May 13, 2022 • 42 mins
Ben Maller shares his adventures through Chicago & Wisconsin! Family in Appleton, deep dish pies, pretzels, cheese curds and butter-burgers! Lambeau lore, Wrigley turns CubbyLand and Militia meet-ups. He saved it for the podcast!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of Hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere, and a
happy Friday to you. Another fresh edition piping Hot out
of the Oven, definitely being recorded for Posterity's sake. The
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard and Dandy G Radio. It's
(00:49):
been a long week here, Danny, a long week, and
uh just had a major podcast blooper that unfortunately nobody heard. Danny.
I think that's the first time that's ever happened to
us doing this podcast. Yeah, I'm a I'm a little
sluggish at this point in the in the week. I
don't know up from down. It's bizarro. It is Benny's
(01:12):
bizarro world. And I am such a radio loser. But
that's no excuse, Danny, that's no excuse. The number one rule,
and you know you taught me this, Danny. Make sure
the mic is on make sure people can hear what
you're saying. I'm actually on the live are We started
this Friday morning podcast twenty minutes ago, and twenty minutes
(01:34):
in I told Ben, Hey, Ben, I don't see the
recording thing up in the corner of the top screen.
Oh no, yeah, we shock again. So what are you
talking about? Danny? Come on knocking, what's wrong with you?
Let me just tell you you missed the best twenty
minutes that Ben Maller has ever recorded in podcast history,
(01:56):
and now Ben's gonna have to recreate the first twenty minute? Yeah,
how can we possibly that? So anyway, let me just
explain real quick. I'll give you the I'm not gonna
give you the extended dance remix because I already did
that and nobody heard it other than Danny g But
I think Danny, you give me an a for that
right the first If this was live on the air,
you would have had tweets give you an a for
(02:17):
the monologue. It was wonderful anyway. Instead, Uh, it was
that's what we got there, and then we in in
the back of the room over there, it's yeah, I
got you all right. So the way this will work
on this. The Friday podcast, which is actually now being recorded,
we will have the first part of a two part
(02:40):
Mallard mini series. It's the Mallard road Trip travelog. I'm
in command with enhanced interrogation by Danny g radio the
microphone throttler. Now, the reason I am doing this, Danny,
is because I have been pestered in a kind way.
(03:01):
People were not mean or anything like that, but I
got a number of messages on the different social media
platforms and email saying, hey, I really want to hear
how this went. People very proud of where they're from, Danny.
People from Wisconsin wanted to hear out when of Chicago,
all the places I visit, and so I figured, rather
than do this on the radio show, we don't have
(03:22):
as much time. There's a lot of stuff going on.
We pretty much kind of react to the sports news
the day on the radio show. The podcast. Boy, that
is right in the wheelhouse of the podcast. Some would
say it's all right, but I disagreed, Dany. I disagree
with that take. No, I want to know what happened
on your trip because I saw pictures here and there.
You left a little messages about where you were and
(03:44):
who you were gonna see. But we didn't get any
full details or stories about what went on. Yeah, so
we'll start out like all things. It started out innocent enough.
Had this trip planned for a while. It was all
because of a heading. My sister in law was getting
married in in North Carolina, and we really don't know
(04:07):
anyone in North Carolina. It's a long way to go,
and me and the wife, the family, we determined that
we needed to enhance the trip, and we figured why not.
It's a long way to go, why not to stop
somewhere in the middle. My brother had moved to Appleton,
Wisconsin years ago. I had not seen him. We had
(04:29):
a pandemic and all that. So we made a determination
to make it a little bit of longer trip and
go to visit some relatives I have in Chicago and
in in Apple and so boom, we we pulled it off. Now,
I did not book the trip, but we started out
flying to Chicago on Saturday. As I said, mostly to
(04:50):
say a couple of dollars. It's not easy to get
to Green Bay. It's wild going. I've never been to
Green Bay before. We'll get to that in a minute,
but it's wild going to Green Bay and thinking in
an NFL team plays in green Bay compared to some
of the other cities I've been to the have NFL teams.
It's a it's a crazy, crazy experience. I had menter
(05:11):
chicagoan all the time, all that blah blah blah blah blah.
So we took the first flight out on on Saturday,
and as I might or might not have said in
a previous conversation to you, it's very important to take
the first flight out when you're on the West Coast
because of the time difference, Whereas if you're on the
East coast it doesn't matter as much. You can take
a late afternoon flight because you make up the time
(05:32):
on the on the trip back, all right. So that's
what we uh. And the first flight out of so Cow,
which was a good idea. It's one of those things
in theory that seemed like a good idea, but in
execution it was not. I could not go to sleep.
My body clock still on the overnight schedule from doing
the show all week, so I ended up going to
(05:53):
bed on Friday night and Saturday about two thirty in
the morning, woke up at four am and had a
rush to get to the car service to get to
the airport. But I I did not have to wear
a mask on the plane. Now, the car service they
packed us all in like studies. They did not have
room for the luggage, so that became a nightmare. It
(06:18):
was a sedan, but it did not have enough space
in it. Anyway. I got to to the winning City
on on Saturday and I started snapping some photos. I said,
wall no, let me do a little photographing thing. And
I got this perfect photo when I got out of
the planet, Old Hair, that weird looking mayor of Chicago,
that creepy mayor of Chicago. She was like right behind
me in the photo. I thought, that's perfect, that's a
(06:39):
good omen. So I I took that photo and I
posted this and I'm here and all that stuff. I
couldn't sleep on the plane, which I never can and uh,
and got to Old Hair and it's a massive airport.
Touchdown in your mouth considering how big it is, it's
just so much smoother than L A X. But pretty
much any airt I've ever been to has been better
(07:02):
than L A X. And so they I took this
tram thing that wraps around to the rental car facility
and we got there and it was empty the pockets.
It was a ch change cha ching cha, ching to
ching stick it up. It was the first of many
hold ups while you were in Yes, Yes, I was
(07:25):
burglarized when I first got to the rental car desk.
And I will not name the rental car company, as
you know, Danny, we do not name names here, but
I will tell you that it definitely hurts a lot.
It hurts my wallet a lot what happened there at
the rental car facility. And they were all kinds of
charges that I was like, what is that? Like what
(07:49):
why are we paying that? And I ended up breaking
a cardinal rule. And I've actually told this story before.
You were probably on the podcast with with Guests Come,
but I talked about it for years. I learned from
a sports writer, old baseball writer. The key to travel
when travel on your own. A lot of baseball writers
do that I don't know own and they don't travel
with the team. Is you end up having to leave
(08:14):
the airport and rent the car outside of the airport
grounds because that's where they stick it to you. With
all the extra fees and the taxes to pay for
the stadiums and all the hidden costs they get. They
love politicians to get the out of towners to spend
a bunch of money and end up paying for the
stadiums and all that. So I by violated that role.
(08:36):
It was insane and all that. How much money. But
we we then tried to grab some food on the
way to Wisconsin. We're gonna drive and visit my brother
for a couple of days. And I was the driver
and my wife was the navigator. Uh. And they actually
charged in Illinois, they charged money to have my wife
also be able to drive, even though I was gonna
drive most of the time. However, in Virginia they said, oh, no,
(08:59):
if you're married, it's no big deal. I was like,
what the hell is that? I still can't figure that out. Uh,
somebody along the way screwed me over. Anyway, So we
went to this pizza place in this famous Chicago pizza place,
lou mal Noddies, And we found a location, my wife
did near the airport. But we got there and it
was only a takeout spot. That's fertilizing. Yeah, and we
(09:22):
weren't really familiar with the neighborhood. It didn't look like
the greatest neighborhood, considering there was a dollar store right
across the street, which usually is a sign that's not
a great neighborhood. Uh yeah, I know I'm stereotyping, but
I I believe that. So anyway, right down the street
from where I live, Like I said, you know, I
(09:42):
love the dollar store, but generally I've never seen one
in Beverly Hills. Have you ever seen a dollar store
in Beverly Hills. Hey, man, you might not notice, but
I'm black. I've never seen that. Anyways. Uh So we
decided not to wait for the pizza because these deep
dish pizzas take like thirty five already minute. So that
was a that was a bummer. I feel like I
(10:03):
might have mentioned this earlier Danny in a podcast that
was not broadcast. But on my way to Chicago, I
was reading my favorite tabloid, the Daily Mail out of London,
and they had a big right up about all the
crime in Chicago and how I's safe it was, and
there was murders here, there and everywhere, and that it
was spilling over from Traditionally, the South Side of Chicago
(10:27):
has been where most of the crime is, but in
the last year, it's moved to other parts of the city.
