July 17, 2021 • 37 mins
The show goes to the pits, literally and figuratively while Ben's sidekick Ryan empties the clip on Boston.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now, nine nine. Strike up the band.
We are back at it yet again, Saturdays, Saturday. Say
this is not some popsicle stand No, no, no, no.
This is not tedious, This is not unpleasant, this is
not dull. And if it is, we're doing it wrong.
If it is, we're doing it wrong. It is the
(00:45):
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallo. No sinister plan here, just
marginal podcast talk even on the weekends. No days off,
no days off. And we are joined yet again by
my new podcast partner. He doesn't know it yet, but
the other guy, Quit Ryan is in the house, the
(01:08):
Great Ryan Smith. What's going on? And Mr McBain as
he's known on Twitter, the wrestling legend. Why are you
quoting Bill Belichick? No days off? It's a great that's
a great quote. What are you talking about's great. That
sums up my radio career. No days off, So you're
a cheater like Bill Belichick, or Bill Belichick believes in
(01:29):
gamesmanships he believes. Yeah, I'm just pointing that out. Yeah yeah,
I love all those cheesy catchphrases. Do your job, no
days off, steal those signs. Yeah, stop. But it's like
a Greek tragedy. Bill Belichick. His favorite team is the
Astros by the way, No, no, it's that's not true. No, No,
(01:50):
he does not have any hobbies at all. The only
thing he likes is watching like civil not Civil War,
but like World War two documentaries. He loves war documentaries.
That's true. He has no life. That's that's what I've heard.
I don't know. Do you know him. I don't know him.
I've no, I've never met him. He does not cheat. Stop.
He's gotten popped like three times. No, that they're all
(02:11):
bull crap. The air pressure one was the most ridiculous
of them all, The air pressure one, like you know,
the remember the NFL said after that, they're like, well,
we're going to investigate and we're gonna give back the
results of all the air pressure readings. Thinking that the
Patriots who summing illegal and they didn't release that data
because it was bull crap. The Colts were so paranoid,
(02:31):
they had patriot itis and those idiots in Indianapolis. And
when the NFL went deep into the weeds and investigated,
they determined there was nothing. It was the whatever the
gas law was. I forget the name of it, but listen,
you're a patriot hater, dude. There's video evidence of people
stealing the footballs. There's like even text messages. And then
(02:53):
when the NFL was like, yo, Tom, text message, Oh
my god, there's text message. His name was the deflating
Stop the deflator. Oh my goodness. That enough later, Yes, yes,
because you have some superpower with the deflated My god,
come on, you're better than that. You're betting that Ryan God?
(03:14):
How bad is it? Like? How shady are you if
you're playing in the a f C least a f
C East whatever for twenty years in there, it's told
trash and you still have to cheat. Pathetic you call
it cheating. I believe it's game. I'm going with the games.
Got caught recording the Bengals too. That was for a documentary. Yeah, yeah,
(03:38):
they were coaches documentary they were doing. Yeah, yeah, well
you are. You are fired up today, right, man? I
hate the Patriots. I hate Boston. Wow, Listen, that is
used that I worked. I've done local radio. But what's
wrong with you? I go from a Laker suck up
to an anti Boston guy? Is that right? No? No, listen,
(04:01):
you the Boston the way they treat sports in Boston,
it's the right way to treat sports. It is is
like a religion. It is like a religion the way
they they they follow sports, but it's a religion where
they'll like spit a loogi in your face if they
don't like it, especially to stop stop all right, listen?
Uh that was that was true at one point. But
(04:24):
that's a that's a that's an that's an antiquated take, boss,
is not. Boston is one of the most woke towns
out What what what are you talking about? You know, they
have more colleges and there are more college students in
Boston than anywhere else, all the IVY League and morons
over at Harvard and all that. Have you you been?
When's the last time you've in Boston? I don't know, Uh,
(04:44):
A couple of years ago. Okay, when you were Listen,
I've been to Boston many times. I'm not I go
around everyone's like all educated, all uh, all that nonsense.
It's all that crowding. But when you're walking around Boston,
that's what I see. When I'm walking around Boston. It's
a bunch of intellectuals. About two or three years ago,
even the Red Sox sent out a tweet apologizing for
(05:08):
their fan base for being racist the Reds. Of course,
the Red Sox did that because the Red Sox are
run by Bmuch of an income poost and they're trying
to get you know, get the sympathy on the sympathy
training all. Anyway, listen, I'm gonna get into this with
you because I have all the things to get to
I've got on this podcast. We have your anti Boston rhetoric,
(05:29):
which we already had. We got the hooting Nanny. We
will have let's get scientifical and if we have time,
and who knows, you know, dollars and cents matter. Time
is of the essence here. We will have pop quiz.
But I wanted to start with the hooting Nanny. So
the other night we had our one Ben Mallard show,
a talent show. The Ben Mallard Talent Show. It was
(05:51):
this week. It was the night of the home run
derby into the morning of the All Star Game. And
I gotta tell you this thing, I'm very proud. This
has become a monster. It has become almost in a
very good way, in a very good way. When we
started this bit years ago, there were a very few
people that took part, very few people that took part.
(06:14):
But now it has become a toe tap in good time.
It has no I'm not kidding right right. I was
blown away by the I I did not have eye expectations.
That's kind of how I lived my life. I think
it's better to have low expectations and then be surprised,
rather than have high expectations and then, you know, be disappointed.
So I didn't expect all that much. I thought we'd
(06:37):
get a couple of good songs. But I was like,
as the show went on, he got off to a
little slow start with blind Scott, but he got better
and better and better and better. And the Talent Show
has become more and more popular. And it has nothing
to do with me. It has absolutely nothing to do
I mean, this is the listeners. I did nothing other
than just judge the people that were singing and doing
comedy and all that stuff. But when I started at
(06:59):
Fox Worts Radio and the network began, we were like
the new kids on the block. And now the reason
I've determined, I did a analysis, a thorough analysis of
why the Talent Show has become so damn good, And
it's not because of me, it's not. It's because that
the network is so popular now Fox Sports Radios the
number one sports network out there, and as a result,
(07:20):
we're on in more places and more tropical locations and
all that. So we've gone from a big fish in
a small pond to a blue whale and the mighty Pacific,
and it's great. And because of that reach, we have
more and more people that are part of it all
over the place, and it's it's awesome how how big
this has become because we're we're on like four hundred
stations now and all over the US and Canada and Hawaii, Alaska,
(07:43):
you name it, uh and the American Forces Network. So
it's a bit pretty large stage. And as a result,
we have a very diverse set of players or actors
every wanna call them that I believe it to be
reckoned with I believe. I mean, if you're looking back
at the whole down again, every everyone sands blind Scott.
(08:03):
I thought that a did a really good job. Blind
Scott sends me a million emails a day, though I think, God,
he does not have my number. If blind Scott no serious,
If he had my number, he would be like Doc Mike,
who calls me NonStop. Mike. Yeah, he would love to
talk to you. I'll give you his number if you want.
Before you have spoken to Doc Mike. You a long
(08:24):
time ago, A long time ago, had that go uh
weird strange? Yeah, yeah, he's he's interesting, He's interesting. Yeah,
so tell you. I thought everyone took it seriously as
much as you can take an overnight talent show seriously
on a radio show. But a lot of people leaving
their comfort zone. Some of my personal favorites, I get asked,
(08:45):
this is what he really likes. I liked all of them,
but I always get a kick out of the unique acts.
We had a guy Ryan the other night calling David
in Kansas, and his special talent is to squeal like
a pig, and he he regaled us with f Altuve
in pigs Wheel. So he imagine if you will a
(09:07):
big fat pig and squealing f alve And that was
That was David in Kansas, and that was that was.
