December 19, 2020 • 50 mins
A date with the doctor has Ben on high alert after he was strongly encouraged by someone close to get the proverbial routine checkup.
Make sure to subscribe, rate, and post a review on iTunes whenever you get the chance.
Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com
Follow Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and on Instagram @BenMallerOnFOX
David is on Twitter @DavidJGascon and Instagram @DaveGascon
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific boom.
Have you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, Think again. He's the last remnants of the
old Republic, the sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
(00:21):
poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes.
Break Free for Something Special Hour with Ben Maller starts
right now in the air everywhere, taking over the cosmos
the vast and powerful reach of the I Heart podcasting Network.
(00:43):
Because list seven days not enough, So we do this
now eight days a week, in four hours in the
overnight not enough. This is a spin off. As you know,
you've downloaded the show, you support the show. We thank
you for finding the show. A spinoff of the Ben
Maller Hard O Sports Show, which is not even really
a hard Oh sport show. It's it's it's a It
starts about sports and then it goes off into tangents
(01:06):
and other things. And this podcast today is a it
is not a political podcast. That was yesterday we had
Dave Ruben on from the Reuben Report, who was great.
I loved him. It was wonderful. We'll have to have
him on again. I'm sure we'll have him on several
times again. But today is I was hanging out. We're
(01:27):
just hanging out myself and West of the four oh five.
David Gascon, Gaston Gaston. Uh. I can't. I can't imagine
because I we, I know, we've we've mentioned this year
pretty much every day recently. But I get emails from people,
(01:49):
you know somewhere like congratulating you on your relative becoming
the district attorneys. People think you are related to the
looney bin, the just nuts so crazy trained district attorney
in Los Angeles who's letting criminals run free. It's just
it's just you come from a police family, which is
(02:11):
the complete opposites wild and they worked together, they worked
together back in the day. I think the one element
that caught me up in arms last week was when
one of the local Fox reporters had reported a story
where d A. Gascon wants to he wants a prisoner
(02:32):
who's who's under investigation, is actually waiting for trial on
a on a murder of a police officer. He wants
him to be eligible for parole. Yeah, that seems and
not just I mean, you shouldn't kill anybody. He's killed
two people, not just the police. And and this was
like an execution in the back of the back of
the head fast food restaurant. The guy's eating a burger,
(02:54):
trying to order a damn burger. This guy comes in,
this loser kills him. And we haven't the people of
California because this shows you that the elections are total bullcrap.
That this guy guess going one because he had the
most money. I bet you most people though they couldn't
you pick out anything of of you know what, his background.
They didn't really look at it that closely. If they had,
(03:16):
I can't imagine they would have voted for this lunatic
considering what he did in San Francisco. And now he's like, hey,
hold my beer. San Francisco, we had people shipping in
the streets in San Francisco. But l a, oh, we'll
take it next level, which is unbelievable because we live
in the world of we need to put everyone in
a box, whether it's their gender, skin tone, religion, sexual orientation. No,
(03:39):
I didn't agree with anything or everything, but Jackie Lacey
was our district attorney, and she was homegrown. She went
to u C. L A and she graduated from there.
This is a Democrat. She represented the city of Los Angeles,
like she had a lot of these checks in, you know,
on that column for people that were looking for maybe
someone that wasn't let's say, a typical white male. She
was anything them. But and apparently it was not good enough.
(04:04):
So we go all, we had all these big protests,
you know, I take to the streets. You know, we've
gotta we've got to solve all these issues. And then
you know, my god, she was the first African American
woman to serve as the l A District attorney. But
apparently that wasn't good enough. Well, and then also you always,
(04:26):
like you look to law enforcement, who to the law
enforcement people supporting you know, that's generally you know, that's
that's not the only thing you look at, but it's something,
and they all supported Jackie Lacey. Nobody, nobody wanted to
turn l A into the lawless Old West, which apparently,
um we've got here from all the sinners become saints.
(04:48):
It would appear here under this district attorney. So it's
pretty it's pretty wild. So anyway, on this podcast, we
have Modern Medical Miracle, a Mallard podcast exclusive. You have
not heard this on the radio show at all our
bah humbug. And we've also got Get Soupy. We've got
Get Soupy as well. I need your advice on something too, Okay,
(05:10):
So before we get into any of that, I need
your your professional take on this as a as a
historically bad eater that has turned good. Um, when is
the cutoff date for you to eat fruit? What do
you mean? Like the expiration day? Yeah? So when when
you look at let's say, um, a banana or an
(05:32):
apple or maybe even a keywi. Look, where is that
point of no return? Like where are you throwing it out?
And when are you're eating it? Well, there's a couple
of things. First of all, you gotta do the smell test.
That's the most important. If it smells funky, don't eat it. Secondly,
you do the field test. You gotta grab it and
kind of hold it and squeeze it. Does it feel right? Still?
(05:52):
Does it have the same buoyancy it's supposed to have
a piece of fruit? If not, um, then then I
don't do it. But I I'm as we've talked about
in the past on the pod, it's like my my
wife has thrown out more food that is just oh,
it's it's it's almost the expiration day. Let's get rid
of it. And I'm like, no, no, no, I mean
I know there are there are stores that I've been
(06:16):
to that cell expired food because it's still fine to eat.
It's just an it's a it's an estimate, is what
it is, right anyway, So so yeah, I'm not I'm
the wrong person. I do the smell field test and
then I go for it, usually very really and like
the banana thing, well everyone but not everyone. A lot
of people do this. My wife does this where with
(06:37):
the bananas turned bad, they turned color, then you just
make banana break, right right, that's the veteran that's the
veteran movement. Although I read that the bananas are fine
to eat even after they turn all googley and soggy
and nasty and all that, they're not, I think I
was fake news I read on the internet. I had
a I had a cautiously bad West of the four
or five moment a couple of days ago, which that's
(06:59):
why I'm asking you. I you know, typically in the
morning time I'll run or work out or whatnot, and
then eat later on the day. But on this day,
I decided to make myself a protein shake in the morning,
and it consisted of some questionable bananas and some questionable kiwi's,
and um, it made me think about you in a
(07:21):
certain park. Oh, you had the you had to we
call that now the Lamar Jackson you had the I
don't think I don't think I've run. I don't think
I've run that fast from point A to point B
to finishal a workout that I did on that day.
And then the rest of the day I was I
was in the infirmary known as the bathroom. So you
(07:44):
were like Sonic the hedge. Yeah, you were as you
were running. Uh yeah, listen, I've obviously been there a
couple of times. You know, that scamper and the thing.
And now you can you can relate to Lamar Jackson
because when you saw the Lamar Jackson video, he said
he had a cramp, which no one believes. That no
one believes because you could tell as he was walking
(08:05):
he was kind of holding his took his cheeks together,
that's the sign of someone that's got a dysentery situation.
He's got they called that. In the back of the day,
the term was the Tennessee Trots. They called it. And
I'm telling you, I've seen it. We we have seen that.
And uh, you know he's got the diaper gravy going
on there, and so you had that. We'll welcome to
(08:26):
the club, man, welcome to the club. It was. It
was horrifying just to be in that element where you
get to your destination and all of a sudden you
feel like not good. It's just memories of dumb and
dumber with the Lloyd Christmas um doing a little something
with a laxative in a drink. Now, let's crank it
up a couple of notches, make it even more awkward
(08:46):
and uncomfortable and difficult. Um, So now do that running
sprinting with the Tennessee Trots. Right, had a little dysentery there,
and you make it to the toilet, but you don't
want to sit on the toilet, so you want to
strat it like it's kind of like the squatty potty.
And then you think you have hit the bowl with
your steaming dump and this ship shows over and then
(09:08):
you turn around and it's a crime scene. It's uh,
it's the worst thing you've ever seen. Uh, And then
you have to decide do I just leave and leave
this horrific discuss the whole back wall covered in brown poop?
Or do you try to clean it up a little bit?
See that's that's where it's just it's really thorny. It's
(09:28):
it's delicate. Yeah, it's a very delicate proposition, especially when yeah,
you feel a little tinkle maybe on your ankles, on
your calf maybe like delicate it's not good. Or you're
like at that moment, you're like, well, I'm probably getting
most of it in. You know, maybe not, but I'm
getting most of it. And then you turn around you
(09:49):
come agitated. You're like, holy crap. It brings me back
to one of my favorite movies, Predator, and Mac has
the mini gun or he's trying to hit the predator
and he just spray hasn't praise that mini gun, and
he doesn't hit a fucking thing, but all the trees
and the entire forest is decimated because of gunfire, but
he doesn't hit his mark. That That is it right there? Yeah,
(10:15):
it is uh, it's it's it's interesting. Uh what's the term.
Is it down range? I think it's not the term, yeah, downrange. Yeah,
that's a that's a tough one anyway. All Right, So
as far as the this kind of relates loosely, kind
of relates loose no pun intended. Yeah, to the to
the conversation we're having modern medical miracle. Now I've never
(10:37):
told this story. I'm violating my own hippo laws on this. Um,
So I have a Mallard medical update. So during Halloween,
right around Halloween, um, you know, I don't I don't
eat too much, as you know, you'd like to tease
me with food porn. So Halloween week, my wife had
bought this big bag of Costco candy bars nice and
(11:01):
one night in particular, I just decided to go for it,
you know. I flashed back to my fatty days, and
I'm like, I'm gonna just load up on this, you know,
and go for it. I'm gonna live like I, you know,
lived back in the day. And so I was double
fisting candy bars and gummy worms. One hand was like chocolate,
(11:21):
the other hand was gummy worms. Anyway, so I went
to lay down to go to bed is on the
weekend and my head starts spinning. I'm dizzy, and I'm like,
holy crap. So I did what anyone would do. I
went online to try to figure out why, you know,
I'd never had this happened to me before ever, why
this was going on. And I it every every medical website,
(11:45):
you know, web MD. All those things said sign a diabetic,
you're diabetic. My both my parents, my mom passed away,
my dad's all around diabetic, and they said you're more
prone to being diabetic. So this was very concerning to me.
You might imagine, so um and that at around that time,
we found out that Roberto, who works on the show,
obviously is diabetic as well, and so I'm freaking out.
(12:09):
I changed changed a few things around um, and then
I went to get some lab tests done on my blood.
