January 8, 2022 • 38 mins
Ben and his 5th Hour partner Danny G. are back from the winter break and have fun talking holiday blues, a hotel bed first, rain-a-palooza, Pop Quiz, and more!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, the clearing House of
hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now. I was just imagine
a big two dog. My voice is so shot. I
can't even scream the way that I normally scream. But
it is the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Danny
g Radio, back at it again on a Saturday. Yeah,
(00:47):
I'm glad you're still alive. Yeah. Now I feel fine.
The voice not feeling fine, unfortunately, And I don't know
what happened, Bro, I don't know what happened, man, but
it's it's all messed up anyway. Uh. The Fifth Hour,
I assume you know by now, and normally does not
sound my part crabby. Danny's got the great pipes and
(01:09):
he sounds fine. Uh. And then I have the sick
cold voice, which we'll get more into. I have the
on this edition of the Fifth Hour. It is a
spinoff of the radio show, which has heard on Fox
Sports Radio Monday through Friday on the overnight. And if
you're relatively new and you don't remember Danny G. Danny
G was with me for many years as one of
(01:32):
my producers, an engineer, and he came up with many
of the great drops that some are still paid played today.
But he put his own spin on the sound of
the show. And there's that one song that you came
up with that you found you didn't write, the song
(01:53):
that we still playing. And I've had radio people asked
me what the name of that song is. It's get
the Weekend Started or something like that. You know that
the weekend song, that the Debbie deb song Lookout Weekend. Yes, yes,
that I've had multiple people say what is that song.
I'm like, I don't know, and I'm like, Danny G
(02:15):
came up with that. I don't know what the hell
that is. I have no idea, but yeah, Ever since
I was a little kid fourteen years old on kb
d G ninety point nine FM, every Friday we would
play that song and so all through my adult life,
I would always use that song going into the weekend.
It's a it's a great song, and I was like,
(02:36):
I don't know what that is, and then I had
to ask somebody, and then he said, yeah, and I
know we've been playing it since you were we're doing it.
You were the one that founded and were still playing
Who knew anyway. On this edition, we've met the Holiday Blues,
Hotel Bed, Nightmare, Rain of Palooza, and the debut if
we have time for pop Quiz. We used to do
(02:59):
pop Quiz back in the past, and I thought, why
not bring it back? So if if we have time,
but we begin Danny with Holiday Blues. And this is
a reminder in life. Every once in a while in
life you need a reminder. And as you know, Danny,
(03:20):
I do not take a lot of time off. I
believe in hoarding my time off and squirreling away my
days off until the end of the year. And so
in I did that. I I think I had missed
some time at the beginning here because my father passed away,
(03:41):
But once I came back, I was there. I was in.
I think I missed maybe one or two game shows
the entire year. Very good at Tendants. They don't give
you a bonus for that. By the way, if you're wondering.
They don't give you like an extra you know, a
couple of bucks or anything that. Uh. And there's also
the story I'm about to tell is a reminder that
(04:02):
God laughs. Quote that quote, God laughs at you while
you're making plans. Uh. So I had all these big
plans for the end of the year. Uh. And you know,
I love doing the show, and I love radio. But
after a while, I get tired of hearing my own
voice and I just want to go away and not
(04:26):
talk and not have to worry about monologues and this
that and the other thing, all these things. You know,
we all have our own problems, whatever job you have.
So my expectation, Danny, I was gonna like, we're gonna
small road trip, you know, me and the wife clean
out the storage. That was a big one because I
still have a lot of stuff in storage from moving
(04:49):
during the middle of So I was gonna go through storage.
And I guess how much of that happened, Danny, want
to take a guess how much of that happened. Judging
by your voice, I'm gonna say none of it happened. Zero,
That is correct. You You win, Dan. I don't know
what you win. But you went to her lifetime supply
(05:14):
of nothing that's right and tripped to nowhere. And uh,
this this is not a SOB story, although it sounds. Yeah,
it sounds like a sub story. So so anyway, Um,
I we went to a Christmas Eve family event. I
(05:35):
was only off the day before. Um. So we went
to this Christmas evening and you know, family was there, whatever,
friends of the family were showing up, you know, usual,
nothing out of the ordinary. Uh. And then my wife
she started feeling sick. This is on Christmas Day. So
(05:56):
she starts feeling sick. I'm like, oh, here we go,
actually gonna be sick the whole time. Uh. And then
on Saturday. On on Sunday, we were doing some work
trying to clean out the garage at the Mallard Manch
and then I start feeling kind of a new weather. Right,
I'm like, what's going on here? That whole thing. And
(06:20):
I had the standard cold symptoms, you know, cough, some mucous,
maybe a little bit of a sore throat, but not
really that bad. Um. It was nothing, nothing out of
the ordinary. Uh. And so but my wife's like, oh,
I got a test for COVID and I'm like, no,
(06:42):
you don't. You don't have COVID. What are you talking
about that you have a cold. I've had colds like
this before, there's nothing, no big deal. Um. So anyways,
she's like, no, I gotta test for cold. And she
happened to have a COVID test at the Mallard match.
And because of her job, she goes into the police station.
(07:04):
They have to test all the time. And because she's
around people, I'm not around people, Danny at the home
studio as you know, right, thank god. So anyway, the
wife gets the test and I'm watching TV and uh,
amazingly it comes back negative, no COVID. Great. As I
(07:27):
was I was telling her, see, we just have the cold.
It's just the cold. Uh. And anyway, a couple of
days go by and we're taking like all the over
the counter cold medication because my wife picked up a
bunch of this stuff. Um, and so we're taking whatever,
(07:48):
and so she starts getting sick on Saturday. I got
sick on a Sunday. And then on Thursday she's like,
I got a test again for COVID. I'm like, no,
you don't, we already tested. You don't have the COVID. Uh,
you know, what are you doing. You're wasting a test.
There's no need for it. It's just a cold. I've
had cold before and that's it. You've got a cold.
(08:11):
She said, No, I need to test again. She loves
these tests, these these COVID tests. So anyway, I like, whatever,
it makes you feel better, you know, I go, go
do your little test. So she doesn't know a test,
and then all of a sudden, surprised motherfucker. Yeah it's
uh knock knock at the door, and sure enough, Yeah,
(08:39):
the COVID had arrived at the Mallard mansion. So uh, yeah,
it's uh, it's COVID, but it's I gotta tell you, Danny,
I you know, I I know I'm still sick and
I don't sound good. I feel fine. Uh, it's all
in my vocal cords. I feel much better if I know.
(09:02):
You're not supposed to say it. But if everyone could
get this COVID, I don't think it's that bad. I
don't I know. Are you're not supposed to say that
or uh? And I didn't bring it up. I didn't
want to address that because I know a lot of
our our friends in the media love to run around
and say, hey, I got the COVID and make a
(09:25):
big deal about it and tweet about and I'm not
I just thought, you know, I'm not that guy. You're
not that guy. I'll trust me, You're not that guy. Yeah,
I'm not that guy. And I'm not looking for attention.
I don't think it's that big a deal. It's an illness.
Uh And for people, they'll be fine and uh. And
I will say I was hoping that I would get
(09:47):
the a symptomatic version of the COVID. Omarion is a
singer and Twitter was joking when the O macron version
came out. All the kids are calling it at the
omarion Arian. Oh, is that what they were doing? Which
is I guess it's more contagious, but the symptoms are
(10:07):
to a lesser degree, which is what you're talking about.
