July 10, 2021 • 39 mins
The 5th Hour welcomes back Ryan as Big Ben and him solve one of life's most perplexing mysteries.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes, break
free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
(00:24):
starts right now, nine nine nine nine in the air
everywhere as we are back at it, Happy Saturday. Glad
you have found your way, You're you've satayed your way
into the magic podcast world. Here the Fifth Hour with
Ben Maller And as a gift to you the listener,
(00:46):
another podcast Unsullied by David Gascon. The ratings are going
to be through the roof on this podcast. We do
it now because hey listen, four hours a night not enough.
Eight day is a week, and we thank you for
subscribing and finding This podcast is available on the I
Heart Network, Apple podcast wherever you get your podcast, and
(01:09):
there are a zillion ways to get this podcast. And
as always, if you want a personalized video shout out,
even a Mallard monologue of Mini Mallar monologue can do that.
On Cameo dot com to search my name up. It's
not free, but it's not much. And that's on cameo
dot com for a big birthday wedding bar mitzvah, you
(01:31):
name it. I don't know. We're all good, we're all
good on that. But we are joined because the West
of the four oh five cannot uh rear his ugly face.
So in his place a wrestler, a man who has
popped up on this podcast in the past, making his
return engagement, the great Ryan Smith is here with no
and you don't have any cane sound effects when when
(01:53):
you're introduced they noticed no I do not. All I
have is this anger for Kawhi Leonard right now. That's
all I have. Yeah, Ryan, the reason we're allowing Ryan
to do the podcast is because he's a good human being.
He's a good person. He's a Clipper fan uh and
you're you're just a better person. Ryan. I think you
should be running the company. I think you should move
up because you understand, in the compound where we work,
(02:17):
we are surrounded by infidels, these uh, these laker historians.
Everywhere you turn, you're one of the few, You're one
of the proud. You wander the brave a Clipper fan.
Every Laker fan I've talked to was so happy that
the Clippers were eliminated. I don't know why they care
about us, but they were just so happy that the
(02:37):
Clippers got knocked out. Well, I'll tell you why, Ryan.
First of all, the reason that the Laker historian is
bothered by the Clippers because Clipper fans are authentic. The
Clipper fan is real. Anybody can be a Laker historian
and talking about all the greatness of the Lakers and
all that. That's easy. Being a supporter of the Clippers
(02:58):
shows you've got moxie, you've got gumption. These are things
that the rank and file of the Laker historian fan
base does not have. They don't have this like they
get so upset, like on on the Overnight Show. I know,
Roberto and Coop go, they go enraged over the great
Clipper Daryl. Clipper Darryll is more authentic than any one
(03:21):
that has ever attended a Laker game, and it bothers them.
The Lakers appeal to the Hollywood phonies, and they everything
that's wrong with l A the tinseltown. The Clippers appeal
to the working class. They're the they're the people's team,
and it ryan it drives them that they cannot handle us,
because that is a reality. I've you know, many emails
(03:42):
I've got the Clippers are gonna go to Seattle. They're
gonna least they're gonna go to Seattle. Yeah, it's ridiculous.
I talked to a girl once, she's a quote unquote
Laker fan, and I asked her why she hates the
Clippers so much, and she looked at me, straightened my eyes,
and said, well, the Clippers don't even play in the
same arena. That's why. Um okay, yeah, okay, Well that's
(04:06):
gonna be even more embarrassing. Like the Laker The people
follow Lakers like, well, get out of Staples Center. You know,
have you seen the design of the new arena the
Clippers are building in Inglewood. It is the tarj Ma Hall.
It's gonna make Staples Center look like an outhouse by
the time this place is done. And so the Lakers
will be playing at an inferior arena. They have an
inferior owner. And it's I mean, it's just it's it's
(04:29):
got to be annoying. I understand why I would get
upset too. The Clippers are. They're not the new kid
on the boy. The Clippers have been in l A
since the nineteen the mid nineteen eighties, they moved from
San Diego. It's not like this showed up all that now.
The first thirty years they were in l A they
were terrible. But yeah, it is frustrating watching the NBA
Finals with Janice Adenta Coombo as mostly a decoy and
(04:51):
the Son. I'm telling you, Ryan, I look at that
sunst I'm not impressed. Are you impressed? Ryan? With the Sun?
That they were beatable and the Clippers didn't have y
Leonard and you felt like they were matching the blow
for blow until Game six. The Suns had the easiest
path to the NBA Finals, and it's not even close.
Every every series someone was hurt, they got lucky. And
(05:15):
the difference between the Suns and the reason it's more
blasphemy is we've seen this happen where guys get hurt,
but usually it's like in the NBA Finals or something
like that, or the conference finals, but not every round.
I cannot recall every round of plus I member. People
bring up Kawhi leon and when it was with Toronto
and they won it, and obviously they won in large
part because Golden State collapsed. They because of injury, with
(05:36):
Clay Thompson and Durant getting hurt in the NBA Finals.
But before that, it wasn't like every team they played
in the Eastern Conference had a star player hurt. Literally
and figuratively. Every single opponent the Sons have had has
had one of their top players or two of their
top players not there. It's it's it's I want to
(05:57):
pull what's left in my hair out here right in
with this when people people say that, no, that's not true.
Mine ridiculous. Well, Alice, we can finally say what I've
always been been saying to everybody that Doc Rivers was
the problem. Yes, yes, and also the dumb dumbers, well,
the Clippers, they didn't want to play the Lakers in
(06:18):
the place. They had the opportunity to choose the path
they want. They chose the right path. They chose the
right They would have won the championship had Kawhi later
not gotten hurt. So those idiots that were like, I
can't believe they lost to Houston in Oklahoma City at
the end of the regular season, that was genius. Do
it again, Do it again. And how listen you mentioned
(06:41):
Doc Rivers, the stooge. How how good a coach is
ty Lou? I thought I was worried Ryan, as a
fellow Clipper guy. I was worried that he just rode
Lebron James Cotils with with the calves and I was like,
I don't know if this guy can coach at all.
But he proved himself. He absolutely proved himself in this
playoff run. The Clippers have one of the better coaches
in the NBA. That's awesome. He's a good coach. But
(07:02):
I'm kind of blaming him for the Game two loss
against the Sons. On that last play. He should have
been able to He should have told his players, look,
this is what they're gonna do. And I don't know,
maybe he told Cousins to do something, but Cousins didn't
do it. I don't know what in the world, Bookie
Cousins was thinking, Yeah, well, I think you who I blame.
I blame DeAndre Ayton, who grabs zoo box jersey And
(07:25):
that's that's If that was outside the arena, that would
be assault. He would have been charged with a salt
and he got away with it. And the referees giving
the Sons what they have half an hour to come
up with the final play, and they could, you know,
draw seven different versions, and of course they winking. And
now we can't be We'll be remiss if we didn't
bring up Paul George, by George, who famously missed two
(07:46):
foul shots to two, make one. You missed the first
to make the second. That's how you're supposed to, Ryan.
You could make one of two. I could make one
of two. I have no athletic ability this point my
life anymore. But I could make one of two. I
can flash back to Moneyball Maller and make one of two.
I could he chokes? He did, he did, and he
(08:09):
still should have won the Even with that, they still
should have won the game. The Clippers. The Clippers outscored
the Songs by seven teen points the first five games
of the Western Conference Finals, and then the rug got
pulled out from underneath them in the in the final game.
But man, oh man, oh man, enough all right, anyway,
that's that's not That was some hot Clipper talk, Ryan,
(08:32):
that you're a Clipper fan. I can do hot Clipper talk.
When that other guy west of the four oh five
is here when his pompous ask this here, I can't
do that because he's a Laker historian. I'm not allowed
to do it. It's a bandwagon fan. Yeah, he's a
typical and West of the four oh five guy, you know,
Lady Dah and all that name dropper and he's got
that smarmy arrogance to him. And as a Clipper guy,
(08:54):
we're men of the people, right, we were relatable clearly? Absolutely? Yeah. Right,
So I have sweet Spot, I've got that. Also, we've
got pop Quiz and uh, we'll get scientifical before we
get to pop quiz. We we didn't even have time
last week for pop quizz, so we have some pop
(09:14):
quiz questions standing by. But the Sweet Spots story is
rather simple. So the podcast is about me. I guess
that sounds awkward saying that, but the people on the
podcast about us. This week it's about me and Ryan
because Ryan's in the podcast here. So uh, some of
my cousins. I have cousins all over the Mallard family.
