Table Talk

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour

(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere.
You cannot avoid it. It is in your head, and
you have become a loyal minion. And for that we
are grateful of the Fifth Hour with I Ben Maller
and from west of the four oh five, making his
way into the studio complaining the entire time, David Guascon

(00:50):
is here. No crowd noise? Did they know that? The crowd,
the cann crowd noise? Not ready to go? They're tired.
I was called football this morning, so they took some
plenty of time off after being a raully and rockets
this morning for me at six am. So that so
what happens man, when you're working hard on the weekends.
I wouldn't know about that. The we weekend Now I
used to work weekends. I actually liked working weekends. I

(01:12):
had fun. It's a it's a crazier crowd doing the
overnight show on the weekends, even though we have a
lot of drunks and drug addicts and all that listen
to the show during the week but on the weekends
it's like it's the non professional, like we I get
the professional, you know what I mean, Like the professional um,
I don't know how to describe. Um the people that

(01:33):
do this full time that just drink. But on the
weekends it's the weekend warriors, the weekend warrior, And so
that's always fun. And I have some great memories Otto
the drinking dog that used to call up and tremendous
people back in the day. It was just great. Wow,
it's great. Uh so this now, this podcast, the mail
bag a lot of mail. You know. Some weeks we

(01:54):
get a little mail, some weeks we get a lot.
I posted earlier on our show facebook page, Ben Mallow
Show Facebook page, and so it did help. It did
appear to help. But we get more email. Are excited
about that. I am you said, you said male, You
didn't say emails, So I am, Oh you have have
mail mail? You know, It's it's always nice when you

(02:17):
get mail from a female listener of yours. It is
just amazing. I just love siphoning off all your female listeners.
All right, are you ready? Are you buckled up? Are
you ready for the mail bag? Here the first one
from the new studio. The we will officially christen the

(02:38):
new studio. I'm excited about that. This is email now.
If you want to be part of what we love.
This is one of our more popular podcast that we do.
People love to be part of it. It's great answering
your questions. It's a rip off of Ask Band from
the radio show, which I didn't get to do this
week because I was I was moving, and so this
is gonna make up for that. Maybe that's why we
had more questions. But it's a very simple. If you

(03:00):
want to send a question in via email, real fifth hour,
that's real F I F T H hour. If you
don't know how spell real, and you don't know how
spell hour, that I don't want you to send an email.
Hold on. That's that's dedicated towards Lee in Arizona. Right,
all right, what you just said it? So we haven't
even were like three minutes in, you've already ripped Lee.

(03:24):
I'm just I'm piggybacking off with you. Use a hard
working guys. He's got a beautiful daughter. They're working his
ass off anyway. All right, first email from I'm a Pilot. Oh, yes,
he's back, another one of your favorites. Yeah, he's back.
I'm a Pilot is back. Uh, he says, still here,
still listening. So refreshing to have David back. The past

(03:47):
couple of weeks was like listening to a Mozart concerto perfection.
Well that's a lie. So he's already started with a lie.
I'm a pilot. You started with a lie. That's a
bad job by you said he had to get kids
started in kindergarten. Oh that's great. I've been busy making
my girls do to a day tennis practices with without

(04:09):
water breaks, as that only weekends. The body and the
mind already working on the D one scholarship. Got kicked
out of the first PTO meeting. Yeah that's great, as
I demanded we keep score and only give the winner
a trophy. Everyone else gets a blank stare. Also, my
girls will answer any reporters questions, unlike that cry baby

(04:31):
loser Naomi osaka funk. I'm a good parent. Well, yeah,
don't let the Wolkesters know about that. I'm a pilot.
They'll track you down, they they they. Naomi Osaka is
a hero to the week. She has a hero to
the week. They love her, They love her. Oh my god,
she's so important. She's so important because she can't answer

(04:51):
some mean questions. Oh god, no, so I'm a pot
brought it up. What do you think the equivalent as
in tennis or the Oklahoma drill? Since his daughters are
doing two days, Like you need to have an Oklahoma drill, right,
Like you're gonna go heads up? What do you do? Yeah,
I am not. My knowledge of tennis is limited to

(05:13):
watching the major stuff. I don't know much about tennis,
Like I don't like the inner workings of like what
it takes to play professional tennis and all that. I
know the terms and I know the terminology from watching
Wimbledon or you know, the French Open or something like that.
I know all that. But yeah, by the way, can

(05:33):
you hear guest on there's a lot of heavy construction
going on. I hear it. Yeah it is, I said
in a previous podcast there is construction going on, and
now it is bleeding through the podcast studio for the
first time. It sounds like there's a saw. Like there's
some sawing going on. Now, that's what it sounds like
to me. Well, this is perfect because we've actually probably
gone like I don't know, six months to a year

(05:55):
without a complaint on the audio level. Well, I think
it's all right. I think it's just background. Is it?
Is it really loud? It's it's like we had Bella,
remember Bella a couple of weeks ago, Bella when I
was telling the story about the dog, and now in
the background we have the sound of the good news

(06:16):
is I don't think they can have the saw going
that long, otherwise they'll chop the whole house down, which
I don't think would be there. See it stopped there,
you go, Yeah, I'm sure it'll it'll be back. But
as far as I'm a pilot, I can't help you
with the tennis stuff. I mean I could throw out
some some bull crap and all that, but uh, the
kindergarten thing, let me tell you. And I told this

(06:36):
Jake Warner's daughter, his youngest daughter, came over to the
at the halfway house, and I told us she's just
she was just starting kindergarten, and I said, let me
tell you something. Everything you're gonna need in life kindergarten everything, uh,
you know, everything else is gravy after that. And I
believe that they teach your math. They teach you know,

(06:57):
basic math a little bit, right, They teach you the
you know, the alp a bet and all that. You
learn how to read a little bit. Kindergarten is the
most important. Everything else, you know, they add onto it.
But kindergarten, that's the way to go. Anyway. Ah, The
message continues from I'm a pilot, just been flying to
Tel Aviv and Tokyo. Have Germany coming up, Munich specifically
october Fest has been canceled there this year and no

(07:21):
ELF team in Munich, So I guess I'll be watching Netflix.
Speaking of have you binged on the F one Formula
one documentary? It's really good, similar to Hard Knocks but
for driving. I have not. Yeah, I have been down
on Netflix. Like my wife loves Netflix. I've been more

(07:42):
into YouTube, like I've found, which annoys my wife because
we don't pay for YouTube. It just to have whatever
we find. And I found some really good like cooking guys, pizza.
There's documentaries on there I've watched, not that you asked
I'm a pilot, but I it's on YouTube. The the
Australian News channel did a documentary on Luke Longley because

(08:04):
he was not included in the Last Dance and it
was really good and well done, well produced, just about
Luke Longley and being part of the Bulls teams and
all that. Michael Jordan was interviewed, Phil Jackson was interviewed
and it was great. So that's that's some of the
stuff I've been watching. He says, you were talking travel
last week. Might want to check passport expiration would be

(08:27):
a great time to renew. Boys. Israel and more specifically
Tel Aviv is awesome. The beaches are great and let's
just say the views are astastic alrightbout that I need
I need to go with My passport has expired, so
I do need to update my passport. He also says,
keep it up, boys, and remember what that great philosopher

(08:48):
for a time J. J. Watts said, success isn't owned,
it's least and rent is due every day. Now go
run suicide until you puke. There you go, I'm a pilot.
You one of your favorites. We love I'm a Pilot.
I'm happy that he's a contributor on your show because
everything else is just drek. No, it's not. There's so

