February 13, 2021 • 34 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven p m Pacific.
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week,
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
(00:20):
poppers in the penthouse to clearing house of hot takes.
Break free for something specialitur with Ben Maller starts right
now on a Saturday Saturday Saturday. We welcome you into
the Magic podcast Box, where all your audio content needs
are taken care of on the weekends. Here as the
(00:43):
spinoff of the Ben Maller Show. All this is only
available in the podcast format. You figured that out already,
and we do this because hey, four hours in the
middle of the night clearly not enough. Eight days a week,
eight days a week in Thank you for subscribing, whether
it's on the I Heart podcast platform or anywhere else.
(01:05):
You get your podcast available everywhere, and tell a friend,
Tell a friend, tell a friend. And unfortunately I look
at the calendar here and it appears that David Gascon
is with us again. This week here and set. Yeah,
boom friend fresh meat and my my good friend the
(01:32):
Penny took ourselves on a nice trip last couple of
days after celebrating one Super Bowl victory for Tom Brady.
There's a job well done by the Penny. I'd like
to pat myself on the back for well. The Penny
actually went on a hiatus. If you know this uh
a situation my personal life. The well actually originally the
Penny went on hiatus because he didn't want to do
(01:53):
it over the the Christmas holiday festivities. But then and
you know, Christmas and New Years and then so what happens,
So we we just put the Penny on hold pen.
He's on ice right now, and he's on like a
box ice sitting there. And then that's how that's going
so good. It was excellent now it's the Depression. Was
a terrible game. It was a horrible game. The game
got an F. It was was an F game. It
(02:15):
was a crap game. It was a terrible game. The
production was bad too. It was bad from start to finish,
pregame to post game, the production, the commercials, it all sucked. Yeah,
it's it's not something that we're gonna sit here and
so I remember where you were when you watched the
Bucks Chief Super Bowl and how amazing that was. No,
there was none of that. I know, none of that.
(02:37):
I thought one would be better than so far not
so good. Yeah, it appears that was the warm up act.
Gonna go see a comedy show and they had the
warm up comedian and then the main comedian comes on
and so yeah, my favorite And I don't know if
you've ever done this, but there's a few comedy stores
(02:59):
where we live, and one of my favorites is actually
in Hermosa Beach, and on Fridays and on Sundays, Jed
Letta would go there and do some of his he'd
practice some of his routine for the week. He'd go
there on Sundays, but on Fridays and Sundays, they would
typically do instead of having like your warm up and
then your main your your main set of comedians, they
(03:19):
do it round robin. So they'd have a round robin
of fifteen or twenty comedians that would come out and
they get two minutes on the clock and you go
for two minutes and the buzzer sounds and you get
the funk out. And that was one of my favorite
acts to watch because you had these guys that were
full throttle for two minutes. They didn't have time to
ponder around and like you know, use the audience as
(03:40):
a subject. Those are some of my favorite acts to
see from a comedy store. I don't know if you've been.
We call that in the profession. We call that the
sports talk radio version of comedy where you go two
minutes because the caller gets about two minutes on the
air and then you move on to the next call.
So it's really comedy stealing from sports talk radio's good
bad job by them. Yeah, did they have a seven
(04:01):
and a half to drag queen from Rochester? No? No,
in Buffalo, no drag queens, No trenies, no eighty year
old women, eighty year old women? Do they have truck
drivers from Arkansas that double fist Big Max at three
in the morning. One woman looked like she did. Yes. Yeah, Well,
you can't go to a comedy club now, right There're
still they're not open a comedy club. In a while,
(04:24):
I used to like going to comedy was I liked
Jeff Garland used to pop up. I think he's in
Hollywood now to comedy club, the guy from the Big
Fat Guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm, and he would he
would hit this club in Burbank every Sunday night and
he had he had a regular gig there and he
just he didn't prepare anything. Of course, he did no preparation.
He just went out there and ripped people on the
(04:44):
audience and that was a stick and just saw him
and it was good. I don't know he was he
was fine. Yeah, he was all right. But yeah, sometimes
the comedy clubs around l A, like the bigger name
comedians that live in l A. Well just like in
fact of the day, they would just pop up. Yeah,
I've heard story like back many many the late great
(05:05):
George Carlin. Yeah, would sometimes just walk in and then
you want to do a few minutes and test something
out and for an HBO special or something like that
and serious and yeah, there's well the Comedy Store in Hollywood.
They have the regular stage and then they have a
separate stage like adjacent to it, but upstairs it's almost
like a frat house and that's what they do their
their typical roast battles and the roast battles he'd see
(05:28):
on Comedy Central with Jeffrey Ross, he'd be roasting people
at the time. He would actually randomly show up. Um
that that's really small. It's it probably holds about thirty people,
and then it has like a small stage area for
v I P s. But like that is that is it?
So when you get Jeffrey Ross that goes in there,
it's almost like a sweatshot because it's just the smell
(05:49):
and the odor and the stench from people that are
coming in and out. But yeah, I missed those days.
I don't know if we're gonna have any of those
anytime sooner. What holy shit, California, finish the governor and
get rid of this loser governor and Gavin Newsom in California,
(06:10):
we all hope. I don't know anyone that doesn't want
him removed. His governor is a terrible governor. And there's
a recall effort underway and then apparently on the cusp
of happening. Yeah, we're I think we're about a hundred
thousand signatures away from the recall. The only thing that
scares me about that is can you imagine what losers
are going to run to replace him? Well? No, because
the other thing is he might say that these signatures
(06:33):
aren't authentic. Yeah, yeah, he's gonna have to go and
eat a stake at the French laundry to whether or
not they're authentic and have a nice glass of wine
there as he as he does his things. So on
this podcast we have the Valor Victorian and also a
hot Take thumbs up plus pop Quiz. All right, all right,
(06:56):
this is original content. Nobody else has this content. They
all want the content. They can't have the content. It's
our content nobody else has. So you want Valor Victorian,
you want Hot Take thumbs up or pop Quiz? What
do you want? I think we go pop quiz first,
get it out of the way. I don't know if
they get it out of the way. See pop Quiz
is wonderful. Don't dismiss pop quiz. Yeah, but why would
(07:20):
you dismiss pop quiz Because it's typically like schools and sessions,
So you want to get the tests over with before
you get to anything else like lab work or any
kind of interns. See your instincts on this. That's a
bad job by pop Quiz. Like if back in the
day when I was a kid and I watched the
Tonight Show, you don't watch it anymore. But they watched
it with Leanto, I watched it with I'm Old. I
(07:42):
watched it with Johnny Carson, the big name. They didn't
bring out right away, right, They didn't bring the big
name out. They wanted you to stay and watch and
then you know what I mean. It's not like they'd
have a list of gas and then they'd have Usually
somebody would get bumped depending on how along the main
main guest went, But usually have somebody come out first.
