September 11, 2021 • 37 mins
No broken bones, no bruises, but but but...football is here and so comes the pain.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you've thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
(00:24):
starts right now on a Saturday. We are back at
it again. The podcast machine does not stop turning, does
not stop turning, eight days a week, eight days a week,
because four hours a night are not enough. Clearly not
in office. We are in the air everywhere from a
(00:47):
secret location in the north Woods. That's being the Saturday podcast,
and a lot a lot to get to and we
will get into it right now. Joined again from west
of the four oh five. David, Get little Hot, Little Hot,
(01:13):
Little Hot. I'm a little bummed out for this weekend's games.
I mean, obviously Week one for the NFL is here,
but Man college football on a Saturday, No, not a
not a consumer. Well, any game you bet on is
a good game, so you can always find something to
wage r. It'll spice it up a little bit. What's
Alabama got Mercy or Mercer High School. Well, I think
the teams that play Alabama have need the mercy rules.
(01:35):
What actually was there for Nick Saban the Clearinghouse. Uh,
I'm probably done talking college football on the on the
radio show because I know I did a several monologues
about college football, and the one I did about Brian
Kelly that actually that that did pretty well. But the
(01:59):
other stuff, yeah, that's not so good. You can't be
surprised though, with that ship right that people don't want
to hear it, or Brian Kelly, Oh the briant that
people don't know who old coaches are. Yeah, yeah, it's
it's disappointing. But you know, like John McCay's is really
(02:20):
before my time. But I remember when I was a kid,
we watched these NFL films documentaries and I remember Dick
Romo called him dial a quote, and like he had
so many amazing quotes John McKay, And he's been dead
for a long time and people forget about you and
life moves on. I get it. But that quote in particular,
(02:41):
when when he was asked the question what do you
think of your team's execution? Coach? And he replied, I'm
in favor of it. See the problem Brian Kelly didn't
get asked that question, what do you He didn't get
asked the same same question. But there were so many
wonderful John McKay quotes from back in the day. And
he remember when he said the kickers were like horse manure,
(03:04):
they're all over the plane and uh and uh what
was some of the other lines He said, we can't
win at home, we can't win on the road. What
we need is a neutral site. That was one of
the uh the ways there and uh, I mean it's
it's just all of those those zingers and one liners
(03:26):
um from back back in the day. And he he
talked about coaching the Bucks when they were an expansion
team and they had the pewter uniforms and the pirate
helmet thing and all that, and he said it was
a religious experience. He says, you do a lot of praying,
but most of the time the answers no, and uh
it was it was. And then the other one that
(03:48):
John McKay is lucky he didn't use this quote. Imagine
if John mckayd used this quote the Bucks ending you
know that he was asked about Tampa Bay ending its
twenty six game losing streak, and he said at the time,
his quote was three or four plane crashes and we're
in the playoffs. Remember that, so can you the pussy
(04:12):
willows on social media if they heard, uh notre dame
coach Brian Kelly say three or four plane crashes and
we're in the National Championship game. Oh man. That's the
problem though, right, because you have all these woke reporters
now that that virtue signal. But the bitch and moan
about a guy like Belichick who gives one or two
word answers, then of course then they're up in air,
(04:34):
up in arms. When you get Brian Kelly who just
throws something out there like that, you think you can't
cut it both ways. Yeah, and it sucks. Uh so,
but that that did pretty well the other models. I
did a monologue about the targeting rule that didn't really
connect about U C L A and the U s
U c l A L s U game from last weekend.
(04:55):
You have money on that, right, and uh I did,
I did all right. But but but the college football thing,
some people get upset. I know, below the Mason Dixon line.
We don't talk college football southern freight football on the
on the radio show. But typically the way the show works,
uh we yap yap lap lap, we talk mostly the
NFL because the show's wrapped around the NFL we were
(05:17):
guaranteed of having during the NFL regular season, there's game
every Thursday night. We're on Thursday to Friday, so we
do the post mortem on that, and then Sunday we
come in and there's reacting to the Sunday games and
that takes precedence over college football. And then Monday night
is another night. So then the only time we'd really
be able to talk college football is Tuesday. But by
(05:37):
then it's really old, so there has to be some
kind of scandal or some kind of really amazing story
that's got legs, which typically does not happen in college football.
So that's it gets lost in the sholf, is what happens.
It's a weird pivot for other guys because they will
tend to stay on it for like seventy two hours,
(06:00):
which is kind of we We've had guys that have
worked at the Fox Sports Radio over the years that
just loved college football and just would do it, and
they would lead with it and it even on like
an NFL Monday and it was very very odd. Yeah,
it was very odd. Does not resonate? Yeah, does not
does not resonate? I agree. So anyway, so that was
(06:22):
the the college football So you're dead until bowl season. Well, no,
I'll watch, you understand, Like, even though I don't talk
about it. I'll watch one or two big games. And
usually if U c l A is good at USC
is good, I I used to go to the USC
games for years and I even went to the u
c l A games, and so if they have a
good team and there's something going on there, I'll watch
(06:44):
that usually, and then I'll watch Alabama because Alabama's a machine.
And then I'll usually pick one or other one or
two other games and I'll kind of scan them. Um.
That's that's typically how that works on a college football weekend.
But Saturday is one of my my days of rest,
and so if if I have the the why she's
working on Saturdays, so I have a hall pass to
(07:04):
watch college football at least for the first couple of
months of the season. After that, usually she wants me
to do stuff with her, so I'll have to watch
on my phone, not that particular point. Now, do you
do anything special traditional wise for Week one of the NFL?
Maybe not the Thursday, but at least the Sunday or
Sunday night. Do you do a special pizza especially? You know,
I have that Fugais fasting thing that I usually do. Uh,
(07:28):
and Sunday has typically been a day that I fast
the last year, year and a half or something like that.
But I'll I'll make the rare and appropriate exception to
h to partake there. But I love making my own
red Zone channel, and you know, I got a million
different websites up with them from games. I came to
game and uh, I try to find the Siciliano of
(07:53):
feed of the red Zone, but it's easier to find
that other guy. What's the other guy's name? I get
to Oh, the one that just signed that the deal
right for five more years? Yeah, yeah they did. He
like the generic TV looking guy. Uh, I don't know
his name. He just looks like like a lot of
guys have this TV look to him. You know, they
(08:15):
got the good hair, you know, kind of part of
their Yeah, easy on the eyes, you know, they got
to look for the camera. Um, he's so you're trying
to say, Andrew Siciliano is not that. Look. No, I
love Andrew Andrews a radio guy, but he's able, he's
he's grandfathered in now he's been in television long enough
fathered in, so good for him. Dude doesn't age either.
(08:36):
He looks as young as hell. Yeah, we should get
him on the podcast. I have known Andrew. Andrew was
actually the guy that showed me around, taught me the
ropes at Fox Sports Radio when I started. He was
the one that trained me. How old is he? Uh
he was, he's around my age. He so, but he
had he had been hired before and so they had
he was. That was actually before he got I think
he hadn't been put on the Tony Bruno show yet.
(08:58):
He was just doing doing updates and stuff. And uh yeah,
he showed me, showed me the road. And not even
at the main studio which has been there twenty years.
We were the Michael Reagan Studio which was up on
the bank. No, no, it was on the floor right
across from the what used to be the Art Bell studio.
The Premier Networks, which is I guess now has become vacant.