I love the creativity. I like the you're not gonna
like this guy because of where he's from. The Boston burper.
This guy from Boston, who can he can burp on command?
He can burp on That's a skill, that is a
that is going. Everyone can. Everyone's burped, right, We've all burped.
(09:29):
It's part of being human and everyone can appreciate it.
So and I've burned more since I had my gall
bladder taken out. I've realized my inner burping superpower. I
feel it's like the p E D s of burping
would be to have your gall bladder taken out, because
you're a lot more gassy and you have more just all,
there's a lot more gases that build up inside you know. Yeah,
(09:54):
well that's a cheap way to get there. But I
think that go under the knife and have your gallbladder
taken out, well, yeah, that's amazing. Listen that if you
look up the most painful operations, the gold bladder is
at the very top. It is the most painful operation
you can have. Is so painful. Well, it's because it's
right in the middle and it's Uh. If you've ever
(10:15):
had your your gall bladders working and you don't have
a problem with your gallbladder last yeah, yeah, trust me.
I hope hopefully you will not. But when you get
gall stones, it feels like you're gonna die. I've never died,
but I'm sure I will at some point here and
I'm guessing whatever that is, it'll feel the same as
when I had my gall stones, because it just is
right in the middle of your chest. You think you're
(10:35):
having a heart attack, and you you cannot get comfortable.
It's horrible. I don't know, man. I had a prostant
exam that hurt. Oh yeah, the cough over here. Moon River,
my friend Moon River. Now I go twice a week
just for fun. I had a buddy of mine that
(10:56):
loves I have a buddy that loves stethoscopes. So he
talk about a weird thing. So he loves going to
get physical exams because he had they put the stethoscope
on your on you. That's a weird That's a weird fetish,
isn't it. I would say, yeah, probably, yeah, probably be
sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller Show
week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
(11:19):
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. What
else did I like from the talent I like christ
Christie I think was her name from. I think she's
in Kansas. Also, she had the Yankee Doodle Dandy, but
she changed the words around a Mallard theme version of
Yankee Doodle Dandy. I thought that was very patriotic and nice. Uh.
This guy Harry, he makes violens. We think he's in Maine,
(11:41):
Somerset and Maine. He was good, he was magnificent. Ohio
al another one. A lot of these songs were recorded
Ohio Allison in a spectacular tune. And of course you
got the legends, the legends of the Talent Show, which
are like just Josh Jay Scoop who teamed up again
and Doma needed Ozzie guy had a monumental song parody
(12:06):
ripped off a TV song. And so that's a big
mountain to climb. And Uh, there's some of the other
ones that we will not mention here but next year,
and I think we did. We did actually bring this
up on the radio show this week in passing that
next year when we do the Talent Show, we're gonna
change it up a little bit. We're gonna have a
(12:27):
few different categories because they're like right now, it's just
a jumbled mess. Everyone's in the Talent Show and it's
like music versus comedy versus weird unique acts. So we're
not sure exactly what we're gonna do. Plans have not
been confirmed, but we were spitballing some different ideas to
give your heads up on this, and we're we're thinking
(12:47):
of a few different categories. Most unique act is an
obvious one. We could do musical recorded and live, so
we'll have two different versions recorded and live. A lot
of people like to record their songs. Some people like
to do it live, so we can do that. We
can do some other there's some other avenues we can
(13:08):
do that, so we'll we'll keep an eye on that
and and you know, it's possible, it's possible. We won't
do that. We'll forget about it. But at this moment,
we have a long way to go before we get
to the next year's All Star break in baseball. But
the plan is too to do it the way we
want to do it a little different, not not the same,
(13:30):
change it up, something to look forward to. All right,
we have let's get scientifical. Let's get scientifical. And uh,
this is an interesting study that came out. So we
all use emojis. I would use emojis, right right, all right,
And the most popular emoji in the world is blank.
(13:53):
That's easy, all right? What is the egg plant? Absolutely
the egg plane? Maybe for you about that, but no,
but no, Yes, the most popular emoji is the laugh cry. Yeah,
people love that. The old It's more popular than the
(14:15):
just simply smiling yellow emoji. And this is the universal
language of the world. It's the emoji. The plant must
be in the top five at least, right. I do
not have the top five list in front of me,
but I know in your household it is a number
number one. What's number two? Let me guess the what
(14:38):
is the one that looks like the toush? Is that
number two? Is that the I would guess probably the
middle finger? The middle finger. Yeah that's a solid one. Yeah, yeah,
that's a solid one. Uh. Anyway, so this I thought
this was interesting. They analyzed the millions and millions of
social media posts in thirty countries thirty countries around the world,
(15:01):
which seems like a lot. But you know how many
countries there are in the world, there are tons. I
think there's a hundred and ninety five something like that,
close to two hundred. I think so thirty. So that's
that's a small, small snampy. Anyway, they looked looked at
all this stuff, and they looked at all the different
(15:22):
emojis there are over I didn't realize that there are
over seventeen hundred different emojis. Is that real? You can't
be that much. I don't think there's that many, right, No,
there can't be that. Man, when I go on Twitter
to send an emoji, or I go on my phone,
there's a few, there's like a few pages, but they
ain't seventeen hundred emojis. I must be missing some emojis anyway,
(15:45):
So they said there's there's only about a hundred common
emojis that people use. But but I believe the reason
there's only a hundred emojis people uses because on most
devices that's all you have access to. How about that
for a hot take? Is that a hot take? No,
it's not a hot take's take. If you had access
to more, you'd use more. But it is true that people, uh,
people like variety, but they really like only a few things.
(16:07):
It's like with cable television back in the day when
everyone had cable television and they had like two channels,
but most people only watched about twelve or thirteen that
was it, and then most of the other channel nobody watched.
And it's it's kind of it's the same concept of
the Internet. There's a million different websites, but you you
likely when you go to the Internet, you have a
(16:29):
few that you check out. I know, I do, I don't.
I don't look at everything. There's a few that I
go to and then that's it. So the dark web
that's probably where you hang out. Yeah, well that's where
my people are. That's where the listeners are. The dark web.
Clearly you can get anything you want there and the
dark web. I saw some screenshots of the dark Web.
It's like Amazon now they have it's so so wonderful,
(16:51):
but you gotta pay them. Like bitcoin, I think, I
think to buy all the contraband you have to buy
the bitcoin and use the bitcoin. I think. Anyway, said
outside the United States, of the countries, they looked at
the most frequent countries to use emojis are the Philippines, Brazil,
and India. So those are the the big three and
(17:13):
that ends the emoji portion of the show. Ah, I
go with you go with the egg, all right. I
like the walking emoji. I like that one. Let me
see what am I going, tom, I go to my
emoji page right now, Hold on a sec here, let's
see puts this up but doing this live on You're
seeing live coverage of the emoji. Let me go to
(17:33):
my recently used emojis to see what I'm using here.
Oh yeah, I have the the chicken head emoji, the
fry emoji, because of my enjoyment of eating poutine with
chicken on top. That's been my new thing. I see
the microphone emoji, the old school microphone. That's a big one.
(17:55):
What else? I have the the water gun. Remember they
had a more menacing gun, but they turned it into
a water gun because it was too offensive. Yea, as
stupid as that. People are triggered by an emoji. My god,
I've got the parrot emoji for some reason. I think
that might be a reference to Roscoe the parrot, the
fake stuffed animal parrot that David and Florida brought to
(18:18):
an appearance I did in Boston, and so I think
I might have been sending that out to somebody. Uh yeah,
so that's it. That ends my hot emoji. I do
have the laughing crying emoji prominently mentioned, so there is
that as well. Anyway, I don't use as many emojis
as other people. My wife is a big emoji fan.