(09:09):
many talented people, some many wonderful people that right in
He's the lighthouse and this abyss that we call the
Mallary Militia. Well, you have some of your fan girls
and fan boys reach out. I know, considered effort. I'm
sure there were text messages exchange and emails exchange. It
that reminds me. Email that reminds me. I tried his
whiskey the other day and it was really good. Finally

(09:31):
that I got around to it, I did. I did
the hat that I'm a Pilot set, one of my
favorite hats. It's an m hat with a gray back.
That's a good one. It's a solid it's a solid
looking hat. It's a solid looking at Uh. Next email
from Tammy in Montana. There we go belly to belly.
She says, uh, thank the Gods with David back, the

(09:52):
fifth hour is amazing again according to Tammy, Well, okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna let McBain know that you don't
like McBain Tammy a nomination for the People's Choice Podcast Award.
That's incorrect. We have not been nominated for any award.
Sounds like Helen and Stu like to brag about themselves.
Nothing impressive there. Maybe Stu needs to get his erectile

(10:15):
dysfunction taken care of so Helen doesn't have time to
stalk David online. Wow, shots fired by Tammy and Montana.
What a pathetic life they have to waste all that
time investigating, criticizing David and his family. I feel sorry
for their grandson Bentley. Apparently they would rather spend time
bragging and stalking someone than being Bentley's grandparents. Tammy in Montana, Tammy,

(10:42):
it's a little harsh. People have a lot of free time,
and when you're tired, I assume you have a lot
of free time, and you can you have a passion
for a podcast, you can do a little keyboard research
and do some investigating and find a few things. Now,
I think she hit the mark all right. Next email,
uh says high been grocery shopping and I guess we

(11:04):
should tell you this is from Helen and Stuart. Coincidence
grocery shopping and heard over the store speaker, a commercial
for a moving company that reminded stew and I that
you relocated to the remodeled Mallard mansion two point oh
this week, mozelto it was the perfect Malla maneuver. Time
to throw out that over hyped, old, tough and now

(11:26):
freezer burned Tomahawk steak that Gascon gave you. Don't feed
the wolves too late. Screw that, Howell and uh, there
you go. Uh let's see here and uh but enough
about Gascon, enough about Gascon. There Uh this his overinflated ego,

(11:49):
questionable work ethic, marginal at best on air talent, and
also cal show and no go personal threats. Bore us
about that. Bennett's all about you, the good, humble, hard working, entertaining,
good mensh you. Well, thank you, Helen. That is a
wonderful thing that you just said. That is one of

(12:11):
the nicest things anyone has ever written about me. She says,
your name is on the Fox Sports Marquee and Costco
executive membership card for a reason. You're that good. You're
that good. Uh, A suggestion and a question. Like millions
of your loyal listeners, we love Big Ben's lame jokes
of the week. Damn it. It's plural frustrating though when

(12:33):
you and Coope seem to have some great jokes that
you can read over the you can't read over the
terrestrial airways, which is true. Stu and I have the solution.
On either Saturday or Sunday's Fifth Hour podcast launch a
new segment called Lame Jokes on Centered, a safe harbor
where you can tell those raw, funny and socially woke
jokes from the week before or from your vast email folder.

(12:57):
But wait, there's more. See she did that because that's
a great line from informercials. Uh, tease us, please us.
Seems like you can tease the X rated jokes on
the Irregular Show and drive shrafting to the Fifth Hour.
Please us by telling those well crafted but inappropriate jokes.
We love your welcome. There you go, and uh, of

(13:20):
course there's another question. Did you throw the tomahawks steak
to the wolves or did you give it to Bella
as a housewarming gift? And Helen and Stu you'll be
happy to know. And I think I screwed this up
because I was supposed to read that at the beginning. Anyway,
Helen and Stu I I have the Tomahawks steak has

(13:41):
now been in it's in its third different freezer. It's
in its third different freezer. Uh, and it is still
doing well. It is still there. It hasn't got frost
on it. And when the time is right, we will
we will cook that up. We will cook the Tomahawks steak.
You should give it to the coyotes. That bit Bella. Yeah,

(14:03):
well I saw the coyote. Yes, we were driving back.
I was driving back late and there's a little at
the halfway house. There was like a little kind of
hill behind the house that the place of the townhouse.
I was limited, and we were driving back and the
coyote was sitting on top of the hill. We think
that's you know, I don't know, it might be a

(14:24):
different coyote, but I would think that would be the
same one because there's a good eating there. And then
kind of was like, hey, that's dinner time, So all right,
Queen rocks. And right, since it's Ben and David, David
mentioned something about the upcoming football season and hopefully Benny
versus the Penny will be returning. Question Mark, as I
always listen to your picks and really have to take

(14:44):
into consideration your curse. Also tell the Silver Sneaker club
couple in Florida stop being stockers. It's very odd sign
Queen rox Well, we have nothing to announced about Beny
versus the Penny Football season begins in less than a month,
the NFL season begins, and we are efforting. Is that
we're supposed to efforting? Yeah? We hope to have on

(15:07):
the runway, how about that? Yeah, But keep in mind
that being in talks with people having conversations does not
correlate often to a deal. It's like dating these days.
I have been close to so many amazing jobs in
broadcasting where I have been deep in the weeds and
negotiations and nothing has ended up happening. So I am

(15:31):
I'm not even gonna go into details on on where
we are talking, who we are talking to, but we've
had a few meetings over the last couple of months
with some very powerful people that deal with lots of
money and lots of uh, lots of what's the word,
I'm a venture capital? I don't know, I don't want
a word. They have a lot of expendable money to
throw out and we're hoping to find something that you

(15:55):
get the email I sent you from Ohio All. Did
you get that? Oh my gosh it it I need
to I need to cue that up. That reminds yeah, yeah,
get that ready to go because this is ohio Al's email,
and we should have played this at the beginning. But
we can put this in the system and then we
can play this going forward, hopefully if we have the
logistical ability to do that. But this is from Ohio

(16:17):
how very talented musician. You heard him, one of the stars,
one of the rock stars literally in the Talent show.
It's blew it away. We love Ohio a very talented guy.
So happy that he's a fan and a consumer of
our audio content. Anyway, ohio Al says, I hope your
move into the permanent Mallard mansion is going well. He says,
I would have paid for movers to do the heavy lifting.

(16:38):
But I'm older and lazier than you. I guess well,
it's listen. I don't know how old you are, Al,
and you're probably a little older than I am. I
don't know that you're lazier than I am, but you're
probably not as frugal as I am. And I think
the financial component of this is a big gut of it.
And uh that's I hear. I heard the music that

(17:00):
this to this next part of the email. Ohio Al says,
I I heard you, guys mention on the Fifth Hour
podcast last week that you would consider having some kind
of opening jingle for your mail bag segments. So I
whipped up this little ditty for you. I hope you
like good luck. I hate moving, Ohio All, and so
do we have that ready to go? Here? All right,

(17:21):
this is from Ohio All. And you ask your request
and it will arrive. Build it and you know they
will they will come or he will come. Uh. Here
is Ohio All at his version of a mail bag
jingle opening e God, the question things God, the son's

(17:54):
mail bag. Yeah, I get short. It wasn't long. We
don't need it long. We want to quick, you know,
move on. The show keeps moving, train keeps moving down
the tracks. We don't look back. Thank you, Ohio And
as far as I'm concerned, that's gonna become a regular

(18:15):
assuming you can work that out logistically. Guess that's good.
At the beginning of the mail bag that will be
like the you know, we start out the mail bag.
I'm bullshitting and then we go into the mail bag,
and then the point we go into the mailbag, hit
it and then it's Ohio Awa, it's perfect and and
it'll be perfect and we'll play it every week. And
you know who's who doesn't like that? That's that's perfect.
It's it's wonderful. That will become a um, a continuous