In fact, I just got them done this week. I
was reluctant to go because of the COVID thing. I
was like, I don't want to go to a hospital
right now, and of course I was right. The weight
was it took me an hour to get my blood drawn,
and the weight it was brutal because they only had
a couple of stations open, you know, those people waiting
(12:30):
to get their blood drawn. So I had a bunch
of blood taken out of my left arm. Now keep
in mind my my experiences with doctors is normally bad.
I don't have good experiences with doctors. So I'm I'm
waiting for the results here, and I'm thinking the worst. Right,
I'm expecting that call. We're gonna put on seven different
drugs for the rest of your life. You're diabetic, You're
(12:52):
a loser, how dare you? And the results were a
modern medical miracle. Was stunning. It was I like using
the word hum dinger. This is a humdinger. So the
doctor calls me up, and the doctor wanted me to
explain how my labs had improved so much in a
couple of years since I last had them done. And
(13:14):
apparently this blew me away. I had been diabetic. I
didn't know it. Most people don't know they're diabetic. And
because of my my diet changed, my inter minute fasting,
and my lifestyle changes. I am even though I guess
I'm still technically diebetic, I'm not. They don't have to
put me my medicine, and they think I'm fine, Um
(13:36):
that I've I've self medicated with my lifestyle changes where
I don't have to worry about that stuff. Um, my
levels were so low that they like they couldn't figure
it out. They're like, how the hell did you did
you do some I mean they were trying to it's
all because the intermitte fasting. It's wild. Wow. So it's
just apparently because I I don't normally eat so much
(13:56):
candy and junk food that that night I overtoased and
my body could not handle it because it wasn't used
to that amount of sugar that I don't usually eat.
And I might eat some like chocolate, almonds or something
from time to time, but that's pretty much the extent
of it. And so they that they think that's why
I was all wobbly and like tripping, like I was
drunk and my head was smitting. So when you got
(14:19):
your your blood, your labs back, did you go through
the full gamut of testing, like did you do triglycerites,
your HDL, your l d L, your cholesterol, like did
you do everything? Yeah, they went through all that. My
liver function and everything was really my liver improved tremendously.
(14:39):
I didn't realize it was a problem. Apparently they were like,
there was something going on there. And I now keep
in mind, I want to put a disclaimer on this, Gascount.
You should never take medical advice from a podcaster or
an overnight radio hack. Um. You should make your own
lifestyle choices and your own changes. But I am. I'm
fully invested in the cult of intermitute fasting and I
(15:00):
don't know how long I'll live. I hope I live
a long time. But however long I live, I will
I'll be if I am I lucky enough to get
to my eighties and nineties or whatever, I will continue this.
This is this is with me now. Um, I'm not changing.
So it was wild, man, I was. I was convinced
I was diabetic. I was convinced that I was going
to go on all these drugs and I was totally
(15:21):
screwed up. And that is the kind of thing you
do not expect when you get the other news, the
good news. I was like, Wow, that's wild. Now, what
was the motivating factor behind getting your blood drawn? The
wife she forced me to Well, I was gonna say,
because you can do an annual physical and it's free
of charge with your insurance provider if you have private insurance. No, No,
(15:45):
I just wanted to get you know, I wanted to
with the whole I'm not like most people with the
COVID thing. You know, every time I go by that
there's a hospital right now where I live, and there's
a line. I've sent you photos of that. I mean,
there's people lined up around the street to get tested
for this, that and the other thing, which I think
is COVID, and I kind of avoid that for now.
And it's like it's I don't feel like it's urgent.
I mean because it only happened a couple of times,
(16:07):
and that that week I was eating all the candy. Um.
But yeah, I'm all about and the doctor was like, well,
you know, I'm kind of The doc was like, I'm
kind of on inter minute fasting because I don't know
I as a doctor. You're in the hospital or whatever,
and you're you know, you don't eat for a while.
But yeah, Now a cheat code for you, Ben, and
for for listeners out there. If you do get your
annual physical and you get your labs like like Ben
(16:29):
had done, you can actually instruct your doctor to request
other things measured So for men, if you want to
get your testostero measured, your vitamin D levels measured, um,
vitamin C, like all those other things that you typically
have to pay for, if you say that you want
them get them tested for preventative reasons, they can include
(16:49):
that into the report and not charge you for it. Yeah,
little life hacked from David get Yeah, I found that out.
See earlier this year when we were talking about I
had some ear issues. I had my my physical done
and the doctor decided to just add a boatload of
things to my my blood. So from my labs, I
(17:11):
had to draw six vials of blood, but he included
everything in there so I wouldn't have to be charged
for it, and we labeled it as preventative reasons. And
because of that, Yeah, if I didn't, it was like
seventy five dollars, I think to measure your vitamin D
or to measure your testosterone, all those other things you
can do, but you get it free a charge once
(17:32):
every year. So it's a great little life hack for you.
That's pretty cool. That's that's that's my medical update. And
I'm like I was excited about it. I was dreading it.
I was like when I was waiting, because you don't
actually see the doctor. You go in and have the
test and then the doctor calls you. Now you know,
so that's it. But don't bury the Leadum a man,
what what did you clock in at? What's your weight?
Because you are no longer You're no longer skinny Santa.
(17:55):
I mean you're no longer fat. Said you were skinny Santa.
Now that's right. I forgot we were wants to talk
about the Santa thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've I've
lost you know, I don't give my fighting weight. I'm
not quite at where I want to be. Um, you know,
I still have because I was really fat for a
long time. I've still got some some skin kind of
hanging around places and stuff. But I'm I'm satisfied with
(18:17):
where I'm at now. I want to lose a little
more and I feel like every pound I lose I
might be gett an extra day. So I mess although too.
There is a point where then then it becomes a negative.
And I know Supermarket Steve and his wife were very
concerned about me because they like you, You're get a
little too crazy with this diet stuff. See that's the
problem when you're a big fat guy. You lose weight,
(18:37):
people think you're sick. You know, it's it's a big,
big issue here. But I did play Santa last week.
They strapped me to the back of a fire truck
and we drove around a city in southern California, right
in the in the foothills there, and it was awesome.
It was it was bigger. I've done this now like
five six years something like that, I don't know how long,
(18:57):
And it was awesome. It was so much fun, and
it was bigger this year than it's ever been because
everyone is so freaking bored and they've got nothing to do,
and this was the highlight to see the joy on
people's faces who have been in this prolonged stressful situation
(19:21):
of COVID and locked in their homes and not able
to go a lot of places. Get some takeout food
in a doggy bag and get out of here. And
there were people it was I felt like I was
in the Rose Parade and I'm the star of the
Rose Parade, like they were. I'm the biggest float and uh,
I have the ribbon on it and on that. Because
there were people that had their chairs outside on the
lawn waiting to wave at Santa and the and the
(19:43):
elves and all that. It was really neat. It was
a lot of fun, and they were you know, it
went to all parts of the city. I mean, we
were up in the hills and it was night. It
was this was Friday night we did this, and it
got really freaking cold up in the hills. There's some
beautiful houses though, man, my god, to manches some costas
up there, and these are like neighborhoods I would never
(20:05):
go to. I don't think I'm allowed. I don't have
enough money to go to these neighborhos. And then these
huge houses, and there was one that was really cool.
They had all these little kids out and they had like,
you know, the Christmas theme out there, and they were
out and sitting waiting anxiously, you know, wait and see
the parade. It was pretty pretty neat. It was a
lot of fun, and you know, hopefully I'd like to
(20:25):
think that it goes back to the way it had
been where it's not over the top, like this is
the biggest thing in your life. But you know, for
this year, it was. It was tremendous and so I
want to thank the police, the fire you know, obviously
dealing with the fire department in the police department over there,
and it was pretty cool. That is awesome. But again
(20:46):
you went from you went from big old sand to
to just just a dude, you know. And those those
scannu the Santa pants made me look like they were
like skinny jeans on me, which is really scary. I
should never And the revealing part is usually when Santa's
were those big thick black belts, when you put it
(21:08):
through the loop, it looks like there's only a little
bit of slack. You had a ton of slack. You
had an I had too much slack. I had way
too much, way too much slack. Now, all right, so
speaking of Christmas, all right, speaking of Christmas and Hanukah
which is now over. Honka just ended. So speaking of
all this, um, let's get soupy. Now. This is a
(21:30):
guy I actually met early in my radio career and
he popped up in the news this week and it
was like, whoa wait a minute, here there's an actor
by the name of Larry Thomas. You know who Larry
Thomas is. He's rather generic guy in Hollywood. You know
Larry Thomas. I know it Joe Thomas. Um No, I
(21:51):
do not know Larry Thomas. Well, Larry Thomas spent a
number of years as mostly a character actor, I would
say based on what I know of him. Um. But
his one cameo role, which was a huge success that
has lived on over the last twenty five years as
an all time great Hollywood roll he was Larry Thomas
(22:15):
the soup Nazi on Seinfeld. One of the most famous
episodes of Seinfeld The soupnots and And he was on
a few of those episodes. But anyway, so I met him.
He he was a cigar connoisseur and they had a
the Cigar show. The was doing local radio in l A.
(22:35):
These guys were trying to start this cigar show. I
think they had it. It was a weekend show and
I had to do a Saturday morning show in addition
to the week show that I was doing weekday show.
And so I'd come in there and they would be
recording that we were on the eighth floor of this
skyscraper in l A. And they would be smoking cigars.
You're not supposed to smoke in there, and uh, you know,
(22:56):
just you know, guy. It was back in the nineties.
Men could be men, you know, to stosterone was flowing,
guys were being guys, and uh, you know, he was
the Soup Nazi and doing that whole thing. And so
I I met him a few times. I bring this
up because the CEO of Cameo. Did you see this?
He was on a guest appearance on some podcast and
(23:19):
revealed how much the Soup Nazi makes from cameo per year.
You want to take a guess how much he makes
per year from cameo. I don't want to be bad
on this, Let me guess. I will say per year.
I'm gonna say two fifty dollars. Okay, Well, to me
see the idea of making any kind of real money
(23:40):
on cameo. I mean, I do a couple of bucks here,
a couple bucks there. I mean, I'm gonna nobody he
makes you're you're probably right. He makes over six figures
a year doing cameo videos. And it starts he's like
eighty dollars a cameo and he's making over a hundred
thousand for these little thirty second, one minute videos. Holy crap.