(09:19):
I think George No, no, George Norris in that studio now,
and then the studio we used to be in is
now vacant because Fox Sports Radio when they needed to
shift us a couple of years ago, they shifted us
to the old studio, which is like nobody's in. So yeah,
nobody around here anywhere there's there's that. So just I
(09:40):
have only one nothing really happened eventful this week the
life of Mallard has some have called it here on
the Saturday podcast. There's only one thing that mildly I
feel is rises to the level the podcast no I
ever covered. My knee has recovered. I did have a
my my gambling buddy Unter came over and he asked
(10:03):
to see the corner of the desk. He had heard
the podcast. He said he wanted to see where the
actual injury happened. So I pointed out, uh, the and
I adn't even realized that it's actually it's not just
would there's a metal drawer that I had taken out
part of the drawer, and but there's a piece of metal.
So that's that's actually the thing that cut me was
the piece of metal, which I didn't even realize it
(10:24):
just looks like a piece of wood, but there's a
piece of metal lashed onto it. But there's no drawer there.
I took the drawer away anyway, so he came in
and asked. But the only thing that really popped up
here I had another lengthy fast. I had a almost
seventy hour fast, sixty nine hour fast. Not doing that
(10:44):
the brag, but at the end of it, I broke
it at the Costco food court. A lot of my
stories revolve around Costco, but a lot of time at Costco.
I spent more time when they had free samples, but
they had those briefly and now because of COVID, they
took those away. I have not seen samples in any
kind of quantity here recently, but something bizarre happened, so
I I ordered the traditional meal. I am a purist.
(11:07):
If you've heard me talk about Costco over the years
on the podcast of the radio show, I'm a purist.
I like the hot dog drink combo slice of pizza.
That is the authentic Costco food court experience, hot dog
drink which comes together and then slice of pizza. I
don't live in Canada. I know we've had some Canadian
listeners who have pointed out that they have chicken fingers
(11:29):
in Canada. I don't live in Canada, um, so I
don't have have chacken fingers. So anyway, this was This
was back on Tuesday and it was pretty busy. Went
there late in the afternoon, three o'clock, three thirty something
like that. I ordered my food and you can only
order at the kiosk at this costco you no human interaction.
(11:49):
You only order the chiosk. So all the seats were full.
It was that busy. They didn't have that many seats.
They've taken some of the seats away. So I ordered
the food. Then you have to go the way where's
you order you food, then to walk up to the
counter and hand your receipt to the person who gives
you food. So I get my pizza, I get my
hot dog, I get my drink, and as I'm walking over,
(12:12):
I see that there has been a seat that has
opened up, and so I went over. I sat down
and I put my drink down, I put my my
pizza down, and then I wanted to put some toppings
on my hot dog. So I then walked over to
the the container that I have with mustard, catchup and
all that stuff, and I want to get some some
(12:32):
stuff on the sausage. So I walked over there, and uh,
I wasn't I was there like maybe a minute, and
it doesn't take long to do that. And I had
turned my back for maybe thirty seconds, and much to
my amazement, in the time that I got up walked
over to put stuff on the hot dog and returned,
some interloper had sat down at my seat where I
(12:55):
had left the piece of pizza and the drink which
was not eating. Pizza was not eating it was just
I needed yet And uh, I'm still trying to figure
out how this schmuck what he was thinking. I mean,
I would never, like I've never do if I see
somebody putting, if anybody a piece of pizza down in
a drink, they're saving the seed or whatever. There there's
somebody's sitting there, and I'd never do that. Fresh pizza,
(13:19):
pie and a soda anyway. Uh, to me, that's a
sign that somebody sitting at the table. But so I
came over. I was pissed. I started huffing and puffing,
and and then I went back to the table and I, uh,
I sat down right across from the guy, and I
gave the guy like this death stare. I grunted. Then
(13:42):
I give a little side I and the guy had
this like puzzle look like what it was? What was
this yours? But but then at that moment when I
was about to engage, and I thought, I weighed the
pros and cons is it worth me getting in making
a scene here? And I looked around. There were a
lot of people. It was a busy time. And then
(14:02):
at that moment, two tables over, some guy was getting up.
So I did a cost benefit analysis and I determined
at that time it was not in my best interest
to make a hula balue. So I grabbed the hot dog,
the piece of pizza, and the drink and sprinted skidaddled
over to the table that was opened up. So I
(14:25):
I avoided confrontation. I figured it wasn't it wasn't gonna
be worth it to scream and shout at the guy
with the pizza so or the guy that that took
my my My sat my seat at the table because
he's a douche. Guy said, that guy's a douche, and
I moved on. Now, Uh, one thing, one thing, I
(14:48):
would like to do. One thing I would like to
do now is the Proper Palooza. This is a tradition
on the podcast. I used to do this on the
radio show, but since football season NFL season, really I
don't there was a game on Thursday, but it really
begins on Sunday, and this being Saturday. So I love
the exotic prop bets, and I thought this would be
(15:09):
the perfect spot for a bunch of exotic exotic bets,
and so we'll we'll do a few that A few
of these the first coach to be fired. These are
collected from random mostly off shore books. A lot of
these are from off shore books. Now, first coach to
be fired, Cliff Kingsbury is tied with Matt Naggy for
(15:34):
the third option at plus seven fifty. Mike McCarthy in
Dallas is plus seven hundred. Vic Fangio is actually the favorite.
Uncle Vic in Denver is at plus five hundred. Now
that the guy that should be at the very top
of this is not in the top three, and that
(15:55):
would be Zach Taylor of the Bengals, but he is
coming in at number five, actually number four on the
on the list. I guess whether there's a tie, so
is either four or five, depending on how you know it.
But Zach Taylor has been just useless. The Bengals are
a joke and they're expecting Joe Burrow to lead them
(16:18):
to some kind of competitive football and if they continue
to suck, you gotta get rid of him. But the
Bengals are an old school franchise there cheap, known not
to make in season moves, So good luck, right, I'm
who do you think the first coach is gonna get fired? Well,
(16:39):
the Broncos are pretty much run by a trust, so
I don't consider them a legitimate option. Jerry Jones has
been surprisingly pigheaded with coaches. If he wouldn't get rid
of the Clapper. If he fires McCarthy mid season, he
would be admitting that he totally screwed up. A name
(17:02):
that's on here, and I like this guy. He's been
very good the Gamblers over the years. Is Mike Zimmer
in Minnesota. The Vikings had a miserable exhibition season. They
were mediocre last year. I know Zimmer did get a
contract extension, but they've been local kind of just lulling around,
treading water in mediocrity. And if they have a rock
bottom season again, and Zimmer is a defensive coach and
(17:24):
their defense wasn't very good last year, and that they've
got issues. People are are out to get Kirk Cousins
because he's an anti vax guy and people are out
to him trying to tear him down. And there's a
lot of like weird stuff going around about the Vikes.
I would put Zimmer higher up. He's plus nine hundred.
Gruten's on here. I don't think that's why they're gonna happen.
(17:44):
He's got the forever contract. And then there's always the
wild card possibility of one of these dopes getting involved
in a scandal, whether it be personal, financial, criminal, and
then they were to the very top. But the three
coaches that are said to have the longest odds obvious
(18:06):
one Belichick, Tomlin. Uh No, Tomlin actually is in the
middle on this plus hundred. He's got the same odds
as Matt Rule, Caroline. Do you even yeah, Matt Rule
the Carolina coach there, So they have about I have
fired Mike Tomlin every other year for the last eight years.
(18:30):
I fired Mike Toms fired him last year. I did
fire him last year. I fired him three years Ago.
I think I fired him, Yeah, I fired him. He's
a good sound bite. But the Steelers have not They've
didn't been stuck in that we're a playoff team but
not really a real super Bowl threat type situation or
a number of you who did you say? What other
(18:52):
name were you mentioned? Uh? Sean Payton is plus twenty hundred.
