September 25, 2021 • 38 mins
When what you ordered is not what was delivered, yet you can't return what you didn't order.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Mallard starts right now in the air everywhere,
back at it again on a Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, ready
to rumble in the radio jungle. Actually it's the podcast
Juggle Fifth Hour with myself, Ben Maller and the player
(00:45):
X to be named in a second. Because four hours
a night are not enough, we do this now, eight
days a week, eight days a week of slavy over
the hot microphones of the podcast studio or the secret
location in the north Woods. And this spinoff of the
Overnight Show. We thank you for finding it, downloading, telling
(01:07):
a friend, and we are joined again by the main
West of the four oh five Little Along Feel good
about about a Saturday into a Sunday. And we had
Ryan Abraham yesterday talked a little USC and college football
(01:29):
as a whole, and uh yeah, now I need hold
on Are we gonna get killed here because that now
we talked mostly about USC football? So are we going
to get destroyed because people even I don't care about us?
Are we gonna get that negative feature? You always get
(01:51):
comments about people that wish you talk more college football,
though at at least it feels like it. Yes, that's true,
but the thing they usually bring up is my school.
Like the guy in Arkansas wants me to talk about
the Razorbacks, the the fellow in Alabamas like just talking
about the cripon Tide. The guy in Florida's like talking
about the Gators or something like that. And then that's
the problem. It's a it's a regional thing. But I now,
(02:13):
we'll find out how it does. I'll be interested and
if if people downloaded it and the numbers were good,
we'll have more college football. We don't talk a lot
of college football at all, as we mentioned all the
time on the Overnight Show. So it was great, No,
Ryan's good. It's kind of weird though we don't talk
as much because you know, it goes right behind the
(02:34):
national football in terms of the most watched live entertainment
throughout the entire year. You know, it goes NFL one,
then college football too, then everything else falls after that. Yeah, no,
I mean it's a popular sport. I know, the Alabama
game last weekend with Florida I believe won the day
(02:55):
on Saturday was the most watched vision program on Saturday,
and then on Sunday, the NFL was the most watched
on Sunday. So it's usually how that worked most weekend.
So yeah, and then people were racing to try to
find a television to go watch u c l A
Fresno State in the closing minutes on Saturday night, and
poof couldn't find it because it was stuck in the
(03:16):
Pack twelve network. Well couldn't find it. And then if
they found some Russian website with an illegal stream and
they turned the game on, it was game over. Gutty Bruins.
Remember Chip Kelly after they beat l s U. He said,
everyone knew we could we could do this. Everyone knew
we were going to do this. And did everyone on
(03:36):
the u u c l A team know they were
gonna go out and poop the bed against Fresno State? Also, Chip,
did they all know that if they there against goofball anyway?
Anyway on this podcast. Guess God we have you can
ram It all Day, you can ram It all Night,
the prequel the prequel to ram It All Day, ram
It all Night. We have crystal balls and obstacle course
(04:01):
and whatever else pops up, whatever else we can we
we could do. Let's get scientifical. There's a couple of
science stories. I read these science stories. I don't bring
them up all that much on the radio show, but
there's some stories in the science world that caught my
attention that we can talk about. So this there's a
lot of things going on, but I wanted to start
with Ramant all Day, Ramant all Night. I got the
(04:21):
confirmation the streak is about to end. I have not
been to a professional or college sporting event since March
of keeping my my entire life was dedicated to going
to professional sporting events. UH and I just I live.
(04:44):
I grew up by twenties. I spent at ballparks and
arenas and stadiums, and that was my entire life. And
then when everything shut down in UH. Even right up
until the shutdown, I was going to random games. I
think the last game I went to was a Sunday
night Lakers game a few days before everything got shut down.
(05:06):
But I have not been since. I didn't want to
go when there weren't fans. I thought, what's the point
of going there's no fans there. And the schedule hasn't
really worked out this this past year with some different
things on the weekends I have had to do, so
I haven't been able to go to any any Dodger
games in person. So I got the email from the
l A Rams that the game tomorrow America's game of
(05:28):
the week. You know it's big because Joe Buck and
Troy Aikman are going to be there. But I have
been approved, the gatekeepers have allowed me in, so I
will be in attendance watching Tom Brady. I would say
his final game in l A. But Tom is gonna
play on their seven or eight years, so who the
hell knowns? But Brady will be there and I'll be there.
(05:50):
Bruce arians will be there, Sean McVeigh, the Great, Matthew Stafford.
You can ram it all day, you can ram it
all night. I'm excited. I've seen the stadium so far, stadium,
or as Troy Aikman called it, sci fi stadium. I'm
excited to see it in person and I'm a little
concerned about the logistics of it. I'm gonna get there.
They're getting there early, is no problem. I'll forego sleep
(06:14):
on Saturday and the Sunday. But the the issue is
getting out of there because I need time to kind
of digest everything that happened in the NFL. And I
can watch the games on my laptop and I can
put up a few games on my computer and watch
them there, So I'm not worried about that, but I'm
worried about getting out there because Eddie was telling me
horror stories about the traffic, and some other people I
know that have been to that stadium have said that
(06:37):
it's great, it's beautiful, it's wonderful, but they did a
terrible job of planning on how that mass of humanity
is going to get out of the stadium. So I'm
a little concerned about that. But I might have to
leave early, which I would hate to do because one
of the cool things about when you're in the media,
when you're a blowhard in the media, they let you
(06:59):
go down on the field the last like four or
five minutes I think of the fourth quarter or something
like that. I forget how long it is but you
get to go down and stand on the sidelines at
an NFL game and it's awesome. It's uh, and they
don't let you in the locker rooms anymore. They banned
that because at COVID. So it's not like the only
reason I would stay would be to go down on
(07:21):
the field and maybe I could possibly get an interview
or something on the field, but I can't. There's just
an interview room. So it's not like I can go
and say, all right, I'm gonna go interview Tom Brady
in the locker room. You know, no, I can't do that. Uh.
You know that that you know that won't won't be allowed.
So that's my big news here. You can ram it
all day, you can ram it all night. I'm looking forward.
(07:41):
I will test out the press box food, guest gun.
I have not had press box food and over a year.
I think we're what a year and a half? I
believe something like that. I think you I think you
misspoke a little bit too, because you said it could
be Tom Brady's last game in Los Angeles, but you
never know, he could be making a return in a
couple of months from now. Well, no, I I said,
(08:02):
I said it could be his last game, but they'll
play like another seven years or something. But even if
he doesn't, he know, if he retires this season, it
could be at the end of the Super Bowl. Um, yeah,
I'm not allowed to go to the Super Bowl. You
know what. I guess I a deal list. I can't
get it. I can't go. I'll ask the NFL. I say, hey, NFL,
(08:25):
can I go, and they'll you know, I'll be like, no,
you can't go. Yeah, okay, okay, Okay, there you go.
There's there's something holy about standing on the field. To
play on the field of combat. Well, it's a baseball
diamond going on the ice. I know you don't skate,
but um, the gridiron. There's something so cool about being
on the field that it's almost I don't know how
(08:47):
you get when you go into Logan or do you
go into LaGuardia, But I feel like there's a burst
of energy from me when I head into New York
or Boston. I get like that in d C two.
But when I get onto the field, whether it's for
football or or baseball, man, there's just something that kind
of brings me back to my my youth and my
college days. Of playing that It's it's hard to describe,
(09:09):
but it's always like that you're you're you feel like
you're on the freeway, don't you Like you just feel
like you wore a car in the number two lane
and everyone else is just flying by you in the
fast lane. Yeah. The thing that I like a is
just the like looking around and seeing all the especially
at the big NFL stadium. You see all the seats
(09:30):
and you're like, you imagine, like what if I was
playing quarterback? Yeah, what I do? And then the other
it used to be the smell of the grass, I
guess now it's the smell of the turf, the fake
rubber turf that they have on the field that at
most of these stadiums, including the stadium uh in l A.
