October 3, 2021 • 43 mins
Roles have been reversed meaning that someone isn't too proud to beg now.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now, back in the saddle again.
It's the Fifth Hour with Ben Miller and David Gascon.
Because four hours a night are not enough, Dad Giveaway,
Dad Giveaway eight days a week, eight days a week
from a Mallard podcast studio deep in the north Woods.
(00:47):
The struggle is real. They struggle is reel, and we
thank you for finding the podcast, supporting the podcast, being
part of the podcast and joined by the person west
of the four oh five over there, David Gascon, what's up,
What's up? What's up? And there he is very exciting
(01:08):
to have guest go on here again on a mail
bag kind of a Sunday. Guest on a mail bag
kind of Sunday, which is you have Do you have
any friends or fans or listeners of the show that
are physical therapists? Not that I know of what what happened?
(01:29):
What what malady do you have now that you need
help with? I popped to Grind Pop to Grind two
days ago. We cannot, I cannot help you with that.
And really, you know, self gratifications, great guest, but you
can't go too hard on that. That's not true. You
can you can never go hard enough. Oh is that right? Yeah,
(01:50):
there's no point. You're the only one in the room there,
that's you know, you want to injure yourself. Well, you know,
I think we're doing is worth doing, right, I mean
slightly embarrassing. I popped it while I was working out.
I was doing squats or doing leg presses, and I
(02:11):
felt this massive pop and I got up and I
was like, oh shoot, this is not good. And uh,
climbing one step on a stair just was not sitting
right with me. I was almost those down and out
not good, not good, not good at all and so okay,
(02:31):
and you need uh I think flexis can help you out. No, no, no,
no, no no, no no no. I was just looking. I mean,
you have you have one dock. I just didn't know
if you had another dock that was actually legit doc
if you just piss on your good oh my good
nothing nothing, yeah, all right, not good anyway, Let's say
(02:54):
we have to play the official open or it's not
the mel back, so let's hit the will strike up
the band here and alright. Thanks to al our buddy
(03:16):
Alan Ohio, the official jingle of the mail Bag as
done from his home recording studio. We think al for that.
And these are actual questions sending by actual listeners like yourself.
You can be part of the mail bag. You don't
have to wait for me to post something on Facebook,
which I do tuesdays now Tuesday, Tuesday Tuesday on the
mail Bag listener questions Ben Maller Show on Facebook, but
(03:39):
you can email them whatever it's real fifth hour at
gmail dot com. Make sure you put f I F
T H in their real fifth hour at gmail dot com.
Put question at the top their mail bag. Whatever works
for you, and we may use your question on the show.
And again thanks to Ohio al for sending in the song.
First question comes from Pierre from Springfield, Massachusetts, home of
(04:02):
the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame. He says, as a
follow up from Ask Band on the Radio, I'd like
to ask your trustees sidekick, whether or not he's misjudged
a fart only to pay the price. Yes, yes, you
like to expand on that? No, why not? I expanded
on it. I went to great details. Different what I
(04:25):
was a radio. I was a terrestrial radio. This is
a podcasts different. You're married because no, no, something like that.
It's just you know you're married. You got your audience,
you got your lovers. Um. No, the women, the women understand. Uh,
most women I think are reasonable that they're not the
(04:46):
man that they will eventually marry does fart and occasionally
things go sideways. Any older you get, the longer you
get in the game, the more that's gonna happen. It's
just the aging process. Be ashamed of it. You probably
have diapers, don't you wear diapers? Is that true? That's
what that's what Eddie told diapers. Yeah, if there's anyone
(05:07):
that knows anything about diapers, that's Eddie Garcia. Yes, wild Yeah,
that's good, unbelievable, shocking. All right, So he's Springfield, our
our friend Pierre again, he is not not going to
answer the question. Uh, Pierres answered the question, I just
did not expand on the answer. Well, listen, I think
the listener can can tell that you're a little uncomfortable
(05:28):
on that, and so we will move on. Sure, Pierre says,
for you, Ben, you didn't hesitate to post an example
of how not the park at the fs are compound
and show us Gascon's car, but you're very vague about
the current make of the Mallard will be a what
gives Well, that is for security reasons, Pierre. As you know,
(05:50):
we have a loyal group that follows the Mallard Militia.
We also have a fringe, a fringe group of rogue
actors that can get involved. All this is I keep
the details of the malle Militia on the download, but
I don't actually have the the Mallamobile, right I keep
the Mallamobile secret, and I don't even have the Malletmobile
(06:11):
right now. The wife got into a fender vendor in
the Mallamobile. I had nothing to do with it, and
it's been in the shop for the last several weeks.
So I've been driving a rental, which is not all
that great a car, but we've been doing and they
claim because of COVID. Every everyone is blaming COVID on everything.
(06:31):
There is a supply line issue, and it's going to
take a full month at the very minimum to get
the part I need for the or they need for
the car to fix. There was some front end damage.
There was a sign that had been on the road.
My wife didn't see it hit it driving and so
it's it's gonna take several more weeks to get that fixed.
(06:53):
But I don't even have the mallamobile, so it's not important.
I can tell you I'm driving a like a reddish
brown rental. That's not that good. Derek, the chef from Auckland,
New Zealand, rights and what if my friends in New Zealand,
which I was longtime radio personality that gig ended came
(07:15):
back entered again with Darcy. We had Darcy on the podcast.
Derek in Auckland, New Zealand says, Hi, all, would you
rather still be bathed by your mother or by your grandmother? Alright,
guess I don't think that my grandmother's ever bathed me,
so I don't know it was only the my MoMu.
I don't know if you this happened to you when
(07:36):
you were a kid, but my grandmother, she was clutch.
When I got my tonsils removed. I remember for that
entire week when I was a kid, she brought me
over ice cream and smoothies and sherbird it was and
she she was Mexican, So anytime I go to her place,
(07:57):
it was always the tortillas with the butter on top,
op over the flame, flip it over and put more
on the other side. The Tamali's there, clutch and clutch, clutch.
I can hear the smiling and your your voice, the
pure joy as you go down memory lane reminiscing. Yeah,
my grandmother and my grandmother's though, were they were very
(08:21):
They were nice, but they were kind of a cold,
old country nice and my my both my grandparents, my grandmother,
my dad's mom was from cheral Noble. She was porn
in cher Noble and she moved around a lot because
of the wars and whatnot, and had to move and
eventually ended up in the United States. She kind of
had an edge to her. My other grandmother was also
(08:42):
from from Russia and the Motherland, which I guess is
now the Ukraine where she was she was from, but
she had a rough edge to her. She was like
a traveling She had to travel around with gypsies, when
she was a little girl, and awesome. One of her
sisters was like Shot was an amazing family too. So
they were they were you know, they were nice women,
(09:03):
but they had an age to him, you know what
I mean. It wasn't like his overwhelming love and all
that stuff. So but I do remember my grandmother from
Chernobyl when we were little kids would go over to
had a place in North Hollywood, and we go over
there when we were kids, and they had a My
grandfather liked the golf, so they had like a couple
(09:23):
of golf holes in the backyard and golf club. So
we'd go out and pretend we were on the PGA tour.
And then she always had she said go up to
the closet in the back. There was a little hidden
door in the back of the closet, and she always
had books that we could pick. We could take a book,
which at the time I thought, well, you you're getting
something good, but then you realize it's a book and
you're not that excited about it. But but those are
(09:45):
the things I remember about some of the things I
remember my my grand grandparents, but our grandmother's grandmother's But anyway,
so uh yeah, and they never never bade me. It's
not when I was old enough to remember. So it's
a weird question, isn't question from Derek? It is, But
I mean, I guess that kind of goes back to
your point of when we were born and when we died.
(10:05):
We were born into We're born into uh diapers, and
we we leave in diapers right from the womb to
the tomb, right valls. Fan Jimmy right In from Fayetteville,
Tennessee says for both, have you ever been on a
date and your car breakdown? And I have to have it, Toad, No,
that has never happened. The strangest thing that has happened
(10:27):
to me on a date is I got pulled over
because they thought I was drunk and I had to
I just gone on the date and I had to
do the walk the you know, the d U I
walk on the side and one foot in front of
the other and recite the alphabet and all that, and
that was awkward. Yeah. I never had the car breakdown.
You no, but uh in casey does listen, I know
(10:48):
this will put a smile on my friend's face. Um,
I lived with a couple of guys when I was
in San Diego, and we got into this big, big,
big ruckus at my ace and I drove one of
my friends like into this wall and basically like broke
the wall. The drywall was just decimated, looked like it
(11:09):
looked like Schwarzenegger and Robert Patrick and terminator too. And
so the landlord was actually coming by like in five days,
so we had a double time it to patch everything up,
make it all look nice and neat and brand new.
