June 5, 2022 • 42 mins
Ben Maller is in the podcast studio with Danny G. and they're having fun inside the mail bag for your Sunday! All questions sent in by P1's of the #MallerMilitia! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of Hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air Everywhere a male
bag addition to the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and
Danny G Radio, because five nights a week not enough,
four hours a night not enough. Bonus coverage eight days
(00:47):
a week, and if my math is correct Annie, for me,
this would be the eighth day of the week, Sunday,
but two shows on Friday. I think it's not trigonometry.
I think the math on that works out well. But anyway,
we've got the mailbag and I am raring to go.
Are you prepared to go into the mailbag? Danny G?
(01:09):
I am ready. And it's gonna be an extended Mallard
week for me because I'm gonna be in for coup
on Monday night and Tuesday night on your live show,
The Microphone Throttler. We're going old school, and I might
even make a rare and appropriate, mandated by the company
appearance in studio one of those nights, I will I
(01:29):
will likely stop by and we will hang out, and
that'll be wonderful, wonderful one full circle. I'll bring Bubbo
in with me, Bobo on the radio, my man, Bobbo.
I don't talk to Bobbo. Is he in on Sunday Nights? Idea?
He used to say hello to me, Miller. We should
(01:49):
get Bobbo on the Fifth Hour podcast. So we get
him on here for sure? Absolutely, all right, here we go,
strike up the band, let's start this thing off right
here we go. Do you ever get the feeling you're
living in groundhog Day that your life just repeats By
(02:12):
the time we get to the podcast, I've got tons
of mail, so I I panic. I prematurely think, oh crap,
no one's sending questions and we're not going to do
the mail bag. And then inevitably it always seems to
work out one way or another. Yeah, it's like a
lot of shots get thrown up in the third and
fourth quarter. Yeah, yeah, you fall behind early, like this
(02:33):
is just sucks. You know what's going on here? Nothing's
really working out for us, and then before you know it,
you're having a great time, so it works out. I
got mail, Yeah, I got mail, Yeah, yes you do.
First one comes from Pierre from Springfield, Mass And again
you can post your question on Tuesday on the Facebook
(02:55):
page Ben Mallow Show or Real Fifth Hour at gmail
dot com. Pierre from Springfield, Mass to choose at home
with the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame and also alf
the aen O. Piner says, with the popularity and success
of your newest game show, are there any other any
others bouncing around that melon of yours? Also, like you say,
football is the gas that fuels the show? Is anyone
(03:18):
efforting the next season of Benny Versus the Penny on
some type of live stream platform sans the elitist? So
we have nothing concrete on Benny Versus the Penny. We
have big dreams of monetizing Benny Versus the Penny, making
that a big deal. I think it's a great concept.
We've been doing it for a long time and there's
(03:40):
a there's a market for that. But somebody asked to bite,
and we've been in talks with a number of people,
and those kind of deals do get done now, Pierre.
Even though football season is not until September, this is
the time of the year where those kind of things
get negotiated. So what would Marcel say, keep your fingers crossed.
(04:00):
I think you would. I would think you would say
something like that. And as far as game show ideas,
I always have game show ideas. The problem is most
of them suck. We finally found one that's good. We've
been playing Danny the Mallard Militia Feud is our newest game,
and people seem to really like it. It's it's it's
a fun game. People enjoy it. It's not really a
sports game, but it's just about life and things that everyone.
(04:23):
We're all we all live a similar life one way
or another. So yeah, And as far as Benny Versus
the Penny, it's kind of like when NBA teams finally
put that logo on their jersey sponsored I cannot wait
for Benny Versus the Penny brought to you by co Tex. Yes. Yes, well,
if this is the checks big enough, as we learned
(04:45):
with Dustin Johnson this week going to play golf for
Saudi Arabia, that if the check's big enough, it'll happen.
All right, You've got mail Nick in Wisconsin rights and
he says, with recently being off the last month of work,
I've been podcasting the entire a show sometimes, Nick writes,
and he says, it overlaps with my family time. My
wife gets piste oh at me for listing. What do
(05:09):
you do unintentionally that pisces off your wife or in
Danny G's cases, Queen Tenderoni. Yeah, so for me it's easy.
I'm very stressed out all the time, thinking I'm forgetting
something and worried about making the show as good as
I can. So I often I'm not proud of it.
I'm a finger biter. I bite my nails and uh my,
(05:32):
my wife gets so untoid when I do that. She
can't stand it. And I do it. I don't even
realize I'm doing it half the time, but that really
bothers And and she has miss a phony, who so
that's a problem. Chewing food becomes a problem when you
have miss a phony. It's a mental illness. And so
(05:53):
those are the things that really annoy when I eat,
and which I think you have to do to live.
And then when I bite my finger nails because I'm
stressed out because I'm trying to think of some other
monologue ideas and I don't have any. What about you, Danny?
What really annoys the good number one in arone in
your life? Absolutely nothing? Man, I'm perfect in her eyes?
(06:14):
Is that right? Really? You don't ever? You don't do
that at all. I don't do that in front of it. Um.
I will say, she's slightly O. C. D Ish, so
she likes things in their perfect places, and so if
you move something and you don't put it back right away,
it annoys her. There's times where I and I know this,
(06:38):
so I'm really good at putting things back, but there's
times where I won't put something back immediately, and when
I come back to do it, she's already done it. Okay,
So that that's about it. Though I don't think I
get on our nerves other than some of the O.
C d issues she's done. Are you still in the honeymoon?