The tentacles of my family are all over the country,
(09:36):
most of them no longer in California. I'm one of
the few people left in California. So I have family
in in Arizona. I have some family, a lot of
family in New York, Chicago, Wisconsin, Michigan, some in Florida.
Like they're spread out all over, like all over the place. Um.
So some of my cousins were in town from Michigan, right,
(09:59):
and it was really good to see them, considering I
hadn't really seen anybody, none of us had with the
whole COVID thing, at least extended family. So, um, my
cousin Marcy was in town from from Michigan and her
husband John, and you know, seeing seeing my cousin it
brought back great memories because I remember going to family
reunions and this is my dad's side of the family,
(10:22):
and there was like this this connection and media is
I got flashing back to when I was like thirteen
years old or something like that. It was great. So
I went over to see them they were in town,
and I had a grand time. With a couple of
hiccups though, And so I thought the perfect platformed event
would be the podcast. And so I'm gonna vent to
you about the hiccups at the Mallard Meet and Greet
(10:43):
Family Edition. So, first of all, My wife is a
social butterfly. She absolutely loves these type of events, and
I typically loathe them. Now. I like seeing family, but
the social engagement. I'm int introvert, so I like them
to have have limits. My wife is an extrovert. She
does not believe in having any limits. So we cruised
(11:06):
over to my my cousin's house for a meet and
greet with my other cousins and them. Uh. This was
behind the Orange Curtain in southern California. So I'm sitting
around the living room there and we're all telling stories.
We're all telling stories. That's what you do, right, family
get together to tell stories. Right, what have you been
(11:26):
up to the last year, year and a half. They
were asking stories about my dad and you know, everything
that went on his last few days. And so after
about fifteen minutes, I start sweating and I'm I'm like
really sweating, like I'm sitting in a sauna. It's extremely hot.
Its now, this is at night, it's not during the day.
(11:47):
We're indoors and it is just oppressively hot. It's like
I'm in the Sahara desert and I'm thinking, well, it
must have the heater or on what what is the
heat index here? This is insane here. Uh. It got
so bad that my glasses started fogging up. I'm like,
I'm just sitting having a conversation. It was very I did.
(12:10):
I did take my hat off and wipe my brow
because it was sweat coming down. It was it was
like I was in a in a fitness club in
the sauna. So later on we were getting a tour
of a really a beautiful house and we walked by
the air conditioner and I noticed the temperature in in
(12:31):
the home. And at that time, the temperature was what
do you think it was, Ryan? In the house? What
do you think it was? Now? It wasn't that high,
but it felt like degrees It was eighty three degrees.
Who the hell keeps their house at three degrees? What? Ryan?
You where where you live? What do you typically keep
(12:52):
the temperature as cool as possible? But but my A
unit sucks, so it's usually like around like seven whatever hot.
Oh that's terrible. Yeah. I am a big believer in
living in an ice box. I you cannot get cold enough,
and so I always have my air conditioning. I keep
(13:13):
it insanely cool, especially during the day, which is the
worst time. But I sleep during the day, so I
have to have I can't sleep if it's hot, if
I'm sweating and all that. Anyway, so this is I
get back to the story. So to me, that's an
insane indoor temperature to each the room. It's not my
house with him, so I'm trying to deal with it.
And then the next thing that really was a hiccup
for me is and it was very polite, very cordial.
(13:36):
The host of the event brought out a tray of
gigantic homemade chocolate chip cookies, like the size of your
hand with all your fingers extended like that big. If
you gotta I gotta big, maybe you don't. So here's
the problem, Ryan, So I wouldn't have had an issue
(13:58):
with I mean, I'm staring these gooey, delicious chocolate chip
cookies and I can't touch them because I had already
started my fast. You know, I'm I am a hardcore
inter minute faster. So once I stopped eating, once I
put the fork down, I'm done until like the next day.
And so I had already started my fast and it
was late at night, and I don't like to you know,
(14:20):
I don't like to eat late at night in anyway,
that's just kind of my my missions. And so I'm
staring at these unbelievably great looking cookies and it reminded
me of back when I used to go to the ballet.
And you know, when you go to the ballet, Ryan,
you can look, but you can't you can't touch, you
know that kind of like I could look at the cookies,
but I couldn't touch the And then the other, the other,
(14:42):
the other hiccup. Here is this thing dragged on and on. Now,
I think you're a little bit like me, right, although
you were a wrestler, so maybe you're more of an extrovert.
But I'm an introvert, and I believe that these events
should have a cap on them. I believe that. And
so this went way past the two hour mark, and
(15:06):
on the way home, I had a conversation and I
explained with my social butterfly, my significant other. I said, listen,
these social events should be like Vegas shows or movies.
You know what Vegas shows and movies are like, Ryan,
(15:26):
I have a vague idea. Yeah, they're ninety minutes that
if you talk to anybody who does a Vega show,
ninety minutes that's the perfect amount of time for a show.
Not in sixties, not enough. People feel like they haven't
gotten their money's worth at sixty minutes. Anything over nineties
a little bit too much. That people want to go
out and do other things. They don't want to be
there past ninety minutes. And so I tried to explain this.
(15:49):
My wife disagrees. She thinks these things should go on
as long as possible. She's upset that we stopped after
like two and a half hour. She wanted to keep going.
And so my belief is about a ninety minute cap
less is more. That's my strategy on social events. Leave
them wanting more? Am I wrong? Ryan? Am I? Am?
I bad to to think that we should cap these
(16:10):
things at ninety minutes. It depends on the show. Yeah, No,
this is a family event. Though I'm talking about a
family event, I'm talking about getting together with people that
I like that I've seen I haven't seen since a
lot of them since I was a kid, and I
haven't been able to see him in years and all that.
But I'm still like ninety minutes. Ninety minutes is good.
That's what I'm talking about. Ninety minutes, Okay, I think
I think you're right. I think you're onto something. Now
(16:31):
for me, that's too long to be around anybody because
I just don't like people. So I would go less
than ninety minutes. But okay, well, I'm okay for ninety
because my wife will talk sixty and I can do
the other thirty and then I'm out, so she'll talk
most of the time. She could talk all ninety minutes.
But yeah, yeah, if I was by myself, i'd be
good with about ten minutes and then that's it and
(16:52):
then get out of here and go to something else.
That would be my my strategy. But it was like
it was crazy. It was like one thing. It was
like a three studies are a Vaudeville comedy act, right,
which is the three stoogies where you hit they I'm fasting,
they bring the cookies out, I'm sweating. I think my
glasses are fogging up. Uh. You know, it's just like
the whole thing. The whole thing was one thing after
it was a colossal series of errors that took place there.
(17:16):
But that was my my big getting out, my big weekend.
You didn't see anything that was too hot. You just
said nothing. No, I wanted to be polite. I didn't
want to be rude and all that. I just wanted
to be polite and just gonna, you know, not be
a douche and so I thought I would be a
douchey thing to say going about it. You can just say,
do you mind if I live? Because that's great. But
(17:38):
nobody else complained. I was waiting for somebody else to come,
and nobody else complained. It only takes one then if
somebody else will say, you know what, he's onto something,
So that would have started like the trickle down effect
and everyone would have started singing the blues about how
hot it was. Yes, I think so, all right, well
next time hopefully, well hopefully there won't be next time.
But where it's eighty three eighty, you know, I'm sure
(18:00):
by the time we got out of it was probably
like seven. And I mean, jeez, I can't I can't
imagine they were warm blooded people. I guess, but I'm
cold blooded. I like it cold. I like it cold. Absolutely.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm PACIFICIC on
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app alright,
(18:22):
so let's get scientifical. Scientifically, there are science stories that
I have found around the internet and I thought they
were interesting. I want to bring them up. So one
of the great debates that many people have you if
you're in a relationship with someone, just in a family,
one of the debates that often happens is over toilet
paper and how to properly hang toilet paper over or under?
(18:50):
There are two ways to hang toilet paper. We all
need toilet paper in the modern first world that we
live in. So how is the correct way? What is
the correct way to hang toilet papers? Now? First of all,
before we I have the answer, by the way, But Ryan,
are you a over or under a toilet paper? Guy? Over?
