March 6, 2021 • 36 mins
What's next on the list to be ruined by the always offended crowd?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you've thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now. Into the mail bag
we go as it is the beginning of yet another
Fifth Hour with Ben Maller. Back again on a Saturday,
Saturday Saturday. Because four hours a night clearly not enough,
we do this now eight days a week. We've got
(00:44):
the podcast today and also tomorrow. We Charlie Steiner on
the Voice of the Dodgers yesterday chanced to catch up
with Charlie tells some old stories. So hopefully you heard that.
If not, what are you doing? Go back and download.
It's a podcast. It's available to you. Uh this obviously
because of the Overnight Show, the spinoff of the Overnight Show.
(01:06):
We thank you for subscribing and downloading and reviewing. We
need your reviews, We need your reviews and joining us now.
West of the four oh five, a man who comes
in here screaming and uh and trying desperately to get
away from the podcast. Every week, Get bit Joss Fine,
Ross four five, nothing that can plains near and dear
(01:33):
to your heart. As always, we've we've run the gamut
on on talent with the l A Dodgers. We did
David Vasse a couple of weeks back, and Ut Charlie
on who Who's Next? Well, I was a great Rick Monday.
That would have to We have get the mo Monday.
Mo will have to come on here at some point,
you Monday. What about Ross Porter? You know Ross pretty well,
(01:55):
don't you. I do. I'd like to get Ross on.
I'm not sure what Ross has going on these days,
but yeah, we can get Ross until some Dodger talk
stories from back in the Ross has great stories from
the the heyday of television. And I worked with Ross
briefly years ago. He was a voice of the Dodgers
if you're not from l A for for million years
with Vince Goo. He was like the number two guy
(02:16):
on the Dodger broadcast. But u Ross, if you ever
saw those Anchorman movies yet, Ross lived that life in
the nineteen and seventies and before that he was a
TV guy, and that was when the TV news mattered.
There was no Internet, and they had all the big
stars on there and some of the names who would
(02:37):
go on to be legendary figures in television news. News
worked locally at k NBC in Los Angeles, and Ross
was part of that world and also called NFL games.
He called NFL games for the network. Remember we were
on the road, uh, and we we were Milwaukee at
(02:59):
the Old count Any Stadium and we're walking through the
cat walks to get the cat walk to get to
the press box. And Ross's telling me, I called some
Packer games here back in the back of the day,
and I didn't realize that he had called the NFL.
I remember he called the UNLV oh man back when
they back when they were good with Jerry Tarkani in
(03:19):
the late Great tarka Shark and they these dominant teams
in the in the desert. And Ross would during the
offseason travel to Vegas and the stay at a nice
hotel and call some running Rebels basketball Now, so they're
still the running Rebel. Was just gonna ask you that
have they been canceled yet? I don't know. My my
school Saddleback College. The Weenies there have decided to change
(03:44):
their mascot very offensive there, the Gaucho tremendously offensive, very
very You have a long list of nicknames, you might
need a compliment to that. You might need an equally
long list of cancelations. Oh, I could go on for infinity.
H I mean, you know some people are it's like
(04:04):
a cottage industry now to collect all the stuff that
has been canceled. Get your Anti Miama, get your Uncle Ben,
Dr Mr Potato Head. Uh, you know, get all these
you know escomopie and all these things that the wocarati
have determined. You know, redskins hat, you gotta get that,
(04:25):
of course, Cleveland Indians, Chief Wahoo can You've got to
find that very important. Uh, and so all these things
that trying to collect all these things, but you're gonna
have no room for anything else. You can become a
hoarder if you collect everything that has been changed. And
my my new thing. I don't know that many people
have picked up on it, but as a tribute to
the wocarati that is taking over the world, what I
(04:48):
do now is I I honor just getting rid of
team nicknames. Like every team nicknames offensive. Um, so I'll
say the New Orleans football team from time to time,
or the Chica Go football team, or the New York
football team from the NFC, or the New York football
team from the a f C or the Detroit because
really that's I guess not offensive because that's what they
(05:11):
did in Washington. Yeah, but well, what about the city
of Los Angeles? Would you have to disband Los Angeles?
The City of Angels? But if you're not religious and
you take religion as offensive, yeah, well and just the
word loss, you know the law and be offensive to someone.
Uh so we really have to look at you know,
one thing I've learned about the last couple of years
(05:31):
is if one person is offended, no matter how big
a loser that person is, everyone you everyone must be offended.
There's no apparently. We live in a world now and
I always you know, again, this is one of those
things that has changed in my lifetime. I grew up,
I said, I was raised that. You know, just because
you're offended, you know you're not gonna be happy with
everything in life. Some some things are gonna bother you,
(05:52):
but you just kind of go with it. But now
no on now, Oh my god, there's if you get
up in the morning and and there's mobs of people
that get up with these shenanigans every morning, and I'm like,
oh no, no, I'm sorry, i have to I have
to complain. I'm not happy with what's going on here.
It's everything has gone upside down the last I don't
(06:16):
even want to say last year or two, because it
feels like it's been a lot of this in the
making for quite a while. Well, the thing about the
whole cancel stuff is that there's always been you know,
people that have you know, self loathing, people with bully
agendas that have complained, just nobody ever listened to them.
Now now, for you know, certain reasons. We have our
(06:40):
different theories. And you can read the book you know,
George Orwell wrote, which is still people here in nineteen
eighty four. Some people that don't know the George Orwell story, um,
because that's the name of the nine four they think
well that he wrote in nineteen eighty four. It wasn't
that long ago. He published that book in nineteen forty night.
George Orwell died in nineteen fifty and the things that
he wrote about you guys been dead for seventy plus years,
(07:04):
and uh, you know the parallel world, it's coming closer
and closer that by the day, by the day. Dr SEUs,
what what was the last time he graced our our
good land. Dr SEUs died in the early nineties and
was honored by every president. The reason they do the
National Book Day is because it's on his birthday, the
(07:27):
guy that wrote Dr SEUs And uh, it was so
somebody sent me a link on the social media that
they had all these presidents since since Dr SEUs died,
all of them, just Massager and Doctor Sus. I got
a montage Joe Biden until Joe Biden came. But even
Kamela Harris didn't you send me the link. I think
(07:49):
you were the one that sent me that thing a
couple of years ago. She loved Dr. Dr SEUs wasn't
racist in seventeen, but in one he became you know,
kkke a guy just it's just amazing that the one
guy that probably can't read a teleprompt for now is
canceling his idea. We don't know, we don't know if
(08:09):
you can read a teleprompter, because he would have to
do a news conference to uh to do that right?