Do you't even married yet? Are the state we've been
(06:59):
in the honeymoon? Stay all right? You live with somebody,
It's just natural. There's gonna be certain things that they
do that just kind of get under your skin. But
that's the key. To, you know, long healthy relationship you got.
Sometimes I slap her ass too hard and she's like, well,
it's a barbro. That's what we came here. So it's
(07:20):
gotta get your money's worth with that hotel. Come on,
all right, let's see Michael from SoCal Rights. He said
during the NFL off season, wire sportswriter is compelled to
do mock drafts and mock fifty three man rosters and
mock rookies and who may become standouts when all these
(07:41):
mocks are wrong of the time, I'd rather they post
cat photos. Mos are a complete waste of time. I'm
right there with you, Michael. You're preaching to choir. And
the reason they do that stuff is a they are
told to do that stuff by people who make decisions
in the editorial department and then be for some reason,
(08:07):
they get a lot of clicks. Otherwise they wouldn't do it,
So somebody must be loving that content. I always get
a kick out of the power rankings that come out
during the NFL season, and that's during the season. It's
just I think one dude's opinion on where the teams
are in the NFL, and people get so upset if
their team is not high enough in the power rankings.
(08:28):
Like I've always kind of goofed on you know, Danny
have goofed on list radio, but the list, And I
had had a friend tell me years ago, said, the
list is amazing. People human nature get upset by a
list of arbitrary list of things. If it's not in
the right order. They oh, my god, craziness, Dan, especially
if they feel like something has been left off of
(08:49):
the list. How could you overlook that? Oh? Yeah, well
that's the secret, right if you if you need the
answer to something, give the wrong answer and then people
will give you the right. That's the old internet legend.
And yeah, and I will push back slightly on the
mock draft lists. And the reason why is because my
(09:10):
favorite NFL team would be so high up in the
draft most seasons that it was all I had to
look forward to. Really, I would click and be like,
who are we going to draft to bring us back
to greatness? And now the Raiders are following in your
rams foot steps. F them picks. F them picks. Absolute.
(09:34):
See when you f them picks, you get the daily double.
That's the sound for the day. You get the daily double.
On that and the thing about the draft too, is
the only thing I really value is the scouting reports.
But I even laugh at that. They do strength and weaknesses,
and I get sent a lot of these things links
to different websites that are supposedly they want me to
(09:56):
promote their website and all that, and some of that's
good information. And I do this bit every year where
I go back five years and I look at an
old NFL draft three or five years and mock all
the wrong predictions, which inevitably it's shooting fish in a
barrel is what that is. Let's see what is next toime.
I got mail? Yeah, I got mail. Yeah, skipped a
(10:21):
zip the old Roastmaster General known as Skippy in Ohio,
It says been I ever received several invites from the
proud parents of a graduating high school senior to their
child's graduation party. The most recent was a massive group text.
The problem is I don't know the parents, I don't
know the child, and it would appear I don't even
(10:42):
know anyone else in the group text. If it were you,
what would you do, he says, A ignore the invites,
be respond to the group text with I don't know
who you are but congratulations see send a card with
an inspirational quote or d send a car everybody long,
obnoxious but heartfelt Valeve Korean speech type letter thing, he says,
(11:05):
quoting Walt Disney Tesla Ronald Reagan telling the child, we
are all so proud of them, and it has been
such a joy to watch them grow up, etcetera, etcetera,
and let them figure it out on their own later. Well,
that's a very detailed response, skipped the zip. So I'm
an a guy. I love I love d The d
(11:28):
answer was great, But I'm an a guy. That sounds
like some spam to me. Well that sounds like that's
a that's a fishing expedition to me. But what about you, Danny?
And I was gonna say, how are you in a
group chat with people you don't know? Now? Is Skip
a teacher? Is it possible that he's followed in your footsteps? Danny?
And he's doing education, so maybe that's why he's taking
(11:49):
this a little more seriously than somebody like me who's
not a teacher. And somebody sent me a text like that,
I'm like, if you I'm not responding, go away. We
need skipped a zip. We need more context or skippy,
you've got mail Orlando in Hampton Roads, Virginia. I was
just in Hampton Roads, Virginia, a beautiful part of the country.
(12:13):
That was it was cool, says I have a couple.
Hopefully it hasn't been asked already. When you look back
at the time you and your wife dated, was there
any pickup lines or anything you did to impress her
that you you'd like to have back? He says. Also,
have you and the guys considered password or mountain of
(12:37):
money when you and Eddie are the contestants, maybe have
blind Scott to mar seller, somebody be your partner. I
love the show that's from Orlando. He says. He's been
listening since the Tim Tebow Radio roast when the great
bits we've ever done hilarious? The Tim Tebow Radio Roast
Man was that fun and that was actually skipped a
zip was part of that, the roastmaster General some of
(12:58):
those shows back in the day. But Orlando, and to
answer for this question, I was terrible. I still am
terrible with relationship dating. You know women, obviously somehow you
can miss my wife to marry me. But I had
no pickup couch and I never told anyone I really
worked in radio, because then they think I had more
money than I did, and then didn't think I'm more
famous than I am, and so I always kind of
(13:18):
avoided that. So I didn't really have any any good
pickup ones. I wish I did. I wish I had
some corny ones I could share with you. I don't.
And the idea of password and Mallard's mount of money
being played with blind Scott and Marcel feedings clues is
the fuel of nightmares. Uh. And we've had Marcel and
(13:43):
our friend from Maine, Blair whoopee pie Blair play and
it's been interesting. But if they're the ones giving the clues,
oh my god. Been one of the great show game
show moments. And I included this in the best of
was when Flexus was on password and you're like, oh,
(14:05):
Flexus is never gonna get this, throw me a good one.