So we got drywall plastered back together, painted the wall
of the whole nine yards. Well, because the landlord was
(11:29):
coming over, we wanted to hide the paint, and so
my buddy Patrick and I were putting the gear back
in the garage, but we put it in my car
because we want to hide it somewhere. Well, Patrick did
not put the lid on top of the paint and
sealed it. He just put the lid on top. So
(11:49):
that following night, I drove up to go meet a
girl in Irvine for a date and I'm up the
fire freeway at Carl's Bad I started smelling something. I
thought like, what the funk is that? And sure shoult
I pulled over. I was like, you know what, that's
gotta be the paint pulled over in the back and
my expedition, it was decorated in white paint all over
(12:12):
the back, all over the fucking back. And I was
so irate that I did nothing about it. I just
let it sit and I was like, I'm gonna go
on this date. It'll be tragic, it'll be a bad
date anyway, and then I'm gonna come home and like
air somebody out. So, yeah, that was question in the
back of the room. How much did it cost to
fix five and you went to a detailer? Did you
(12:36):
have to go somewhere special? Is there anything you had
to do with to someone special to get done? Yeah?
It was awful. So five bills five bucks because you
didn't put the cap on the paint properly. Damn it.
Terry and England rights and he says, have you listened
to the Mallard Town podcast? If yes, what do you think?
(12:59):
If no, why not? I have not had a chance
to listen to the Mallard Town podcast, although I am curious.
I heard Marcel was on there, and I can't imagine
that was was not an amazing podcast. Guestcon does not
want us to put any callers on the podcast. We
have put a few on, much to the dismay of
(13:20):
Guestcon who's had to cope with that. But no, Terry,
send me a link of the Mallartown podcast. I've not
been invited on. Am I not allowed on the Mallardtown podcast?
A might not allowed to go on there? And wax poetic.
I think it'd be a breach of contract, don't you think?
Oh yeah, I don't think I'm allowed to. You know,
I'm only allowed to be on this podcast and anybody
that wants to hire me. I learned that lesson. It's
(13:41):
in the contract, Guestcon. It's in the print of the contract.
I'm only contract contractually obligated to be on this podcast. Now,
I guess I am allowed to be a guest, but
there are limits. There are limits on that. But I
cannot be one of the name stars of another podcast
not allowed to do it. So okay, um, I'm sure
(14:01):
it's great and I've heard good things about it, and
it's it's very popular the Mallard Town podcast. With the
hardcore fans of the show, they're they're big supporters of it.
They tell me, tell me stories that they heard on
the podcast. The chef Scott from New Orleans right since says, guys,
I am loving the content lately with so many cool hats.
(14:22):
I'm sure you too wear them when you're out on
a hot day. And the sweat salt ring starts around
the rim and works its way up the sides for
colored hats and no no racism. He says, how do
you got like to wash your hats? And is there
a way to keep them looking shiny new after washing
(14:44):
out the sweat? Well, I mentioned this in the previous podcast, Scott,
I hope you heard the Saturday podcast. But I have
three tiers of hats. I have the everyday hat cover
and sweat hat. Don't worry about it. I have that tier.
I have the midlevel hat, which I like a lot hot,
but I'm willing to get sweaty from time to time
because I know I can wash it. And then I
(15:06):
have the top tier, the one percent of hat that
I only where when it's cool and I know I'm
not going to be an environment where I'm going to
sweat because these are the creme de la creme, the masterpiece,
the theon of the hats. And so I have the
(15:26):
three tiers. Now I have washed hats before I had.
I bought this thing you can buy online. It's a
it keeps the shape of the hat. You put it
in the dishwasher. I usually put in the dishwasher, and yeah,
it does do pretty well. Occasionally I've had some of
the ink on the older hats bleed a little bit,
but the newer hats, I've had no problem with it.
(15:47):
And you just let it dry and you leave it
in that thing for a day or so, and then
the hat is as good as it can possibly be.
There's also I've seen some guys get that lint roller.
You can get a little lit roller and and use
that because sometimes it will be little stuff even after
you wash, it still on the hat, like a little
leftover dribble, and you can get that off. But yeah,
(16:08):
I have no problem washing yescan, you just announced on
the previous podcast you do not believe in washing hats.
I do not. I just don't. I I have kind
of similar to you. I have a hat for working out.
I have a hat for going out, and then I
have one for just kind of mucking it up. Yeah,
so hat you can you can extend a glongate the
(16:32):
life of the hat and these things are expensive. When
I'm back in my day, hats I don't remember being
all that expensive, but now it's it's insanity how how
expensive these hats are. And I also, yeah, I just
I don't want to keep having to replace hats I
already have. That's the other thing I hate. Yeah, So alright,
(16:54):
moving on, Joe and Darcy back in Florida. Joe and Darcy,
how many of the states have you been to and
other countries? Does connecting at an airport and staying on
a terminal briefly count as being in a state in
your opinion? Okay, I thought about this, So I think
(17:15):
it counts if you eat something synonymous with that city
or state. Now, I think it counts. And I'll tell
you why. No matter what, because if that plane crashes
at that airplane, they will say that you died at
that airport. Right. If you go to go to walk
through the terminal and have a heart attack, you've died
in that state, in that city, right, So it does count.
(17:37):
Not to be the grim Reaper here, it counts. And
I don't know how many states I've been to a lot.
I haven't been to every state, but I've been to
quite a few, so you know, obviously the northeastern states.
That's easy because you Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts sits
(18:00):
in all those places, and New York, Pennsylvania, Jersey. You
go down the list there, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Florida, Atlanta, Georgia, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois.
This is great. I feel like that Howard Dean, remember
that Howard Dean rant political rant years ago. I don't.
(18:26):
I'm doing this off the top of my I've been
to not I get you. I bet you've been to
more than me, guest, can I bet you've probably been
more to me. I know you just said that I've
been to probably twenty I'd say around twenty somewhere in
that area. Anyway, Thank you, Thank you, Joe and Darcy.
Glad you're back and forth. John in Northern Colorado says,
(18:50):
have you ever cropped us to the grocery store aisle?
Or do you suffer until the parting? I think this
is the question we already asked, isn't I think last week?
He John, we did it last week. Thanks for listening.
John Barry in Music City says, Yo, Yo, Ma, Benny,
you can only pick one for the rest of your life.
(19:12):
Bagel or donut o man alto. I'm gonna go with
bagel because bagel you can do a variety of things
with where a doughnut you can't. Bagel. You can add
egg to it, you can add bacon to it, you
can add cream cheese to it. You got buttered to it.
(19:33):
You can toast it, and you can have it dry um.
You can put maple syrup on it. You can put
any toppings that you normally put on a donut on
a bagel, but you can't do it the other way
around to a donut. I would see. I'm supposed to
say bagel because of my roots, but I love a
good donut, and I love all shapes of donuts. The
(19:56):
cinnamon twist donut is outstanding. Some call it cinnamon roll.
But the long John you name it, those round donuts,
the Homer Simpson donuts with the pink frosting. The donut
holes are good donut hole. You can get apple donuts,
fruit filled donuts with other fruit other than apples. So
I'm going down. And the bagel thing, you gotta eat
(20:18):
it like right away. If you eat a bagel fresh bagel,
there's any there's nothing better than a fresh bagel, a doughnut.
I feel like you can eat a doughnut whether it's
fresh or it's been sitting around for a little bit,
and it's still still pretty good. Uh, pretty good? Uh?
Alex in Maine rights and he says, when you were
first starting the Ben Maller Show, what other names for
(20:39):
the show did you consider? Yeah, it's a great, great question. Actually,
I guess I I was gonna go to the Ben
Waller Show, the Bill Miller Show. But he means, like
you know, I mean like, like, yeah, there's other shows,
like you know, Robin Chris, the the Odd Couple, so
you know, Jonas and LaVar and Brady or two two
(21:01):
Pros and a Cup of Joe. So would you do
anything different than having your name across the across the
vanity title. No. And I'll tell you why. There's this
guy named Biff Elliott who died many years ago. Biff
was a buddy of mine. He worked at CBS Radio.
His brother was Win Elliott, legendary New York City sportscaster,
and they were both actors. And Biff pulled me aside
(21:22):
when I was early in my radio career and I
was doing the Benn and Dave Show with this guy,
Dave Smith, and we were like, I don't know if
that's a good name for the show. And he pulled
me aside. I said, this guy's been a radio for years.
We're back with radio. Was the glory days of radio,
the heyday of radio. And he pulled me aside and
he said, Ben, listen. He said, it doesn't matter what
you name the show. If you do a good, professional show,
(21:46):
and you do a show this entertaining, people are gonna listen.
It doesn't matter where you have a terrible name or
a good name, and it works vice versa. He says,
if you do a terrible show, but you have the
greatest name for the show, it, with all due respect,
no one's gonna listen. So who hears, don't worry about
the name, just what you put your name on. A
move on, And so I did, and I agree with
I don't think the name matters at all. If you
(22:07):
do a good show, people are gonna listen. If you
do a shitty show, people aren't gonna listen. So just
the Ben Mallisher, keep it simple. But I originally when
I had the Overnight, we called it the Third Shift
with Ben Maller. That was the old guard, the old management,
that's what they called it. But since then we've had
an epiphany. Put my name on it. Ozzy Momentum rights
(22:27):
and says, Hey, mate, I want to know is a
hot dog is sandwich? I reckon it is. So this
is the the age old hot dog sandwich debate. Do
we want to go engage in that again? I feel
like we've done that before. We don't do that, sorry,
Ozzy moment ba does he waste? How does he waste?