And so usually when I've gone to Chicago in the
pastor was I just avoid the south side, You're fine,
But now like they were scaring everybody saying, oh, it's
a it's a nightmare, blah blah. But people getting carjacked
on the north suburbs of Chicago where the rich people living.
(10:48):
All this stuff so a little uh giter ish, But
I felt I got when I was I was in
Chicago along that first day, but I I just felt
I was kind of like l A, like downtown l A.
You gotta be on guard, you gotta be yeah, you
gotta be kind of looking around at all times. You
gotta yeah, head on a swip. So that was mine.
(11:11):
We didn't end up eating in Chicago. We just got
on the road to try to visit my my brother
in Appleton. We drove on Highway forty one, which is
part of it is a toll road. Screw the politicians
in Illinois, so right away they stick you on a
toll road. So I'm driving to Wisconsin. First stop is Kenosha. No.
(11:32):
I didn't even realize until later that that was where
a lot of the chaos happened uh in the year right,
the protest and the shooting that took place in Kenosha,
And to me, I just wanted to bite the eat.
And I was told by my my radio friend Bob
Fesco to go to the Cheese Castle in Kenosha. He said,
you gotta go to the Cheese Castle. I said, what's that?
(11:54):
He said about it, just as as it is in
the name, it's the cheesecap So so we we headed
there and it was dip everything into cheese. No, no, no, no,
it's got They just it's like a little market. It's
shaped like a castle, and it did not disappoint. It
is a cheese lover's Disneyland, Danny. Yeah. I mean there's
(12:19):
a ton of I mean all kinds of different cheese.
And this place was filled, even though it was just
across the border and Kenosha. It was filled with cub
things because the Cubs were playing the Brewers that night,
and so a bunch of the Chicago wands were making
the trip up to go see the brew Crew and
the Cubbies. So all these guys are wanting around in
(12:39):
Cub jerseys. And I had my first cheese curd in
Wisconsin and some pretzel bites and it was amazing. Oh
my god, man, it sounds like a heart attack waiting
to happen. Yeah, but you're gonna die anyway. It was
wonderful and Wisconsin's my kind of food. A lot of cheeses,
(13:00):
lot of unhealthy pretzels and the meats and whatnot. We
we did the whole tour of the castle, the Cheese Castle,
and I was gonna get back on the highway and said,
wait a minute, there's another thing I have to cross
off my bucket list. Culver's. Have you ever eaten at
the Culver's? No? Okay, So this is like a local.
(13:20):
It's the Wisconsin version of In and Out, you know,
the East Coast. They've got five guys West Coast in
and Out in the burger Wars. It's Culver's in Wisconsin.
I've tweet about that place before, yeah, and I've heard
about it, and I really wanted to eat there. And
I figured, well, I don't know for sure that I'll
be able to eat at one down the line. I
didn't realize how many of these locations there were, And
(13:43):
so we saw Culver's and immediately stopped. It was on
my bucket list mission accomplished. The Kenosha location. Butter Burger, cheese,
courage fries, hashtag Nirvana. Man was at a good burger.
Man was that great? And so so then we we
got back on the right. I keep. I had no sleep.
We had none of us said sleep that were traveling.
So we had a long drive up to Appleton Highway
(14:05):
forty one. A few observations date, A few observations about
the current state of the state of Wisconsin and my
friends in the Cheese state. Uh. A very eclectic mix
of signs. A lot of firework stores in Wisconsin selling
fireworks up and down Highway forty one. There was a
mix of sex shops and then right after there'd be
(14:29):
a billboard for a sex shop the God Squad telling
you if you go to the sex shop, you're going
to burn in hell. So it was quite the mix there.
And there was a few gambling places mixed in casinos
and whatnot. So good America, every vice imaginable, a lot
(14:50):
of random road I didn't notice a lot of road
kill in the great state of Wisconsin. All kinds of
critters and and things on the road. I drove by
the Harley David headquarters. As you know, Danny the Harley
Davidson motorcycle from Wisconsin from Milwaukee. Their headquarters are there,
and a lot of barnes, a lot of farms, the
(15:16):
food companies. You know that. I think it's called hair
brow hairbrow? Is that it? Hairbow? Harbow? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
We drove by their big facility and uh and then
boom on a ninety minute to sleep. We made the
one eighty three mile drive from O'Hare to Appleton, Wisconsin.
(15:37):
And it was the Mallard brother reunion because my older
brother had driven from New York City to meet my
younger brother and me in Wisconsin. He got there before us,
and we had not been together in almost five years.
I can't believe it's been that long. But we had
the COVID excuse that no, when my brother wouldn't get together,
my younger brother wouldn't get together with anybody. I think
(15:58):
a lot of families have gone through what you're talking about, yea.
So it was it was great to see everybody and
catch up, and it was great to see pooh and
hug and all that stuff. And we all grew up
very close and now we live in every time zone
outside the Mountain time zone, so it's all all over
(16:18):
the country, and uh, yeah, that's a little odd. But
my older brother and his wife a pretty good thing
going to New York. They were like a marketing thing,
and my my younger brother is kind of hangs out.
He's got that going on. But I'm like the black
sheep of the family because doing the overnight radio thing.
So it was it was good. And I don't really
(16:40):
have a lot in common like with my brothers other
than the family bond, meaning that they're not really sports
people and I'm not really into the stuff there, and
but we we don't. We make it work. What's their
biggest topic of conversation. Um, it's well, that's a good question.
What were they talking about that I wasn't interested in.
(17:00):
There was a lot of conversation about like random pop
culture things, but stuff that I'm not. I'm into some
pop culture, but they were like weird, weird things. A
lot of computer stuff. They're both in the computers a
lot video game stuff. I'm not really much into that,
like not not the games I play, So that kind
of Uh, there was a question I got asked a lot.
(17:22):
What is there to do in Appleton? Wisconsin. And the
answer is to word dandy, not much. Okay, that's the answer. Okay.
The town rolls up at seven o'clock and I normally
don't even get going until nine or ten o'clock at night.
By then everything is closed up. I gotta tell Appleton's beautiful.
(17:43):
It's a beautiful city. I totally understand why my brother
lives there, other than the weather, which is terrible eleven
months of the eleven months of the year. A lot
of trees, a lot of really cool one plus year
old buildings. The Fox River which lets out in Green Bay,
runs through Appleton. And walked around this really old bridge
(18:04):
that was built years ago that they had a nesting
area for bald eagles. The bald eagles hang out in Appleton.
They chill out there in at least in part of May,
because they were hanging out and there were a lot
of pelicans like stuff you don't expect to see. I
didn't expect to see some weird seabirds in Appleton, Wisconsin.
(18:24):
And a lot of references to Harry Houdini, Danny, a
lot of references to the late Harry Douney has been
who's been dead for almost a hundred years, but they
still have a bunch of stuff. He died. I looked
it up. He died in nineteen six. But he's still
a big deal. So four more years away from the
hundredth anniversary of the passage of Harry, but Harry Uddini.
(18:47):
But it is impressive that his name is synonymous with magic,
the Houdini act. Right you say that, people know what
you mean. I didn't know he was from that area. Well,
he wasn't born there. He spent four years and as
his child there and as a performer, he always claimed
he was from Appleton, Wisconsin or whatever reason. I don't
(19:09):
know why. There must have been some ulterior motive there.
But there's a museum for him. There was a plaza
downtown Appleton name for him. It was cool. I like
magic and all that, But for me, the highlight was
the trip up the road thirty miles actually it's twenty
eight miles from my brother's house. Lambo Field, frozen tundra. Now,
(19:34):
I'm sure there was way more things to do in
Green Bay. Oh sure, yes. You get off at Lombardi Avenue.
Lombardi Avenue and there's a strip of stores and they
were just like regular kind of stories you'd see in
the suburbs of any city. And then right right past
(19:54):
that is this massive stadium, and right across the street
there's houses. It felt like the old Wrigley Field or
Finway Park, where there's houses right across the street. And
we drove right in the parking lot at Lambeau drove
around the There was a gift shop area part of
the stadium you could walk through. It was pretty cool.
(20:16):
I did not buy a Packer hat though, Danny, because
I'm not a Packer fan. I'm a Ram fan. However,
I did buy a lambeau Field hat. I figured that
was a compromise because I'm celebrating the stadium, not the team.