(18:39):
part of the show for as long as I I
can imagine, you know, constant. The mailbag is not going anywhere.
So thank you very good. Uh and I hopefully I
didn't take it that long. But it's great to listen
in on your work, to eaves drop in on Ohio
All's work. All right? Next up? Next up, Ben, huge
fan from Boston. My name is Mike and I've been

(19:00):
listening to you since Mazeltope. Thank you. That's sixteen years. Wow.
Any chance you could fill me in on the latest
update about half point and Brian, thanks for many Uh. Well,
it's really a whole lot of nothing. There's a whole
lot of nothing so half Point, as you know, I
assume you know, she was very active caller to the show,

(19:22):
and the last call that she made was in the
middle of the night in the burbs out in Missouri
and she was playing the drums. She was getting ready
for the talent show. She's gonna do a duet with
beer drinking Bryan. And then she got a few hours later,
she got picked up on a parole violation and she
has been This is back in July and she has

(19:44):
been in jail for over a month. She's had a
couple of court dates. It has been pushed back, uh,
and she will be in jail for I think another month.
The next court date is in September. Oh, I believe
it's after right around the start of the football season
in the NFL regular season. So yeah, she's she's in

(20:06):
jail and she's waiting word of whether or not they
will send her to a rehab facility or they will
send her to jail for five years. Now. We're hoping
that they sent her to a rehab because she's already
been in jail for a couple of months. And say, well,
you went back to jail for a couple of months,
now you're you're sober. Now go to rehab. And not
that I think it's gonna work, But to me, half

(20:29):
point is not a threat to society. But I don't
know half pint. Maybe she is. I don't know. She
seems pretty harmless. Not to herself. She's harm She's harmful
to herself, but I don't know that she's harming other people.
That's what I'm trying to say. That's the last. Jennifer
from Richmond, Virginia rights in Our Friend Jennifer. She says, Higen,

(20:50):
if you could travel back in time only once too,
before you were thirty, what's one or two things you
would tell yourself about your own life, either good or
were bad, to look forward to, to prepare for. And
do you think you would believe yourself? Well, first of all,
I don't think I would believe myself. I'm very cynical,
so I don't think I would believe myself. I think, well,

(21:11):
this is bullshit, this is just some kind of dream,
this is not real. But the main thing, I was
very paranoid when I first got into radio that it
wasn't gonna work, that it wouldn't I wouldn't get to
the point I'm at now, and I really wanted to
get there. And I I spent a lot of time
doing weekends. I spent a lot of time as a reporter.
I started out as a board op. I worked all

(21:33):
kinds of jobs at the radio station, and it seemed
like a It was like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to think
about getting to the top. Not that I'm at the top,
I'm not. I'm an overnight guy, but to get even
where I am. Um, I just thought I might not
could make it. I didn't really have a backup plan
other than like working at Costco, and not that that's

(21:55):
a bad job, but I didn't. I just fully invested myself.
So just just say it's gonna be okay, it'll work out,
You'll be fine. Why don't you ever tell me this
because it won't be fine for you know? Um? Yeah.
And also, and I've told you this to enjoy the journey,
you know, it's it's about the stories you pick up
along the way and embrace more of that. And I've

(22:16):
tried to do that as I've gotten older. And also
the obvious thing. You know, when you're young, you don't
think anyone's gonna die, and you think everyone will live forever.
And then you know, I've been to a lot of
funerals as i've aged, and I lost both my parents
and all that, and it's you know, it's just to
value the people around you. They're in your circle, that
are they're fighting for you, and because they're the ones

(22:38):
that matter, matter the most, and did not overlook them.
And you know, you get into fights with people and disagreements,
but that's just part of being around people. But that
that kind of stuff, you know, that's just like the
basic stuff. Is that too deep, guest for the Good
mail Bag? Is that too poetic? No, not at all.
To tell you, what would you tell yourself, Guest care, Well,

(22:58):
you're you him to still be below thirty even though
you're closer to sixty. You know, I just I think
the one thing I might I mean to hear it
all the time, but like, don't stop what you're doing,
just keep going. Yeah, Like if you're going through hell,
just keep going right, Like I've heard that a thousand times, um,

(23:20):
if you're in the darkness, just trying to find light. So,
I don't know, I think, more so now than ever,
I would probably tell I'd probably tell myself if I
was a younger version, I'd say, try to engage and
talk to as many people as possible, because, yeah, you
never know who you're gonna meet. And as you know,
like being in certain cities and in certain towns. You

(23:40):
live in this fucking bubble and you all think and
do the same ship, and you know there's a little
joy out of that. You gotta get outside and get
yourself more comfortable. I have the biggest regret I've ever had,
at least in terms of my twenties, with two of them,
but one was I never traveled outside of like Vegas, Arizona,
San Francisco, and San Diego. I wish I would have

(24:03):
traveled more in the United States and internationally. I should
have done that, and I tried to do that more
now than ever. But yeah, like going you know, I'd
love to go to Kentucky. I'd love to get some bourbon,
like go to some of those distilleries I'd love to
go to. I would love I would love to do
is just dry this slowly drive across the country, like

(24:25):
stop off the beaten path and just soak it all.
And I've never been able to do that, But you
guys did California this year during the summertime. Yeah, I've
driven all over California, but I'm talking about going from
sea to Shining Sea, from the Pacific all the way across,
whether it's retracing the old Root sixty six or just
going all the way across the country and seeing see

(24:47):
what's out. I've flown over to Bunch to get to
different places, but it would be'd be cool to do that,
especially because a lot of these cities are so closely
connected down south and even in the Pacific, or not
the Pacific Northwest, the Northeast. I mean you could take
a train Boston obviously. Do you go all the way
up to like Connecticut, New York, down to Philadelphia, d C.

(25:07):
Like those are accessible? Well, yeah, but I'm talking like
I've done the whole corridor, but talking about like, yeah,
I'm I'm talking about going you know, off in the sticks,
you know, where the people live, the heart and soul
of America. The bad lands. Yeah, not the big cities,
the big concrete jungles and all that done. There's some fine.

(25:29):
My brother drove from California to North to South Carolina
then up to New York. Might took my dad's car
when my after my father passed in he said, there's
like amazing like barbecue places, like a little hole in
the wall barbecue places that he found that now whenever
he drives that. You know, he'll always stop there, and
so that's good. How long did that take him, like
a couple of weeks? Um? No, No, he did it

(25:53):
in like maybe well, I guess it was close to
it was like ten days. It wasn't full two weeks,
but it was close to stopped him went to Utah
and he went down and went through the south and
trying to avoid the weather, so you had to keep
an eye on when the storms are coming through. Pierre
from Springfield, massachuse to of the Pro Basketball Hall of
Fame where you can see Mufet McGraw says, I would

(26:13):
like number one, I would like to commend your sidekick
for his volunteer work, but I know he has issues
with the phone. Does he only take calls from women
there as well? That's good, that's actually pretty good. Yeah,
And and so Pierre guestcan you don't have to praise him.
He's now quit his his job as volunteers, so you

(26:37):
can retract that compliment. Question number two, when will you
be appearing on the Mallard Town podcast? Seeing that Mr
four oh five beat you to the punch? Is that right?
Were you on the Mallardtown Podcast? Gast Hunt. Yeah, yeah,
I was on there last week when I've not been invited.
I have not been invited to go on there. Now

(26:57):
when do they record the Mallardtown podcast is I don't know.
I went on last Saturday with them, so I don't
know if they're schedules are different. When I thought like
the Mallard Tom podcast is more behind the scenes, like
I'm I don't know if they want to have me on.
Maybe they want to have a coupon and Eddie and
you and I kinda hope they don't put Brian Finley
on there. That would be bad. But but like the