An email like that? Wow? What the hell is wrong
(22:47):
with you? Then he says, I think you should get
JT the brick in on your Friday podcast making. I
don't really know JT. I know, I know him casually,
I really have no relationship. I mean, all the people
that were here, he's at the very low end as
far as people I had a relationship with. I had
nothing against JT. But like the other guys we've had
on Mike North, Andy Furman, guys like that, I just
(23:10):
had more more of a connection with. So. I mean,
JT does a podcast with Looney. I'm sure you can
can hear that. But I don't really know him. I
don't even I don't think I have JT's number, both
of them. So I'm sorry Blake in Arkansas. Right, since
this gentleman, another week of writing in and another hawk win. Dude,
(23:31):
that guy is like it's been on fire as of late. Yeah,
he's been really good. He's hopefully by the time you
read this, we beat Georgia this weekend. If we do
talking about Arkansas. Uh, if we do, you guys very
well may never get rid of me. Since I have
been writing in the email, they have caught fire, caught fire,
(23:54):
so I can't stop now, Blake says, which brings me
to my question. Can you give an exam ample of
a time that you did something dumb because you told
yourself it was helping in one form or another. Even
if you're not a superstitious person, everyone has an example
of doing it here or there, all right, So it's
(24:15):
kind of a vague generic question for Blake in Arkansas.
So it's just an example of doing something dumb because
you told yourself it was helping in one way, or
it's like a superstitio. All right, So let me know
if this counts. Back in my twenties, whenever I would
go to Vegas, or I'd go to like Miami or
(24:36):
New York to go party with a bunch of people.
We were using, usually doing some bad things like whatever
it was, it was bad. But before every time I
left the hotel, I would take a shower and then
say a prayer every time. Yeah, I'd say a prayer
before I did anything stupid. So you were being proactive.
(25:01):
You bought that by doing this, that there's nothing bad
that could happen because you've covered yourself. It's like going
to confessional before you actually yeah that, Yeah, that's a
that's a little odd. I'm trying to think off the
top of my head here, Blake, and nothing's popping in
(25:21):
my head. I'm sure I've done done things, but there's
nothing that really is having I'm not having a Eureka moment.
I have to think about that more. Blake, thanks for
the hats, he says, what Pig Suey and Blake, did
you hear the radio show we talked about Blake. I
think I don't think it was on the podcast, but
(25:42):
Blake called into the radio show and he he has
a side hustle, which is his new business. He claims
he has a license to print print money buys anytime
you purchase stuff on Amazon and return it, Amazon is
not allowed to resell that, so they sell it in
a in like a box truck. You can buy a
(26:03):
box truck of return to Amazon items. And what Blake does.
He says, he's got a warehouse in Arkansas and he
buys these trucks from Amazon that have all this stuff
that people return that they didn't want anymore, and he
sells it for like five dollars and three dollars per
item and makes a killing. He says, it's like a
(26:23):
license to print money. How crazy is that? What great gig?
That is solid? How can we get in on that?
It's easy, right because a lot of times people will
return stuff to Amazon and it's perfectly fine. They just
didn't need it. Sometimes they didn't even open it. And
you can sell that stuff for five bucks, maybe ten bucks,
(26:44):
something like that and cover your cost and make a killing.
I gotta investigate that, Blake. Send me some more details, Blake.
I want to get in on that. That could be
my future once this radio thing doesn't work out. Carlos
in Houston writes and says, due to my change in schedule,
that's bang Bang, Houston. I'm officially a consumer of the
fourth hour of your radio program, So I might have
(27:07):
to build up courage to call in or maybe get
back on Twitter to interact. And don't worry, he says,
I'll still be downloading the podcast to listen to the
first three hours. Well, thank you anyways. Is that? What
is the origin? What is the origin story of the
Instant Advice Line. It is one of my favorite segments
of the week. Well, that is an iconic piece of
(27:29):
radio real estate. That is a namage or tribute to
other radio shows, and it's it's one of the older
bits in calling radio. Well, you just take as many
calls as you can and you have a question and
you just go through it. People have had different names
for it over the years. It's not my idea, it's
not my invention. It's something that I enjoyed when I
(27:50):
listened to talk radio, and I had said, if I
ever get a show some day, I'd like to incorporate that.
Great minds think alike. Many broadcasters have done it, and
so that is what the Instant Advice Line is. And
it's just a a bit to have fun and goof around.
And the funny thing is. I spent a lot of
time thinking like who should we give advice to this week?
(28:11):
And then it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it's
the same ten people that call up screaming and shouting
and just telling jokes. That's how that normally goes, all right,
Next up, Next up, we have This is from Radar
blind Rage. Writing in says, just got done listening to
the Fifth Hour today and one of your callers, Eric
(28:33):
and Omaha, was asking about a good source for documentaries.
I have been subscribing to a service, he says, called
Curiosity Stream. If you heard of that, Uh, it is
loaded with documentaries and constantly getting new stuff. It's only
twenty dollars a year. You can't beat that. You might
want to check it out yourself. I'll investigate Radar blind Rage.
(28:55):
He says. On another note, I find it amusing that
blind people grab a take towards your podcast. I don't
know why that is. What are you saying? Rader blind
Rage says, I might be your ol G blind listen,
your old gangster blind listener, long live the mighty six
ninety you might you guys keep up the good work.
(29:17):
Well well, Rader blind Rage, You're showing your age, pal,
if you go back to the mighty six ninety days
in sun diego back in the day, and I occasionally
work in the term mighty in the beginning of the
show the top of the hour open as in homage
to Lee Hacksar Hamilton's in the mighty six ninety in
(29:38):
Sunday Ago the Mighty Powerful Airwaves of Fox Sports Radio,
Kevin in Rockford writes, and he says, as far as
the blind thing, blind rage, I don't, I don't know.
I love the blind listen. I love. We've always had
a lot of celebrity blind callers, whether it's blind Scott,
Blind Scott, blind Sea Bass. We had Vision for a while. Well,
(30:00):
we had blind Willie in in Florida that worked at
the Outback Steak. Because we've always had a lot of
blind list of blind Emmet of course, famous caller in
the Pacific Northwest High School Kid. So we the blind.
I credit the blind listeners that call in that encourage
other blind people to listen to the show. It's really
(30:20):
the blind leading the blind. It is in the fighting spirit.
In the fighting spirit, Kevin and Rockford, Illinois says, I
missed about a month of the show traveling the US,
climbing mountains and living it up. But I've been back
to the real life for a few weeks now, and
apparently you kicked weed Man off the show. What happened there? Also?
What happened to the drug dealing funeral director from Minnesota?
(30:44):
That guy was was around the show, all right, So
let me answer those questions and then I'll get to
your final point here. So weed Man actually kicked himself
off the show. He had been panhandling, begging listeners for money.
We finally got fed up with it. We said, don't
do that, and then he wanted us to pay him
to be on the show. He demanded compensation, as I remember,
(31:08):
and so we we said that's it, and we didn't
officially banned him. He really banned himself from sticking up
the airways. We told him to stop begging for money
and that that was offensive to him, and he just
didn't do it. And as far as Hayes in Minnesota,
the guy you're referencing here, the alleged funeral director who
also did drugs, we think that guy was a fraud.
(31:30):
He just disappeared and vanished in the thin air. But
I don't know what happened to him. These people call
for a while. A lot of people call for a
short amount of time and then that's it. Very few
people have staying power and last year after year after
year after year. Most call for a month or two
months or three months, and maybe even a year and
(31:51):
then move on to some other venture. But that's the
answer to your question. He also says, one last thing,
I can't wait to see my Cardinals put a spanking
on your Dodgers in the wild card game. Well, be
careful what you asked for, Kevin. You know what happens
when you assume it doesn't go well, does not go well.
(32:11):
R J Insane Antonio right in the Alamo. He's actually
somewhere else, but he's from San Antonio. He says, who
were your radio broadcasting heroes growing up that you never
got to talk or interview with as you got into
the business. Well, I never got to meet Jim Healy,
(32:31):
who is the biggest one based influence, Jim Healey, the
radio show he did in l A. I never had
the opportunity to be in the same room with him.
I'm trying to think who else. Most of the other
ones I had some kind of faint interaction with I
met Art Bell at a Premier Networks holiday party, which
(32:52):
was pretty cool. Hacks Aw I did some shows as
an intern for Hacksaw. We've had him on the podcast.
He became a friend. Joe McDonald, like great Joe McDonald,
l a radio legend, passed away several years ago. I
became friends with him. We worked at the same station together. Uh.