She enjoys the emoji. Anyway, how about this arm pits?
(18:40):
Armed pits? You're ready for an arm pit story? You
like arm pits, you like to smell it? Yet no, no, no, okay, right,
all right, come so, so because of the last year
and the COVID and all that stuff and the world
shut down, but now the world back open. The a
new servant, it's not. A study to survey of women
(19:03):
found that the pandemic and the real you know, what's
been going on in the world is causing them to
rethink how to take care of their armpits. Yeah, this
is not good. This is not good news. Right, it's not.
Uh they say, one in three women are shaving their
under arms less than over the last year. At home.
(19:28):
And here's the kicker. The reason I brought this up.
Many of the women planned to continue to not shave
their armpits post pandemic. But that okay, chewbaca freaking over
the women who have cut back on shaving during the pandemic.
(19:51):
Of those pcents almost say they plan on keeping it
going once the crisis over. There, you go, okay. I
don't spend a lot of time thinking about armpits. I don't.
I do do the smell test though, when I don't
leave the house much. But when I leave the house,
if I'm going to, like a social engagement, I'll do
(20:12):
the old sniff tests to make sure it doesn't smell.
The survey found the biggest armpit issues are worries over hair, sweat,
and sninky odor. Yes, what else would you be worried
about regarding your armpit? I guess they said here they
want what does it say here? They want perfection in
(20:33):
the armpit. No hair, no marks, even skin tone. Everything
has to be perfect for the armpits. Just save them
and make sure they smell fine. Yeah, it's not that hard, right,
It's pretty simple, pretty growing, a little growing, you know,
I gotta do it every once in a while. Can't
be a disheveled mess. The next one in the swamp.
In the swamp we go as we get scientifical on
(20:54):
the fifth hour. So it turns out this is actually true.
The science science researchers have determined that alligators can actually
regrow that young there's only young alligators. When they get old,
they can't do it. But young alligators can't actually regrow
their tails. Might have heard that a wise tale about alligators,
But it's true. If the if the alligator tail gets
(21:16):
cut off, this new study reveals that they are able
to regrow. Now, why does that matter? Why am I
bring this up? Well, the scientists are studying this hoping
to find ways that humans who have suffered traumatic injuries
will at some point be able to like regrow a
finger or toe or something along. How crazy with that?
(21:40):
I wonder if we have that in our in our bodies.
You know, we're all well, there's a lot of stuff
in the brain that we don't really know about. Like
what if there's some some hidden part of the brain
would allow you to, uh, you know, recreate part of
your body if you lose it. That'd be pretty cool.
All right, Yeah, I think they tried that with the
Spider Man villain and then all help brokely not a
(22:01):
good idea. Yeah, well, I don't know if you know this.
In the countries like China, they're doing that stuff right now.
They're they're trying all that weird crap there. They don't
have as many laws as we have here in the
in the old United States. But if you could regenerate,
it's nothing like obviously we don't have tales, although we
used to have tales, right, isn't there Humans used to
have tales and we had a third eye. Isn't that
(22:22):
the line? Yeah? Okay, yeah we did. I think it's
called the brown eye. Uh they're been oh is that right? Yeah? Okay, no, no, no, no, no,
they're the third eye. You've never you've never heard the
third eye theory? Yeah, like the mind's eye. Yeah, I
mean no, no, humans third eye right, it's in the
(22:43):
middle of the forehead. It's a spiritual third eye. You've
never heard that before. Come on, Yeah, the mind's eye.
That's what they call it, the third eyelid right there.
But at some point, it's like when you go back
and look at those old drawings of like in the
Middle East, you know, and in the early days of
human what became us? If they have the eye on
(23:05):
the forehead right there. Boom say, anyway, how about this
for is this a horror film or just like a
cartoon comedy. Goldfish that are the size of footballs are
taking over us lakes? How about that one? That's yes, Yes,
(23:26):
I've seen photos. I'm gonna send you a photo right now. Holds,
I'm gonna I'm gonna text you. It must be next
to a power plan or something. Hold on, say here,
that is a goldfish right there. I just I just
sent a text to Ryan so you can see the
photo I'm looking at here. Check that out? Is that not?
Come on right there? Photo shops, No, it's not. It
says football size goldfish are taking over a Minnesota lake.
(23:50):
Shout out to Minnesota. And what happened? These These the
goldfish were dumped by their owners. And this is a
city about fifteen miles It's in Burnsville, Minnesota, about fifteen
miles south of Minneapolis, and they they've issued a warning.
City officials have issued a warning urging residents to stop
(24:11):
releasing their pet fish after they recovered multiple foot long
aquatic invaders. According to the story here. This is from
Live Science. I got this story and yeah, they released
goldfish can grow to several times their domesticated size. Okay,
(24:33):
so when I was growing up, I had goldfish. They
never got this big. This is yes, I don't think
it's bs. I had goldfish too, they didn't live that long.
Well there you go. I mean like that's this is photoshop.
Either that sids h h or something in the water.
I don't know. That is wild. That's the size of
(24:53):
what you the kind of fish you would want to
catch if you were in Alaska. Right, that's that's a
big hearty fish. So are there is this like the
dog thing where dogs have been genetically modified to get smaller.
You know, some certain breeds of dogs have gotten to
the point where they're really small, but they could be
big if you know they started out big. Have have
(25:14):
the Is the goldfish a human creation? Like? And it's
really they should be in their natural habitat that big
mind blowing? I see what you do there? How dare you? Alright?
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show week days at two am Eastern eleven p m Pacific. Hey,
(25:36):
I'm John Middlecoff and I host the Three and Out podcast.
Do you like football? Do you like the NFL. Do
you like the NFL draft quarterbacks? Coaches? Well, I talk
about it all on the show. I used to work
for Andy Reid as a scout. Now I give you
my unfiltered and raw opinions on everything that goes on
in the NFL. And you know we're talking college football
because of how important the draft is year round. Listen
(25:58):
to the Three and Out podcast with me John middlecomm
on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever
you get your podcasts. Have more pet stories. I love
pet stories. You get a dog? You have a dog
over there? Reigns used to have two dogs, two Cocker
spaniels way back in the day. Should get a dog,
You should get another dog? Are too busy on I
(26:20):
can barely uh watch for myself. Okay I can't either.
But do you get a dog? I get a doggie
door if you can there having any own place to
go out and poop and all that, You're you're good
to go, all right anyway. Puppies. According a new study,
puppies are born with a knack of being able to
read human gestures and so this is in their their
(26:42):
DNA when they're born. How crazy is that? Uh? So
they say that a lot of a lot of human
beings believed that dogs just kind of get you, uh,
puppies have an aptitude for understanding human gestures that is
not seen in their closest relatives, the wolf. And for
(27:05):
the legend of the wolf that every dog started out
as a wolf, you know, wolf pups and all that.
But when they said, even when wolves are raised by
human beings as domesticated pets, they still are unaware of
the human gestures. They're they don't have it. But dog
puppies they can read directions like when you point towards food,
(27:28):
even if they have not had any actual dog training.
But wolf puppies do not follow human gestures. So there
you go about that. There's a fun fact. So the
dog now, now, my dog Bella has determined that the
carpet in the living room here at the temporary Mallard mansion,
the halfway house that I'm living in until I move
(27:49):
into the other house. She is determined that that is
actually grass, it is not carpet, and that is where
she is chosen to defecate rather than go outside. And
it's very annoyed and she she has no shame in
her game right like the other night, she woke me up,
and you know, during the day, obviously I say night,
but I sleep during the day. She woke me up
during the day because she had to go to do
(28:10):
a tinkle. As the honest at Denta Coombo said, So
I okay, and so I get up and I let her.