That's that's easy. It's always over, al right, So I
(19:12):
agree with you. I'm an over person. My wife comes
from a family of unders under toilet paper. I've also
dealt with this. I have relatives to believe in the
under technique with the toilet paper. But big news here,
we now have confirmation. This goes back to eight eight three.
You know who Seth Wheeler is? Have you ever heard
(19:32):
her name? Seth Wheeler? Uh sounds like a radio host.
It does sound like a DJ, but no. Seth Wheeler
is one of the most important people in in in
the history of the world. He patented he was the
inventor of the toilet rule. And think about that. If
you live before eight three, you did not have a
toilet rule. You did not have that. But Seth Wheeler
(19:54):
his genius, his innovation. He's been dead for many years
and we still use every restaurant on bar, hotel, you
name it that has a bathroom, every house, every apartment,
they have the toilet paper roll. And this guy invented it,
and he was granted a patent in three And in
the patent they went back and looked at the patent.
(20:15):
It reveals the proper way to hang toilet paper on
the holder is over the top. So if you're hanging
it underneath, you're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong.
You're violating the memory of Seth Wheeler, the inventor of
the toilet roll. Now do you go cheap on the
toilet paper or you go all out? Let me let
(20:37):
me stop you right there. Let me say this is
one of the I am very frugal, I'm a tight wad,
I'm a noted tight wad like I'll reuse plastic forks
like that kind of tight wad occasionally. But when it
comes to toilet paper, I'm on the upper east side.
I'm buying the most expensive Sharman I can get, like
the you know, seven ply whatever. I'm all a that
(21:00):
I want comfort from my tokas is what I want,
and so I will spend what Yeah, because that that
cheap toilet papers sucks terrible. Let me give you some advice.
Whenever you're going to a job for the first time,
check what's Check to see what type of toilet paper
they use, because because if it's cheap, the company's cheap.
That's a fact. Are you taking a shot at the
(21:23):
people we work for? Such thing? I said, no, such thing,
because I have seen the toilet paper that is in
the building there. It's not particularly good. And here's another thing,
fun fact. Here's a fun fact for you right on
this toilet paper. So the story that went back and
looked at the patent from three experts are warning that
(21:45):
if you hang the toilet paper underneath, you increase your
risk of coming into contact with bacteria. It's a health risk.
So you're risking the health of people when you hang
the toilet paper roll under instead of over. It's a
great life lesson right there, that it's a great life lesson. Alright,
(22:06):
Moving on on, let's get scientifical. So there's a strange
signal that is coming from the Milky Way. Have you
seen this story recently? And they're trying to figure out
what's causing it. This actually goes back to the day
before my birthday, April, and there's a They've got all
(22:26):
these ground radio telescopes that are trying to hear aliens
in space and they never hear anything. This time they did.
They finally heard something. Holy crap, right, that's big. They
detected an intense pulse of radio waves. How about that
(22:46):
radio waves? Do you think there's other DJs out there
in the cosmos in the Milky Way somewhere now. Unfortunately
it only lasted some a few milliseconds, but the people
in that business, the astronomers, were said to be completely
gobsmacked and astonished, and this is seen as a major discovery.
It represents the first time ever that what they call
(23:12):
an f R be a fast radio burst radio waves
had ever been detected this close to Mother Earth, and
they estimated that the radio waves came from a location
in the galaxy thirty They say it's just thirty thousand
light years from from Earth, so it's within the Milky Way.
(23:38):
And they're they're still investigating. I don't know what kind
of investigative work you can do, but that's pretty cool,
pretty cool. It was like a sports radio show. They
were doing sports talk, and they shot the radio waves
up and it came all the way to us. Yeah.
They're saying stuff like, yeah, Tom Brady's a cheater, stuff
like that. Yeah, makes sense. You wash the mouth that
(23:59):
was soap and water there. What he's a fraud, You're
a phony. I hate Tom Brady. He hates you too. Good. Good,
go buy some of those TV twelve electrolytes. Thro it. Yeah,
use it for toilet paper, just like we send radio
waves out when we broadcast, not on the podcast, but
(24:21):
on radio. Do you think there's some goblins and aliens
out there? I don't think they're gobheads. No, no goblins, no,
no goblins no, no, all right? What if they looked
just like us? How disappointing would it be if there's
aliens out far out in deep space and they just
look like us. They're just like human beings like us
(24:42):
wouldn't be a bummer. I'm pretty sure, especially because of
last year. When aliens fly past Earth they roll up
their windows. I'm pretty sure they don't want to get COVID,
so they want they want no part of us. So
like you're like, f this, No, we're not doing it.
If we still had neander of falls walking the planet,
they'd be like, they'd be more into the Neanderthals. Is
(25:03):
that what you're saying? Yeah, I guys, uh, speaking of Neanderthals.
They say in the science community is the common Cold
likely predates humans and say say it likely the plague
affected Neanderthals seven hundred thousand years ago. How the hell
(25:23):
did they know this? By the way, I don't know.
I don't get that, but that's what they claim. They claim.
There's a lot of maze coods. We you know, a
lot of weasel words in these science stories or thinks
like this one. The NASA administrative guy named Bill Nelson
thinks that's a thought, not a confirmation. Thinks there is
intelligent life in the universe beyond our own. Of course,
(25:46):
of course, if you if you ever go to a
place where there's not a lot of sun poisoning outside
the city and go out to the desert or the
ocean far offshore and look to the heavens. The math
on that, it's just your your mind's gonna explode thinking
about that. So yeah, come on, it's up with that,
(26:07):
and we still can't cure the common cold. Nice, Yeah,
not just a comic. I mean they're like you look
at cancer and all the all the all the illnesses,
Like I still I think the answers though, are here,
they just got we haven't found them. Like I, all
the all the problems are on Earth, and all the
answers on Earth. That's been my theory, Like to every illness,
there's a solution somewhere on the planet. You just have
(26:29):
to find it. That's the hard part. Well, good news,
good news from the science community. We will all be
saved by China. China has announced a plan to launch
a rocket fleet. The goal of the rocket fleet kind
of sounds like what President Trump had planned these space fleet,
you know, space Army whatever it was, space force. Yeah,
(26:49):
So China taking a page out of Trump's playbook, They're
gonna come up with the their own military plan. They're
gonna launch rock a rocket fleet to divert ay a
apocalyptic asteroid heading towards Earth, so we'll be saved by China.
Assuming this works, I'm gonna in my life now where
(27:10):
I wouldn't I wouldn't mind if that asteroid hit Earth.
You'd be good checking out. I'm good, I'm good. Just
do it, all right, you know you had enough. I'll
read it that Jay, catch you next time. Nice, All right,
let's see. I uh, well, this is bad news for you, Ryan.
(27:36):
A loneliness can take years off your life. You know,
are you a lonely guy? Ryan? You do? You don't
like people, You don't want to hang around with people, right, Yeah,
But when I'm by myself, I'm happy, So it's totally fine.
All right. Well, according to a report out of Singapore,
a medical school in Singapore revealed that adults over the
age of sixties, so you don't have to worry about
that at least for a few years, say you know,
(27:59):
many years. Say that. Sometimes are always people that feel,
you know, lonely. They end up dying up too. That's
a weasel term. Up to up to off is actually
like one percent of anyway up to five years sooner.
Then they're contemporaries who don't feel lonely. So try not
(28:20):
to be lonely. And if you're happy by yourself, and
that's fine. I think these happy people, quote unquote happy
people are upset that I'm happy because I'm by myself
and I want to be I want to be left
the hell alone. Well that's true, that's true. Like when
I was at my fattest, people always said, what do
you lose weight? You should be more like me, you
know you, you must not be happy, And I was
like the happiest I could possibly be, eating as much
(28:41):
food as I wanted. I loved it. I was a fatass.
I was morbidly obese, and I loved every meal. I
didn't feel bad, but I moved around fine. But everyone
was like, oh, you should really lose some weight. You
should be more like you know this person or that person.
They're like, no, I'm perfectly content. I'm perfectly happy. But
the problem with that when you get older, you can't
really can't do that, because it does. That's just that's
(29:03):
just an old wives tale, you think. So, have you
ever gone to a retirement home and seeing fat people?
There aren't many there, There aren't or tall people for
that matter. That's the other thing. I'm screwed. Then, yeah,
I'm screwed too. So how tall you? Um, I'm about
I'm about that same hight too, So yeah, we're we're screwed,
all right. A new report, let's get to this is
(29:26):
the pop quiz portion. We'll do a few pop quiz
questions and then we'll put the baby to bed. So
a new report says that you are more likely to
give this item as a gift than you are to
ever buy this item for yourself. There's something you would
never buy, but you would give someone else as a gift.