And so Jim Healy is the big one. But like
Howard Stern. I I was at a Howard Stern books
(33:14):
signing when I was in high school, and I count
that as a meeting. I mentioned Art Bell. Uh so, yeah,
I've met most of the ones I wanted to meet.
Have you met any Have you not met any of
the people you wanted to meet in radio? Um? I
didn't meet Jim. I did meet Jim Rome at a
(33:37):
Big West Conference game because he went to U see
Santa Barbara got a chance to meet with him. I
remember back in the day when he actually called my
house looking for my dad during the whole O J
Simpson stuff. Oh that's cool, it kind of random. I
met Jim at the Why. He was at six ninety
when I was there, But I didn't really know him,
and then I met him at a holiday party and
(33:57):
I was flattered because Jim was a fan of my
website and regaled me with stories about how he when
he was preparing for the Going to the Jungle Ben
math dot com, my website was something that he looked
at every day to find content for. So that's great.
I need him. I need him, and I know he's
not a big radio guy, but I would love to
meet Jim Lampley. Oh, I've met lamp I did a
(34:19):
show with Lampley. We can get Lampley on the podcast.
We should get him on the podcast. We tried to
last year, but he was in the middle of signing
a deal with the with the production company. I think
it was boxing. I think that's what it was, but
he just, uh, you should revisit that. Yeah, we should.
He's teaching right now on the East Coast, I think too.
Is he in North Carolina? Oh yeah, North Carolina's right. Yeah,
(34:39):
when we went to school. Is that what he's doing.
I wonder what Lampley was up to. Yeah, good guy Lampley.
I loved it. I did the show with him, and
about ten minutes before the show, he's like, Ben just
talk about whatever you want. I'll just I'll play it
off you. Jim, you're you know you getting paid a
little more than me here, Jim, I don't know what's
going on here, but anyway, a guy and we should
(35:01):
we should definite get him on touch of mold school boxing.
Some of the crazy things he saw on the boxing game.
And he's his name names. He's not really doing much
these days, right. I don't think he's at Real Sports anymore.
He wasn't there for a long Yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, alright, uh,
moving on, moving on, Mr Lucy, I know from La
La Land says, how are you guys doing right now? Well,
(35:23):
thank you Mr Luciana for asking. Is there anything you
guys want to achieve before the year ends? Yeah, I'd
like to get the house done. House i'm living in done.
That would be a big thing. That's about it. Anything
else has gone. We're getting towards you need to. I
need to get my weight to a desired total. You're
big fatty now, not not a big fatty. Just I'd
(35:45):
like to get my way to two bills. I'd like
to do that. Um. I'd like to get my treadmill
back so I can actually use it. That would be nice.
It's been in storage for several months. That would be good.
How about you just go outside and work out? How
about that up stairs? Let let me explain something dummy.
The problem When I work out, I like to work
(36:07):
out like three thirty in the morning. Yeah, okay, that's
what I like to work out, wind down after show.
Kind of contemplate my existence on the treadmill. I can't
go for a walk at three thirty in the morning.
I will be pulled over and detained for proudly if
I go walking around where I live now at three
(36:28):
in the morning. Can't not true. You know how any
old people are walking at that time? None. They don't
walk at three through in the the earliest thing. Get
up at like five in the morning. I might be
able to get away with four thirty in the morning,
but not three or three thirty in the morning. Can't
get away with it. I cannot do it. Can't. So
(36:48):
I'd like to get the treadmill. You were in the
middle of something though, You were talking about other things
you want to accomplish other than your weight. Um, I'm
still doing some international hockey. I'd like to, uh, parley
that into something else that bigger here state side. Yeah,
like a hockey NHL job. I played by played job
and it would be nice. Yeah, trying to gear towards
(37:10):
some some college basketball here in the next couple of weeks,
so we'll see fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Okay, Fred in
Spring Texas says, high guys, did college helped prepare you
for your current position? Funck? Now? Yeah, Well, the only
thing I will say is that I worked at the
(37:31):
college radio stations. I learned the basics of radio, but
I didn't really learn how to do radio until I
did radio. Like I interned in San Diego and I
worked at the college station. But it wasn't until I
rolled up my sleeves and started doing this day after day,
week after week, month after month, year after year, that
(37:54):
I had a grasp of it. So and as far
as the other stuff, it was, it was fun. I
had a good experience. You know, I didn't go to
school all that long. I want to saddle back at
a job in radio. That's why I was. My goal
was to get a job in radio. And before I
had even gotten out of saddle back, they said, hey,
we want to hire you as a guy at our station.
So I took it and I never looked back. But yeah,
(38:18):
I would say not much would be the way I
would answer, other than the college radio experience was fun.
But as far as the other stuff, I mean, to me,
the main thing about college I always tell people this,
like it's more about networking than anything, because I've seen
so many people, like in our business, if you go
to Syracuse, you're a made man or a woman in radio,
(38:40):
in sports television, there's a whole network. It's funny. We
had Dick Stockton on who was one of the originals.
It was Dick Stockton Marv Albert, Right, weren't those two
I believe that went to Syracuse. I think that right
and kind of set the foundation. And now after that
it's I think Bob Costas also, but it's it's it's
all an eagle, i'n eagle, Mike to Rico. There's a
(39:02):
whole network of Syracuse, and it's the alumni helping the
alumni get great broadcasting gigs. A lot of the executives
in sports media went to Syracuse. It's the Hardvard of
sports broadcasting. So if you go to a school like that,
then you can use those connections it's i'll scratch your back,
you scratch my back, and that obviously does help. I
think that's the biggest thing from college is network. And
(39:26):
it's like if you go to Harvard. You know. It's
one one of my theories on the IVY League. The
hardest part of the IVY League is getting in the
IVY League. But once you get in, they don't want
to fail people because that makes them look bad as
a school. But then you get the benefits of the network,
the IVY League network at the and so you're you're
really like a pig and slop once you get in. Yeah,
it's same thing like going to USC or Northwestern Stanford. Yeah,
(39:51):
you really have to screw up. Some of the biggest
dropouts have gone on to create things like Facebook and
and uh Amazon and places like that because you had
dropped out of school anyway. Uh, we only have time
for a few more. Uh let's see here, page down,
page down. Can't read that on the air, Jason Rocky
(40:14):
Mount Virginia, the guys. In the age of streaming, I
realized DVDs aren't used much anymore, but I still have one.
And he's talking about DVD players and I have around
fifty DVDs that I still use occasionally. Do either of
you still have one or more DVDs? I do have
(40:35):
some DVDs. I can't remember the last time we watched them.
We have a DVD player. Yeah, I can't remember the
last time we we popped in a DVD. Everything is
stream and everything is whether it's Netflix, Amazon, Prime, any Disney.
My wife rotates. She watches a lot more TV than
I watched, but she rotates all that stuff. What about you, guess? Guy?
(40:57):
I do? I do. I'm in fact I want to
convert a couple of them over to uh. I want
to convert a couple of them over to like an
MP four and UM and put them online. So I
know there's a couple of places like in Torrance and
else are gonna know that do it. But I don't
know what the cost of it is. But I need
to do that. Yeah, actually, yeah, I might do that
(41:17):
for the holiday season. Well, it could be a nice
thing for the holidays to give yourself a gift, all right,
a little button. I do want to thank Kevin and
Kansas are buddy. Who's the high school teacher? We didn't
get a chance to get to your question Kevin Mike
from south Here Overmont. That sounds like a cool town,
south Here Overmont. Is that a real place, you think?
Yesake that up and I've never heard of that before.
(41:39):
That sounds pretty neat. Uh. Thank Big Mike, not the
Big Mike that works at Fox Sports Radio. Johnny in
San Antonio, who's a big Clipper fan. Thank you, Johnny.
I appreciate that. And Paul and Great Falls, Montana Lugo,
our guy Lugo, and Lancaster. We thank you for sending
your questions and we ran out of time and you
can re submit if you want to send me an
(42:01):
email and um and possibly next week just to say, hey,
you didn't get to my question, and then there's a
better chance we'll get to it next week. Send it
care of Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Real
fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Anything else to promote
guest gun no I size large for a Mac shirt
getting a Max Shirts sized LTD Mac shirt and Mac hat.
(42:24):
I did look. I looked on the Buffalo bills, not
the buff Buffalo bulls bulls, and because it's beat bulls,
I thought maybe for Buffalo. I didn't see any hats
with a B on it. So I thought it might
be a Mac team that I have an obsession with
b hats size eight. But unless I'm missing it, I
don't see on their website. I don't see any Buffalo
(42:44):
Bills hats or Bulls again with a with the B anyway, listen,
I have a great rest your Sunday, enjoy the NFL.
Or if you're listening to this after the NFL, I
hope you enjoyed the NFL and that amazing game on
a Sunday night, Patriots and Bucks. It's such a cool game.
I could have gone to the RAM game today, but
I chose to stay home because I didn't want to
miss a second of Belichick Brady the first time head
(43:09):
to head. Have a great Sunday night, and we'll be
back on the radio Sunday night in the Monday at
two am Monday morning in the East, eleven pm Sunday
night in the West, and we'll catch you then
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now, back in the saddle again.