He has these same odds as Sean McVeigh. Sean mcveigh's
not getting Ron Rivera. Sean McVeigh, Sean Payton all in
that group. John Harbaugh is in that group. Am I
missing something out of that division where people are are
(19:13):
expecting Dallas to just walk away with it? Well, that happens.
The Cowboys every year get hyped up. Jerry Jones is
the master hype man. So and the Cowboy fans are
always delusional anyway, I know. But this is like a
public favorite and so, but you have all them, you
have both networks Fox and ESPN at nauseum. I understand
that you know it's America's team or whatever, but it's
(19:35):
not even that like to me. It's first of all,
it's the fact they have stars and and and they
have a star in their helmet and Washington the team
that used to be called the Redskins. They have a
pretty good defense, but they don't have stars. There's no
you know, like, you can't really be a big star
on defense and on offense, we've got Ryan Fitzpatrick. You
(19:58):
nobody gets excited about Ryan fitzpat Trick as your quarterback.
You don't get fired up and said, that's the team
that's going to make the playoffs and that. But if
he could play marginal football, marginal football, they're winning that division. No,
I agree, And I think Washington is going to be
a similarly good team. I think they'll be better than
last year because the defense, well, it will be even
(20:20):
better as they continue to it's like a wine maturing.
Some of those younger guys keep getting more confidence and
get better, so they'll get better. But given the fact
that you have Fitzpatrick that is a schizophrenic at the
quarterback position, do you fear putting money on them? Well,
I wouldn't bet on like an overall win total on
Washington because Ryan Fitzpatrick will be the top. The same
(20:43):
thing happens every time he says he's really good for
four or five games. When that fitz magic thing happened,
in Tampa a couple of years ago, and he was
doing he came out dressed like Connor McGregor the news
conference and all that. It was great. And then like
a month later he was taking a ride on the
Vomit Comte and was it was terrible. So but it's
(21:04):
it's really by process of elimination in the NFC East,
because you figure Philadelphia is not even trying chance with
Nick Serriani, and then the Giants are in this weird
spot where they are seemingly trying and Joe Judge is
one of those guys that seems like the kind of
guy that you would pull for, like in theory. But
they have Daniel Jones who sucks and s Kwon Barkley
(21:27):
is questionable now from here on out. Yeah, well he's
a running back and so he's always uh game time
decision week after we anyway. So that's those are the
odds of the first coach to be fired. Let's see
most new quarterback passing yards Week one, Stafford. Stafford is
actually second. Jamis Winston is the favorite at plus two
(21:50):
fifth against the Green Bay Packers. I would not bet
on Winsteon for two reasons. Number One, if you look
at the samet depth depth. They don't have Michael Thomas.
He's not gonna play for the first month or so
of the season, at least it would seem. And the
wide receivers don't have the wild factor. Now Alvin Kamara
(22:11):
will get you a lot of yards after the catch,
and Winston has a bazooka. The Packers defensively aren't horrific
right there. They've got a decent defense in Green Bay.
Stafford Ryan Fitzpatrick actually is the third option among the
quarterbacks that changed teams. The lowest option is obviously Andy Dalton.
(22:37):
I would put Dalton the head of Tyrod Taylor because
he sinks and and he's gonna be well. Fuller's out,
he's out for a game with a suspension, So they
have nobody there. Their win totals four and I don't
know how it hits four. The Texans, Yeah, this is
this is a tough game to start because he's that's
(22:59):
a winnable game. On Sunday, Texans and Jags. I like
Jacksonville in the game, as we talked about on Benny
versus the Penny. I like Jacksonville. I think Urban will
be okay, and the Texans are a bad team, and
I don't Trevor Lawrence. I think we'll get off to
a decent start, and all you need is decent to
(23:20):
beat the Texans. But that is a messed up situation.
Which rookie quarterback will have the most passing yards week?
One of the three top hot shot rookie quarterbacks starting
Trevor Lawrence, Mac mac Jones, Zack Wilson. Lawrence is the
favorite at plus one Jacksonville's. I think they got a
(23:41):
pretty good running game going there. At least it got
some some value in the running game. I I would
take a flyer with Zax Sison. I would be very
surprised if mac Jones does does much gaudy in the
passing year. I think Belichick is gonna gonna dumb down
the play book a lot of running. The Patriots gonna
(24:01):
be more of a running team here in the Max
gonna need a lot of yak a lot of yards
after catching the Patriots, even though they're better at the
white opposition, I do not see a lot of yakty
yak for for those guys like Jack Wilson. Yeah, I mean,
just because you figured they're gonna be trailing anyway, I
(24:22):
don't know about that. They're playing Carolina. Carolina is to
meet Carolina is not that good, and they have Sam Donald.
So the count. The counter argument that is that Sam
Donald is good for one or two mistakes that in
that short yardage turnovers and so you're not gonna have
a long field to rack up the passing yards. Al right,
first player to miss a game due to COVID nineteen protocols.
(24:47):
So this is not getting COVID. This is violating the protocol.
So this means you're unvaccinated. Lamar Jackson is the favorite
at plus four hundred, Cole Beasley at plus five, Kirk
Cousins at plus five seventy five, Adam Feeling. I guess
he's not vaccident. I don't know. I don't really obsess
with that, but some people do. Plus six hundred, DeAndre
(25:09):
Hopkins plus six, Joe Mixon at plus six fifty. What
you should do, Gascon is put together an unvaxed fantasy team.
There's enough guys that you could have. Feeling Hopkins, Now,
which quarterback Joe Mixon will be your running back? Alan
(25:30):
Rob You're gonna have naj Harris though, Naga Harris then
Christian McCaffrey's not vaccinated. Apparently he's on the list. So
what defense? Then that's a good question. San Francisco, who's
oh yeah, because Abosa? Is he not? Maybe? Is he
not vaccident? I don't know who. I really don't keep
track of it. I don't really care whether your vaccinating
or not. So wh who are the people that are
(25:53):
not vaccinated? On defense? I know the offensive guys because
the media about them. Maybe Tennessee. Did Tennessee have like
seven guys or nine guys that were out including Rabel?
Yeah he had it, but I think he was vaccinated,
thank you. I'd have to do some more research on that.
(26:14):
But there's some good white outs. You could have DeAndre Hopkins,
Allen Robinson and feeling uh and Cole Beasley you know
he's not that good, but DeAndre Hopkins feeling just right there,
Matt McCaffrey in the backfield, and Lamar Jackson. You're gonna win,
You're gonna win. The unvaxed team will beat the vax team.
I need an unvaxed kicker and good look on that.
(26:37):
I don't no the kickers. How many kickers could you name?
Are these in da Hoss brothers ayans manus default even
my def Minitary's gone for twenty something years. It was
Adam Vinitary and then it was the guy that replaced
Vinitary who was also gone. The guy was with the
Tennessee Titans last year. It was a guy's name Ryan
(26:59):
suck Up. No, no, no, not suck Up. There was
the other guy that was the old Patriot kicker that
whom are the type of Gostkowski? Yeah, Stephen Gaskowski. I
think he's out of the NFL. Now. Think they do
my my Kicker depth chart. Make it do Chicago's defense
the Bears. Yeah, maybe they don't seem like a lot
of guys that will be faxed. Uh. Yeah, it's some
(27:23):
name name players there that reminds me since Week one
is already here. Who won? Um? Who won the U
the infamous yearly um? Uh? Fantasy Pool with you guys.
I believe Eddie one. Oh, I don't know. I think
(27:44):
Coop has to. Maybe he crunched the numbers and I forgot,
But I think I think Eddie. Eddie had like a
rash of guys that got got in trouble with the
law and I'm I'm done. Handicap and that every year.