But I just want to see the whole thing, like,
but yeah, it's it's cool. It's a cool vibe. And
(09:52):
I think I can I can get my fix because
the Rams sent me a message they said you can
be on the field pre games, So I don't I'll
do maybe I'll do that and then post game I'll
just take off and try to to beat the traffic
in the Rams. You know how good the Rams are.
They'll probably be up by a couple of touchdowns by
the time of the fourth. Yeah, they were like that
(10:14):
last week and against Indianapolis and a and a quarterback
with two spring and ankles. Yeah, I was really impressive
last week. Um yeah, okay, shut up. Yeah, I expect
more of that. To say, Matthew Staffords looked exceptional in
two weeks. It's uh. I mean yeah, I'm missing peace
(10:34):
and that that high powered offense that needed a couple
of blown calls by Chicago in week one. Yeah, I
don't know. I don't feel like good about a couple
of blown calls. They won the game by twenty points
having a couple of blown calls. You got busted coverage
in the first touchdown of the game, and he daunt
throws a bad ball in the end zone. Well, is
(10:55):
it the Rams fault? The Bears are bad at their job?
How is that their fault? No, but I mean the angles.
The Bears game back and beat the Bengals. The Bengals
are beating the Vikings, who are supposed to be a
playoff contender, So make your mind up on this thing.
Vikings didn't look good last week either. Is gonna torch
them up and down the field. They're Tyler Murray looked exceptional.
(11:18):
Your delusion. The Vikings won that game. They're idiot kicker
missed the kick. They were in position. The Vikings should
be two and all. Should the first game, uh Cook
fumbles the ball and gives the game to Cincinnati. And
then last week, the idiot kicker Joseph shanks a kick.
(11:38):
So no, I mean the Cardinals are a joke. I mean,
let's be honest. You and Tyler Murray at the end
of that game, so good exception was disaster at the
You're proving you didn't watch the end of that game.
He allowed the Minnesota Vikings to come back down the
field and with his shoddy play at the end of
(11:59):
the of the game, there uh to to come back
and be in position to win the game. And that
proves you did not watch the game. If you are
saying anything different. The last let me give you the
last four possessions of the Arizona Cardinals and a game
that was a shootout. Uh drive started at the Arizona
(12:19):
eighteen yard line ends on a Alligator Arms Murray interception.
That's a turnover right there. Uh So the Vikings get
that turnover, go back down the field, get a field goal,
so that's three points courtesy of alligator arms Murray. Cardinals
get the ball right back after that, the drive goes
five plays and a punt. Okay, fine, Vikings get the
(12:40):
ball back. They screw up, they don't make anything happen.
They give the ball back to Arizona. Another opportunity to
run out the clock, win the game. Arizona goes down,
they kick a field goal, they don't run out the clock,
ball goes back to the Vikings. Uh. They go down
and uh and and screw up. Cardinals get another chance,
another chance to run the clock out. Three plays, three
(13:03):
plays and a punt, and then the Vikings go down
and missed the what should have been the game winning
field goal. Last four drives, interception, punt, punt, field goal garbage,
absolute garbage from Colin Murray. And he gets to ask
because he's a fun size quarterback and he feel bad
because he's a little guy, but he was garbage at
(13:26):
the end of that game, and all those touchdowns and
all those drives that were razzled dazz and all that
the beginning of the game, at the end of the
game when it was winning time. He didn't make plays,
and the only reason they won that game was because
I've been competenced by the Vikings, the kicker, the Vikings
going a wall. Well, last I checked, Minnesota was actually
up in this game seven and so Murray brought them back.
(13:49):
And you failed to mention they threw for over four
hundred yards in that game, had four total touchdowns in
the contest, and the second half there were deadlock ten
ten points apiece on each side. For as bad as
he might have been for the final four possessions of
that game, they were dead even in terms of offensive output.
So who cares. You're playing four quarters sixty, Arizona two
(14:12):
and Arizona because of him. The guy has account for
eight touchdowns the last two weeks. You are delusional. You
were out of your bloody mind. They're out there too,
because Tennessee didn't show up. They were had a dereliction
of duties in game one. Everyone might problem when the
Titans showed up against Seattle. They beat Seattle. They we're
not ready to start. Just made the same argument with
(14:34):
the Chicago Bears. What are you talking about. It's a
different situation here. This is different. Stay focused here. You
gotta stay focused. It's a bad job by you. You
should at least except the fact that the NFC West
is gonna be a dog fight. I don't think it.
I don't think it's gonna be a dog fight. This
is still in the feeling out process. And then the
(14:57):
Cardinals have no depth and you don't under daying that
because you don't get the nuance of football. But they
will have any depth and once the injuries start piling up,
and they will pile up. It happens to everybody, they
will be exposed. And Kyler Murray he's he can't make
it through an entire season healthy. He's you're starting quarterback.
It's like five teams with winning records, Like, what are
you talking about? Yes, because he just played for a
(15:19):
bad team. If you played for being good, dude, who cares.
That's the basic. That's the big dummy teams and you're
on When you play good teams and you're on a
bad team, you lose. Listen to news flash, news flash,
Peyton Manning went to a bad team. That's why he
was number one the NFL draft, and then he elevated
(15:40):
said bad teams because he's a great quarterback. Matthew Stafford
is never debating his performant. Matthew Stafford's elevating his performance
with the l A Rams, and he has been the
story of the season. Everyone agrees he's the m v
P right now in the NFL. Has been electric. He's
got my vote for the m v P. He's been
and outstanding and and the knowledgeable football people will tell
(16:03):
you that Matthew Stafford is the m v P after
two weeks in the NFL and quarterback in the NFC
right now, Yes, he is. Who's better, Kyler Murray is
He's put up all the numbers, better numbers than n
I just gave you the I just I laid it
all out. Kyler Murray screwed up that game. The Vikings
(16:23):
should have won the game because of Kyler Murrays encompass.
He loses the m v P the first two weeks
because of that. He's got more, he's got more passing yards,
and he's got more touchdowns than than Matthew Stafford. What
are you talking about? Matthew Stafford heroically leading the Rams
back on the road in a hostile environment with snavvy
confident play at the quarterback position because you can ram
(16:47):
it all day, you can ram it all night. What
a what a gutsy performed gumption is word I will
use to describe Matthew Stafford at the end of that game,
because the Rams, right, there was the mistake, there was
the fumble after that for play seventy yard drive, touchdown,
(17:07):
twelve play, fifty five yard drive, field goal, and then
the Colts while that was going on, they had a punt,
a field goal and an interception and then their last
drive with the guy with two bad ankles the end
of the game. That was it. But Matthew Stafford, my god,
what a gift, What a gift? And wait till he
(17:30):
beats Tom Brady. Well, he won't get credit for beating
tom Brady because Tom bradyill get hurt this weekend against
Aaron Donald and then people will lose them. But how
upset is the NFL gonna be when Tom Brady is
unable to play against the Patriots in week number four?
He's so upset You're rooting for a guy to get injured.
That's unbelievable, that's embarrassing. Didn't sound like I'm rooting when
(17:55):
you always root when it's your team. The Rams, No, no,
I'm just really pointing out what I see here in
my crystal Ball and I'm just pointing out at speaking
of crystal Ball's guest guns. Speaking of crystal Balls. We
move on on the podcast here and as we get
some not you, but as we get settled into the
(18:16):
humble abode we have been living in, it is is
still a construction zone. Like to thank the fine contractors
that have decided this is not a priority for them
to finish this job. And so with with the the
wife here, the interior designer, and she is trying to
make the house a home, all right, trying to make
(18:37):
it at home, and so putting her touch on the
renovated Mallard mansion. So now I am pretty hands off.