It's the Fifth Hour with Ben Miller and David Gascon.
Because four hours a night are not enough, Dad Giveaway,
Dad Giveaway eight days a week, eight days a week
from a Mallard podcast studio deep in the north Woods.
(00:47):
The struggle is real. They struggle is reel, and we
thank you for finding the podcast, supporting the podcast, being
part of the podcast and joined by the person west
of the four oh five over there, David Gascon, what's up,
What's up? What's up? And there he is very exciting
(01:08):
to have guest go on here again on a mail
bag kind of a Sunday. Guest on a mail bag
kind of Sunday, which is you have Do you have
any friends or fans or listeners of the show that
are physical therapists? Not that I know of what what happened?
(01:29):
What what malady do you have now that you need
help with? I popped to Grind Pop to Grind two
days ago. We cannot, I cannot help you with that.
And really, you know, self gratifications, great guest, but you
can't go too hard on that. That's not true. You
can you can never go hard enough. Oh is that right? Yeah,
(01:50):
there's no point. You're the only one in the room there,
that's you know, you want to injure yourself. Well, you know,
I think we're doing is worth doing, right, I mean
slightly embarrassing. I popped it while I was working out.
I was doing squats or doing leg presses, and I
(02:11):
felt this massive pop and I got up and I
was like, oh shoot, this is not good. And uh,
climbing one step on a stair just was not sitting
right with me. I was almost those down and out
not good, not good, not good at all and so okay,
(02:31):
and you need uh I think flexis can help you out. No, no, no,
no, no no, no no no. I was just looking. I mean,
you have you have one dock. I just didn't know
if you had another dock that was actually legit doc
if you just piss on your good oh my good
nothing nothing, yeah, all right, not good anyway, Let's say
(02:54):
we have to play the official open or it's not
the mel back, so let's hit the will strike up
the band here and alright. Thanks to al our buddy
(03:16):
Alan Ohio, the official jingle of the mail Bag as
done from his home recording studio. We think al for that.
And these are actual questions sending by actual listeners like yourself.
You can be part of the mail bag. You don't
have to wait for me to post something on Facebook,
which I do tuesdays now Tuesday, Tuesday Tuesday on the
mail Bag listener questions Ben Maller Show on Facebook, but
(03:39):
you can email them whatever it's real fifth hour at
gmail dot com. Make sure you put f I F
T H in their real fifth hour at gmail dot com.
Put question at the top their mail bag. Whatever works
for you, and we may use your question on the show.
And again thanks to Ohio al for sending in the song.
First question comes from Pierre from Springfield, Massachusetts, home of
(04:02):
the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame. He says, as a
follow up from Ask Band on the Radio, I'd like
to ask your trustees sidekick, whether or not he's misjudged
a fart only to pay the price. Yes, yes, you
like to expand on that? No, why not? I expanded
on it. I went to great details. Different what I
(04:25):
was a radio. I was a terrestrial radio. This is
a podcasts different. You're married because no, no, something like that.
It's just you know you're married. You got your audience,
you got your lovers. Um. No, the women, the women understand. Uh,
most women I think are reasonable that they're not the
(04:46):
man that they will eventually marry does fart and occasionally
things go sideways. Any older you get, the longer you
get in the game, the more that's gonna happen. It's
just the aging process. Be ashamed of it. You probably
have diapers, don't you wear diapers? Is that true? That's
what that's what Eddie told diapers. Yeah, if there's anyone
(05:07):
that knows anything about diapers, that's Eddie Garcia. Yes, wild Yeah,
that's good, unbelievable, shocking. All right, So he's Springfield, our
our friend Pierre again, he is not not going to
answer the question. Uh, Pierres answered the question, I just
did not expand on the answer. Well, listen, I think
the listener can can tell that you're a little uncomfortable
(05:28):
on that, and so we will move on. Sure, Pierre says,
for you, Ben, you didn't hesitate to post an example
of how not the park at the fs are compound
and show us Gascon's car, but you're very vague about
the current make of the Mallard will be a what
gives Well, that is for security reasons, Pierre. As you know,
(05:50):
we have a loyal group that follows the Mallard Militia.
We also have a fringe, a fringe group of rogue
actors that can get involved. All this is I keep
the details of the malle Militia on the download, but
I don't actually have the the Mallamobile, right I keep
the Mallamobile secret, and I don't even have the Malletmobile
(06:11):
right now. The wife got into a fender vendor in
the Mallamobile. I had nothing to do with it, and
it's been in the shop for the last several weeks.
So I've been driving a rental, which is not all
that great a car, but we've been doing and they
claim because of COVID. Every everyone is blaming COVID on everything.
(06:31):
There is a supply line issue, and it's going to
take a full month at the very minimum to get
the part I need for the or they need for
the car to fix. There was some front end damage.
There was a sign that had been on the road.
My wife didn't see it hit it driving and so
it's it's gonna take several more weeks to get that fixed.
(06:53):
But I don't even have the mallamobile, so it's not important.
I can tell you I'm driving a like a reddish
brown rental. That's not that good. Derek, the chef from Auckland,
New Zealand, rights and what if my friends in New Zealand,
which I was longtime radio personality that gig ended came
(07:15):
back entered again with Darcy. We had Darcy on the podcast.
Derek in Auckland, New Zealand says, Hi, all, would you
rather still be bathed by your mother or by your grandmother? Alright,
guess I don't think that my grandmother's ever bathed me,
so I don't know it was only the my MoMu.
I don't know if you this happened to you when
(07:36):
you were a kid, but my grandmother, she was clutch.
When I got my tonsils removed. I remember for that
entire week when I was a kid, she brought me
over ice cream and smoothies and sherbird it was and
she she was Mexican, So anytime I go to her place,
(07:57):
it was always the tortillas with the butter on top,
op over the flame, flip it over and put more
on the other side. The Tamali's there, clutch and clutch, clutch.
I can hear the smiling and your your voice, the
pure joy as you go down memory lane reminiscing. Yeah,
my grandmother and my grandmother's though, were they were very
(08:21):
They were nice, but they were kind of a cold,
old country nice and my my both my grandparents, my grandmother,
my dad's mom was from cheral Noble. She was porn
in cher Noble and she moved around a lot because
of the wars and whatnot, and had to move and
eventually ended up in the United States. She kind of
had an edge to her. My other grandmother was also
(08:42):
from from Russia and the Motherland, which I guess is
now the Ukraine where she was she was from, but
she had a rough edge to her. She was like
a traveling She had to travel around with gypsies, when
she was a little girl, and awesome. One of her
sisters was like Shot was an amazing family too. So
they were they were you know, they were nice women,
(09:03):
but they had an age to him, you know what
I mean. It wasn't like his overwhelming love and all
that stuff. So but I do remember my grandmother from
Chernobyl when we were little kids would go over to
had a place in North Hollywood, and we go over
there when we were kids, and they had a My
grandfather liked the golf, so they had like a couple
(09:23):
of golf holes in the backyard and golf club. So
we'd go out and pretend we were on the PGA tour.
And then she always had she said go up to
the closet in the back. There was a little hidden
door in the back of the closet, and she always
had books that we could pick. We could take a book,
which at the time I thought, well, you you're getting
something good, but then you realize it's a book and
you're not that excited about it. But but those are
(09:45):
the things I remember about some of the things I
remember my my grand grandparents, but our grandmother's grandmother's But anyway,
so uh yeah, and they never never bade me. It's
not when I was old enough to remember. So it's
a weird question, isn't question from Derek? It is, But
I mean, I guess that kind of goes back to
your point of when we were born and when we died.
(10:05):
We were born into We're born into uh diapers, and
we we leave in diapers right from the womb to
the tomb, right valls. Fan Jimmy right In from Fayetteville,
Tennessee says for both, have you ever been on a
date and your car breakdown? And I have to have it, Toad, No,
that has never happened. The strangest thing that has happened
(10:27):
to me on a date is I got pulled over
because they thought I was drunk and I had to
I just gone on the date and I had to
do the walk the you know, the d U I
walk on the side and one foot in front of
the other and recite the alphabet and all that, and
that was awkward. Yeah. I never had the car breakdown.
You no, but uh in casey does listen, I know
(10:48):
this will put a smile on my friend's face. Um,
I lived with a couple of guys when I was
in San Diego, and we got into this big, big,
big ruckus at my ace and I drove one of
my friends like into this wall and basically like broke
the wall. The drywall was just decimated, looked like it
(11:09):
looked like Schwarzenegger and Robert Patrick and terminator too. And
so the landlord was actually coming by like in five days,
so we had a double time it to patch everything up,
make it all look nice and neat and brand new.