I spent hours handicapping it and what's the point. What's
the point? As Dick Stockton taught us, he taught me
(28:04):
and I passed it on. Is it that to tell
you what has happened, not what's going to happen? It's
one of the great lines ever. Have you stolen that
as your own? No? No, you know what it said.
Fortunate no one's picked up on that bit nashally though,
because there's got to be some virtue signaling reporter that
has to be appalled by that segment that yeah, yeah, yeah,
(28:27):
we we we get told every once in a while. Well,
as soon as the uh, the lunar tune, luny tunes,
you start obsessing about this, we'll have to cancel the segment.
I had a producer I will not reveal the prucer's
name that made us stop doing one of my favorite
bits on the show during NASCAR, which lap will Dana
erect and we would pick like five random laps during
(28:53):
the course of a NASCAR race and inevitably we we
would get very close or have a winner every week.
It was very rare that danikad finished the race and
a producer I had back in the day that said, hey,
you can't do that because she she could die in
one of these recks, and then if she dies, they're
(29:14):
gonna go back and say it was what lap will
she reckon? You know? I was like, come on, yeah,
and Fox obviously has a good partnership with NASCAR, so
that's really good. So who came up with that idea?
Was that yours? That was I think it was a
It was my idea. I was inspired by a listener
(29:35):
if I remember correct. Uh, and we went We went
with that, all right. Moving on a few other proper puloosers.
Here we have will a team fourfeited game to COVID No.
No's minus five thousand. Yes is plus one thousand. That
implies a nine point one percent chance. Will DeShawn Watson
be active for a game this year? Yes? Is plus
(29:59):
one fifty That implies at chance, I don't think he
will be. I'm gonna go with no, which is minus
two hundred minus two hundred on that. How many players
will be suspended during the regular season over under four
that's close, that's right around where it usually is. I'll
(30:20):
go I'll go under to be different. How many NFL
players will be arrested during the regular season. I'm gonna
go under under minus my unders five five point five.
Take the under, which will be higher. Los Angeles team wins, Rams,
Chargers or New York based teams. They're they're talking to
(30:40):
New York City here, so that even though they play
in New Jersey. The Giants and the Jets, well, that's oh,
I think they might. Yeah, maybe they have the bills
in there all that they have to write. Nobody would Yeah,
so you figured the Bills are gonna be good for
ten or eleven. At least the Jets and Giants combine
might win seven seventeen games, so maybe they win seven
(31:01):
or eight. So if the Bills win ten, I'm taking
the Alants Rams. The Rams is like a twelve and
five type. Yeah. I think the Charges are winning ten,
Charges winning ten, so that will put them at the twenty. Yeah,
it seems it seems about right. Uh. Super Bowl champion
(31:22):
will come from rich Which state a red state or
a blue state? It's tough for you. Why is that?
Because I have the blue state the blue state. Here's
the question, though, what's that if a recall goes through
here in a couple of days, it becomes a red
does become a red state, well, the governor becomes here.
(31:44):
But Florida, I believe it or not, is the favorite.
That's just because if they have the most teams, well,
they have Tampa Dolphins or Jacksonville is going to Tampa.
California second, Rams, Chargers and Niners. Third is Missouri with
the Chiefs. Maryland they have two teams. They have the
Washington football team and the Ravens. The state with the
(32:08):
worst odds should be easy. I'm gonna say Las Vegas. Uh,
that's that's a city. Uh No, it's Michigan Giants plus
fifteen thousand, Carolina North Carolina at plus eight thousands tied,
same odds with Georgia or the I don't know, same
(32:28):
ads with the Nevada. Rather, the Raiders are plus eight thousand.
Georgia with the Falcons is plus seventy. Illinois plus sixty
six hundred, So that those are some of the odds.
I like California. I actually do like the Chargers, Rams
and the fort but all l A super Bowl in
(32:49):
l A, Chargers Rams in Los Angeles, well in Inglewood
in the hood. Now can you imagine the uniform combination too?
For that m M would be good. That's the first
team to lose. First team to lose a Buccaneers or
the Chiefs. I have to look at the schedule on
this one. I've not looked at the I would assume
(33:09):
the Chiefs have a tougher schedule because they are minus
one fifty and the Buccaneers are plus one ten on
that first team to win, Lions or Texans. Detroit Texans
are minus one fifty yea because people think they got
shot against. At least golf can win you a game,
(33:31):
right like golf can get you one. Last undefeated team,
last undefeated team. This is a surprise. It's it's not
Tampa Bay second at plus sixty six fifty. The forty Niners.
The forty Niners are the They have the the top
outs at plus six hundred. Wow in that Division two.
(33:54):
That's interesting. Yeah, So let's go to the schedule here
and see they must play the hostess schedule to start
the year. The Forts a regular season schedule. No, it's not.
They played the Lions and the Eagles the first two weeks,
so that those should be gimmis. Although I like the
(34:15):
Lions is a sneaky good underdog play I don't think
the Niners should be favored by that much over the Lions.
And then they play Green Bay at home Seattle little so,
I don't know why the forty Niners are the top
choice on that and decimated last year because of injuries though,
my Manya, and that was last year, my man, and
it's a brand new year. I think they'll be good
(34:36):
this year. I think that's an eleven win football team,
the Niners. I don't. I don't know. They'll end up
having the usual injuries. They don't have the depth. Hell,
their secondary doesn't have any depth. They brought in Josh Norman.
A bad sign when a week before the season you're
bringing in Josh Norman, who's has been good in six years.
Tell you what I'm I'm just licking my chops to
(34:58):
see Kyler Murray run wild this reason here he could
have a monster, little Kyler. He's gonna have a great
here under the Is it gonna be the same thing?
You're gonna text me every time he has a good game,
and then he doesn't have a good game, your phone
will be shut off and be on airplane mode? Is
that how this is gonna work? My photo is so
(35:18):
bad my airplane mode does not even work. No, really,
you don't have airplane mode. Yeah, when you put it on,
it's still I still get calls and text messages. It's awful.
I got you, I got you. There's a bunch of
other props and we don't need to get in like that.
Those are the good ones. Those are the juicy ones.
I love the exotic props. Yes, and it's a tradition,
(35:38):
yet another Mallard proper palooza on this the Fifth Hour podcast.
And we'll have the mail bag on Sunday, Sunday Sunday,
and we'll put the baby to bed. If you missed
the Friday podcast, Ah, if it goes without saying, you
better listen. And this is that was a rare get
on the Friday podcast. Yeah, you'll know what I mean
(36:01):
when you go back and and download the Friday podcast.
But anyway, I have a great rest of your Saturday
niting and remote guest Twitter handals. Uh. Yeah, if you
have Ben Mallor on Twitter and you're if you haven't,
If you haven't dvyard episode one of season three of
The American Crime Story, go ahead and do that. Yeah.
(36:21):
I had had people point out they saw you had
some emails saying, hey, I saw a guest on The Disheveled,
so you there were people watching the show? How did
the show? Do? Do you know? How the show? Do
you know? It's weird. The two reporters that you mentioned,
both of them I think got cut out or no,
one of the two got cut out. Oh and the
other one only had one line. It was interesting. I
don't know. I didn't watch it. Come on, you watch
(36:43):
did it? Why would you not watch? Because I don't
want I don't want to watch myself. You don't listen
to yourself after the show's over, do you? No? But
you you don't have to listen. You could like turn
you could have the TV on and have the sound down.
Yeah you do that? Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway, Uh, listen,
have a great rest of your Saturday. Will be back
on Sunday with a big mail bag and we will
(37:05):
catch you then.