(27:19):
random people like around the show, and then they'll put
other callers on. I would imagine. I think that was
the the plan. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
It's a collaboration between Ozzy Guy and Queen Rox and
there putting putting it together. Let's see who is next.
Pierre said, Also, don't ever retire the incident of ice line.
I look forward to hearing the from Fuzzy Fudgy every week,

(27:42):
and that guy needs a Twitter account, stat I'm surprised
nobody started a parody account. Most of our listeners that
aren't on Twitter. There's a Dick in Dayton Twitter account.
There's a Tammy and Montana Twitter. Think they're not on Twitter,
at least not under those names. Barry from Nashville, Yo, Yo,
mob Benny, He writes in I know you're probably you
probably missed my questions and we're wondering what the hell

(28:05):
happened I did? I always said, well, where's Barry's question? Well,
every week when I'm putting the thing together, where's Barry?
No Barry nothing? What happened to Barry anyway? Barry says, well,
I had to take a few weeks away, as coming
up with these questions really took a toll on my
mental health. I learned from Naomi Osaka that I am
probably also creating mental health issues for you by asking

(28:27):
these probing bullying questions. Apologies, Well, thank you, Barry. I
needed a therapy dog. Email continues. But I have been
listening all the time, and I did have to say
that regarding toilet paper, your answer is wrong. The correct
answer is definitely under I am sure Gascon will agree

(28:50):
no question this episode, as I uh no question in
this episode. I need to ease myself back into these questions,
as I am feeling anxiently saiding in, well, okay, I
completely understand Bury. Uh, well, no, you're right. The person
that did the pattent Bury, the person that put the
toilet paper roll patent on the record said the proper

(29:12):
way on the patent to hang toilet paper is over
the top. So if you're doing it underneath, you're going
against the wishes and the wants and the desires of
the person that created one of the great devices in
human history, the toilet paper roll. So that's a bad
job by you. It's a bad job by and it's
just more disgusting when you go under because your hand,
your dirty hand, when you wipe that second wipe, you

(29:35):
might have some ship on it, and it touches like
the wall, and it's disgusting. Did I describe that properly? Alright?
Greg in Iowa? Greg and Iowa writes, and he says,
was that David Gagon, Brian Finley or Ryan McBain behind
the bushes over there watching you move into the new

(29:55):
Mallard mansion. Yeah, I can see all three of you
guys out there. Brian definitely. I don't know about McMain.
Mcmain's a he's an introvert. I don't think he would
do it. Gagon would be taking notes to make sure
everything was high end Mallar mansion. Yeah, west of the
four or five Carlos in Houston, Texas has men. You

(30:16):
always say that the Internet never lies, but the Internet
says that you're your net worth is between one in
five million dollars. Yeah. Right, So if that's the case,
will you be buying Tesla stock? Like Mr Gascon Also, David,
it's great to hear your back, he says. Question for David,

(30:38):
what are you getting out of doing these football games
in Europe? What's your end of the game money? I
would think, I don't know. Is that the financial I
guess you're making a little bit of money. Yeah, I mean,
well money and an opportunity. I think that I had
some good advice from from a colleague that said, if
you're he works in he works in entertainments, as if

(31:00):
you're not getting the work, then you've got to either
make the work, which means like producer, right, or or
find another another avenue. So yeah, I mean, I'd love
to have more opportunities where I'm at now, but if
I'm not getting it, I gotta go outside the normal domain,
and it's caused me to go internationally. So a lot

(31:20):
of places want to have good tape. They want to
have you know, higher level of of of games that
you're calling. And uh, this is an obviously Division one
college football, but these guys have played college football, a
lot of them are professionals. So I'm just trying to
get as much as i can and hopefully, I mean,
all it takes is one, So I'm hoping for that

(31:42):
one to happen sooner rather than later. But uh, you know,
I just gotta stay in the game for as long
as I can hold on. Well. And there's the other thing.
We all have the same neuroses in the media business
that especially in radio, like you never want to turn
down a gig, yeah, because you don't know when the
phone's gonna stop ringing, and you turn down a gig.

(32:03):
And plus a lot of this is it's just basic networking.
Like the people you work with on these European football games,
some of those people are going to end up running
media companies. And you know, I've hell, I've I've just
in my radio g I I know a number of
people that become programm directors, management people, in radio interns, right, Yeah,

(32:26):
some of my old interns have become programed rictor so
it's you never know who's gonna make it. And and
and that's one of another one of the reasons that
you should not treat people below you like an asshole schmuck.
I try to treat everyone the same, I really do.
I don't know whether you're you know, I've been fortunate
enough to know millionaires and billionaires, but I maybe I
treat them like assholes like I treat regular people. But

(32:48):
I treat it pretty much everyone the same. I try to.
I don't really get all worked up about you know,
it's nice that you have a lot of money and stuff,
but I don't. I don't really care about that kind
of stuff anyway. It's not my money, you know what
I'm saying exactly all right, Adrian? And the answer question,
what was this question? You're gonna buy some stock? No,

(33:08):
come on, man, no, no, My stock portfolio has done
very well. All my money is going to the house
right now and the renovation and all that. So I'm
not investing anything else other Once this is done and
we do the the book keeping on everything, and I'll
see how much I have left, then I'll they'll play

(33:28):
around with it. But no, not not doing that. But
the stock has gone up. I was able to buy
when Apples split about some Apple that's gone up a lot.
So that's done, done very well. A few other a
lot of I love these stocks to pay dividends. There's
a lot of Apples one of them. But well yeah,
but I'm talking about like every month or every every

(33:49):
couple of months, they'll pay some of these things. And
that's pretty pretty cool. Like I have and a lot
of relatively inexpensive like five ten bucks. You know, it's
not a hundred dollar stock or something like that, and
you get a little bit, you know, it adds up,
every little bit, every cent adds them. Be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at

(34:10):
two a m. Eastern eleven p m. Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio ap Uh he said, anyway,
Uh here we go. Uh feel free to uh this
is from Adrian in the Mile High said he feel
free to share my story about ace rental car near
l a X. As we get further away from our

(34:30):
trip to l A I'm not sure if we'll ever
see the bag. Again. Remember the ups store I needed
to get the bag too is a four minute drive.
So anyway, let me give the stories out of context.
Let me give the backstory. This. So Adrian had sent
an email, he took his family. He's a big fan
of the show. He took his family out to Disneyland

(34:50):
and they rented a car from Ace rental car. Again,
this is his story. I don't have any way of
verifying this is his story. I want to clarify that. Um.
I don't know if it's true or not. But I
like Adrian, and so we'll tell you his story and
then we can react to it. Just that's for the lawyers. Eddie, Eddie,
I called you, Eddie Gascon. That's for the lawyers. So
but anyway, here's the here's the point. So Adrian had

(35:13):
a very bad experience. He left by mistake a bag
in the rental car when he was in the rush
to get to the airport. Right, and we've all done that.
You're turning around car, big pain in the end. Um.
So anyway, he uh, he returned the round a car
and he realized at some point I forget exactly the detail.
But he realized I forgot the back. So they contacted

(35:36):
the car rental place and said, hey, we left our
back and said, well we have the bag. We have
the bag, and Adrians is great, Um, can you please
return it go to the UPS store. I'll and I'll
pay for everything. Just just return it. It's a four
minute drive from the rental car place to the UPS
store and not a single person, according to Adrian, again

(35:59):
this is his story, not a single person from Ace
rental car was willing to drive the bag over there.
And Adrian says, it pisces him off. You know that.
You know, they could not do a small favor. They
spent a ton of money, he and his family. You know,
it's a hard working, blue collar family. They spent a
lot of money renting the car for five days from them,

(36:22):
and he was willing to pay for everything and he
just needed the to get to the UPS store and
they would not do it. They would not do it.
And uh so yeah, so that's uh, that's the deal
from from Adrian. And he actually asked if I could
do it or you could do it? And are both

(36:44):
Our schedules were not not able. I'm not near l
a X at all and I've been dealing with the
moving stuff, so I was unable to do it. He says,
are you able to drop the weekend podcast earlier than
six am Pacific? That would be cool if you could. Well, yeah,
I mean we could drop them whenever, right, I mean,

(37:05):
with the ability to drop them whenever, why did we
do I think on Friday we do the six am
time because of you, because of the show. But yeah,
on Saturday and Sunday we could do it earlier. How
we're how early are you looking for? Six? Is seven
am in Denver Mountain time? Six am? Well I don't wait, no,
no, no no, the math on that? Is it six am?