What do you think this is? Uh m, condoms? Condoms?
(29:48):
All right? Wow boy, wow, Okay, you ever given condoms
to someone? There? Maybe a date? No? Uh the The
answer is a blender. Blender. I'm not I'm not a
big blender guy. I like the blender box, but I'm
not a big blender guy. So yeah, I've never bought
(30:10):
a blender. I think I don't know if I got
one when I got married. That sounds like a gift
you'd give someone who gets married, buy him a blender.
That's a marriage gift. Yeah, yeah, and then it sits
in a box in a cabinet for thirty years, and
you're like, oh, we had a blender. All right. This
is the first thing that most people think about every
single day. Everything, the first thing you think about every day.
(30:31):
What is it? Why do I have to go to work? No? Sleep? No,
it's sleep. It's like, why can't I go back to sleep?
Can I? You hate your job, don't you? No? No,
I hate you hate working? Come on, that's not true.
This is a great place to work. I'm very happy here.
(30:52):
It would be a better place if they paid you
more money. I cannot confirm or deny those comments. If
they gave you more time off, I mean more money.
A little bump, a little bumpty bump, you know, all right.
A new survey asked people what they missed the most
while working from from home. This was the most common answer,
(31:13):
what is it? Oh? I was never working from home,
so I couldn't tell you I was always here. Now,
you don't need to brag. You don't need to what's
not bragging? I'm mad? You're mad. Well, you happen to
choose a job that you cannot do. At least they
won't they won't spend the thousands of dollars on the
equipment that is required for you to do it from home.
So just think of the Hoi POLOI think of the Hoiah.
(31:37):
I know you could have been in the empty hallways
of fs are. Yes, no one's right. But what do
you what do you think of? Oh? Wow, I don't know.
All right, now, this is actually good because it's good
for people like us that work in this business. According
to the survey, the thing that people missed most while
(32:00):
working from home was listening to the radio on their commute.
Listening to radio and people realize, you can listen to
the radio at home. I know nobody does that, but
you can. You can listen at home. You don't have
to listen in the car. We have a lot of
people that listen to the podcast that aren't in the car.
I don't think a lot of people listen to the
radio at home. I think they're usually watching TV or
(32:22):
getting drunk. I disagree, Ryan, I believe in my head
it's like the early days of radio, and people sit
around in their nice chairs and they focus at the
magic radio box and just listen everything going on. Yeah, now,
but we we actually get a lot of people. I
get email from people that have insomnia and they're trying
(32:42):
to sleep and they'll turn the radio on. It's like
a little background noise and listen to the show while
they're in bed and they can't sleep. And so we
do have some of those people, but I would obviously
agree that most of our listeners are live listening audiences
like truck drivers, security guards, people working in factories, doughnut shops,
you know whatever. Police criminals, both sides. We got everybody
(33:04):
criminals we do. I've had I've had people called the
little shady there run little shady cats out there listen
to the sports stock radio. Heck, heck. We had a
listener half point that's currently in jail, and I got
sent her rap sheet and it's like a war in peace.
It just keeps going on and it's like a phone book.
(33:24):
It's just oh my goodness, Holy she's had a busy
life there running from the law. All right, you will
use about sixteen less water if you use this product.
I know you're very concerned about your water consumption, Ryan,
you got a lot of time. If you use less,
you'll use no listen close, You'll you'll use about sixteen
(33:44):
percent less water if you use this particular product. Uh, salt,
I don't know salt. Let's get salty. No, it's foaming soap.
Foaming soap. Who the hell cares do I? I don't
am I bad for saying I don't really care. I
don't mind foaming soap. I'm okay with foaming soap, but
(34:06):
I'm not gonna get worked up over. Uh. Let's see,
Americans spend nearly two billion dollars a year to fight
this something that most of us have, some of us
worse than others. Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids. Oh boy, you ever had hemorrhoids?
(34:26):
Oh no, thank god, I've I've had them. Boy, that's
that's something to look forward to. Holy crap. Uh No.
The answer is bad breath. Uh yeah. Most people don't
realize they have bad breath. It's other people pointing out
they have bad Yeah. You never really smell your own breath.
You know, it's weird you really have to have horrifically
(34:46):
bad breath, or for that matter, like a lot of
people don't realize they have body odor like b o. Right.
They don't understand that because you're kind of used to
your own smell. Yeah, it's a problem. Two billion a
year to fight bad breath. Just brush your teeth people,
it's you know, it's not that hard. Brush your teeth,
mouth wash, but time. That's what you gotta do. Flaws
(35:08):
in there, you know. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. What's up everyone, It's me three times
NFL All Pro Shawn Marine and I have a new
sports podcast called The lights Out Podcast with Sean Marine.
This podcast especial to me is I get a chance
to talk to some of the best we've ever done
(35:28):
it on the field or the trap. So whether it's
talking to a Super Bowl champion or a NASCAR Cup
Series champion, the lights Out Podcast will bring it to
you the only way I know how to. I'm giving
you the best insight for the best we've ever done it.
Listen to lights Out with Shawn Mari or the I
Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcast. About
six people say this happens to them nearly every day.
(35:53):
It involves their phone and email. What is it? They
get a lot of spam? Look at you, look at you.
You gotta write good job, but yes, get a spam call,
spam text, or email. I got a spam call at
least three or four times a week. Yeah, it's terrible.
(36:13):
I actually recently because I've I'm living in a halfway
house right now. I'm in the temporary home before I
move again in August. And so just I sold a
house for the first time ever. I never sold a house.
And so I sold the house. And you have to
fill out all his paperwork and all that, and a
lot of that stuff ends up getting shipped around, a
lot of your personal information. So as a result, I
(36:35):
have been inundated over the last couple of weeks with
spam calls, and I every time I block them, it
doesn't matter. They it's like whack a mole. You block one, three,
more pop up. It's NonStop. I don't know how they
do it. They like figure out that, oh, this person's
blocked this number that's called from a different number. Yeah, well,
(36:59):
and they have have what I've heard is they have
endless numbers because it's all these numbers just generated digitally.
So it's like I have a computer that just generates
different numbers to call from. So you literally and figuratively
cannot win a block. The block the you know what,
Block the trolls, block the spammers. You can't do it.
(37:20):
You can't win, because they'll just pop up with a
new number five minutes later. Sometimes when on board, I'll
answer and almost a mess with them, you know, on
the ones. I have you gotten the ones? The ones
I've been getting a lot lately. Is your car warranty?
It's coming up here on your you need to call
U back to extend your warranty. I was coming to work,
(37:41):
I was going on the elevator and I kid you
not like I guess, like somewhet somehow, like they got
into the phone system and that same message about renewing
your car warranty was playing in the elevator. Almost lost
my freaking mind. Wow, really, yes, I was like, are
you kidding me? In the elevator? What's up with? Mankind
of you got stuff playing in the elevator? Look at you, man,
(38:04):
you got the big elevator, like shiny mansion, you big
big condo building. And no, no, not at all. No, no, okay,
I wish you wish all right? Uh you're dating anybody?
By the way, new survey says this is the riskiest
food to order on a first date. Uh taco bell
(38:30):
Uh No, oysters. I don't eat oysters. I don't know.
Do you ever eat oysters? Eat oyster? Game? No? Why
would you order that on the first date unless you
think you're gonna get some I don't know. I don't know, man,
I'm not an oyster guy. I don't like seafood. I
don't really don't like food. I don't like seafood, lobster
crab no. No, I liveally. I live a meat and
(38:50):
chicken based diet. That's pretty much you get some gumbo
in your life. Man, I got no gumbo. I got
no gumbo at all. All Right, that will do it.
I believe we're good. Yes, I think we're good. On
the on the Saturday podcast. And Ryan, you want to
promote your Twitter if people want to follow you on Twitter?
Rybin on Twitter and Ryan McBain on Twitch. Now are now.
I'm not gonna say the people that listen to this
(39:12):
are bad at spelling, but you want to spell that
last name just in case they are? Y A N
M C B A I N very simple, very very
simp Yeah. There are a couple of days, a couple
of different ways to spell Ryan. Actually, there are a
couple different ways, but anyway, let'sten have a great Saturday.