It isn't usually is he getting through four years? But yeah,
but if he doesn't, doesn't have to face the music,
why not? It's like we can at Bernie's. You know,
he put him out there and you know you can
survive for a while that way. Man, nothing really terrible
(08:30):
happens or in the you know what's going to hit
the fan there? Yeah, the ship'll hit the fan. Yeah, Yeah,
that's good. We can curse. I don't know. I gotta
be careful here, I gotta I don't know what we
can curse? We can? Yeah, do you want to give
me another nickname? What? What was the nickname you wanted
to give me? No, I didn't want to give you
another nickname. But you said, you said I another nickname? No,
I said, with all the nicknames that you have, you
(08:51):
should have a complimentary cancelation list, because you got what
fifty nicknames? You should have fifty different things that be
canceled them last two of forty eight. I am, known,
among other things, is the spin master of misinformation, the
bannering broadcaster, the Beethoven of bs, curmudgeon of commentary, chasm
of sarcasm. I've been called the Tsare of Zeny, the
(09:14):
dark night of weeknights sports radio, Mogul of mischief, Benny
the Brazen King of Zing, Moneyball Mallard, Facetious Fox, Sultan
of insulting, the Shaman of schaden freude that came from
Big Grig Rob the other Day, Jumping Jack of wisecrack,
Insight of overnight medicine, Man Mallard, Neah Bob of Negativity,
(09:37):
Sage of Outrage, Pinnacle of cynical, Prince of preposterous, Professor
of propaganda, Hazar Hyperbole, and the mad Hatter of sports chatter.
That's that's only half. I have another. And now I
guess unofficially you are Bowti Maller after your performance. That's
not I know, it's Benny bowtime, Betty b that's good man.
(09:59):
Did you uh now, was that a straight clip on
or did you actually align that boat tie by yourself? Uh? Well, no,
it was sent in by a listener a couple of
years ago. Sports Plus sent that in for a previous
episode of the Bennies, and I I kept it and
I said, this is a special thing. People don't think
I do this. They think think, why would you dress
(10:20):
You're on radio no one can see stupid address up.
Why would you do that? But I believe your fear
of the mind. I believe that you should dress appropriately,
and so I attempt to do that as often as
I possibly can, and not just show up in my
in my underwear, in my pajamas and all that. So
I dressed up. Was big night for the show and fans.
The p Ones loved it. To Malla Militia enjoyed it.
(10:44):
And we can do a little post game on the
Bennies right now on this fifth hour. Yeah, I was
curious about the rage because, as you had mentioned last week,
it's not about the winners, that's about the losers. It's
about who was not there at the podium to accept there, Benny. Yeah,
Well the big meltdown, Well, we had a couple of meltdowns.
(11:05):
We had a couple of meltdowns. You know, we had
predicted this, We called our shot last week in the
fifth hour, and and sure enough, Uh, we had it. Now,
the big explosion from the Mallard Militia the p Ones
was our friend Sir scratch Off in Arkansas, who was
very upset driving around the highways and byways of Arkansas.
(11:28):
Uh and uh, He called up offended that he was
not even nominated, not even nominated for one of the
categories on the Benny's. Forget that he didn't win, and
so he's greatly bothered by that. It was very nice
about it, but he began to me, but he was
he was very upset that his impact on the show
was not was not honored. So he got very upset.
(11:48):
And then the one that blew me away. Uh, you
talked about friendly fire, Brian Finley. Brian Finley, who we
had to put into a body bag, body bodybag, body
bag first round KO Brian Finley attempted to step into
the lions Den and he was not prepared. He called up.
(12:12):
I think it was the day after the Bennies. It
all runs together here, but Finley was protesting a blowout
loss as Jonas Knox kicked his tail in the best
Crew fill in category at the Benny's. Jonas got forty
nine percent of the vote dominated and uh, Brian Finley
(12:37):
was was much closer to the likes of Chris perfect
Bow the show and Brian no, uh, they're all right there,
and so he was very upset. He made all these
accusations and all that he was protesting. He tossed out
all kinds of whackadoodle conspiracy theories, and when that didn't work,
(12:58):
he then turned to personal attacks and red herrings and
it was tremendous. I don't know if you heard. It's
on the podcast there. You can go back and listen.
But I bobbed and weaved for a couple of minutes.
I let him toss out his rhetoric, and then I
took out a cartoon size and field and I dropped
it on top of his head and uh, and then
(13:20):
I just machine gun style just unloaded their rat tat tat,
rat tat tat, and he was in a body bag.
He was overserated d O a dead on arrival. So
that let that be a teachable moment. Brian was very
bragadocious about the Finley fanatics and all that which is
(13:42):
very small, very small like him and I think one
other person are part of that. So as LaVar Ball
would say, stay in your lane, stay in your lane.
As nice that he was on the scorecard though right
he was at He's there, he was identified, he was
(14:02):
in contention until the voting started. There's oftentimes there's people
that are overlooked despite putting in numerous hours and days
and logging hours to get my little violin and time
where he identify you know who who brings you to
the party, you know who brings to the dance, who
carries you in? You know it's uh, it's an important thing.
(14:23):
And so that's that's good. At least. Brian was identified
as one of thost team players on Mallard's Myles Squad.
I guess right, Jonas and Brian and Chris Bruffett and
Bo what's it's exciting that you had two board ops
on their guys that probably don't stay awake for the
entire show from what I've heard, But you know, it's
very lightning to us. Well listen, I I know you're
(14:44):
obviously talking about yourself, talking about myself. The Bennies are
a joyful cave. It is. It is the moment, the
one night that is different than all of the nights
that we stopped. Are frolicking around the radio and we
have a swar ray, we have a parte uh and
we get together there and uh, you know there's a
(15:05):
lot of people basking in the after though there's other
people like yourself that are complaining and all that. But
I will tell you that if you would like to
be nominated, you have to be a less of a
wuss and actually be willing to fill in from time
to time. But Brian Finley, say what you want. He's
terrible at his job, but he always answers the call.
He's always there and uh, you know, and that's fine.
(15:28):
And so when you show up, isn't that the old quote? Right?
Most of work is just showing up? Showing up is
the You have a problem with that part? Problem? You know?
It was? It was Woody Allen. I don't know if
we're allowed to quote him. Has he been canceled, But
he said that ninety percent of life is just showing up.
Yeah that's true. Yeah, that's true. I think I do.
(15:49):
I think I do my fair share of showing up.
As as one that actually drives into work. I think
it is all about showing up. And I don't drive
right any I have a fine rate your studio that
I broadcast from. You think Rush Limbos stopped going to
work when he did the show from his house. I
don't think he did. Yeah, I think he should still
shut up to work. Most listen to men in radio
before he passed away. I think he is still showed
(16:11):
up to work even though he be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Meller Show weekdays at two
a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Fox Sports Radio has
the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all
of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and
within the I Heart Radio app. Search f s R
to listen live. Shocking. Oh, I will Benny's I was
(16:38):
gonna say, I think that the Bennies are are a
new concept, relatively speaking, compared to some of the bits
you've had for for quite some time. Well, we've been
doing the Bennies. I don't even I you know, I
lose truck at time. I don't even know. I mean
people email me and say, hey, I've been listening for
this long, I remember something you did? You know? I
don't even a time. I think Einstein said time is
(17:03):
an illusion, right, isn't that? And I tend to agree
with that because there's different points in everyone's life where
time speeds up, and then there's other points where time
goes really slow, really really slow. Does an illusion? But
does that mean in times where you have fastened things
(17:26):
up and you hit fast forward that you think about mortality,
you think about where you were, where you are, and
where you might end up. Oh, ever, since my parents died,
I've my mom. I always think I never worried about
dying before that. But then when let's see your parents
pass away, you think, Okay, well I'm up next. Well
you know that's I'm in the on deck circle. So
(17:47):
uh yeah, I mean listen, I I obviously think you know,
I don't obsess with it because there's nothing you can
do about it, But yeah, I think about that part
of it. That whole process is going to be like
but you know, clearly it us not be that bad
because no one's gotten out of dying, So you can't
be that terrible because everyone's done it and everyone's gonna
do it. So it's gotta accept accept your lot in life.