It is they can call it COVID, which I guess
I have COVID right now. But but it's just it's
gonna be a common flu eventually. Yeah. I mean it
feels like every other cold I've had. Uh, it doesn't
feel any different. I mean, there was a little bit
(10:28):
of a cough that I had, um and that really
led me down the garden path where every time I
get a cold, it with almost without fIF I don't
catch it early with the garlic, it'll destroy my voice.
And and so my voice was okay the first couple
(10:50):
of nights. I came back and did radio. But as
you know, Danny doing talk radio for four hours and
I I rant, I admit, I talk a lot, and
I got a big mouth, and I do monologues and yeah,
I mean, I just don't shut up. And it's an
instrument exactly. That's what I try to tell my wife, right,
(11:11):
I mean, you know that you know, as a fellow
broadcaster that there's a certain like it's not just your
regular talking voice when you're when you're talking to a microphone,
and the way we use our voice, it's up and
down to try to make a point. It's there's a
lot of effort used by the vocal cords. For sure.
(11:32):
When you finish an entire show, you feel like you
just did a little mini concert. Yeah, exactly so. And
then once you get a little illness and and you're
you're kind of cough on a little bit, or you
just have a lot of mucus, you need to cough
up um, But I guess the my mother in law,
(11:53):
she she did gradual. She came over because the reason
one of the reasons I didn't want to everyone to
know I had COVID because people freak out. Some peopill
freak out and make a big deal about it. But
my my mother in law, who's actually an emergency room
nurse in UH in Los Angeles, she's been doing forever
and she's a wonderful woman, and she came over immediately
(12:15):
and examined us and then said, you're fine pretty much.
I mean, and she's been around COVID people for obviously,
for like everyone else, for the hospital business, UH, for
the for the last two years, and so anyway, I
can check that box and it should be good to
go at someone. I think this is gonna linger around,
(12:36):
my voice because the weekend doesn't last that long, as
you know, Danny, and then it's right back to mutilating,
putting your voice in the wood chipper. So I think
this is gonna hang around for a little longer, hopefully
gets a little stronger. I'm gonna try garlic. Back to
the garlic and the honey, salt water and every other
(13:01):
home remedy. Yeah, that I can come up with. That's
the plan. Glad your ice box heart is handling the
omarion variant. I don't think this will knock me out.
Something will kill me, but I don't think, yeah, that
this will be the thing that does me. And so
the hotel bed blues. What is this all about, Danny
(13:23):
g What what do we have here? What happened? Well?
This actually has a COVID kind of um spin to
it as well, because my TINDERRONI and I had plans
to go to Pisamo Beach for my birthday. We were
going to make a huge deal out of it was
just gonna be for one night, quick getaway. I had
several shifts lined up for the holiday at the network,
(13:47):
and her son came down sick. Now he's still in school,
but he's old enough to take care of himself. But
we didn't want to. She didn't want to be out
of town, which I understand. You know, no matter how
old your kid is, you don't want to be miles
and miles away when that's the you know, yeah, you
don't need our Mom's not far away, right, That's the key.
(14:09):
The greatest thing about a mom. She's never that far away, right.
And it's funny because last year her son, who you know,
has his first car, he drove himself to urgent care
for the first time, and I swear she did a
dance like a happy path. He figured it out. As
parents know, one of the worst parts of being a
(14:30):
parent is having to deal with hospitals and appointments and
checkups and e er and urgent care and all that mess.
So when you're finally drives himself to the hospital or
the urgent care, that's a big deal. Did the kid
Once the kid realized how long they have the weighted
urgent care, did they call their mom? And they wait
a minute, Mom, it's the there's a four hour await.
(14:52):
What are we doing? Right? They fill out the paperwork
for the first time and deal with an insurance card
and all that. They're really appreciate shading their parents. So
she said, you know what, I was looking around, Let's
do this. Um, he took a COVID test. He's negative
even though he had all the symptoms. But I still
want to be nearby. I'll just get a really nice
(15:14):
hotel in the area so that we can, you know,
have a jacuzzi and a nice room and at least
after I take you out for a birthday dinner, we'll
have a nice private hotel room. I hear you way
to go right now. You see another reason why she's
a keeper. So I'm like, all right, that's totally cool.
(15:35):
We check in at a nice local hotel. We go
to our room that they she's holding the key card.
We find the section of the hotel, these nice garden grounds.
We walk up the stairs and she's like, oh, top
of the stairs there there it is. Uses the key
card opens the door, pushes the door, and it kicks
(15:57):
back that somebody was in there and they had that
top walk on. No. Yeah, so there was wow. And
but the key opened the door, open the door. The
girl who checked us in gave us a room that
somebody had not checked out of yet. Wow. Yeah, So
there was a lady in a robe on the bed
(16:19):
staring at us through the crack in the door. Holy crap,
somebody's in there. Wait, how does that happen? Seriously? So
maybe they thought these people were checking out and they
decided to stay an extra day. That's when you cleaned
the hotel room before somebody else comes in. Isn't that
normal standard operating procedure, thank you. So there was some
(16:41):
sort of communication breakdown where the girl at the front
desk thought this room was cleaned and ready to go,
and in fact there was somebody in there still. Now
it's really awkward because we're pulling our luggage. I mean
when we had a bag each, but we're carrying our
bag and a couple of grocery bags we had in
the lay. You who was wearing the robe is now
(17:01):
on the back balcony smoking a cigarette staring at us.
What the hell does happened? So we go back to
the front desk and the lady was like, oh my god,
I'm so sorry. My TENDERRONI was like, very calm and
nice about it. She was totally cool. The girl at
the front desk had just dealt with a major asshole
(17:22):
complaining about everything because my girl was cool about it all.
The girl at the hotel said, you know what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna upgrade you guys to our best
room to a new part of our grounds, just constructed
by like a lake, a man made lake they have there.
We scored. We're like, this is perfect. So we go
over there, dude, brand new construction. There's this huge fireplace
(17:47):
in the room. I mean, this is a sprawling pad
and we're just in this room. It's a perfect birthday night.
But then we lay down on the bed. Ben, I
know you did the sleep number commercials for a did
you know my Tinderoni likes a solid bed, so if
she had a sleep number it might was it. The
(18:09):
higher the number, the harder the Yeah, hundred, it goes
from a hundred. I actually still have my sleep number bed.
I love it. I wish they were still an advertiser
because it's a great bed. But yeah, it goes from
a hundred the hardest to zero. Sleeping on the floor,
it would be zero. So I might be a sixty
and she's probably an eighty. This bed eighties pretty high.
(18:34):
This bed, though, Ben, this was a hundred and five.
It felt like we were laying on bricks. And I
don't know if it was because the room is brand
new and so no one's ever slept on this mattress.
But you don't think the mattress would be more comfortable
in this nice hotel. So what do you do do
you You've you've gotten an upgrade, so you can't like,
(18:54):
you can't say, wait a minute, the room sucks, right,
can you so your screw and and it didn't and suck.
It was just the bed plus the most I mean,
you're gonna spend eight hours, you know, in the bed
at least, plus some other extracurricular activity. Prior to this,
we had walked around the grounds and we went to
the jacuzzi, so we had already had a full night.
(19:17):
She was like maybe a half hour into trying to sleep.
I told her, I said, well, we're in our area.
Let's just drive home and sleep in our own bed,
wake up, and then come back to our room. And
that's what we did. Wait a minute, you staying at
hotel and you went back to your own bed. So yeah,
(19:38):
so we threw our clothes on, got in the car,
laughed when we were in the car, and we're like, well,
oh thank god we're not in Pismo Beach. We wouldn't
have been able to drive to our own bed. We
get to our own bed, have a wonderful night's sleep,
wake up in the morning, go through the Starbucks drive through,
go back to our hotel room, put the fireplace back on,
(19:59):
enjoy the room until checkout time. But we didn't sleep there.