What does the lambeau Field hat look like. It's just
like a screen hat has got the Lambeau name on
(20:37):
it and a little drawing and all that. But it
was cool. I figured why not. People still would think
you're a Packers fan if you had that, they can
think whatever they want. They'll be wrong. I did see
the memorial for Davante. Adams very upset that he left
to go to Your Raiders, so they were very sad
there that Davante has moved on. You can't telling me
his life would be a lot different coming from Green
(20:59):
Bay and going to Las Vegas. Oh, I know. Can
you imagine going from from Lambeau to oh my goodness,
going from a strip mall to a strip club? Yeah?
Oh man, that the city. It was cool, It was neat.
I watched a bunch of games the Packers have been
(21:20):
in over the year's last twenty years with Farvan Rogers.
They've been on national TVs so much in all those
snow games. And it was called Venerable Pig Skin Shrine
Sacred Land. And right across the street is a house
with a playground in the front of the house. It
was freaking, freaking crazy, but anyway, so the expedite the process.
(21:45):
So I spent uh Saturday through Monday night with my brothers. Now,
Monday afternoon, my older brothers started to ride back to
New York City now that afternoon. This actually happened a
couple of days before my schedule opened up. I decided
to hold a last minute mallard meet and greet day
more of a spur of the moment kind of improv thing.
(22:07):
I was supposed to travel to Traverse City, Michigan on Monday,
because I have a cousin that lives over in Michigan.
She's getting older and I wanted to see her. I
want to hang out with her and whatnot. But logistically
she told me, she said, no, that's only a couple
of hours from Apple. So I went on the computer
and I looked up to travel itinerary. To go from
where I was in Appleton to Traverse City. It would
(22:30):
have taken fourteen hours. Wow, fourteen hours to travel there, goofed. Yeah,
seven hours each way, so seven hours there, seven hours back.
So I did the cost benefit analysis and I said, well,
there's twenty four hours in a day. You figure I
don't sleep much, but I sleep about five of those hours.
(22:52):
So if I sleep five hours and then I spend
fourteen hours traveling, that only leaves five hours in the
day to do everything else. And uh so I and
you had to take a ferry across like Michigan. It
was this whole big thing. So I decided since I
had a little extra time, my brother was leaving, my
(23:13):
younger brother was doing some stuff, so I had a
mallard meat, very impulsive, and we had a number. I
actually asked people on Facebook. I said do you want
to have a meet and greet, you know, let me
know if you're interested. R s v P. And knowing
human nature, Danny I figured that even though so many
people had said they were gonna go, that most people
(23:34):
say something and then they don't actually follow. I had people.
I had so many people from Minnesota. Oh, I'm so
happy you're in the Midwest. I don't like Wisconsin, but
I'm gonna go. And I had a guy from Kalamazoo, Michigan.
I love your show so much. I'm gonna drive boat
uh and all these people, and you know, we had
a good turn out, But the amount of people that
(23:55):
said they were gonna be there and the amount of
people that actually showed up much different. I am such
a radio loser, much different. That always happens. And and
this was the ultimate test because I've done these things
in Seattle and Pittsburgh and in Boston multiple times in
other places, and these are bigger places where there's a
(24:18):
lot of people. This is off the beaten path, but
a good time hanging out. And we had a good
turn out considering the location. All that, and only on
social media. Had some really cool people that showed up
and hang out have a drink at oh Sarios the
Latin fusion. Yeah, the Mexican restaurant. People were wondering, why
(24:40):
the hell did you go to a Mexican restaurant in Wisconsin.
Blah blah blah blah blah. Well the owners are actually
friends of the family, so I had a had a
hook up. If you just show up to a restaurant
and say, I'm gonna have a ton of people there,
sometimes they get alone and comfortable even though they want
the business. They're like, I don't know, you know, these
people are like cool. So I love learning about listeners
(25:03):
the show and what makes them tick and all that stuff.
But I was genuinely disappointed. I thought for sure that
at least a couple of people from Minnesota that live
on the border who had contacted me would make the
drive over and and they all ended up flaking, And
that was disappointing. Yeah, we did set right, Yeah, exactly.
(25:25):
I get it. I get it. And the thing about
that I noticed was a bunch of people are like, hey,
you should come to Nashville or come to Tampa, or like,
if I'm in the backyard, They're like, okay, I'll see it.
They I think they want me to just be a
hobo and travel around to various cities. You could be
(25:46):
like Brian No and just live in a different city
every other week. Yeah, exactly. I just live out of
a suitcase and just travel around and be a gypsy.
I'll be the new Gypsy kick. Why not? Anyway, So
I to the Mallard Meat and greet uh, and I
was I was bummed out. There was a guy that
said he lived in Appleton, Danny, and he listened to
(26:07):
me when I did the Ben and Dave show back
in the nineties, whoa long as time ago, And he
said he was gonna come out and hang out, and
he never did. He didn't show up. Unfortunate. I hope
he's all right. But if you listen to that show,
he must be an older gentleman. So how he probably
has a motorized scooter. Anyway, So I went back to
(26:30):
my brother's humble abode in Wisconsin. It is cool these
houses with these basements. I love the basements. We don't
have the basements in California because the earthquakes. But I
went back, said our goodbyes, hugged it out, packed up
the Mallard rental wagon, and headed south back down the
almost two hundred miles to Chicago. Where did you stay
(26:53):
when you were there? Oh, we were supposed to stay
with my brother, but he claimed he didn't have space,
and we had an airbnb in Appleton, which was cool.
It was a fine little house and not that expensive
being in Appleton, so it was very cost effective and
all that. And so then we headed back to Chicago
and my wife decided she wanted to treat herself to
(27:15):
a nice hotel. Daddy, I don't need to stay in
a nice hotel. I don't know about you. As long
as I don't have bed, you know, beg bugs and
fleas and all that, I don't need that. But just
give me a decent hotel. I don't need a great hotel. Yeah,
I say, as long as it's clean, it's in a
(27:36):
good location, and it's newer, it wasn't built in like
the fifties and it's falling apart. Yeah, as long as
I'm not going to get some kind of disease from
laying on the bed, I'm okay with it. And I'm
not gonna get poisoned from the water or the air
condition Anyway. She picked this place called the London House,
which is prime Chicago real estate, right on Michigan Avenue
(28:00):
at the corner of Michigan Avenue and Whacker Drive, which
is the big streets there in Chicago. Amazing location, right
in the belly of the Beast. So since I'm married
to her, I was along for the ride at the
London House and this time we we were successful at
getting lou mal Noddies deep dish pizza. Walked around. It
(28:21):
was freezing this entire time in milwauch in in a
Appleton and in Chicago, just nasty weather. But I did
get my birthday sunny Sunday. Danny. I know you very
concerned about that be at your Your family has a
restaurant there, Garratt Deli's Chocolate Shop, Danny garat Delli and
(28:43):
it looks over the Chicago River. Beautiful location. Yeah. So
I went in there and had my favorite chocolate cookie
Sunday and it was great, wonderful, love that thing. That's
my go to Sunday. So this was by the time
this happened, it was Tuesday. We got in Chicago like
one in the morning on on Monday. So on Tuesday
(29:06):
we had gotten tickets to the Cubs game at Wrigley
against the White Sox. Now, I've not been to Wrigley
Fields since they renovated it. Big props to my guy,
Jonas Knox. Jonas is a made man or colleague morning
guy at Fox pulls Ready. He's a made man in Chicago.
So he he reached out to me when he heard
I was going to Chicago. Says, hey, I got I
(29:27):
got a couple of tickets. You want to go to
the game. I said, yeah, give me a couple of days. Sure,
And I love that. And they were bleacher tickets and
so I got to sit in the bleachers at Wrigley Field.
And but I looked at the forecast and it said
it was rainy, It's gonna rain all night, very cold conditions.
I said, there's no way they're playing this game. It's
not gonna happen. In fact, I told I told the wife,
(29:49):
I said, listen, don't worry about it. She was concerned
about having to go to the cold weather. I said,
don't worry. They're not gonna play it. And so, in
classic Murphy's law of fashion, uh, they decide I will
play the game. So so you froze your balls off.
It was so bad. It was so bad. It was rain,
(30:11):
but it wasn't like a hard rain. It was a light,
misty rain like it was. It was the heavens just
spitting lightly at you. And it was very cold, windy.
The windshill said it was thirty degrees at Wrigley Field.
And we were not prepared. We did not bring the
the many things you need to sit in cold weather,
(30:34):
the gloves, the hot packs, the all that. So we
had none of that stuff there. And you know, but
we were at the game and you're in Chicago, You're like,
you know, why not and paid out of the out
of you know what, out of the key store for
parking because there's no parking lots around Wrigley Fields in
(30:54):
the middle of the city. The Mallard calculator must have
been going crazy. Oh my god. Yeah, So we just
we drove the rental car over and I was like,
let's let's just you know, pay for part or whatever.