(18:11):
Ye Benny bradside, that's uh, I guess we go from
the Benny's to death. It's one thing after another. I've
I've believed this quote even before I started thinking about mortality.
But that you when you're born, you were born with
a fatal illness life. There it is a fatal illness.
There is no cure for it. Um you're going to die.
(18:32):
And that's just the way. Now. I didn't know if
you know this, but I was made light of this
a few days ago, thank you to social media. Is
that if you were born and your skin color is white,
you were actually born into racism. Yeah, actually that the
other day. Yeah, and ignore that. But uh, yeah, I
(18:56):
know there's people with We used to call those people
that said that people had a severe mental illness, but
but now I guess we listened to them, So I don't.
I don't leaving the charge. Leaving the charge, Yes, exactly
exact mundo. All right, you wanna do some pop quiz
some time? Left her pop quiz? These are things I
found around the internet. And I'll ask guestcon but I'm
(19:20):
really asking you. I'm really asking you for your help.
All right, So here we goes. It's very exciting. Uh,
this item used to be very common, but a new
survey found that roughly one in three teenagers today have
never ever even seen one. What is a pro tractor?
(19:42):
A pro tract? Ye? No? Think correct? Would you like
to try again? Do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do Do?
How about ruler? No? This is something when I was
back in mind. Uh, this is something that we had
a class in is that important? Geography? It's still a
(20:04):
skill I used today, but the thing I used is
no longer around. In fact, they're not making it's a
collectible now. I can't be math in a calculator that's
always around. Um what are the classes? Would that included
a map? No map class? Well, geography, I said, typing? Typewriter,
(20:29):
typewriter typing? You learned? I learned how to type on
a typewriter. I hated typewriter. No delete button? You can
you know, just pain The ass's called the stenographer? Is
that what they are? Reporters? The couple of you. No, no,
not though it's talking about a real typewriter. I know.
I'm just thinking like people that type really fucking fast speed. Well,
(20:51):
the people in the court, they have a different keyboard, right,
they use special keyboard, and uh, I love the the
the typewriter. I pushed a documentary on freaking typewriters back
in the day and it was fascinating. If you look
(21:12):
at your keyboard right, the the way the keys are aligned, right,
it doesn't make any sense. You would you would say, right,
the keys on the keyboard, and um, they the claim
the early typewriter salesman. The reason they made the typewriter
keyboard look that way is when they were going out
(21:32):
to sell the typewriters, and they sold them with in
a home demonstrations. The door to door salesman would come
into the house and say, all right, I have this
magical machine, the typewriter, and if you look at the
top line the keyboard that has the Q W E, R, T,
Y U, I, O P, those are all the letters
(21:57):
that you need for typewriter. Those are all bunched together.
The reason it's like that is to quickly be able
to type typewriter on a piece of paper when you're
doing a demonstration. All right, yeah, that's good. How about
that for a mind blowing all right, you'll never you'll
never look at the typewriter the same way. Yeah, didn't
(22:21):
that wild because it doesn't make any other sense. You're like, well,
I mean they're all jumbled, all the letters right there,
not why wouldn't you make them in order? Then they
I guess the other claim was, well they didn't want
to put them in order because there's certain letters that
are together that use all the time, so your fingers
would be like, you know, bunched together and all that.
But um, but the the documentary was Tom Hanks collects Typewriters.
(22:42):
Really yeah, like it's a it's a trendy thing for
like some of the elites that collect typers. I remember
when I was doing the Blitz with Looney Tunes, there
was a place in India that was the last place
in the world that made typewriters new typewriters, and they
stopped doing that. So as of I don't know if
it's changed, but as of a couple of years ago,
(23:03):
there were no no factories making typewriters in the world,
completely gone. And that's something that I learned how to
type on back in the back in the day. Yeah,
fun facts about type That's the only reason I did
that one. All right. In a new survey and he'll
be of married couples say they wish they could go
(23:27):
back in time and change this about their wedding. What
would they change? Um, I think food would be too obvious.
I'll say the amount of guests. The amount of guests?
All right? Uh no, it's the song for their first dancer,
all right, Yeah, it seems kind of cheesy to me.
(23:50):
Are you ever gonna get married? Giescing down the line
of course, I'll be your best man. I don't even
know if I can go outside. Let al get married.
We could do like a virtue, a wedding online in
animate object. Yeah, I can do that. Marry my typewriter? Yeah, yeah, alright?
What is next year? According to a new survey, about
(24:12):
one third of Americans believe this is the most important
thing to keep in your car? What is it? Although
it's not something that anyone around these parts would have
in their car, or we do the chauffeur, do do do? Do? Do?
Say jumper cables? But I guess not. Um uh? An
(24:37):
ice scraper? All right? You no reason for us to
have an ice scraper, No chance. If you're in the
the north Land, that would be the way to go,
all right. A new survey asked men and women to
name their most important factor in deciding to buy a home.
The size of the home was the most common response
from women. What did most men pick as the most
(25:01):
important factor in deciding to buy? Real estate comps? Real
estate comps. No, it's in that area, but not it's location, location, location, location,
which does translate the comps. You have the same size
house on the wrong side of the tracks. The hard
(25:21):
scrabble streets, and you have the same size house in
a good part of town, or even a smaller house
in the good part of town, and that that house
on the location is going to be worth more because
better schools and shopping and it's basic stuff. We all, yeah,
we all know that, right. Yeah, you can't. You can't
have a mansion in the ghetto, as they would say.
You can have the most luxurious house, but if it's
(25:41):
in the middle of Compton, it's gonna be the same
price as every other house around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you And you don't want to have the best house
on the block, the top house on the block, because
for the same concept. You know, it's like and even worse.
People don't understand or recognize this. But you guys can
live in a great neighborhood and if someone has to
(26:02):
be short sold on, they get foreclosed on, they go
belly up, their prices diminished, and yours come down too.
Although right now the housing market is off the hook
Los Angeles. It's insane. People are paying for houses that
years ago, we're not worth much. Now they're paying tons
of money for these houses, all right. A new survey
(26:25):
asked people to name something that should be America's national food.
Almost two thirds of people pick this. What is it? Pizza? No,
not pizza? Should I again? I don't know. I can't
(26:46):
say bagon steak. Why can't you say bake? I don't know.
Bacon is too easy. That's why you're not good at
this game. The answer is bacon? By did you have? By? You? Ye? Bacon?
What's bacon and baking you put with anything? Bake on
turkey bacon. You can get regular pig bacon, swine bacon,
(27:07):
whatever you wanted. A nearly ten percent of employees wasn't
isn't the story of bacon? That was like, that was
just something we're trying to get rid of the bad
parts of the pig, and so they came up with
the bacon. Right. It wasn't a delicacy until a few
years back. Yeah. Yeah, It's like the thing we've talked
about in the past on this about the lobster, Right,
(27:29):
wasn't lobster low end food? Because it was a lot
of work to eat the lobster, and so they used
to in the early days of America, they would give
it to prison breaking lobster, Holy red lobster, batman and
they give it to the prisoners and then eventually somebody's old,
this is a delicacy. Gotta have good. It's a lot
(27:50):
of food. Like um, the history of barbecue in America, right,
it was in the South, and it was, you know,
just they had to cook food extra long too, because
they got crappy food and made this amazing barbecue. I
remember seeing a documentary about that, the history of barbecue
and how it originally and that I love barbe little.