That's that's that's hilarious. That sounds like I My wife
is very conscious of the bed. She hates. She actually
doesn't like the really hard bed um and so she
likes this kind of in in the middle. And we were
(20:19):
staying one time in Vegas and the bed was just
a ship bed, right, It was just horrific, and we
were like waking up and our backs were hurting, and
we we had one more night, so we stayed in
Vegas and and as I remember the story, we were
gambling and then we just decided, you know, it's like
(20:42):
maybe one o'clock in the morning, and we're like, you
know what, fuck it, and we just we took off
and got in the car and and we left. We
we didn't come back, uh to the obviously the longer,
longer drive, but we we got the heck out of it.
We started cursing, you know, like all that off and
then uh, we we checked out and we were gone.
(21:04):
We've actually done that a couple of times, did that
in Palm Springs at a hotel that was not The
bed wasn't very good, So but I've never that's hilarious
that you came back that was outstanding. Uh. And and
then now, we we had a bunch of weird holiday
weather in the Los Angeles there. It's it's I always say,
(21:28):
it's like California bad weather is like a really nice
day in most of the country. And I watched I'm
like Mike Trout, Now I'm watching the Weather Channel a lot. Uh,
and I'm looking like, holy my. My brother lives in Appleton,
Wisconsin and the h and they don't get tons of snow.
(21:50):
They're compared to other parts of Wisconsin and Minnesota. But
I look at that compared to what I grew up
in and what he grew up in, and I'm like,
holy canal man, what is it? I mean, it's just insane.
But in l A, even though they made a movie,
it never rains in l A. Bullshit. Uh, it does
rain occasionally. And we had a rain of Pelloza event
(22:13):
and you got locked in. This is that correct, Danny Man? Yeah,
the famous Tony Tony Tony song. It never rains in
southern California. Um. Yeah, It's already hard enough to drive
to the studios in Sherman Oates when I fill in
producing the Jason Smith Show with Mike Harmon because it's
drive time. Yeah, my trick is to just go a
(22:35):
little earlier than I need to. Their show starts at
seven pm on the West Coast, so I'll usually get
on the road no later than four pm to go
cover that show. Well, now that it's raining, right, and
I mean it's pouring cats and dogs here in southern California.
You're right. People in other parts of the country kind
(22:56):
of roll their eyes when anyone in l A talks
weather about how bad it might be here. But for us,
you know, seven inches of rain like it dropped on
l A the last time it rain. That's a big
deal for us, especially with a drought. Now, half the
people don't know how to drive in bad weather. Yeah,
(23:16):
but maybe ten miles an hour. The other half of
the people drive like maniacs and act like nothing is different.
So you got this weird combination on the roads which
causes tons of accident. Plus, since it hardly ever rains,
when it starts raining, all the oil yes comes up,
and so it's like a slipping slide. Yeah, and you've
(23:38):
got got people going ninety miles an hour on a
slipping slide. What could go wrong? Yeah? Spin out City,
you're right about that, because there were people who were
crashed into the center divider. Cars were off the road
turned in the other direction. So you're exactly right. There's
so many damn cars on the freeways here that that
oil is all over the place, and so when it
(24:00):
first starts coming down, that oil loosens up and it
just turns into a water slide. So I'm like, Okay,
well I need to get on the road as soon
as I can, which I did. I get on the
road at four pm. I'm now headed on the one
on one south to get to Sherman Oaks. It's twenty
one miles for me, the beautiful San Fernando Valley. Yeah,
(24:22):
to go through the valley, to go through Woodland Hill,
Calabasas Woodland Hills in Kardashians when you go through Calabasas
with a middle finger. I I hate going through that
Woodland Hills area. It always is jam packed. Now with
bad weather, I'm thinking, man, this is gonna be a mission.
(24:44):
But still it's twenty one miles. I can deal with it.
I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. I didn't even get
to Calabasas, which is the next city over for me,
and I had already been sitting in traffic for thirty
eight minutes. Did you use like a traffic gap like
they used the ways app? But the ways app kept
(25:05):
doing that thing where it kept refreshing, adding time, adding time,
So every couple of minutes it kept adding fifteen more minutes,
fifteen more minutes, twenty more minutes. And then the voice
came on and said estimated time in traffic forty minutes.
And I was like, I'm not gonna get to the
(25:26):
studios in time, you know, because it's already five it's
five pm. Now I gotta be there at six pm. Depress.
There's no other way. I mean, there are some long
streets in l A, but they're all jammed up too,
so it's right, there's not It's not like I could
just go on frontage roads because I'm now I'm going
past canyons and stuff like that. Like if I exit
(25:49):
to the right, I'm gonna go to Malibu. Um, so
it's a nightmare. Yeah. So I made an executive decision.
Ben I was like, Okay, it's way more miles, but
maybe it'll move. I exit, flip a bit, and I
go the other direction. I go north on the one
oh one. So now I backtrack the few miles that
(26:10):
I was able to go. At least it was moving
in that direction. I get on the twenty three Freeway,
which goes through Simi Valley, home of the famous producer
on your nightly radio ship. How bad could this drive be?
Oh my god, the traffic through that city was a nightmare,
not moving at all. And now it's five thirty. I'm like,
(26:33):
am I even gonna get to the studios? Am I
gonna have to call somebody? Finally I get through Simi Valley.
Finally get to north Ridge. Now it is bumper to
bumper in north In the rain is just pounding our windshields.
I mean it's that kind of rain where, no matter
how fast your windshield wipers are going, you cannot see
really what's in front of you. Sure um, Finally make
(26:55):
it to the four oh five Freeway. Take that north
to the student ohs. So I left at four. Then
I got to the studios at six thirty pm. Wow.
I had a half hour to quickly do the commercial
reads for Jason and Mike. Problem with that is you
need time to decompress. I can't. I do not do
(27:16):
traffic well. Unfortunately, I haven't had to do traffic in
a while. But when I get stuck in traffic, I
just need about half an hour to forty minutes to
just like not deal with anything. I I am so
stressed out dealing which I don't know how people do it.
I I don't know how people deal with that kind
of traffic on a regular basis. It's insane. The tech
(27:38):
producer connects Jason and Mike, and they're both all happy,
in good moods. How you guys doing tonight? We're sitting
in their underwear. Yes, because they're at their home studios.
They didn't even have to touch car keys. Yeah, and
I'm shaking my fist at the heavens like, um, I
was able to decompress in that power. I was there
(28:01):
by the time the show started. I was fine. But man,
you know, for two and a half hours to go
twenty one miles insanity. Well, and just wait until the
studios moved to Burbank. You're talking about another but forty
minutes in traffic. Probably, I'm sorry. I a helicopter. Do
(28:24):
you have a Kobe copter or a motorcycle? Those are
my two dangerous options. Yeah, motor I don't know, but
I feel like you're safer a helicopter. I don't know though,
but would disagree with you. Yeah, well yeah, I hear
you on that. But as long as it's not foggy,
stay out of the fog, and I think you'll you'll
(28:46):
be okay. So we have this thing we we used
to we used to do it and we stopped doing it.
And I want to bring a pop quiz. So I
will quiz you, Danny and the listener, and then you
have to try to figure out you know the answer
is very simple, okay. And so this is random stuff
I found around the internet because I have no life.
(29:08):
So the average person, we'll say this five times today.