So eighty five dollars to park eighty five dollars. Mainly
(31:15):
because my wife did not want to wait until the
game was over. She was she she had a premonition
that she probably wasn't gonna stay at the end of
the game, and if you pay a lesser amount, you're
boxed in. You can't get out anyway. So we we
headed walked around Wrigley the Cubby Bear, the famous bar
there which had been there forever. The late there was
(31:38):
a late arriving crowd. People always say Dodger fans arrived late.
It was a late arriving crowd because they're at the
bars exactly. Everyone was sauced when they showed up. But
Rigley had a much different vibe than I remember. I
was there before they renovated it, and I don't want
to say the charm was completely gone, but it was
(31:59):
much different green one out it had. It felt like
the the comp I would give it is like Disneyland
if you went to Disneyland back in the old days,
and then in Anaheim. And then they added that shopping
across the street, you know where Disney Downtown Disney. Yeah,
(32:20):
like the area around Wrigley Field felt like downtown Disney.
And I know they're in business and it's the free market,
and they bought a lot of the land around Wrigley
Field and the corporate ties the Cubbies to monetize the
tradition and it's progress, as they say, whoever they are.
(32:41):
But man, it's it's like going to Disneyland. So it's
somewhat turned into cubby Land. Yeah, yeah, it's it's It's
Cubby Lane, is what it is. That's right. And they
did a really nice job the way they renovated Wrigley.
I thought they did a good job. It's a little
too much for me because I remember the way used
to be, but progress things changed. Anyway, my wife was
(33:05):
so in so much agony from the cold weather. I
think she was getting ready to divorce me from making
her sit out there with the family. The wind, the
rain and all that. And like I said, we were
not ready. Didn't have gloves, didn't have scarfs. We did
have parkers. We went on and bought some parks in
Wisconsin because it was raining there too, But the problem
(33:28):
was the bleachers were soaking wet from the rain, so
we needed the parker is to sit on, so we couldn't.
It was. It was a total crap show. And uh
but but anyway, I had a chance to meet a
legendary caller to the show phase from Chicago. I put
out the message on Facebook. I said, anybody at the
(33:49):
the ballpark if you're a fan of the show, I'd
love to meet you. And Face said, I'll be there,
and he was there, and he was a man of
his word and he showed up and it was great.
He also had a birthday, so we coordinated things. It
was great to meet him and his I think his
wife or soon to be wife. Very cool people. And
(34:09):
she's a White Sox fan. He's a Cub fan and
so hard worker, drives a truck. He's got some comption
to him. I like people like that. And he called
up with the famous Windy's joke that's right a while
back there. So it was cool. I was like, people
that work hard and all that. So, uh, working the
third chef this is this is not for the faint
(34:31):
of heart. So we did end up leaving the Cub
White Sox game midway through. Otherwise I would be looking
for a divorce lawyer. What was the score when you left? Uh?
The White Sox were winning. I think it was like
two nothing or three nothing at that point. It wasn't
a high scoring game. Um. We headed over those two
(34:54):
Pete Quads Pizza in Chicago, home of the pan style
deep dish pete to caramelized crustating. Oh that sounds promising. Yeah. Now,
this place came highly recommended to us by some locals
and did not disappointed. Amazing pipe culinary arts. And so
(35:16):
we ended up watching trying to we were trying to
warm up. We watched the final few innings of the
game as the massive pie cooked, and that's when the
drama orama started. All right, So we leave the restaurant
in Chicago. We had parked on the street. There's no
parking lot for the restaurant, and we started walking to
(35:39):
where we thought our car was, and it wasn't where
we thought it was. It turned into a wild goose chase.
Could not, for the life of me. Remember I wasn't drunk,
mind you, we couldn't. We couldn't remember where the damp
car was located. You just had frost bite. Oh it's tera.
(36:00):
It was like a dude, where's my car? Remake? And
we were literally figured till we spent forty minutes walking around.
It's still raining. Mind in Chicago, it's still freezing and
we're walking around there. I wondered if my car had
been stolen, the rental car, and we're trying to retrace
the steps and all that and I got some help
(36:21):
from our from our buddy there. He was able to
find the vehicle. However, we had killed so much time, Danny,
that it was too late were I was playing going
to visit my my cousin, but if she lives in
the northern suburbs, and it was like an hour outside
of where we were, and so this sucked. And uh
so we went back to the hotel that admitted defeat
(36:42):
for that day. Now did you just get turned around? Yeah,
like we a lot of the streets around I looked
the same, and I didn't really. I tried to jot
down and take a picture of the street sign, but
I did remember the street, but I I it was
like three streets over from where the car was. We
were walking towards the restaurant. Anyway, it was. It was
(37:04):
a second city. Whether got the best of us and
all that all right, So really I have a lot
of time. But the final full day in Chicago, which
was last Wednesday, we packed a lot into our day.
Started out on an architectural boat tour of the Windy City,
which I highly recommend. Very cool if you're from out
of Chicago or even in Chicago, hop on a boat
(37:25):
ninety minutes, your cruise all over the Chicago River. Amazing
skyscrapers in Chicago beautiful. I love the the concrete jungle
and the thing I took away from that, Danny, And
I'm gonna use this on the show. The name Chicago,
do you know what that stands for? No? Alright, so
(37:49):
the origin according to the person on the boat, maybe
they were lying. The word Chicago is a French version
of the Miami, Illinois word Chicakawa, which means stinky onion.
Chicago is named after garlic, a garlic plant, not an onion. Actually,
the stinky onion is what Chicago is, right And anyway,
(38:14):
another historic Chicago food stop we we headed after that,
we we we went to Portillo's for some hot dogs,
but to the Mallard building located in the Yeah, said Mallards. Yeah,
Mallage in the Jewelry district, right near Millennium Park. You
know that that big bean. Yes, yeah, it's right like
(38:37):
a couple of blocks away from that. Uh. People have asked,
does your family own the Mallard building? Not to my knowledge,
if they do own it, they didn't tell me about it.
But it was cool seeing seeing the my surname on
the side of the building. It was pretty neat. And uh,
I don't know who it was named after. I don't
know anything about it other than my name, family names
(38:58):
on it, and I there's a couple of different families
that have the same last name as I do, so
who knows. And uh, my family was from Chicago. A
lot of my my dad's side of the family from
Chicago in the garment business. And in fact, my dad
was the first of the family relatives to be born
outside of Chicago. So yeah, our families have a lot
(39:22):
in common. My mom was born in Springfield, Massachusetts. Oh cool.
She was there until middle school before she went to
San Jose, California. My dad was born in Chicago. Wow,
that's crazy. Yeah, my grandfather from Springfield, mass and my
my other grandfather from Chicago. Our families almost mirror each other.
(39:44):
Okay that it's a small world, after all, it's a
small small world. We did spent a little time at
the London House, went back there, hung out this nice
rooftop restaurant which was pretty cool, very pricey, very expensive,
out of my my vell of comfort, but a lot
of great ambiance and all that. But but we then
(40:05):
finally finally got to meet up with my cousin who
I used to hang out with when she was a
little girl and I was a little, little little kid.
We were a little kids hanging out at bar Mitzvah's
and weddings and family reunions and all that, and uh
it was. She lives in Chicago, and I had lost
contact with her for a number of years, but we
(40:26):
reconnected a few years back and you got to meet
her husband. Very cool kiddos hanging out at their house.
There this guy Joel who claims, according to my cousin,
Heidi listens to the podcast now, so we'll see if
he's if he hears this, if he reaches out to me.
But he's a typical Chicago sportsman. Loves the Cubs, Bears, Blackhawks,
(40:49):
some of the Bulls, all that stuff, and no Bears.
In fact, he told me he's hoping the Bears move
out because the Bears. There's a rumor the Bears are
gonna move out of Chicago proper and after the suburbs.
If they do, it'll be right across in the neighborhood
where my cousin lives. There's like a race track they're
(41:10):
gonna build a football stadium their version of Santa Clara
exactly exactly, but it was it was great to me,
my my second cousins and uh, I got a cousin
is going to be going to the University of Wisconsin
Badger next year. The middle kid reminded me of me
(41:30):
because he's in like baseball cars and stuff like that.