Ka boom. If you've thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
(00:24):
starts right now on a Saturday. We are back at
it again. The podcast machine does not stop turning, does
not stop turning, eight days a week, eight days a week,
because four hours a night are not enough. Clearly not
in office. We are in the air everywhere from a
(00:47):
secret location in the north Woods. That's being the Saturday podcast,
and a lot a lot to get to and we
will get into it right now. Joined again from west
of the four oh five. David, Get little Hot, Little Hot,
(01:13):
Little Hot. I'm a little bummed out for this weekend's games.
I mean, obviously Week one for the NFL is here,
but Man college football on a Saturday, No, not a
not a consumer. Well, any game you bet on is
a good game, so you can always find something to
wage r. It'll spice it up a little bit. What's
Alabama got Mercy or Mercer High School. Well, I think
the teams that play Alabama have need the mercy rules.
(01:35):
What actually was there for Nick Saban the Clearinghouse. Uh,
I'm probably done talking college football on the on the
radio show because I know I did a several monologues
about college football, and the one I did about Brian
Kelly that actually that that did pretty well. But the
(01:59):
other stuff, yeah, that's not so good. You can't be
surprised though, with that ship right that people don't want
to hear it, or Brian Kelly, Oh the briant that
people don't know who old coaches are. Yeah, yeah, it's
it's disappointing. But you know, like John McCay's is really
(02:20):
before my time. But I remember when I was a kid,
we watched these NFL films documentaries and I remember Dick
Romo called him dial a quote, and like he had
so many amazing quotes John McKay, And he's been dead
for a long time and people forget about you and
life moves on. I get it. But that quote in particular,
(02:41):
when when he was asked the question what do you
think of your team's execution? Coach? And he replied, I'm
in favor of it. See the problem Brian Kelly didn't
get asked that question, what do you He didn't get
asked the same same question. But there were so many
wonderful John McKay quotes from back in the day. And
he remember when he said the kickers were like horse manure,
(03:04):
they're all over the plane and uh and uh what
was some of the other lines He said, we can't
win at home, we can't win on the road. What
we need is a neutral site. That was one of
the uh the ways there and uh, I mean it's
it's just all of those those zingers and one liners
(03:26):
um from back back in the day. And he he
talked about coaching the Bucks when they were an expansion
team and they had the pewter uniforms and the pirate
helmet thing and all that, and he said it was
a religious experience. He says, you do a lot of praying,
but most of the time the answers no, and uh
it was it was. And then the other one that
(03:48):
John McKay is lucky he didn't use this quote. Imagine
if John mckayd used this quote the Bucks ending you
know that he was asked about Tampa Bay ending its
twenty six game losing streak, and he said at the time,
his quote was three or four plane crashes and we're
in the playoffs. Remember that, so can you the pussy
(04:12):
willows on social media if they heard, uh notre dame
coach Brian Kelly say three or four plane crashes and
we're in the National Championship game. Oh man. That's the
problem though, right, because you have all these woke reporters
now that that virtue signal. But the bitch and moan
about a guy like Belichick who gives one or two
word answers, then of course then they're up in air,
(04:34):
up in arms. When you get Brian Kelly who just
throws something out there like that, you think you can't
cut it both ways. Yeah, and it sucks. Uh so,
but that that did pretty well the other models. I
did a monologue about the targeting rule that didn't really
connect about U C L A and the U s
U c l A L s U game from last weekend.
(04:55):
You have money on that, right, and uh I did,
I did all right. But but but the college football thing,
some people get upset. I know, below the Mason Dixon line.
We don't talk college football southern freight football on the
on the radio show. But typically the way the show works,
uh we yap yap lap lap, we talk mostly the
NFL because the show's wrapped around the NFL we were
(05:17):
guaranteed of having during the NFL regular season, there's game
every Thursday night. We're on Thursday to Friday, so we
do the post mortem on that, and then Sunday we
come in and there's reacting to the Sunday games and
that takes precedence over college football. And then Monday night
is another night. So then the only time we'd really
be able to talk college football is Tuesday. But by
(05:37):
then it's really old, so there has to be some
kind of scandal or some kind of really amazing story
that's got legs, which typically does not happen in college football.
So that's it gets lost in the sholf, is what happens.
It's a weird pivot for other guys because they will
tend to stay on it for like seventy two hours,
(06:00):
which is kind of we We've had guys that have
worked at the Fox Sports Radio over the years that
just loved college football and just would do it, and
they would lead with it and it even on like
an NFL Monday and it was very very odd. Yeah,
it was very odd. Does not resonate? Yeah, does not
does not resonate? I agree. So anyway, so that was
(06:22):
the the college football So you're dead until bowl season. Well, no,
I'll watch, you understand, Like, even though I don't talk
about it. I'll watch one or two big games. And
usually if U c l A is good at USC
is good, I I used to go to the USC
games for years and I even went to the u
c l A games, and so if they have a
good team and there's something going on there, I'll watch
(06:44):
that usually, and then I'll watch Alabama because Alabama's a machine.
And then I'll usually pick one or other one or
two other games and I'll kind of scan them. Um.
That's that's typically how that works on a college football weekend.
But Saturday is one of my my days of rest,
and so if if I have the the why she's
working on Saturdays, so I have a hall pass to
(07:04):
watch college football at least for the first couple of
months of the season. After that, usually she wants me
to do stuff with her, so I'll have to watch
on my phone, not that particular point. Now, do you
do anything special traditional wise for Week one of the NFL?
Maybe not the Thursday, but at least the Sunday or
Sunday night. Do you do a special pizza especially? You know,
I have that Fugais fasting thing that I usually do. Uh,
(07:28):
and Sunday has typically been a day that I fast
the last year, year and a half or something like that.
But I'll I'll make the rare and appropriate exception to
h to partake there. But I love making my own
red Zone channel, and you know, I got a million
different websites up with them from games. I came to
game and uh, I try to find the Siciliano of
(07:53):
feed of the red Zone, but it's easier to find
that other guy. What's the other guy's name? I get
to Oh, the one that just signed that the deal
right for five more years? Yeah, yeah they did. He
like the generic TV looking guy. Uh, I don't know
his name. He just looks like like a lot of
guys have this TV look to him. You know, they
(08:15):
got the good hair, you know, kind of part of
their Yeah, easy on the eyes, you know, they got
to look for the camera. Um, he's so you're trying
to say, Andrew Siciliano is not that. Look. No, I
love Andrew Andrews a radio guy, but he's able, he's
he's grandfathered in now he's been in television long enough
fathered in, so good for him. Dude doesn't age either.
(08:36):
He looks as young as hell. Yeah, we should get
him on the podcast. I have known Andrew. Andrew was
actually the guy that showed me around, taught me the
ropes at Fox Sports Radio when I started. He was
the one that trained me. How old is he? Uh
he was, he's around my age. He so, but he
had he had been hired before and so they had
he was. That was actually before he got I think
he hadn't been put on the Tony Bruno show yet.
(08:58):
He was just doing doing updates and stuff. And uh yeah,
he showed me, showed me the road. And not even
at the main studio which has been there twenty years.
We were the Michael Reagan Studio which was up on
the bank. No, no, it was on the floor right
across from the what used to be the Art Bell studio.
The Premier Networks, which is I guess now has become vacant.