So we got drywall plastered back together, painted the wall
of the whole nine yards. Well, because the landlord was
(11:29):
coming over, we wanted to hide the paint, and so
my buddy Patrick and I were putting the gear back
in the garage, but we put it in my car
because we want to hide it somewhere. Well, Patrick did
not put the lid on top of the paint and
sealed it. He just put the lid on top. So
(11:49):
that following night, I drove up to go meet a
girl in Irvine for a date and I'm up the
fire freeway at Carl's Bad I started smelling something. I
thought like, what the funk is that? And sure shoult
I pulled over. I was like, you know what, that's
gotta be the paint pulled over in the back and
my expedition, it was decorated in white paint all over
(12:12):
the back, all over the fucking back. And I was
so irate that I did nothing about it. I just
let it sit and I was like, I'm gonna go
on this date. It'll be tragic, it'll be a bad
date anyway, and then I'm gonna come home and like
air somebody out. So, yeah, that was question in the
back of the room. How much did it cost to
fix five and you went to a detailer? Did you
(12:36):
have to go somewhere special? Is there anything you had
to do with to someone special to get done? Yeah?
It was awful. So five bills five bucks because you
didn't put the cap on the paint properly. Damn it.
Terry and England rights and he says, have you listened
to the Mallard Town podcast? If yes, what do you think?
(12:59):
If no, why not? I have not had a chance
to listen to the Mallard Town podcast, although I am curious.
I heard Marcel was on there, and I can't imagine
that was was not an amazing podcast. Guestcon does not
want us to put any callers on the podcast. We
have put a few on, much to the dismay of
(13:20):
Guestcon who's had to cope with that. But no, Terry,
send me a link of the Mallartown podcast. I've not
been invited on. Am I not allowed on the Mallardtown podcast?
A might not allowed to go on there? And wax poetic.
I think it'd be a breach of contract, don't you think?
Oh yeah, I don't think I'm allowed to. You know,
I'm only allowed to be on this podcast and anybody
that wants to hire me. I learned that lesson. It's
(13:41):
in the contract, Guestcon. It's in the print of the contract.
I'm only contract contractually obligated to be on this podcast. Now,
I guess I am allowed to be a guest, but
there are limits. There are limits on that. But I
cannot be one of the name stars of another podcast
not allowed to do it. So okay, um, I'm sure
(14:01):
it's great and I've heard good things about it, and
it's it's very popular the Mallard Town podcast. With the
hardcore fans of the show, they're they're big supporters of it.
They tell me, tell me stories that they heard on
the podcast. The chef Scott from New Orleans right since says, guys,
I am loving the content lately with so many cool hats.
(14:22):
I'm sure you too wear them when you're out on
a hot day. And the sweat salt ring starts around
the rim and works its way up the sides for
colored hats and no no racism. He says, how do
you got like to wash your hats? And is there
a way to keep them looking shiny new after washing
(14:44):
out the sweat? Well, I mentioned this in the previous podcast, Scott,
I hope you heard the Saturday podcast. But I have
three tiers of hats. I have the everyday hat cover
and sweat hat. Don't worry about it. I have that tier.
I have the midlevel hat, which I like a lot hot,
but I'm willing to get sweaty from time to time
because I know I can wash it. And then I
(15:06):
have the top tier, the one percent of hat that
I only where when it's cool and I know I'm
not going to be an environment where I'm going to
sweat because these are the creme de la creme, the masterpiece,
the theon of the hats. And so I have the
(15:26):
three tiers. Now I have washed hats before I had.
I bought this thing you can buy online. It's a
it keeps the shape of the hat. You put it
in the dishwasher. I usually put in the dishwasher, and yeah,
it does do pretty well. Occasionally I've had some of
the ink on the older hats bleed a little bit,
but the newer hats, I've had no problem with it.
(15:47):
And you just let it dry and you leave it
in that thing for a day or so, and then
the hat is as good as it can possibly be.
There's also I've seen some guys get that lint roller.
You can get a little lit roller and and use
that because sometimes it will be little stuff even after
you wash, it still on the hat, like a little
leftover dribble, and you can get that off. But yeah,
(16:08):
I have no problem washing yescan, you just announced on
the previous podcast you do not believe in washing hats.
I do not. I just don't. I I have kind
of similar to you. I have a hat for working out.
I have a hat for going out, and then I
have one for just kind of mucking it up. Yeah,
so hat you can you can extend a glongate the
(16:32):
life of the hat and these things are expensive. When
I'm back in my day, hats I don't remember being
all that expensive, but now it's it's insanity how how
expensive these hats are. And I also, yeah, I just
I don't want to keep having to replace hats I
already have. That's the other thing I hate. Yeah, So alright,
(16:54):
moving on, Joe and Darcy back in Florida. Joe and Darcy,
how many of the states have you been to and
other countries? Does connecting at an airport and staying on
a terminal briefly count as being in a state in
your opinion? Okay, I thought about this, So I think
(17:15):
it counts if you eat something synonymous with that city
or state. Now, I think it counts. And I'll tell
you why. No matter what, because if that plane crashes
at that airplane, they will say that you died at
that airport. Right. If you go to go to walk
through the terminal and have a heart attack, you've died
in that state, in that city, right, So it does count.
(17:37):
Not to be the grim Reaper here, it counts. And
I don't know how many states I've been to a lot.
I haven't been to every state, but I've been to
quite a few, so you know, obviously the northeastern states.
That's easy because you Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts sits
(18:00):
in all those places, and New York, Pennsylvania, Jersey. You
go down the list there, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Florida, Atlanta, Georgia, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois.
This is great. I feel like that Howard Dean, remember
that Howard Dean rant political rant years ago. I don't.
(18:26):
I'm doing this off the top of my I've been
to not I get you. I bet you've been to
more than me, guest, can I bet you've probably been
more to me. I know you just said that I've
been to probably twenty I'd say around twenty somewhere in
that area. Anyway, Thank you, Thank you, Joe and Darcy.
Glad you're back and forth. John in Northern Colorado says,
(18:50):
have you ever cropped us to the grocery store aisle?
Or do you suffer until the parting? I think this
is the question we already asked, isn't I think last week?
He John, we did it last week. Thanks for listening.
John Barry in Music City says, Yo, Yo, Ma, Benny,
you can only pick one for the rest of your life.
(19:12):
Bagel or donut o man alto. I'm gonna go with
bagel because bagel you can do a variety of things
with where a doughnut you can't. Bagel. You can add
egg to it, you can add bacon to it, you
can add cream cheese to it. You got buttered to it.
(19:33):
You can toast it, and you can have it dry um.
You can put maple syrup on it. You can put
any toppings that you normally put on a donut on
a bagel, but you can't do it the other way
around to a donut. I would see. I'm supposed to
say bagel because of my roots, but I love a
good donut, and I love all shapes of donuts. The
(19:56):
cinnamon twist donut is outstanding. Some call it cinnamon roll.
But the long John you name it, those round donuts,
the Homer Simpson donuts with the pink frosting. The donut
holes are good donut hole. You can get apple donuts,
fruit filled donuts with other fruit other than apples. So
I'm going down. And the bagel thing, you gotta eat
(20:18):
it like right away. If you eat a bagel fresh bagel,
there's any there's nothing better than a fresh bagel, a doughnut.
I feel like you can eat a doughnut whether it's
fresh or it's been sitting around for a little bit,
and it's still still pretty good. Uh, pretty good? Uh?
Alex in Maine rights and he says, when you were
first starting the Ben Maller Show, what other names for
(20:39):
the show did you consider? Yeah, it's a great, great question. Actually,
I guess I I was gonna go to the Ben
Waller Show, the Bill Miller Show. But he means, like
you know, I mean like, like, yeah, there's other shows,
like you know, Robin Chris, the the Odd Couple, so
you know, Jonas and LaVar and Brady or two two
(21:01):
Pros and a Cup of Joe. So would you do
anything different than having your name across the across the
vanity title. No. And I'll tell you why. There's this
guy named Biff Elliott who died many years ago. Biff
was a buddy of mine. He worked at CBS Radio.
His brother was Win Elliott, legendary New York City sportscaster,
and they were both actors. And Biff pulled me aside
(21:22):
when I was early in my radio career and I
was doing the Benn and Dave Show with this guy,
Dave Smith, and we were like, I don't know if
that's a good name for the show. And he pulled
me aside. I said, this guy's been a radio for years.
We're back with radio. Was the glory days of radio,
the heyday of radio. And he pulled me aside and
he said, Ben, listen. He said, it doesn't matter what
you name the show. If you do a good, professional show,
(21:46):
and you do a show this entertaining, people are gonna listen.
It doesn't matter where you have a terrible name or
a good name, and it works vice versa. He says,
if you do a terrible show, but you have the
greatest name for the show, it, with all due respect,
no one's gonna listen. So who hears, don't worry about
the name, just what you put your name on. A
move on, And so I did, and I agree with
I don't think the name matters at all. If you
(22:07):
do a good show, people are gonna listen. If you
do a shitty show, people aren't gonna listen. So just
the Ben Mallisher, keep it simple. But I originally when
I had the Overnight, we called it the Third Shift
with Ben Maller. That was the old guard, the old management,
that's what they called it. But since then we've had
an epiphany. Put my name on it. Ozzy Momentum rights
(22:27):
and says, Hey, mate, I want to know is a
hot dog is sandwich? I reckon it is. So this
is the the age old hot dog sandwich debate. Do
we want to go engage in that again? I feel
like we've done that before. We don't do that, sorry,
Ozzy moment ba does he waste? How does he waste?