What do you think it is? Five times? Good morning? No, no,
not good morning, but it is a greeting, okay, it
is thank you? All right? Only five times? Well more
(29:32):
than that. You've been around kids lately, not all of
them have been given etiquette, proper manners and decorum U.
A new survey recently found that parents spend just under
eight hundred dollars a year on this. What do you
think it is? Eight hundred dollars a year on parents
(29:56):
spend this eight d oh if it was only a
fast food these days, dan As you know, you're like
I spent eight hundred dollars and two months. I used
to know exactly how much my order was at Wendy's.
It was like seven seven dollars. I remember when it
went up to seven dollars. I don't think I could
get out on Wendies for less than like sixteen bucks.
(30:17):
And these days, you know, it's it's expensive now, oh
it's it's really everything. But the answer is their kids allowance. WHOA,
let's do the map. It's twelve months a year, eight
hundred dollars. How much does that work out to be? Yeah? Right,
you know what. My mom pointed up at the roots
and said, that's your allowance. That's your allowance. That's not
that's good. You know, that's good allowance. I remember sporadically
(30:42):
having an allowance, but it wasn't like every week, and
it was really more of a bonus and incentive bonus
to do chores around the house, the vacuum or uh whatever.
All right, this is the number one food we all
hated as a kid, but we supposedly love. Now. I'm
(31:03):
gonna say, broccoli, Uh, you're you're, you're in the vegetable family,
and I don't. I don't agree with this one. Asparagus,
you eat asparagus. I could see that. I mean, you know,
when my mom was having some money issues when I
was young, she she got the asparagus in the can.
(31:25):
You ever had that? No, I don't recommend it. Uh,
pretty nasty and soggy, and I hated it. And then
as an adult, I had it roasted at a fancy
restaurant and I was like, Okay, I could get down
with this. I see why people like this. But is
it asparagus? In some people it turns your your urine fluids. Yeah,
(31:48):
you can smell it, right, it comes out and you
can still smell it. Oh yeah, not not everyone has it, right,
It's only a percentage of people. If it's in your
d n A. I've never heard that. I thought that
happened to every one. I don't think it's for everybody,
but um, a lot of people have it. And yeah,
that's any food that you can eat. And then when
(32:09):
it comes out the other end, it smells the same.
That's something about that I don't I don't. I don't
know about that one anyway. Next one on pop quiz,
what was the one vegetable you hated as a kid
that you Oh my god, I my the only fights
I really got into with my mom. I love my mom.
That I was a mama's boy. May she rest in peace.
(32:31):
But the ones I would get into work Benjamin, eat
your vegetables. And she loved peas I hated. She uh,
and then she would change it up, and she tried
to tell me that, oh, this tastes really good. I
take a bite. Eventually it was disgusting. She made a
lot of broccoli. Um, cauliflower I hated. I hated the
(32:52):
smell of cauliflower. But I pretty much despised all vegetables
when I was growing up. And now, oh, I like,
you know, some select vegetables I'll eat. But even to
this day, I'm not a big vegetable guy. What about you, Danny, Well,
there's some good cauliflower pizza out there on the market. Yeah.
My wife, she does the gluten free thing, so she's yeah. Yeah.
(33:15):
I hated the spinach on the plate, the soggy soft spinach.
Oh yeah, spinach tangy taste too. Did your mom ever tall? Well?
Pop by the Sailor, man, ain't that screw? Pop By
the sailor man my ass, he was on steroids. Yeah,
there was spinach on the plate. I wanted to gag.
I was not a fan of that. Um. I guess
(33:38):
lima beans and stuff like that too. Oh yeah, lima
beans are disgusting, so nasty. It's all the texture, though,
isn't it. You're right? And then my grandmother would try
to top everything off by pouring us a glass of
prune juice. And she'd say, no, no, no, you need this.
(33:58):
And I wanted to roll up to clear out your system. Right, Yeah, yeah,
I got that. I got Uh. Some of the Jewish
holidays they'd have home and tash In and they'd have
prune and poppy seed and uh yeah. I was not
not particularly a fine memory. All we'll do a couple
(34:20):
more and then we've got to save time. Get the
mail bag on Sunday. So sixte of us? Uh, six
of us have broken up with someone over this? What
do you think it is? Threesomes three? Uh? No, because
(34:43):
they cheered for a different NFL team. Wow. Have you
ever broken up with someone in part because they did
not like the right team? Well, I wouldn't say that
that was the reason why it was a breakup, but
I will say that that was an added bonus with
them being gone, I'm like, oh, thank god, I don't
(35:03):
have to see that ugly Broncos gear anyway. Well, but don't,
don't you think though, Danny, like I think most of
us as guys. I don't know how women feel about this,
but most of us. If a woman is beautiful, and
you will overlook that element, at least at the beginning.
You know, when I didn't date very many women because
they wouldn't get near me. But I would date women,
(35:25):
and sometimes they were fans of teams I didn't like,
or you having a RAM fan, they like the forty Niners,
and I mean like, yeah, you know, but they're really
good looking, and uh, you know, you kind of put
up with it, and then after a while that once
you get settled in, you're like, this is annoying. I
look at the sports aspect right off the bat. I mean,
my TENDERRONI right now wasn't a Dodger raid Laker fan.
(35:46):
There's no way I would have given her a ring.
I just don't think. So. Yeah, it was just easy
sledding right away. Whereas somebody who roots against your team,
and that's supposed to be your partner. No, and you
want to sock them in the throat because they're rooting
against your team. Yeah, it just doesn't work for me. Well,
(36:07):
but think of the fun wagers you could conceivably make
when your team's played. Yeah, you know, people say that
it just doesn't work out that way. I got you,
I got you all right. Uh. Last one, this occurs
more the first week of the new year than any
(36:27):
other time. People getting ripped off at clubs. Uh No,
but it does involve something that happens to the people
that work. Oh, people getting laid off. Yes, yeah, people
get the first week of the new year more than
(36:48):
any other time. The rest of the year, people get
laid off. That makes sense because the corporate slugs don't
want to ruin their own Christmas by laying off staff,
so they wait for Christmas to be over. Well, and
that's my I've always worked in the radio business where
they usually use fire us before the holidays. They don't
even wait for the holidays, And people always say, oh,
(37:09):
it's so cruel the fire people. I would think it's
even worse though. There's no good time to be fired.
I've been fired a few times from radio jobs. There's
no good time to lose your job. But I would
say it's actually better before the holidays because then you
spend all this money and you think you have a job,
and then you come back and you're like, no, you
(37:29):
don't have a job. Get out of here, clean out
your stuff, and you're like, wait a minute, I've been
all this money, I went on a vacation and yeah,
that we talked about it. That's why it's tough to
be a Capricorn, because everybody's broke when it's your birthday. Yeah,
you're right. Everybody's trying to make their credit card payment
in the month of January. There's not extra cash flying around.
(37:52):
So I would rather know before I spend all this
holiday money. Well and yeah, and I in radio. Usually
when you get through the Christmas holiday, you're yeah, I
made it, you know, and then you and then you realize, well, no,
you didn't. Anyway, all right, we're gonna get out of here.
Thank you, Danny. And you can obviously be part of
the podcast. If you want to email a question or
(38:14):
just any kind of statement about the podcast, you can
do that. My email address I used for this show.
This is only for the podcast. It's Real fifth Hour
at gmail dot com. You're obviously fine. Uh and that's
the number, uh, the letter five. By the way, it's
not the number five, Real fifth hour f I F
T H hour at gmail dot com. And then you're
(38:37):
on Twitter. I'm on Twitter, Danny, and you're at Danny
Radio at Ben Mallard. Absolutely all right, have a wonderful
rest of your Saturday, and we'll have the mail bag
on Sunday. Sunday, Sunday Later. Skater
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, the clearing House of
hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now. I was just imagine
a big two dog. My voice is so shot. I
can't even scream the way that I normally scream. But
it is the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Danny
g Radio, back at it again on a Saturday. Yeah,
(00:47):
I'm glad you're still alive. Yeah. Now I feel fine.