That's pretty cool and plays hockey baseball. And then they
got a daughter that's a younger daughter is like in
third grade. So but it was it was cool. I think, well,
we were there, Danny, and this will be the intermission
and you'll have to tune in tomorrow, same Mallard time,
same Mallard channel for what happened with the wedding for
(41:53):
the riveting conclusion of this two part mini series, The
Mallard Mini Series. We've talked about Wisconsin in Illinois, but
what about Virginia and North Carolina. Stay tuned, Dot dot
Dot can't wait later. Skater gott a murder, Gotta go
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of Hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere, and a
happy Friday to you. Another fresh edition piping Hot out
of the Oven, definitely being recorded for Posterity's sake. The
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard and Dandy G Radio. It's
(00:49):
been a long week here, Danny, a long week, and
uh just had a major podcast blooper that unfortunately nobody heard. Danny.
I think that's the first time that's ever happened to
us doing this podcast. Yeah, I'm a I'm a little
sluggish at this point in the in the week. I
don't know up from down. It's bizarro. It is Benny's
(01:12):
bizarro world. And I am such a radio loser. But
that's no excuse, Danny, that's no excuse. The number one rule,
and you know you taught me this, Danny. Make sure
the mic is on make sure people can hear what
you're saying. I'm actually on the live are We started
this Friday morning podcast twenty minutes ago, and twenty minutes
(01:34):
in I told Ben, Hey, Ben, I don't see the
recording thing up in the corner of the top screen.
Oh no, yeah, we shock again. So what are you
talking about? Danny? Come on knocking, what's wrong with you?
Let me just tell you you missed the best twenty
minutes that Ben Maller has ever recorded in podcast history,
(01:56):
and now Ben's gonna have to recreate the first twenty minute? Yeah,
how can we possibly that? So anyway, let me just
explain real quick. I'll give you the I'm not gonna
give you the extended dance remix because I already did
that and nobody heard it other than Danny g But
I think Danny, you give me an a for that
right the first If this was live on the air,
you would have had tweets give you an a for
(02:17):
the monologue. It was wonderful anyway. Instead, Uh, it was
that's what we got there, and then we in in
the back of the room over there, it's yeah, I
got you all right. So the way this will work
on this. The Friday podcast, which is actually now being recorded,
we will have the first part of a two part
(02:40):
Mallard mini series. It's the Mallard road Trip travelog. I'm
in command with enhanced interrogation by Danny g radio the
microphone throttler. Now, the reason I am doing this, Danny,
is because I have been pestered in a kind way.
(03:01):
People were not mean or anything like that, but I
got a number of messages on the different social media
platforms and email saying, hey, I really want to hear
how this went. People very proud of where they're from, Danny.
People from Wisconsin wanted to hear out when of Chicago,
all the places I visit, and so I figured, rather
than do this on the radio show, we don't have
(03:22):
as much time. There's a lot of stuff going on.
We pretty much kind of react to the sports news
the day on the radio show. The podcast. Boy, that
is right in the wheelhouse of the podcast. Some would
say it's all right, but I disagreed, Dany. I disagree
with that take. No, I want to know what happened
on your trip because I saw pictures here and there.
You left a little messages about where you were and
(03:44):
who you were gonna see. But we didn't get any
full details or stories about what went on. Yeah, so
we'll start out like all things. It started out innocent enough.
Had this trip planned for a while. It was all
because of a heading. My sister in law was getting
married in in North Carolina, and we really don't know
(04:07):
anyone in North Carolina. It's a long way to go,
and me and the wife, the family, we determined that
we needed to enhance the trip, and we figured why not.
It's a long way to go, why not to stop
somewhere in the middle. My brother had moved to Appleton,
Wisconsin years ago. I had not seen him. We had
(04:29):
a pandemic and all that. So we made a determination
to make it a little bit of longer trip and
go to visit some relatives I have in Chicago and
in in Apple and so boom, we we pulled it off. Now,
I did not book the trip, but we started out
flying to Chicago on Saturday. As I said, mostly to
(04:50):
say a couple of dollars. It's not easy to get
to Green Bay. It's wild going. I've never been to
Green Bay before. We'll get to that in a minute,
but it's wild going to Green Bay and thinking in
an NFL team plays in green Bay compared to some
of the other cities I've been to the have NFL teams.
It's a it's a crazy, crazy experience. I had menter
(05:11):
chicagoan all the time, all that blah blah blah blah blah.
So we took the first flight out on on Saturday,
and as I might or might not have said in
a previous conversation to you, it's very important to take
the first flight out when you're on the West Coast
because of the time difference, Whereas if you're on the
East coast it doesn't matter as much. You can take
a late afternoon flight because you make up the time
(05:32):
on the on the trip back, all right. So that's
what we uh. And the first flight out of so Cow,
which was a good idea. It's one of those things
in theory that seemed like a good idea, but in
execution it was not. I could not go to sleep.
My body clock still on the overnight schedule from doing
the show all week, so I ended up going to
(05:53):
bed on Friday night and Saturday about two thirty in
the morning, woke up at four am and had a
rush to get to the car service to get to
the airport. But I I did not have to wear
a mask on the plane. Now, the car service they
packed us all in like studies. They did not have
room for the luggage, so that became a nightmare. It
(06:18):
was a sedan, but it did not have enough space
in it. Anyway. I got to to the winning City
on on Saturday and I started snapping some photos. I said,
wall no, let me do a little photographing thing. And
I got this perfect photo when I got out of
the planet, Old Hair, that weird looking mayor of Chicago,
that creepy mayor of Chicago. She was like right behind
me in the photo. I thought, that's perfect, that's a
(06:39):
good omen. So I I took that photo and I
posted this and I'm here and all that stuff. I
couldn't sleep on the plane, which I never can and uh,
and got to Old Hair and it's a massive airport.
Touchdown in your mouth considering how big it is, it's
just so much smoother than L A X. But pretty
much any airt I've ever been to has been better
(07:02):
than L A X. And so they I took this
tram thing that wraps around to the rental car facility
and we got there and it was empty the pockets.
It was a ch change cha ching cha, ching to
ching stick it up. It was the first of many
hold ups while you were in Yes, Yes, I was
(07:25):
burglarized when I first got to the rental car desk.
And I will not name the rental car company, as
you know, Danny, we do not name names here, but
I will tell you that it definitely hurts a lot.
It hurts my wallet a lot what happened there at
the rental car facility. And they were all kinds of
charges that I was like, what is that? Like what
(07:49):
why are we paying that? And I ended up breaking
a cardinal rule. And I've actually told this story before.
You were probably on the podcast with with Guests Come,
but I talked about it for years. I learned from
a sports writer, old baseball writer. The key to travel
when travel on your own. A lot of baseball writers
do that I don't know own and they don't travel
with the team. Is you end up having to leave
(08:14):
the airport and rent the car outside of the airport
grounds because that's where they stick it to you. With
all the extra fees and the taxes to pay for
the stadiums and all the hidden costs they get. They
love politicians to get the out of towners to spend
a bunch of money and end up paying for the
stadiums and all that. So I by violated that role.
(08:36):
It was insane and all that. How much money. But
we we then tried to grab some food on the
way to Wisconsin. We're gonna drive and visit my brother
for a couple of days. And I was the driver
and my wife was the navigator. Uh. And they actually
charged in Illinois, they charged money to have my wife
also be able to drive, even though I was gonna
drive most of the time. However, in Virginia they said, oh, no,
(08:59):
if you're married, it's no big deal. I was like,
what the hell is that? I still can't figure that out. Uh,
somebody along the way screwed me over. Anyway, So we
went to this pizza place in this famous Chicago pizza place,
lou mal Noddies, And we found a location, my wife
did near the airport. But we got there and it
was only a takeout spot. That's fertilizing. Yeah, and we
(09:22):
weren't really familiar with the neighborhood. It didn't look like
the greatest neighborhood, considering there was a dollar store right
across the street, which usually is a sign that's not
a great neighborhood. Uh yeah, I know I'm stereotyping, but
I I believe that. So anyway, right down the street
from where I live, Like I said, you know, I
(09:42):
love the dollar store, but generally I've never seen one
in Beverly Hills. Have you ever seen a dollar store
in Beverly Hills. Hey, man, you might not notice, but
I'm black. I've never seen that. Anyways. Uh So we
decided not to wait for the pizza because these deep
dish pizzas take like thirty five already minute. So that
was a that was a bummer. I feel like I
(10:03):
might have mentioned this earlier Danny in a podcast that
was not broadcast. But on my way to Chicago, I
was reading my favorite tabloid, the Daily Mail out of London,
and they had a big right up about all the
crime in Chicago and how I's safe it was, and
there was murders here, there and everywhere, and that it
was spilling over from Traditionally, the South Side of Chicago
(10:27):
has been where most of the crime is, but in
the last year, it's moved to other parts of the city.
And so usually when I've gone to Chicago in the
pastor was I just avoid the south side, You're fine,
But now like they were scaring everybody saying, oh, it's
a it's a nightmare, blah blah. But people getting carjacked
on the north suburbs of Chicago where the rich people living.