(28:11):
I'm a little hunger right now, you are, Maybe you
should eat something, all right. Nearly ten percent of employees
say they planned to do this at work today, and
you were in this group. You are in this group
of people. Do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Show
(28:33):
up late, show up blate? Alright? Is it show up late? No? Uh?
Look for another job? Was the last time you showed
up to work and didn't look for another job? Guest gun?
Is that like maybe the nineties? I think maybe I
don't know. I wasn't working in the nineties. Thank you
very much. You were. You were on the radio. I
(28:53):
listened to you when I was a kid back in
the nineties. Oh no, no, that was that was the
chief wrong, wrong, David wrong. Uh. It originally cost one penny,
but just a few years ago was auctioned off for
about nine point five million dollars. What was this item?
What the object? Um? I don't know. You're gonna have
(29:17):
to tell me. I can't even It's a stamp. Stamp
originally cost one penny and auction for nine point I
have a bunch of stamps my my my father collected
stamps and left them behind, didn't take them with him,
And uh, I have no concept of what stamps are
(29:38):
worth a lot? What aren't worth a lot? There are
so many too, because there's so little and you can
collect so many of them. And uh, that's wild. All right,
let's see here. Well, health experts say that this is
something we should do every day. Only about ten percent
of people actually do it. Something health related, very simple thing.
(30:01):
I don't do this. Stretch. You probably do this, but
I don't do no. Not stretched. Weigh yourself. Do you
weigh yourself every day? I probably weigh myself like once
every two weeks. I don't do that. Yeah. I My
test when I know I'm getting fat is when my
clothes feel a little tighter. That's the that's the sun.
(30:23):
I'm getting fat and it it hasn't happened a while. Usually
it's gone the other way. It's because you usually wear
pajamas every days. Not true. How do you know that?
Because you don't leave your damn house. That's why I
go out to get the mail, go down the driveway.
That's what es for. I don't have. I don't don't
remember robe. I might be well, that's west little world.
(30:44):
My wife's like, maybe I should get men usually get
one of these every two years. What is it? One
of these every two years? A suit? A suit? Al right?
Is it a suit? No? That is incorrect. The correct
(31:07):
answer would be a new belt. All right, Yeah, I
remember the last time I got a a new belt.
I'm a one belt guy. I don't get dressed up
other than funerals, bar mitzvahs and occasional weddings. That's pretty
much the extent of my dress up time. So it's
not like I have a TV gig I have to
(31:27):
get dressed up for. But I get I put on
the nice shirt and whatnot there from time to time.
But that's for the YouTube videos the company wants me
to do up. Ah, yeah, that's right. Uh, let's see,
since the beginning of a pandemic, more men than ever
are purchasing this item. But you're probably one of the
(31:48):
people purchasing this. Be surprised if you're not waits No
not weights. Might have always purchased weights, meatheads, m video games,
video games? Fine answers at video games. No not video games.
The correct answer makeup. You buy makeup for a little TV, right,
(32:11):
you know, a little powder on the nails, powder on
the cheeks, lipstick on they're good. Yeah. Interesting. Uh. Ten
percent of men admit they have done this after a
first date. What is it? They've called their acts? That's
(32:33):
not a bad one. No, they've changed their phone number.
That's a lot of work that yeah, just block them. Well,
I mean the move would be able to using like
a burner phone or one of those apps that makes
it seem like you have a phone number, one of
those deals. If you're doing one of those, then you
get cheesy to change your number. So a big deal.
But you actually have to physically on your phone, your smartphone,
(32:53):
change your number, not using using some app. That's a
pain in the ass. Yeah, that's true. That's why would
you do that? Man? All right, we have time for
a couple more here and I'm gonna get the heck
out of out of Dodge. For the Saturday Fifth Hour podcast,
thirty seven percent of women almost say they pay particular
(33:16):
attention to this on a first date. What is It's
very important for you guests go on here because you're
you're not there dating. It's very important. Um, how you dress? No, no, that,
it's how you act your decorum. You're a table manners only. Yeah.
(33:38):
The other sixty percent don't care. If you're a neanderthal
in a cave man, they don't care. It's kind of interesting. Yeah,
I don't care if you're that's not a good sign.
That's the willed the beast. Yeah. It's not manners, not
not so much around these every really, I mean, do
you think about manners? And even when I that's something
that's changed. When I was a kid, there was a
(34:00):
lot of man When you go out to restaurants and
all that, you gotta act a certain way. But it's
like just like airplanes. People used to go on airplanes
get all dressed up. And people would go to ball games.
You see photos of baseball games in the early nineteen hundreds,
and people wore suits and they were hats and they
were dressed up. It was an event to go to
the game or go on an airplane PanAm airways. Right,
you'd be back in the day. You see the deal there,
(34:22):
And like, mayeah, oh, I didn't want to mention I
I've been watching some of these old games on on
the YouTube, you know these, So I've been watching these
Monday night baseball games. I watched one the other day
for these are from like the nineteen eighties, and it
was Howard Cosell, Keith Jackson, and Bob Yuker. And it
was the funniest thing because there it was like a
(34:44):
White Sox game and they were talking about some manager
that had quit and and Cosell was was saying that
baseball has changed a lot. These players today with their
blow dryers and rock and roll music in locker rooms,
it's just not the same. It was so funny, And
(35:04):
that goes back to my theory, the Mallard theory that
it just everything repeats itself, like the players complain about
previous or future generations and uh, and also complained about
the ones you know that that are you know trailing.
It's it's just nothing but complaining. And I used that
because when I started in the in sports media back
(35:26):
in the day in you know, Jordan's was playing for
the Chicago Bulls. It was that era, and the players
of the previous generation was like, well, it's you know, Jordan's.
It's not the same. The NBA is not as good
as it used to be. It's not as tough. But
even during that Monday night baseball broadcast, they were talking
about the you know, baseball has changed. The new players
in the sport just don't play it the right way,
(35:48):
you know. But then those players in the nineteen eighties
are also that. They then complained about the players in
the nineties, and then the players in the nineties complained
about the player They complained, it's just every decade complains
about the decade that follows. But I don't do that
for radio. No, no, I don't do that. I'm classy,
rinse and repeat generation after generation pretty much. All right, listen,
have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Try the cameo.
(36:11):
If you're on cameo if you're if you're not, it's
easy to sign up there. You don't have to sign
up for anything. Just cameo dot com search my name
Ben mallow you got a birthday coming up, big event, wedding,
bar mitzvah, whatever, Just want to own your own Mallard monologue.
Will do one for you if you're interested. It's not free,
but it's not much. I guess Gon's on there as well,
and we'll catch you next time. Be sure to catch
(36:35):
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Fox Sports Radio has the
best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of
our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within
the I Heart Radio app search f s R to
listen live.