As long as it's not horrifically disgusting, I will technically
and I just look the other way. I'll ignore it.
I have a theory on houses right near the ocean
(18:58):
or beautiful views like city views, and things in the
house like rugs and chandeliers. My theory is, don't spend
too much money on any of that stuff. You don't
have to live with a view of the Pacific Ocean
in Malibu. You don't have to live with a penthouse
(19:22):
apartment in Manhattan looking over Gotham in Central Park. And
the reason, in the same reason you don't need to
spend a fortune on a on a rug or a
chandelier is after a certain amount of time, you will
stop looking out the window at the ocean, you will
stop looking at the window at Central Park. You will
not even notice the rug, the chandelier. It just becomes
(19:45):
background noise, becomes elevator music. So what's the point. That's
always been my And it's true. I I've have friends
that have lived in beautiful places with great views, and
I'll go over to their place and I'll be like, Wow,
this is amazing, and they don't even look. They're like
they're so used to just you know, that's that's there,
that's becomes normal. That's my advice to life. So that's like,
(20:07):
that's that's so asked backwards, Like that's like that's like
telling somebody that they shouldn't buy a Ferrari or a
Porsche because after a while, it's just it's a vehicle
with with tires that rotate. Well, you get that's that's
that logic is so stupid. It's not the it's it's
the it's the ability to have that opportunity and to
(20:30):
have that location and have that scenery that you capitalize
on it. And as you know in this game, real
estate and location is everything in real estate. So to
be in that said position means not only that you
have a great view or a great area, but then
you also can build a wealth out of that. I don't,
I don't, I can't fathom. That's like saying that you
(20:52):
only want to engage with a woman for her looks initiative,
but then after a while those things just fade away
and you don't care anymore how she looks. Is that?
Is that how you like? Concept? Concept is the same though,
when you're with someone, you know, in theory, if you
marry someone, you're with them till they die. When they
their beauty is fleeting, and it's not you're not going
(21:13):
to be as beautiful as you were when you were
twenty five years old when you're sixty five years old.
That's just you can't keep up. Yeah, but you can
keep up, but you're not listen. I'm telling you you
are completely right now. I didn't mention real estate, but
I'm talking about if you buy a house because oh
my god, that view is amazing. I'm gonna I'm gonna
go out and look at that view. It is fake,
(21:35):
it is phony. It didn't happen. It didn't happen because
you're right. You you do that, and after a while,
you just it just kind of you fades away over
a certain amount of time, and you know, look, you
should take your advice when you go to Costco next time,
you know what, because you only need to have the
food that you want to consume at home. Like you
don't need the samples at Costco anymore because those things
(21:57):
like don't they don't have them anymore. They so my
life has been fine without them. Life. Life is all
about indulging, Ben, And so if you can indulge on
a great piece of scenery, whether it's beachfront property or
a city view, you must do that. Well, it's wrong
with you. That's like to say you can never have
enough barbecue sauce on chicken fingers or anough salt on
(22:21):
French friends. What's wrong with you? Now? Again? Guess the
concept is simple when you buy. If I bought a
house with a view of the ocean, I would love
the house. I would think it's great and wonderful. But
after a few months I'd still like it. But I wouldn't.
I would be up staring at the ocean every day
because that's just there every day. If you're used to it,
(22:44):
you know, it's just you know, it's just this out
you know what. This sounds exactly like the first month,
maybe month and a half of the fifth that with
Ben Maller, like you had me on. You're excited about
having me on as a producer. Then after a while
just like so maybe you're just taking the view and
me for granted. It's just like, yeah, I just are
(23:07):
you turning this into at about you? How you're west
four good? How do you take this stuff for granting?
You gotta enjoy these things. You work at a stressful job.
You are you are hired to get fired. So if
you could have beachfront property, of course they think that
(23:28):
you would value it a lot more than if you
didn't at all. You should try it. How about that. Again,
I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm just saying
in life in general, after a while, and maybe you
don't know this because you're you're you're the pompous ass
over there. You can take your arrogance, but uh, in general,
(23:49):
you're not going to have the joy. After a while,
you get used to things, things become normal, they become stale.
That's what happens. But anyway, that's not side tracked here.
It's not about that's not about this. I'm just my
point was when you put expensive things in, it just
doesn't really after a while, it just becomes part of
(24:10):
the house and people don't really pay that much attention
to it. But my wife had, really she had these
wonderful ideas about getting this amazing chandelier. Right, So she's
been trying to find this chandelier that really popped and
sings to her and you know, you can see angels
dancing when you see the So after months of searching,
she finally found one that caught her eye. And it
(24:34):
was pretty pricey, pretty pricey, and but it was good looking.
You know, I had a bunch of these crystal balls
and you know, it's all put together and it was
a masterpiece of for a chandelier. It had the Rasma test.
So we ordered it and we they said, well, okay,
that's gonna be delivered. We don't have it at the
(24:56):
chandelier store. So we're gonna have it delivered to the
to the Mallard mansion in a few days. We said, okay, fine,
so the Mallard Mansion, it arrives the chandelier and here's
a multiple choice. All right, multiple choice question. A. The
chandelier was broken when it showed up. B it was
missing parts. Uh see it had the Rubik's cube effect
(25:19):
or D none of the above. What do you think
it was? I'm gonna say, see, uh, that is correct.
That is the Rubik's cube effect, as I call it.
The answer is is a C H that you needed
a PhD to build this? This thing it was and
I'm not exaggerating here, in hundreds of pieces the chandelier,
(25:46):
each crystal ball and there were hundreds of these things
on the chandelier. All right, So I got a question
for you. Then, did your wife order that specifically knowing
that so that way you guys could spend quality time
assembling it together. No. No, In fact, we were under
the assumption that this would be showing up at our
(26:06):
door because it cost a lot of money already constructed.
Because why would spend that amount of money if it's
like going to ikea and you have to build a dresser.
What's the point anyway? So they had these little chicken
scratch instructions and I looked at this thing and I'm like, no,
I'm not I'm not building this thing. And you know,
(26:27):
she's like, I don't have time to build this thing.
We spent a lot of money on it. So we
went back to the store. My wife said, hey, can
you build this thing? We spend a lot of money
on it. It's beautiful, it's what we want, but we
don't we can't build it. We just don't have the time,
nor do we have the desire to do it. And
they said, sure, no problem, we have somebody that can
help you out. Uh. And then and they'll build it
and look great, they'll come to your house. It'll be wonderful.
(26:49):
And said, okay, wonderful. Uh. And then they said how
much that would cost to have the chandelier built? How
much do you think it would cost to have the
chandelier built? This is an estimate that we got from
the people we bought them from. UM say, I'm gonna
say four fifty Uh No, how about six hundred dollars
(27:10):
to build a chandelier. So we politely declined, and we'll
be returning the chandelier and let you know that it
is a scam. Now they claim the only the only
way they can ship the chandelier is because it's made
out of crystal, they can only ship it in pieces,
(27:30):
which is fine. Just let people know when they're buying
it that you're going to get it and need to
spend an additional amount of money to have the thing built.
I get it. He wanted to make the sale. But
what a bait and swift. Oh, we'll have to find
a different chandelier that's already assembled. That's already assembled. So
(27:51):
no crystal balls at least not seven million different crystal
balls all put together there, at least not at our house.
All right, the the obstacle course, Yes, John, the obstacle course.
Now this is another one of these stories. It's a
life of Mallard. And we were greeted with a big
surprise in addition to the crystal balls. Should I name
(28:15):
should I know? Should I name the the company here?