Then yeah, so this is perfect number number nine that
proves its prouves you jackass. Okay, this proves and all
(14:32):
of this is just Tom is just alright, relax, I'm
trying to I'm trying to if I get it, alright, alright,
all right, here we go I'll go, he's not gonna
get what I wanna the angle i'd like to go.
(14:52):
I will go. I'll just throw this up fruit banana.
You got it right? Oh, stop laughing, alright, banana. And
(15:25):
indeed it was banana the show. I mean there was
five minutes of laughter that ensued. It was great. And
to hear Flexus like truly laughing to where Flexus couldn't
get the words out, it was like, but I got
it right, But that was right, A little classic moment, man,
(15:46):
it was I I do remember that night. We've had
some zany stuff on those those game shows. All right,
who is next? We'll keep it going. A lot of
mail this week, which is good. We like that, all right.
Next up is Fred from Spring, Texas. Fred is a
regular in the mail bag. He says, hey, guys, when
you have people over to visit, do you just talk
(16:09):
or do you play games or charades? It's an interesting question.
So usually it's around food. I've noticed the same way
when I grew up. Usually it's like, let's have a meal,
or let's have dessert, or let's have snacks or something
like that. It's very rarely just come over and not
eat anything. I don't remember the last time we've had
(16:31):
company over that didn't involve food. So it's always food,
no charades. I like the idea of playing games, but
that doesn't happen very often. What about you did my
TINDERNI puts together a really nice charcovery board. Oh the cheeseboard, right,
cheese and meats. We have the meats. Where are the meats?
(16:57):
Some good hummus, some salami, some cheeses, things like that,
And that gets the party started before you start hitting
the alcohol. So that's like the pregame show. That's the
warm up act. I got you all right, Well, thank
you for that. Comes out on stage and start stancing. Absolutely,
(17:20):
you've got mail Chris and Marracca to Iowa, says, I
understand radio stations make money by selling ads, but I'd
like to know how much does it cost to place
an ad? I know prime time costs more, but what
kind of range are we talking about here? A hundred
dollars a minute? And don't give me that that's not
my job. Line. Surely you've talked to an ad guy.
(17:42):
Your name is Ben not surely? Yes? Yes, so so
I will answer this now. I do not actually know
how much. I know a ballpark figure of how much
the commercials go for. But I had some people over
the years that have contacted me from mom and pop
businesses trying to get advertising on this pod guest or
the radio show, and I said, sure, why not. And
(18:04):
then when they saw and they found out how much
it cost, it was sticker shock. I couldn't afford us
out of the budget we're talking. I think the minimum
buying is six figures. That's a lot of doll It's
a lot of Yeah, it's up there. There are smaller
packages than that. Because I dealt with this recently, um
(18:26):
I I was kind of like to go between for
a company and our ad department. Um. But yeah, they
tailor a package for you, and it is pricey because
it's national, so you're not just heard in one city,
You're heard all over the world, and thus the price tag. Yeah,
and there's different as you said, there's different, Grady, you
(18:48):
do live live reads costs more. Sometimes you have to
pay a talent fee. Apparently not for me, but sometimes
you have to do that kind of stuff. And and
so there's really depends what you want. But it's trust me, Chris,
I I wish it was affordable for everybody to buy advertising,
but you know, we are a national outfit. And it's
(19:10):
like I was watching that documentary about the TV station
in Perempt, Nevada, and it's like a cable channel and
the guy started selling spots. It was on HBO documentary
type thing. They were selling spots for like five dollars
a spot just to get advertisers in. And it was like, man,
that's wild, and it is like a couple of years ago.
It's like a couple of years ago. Anyway, what if
(19:32):
we did that weed man hippie would have a series
of commercials, God don't don't remind me please? And he says,
ps go raiders who from Chris It's time? From that
call all right treas rights And he says, if you
had to lose one or the other, would you lose
(19:52):
one hand or one fot you get a call or
a peg leg through a place. It's actually an interesting question.
And as much as I love movement and walking, I
would think it would be a bigger pain in the
ass without the hand. But we we have a mutual
(20:15):
friend that used to work at Fox Sports Radio, the
one Arm bandit and uh and from Syracuse who had
He's his entire life, he has not had the hand.
He was born without it, and he's now an extra
in Hollywood. I saw he left. I did not realize
he had left the company. Actually emailed him. His name
(20:36):
is Nick. I emailed him and said, what's going on
in your Hollywood? And yeah, he he left to do acting,
which I don't know how good that's going. That's that's
for him to tell and all that stuff. But I
guess he did think it might have been more lucrative
than he turned out to turn out to be. He
recently Freeze framed a show that he was in the
(20:59):
back ground of. Yeah, catch me up the mark. Well,
you can get extra work, but the problem is it
a doesn't pay a lot and and be it takes
a long time to do, like one scene. It's a
it's a lot of hours that you're spending sitting around
(21:20):
doing nothing. That's the one thing a lot of people
don't realize about that sort of work. Downtime. The downtime
kills most people's vibe. They are like, I had no
idea I was gonna sit on this set hungry and
thirsty for ten hours. Oh for sure, for sure, But
to answer your question, tres A, I like this question
(21:42):
is a unique question. I would pick if I had
to lose one I could choose. I would lose a foot.
I would have a peg leg like a pirate, and
I'd get Yeah. And I just did a two dollar
drum roll for you. I couldn't do that with one hand.
My right hand was getting a workout. See that's right.