(10:48):
All this stuff so a little uh giter ish, But
I felt I got when I was I was in
Chicago along that first day, but I I just felt
I was kind of like l A, like downtown l A.
You gotta be on guard, you gotta be yeah, you
gotta be kind of looking around at all times. You
gotta yeah, head on a swip. So that was mine.
(11:11):
We didn't end up eating in Chicago. We just got
on the road to try to visit my my brother
in Appleton. We drove on Highway forty one, which is
part of it is a toll road. Screw the politicians
in Illinois, so right away they stick you on a
toll road. So I'm driving to Wisconsin. First stop is Kenosha. No.
(11:32):
I didn't even realize until later that that was where
a lot of the chaos happened uh in the year right,
the protest and the shooting that took place in Kenosha,
And to me, I just wanted to bite the eat.
And I was told by my my radio friend Bob
Fesco to go to the Cheese Castle in Kenosha. He said,
you gotta go to the Cheese Castle. I said, what's that?
(11:54):
He said about it, just as as it is in
the name, it's the cheesecap So so we we headed
there and it was dip everything into cheese. No, no, no, no,
it's got They just it's like a little market. It's
shaped like a castle, and it did not disappoint. It
is a cheese lover's Disneyland, Danny. Yeah. I mean there's
(12:19):
a ton of I mean all kinds of different cheese.
And this place was filled, even though it was just
across the border and Kenosha. It was filled with cub
things because the Cubs were playing the Brewers that night,
and so a bunch of the Chicago wands were making
the trip up to go see the brew Crew and
the Cubbies. So all these guys are wanting around in
(12:39):
Cub jerseys. And I had my first cheese curd in
Wisconsin and some pretzel bites and it was amazing. Oh
my god, man, it sounds like a heart attack waiting
to happen. Yeah, but you're gonna die anyway. It was
wonderful and Wisconsin's my kind of food. A lot of cheeses,
(13:00):
lot of unhealthy pretzels and the meats and whatnot. We
we did the whole tour of the castle, the Cheese Castle,
and I was gonna get back on the highway and said,
wait a minute, there's another thing I have to cross
off my bucket list. Culver's. Have you ever eaten at
the Culver's? No? Okay, So this is like a local.
(13:20):
It's the Wisconsin version of In and Out, you know,
the East Coast. They've got five guys West Coast in
and Out in the burger Wars. It's Culver's in Wisconsin.
I've tweet about that place before, yeah, and I've heard
about it, and I really wanted to eat there. And
I figured, well, I don't know for sure that I'll
be able to eat at one down the line. I
didn't realize how many of these locations there were, And
(13:43):
so we saw Culver's and immediately stopped. It was on
my bucket list mission accomplished. The Kenosha location. Butter Burger, cheese,
courage fries, hashtag Nirvana. Man was at a good burger.
Man was that great? And so so then we we
got back on the right. I keep. I had no sleep.
We had none of us said sleep that were traveling.
So we had a long drive up to Appleton Highway
(14:05):
forty one. A few observations date, A few observations about
the current state of the state of Wisconsin and my
friends in the Cheese state. Uh. A very eclectic mix
of signs. A lot of firework stores in Wisconsin selling
fireworks up and down Highway forty one. There was a
mix of sex shops and then right after there'd be
(14:29):
a billboard for a sex shop the God Squad telling
you if you go to the sex shop, you're going
to burn in hell. So it was quite the mix there.
And there was a few gambling places mixed in casinos
and whatnot. So good America, every vice imaginable, a lot
(14:50):
of random road I didn't notice a lot of road
kill in the great state of Wisconsin. All kinds of
critters and and things on the road. I drove by
the Harley David headquarters. As you know, Danny the Harley
Davidson motorcycle from Wisconsin from Milwaukee. Their headquarters are there,
and a lot of barnes, a lot of farms, the
(15:16):
food companies. You know that. I think it's called hair
brow hairbrow? Is that it? Hairbow? Harbow? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
We drove by their big facility and uh and then
boom on a ninety minute to sleep. We made the
one eighty three mile drive from O'Hare to Appleton, Wisconsin.
(15:37):
And it was the Mallard brother reunion because my older
brother had driven from New York City to meet my
younger brother and me in Wisconsin. He got there before us,
and we had not been together in almost five years.
I can't believe it's been that long. But we had
the COVID excuse that no, when my brother wouldn't get together,
my younger brother wouldn't get together with anybody. I think
(15:58):
a lot of families have gone through what you're talking about, yea.
So it was it was great to see everybody and
catch up, and it was great to see pooh and
hug and all that stuff. And we all grew up
very close and now we live in every time zone
outside the Mountain time zone, so it's all all over
(16:18):
the country, and uh, yeah, that's a little odd. But
my older brother and his wife a pretty good thing
going to New York. They were like a marketing thing,
and my my younger brother is kind of hangs out.
He's got that going on. But I'm like the black
sheep of the family because doing the overnight radio thing.
So it was it was good. And I don't really
(16:40):
have a lot in common like with my brothers other
than the family bond, meaning that they're not really sports
people and I'm not really into the stuff there, and
but we we don't. We make it work. What's their
biggest topic of conversation. Um, it's well, that's a good question.
What were they talking about that I wasn't interested in.
(17:00):
There was a lot of conversation about like random pop
culture things, but stuff that I'm not. I'm into some
pop culture, but they were like weird, weird things. A
lot of computer stuff. They're both in the computers a
lot video game stuff. I'm not really much into that,
like not not the games I play, So that kind
of Uh, there was a question I got asked a lot.
(17:22):
What is there to do in Appleton? Wisconsin. And the
answer is to word dandy, not much. Okay, that's the answer. Okay.
The town rolls up at seven o'clock and I normally
don't even get going until nine or ten o'clock at night.
By then everything is closed up. I gotta tell Appleton's beautiful.
(17:43):
It's a beautiful city. I totally understand why my brother
lives there, other than the weather, which is terrible eleven
months of the eleven months of the year. A lot
of trees, a lot of really cool one plus year
old buildings. The Fox River which lets out in Green Bay,
runs through Appleton. And walked around this really old bridge
(18:04):
that was built years ago that they had a nesting
area for bald eagles. The bald eagles hang out in Appleton.
They chill out there in at least in part of May,
because they were hanging out and there were a lot
of pelicans like stuff you don't expect to see. I
didn't expect to see some weird seabirds in Appleton, Wisconsin.
(18:24):
And a lot of references to Harry Houdini, Danny, a
lot of references to the late Harry Douney has been
who's been dead for almost a hundred years, but they
still have a bunch of stuff. He died. I looked
it up. He died in nineteen six. But he's still
a big deal. So four more years away from the
hundredth anniversary of the passage of Harry, but Harry Uddini.
(18:47):
But it is impressive that his name is synonymous with magic,
the Houdini act. Right you say that, people know what
you mean. I didn't know he was from that area. Well,
he wasn't born there. He spent four years and as
his child there and as a performer, he always claimed
he was from Appleton, Wisconsin or whatever reason. I don't
(19:09):
know why. There must have been some ulterior motive there.
But there's a museum for him. There was a plaza
downtown Appleton name for him. It was cool. I like
magic and all that, But for me, the highlight was
the trip up the road thirty miles actually it's twenty
eight miles from my brother's house. Lambo Field, frozen tundra. Now,
(19:34):
I'm sure there was way more things to do in
Green Bay. Oh sure, yes. You get off at Lombardi Avenue.
Lombardi Avenue and there's a strip of stores and they
were just like regular kind of stories you'd see in
the suburbs of any city. And then right right past
(19:54):
that is this massive stadium, and right across the street
there's houses. It felt like the old Wrigley Field or
Finway Park, where there's houses right across the street. And
we drove right in the parking lot at Lambeau drove
around the There was a gift shop area part of
the stadium you could walk through. It was pretty cool.
(20:16):
I did not buy a Packer hat though, Danny, because
I'm not a Packer fan. I'm a Ram fan. However,
I did buy a lambeau Field hat. I figured that
was a compromise because I'm celebrating the stadium, not the team.
What does the lambeau Field hat look like. It's just
like a screen hat has got the Lambeau name on
(20:37):
it and a little drawing and all that. But it
was cool. I figured why not. People still would think
you're a Packers fan if you had that, they can
think whatever they want. They'll be wrong. I did see
the memorial for Davante. Adams very upset that he left
to go to Your Raiders, so they were very sad
there that Davante has moved on. You can't telling me
his life would be a lot different coming from Green
(20:59):
Bay and going to Las Vegas. Oh, I know. Can
you imagine going from from Lambeau to oh my goodness,
going from a strip mall to a strip club? Yeah?