(09:19):
I think George No, no, George Norris in that studio now,
and then the studio we used to be in is
now vacant because Fox Sports Radio when they needed to
shift us a couple of years ago, they shifted us
to the old studio, which is like nobody's in. So yeah,
nobody around here anywhere there's there's that. So just I
(09:40):
have only one nothing really happened eventful this week the
life of Mallard has some have called it here on
the Saturday podcast. There's only one thing that mildly I
feel is rises to the level the podcast no I
ever covered. My knee has recovered. I did have a
my my gambling buddy Unter came over and he asked
(10:03):
to see the corner of the desk. He had heard
the podcast. He said he wanted to see where the
actual injury happened. So I pointed out, uh, the and
I adn't even realized that it's actually it's not just
would there's a metal drawer that I had taken out
part of the drawer, and but there's a piece of metal.
So that's that's actually the thing that cut me was
the piece of metal, which I didn't even realize it
(10:24):
just looks like a piece of wood, but there's a
piece of metal lashed onto it. But there's no drawer there.
I took the drawer away anyway, so he came in
and asked. But the only thing that really popped up
here I had another lengthy fast. I had a almost
seventy hour fast, sixty nine hour fast. Not doing that
(10:44):
the brag, but at the end of it, I broke
it at the Costco food court. A lot of my
stories revolve around Costco, but a lot of time at Costco.
I spent more time when they had free samples, but
they had those briefly and now because of COVID, they
took those away. I have not seen samples in any
kind of quantity here recently, but something bizarre happened, so
I I ordered the traditional meal. I am a purist.
(11:07):
If you've heard me talk about Costco over the years
on the podcast of the radio show, I'm a purist.
I like the hot dog drink combo slice of pizza.
That is the authentic Costco food court experience, hot dog
drink which comes together and then slice of pizza. I
don't live in Canada. I know we've had some Canadian
listeners who have pointed out that they have chicken fingers
(11:29):
in Canada. I don't live in Canada, um, so I
don't have have chacken fingers. So anyway, this was This
was back on Tuesday and it was pretty busy. Went
there late in the afternoon, three o'clock, three thirty something
like that. I ordered my food and you can only
order at the kiosk at this costco you no human interaction.
(11:49):
You only order the chiosk. So all the seats were full.
It was that busy. They didn't have that many seats.
They've taken some of the seats away. So I ordered
the food. Then you have to go the way where's
you order you food, then to walk up to the
counter and hand your receipt to the person who gives
you food. So I get my pizza, I get my
hot dog, I get my drink, and as I'm walking over,
(12:12):
I see that there has been a seat that has
opened up, and so I went over. I sat down
and I put my drink down, I put my my
pizza down, and then I wanted to put some toppings
on my hot dog. So I then walked over to
the the container that I have with mustard, catchup and
all that stuff, and I want to get some some
(12:32):
stuff on the sausage. So I walked over there, and uh,
I wasn't I was there like maybe a minute, and
it doesn't take long to do that. And I had
turned my back for maybe thirty seconds, and much to
my amazement, in the time that I got up walked
over to put stuff on the hot dog and returned,
some interloper had sat down at my seat where I
(12:55):
had left the piece of pizza and the drink which
was not eating. Pizza was not eating it was just
I needed yet And uh, I'm still trying to figure
out how this schmuck what he was thinking. I mean,
I would never, like I've never do if I see
somebody putting, if anybody a piece of pizza down in
a drink, they're saving the seed or whatever. There there's
somebody's sitting there, and I'd never do that. Fresh pizza,
(13:19):
pie and a soda anyway. Uh, to me, that's a
sign that somebody sitting at the table. But so I
came over. I was pissed. I started huffing and puffing,
and and then I went back to the table and I, uh,
I sat down right across from the guy, and I
gave the guy like this death stare. I grunted. Then
(13:42):
I give a little side I and the guy had
this like puzzle look like what it was? What was
this yours? But but then at that moment when I
was about to engage, and I thought, I weighed the
pros and cons is it worth me getting in making
a scene here? And I looked around. There were a
lot of people. It was a busy time. And then
(14:02):
at that moment, two tables over, some guy was getting up.
So I did a cost benefit analysis and I determined
at that time it was not in my best interest
to make a hula balue. So I grabbed the hot dog,
the piece of pizza, and the drink and sprinted skidaddled
over to the table that was opened up. So I
(14:25):
I avoided confrontation. I figured it wasn't it wasn't gonna
be worth it to scream and shout at the guy
with the pizza so or the guy that that took
my my My sat my seat at the table because
he's a douche. Guy said, that guy's a douche, and
I moved on. Now, Uh, one thing, one thing, I
(14:48):
would like to do. One thing I would like to
do now is the Proper Palooza. This is a tradition
on the podcast. I used to do this on the
radio show, but since football season NFL season, really I
don't there was a game on Thursday, but it really
begins on Sunday, and this being Saturday. So I love
the exotic prop bets, and I thought this would be
(15:09):
the perfect spot for a bunch of exotic exotic bets,
and so we'll we'll do a few that A few
of these the first coach to be fired. These are
collected from random mostly off shore books. A lot of
these are from off shore books. Now, first coach to
be fired, Cliff Kingsbury is tied with Matt Naggy for
(15:34):
the third option at plus seven fifty. Mike McCarthy in
Dallas is plus seven hundred. Vic Fangio is actually the favorite.
Uncle Vic in Denver is at plus five hundred. Now
that the guy that should be at the very top
of this is not in the top three, and that
(15:55):
would be Zach Taylor of the Bengals, but he is
coming in at number five, actually number four on the
on the list. I guess whether there's a tie, so
is either four or five, depending on how you know it.
But Zach Taylor has been just useless. The Bengals are
a joke and they're expecting Joe Burrow to lead them
(16:18):
to some kind of competitive football and if they continue
to suck, you gotta get rid of him. But the
Bengals are an old school franchise there cheap, known not
to make in season moves, So good luck, right, I'm
who do you think the first coach is gonna get fired? Well,
(16:39):
the Broncos are pretty much run by a trust, so
I don't consider them a legitimate option. Jerry Jones has
been surprisingly pigheaded with coaches. If he wouldn't get rid
of the Clapper. If he fires McCarthy mid season, he
would be admitting that he totally screwed up. A name
(17:02):
that's on here, and I like this guy. He's been
very good the Gamblers over the years. Is Mike Zimmer
in Minnesota. The Vikings had a miserable exhibition season. They
were mediocre last year. I know Zimmer did get a
contract extension, but they've been local kind of just lulling around,
treading water in mediocrity. And if they have a rock
bottom season again, and Zimmer is a defensive coach and
(17:24):
their defense wasn't very good last year, and that they've
got issues. People are are out to get Kirk Cousins
because he's an anti vax guy and people are out
to him trying to tear him down. And there's a
lot of like weird stuff going around about the Vikes.
I would put Zimmer higher up. He's plus nine hundred.
Gruten's on here. I don't think that's why they're gonna happen.
(17:44):
He's got the forever contract. And then there's always the
wild card possibility of one of these dopes getting involved
in a scandal, whether it be personal, financial, criminal, and
then they were to the very top. But the three
coaches that are said to have the longest odds obvious
(18:06):
one Belichick, Tomlin. Uh No, Tomlin actually is in the
middle on this plus hundred. He's got the same odds
as Matt Rule, Caroline. Do you even yeah, Matt Rule
the Carolina coach there, So they have about I have
fired Mike Tomlin every other year for the last eight years.
(18:30):
I fired Mike Toms fired him last year. I did
fire him last year. I fired him three years Ago.
I think I fired him, Yeah, I fired him. He's
a good sound bite. But the Steelers have not They've
didn't been stuck in that we're a playoff team but
not really a real super Bowl threat type situation or
a number of you who did you say? What other
(18:52):
name were you mentioned? Uh? Sean Payton is plus twenty hundred.