(22:05):
What would you so you would you would choose the hands,
right you, You'd pick the hands and then lose the foot.
Is that what you would do? I would lose one foot, yeah,
because then you'd have a reason to have motorized scooters
at the theme parks it's right, yeah. And at the
handicap parking right, yeah, handy in at the school campus,
they'd give me a golf cart. Be great. Yeah. There
(22:32):
are some positives and not all negative. It's not all negative.
There are some positive. I got mail, Yeah, I got mail, yeah,
email from Jim and Jim's wife about Jim's wife saying
Jim and Jim's wife says, Ben and Daniji, So thank
you so thanks for helping me have a little fun
at my husband Jim's expense. Jim's wife writes he has
(22:57):
a problem with the term final four? Has anyone if
I don't wanted to talk about the clips in the NBA, Well,
I want Jim and Jim's wife to know that my man,
Eddie Garcia this week in hockey referenced the final four.
So it's not just me, it's Eddie, and Eddie likes
to goog fund me, and so what do you say
to the final four? He did the same thing. How
(23:18):
about shut up? Email? Continues says He and I, meaning
the wife, listen to every Fox Sports Radio and fifth
hour podcast of your God, love you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you. He's a huge fan of yours,
Danny and all the Mallard militia. But he's not computer
savvy and not even email. His life must be so
(23:41):
much easier, right, Jim, You don't have to deal with
the bull bull crap. I almost said way less stressed. God,
I wonder if I'd never plugged into America Online and
Netscape Navigator back in the day, how my life would
have changed. But here I am anyway, it says. She
says he her husband used to call the local sports
(24:03):
radio show while taking a bubble bath in the evening
after work, so they called him bubble boy. That could
be taking for her bad. Uh. If if he can
ever wake up early enough to become a regular caller
to the show, would you give him a nickname? Yes, yes,
(24:23):
I will. I love giving out nicknames. I believe overnight
radio we need as many nicknames as we can possibly
give out. The last nickname we gave out was to
Paul from Rhode Island, Plastered Paul, who earned that nickname
and Jim says he'd be honored Living in Kansas. He's
a Case State fan and still calls Bill Snyder the
Pope man that Manhattan, Kansas. Yeah, he can be like
(24:48):
warm Take Jim in a warm bath. Uh. He was
wondering the email rights Jim. This is from Jim's wife.
Jim was wondering if you could did George Brett whenever
you mentioned the Mendoza line, never heard of him. Thank
you for your humorous and engaging personality there. You have
(25:09):
a lot of fun listening. Well. I will try to
remember next time I bring up the Mendoza line, I
will give a credit to George Brett. And I noticed
Jim and Jim's wife there's no reference to anyone currently
on the Kansas City Royals. And I understand why because
the Kansas City Royals are That's how they are this season,
(25:29):
So why not I go on every week in Kansas City, Danny,
they never want to talk Royals baseball, So I wonder why.
I wonder why that's not a topic, royals having their
problems on the road. I'm Ben Mallick. Alright, come back,
it's time from may call. Male continues Angelina. Mister Angelina
(25:54):
writes in she says, responding to some of the things
from last week's mail bag, she says she does intimate
it fasting along with me, Helen and Stu, and she
says she agrees it does work. I'm right there with yeah, absolutely.
I even know that the studies said it didn't work.
My my thought on that is that study was done
(26:15):
by diet companies that are like, no, no, the key
to dieting is not just intermitutefest. You know, you gotta
take our magic potion or whatever that might be. M h.
She says, not that you're taking a poll, but I
agree with Danny g regarding animal crackers that they are cookies.
I also love wheat thins and could eat an entire
(26:37):
box and once, yes, I don't know what that secret
ingredient is in wheat thins, and that is the perfect
mix of salt oil, oh, salt oil crack, Yes, pretty much.
Angeline also says it would be great if you fly
into Minneapolis St. Paul and drive to Appleton sometime when
(26:59):
you do at the Mallamilsa know when and where you'll
do a meat and great. And she also added Angelina
that she wants to do the Apple podcast thing for
the fifth hour, but she's having a difficult time finding it.
But it's in the description box on the podcast, Angelina,
So on your phone, assuming you're listening on your phone,
you can. You can do it if you're on your computer,
(27:20):
same same concept of plot. Click on the link and
then page down and you'll see where you can write
a review. And I still have that recipe you sent me, Angelina,
I have yet to make it. I have to make
that at some point this summer. She sent me a
really cool monster cookie recipe that I've got to add.
I my made Macadamien nut cookies recently. Last week, I
(27:41):
made my my wife's gluten free so I made some
gluten free peanut buttercup cookies, which were very disappointing because
I guess I had I screwed something up because they
came out flat. I get really piste off when the
cookies come out flat. It's an epic fail. That's what
(28:03):
it is. An epic fail on that pancakes. Pretty much,
little peanut buttercup pancakes is what I made. You've got
mail Cliff from Nashville rights and mail back continues. He said, Ben,
does your wife make you go shopping with her? Mine
has to touch and feel everything. When she finds what
(28:23):
she wants, she doesn't buy it because it might be
cheaper someone else somewhere else. I don't know what makes
them tick. Well. Funny enough, Cliff, you're not gonna like this,
and we'll ask Danny about him and his Tinderoni. But
with me, I'm kind of like your wife more than
my My wife's probably like you, Cliff. She she didn't
care about the price. She'll buy it doesn't matter and
(28:45):
we'll figure it out financially. I'm like, Okay, do we
a do we really need this? Be Let's look on Amazon,
let's look around. Sometimes my wife will do that, but
oftentimes she's like let's just get it. We'll buy whatever
we need. That's it. And so I'm I'm more like
your your wife in this instance. What about you, Denny?