The voice not feeling fine, unfortunately, And I don't know
what happened, Bro, I don't know what happened, man, but
it's it's all messed up anyway. Uh. The Fifth Hour,
I assume you know by now, and normally does not
sound my part crabby. Danny's got the great pipes and
(01:09):
he sounds fine. Uh. And then I have the sick
cold voice, which we'll get more into. I have the
on this edition of the Fifth Hour. It is a
spinoff of the radio show, which has heard on Fox
Sports Radio Monday through Friday on the overnight. And if
you're relatively new and you don't remember Danny G. Danny
G was with me for many years as one of
(01:32):
my producers, an engineer, and he came up with many
of the great drops that some are still paid played today.
But he put his own spin on the sound of
the show. And there's that one song that you came
up with that you found you didn't write, the song
(01:53):
that we still playing. And I've had radio people asked
me what the name of that song is. It's get
the Weekend Started or something like that. You know that
the weekend song, that the Debbie deb song Lookout Weekend. Yes, yes,
that I've had multiple people say what is that song.
I'm like, I don't know, and I'm like, Danny G
(02:15):
came up with that. I don't know what the hell
that is. I have no idea, but yeah, Ever since
I was a little kid fourteen years old on kb
d G ninety point nine FM, every Friday we would
play that song and so all through my adult life,
I would always use that song going into the weekend.
It's a it's a great song, and I was like,
(02:36):
I don't know what that is, and then I had
to ask somebody, and then he said, yeah, and I
know we've been playing it since you were we're doing it.
You were the one that founded and were still playing
Who knew anyway. On this edition, we've met the Holiday Blues,
Hotel Bed, Nightmare, Rain of Palooza, and the debut if
we have time for pop Quiz. We used to do
(02:59):
pop Quiz back in the past, and I thought, why
not bring it back? So if if we have time,
but we begin Danny with Holiday Blues. And this is
a reminder in life. Every once in a while in
life you need a reminder. And as you know, Danny,
(03:20):
I do not take a lot of time off. I
believe in hoarding my time off and squirreling away my
days off until the end of the year. And so
in I did that. I I think I had missed
some time at the beginning here because my father passed away,
(03:41):
But once I came back, I was there. I was in.
I think I missed maybe one or two game shows
the entire year. Very good at Tendants. They don't give
you a bonus for that. By the way, if you're wondering.
They don't give you like an extra you know, a
couple of bucks or anything that. Uh. And there's also
the story I'm about to tell is a reminder that
(04:02):
God laughs. Quote that quote, God laughs at you while
you're making plans. Uh. So I had all these big
plans for the end of the year. Uh. And you know,
I love doing the show, and I love radio. But
after a while, I get tired of hearing my own
voice and I just want to go away and not
(04:26):
talk and not have to worry about monologues and this
that and the other thing, all these things. You know,
we all have our own problems, whatever job you have.
So my expectation, Danny, I was gonna like, we're gonna
small road trip, you know, me and the wife clean
out the storage. That was a big one because I
still have a lot of stuff in storage from moving
(04:49):
during the middle of So I was gonna go through storage.
And I guess how much of that happened, Danny, want
to take a guess how much of that happened. Judging
by your voice, I'm gonna say none of it happened. Zero,
That is correct. You You win, Dan. I don't know
what you win. But you went to her lifetime supply
(05:14):
of nothing that's right and tripped to nowhere. And uh,
this this is not a SOB story, although it sounds. Yeah,
it sounds like a sub story. So so anyway, Um,
I we went to a Christmas Eve family event. I
(05:35):
was only off the day before. Um. So we went
to this Christmas evening and you know, family was there, whatever,
friends of the family were showing up, you know, usual,
nothing out of the ordinary. Uh. And then my wife
she started feeling sick. This is on Christmas Day. So
(05:56):
she starts feeling sick. I'm like, oh, here we go,
actually gonna be sick the whole time. Uh. And then
on Saturday. On on Sunday, we were doing some work
trying to clean out the garage at the Mallard Manch
and then I start feeling kind of a new weather. Right,
I'm like, what's going on here? That whole thing. And
(06:20):
I had the standard cold symptoms, you know, cough, some mucous,
maybe a little bit of a sore throat, but not
really that bad. Um. It was nothing, nothing out of
the ordinary. Uh. And so but my wife's like, oh,
I got a test for COVID and I'm like, no,
(06:42):
you don't. You don't have COVID. What are you talking
about that you have a cold. I've had colds like
this before, there's nothing, no big deal. Um. So anyways,
she's like, no, I gotta test for cold. And she
happened to have a COVID test at the Mallard match.
And because of her job, she goes into the police station.
(07:04):
They have to test all the time. And because she's
around people, I'm not around people, Danny at the home
studio as you know, right, thank god. So anyway, the
wife gets the test and I'm watching TV and uh,
amazingly it comes back negative, no COVID. Great. As I
(07:27):
was I was telling her, see, we just have the cold.
It's just the cold. Uh. And anyway, a couple of
days go by and we're taking like all the over
the counter cold medication because my wife picked up a
bunch of this stuff. Um, and so we're taking whatever,
(07:48):
and so she starts getting sick on Saturday. I got
sick on a Sunday. And then on Thursday she's like,
I got a test again for COVID. I'm like, no,
you don't, we already tested. You don't have the COVID. Uh,
you know, what are you doing. You're wasting a test.
There's no need for it. It's just a cold. I've
had cold before and that's it. You've got a cold.
(08:11):
She said, No, I need to test again. She loves
these tests, these these COVID tests. So anyway, I like, whatever,
it makes you feel better, you know, I go, go
do your little test. So she doesn't know a test,
and then all of a sudden, surprised motherfucker. Yeah it's
uh knock knock at the door, and sure enough, Yeah,
(08:39):
the COVID had arrived at the Mallard mansion. So uh, yeah,
it's uh, it's COVID, but it's I gotta tell you, Danny,
I you know, I I know I'm still sick and
I don't sound good. I feel fine. Uh, it's all
in my vocal cords. I feel much better if I know.
(09:02):
You're not supposed to say it. But if everyone could
get this COVID, I don't think it's that bad. I
don't I know. Are you're not supposed to say that
or uh? And I didn't bring it up. I didn't
want to address that because I know a lot of
our our friends in the media love to run around
and say, hey, I got the COVID and make a
(09:25):
big deal about it and tweet about and I'm not
I just thought, you know, I'm not that guy. You're
not that guy. I'll trust me, You're not that guy. Yeah,
I'm not that guy. And I'm not looking for attention.
I don't think it's that big a deal. It's an illness.
Uh And for people, they'll be fine and uh. And
I will say I was hoping that I would get
(09:47):
the a symptomatic version of the COVID. Omarion is a
singer and Twitter was joking when the O macron version
came out. All the kids are calling it at the
omarion Arian. Oh, is that what they were doing? Which
is I guess it's more contagious, but the symptoms are
(10:07):
to a lesser degree, which is what you're talking about.
It is they can call it COVID, which I guess
I have COVID right now. But but it's just it's
gonna be a common flu eventually. Yeah. I mean it
feels like every other cold I've had. Uh, it doesn't
feel any different. I mean, there was a little bit
(10:28):
of a cough that I had, um and that really
led me down the garden path where every time I
get a cold, it with almost without fIF I don't
catch it early with the garlic, it'll destroy my voice.