(08:03):
Then you have the main guest, and then you finish
up with if you have time left, somebody else. Yeah,
but this is a this is a story arc that
will conclude with Valedictorian. So I feel I see, okay,
all right, well listen, your instincts are terrible, but we'll
do that. That's fine, if you want to do that.
We will start with pop quiz. My fault for asking.
(08:23):
I should have just taken the lead there and guided
you through the abyss. But we will. We'll start with
pop quiz. So these are things I found scouring around
the dark web that I found interesting enough to quiz
guest gun. But really I'm quizzing you as the list
(08:43):
whether you're working out, doing some yardwork, freezing your ass
off in a winter blizzard, whatever it might, or shopping
or shopping for tomorrow and your significant other. Yeah, my
advice is to wait until the day after everything's all
(09:04):
the candies, half off, all the flowers or half off.
They gotta get rid of that stuff. Just make sure
you got some endurance for the night. Yeah, well, let's
see about that, all right, So pop quiz, here we go.
Due to the pandemic, which seemingly will never end. Due
to the pandemic, there are four million of these currently
sitting in warehouses all around the United States. But a
(09:27):
direct result of the pandemic, and it is somewhat related
to sports, In fact, very related to sports. Oh do
do do Do Do? Do? Do? Do do do do um?
Related to sports? Do do do do? Do Do do do Um? Alright,
(09:49):
time is up. Final answers. Yeah, I'm gonna say. I'm
gonna say football's uh no. Since the Major League Baseball
season was played with no fans, there are four million
bubble heads sitting in the warehouses across the United States
that we're gonna be given away by the Cincinnati Reds,
(10:09):
the Minnesota Twins, the Dodgers, the Mariners, the Stros, and
every other team in baseball, and none of those have
been given out. Now, let's see the problem with that is,
I would like to do an analysis. How many of
those bubble heads are for players that are no longer
on the current team. That's a good one, right, like
(10:32):
Tampa Bay head that bro I'm risking my life Blake
Snell and he's now a Padre. Did they have any
Blake Snell bobble heads last year they were gonna give
away from Trevor Bauer. That's right, Trevor Bauer and Cincinnati.
He gone, I go down the list. I'm sure there's
you know, somewhere there's Key k Hernandez bobble heads. And
(10:54):
he's not around the Dodger, he said, he's gone to
the Red Sox. All right, if you do not do
this during an interview, two thirds of hiring managers will
turn you down for the job. So if you don't
do this in an interview, then you have a very
small chance of getting hired to do said job. Ask
(11:16):
for the job. So you have to ask for the job. Now,
it's something involving body language. Sit up straight, No, damn dude, dude, dude,
this explains why you're not getting these good jobs. Guest
con you don't know the answer. Yeah, good job of you.
I don't know. Man, it's gonna help you out. It's
gonna change your life and in magical ways. Here all right,
(11:37):
tell me make eye contact. If you don't make eye contact,
they think you're up to trouble. They think you're a
shady character. You're a shyster. Interesting, it's all about that icon.
People do not like being an icon. Yeah, makes them uncomfortable. Yeah. Now,
when you're out and about there and you're walking around
(11:58):
some ritzy beach with all the uh elitist west of
the four oh five, I'm always smiling, looking smiling, trying
to make eye contact with the ladies, right, But they
don't like to make eye contact with you right now,
because that's a connection. There's a connection when you make
eye contact. There's a connection for a moment, for a
split second, there's a connection. There's a bond between two
people when you make eye contact. Yeah, but they're not
(12:19):
usually looking at my eyes. You get what I'm saying.
I don't know what else there is to look at,
you know, suns out, guns out, you know. Wow, back legs,
you know it's the beach. It's l a man, what
do you want? Bending over? Like the photos on your
grinder account? He got going on there, But jeez, we
(12:41):
are looking live. Oh I dropped something again. Let me
bend over and pick it up. Here, let's see what
we got, all right? Man? All right? Uh this, this
creature has more taste buds than any other on earth
or in water. I'm gonna must have the greatest palette
in the world. This particular thing, I'm gonna say it's
(13:12):
not kosher. I was gonna say an ant, but an
ant I'm gonna say a ladybug. Uh No, catfish, catfish.
According to this report, there there are a hundred and
seventy five thousand taste buds all over the body of
a catfish. So I mean, if you get I don't
eat catfish, but if you eat catfish, you're eating taste buds. Wow.
(13:34):
That's interesting. Humans. By the way, for comparison, U slowly humans.
Right now we have ten thousand, ten thous That tongue
is covered with those taste buds. Yeah, covered, all right.
Sunglasses were originally this I didn't know this. This one's cool.
I like this one. Sunglasses were originally invented to hide
(13:55):
the eyes of people belonging to this profession. I'm not
sure whether this is bullshit or not, but firefighters, no.
I think of somebody who has to be an arbitrator
of things. A judge, yes, a judge. Wow? Is that
(14:19):
why wiggs were invented to for the judge? They love
the our friends in in Europe with the in Britain
there with the the the English judges with the white wiggs.
And do they still do that? I don't know, Like
in Parliament, yeah, I don't know. I I do like
when they were going through the Brexit thing couple of
(14:41):
years ago, they would show the shouting matches and it
was so entertaining to watch the British politicians screaming at
each other. I thought it was wonderful. There's so much
more entertaining than the idiots here in America. The ones
that are crying right now try to and they claim
to have decorum and uh survived the nuclear winter? Yes,
(15:02):
absolutely all right. If you'd like to make a woman
feel truly love, this is important, guest, gun your single
guy Valentine's Day weekend, If you'd like to make a
woman feel truly loved. Ten percent of them said to
do this. What is it only ten percent countsis? Cook
for them? That's always your default answer. Well, I was
(15:26):
always your I'd say, let's say clean, but I think
that's too obvious clean. Uh No, it is fill up
the car with gas. What Yeah, that's flame funk That
gas is expensive. Well, if you're with in a relationship
with someone, you can just instead of them, you're you're
(15:48):
you're going to join account or something like that. My god,
I don't know. I don't know if the decide that
for a later time. So you're you're an anti gass
or is that what you're saying there? Just you know,
I mean everyone's got their own investments and them are
more profitable than others. All right, Uh la la la
la la Lee. Here's another one. This has been ranked.
(16:08):
We're doing pop quiz. This has been ranked as one
of the top ways you can ruin your whole day.
What is it? Drop your phone and water? No, but
it does involve water. Get up, take a nice shower,
and there's no hot water. Hot water heater has gone
(16:30):
out and you can't take a hot shower. Now, I
have been told and I've heard from several people that
I trust that actually taking a cold shower is really
good for you. Stimulates your body, stimulates your metabolism. Yeah,
that's might be true. But the way to take a
cold showers to start out with a warm shower and
turn the water down. I don't know. That's the way
that that's the proper bullshit, that's the proper way to
(16:51):
do it. I don't know. If you start out with
warm water and you say it's it's the same thing
as the boiling frog. You turn the water down slowly
and get it colder and colder, and by the time
you get done it's an ice cold shower. You started
out warm, you ended up cold. That's the way to
do it. That's like going from a jacuzzi to a pool. Though, no, no,
(17:12):
it's not. It's not your slowly turning the temperature of
the water down slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. What
a snob? So why do it teaching life lessons? Yes,
one third of American homes have one of these. One
(17:33):
third um a gazebo. Now a welcome matt, welcome man?