Ka boom. If you've thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now. Into the mail bag
we go as it is the beginning of yet another
Fifth Hour with Ben Maller. Back again on a Saturday,
Saturday Saturday. Because four hours a night clearly not enough,
we do this now eight days a week. We've got
(00:44):
the podcast today and also tomorrow. We Charlie Steiner on
the Voice of the Dodgers yesterday chanced to catch up
with Charlie tells some old stories. So hopefully you heard that.
If not, what are you doing? Go back and download.
It's a podcast. It's available to you. Uh this obviously
because of the Overnight Show, the spinoff of the Overnight Show.
(01:06):
We thank you for subscribing and downloading and reviewing. We
need your reviews, We need your reviews and joining us now.
West of the four oh five, a man who comes
in here screaming and uh and trying desperately to get
away from the podcast. Every week, Get bit Joss Fine,
Ross four five, nothing that can plains near and dear
(01:33):
to your heart. As always, we've we've run the gamut
on on talent with the l A Dodgers. We did
David Vasse a couple of weeks back, and Ut Charlie
on who Who's Next? Well, I was a great Rick Monday.
That would have to We have get the mo Monday.
Mo will have to come on here at some point,
you Monday. What about Ross Porter? You know Ross pretty well,
(01:55):
don't you. I do. I'd like to get Ross on.
I'm not sure what Ross has going on these days,
but yeah, we can get Ross until some Dodger talk
stories from back in the Ross has great stories from
the the heyday of television. And I worked with Ross
briefly years ago. He was a voice of the Dodgers
if you're not from l A for for million years
with Vince Goo. He was like the number two guy
(02:16):
on the Dodger broadcast. But u Ross, if you ever
saw those Anchorman movies yet, Ross lived that life in
the nineteen and seventies and before that he was a
TV guy, and that was when the TV news mattered.
There was no Internet, and they had all the big
stars on there and some of the names who would
(02:37):
go on to be legendary figures in television news. News
worked locally at k NBC in Los Angeles, and Ross
was part of that world and also called NFL games.
He called NFL games for the network. Remember we were
on the road, uh, and we we were Milwaukee at
(02:59):
the Old count Any Stadium and we're walking through the
cat walks to get the cat walk to get to
the press box. And Ross's telling me, I called some
Packer games here back in the back of the day,
and I didn't realize that he had called the NFL.
I remember he called the UNLV oh man back when
they back when they were good with Jerry Tarkani in
(03:19):
the late Great tarka Shark and they these dominant teams
in the in the desert. And Ross would during the
offseason travel to Vegas and the stay at a nice
hotel and call some running Rebels basketball Now, so they're
still the running Rebel. Was just gonna ask you that
have they been canceled yet? I don't know. My my
school Saddleback College. The Weenies there have decided to change
(03:44):
their mascot very offensive there, the Gaucho tremendously offensive, very
very You have a long list of nicknames, you might
need a compliment to that. You might need an equally
long list of cancelations. Oh, I could go on for infinity.
H I mean, you know some people are it's like
(04:04):
a cottage industry now to collect all the stuff that
has been canceled. Get your Anti Miama, get your Uncle Ben,
Dr Mr Potato Head. Uh, you know, get all these
you know escomopie and all these things that the wocarati
have determined. You know, redskins hat, you gotta get that,
(04:25):
of course, Cleveland Indians, Chief Wahoo can You've got to
find that very important. Uh, and so all these things
that trying to collect all these things, but you're gonna
have no room for anything else. You can become a
hoarder if you collect everything that has been changed. And
my my new thing. I don't know that many people
have picked up on it, but as a tribute to
the wocarati that is taking over the world, what I
(04:48):
do now is I I honor just getting rid of
team nicknames. Like every team nicknames offensive. Um, so I'll
say the New Orleans football team from time to time,
or the Chica Go football team, or the New York
football team from the NFC, or the New York football
team from the a f C or the Detroit because
really that's I guess not offensive because that's what they
(05:11):
did in Washington. Yeah, but well, what about the city
of Los Angeles? Would you have to disband Los Angeles?
The City of Angels? But if you're not religious and
you take religion as offensive, yeah, well and just the
word loss, you know the law and be offensive to someone.
Uh so we really have to look at you know,
one thing I've learned about the last couple of years
(05:31):
is if one person is offended, no matter how big
a loser that person is, everyone you everyone must be offended.
There's no apparently. We live in a world now and
I always you know, again, this is one of those
things that has changed in my lifetime. I grew up,
I said, I was raised that. You know, just because
you're offended, you know you're not gonna be happy with
everything in life. Some some things are gonna bother you,
(05:52):
but you just kind of go with it. But now
no on now, Oh my god, there's if you get
up in the morning and and there's mobs of people
that get up with these shenanigans every morning, and I'm like,
oh no, no, I'm sorry, i have to I have
to complain. I'm not happy with what's going on here.
It's everything has gone upside down the last I don't
(06:16):
even want to say last year or two, because it
feels like it's been a lot of this in the
making for quite a while. Well, the thing about the
whole cancel stuff is that there's always been you know,
people that have you know, self loathing, people with bully
agendas that have complained, just nobody ever listened to them.
Now now, for you know, certain reasons. We have our
(06:40):
different theories. And you can read the book you know,
George Orwell wrote, which is still people here in nineteen
eighty four. Some people that don't know the George Orwell story, um,
because that's the name of the nine four they think
well that he wrote in nineteen eighty four. It wasn't
that long ago. He published that book in nineteen forty night.
George Orwell died in nineteen fifty and the things that
he wrote about you guys been dead for seventy plus years,
(07:04):
and uh, you know the parallel world, it's coming closer
and closer that by the day, by the day. Dr SEUs,
what what was the last time he graced our our
good land. Dr SEUs died in the early nineties and
was honored by every president. The reason they do the
National Book Day is because it's on his birthday, the
(07:27):
guy that wrote Dr SEUs And uh, it was so
somebody sent me a link on the social media that
they had all these presidents since since Dr SEUs died,
all of them, just Massager and Doctor Sus. I got
a montage Joe Biden until Joe Biden came. But even
Kamela Harris didn't you send me the link. I think
(07:49):
you were the one that sent me that thing a
couple of years ago. She loved Dr. Dr SEUs wasn't
racist in seventeen, but in one he became you know,
kkke a guy just it's just amazing that the one
guy that probably can't read a teleprompt for now is
canceling his idea. We don't know, we don't know if
(08:09):
you can read a teleprompter, because he would have to
do a news conference to uh to do that right?