Should I name the company that? Yes? Of course, Yes,
General Electric g E is the name of the company.
So uh. We had purchased a dishwasher for the Mallard
mansion and it took a while to get it shows
up at the house. UH, wife signed it, signed for it.
(28:38):
Contractor said, we can't install it for a few days
because they're on contractor time and so it's not ready
to be put in. We can't put it in right now.
So by the time the contractor opened the box for
the dishwasher, much to their amazement, they discovered that somehow
while it was being delivered, a passive dent was in
(29:02):
the top of the dishwasher. It had been damaged in shipping.
So we UH were like, whoa, what I mean this is?
I mean it was in the box and couldn't open
the box because it was not ready to be put
anyone open the box before anyway. So we called the
place we got it from, a big box store owned
(29:23):
by the owner of the Atlanta Falcons UH and told
them the issue, and that began a wild goose chase.
And the wild goose chase was everyone and their uncle
passing the buck. Uh. They said, well, you've got to
call the delivery company. So called the delivery company. They
(29:45):
of course covered there, took us and said it was
not their problems since we only had forty eight hours
to report an issue. The distre wasn't put in for
like a week after it was delivered because it was
not ready to be put in. They then said, we'll
call General Electric, called ge back, big company, they'll take
care of you. So we called the ge back and
(30:07):
they say, it's not our problem, not our problem. So
it's a it's been a daunting task, tremendous customer service
at all these companies. Unless there was not it is
cover your ass, one on one. So what a scam?
What a scam. So we now have a dishwasher that
(30:27):
cannot be installed because the dent is so large that
you can't put it in. It won't fit because it's
a kind of a it's hard to describe here, but
the top of it is dented in, which means the
other parts of it pinning up and it won't work.
So if anybody wants a broken dishwasher which cost a
(30:50):
couple of thousand bucks, you know, whatever it was, it
was that much, but it was it was a fair
amount of money. It can be hers if you want
it is. It's it's a joke too, because these these companies,
you know, it's like listen, do you deliver stuff and
this you can't exactly go pick this thing up these days,
everything's delivery, delivery, delivery, and then you funk up one
(31:12):
of your guys fox up, and then you can't even
you know, take care of the prop. I'm kind of customers.
I'll never buy another G product the rest of my life.
They've done. They're dead to me. It's over. So congratulations, Yeah, congratulations.
Did you elevate it to a supervisor or a manager? Oh? Yeah,
he went through the whole chain of command, you know,
(31:33):
everyone it passes the buck and they're like, okay, let
me let me get my manager on. Then the managers
like okay, let me let me go to this other person.
You know. They go through the whole thing and everyone
no one collapse at the end. It doesn't have happending.
So anyway, uh, what else do we have? And you
gonna do a little scientifical should we get the heck
out of here? What do you think? Guess what? I
(31:55):
feel bad for you now? Generally feel bad. Let's not listen,
it's only money. Who cares? You can't take it with you? Right?
You can't have a sudden all of a sudden, you
went from frugal Mallard to freewheel and delon Mallard like,
I don't listen, what am I gonna do? It's people
are assholes. Companies are shitty. They don't have service, home
(32:19):
depot in general electric in these companies. I mean, that's
how they do business. You know, that's on them. You know,
just remember that when you buy products in these places
that they don't always take care of if something goes wrong. Hey,
how in your is your kitchen done yet? No? It's
not done. We don't have an oven. We don't have
a microwave, we don't have uh, we have a refrigerator,
(32:43):
but it's like an old refrigerator. We don't have like
my wife wanted all this stuff. It takes you know,
several months, and I don't even want it's gonna be here.
So do you guys have stove stove yet? No? I
we don't have an oven. We don't have a stove.
We don't have any of that. What about barbecue? Do
you have a barbecue? We have a barbecue. It's covered
in dust, and it's the whole backyards covered in construction
(33:05):
glass and dust. So that's good time, dude, good time.
Fence is broken, the whole thing. It's a wonderful time.
The good news is at least you're residing in southern California.
I mean, if you were in the Midwest and this
stuff was going down, it's a bad poposition with the
weather changing from one way to the other. Too bad.
Now's it's fall weather is actually nice. It's them when
(33:29):
you're getting a winner though, that's the problem came over. Yeah,
that's that's the issue. Well, here's good news. We'll get
to let's get scientific. A couple of stories caught my attention.
Scientist scientists have used Japanese not weed whatever that is,
to make night trade free bacon. So they've determined now
(33:52):
that using this not weed, that they can make foods
that have traditionally been bad process meats like bacon, and
they can make it make it healthy or at least healthier.
Are they reduced in the lab, they were able to
reduce the creation of compounds in the body that are
(34:13):
linked to cancer. And so they claim to use this
technology and fine tune it. And it's a plant. It's
considered an invasive species in a lot of places, but
it's native to Japan, and they have used it to
form a healthier red meat. Yeah, it looks um, it
(34:33):
almost looks like mint in some ways, the way that
it's the way that it's uh shape, it's a fast
growing plant. Feared by homeowners, it says, feared by homeowners.
But uh so, anything that can make processed meats healthier,
(34:54):
I fully support. What else? See page down. Pretty Oh,
here's a fun fact about human beings. They determined I
don't know how they determined this, that prehistoric human beings
made it with their cousins three percent of the time.
Today it's ten. Yeah, today, that's a lot. Shout out
(35:19):
to the shout out to the SEC fans out there. Wow,
shots fired here. Do you think anybody above the Mason
Dixon line partakes in that activity? Oh? Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna guess, like the I'm gonna
guess the northeast. You mean the northeast? Yeah, what state?
(35:42):
New Hampshire? You ver Vermont? Vermont? That Prince of Vermont? Now,
where is West Virginia on that there? There are they
below the Mason Dixon line? Are they above the Mason
Dixon above it? I believe aren't. Yeah, they're above Okay,
So that's the cliche about West Virginia that they're on
(36:03):
that list right when people make jokes they tossed West
Virginia in that. Uh wait, no, Virginia is below it. Yeah,
there you go. I thought they were. Yeah, it's like it.
The Mason Dixon Line goes through Pennsylvania, Is that right? Yeah? Maryland,
West Virginia. Techie man man alive. What a drive. It's
(36:30):
a brands Land home. You can't tell that one goodbye.
But we can't say goodbye. We can't say goodbye, so
we'll get out here. We got the mail bag on Sunday,
Extra spicy hot mail bag, which we look forward to
with bated breath, as we do every single week. The
mall Or mail Bag, a staple of your football Sunday
(36:51):
said anything to promote gas on anything you wanna to say, Hey,
you check me out? No, I mean you can go
to my Twitter handle and click the follow button if
you'd like to do that to Ben, Although you've got
a bunch of what do you like fifty followers? You know,
I gained a few, lose a few of kind of
I've reached a malaise, the malaise, but I'm fine with that.
(37:15):
I'm fine with that. But yeah, there. I heard you
earlier in the week talking about how you were at
peace with Twitter because you're not on there as much
as he used to be back in the day. Yeah, no, no,
I realized that it's you know, two percent, it's that's
hardly anybody that has no real meaning on my my life.
I don't spend a lot of time on there. I
(37:35):
used to for the show I'm on there, but outside
of that, I got my life to live. I'm not
I'm not doing that. You can email the mail bag
and you can you can take part in it. The
mail bag email is Real fifth Hour at gmail dot
com and again check that out Real fifth Hour at
(37:57):
Gmail that come. Also the Facebook page Ben Maller Show,
you can post questions usually Tuesdays now we've been doing
it on Tuesdays, and you can be part of that.
So we'd love to have you and have a wonderful
rest of your Saturday, and we'll we'll see what happens
next time.