An email like that? Wow? What the hell is wrong
(22:47):
with you? Then he says, I think you should get
JT the brick in on your Friday podcast making. I
don't really know JT. I know, I know him casually,
I really have no relationship. I mean, all the people
that were here, he's at the very low end as
far as people I had a relationship with. I had
nothing against JT. But like the other guys we've had
on Mike North, Andy Furman, guys like that, I just
(23:10):
had more more of a connection with. So. I mean,
JT does a podcast with Looney. I'm sure you can
can hear that. But I don't really know him. I
don't even I don't think I have JT's number, both
of them. So I'm sorry Blake in Arkansas. Right, since
this gentleman, another week of writing in and another hawk win. Dude,
(23:31):
that guy is like it's been on fire as of late. Yeah,
he's been really good. He's hopefully by the time you
read this, we beat Georgia this weekend. If we do
talking about Arkansas. Uh, if we do, you guys very
well may never get rid of me. Since I have
been writing in the email, they have caught fire, caught fire,
(23:54):
so I can't stop now, Blake says, which brings me
to my question. Can you give an exam ample of
a time that you did something dumb because you told
yourself it was helping in one form or another. Even
if you're not a superstitious person, everyone has an example
of doing it here or there, all right, So it's
(24:15):
kind of a vague generic question for Blake in Arkansas.
So it's just an example of doing something dumb because
you told yourself it was helping in one way, or
it's like a superstitio. All right, So let me know
if this counts. Back in my twenties, whenever I would
go to Vegas, or I'd go to like Miami or
(24:36):
New York to go party with a bunch of people.
We were using, usually doing some bad things like whatever
it was, it was bad. But before every time I
left the hotel, I would take a shower and then
say a prayer every time. Yeah, I'd say a prayer
before I did anything stupid. So you were being proactive.
(25:01):
You bought that by doing this, that there's nothing bad
that could happen because you've covered yourself. It's like going
to confessional before you actually yeah that, Yeah, that's a
that's a little odd. I'm trying to think off the
top of my head here, Blake, and nothing's popping in
(25:21):
my head. I'm sure I've done done things, but there's
nothing that really is having I'm not having a Eureka moment.
I have to think about that more. Blake, thanks for
the hats, he says, what Pig Suey and Blake, did
you hear the radio show we talked about Blake. I
think I don't think it was on the podcast, but
(25:42):
Blake called into the radio show and he he has
a side hustle, which is his new business. He claims
he has a license to print print money buys anytime
you purchase stuff on Amazon and return it, Amazon is
not allowed to resell that, so they sell it in
a in like a box truck. You can buy a
(26:03):
box truck of return to Amazon items. And what Blake does.
He says, he's got a warehouse in Arkansas and he
buys these trucks from Amazon that have all this stuff
that people return that they didn't want anymore, and he
sells it for like five dollars and three dollars per
item and makes a killing. He says, it's like a
(26:23):
license to print money. How crazy is that? What great gig?
That is solid? How can we get in on that?
It's easy, right because a lot of times people will
return stuff to Amazon and it's perfectly fine. They just
didn't need it. Sometimes they didn't even open it. And
you can sell that stuff for five bucks, maybe ten bucks,
(26:44):
something like that and cover your cost and make a killing.
I gotta investigate that, Blake. Send me some more details, Blake.
I want to get in on that. That could be
my future once this radio thing doesn't work out. Carlos
in Houston writes and says, due to my change in schedule,
that's bang Bang, Houston. I'm officially a consumer of the
fourth hour of your radio program, So I might have
(27:07):
to build up courage to call in or maybe get
back on Twitter to interact. And don't worry, he says,
I'll still be downloading the podcast to listen to the
first three hours. Well, thank you anyways. Is that? What
is the origin? What is the origin story of the
Instant Advice Line. It is one of my favorite segments
of the week. Well, that is an iconic piece of
(27:29):
radio real estate. That is a namage or tribute to
other radio shows, and it's it's one of the older
bits in calling radio. Well, you just take as many
calls as you can and you have a question and
you just go through it. People have had different names
for it over the years. It's not my idea, it's
not my invention. It's something that I enjoyed when I
(27:50):
listened to talk radio, and I had said, if I
ever get a show some day, I'd like to incorporate that.
Great minds think alike. Many broadcasters have done it, and
so that is what the Instant Advice Line is. And
it's just a a bit to have fun and goof around.
And the funny thing is. I spent a lot of
time thinking like who should we give advice to this week?
(28:11):
And then it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it's
the same ten people that call up screaming and shouting
and just telling jokes. That's how that normally goes, all right,
Next up, Next up, we have This is from Radar
blind Rage. Writing in says, just got done listening to
the Fifth Hour today and one of your callers, Eric
(28:33):
and Omaha, was asking about a good source for documentaries.
I have been subscribing to a service, he says, called
Curiosity Stream. If you heard of that, Uh, it is
loaded with documentaries and constantly getting new stuff. It's only
twenty dollars a year. You can't beat that. You might
want to check it out yourself. I'll investigate Radar blind Rage.
(28:55):
He says. On another note, I find it amusing that
blind people grab a take towards your podcast. I don't
know why that is. What are you saying? Rader blind
Rage says, I might be your ol G blind listen,
your old gangster blind listener, long live the mighty six
ninety you might you guys keep up the good work.
(29:17):
Well well, Rader blind Rage, You're showing your age, pal,
if you go back to the mighty six ninety days
in sun diego back in the day, and I occasionally
work in the term mighty in the beginning of the
show the top of the hour open as in homage
to Lee Hacksar Hamilton's in the mighty six ninety in
(29:38):
Sunday Ago the Mighty Powerful Airwaves of Fox Sports Radio,
Kevin in Rockford writes, and he says, as far as
the blind thing, blind rage, I don't, I don't know.
I love the blind listen. I love. We've always had
a lot of celebrity blind callers, whether it's blind Scott,
Blind Scott, blind Sea Bass. We had Vision for a while. Well,
(30:00):
we had blind Willie in in Florida that worked at
the Outback Steak. Because we've always had a lot of
blind list of blind Emmet of course, famous caller in
the Pacific Northwest High School Kid. So we the blind.
I credit the blind listeners that call in that encourage
other blind people to listen to the show. It's really
(30:20):
the blind leading the blind. It is in the fighting spirit.
In the fighting spirit, Kevin and Rockford, Illinois says, I
missed about a month of the show traveling the US,
climbing mountains and living it up. But I've been back
to the real life for a few weeks now, and
apparently you kicked weed Man off the show. What happened there? Also?
What happened to the drug dealing funeral director from Minnesota?
(30:44):
That guy was was around the show, all right, So
let me answer those questions and then I'll get to
your final point here. So weed Man actually kicked himself
off the show. He had been panhandling, begging listeners for money.
We finally got fed up with it. We said, don't
do that, and then he wanted us to pay him
to be on the show. He demanded compensation, as I remember,
(31:08):
and so we we said that's it, and we didn't
officially banned him. He really banned himself from sticking up
the airways. We told him to stop begging for money
and that that was offensive to him, and he just
didn't do it. And as far as Hayes in Minnesota,
the guy you're referencing here, the alleged funeral director who
also did drugs, we think that guy was a fraud.
(31:30):
He just disappeared and vanished in the thin air. But
I don't know what happened to him. These people call
for a while. A lot of people call for a
short amount of time and then that's it. Very few
people have staying power and last year after year after
year after year. Most call for a month or two
months or three months, and maybe even a year and
(31:51):
then move on to some other venture. But that's the
answer to your question. He also says, one last thing,
I can't wait to see my Cardinals put a spanking
on your Dodgers in the wild card game. Well, be
careful what you asked for, Kevin. You know what happens
when you assume it doesn't go well, does not go well.
(32:11):
R J Insane Antonio right in the Alamo. He's actually
somewhere else, but he's from San Antonio. He says, who
were your radio broadcasting heroes growing up that you never
got to talk or interview with as you got into
the business. Well, I never got to meet Jim Healy,
(32:31):
who is the biggest one based influence, Jim Healey, the
radio show he did in l A. I never had
the opportunity to be in the same room with him.
I'm trying to think who else. Most of the other
ones I had some kind of faint interaction with I
met Art Bell at a Premier Networks holiday party, which
(32:52):
was pretty cool. Hacks Aw I did some shows as
an intern for Hacksaw. We've had him on the podcast.
He became a friend. Joe McDonald, like great Joe McDonald,
l a radio legend, passed away several years ago. I
became friends with him. We worked at the same station together. Uh.
And so Jim Healy is the big one. But like
Howard Stern. I I was at a Howard Stern books
(33:14):
signing when I was in high school, and I count
that as a meeting. I mentioned Art Bell. Uh so, yeah,
I've met most of the ones I wanted to meet.