We'll be back with the mail Bag podcast on Sunday
and we'll catch you then
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes, break
free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
(00:24):
starts right now, nine nine nine nine in the air
everywhere as we are back at it, Happy Saturday. Glad
you have found your way, You're you've satayed your way
into the magic podcast world. Here the Fifth Hour with
Ben Maller And as a gift to you the listener,
(00:46):
another podcast Unsullied by David Gascon. The ratings are going
to be through the roof on this podcast. We do
it now because hey listen, four hours a night not enough.
Eight day is a week, and we thank you for
subscribing and finding This podcast is available on the I
Heart Network, Apple podcast wherever you get your podcast, and
(01:09):
there are a zillion ways to get this podcast. And
as always, if you want a personalized video shout out,
even a Mallard monologue of Mini Mallar monologue can do that.
On Cameo dot com to search my name up. It's
not free, but it's not much. And that's on cameo
dot com for a big birthday wedding bar mitzvah, you
(01:31):
name it. I don't know. We're all good, we're all
good on that. But we are joined because the West
of the four oh five cannot uh rear his ugly face.
So in his place a wrestler, a man who has
popped up on this podcast in the past, making his
return engagement, the great Ryan Smith is here with no
and you don't have any cane sound effects when when
(01:53):
you're introduced they noticed no I do not. All I
have is this anger for Kawhi Leonard right now. That's
all I have. Yeah, Ryan, the reason we're allowing Ryan
to do the podcast is because he's a good human being.
He's a good person. He's a Clipper fan uh and
you're you're just a better person. Ryan. I think you
should be running the company. I think you should move
up because you understand, in the compound where we work,
(02:17):
we are surrounded by infidels, these uh, these laker historians.
Everywhere you turn, you're one of the few, You're one
of the proud. You wander the brave a Clipper fan.
Every Laker fan I've talked to was so happy that
the Clippers were eliminated. I don't know why they care
about us, but they were just so happy that the
(02:37):
Clippers got knocked out. Well, I'll tell you why, Ryan.
First of all, the reason that the Laker historian is
bothered by the Clippers because Clipper fans are authentic. The
Clipper fan is real. Anybody can be a Laker historian
and talking about all the greatness of the Lakers and
all that. That's easy. Being a supporter of the Clippers
(02:58):
shows you've got moxie, you've got gumption. These are things
that the rank and file of the Laker historian fan
base does not have. They don't have this like they
get so upset, like on on the Overnight Show. I know,
Roberto and Coop go, they go enraged over the great
Clipper Daryl. Clipper Darryll is more authentic than any one
(03:21):
that has ever attended a Laker game, and it bothers them.
The Lakers appeal to the Hollywood phonies, and they everything
that's wrong with l A the tinseltown. The Clippers appeal
to the working class. They're the they're the people's team,
and it ryan it drives them that they cannot handle us,
because that is a reality. I've you know, many emails
(03:42):
I've got the Clippers are gonna go to Seattle. They're
gonna least they're gonna go to Seattle. Yeah, it's ridiculous.
I talked to a girl once, she's a quote unquote
Laker fan, and I asked her why she hates the
Clippers so much, and she looked at me, straightened my eyes,
and said, well, the Clippers don't even play in the
same arena. That's why. Um okay, yeah, okay, Well that's
(04:06):
gonna be even more embarrassing. Like the Laker The people
follow Lakers like, well, get out of Staples Center. You know,
have you seen the design of the new arena the
Clippers are building in Inglewood. It is the tarj Ma Hall.
It's gonna make Staples Center look like an outhouse by
the time this place is done. And so the Lakers
will be playing at an inferior arena. They have an
inferior owner. And it's I mean, it's just it's it's
(04:29):
got to be annoying. I understand why I would get
upset too. The Clippers are. They're not the new kid
on the boy. The Clippers have been in l A
since the nineteen the mid nineteen eighties, they moved from
San Diego. It's not like this showed up all that now.
The first thirty years they were in l A they
were terrible. But yeah, it is frustrating watching the NBA
Finals with Janice Adenta Coombo as mostly a decoy and
(04:51):
the Son. I'm telling you, Ryan, I look at that
sunst I'm not impressed. Are you impressed? Ryan? With the Sun?
That they were beatable and the Clippers didn't have y
Leonard and you felt like they were matching the blow
for blow until Game six. The Suns had the easiest
path to the NBA Finals, and it's not even close.
Every every series someone was hurt, they got lucky. And
(05:15):
the difference between the Suns and the reason it's more
blasphemy is we've seen this happen where guys get hurt,
but usually it's like in the NBA Finals or something
like that, or the conference finals, but not every round.
I cannot recall every round of plus I member. People
bring up Kawhi leon and when it was with Toronto
and they won it, and obviously they won in large
part because Golden State collapsed. They because of injury, with
(05:36):
Clay Thompson and Durant getting hurt in the NBA Finals.
But before that, it wasn't like every team they played
in the Eastern Conference had a star player hurt. Literally
and figuratively. Every single opponent the Sons have had has
had one of their top players or two of their
top players not there. It's it's it's I want to
(05:57):
pull what's left in my hair out here right in
with this when people people say that, no, that's not true.
Mine ridiculous. Well, Alice, we can finally say what I've
always been been saying to everybody that Doc Rivers was
the problem. Yes, yes, and also the dumb dumbers, well,
the Clippers, they didn't want to play the Lakers in
(06:18):
the place. They had the opportunity to choose the path
they want. They chose the right path. They chose the
right They would have won the championship had Kawhi later
not gotten hurt. So those idiots that were like, I
can't believe they lost to Houston in Oklahoma City at
the end of the regular season, that was genius. Do
it again, Do it again. And how listen you mentioned
(06:41):
Doc Rivers, the stooge. How how good a coach is
ty Lou? I thought I was worried Ryan, as a
fellow Clipper guy. I was worried that he just rode
Lebron James Cotils with with the calves and I was like,
I don't know if this guy can coach at all.
But he proved himself. He absolutely proved himself in this
playoff run. The Clippers have one of the better coaches
in the NBA. That's awesome. He's a good coach. But
(07:02):
I'm kind of blaming him for the Game two loss
against the Sons. On that last play. He should have
been able to He should have told his players, look,
this is what they're gonna do. And I don't know,
maybe he told Cousins to do something, but Cousins didn't
do it. I don't know what in the world, Bookie
Cousins was thinking, Yeah, well, I think you who I blame.
I blame DeAndre Ayton, who grabs zoo box jersey And
(07:25):
that's that's If that was outside the arena, that would
be assault. He would have been charged with a salt
and he got away with it. And the referees giving
the Sons what they have half an hour to come
up with the final play, and they could, you know,
draw seven different versions, and of course they winking. And
now we can't be We'll be remiss if we didn't
bring up Paul George, by George, who famously missed two
(07:46):
foul shots to two, make one. You missed the first
to make the second. That's how you're supposed to, Ryan.
You could make one of two. I could make one
of two. I have no athletic ability this point my
life anymore. But I could make one of two. I
can flash back to Moneyball Maller and make one of two.
I could he chokes? He did, he did, and he
(08:09):
still should have won the Even with that, they still
should have won the game. The Clippers. The Clippers outscored
the Songs by seven teen points the first five games
of the Western Conference Finals, and then the rug got
pulled out from underneath them in the in the final game.
But man, oh man, oh man, enough all right, anyway,
that's that's not That was some hot Clipper talk, Ryan,
(08:32):
that you're a Clipper fan. I can do hot Clipper talk.
When that other guy west of the four oh five
is here when his pompous ask this here, I can't
do that because he's a Laker historian. I'm not allowed
to do it. It's a bandwagon fan. Yeah, he's a
typical and West of the four oh five guy, you know,
Lady Dah and all that name dropper and he's got
that smarmy arrogance to him. And as a Clipper guy,
(08:54):
we're men of the people, right, we were relatable clearly? Absolutely? Yeah. Right,
So I have sweet Spot, I've got that. Also, we've
got pop Quiz and uh, we'll get scientifical before we
get to pop quiz. We we didn't even have time
last week for pop quizz, so we have some pop
(09:14):
quiz questions standing by. But the Sweet Spots story is
rather simple. So the podcast is about me. I guess
that sounds awkward saying that, but the people on the
podcast about us. This week it's about me and Ryan
because Ryan's in the podcast here. So uh, some of
my cousins. I have cousins all over the Mallard family.