Do you have a welcome mat? Do your scon of
course my wife has a welcome Yeah, little pixie dust. Sure,
(17:56):
absolutely all right. The last time the average person didn't
this chore at their house was five months ago. Oh man,
what is it? I'm gonna I'm gonna say dust. That's
a good one. Most people don't dust very often. Uh No,
the answer is clean out the fridge. Now that my
(18:18):
my wife loves cleaning out the fridge. Really yes to
a problematic situation because it's almost every other week she's
cleaning out the fridge and and I'm like, well, she
has up thrown away food that we could still eat.
Oh yeah, Does she clean out the freezer to freezer?
Not as much freeze or not as much? Yea, what
(18:39):
you're talking about, Gus g I don't know. I don't
know what you're talking about. Stasking a question. It's a
time machine in there, there's a there's a flashback to
a different time. Yeah, but it's perfectly fine. The food
in there is perfectly fine where it should be. Right. Yeah,
I just got a phone call from Tom LOUDI should
I answer my phone call from Tom LOUDI? Probably not right,
Probably not. He's gonna be triggered about something, and you
(19:01):
should pick it up. I guarantee he'll be scream at.
I'm not ready, He's I don't think I've been awake
long enough to deal with his bull crap. They do
not think. I don't think the that that's something I'm
interested in there so not right now. I'm not a
good I'm not a good riser, and I hate alarm clocks.
(19:22):
But the sound of his voice is that of an
alarm clock. He is at a ten, especially when he
gets triggered. Well, I like to hit his buttons and uh.
And then yeah, so I and then I give him
his own medicine, you know, I use his rhetoric's liberal
rhetoric against him and uh, and then he gets upset
(19:43):
by that, and uh, you know, pretty much go back
and forth. He accuses me of only watching Fox News,
and I said he only watches CNN, and so that's
you know, like, well we're in the same spot, you know,
if that's the case, because you know, anyway, all right,
let's see what do we have next year? Uh, let's
see any meny mighty alright. Thirty seven of Americans say
(20:07):
that they have never done this uh in the car
about that had sex? Uh had sex? Uh? No, no, no.
This one's odd to me because I don't know how
you can drive properly in a big city without doing this.
Honk the horn? Oh man, now hank the horn? Man?
(20:30):
Are you a tapper or do you sit on the
horn when you hank it? Well, when I had a
big masculine horn, I would really just pound the horn
and that would But now I have kind of a weak,
embarrassing horn on my malanmobile, very bad. It's just it's
like a clown clown horn. So I don't. I'm a
little embarrassed, but I still hit it. But I don't.
(20:50):
I'm not loud and proud, you know. I don't pump
my chest out and hold the horn down like an
fh you. I don't do that, but I'll tap it.
I'll give a tap atually when you're changing lanes and
the asshole will not allow you to get over or
speeds up or you know, vice versa little tap tap.
Although I've noticed and that backing out of parking places
(21:12):
is often the most risky thing that you could have
got an accidents backing up or or driving and somebody
backing into me. That's happened multiple times of office workers
have one of these in their desk. What is it? Um,
I'm gonna say, a picture of a loved one picture picture, No,
(21:35):
A toothbrush, good dental hygiene. That reminding that reminded I
was when I was younger. I uh not that I
dated many people, but I did date a woman whose
father was a dentist, and she would brush her teeth
like four times a day. It was so freaking annoying.
It was so good. It was so annoying. I guess gun.
(21:55):
I was like, oh my god, this is a nightmare.
Ask you you said that brings something up? Say because
you brought it up last week with cars. I didn't
realize it. I cleaned out my car last week and
lo and behold, I found a toothbrush and toothpaste in
my center console. You had to ask this question or similar. Yeah, yeah,
(22:16):
we had pop quiz about the I was like, wait
a minute, and it's you know when you get it
from the dentist and a little baggie. I had it
my oh the baggy. Yeah. I would stash like my
big eating days, I'd stash bags of candy and I'd
have a little bagge and then I forget about it
and it would be you know, heat, the heat and
the cold that would be disgusting. And then usually gotta
(22:38):
have like you gotta a little mouthwash in case you
need the mouthwash, and you gotta have a little bit
of deodor. You gotta have that. Those are the two
key things you gotta have in your car and all times,
just in case you end up in front of someone
who's you want to you want to impress them. You
don't want to smell and look like a slob. So alright,
One in every four people you see here are scrolling
(23:00):
through social media. Do do do do do do do do?
Wait can you say that again? Alright? One in every
four people you see here at this location are scrolling
through social media. Starbucks no better than the Starbucks. Church.
Oh man, go go to church. Get an update, status update.
(23:27):
Let's see what's on the Graham, See what the booty
models are doing over there on the Instagram, and I'll
knock yourself out. That's always good. Yes, I can't go
wrong with that. You cannot go wrong with that. Alright. Uh,
let's see here of men have borrowed this from their
significant other. What is it? The utterant that is correct? Alright?
(23:47):
Last one on pop quiz, last one on pop of
couples are doing this for Valentine's Day? What is it? Nothing?
No watching romantic movies? Oh boy, alright, so that that
is pop quiz. Why don't you know what we need
to do? Now we have what do we have here?
(24:08):
We have hot take thumbs up in valor Victorian. Let's
do let's do the hot takes alright, Hot takes them up,
So thumbs up. So the other day I did a
rant about Russell Wilson. Russell went on the Dan Patrick
Show on Fox Sports Radio and complained, he cavetched. That
is you know, we played the Woe is Me card
(24:29):
about being sacked three ninety four times and now this
was like a war crime. And he blamed the offensive
line for all of his problems. So I did a rant.
And this has been my belief most of the time,
not always, but most of the time quarterback sacks. This
is one of the things that the average fan does
(24:50):
not understand about foot but they think that it's always
the fat guys on the offensive line's fault when a
quarterback gets sacked. There's no other explanation. It always the court,
It's always the offensive line's fault, the quarterback, the darling.
It's never the darling's fault. You know, the star the
whole thing. Well, I've I've understood and watching football and
(25:13):
observing and that it is often the quarterbacks fault. So
I pointed this out. I did a rant about Russell Wilson,
and I said, the biggest problem Russell Wilson has is
his he needs a clockmaker because his internal clock is
messed up. He could have had half the number of
sacks that he's had if he would have just gotten
rid of the ball. And anyone in football who coaches
(25:35):
football will tell you an incomplete pass is better than
a sack. You'd rather have an So I did this rant.
I went a little Mallard monologue. Rant was an a
good you know, I was okay, But it was given
the thumbs up by a former NFL executive of the
year boy who agreed with my hot take. He liked it.