It isn't usually is he getting through four years? But yeah,
but if he doesn't, doesn't have to face the music,
why not? It's like we can at Bernie's. You know,
he put him out there and you know you can
survive for a while that way. Man, nothing really terrible
(08:30):
happens or in the you know what's going to hit
the fan there? Yeah, the ship'll hit the fan. Yeah, Yeah,
that's good. We can curse. I don't know. I gotta
be careful here, I gotta I don't know what we
can curse? We can? Yeah, do you want to give
me another nickname? What? What was the nickname you wanted
to give me? No, I didn't want to give you
another nickname. But you said, you said I another nickname? No,
I said, with all the nicknames that you have, you
(08:51):
should have a complimentary cancelation list, because you got what
fifty nicknames? You should have fifty different things that be
canceled them last two of forty eight. I am, known,
among other things, is the spin master of misinformation, the
bannering broadcaster, the Beethoven of bs, curmudgeon of commentary, chasm
of sarcasm. I've been called the Tsare of Zeny, the
(09:14):
dark night of weeknights sports radio, Mogul of mischief, Benny
the Brazen King of Zing, Moneyball Mallard, Facetious Fox, Sultan
of insulting, the Shaman of schaden freude that came from
Big Grig Rob the other Day, Jumping Jack of wisecrack,
Insight of overnight medicine, Man Mallard, Neah Bob of Negativity,
(09:37):
Sage of Outrage, Pinnacle of cynical, Prince of preposterous, Professor
of propaganda, Hazar Hyperbole, and the mad Hatter of sports chatter.
That's that's only half. I have another. And now I
guess unofficially you are Bowti Maller after your performance. That's
not I know, it's Benny bowtime, Betty b that's good man.
(09:59):
Did you uh now, was that a straight clip on
or did you actually align that boat tie by yourself? Uh? Well, no,
it was sent in by a listener a couple of
years ago. Sports Plus sent that in for a previous
episode of the Bennies, and I I kept it and
I said, this is a special thing. People don't think
I do this. They think think, why would you dress
(10:20):
You're on radio no one can see stupid address up.
Why would you do that? But I believe your fear
of the mind. I believe that you should dress appropriately,
and so I attempt to do that as often as
I possibly can, and not just show up in my
in my underwear, in my pajamas and all that. So
I dressed up. Was big night for the show and fans.
The p Ones loved it. To Malla Militia enjoyed it.
(10:44):
And we can do a little post game on the
Bennies right now on this fifth hour. Yeah, I was
curious about the rage because, as you had mentioned last week,
it's not about the winners, that's about the losers. It's
about who was not there at the podium to accept there, Benny. Yeah,
Well the big meltdown, Well, we had a couple of meltdowns.
(11:05):
We had a couple of meltdowns. You know, we had
predicted this, We called our shot last week in the
fifth hour, and and sure enough, Uh, we had it. Now,
the big explosion from the Mallard Militia the p Ones
was our friend Sir scratch Off in Arkansas, who was
very upset driving around the highways and byways of Arkansas.
(11:28):
Uh and uh, He called up offended that he was
not even nominated, not even nominated for one of the
categories on the Benny's. Forget that he didn't win, and
so he's greatly bothered by that. It was very nice
about it, but he began to me, but he was
he was very upset that his impact on the show
was not was not honored. So he got very upset.
(11:48):
And then the one that blew me away. Uh, you
talked about friendly fire, Brian Finley. Brian Finley, who we
had to put into a body bag, body bodybag, body
bag first round KO Brian Finley attempted to step into
the lions Den and he was not prepared. He called up.
(12:12):
I think it was the day after the Bennies. It
all runs together here, but Finley was protesting a blowout
loss as Jonas Knox kicked his tail in the best
Crew fill in category at the Benny's. Jonas got forty
nine percent of the vote dominated and uh, Brian Finley
(12:37):
was was much closer to the likes of Chris perfect
Bow the show and Brian no, uh, they're all right there,
and so he was very upset. He made all these
accusations and all that he was protesting. He tossed out
all kinds of whackadoodle conspiracy theories, and when that didn't work,
(12:58):
he then turned to personal attacks and red herrings and
it was tremendous. I don't know if you heard. It's
on the podcast there. You can go back and listen.
But I bobbed and weaved for a couple of minutes.
I let him toss out his rhetoric, and then I
took out a cartoon size and field and I dropped
it on top of his head and uh, and then
(13:20):
I just machine gun style just unloaded their rat tat tat,
rat tat tat, and he was in a body bag.
He was overserated d O a dead on arrival. So
that let that be a teachable moment. Brian was very
bragadocious about the Finley fanatics and all that which is
(13:42):
very small, very small like him and I think one
other person are part of that. So as LaVar Ball
would say, stay in your lane, stay in your lane.
As nice that he was on the scorecard though right
he was at He's there, he was identified, he was
(14:02):
in contention until the voting started. There's oftentimes there's people
that are overlooked despite putting in numerous hours and days
and logging hours to get my little violin and time
where he identify you know who who brings you to
the party, you know who brings to the dance, who
carries you in? You know it's uh, it's an important thing.
(14:23):
And so that's that's good. At least. Brian was identified
as one of thost team players on Mallard's Myles Squad.
I guess right, Jonas and Brian and Chris Bruffett and
Bo what's it's exciting that you had two board ops
on their guys that probably don't stay awake for the
entire show from what I've heard, But you know, it's
very lightning to us. Well listen, I I know you're
(14:44):
obviously talking about yourself, talking about myself. The Bennies are
a joyful cave. It is. It is the moment, the
one night that is different than all of the nights
that we stopped. Are frolicking around the radio and we
have a swar ray, we have a parte uh and
we get together there and uh, you know there's a
(15:05):
lot of people basking in the after though there's other
people like yourself that are complaining and all that. But
I will tell you that if you would like to
be nominated, you have to be a less of a
wuss and actually be willing to fill in from time
to time. But Brian Finley, say what you want. He's
terrible at his job, but he always answers the call.
He's always there and uh, you know, and that's fine.
(15:28):
And so when you show up, isn't that the old quote? Right?
Most of work is just showing up? Showing up is
the You have a problem with that part? Problem? You know?
It was? It was Woody Allen. I don't know if
we're allowed to quote him. Has he been canceled, But
he said that ninety percent of life is just showing up.
Yeah that's true. Yeah, that's true. I think I do.
(15:49):
I think I do my fair share of showing up.
As as one that actually drives into work. I think
it is all about showing up. And I don't drive
right any I have a fine rate your studio that
I broadcast from. You think Rush Limbos stopped going to
work when he did the show from his house. I
don't think he did. Yeah, I think he should still
shut up to work. Most listen to men in radio
before he passed away. I think he is still showed
(16:11):
up to work even though he be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Meller Show weekdays at two
a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Fox Sports Radio has
the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all
of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and
within the I Heart Radio app. Search f s R
to listen live. Shocking. Oh, I will Benny's I was
(16:38):
gonna say, I think that the Bennies are are a
new concept, relatively speaking, compared to some of the bits
you've had for for quite some time. Well, we've been
doing the Bennies. I don't even I you know, I
lose truck at time. I don't even know. I mean
people email me and say, hey, I've been listening for
this long, I remember something you did? You know? I
don't even a time. I think Einstein said time is
(17:03):
an illusion, right, isn't that? And I tend to agree
with that because there's different points in everyone's life where
time speeds up, and then there's other points where time
goes really slow, really really slow. Does an illusion? But
does that mean in times where you have fastened things
(17:26):
up and you hit fast forward that you think about mortality,
you think about where you were, where you are, and
where you might end up. Oh, ever, since my parents died,
I've my mom. I always think I never worried about
dying before that. But then when let's see your parents
pass away, you think, Okay, well I'm up next. Well
you know that's I'm in the on deck circle. So
(17:47):
uh yeah, I mean listen, I I obviously think you know,
I don't obsess with it because there's nothing you can
do about it, But yeah, I think about that part
of it. That whole process is going to be like
but you know, clearly it us not be that bad
because no one's gotten out of dying, So you can't
be that terrible because everyone's done it and everyone's gonna
do it. So it's gotta accept accept your lot in life.