(24:02):
And um. Anyway, the guy that the CEO, the guy
that runs the parent company of Cameo here to apologize
UM for revealing how much money the guy makes. But
UM apparently is a ton of these celebrities that are
making an extra hundred thousand dollars. If the Soup Nazi, Okay,
if the Soup Nazi is making that, how much do
(24:22):
you think Floyd Mayweather or Drew Brees or the Woutang
clan are making you know what I'm I mean, It's
just it's wild. Think about some of those people from
the Office. You know how popular that show was. There's
a bunch of characters from the Office that are on there.
Uh the uh one of they I'm looking at some
(24:45):
of the prices, the one of three hundred dollars, Leslie Baker,
Leslie David Baker. He was the funny guy, the African
American guy in the office, you know, kind of overweight guy.
Um three hundred bucks. H Who else? I mean, there's
go on and on. It's just crazy. I'm good for them.
By the way, I raised my rate as I said,
(25:06):
I would have forty dollars now, perfect holiday gift to
a fan of the show, Cameo. Unless it's not. I'm
just saying it's it's a possibility right, it's a positive.
It's out there. You can you know, it's tossing that out. Cameo, cameo, cameo,
look my name up, Ben Mallor. And if you hey,
if you're Jones, and I'm I've got some some much
(25:28):
earned time off here to the start of one and
so we're not gonna be doing monologues. And if you're Jones,
and for a Maller monologue, a mini MALLARW monologue, not
a full Maller monologue, mini MALLERW monologue, I'll give you that.
I's like something big happens. You want a minimal emergency
mini Maller monologue only for you. I'm in there, you go.
So it's out there. So cameo dot com bat but
(25:51):
good luck the soup not see good good God, hundred
over a hundred at least a hundred thousand, you said
two hundred fifty. Who knows how much it actually is.
And just that's unbelievable to me. Right over, So if
you're making let's just say, over the course of a
calendar year, if you're doing one cameo appearance every day
(26:13):
the entire year, it's two d and seventy four dollars. Yeah,
that's that's what you're charging per day, and obviously he's
not doing one per day. Yeah, I hear. It's uh,
you know what you should do. You should raise your
rate to like a hundred or a hundred fifty bucks
(26:36):
and see if you get any bites. I don't want
to be that guy. You're not that guy. You're just
you're you. I okay, So what's your threshold then, like,
what's the max you would go to? Well, the only
reason I raised my prices because they started taking extra
fees out of it, and so I was like, what's
(26:56):
the point of that. I mean, you spent some time
dealing with this stuff. But if I actually became popular,
I guess I would be like a mod rashot in
charge a hundred dollars or you are popular? No, I'm
I'm popular. I'm overnight radio popular. You know, there's a
there's a difference has been popularity, Like overnight radio. Dennis
Rodman charges seven hundred and fifty dollars for a cameo
(27:18):
US Denis Robbie's and pop Icon He's and you know
pop uh friend of the North Korean dictator and all
that you eat, you eat bull testicles on Instagram. You
have Arizona reporters that write articles about you. I'd say
it's safe to say that you're pretty popular. We got
a little pub in Pittsburgh this week. My rant about
Ben Roethlisberger was picked up by some of the social
(27:38):
media feeds of the newspapers in Pittsburgh. But were there, Uh.
I'll give the Pittsburgh fans credit. They were not nearly
as offended as the Arizona like. I feel like the
Steeler fan base is more receptive to criticism, which is
a good thing. That's a good thing. I didn't get
nearly as much ship as I got from the loot
(28:00):
it takes in the Valley of the Sun as I
did from the people to Pittsburgh when I took some
shots at Roethlisberger being done, and they didn't. They didn't
really seem all that bother and a few people were upset,
but it wasn't anything like it was me Kyler Murray,
Oh my god, hellighet her arms? How dare you? What's
wrong with yo? God? Day about you know that? Well,
(28:22):
maybe it's because you're attacking his you know, his stature
as opposed to his performance. His performance based criticism. His
stature is part of his performance. Tylu, the coach of
the Clippers, charges two hundred sixteen dollars for Oh my gosh,
now Boban Marjanovitch. I like him hundred and fifty bucks. Boban.
(28:46):
What do you think that he's the big fat guy?
Does Jim Kramer have a cameo account? Check here? Give
me one sec Jim Kramer. Just start doing that for
investment advice. Follow me on. I do not see Jim Kramer.
There's a Joey Kramer that is on there, but I
did not see there's the market for that Jim Kramer.
(29:07):
Jim Labors is on there. You can request a cameo
from me and I can get into uh do you
know Jim Labors? Of course we can get. He follows Twitter.
We can get we can get lays on. He follows
me on Twitter. I think he does some nonprofit stuff
in New York, doesn't he? Yeah, he's like he's by coastal.
I believe he spent some time in Orange County. Um.
(29:28):
I think he's a member of the Big Saddleback Church.
Last I heard in Mission Viejo. And obviously because of
his ties in New York when you're when you hit
a game winning, you know, world series changing home run
for the New York Yankees, that opens up some doors.
It opens up a few doors for you in the
New York metropolitan area. Some guys can they go for that. So, alright,
(29:52):
we have bah Humbug. Very exciting here, I guess on
bah Humbug. Now, this is the final weekend for us
a podcasting unless something crazy as he happens, and we
have to know there's a chance we might come back
um right around New Year's and do something probably not,
probably not. So this our our final weekend of podcasting
before the long holiday hiatus. And we will be back
(30:13):
in early January on the radio show, and we'll see
about the the podcast, and I guess we're gonna continue,
depending on my schedule. We will continue Benny Versus the Penny,
so we'll still have that content on Fridays, right, And
we had two more weeks after this in the regular
season here and then it's a little depressing, Yeah, do
you not want to do Benny versus I love Benny
Versus the Penny. It just it's unfortunate that when it
(30:35):
comes to a closed football season, I mean that means
football seasons come to a close. So yeah, I um
enjoy it. I think that it's great. It's game, great traction,
and like you said last week, it looks aesthetically appeasing
now compared to week number one. It only took me
four months to figure out what the problem was, so
I'm on top of it. Does not get any better.
(30:57):
You give me four months or three months. I think
it was three months, and I will figure figure it out.
So with that mention of the the ba humbug and
all that stuff, we'll be back with plenty of unique
original audio content for you in by the way, free
of charge. Free. This is free audio content. You know.
You know, there's no paywall, there's none of that stuff.
It's all available to you for free. So consider this now.
(31:18):
Are right of passage usually ritual. It's like the swallows
returning to Capistrano punk Satani Phil will he see his
shadow on Groundhog Day? It is a call to action
for all the brigadier generals, all the active and unactive
members of the Mallard Militia. You must keep your guard
up over the next couple of weeks. I will not
(31:39):
be at my watch post. I will not be the
watchdog of sports radio. For the next couple of weeks.
I'll be away and we have to be on guard
for lazy Christmas New Year's radio. You are my eyes
and ears. You are my eyes and ears. You must
report back. It's a very painful period. I'm sure no
(31:59):
one we work with will do this kind of radio
because it would be wrong. It would be wrong. But
it is a time where laziness takes over radio in
our business, in sports radio. So some of the traditional
lazy hack holiday topics of conversation for Christmas, it's who's
(32:20):
been naughty and who's been nice? In sports. That's an
obvious one. Another one that comes up this time of
the year is a host will do no show prep
no preparation for it at all, and say, what do
you think we should get player X for Christmas? You
know it could be Patrick Mahomes, Lebron James, Um, Mike Trout.
(32:42):
Watch them to get player X for Chris. What should
we get Mike Trout for Christmas? A pitching staff? Um,
what is your what is your favorite athletes? What do
you think is under your favorite athletes Christmas? Tree? All right,
that's one who gets a lump of cold in sports. Uh,
you know, there's all these lazy things that come up
(33:04):
at this time of the year, and then spin off
what we talked about this during Thanksgiving, it's who in
sports do you invite to Christmas dinner? That's another one.
And then recently we've seen this pandemic, its own pandemic
of the Christmas draft, the Christmas draft, um. And then
(33:26):
you've got like, um, Santa Claus, Reindeer, Christmas Carol's gifts.
You know what's the first pick? Is it the Christmas tree?
Is it the stockings? You know? Is the church? You know? Oh,
I'm oh my god, it's so so over the top.
So you gotta keep it. You gotta keep an eye
on those things. And then New Year's there's not as
(33:46):
many for New Year's, but they are out there. That's
simple laziness is tell me your sports New Year's resolutions.
That's always out there, and you know, go you go on.
We find out also the you could spend this is like, hey,
who needs to spend Who in sports needs to spend
more time with their family? Which is code for somebody
(34:07):
needs to you know, lose their job because they need
to be fired. And then there's the tell me who
in sports needs to work out more because they're fat?
You know those companies those are That's my brief brief
call to arms as the ears and the eyes of
the Mallard Militia there to keep an eye out for
(34:28):
this kind of radio. Now, with you taking a few
few heart earned days off because of the holidays, yeah,
will you be brainstorming on different things for because I've
had some things kind of roam through the mind and
I know, yeah, yeah, Well I usually take a week
and do nothing, and then I after that I have
(34:49):
to write liners because I'm the only one that can
write those liners apparently for the show. So you know
those things Eddie says when he comes back. Good radio
shows change those every month. We change him once a year.
I'll have to come up with some new liners for
Eddie to read coming back, and so I'll be working
on that. That takes a little bit of time because
you want things to sound unique, and those are gonna
(35:09):
be on for an entire year unless something crazy happened,
so we'll have to figure out how that goes. I'll
do that, and yeah, I'm always trying to think of
some new original bits to keep the show fresh because
you don't want things to go stale, because then when
things go stale, they cancel your ass. And you don't
want that. You want to always you want to keep
(35:30):
up with the times, right, you want to keep up
with the times. And so yeah, we'll we'll look around.
You just don't want things to become tedious and hum
drum and and all that. And so when you start
feeling like you're going to Dolesville, then you you got
I will tell you though, guests, and this has been
this last week leading into the to the break. It's
(35:52):
it's a little tough. You know. I feel like the
kid right before summer break or the kid before winter break,
where you're like, man, I gotta, I gotta, I still
gotta go to school for a couple more days. You know.