The tentacles of my family are all over the country,
(09:36):
most of them no longer in California. I'm one of
the few people left in California. So I have family
in in Arizona. I have some family, a lot of
family in New York, Chicago, Wisconsin, Michigan, some in Florida.
Like they're spread out all over, like all over the place. Um.
So some of my cousins were in town from Michigan, right,
(09:59):
and it was really good to see them, considering I
hadn't really seen anybody, none of us had with the
whole COVID thing, at least extended family. So, um, my
cousin Marcy was in town from from Michigan and her
husband John, and you know, seeing seeing my cousin it
brought back great memories because I remember going to family
reunions and this is my dad's side of the family,
(10:22):
and there was like this this connection and media is
I got flashing back to when I was like thirteen
years old or something like that. It was great. So
I went over to see them they were in town,
and I had a grand time. With a couple of
hiccups though, And so I thought the perfect platformed event
would be the podcast. And so I'm gonna vent to
you about the hiccups at the Mallard Meet and Greet
(10:43):
Family Edition. So, first of all, My wife is a
social butterfly. She absolutely loves these type of events, and
I typically loathe them. Now. I like seeing family, but
the social engagement. I'm int introvert, so I like them
to have have limits. My wife is an extrovert. She
does not believe in having any limits. So we cruised
(11:06):
over to my my cousin's house for a meet and
greet with my other cousins and them. Uh. This was
behind the Orange Curtain in southern California. So I'm sitting
around the living room there and we're all telling stories.
We're all telling stories. That's what you do, right, family
get together to tell stories. Right, what have you been
(11:26):
up to the last year, year and a half. They
were asking stories about my dad and you know, everything
that went on his last few days. And so after
about fifteen minutes, I start sweating and I'm I'm like
really sweating, like I'm sitting in a sauna. It's extremely hot.
Its now, this is at night, it's not during the day.
(11:47):
We're indoors and it is just oppressively hot. It's like
I'm in the Sahara desert and I'm thinking, well, it
must have the heater or on what what is the
heat index here? This is insane here. Uh. It got
so bad that my glasses started fogging up. I'm like,
I'm just sitting having a conversation. It was very I did.
(12:10):
I did take my hat off and wipe my brow
because it was sweat coming down. It was it was
like I was in a in a fitness club in
the sauna. So later on we were getting a tour
of a really a beautiful house and we walked by
the air conditioner and I noticed the temperature in in
(12:31):
the home. And at that time, the temperature was what
do you think it was, Ryan? In the house? What
do you think it was? Now? It wasn't that high,
but it felt like degrees It was eighty three degrees.
Who the hell keeps their house at three degrees? What? Ryan?
You where where you live? What do you typically keep
(12:52):
the temperature as cool as possible? But but my A
unit sucks, so it's usually like around like seven whatever hot.
Oh that's terrible. Yeah. I am a big believer in
living in an ice box. I you cannot get cold enough,
and so I always have my air conditioning. I keep
(13:13):
it insanely cool, especially during the day, which is the
worst time. But I sleep during the day, so I
have to have I can't sleep if it's hot, if
I'm sweating and all that. Anyway, so this is I
get back to the story. So to me, that's an
insane indoor temperature to each the room. It's not my
house with him, so I'm trying to deal with it.
And then the next thing that really was a hiccup
for me is and it was very polite, very cordial.
(13:36):
The host of the event brought out a tray of
gigantic homemade chocolate chip cookies, like the size of your
hand with all your fingers extended like that big. If
you gotta I gotta big, maybe you don't. So here's
the problem, Ryan, So I wouldn't have had an issue
(13:58):
with I mean, I'm staring these gooey, delicious chocolate chip
cookies and I can't touch them because I had already
started my fast. You know, I'm I am a hardcore
inter minute faster. So once I stopped eating, once I
put the fork down, I'm done until like the next day.
And so I had already started my fast and it
was late at night, and I don't like to you know,
(14:20):
I don't like to eat late at night in anyway,
that's just kind of my my missions. And so I'm
staring at these unbelievably great looking cookies and it reminded
me of back when I used to go to the ballet.
And you know, when you go to the ballet, Ryan,
you can look, but you can't you can't touch, you
know that kind of like I could look at the cookies,
but I couldn't touch the And then the other, the other,
(14:42):
the other hiccup. Here is this thing dragged on and on. Now,
I think you're a little bit like me, right, although
you were a wrestler, so maybe you're more of an extrovert.
But I'm an introvert, and I believe that these events
should have a cap on them. I believe that. And
so this went way past the two hour mark, and
(15:06):
on the way home, I had a conversation and I
explained with my social butterfly, my significant other. I said, listen,
these social events should be like Vegas shows or movies.
You know what Vegas shows and movies are like, Ryan,
(15:26):
I have a vague idea. Yeah, they're ninety minutes that
if you talk to anybody who does a Vega show,
ninety minutes that's the perfect amount of time for a show.
Not in sixties, not enough. People feel like they haven't
gotten their money's worth at sixty minutes. Anything over nineties
a little bit too much. That people want to go
out and do other things. They don't want to be
there past ninety minutes. And so I tried to explain this.
(15:49):
My wife disagrees. She thinks these things should go on
as long as possible. She's upset that we stopped after
like two and a half hour. She wanted to keep going.
And so my belief is about a ninety minute cap
less is more. That's my strategy on social events. Leave
them wanting more? Am I wrong? Ryan? Am I? Am?
I bad to to think that we should cap these
(16:10):
things at ninety minutes. It depends on the show. Yeah, No,
this is a family event. Though I'm talking about a
family event, I'm talking about getting together with people that
I like that I've seen I haven't seen since a
lot of them since I was a kid, and I
haven't been able to see him in years and all that.
But I'm still like ninety minutes. Ninety minutes is good.
That's what I'm talking about. Ninety minutes, Okay, I think
I think you're right. I think you're onto something. Now
(16:31):
for me, that's too long to be around anybody because
I just don't like people. So I would go less
than ninety minutes. But okay, well, I'm okay for ninety
because my wife will talk sixty and I can do
the other thirty and then I'm out, so she'll talk
most of the time. She could talk all ninety minutes.
But yeah, yeah, if I was by myself, i'd be
good with about ten minutes and then that's it and
(16:52):
then get out of here and go to something else.
That would be my my strategy. But it was like
it was crazy. It was like one thing. It was
like a three studies are a Vaudeville comedy act, right,
which is the three stoogies where you hit they I'm fasting,
they bring the cookies out, I'm sweating. I think my
glasses are fogging up. Uh. You know, it's just like
the whole thing. The whole thing was one thing after
it was a colossal series of errors that took place there.
(17:16):
But that was my my big getting out, my big weekend.
You didn't see anything that was too hot. You just
said nothing. No, I wanted to be polite. I didn't
want to be rude and all that. I just wanted
to be polite and just gonna, you know, not be
a douche and so I thought I would be a
douchey thing to say going about it. You can just say,
do you mind if I live? Because that's great. But
(17:38):
nobody else complained. I was waiting for somebody else to come,
and nobody else complained. It only takes one then if
somebody else will say, you know what, he's onto something,
So that would have started like the trickle down effect
and everyone would have started singing the blues about how
hot it was. Yes, I think so, all right, well
next time hopefully, well hopefully there won't be next time.
But where it's eighty three eighty, you know, I'm sure
(18:00):
by the time we got out of it was probably
like seven. And I mean, jeez, I can't I can't
imagine they were warm blooded people. I guess, but I'm
cold blooded. I like it cold. I like it cold. Absolutely.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm PACIFICIC on
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app alright,
(18:22):
so let's get scientifical. Scientifically, there are science stories that
I have found around the internet and I thought they
were interesting. I want to bring them up. So one
of the great debates that many people have you if
you're in a relationship with someone, just in a family,
one of the debates that often happens is over toilet
paper and how to properly hang toilet paper over or under?
(18:50):
There are two ways to hang toilet paper. We all
need toilet paper in the modern first world that we
live in. So how is the correct way? What is
the correct way to hang toilet papers? Now? First of all,
before we I have the answer, by the way, But Ryan,
are you a over or under a toilet paper? Guy? Over?
That's that's easy. It's always over, al right, So I
(19:12):
agree with you. I'm an over person. My wife comes
from a family of unders under toilet paper. I've also
dealt with this. I have relatives to believe in the
under technique with the toilet paper. But big news here,
we now have confirmation. This goes back to eight eight three.