(18:11):
Ye Benny bradside, that's uh, I guess we go from
the Benny's to death. It's one thing after another. I've
I've believed this quote even before I started thinking about mortality.
But that you when you're born, you were born with
a fatal illness life. There it is a fatal illness.
There is no cure for it. Um you're going to die.
(18:32):
And that's just the way. Now. I didn't know if
you know this, but I was made light of this
a few days ago, thank you to social media. Is
that if you were born and your skin color is white,
you were actually born into racism. Yeah, actually that the
other day. Yeah, and ignore that. But uh, yeah, I
(18:56):
know there's people with We used to call those people
that said that people had a severe mental illness, but
but now I guess we listened to them, So I don't.
I don't leaving the charge. Leaving the charge, Yes, exactly
exact mundo. All right, you wanna do some pop quiz
some time? Left her pop quiz? These are things I
found around the internet. And I'll ask guestcon but I'm
(19:20):
really asking you. I'm really asking you for your help.
All right, So here we goes. It's very exciting. Uh,
this item used to be very common, but a new
survey found that roughly one in three teenagers today have
never ever even seen one. What is a pro tractor?
(19:42):
A pro tract? Ye? No? Think correct? Would you like
to try again? Do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do Do?
How about ruler? No? This is something when I was
back in mind. Uh, this is something that we had
a class in is that important? Geography? It's still a
(20:04):
skill I used today, but the thing I used is
no longer around. In fact, they're not making it's a
collectible now. I can't be math in a calculator that's
always around. Um what are the classes? Would that included
a map? No map class? Well, geography, I said, typing? Typewriter,
(20:29):
typewriter typing? You learned? I learned how to type on
a typewriter. I hated typewriter. No delete button? You can
you know, just pain The ass's called the stenographer? Is
that what they are? Reporters? The couple of you. No, no,
not though it's talking about a real typewriter. I know.
I'm just thinking like people that type really fucking fast speed. Well,
(20:51):
the people in the court, they have a different keyboard, right,
they use special keyboard, and uh, I love the the
the typewriter. I pushed a documentary on freaking typewriters back
in the day and it was fascinating. If you look
(21:12):
at your keyboard right, the the way the keys are aligned, right,
it doesn't make any sense. You would you would say, right,
the keys on the keyboard, and um, they the claim
the early typewriter salesman. The reason they made the typewriter
keyboard look that way is when they were going out
(21:32):
to sell the typewriters, and they sold them with in
a home demonstrations. The door to door salesman would come
into the house and say, all right, I have this
magical machine, the typewriter, and if you look at the
top line the keyboard that has the Q W E, R, T,
Y U, I, O P, those are all the letters
(21:57):
that you need for typewriter. Those are all bunched together.
The reason it's like that is to quickly be able
to type typewriter on a piece of paper when you're
doing a demonstration. All right, yeah, that's good. How about
that for a mind blowing all right, you'll never you'll
never look at the typewriter the same way. Yeah, didn't
(22:21):
that wild because it doesn't make any other sense. You're like, well,
I mean they're all jumbled, all the letters right there,
not why wouldn't you make them in order? Then they
I guess the other claim was, well they didn't want
to put them in order because there's certain letters that
are together that use all the time, so your fingers
would be like, you know, bunched together and all that.
But um, but the the documentary was Tom Hanks collects Typewriters.
(22:42):
Really yeah, like it's a it's a trendy thing for
like some of the elites that collect typers. I remember
when I was doing the Blitz with Looney Tunes, there
was a place in India that was the last place
in the world that made typewriters new typewriters, and they
stopped doing that. So as of I don't know if
it's changed, but as of a couple of years ago,
(23:03):
there were no no factories making typewriters in the world,
completely gone. And that's something that I learned how to
type on back in the back in the day. Yeah,
fun facts about type That's the only reason I did
that one. All right. In a new survey and he'll
be of married couples say they wish they could go
(23:27):
back in time and change this about their wedding. What
would they change? Um, I think food would be too obvious.
I'll say the amount of guests. The amount of guests?
All right? Uh no, it's the song for their first dancer,
all right, Yeah, it seems kind of cheesy to me.
(23:50):
Are you ever gonna get married? Giescing down the line
of course, I'll be your best man. I don't even
know if I can go outside. Let al get married.
We could do like a virtue, a wedding online in
animate object. Yeah, I can do that. Marry my typewriter? Yeah, yeah, alright?
What is next year? According to a new survey, about
(24:12):
one third of Americans believe this is the most important
thing to keep in your car? What is it? Although
it's not something that anyone around these parts would have
in their car, or we do the chauffeur, do do do? Do? Do?
Say jumper cables? But I guess not. Um uh? An
(24:37):
ice scraper? All right? You no reason for us to
have an ice scraper, No chance. If you're in the
the north Land, that would be the way to go,
all right. A new survey asked men and women to
name their most important factor in deciding to buy a home.
The size of the home was the most common response
from women. What did most men pick as the most
(25:01):
important factor in deciding to buy? Real estate comps? Real
estate comps. No, it's in that area, but not it's location, location, location, location,
which does translate the comps. You have the same size
house on the wrong side of the tracks. The hard
(25:21):
scrabble streets, and you have the same size house in
a good part of town, or even a smaller house
in the good part of town, and that that house
on the location is going to be worth more because
better schools and shopping and it's basic stuff. We all, yeah,
we all know that, right. Yeah, you can't. You can't
have a mansion in the ghetto, as they would say.
You can have the most luxurious house, but if it's
(25:41):
in the middle of Compton, it's gonna be the same
price as every other house around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you And you don't want to have the best house
on the block, the top house on the block, because
for the same concept. You know, it's like and even worse.
People don't understand or recognize this. But you guys can
live in a great neighborhood and if someone has to
(26:02):
be short sold on, they get foreclosed on, they go
belly up, their prices diminished, and yours come down too.
Although right now the housing market is off the hook
Los Angeles. It's insane. People are paying for houses that
years ago, we're not worth much. Now they're paying tons
of money for these houses, all right. A new survey
(26:25):
asked people to name something that should be America's national food.
Almost two thirds of people pick this. What is it? Pizza? No,
not pizza? Should I again? I don't know. I can't
(26:46):
say bagon steak. Why can't you say bake? I don't know.
Bacon is too easy. That's why you're not good at
this game. The answer is bacon? By did you have? By? You? Ye? Bacon?
What's bacon and baking you put with anything? Bake on
turkey bacon. You can get regular pig bacon, swine bacon,
(27:07):
whatever you wanted. A nearly ten percent of employees wasn't
isn't the story of bacon? That was like, that was
just something we're trying to get rid of the bad
parts of the pig, and so they came up with
the bacon. Right. It wasn't a delicacy until a few
years back. Yeah. Yeah, It's like the thing we've talked
about in the past on this about the lobster, Right,
(27:29):
wasn't lobster low end food? Because it was a lot
of work to eat the lobster, and so they used
to in the early days of America, they would give
it to prison breaking lobster, Holy red lobster, batman and
they give it to the prisoners and then eventually somebody's old,
this is a delicacy. Gotta have good. It's a lot
(27:50):
of food. Like um, the history of barbecue in America, right,
it was in the South, and it was, you know,
just they had to cook food extra long too, because
they got crappy food and made this amazing barbecue. I
remember seeing a documentary about that, the history of barbecue
and how it originally and that I love barbe little.