I got your mind starts wandering a little bit about
about that. So I've tried to battle that as much
as I can. Yeah, I have a few different ideas
(36:12):
for oh, you're for you and yeah, because we don't
stick to sports here on the podcast, No no, And
I thought once the conclusion of Benny Versus a Penny
comes at the obviously the end of the season, with
super Bowl. Um, maybe doing something that's not sticking to
sports related now. I know with certain shows that you've
(36:33):
been on in the past, there's kind of like that
crosstalk where you'd be on on a show and he
passed the proverbial baton to the nether host for the
next show. Yeah, that was a tradition. In fact, some
radio stations that's like the most popular part when they
do the crossover there. Yeah. So I was thinking maybe
doing something like that while we're on YouTube and we
(36:54):
talked about non sports related content, which we kind of
trade back and forth the a text that we can't
talk about on air, discussing those things and then crossing
right over to you going live on radio. Oh, it's
like before the radio show. Yeah, pre like a pregame show. Yeah.
(37:15):
I mean, if there's, uh, there's this is possibility. I'd
have to look at the and how long it would
be in that kind of thing, but be open to it.
That's something to think about. I do know that we're
we're talking about something for for baseball season with with you,
myself and Rob Parker. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to do
more during that. I'm a baseball guy. I love baseball.
(37:38):
You know, Rob loves baseball too, so we would be
good to put something there. Yeah, listen, I hope the economy,
assuming things do return to somewhat normal, will improve and
people start getting jobs back, and restaurants will be able
to open and people can go eat and go to
ball games, and hopefully that means more opportunities in the
(37:59):
media business to do some some different things and to
expand and and all that. So sure, absolutely, yeah, alright,
we we have a little time. How do we do
pop quiz? You want a little drop quiz here? All right?
These are things I found around the internet and just
have some fun with a lot of holiday ones today,
a lot of holiday ones because the time of the year. Win,
(38:19):
but we'll start out with some non holiday ones. On average,
on average, we do this three hundred days a year.
What is it, three hundred days? Three hundred days a year, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Traditionally there's three hundred sixty five days. This year, there's
three under sixty six. Because it's a leap. Yeah, um work,
(38:51):
uh no, wake up, grumpy. Oh that's a bad percentage.
That's a lot. Yeah. Is that just because you didn't
get enough sleep. Is that the I don't know, it
doesn't give you the reason. But wow, the math on that.
Let me let me do some back of the napkin
(39:11):
math here. So there's three sixty five days in a year,
and three hundred of them you are grumpy. That is
eighty two at the time. It could be from a hangover.
It could be from a breakup, a bad marriage, a
bad relationship, losing your job, um, gaining too much weight, stress, kids,
(39:34):
a lot of things. But man, that's a horrible percentage. Yeah,
that is all right, It is frowned upon. But nearly
eight of us do this at work. What is it? Belch, belch?
Use emojis? You're not supposed to use emojis at work? Yes,
I can't use the smiley emojis. Where would you use
(39:57):
you mean, like in a group text or like if
you're working on a team texting about something, Yeah, you
instead of saying something, you'd put an emoji in there. Wow.
That is fascinating, though. I know in court cases over
the last couple of years they've been trying to figure
out how to bring emojis into that world, the legal world,
you know, because there's text chains with people committing crimes,
(40:17):
and they look at the emojis and how do they
crack the code? Man, It's pretty pretty crazy because people
can interpret emojis different ways, obviously, right, some people have
hijack certain emojis for sexual references and other things and whatnot.
All right. According to a recent study, men start turning
into their father at age thirty eight. What is the
(40:39):
number one sign a man is becoming his dad? Um?
Do do do? Do? The way? The way he grows
facial hair? No, it's falling asleep in the living room
on the couch or they were liner. Okay, yeah, I
(41:02):
can't do that. Can you fall asleep on the couch
or the recliner? Yeah? Yes, I can't on the weekends
because I don't get a lot of sleep during the
podcast and so I don't gotta sleep in general. But
by the end of the week it gets to Friday
night and I I I laid down on the couch
to watch something and I'm snoozing. I am I'm a
(41:23):
hollering James, that is what I am, all right. A
new survey asked people to name a skill that their
father taught them. This was the most common answer among respondents.
What is driving No, barbecuing a grill barbecue. Did your
dad teach you how to barbecue? Guess I just picked
(41:43):
it up and wet. Although he didn't teach me how
to drive either. Yeah, my mom tried to teach me
how to drive, but then she hired driving instructor. That
such a bad driver. Did your dad teach you how
to barbecue? No, my dad's a terrible barbecue My my dad,
my pops. Uh, you know. He he believes the only
(42:04):
way to properly cook a meals in the microwave for
two minutes and anything more than that. No, And I'm
telling my I, I tell me, listen, that's that's food
is gonna taste so much better. Just put it in
the stove. Which it's just like the microwave said it
go away, come back, take it out. No, No, it
takes too long. Takes too long. So yeah, he's not
the guy. Not the guy to go to al right.
A new survey says that more than of households have
(42:27):
one of these but have not used it in at
least five years. Smoke detector. It's related to the holidays.
Um um bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum I'd say a fuse box. No,
it can't be a fuse box, usee box, that would
(42:48):
be impossible, that that could be the worst answer ever. Know.
The correct answer is artificial Christmas tree. Ah, it makes
sense now, I've only I'm new to the Christmas tree game,
you know, growing being Jewish. My wife is not, and
so we have a Christmas tree and we get a
real run, real one every year. But I have seen
(43:09):
I've been at people's houses that have the fake ones
when you put it away, putting it back together, and
it's a pain in the ast. So I could see
how people would be like, Okay, I just we're gonna
leave this. We're not. We have it, but we're not.
Just you're not gonna use it. I was thinking fuse
box because most houses now are being made with fuse
boxes inside the house as opposed to outside, water power,
(43:33):
electrical everything trying to get inside as opposed outside. All right,
it could. According to a new survey, when it comes
to the holidays, women are almost twice as likely to
do this as men. What is it? It's all for
the ladies? Bake You're so sexist, you're so misogynistic. How
(43:55):
dare you know? The correct answer is to re gift. Oh,
re re get. Now that's lazy. The key thing about
re gifting is you have to make sure that the
two universes do not collide at any point. Right. You've
got to make sure the gift you get that you
give to somebody else is any different dimensions and those
(44:16):
dimensions will never crossover, or else you are Scott rude.
But now, what's your take on someone? If you have
a significant other or relative that asks you what you
want for Christmas? Do you take that as an insult?
Or do you take that? Like? Do you appreciate that?
When I was a kid, I was very enthusiastic about that,
But I don't really want no. Now I'm like, I
(44:39):
don't don't get me anything. If you have to ask,
don't get me anything, you know, just leave me. I
don't need anything. I'm good you what do you? How
do you treat? I think more so now it's I
think it's kind of lazy. Yeah, yeah, but it also though,
eliminates getting something for someone they don't want, which you
could say is actually efficient. But if you knew the
(45:01):
individual then you wouldn't have a problem with that. Yeah,
you might know someone but you don't know if they
have you know what they have in their house and
there you know every You don't have inventory. You didn't
go through everything and do a checklist of what they
have and what they need. All right. A Pennsylvania man
has the world record for the largest collection of this
holiday item. What is it? Wow? This is really strange.
(45:27):
This one um a rather innocuous item that you don't
really think about, but as part of the holidays for
many many people. Missiletell A Christmas tree stand guy collects
Christmas tree stands. Yeah, that's now, I I wet. They
(45:48):
have a lot of plastic ones. We got a big
metal one. That's a good investment. I think last. I
thing last. All right, if you're average, you're gonna buy
three of these, three of these over the high today?
Is what is it? Average? Um? Do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do?
Do do do do? Three rolls of tape. It's related
(46:14):
to tape. Three rolls of wrapping paper. Damn, it was
my first so close, and you didn't say it, so
I don't know that it was your first. Guess all right.
According to a new survey single people of single people,
you're like yourself guest gun nineties. Six percent of single
people agree that this is a turn on during the holidays.
Both men and women find this sec seat. What is
(46:38):
going to church? No ugly sweaters? I can't fucking stand them.
I guess you're not invited to the ugly sweater party
next year. Then if you cannot stand them, well, it's nothing.
There's nothing worse than seeing someone that's ugly wearing ugly sweater. Wow,
such as West of the four or Old five? Answer
(47:03):
right there, probably Guscott. We are all God's creatures. We
are all unique and beautiful in one way or another.
Maybe on the inside you're beautiful, not theid Yeah, alright.
A small number of us will hide Christmas presents here?
Where is it? Not in luggage? In the luggage? Who
(47:29):
would check? That makes sense? Like, who's going to check
the luggage unless you're going somewhere alright. New surveys is
nine of kids will eat this at some point in
the next month, but only ten percent of adults are
gonna do it. What is it? Dates? Snow now and
that big northeaster this week just ravaged many cities with
(47:53):
snow in the northeast. Sorry uh. This actor was the
first ever to start in three umber one hit movies
in a year. That's kind of random, of we'll think
of the history of Hollywood. This is the first one
ever to do it. Kirk Douglas, no, believe it or not.
(48:14):
Jim Carrey, oh ship, all right, Jim Carrey was an
ace venter, a pet detective. The Mask and Dumb and Dumber.
Great movies. It's a good year. It's a good year
for movies. Cameron Diez was actually hot in that movie,
and she's not normally hot. She looks very skinny. I'll
say that, did you give her a steak or something
(48:36):
like that? You know, I I know a steak that
I can good boy? All right, all right, last one here,
last one. About one third of dog owners, about one
third of dog owners say they do this for their
pet nearly every day. Mm hmm. Brush them. No, something
(49:02):
that involves our industry, You got me? I don't know.
All right, turn on the radio to keep them coming
and they leave the house. Let me turn on the
little sports radio show, or while you're sleeping, turn on
the mall show. Interesting. Yeah, I don't think we get
credit for that. If dogs listen, Unfortunately, we don't get credit.
(49:23):
But any all right, there is. We'll have the mailbag
and some other random things that will pop up on
the Sunday podcast. Don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. I know,
we got some weird Saturday NFL games this week, so
it's a little disjointed, but you can fast forward through
those and check out the Sunday card of Benny Versus
the Penny breaking down every NFL game against the spread.
It's the YouTube show and we do that every Friday.