He has these same odds as Sean McVeigh. Sean mcveigh's
not getting Ron Rivera. Sean McVeigh, Sean Payton all in
that group. John Harbaugh is in that group. Am I
missing something out of that division where people are are
(19:13):
expecting Dallas to just walk away with it? Well, that happens.
The Cowboys every year get hyped up. Jerry Jones is
the master hype man. So and the Cowboy fans are
always delusional anyway, I know. But this is like a
public favorite and so, but you have all them, you
have both networks Fox and ESPN at nauseum. I understand
that you know it's America's team or whatever, but it's
(19:35):
not even that like to me. It's first of all,
it's the fact they have stars and and and they
have a star in their helmet and Washington the team
that used to be called the Redskins. They have a
pretty good defense, but they don't have stars. There's no
you know, like, you can't really be a big star
on defense and on offense, we've got Ryan Fitzpatrick. You
(19:58):
nobody gets excited about Ryan fitzpat Trick as your quarterback.
You don't get fired up and said, that's the team
that's going to make the playoffs and that. But if
he could play marginal football, marginal football, they're winning that division. No,
I agree, And I think Washington is going to be
a similarly good team. I think they'll be better than
last year because the defense, well, it will be even
(20:20):
better as they continue to it's like a wine maturing.
Some of those younger guys keep getting more confidence and
get better, so they'll get better. But given the fact
that you have Fitzpatrick that is a schizophrenic at the
quarterback position, do you fear putting money on them? Well,
I wouldn't bet on like an overall win total on
Washington because Ryan Fitzpatrick will be the top. The same
(20:43):
thing happens every time he says he's really good for
four or five games. When that fitz magic thing happened,
in Tampa a couple of years ago, and he was
doing he came out dressed like Connor McGregor the news
conference and all that. It was great. And then like
a month later he was taking a ride on the
Vomit Comte and was it was terrible. So but it's
(21:04):
it's really by process of elimination in the NFC East,
because you figure Philadelphia is not even trying chance with
Nick Serriani, and then the Giants are in this weird
spot where they are seemingly trying and Joe Judge is
one of those guys that seems like the kind of
guy that you would pull for, like in theory. But
they have Daniel Jones who sucks and s Kwon Barkley
(21:27):
is questionable now from here on out. Yeah, well he's
a running back and so he's always uh game time
decision week after we anyway. So that's those are the
odds of the first coach to be fired. Let's see
most new quarterback passing yards Week one, Stafford. Stafford is
actually second. Jamis Winston is the favorite at plus two
(21:50):
fifth against the Green Bay Packers. I would not bet
on Winsteon for two reasons. Number One, if you look
at the samet depth depth. They don't have Michael Thomas.
He's not gonna play for the first month or so
of the season, at least it would seem. And the
wide receivers don't have the wild factor. Now Alvin Kamara
(22:11):
will get you a lot of yards after the catch,
and Winston has a bazooka. The Packers defensively aren't horrific
right there. They've got a decent defense in Green Bay.
Stafford Ryan Fitzpatrick actually is the third option among the
quarterbacks that changed teams. The lowest option is obviously Andy Dalton.
(22:37):
I would put Dalton the head of Tyrod Taylor because
he sinks and and he's gonna be well. Fuller's out,
he's out for a game with a suspension, So they
have nobody there. Their win totals four and I don't
know how it hits four. The Texans, Yeah, this is
this is a tough game to start because he's that's
(22:59):
a winnable game. On Sunday, Texans and Jags. I like
Jacksonville in the game, as we talked about on Benny
versus the Penny. I like Jacksonville. I think Urban will
be okay, and the Texans are a bad team, and
I don't Trevor Lawrence. I think we'll get off to
a decent start, and all you need is decent to
(23:20):
beat the Texans. But that is a messed up situation.
Which rookie quarterback will have the most passing yards week?
One of the three top hot shot rookie quarterbacks starting
Trevor Lawrence, Mac mac Jones, Zack Wilson. Lawrence is the
favorite at plus one Jacksonville's. I think they got a
(23:41):
pretty good running game going there. At least it got
some some value in the running game. I I would
take a flyer with Zax Sison. I would be very
surprised if mac Jones does does much gaudy in the
passing year. I think Belichick is gonna gonna dumb down
the play book a lot of running. The Patriots gonna
(24:01):
be more of a running team here in the Max
gonna need a lot of yak a lot of yards
after catching the Patriots, even though they're better at the
white opposition, I do not see a lot of yakty
yak for for those guys like Jack Wilson. Yeah, I mean,
just because you figured they're gonna be trailing anyway, I
(24:22):
don't know about that. They're playing Carolina. Carolina is to
meet Carolina is not that good, and they have Sam Donald.
So the count. The counter argument that is that Sam
Donald is good for one or two mistakes that in
that short yardage turnovers and so you're not gonna have
a long field to rack up the passing yards. Al right,
first player to miss a game due to COVID nineteen protocols.
(24:47):
So this is not getting COVID. This is violating the protocol.
So this means you're unvaccinated. Lamar Jackson is the favorite
at plus four hundred, Cole Beasley at plus five, Kirk
Cousins at plus five seventy five, Adam Feeling. I guess
he's not vaccident. I don't know. I don't really obsess
with that, but some people do. Plus six hundred, DeAndre
(25:09):
Hopkins plus six, Joe Mixon at plus six fifty. What
you should do, Gascon is put together an unvaxed fantasy team.
There's enough guys that you could have. Feeling Hopkins, Now,
which quarterback Joe Mixon will be your running back? Alan
(25:30):
Rob You're gonna have naj Harris though, Naga Harris then
Christian McCaffrey's not vaccinated. Apparently he's on the list. So
what defense? Then that's a good question. San Francisco, who's
oh yeah, because Abosa? Is he not? Maybe? Is he
not vaccident? I don't know who. I really don't keep
track of it. I don't really care whether your vaccinating
or not. So wh who are the people that are
(25:53):
not vaccinated? On defense? I know the offensive guys because
the media about them. Maybe Tennessee. Did Tennessee have like
seven guys or nine guys that were out including Rabel?
Yeah he had it, but I think he was vaccinated,
thank you. I'd have to do some more research on that.
(26:14):
But there's some good white outs. You could have DeAndre Hopkins,
Allen Robinson and feeling uh and Cole Beasley you know
he's not that good, but DeAndre Hopkins feeling just right there,
Matt McCaffrey in the backfield, and Lamar Jackson. You're gonna win,
You're gonna win. The unvaxed team will beat the vax team.
I need an unvaxed kicker and good look on that.
(26:37):
I don't no the kickers. How many kickers could you name?
Are these in da Hoss brothers ayans manus default even
my def Minitary's gone for twenty something years. It was
Adam Vinitary and then it was the guy that replaced
Vinitary who was also gone. The guy was with the
Tennessee Titans last year. It was a guy's name Ryan
(26:59):
suck Up. No, no, no, not suck Up. There was
the other guy that was the old Patriot kicker that
whom are the type of Gostkowski? Yeah, Stephen Gaskowski. I
think he's out of the NFL. Now. Think they do
my my Kicker depth chart. Make it do Chicago's defense
the Bears. Yeah, maybe they don't seem like a lot
of guys that will be faxed. Uh. Yeah, it's some
(27:23):
name name players there that reminds me since Week one
is already here. Who won? Um? Who won the U
the infamous yearly um? Uh? Fantasy Pool with you guys.
I believe Eddie one. Oh, I don't know. I think
(27:44):
Coop has to. Maybe he crunched the numbers and I forgot,
But I think I think Eddie. Eddie had like a
rash of guys that got got in trouble with the
law and I'm I'm done. Handicap and that every year.