(37:27):
It's six am Pacific time? We do it on the East. Yeah,
we can drop it earlier. Yeah, so that make of
a deal. Should we do the Saturday Sunday one? What
do you think? Seven Eastern? It's fine. I can put whatever.
I'm just trying to think, Like, the whole point is

(37:47):
that people wake up and see it on their phone.
But they still wake up and see it on their
phone if it's earlier. Right, Yeah, I Adrian, your wishes
are commed. Mike in Champa Bay, Florida says, we need
you back in the Tampa Bay market. The local station
twelve fifty does not carry you anymore lonely and desperate

(38:09):
in Tampa. That sucks. Yeah, Mike Uh, let me give
you the boiler plate response here. First of all, we
do a syndicated show. Stations pick up the show, drop
the show. We've been on and off the radio in Tampa.
If you've been listening over the years, we've been on
several different radio stations, some big, some small. It's just
the politics of radio. Big media companies and formats change.

(38:35):
The good news is that you can hear the show
several ways. Like in the old days when I first
got into syndicated radio, like I was doing weekends and
you could only hear the show via the syndication. But
now there's satellite radio, the Serious if you're if you're
into it, a lot of great broadcasters on Serious. Our
show is on Serious. Occasionally we get covered up by soccer,

(38:58):
European soccer or something like that, but we're on series.
And then if you just want to stream, if you're
able to listen to the stream and it doesn't kill
your data plan, if you have unlimited data, I Heart
Radio app is wonderful. The company wants us to promote that.
So we do promote that. But there's other apps that
also stream the show, but I shouldn't promote those. I
don't even know the name of them. But there's many
different ways you can hear the show. Um, and you're

(39:20):
not just limited to radio. But I realized that people
are creatures of habit. I'm a creature of habit, as
I've said many times on the podcast. And you are
used to listening to consuming radio audio content on the radio,
and it's a pain in the asked to to do
it differently. The cooling about these phones in most cars now,
unless your car is a Jelapi and old car, you
can hook Yeah, you can hook up be a Bluetooth.

(39:42):
It's just like on the radio. It's amazing, my god.
In fact, most of the radio I listened to. I'll
listen to a lot of different stuff on the I
Heart app. I use some of the other apps, even
some of the competitors, because I like to listen, you know,
two different different sounds of different things and whatnot. Not
a lot of sports radio, but I'll listen to different
formats of radio, talk radio, regular talk radio, things like that.

(40:04):
So yeah, um, so that's the answer. Mike Rob from Lincoln, Nebraska. Again,
this is a follow up to a question we got
earlier from our guy Yo Yo mob Benny and Nashville.
This follow up let me find it here, Robin Lincoln says,
steadily lifelong debate. Once and for all, do you pull
toilet paper from the top or roll it out under?

(40:28):
And again, Rob, the proper way is over the top. Uh.
And if you go to a house and you see
toilet paper underneath, someone has messed up, whether it's the
parents teaching the kids and the kids, it's just fing up. Now.
The proper way, the way it's supposed to be done,
the way it's supposed to be done, is to drop

(40:49):
it down over the top. That's what again, you're laughing
at me. No, it's very important. This is the kind
of thing people talk about. Don't give a shit about
my opinion about sports. These are the kind of things
people care about. This is what resonates with the hearts,
minds and souls of the listener to the Fifth Hour podcast.

(41:10):
But don't say and we brought it up. I mean
it's a great story. They they looked it up. Researchers
looked up the original paperwork for the patent of the
toilet paper roll, and the patent shows the proper way
to hanging the toilet paper is over the top, and
that's I follow the patent. And it's not like underneath
is better. It's not. It's simply not. Chris and Marracca

(41:36):
to Iowa says, how about a meet and greet around
next Year's Feel their Dreams game. All the Ohio dudes
are on board. Well, that sounds like a great idea.
I'd love to come to Iowa. I think it's not
there's a lot there, but I think it would be
cool to experience. I've never been to Iowa. We have
a lot of considering the population of Iowa, we do

(42:00):
very well in the state of Iowa. We have a
lot of very active contributors. And I don't know what
everyone does in Iowa. I know from some of you
what you've told me. You work on farms and whatnot,
and so you're up early, and you're up and you
listen to the podcast or whatever you're you're up late
working on stuff in the barn. Uh. Either way, I

(42:20):
think that would be fun. I just I'm worried about
the access. Like Fielded Dreams, there's only eight thousand seeds
or something like that, and it's mostly people that are
connected with Major League Baseball. They get access to that.
So I don't think that would work out. Where you
go to Iowa. We can meet in a corn field somewhere,
but actually going to the game, I don't think that
would be realistic unless it's certain football season and then

(42:44):
we go to a Hawk Eyes game. Yeah, now we
can do that. I still need to go to I
wear this Iowa Hawkeyes hat quite a bit. It's a
good looking hat. I'd love to go to a Hawk
Eyes game. Mike Karen Kay My my friend Karen Kay
got sent to not to Iowa, was to an Iowa game,
to an Iowa State game in Des Moines. For I

(43:05):
think it was an Iowa State Iowa game, but it
was in De Moine and this our affiliate in De Moine,
the morning show sent her. They're all her and the
producer not me. Uh, and I didn't have was bummed out.
I didn't get to go off I It would have
been a fun time, so I'd love to do it. Uh.
Derek the chef Auckland, New Zealand, what ingredients would we

(43:26):
find in the ultimate Mallard cookie. Now, Derek, could you
make the Mallard cookie in Auckland, New Zealand. That would
be awesome, That would be I don't know if if
he's an amateur chef gascon or if he's a professional chef.
I don't know about that. You know who's really good
at baking? What's that? Steve Hartman's wife or ex wife. Um,

(43:47):
on the weekends during football season. This woman bakes cookies, brownies,
she does pastries. Um, she does muffins like. She is
phenomenal bet bait goods I've ever had in my entire life.
And I mean going into stores and and whatnot. She
is phenomenal. Yeah, phenomenal. That's great. I mean peanut butter cookies,

(44:11):
mint chocolate chip, banana bread, the whole smash. Yeah. So
I haven't really spent much time you're thinking about the
perfect Mallard cookie. I love. I'm a traditionalist. As the
construction continues here, a lot of pounding of nails. I
don't know what the hell is going on. I'm a
little afraid to walk out of the studio. Literally, it's
a bubble. Guest, guys, where are you wearing shoes? I

(44:32):
do have damn it. Which I hate wearing shoes. One
of the reasons I got into radio is to never
have to wear other than when I'm on the treadmill
and it is. Yeah, I've had to wear shoes a lot.
Keep keeping on. This is like a two story place
I'm moving into and the there's no spindles, there's no rails. Yeah, yeah,