(25:57):
Endorsed by a former NFL executive, Randy Remember Randy Mueller.
He was the general manager of the New Orleans Saints
and the Miami Dolphins. He also he's worked with He
actually worked with the Seahawks and the Chargers, and he,
you know, on social media, endorsed my rant about Russell Wilson,
(26:19):
that's the two thousand NFL Executive of the year. Put
that in your pipe and smoking. I guess he does
a podcast now, but he's a guy worked in the
NFL for many many years as a talent evaluator, and
he gave me the thumbs up to that. Mallard monolu
put that in your pipe and smoking. You just said that.
I'm saying it again because you didn't respond. I would
(26:43):
like I would like you to genuinect. You know, I'm
just saying, it's fine. It's not fine, it's all right,
it's wonderful. That is a confirmation that the hot take
was right, that that's hot take, confirmation he was Executive
(27:03):
the year in two thousands. That validated, that validated my
hot take, that that gave substance to what I was saying.
But wouldn't that actually not making a hot take anymore?
Wouldn't that actually just making a good take and not
a hot take? No, No, that's a red hot take
that you don't see. There's a noticeable difference. You don't
notice that. There's a noticeable difference that tips the scale
(27:26):
any reasonable person would point out that tips the scale
in favor of the take, right, that was a key indicator,
but key indicated the take was exceptional. It was. It
was amazing, tremendous. But we usually we usually consider hot
takes bullshit takes that I have no merit to them,
(27:48):
like on on on on on. This was this was
such a red hot, red hot take that it's like
in the Take Hall of Fame. Yeah, yeah, it's it's
that amazing. That's in the take Hall of Fame. Like
you could have put it on a grill, barbecued it,
seared it for ten minutes and I would it turned
out well done. It's such a shut up, I know you.
(28:11):
It's such a wonderful hot take. It's it's like you
could burn your tongue right because of all the hot
take uh you know, fallout from from that hot take.
I'm excited for its overpowering, right it is. It is
one of the great hot I mean blistering hot. Okay,
so let me go on hot. How many other ways
(28:34):
can you say hot? Answer answering listing hot, scalding hot,
and white hot. That's roting hot? Is it better than
any take you've ever had on Clayton Kershaw when he
has just defecated on himself in the postseason. No, no, no, no,
those are some of those are the Michaelangelo. It's Justine
Chapel me me coming in after watching Kershaw puke up
(28:56):
a playoff game. That is the gold stand. That is
the art stick. Everything else is measured against that. Everything
else is that. It's like a five car pile up. Yeah.
And the great thing about Kershaw is he he fucked
up so many times that I had a lot of
a lot of practice mastering. It's like playing with clay
(29:17):
and moving it around, you know, It's like it's like
clay in your hands there and uh yeah, So I
had a lot of fun with that. But do you
think he stays put though in Seattle? That's the question. Yeah,
the Seahawks are are not because of the salary cap,
even though Russell has become a little toxic right now,
they're not. I would be They're not gonna trade him now. Certainly,
(29:39):
if they were to move him, it would have to
be I think after sometime in June because they'd saved
some money on that. But it is interesting to see
his career arc in Seattle because don't forget. I mean
there are issues with Richard Sherman and the Legion of
Boom talking about how he got preferential treatment. Russell Wilson. Yeah,
he was the darling. He was the most popular person
(30:00):
in class. He was the teacher's pet. And I'd make
that argument every day that that defense for such a
long period of time was what won them games and
obviously a super Bowl, not the offense binding stretch of
the imagination. Well, the defensive guys started getting along in
the tooth though. That was part of the problem. They
got rid of them, and they kept the hot shot
quarterback who just is the doppel ganger of Pete carroll Man.
(30:23):
Not anymore though. Now he's going off his own. He's
going rogue, going rogue, all right, Uh so we have
the Valor Victorian. You want the Vale of Victorian? Said
the best for last one of my bucket list items
happened this week? I guess John I got the phone call.
I was called in out of the bullpen a professor emeritus.
I don't even know if that's true. The great Rob
(30:43):
Parker reached out to me and said, hey, you know,
I'm teaching a class over here at the USC and
I would like to have you speak to my class
about your experiences in the radio business. And sure enough
I answered the call. I changed my entire sleep schedule around.
I was invited it to be a guest speaker at
the University of Southern California. We did it on zoom
(31:04):
because we're social distancing, but for roughly forty five minutes
in the middle of my night because I normally am
sleeping at this time levin in the morning on Monday,
I got up with very little sleep and I regaled
the undergrads with war stories from the front lines of
(31:26):
sports talk radio. And it was a lot of fun.
Had a good time, and I got to ask some
good questions with little Q and a thing after I
did my little opening rant, and I enjoyed a lot.
I don't want to thank Rob for inviting me in
I I've had people in the past they I'd like
you to come speak to my class and sports plus
he invited me, but it never happened. Uh. And then
(31:48):
he's a caller or a listener. And then also there
was a guy I was buddy of mine that was
a professor at Auburn of all places, and he wanted
me to do a Zoom thing. This is before Zoom
became cool. That never worked out, and then he left
Auburn and he went to another school. So this is
the first time I've done it, and it was a
lot of fun and I had a good time. And
(32:08):
so I am open if you are a teacher of
radio and television now, because of Zoom, I am willing
to go on a rubber Chicken circuit and tell war
stories of the overnight in sports talk radio. This is
my future. I can see myself. I robbed down the
line teaching a class on broadcasting. Why not? Yeah, you
can certainly do that. That's one thing I'm going like,
(32:29):
because isn't the way it works. To to be qualified
and teach, you have to be in the profession for
ten Yeah. I've been in for over twenties. So I'm good.
God you're done. You're that old. No. No. I started
when I was one year and one year I was
my mom was I was a prodigy. And at one
years old, I was a toddler and uh, and I
(32:50):
barely knew how to walk, and uh, I couldn't talk,
And I learned how to do sports radio. We can
make you an adjunct professor somewhere Long Beach today. I'll
be great, and you love to be and yeah, I
do the and Eaters. Yeah, then they're gonna have the
title adjunct Professor'll be great. I would not call you
professor professor malas, that would be wonderful. I'm gonna do
(33:13):
that at some point, if I'm lucky enough to live along,
I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna teach radio or I
guess by then it will be just be podcasting. But
I'm gonna do it. I am gonna do it. Guesscan
I Am going to do it. Okay, it's gonna happen,
all right, that will put the baby to bed. There
and again, if you didn't hear, we had and yesterday
we had Plaxico buriss On. It was a lot of fun,
Plaxical telling war stories from his career. I'm playing with
(33:36):
the Giants and the Jets, and I love this reaction.
We asked him about the difference between the Giants and
the Jets, and the pretty much laughed the difference between
playing for those two those two teams. Um So anyway, listen,
I have a great rest your Saturday. We have the
mailbag on Sunday. Sunday Sunday and we'll catch it. Then,
(33:58):
be sure to catch live editions of The Bed Mallar
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven p m Pacific.