When you guys are out shopping, are you the one
(29:06):
that's like, do we really need that? Or Yeah? I'm
the one who's like that because I'm usually thinking ahead,
trying to save for something that I really want to
spend our money on. UM. She's been really good recently
because we are saving up for a trip to Hawaii
in November, and we've given that advice on this podcast before.
(29:27):
If you want to save money, put a goal out
there for a trip, a nice trip that you're gonna
save up for, so then you think twice and three
times about all your money decisions. Now, there are different
levels to go into Hawaii. The most expensive part of
it's gonna be the lodging and the obviously the airfare.
You could save on lodging. Are you hotel people? You
(29:48):
know Airbnb? What's the plan you can? You can even
I was watching some YouTube videos and they have like
these they're kind of camping things, but they're not it's
not like outside, they're like it's weird. They're like those
shacks you can stay in there are supposedly like two
hundred bucks a night or a hundred bucks a night
or something like that. I've mentioned before that she's a
(30:10):
hotel stob, which I don't mind because I feel like,
if you're gonna vacation, if you're gonna honeymoon, if you're
gonna do anything like that, you should be in a
better place than where you live. That's the whole point
of saving up your money and to travel. So we
are going to do an airbnb for half the time
a little nice condo there in Maui, and then the
(30:30):
other half of the time we're gonna do a few
nights at a fancy resort. Yeah, I guess I got
some money here. Gonna mix it up in the island
hop a little bit. But it's a lot of saving up,
a lot of saving up. Yeah, Yeah, that's cool. Which islands?
Are you planning? Like? You're gonna Maui? Where else you
canna go? Uh? You're gonna go to Kauaii? Are you
(30:50):
gonna go to Oahu? Where are you heading? TB D.
Kauaii is in the conversation, Oh well, let me know,
I can and tell you exactly. The beach I got
married on it's I know, from Poipoo where you go,
and they should put a memorial there that my my
bachelorhood ended right on that beach, right there on the
(31:12):
shores of of of that that little deserted beach in Kauai,
and I wonder if they still have. There was trash
that was on not a lot. There was a little
trash that had come ashore from like Asia. I don't
know what's which country in Asia, but it had Asian
writing on it and it floating on on the on
(31:33):
the grass or on the sand. Rather all right, what
is next year? Let's see any meaning. I got mail, Yeah,
I got mail, yeah, from Fulton rights in he says,
continuing on from last week. I looked into the podcast data.
Take that for data, put that in your pipe, and
confirmed that downloads go up when callers get blown up
(31:57):
for cursing. If you want to start getting Joe Rogan
like numbers, just give me the green light and I'll
start letting the expletives fly whenever I call in. Mike said, blank,
my blank and blank you also now that, benns me,
we'll be driving to the studio again. I already did.
I'm going to let you in on a secret to
(32:19):
save big on gas with nothing more than the length
of two uh two of a plastic tubing and a
hated neighbor. He says, I'll explain more in a separate email.
I look forward to that. All too good to be true?
He he, I'm sure there's nothing nothing that could go
wrong with that, Trevor and Tulsa writes in on the
(32:39):
next mail bag. See, he says, I high bed just
curious how many miles from the Mallard mansion to the
FSR studios Love the show day Shift Worker podcast listener
Trevor in Tulsa. So this week it was roughly round
trip hundred and ten miles an hour. So I'm sure
(33:03):
there are people that have worse commutes than that. And
the good thing is I'm on it late night, so
I don't have too much traffic. But wait, and ten
miles or ten miles per hour, a little bit of both,
you know. No, I don't I go seventy nine. I
am the guy that goes seventy nine because I got
told years ago by a highway patrol officer in California
(33:26):
here that he does not write tickets. We're seventy nine
and below. He says, eighty and above. That's the ticket.
So I haven't gotten a ticket knock on woods since then.
So I keep doing that, and eventually when I get
a ticket going seventy nine, I will then start driving
ninety miles an hour, but for now, seventy nine until
(33:46):
further notice. So that's that's that, Trevor, thanks for listening.
I appreciate the day shift, the dreaded day shift, and
the podcast. That is the odd thing. We always bring
this up Danny doing the overnight show. We have so
many people listen on the podcast. One of the reasons
we're doing this podcast is because the podcast numbers have
been so good from the radio show. And every once
(34:07):
in a while I'll sit there, like in the middle
of the show, do you think more people are gonna
hear this on delay on demand than are listening right now?
You never know, You never know who's out. So that's
hard to do though, because you're on so many hundreds
of affiliates. Yeah, no, it's true, and it is always
odd to me. I had this experience this week where
(34:27):
like the last part of the show, I think there's
a bigger audience because it's early morning drive and people
are getting their start going to work and yes, that's right. Okay.
Next up is Falls fan Jimmy from Big Orange Country SYS.
For both of you, could you can play any position
on all three major sports? What would it be? And
(34:51):
for who? No favorite teams allowed. I think we've gotten
this version of this one before. Valls fan Jimmy. Quality
of life. If you're a pitcher, you pitch once every
five days. I know you have to work out and
do that stuff, but once that every five days, quarterback
once every seven days, although you can get your ass kicked. Yeah,
(35:14):
what would you go with Danny? You know, when I
was a little kid, it was at the very end
of his career, but I loved watching Joe Morgan play
second base smooth. Yes, And the very first baseball glove
I got was a hand me down from my uncle
and it had Joe Morgan's signature in the glove. So yeah,
(35:35):
So I guess I would go with second base because
of the old Red's great um. Yeah. For football, I
mean I love playing running back as a kid, juke
and and give in and making people miss, breaking ankles,
the spin move. You could be like a human video game,
which is why we loved watching Barry Sanders carry the rock.
