that. But well, you know what, it is.
I used to use cash a lot, and I just
I haven't spent it on anything, so I just kind
(21:24):
of haven't leaving I was just leaving in my wallet.
But I I pretty much use credit cards exclusively, and
I don't even know I should just take it out
right now. What's the point of having it I don't
use I know, I don't use cash. Really. I used
to go to Tito's tacos and they were cash only,
but now they take credit cards, so I don't have
to worry about that. By the way, I went to
Tito's last weekend. I concerned about that. It was great.
(21:47):
What are you talking about? What do you mean? What
am I talking about? I'm not even bringing it up,
but I I'm not even bringing it up anymore. Well,
it's not lost lost cause I see. Well, wait till
you get your Christmas gift this, you'll be very surprised
with your gift. Are we doing at Christmas party? Christmas
(22:07):
gift not Christmas? Are we doing at Christmas party? We're
not doing one. Well, you have to check with His
Majesty there in California to find out if we're allowed
to have a Christmas party. Uh. Now, I think we'll
take a break on that. We should do a we
should do a bonfire. We could do a bonfire down
in the beach. Yea to the four or five though
(22:28):
I don't know. Steal Beach has some good spots. I
like Seal Beach. My wife we used to go there
a lot. Although there's a lot of oil around there,
like oil on the beach. You know, there's weird. Yeah,
it's it's cool though. Seal Beach is a cool town
in north North oh See. I like Sunset Beach. You
ever spent time, I've never been pretty cool. Yeah, he's
(22:51):
always parking. There's a lot of the problem with the
beach is hard to get parking and there's always a
lot of parking there. And yes, right in a short
walks pretty cool, interesting as far as the beach life goes.
But ever since the clock changed and you know, the
sun goes down for forty or whatever it is, I
(23:12):
just haven't got I don't go to the beach. I
love I used to. During the summer, we go to
the beach all the time. We go to see the
sunset or whatever. It's kind of chill out and recoup
from the week. And but it's it goes down so
early these days, and we just don't I mean I
don't don't do it, do not do it. So anyway,
it's just point that out. Somebody was saying we should
(23:33):
do a zoom Christmas party, but I think that'd be
just kind of dope. Yeah, I'd be like, because after
like ten minutes, what are you gonna do? You know,
it's like a quick ten minute hello, get the hell
out of here type of situation. I'm not good with that. Yeah,
you want the real thing, Yeah, to make it happen.
Here's the deal. Hopefully by this, you know, maybe the
(23:53):
summer of one you can have a big summer bash,
the fourth of July bash. Now, if you if you
have a Fourth of July bash at your place, will
you require people to show you a vaccine CERTivity to
enter your house? No? No, I will tell you though
my the I have relatives, my in laws here, my
(24:17):
my I don't know. How does it work if you
just call them by their their title, their family title,
like my wife's aunt, so then she's my aunt in law, Yeah,
one of my aunt in laws or just aunt. I
don't know. I just call my aunt wonderful, my wife's
aunt how about that my wife's my wife's aunt and
(24:38):
her son actually just they announced that the COVID so
they have it right now. So they're going through that
and uh, yeah, now I don't have it. I'm good. Um,
hopefully that I continue, but you never know. Now here's
a question for you, and uh, I get to ask
it because um, it was brought to my attention a
(24:59):
couple of days ago. What happens if, let's just say,
for argument's sake, your wife works in dispatch. Yeah, so
what happens Let's say, for example, she has like she
can't work remotely, she has to actually go into the
dispatch center. What happens if she's if she comes in
(25:21):
contact with someone that has COVID and she gets tested
and doesn't have it, but then she comes in contact
with you. Are you worried? Are you worried? You know?
I'm not. Uh, maybe I should be, but I'm not
really well. And they changed. I mean, she's pretty isolated there.
(25:42):
They don't they don't allow the different branches of the
department to mingle. Back in the day, everyone would mingle
the police and the officers would come in and they'd
all hang out, and you know, the commod camaraderie at
a police station. But it's not quite the same right now.