(44:54):
because that's all been taken now, so you gotta worry
about nails, screws, wood, dust and dust and and maybe
chips of tile. Yes, oh my god, it is un believable. Anyway,
I got distracted. But the Mallard cookie, I'm a traditionalist,

(45:14):
like the cookie, the chocolate chip cookie. I like a
white chocolate. My wife just not. I don't mind a
white chocolate. Macadamian nut cookies pretty good. I've had some good,
good cookies there. The snicker doodle. How about what would
a Mallard doodle be? We should come up. Wouldn't that
be a grow in the Mallard doodle, like a spinoff
of the snicker doodle, a Mallard doodle? But what would

(45:35):
be in the Mallard doodle? I don't know. Like when
you said Macadamian nuts, like do you like a different
type of nut or no, like almonds or yeah? I
like almonds. I like cash shoes. I'm very nut friendly.
Walnuts that sounded dirty. Uh, not as big and walnut fan.
I like almonds, cash shoes. You would have peanuts, which

(45:56):
are a lagoon, not a nut. Peanuts a lagoon. You
wouldn't soil it with ray basins, would you know? No? Uh?
In fact, my wife, he loves my bride loves cinnamon
raisin cookies. Why I like the cinnamon part. I don't
like the raisins. Yeah, even when I was a kid,
like uh, you know, when my mom would make dinner

(46:17):
on Friday night, you know, for Shabbat uh And you
can get halla, the traditional Jewish Jewish bread, which I
love because I grew up with it. But you can
get it with raisins and without. But my mom loved
the raisins. I hate the rais I occasionally buy a Holla,
but I will get it without raisins because I don't
like races and I'm just not a fan. Um and

(46:39):
they're good for you. Should I should like raisins, but
I just I'm not into the raisins. What about mint?
I don't know, I like mint, I like Minto. I
I enjoyed the mint. I'm a fan fan fan of
the mint. Now, I guess this is a question because
this goes back to our I think we're talking a
few guys about Disneyland. Are you a small cookie guy

(47:00):
or a fat one cookie guy? Uh? Yeah, so I've
done it both ways. I've done it both ways. I
prefer a hearty cookie. I like a big, big cookie.
One of my favorite desserts, which I think is the
perfect ice cream dessert, is a massive chocolate chip cookie,
not burned, cooked properly, with a gigantic scoop of vanilla

(47:24):
ice cream, like maybe even two scoops, and then another
gigantic chocolate chip cookie on top. Basic, delicious, wonderful. But
the Mallard doodle cookie we could add to that and
that would be great, awesome, that would be awesome. I'm
all forward, Well, we gotta come up with something there.
And we have a lot with another one of these
these professions that we have, you know, chefs and people

(47:48):
working construction truck drivers that are fans of the podcast
Pilot Stephen. This one's from Mark in New Hampshire. He says,
what's your guests on how many NFL games will be
forfeited because of the new COVID rule. Yeah, I don't
think any are. The train will keep moving. The show

(48:09):
must go on. It is amusing though, that certain players
that have gone public about not getting the vaccine, they're
they're going to be playing games and stadiums where everyone
to attend has to have the vaccine. So how's that
gonna work. I'm not sure how that's that's going to work.
The next one from this is from Pino from Rome.

(48:30):
I'm not sure which Rome. That could be Roman America,
that could be Roman Rome. How's your gambling on games
doing while COVID nineteen? Meaning I think Vegas has a
better advantage because it's harder now to gamble with all
the ship with COVID. Do you agree with me? Good
luck on your new home. Thank you, Pino. Yes. In fact,

(48:52):
I had one of my worst years. I've been doing
many for the many versus the penny for years, and
last year it was really difficult because the normal things
that I used to handicap a game went out the window. Yeah,
crowd noise was huge and it wasn't existent. Yeah, it
is a it is a factor. And that that last

(49:14):
year the road teams won more than ever the best
winning presents there's no home field advantage. Um, so yeah,
it is more difficult. I think it will be. It
will be harder. I I wanna. I have a pretty
good idea. I always have a good idea going into
week one, and then by week three I'm like, ah, fuck,

(49:34):
you know, first go, I feel pretty good the first
couple of weeks usually like I have a pretty good
grasp of everything's going on because of the job and
keeping track of player movement, who I think can play
and who can't play. And there's some new coaches that
I don't know a lot about, which like the guy
in Philly I have no idea if he can coach
his way out of a paper bag. Things like that.
David Kelly and Houston another one. Yeah, that's a that's

(49:59):
another one. Cliff from Nashville says a Ben, congratulations on
the new malor mentioned will you thaw the and burn
the Tomahawks? Another Tomahawk. We had more email about the Tomahawks.
They see. That's why I'm providing content, guest gun. By
not cooking it, I am providing content. I'm gonna put

(50:20):
the age of it on there. I'm gonna say the
best of twenty. I don't know was it en? Yeah?
I think it was because oh maybe wown' think. I
hope so be a better story for this. Uh Eric

(50:41):
and Omaha says question for both of you, my best
friend is moving to Arizona from Omaha. Have you guys
ever had a best friend move away? And also should
I kick him in the nuts before he moves? Well? Yeah, sure,
kick him in the nuts. Don't tell him, I told
you to do it. But yeah, had friends moved for jobs.

(51:02):
I don't know about best best friend, but I've had
secondary friends that have moved all over the country. And
what I've experienced is you always say, well, we'll still
be best friends and we'll still talk, and yeah, you
know you known't. You're checking every once in a while,
but it's not. It's not the same. Out of sight,
out of mind. That's generally how that goes. Even with
all the technology, you'll you'll end up like looking at

(51:24):
their Instagram post to find out what they're doing and
vice versa or one on Facebook. That's usually how that goes.
That's typically how that goes. Soul life is now man
I Uh, people that are close in town, like proximity wise,
and even people they are near and far. It just
depends on Well that's that is true nowadays because everyone's
afraid to be around other people. I don't know. I'm

(51:47):
not should it be? Should I be afraid to be
around people? I don't know? And I'm not like around
a lot of people anyway, But I don't mind. It's
kind of roll with the punches. Yeah, no choice. It
is silver lining. If he's going into Tempe Scottsdale, then
you have a great place to go visit your friend
at because those are are great cities to visit. Tucson

(52:08):
not so much. No, Phoenix, Tempe and Scottsdale. Well Phoenix, yeah,
self is. But Scotts Stills the Beverly Hills. Yeah, they
call that like the JV version of Newport Beach. It's
Newport Beach without the beach. Yeah yeah, yeah, I got you. Uh,

(52:29):
what else do we have here? Fred from Spring, Texas
is what are your favorite kinds of music? Eras and performers.
I have an eclectic taste, fred in music, I'm more
about the rhythm than the lyrics. Drives my wife nuts.
She's all about the lyrics. I could listen to music
that sounds the lyrics when you actually read the lyrics like,
holy crap, that's terrible. But I like to beat and

(52:49):
I like the rhythm, so I'm all about the rhythm.
But I do like Johnny Cash and his you know,
his stuffs, pretty poetic there, the Man in Black, Johnny
Cash of his old obviously been dead a while. Listen
to a lot of that, But when I'm prepping for
the show, I will listen to classical music or smooth jazz.
I don't want anything with lyrics and I just want

(53:10):
something in the background. I'll also listen. You know, it's
pretty cool and it's classical. John Williams, the composer. John
Williams did like Star Wars and Indiana Jones and pretty
much anything Steven Spielberg put together he was part of.
And a lot of that stuff is really cool to
listen to. So soundtracks are great. Yeah, it's pretty neat.