I opened the door to let her go outside, and
she right in front of me, walks over to the
carpet and starts getting busy doing her business there. And
I'm like, what are you doing? I start screaming. I'm like,
what do you It doesn't care. Yeah, we're gonna we're
(28:31):
gonna have to get new carpet in this place when
we move, because it's unbelievable. It's insane. Man, it sounds
like I think she's a wolf. That's that sounds like
the dog is actually training you Ben, that's what bull
It's bullshit. Let me tell you that dog Well that's true. No,
that's true. But but the dog touchet. But the dog
is trained. The dog is training. The dog is I
(28:52):
We've never had this issue before, only occasionally when it rained.
When it rained, Bella would not go outside because she's
a diva and she didn't want to get it. But
other than that, good to go hot, to trot with
the dog poop in the right place, but not right now,
not right now anyway? All right, what else do we
have here? Let's see here? Oh this is this is great? Another.
(29:14):
I guess it's kind of an animal story. Uh hunting
uh or not hunting. Scientists have determined that nineties six
percent of movies show sharks in a negative light, hurting
conservation efforts. So people that love sharks are offended by this.
They're annoyed by this, and they say that Hollywood is
(29:39):
making people scared of sharks. Right, we should not be
scared of sharks. I think the fact that sharks like
eat people is actually hurting sharks. Well, statistically, they don't
eat that many people that medio people. Of a hundred
and nine shark films listed on i m dB portray
(30:02):
interactions between humans and the apex predators as overtly threatening,
and much of the impact still sent stems from the
nineteen seventy five blockbuster Jaws. They also mentioned shark Nato.
Is that still the thing? Are they still making shark
Nado movies? I wanted to be in when I thought
(30:24):
that was so cheesy. I could be in a Shark
Nado movie. But they never asked me to be in
a Shark Nado movie. I never watched those movies. Jaws
is great. Scared the hell out of me and when
I was a kid. Yeah, have you been to the
Jaws ride at Universal? When they do do the tort
Universal Studios, they take you by the Jaws recreated set
and all that I have not Actually you're not okay.
(30:45):
They actually filmed most of Jaws though, on the coast
of New England. Great, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, uh say around. Well, No,
here's the point. About two percent of the known five
species of sharks have attacked humans. It's just two percent.
They're called apex predators for a reason. No I know,
(31:08):
but the do the odds. The odds of being killed
by a shark in the US are more than three
point seven million to one. But that Yeah, that's fine.
But um, sharks are evil and they like people's arms off. No,
f sharks. F the sharks. F sharks like instead of
fl F the sharks. That too. Yeah, there is a
(31:30):
way to have a hundred percent chance of not being
eaten by a shark is to not go to the ocean.
That's why I don't do it. Yeah, I like pools
better than the ocean. But so I say that because
I don't like the ocean here in California. I love
going to like Hawaii or somewhere like that. It's awesome
where the water is like light blue or green. Man,
is that great? And the water in California were not.
(31:53):
Most of southern California is not that color. I don't
enjoy it. I don't. I do not like Yeah, because
it's dirty. That's why exactly, especially like Venice Beach, that area,
Oh my gosh, gil it is disgusting. I wouldn't put
my enemy in that water. That is horrific, absolutely horrific.
(32:16):
Man oh man, oh man. All right, I think that's
that's good. Right, we've we've reached our quota of scientific
or we don't need to do pop quiz. You don't
need pop quiz, right, you're good with that. Do you
want to do a couple of pop quiz is just
to appease the masses, of course? Okay. A recent study
found that blank are the most borrowed items. What do
(32:40):
people borrow more than anything? Uh? I will say a
cigarette because You can't really give a cigarette back. Once
you've borrowed a cigarette, you can't really give it back
the same cigarette. Uh. A book? Book? Yeah you don't,
(33:02):
you're not a reader? Well why no, one like, like,
you know, borrows books. They just can. You can just
fight it online, you know, read it off off a
tablet or something. Yeah, they say that the book the
most borrowed item. There's something about holding a book in
your hands and cuddling up on a chair on a
cool night in the wintertime. And no, what are you
(33:24):
eighty years old or something? No, I'm not. I'm just
giving you the Hollywood trope. I don't I I read
so much on the internet. I don't have I really
don't have much time to read books these days. I don't.
I kind of wish I did, though, I don't hate it.
Seven out of ten people always use blank at the
dinner table. What is it a napkin? No? Paper plates?
(33:47):
Paper plates? Yeah, you're a paper you're a single guy, right,
paper plates? Yes? Because I hate clinic so yes, paper plates? Yes? Yeah, yeah,
let's see you. Women do this before going to the gym.
What is it they put makeup on? Uh? Yeah, lipstick? Yeah,
that counts. Yes, I was blown away by this one.
(34:09):
I don't go to the gym anymore because I have
I work at it where I live. But well, I
don't right now because my treadmills in thirteen thousand pieces
because he got moved. But anyway, uh so, I remember
going to the gym and it would be like early
in the morning and people you want to makeup, and
then I go to the gym occasionally the afternoon. People
would have the makeup on. Then I go late at
night sometimes on the weekends when it didn't work, and
(34:30):
they'd be women like it's like they're I don't know,
it's like a dating thing or something like that. But
I would think if you're a woman, you wouldn't want
to have makeup on because you know, not that I
wear makeup other than I did TV. But Ryan doesn't
make up run like when you get sweaty, doesn't it
start running down your face. Women do this just to
get noticed at the gym. They put makeup on and
they don't even do anything. They're standing around there and
(34:51):
then you look at them and they're like, don't look
at me. I'm like, you see how your dress? You know,
you know, but like these tight asks clothes you know,
don't know about you. But when I go to the the gym,
I gotta loose shirt on some nasty old sweats. I'm
there to work out looking like they're about to go
like a film, a porno or something. No, I don't
(35:12):
disagree that, Like there are ways, I mean, if you
don't want people to look at you, there are ways
to get people not to look at you. But I
think the lesson of that is it depends. It's like
a sliding scale of how attractive they find you generally, right,
because I'm thinking, like, if you're attractive, they don't really
care if you're looking at them, right, But if you're unattractive,
it becomes problematic. Or if they find you unattractives want
(35:35):
to try, you know what. You know what I mean.
But like it's the it's that weird, weird dichotomy where
it's like, well, if you're attractive, you can this is okay,
it's just flirting. But if you're not attractive to the person,
then you're a creepster. Yes, exactly, welcome to life. Yeah,
life one on one. Ben Maller, thank you. Yes. Unfortunately
(35:57):
I was always the seen as the creepy guy, not
the attractive guy. So I got a lot of what
are you doing? What's going on? While are you doing that? Yeah?
But I agree with you. It's very hard as a
you know, a heterosexual male, uh, to see certain things
and not look right when you're It's just it's hard
to do that. It's human nature. Yeah, exactly, I agree
(36:17):
with you. All right, that is it. We'll put the
baby to bed. How can people fight follow you, Ryan,
since you are the new host of the Fifth Hour
with Ben Maller, I am, well, yeah, the you're the
interim post. You're the interim host on Twitter at Ryan
McBain m C b A I N R y A N.
By the way, if you can't spell Ryan and rymy
(36:39):
bain on Twitch, if you want to yell at me
for hating Boston on Twitch, yeah, all my Boston guys,
you can attack Ryan for hating on Boston having an
anequated take on Boston. Yeah, okay, that was the real
like thirty years ago. Anyway, all right, that's it. We'll
put the baby to bed. Have a wonderful rest, you're said,
and they don't forget the mail bag On Sunday, one
(37:00):
of my favorite shows of the week, the Sunday mail Bag,
and we'll get to that next time and see you
then
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now, nine nine. Strike up the band.