Now it's mostly via text, and you know, they have
the different things they use. But I mean that's always
a possibility. But as I go to the store all
(26:02):
the time, and that's the thing from what I've read
on the science on the COVID, it's like you can
take every precaution in the world and still get it.
So it's you know, it's just kind of it's it's
a hit and miss situation. So I why worry about it,
you know, I mean I don't want to get it.
I don't want to give it to anybody, and all
those things, But I'm not gonna sit here and obsess
(26:22):
about it. If you get it, you get through it.
And you know, plenty of people have gotten it, and
many more people are gonna get it and and all that.
I know, you'll be first in line to get that vaccine, David,
You're the first in line to get that vaccine. We
were talking about this the other day. William Shakespeare got
it overseas. Oh yeah, what's the politics? What's the politics
(26:45):
behind who gets to get Like I saw that ninety
year old woman in Britain was like the first one
to get it, and they trumped her out and look
at those like who makes that call? Like it's gotta
be some blue ribbon panel. It's like, all right, we're
gonna we're gonna take a ninety year old British woman
and she will be the first one that gets to
have and we're gonna have the media there for a
photo ops so everyone can see it and we here
(27:08):
it is. It's like breaking new ground right where you
cut the ribbon in front of the building. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like they have those giant oversized scissors and the
big ribbon and they cut the ribbon. What are you doing?
Are you going? You have to go elderly first and
then autoimmune second, right, yeah, well elderly who are obviously
(27:29):
still going around and all that. And then you know
the people that have pre existing conditions that they have
because they actually now have they have evidence of what
conditions really lead to major problems. So those are the
people that need to be at the front of the line.
And and also the people that work in hospitals and
you know if they if they are so inclined to
take it, and the people that are frontline workers that
(27:52):
are out there putting themselves and people that work at
grocery stores, for God's sakes, that are out around the
unwashed public should be the ones that get that before
the red to us losers. And it's true. Yeah, all right,
So let we got we got a little time. Let's
get the pop quiz here. We gotta go go to
pop quiz guest scouts. So these are actual fun facts
that I will phrase as a question to you, and
(28:15):
you the listener can attempt to answer them as well,
and we'll have some fun. We'll have some frivality. Is good,
all right. A new survey of two thousand adults, they
were asked to name the top things they're looking forward
to for the holidays this year. This was the number answer.
(28:39):
This is tricky. Um, I'm gonna say not having to
buy presents. So not buying presents. No. The number one
thing people were looking forward to for the holidays was
quote going nowhere, staying home and not traveling. Hey, I
was kind of in the same area. Could you said gifts?
(29:03):
Gifts and travel are not the same thing? Sat job
by you? All right? Only ten of men know how
to fix this? What is it? Something you could have
in your on your body right now. I was let's say,
(29:23):
fix the tie. Oh yeah, you're not that far away.
It's a button. Okay, I think I could fix a button.
Do you think so? Yeah? The only thing about like
my mom tried to teach me selling when I was little.
She was very good at selling. But I don't know
how do you when you I could sew the button in,
(29:44):
but how do you get rid of the rest of
the string that you just cut it out? Is that it?
That's all you do? Wrap it underneath? Okay? That part
I don't know the part of putting the string through
the in the pin pin, threading the needle and all.
I could do that, all right, for the average woman,
and you know about women, guest, the average woman, this
will occur about four times in her lifetime? Do boy,
(30:08):
do do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Do? Do Do? Do the
kinder gentler? I don't bad, I don't know. I don't
want to swing a mess either, kinder gender. Uh no,
it is a they will receive a terrible haircut. Okay,
that only four times, that's what they say. How do
they know that? By the way, you know, on average,
(30:30):
what do they every woman? There's a million women. You
know what they do pay a hefty price for haircuts.
Oh that's true, man, they what a what a racket
they have cutting women's hair. Man, guys were like a scam,
were like bucks. Right, woman goes in there, a little cut,
little coloring. Oh it's all. It's a day at the salon.