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Mallard starts right now in the air everywhere,
back at it again on a Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, ready
to rumble in the radio jungle. Actually it's the podcast
Juggle Fifth Hour with myself, Ben Maller and the player
(00:45):
X to be named in a second. Because four hours
a night are not enough, we do this now, eight
days a week, eight days a week of slavy over
the hot microphones of the podcast studio or the secret
location in the north Woods. And this spinoff of the
Overnight Show. We thank you for finding it, downloading, telling
(01:07):
a friend, and we are joined again by the main
West of the four oh five Little Along Feel good
about about a Saturday into a Sunday. And we had
Ryan Abraham yesterday talked a little USC and college football
(01:29):
as a whole, and uh yeah, now I need hold
on Are we gonna get killed here because that now
we talked mostly about USC football? So are we going
to get destroyed because people even I don't care about us?
Are we gonna get that negative feature? You always get
(01:51):
comments about people that wish you talk more college football,
though at at least it feels like it. Yes, that's true,
but the thing they usually bring up is my school.
Like the guy in Arkansas wants me to talk about
the Razorbacks, the the fellow in Alabamas like just talking
about the cripon Tide. The guy in Florida's like talking
about the Gators or something like that. And then that's
the problem. It's a it's a regional thing. But I now,
(02:13):
we'll find out how it does. I'll be interested and
if if people downloaded it and the numbers were good,
we'll have more college football. We don't talk a lot
of college football at all, as we mentioned all the
time on the Overnight Show. So it was great, No,
Ryan's good. It's kind of weird though we don't talk
as much because you know, it goes right behind the
(02:34):
national football in terms of the most watched live entertainment
throughout the entire year. You know, it goes NFL one,
then college football too, then everything else falls after that. Yeah, no,
I mean it's a popular sport. I know, the Alabama
game last weekend with Florida I believe won the day
(02:55):
on Saturday was the most watched vision program on Saturday,
and then on Sunday, the NFL was the most watched
on Sunday. So it's usually how that worked most weekend.
So yeah, and then people were racing to try to
find a television to go watch u c l A
Fresno State in the closing minutes on Saturday night, and
poof couldn't find it because it was stuck in the
(03:16):
Pack twelve network. Well couldn't find it. And then if
they found some Russian website with an illegal stream and
they turned the game on, it was game over. Gutty Bruins.
Remember Chip Kelly after they beat l s U. He said,
everyone knew we could we could do this. Everyone knew
we were going to do this. And did everyone on
(03:36):
the u u c l A team know they were
gonna go out and poop the bed against Fresno State? Also, Chip,
did they all know that if they there against goofball anyway?
Anyway on this podcast. Guess God we have you can
ram It all Day, you can ram It all Night,
the prequel the prequel to ram It All Day, ram
It all Night. We have crystal balls and obstacle course
(04:01):
and whatever else pops up, whatever else we can we
we could do. Let's get scientifical. There's a couple of
science stories. I read these science stories. I don't bring
them up all that much on the radio show, but
there's some stories in the science world that caught my
attention that we can talk about. So this there's a
lot of things going on, but I wanted to start
with Ramant all Day, Ramant all Night. I got the
(04:21):
confirmation the streak is about to end. I have not
been to a professional or college sporting event since March
of keeping my my entire life was dedicated to going
to professional sporting events. UH and I just I live.
(04:44):
I grew up by twenties. I spent at ballparks and
arenas and stadiums, and that was my entire life. And
then when everything shut down in UH. Even right up
until the shutdown, I was going to random games. I
think the last game I went to was a Sunday
night Lakers game a few days before everything got shut down.
(05:06):
But I have not been since. I didn't want to
go when there weren't fans. I thought, what's the point
of going there's no fans there. And the schedule hasn't
really worked out this this past year with some different
things on the weekends I have had to do, so
I haven't been able to go to any any Dodger
games in person. So I got the email from the
l A Rams that the game tomorrow America's game of
(05:28):
the week. You know it's big because Joe Buck and
Troy Aikman are going to be there. But I have
been approved, the gatekeepers have allowed me in, so I
will be in attendance watching Tom Brady. I would say
his final game in l A. But Tom is gonna
play on their seven or eight years, so who the
hell knowns? But Brady will be there and I'll be there.
(05:50):
Bruce arians will be there, Sean McVeigh, the Great, Matthew Stafford.
You can ram it all day, you can ram it
all night. I'm excited. I've seen the stadium so far, stadium,
or as Troy Aikman called it, sci fi stadium. I'm
excited to see it in person and I'm a little
concerned about the logistics of it. I'm gonna get there.
They're getting there early, is no problem. I'll forego sleep
(06:14):
on Saturday and the Sunday. But the the issue is
getting out of there because I need time to kind
of digest everything that happened in the NFL. And I
can watch the games on my laptop and I can
put up a few games on my computer and watch
them there, So I'm not worried about that, but I'm
worried about getting out there because Eddie was telling me
horror stories about the traffic, and some other people I
know that have been to that stadium have said that
(06:37):
it's great, it's beautiful, it's wonderful, but they did a
terrible job of planning on how that mass of humanity
is going to get out of the stadium. So I'm
a little concerned about that. But I might have to
leave early, which I would hate to do because one
of the cool things about when you're in the media,
when you're a blowhard in the media, they let you
(06:59):
go down on the field the last like four or
five minutes I think of the fourth quarter or something
like that. I forget how long it is but you
get to go down and stand on the sidelines at
an NFL game and it's awesome. It's uh, and they
don't let you in the locker rooms anymore. They banned
that because at COVID. So it's not like the only
reason I would stay would be to go down on
(07:21):
the field and maybe I could possibly get an interview
or something on the field, but I can't. There's just
an interview room. So it's not like I can go
and say, all right, I'm gonna go interview Tom Brady
in the locker room. You know, no, I can't do that. Uh.
You know that that you know that won't won't be allowed.
So that's my big news here. You can ram it
all day, you can ram it all night. I'm looking forward.
(07:41):
I will test out the press box food, guest gun.
I have not had press box food and over a year.
I think we're what a year and a half? I
believe something like that. I think you I think you
misspoke a little bit too, because you said it could
be Tom Brady's last game in Los Angeles, but you
never know, he could be making a return in a
couple of months from now. Well, no, I I said,
(08:02):
I said it could be his last game, but they'll
play like another seven years or something. But even if
he doesn't, he know, if he retires this season, it
could be at the end of the Super Bowl. Um, yeah,
I'm not allowed to go to the Super Bowl. You
know what. I guess I a deal list. I can't
get it. I can't go. I'll ask the NFL. I say, hey, NFL,
(08:25):
can I go, and they'll you know, I'll be like, no,
you can't go. Yeah, okay, okay, Okay, there you go.
There's there's something holy about standing on the field. To
play on the field of combat. Well, it's a baseball
diamond going on the ice. I know you don't skate,
but um, the gridiron. There's something so cool about being
on the field that it's almost I don't know how
(08:47):
you get when you go into Logan or do you
go into LaGuardia, But I feel like there's a burst
of energy from me when I head into New York
or Boston. I get like that in d C two.
But when I get onto the field, whether it's for
football or or baseball, man, there's just something that kind
of brings me back to my my youth and my
college days. Of playing that It's it's hard to describe,
(09:09):
but it's always like that you're you're you feel like
you're on the freeway, don't you Like you just feel
like you wore a car in the number two lane
and everyone else is just flying by you in the
fast lane. Yeah. The thing that I like a is
just the like looking around and seeing all the especially
at the big NFL stadium. You see all the seats
(09:30):
and you're like, you imagine, like what if I was
playing quarterback? Yeah, what I do? And then the other
it used to be the smell of the grass, I
guess now it's the smell of the turf, the fake
rubber turf that they have on the field that at
most of these stadiums, including the stadium uh in l A.