We are back at it yet again, Saturdays, Saturday. Say
this is not some popsicle stand No, no, no, no.
This is not tedious, This is not unpleasant, this is
not dull. And if it is, we're doing it wrong.
If it is, we're doing it wrong. It is the
(00:45):
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallo. No sinister plan here, just
marginal podcast talk even on the weekends. No days off,
no days off. And we are joined yet again by
my new podcast partner. He doesn't know it yet, but
the other guy, Quit Ryan is in the house, the
(01:08):
Great Ryan Smith. What's going on? And Mr McBain as
he's known on Twitter, the wrestling legend. Why are you
quoting Bill Belichick? No days off? It's a great that's
a great quote. What are you talking about's great. That
sums up my radio career. No days off, So you're
a cheater like Bill Belichick, or Bill Belichick believes in
(01:29):
gamesmanships he believes. Yeah, I'm just pointing that out. Yeah yeah,
I love all those cheesy catchphrases. Do your job, no
days off, steal those signs. Yeah, stop. But it's like
a Greek tragedy. Bill Belichick. His favorite team is the
Astros by the way, No, no, it's that's not true. No, No,
(01:50):
he does not have any hobbies at all. The only
thing he likes is watching like civil not Civil War,
but like World War two documentaries. He loves war documentaries.
That's true. He has no life. That's that's what I've heard.
I don't know. Do you know him. I don't know him.
I've no, I've never met him. He does not cheat. Stop.
He's gotten popped like three times. No, that they're all
(02:11):
bull crap. The air pressure one was the most ridiculous
of them all, The air pressure one, like you know,
the remember the NFL said after that, they're like, well,
we're going to investigate and we're gonna give back the
results of all the air pressure readings. Thinking that the
Patriots who summing illegal and they didn't release that data
because it was bull crap. The Colts were so paranoid,
(02:31):
they had patriot itis and those idiots in Indianapolis. And
when the NFL went deep into the weeds and investigated,
they determined there was nothing. It was the whatever the
gas law was. I forget the name of it, but listen,
you're a patriot hater, dude. There's video evidence of people
stealing the footballs. There's like even text messages. And then
(02:53):
when the NFL was like, yo, Tom, text message, Oh
my god, there's text message. His name was the deflating
Stop the deflator. Oh my goodness. That enough later, Yes, yes,
because you have some superpower with the deflated My god,
come on, you're better than that. You're betting that Ryan God?
(03:14):
How bad is it? Like? How shady are you if
you're playing in the a f C least a f
C East whatever for twenty years in there, it's told
trash and you still have to cheat. Pathetic you call
it cheating. I believe it's game. I'm going with the games.
Got caught recording the Bengals too. That was for a documentary. Yeah, yeah,
(03:38):
they were coaches documentary they were doing. Yeah, yeah, well
you are. You are fired up today, right, man? I
hate the Patriots. I hate Boston. Wow, Listen, that is
used that I worked. I've done local radio. But what's
wrong with you? I go from a Laker suck up
to an anti Boston guy? Is that right? No? No, listen,
(04:01):
you the Boston the way they treat sports in Boston,
it's the right way to treat sports. It is is
like a religion. It is like a religion the way
they they they follow sports, but it's a religion where
they'll like spit a loogi in your face if they
don't like it, especially to stop stop all right, listen?
Uh that was that was true at one point. But
(04:24):
that's a that's a that's an that's an antiquated take, boss,
is not. Boston is one of the most woke towns
out What what what are you talking about? You know, they
have more colleges and there are more college students in
Boston than anywhere else, all the IVY League and morons
over at Harvard and all that. Have you you been?
When's the last time you've in Boston? I don't know, Uh,
(04:44):
A couple of years ago. Okay, when you were Listen,
I've been to Boston many times. I'm not I go
around everyone's like all educated, all uh, all that nonsense.
It's all that crowding. But when you're walking around Boston,
that's what I see. When I'm walking around Boston. It's
a bunch of intellectuals. About two or three years ago,
even the Red Sox sent out a tweet apologizing for
(05:08):
their fan base for being racist the Reds. Of course,
the Red Sox did that because the Red Sox are
run by Bmuch of an income poost and they're trying
to get you know, get the sympathy on the sympathy
training all. Anyway, listen, I'm gonna get into this with
you because I have all the things to get to
I've got on this podcast. We have your anti Boston rhetoric,
(05:29):
which we already had. We got the hooting Nanny. We
will have let's get scientifical and if we have time,
and who knows, you know, dollars and cents matter. Time
is of the essence here. We will have pop quiz.
But I wanted to start with the hooting Nanny. So
the other night we had our one Ben Mallard show,
a talent show. The Ben Mallard Talent Show. It was
(05:51):
this week. It was the night of the home run
derby into the morning of the All Star Game. And
I gotta tell you this thing, I'm very proud. This
has become a monster. It has become almost in a
very good way, in a very good way. When we
started this bit years ago, there were a very few
people that took part, very few people that took part.
(06:14):
But now it has become a toe tap in good time.
It has no I'm not kidding right right. I was
blown away by the I I did not have eye expectations.
That's kind of how I lived my life. I think
it's better to have low expectations and then be surprised,
rather than have high expectations and then, you know, be disappointed.
So I didn't expect all that much. I thought we'd
(06:37):
get a couple of good songs. But I was like,
as the show went on, he got off to a
little slow start with blind Scott, but he got better
and better and better and better. And the Talent Show
has become more and more popular. And it has nothing
to do with me. It has absolutely nothing to do
I mean, this is the listeners. I did nothing other
than just judge the people that were singing and doing
comedy and all that stuff. But when I started at
(06:59):
Fox Worts Radio and the network began, we were like
the new kids on the block. And now the reason
I've determined, I did a analysis, a thorough analysis of
why the Talent Show has become so damn good, And
it's not because of me, it's not. It's because that
the network is so popular now Fox Sports Radios the
number one sports network out there, and as a result,
(07:20):
we're on in more places and more tropical locations and
all that. So we've gone from a big fish in
a small pond to a blue whale and the mighty Pacific,
and it's great. And because of that reach, we have
more and more people that are part of it all
over the place, and it's it's awesome how how big
this has become because we're we're on like four hundred
stations now and all over the US and Canada and Hawaii, Alaska,
(07:43):
you name it, uh and the American Forces Network. So
it's a bit pretty large stage. And as a result,
we have a very diverse set of players or actors
every wanna call them that I believe it to be
reckoned with I believe. I mean, if you're looking back
at the whole down again, every everyone sands blind Scott.
(08:03):
I thought that a did a really good job. Blind
Scott sends me a million emails a day, though I think, God,
he does not have my number. If blind Scott no serious,
If he had my number, he would be like Doc Mike,
who calls me NonStop. Mike. Yeah, he would love to
talk to you. I'll give you his number if you want.
Before you have spoken to Doc Mike. You a long
(08:24):
time ago, A long time ago, had that go uh
weird strange? Yeah, yeah, he's he's interesting, He's interesting. Yeah,
so tell you. I thought everyone took it seriously as
much as you can take an overnight talent show seriously
on a radio show. But a lot of people leaving
their comfort zone. Some of my personal favorites, I get asked,
(08:45):
this is what he really likes. I liked all of them,
but I always get a kick out of the unique acts.
We had a guy Ryan the other night calling David
in Kansas, and his special talent is to squeal like
a pig, and he he regaled us with f Altuve
in pigs Wheel. So he imagine if you will a
(09:07):
big fat pig and squealing f alve And that was
That was David in Kansas, and that was that was.