(30:53):
Let's go to the salon. It's yeah, it's bad. It's
actually good now that the it's one good thing that
King Newsom has done. He shut the on the salons,
saving money on that. I um, I dated a couple
of stylists back in the day, and man, it made
me feel not her, but it made me feel like
high school again because the chatter boxes in a salon
(31:18):
do you just hear everyone and their mother talking about
and they just let it all fly. They just let
everything about their personal life fly because they have that
kind of intimacy with their stylists. There are no secrets.
None is sucking unreal. Oh god, the legend, the trope
for guys is at the barbershop. You know what goes
(31:39):
on at the barbershop. But I always would try to
get in there and not talk to the barber. I
always I I purposely went to this angry old barber
in l A when I lived in because he never
wanted to talk. Come here, let me cut your hair.
You know what kind of haircut you want, and that's it,
and he wouldn't talk the whole time. I loved it.
And then you have the other kind of barber that's
asking you a million questions about your life. What do
you do, you know who you're dating, what do you
(32:01):
that whole thing, Like, oh my god, I've got to
a couple of there's like a Floyd's barbershop down in
like Torrance, Ferdando Her most of that area, and you
get men and women in there that are that are barbers,
and I gotta admit, like they have some amazing artwork
(32:21):
on their bodies. Yeah, like these women are. I'm not
a huge tat guy, but the women that have these tats,
it's almost sleeve to sleeve or some of them on
their backs or their legs. It's kind of attractive. So
you you are into the tattooed lady, I'm not really
a fan of it, but they make them look good. Well,
(32:45):
I'm glad you brought that up, because this actually relates
to that. Almost twenty of people who have this particular tattoo.
Wish they've never done it. What tattoo? Is it obviously
a widespread tattoo or else? This wouldn't matter. My first
guess was the name. But obviously you said a designed
so it would be like, it's not a name of
(33:06):
a person, either a dragon or a butterfly. You have
gotten it right, guestcot, you got it right. A butterfly.
Almost people whish they had not gotten. Yeah. I I've
seen the ladies. When I was dating, I didd a
few that had tattoos, a little butterfly, usually on the ankle,
usually on the it was like the back of the
you know, the wrist area, they'd have a little butterfly there.
(33:26):
And the one I thought when I was in high school,
the big tattoo that everyone was getting was that razor
wire around the arm, little travel band. Yeah, yeah, that
was like the big thing. And now I see people
my age with it and I'm like, oh, boys, yeah,
looking so good anymore. You need an arm, you need
(33:48):
some muscle hold that thing up. You gotta have some guns, man,
you gotta have the guns. A recent survey says the
average person complains three times per day, and this is
the most common thing that they grumble about someone else's
parking spots. Please, I will say, I will say weather. No, well,
(34:12):
a lot of you here they don't complain about the
weather's California. But it's bad customer service, like bad parking
would be related to customer service. Or it's it's waiting
at the store and you're not and you're not taking
care of you quickly enough for you. You can't find something.
There's no one to ask that kind of stuff. I've
I've found it. When you're nice suits of the customer
(34:34):
service reps, they actually go above and beyond what you
wanted or needed. Is that right? Yeah? I actually learned
that when I was a kid from Mary Poppins. Just
a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. It's
pretty good. She's thank you you liked Mary pop. She's hot,
(34:55):
she had everything in that bag she did. Yeah. I
tell my my wife's like Mary. I tell her she's
like Mary Poppets because she's always got like this big
bag with stuff, massive bag with stuff. She always carries around.
All right, let's see who do we have. Women will
wear this during the holidays, scarf slippers, I bet it's
(35:21):
more than that. I bet it's higher than sales of
this item spike around the holidays. What is sales of
this lights? No, it's a high end item. Um diamond rings. Yeah,
(35:41):
look at you, gascon diamonds. Diamonds. What are the great
marketing campaigns of all time? You know the slogan diamonds
are forever. Yes, diamonds are forever. What whoever came up
with that, whatever ad agency in New York came up
with that, they earned their money. James Bond movie pretty good,
all right? According to a survey, this happens to the
(36:03):
average person at nine forty in the morning. What is it?