(36:00):
Oh sure, yeah, he was the joystick on the field,
moving all over the place. Jason from Rocky Mount, Virginia. Right,
so come back, it's sign from now I'll call and
says so, Ben, since you've been notified that you will
be making tracks from the north Woods to the studio,
(36:21):
have they told you what days you have to make
the journey? And will it be even further when the
studio moves later this year? That is an interesting question.
I believe it will be about the same. It might
even be a little closer from where I'm living right now. Yes,
for you, it'll be closer, Okay, So for me it'll
be a little closer. For you, it'll be a little further, Jason.
(36:44):
I I don't have a set schedule. I think it's
pretty fluid week the week, and so that's good, that's
a bonus. It's a blessing and a curse. So it's
good that I have the ability to kind of make
my own schedule as far as when I come in.
But it's bad because sometimes if I don't do it
(37:05):
the first couple of days a week, then I gotta
go back to back and belly to belly and all that.
But we'll see how this goes. I saw Jason and Harmon.
I hadn't seen them and both of them together in
a long time, a couple of years. But thank you Jason,
appreciate that. I wonder how far away I was from
Rocky Mount, Virginia when I was in the Hampton Roads area.
(37:25):
Neil and Jasper, Indiana. Right, since it says can you
reveal what happened when you got a six month and
twenty six day layoff from Fox Sports Radio? If you
can't reveal, will you tell us in a book someday? Well,
can't close the deal, Neil. I will absolutely tell tell
all books about that entire episode. And I've told versions
(37:46):
of this story over the years, but uh, it was
it was an interesting time. In fact that on the
Mallard Town podcast I got into this a little bit.
I told a version of the story of the Mallardtown podcast.
So when that drops, maybe it's out right now you'll
hear some of what happened, which led to my brief
what do you call sabbatical on the beach and radio?
(38:07):
We call it on the beach, hanging out on the
beach here. One part of that story I do remember
is what they replaced you with was like, quote unquote
best of moments. Yeah. Yeah, it was called the Soup,
The Fox Sports Radio Soup was what it was called,
and it was a rip off. Is that show still
on a Comedy Central? There was a I don't think
(38:28):
that's on anymore. It could be wrong, but um a
recap basically of everything that happened on the network that
that day, right, Yeah, And I was told by somebody
that worked at the company after I was gone that
it took so much time in production to put all
that together and it was a nightmare. So I don't
(38:50):
know if that's true or not. Maybe they're just trying
to make me feel better, but they were. There were
a lot of people complaining because it was that sounds
about right, because first you got a pinpoint highlights from
each show. Then you'd have to edit those and put
them all together and then host them. So that seems
like it would be much harder than actually having the
(39:11):
guy on that people want to listen to live Go
after Yourself, San Diego. Well, I'm biased, but I agree
with you, so I'm biased. Terry and England rights in
real quick. He says, if you and Danny g need
a tutorial on cricket sometime, I'll be able to do that.
It's the only other sport that I commit to, says
Terry and England. And I think we'll end on that note.
(39:33):
Uh So we have a bunch of other email too
with Paul and cub fan Mike, Paul from Montana cup fan,
Mike from Fort Wayne, everyone else here. We will have
to get you next time so to send a question
in and hopefully we'll have time to get to your
email questions next year and next week, not next year,
next week. I was like, man, you're taking a break. Yeah,
I'm taking a little Yeah, I have a question for
(39:57):
you mail question for Ben Mallard. Okay, it's exciting. Yes,
this came up in the G Household recently. Chloe, who
we talked about last week, are eleven year old fart consultant. Yes,
she helped the Tinderoni pick out the perfect watermelon. Chloe
did something she claims that she saw on YouTube. She
(40:20):
was knocking on each watermelon to listen to how it sounded,
and she was looking for a lot of white stripes
on the watermelon. I ask you, because you know it
was very red when we cut it open, but it
didn't have any flavor, so it was a fail. How
do you pick the perfect watermelon? Well, as you know,
(40:42):
I'm a watermelon expert. For years, I worked in the
watermelon industry, the industrial complex of watermelons. Uh. Now, I
have heard my buddy tells me that the key is
that she's clothes right. You want to get the watermelon
with a lot of scratch marks on it, because that's
I think they said. The bees, I think it is
(41:04):
that are trying to get into the watermelon, or some
kind of bugs trying to get into the watermelon, because
that means it's the sweetest. And that's a dead giveaway
that that's like a really good bottomelon. That's what I've heard.
If it looks like a bug has been trying to
invade the watermelon, yes, because that tells you something really
good in there because the bug wants to get it,
so you should you have an opportunity to get what's
(41:25):
in there. And I always when I was picking watermelons before,
I always just get the brightest green one. I said,
I don't want one, so I scratched up. But those
are supposedly the ones that are the greatest watermelon. But
it's it's hit and miss, right, hit and miss. I'm
gonna get a lot of emails about this. Uh well yeah, sure.
It's like the price of gas, right, there's at bottom.
I ready to bring the gas. Yeah. Anyway, you'll be
(41:48):
in studio right. You said that at the beginning, you'll
hit a couple of nights this week, which is great.