I love the creativity. I like the you're not gonna
like this guy because of where he's from. The Boston burper.
This guy from Boston, who can he can burp on command?
He can burp on That's a skill, that is a
that is going. Everyone can. Everyone's burped, right, We've all burped.
(09:29):
It's part of being human and everyone can appreciate it.
So and I've burned more since I had my gall
bladder taken out. I've realized my inner burping superpower. I
feel it's like the p E D s of burping
would be to have your gall bladder taken out, because
you're a lot more gassy and you have more just all,
there's a lot more gases that build up inside you know. Yeah,
(09:54):
well that's a cheap way to get there. But I
think that go under the knife and have your gallbladder
taken out, well, yeah, that's amazing. Listen that if you
look up the most painful operations, the gold bladder is
at the very top. It is the most painful operation
you can have. Is so painful. Well, it's because it's
right in the middle and it's Uh. If you've ever
(10:15):
had your your gall bladders working and you don't have
a problem with your gallbladder last yeah, yeah, trust me.
I hope hopefully you will not. But when you get
gall stones, it feels like you're gonna die. I've never died,
but I'm sure I will at some point here and
I'm guessing whatever that is, it'll feel the same as
when I had my gall stones, because it just is
right in the middle of your chest. You think you're
(10:35):
having a heart attack, and you you cannot get comfortable.
It's horrible. I don't know, man. I had a prostant
exam that hurt. Oh yeah, the cough over here. Moon River,
my friend Moon River. Now I go twice a week
just for fun. I had a buddy of mine that
(10:56):
loves I have a buddy that loves stethoscopes. So he
talk about a weird thing. So he loves going to
get physical exams because he had they put the stethoscope
on your on you. That's a weird That's a weird fetish,
isn't it. I would say, yeah, probably, yeah, probably be
sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller Show
week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
(11:19):
Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. What
else did I like from the talent I like christ
Christie I think was her name from. I think she's
in Kansas. Also, she had the Yankee Doodle Dandy, but
she changed the words around a Mallard theme version of
Yankee Doodle Dandy. I thought that was very patriotic and nice. Uh.
This guy Harry, he makes violens. We think he's in Maine,
(11:41):
Somerset and Maine. He was good, he was magnificent. Ohio
al another one. A lot of these songs were recorded
Ohio Allison in a spectacular tune. And of course you
got the legends, the legends of the Talent Show, which
are like just Josh Jay Scoop who teamed up again
and Doma needed Ozzie guy had a monumental song parody
(12:06):
ripped off a TV song. And so that's a big
mountain to climb. And Uh, there's some of the other
ones that we will not mention here but next year,
and I think we did. We did actually bring this
up on the radio show this week in passing that
next year when we do the Talent Show, we're gonna
change it up a little bit. We're gonna have a
(12:27):
few different categories because they're like right now, it's just
a jumbled mess. Everyone's in the Talent Show and it's
like music versus comedy versus weird unique acts. So we're
not sure exactly what we're gonna do. Plans have not
been confirmed, but we were spitballing some different ideas to
give your heads up on this, and we're we're thinking
(12:47):
of a few different categories. Most unique act is an
obvious one. We could do musical recorded and live, so
we'll have two different versions recorded and live. A lot
of people like to record their songs. Some people like
to do it live, so we can do that. We
can do some other there's some other avenues we can
(13:08):
do that, so we'll we'll keep an eye on that
and and you know, it's possible, it's possible. We won't
do that. We'll forget about it. But at this moment,
we have a long way to go before we get
to the next year's All Star break in baseball. But
the plan is too to do it the way we
want to do it a little different, not not the same,
(13:30):
change it up, something to look forward to. All right,
we have let's get scientifical. Let's get scientifical. And uh,
this is an interesting study that came out. So we
all use emojis. I would use emojis, right right, all right,
And the most popular emoji in the world is blank.
(13:53):
That's easy, all right? What is the egg plant? Absolutely
the egg plane? Maybe for you about that, but no,
but no, Yes, the most popular emoji is the laugh cry. Yeah,
people love that. The old It's more popular than the
(14:15):
just simply smiling yellow emoji. And this is the universal
language of the world. It's the emoji. The plant must
be in the top five at least, right. I do
not have the top five list in front of me,
but I know in your household it is a number
number one. What's number two? Let me guess the what
(14:38):
is the one that looks like the toush? Is that
number two? Is that the I would guess probably the
middle finger? The middle finger. Yeah that's a solid one. Yeah, yeah,
that's a solid one. Uh. Anyway, so this I thought
this was interesting. They analyzed the millions and millions of
social media posts in thirty countries thirty countries around the world,
(15:01):
which seems like a lot. But you know how many
countries there are in the world, there are tons. I
think there's a hundred and ninety five something like that,
close to two hundred. I think so thirty. So that's
that's a small, small snampy. Anyway, they looked looked at
all this stuff, and they looked at all the different
(15:22):
emojis there are over I didn't realize that there are
over seventeen hundred different emojis. Is that real? You can't
be that much. I don't think there's that many, right, No,
there can't be that. Man, when I go on Twitter
to send an emoji, or I go on my phone,
there's a few, there's like a few pages, but they
ain't seventeen hundred emojis. I must be missing some emojis anyway,
(15:45):
So they said there's there's only about a hundred common
emojis that people use. But but I believe the reason
there's only a hundred emojis people uses because on most
devices that's all you have access to. How about that
for a hot take? Is that a hot take? No,
it's not a hot take's take. If you had access
to more, you'd use more. But it is true that people, uh,
people like variety, but they really like only a few things.
(16:07):
It's like with cable television back in the day when
everyone had cable television and they had like two channels,
but most people only watched about twelve or thirteen that
was it, and then most of the other channel nobody watched.
And it's it's kind of it's the same concept of
the Internet. There's a million different websites, but you you
likely when you go to the Internet, you have a
(16:29):
few that you check out. I know, I do, I don't.
I don't look at everything. There's a few that I
go to and then that's it. So the dark web
that's probably where you hang out. Yeah, well that's where
my people are. That's where the listeners are. The dark web.
Clearly you can get anything you want there and the
dark web. I saw some screenshots of the dark Web.
It's like Amazon now they have it's so so wonderful,
(16:51):
but you gotta pay them. Like bitcoin, I think, I
think to buy all the contraband you have to buy
the bitcoin and use the bitcoin. I think. Anyway, said
outside the United States, of the countries, they looked at
the most frequent countries to use emojis are the Philippines, Brazil,
and India. So those are the the big three and
(17:13):
that ends the emoji portion of the show. Ah, I
go with you go with the egg, all right. I
like the walking emoji. I like that one. Let me
see what am I going, tom, I go to my
emoji page right now, Hold on a sec here, let's
see puts this up but doing this live on You're
seeing live coverage of the emoji. Let me go to
(17:33):
my recently used emojis to see what I'm using here.
Oh yeah, I have the the chicken head emoji, the
fry emoji, because of my enjoyment of eating poutine with
chicken on top. That's been my new thing. I see
the microphone emoji, the old school microphone. That's a big one.
(17:55):
What else? I have the the water gun. Remember they
had a more menacing gun, but they turned it into
a water gun because it was too offensive. Yea, as
stupid as that. People are triggered by an emoji. My god,
I've got the parrot emoji for some reason. I think
that might be a reference to Roscoe the parrot, the
fake stuffed animal parrot that David and Florida brought to
(18:18):
an appearance I did in Boston, and so I think
I might have been sending that out to somebody. Uh yeah,
so that's it. That ends my hot emoji. I do
have the laughing crying emoji prominently mentioned, so there is
that as well. Anyway, I don't use as many emojis
as other people. My wife is a big emoji fan.