(49:45):
We plan on doing that even over the Christmas and
New Year's break, so I get your little little taste,
a little fix of the Mallard Militia Show and all
that stuff. So uh, anyway, thank you, have a wonderful,
wonderful rest of your day. Will catch you next time. Aloha.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Miller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific boom.
Have you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, Think again. He's the last remnants of the
old Republic, the sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
(00:21):
poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes.
Break Free for Something Special Hour with Ben Maller starts
right now in the air everywhere, taking over the cosmos
the vast and powerful reach of the I Heart podcasting Network.
(00:43):
Because list seven days not enough, So we do this
now eight days a week, in four hours in the
overnight not enough. This is a spin off. As you know,
you've downloaded the show, you support the show. We thank
you for finding the show. A spinoff of the Ben
Maller Hard O Sports Show, which is not even really
a hard Oh sport show. It's it's it's a It
starts about sports and then it goes off into tangents
(01:06):
and other things. And this podcast today is a it
is not a political podcast. That was yesterday we had
Dave Ruben on from the Reuben Report, who was great.
I loved him. It was wonderful. We'll have to have
him on again. I'm sure we'll have him on several
times again. But today is I was hanging out. We're
(01:27):
just hanging out myself and West of the four oh five.
David Gascon, Gaston Gaston. Uh. I can't. I can't imagine
because I we, I know, we've we've mentioned this year
pretty much every day recently. But I get emails from people,
(01:49):
you know somewhere like congratulating you on your relative becoming
the district attorneys. People think you are related to the
looney bin, the just nuts so crazy trained district attorney
in Los Angeles who's letting criminals run free. It's just
it's just you come from a police family, which is
(02:11):
the complete opposites wild and they worked together, they worked
together back in the day. I think the one element
that caught me up in arms last week was when
one of the local Fox reporters had reported a story
where d A. Gascon wants to he wants a prisoner
(02:32):
who's who's under investigation, is actually waiting for trial on
a on a murder of a police officer. He wants
him to be eligible for parole. Yeah, that seems and
not just I mean, you shouldn't kill anybody. He's killed
two people, not just the police. And and this was
like an execution in the back of the back of
the head fast food restaurant. The guy's eating a burger,
(02:54):
trying to order a damn burger. This guy comes in,
this loser kills him. And we haven't the people of
California because this shows you that the elections are total bullcrap.
That this guy guess going one because he had the
most money. I bet you most people though they couldn't
you pick out anything of of you know what, his background.
They didn't really look at it that closely. If they had,
(03:16):
I can't imagine they would have voted for this lunatic
considering what he did in San Francisco. And now he's like, hey,
hold my beer. San Francisco, we had people shipping in
the streets in San Francisco. But l a, oh, we'll
take it next level, which is unbelievable because we live
in the world of we need to put everyone in
a box, whether it's their gender, skin tone, religion, sexual orientation. No,
(03:39):
I didn't agree with anything or everything, but Jackie Lacey
was our district attorney, and she was homegrown. She went
to u C. L A and she graduated from there.
This is a Democrat. She represented the city of Los Angeles,
like she had a lot of these checks in, you know,
on that column for people that were looking for maybe
someone that wasn't let's say, a typical white male. She
was anything them. But and apparently it was not good enough.
(04:04):
So we go all, we had all these big protests,
you know, I take to the streets. You know, we've
gotta we've got to solve all these issues. And then
you know, my god, she was the first African American
woman to serve as the l A District attorney. But
apparently that wasn't good enough. Well, and then also you always,
(04:26):
like you look to law enforcement, who to the law
enforcement people supporting you know, that's generally you know, that's
that's not the only thing you look at, but it's something,
and they all supported Jackie Lacey. Nobody, nobody wanted to
turn l A into the lawless Old West, which apparently,
um we've got here from all the sinners become saints.
(04:48):
It would appear here under this district attorney. So it's
pretty it's pretty wild. So anyway, on this podcast, we
have Modern Medical Miracle, a Mallard podcast exclusive. You have
not heard this on the radio show at all our
bah humbug. And we've also got Get Soupy. We've got
Get Soupy as well. I need your advice on something too, Okay,
(05:10):
So before we get into any of that, I need
your your professional take on this as a as a
historically bad eater that has turned good. Um, when is
the cutoff date for you to eat fruit? What do
you mean? Like the expiration day? Yeah? So when when
you look at let's say, um, a banana or an
(05:32):
apple or maybe even a keywi. Look, where is that
point of no return? Like where are you throwing it out?
And when are you're eating it? Well, there's a couple
of things. First of all, you gotta do the smell test.
That's the most important. If it smells funky, don't eat it. Secondly,
you do the field test. You gotta grab it and
kind of hold it and squeeze it. Does it feel right? Still?
(05:52):
Does it have the same buoyancy it's supposed to have
a piece of fruit? If not, um, then then I
don't do it. But I I'm as we've talked about
in the past on the pod, it's like my my
wife has thrown out more food that is just oh,
it's it's it's almost the expiration day. Let's get rid
of it. And I'm like, no, no, no, I mean
I know there are there are stores that I've been
(06:16):
to that cell expired food because it's still fine to eat.
It's just an it's a it's an estimate, is what
it is, right anyway, So so yeah, I'm not I'm
the wrong person. I do the smell field test and
then I go for it, usually very really and like
the banana thing, well everyone but not everyone. A lot
of people do this. My wife does this where with
(06:37):
the bananas turned bad, they turned color, then you just
make banana break, right right, that's the veteran that's the
veteran movement. Although I read that the bananas are fine
to eat even after they turn all googley and soggy
and nasty and all that, they're not, I think I
was fake news I read on the internet. I had
a I had a cautiously bad West of the four
or five moment a couple of days ago, which that's
(06:59):
why I'm asking you. I you know, typically in the
morning time I'll run or work out or whatnot, and
then eat later on the day. But on this day,
I decided to make myself a protein shake in the morning,
and it consisted of some questionable bananas and some questionable kiwi's,
and um, it made me think about you in a
(07:21):
certain park. Oh, you had the you had to we
call that now the Lamar Jackson you had the I
don't think I don't think I've run. I don't think
I've run that fast from point A to point B
to finishal a workout that I did on that day.
And then the rest of the day I was I
was in the infirmary known as the bathroom. So you
(07:44):
were like Sonic the hedge. Yeah, you were as you
were running. Uh yeah, listen, I've obviously been there a
couple of times. You know, that scamper and the thing.
And now you can you can relate to Lamar Jackson
because when you saw the Lamar Jackson video, he said
he had a cramp, which no one believes. That no
one believes because you could tell as he was walking
(08:05):
he was kind of holding his took his cheeks together,
that's the sign of someone that's got a dysentery situation.
He's got they called that. In the back of the day,
the term was the Tennessee Trots. They called it. And
I'm telling you, I've seen it. We we have seen that.
And uh, you know he's got the diaper gravy going
on there, and so you had that. We'll welcome to
(08:26):
the club, man, welcome to the club. It was. It
was horrifying just to be in that element where you
get to your destination and all of a sudden you
feel like not good. It's just memories of dumb and
dumber with the Lloyd Christmas um doing a little something
with a laxative in a drink. Now, let's crank it
up a couple of notches, make it even more awkward
(08:46):
and uncomfortable and difficult. Um, So now do that running
sprinting with the Tennessee Trots. Right, had a little dysentery there,
and you make it to the toilet, but you don't
want to sit on the toilet, so you want to
strat it like it's kind of like the squatty potty.
And then you think you have hit the bowl with
your steaming dump and this ship shows over and then
(09:08):
you turn around and it's a crime scene. It's uh,
it's the worst thing you've ever seen. Uh, And then
you have to decide do I just leave and leave
this horrific discuss the whole back wall covered in brown poop?
Or do you try to clean it up a little bit?
See that's that's where it's just it's really thorny. It's
(09:28):
it's delicate. Yeah, it's a very delicate proposition, especially when yeah,
you feel a little tinkle maybe on your ankles, on
your calf maybe like delicate it's not good. Or you're
like at that moment, you're like, well, I'm probably getting
most of it in. You know, maybe not, but I'm
getting most of it. And then you turn around you
(09:49):
come agitated. You're like, holy crap. It brings me back
to one of my favorite movies, Predator, and Mac has
the mini gun or he's trying to hit the predator
and he just spray hasn't praise that mini gun, and
he doesn't hit a fucking thing, but all the trees
and the entire forest is decimated because of gunfire, but
he doesn't hit his mark. That That is it right there? Yeah,
(10:15):
it is uh, it's it's it's interesting. Uh what's the term.
Is it down range? I think it's not the term, yeah, downrange. Yeah,
that's a that's a tough one anyway. All Right, So
as far as the this kind of relates loosely, kind
of relates loose no pun intended. Yeah, to the to
the conversation we're having modern medical miracle. Now I've never
(10:37):
told this story. I'm violating my own hippo laws on this. Um,
So I have a Mallard medical update. So during Halloween,
right around Halloween, um, you know, I don't I don't
eat too much, as you know, you'd like to tease
me with food porn. So Halloween week, my wife had
bought this big bag of Costco candy bars nice and
(11:01):
one night in particular, I just decided to go for it,
you know. I flashed back to my fatty days, and
I'm like, I'm gonna just load up on this, you know,
and go for it. I'm gonna live like I, you know,
lived back in the day. And so I was double
fisting candy bars and gummy worms. One hand was like chocolate,
(11:21):
the other hand was gummy worms. Anyway, so I went
to lay down to go to bed is on the
weekend and my head starts spinning. I'm dizzy, and I'm like,
holy crap. So I did what anyone would do. I
went online to try to figure out why, you know,
I'd never had this happened to me before ever, why
this was going on. And I it every every medical website,
(11:45):
you know, web MD. All those things said sign a diabetic,
you're diabetic. My both my parents, my mom passed away,
my dad's all around diabetic, and they said you're more
prone to being diabetic. So this was very concerning to me.
You might imagine, so um and that at around that time,
we found out that Roberto, who works on the show,
obviously is diabetic as well, and so I'm freaking out.
(12:09):
I changed changed a few things around um, and then
I went to get some lab tests done on my blood.
In fact, I just got them done this week. I
was reluctant to go because of the COVID thing. I
was like, I don't want to go to a hospital
right now, and of course I was right. The weight
was it took me an hour to get my blood drawn,
and the weight it was brutal because they only had
a couple of stations open, you know, those people waiting
(12:30):
to get their blood drawn. So I had a bunch
of blood taken out of my left arm. Now keep
in mind my my experiences with doctors is normally bad.