You know who Seth Wheeler is? Have you ever heard
(19:32):
her name? Seth Wheeler? Uh sounds like a radio host.
It does sound like a DJ, but no. Seth Wheeler
is one of the most important people in in in
the history of the world. He patented he was the
inventor of the toilet rule. And think about that. If
you live before eight three, you did not have a
toilet rule. You did not have that. But Seth Wheeler
(19:54):
his genius, his innovation. He's been dead for many years
and we still use every restaurant on bar, hotel, you
name it that has a bathroom, every house, every apartment,
they have the toilet paper roll. And this guy invented it,
and he was granted a patent in three And in
the patent they went back and looked at the patent.
(20:15):
It reveals the proper way to hang toilet paper on
the holder is over the top. So if you're hanging
it underneath, you're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong.
You're violating the memory of Seth Wheeler, the inventor of
the toilet roll. Now do you go cheap on the
toilet paper or you go all out? Let me let
(20:37):
me stop you right there. Let me say this is
one of the I am very frugal, I'm a tight wad,
I'm a noted tight wad like I'll reuse plastic forks
like that kind of tight wad occasionally. But when it
comes to toilet paper, I'm on the upper east side.
I'm buying the most expensive Sharman I can get, like
the you know, seven ply whatever. I'm all a that
(21:00):
I want comfort from my tokas is what I want,
and so I will spend what Yeah, because that that
cheap toilet papers sucks terrible. Let me give you some advice.
Whenever you're going to a job for the first time,
check what's Check to see what type of toilet paper
they use, because because if it's cheap, the company's cheap.
That's a fact. Are you taking a shot at the
(21:23):
people we work for? Such thing? I said, no, such thing,
because I have seen the toilet paper that is in
the building there. It's not particularly good. And here's another thing,
fun fact. Here's a fun fact for you right on
this toilet paper. So the story that went back and
looked at the patent from three experts are warning that
(21:45):
if you hang the toilet paper underneath, you increase your
risk of coming into contact with bacteria. It's a health risk.
So you're risking the health of people when you hang
the toilet paper roll under instead of over. It's a
great life lesson right there, that it's a great life lesson. Alright,
(22:06):
Moving on on, let's get scientifical. So there's a strange
signal that is coming from the Milky Way. Have you
seen this story recently? And they're trying to figure out
what's causing it. This actually goes back to the day
before my birthday, April, and there's a They've got all
(22:26):
these ground radio telescopes that are trying to hear aliens
in space and they never hear anything. This time they did.
They finally heard something. Holy crap, right, that's big. They
detected an intense pulse of radio waves. How about that
(22:46):
radio waves? Do you think there's other DJs out there
in the cosmos in the Milky Way somewhere now. Unfortunately
it only lasted some a few milliseconds, but the people
in that business, the astronomers, were said to be completely
gobsmacked and astonished, and this is seen as a major discovery.
It represents the first time ever that what they call
(23:12):
an f R be a fast radio burst radio waves
had ever been detected this close to Mother Earth, and
they estimated that the radio waves came from a location
in the galaxy thirty They say it's just thirty thousand
light years from from Earth, so it's within the Milky Way.
(23:38):
And they're they're still investigating. I don't know what kind
of investigative work you can do, but that's pretty cool,
pretty cool. It was like a sports radio show. They
were doing sports talk, and they shot the radio waves
up and it came all the way to us. Yeah.
They're saying stuff like, yeah, Tom Brady's a cheater, stuff
like that. Yeah, makes sense. You wash the mouth that
(23:59):
was soap and water there. What he's a fraud, You're
a phony. I hate Tom Brady. He hates you too. Good. Good,
go buy some of those TV twelve electrolytes. Thro it. Yeah,
use it for toilet paper, just like we send radio
waves out when we broadcast, not on the podcast, but
(24:21):
on radio. Do you think there's some goblins and aliens
out there? I don't think they're gobheads. No, no goblins, no,
no goblins no, no, all right? What if they looked
just like us? How disappointing would it be if there's
aliens out far out in deep space and they just
look like us. They're just like human beings like us
(24:42):
wouldn't be a bummer. I'm pretty sure, especially because of
last year. When aliens fly past Earth they roll up
their windows. I'm pretty sure they don't want to get COVID,
so they want they want no part of us. So
like you're like, f this, No, we're not doing it.
If we still had neander of falls walking the planet,
they'd be like, they'd be more into the Neanderthals. Is
(25:03):
that what you're saying? Yeah, I guys, uh, speaking of Neanderthals.
They say in the science community is the common Cold
likely predates humans and say say it likely the plague
affected Neanderthals seven hundred thousand years ago. How the hell
(25:23):
did they know this? By the way, I don't know.
I don't get that, but that's what they claim. They claim.
There's a lot of maze coods. We you know, a
lot of weasel words in these science stories or thinks
like this one. The NASA administrative guy named Bill Nelson
thinks that's a thought, not a confirmation. Thinks there is
intelligent life in the universe beyond our own. Of course,
(25:46):
of course, if you if you ever go to a
place where there's not a lot of sun poisoning outside
the city and go out to the desert or the
ocean far offshore and look to the heavens. The math
on that, it's just your your mind's gonna explode thinking
about that. So yeah, come on, it's up with that,
(26:07):
and we still can't cure the common cold. Nice, Yeah,
not just a comic. I mean they're like you look
at cancer and all the all the all the illnesses,
Like I still I think the answers though, are here,
they just got we haven't found them. Like I, all
the all the problems are on Earth, and all the
answers on Earth. That's been my theory, Like to every illness,
there's a solution somewhere on the planet. You just have
(26:29):
to find it. That's the hard part. Well, good news,
good news from the science community. We will all be
saved by China. China has announced a plan to launch
a rocket fleet. The goal of the rocket fleet kind
of sounds like what President Trump had planned these space fleet,
you know, space Army whatever it was, space force. Yeah,
(26:49):
So China taking a page out of Trump's playbook, They're
gonna come up with the their own military plan. They're
gonna launch rock a rocket fleet to divert ay a
apocalyptic asteroid heading towards Earth, so we'll be saved by China.
Assuming this works, I'm gonna in my life now where
(27:10):
I wouldn't I wouldn't mind if that asteroid hit Earth.
You'd be good checking out. I'm good, I'm good. Just
do it, all right, you know you had enough. I'll
read it that Jay, catch you next time. Nice, All right,
let's see. I uh, well, this is bad news for you, Ryan.
(27:36):
A loneliness can take years off your life. You know,
are you a lonely guy? Ryan? You do? You don't
like people, You don't want to hang around with people, right, Yeah,
But when I'm by myself, I'm happy, So it's totally fine.
All right. Well, according to a report out of Singapore,
a medical school in Singapore revealed that adults over the
age of sixties, so you don't have to worry about
that at least for a few years, say you know,
(27:59):
many years. Say that. Sometimes are always people that feel,
you know, lonely. They end up dying up too. That's
a weasel term. Up to up to off is actually
like one percent of anyway up to five years sooner.
Then they're contemporaries who don't feel lonely. So try not
(28:20):
to be lonely. And if you're happy by yourself, and
that's fine. I think these happy people, quote unquote happy
people are upset that I'm happy because I'm by myself
and I want to be I want to be left
the hell alone. Well that's true, that's true. Like when
I was at my fattest, people always said, what do
you lose weight? You should be more like me, you
know you, you must not be happy, And I was
like the happiest I could possibly be, eating as much
(28:41):
food as I wanted. I loved it. I was a fatass.
I was morbidly obese, and I loved every meal. I
didn't feel bad, but I moved around fine. But everyone
was like, oh, you should really lose some weight. You
should be more like you know this person or that person.
They're like, no, I'm perfectly content. I'm perfectly happy. But
the problem with that when you get older, you can't
really can't do that, because it does. That's just that's
(29:03):
just an old wives tale, you think. So, have you
ever gone to a retirement home and seeing fat people?
There aren't many there, There aren't or tall people for
that matter. That's the other thing. I'm screwed. Then, yeah,
I'm screwed too. So how tall you? Um, I'm about
I'm about that same hight too, So yeah, we're we're screwed,
all right. A new report, let's get to this is
(29:26):
the pop quiz portion. We'll do a few pop quiz
questions and then we'll put the baby to bed. So
a new report says that you are more likely to
give this item as a gift than you are to
ever buy this item for yourself. There's something you would
never buy, but you would give someone else as a gift.