She enjoys the emoji. Anyway, how about this arm pits?
(18:40):
Armed pits? You're ready for an arm pit story? You
like arm pits, you like to smell it? Yet no, no, no, okay, right,
all right, come so, so because of the last year
and the COVID and all that stuff and the world
shut down, but now the world back open. The a
new servant, it's not. A study to survey of women
(19:03):
found that the pandemic and the real you know, what's
been going on in the world is causing them to
rethink how to take care of their armpits. Yeah, this
is not good. This is not good news. Right, it's not.
Uh they say, one in three women are shaving their
under arms less than over the last year. At home.
(19:28):
And here's the kicker. The reason I brought this up.
Many of the women planned to continue to not shave
their armpits post pandemic. But that okay, chewbaca freaking over
the women who have cut back on shaving during the pandemic.
(19:51):
Of those pcents almost say they plan on keeping it
going once the crisis over. There, you go, okay. I
don't spend a lot of time thinking about armpits. I don't.
I do do the smell test though, when I don't
leave the house much. But when I leave the house,
if I'm going to, like a social engagement, I'll do
(20:12):
the old sniff tests to make sure it doesn't smell.
The survey found the biggest armpit issues are worries over hair, sweat,
and sninky odor. Yes, what else would you be worried
about regarding your armpit? I guess they said here they
want what does it say here? They want perfection in
(20:33):
the armpit. No hair, no marks, even skin tone. Everything
has to be perfect for the armpits. Just save them
and make sure they smell fine. Yeah, it's not that hard, right,
It's pretty simple, pretty growing, a little growing, you know,
I gotta do it every once in a while. Can't
be a disheveled mess. The next one in the swamp.
In the swamp we go as we get scientifical on
(20:54):
the fifth hour. So it turns out this is actually true.
The science science researchers have determined that alligators can actually
regrow that young there's only young alligators. When they get old,
they can't do it. But young alligators can't actually regrow
their tails. Might have heard that a wise tale about alligators,
But it's true. If the if the alligator tail gets
(21:16):
cut off, this new study reveals that they are able
to regrow. Now, why does that matter? Why am I
bring this up? Well, the scientists are studying this hoping
to find ways that humans who have suffered traumatic injuries
will at some point be able to like regrow a
finger or toe or something along. How crazy with that?
(21:40):
I wonder if we have that in our in our bodies.
You know, we're all well, there's a lot of stuff
in the brain that we don't really know about. Like
what if there's some some hidden part of the brain
would allow you to, uh, you know, recreate part of
your body if you lose it. That'd be pretty cool.
All right, Yeah, I think they tried that with the
Spider Man villain and then all help brokely not a
(22:01):
good idea. Yeah, well, I don't know if you know this.
In the countries like China, they're doing that stuff right now.
They're they're trying all that weird crap there. They don't
have as many laws as we have here in the
in the old United States. But if you could regenerate,
it's nothing like obviously we don't have tales, although we
used to have tales, right, isn't there Humans used to
have tales and we had a third eye. Isn't that
(22:22):
the line? Yeah? Okay, yeah we did. I think it's
called the brown eye. Uh they're been oh is that right? Yeah? Okay, no, no, no, no, no,
they're the third eye. You've never you've never heard the
third eye theory? Yeah, like the mind's eye. Yeah, I
mean no, no, humans third eye right, it's in the
(22:43):
middle of the forehead. It's a spiritual third eye. You've
never heard that before. Come on, Yeah, the mind's eye.
That's what they call it, the third eyelid right there.
But at some point, it's like when you go back
and look at those old drawings of like in the
Middle East, you know, and in the early days of
human what became us? If they have the eye on
(23:05):
the forehead right there. Boom say, anyway, how about this
for is this a horror film or just like a
cartoon comedy. Goldfish that are the size of footballs are
taking over us lakes? How about that one? That's yes, Yes,
(23:26):
I've seen photos. I'm gonna send you a photo right now. Holds,
I'm gonna I'm gonna text you. It must be next
to a power plan or something. Hold on, say here,
that is a goldfish right there. I just I just
sent a text to Ryan so you can see the
photo I'm looking at here. Check that out? Is that not?
Come on right there? Photo shops, No, it's not. It
says football size goldfish are taking over a Minnesota lake.
(23:50):
Shout out to Minnesota. And what happened? These These the
goldfish were dumped by their owners. And this is a
city about fifteen miles It's in Burnsville, Minnesota, about fifteen
miles south of Minneapolis, and they they've issued a warning.
City officials have issued a warning urging residents to stop
(24:11):
releasing their pet fish after they recovered multiple foot long
aquatic invaders. According to the story here. This is from
Live Science. I got this story and yeah, they released
goldfish can grow to several times their domesticated size. Okay,
(24:33):
so when I was growing up, I had goldfish. They
never got this big. This is yes, I don't think
it's bs. I had goldfish too, they didn't live that long.
Well there you go. I mean like that's this is photoshop.
Either that sids h h or something in the water.
I don't know. That is wild. That's the size of
(24:53):
what you the kind of fish you would want to
catch if you were in Alaska. Right, that's that's a
big hearty fish. So are there is this like the
dog thing where dogs have been genetically modified to get smaller.
You know, some certain breeds of dogs have gotten to
the point where they're really small, but they could be
big if you know they started out big. Have have
(25:14):
the Is the goldfish a human creation? Like? And it's
really they should be in their natural habitat that big
mind blowing? I see what you do there? How dare you? Alright?
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show week days at two am Eastern eleven p m Pacific. Hey,
(25:36):
I'm John Middlecoff and I host the Three and Out podcast.
Do you like football? Do you like the NFL. Do
you like the NFL draft quarterbacks? Coaches? Well, I talk
about it all on the show. I used to work
for Andy Reid as a scout. Now I give you
my unfiltered and raw opinions on everything that goes on
in the NFL. And you know we're talking college football
because of how important the draft is year round. Listen
(25:58):
to the Three and Out podcast with me John middlecomm
on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever
you get your podcasts. Have more pet stories. I love
pet stories. You get a dog? You have a dog
over there? Reigns used to have two dogs, two Cocker
spaniels way back in the day. Should get a dog,
You should get another dog? Are too busy on I
(26:20):
can barely uh watch for myself. Okay I can't either.
But do you get a dog? I get a doggie
door if you can there having any own place to
go out and poop and all that, You're you're good
to go, all right anyway. Puppies. According a new study,
puppies are born with a knack of being able to
read human gestures and so this is in their their
(26:42):
DNA when they're born. How crazy is that? Uh? So
they say that a lot of a lot of human
beings believed that dogs just kind of get you, uh,
puppies have an aptitude for understanding human gestures that is
not seen in their closest relatives, the wolf. And for
(27:05):
the legend of the wolf that every dog started out
as a wolf, you know, wolf pups and all that.
But when they said, even when wolves are raised by
human beings as domesticated pets, they still are unaware of
the human gestures. They're they don't have it. But dog
puppies they can read directions like when you point towards food,
(27:28):
even if they have not had any actual dog training.
But wolf puppies do not follow human gestures. So there
you go about that. There's a fun fact. So the
dog now, now, my dog Bella has determined that the
carpet in the living room here at the temporary Mallard mansion,
the halfway house that I'm living in until I move
(27:49):
into the other house. She is determined that that is
actually grass, it is not carpet, and that is where
she is chosen to defecate rather than go outside. And
it's very annoyed and she she has no shame in
her game right like the other night, she woke me up,
and you know, during the day, obviously I say night,
but I sleep during the day. She woke me up
during the day because she had to go to do
(28:10):
a tinkle. As the honest at Denta Coombo said, So
I okay, and so I get up and I let her.