I don't have good experiences with doctors. So I'm I'm
waiting for the results here, and I'm thinking the worst. Right,
I'm expecting that call. We're gonna put on seven different
drugs for the rest of your life. You're diabetic, You're
(12:52):
a loser, how dare you? And the results were a
modern medical miracle. Was stunning. It was I like using
the word hum dinger. This is a humdinger. So the
doctor calls me up, and the doctor wanted me to
explain how my labs had improved so much in a
couple of years since I last had them done. And
(13:14):
apparently this blew me away. I had been diabetic. I
didn't know it. Most people don't know they're diabetic. And
because of my my diet changed, my inter minute fasting,
and my lifestyle changes. I am even though I guess
I'm still technically diebetic, I'm not. They don't have to
put me my medicine, and they think I'm fine, Um
(13:36):
that I've I've self medicated with my lifestyle changes where
I don't have to worry about that stuff. Um, my
levels were so low that they like they couldn't figure
it out. They're like, how the hell did you did
you do some I mean they were trying to it's
all because the intermitte fasting. It's wild. Wow. So it's
just apparently because I I don't normally eat so much
(13:56):
candy and junk food that that night I overtoased and
my body could not handle it because it wasn't used
to that amount of sugar that I don't usually eat.
And I might eat some like chocolate, almonds or something
from time to time, but that's pretty much the extent
of it. And so they that they think that's why
I was all wobbly and like tripping, like I was
drunk and my head was smitting. So when you got
(14:19):
your your blood, your labs back, did you go through
the full gamut of testing, like did you do triglycerites,
your HDL, your l d L, your cholesterol, like did
you do everything? Yeah, they went through all that. My
liver function and everything was really my liver improved tremendously.
(14:39):
I didn't realize it was a problem. Apparently they were like,
there was something going on there. And I now keep
in mind, I want to put a disclaimer on this, Gascount.
You should never take medical advice from a podcaster or
an overnight radio hack. Um. You should make your own
lifestyle choices and your own changes. But I am. I'm
fully invested in the cult of intermitute fasting and I
(15:00):
don't know how long I'll live. I hope I live
a long time. But however long I live, I will
I'll be if I am I lucky enough to get
to my eighties and nineties or whatever, I will continue this.
This is this is with me now. Um, I'm not changing.
So it was wild, man, I was. I was convinced
I was diabetic. I was convinced that I was going
to go on all these drugs and I was totally
(15:21):
screwed up. And that is the kind of thing you
do not expect when you get the other news, the
good news. I was like, Wow, that's wild. Now, what
was the motivating factor behind getting your blood drawn? The
wife she forced me to Well, I was gonna say,
because you can do an annual physical and it's free
of charge with your insurance provider if you have private insurance. No, No,
(15:45):
I just wanted to get you know, I wanted to
with the whole I'm not like most people with the
COVID thing. You know, every time I go by that
there's a hospital right now where I live, and there's
a line. I've sent you photos of that. I mean,
there's people lined up around the street to get tested
for this, that and the other thing, which I think
is COVID, and I kind of avoid that for now.
And it's like it's I don't feel like it's urgent.
I mean because it only happened a couple of times,
(16:07):
and that that week I was eating all the candy. Um.
But yeah, I'm all about and the doctor was like, well,
you know, I'm kind of The doc was like, I'm
kind of on inter minute fasting because I don't know
I as a doctor. You're in the hospital or whatever,
and you're you know, you don't eat for a while.
But yeah, Now a cheat code for you, Ben, and
for for listeners out there. If you do get your
annual physical and you get your labs like like Ben
(16:29):
had done, you can actually instruct your doctor to request
other things measured So for men, if you want to
get your testostero measured, your vitamin D levels measured, um,
vitamin C, like all those other things that you typically
have to pay for, if you say that you want
them get them tested for preventative reasons, they can include
(16:49):
that into the report and not charge you for it. Yeah,
little life hacked from David get Yeah, I found that out.
See earlier this year when we were talking about I
had some ear issues. I had my my physical done
and the doctor decided to just add a boatload of
things to my my blood. So from my labs, I
(17:11):
had to draw six vials of blood, but he included
everything in there so I wouldn't have to be charged
for it, and we labeled it as preventative reasons. And
because of that, Yeah, if I didn't, it was like
seventy five dollars, I think to measure your vitamin D
or to measure your testosterone, all those other things you
can do, but you get it free a charge once
(17:32):
every year. So it's a great little life hack for you.
That's pretty cool. That's that's that's my medical update. And
I'm like I was excited about it. I was dreading it.
I was like when I was waiting, because you don't
actually see the doctor. You go in and have the
test and then the doctor calls you. Now you know,
so that's it. But don't bury the Leadum a man,
what what did you clock in at? What's your weight?
Because you are no longer You're no longer skinny Santa.
(17:55):
I mean you're no longer fat. Said you were skinny Santa.
Now that's right. I forgot we were wants to talk
about the Santa thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've I've
lost you know, I don't give my fighting weight. I'm
not quite at where I want to be. Um, you know,
I still have because I was really fat for a
long time. I've still got some some skin kind of
hanging around places and stuff. But I'm I'm satisfied with
(18:17):
where I'm at now. I want to lose a little
more and I feel like every pound I lose I
might be gett an extra day. So I mess although too.
There is a point where then then it becomes a negative.
And I know Supermarket Steve and his wife were very
concerned about me because they like you, You're get a
little too crazy with this diet stuff. See that's the
problem when you're a big fat guy. You lose weight,
(18:37):
people think you're sick. You know, it's it's a big,
big issue here. But I did play Santa last week.
They strapped me to the back of a fire truck
and we drove around a city in southern California, right
in the in the foothills there, and it was awesome.
It was it was bigger. I've done this now like
five six years something like that, I don't know how long,
(18:57):
And it was awesome. It was so much fun, and
it was bigger this year than it's ever been because
everyone is so freaking bored and they've got nothing to do,
and this was the highlight to see the joy on
people's faces who have been in this prolonged stressful situation
(19:21):
of COVID and locked in their homes and not able
to go a lot of places. Get some takeout food
in a doggy bag and get out of here. And
there were people it was I felt like I was
in the Rose Parade and I'm the star of the
Rose Parade, like they were. I'm the biggest float and uh,
I have the ribbon on it and on that. Because
there were people that had their chairs outside on the
lawn waiting to wave at Santa and the and the
(19:43):
elves and all that. It was really neat. It was
a lot of fun, and they were you know, it
went to all parts of the city. I mean, we
were up in the hills and it was night. It
was this was Friday night we did this, and it
got really freaking cold up in the hills. There's some
beautiful houses though, man, my god, to manches some costas
up there, and these are like neighborhoods I would never
(20:05):
go to. I don't think I'm allowed. I don't have
enough money to go to these neighborhos. And then these
huge houses, and there was one that was really cool.
They had all these little kids out and they had like,
you know, the Christmas theme out there, and they were
out and sitting waiting anxiously, you know, wait and see
the parade. It was pretty pretty neat. It was a
lot of fun, and you know, hopefully I'd like to
(20:25):
think that it goes back to the way it had
been where it's not over the top, like this is
the biggest thing in your life. But you know, for
this year, it was. It was tremendous and so I
want to thank the police, the fire you know, obviously
dealing with the fire department in the police department over there,
and it was pretty cool. That is awesome. But again
(20:46):
you went from you went from big old sand to
to just just a dude, you know. And those those
scannu the Santa pants made me look like they were
like skinny jeans on me, which is really scary. I
should never And the revealing part is usually when Santa's
were those big thick black belts, when you put it
(21:08):
through the loop, it looks like there's only a little
bit of slack. You had a ton of slack. You
had an I had too much slack. I had way
too much, way too much slack. Now, all right, so
speaking of Christmas, all right, speaking of Christmas and Hanukah
which is now over. Honka just ended. So speaking of
all this, um, let's get soupy. Now. This is a
(21:30):
guy I actually met early in my radio career and
he popped up in the news this week and it
was like, whoa wait a minute, here there's an actor
by the name of Larry Thomas. You know who Larry
Thomas is. He's rather generic guy in Hollywood. You know
Larry Thomas. I know it Joe Thomas. Um No, I
(21:51):
do not know Larry Thomas. Well, Larry Thomas spent a
number of years as mostly a character actor, I would
say based on what I know of him. Um. But
his one cameo role, which was a huge success that
has lived on over the last twenty five years as
an all time great Hollywood roll he was Larry Thomas
(22:15):
the soup Nazi on Seinfeld. One of the most famous
episodes of Seinfeld The soupnots and And he was on
a few of those episodes. But anyway, so I met him.
He he was a cigar connoisseur and they had a
the Cigar show. The was doing local radio in l A.
(22:35):
These guys were trying to start this cigar show. I
think they had it. It was a weekend show and
I had to do a Saturday morning show in addition
to the week show that I was doing weekday show.
And so I'd come in there and they would be
recording that we were on the eighth floor of this
skyscraper in l A. And they would be smoking cigars.
You're not supposed to smoke in there, and uh, you know,
(22:56):
just you know, guy. It was back in the nineties.
Men could be men, you know, to stosterone was flowing,
guys were being guys, and uh, you know, he was
the Soup Nazi and doing that whole thing. And so
I I met him a few times. I bring this
up because the CEO of Cameo. Did you see this?
He was on a guest appearance on some podcast and
(23:19):
revealed how much the Soup Nazi makes from cameo per year.
You want to take a guess how much he makes
per year from cameo. I don't want to be bad
on this, Let me guess. I will say per year.
I'm gonna say two fifty dollars. Okay, Well, to me
see the idea of making any kind of real money
(23:40):
on cameo. I mean, I do a couple of bucks here,
a couple bucks there. I mean, I'm gonna nobody he
makes you're you're probably right. He makes over six figures
a year doing cameo videos. And it starts he's like
eighty dollars a cameo and he's making over a hundred
thousand for these little thirty second, one minute videos. Holy crap.