(53:34):
Craig in Cammell City formerly from St. Louis. How is
Karen Ka doing? How about that? We mentioned Karen earlier?
Could you add a few drops on the Ben Mallor show?
And as always, I am the original endorser of the
Ben Mallow Show. That is right Craig when he was
in St. Louis, as I Craig from St. Louis endors
to Ben Maller Show. Craig, Karen is doing well. I
haven't talked to her in a little while. I've tried

(53:55):
to book her on the podcast. Unfortunately, she's working a
radio gig when we record the podcast, so we've not
been able to work it out. And I've invited Karen
every year I've had the Christmas party. I've always invited
Karen to the party. Every year she's had something else
going on. She hasn't been able to attend. And we'll
bring the Christmas party back this year. I'm gonna invite
her again. Hopefully she'll show up. We love Karen. She's

(54:19):
great and she's she's doing pretty well. From from what
I understand, she's doing like news traffic, that kind of stuff.
Last I heard, I think she's doing some djaying as well,
So she's she's doing good. Uh. Cubs fan Mike from
Fort Wayne, Indiana says glad gas Can is back. Uh.
And I read this one. Ben is just jealous. He

(54:42):
wishes he lived west of A four oh five for
both of you. What is your dream car? Uh, I
don't have a dream car. I'm not like I drive
just a commuter car. I like comfort, though, I want
a car one of my favorite cars. It sounds so stupid, Uh,

(55:05):
Lincoln Continental. I had a rental car, a Lincoln Continental
years ago, and I sat on that seat and I
felt like I was on my sofa. It was like
I was driving on my sofa. It was so comfortable
for my ass. My god, was that comfortable and I
loved it. And I have not found a car and
I don't even know. That was an old model, gas

(55:25):
guzzling Lincoln Continental, but it was so comfortable. And I
want a lot of room and a lot of comfort.
I'm a big, long leg guy, kind of lengthy s
So yeah, what about you? Guess? Well, what about a
car that you would love to drive at least, like
there's gotta be a car out there. You're like, man,
I would love to drive that. Well, yeah, and I

(55:46):
don't want drive that fast, so I don't know, like
the speed thing, I don't know, like I go over
like ninety, I get little freaked out. What was your
car of choice? Guests? Typical meathead guy with like a
race car or something like that. No, I can't drive.
I can't drive fast cars because I drive naturally fast.
So it's just it's a bad it's a bad combination.

(56:08):
Speed racer. Yeah, that's like speed racer. Yeah, that's like
gasoline and in a match or a blowtorch. Um, I
don't know. Uh, I would love to. I don't know
if I would really drive it a whole lot, but
I would love to have on those old school James
Bond cars like the Ashton Martins. Yeah, but things are

(56:30):
pretty freaking dope. I course you would pick an expensive car.
Uh well, Lincoln town Car is expensive too. What about
a Tesla? You don't want drive a Tesla? Those are
moderately priced. I wouldn't mind driving one of those. Of course,
we have to be careful because if you get a
Tesla in California and you have a blackout, then how
you gonna charge your car? Well, it would have to blackout,
would have to last a long time. Yeah, well yeah,

(56:54):
a lot of things could happen. Scott says, I feel
your pain, Bent. I moved several times in my life
and it's absolutely miserable. Yes it is, Scott. Remember lift
with your legs, not your back. That the hardaway. Yeah.
I only had one incident where I didn't do that,
and that my lower back was fucked up for a
few hours. Kevin in Kansas says, Hey, Ben, I know

(57:15):
you don't have to rush to the studio very often.
But from your new mansion, have you already scoped out
and practice new driving routs or routes for when Gremlin's
might strike again? No, In fact, I will now be
geographically undesirable to make this city. I have moved so
far away that logistically, I don't think it would work. Unless,

(57:42):
let's put it this way, if the line, the broadcast
line went out Kevin an hour before the show, and
I was told it was going to be out, I
could make it within maybe the last couple of hours.
It's a long haul. It's a long haul, so if
it went out in our three by the time I
got to the studio, the show would be over. So

(58:04):
there's no point in me even bothering. So it really depends,
but I'm hoping we'll have This is a new setup,
it's a new studio, there's a new line. Obviously, these
things happen occasionally. There's nothing you can do about it,
but hopefully, uh, it will not happen. We'll get the
Adi Garcia show and I'll be on the phone. I'll
just do it on the phone. Well, how great will
that be? Phone? I'll be the guests. There'll be plenty

(58:26):
of shows here on the network that have had host
call and do their show from their phone. Phoning it in. Yeah,
literally and figuraly speaking, Uh, phoneing it in. Yes, a
lot of people going through the motions. Uh. Yeah. Shortcuts
lead to long delay, so I try to avoid to

(58:46):
avoid cutting corners as much as possible, saying Louis John
writes and says, reminds me of the line from the
Joker movie. They all laughed at me when I said
I wanted to be a comedian. Well, no one is
laughing now, you got that right, pal. He's talking about
Bryan Finley Mike in Vegas. Is which NFL team or
teams do you think will surprise us this year? By that,

(59:08):
I mean going from worst to first in their division,
making an unexpected playoff push, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. So he
wants this is like a hard oh sports question. We
don't normally do that on this show. We don't normally
go there. But if you were to say, going back
to last year, team that can make a dramatic move Chargers,

(59:29):
Well everyone's going to Chargers. That's cliche. It's a tough division.
I'm not as convinced that they've found the second coming
of Philip Rivers and Dan Fouts as everyone else. I
want to see more. I want to see more, But
the Charger went seven to night. I think another one,
which is a similar argument would be the Patriots. The
Patriots went seven and nine. That division to me is

(59:52):
wide open. I don't think Miami is a great team.
Buffalo was a great team last year, but now they
have expectations. Would you can't and they went six and
oh in the division? Are they gonna go six and
oh in the division? Again? You figured maybe they lose
one to Miami, one of the Patriots, so that becomes
four and two. So then they have to do the
same thing outside division. So just four and two in

(01:00:12):
the division, assuming they have the same non division record,
then that puts him at eleven. Oh. The math is
messed up now because it's the extra game, right, the
extra game fox it up. But anyway, the point is
they will not have the same I don't gonna go
a thirteen and four, and I just didn't see them
losing in New England. Though pages better defensively, better skilled players,

(01:00:36):
they were actually in the game. Remember that Cam Newton,
if I remember correctly the game in Buffalo, I believe
he funked up at the end. So he did against them,
he did against Denver Seattle in Yeah, so the Patriots
that that's a that's an easy we figured a beut
chick knows what he's doing. What about San Francisco. San
Francisco has decimated last year with injuries and they finished well.
Um do that division? The Rams are going to be

(01:00:58):
the team they were good last year. They'll be good
this you're dude, I think I think the Saints are
to fall off a cliff. Have they named their quartermall
have a name? N that's a bad sign. I hope
they fall off a cliff. I can't imagine Carolina being
with Sam Donald like, even if he's a little better.

(01:01:19):
I don't I just don't see that. I could see
Tampa going down a couple of pegs. Remember they were
pretty mediocre teams and then they took off the last
part of the regular season. People forget that. And any time,
any anytime Brady has a bad performance of like whoa,
you know they overlooking. But he had some games where
he was just kind of blah, people forget that. It's

(01:01:43):
like if you block it out, you remember the good stuff. Um,
so I guess I'm not giving you anything really good.
I mean the teams, I like, I could see Minnesota
rising up, but they were seven and nine. Also, like,
I don't see there's I don't Philadelphia. No, I'm not.
I don't buy Dallas. I'm sorry, I'm not there. Boy.
There's a lot of pressure on the Giants too. With

(01:02:03):
Daniel Jones. I think Washington the division. Yeah, but they
were seven and nine. Also, obviously I love the seven
and nine. I'm a fan. To answer your question, I'm
a fan of the seven and nine, but I'm I'm
down on the i'mbarrassed on the Niners. Are you bullish
on Denver? No, because I don't believe Drew Lock. Yeah.