Oh man, that the city. It was cool, It was neat.
I watched a bunch of games the Packers have been
(21:20):
in over the year's last twenty years with Farvan Rogers.
They've been on national TVs so much in all those
snow games. And it was called Venerable Pig Skin Shrine
Sacred Land. And right across the street is a house
with a playground in the front of the house. It
was freaking, freaking crazy, but anyway, so the expedite the process.
(21:45):
So I spent uh Saturday through Monday night with my brothers. Now,
Monday afternoon, my older brothers started to ride back to
New York City now that afternoon. This actually happened a
couple of days before my schedule opened up. I decided
to hold a last minute mallard meet and greet day
more of a spur of the moment kind of improv thing.
(22:07):
I was supposed to travel to Traverse City, Michigan on Monday,
because I have a cousin that lives over in Michigan.
She's getting older and I wanted to see her. I
want to hang out with her and whatnot. But logistically
she told me, she said, no, that's only a couple
of hours from Apple. So I went on the computer
and I looked up to travel itinerary. To go from
where I was in Appleton to Traverse City. It would
(22:30):
have taken fourteen hours. Wow, fourteen hours to travel there, goofed. Yeah,
seven hours each way, so seven hours there, seven hours back.
So I did the cost benefit analysis and I said, well,
there's twenty four hours in a day. You figure I
don't sleep much, but I sleep about five of those hours.
(22:52):
So if I sleep five hours and then I spend
fourteen hours traveling, that only leaves five hours in the
day to do everything else. And uh so I and
you had to take a ferry across like Michigan. It
was this whole big thing. So I decided since I
had a little extra time, my brother was leaving, my
(23:13):
younger brother was doing some stuff, so I had a
mallard meat, very impulsive, and we had a number. I
actually asked people on Facebook. I said do you want
to have a meet and greet, you know, let me
know if you're interested. R s v P. And knowing
human nature, Danny I figured that even though so many
people had said they were gonna go, that most people
(23:34):
say something and then they don't actually follow. I had people.
I had so many people from Minnesota. Oh, I'm so
happy you're in the Midwest. I don't like Wisconsin, but
I'm gonna go. And I had a guy from Kalamazoo, Michigan.
I love your show so much. I'm gonna drive boat
uh and all these people, and you know, we had
a good turn out, But the amount of people that
(23:55):
said they were gonna be there and the amount of
people that actually showed up much different. I am such
a radio loser, much different. That always happens. And and
this was the ultimate test because I've done these things
in Seattle and Pittsburgh and in Boston multiple times in
other places, and these are bigger places where there's a
(24:18):
lot of people. This is off the beaten path, but
a good time hanging out. And we had a good
turn out considering the location. All that, and only on
social media. Had some really cool people that showed up
and hang out have a drink at oh Sarios the
Latin fusion. Yeah, the Mexican restaurant. People were wondering, why
(24:40):
the hell did you go to a Mexican restaurant in Wisconsin.
Blah blah blah blah blah. Well the owners are actually
friends of the family, so I had a had a
hook up. If you just show up to a restaurant
and say, I'm gonna have a ton of people there,
sometimes they get alone and comfortable even though they want
the business. They're like, I don't know, you know, these
people are like cool. So I love learning about listeners
(25:03):
the show and what makes them tick and all that stuff.
But I was genuinely disappointed. I thought for sure that
at least a couple of people from Minnesota that live
on the border who had contacted me would make the
drive over and and they all ended up flaking, And
that was disappointing. Yeah, we did set right, Yeah, exactly.
(25:25):
I get it. I get it. And the thing about
that I noticed was a bunch of people are like, hey,
you should come to Nashville or come to Tampa, or like,
if I'm in the backyard, They're like, okay, I'll see it.
They I think they want me to just be a
hobo and travel around to various cities. You could be
(25:46):
like Brian No and just live in a different city
every other week. Yeah, exactly. I just live out of
a suitcase and just travel around and be a gypsy.
I'll be the new Gypsy kick. Why not? Anyway, So
I to the Mallard Meat and greet uh, and I
was I was bummed out. There was a guy that
said he lived in Appleton, Danny, and he listened to
(26:07):
me when I did the Ben and Dave show back
in the nineties, whoa long as time ago, And he
said he was gonna come out and hang out, and
he never did. He didn't show up. Unfortunate. I hope
he's all right. But if you listen to that show,
he must be an older gentleman. So how he probably
has a motorized scooter. Anyway, So I went back to
(26:30):
my brother's humble abode in Wisconsin. It is cool these
houses with these basements. I love the basements. We don't
have the basements in California because the earthquakes. But I
went back, said our goodbyes, hugged it out, packed up
the Mallard rental wagon, and headed south back down the
almost two hundred miles to Chicago. Where did you stay
(26:53):
when you were there? Oh, we were supposed to stay
with my brother, but he claimed he didn't have space,
and we had an airbnb in Appleton, which was cool.
It was a fine little house and not that expensive
being in Appleton, so it was very cost effective and
all that. And so then we headed back to Chicago
and my wife decided she wanted to treat herself to
(27:15):
a nice hotel. Daddy, I don't need to stay in
a nice hotel. I don't know about you. As long
as I don't have bed, you know, beg bugs and
fleas and all that, I don't need that. But just
give me a decent hotel. I don't need a great hotel. Yeah,
I say, as long as it's clean, it's in a
(27:36):
good location, and it's newer, it wasn't built in like
the fifties and it's falling apart. Yeah, as long as
I'm not going to get some kind of disease from
laying on the bed, I'm okay with it. And I'm
not gonna get poisoned from the water or the air
condition Anyway. She picked this place called the London House,
which is prime Chicago real estate, right on Michigan Avenue
(28:00):
at the corner of Michigan Avenue and Whacker Drive, which
is the big streets there in Chicago. Amazing location, right
in the belly of the Beast. So since I'm married
to her, I was along for the ride at the
London House and this time we we were successful at
getting lou mal Noddies deep dish pizza. Walked around. It
(28:21):
was freezing this entire time in milwauch in in a
Appleton and in Chicago, just nasty weather. But I did
get my birthday sunny Sunday. Danny. I know you very
concerned about that be at your Your family has a
restaurant there, Garratt Deli's Chocolate Shop, Danny garat Delli and
(28:43):
it looks over the Chicago River. Beautiful location. Yeah. So
I went in there and had my favorite chocolate cookie
Sunday and it was great, wonderful, love that thing. That's
my go to Sunday. So this was by the time
this happened, it was Tuesday. We got in Chicago like
one in the morning on on Monday. So on Tuesday
(29:06):
we had gotten tickets to the Cubs game at Wrigley
against the White Sox. Now, I've not been to Wrigley
Fields since they renovated it. Big props to my guy,
Jonas Knox. Jonas is a made man or colleague morning
guy at Fox pulls Ready. He's a made man in Chicago.
So he he reached out to me when he heard
I was going to Chicago. Says, hey, I got I
(29:27):
got a couple of tickets. You want to go to
the game. I said, yeah, give me a couple of days. Sure,
And I love that. And they were bleacher tickets and
so I got to sit in the bleachers at Wrigley Field.
And but I looked at the forecast and it said
it was rainy, It's gonna rain all night, very cold conditions.
I said, there's no way they're playing this game. It's
not gonna happen. In fact, I told I told the wife,
(29:49):
I said, listen, don't worry about it. She was concerned
about having to go to the cold weather. I said,
don't worry. They're not gonna play it. And so, in
classic Murphy's law of fashion, uh, they decide I will
play the game. So so you froze your balls off.
It was so bad. It was so bad. It was rain,
(30:11):
but it wasn't like a hard rain. It was a light,
misty rain like it was. It was the heavens just
spitting lightly at you. And it was very cold, windy.
The windshill said it was thirty degrees at Wrigley Field.
And we were not prepared. We did not bring the
the many things you need to sit in cold weather,
(30:34):
the gloves, the hot packs, the all that. So we
had none of that stuff there. And you know, but
we were at the game and you're in Chicago, You're like,
you know, why not and paid out of the out
of you know what, out of the key store for
parking because there's no parking lots around Wrigley Fields in
(30:54):
the middle of the city. The Mallard calculator must have
been going crazy. Oh my god. Yeah, So we just
we drove the rental car over and I was like,
let's let's just you know, pay for part or whatever.