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week,
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
(00:20):
poppers in the penthouse to clearing house of hot takes.
Break free for something specialitur with Ben Maller starts right
now on a Saturday Saturday Saturday. We welcome you into
the Magic podcast Box, where all your audio content needs
are taken care of on the weekends. Here as the
(00:43):
spinoff of the Ben Maller Show. All this is only
available in the podcast format. You figured that out already,
and we do this because hey, four hours in the
middle of the night clearly not enough. Eight days a week,
eight days a week in Thank you for subscribing, whether
it's on the I Heart podcast platform or anywhere else.
(01:05):
You get your podcast available everywhere, and tell a friend,
Tell a friend, tell a friend. And unfortunately I look
at the calendar here and it appears that David Gascon
is with us again. This week here and set. Yeah,
boom friend fresh meat and my my good friend the
(01:32):
Penny took ourselves on a nice trip last couple of
days after celebrating one Super Bowl victory for Tom Brady.
There's a job well done by the Penny. I'd like
to pat myself on the back for well. The Penny
actually went on a hiatus. If you know this uh
a situation my personal life. The well actually originally the
Penny went on hiatus because he didn't want to do
(01:53):
it over the the Christmas holiday festivities. But then and
you know, Christmas and New Years and then so what happens,
So we we just put the Penny on hold pen.
He's on ice right now, and he's on like a
box ice sitting there. And then that's how that's going
so good. It was excellent now it's the Depression. Was
a terrible game. It was a horrible game. The game
got an F. It was was an F game. It
(02:15):
was a crap game. It was a terrible game. The
production was bad too. It was bad from start to finish,
pregame to post game, the production, the commercials, it all sucked. Yeah,
it's it's not something that we're gonna sit here and
so I remember where you were when you watched the
Bucks Chief Super Bowl and how amazing that was. No,
there was none of that. I know, none of that.
(02:37):
I thought one would be better than so far not
so good. Yeah, it appears that was the warm up act.
Gonna go see a comedy show and they had the
warm up comedian and then the main comedian comes on
and so yeah, my favorite And I don't know if
you've ever done this, but there's a few comedy stores
(02:59):
where we live, and one of my favorites is actually
in Hermosa Beach, and on Fridays and on Sundays, Jed
Letta would go there and do some of his he'd
practice some of his routine for the week. He'd go
there on Sundays, but on Fridays and Sundays, they would
typically do instead of having like your warm up and
then your main your your main set of comedians, they
(03:19):
do it round robin. So they'd have a round robin
of fifteen or twenty comedians that would come out and
they get two minutes on the clock and you go
for two minutes and the buzzer sounds and you get
the funk out. And that was one of my favorite
acts to watch because you had these guys that were
full throttle for two minutes. They didn't have time to
ponder around and like you know, use the audience as
(03:40):
a subject. Those are some of my favorite acts to
see from a comedy store. I don't know if you've been.
We call that in the profession. We call that the
sports talk radio version of comedy where you go two
minutes because the caller gets about two minutes on the
air and then you move on to the next call.
So it's really comedy stealing from sports talk radio's good
bad job by them. Yeah, did they have a seven
(04:01):
and a half to drag queen from Rochester? No? No,
in Buffalo, no drag queens, No trenies, no eighty year
old women, eighty year old women? Do they have truck
drivers from Arkansas that double fist Big Max at three
in the morning. One woman looked like she did. Yes. Yeah, Well,
you can't go to a comedy club now, right There're
still they're not open a comedy club. In a while,
(04:24):
I used to like going to comedy was I liked
Jeff Garland used to pop up. I think he's in
Hollywood now to comedy club, the guy from the Big
Fat Guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm, and he would he
would hit this club in Burbank every Sunday night and
he had he had a regular gig there and he
just he didn't prepare anything. Of course, he did no preparation.
He just went out there and ripped people on the
(04:44):
audience and that was a stick and just saw him
and it was good. I don't know he was he
was fine. Yeah, he was all right. But yeah, sometimes
the comedy clubs around l A, like the bigger name
comedians that live in l A. Well just like in
fact of the day, they would just pop up. Yeah,
I've heard story like back many many the late great
(05:05):
George Carlin. Yeah, would sometimes just walk in and then
you want to do a few minutes and test something
out and for an HBO special or something like that
and serious and yeah, there's well the Comedy Store in Hollywood.
They have the regular stage and then they have a
separate stage like adjacent to it, but upstairs it's almost
like a frat house and that's what they do their
their typical roast battles and the roast battles he'd see
(05:28):
on Comedy Central with Jeffrey Ross, he'd be roasting people
at the time. He would actually randomly show up. Um
that that's really small. It's it probably holds about thirty people,
and then it has like a small stage area for
v I P s. But like that is that is it?
So when you get Jeffrey Ross that goes in there,
it's almost like a sweatshot because it's just the smell
(05:49):
and the odor and the stench from people that are
coming in and out. But yeah, I missed those days.
I don't know if we're gonna have any of those
anytime sooner. What holy shit, California, finish the governor and
get rid of this loser governor and Gavin Newsom in California,
(06:10):
we all hope. I don't know anyone that doesn't want
him removed. His governor is a terrible governor. And there's
a recall effort underway and then apparently on the cusp
of happening. Yeah, we're I think we're about a hundred
thousand signatures away from the recall. The only thing that
scares me about that is can you imagine what losers
are going to run to replace him? Well? No, because
the other thing is he might say that these signatures
(06:33):
aren't authentic. Yeah, yeah, he's gonna have to go and
eat a stake at the French laundry to whether or
not they're authentic and have a nice glass of wine
there as he as he does his things. So on
this podcast we have the Valor Victorian and also a
hot Take thumbs up plus pop Quiz. All right, all right,
(06:56):
this is original content. Nobody else has this content. They
all want the content. They can't have the content. It's
our content nobody else has. So you want Valor Victorian,
you want Hot Take thumbs up or pop Quiz? What
do you want? I think we go pop quiz first,
get it out of the way. I don't know if
they get it out of the way. See pop Quiz
is wonderful. Don't dismiss pop quiz. Yeah, but why would
(07:20):
you dismiss pop quiz Because it's typically like schools and sessions,
So you want to get the tests over with before
you get to anything else like lab work or any
kind of interns. See your instincts on this. That's a
bad job by pop Quiz. Like if back in the
day when I was a kid and I watched the
Tonight Show, you don't watch it anymore. But they watched
it with Leanto, I watched it with I'm Old. I
(07:42):
watched it with Johnny Carson, the big name. They didn't
bring out right away, right, They didn't bring the big
name out. They wanted you to stay and watch and
then you know what I mean. It's not like they'd
have a list of gas and then they'd have Usually
somebody would get bumped depending on how along the main
main guest went, But usually have somebody come out first.
(08:03):
Then you have the main guest, and then you finish
up with if you have time left, somebody else. Yeah,
but this is a this is a story arc that
will conclude with Valedictorian. So I feel I see, okay,
all right, well listen, your instincts are terrible, but we'll
do that. That's fine, if you want to do that.