What do you think this is? Uh m, condoms? Condoms?
(29:48):
All right? Wow boy, wow, Okay, you ever given condoms
to someone? There? Maybe a date? No? Uh the The
answer is a blender. Blender. I'm not I'm not a
big blender guy. I like the blender box, but I'm
not a big blender guy. So yeah, I've never bought
(30:10):
a blender. I think I don't know if I got
one when I got married. That sounds like a gift
you'd give someone who gets married, buy him a blender.
That's a marriage gift. Yeah, yeah, and then it sits
in a box in a cabinet for thirty years, and
you're like, oh, we had a blender. All right. This
is the first thing that most people think about every
single day. Everything, the first thing you think about every day.
(30:31):
What is it? Why do I have to go to work? No? Sleep? No,
it's sleep. It's like, why can't I go back to sleep?
Can I? You hate your job, don't you? No? No,
I hate you hate working? Come on, that's not true.
This is a great place to work. I'm very happy here.
(30:52):
It would be a better place if they paid you
more money. I cannot confirm or deny those comments. If
they gave you more time off, I mean more money.
A little bump, a little bumpty bump, you know, all right.
A new survey asked people what they missed the most
while working from from home. This was the most common answer,
(31:13):
what is it? Oh? I was never working from home,
so I couldn't tell you I was always here. Now,
you don't need to brag. You don't need to what's
not bragging? I'm mad? You're mad. Well, you happen to
choose a job that you cannot do. At least they
won't they won't spend the thousands of dollars on the
equipment that is required for you to do it from home.
So just think of the Hoi POLOI think of the Hoiah.
(31:37):
I know you could have been in the empty hallways
of fs are. Yes, no one's right. But what do
you what do you think of? Oh? Wow, I don't know.
All right, now, this is actually good because it's good
for people like us that work in this business. According
to the survey, the thing that people missed most while
(32:00):
working from home was listening to the radio on their commute.
Listening to radio and people realize, you can listen to
the radio at home. I know nobody does that, but
you can. You can listen at home. You don't have
to listen in the car. We have a lot of
people that listen to the podcast that aren't in the car.
I don't think a lot of people listen to the
radio at home. I think they're usually watching TV or
(32:22):
getting drunk. I disagree, Ryan, I believe in my head
it's like the early days of radio, and people sit
around in their nice chairs and they focus at the
magic radio box and just listen everything going on. Yeah, now,
but we we actually get a lot of people. I
get email from people that have insomnia and they're trying
(32:42):
to sleep and they'll turn the radio on. It's like
a little background noise and listen to the show while
they're in bed and they can't sleep. And so we
do have some of those people, but I would obviously
agree that most of our listeners are live listening audiences
like truck drivers, security guards, people working in factories, doughnut shops,
you know whatever. Police criminals, both sides. We got everybody
(33:04):
criminals we do. I've had I've had people called the
little shady there run little shady cats out there listen
to the sports stock radio. Heck, heck. We had a
listener half point that's currently in jail, and I got
sent her rap sheet and it's like a war in peace.
It just keeps going on and it's like a phone book.
(33:24):
It's just oh my goodness, Holy she's had a busy
life there running from the law. All right, you will
use about sixteen less water if you use this product.
I know you're very concerned about your water consumption, Ryan,
you got a lot of time. If you use less,
you'll use no listen close, You'll you'll use about sixteen
(33:44):
percent less water if you use this particular product. Uh, salt,
I don't know salt. Let's get salty. No, it's foaming soap.
Foaming soap. Who the hell cares do I? I don't
am I bad for saying I don't really care. I
don't mind foaming soap. I'm okay with foaming soap, but
(34:06):
I'm not gonna get worked up over. Uh. Let's see,
Americans spend nearly two billion dollars a year to fight
this something that most of us have, some of us
worse than others. Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids. Oh boy, you ever had hemorrhoids?
(34:26):
Oh no, thank god, I've I've had them. Boy, that's
that's something to look forward to. Holy crap. Uh No.
The answer is bad breath. Uh yeah. Most people don't
realize they have bad breath. It's other people pointing out
they have bad Yeah. You never really smell your own breath.
You know, it's weird you really have to have horrifically
(34:46):
bad breath, or for that matter, like a lot of
people don't realize they have body odor like b o. Right.
They don't understand that because you're kind of used to
your own smell. Yeah, it's a problem. Two billion a
year to fight bad breath. Just brush your teeth people,
it's you know, it's not that hard. Brush your teeth,
mouth wash, but time. That's what you gotta do. Flaws
(35:08):
in there, you know. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. What's up everyone, It's me three times
NFL All Pro Shawn Marine and I have a new
sports podcast called The lights Out Podcast with Sean Marine.
This podcast especial to me is I get a chance
to talk to some of the best we've ever done
(35:28):
it on the field or the trap. So whether it's
talking to a Super Bowl champion or a NASCAR Cup
Series champion, the lights Out Podcast will bring it to
you the only way I know how to. I'm giving
you the best insight for the best we've ever done it.
Listen to lights Out with Shawn Mari or the I
Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcast. About
six people say this happens to them nearly every day.
(35:53):
It involves their phone and email. What is it? They
get a lot of spam? Look at you, look at you.
You gotta write good job, but yes, get a spam call,
spam text, or email. I got a spam call at
least three or four times a week. Yeah, it's terrible.
(36:13):
I actually recently because I've I'm living in a halfway
house right now. I'm in the temporary home before I
move again in August. And so just I sold a
house for the first time ever. I never sold a house.
And so I sold the house. And you have to
fill out all his paperwork and all that, and a
lot of that stuff ends up getting shipped around, a
lot of your personal information. So as a result, I
(36:35):
have been inundated over the last couple of weeks with
spam calls, and I every time I block them, it
doesn't matter. They it's like whack a mole. You block one, three,
more pop up. It's NonStop. I don't know how they
do it. They like figure out that, oh, this person's
blocked this number that's called from a different number. Yeah, well,
(36:59):
and they have have what I've heard is they have
endless numbers because it's all these numbers just generated digitally.
So it's like I have a computer that just generates
different numbers to call from. So you literally and figuratively
cannot win a block. The block the you know what,
Block the trolls, block the spammers. You can't do it.
(37:20):
You can't win, because they'll just pop up with a
new number five minutes later. Sometimes when on board, I'll
answer and almost a mess with them, you know, on
the ones. I have you gotten the ones? The ones
I've been getting a lot lately. Is your car warranty?
It's coming up here on your you need to call
U back to extend your warranty. I was coming to work,
(37:41):
I was going on the elevator and I kid you
not like I guess, like somewhet somehow, like they got
into the phone system and that same message about renewing
your car warranty was playing in the elevator. Almost lost
my freaking mind. Wow, really, yes, I was like, are
you kidding me? In the elevator? What's up with? Mankind
of you got stuff playing in the elevator? Look at you, man,
(38:04):
you got the big elevator, like shiny mansion, you big
big condo building. And no, no, not at all. No, no, okay,
I wish you wish all right? Uh you're dating anybody?
By the way, new survey says this is the riskiest
food to order on a first date. Uh taco bell
(38:30):
Uh No, oysters. I don't eat oysters. I don't know.
Do you ever eat oysters? Eat oyster? Game? No? Why
would you order that on the first date unless you
think you're gonna get some I don't know. I don't know, man,
I'm not an oyster guy. I don't like seafood. I
don't really don't like food. I don't like seafood, lobster
crab no. No, I liveally. I live a meat and
(38:50):
chicken based diet. That's pretty much you get some gumbo
in your life. Man, I got no gumbo. I got
no gumbo at all. All Right, that will do it.
I believe we're good. Yes, I think we're good. On
the on the Saturday podcast. And Ryan, you want to
promote your Twitter if people want to follow you on Twitter?
Rybin on Twitter and Ryan McBain on Twitch. Now are now.
I'm not gonna say the people that listen to this
(39:12):
are bad at spelling, but you want to spell that
last name just in case they are? Y A N
M C B A I N very simple, very very
simp Yeah. There are a couple of days, a couple
of different ways to spell Ryan. Actually, there are a
couple different ways, but anyway, let'sten have a great Saturday.
We'll be back with the mail Bag podcast on Sunday
and we'll catch you then
Host
Ben Maller
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