And and so my voice was okay the first couple
(10:50):
of nights. I came back and did radio. But as
you know, Danny doing talk radio for four hours and
I I rant, I admit, I talk a lot, and
I got a big mouth, and I do monologues and yeah,
I mean, I just don't shut up. And it's an
instrument exactly. That's what I try to tell my wife, right,
(11:11):
I mean, you know that you know, as a fellow
broadcaster that there's a certain like it's not just your
regular talking voice when you're when you're talking to a microphone,
and the way we use our voice, it's up and
down to try to make a point. It's there's a
lot of effort used by the vocal cords. For sure.
(11:32):
When you finish an entire show, you feel like you
just did a little mini concert. Yeah, exactly so. And
then once you get a little illness and and you're
you're kind of cough on a little bit, or you
just have a lot of mucus, you need to cough
up um, But I guess the my mother in law,
(11:53):
she she did gradual. She came over because the reason
one of the reasons I didn't want to everyone to
know I had COVID because people freak out. Some peopill
freak out and make a big deal about it. But
my my mother in law, who's actually an emergency room
nurse in UH in Los Angeles, she's been doing forever
and she's a wonderful woman, and she came over immediately
(12:15):
and examined us and then said, you're fine pretty much.
I mean, and she's been around COVID people for obviously,
for like everyone else, for the hospital business, UH, for
the for the last two years, and so anyway, I
can check that box and it should be good to
go at someone. I think this is gonna linger around,
(12:36):
my voice because the weekend doesn't last that long, as
you know, Danny, and then it's right back to mutilating,
putting your voice in the wood chipper. So I think
this is gonna hang around for a little longer, hopefully
gets a little stronger. I'm gonna try garlic. Back to
the garlic and the honey, salt water and every other
(13:01):
home remedy. Yeah, that I can come up with. That's
the plan. Glad your ice box heart is handling the
omarion variant. I don't think this will knock me out.
Something will kill me, but I don't think, yeah, that
this will be the thing that does me. And so
the hotel bed blues. What is this all about, Danny
(13:23):
g What what do we have here? What happened? Well?
This actually has a COVID kind of um spin to
it as well, because my TINDERRONI and I had plans
to go to Pisamo Beach for my birthday. We were
going to make a huge deal out of it was
just gonna be for one night, quick getaway. I had
several shifts lined up for the holiday at the network,
(13:47):
and her son came down sick. Now he's still in school,
but he's old enough to take care of himself. But
we didn't want to. She didn't want to be out
of town, which I understand. You know, no matter how
old your kid is, you don't want to be miles
and miles away when that's the you know, yeah, you
don't need our Mom's not far away, right, That's the key.
(14:09):
The greatest thing about a mom. She's never that far away, right.
And it's funny because last year her son, who you know,
has his first car, he drove himself to urgent care
for the first time, and I swear she did a
dance like a happy path. He figured it out. As
parents know, one of the worst parts of being a
(14:30):
parent is having to deal with hospitals and appointments and
checkups and e er and urgent care and all that mess.
So when you're finally drives himself to the hospital or
the urgent care, that's a big deal. Did the kid
Once the kid realized how long they have the weighted
urgent care, did they call their mom? And they wait
a minute, Mom, it's the there's a four hour await.
(14:52):
What are we doing? Right? They fill out the paperwork
for the first time and deal with an insurance card
and all that. They're really appreciate shading their parents. So
she said, you know what, I was looking around, Let's
do this. Um, he took a COVID test. He's negative
even though he had all the symptoms. But I still
want to be nearby. I'll just get a really nice
(15:14):
hotel in the area so that we can, you know,
have a jacuzzi and a nice room and at least
after I take you out for a birthday dinner, we'll
have a nice private hotel room. I hear you way
to go right now. You see another reason why she's
a keeper. So I'm like, all right, that's totally cool.
(15:35):
We check in at a nice local hotel. We go
to our room that they she's holding the key card.
We find the section of the hotel, these nice garden grounds.
We walk up the stairs and she's like, oh, top
of the stairs there there it is. Uses the key
card opens the door, pushes the door, and it kicks
(15:57):
back that somebody was in there and they had that
top walk on. No. Yeah, so there was wow. And
but the key opened the door, open the door. The
girl who checked us in gave us a room that
somebody had not checked out of yet. Wow. Yeah, So
there was a lady in a robe on the bed
(16:19):
staring at us through the crack in the door. Holy crap,
somebody's in there. Wait, how does that happen? Seriously? So
maybe they thought these people were checking out and they
decided to stay an extra day. That's when you cleaned
the hotel room before somebody else comes in. Isn't that
normal standard operating procedure, thank you. So there was some
(16:41):
sort of communication breakdown where the girl at the front
desk thought this room was cleaned and ready to go,
and in fact there was somebody in there still. Now
it's really awkward because we're pulling our luggage. I mean
when we had a bag each, but we're carrying our
bag and a couple of grocery bags we had in
the lay. You who was wearing the robe is now
(17:01):
on the back balcony smoking a cigarette staring at us.
What the hell does happened? So we go back to
the front desk and the lady was like, oh my god,
I'm so sorry. My TENDERRONI was like, very calm and
nice about it. She was totally cool. The girl at
the front desk had just dealt with a major asshole
(17:22):
complaining about everything because my girl was cool about it all.
The girl at the hotel said, you know what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna upgrade you guys to our best
room to a new part of our grounds, just constructed
by like a lake, a man made lake they have there.
We scored. We're like, this is perfect. So we go
over there, dude, brand new construction. There's this huge fireplace
(17:47):
in the room. I mean, this is a sprawling pad
and we're just in this room. It's a perfect birthday night.
But then we lay down on the bed. Ben, I
know you did the sleep number commercials for a did
you know my Tinderoni likes a solid bed, so if
she had a sleep number it might was it. The
(18:09):
higher the number, the harder the Yeah, hundred, it goes
from a hundred. I actually still have my sleep number bed.
I love it. I wish they were still an advertiser
because it's a great bed. But yeah, it goes from
a hundred the hardest to zero. Sleeping on the floor,
it would be zero. So I might be a sixty
and she's probably an eighty. This bed eighties pretty high.
(18:34):
This bed, though, Ben, this was a hundred and five.
It felt like we were laying on bricks. And I
don't know if it was because the room is brand
new and so no one's ever slept on this mattress.
But you don't think the mattress would be more comfortable
in this nice hotel. So what do you do do
you You've you've gotten an upgrade, so you can't like,
(18:54):
you can't say, wait a minute, the room sucks, right,
can you so your screw and and it didn't and suck.
It was just the bed plus the most I mean,
you're gonna spend eight hours, you know, in the bed
at least, plus some other extracurricular activity. Prior to this,
we had walked around the grounds and we went to
the jacuzzi, so we had already had a full night.
(19:17):
She was like maybe a half hour into trying to sleep.
I told her, I said, well, we're in our area.
Let's just drive home and sleep in our own bed,
wake up, and then come back to our room. And
that's what we did. Wait a minute, you staying at
hotel and you went back to your own bed. So yeah,
(19:38):
so we threw our clothes on, got in the car,
laughed when we were in the car, and we're like, well,
oh thank god we're not in Pismo Beach. We wouldn't
have been able to drive to our own bed. We
get to our own bed, have a wonderful night's sleep,
wake up in the morning, go through the Starbucks drive through,
go back to our hotel room, put the fireplace back on,
(19:59):
enjoy the room until checkout time. But we didn't sleep there.