But I just want to see the whole thing, like,
but yeah, it's it's cool. It's a cool vibe. And
(09:52):
I think I can I can get my fix because
the Rams sent me a message they said you can
be on the field pre games, So I don't I'll
do maybe I'll do that and then post game I'll
just take off and try to to beat the traffic
in the Rams. You know how good the Rams are.
They'll probably be up by a couple of touchdowns by
the time of the fourth. Yeah, they were like that
(10:14):
last week and against Indianapolis and a and a quarterback
with two spring and ankles. Yeah, I was really impressive
last week. Um yeah, okay, shut up. Yeah, I expect
more of that. To say, Matthew Staffords looked exceptional in
two weeks. It's uh. I mean yeah, I'm missing peace
(10:34):
and that that high powered offense that needed a couple
of blown calls by Chicago in week one. Yeah, I
don't know. I don't feel like good about a couple
of blown calls. They won the game by twenty points
having a couple of blown calls. You got busted coverage
in the first touchdown of the game, and he daunt
throws a bad ball in the end zone. Well, is
(10:55):
it the Rams fault? The Bears are bad at their job?
How is that their fault? No, but I mean the angles.
The Bears game back and beat the Bengals. The Bengals
are beating the Vikings, who are supposed to be a
playoff contender, So make your mind up on this thing.
Vikings didn't look good last week either. Is gonna torch
them up and down the field. They're Tyler Murray looked exceptional.
(11:18):
Your delusion. The Vikings won that game. They're idiot kicker
missed the kick. They were in position. The Vikings should
be two and all. Should the first game, uh Cook
fumbles the ball and gives the game to Cincinnati. And
then last week, the idiot kicker Joseph shanks a kick.
(11:38):
So no, I mean the Cardinals are a joke. I mean,
let's be honest. You and Tyler Murray at the end
of that game, so good exception was disaster at the
You're proving you didn't watch the end of that game.
He allowed the Minnesota Vikings to come back down the
field and with his shoddy play at the end of
(11:59):
the of the game, there uh to to come back
and be in position to win the game. And that
proves you did not watch the game. If you are
saying anything different. The last let me give you the
last four possessions of the Arizona Cardinals and a game
that was a shootout. Uh drive started at the Arizona
(12:19):
eighteen yard line ends on a Alligator Arms Murray interception.
That's a turnover right there. Uh So the Vikings get
that turnover, go back down the field, get a field goal,
so that's three points courtesy of alligator arms Murray. Cardinals
get the ball right back after that, the drive goes
five plays and a punt. Okay, fine, Vikings get the
(12:40):
ball back. They screw up, they don't make anything happen.
They give the ball back to Arizona. Another opportunity to
run out the clock, win the game. Arizona goes down,
they kick a field goal, they don't run out the clock,
ball goes back to the Vikings. Uh. They go down
and uh and and screw up. Cardinals get another chance,
another chance to run the clock out. Three plays, three
(13:03):
plays and a punt, and then the Vikings go down
and missed the what should have been the game winning
field goal. Last four drives, interception, punt, punt, field goal garbage,
absolute garbage from Colin Murray. And he gets to ask
because he's a fun size quarterback and he feel bad
because he's a little guy, but he was garbage at
(13:26):
the end of that game, and all those touchdowns and
all those drives that were razzled dazz and all that
the beginning of the game, at the end of the
game when it was winning time. He didn't make plays,
and the only reason they won that game was because
I've been competenced by the Vikings, the kicker, the Vikings
going a wall. Well, last I checked, Minnesota was actually
up in this game seven and so Murray brought them back.
(13:49):
And you failed to mention they threw for over four
hundred yards in that game, had four total touchdowns in
the contest, and the second half there were deadlock ten
ten points apiece on each side. For as bad as
he might have been for the final four possessions of
that game, they were dead even in terms of offensive output.
So who cares. You're playing four quarters sixty, Arizona two
(14:12):
and Arizona because of him. The guy has account for
eight touchdowns the last two weeks. You are delusional. You
were out of your bloody mind. They're out there too,
because Tennessee didn't show up. They were had a dereliction
of duties in game one. Everyone might problem when the
Titans showed up against Seattle. They beat Seattle. They we're
not ready to start. Just made the same argument with
(14:34):
the Chicago Bears. What are you talking about. It's a
different situation here. This is different. Stay focused here. You
gotta stay focused. It's a bad job by you. You
should at least except the fact that the NFC West
is gonna be a dog fight. I don't think it.
I don't think it's gonna be a dog fight. This
is still in the feeling out process. And then the
(14:57):
Cardinals have no depth and you don't under daying that
because you don't get the nuance of football. But they
will have any depth and once the injuries start piling up,
and they will pile up. It happens to everybody, they
will be exposed. And Kyler Murray he's he can't make
it through an entire season healthy. He's you're starting quarterback.
It's like five teams with winning records, Like, what are
you talking about? Yes, because he just played for a
(15:19):
bad team. If you played for being good, dude, who cares.
That's the basic. That's the big dummy teams and you're
on When you play good teams and you're on a
bad team, you lose. Listen to news flash, news flash,
Peyton Manning went to a bad team. That's why he
was number one the NFL draft, and then he elevated
(15:40):
said bad teams because he's a great quarterback. Matthew Stafford
is never debating his performant. Matthew Stafford's elevating his performance
with the l A Rams, and he has been the
story of the season. Everyone agrees he's the m v
P right now in the NFL. Has been electric. He's
got my vote for the m v P. He's been
and outstanding and and the knowledgeable football people will tell
(16:03):
you that Matthew Stafford is the m v P after
two weeks in the NFL and quarterback in the NFC
right now, Yes, he is. Who's better, Kyler Murray is
He's put up all the numbers, better numbers than n
I just gave you the I just I laid it
all out. Kyler Murray screwed up that game. The Vikings
(16:23):
should have won the game because of Kyler Murrays encompass.
He loses the m v P the first two weeks
because of that. He's got more, he's got more passing yards,
and he's got more touchdowns than than Matthew Stafford. What
are you talking about? Matthew Stafford heroically leading the Rams
back on the road in a hostile environment with snavvy
confident play at the quarterback position because you can ram
(16:47):
it all day, you can ram it all night. What
a what a gutsy performed gumption is word I will
use to describe Matthew Stafford at the end of that game,
because the Rams, right, there was the mistake, there was
the fumble after that for play seventy yard drive, touchdown,
(17:07):
twelve play, fifty five yard drive, field goal, and then
the Colts while that was going on, they had a punt,
a field goal and an interception and then their last
drive with the guy with two bad ankles the end
of the game. That was it. But Matthew Stafford, my god,
what a gift, What a gift? And wait till he
(17:30):
beats Tom Brady. Well, he won't get credit for beating
tom Brady because Tom bradyill get hurt this weekend against
Aaron Donald and then people will lose them. But how
upset is the NFL gonna be when Tom Brady is
unable to play against the Patriots in week number four?
He's so upset You're rooting for a guy to get injured.
That's unbelievable, that's embarrassing. Didn't sound like I'm rooting when
(17:55):
you always root when it's your team. The Rams, No, no,
I'm just really pointing out what I see here in
my crystal Ball and I'm just pointing out at speaking
of crystal Ball's guest guns. Speaking of crystal Balls. We
move on on the podcast here and as we get
some not you, but as we get settled into the
(18:16):
humble abode we have been living in, it is is
still a construction zone. Like to thank the fine contractors
that have decided this is not a priority for them
to finish this job. And so with with the the
wife here, the interior designer, and she is trying to
make the house a home, all right, trying to make
(18:37):
it at home, and so putting her touch on the
renovated Mallard mansion. So now I am pretty hands off.