We will start with pop quiz. My fault for asking.
(08:23):
I should have just taken the lead there and guided
you through the abyss. But we will. We'll start with
pop quiz. So these are things I found scouring around
the dark web that I found interesting enough to quiz
guest gun. But really I'm quizzing you as the list
(08:43):
whether you're working out, doing some yardwork, freezing your ass
off in a winter blizzard, whatever it might, or shopping
or shopping for tomorrow and your significant other. Yeah, my
advice is to wait until the day after everything's all
(09:04):
the candies, half off, all the flowers or half off.
They gotta get rid of that stuff. Just make sure
you got some endurance for the night. Yeah, well, let's
see about that, all right, So pop quiz, here we go.
Due to the pandemic, which seemingly will never end. Due
to the pandemic, there are four million of these currently
sitting in warehouses all around the United States. But a
(09:27):
direct result of the pandemic, and it is somewhat related
to sports, In fact, very related to sports. Oh do
do do Do Do? Do? Do? Do do do do um?
Related to sports? Do do do do? Do Do do do Um? Alright,
(09:49):
time is up. Final answers. Yeah, I'm gonna say. I'm
gonna say football's uh no. Since the Major League Baseball
season was played with no fans, there are four million
bubble heads sitting in the warehouses across the United States
that we're gonna be given away by the Cincinnati Reds,
(10:09):
the Minnesota Twins, the Dodgers, the Mariners, the Stros, and
every other team in baseball, and none of those have
been given out. Now, let's see the problem with that is,
I would like to do an analysis. How many of
those bubble heads are for players that are no longer
on the current team. That's a good one, right, like
(10:32):
Tampa Bay head that bro I'm risking my life Blake
Snell and he's now a Padre. Did they have any
Blake Snell bobble heads last year they were gonna give
away from Trevor Bauer. That's right, Trevor Bauer and Cincinnati.
He gone, I go down the list. I'm sure there's
you know, somewhere there's Key k Hernandez bobble heads. And
(10:54):
he's not around the Dodger, he said, he's gone to
the Red Sox. All right, if you do not do
this during an interview, two thirds of hiring managers will
turn you down for the job. So if you don't
do this in an interview, then you have a very
small chance of getting hired to do said job. Ask
(11:16):
for the job. So you have to ask for the job. Now,
it's something involving body language. Sit up straight, No, damn dude, dude, dude,
this explains why you're not getting these good jobs. Guest
con you don't know the answer. Yeah, good job of you.
I don't know. Man, it's gonna help you out. It's
gonna change your life and in magical ways. Here all right,
(11:37):
tell me make eye contact. If you don't make eye contact,
they think you're up to trouble. They think you're a
shady character. You're a shyster. Interesting, it's all about that icon.
People do not like being an icon. Yeah, makes them uncomfortable. Yeah. Now,
when you're out and about there and you're walking around
(11:58):
some ritzy beach with all the uh elitist west of
the four oh five, I'm always smiling, looking smiling, trying
to make eye contact with the ladies, right, But they
don't like to make eye contact with you right now,
because that's a connection. There's a connection when you make
eye contact. There's a connection for a moment, for a
split second, there's a connection. There's a bond between two
people when you make eye contact. Yeah, but they're not
(12:19):
usually looking at my eyes. You get what I'm saying.
I don't know what else there is to look at,
you know, suns out, guns out, you know. Wow, back legs,
you know it's the beach. It's l a man, what
do you want? Bending over? Like the photos on your
grinder account? He got going on there, But jeez, we
(12:41):
are looking live. Oh I dropped something again. Let me
bend over and pick it up. Here, let's see what
we got, all right? Man? All right? Uh this, this
creature has more taste buds than any other on earth
or in water. I'm gonna must have the greatest palette
in the world. This particular thing, I'm gonna say it's
(13:12):
not kosher. I was gonna say an ant, but an
ant I'm gonna say a ladybug. Uh No, catfish, catfish.
According to this report, there there are a hundred and
seventy five thousand taste buds all over the body of
a catfish. So I mean, if you get I don't
eat catfish, but if you eat catfish, you're eating taste buds. Wow.
(13:34):
That's interesting. Humans. By the way, for comparison, U slowly humans.
Right now we have ten thousand, ten thous That tongue
is covered with those taste buds. Yeah, covered, all right.
Sunglasses were originally this I didn't know this. This one's cool.
I like this one. Sunglasses were originally invented to hide
(13:55):
the eyes of people belonging to this profession. I'm not
sure whether this is bullshit or not, but firefighters, no.
I think of somebody who has to be an arbitrator
of things. A judge, yes, a judge. Wow? Is that
(14:19):
why wiggs were invented to for the judge? They love
the our friends in in Europe with the in Britain
there with the the the English judges with the white wiggs.
And do they still do that? I don't know, Like
in Parliament, yeah, I don't know. I I do like
when they were going through the Brexit thing couple of
(14:41):
years ago, they would show the shouting matches and it
was so entertaining to watch the British politicians screaming at
each other. I thought it was wonderful. There's so much
more entertaining than the idiots here in America. The ones
that are crying right now try to and they claim
to have decorum and uh survived the nuclear winter? Yes,
(15:02):
absolutely all right. If you'd like to make a woman
feel truly love, this is important, guest, gun your single
guy Valentine's Day weekend, If you'd like to make a
woman feel truly loved. Ten percent of them said to
do this. What is it only ten percent countsis? Cook
for them? That's always your default answer. Well, I was
(15:26):
always your I'd say, let's say clean, but I think
that's too obvious clean. Uh No, it is fill up
the car with gas. What Yeah, that's flame funk That
gas is expensive. Well, if you're with in a relationship
with someone, you can just instead of them, you're you're
(15:48):
you're going to join account or something like that. My god,
I don't know. I don't know if the decide that
for a later time. So you're you're an anti gass
or is that what you're saying there? Just you know,
I mean everyone's got their own investments and them are
more profitable than others. All right, Uh la la la
la la Lee. Here's another one. This has been ranked.
(16:08):
We're doing pop quiz. This has been ranked as one
of the top ways you can ruin your whole day.
What is it? Drop your phone and water? No, but
it does involve water. Get up, take a nice shower,
and there's no hot water. Hot water heater has gone
(16:30):
out and you can't take a hot shower. Now, I
have been told and I've heard from several people that
I trust that actually taking a cold shower is really
good for you. Stimulates your body, stimulates your metabolism. Yeah,
that's might be true. But the way to take a
cold showers to start out with a warm shower and
turn the water down. I don't know. That's the way
that that's the proper bullshit, that's the proper way to
(16:51):
do it. I don't know. If you start out with
warm water and you say it's it's the same thing
as the boiling frog. You turn the water down slowly
and get it colder and colder, and by the time
you get done it's an ice cold shower. You started
out warm, you ended up cold. That's the way to
do it. That's like going from a jacuzzi to a pool. Though, no, no,
(17:12):
it's not. It's not your slowly turning the temperature of
the water down slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. What
a snob? So why do it teaching life lessons? Yes,
one third of American homes have one of these. One
(17:33):
third um a gazebo. Now a welcome matt, welcome man?