(01:02:29):
I would go with Teddy Bridge or maybe they will
by the time Bridge. What was average? The problem with that?
You gotta have a great defense. You can get to
a super Bowl. It's very tough to win, because then
you need to get to that point. You then need
the auto out of body experience like the Ravens with
Joe Flacco had eleven touchdowns yea or or Nick Foles.

(01:02:53):
But if you don't get that, you have Rex Grossman
and Jared Goff who got to the super Bowl, but
then you needed them to perform and they weren't able
to do it. They were not able to get it done.
Couldn't get her done right, which is the the old
problem there. But I have no idea how long the mill?
But I've just kept going here. I have no idea.
How about one more than we'll put the baby bit?

(01:03:14):
How about that? All right? Joe from the r v
A Richmond, Virginia, says Ben. We keep hearing dire warnings
about the water supply out west. One prediction I heard
recently is that water will run out in and forty
million people will be migrating east for water. Are y'all

(01:03:36):
that concerned out there? Are you making plans to move
before the great migration? No? Uh, and I'm not, And
I'll tell you why. And this is gonna be an
unpopular opinion. All right, I'm what I'm about to do
here Gascon is give an unpopular opinion. And one of

(01:03:56):
the great scams of our time is the doomsday offices
from certain scientists. And it's one of the great scams.
And I am not anti science by any means. I
am not. I love that science has made life much
easier and much better for so many people. But I

(01:04:16):
also don't appreciate bullshit. I don't. And the science is
all about disagreement, right, and all that stuff, and you know,
follow the science. They said, that's a big thing. Now.
Science has been politicized recently. But one thing I learned
years ago, and I've said it a few times on

(01:04:39):
this podcast, is that the way scientists get a lot
of media attention and thus money is by being pessimistic. Right,
That gets attention because the way it works here, right,
to get attention from the political cla us in the media.

(01:05:01):
You know, they say, follow the you know, list of
the experts and all that do what they tell you
and all. But uh, there is science. But science consists
of people disagreeing, as I said, and there's so many
predictions that have been made that were repeatedly wrong. Didn't
AOC say that within ten years? She said, it's a

(01:05:22):
couple of years ago, like we're all it's all, we're
all doomed or something like that. It's not chick crazy.
I'm just using that as an example. Yeah, she is,
she's nuts, um, but what I've seen of her, I
don't know. You can look at the stuff here in
California when people talking, and I know that they do,
but they they really latch onto global warming and climate change. Yeah,

(01:05:43):
but the point I was making is that they went
back and looked at some of these experts predictions years ago.
They're all fucking wrong. Um, And nobody goes back and looks.
It's a perfect scamp. It's the perfect camp. If you
say something really pessimistic about how many people are going
to die, the media want to believe you. The politicians
it is better not believe you, because then they will

(01:06:03):
have blood on their hands. And so it's this revolving
cycle and no one ever calls goes back to wait
a minute, that was bullshit. You got wrong. And then
if they get it wrong, they said, well, it's because
because of the report we changed it. If it hadn't
been for me, you know, it will all be dead
right now. Like Neil Ferguson, in the UK with the
COVID nineteen deaths. Yeah, yeah, it's the same same concept,

(01:06:23):
like whatever you do. He's like, well, I see it
wasn't for you know, my my decision saved all these
lives with no way of actually verifying whether it did
or not. Like Gavin Newson's campaign right now, he says,
we are literally saving lives. Don't let Republicans push forward
with One of my favorite things is that in California
you bringing the mass back right, and there's there's scientific

(01:06:46):
proof that the mask don't really work the way the
way people use masks, like you know, a handkerchief or
a bandana, they don't actually work. People don't like to
hear that, but it's true. But people just keep wear
a mask. You do this, you know, but they don't
work the way people the way the rank and file,

(01:07:06):
the HOI POLOI wear a mask is useless. It's pointless.
And I remember I got I got some flak when
the mask mandate started. And I remember I was wearing
a mask and I was walking about outside and there
was a guy smoking and I smelled the tobacco of
the smoke. I'm like, if I'm smelling that, what other

(01:07:28):
crap is getting you know, you know what I mean,
And but they have they've actually done the research here
and again, Oh that's just that's politicians on the wrong side.
They don't know what they're talking about. Well, I don't
know if you know this, but if you if you
test positive for COVID nineteen, then you actually have the virus.
It's an accurate test. You can actually test positive up

(01:07:48):
to ten weeks after your initial diagnosis. I don't know
if you know that. And the reason why is because
when they do the nasal swabs, those microbes that you
got will stay in your system for a minimum of
two weeks, but they could stay in you for at
least ten ten more weeks after that. So when I've

(01:08:09):
I've talked to my doctor obviously about the testing, He's like, yeah,
don't be don't be scared or alarmed. But if you
test out positive with COVID nineteen, it could be in
your in your nasal, in your nasal cavity for up
to ten weeks. So it's possible that that happens. Um
I was like, so what happens? Like? Am I able
to go back to work? Like it's gonna show it positively, like, yeah,
after you know, after two weeks you're able to be

(01:08:30):
free of it. But yeah, I mean, if you're aware,
if you want to be actually like responsible and be
sincere about protecting yourself with COVID nineteen, you should be
wearing full ppe covering your eyes, your nose, your mouth,
and even realistically your ears because the microbes can get
into all those passages. So you know, I were a

(01:08:50):
D ninety five, but you get people wearing class you know,
these little you know, surgeon masks. It's just off, it's
all crap. Yeah, all right, well outstand, Well we'll put
the Baby to Be back on the radio from the
new studio deep in the north Woods. We look forward

(01:09:10):
to that tonight. Anything to promote guest gun anything at all. Um,
has your episode dropped of you on the Mallard Town podcast.
You did dropped last week, so listen to that. Um yeah, Twitter,
handle that, David ja Gascon. Let me get it up
to like respectable weight limit. I know it's not there,

(01:09:31):
but whatever. Yeah, I've kind of been treading water. I
lose a few, gain a few, mentioned politics, lose a
few and a few. You know that kind of Uh,
I have listened to you for years, but you said
something I don't agree with. So no, I can't thank
you don't need to send the email. I appreciate it,
I got it. I get it. You only want to
hear people that agree with everything you said. I understand. Okay,

(01:09:53):
So if we do mention that you said it yesterday
or the day before, if if there is a guest
that's within range, send it to the to the email
address and and we'll see if we could flag down
that person. Yeah. No, absolutely, And we have some I've
reached out to some big names. Uh and unfortunately I
have not not gotten much back here. I'm still waiting

(01:10:13):
to hear back on the latest, the latest one, the
shot in the dark. Um. So yeah, we'll see. But
usually it's a an interesting cycle getting the bigger names on.
They say, who have you had on? But they want
big names. But it's like we had with the late
round Popeel he didn't want to come on because we

(01:10:35):
didn't have a big enough names. But if he had
come on, then we would have been to get other
big names. And so it's a but I think we
have fine people. We had a great celebrity chef on
on Friday, Andrew, I was wonderful. Jorge a lot. I'm
gonna go to his pizza restaurant. Good. So anyway, have
a great rest of your Sunday. Sunday Sunday, and hopefully,
knock on wood, we will have a big Benny versus

(01:11:00):
the Penny announcement. But we need to speak this into existence,
guest gun, We need the Mallard Militia to promise that
whatever Benny versus the Penny looks like or sounds like whatever,
you will follow us to that position that point. More
on that coming up, and we have a great rest
your Sunday. We'll catch you then. Be sure to catch

(01:11:20):
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and
the I Heart Radio app