I opened the door to let her go outside, and
she right in front of me, walks over to the
carpet and starts getting busy doing her business there. And
I'm like, what are you doing? I start screaming. I'm like,
what do you It doesn't care. Yeah, we're gonna we're
(28:31):
gonna have to get new carpet in this place when
we move, because it's unbelievable. It's insane. Man, it sounds
like I think she's a wolf. That's that sounds like
the dog is actually training you Ben, that's what bull
It's bullshit. Let me tell you that dog Well that's true. No,
that's true. But but the dog touchet. But the dog
is trained. The dog is training. The dog is I
(28:52):
We've never had this issue before, only occasionally when it rained.
When it rained, Bella would not go outside because she's
a diva and she didn't want to get it. But
other than that, good to go hot, to trot with
the dog poop in the right place, but not right now,
not right now anyway? All right, what else do we
have here? Let's see here? Oh this is this is great? Another.
(29:14):
I guess it's kind of an animal story. Uh hunting
uh or not hunting. Scientists have determined that nineties six
percent of movies show sharks in a negative light, hurting
conservation efforts. So people that love sharks are offended by this.
They're annoyed by this, and they say that Hollywood is
(29:39):
making people scared of sharks. Right, we should not be
scared of sharks. I think the fact that sharks like
eat people is actually hurting sharks. Well, statistically, they don't
eat that many people that medio people. Of a hundred
and nine shark films listed on i m dB portray
(30:02):
interactions between humans and the apex predators as overtly threatening,
and much of the impact still sent stems from the
nineteen seventy five blockbuster Jaws. They also mentioned shark Nato.
Is that still the thing? Are they still making shark
Nado movies? I wanted to be in when I thought
(30:24):
that was so cheesy. I could be in a Shark
Nado movie. But they never asked me to be in
a Shark Nado movie. I never watched those movies. Jaws
is great. Scared the hell out of me and when
I was a kid. Yeah, have you been to the
Jaws ride at Universal? When they do do the tort
Universal Studios, they take you by the Jaws recreated set
and all that I have not Actually you're not okay.
(30:45):
They actually filmed most of Jaws though, on the coast
of New England. Great, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, uh say around. Well, No,
here's the point. About two percent of the known five
species of sharks have attacked humans. It's just two percent.
They're called apex predators for a reason. No I know,
(31:08):
but the do the odds. The odds of being killed
by a shark in the US are more than three
point seven million to one. But that Yeah, that's fine.
But um, sharks are evil and they like people's arms off. No,
f sharks. F the sharks. F sharks like instead of
fl F the sharks. That too. Yeah, there is a
(31:30):
way to have a hundred percent chance of not being
eaten by a shark is to not go to the ocean.
That's why I don't do it. Yeah, I like pools
better than the ocean. But so I say that because
I don't like the ocean here in California. I love
going to like Hawaii or somewhere like that. It's awesome
where the water is like light blue or green. Man,
is that great? And the water in California were not.
(31:53):
Most of southern California is not that color. I don't
enjoy it. I don't. I do not like Yeah, because
it's dirty. That's why exactly, especially like Venice Beach, that area,
Oh my gosh, gil it is disgusting. I wouldn't put
my enemy in that water. That is horrific, absolutely horrific.
(32:16):
Man oh man, oh man. All right, I think that's
that's good. Right, we've we've reached our quota of scientific
or we don't need to do pop quiz. You don't
need pop quiz, right, you're good with that. Do you
want to do a couple of pop quiz is just
to appease the masses, of course? Okay. A recent study
found that blank are the most borrowed items. What do
(32:40):
people borrow more than anything? Uh? I will say a
cigarette because You can't really give a cigarette back. Once
you've borrowed a cigarette, you can't really give it back
the same cigarette. Uh. A book? Book? Yeah you don't,
(33:02):
you're not a reader? Well why no, one like, like,
you know, borrows books. They just can. You can just
fight it online, you know, read it off off a
tablet or something. Yeah, they say that the book the
most borrowed item. There's something about holding a book in
your hands and cuddling up on a chair on a
cool night in the wintertime. And no, what are you
(33:24):
eighty years old or something? No, I'm not. I'm just
giving you the Hollywood trope. I don't I I read
so much on the internet. I don't have I really
don't have much time to read books these days. I don't.
I kind of wish I did, though, I don't hate it.
Seven out of ten people always use blank at the
dinner table. What is it a napkin? No? Paper plates?
(33:47):
Paper plates? Yeah, you're a paper you're a single guy, right,
paper plates? Yes? Because I hate clinic so yes, paper plates? Yes? Yeah, yeah,
let's see you. Women do this before going to the gym.
What is it they put makeup on? Uh? Yeah, lipstick? Yeah,
that counts. Yes, I was blown away by this one.
(34:09):
I don't go to the gym anymore because I have
I work at it where I live. But well, I
don't right now because my treadmills in thirteen thousand pieces
because he got moved. But anyway, uh so, I remember
going to the gym and it would be like early
in the morning and people you want to makeup, and
then I go to the gym occasionally the afternoon. People
would have the makeup on. Then I go late at
night sometimes on the weekends when it didn't work, and
(34:30):
they'd be women like it's like they're I don't know,
it's like a dating thing or something like that. But
I would think if you're a woman, you wouldn't want
to have makeup on because you know, not that I
wear makeup other than I did TV. But Ryan doesn't
make up run like when you get sweaty, doesn't it
start running down your face. Women do this just to
get noticed at the gym. They put makeup on and
they don't even do anything. They're standing around there and
(34:51):
then you look at them and they're like, don't look
at me. I'm like, you see how your dress? You know,
you know, but like these tight asks clothes you know,
don't know about you. But when I go to the the gym,
I gotta loose shirt on some nasty old sweats. I'm
there to work out looking like they're about to go
like a film, a porno or something. No, I don't
(35:12):
disagree that, Like there are ways, I mean, if you
don't want people to look at you, there are ways
to get people not to look at you. But I
think the lesson of that is it depends. It's like
a sliding scale of how attractive they find you generally, right,
because I'm thinking, like, if you're attractive, they don't really
care if you're looking at them, right, But if you're unattractive,
it becomes problematic. Or if they find you unattractives want
(35:35):
to try, you know what. You know what I mean.
But like it's the it's that weird, weird dichotomy where
it's like, well, if you're attractive, you can this is okay,
it's just flirting. But if you're not attractive to the person,
then you're a creepster. Yes, exactly, welcome to life. Yeah,
life one on one. Ben Maller, thank you. Yes. Unfortunately
(35:57):
I was always the seen as the creepy guy, not
the attractive guy. So I got a lot of what
are you doing? What's going on? While are you doing that? Yeah?
But I agree with you. It's very hard as a
you know, a heterosexual male, uh, to see certain things
and not look right when you're It's just it's hard
to do that. It's human nature. Yeah, exactly, I agree
(36:17):
with you. All right, that is it. We'll put the
baby to bed. How can people fight follow you, Ryan,
since you are the new host of the Fifth Hour
with Ben Maller, I am, well, yeah, the you're the
interim post. You're the interim host on Twitter at Ryan
McBain m C b A I N R y A N.
By the way, if you can't spell Ryan and rymy
(36:39):
bain on Twitch, if you want to yell at me
for hating Boston on Twitch, yeah, all my Boston guys,
you can attack Ryan for hating on Boston having an
anequated take on Boston. Yeah, okay, that was the real
like thirty years ago. Anyway, all right, that's it. We'll
put the baby to bed. Have a wonderful rest, you're said,
and they don't forget the mail bag On Sunday, one
(37:00):
of my favorite shows of the week, the Sunday mail Bag,
and we'll get to that next time and see you
then
Host
Ben Maller
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