Do you have a welcome mat? Do your scon of
course my wife has a welcome Yeah, little pixie dust. Sure,
(17:56):
absolutely all right. The last time the average person didn't
this chore at their house was five months ago. Oh man,
what is it? I'm gonna I'm gonna say dust. That's
a good one. Most people don't dust very often. Uh No,
the answer is clean out the fridge. Now that my
(18:18):
my wife loves cleaning out the fridge. Really yes to
a problematic situation because it's almost every other week she's
cleaning out the fridge and and I'm like, well, she
has up thrown away food that we could still eat.
Oh yeah, Does she clean out the freezer to freezer?
Not as much freeze or not as much? Yea, what
(18:39):
you're talking about, Gus g I don't know. I don't
know what you're talking about. Stasking a question. It's a
time machine in there, there's a there's a flashback to
a different time. Yeah, but it's perfectly fine. The food
in there is perfectly fine where it should be. Right. Yeah,
I just got a phone call from Tom LOUDI should
I answer my phone call from Tom LOUDI? Probably not right,
Probably not. He's gonna be triggered about something, and you
(19:01):
should pick it up. I guarantee he'll be scream at.
I'm not ready, He's I don't think I've been awake
long enough to deal with his bull crap. They do
not think. I don't think the that that's something I'm
interested in there so not right now. I'm not a
good I'm not a good riser, and I hate alarm clocks.
(19:22):
But the sound of his voice is that of an
alarm clock. He is at a ten, especially when he
gets triggered. Well, I like to hit his buttons and uh.
And then yeah, so I and then I give him
his own medicine, you know, I use his rhetoric's liberal
rhetoric against him and uh, and then he gets upset
(19:43):
by that, and uh, you know, pretty much go back
and forth. He accuses me of only watching Fox News,
and I said he only watches CNN, and so that's
you know, like, well we're in the same spot, you know,
if that's the case, because you know, anyway, all right,
let's see what do we have next year? Uh, let's
see any meny mighty alright. Thirty seven of Americans say
(20:07):
that they have never done this uh in the car
about that had sex? Uh had sex? Uh? No, no, no.
This one's odd to me because I don't know how
you can drive properly in a big city without doing this.
Honk the horn? Oh man, now hank the horn? Man?
(20:30):
Are you a tapper or do you sit on the
horn when you hank it? Well, when I had a
big masculine horn, I would really just pound the horn
and that would But now I have kind of a weak,
embarrassing horn on my malanmobile, very bad. It's just it's
like a clown clown horn. So I don't. I'm a
little embarrassed, but I still hit it. But I don't.
(20:50):
I'm not loud and proud, you know. I don't pump
my chest out and hold the horn down like an
fh you. I don't do that, but I'll tap it.
I'll give a tap atually when you're changing lanes and
the asshole will not allow you to get over or
speeds up or you know, vice versa little tap tap.
Although I've noticed and that backing out of parking places
(21:12):
is often the most risky thing that you could have
got an accidents backing up or or driving and somebody
backing into me. That's happened multiple times of office workers
have one of these in their desk. What is it? Um,
I'm gonna say, a picture of a loved one picture picture, No,
(21:35):
A toothbrush, good dental hygiene. That reminding that reminded I
was when I was younger. I uh not that I
dated many people, but I did date a woman whose
father was a dentist, and she would brush her teeth
like four times a day. It was so freaking annoying.
It was so good. It was so annoying. I guess gun.
(21:55):
I was like, oh my god, this is a nightmare.
Ask you you said that brings something up? Say because
you brought it up last week with cars. I didn't
realize it. I cleaned out my car last week and
lo and behold, I found a toothbrush and toothpaste in
my center console. You had to ask this question or similar. Yeah, yeah,
(22:16):
we had pop quiz about the I was like, wait
a minute, and it's you know when you get it
from the dentist and a little baggie. I had it
my oh the baggy. Yeah. I would stash like my
big eating days, I'd stash bags of candy and I'd
have a little bagge and then I forget about it
and it would be you know, heat, the heat and
the cold that would be disgusting. And then usually gotta
(22:38):
have like you gotta a little mouthwash in case you
need the mouthwash, and you gotta have a little bit
of deodor. You gotta have that. Those are the two
key things you gotta have in your car and all times,
just in case you end up in front of someone
who's you want to you want to impress them. You
don't want to smell and look like a slob. So alright,
One in every four people you see here are scrolling
(23:00):
through social media. Do do do do do do do do?
Wait can you say that again? Alright? One in every
four people you see here at this location are scrolling
through social media. Starbucks no better than the Starbucks. Church.
Oh man, go go to church. Get an update, status update.
(23:27):
Let's see what's on the Graham, See what the booty
models are doing over there on the Instagram, and I'll
knock yourself out. That's always good. Yes, I can't go
wrong with that. You cannot go wrong with that. Alright. Uh,
let's see here of men have borrowed this from their
significant other. What is it? The utterant that is correct? Alright?
(23:47):
Last one on pop quiz, last one on pop of
couples are doing this for Valentine's Day? What is it? Nothing?
No watching romantic movies? Oh boy, alright, so that that
is pop quiz. Why don't you know what we need
to do? Now we have what do we have here?
(24:08):
We have hot take thumbs up in valor Victorian. Let's
do let's do the hot takes alright, Hot takes them up,
So thumbs up. So the other day I did a
rant about Russell Wilson. Russell went on the Dan Patrick
Show on Fox Sports Radio and complained, he cavetched. That
is you know, we played the Woe is Me card
(24:29):
about being sacked three ninety four times and now this
was like a war crime. And he blamed the offensive
line for all of his problems. So I did a rant.
And this has been my belief most of the time,
not always, but most of the time quarterback sacks. This
is one of the things that the average fan does
(24:50):
not understand about foot but they think that it's always
the fat guys on the offensive line's fault when a
quarterback gets sacked. There's no other explanation. It always the court,
It's always the offensive line's fault, the quarterback, the darling.
It's never the darling's fault. You know, the star the
whole thing. Well, I've I've understood and watching football and
(25:13):
observing and that it is often the quarterbacks fault. So
I pointed this out. I did a rant about Russell Wilson,
and I said, the biggest problem Russell Wilson has is
his he needs a clockmaker because his internal clock is
messed up. He could have had half the number of
sacks that he's had if he would have just gotten
rid of the ball. And anyone in football who coaches
(25:35):
football will tell you an incomplete pass is better than
a sack. You'd rather have an So I did this rant.
I went a little Mallard monologue. Rant was an a
good you know, I was okay, But it was given
the thumbs up by a former NFL executive of the
year boy who agreed with my hot take. He liked it.
(25:57):
Endorsed by a former NFL executive, Randy Remember Randy Mueller.