I spent hours handicapping it and what's the point. What's
the point? As Dick Stockton taught us, he taught me
(28:04):
and I passed it on. Is it that to tell
you what has happened, not what's going to happen? It's
one of the great lines ever. Have you stolen that
as your own? No? No, you know what it said.
Fortunate no one's picked up on that bit nashally though,
because there's got to be some virtue signaling reporter that
has to be appalled by that segment that yeah, yeah, yeah,
(28:27):
we we we get told every once in a while. Well,
as soon as the uh, the lunar tune, luny tunes,
you start obsessing about this, we'll have to cancel the segment.
I had a producer I will not reveal the prucer's
name that made us stop doing one of my favorite
bits on the show during NASCAR, which lap will Dana
erect and we would pick like five random laps during
(28:53):
the course of a NASCAR race and inevitably we we
would get very close or have a winner every week.
It was very rare that danikad finished the race and
a producer I had back in the day that said, hey,
you can't do that because she she could die in
one of these recks, and then if she dies, they're
(29:14):
gonna go back and say it was what lap will
she reckon? You know? I was like, come on, yeah,
and Fox obviously has a good partnership with NASCAR, so
that's really good. So who came up with that idea?
Was that yours? That was I think it was a
It was my idea. I was inspired by a listener
(29:35):
if I remember correct. Uh, and we went We went
with that, all right. Moving on a few other proper puloosers.
Here we have will a team fourfeited game to COVID No.
No's minus five thousand. Yes is plus one thousand. That
implies a nine point one percent chance. Will DeShawn Watson
be active for a game this year? Yes? Is plus
(29:59):
one fifty That implies at chance, I don't think he
will be. I'm gonna go with no, which is minus
two hundred minus two hundred on that. How many players
will be suspended during the regular season over under four
that's close, that's right around where it usually is. I'll
(30:20):
go I'll go under to be different. How many NFL
players will be arrested during the regular season. I'm gonna
go under under minus my unders five five point five.
Take the under, which will be higher. Los Angeles team wins, Rams,
Chargers or New York based teams. They're they're talking to
(30:40):
New York City here, so that even though they play
in New Jersey. The Giants and the Jets, well, that's oh,
I think they might. Yeah, maybe they have the bills
in there all that they have to write. Nobody would Yeah,
so you figured the Bills are gonna be good for
ten or eleven. At least the Jets and Giants combine
might win seven seventeen games, so maybe they win seven
(31:01):
or eight. So if the Bills win ten, I'm taking
the Alants Rams. The Rams is like a twelve and
five type. Yeah. I think the Charges are winning ten,
Charges winning ten, so that will put them at the twenty. Yeah,
it seems it seems about right. Uh. Super Bowl champion
(31:22):
will come from rich Which state a red state or
a blue state? It's tough for you. Why is that?
Because I have the blue state the blue state. Here's
the question, though, what's that if a recall goes through
here in a couple of days, it becomes a red
does become a red state, well, the governor becomes here.
(31:44):
But Florida, I believe it or not, is the favorite.
That's just because if they have the most teams, well,
they have Tampa Dolphins or Jacksonville is going to Tampa.
California second, Rams, Chargers and Niners. Third is Missouri with
the Chiefs. Maryland they have two teams. They have the
Washington football team and the Ravens. The state with the
(32:08):
worst odds should be easy. I'm gonna say Las Vegas. Uh,
that's that's a city. Uh No, it's Michigan Giants plus
fifteen thousand, Carolina North Carolina at plus eight thousands tied,
same odds with Georgia or the I don't know, same
(32:28):
ads with the Nevada. Rather, the Raiders are plus eight thousand.
Georgia with the Falcons is plus seventy. Illinois plus sixty
six hundred, So that those are some of the odds.
I like California. I actually do like the Chargers, Rams
and the fort but all l A super Bowl in
(32:49):
l A, Chargers Rams in Los Angeles, well in Inglewood
in the hood. Now can you imagine the uniform combination too?
For that m M would be good. That's the first
team to lose. First team to lose a Buccaneers or
the Chiefs. I have to look at the schedule on
this one. I've not looked at the I would assume
(33:09):
the Chiefs have a tougher schedule because they are minus
one fifty and the Buccaneers are plus one ten on
that first team to win, Lions or Texans. Detroit Texans
are minus one fifty yea because people think they got
shot against. At least golf can win you a game,
(33:31):
right like golf can get you one. Last undefeated team,
last undefeated team. This is a surprise. It's it's not
Tampa Bay second at plus sixty six fifty. The forty Niners.
The forty Niners are the They have the the top
outs at plus six hundred. Wow in that Division two.
(33:54):
That's interesting. Yeah, So let's go to the schedule here
and see they must play the hostess schedule to start
the year. The Forts a regular season schedule. No, it's not.
They played the Lions and the Eagles the first two weeks,
so that those should be gimmis. Although I like the
(34:15):
Lions is a sneaky good underdog play I don't think
the Niners should be favored by that much over the Lions.
And then they play Green Bay at home Seattle little so,
I don't know why the forty Niners are the top
choice on that and decimated last year because of injuries though,
my Manya, and that was last year, my man, and
it's a brand new year. I think they'll be good
(34:36):
this year. I think that's an eleven win football team,
the Niners. I don't. I don't know. They'll end up
having the usual injuries. They don't have the depth. Hell,
their secondary doesn't have any depth. They brought in Josh Norman.
A bad sign when a week before the season you're
bringing in Josh Norman, who's has been good in six years.
Tell you what I'm I'm just licking my chops to
(34:58):
see Kyler Murray run wild this reason here he could
have a monster, little Kyler. He's gonna have a great
here under the Is it gonna be the same thing?
You're gonna text me every time he has a good game,
and then he doesn't have a good game, your phone
will be shut off and be on airplane mode? Is
that how this is gonna work? My photo is so
(35:18):
bad my airplane mode does not even work. No, really,
you don't have airplane mode. Yeah, when you put it on,
it's still I still get calls and text messages. It's awful.
I got you, I got you. There's a bunch of
other props and we don't need to get in like that.
Those are the good ones. Those are the juicy ones.
I love the exotic props. Yes, and it's a tradition,
(35:38):
yet another Mallard proper palooza on this the Fifth Hour podcast.
And we'll have the mail bag on Sunday, Sunday Sunday,
and we'll put the baby to bed. If you missed
the Friday podcast, Ah, if it goes without saying, you
better listen. And this is that was a rare get
on the Friday podcast. Yeah, you'll know what I mean
(36:01):
when you go back and and download the Friday podcast.
But anyway, I have a great rest of your Saturday
niting and remote guest Twitter handals. Uh. Yeah, if you
have Ben Mallor on Twitter and you're if you haven't,
If you haven't dvyard episode one of season three of
The American Crime Story, go ahead and do that. Yeah.
(36:21):
I had had people point out they saw you had
some emails saying, hey, I saw a guest on The Disheveled,
so you there were people watching the show? How did
the show? Do? Do you know? How the show? Do
you know? It's weird. The two reporters that you mentioned,
both of them I think got cut out or no,
one of the two got cut out. Oh and the
other one only had one line. It was interesting. I
don't know. I didn't watch it. Come on, you watch
(36:43):
did it? Why would you not watch? Because I don't
want I don't want to watch myself. You don't listen
to yourself after the show's over, do you? No? But
you you don't have to listen. You could like turn
you could have the TV on and have the sound down.
Yeah you do that? Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway, Uh, listen,
have a great rest of your Saturday. Will be back
on Sunday with a big mail bag and we will
(37:05):
catch you then.
Host
Ben Maller
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