That's that's that's hilarious. That sounds like I My wife
is very conscious of the bed. She hates. She actually
doesn't like the really hard bed um and so she
likes this kind of in in the middle. And we were
(20:19):
staying one time in Vegas and the bed was just
a ship bed, right, It was just horrific, and we
were like waking up and our backs were hurting, and
we we had one more night, so we stayed in
Vegas and and as I remember the story, we were
gambling and then we just decided, you know, it's like
(20:42):
maybe one o'clock in the morning, and we're like, you
know what, fuck it, and we just we took off
and got in the car and and we left. We
we didn't come back, uh to the obviously the longer,
longer drive, but we we got the heck out of it.
We started cursing, you know, like all that off and
then uh, we we checked out and we were gone.
(21:04):
We've actually done that a couple of times, did that
in Palm Springs at a hotel that was not The
bed wasn't very good, So but I've never that's hilarious
that you came back that was outstanding. Uh. And and
then now, we we had a bunch of weird holiday
weather in the Los Angeles there. It's it's I always say,
(21:28):
it's like California bad weather is like a really nice
day in most of the country. And I watched I'm
like Mike Trout, Now I'm watching the Weather Channel a lot. Uh,
and I'm looking like, holy my. My brother lives in Appleton,
Wisconsin and the h and they don't get tons of snow.
(21:50):
They're compared to other parts of Wisconsin and Minnesota. But
I look at that compared to what I grew up
in and what he grew up in, and I'm like,
holy canal man, what is it? I mean, it's just insane.
But in l A, even though they made a movie,
it never rains in l A. Bullshit. Uh, it does
rain occasionally. And we had a rain of Pelloza event
(22:13):
and you got locked in. This is that correct, Danny Man? Yeah,
the famous Tony Tony Tony song. It never rains in
southern California. Um. Yeah, It's already hard enough to drive
to the studios in Sherman Oates when I fill in
producing the Jason Smith Show with Mike Harmon because it's
drive time. Yeah, my trick is to just go a
(22:35):
little earlier than I need to. Their show starts at
seven pm on the West Coast, so I'll usually get
on the road no later than four pm to go
cover that show. Well, now that it's raining, right, and
I mean it's pouring cats and dogs here in southern California.
You're right. People in other parts of the country kind
(22:56):
of roll their eyes when anyone in l A talks
weather about how bad it might be here. But for us,
you know, seven inches of rain like it dropped on
l A the last time it rain. That's a big
deal for us, especially with a drought. Now, half the
people don't know how to drive in bad weather. Yeah,
(23:16):
but maybe ten miles an hour. The other half of
the people drive like maniacs and act like nothing is different.
So you got this weird combination on the roads which
causes tons of accident. Plus, since it hardly ever rains,
when it starts raining, all the oil yes comes up,
and so it's like a slipping slide. Yeah, and you've
(23:38):
got got people going ninety miles an hour on a
slipping slide. What could go wrong? Yeah? Spin out City,
you're right about that, because there were people who were
crashed into the center divider. Cars were off the road
turned in the other direction. So you're exactly right. There's
so many damn cars on the freeways here that that
oil is all over the place, and so when it
(24:00):
first starts coming down, that oil loosens up and it
just turns into a water slide. So I'm like, Okay,
well I need to get on the road as soon
as I can, which I did. I get on the
road at four pm. I'm now headed on the one
on one south to get to Sherman Oaks. It's twenty
one miles for me, the beautiful San Fernando Valley. Yeah,
(24:22):
to go through the valley, to go through Woodland Hill,
Calabasas Woodland Hills in Kardashians when you go through Calabasas
with a middle finger. I I hate going through that
Woodland Hills area. It always is jam packed. Now with
bad weather, I'm thinking, man, this is gonna be a mission.
(24:44):
But still it's twenty one miles. I can deal with it.
I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. I didn't even get
to Calabasas, which is the next city over for me,
and I had already been sitting in traffic for thirty
eight minutes. Did you use like a traffic gap like
they used the ways app? But the ways app kept
(25:05):
doing that thing where it kept refreshing, adding time, adding time,
So every couple of minutes it kept adding fifteen more minutes,
fifteen more minutes, twenty more minutes. And then the voice
came on and said estimated time in traffic forty minutes.
And I was like, I'm not gonna get to the
(25:26):
studios in time, you know, because it's already five it's
five pm. Now I gotta be there at six pm. Depress.
There's no other way. I mean, there are some long
streets in l A, but they're all jammed up too,
so it's right, there's not It's not like I could
just go on frontage roads because I'm now I'm going
past canyons and stuff like that. Like if I exit
(25:49):
to the right, I'm gonna go to Malibu. Um, so
it's a nightmare. Yeah. So I made an executive decision.
Ben I was like, Okay, it's way more miles, but
maybe it'll move. I exit, flip a bit, and I
go the other direction. I go north on the one
oh one. So now I backtrack the few miles that
(26:10):
I was able to go. At least it was moving
in that direction. I get on the twenty three Freeway,
which goes through Simi Valley, home of the famous producer
on your nightly radio ship. How bad could this drive be?
Oh my god, the traffic through that city was a nightmare,
not moving at all. And now it's five thirty. I'm like,
(26:33):
am I even gonna get to the studios? Am I
gonna have to call somebody? Finally I get through Simi Valley.
Finally get to north Ridge. Now it is bumper to
bumper in north In the rain is just pounding our windshields.
I mean it's that kind of rain where, no matter
how fast your windshield wipers are going, you cannot see
really what's in front of you. Sure um, Finally make
(26:55):
it to the four oh five Freeway. Take that north
to the student ohs. So I left at four. Then
I got to the studios at six thirty pm. Wow.
I had a half hour to quickly do the commercial
reads for Jason and Mike. Problem with that is you
need time to decompress. I can't. I do not do
(27:16):
traffic well. Unfortunately, I haven't had to do traffic in
a while. But when I get stuck in traffic, I
just need about half an hour to forty minutes to
just like not deal with anything. I I am so
stressed out dealing which I don't know how people do it.
I I don't know how people deal with that kind
of traffic on a regular basis. It's insane. The tech
(27:38):
producer connects Jason and Mike, and they're both all happy,
in good moods. How you guys doing tonight? We're sitting
in their underwear. Yes, because they're at their home studios.
They didn't even have to touch car keys. Yeah, and
I'm shaking my fist at the heavens like, um, I
was able to decompress in that power. I was there
(28:01):
by the time the show started. I was fine. But man,
you know, for two and a half hours to go
twenty one miles insanity. Well, and just wait until the
studios moved to Burbank. You're talking about another but forty
minutes in traffic. Probably, I'm sorry. I a helicopter. Do
(28:24):
you have a Kobe copter or a motorcycle? Those are
my two dangerous options. Yeah, motor I don't know, but
I feel like you're safer a helicopter. I don't know though,
but would disagree with you. Yeah, well yeah, I hear
you on that. But as long as it's not foggy,
stay out of the fog, and I think you'll you'll
(28:46):
be okay. So we have this thing we we used
to we used to do it and we stopped doing it.
And I want to bring a pop quiz. So I
will quiz you, Danny and the listener, and then you
have to try to figure out you know the answer
is very simple, okay. And so this is random stuff
I found around the internet because I have no life.
(29:08):
So the average person, we'll say this five times today.
What do you think it is? Five times? Good morning? No, no,
not good morning, but it is a greeting, okay, it
is thank you? All right? Only five times? Well more
(29:32):
than that. You've been around kids lately, not all of
them have been given etiquette, proper manners and decorum U.