As long as it's not horrifically disgusting, I will technically
and I just look the other way. I'll ignore it.
I have a theory on houses right near the ocean
(18:58):
or beautiful views like city views, and things in the
house like rugs and chandeliers. My theory is, don't spend
too much money on any of that stuff. You don't
have to live with a view of the Pacific Ocean
in Malibu. You don't have to live with a penthouse
(19:22):
apartment in Manhattan looking over Gotham in Central Park. And
the reason, in the same reason you don't need to
spend a fortune on a on a rug or a
chandelier is after a certain amount of time, you will
stop looking out the window at the ocean, you will
stop looking at the window at Central Park. You will
not even notice the rug, the chandelier. It just becomes
(19:45):
background noise, becomes elevator music. So what's the point. That's
always been my And it's true. I I've have friends
that have lived in beautiful places with great views, and
I'll go over to their place and I'll be like, Wow,
this is amazing, and they don't even look. They're like
they're so used to just you know, that's that's there,
that's becomes normal. That's my advice to life. So that's like,
(20:07):
that's that's so asked backwards, Like that's like that's like
telling somebody that they shouldn't buy a Ferrari or a
Porsche because after a while, it's just it's a vehicle
with with tires that rotate. Well, you get that's that's
that logic is so stupid. It's not the it's it's
the it's the ability to have that opportunity and to
(20:30):
have that location and have that scenery that you capitalize
on it. And as you know in this game, real
estate and location is everything in real estate. So to
be in that said position means not only that you
have a great view or a great area, but then
you also can build a wealth out of that. I don't,
I don't, I can't fathom. That's like saying that you
(20:52):
only want to engage with a woman for her looks initiative,
but then after a while those things just fade away
and you don't care anymore how she looks. Is that?
Is that how you like? Concept? Concept is the same though,
when you're with someone, you know, in theory, if you
marry someone, you're with them till they die. When they
their beauty is fleeting, and it's not you're not going
(21:13):
to be as beautiful as you were when you were
twenty five years old when you're sixty five years old.
That's just you can't keep up. Yeah, but you can
keep up, but you're not listen. I'm telling you you
are completely right now. I didn't mention real estate, but
I'm talking about if you buy a house because oh
my god, that view is amazing. I'm gonna I'm gonna
go out and look at that view. It is fake,
(21:35):
it is phony. It didn't happen. It didn't happen because
you're right. You you do that, and after a while,
you just it just kind of you fades away over
a certain amount of time, and you know, look, you
should take your advice when you go to Costco next time,
you know what, because you only need to have the
food that you want to consume at home. Like you
don't need the samples at Costco anymore because those things
(21:57):
like don't they don't have them anymore. They so my
life has been fine without them. Life. Life is all
about indulging, Ben, And so if you can indulge on
a great piece of scenery, whether it's beachfront property or
a city view, you must do that. Well, it's wrong
with you. That's like to say you can never have
enough barbecue sauce on chicken fingers or anough salt on
(22:21):
French friends. What's wrong with you? Now? Again? Guess the
concept is simple when you buy. If I bought a
house with a view of the ocean, I would love
the house. I would think it's great and wonderful. But
after a few months I'd still like it. But I wouldn't.
I would be up staring at the ocean every day
because that's just there every day. If you're used to it,
(22:44):
you know, it's just you know, it's just this out
you know what. This sounds exactly like the first month,
maybe month and a half of the fifth that with
Ben Maller, like you had me on. You're excited about
having me on as a producer. Then after a while
just like so maybe you're just taking the view and
me for granted. It's just like, yeah, I just are
(23:07):
you turning this into at about you? How you're west
four good? How do you take this stuff for granting?
You gotta enjoy these things. You work at a stressful job.
You are you are hired to get fired. So if
you could have beachfront property, of course they think that
(23:28):
you would value it a lot more than if you
didn't at all. You should try it. How about that. Again,
I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm just saying
in life in general, after a while, and maybe you
don't know this because you're you're you're the pompous ass
over there. You can take your arrogance, but uh, in general,
(23:49):
you're not going to have the joy. After a while,
you get used to things, things become normal, they become stale.
That's what happens. But anyway, that's not side tracked here.
It's not about that's not about this. I'm just my
point was when you put expensive things in, it just
doesn't really after a while, it just becomes part of
(24:10):
the house and people don't really pay that much attention
to it. But my wife had, really she had these
wonderful ideas about getting this amazing chandelier. Right, So she's
been trying to find this chandelier that really popped and
sings to her and you know, you can see angels
dancing when you see the So after months of searching,
she finally found one that caught her eye. And it
(24:34):
was pretty pricey, pretty pricey, and but it was good looking.
You know, I had a bunch of these crystal balls
and you know, it's all put together and it was
a masterpiece of for a chandelier. It had the Rasma test.
So we ordered it and we they said, well, okay,
that's gonna be delivered. We don't have it at the
(24:56):
chandelier store. So we're gonna have it delivered to the
to the Mallard mansion in a few days. We said, okay, fine,
so the Mallard Mansion, it arrives the chandelier and here's
a multiple choice. All right, multiple choice question. A. The
chandelier was broken when it showed up. B it was
missing parts. Uh see it had the Rubik's cube effect
(25:19):
or D none of the above. What do you think
it was? I'm gonna say, see, uh, that is correct.
That is the Rubik's cube effect, as I call it.
The answer is is a C H that you needed
a PhD to build this? This thing it was and
I'm not exaggerating here, in hundreds of pieces the chandelier,
(25:46):
each crystal ball and there were hundreds of these things
on the chandelier. All right, So I got a question
for you. Then, did your wife order that specifically knowing
that so that way you guys could spend quality time
assembling it together. No. No, In fact, we were under
the assumption that this would be showing up at our
(26:06):
door because it cost a lot of money already constructed.
Because why would spend that amount of money if it's
like going to ikea and you have to build a dresser.
What's the point anyway? So they had these little chicken
scratch instructions and I looked at this thing and I'm like, no,
I'm not I'm not building this thing. And you know,
(26:27):
she's like, I don't have time to build this thing.
We spent a lot of money on it. So we
went back to the store. My wife said, hey, can
you build this thing? We spend a lot of money
on it. It's beautiful, it's what we want, but we
don't we can't build it. We just don't have the time,
nor do we have the desire to do it. And
they said, sure, no problem, we have somebody that can
help you out. Uh. And then and they'll build it
and look great, they'll come to your house. It'll be wonderful.
(26:49):
And said, okay, wonderful. Uh. And then they said how
much that would cost to have the chandelier built? How
much do you think it would cost to have the
chandelier built? This is an estimate that we got from
the people we bought them from. UM say, I'm gonna
say four fifty Uh No, how about six hundred dollars
(27:10):
to build a chandelier. So we politely declined, and we'll
be returning the chandelier and let you know that it
is a scam. Now they claim the only the only
way they can ship the chandelier is because it's made
out of crystal, they can only ship it in pieces,
(27:30):
which is fine. Just let people know when they're buying
it that you're going to get it and need to
spend an additional amount of money to have the thing built.
I get it. He wanted to make the sale. But
what a bait and swift. Oh, we'll have to find
a different chandelier that's already assembled. That's already assembled. So
(27:51):
no crystal balls at least not seven million different crystal
balls all put together there, at least not at our house.
All right, the the obstacle course, Yes, John, the obstacle course.
Now this is another one of these stories. It's a
life of Mallard. And we were greeted with a big
surprise in addition to the crystal balls. Should I name
(28:15):
should I know? Should I name the the company here?