(24:02):
And um. Anyway, the guy that the CEO, the guy
that runs the parent company of Cameo here to apologize
UM for revealing how much money the guy makes. But
UM apparently is a ton of these celebrities that are
making an extra hundred thousand dollars. If the Soup Nazi, Okay,
if the Soup Nazi is making that, how much do
(24:22):
you think Floyd Mayweather or Drew Brees or the Woutang
clan are making you know what I'm I mean, It's
just it's wild. Think about some of those people from
the Office. You know how popular that show was. There's
a bunch of characters from the Office that are on there.
Uh the uh one of they I'm looking at some
(24:45):
of the prices, the one of three hundred dollars, Leslie Baker,
Leslie David Baker. He was the funny guy, the African
American guy in the office, you know, kind of overweight guy.
Um three hundred bucks. H Who else? I mean, there's
go on and on. It's just crazy. I'm good for them.
By the way, I raised my rate as I said,
(25:06):
I would have forty dollars now, perfect holiday gift to
a fan of the show, Cameo. Unless it's not. I'm
just saying it's it's a possibility right, it's a positive.
It's out there. You can you know, it's tossing that out. Cameo, cameo, cameo,
look my name up, Ben Mallor. And if you hey,
if you're Jones, and I'm I've got some some much
(25:28):
earned time off here to the start of one and
so we're not gonna be doing monologues. And if you're Jones,
and for a Maller monologue, a mini MALLARW monologue, not
a full Maller monologue, mini MALLERW monologue, I'll give you that.
I's like something big happens. You want a minimal emergency
mini Maller monologue only for you. I'm in there, you go.
So it's out there. So cameo dot com bat but
(25:51):
good luck the soup not see good good God, hundred
over a hundred at least a hundred thousand, you said
two hundred fifty. Who knows how much it actually is.
And just that's unbelievable to me. Right over, So if
you're making let's just say, over the course of a
calendar year, if you're doing one cameo appearance every day
(26:13):
the entire year, it's two d and seventy four dollars. Yeah,
that's that's what you're charging per day, and obviously he's
not doing one per day. Yeah, I hear. It's uh,
you know what you should do. You should raise your
rate to like a hundred or a hundred fifty bucks
(26:36):
and see if you get any bites. I don't want
to be that guy. You're not that guy. You're just
you're you. I okay, So what's your threshold then, like,
what's the max you would go to? Well, the only
reason I raised my prices because they started taking extra
fees out of it, and so I was like, what's
(26:56):
the point of that. I mean, you spent some time
dealing with this stuff. But if I actually became popular,
I guess I would be like a mod rashot in
charge a hundred dollars or you are popular? No, I'm
I'm popular. I'm overnight radio popular. You know, there's a
there's a difference has been popularity, Like overnight radio. Dennis
Rodman charges seven hundred and fifty dollars for a cameo
(27:18):
US Denis Robbie's and pop Icon He's and you know
pop uh friend of the North Korean dictator and all
that you eat, you eat bull testicles on Instagram. You
have Arizona reporters that write articles about you. I'd say
it's safe to say that you're pretty popular. We got
a little pub in Pittsburgh this week. My rant about
Ben Roethlisberger was picked up by some of the social
(27:38):
media feeds of the newspapers in Pittsburgh. But were there, Uh.
I'll give the Pittsburgh fans credit. They were not nearly
as offended as the Arizona like. I feel like the
Steeler fan base is more receptive to criticism, which is
a good thing. That's a good thing. I didn't get
nearly as much ship as I got from the loot
(28:00):
it takes in the Valley of the Sun as I
did from the people to Pittsburgh when I took some
shots at Roethlisberger being done, and they didn't. They didn't
really seem all that bother and a few people were upset,
but it wasn't anything like it was me Kyler Murray,
Oh my god, hellighet her arms? How dare you? What's
wrong with yo? God? Day about you know that? Well,
(28:22):
maybe it's because you're attacking his you know, his stature
as opposed to his performance. His performance based criticism. His
stature is part of his performance. Tylu, the coach of
the Clippers, charges two hundred sixteen dollars for Oh my gosh,
now Boban Marjanovitch. I like him hundred and fifty bucks. Boban.
(28:46):
What do you think that he's the big fat guy?
Does Jim Kramer have a cameo account? Check here? Give
me one sec Jim Kramer. Just start doing that for
investment advice. Follow me on. I do not see Jim Kramer.
There's a Joey Kramer that is on there, but I
did not see there's the market for that Jim Kramer.
(29:07):
Jim Labors is on there. You can request a cameo
from me and I can get into uh do you
know Jim Labors? Of course we can get. He follows Twitter.
We can get we can get lays on. He follows
me on Twitter. I think he does some nonprofit stuff
in New York, doesn't he? Yeah, he's like he's by coastal.
I believe he spent some time in Orange County. Um.
(29:28):
I think he's a member of the Big Saddleback Church.
Last I heard in Mission Viejo. And obviously because of
his ties in New York when you're when you hit
a game winning, you know, world series changing home run
for the New York Yankees, that opens up some doors.
It opens up a few doors for you in the
New York metropolitan area. Some guys can they go for that. So, alright,
(29:52):
we have bah Humbug. Very exciting here, I guess on
bah Humbug. Now, this is the final weekend for us
a podcasting unless something crazy as he happens, and we
have to know there's a chance we might come back
um right around New Year's and do something probably not,
probably not. So this our our final weekend of podcasting
before the long holiday hiatus. And we will be back
(30:13):
in early January on the radio show, and we'll see
about the the podcast, and I guess we're gonna continue,
depending on my schedule. We will continue Benny Versus the Penny,
so we'll still have that content on Fridays, right, And
we had two more weeks after this in the regular
season here and then it's a little depressing, Yeah, do
you not want to do Benny versus I love Benny
Versus the Penny. It just it's unfortunate that when it
(30:35):
comes to a closed football season, I mean that means
football seasons come to a close. So yeah, I um
enjoy it. I think that it's great. It's game, great traction,
and like you said last week, it looks aesthetically appeasing
now compared to week number one. It only took me
four months to figure out what the problem was, so
I'm on top of it. Does not get any better.
(30:57):
You give me four months or three months. I think
it was three months, and I will figure figure it out.
So with that mention of the the ba humbug and
all that stuff, we'll be back with plenty of unique
original audio content for you in by the way, free
of charge. Free. This is free audio content. You know.
You know, there's no paywall, there's none of that stuff.
It's all available to you for free. So consider this now.
(31:18):
Are right of passage usually ritual. It's like the swallows
returning to Capistrano punk Satani Phil will he see his
shadow on Groundhog Day? It is a call to action
for all the brigadier generals, all the active and unactive
members of the Mallard Militia. You must keep your guard
up over the next couple of weeks. I will not
(31:39):
be at my watch post. I will not be the
watchdog of sports radio. For the next couple of weeks.
I'll be away and we have to be on guard
for lazy Christmas New Year's radio. You are my eyes
and ears. You are my eyes and ears. You must
report back. It's a very painful period. I'm sure no
(31:59):
one we work with will do this kind of radio
because it would be wrong. It would be wrong. But
it is a time where laziness takes over radio in
our business, in sports radio. So some of the traditional
lazy hack holiday topics of conversation for Christmas, it's who's
(32:20):
been naughty and who's been nice? In sports. That's an
obvious one. Another one that comes up this time of
the year is a host will do no show prep
no preparation for it at all, and say, what do
you think we should get player X for Christmas? You
know it could be Patrick Mahomes, Lebron James, Um, Mike Trout.
(32:42):
Watch them to get player X for Chris. What should
we get Mike Trout for Christmas? A pitching staff? Um,
what is your what is your favorite athletes? What do
you think is under your favorite athletes Christmas? Tree? All right,
that's one who gets a lump of cold in sports. Uh,
you know, there's all these lazy things that come up
(33:04):
at this time of the year, and then spin off
what we talked about this during Thanksgiving, it's who in
sports do you invite to Christmas dinner? That's another one.
And then recently we've seen this pandemic, its own pandemic
of the Christmas draft, the Christmas draft, um. And then
(33:26):
you've got like, um, Santa Claus, Reindeer, Christmas Carol's gifts.
You know what's the first pick? Is it the Christmas tree?
Is it the stockings? You know? Is the church? You know? Oh,
I'm oh my god, it's so so over the top.
So you gotta keep it. You gotta keep an eye
on those things. And then New Year's there's not as
(33:46):
many for New Year's, but they are out there. That's
simple laziness is tell me your sports New Year's resolutions.
That's always out there, and you know, go you go on.
We find out also the you could spend this is like, hey,
who needs to spend Who in sports needs to spend
more time with their family? Which is code for somebody
(34:07):
needs to you know, lose their job because they need
to be fired. And then there's the tell me who
in sports needs to work out more because they're fat?
You know those companies those are That's my brief brief
call to arms as the ears and the eyes of
the Mallard Militia there to keep an eye out for
(34:28):
this kind of radio. Now, with you taking a few
few heart earned days off because of the holidays, yeah,
will you be brainstorming on different things for because I've
had some things kind of roam through the mind and
I know, yeah, yeah, Well I usually take a week
and do nothing, and then I after that I have
(34:49):
to write liners because I'm the only one that can
write those liners apparently for the show. So you know
those things Eddie says when he comes back. Good radio
shows change those every month. We change him once a year.
I'll have to come up with some new liners for
Eddie to read coming back, and so I'll be working
on that. That takes a little bit of time because
you want things to sound unique, and those are gonna
(35:09):
be on for an entire year unless something crazy happened,
so we'll have to figure out how that goes. I'll
do that, and yeah, I'm always trying to think of
some new original bits to keep the show fresh because
you don't want things to go stale, because then when
things go stale, they cancel your ass. And you don't
want that. You want to always you want to keep
(35:30):
up with the times, right, you want to keep up
with the times. And so yeah, we'll we'll look around.
You just don't want things to become tedious and hum
drum and and all that. And so when you start
feeling like you're going to Dolesville, then you you got
I will tell you though, guests, and this has been
this last week leading into the to the break. It's
(35:52):
it's a little tough. You know. I feel like the
kid right before summer break or the kid before winter break,
where you're like, man, I gotta, I gotta, I still
gotta go to school for a couple more days. You know.