M hmm. They get a they're gonna call on a
I don't know. They get a call from their boss. No,
(36:23):
they are fully awake at nine forty the morning. I
am fully asleep at nine forty in the morning. If
I'm awake, there's a problem. Something has gone terribly wrong
in my life. If I'm awake at ninety in the morning.
So does that mean when if you work nine to five,
you get up at seven, seven thirty, get in the
(36:46):
car by eight, work at nine. Would that be right? Yeah,
that would be right. I'm a little puzzled though, because
if that is the time that we're fully awake, why
does school typically start at eight am? Just because it
always has? No one wants to change. They should make
they should have. But I think the reason it starts
at eight a m. And so parents can drop the
(37:07):
kids off before they go to work at nine, right,
Isn't that why they did that? So it's all set
up perfectly, drop the kid off at eight, drive to work,
you're there at nine, work nine. The problems kids get
out like three in the afternoon on a normal period
of school, and so you're still at work. That's why
they have the car pool situation. Seventy of the ladies
(37:30):
say they do this more during the holidays than any
other time of the year. Cook not clean, clean because
you got the in laws coming over? Yeah, yeah, not
now I guess you don't have to clean now, good luck?
You know what? What what's the point of clean? And
no one can come over? Seven pcent? There's a lot,
there's a lot of heavy women. Woman edition of this
(37:54):
edition of pop Quiz, eighty seven percent of women have
at least one of these in their purse. What is
it you said? You claim? You have an expert knowledge
on women, So pepper spray. Yeah, uh no, an eyelash curler, Hell,
(38:15):
isn't an eyelash curlers? I mean it's usually pretty good size.
I don't know if I buy that. Seems like bulls
bull crap to me. I alright, during the last ten
months of the pandemic, curler is right, No, I don't know.
(38:37):
They're like tongs like okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah okay, now yeah okay. You can imagine carrying that
ship around on your person. You can also, you know,
pick roast a marshmallow. All right. Ten months now into
the pandemic, six of people said they that this gave
(38:58):
them an added sense of whole. What is it the
end of the year? I guess now their pet? Uh fight? Oh.
A new survey says thirty three of people now have
at least one more of these than they did in
twenty nineteen. What is it? Significant? Others now it is
(39:22):
also a pet? Like, yeah, let's get another dog, got
a cat, Let's get another cat, got a squirrel, Let's
get another squirrel in here? You know? Why not? Alright?
Last one? A new report claims the average person will
walk four miles each year while doing this activity. What
is it four miles a year? Something that we all
(39:45):
generally do, shopping? No, making the bed, making the bed
four miles. Now, when I was in college, I never
made the bed, And even when I was a bachelor,
I didn't make I'd make the bed like once maybe
(40:05):
once a week, I would make the bed. But now
I'm married, so I actually do like this is there's
something kind of cool getting into a bed that's perfectly made.
You know, if you feel feel like you're in a
hotel or something, especially because the pillows are typically nice
and cool and comfortable. That's that's my favorite feeling. Whenever
I I check into a hotel, I'll strip the bed
(40:26):
down and make sure that the sheets are there. But
the pillows they have to be nice and and and
set and ready. And then if they're nice and cool,
it makes the makes the sleeping experience that much better.
The cool side of a pillow as cool as the
old Steward Scott line, and he rested in piece, as
cool as the other side of the pillow's right there.
(40:48):
All right, that's it. Guess gon, we're done, We're out here.
We get the Sunday Mailbag podcast to look forward to.
Cannot wait for that, some really good questions the Mallard
militia coming through on the Facebook page age and also
via the emails who were fired up for that? And
uh and remember if you have not seen Benny Versus
the Penny, it was recorded on Friday at five o'clock
(41:12):
in the East, two o'clock in the west. But we
have now a rebroadcast available on YouTube. You can check
that out and we'll be back again tomorrow. Have a
great day. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Miller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
Pacific
Host
Ben Maller
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