(28:11):
I'm a little hunger right now, you are, Maybe you
should eat something, all right. Nearly ten percent of employees
say they planned to do this at work today, and
you were in this group. You are in this group
of people. Do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Show
(28:33):
up late, show up blate? Alright? Is it show up late? No? Uh?
Look for another job? Was the last time you showed
up to work and didn't look for another job? Guest gun?
Is that like maybe the nineties? I think maybe I
don't know. I wasn't working in the nineties. Thank you
very much. You were. You were on the radio. I
(28:53):
listened to you when I was a kid back in
the nineties. Oh no, no, that was that was the
chief wrong, wrong, David wrong. Uh. It originally cost one penny,
but just a few years ago was auctioned off for
about nine point five million dollars. What was this item?
What the object? Um? I don't know. You're gonna have
(29:17):
to tell me. I can't even It's a stamp. Stamp
originally cost one penny and auction for nine point I
have a bunch of stamps my my my father collected
stamps and left them behind, didn't take them with him,
And uh, I have no concept of what stamps are
(29:38):
worth a lot? What aren't worth a lot? There are
so many too, because there's so little and you can
collect so many of them. And uh, that's wild. All right,
let's see here. Well, health experts say that this is
something we should do every day. Only about ten percent
of people actually do it. Something health related, very simple thing.
(30:01):
I don't do this. Stretch. You probably do this, but
I don't do no. Not stretched. Weigh yourself. Do you
weigh yourself every day? I probably weigh myself like once
every two weeks. I don't do that. Yeah. I My
test when I know I'm getting fat is when my
clothes feel a little tighter. That's the that's the sun.
(30:23):
I'm getting fat and it it hasn't happened a while. Usually
it's gone the other way. It's because you usually wear
pajamas every days. Not true. How do you know that?
Because you don't leave your damn house. That's why I
go out to get the mail, go down the driveway.
That's what es for. I don't have. I don't don't
remember robe. I might be well, that's west little world.
(30:44):
My wife's like, maybe I should get men usually get
one of these every two years. What is it? One
of these every two years? A suit? A suit? Al right?
Is it a suit? No? That is incorrect. The correct
(31:07):
answer would be a new belt. All right, Yeah, I
remember the last time I got a a new belt.
I'm a one belt guy. I don't get dressed up
other than funerals, bar mitzvahs and occasional weddings. That's pretty
much the extent of my dress up time. So it's
not like I have a TV gig I have to
(31:27):
get dressed up for. But I get I put on
the nice shirt and whatnot there from time to time.
But that's for the YouTube videos the company wants me
to do up. Ah, yeah, that's right. Uh, let's see,
since the beginning of a pandemic, more men than ever
are purchasing this item. But you're probably one of the
(31:48):
people purchasing this. Be surprised if you're not waits No
not weights. Might have always purchased weights, meatheads, m video games,
video games? Fine answers at video games. No not video games.
The correct answer makeup. You buy makeup for a little TV, right,
(32:11):
you know, a little powder on the nails, powder on
the cheeks, lipstick on they're good. Yeah. Interesting. Uh. Ten
percent of men admit they have done this after a
first date. What is it? They've called their acts? That's
(32:33):
not a bad one. No, they've changed their phone number.
That's a lot of work that yeah, just block them. Well,
I mean the move would be able to using like
a burner phone or one of those apps that makes
it seem like you have a phone number, one of
those deals. If you're doing one of those, then you
get cheesy to change your number. So a big deal.
But you actually have to physically on your phone, your smartphone,
(32:53):
change your number, not using using some app. That's a
pain in the ass. Yeah, that's true. That's why would
you do that? Man? All right, we have time for
a couple more here and I'm gonna get the heck
out of out of Dodge. For the Saturday Fifth Hour podcast,
thirty seven percent of women almost say they pay particular
(33:16):
attention to this on a first date. What is It's
very important for you guests go on here because you're
you're not there dating. It's very important. Um, how you dress? No, no, that,
it's how you act your decorum. You're a table manners only. Yeah.
(33:38):
The other sixty percent don't care. If you're a neanderthal
in a cave man, they don't care. It's kind of interesting. Yeah,
I don't care if you're that's not a good sign.
That's the willed the beast. Yeah. It's not manners, not
not so much around these every really, I mean, do
you think about manners? And even when I that's something
that's changed. When I was a kid, there was a
(34:00):
lot of man When you go out to restaurants and
all that, you gotta act a certain way. But it's
like just like airplanes. People used to go on airplanes
get all dressed up. And people would go to ball games.
You see photos of baseball games in the early nineteen hundreds,
and people wore suits and they were hats and they
were dressed up. It was an event to go to
the game or go on an airplane PanAm airways. Right,
you'd be back in the day. You see the deal there,
(34:22):
And like, mayeah, oh, I didn't want to mention I
I've been watching some of these old games on on
the YouTube, you know these, So I've been watching these
Monday night baseball games. I watched one the other day
for these are from like the nineteen eighties, and it
was Howard Cosell, Keith Jackson, and Bob Yuker. And it
was the funniest thing because there it was like a
(34:44):
White Sox game and they were talking about some manager
that had quit and and Cosell was was saying that
baseball has changed a lot. These players today with their
blow dryers and rock and roll music in locker rooms,
it's just not the same. It was so funny, And
(35:04):
that goes back to my theory, the Mallard theory that
it just everything repeats itself, like the players complain about
previous or future generations and uh, and also complained about
the ones you know that that are you know trailing.
It's it's just nothing but complaining. And I used that
because when I started in the in sports media back
(35:26):
in the day in you know, Jordan's was playing for
the Chicago Bulls. It was that era, and the players
of the previous generation was like, well, it's you know, Jordan's.
It's not the same. The NBA is not as good
as it used to be. It's not as tough. But
even during that Monday night baseball broadcast, they were talking
about the you know, baseball has changed. The new players
in the sport just don't play it the right way,
(35:48):
you know. But then those players in the nineteen eighties
are also that. They then complained about the players in
the nineties, and then the players in the nineties complained
about the player They complained, it's just every decade complains
about the decade that follows. But I don't do that
for radio. No, no, I don't do that. I'm classy,
rinse and repeat generation after generation pretty much. All right, listen,
have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Try the cameo.
(36:11):
If you're on cameo if you're if you're not, it's
easy to sign up there. You don't have to sign
up for anything. Just cameo dot com search my name
Ben mallow you got a birthday coming up, big event, wedding,
bar mitzvah, whatever, Just want to own your own Mallard monologue.
Will do one for you if you're interested. It's not free,
but it's not much. I guess Gon's on there as well,
and we'll catch you next time. Be sure to catch
(36:35):
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Fox Sports Radio has the
best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of
our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within
the I Heart Radio app search f s R to
listen live.
Host
Ben Maller
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