I got your mind starts wandering a little bit about
about that. So I've tried to battle that as much
as I can. Yeah, I have a few different ideas
(36:12):
for oh, you're for you and yeah, because we don't
stick to sports here on the podcast, No no, And
I thought once the conclusion of Benny Versus a Penny
comes at the obviously the end of the season, with
super Bowl. Um, maybe doing something that's not sticking to
sports related now. I know with certain shows that you've
(36:33):
been on in the past, there's kind of like that
crosstalk where you'd be on on a show and he
passed the proverbial baton to the nether host for the
next show. Yeah, that was a tradition. In fact, some
radio stations that's like the most popular part when they
do the crossover there. Yeah. So I was thinking maybe
doing something like that while we're on YouTube and we
(36:54):
talked about non sports related content, which we kind of
trade back and forth the a text that we can't
talk about on air, discussing those things and then crossing
right over to you going live on radio. Oh, it's
like before the radio show. Yeah, pre like a pregame show. Yeah.
(37:15):
I mean, if there's, uh, there's this is possibility. I'd
have to look at the and how long it would
be in that kind of thing, but be open to it.
That's something to think about. I do know that we're
we're talking about something for for baseball season with with you,
myself and Rob Parker. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to do
more during that. I'm a baseball guy. I love baseball.
(37:38):
You know, Rob loves baseball too, so we would be
good to put something there. Yeah, listen, I hope the economy,
assuming things do return to somewhat normal, will improve and
people start getting jobs back, and restaurants will be able
to open and people can go eat and go to
ball games, and hopefully that means more opportunities in the
(37:59):
media business to do some some different things and to
expand and and all that. So sure, absolutely, yeah, alright,
we we have a little time. How do we do
pop quiz? You want a little drop quiz here? All right?
These are things I found around the internet and just
have some fun with a lot of holiday ones today,
a lot of holiday ones because the time of the year. Win,
(38:19):
but we'll start out with some non holiday ones. On average,
on average, we do this three hundred days a year.
What is it, three hundred days? Three hundred days a year, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Traditionally there's three hundred sixty five days. This year, there's
three under sixty six. Because it's a leap. Yeah, um work,
(38:51):
uh no, wake up, grumpy. Oh that's a bad percentage.
That's a lot. Yeah. Is that just because you didn't
get enough sleep. Is that the I don't know, it
doesn't give you the reason. But wow, the math on that.
Let me let me do some back of the napkin
(39:11):
math here. So there's three sixty five days in a year,
and three hundred of them you are grumpy. That is
eighty two at the time. It could be from a hangover.
It could be from a breakup, a bad marriage, a
bad relationship, losing your job, um, gaining too much weight, stress, kids,
(39:34):
a lot of things. But man, that's a horrible percentage. Yeah,
that is all right, It is frowned upon. But nearly
eight of us do this at work. What is it? Belch, belch?
Use emojis? You're not supposed to use emojis at work? Yes,
I can't use the smiley emojis. Where would you use
(39:57):
you mean, like in a group text or like if
you're working on a team texting about something, Yeah, you
instead of saying something, you'd put an emoji in there. Wow.
That is fascinating, though. I know in court cases over
the last couple of years they've been trying to figure
out how to bring emojis into that world, the legal world,
you know, because there's text chains with people committing crimes,
(40:17):
and they look at the emojis and how do they
crack the code? Man, It's pretty pretty crazy because people
can interpret emojis different ways, obviously, right, some people have
hijack certain emojis for sexual references and other things and whatnot.
All right. According to a recent study, men start turning
into their father at age thirty eight. What is the
(40:39):
number one sign a man is becoming his dad? Um?
Do do do? Do? The way? The way he grows
facial hair? No, it's falling asleep in the living room
on the couch or they were liner. Okay, yeah, I
(41:02):
can't do that. Can you fall asleep on the couch
or the recliner? Yeah? Yes, I can't on the weekends
because I don't get a lot of sleep during the
podcast and so I don't gotta sleep in general. But
by the end of the week it gets to Friday
night and I I I laid down on the couch
to watch something and I'm snoozing. I am I'm a
(41:23):
hollering James, that is what I am, all right. A
new survey asked people to name a skill that their
father taught them. This was the most common answer among respondents.
What is driving No, barbecuing a grill barbecue. Did your
dad teach you how to barbecue? Guess I just picked
(41:43):
it up and wet. Although he didn't teach me how
to drive either. Yeah, my mom tried to teach me
how to drive, but then she hired driving instructor. That
such a bad driver. Did your dad teach you how
to barbecue? No, my dad's a terrible barbecue My my dad,
my pops. Uh, you know. He he believes the only
(42:04):
way to properly cook a meals in the microwave for
two minutes and anything more than that. No, And I'm
telling my I, I tell me, listen, that's that's food
is gonna taste so much better. Just put it in
the stove. Which it's just like the microwave said it
go away, come back, take it out. No, No, it
takes too long. Takes too long. So yeah, he's not
the guy. Not the guy to go to al right.
A new survey says that more than of households have
(42:27):
one of these but have not used it in at
least five years. Smoke detector. It's related to the holidays.
Um um bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum I'd say a fuse box. No,
it can't be a fuse box, usee box, that would
(42:48):
be impossible, that that could be the worst answer ever. Know.
The correct answer is artificial Christmas tree. Ah, it makes
sense now, I've only I'm new to the Christmas tree game,
you know, growing being Jewish. My wife is not, and
so we have a Christmas tree and we get a
real run, real one every year. But I have seen
(43:09):
I've been at people's houses that have the fake ones
when you put it away, putting it back together, and
it's a pain in the ast. So I could see
how people would be like, Okay, I just we're gonna
leave this. We're not. We have it, but we're not.
Just you're not gonna use it. I was thinking fuse
box because most houses now are being made with fuse
boxes inside the house as opposed to outside, water power,
(43:33):
electrical everything trying to get inside as opposed outside. All right,
it could. According to a new survey, when it comes
to the holidays, women are almost twice as likely to
do this as men. What is it? It's all for
the ladies? Bake You're so sexist, you're so misogynistic. How
(43:55):
dare you know? The correct answer is to re gift. Oh,
re re get. Now that's lazy. The key thing about
re gifting is you have to make sure that the
two universes do not collide at any point. Right. You've
got to make sure the gift you get that you
give to somebody else is any different dimensions and those
(44:16):
dimensions will never crossover, or else you are Scott rude.
But now, what's your take on someone? If you have
a significant other or relative that asks you what you
want for Christmas? Do you take that as an insult?
Or do you take that? Like? Do you appreciate that?
When I was a kid, I was very enthusiastic about that,
But I don't really want no. Now I'm like, I
(44:39):
don't don't get me anything. If you have to ask,
don't get me anything, you know, just leave me. I
don't need anything. I'm good you what do you? How
do you treat? I think more so now it's I
think it's kind of lazy. Yeah, yeah, but it also though,
eliminates getting something for someone they don't want, which you
could say is actually efficient. But if you knew the
(45:01):
individual then you wouldn't have a problem with that. Yeah,
you might know someone but you don't know if they
have you know what they have in their house and
there you know every You don't have inventory. You didn't
go through everything and do a checklist of what they
have and what they need. All right. A Pennsylvania man
has the world record for the largest collection of this
holiday item. What is it? Wow? This is really strange.
(45:27):
This one um a rather innocuous item that you don't
really think about, but as part of the holidays for
many many people. Missiletell A Christmas tree stand guy collects
Christmas tree stands. Yeah, that's now, I I wet. They
(45:48):
have a lot of plastic ones. We got a big
metal one. That's a good investment. I think last. I
thing last. All right, if you're average, you're gonna buy
three of these, three of these over the high today?
Is what is it? Average? Um? Do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do?
Do do do do? Three rolls of tape. It's related
(46:14):
to tape. Three rolls of wrapping paper. Damn, it was
my first so close, and you didn't say it, so
I don't know that it was your first. Guess all right.
According to a new survey single people of single people,
you're like yourself guest gun nineties. Six percent of single
people agree that this is a turn on during the holidays.
Both men and women find this sec seat. What is
(46:38):
going to church? No ugly sweaters? I can't fucking stand them.
I guess you're not invited to the ugly sweater party
next year. Then if you cannot stand them, well, it's nothing.
There's nothing worse than seeing someone that's ugly wearing ugly sweater. Wow,
such as West of the four or Old five? Answer
(47:03):
right there, probably Guscott. We are all God's creatures. We
are all unique and beautiful in one way or another.
Maybe on the inside you're beautiful, not theid Yeah, alright.
A small number of us will hide Christmas presents here?
Where is it? Not in luggage? In the luggage? Who
(47:29):
would check? That makes sense? Like, who's going to check
the luggage unless you're going somewhere alright. New surveys is
nine of kids will eat this at some point in
the next month, but only ten percent of adults are
gonna do it. What is it? Dates? Snow now and
that big northeaster this week just ravaged many cities with
(47:53):
snow in the northeast. Sorry uh. This actor was the
first ever to start in three umber one hit movies
in a year. That's kind of random, of we'll think
of the history of Hollywood. This is the first one
ever to do it. Kirk Douglas, no, believe it or not.
(48:14):
Jim Carrey, oh ship, all right, Jim Carrey was an
ace venter, a pet detective. The Mask and Dumb and Dumber.
Great movies. It's a good year. It's a good year
for movies. Cameron Diez was actually hot in that movie,
and she's not normally hot. She looks very skinny. I'll
say that, did you give her a steak or something
(48:36):
like that? You know, I I know a steak that
I can good boy? All right, all right, last one here,
last one. About one third of dog owners, about one
third of dog owners say they do this for their
pet nearly every day. Mm hmm. Brush them. No, something
(49:02):
that involves our industry, You got me? I don't know.
All right, turn on the radio to keep them coming
and they leave the house. Let me turn on the
little sports radio show, or while you're sleeping, turn on
the mall show. Interesting. Yeah, I don't think we get
credit for that. If dogs listen, Unfortunately, we don't get credit.
(49:23):
But any all right, there is. We'll have the mailbag
and some other random things that will pop up on
the Sunday podcast. Don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. I know,
we got some weird Saturday NFL games this week, so
it's a little disjointed, but you can fast forward through
those and check out the Sunday card of Benny Versus
the Penny breaking down every NFL game against the spread.
It's the YouTube show and we do that every Friday.
(49:45):
We plan on doing that even over the Christmas and
New Year's break, so I get your little little taste,
a little fix of the Mallard Militia Show and all
that stuff. So uh, anyway, thank you, have a wonderful,
wonderful rest of your day. Will catch you next time. Aloha.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Miller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Host
Ben Maller
Popular Podcasts
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com