Should I name the company that? Yes? Of course, Yes,
General Electric g E is the name of the company.
So uh. We had purchased a dishwasher for the Mallard
mansion and it took a while to get it shows
up at the house. UH, wife signed it, signed for it.
(28:38):
Contractor said, we can't install it for a few days
because they're on contractor time and so it's not ready
to be put in. We can't put it in right now.
So by the time the contractor opened the box for
the dishwasher, much to their amazement, they discovered that somehow
while it was being delivered, a passive dent was in
(29:02):
the top of the dishwasher. It had been damaged in shipping.
So we UH were like, whoa, what I mean this is?
I mean it was in the box and couldn't open
the box because it was not ready to be put
anyone open the box before anyway. So we called the
place we got it from, a big box store owned
(29:23):
by the owner of the Atlanta Falcons UH and told
them the issue, and that began a wild goose chase.
And the wild goose chase was everyone and their uncle
passing the buck. Uh. They said, well, you've got to
call the delivery company. So called the delivery company. They
(29:45):
of course covered there, took us and said it was
not their problems since we only had forty eight hours
to report an issue. The distre wasn't put in for
like a week after it was delivered because it was
not ready to be put in. They then said, we'll
call General Electric, called ge back, big company, they'll take
care of you. So we called the ge back and
(30:07):
they say, it's not our problem, not our problem. So
it's a it's been a daunting task, tremendous customer service
at all these companies. Unless there was not it is
cover your ass, one on one. So what a scam?
What a scam. So we now have a dishwasher that
(30:27):
cannot be installed because the dent is so large that
you can't put it in. It won't fit because it's
a kind of a it's hard to describe here, but
the top of it is dented in, which means the
other parts of it pinning up and it won't work.
So if anybody wants a broken dishwasher which cost a
(30:50):
couple of thousand bucks, you know, whatever it was, it
was that much, but it was it was a fair
amount of money. It can be hers if you want
it is. It's it's a joke too, because these these companies,
you know, it's like listen, do you deliver stuff and
this you can't exactly go pick this thing up these days,
everything's delivery, delivery, delivery, and then you funk up one
(31:12):
of your guys fox up, and then you can't even
you know, take care of the prop. I'm kind of customers.
I'll never buy another G product the rest of my life.
They've done. They're dead to me. It's over. So congratulations, Yeah, congratulations.
Did you elevate it to a supervisor or a manager? Oh? Yeah,
he went through the whole chain of command, you know,
(31:33):
everyone it passes the buck and they're like, okay, let
me let me get my manager on. Then the managers
like okay, let me let me go to this other person.
You know. They go through the whole thing and everyone
no one collapse at the end. It doesn't have happending.
So anyway, uh, what else do we have? And you
gonna do a little scientifical should we get the heck
out of here? What do you think? Guess what? I
(31:55):
feel bad for you now? Generally feel bad. Let's not listen,
it's only money. Who cares? You can't take it with you? Right?
You can't have a sudden all of a sudden, you
went from frugal Mallard to freewheel and delon Mallard like,
I don't listen, what am I gonna do? It's people
are assholes. Companies are shitty. They don't have service, home
(32:19):
depot in general electric in these companies. I mean, that's
how they do business. You know, that's on them. You know,
just remember that when you buy products in these places
that they don't always take care of if something goes wrong. Hey,
how in your is your kitchen done yet? No? It's
not done. We don't have an oven. We don't have
a microwave, we don't have uh, we have a refrigerator,
(32:43):
but it's like an old refrigerator. We don't have like
my wife wanted all this stuff. It takes you know,
several months, and I don't even want it's gonna be here.
So do you guys have stove stove yet? No? I
we don't have an oven. We don't have a stove.
We don't have any of that. What about barbecue? Do
you have a barbecue? We have a barbecue. It's covered
in dust, and it's the whole backyards covered in construction
(33:05):
glass and dust. So that's good time, dude, good time.
Fence is broken, the whole thing. It's a wonderful time.
The good news is at least you're residing in southern California.
I mean, if you were in the Midwest and this
stuff was going down, it's a bad poposition with the
weather changing from one way to the other. Too bad.
Now's it's fall weather is actually nice. It's them when
(33:29):
you're getting a winner though, that's the problem came over. Yeah,
that's that's the issue. Well, here's good news. We'll get
to let's get scientific. A couple of stories caught my attention.
Scientist scientists have used Japanese not weed whatever that is,
to make night trade free bacon. So they've determined now
(33:52):
that using this not weed, that they can make foods
that have traditionally been bad process meats like bacon, and
they can make it make it healthy or at least healthier.
Are they reduced in the lab, they were able to
reduce the creation of compounds in the body that are
(34:13):
linked to cancer. And so they claim to use this
technology and fine tune it. And it's a plant. It's
considered an invasive species in a lot of places, but
it's native to Japan, and they have used it to
form a healthier red meat. Yeah, it looks um, it
(34:33):
almost looks like mint in some ways, the way that
it's the way that it's uh shape, it's a fast
growing plant. Feared by homeowners, it says, feared by homeowners.
But uh so, anything that can make processed meats healthier,
(34:54):
I fully support. What else? See page down. Pretty Oh,
here's a fun fact about human beings. They determined I
don't know how they determined this, that prehistoric human beings
made it with their cousins three percent of the time.
Today it's ten. Yeah, today, that's a lot. Shout out
(35:19):
to the shout out to the SEC fans out there. Wow,
shots fired here. Do you think anybody above the Mason
Dixon line partakes in that activity? Oh? Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna guess, like the I'm gonna
guess the northeast. You mean the northeast? Yeah, what state?
(35:42):
New Hampshire? You ver Vermont? Vermont? That Prince of Vermont? Now,
where is West Virginia on that there? There are they
below the Mason Dixon line? Are they above the Mason
Dixon above it? I believe aren't. Yeah, they're above Okay,
So that's the cliche about West Virginia that they're on
(36:03):
that list right when people make jokes they tossed West
Virginia in that. Uh wait, no, Virginia is below it. Yeah,
there you go. I thought they were. Yeah, it's like it.
The Mason Dixon Line goes through Pennsylvania, Is that right? Yeah? Maryland,
West Virginia. Techie man man alive. What a drive. It's
(36:30):
a brands Land home. You can't tell that one goodbye.
But we can't say goodbye. We can't say goodbye, so
we'll get out here. We got the mail bag on Sunday,
Extra spicy hot mail bag, which we look forward to
with bated breath, as we do every single week. The
mall Or mail Bag, a staple of your football Sunday
(36:51):
said anything to promote gas on anything you wanna to say, Hey,
you check me out? No, I mean you can go
to my Twitter handle and click the follow button if
you'd like to do that to Ben, Although you've got
a bunch of what do you like fifty followers? You know,
I gained a few, lose a few of kind of
I've reached a malaise, the malaise, but I'm fine with that.
(37:15):
I'm fine with that. But yeah, there. I heard you
earlier in the week talking about how you were at
peace with Twitter because you're not on there as much
as he used to be back in the day. Yeah, no, no,
I realized that it's you know, two percent, it's that's
hardly anybody that has no real meaning on my my life.
I don't spend a lot of time on there. I
(37:35):
used to for the show I'm on there, but outside
of that, I got my life to live. I'm not
I'm not doing that. You can email the mail bag
and you can you can take part in it. The
mail bag email is Real fifth Hour at gmail dot
com and again check that out Real fifth Hour at
(37:57):
Gmail that come. Also the Facebook page Ben Maller Show,
you can post questions usually Tuesdays now we've been doing
it on Tuesdays, and you can be part of that.
So we'd love to have you and have a wonderful
rest of your Saturday, and we'll we'll see what happens
next time.
Host
Ben Maller
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