A new survey recently found that parents spend just under
eight hundred dollars a year on this. What do you
think it is? Eight hundred dollars a year on parents
(29:56):
spend this eight d oh if it was only a
fast food these days, dan As you know, you're like
I spent eight hundred dollars and two months. I used
to know exactly how much my order was at Wendy's.
It was like seven seven dollars. I remember when it
went up to seven dollars. I don't think I could
get out on Wendies for less than like sixteen bucks.
(30:17):
And these days, you know, it's it's expensive now, oh
it's it's really everything. But the answer is their kids allowance. WHOA,
let's do the map. It's twelve months a year, eight
hundred dollars. How much does that work out to be? Yeah? Right,
you know what. My mom pointed up at the roots
and said, that's your allowance. That's your allowance. That's not
that's good. You know, that's good allowance. I remember sporadically
(30:42):
having an allowance, but it wasn't like every week, and
it was really more of a bonus and incentive bonus
to do chores around the house, the vacuum or uh whatever.
All right, this is the number one food we all
hated as a kid, but we supposedly love. Now. I'm
(31:03):
gonna say, broccoli, Uh, you're you're, you're in the vegetable family,
and I don't. I don't agree with this one. Asparagus,
you eat asparagus. I could see that. I mean, you know,
when my mom was having some money issues when I
was young, she she got the asparagus in the can.
(31:25):
You ever had that? No, I don't recommend it. Uh,
pretty nasty and soggy, and I hated it. And then
as an adult, I had it roasted at a fancy
restaurant and I was like, Okay, I could get down
with this. I see why people like this. But is
it asparagus? In some people it turns your your urine fluids. Yeah,
(31:48):
you can smell it, right, it comes out and you
can still smell it. Oh yeah, not not everyone has it, right,
It's only a percentage of people. If it's in your
d n A. I've never heard that. I thought that
happened to every one. I don't think it's for everybody,
but um, a lot of people have it. And yeah,
that's any food that you can eat. And then when
(32:09):
it comes out the other end, it smells the same.
That's something about that I don't I don't. I don't
know about that one anyway. Next one on pop quiz,
what was the one vegetable you hated as a kid
that you Oh my god, I my the only fights
I really got into with my mom. I love my mom.
That I was a mama's boy. May she rest in peace.
(32:31):
But the ones I would get into work Benjamin, eat
your vegetables. And she loved peas I hated. She uh,
and then she would change it up, and she tried
to tell me that, oh, this tastes really good. I
take a bite. Eventually it was disgusting. She made a
lot of broccoli. Um, cauliflower I hated. I hated the
(32:52):
smell of cauliflower. But I pretty much despised all vegetables
when I was growing up. And now, oh, I like,
you know, some select vegetables I'll eat. But even to
this day, I'm not a big vegetable guy. What about you, Danny, Well,
there's some good cauliflower pizza out there on the market. Yeah.
My wife, she does the gluten free thing, so she's yeah. Yeah.
(33:15):
I hated the spinach on the plate, the soggy soft spinach.
Oh yeah, spinach tangy taste too. Did your mom ever tall? Well?
Pop by the Sailor, man, ain't that screw? Pop By
the sailor man my ass, he was on steroids. Yeah,
there was spinach on the plate. I wanted to gag.
I was not a fan of that. Um. I guess
(33:38):
lima beans and stuff like that too. Oh yeah, lima
beans are disgusting, so nasty. It's all the texture, though,
isn't it. You're right? And then my grandmother would try
to top everything off by pouring us a glass of
prune juice. And she'd say, no, no, no, you need this.
(33:58):
And I wanted to roll up to clear out your system. Right, Yeah, yeah,
I got that. I got Uh. Some of the Jewish
holidays they'd have home and tash In and they'd have
prune and poppy seed and uh yeah. I was not
not particularly a fine memory. All we'll do a couple
(34:20):
more and then we've got to save time. Get the
mail bag on Sunday. So sixte of us? Uh, six
of us have broken up with someone over this? What
do you think it is? Threesomes three? Uh? No, because
(34:43):
they cheered for a different NFL team. Wow. Have you
ever broken up with someone in part because they did
not like the right team? Well, I wouldn't say that
that was the reason why it was a breakup, but
I will say that that was an added bonus with
them being gone, I'm like, oh, thank god, I don't
(35:03):
have to see that ugly Broncos gear anyway. Well, but don't,
don't you think though, Danny, like I think most of
us as guys. I don't know how women feel about this,
but most of us. If a woman is beautiful, and
you will overlook that element, at least at the beginning.
You know, when I didn't date very many women because
they wouldn't get near me. But I would date women,
(35:25):
and sometimes they were fans of teams I didn't like,
or you having a RAM fan, they like the forty Niners,
and I mean like, yeah, you know, but they're really
good looking, and uh, you know, you kind of put
up with it, and then after a while that once
you get settled in, you're like, this is annoying. I
look at the sports aspect right off the bat. I mean,
my TENDERRONI right now wasn't a Dodger raid Laker fan.
(35:46):
There's no way I would have given her a ring.
I just don't think. So. Yeah, it was just easy
sledding right away. Whereas somebody who roots against your team,
and that's supposed to be your partner. No, and you
want to sock them in the throat because they're rooting
against your team. Yeah, it just doesn't work for me. Well,
(36:07):
but think of the fun wagers you could conceivably make
when your team's played. Yeah, you know, people say that
it just doesn't work out that way. I got you,
I got you all right. Uh. Last one, this occurs
more the first week of the new year than any
(36:27):
other time. People getting ripped off at clubs. Uh No,
but it does involve something that happens to the people
that work. Oh, people getting laid off. Yes, yeah, people
get the first week of the new year more than
(36:48):
any other time. The rest of the year, people get
laid off. That makes sense because the corporate slugs don't
want to ruin their own Christmas by laying off staff,
so they wait for Christmas to be over. Well, and
that's my I've always worked in the radio business where
they usually use fire us before the holidays. They don't
even wait for the holidays, And people always say, oh,
(37:09):
it's so cruel the fire people. I would think it's
even worse though. There's no good time to be fired.
I've been fired a few times from radio jobs. There's
no good time to lose your job. But I would
say it's actually better before the holidays because then you
spend all this money and you think you have a job,
and then you come back and you're like, no, you
(37:29):
don't have a job. Get out of here, clean out
your stuff, and you're like, wait a minute, I've been
all this money, I went on a vacation and yeah,
that we talked about it. That's why it's tough to
be a Capricorn, because everybody's broke when it's your birthday. Yeah,
you're right. Everybody's trying to make their credit card payment
in the month of January. There's not extra cash flying around.
(37:52):
So I would rather know before I spend all this
holiday money. Well and yeah, and I in radio. Usually
when you get through the Christmas holiday, you're yeah, I
made it, you know, and then you and then you realize, well, no,
you didn't. Anyway, all right, we're gonna get out of here.
Thank you, Danny. And you can obviously be part of
the podcast. If you want to email a question or
(38:14):
just any kind of statement about the podcast, you can
do that. My email address I used for this show.
This is only for the podcast. It's Real fifth Hour
at gmail dot com. You're obviously fine. Uh and that's
the number, uh, the letter five. By the way, it's
not the number five, Real fifth hour f I F
T H hour at gmail dot com. And then you're
(38:37):
on Twitter. I'm on Twitter, Danny, and you're at Danny
Radio at Ben Mallard. Absolutely all right, have a wonderful
rest of your Saturday, and we'll have the mail bag
on Sunday. Sunday, Sunday Later. Skater
Host
Ben Maller
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