So I'm gonna first of all, it's Sunday, so I'm
gonna go in for the very fun Coveno and Rich show,
which is the after noon into the evening, and then
the lead into your show, which is Arnie Spaniard and
Chris Plank ends at eleven pm local time here on
(42:09):
the West Coast, the start of the Ben Mallor Show,
and then your second show of the week. I'll be
in Monday night, and I'll also be in for your
Tuesday night into Wednesday morning show, the Microphone Throttler. Awesome,
it's gonna be great to have you back on the
weekday show, Danny. Look forward to that, and have a
(42:29):
great rest of the day today and we'll do it
all over again. Cannot wait, can't wait. Cannot wait be
deja vu all over again. I'll catch you then Asta
pasta population
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of Hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air Everywhere a male
bag addition to the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and
Danny G Radio, because five nights a week not enough,
four hours a night not enough. Bonus coverage eight days
(00:47):
a week, and if my math is correct Annie, for me,
this would be the eighth day of the week, Sunday,
but two shows on Friday. I think it's not trigonometry.
I think the math on that works out well. But anyway,
we've got the mailbag and I am raring to go.
Are you prepared to go into the mailbag? Danny G?
(01:09):
I am ready. And it's gonna be an extended Mallard
week for me because I'm gonna be in for coup
on Monday night and Tuesday night on your live show,
The Microphone Throttler. We're going old school, and I might
even make a rare and appropriate, mandated by the company
appearance in studio one of those nights, I will I
(01:29):
will likely stop by and we will hang out, and
that'll be wonderful, wonderful one full circle. I'll bring Bubbo
in with me, Bobo on the radio, my man, Bobbo.
I don't talk to Bobbo. Is he in on Sunday Nights? Idea?
He used to say hello to me, Miller. We should
(01:49):
get Bobbo on the Fifth Hour podcast. So we get
him on here for sure? Absolutely, all right, here we go,
strike up the band, let's start this thing off right
here we go. Do you ever get the feeling you're
living in groundhog Day that your life just repeats By
(02:12):
the time we get to the podcast, I've got tons
of mail, so I I panic. I prematurely think, oh crap,
no one's sending questions and we're not going to do
the mail bag. And then inevitably it always seems to
work out one way or another. Yeah, it's like a
lot of shots get thrown up in the third and
fourth quarter. Yeah, yeah, you fall behind early, like this
(02:33):
is just sucks. You know what's going on here? Nothing's
really working out for us, and then before you know it,
you're having a great time, so it works out. I
got mail, Yeah, I got mail, Yeah, yes you do.
First one comes from Pierre from Springfield, Mass And again
you can post your question on Tuesday on the Facebook
(02:55):
page Ben Mallow Show or Real Fifth Hour at gmail
dot com. Pierre from Springfield, Mass to choose at home
with the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame and also alf
the aen O. Piner says, with the popularity and success
of your newest game show, are there any other any
others bouncing around that melon of yours? Also, like you say,
football is the gas that fuels the show? Is anyone
(03:18):
efforting the next season of Benny Versus the Penny on
some type of live stream platform sans the elitist? So
we have nothing concrete on Benny Versus the Penny. We
have big dreams of monetizing Benny Versus the Penny, making
that a big deal. I think it's a great concept.
We've been doing it for a long time and there's
(03:40):
a there's a market for that. But somebody asked to bite,
and we've been in talks with a number of people,
and those kind of deals do get done now, Pierre.
Even though football season is not until September, this is
the time of the year where those kind of things
get negotiated. So what would Marcel say, keep your fingers crossed.
(04:00):
I think you would. I would think you would say
something like that. And as far as game show ideas,
I always have game show ideas. The problem is most
of them suck. We finally found one that's good. We've
been playing Danny the Mallard Militia Feud is our newest game,
and people seem to really like it. It's it's it's
a fun game. People enjoy it. It's not really a
sports game, but it's just about life and things that everyone.
(04:23):
We're all we all live a similar life one way
or another. So yeah, And as far as Benny Versus
the Penny, it's kind of like when NBA teams finally
put that logo on their jersey sponsored I cannot wait
for Benny Versus the Penny brought to you by co Tex. Yes. Yes, well,
if this is the checks big enough, as we learned
(04:45):
with Dustin Johnson this week going to play golf for
Saudi Arabia, that if the check's big enough, it'll happen.
All right, You've got mail Nick in Wisconsin rights and
he says, with recently being off the last month of work,
I've been podcasting the entire a show sometimes, Nick writes,
and he says, it overlaps with my family time. My
wife gets piste oh at me for listing. What do
(05:09):
you do unintentionally that pisces off your wife or in
Danny G's cases, Queen Tenderoni. Yeah, so for me it's easy.
I'm very stressed out all the time, thinking I'm forgetting
something and worried about making the show as good as
I can. So I often I'm not proud of it.
I'm a finger biter. I bite my nails and uh my,
(05:32):
my wife gets so untoid when I do that. She
can't stand it. And I do it. I don't even
realize I'm doing it half the time, but that really
bothers And and she has miss a phony, who so
that's a problem. Chewing food becomes a problem when you
have miss a phony. It's a mental illness. And so
(05:53):
those are the things that really annoy when I eat,
and which I think you have to do to live.
And then when I bite my finger nails because I'm
stressed out because I'm trying to think of some other
monologue ideas and I don't have any. What about you, Danny?
What really annoys the good number one in arone in
your life? Absolutely nothing? Man, I'm perfect in her eyes?
(06:14):
Is that right? Really? You don't ever? You don't do
that at all. I don't do that in front of it. Um.