So eighty five dollars to park eighty five dollars. Mainly
(31:15):
because my wife did not want to wait until the
game was over. She was she she had a premonition
that she probably wasn't gonna stay at the end of
the game, and if you pay a lesser amount, you're
boxed in. You can't get out anyway. So we we
headed walked around Wrigley the Cubby Bear, the famous bar
there which had been there forever. The late there was
(31:38):
a late arriving crowd. People always say Dodger fans arrived late.
It was a late arriving crowd because they're at the
bars exactly. Everyone was sauced when they showed up. But
Rigley had a much different vibe than I remember. I
was there before they renovated it, and I don't want
to say the charm was completely gone, but it was
(31:59):
much different green one out it had. It felt like
the the comp I would give it is like Disneyland
if you went to Disneyland back in the old days,
and then in Anaheim. And then they added that shopping
across the street, you know where Disney Downtown Disney. Yeah,
(32:20):
like the area around Wrigley Field felt like downtown Disney.
And I know they're in business and it's the free market,
and they bought a lot of the land around Wrigley
Field and the corporate ties the Cubbies to monetize the
tradition and it's progress, as they say, whoever they are.
(32:41):
But man, it's it's like going to Disneyland. So it's
somewhat turned into cubby Land. Yeah, yeah, it's it's It's
Cubby Lane, is what it is. That's right. And they
did a really nice job the way they renovated Wrigley.
I thought they did a good job. It's a little
too much for me because I remember the way used
to be, but progress things changed. Anyway, my wife was
(33:05):
so in so much agony from the cold weather. I
think she was getting ready to divorce me from making
her sit out there with the family. The wind, the
rain and all that. And like I said, we were
not ready. Didn't have gloves, didn't have scarfs. We did
have parkers. We went on and bought some parks in
Wisconsin because it was raining there too, But the problem
(33:28):
was the bleachers were soaking wet from the rain, so
we needed the parker is to sit on, so we couldn't.
It was. It was a total crap show. And uh
but but anyway, I had a chance to meet a
legendary caller to the show phase from Chicago. I put
out the message on Facebook. I said, anybody at the
(33:49):
the ballpark if you're a fan of the show, I'd
love to meet you. And Face said, I'll be there,
and he was there, and he was a man of
his word and he showed up and it was great.
He also had a birthday, so we coordinated things. It
was great to meet him and his I think his
wife or soon to be wife. Very cool people. And
(34:09):
she's a White Sox fan. He's a Cub fan and
so hard worker, drives a truck. He's got some comption
to him. I like people like that. And he called
up with the famous Windy's joke that's right a while
back there. So it was cool. I was like, people
that work hard and all that. So, uh, working the
third chef this is this is not for the faint
(34:31):
of heart. So we did end up leaving the Cub
White Sox game midway through. Otherwise I would be looking
for a divorce lawyer. What was the score when you left? Uh?
The White Sox were winning. I think it was like
two nothing or three nothing at that point. It wasn't
a high scoring game. Um. We headed over those two
(34:54):
Pete Quads Pizza in Chicago, home of the pan style
deep dish pete to caramelized crustating. Oh that sounds promising. Yeah. Now,
this place came highly recommended to us by some locals
and did not disappointed. Amazing pipe culinary arts. And so
(35:16):
we ended up watching trying to we were trying to
warm up. We watched the final few innings of the
game as the massive pie cooked, and that's when the
drama orama started. All right, So we leave the restaurant
in Chicago. We had parked on the street. There's no
parking lot for the restaurant, and we started walking to
(35:39):
where we thought our car was, and it wasn't where
we thought it was. It turned into a wild goose chase.
Could not, for the life of me. Remember I wasn't drunk,
mind you, we couldn't. We couldn't remember where the damp
car was located. You just had frost bite. Oh it's tera.
(36:00):
It was like a dude, where's my car? Remake? And
we were literally figured till we spent forty minutes walking around.
It's still raining. Mind in Chicago, it's still freezing and
we're walking around there. I wondered if my car had
been stolen, the rental car, and we're trying to retrace
the steps and all that and I got some help
(36:21):
from our from our buddy there. He was able to
find the vehicle. However, we had killed so much time, Danny,
that it was too late were I was playing going
to visit my my cousin, but if she lives in
the northern suburbs, and it was like an hour outside
of where we were, and so this sucked. And uh
so we went back to the hotel that admitted defeat
(36:42):
for that day. Now did you just get turned around? Yeah,
like we a lot of the streets around I looked
the same, and I didn't really. I tried to jot
down and take a picture of the street sign, but
I did remember the street, but I I it was
like three streets over from where the car was. We
were walking towards the restaurant. Anyway, it was. It was
(37:04):
a second city. Whether got the best of us and
all that all right, So really I have a lot
of time. But the final full day in Chicago, which
was last Wednesday, we packed a lot into our day.
Started out on an architectural boat tour of the Windy City,
which I highly recommend. Very cool if you're from out
of Chicago or even in Chicago, hop on a boat
(37:25):
ninety minutes, your cruise all over the Chicago River. Amazing
skyscrapers in Chicago beautiful. I love the the concrete jungle
and the thing I took away from that, Danny, And
I'm gonna use this on the show. The name Chicago,
do you know what that stands for? No? Alright, so
(37:49):
the origin according to the person on the boat, maybe
they were lying. The word Chicago is a French version
of the Miami, Illinois word Chicakawa, which means stinky onion.
Chicago is named after garlic, a garlic plant, not an onion. Actually,
the stinky onion is what Chicago is, right And anyway,
(38:14):
another historic Chicago food stop we we headed after that,
we we we went to Portillo's for some hot dogs,
but to the Mallard building located in the Yeah, said Mallards. Yeah,
Mallage in the Jewelry district, right near Millennium Park. You
know that that big bean. Yes, yeah, it's right like
(38:37):
a couple of blocks away from that. Uh. People have asked,
does your family own the Mallard building? Not to my knowledge,
if they do own it, they didn't tell me about it.
But it was cool seeing seeing the my surname on
the side of the building. It was pretty neat. And uh,
I don't know who it was named after. I don't
know anything about it other than my name, family names
(38:58):
on it, and I there's a couple of different families
that have the same last name as I do, so
who knows. And uh, my family was from Chicago. A
lot of my my dad's side of the family from
Chicago in the garment business. And in fact, my dad
was the first of the family relatives to be born
outside of Chicago. So yeah, our families have a lot
(39:22):
in common. My mom was born in Springfield, Massachusetts. Oh cool.
She was there until middle school before she went to
San Jose, California. My dad was born in Chicago. Wow,
that's crazy. Yeah, my grandfather from Springfield, mass and my
my other grandfather from Chicago. Our families almost mirror each other.
(39:44):
Okay that it's a small world, after all, it's a
small small world. We did spent a little time at
the London House, went back there, hung out this nice
rooftop restaurant which was pretty cool, very pricey, very expensive,
out of my my vell of comfort, but a lot
of great ambiance and all that. But but we then
(40:05):
finally finally got to meet up with my cousin who
I used to hang out with when she was a
little girl and I was a little, little little kid.
We were a little kids hanging out at bar Mitzvah's
and weddings and family reunions and all that, and uh
it was. She lives in Chicago, and I had lost
contact with her for a number of years, but we
(40:26):
reconnected a few years back and you got to meet
her husband. Very cool kiddos hanging out at their house.
There this guy Joel who claims, according to my cousin,
Heidi listens to the podcast now, so we'll see if
he's if he hears this, if he reaches out to me.
But he's a typical Chicago sportsman. Loves the Cubs, Bears, Blackhawks,
(40:49):
some of the Bulls, all that stuff, and no Bears.
In fact, he told me he's hoping the Bears move
out because the Bears. There's a rumor the Bears are
gonna move out of Chicago proper and after the suburbs.
If they do, it'll be right across in the neighborhood
where my cousin lives. There's like a race track they're
(41:10):
gonna build a football stadium their version of Santa Clara
exactly exactly, but it was it was great to me,
my my second cousins and uh, I got a cousin
is going to be going to the University of Wisconsin
Badger next year. The middle kid reminded me of me
(41:30):
because he's in like baseball cars and stuff like that.
That's pretty cool and plays hockey baseball. And then they
got a daughter that's a younger daughter is like in
third grade. So but it was it was cool. I think, well,
we were there, Danny, and this will be the intermission
and you'll have to tune in tomorrow, same Mallard time,
same Mallard channel for what happened with the wedding for
(41:53):
the riveting conclusion of this two part mini series, The
Mallard Mini Series. We've talked about Wisconsin in Illinois, but
what about Virginia and North Carolina. Stay tuned, Dot dot
Dot can't wait later. Skater gott a murder, Gotta go
Host
Ben Maller
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