He was the general manager of the New Orleans Saints
and the Miami Dolphins. He also he's worked with He
actually worked with the Seahawks and the Chargers, and he,
you know, on social media, endorsed my rant about Russell Wilson,
(26:19):
that's the two thousand NFL Executive of the year. Put
that in your pipe and smoking. I guess he does
a podcast now, but he's a guy worked in the
NFL for many many years as a talent evaluator, and
he gave me the thumbs up to that. Mallard monolu
put that in your pipe and smoking. You just said that.
I'm saying it again because you didn't respond. I would
(26:43):
like I would like you to genuinect. You know, I'm
just saying, it's fine. It's not fine, it's all right,
it's wonderful. That is a confirmation that the hot take
was right, that that's hot take, confirmation he was Executive
(27:03):
the year in two thousands. That validated, that validated my
hot take, that that gave substance to what I was saying.
But wouldn't that actually not making a hot take anymore?
Wouldn't that actually just making a good take and not
a hot take? No, No, that's a red hot take
that you don't see. There's a noticeable difference. You don't
notice that. There's a noticeable difference that tips the scale
(27:26):
any reasonable person would point out that tips the scale
in favor of the take, right, that was a key indicator,
but key indicated the take was exceptional. It was. It
was amazing, tremendous. But we usually we usually consider hot
takes bullshit takes that I have no merit to them,
(27:48):
like on on on on on. This was this was
such a red hot, red hot take that it's like
in the Take Hall of Fame. Yeah, yeah, it's it's
that amazing. That's in the take Hall of Fame. Like
you could have put it on a grill, barbecued it,
seared it for ten minutes and I would it turned
out well done. It's such a shut up, I know you.
(28:11):
It's such a wonderful hot take. It's it's like you
could burn your tongue right because of all the hot
take uh you know, fallout from from that hot take.
I'm excited for its overpowering, right it is. It is
one of the great hot I mean blistering hot. Okay,
so let me go on hot. How many other ways
(28:34):
can you say hot? Answer answering listing hot, scalding hot,
and white hot. That's roting hot? Is it better than
any take you've ever had on Clayton Kershaw when he
has just defecated on himself in the postseason. No, no, no, no,
those are some of those are the Michaelangelo. It's Justine
Chapel me me coming in after watching Kershaw puke up
(28:56):
a playoff game. That is the gold stand. That is
the art stick. Everything else is measured against that. Everything
else is that. It's like a five car pile up. Yeah.
And the great thing about Kershaw is he he fucked
up so many times that I had a lot of
a lot of practice mastering. It's like playing with clay
(29:17):
and moving it around, you know, It's like it's like
clay in your hands there and uh yeah, So I
had a lot of fun with that. But do you
think he stays put though in Seattle? That's the question. Yeah,
the Seahawks are are not because of the salary cap,
even though Russell has become a little toxic right now,
they're not. I would be They're not gonna trade him now. Certainly,
(29:39):
if they were to move him, it would have to
be I think after sometime in June because they'd saved
some money on that. But it is interesting to see
his career arc in Seattle because don't forget. I mean
there are issues with Richard Sherman and the Legion of
Boom talking about how he got preferential treatment. Russell Wilson. Yeah,
he was the darling. He was the most popular person
(30:00):
in class. He was the teacher's pet. And I'd make
that argument every day that that defense for such a
long period of time was what won them games and
obviously a super Bowl, not the offense binding stretch of
the imagination. Well, the defensive guys started getting along in
the tooth though. That was part of the problem. They
got rid of them, and they kept the hot shot
quarterback who just is the doppel ganger of Pete carroll Man.
(30:23):
Not anymore though. Now he's going off his own. He's
going rogue, going rogue, all right, Uh so we have
the Valor Victorian. You want the Vale of Victorian? Said
the best for last one of my bucket list items
happened this week? I guess John I got the phone call.
I was called in out of the bullpen a professor emeritus.
I don't even know if that's true. The great Rob
(30:43):
Parker reached out to me and said, hey, you know,
I'm teaching a class over here at the USC and
I would like to have you speak to my class
about your experiences in the radio business. And sure enough
I answered the call. I changed my entire sleep schedule around.
I was invited it to be a guest speaker at
the University of Southern California. We did it on zoom
(31:04):
because we're social distancing, but for roughly forty five minutes
in the middle of my night because I normally am
sleeping at this time levin in the morning on Monday,
I got up with very little sleep and I regaled
the undergrads with war stories from the front lines of
(31:26):
sports talk radio. And it was a lot of fun.
Had a good time, and I got to ask some
good questions with little Q and a thing after I
did my little opening rant, and I enjoyed a lot.
I don't want to thank Rob for inviting me in
I I've had people in the past they I'd like
you to come speak to my class and sports plus
he invited me, but it never happened. Uh. And then
(31:48):
he's a caller or a listener. And then also there
was a guy I was buddy of mine that was
a professor at Auburn of all places, and he wanted
me to do a Zoom thing. This is before Zoom
became cool. That never worked out, and then he left
Auburn and he went to another school. So this is
the first time I've done it, and it was a
lot of fun and I had a good time. And
(32:08):
so I am open if you are a teacher of
radio and television now, because of Zoom, I am willing
to go on a rubber Chicken circuit and tell war
stories of the overnight in sports talk radio. This is
my future. I can see myself. I robbed down the
line teaching a class on broadcasting. Why not? Yeah, you
can certainly do that. That's one thing I'm going like,
(32:29):
because isn't the way it works. To to be qualified
and teach, you have to be in the profession for
ten Yeah. I've been in for over twenties. So I'm good.
God you're done. You're that old. No. No. I started
when I was one year and one year I was
my mom was I was a prodigy. And at one
years old, I was a toddler and uh, and I
(32:50):
barely knew how to walk, and uh, I couldn't talk,
And I learned how to do sports radio. We can
make you an adjunct professor somewhere Long Beach today. I'll
be great, and you love to be and yeah, I
do the and Eaters. Yeah, then they're gonna have the
title adjunct Professor'll be great. I would not call you
professor professor malas, that would be wonderful. I'm gonna do
(33:13):
that at some point, if I'm lucky enough to live along,
I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna teach radio or I
guess by then it will be just be podcasting. But
I'm gonna do it. I am gonna do it. Guesscan
I Am going to do it. Okay, it's gonna happen,
all right, that will put the baby to bed. There
and again, if you didn't hear, we had and yesterday
we had Plaxico buriss On. It was a lot of fun,
Plaxical telling war stories from his career. I'm playing with
(33:36):
the Giants and the Jets, and I love this reaction.
We asked him about the difference between the Giants and
the Jets, and the pretty much laughed the difference between
playing for those two those two teams. Um So anyway, listen,
I have a great rest your Saturday. We have the
mailbag on Sunday. Sunday Sunday and we'll catch it. Then,
(33:58):
be sure to catch live editions of The Bed Mallar
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific
Host
Ben Maller
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