Have you met any Have you not met any of
the people you wanted to meet in radio? Um? I
didn't meet Jim. I did meet Jim Rome at a
(33:37):
Big West Conference game because he went to U see
Santa Barbara got a chance to meet with him. I
remember back in the day when he actually called my
house looking for my dad during the whole O J
Simpson stuff. Oh that's cool, it kind of random. I
met Jim at the Why. He was at six ninety
when I was there, But I didn't really know him,
and then I met him at a holiday party and
(33:57):
I was flattered because Jim was a fan of my
website and regaled me with stories about how he when
he was preparing for the Going to the Jungle Ben
math dot com, my website was something that he looked
at every day to find content for. So that's great.
I need him. I need him, and I know he's
not a big radio guy, but I would love to
meet Jim Lampley. Oh, I've met lamp I did a
(34:19):
show with Lampley. We can get Lampley on the podcast.
We should get him on the podcast. We tried to
last year, but he was in the middle of signing
a deal with the with the production company. I think
it was boxing. I think that's what it was, but
he just, uh, you should revisit that. Yeah, we should.
He's teaching right now on the East Coast, I think too.
Is he in North Carolina? Oh yeah, North Carolina's right. Yeah,
(34:39):
when we went to school. Is that what he's doing.
I wonder what Lampley was up to. Yeah, good guy Lampley.
I loved it. I did the show with him, and
about ten minutes before the show, he's like, Ben just
talk about whatever you want. I'll just I'll play it
off you. Jim, you're you know you getting paid a
little more than me here, Jim, I don't know what's
going on here, but anyway, a guy and we should
(35:01):
we should definite get him on touch of mold school boxing.
Some of the crazy things he saw on the boxing game.
And he's his name names. He's not really doing much
these days, right. I don't think he's at Real Sports anymore.
He wasn't there for a long Yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, alright, uh,
moving on, moving on, Mr Lucy, I know from La
La Land says, how are you guys doing right now? Well,
(35:23):
thank you Mr Luciana for asking. Is there anything you
guys want to achieve before the year ends? Yeah, I'd
like to get the house done. House i'm living in done.
That would be a big thing. That's about it. Anything
else has gone. We're getting towards you need to. I
need to get my weight to a desired total. You're
big fatty now, not not a big fatty. Just I'd
(35:45):
like to get my way to two bills. I'd like
to do that. Um. I'd like to get my treadmill
back so I can actually use it. That would be nice.
It's been in storage for several months. That would be good.
How about you just go outside and work out? How
about that up stairs? Let let me explain something dummy.
The problem When I work out, I like to work
(36:07):
out like three thirty in the morning. Yeah, okay, that's
what I like to work out, wind down after show.
Kind of contemplate my existence on the treadmill. I can't
go for a walk at three thirty in the morning.
I will be pulled over and detained for proudly if
I go walking around where I live now at three
(36:28):
in the morning. Can't not true. You know how any
old people are walking at that time? None. They don't
walk at three through in the the earliest thing. Get
up at like five in the morning. I might be
able to get away with four thirty in the morning,
but not three or three thirty in the morning. Can't
get away with it. I cannot do it. Can't. So
(36:48):
I'd like to get the treadmill. You were in the
middle of something though, You were talking about other things
you want to accomplish other than your weight. Um, I'm
still doing some international hockey. I'd like to, uh, parley
that into something else that bigger here state side. Yeah,
like a hockey NHL job. I played by played job
and it would be nice. Yeah, trying to gear towards
(37:10):
some some college basketball here in the next couple of weeks,
so we'll see fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Okay, Fred in
Spring Texas says, high guys, did college helped prepare you
for your current position? Funck? Now? Yeah, Well, the only
thing I will say is that I worked at the
(37:31):
college radio stations. I learned the basics of radio, but
I didn't really learn how to do radio until I
did radio. Like I interned in San Diego and I
worked at the college station. But it wasn't until I
rolled up my sleeves and started doing this day after day,
week after week, month after month, year after year, that
(37:54):
I had a grasp of it. So and as far
as the other stuff, it was, it was fun. I
had a good experience. You know, I didn't go to
school all that long. I want to saddle back at
a job in radio. That's why I was. My goal
was to get a job in radio. And before I
had even gotten out of saddle back, they said, hey,
we want to hire you as a guy at our station.
So I took it and I never looked back. But yeah,
(38:18):
I would say not much would be the way I
would answer, other than the college radio experience was fun.
But as far as the other stuff, I mean, to me,
the main thing about college I always tell people this,
like it's more about networking than anything, because I've seen
so many people, like in our business, if you go
to Syracuse, you're a made man or a woman in radio,
(38:40):
in sports television, there's a whole network. It's funny. We
had Dick Stockton on who was one of the originals.
It was Dick Stockton Marv Albert, Right, weren't those two
I believe that went to Syracuse. I think that right
and kind of set the foundation. And now after that
it's I think Bob Costas also, but it's it's it's
all an eagle, i'n eagle, Mike to Rico. There's a
(39:02):
whole network of Syracuse, and it's the alumni helping the
alumni get great broadcasting gigs. A lot of the executives
in sports media went to Syracuse. It's the Hardvard of
sports broadcasting. So if you go to a school like that,
then you can use those connections it's i'll scratch your back,
you scratch my back, and that obviously does help. I
think that's the biggest thing from college is network. And
(39:26):
it's like if you go to Harvard. You know. It's
one one of my theories on the IVY League. The
hardest part of the IVY League is getting in the
IVY League. But once you get in, they don't want
to fail people because that makes them look bad as
a school. But then you get the benefits of the network,
the IVY League network at the and so you're you're
really like a pig and slop once you get in. Yeah,
it's same thing like going to USC or Northwestern Stanford. Yeah,
(39:51):
you really have to screw up. Some of the biggest
dropouts have gone on to create things like Facebook and
and uh Amazon and places like that because you had
dropped out of school anyway. Uh, we only have time
for a few more. Uh let's see here, page down,
page down. Can't read that on the air, Jason Rocky
(40:14):
Mount Virginia, the guys. In the age of streaming, I
realized DVDs aren't used much anymore, but I still have one.
And he's talking about DVD players and I have around
fifty DVDs that I still use occasionally. Do either of
you still have one or more DVDs? I do have
(40:35):
some DVDs. I can't remember the last time we watched them.
We have a DVD player. Yeah, I can't remember the
last time we we popped in a DVD. Everything is
stream and everything is whether it's Netflix, Amazon, Prime, any Disney.
My wife rotates. She watches a lot more TV than
I watched, but she rotates all that stuff. What about you, guess? Guy?
(40:57):
I do? I do. I'm in fact I want to
convert a couple of them over to uh. I want
to convert a couple of them over to like an
MP four and UM and put them online. So I
know there's a couple of places like in Torrance and
else are gonna know that do it. But I don't
know what the cost of it is. But I need
to do that. Yeah, actually, yeah, I might do that
(41:17):
for the holiday season. Well, it could be a nice
thing for the holidays to give yourself a gift, all right,
a little button. I do want to thank Kevin and
Kansas are buddy. Who's the high school teacher? We didn't
get a chance to get to your question Kevin Mike
from south Here Overmont. That sounds like a cool town,
south Here Overmont. Is that a real place, you think?
Yesake that up and I've never heard of that before.
(41:39):
That sounds pretty neat. Uh. Thank Big Mike, not the
Big Mike that works at Fox Sports Radio. Johnny in
San Antonio, who's a big Clipper fan. Thank you, Johnny.
I appreciate that. And Paul and Great Falls, Montana Lugo,
our guy Lugo, and Lancaster. We thank you for sending
your questions and we ran out of time and you
can re submit if you want to send me an
(42:01):
email and um and possibly next week just to say, hey,
you didn't get to my question, and then there's a
better chance we'll get to it next week. Send it
care of Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Real
fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Anything else to promote
guest gun no I size large for a Mac shirt
getting a Max Shirts sized LTD Mac shirt and Mac hat.
(42:24):
I did look. I looked on the Buffalo bills, not
the buff Buffalo bulls bulls, and because it's beat bulls,
I thought maybe for Buffalo. I didn't see any hats
with a B on it. So I thought it might
be a Mac team that I have an obsession with
b hats size eight. But unless I'm missing it, I
don't see on their website. I don't see any Buffalo
(42:44):
Bills hats or Bulls again with a with the B anyway, listen,
I have a great rest your Sunday, enjoy the NFL.
Or if you're listening to this after the NFL, I
hope you enjoyed the NFL and that amazing game on
a Sunday night, Patriots and Bucks. It's such a cool game.
I could have gone to the RAM game today, but
I chose to stay home because I didn't want to
miss a second of Belichick Brady the first time head
(43:09):
to head. Have a great Sunday night, and we'll be
back on the radio Sunday night in the Monday at
two am Monday morning in the East, eleven pm Sunday
night in the West, and we'll catch you then
Host
Ben Maller
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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