I will say, she's slightly O. C. D Ish, so
she likes things in their perfect places, and so if
you move something and you don't put it back right away,
it annoys her. There's times where I and I know this,
(06:38):
so I'm really good at putting things back, but there's
times where I won't put something back immediately, and when
I come back to do it, she's already done it. Okay,
So that that's about it. Though I don't think I
get on our nerves other than some of the O.
C d issues she's done. Are you still in the honeymoon?
Do you't even married yet? Are the state we've been
(06:59):
in the honeymoon? Stay all right? You live with somebody,
It's just natural. There's gonna be certain things that they
do that just kind of get under your skin. But
that's the key. To, you know, long healthy relationship you got.
Sometimes I slap her ass too hard and she's like, well,
it's a barbro. That's what we came here. So it's
(07:20):
gotta get your money's worth with that hotel. Come on,
all right, let's see Michael from SoCal Rights. He said
during the NFL off season, wire sportswriter is compelled to
do mock drafts and mock fifty three man rosters and
mock rookies and who may become standouts when all these
(07:41):
mocks are wrong of the time, I'd rather they post
cat photos. Mos are a complete waste of time. I'm
right there with you, Michael. You're preaching to choir. And
the reason they do that stuff is a they are
told to do that stuff by people who make decisions
in the editorial department and then be for some reason,
(08:07):
they get a lot of clicks. Otherwise they wouldn't do it,
So somebody must be loving that content. I always get
a kick out of the power rankings that come out
during the NFL season, and that's during the season. It's
just I think one dude's opinion on where the teams
are in the NFL, and people get so upset if
their team is not high enough in the power rankings.
(08:28):
Like I've always kind of goofed on you know, Danny
have goofed on list radio, but the list, And I
had had a friend tell me years ago, said, the
list is amazing. People human nature get upset by a
list of arbitrary list of things. If it's not in
the right order. They oh, my god, craziness, Dan, especially
if they feel like something has been left off of
(08:49):
the list. How could you overlook that? Oh? Yeah, well
that's the secret, right if you if you need the
answer to something, give the wrong answer and then people
will give you the right. That's the old internet legend.
And yeah, and I will push back slightly on the
mock draft lists. And the reason why is because my
(09:10):
favorite NFL team would be so high up in the
draft most seasons that it was all I had to
look forward to. Really, I would click and be like,
who are we going to draft to bring us back
to greatness? And now the Raiders are following in your
rams foot steps. F them picks. F them picks. Absolute.
(09:34):
See when you f them picks, you get the daily double.
That's the sound for the day. You get the daily double.
On that and the thing about the draft too, is
the only thing I really value is the scouting reports.
But I even laugh at that. They do strength and weaknesses,
and I get sent a lot of these things links
to different websites that are supposedly they want me to
(09:56):
promote their website and all that, and some of that's
good information. And I do this bit every year where
I go back five years and I look at an
old NFL draft three or five years and mock all
the wrong predictions, which inevitably it's shooting fish in a
barrel is what that is. Let's see what is next toime.
I got mail? Yeah, I got mail. Yeah, skipped a
(10:21):
zip the old Roastmaster General known as Skippy in Ohio,
It says been I ever received several invites from the
proud parents of a graduating high school senior to their
child's graduation party. The most recent was a massive group text.
The problem is I don't know the parents, I don't
know the child, and it would appear I don't even
(10:42):
know anyone else in the group text. If it were you,
what would you do, he says, A ignore the invites,
be respond to the group text with I don't know
who you are but congratulations see send a card with
an inspirational quote or d send a car everybody long,
obnoxious but heartfelt Valeve Korean speech type letter thing, he says,
(11:05):
quoting Walt Disney Tesla Ronald Reagan telling the child, we
are all so proud of them, and it has been
such a joy to watch them grow up, etcetera, etcetera,
and let them figure it out on their own later. Well,
that's a very detailed response, skipped the zip. So I'm
an a guy. I love I love d The d
(11:28):
answer was great, But I'm an a guy. That sounds
like some spam to me. Well that sounds like that's
a that's a fishing expedition to me. But what about you, Danny?
And I was gonna say, how are you in a
group chat with people you don't know? Now? Is Skip
a teacher? Is it possible that he's followed in your footsteps? Danny?
And he's doing education, so maybe that's why he's taking
(11:49):
this a little more seriously than somebody like me who's
not a teacher. And somebody sent me a text like that,
I'm like, if you I'm not responding, go away. We
need skipped a zip. We need more context or skippy,
you've got mail Orlando in Hampton Roads, Virginia. I was
just in Hampton Roads, Virginia, a beautiful part of the country.
(12:13):
That was it was cool, says I have a couple.
Hopefully it hasn't been asked already. When you look back
at the time you and your wife dated, was there
any pickup lines or anything you did to impress her
that you you'd like to have back? He says. Also,
have you and the guys considered password or mountain of
(12:37):
money when you and Eddie are the contestants, maybe have
blind Scott to mar seller, somebody be your partner. I
love the show that's from Orlando. He says. He's been
listening since the Tim Tebow Radio roast when the great
bits we've ever done hilarious? The Tim Tebow Radio Roast
Man was that fun and that was actually skipped a
zip was part of that, the roastmaster General some of
(12:58):
those shows back in the day. But Orlando, and to
answer for this question, I was terrible. I still am
terrible with relationship dating. You know women, obviously somehow you
can miss my wife to marry me. But I had
no pickup couch and I never told anyone I really
worked in radio, because then they think I had more
money than I did, and then didn't think I'm more
famous than I am, and so I always kind of
(13:18):
avoided that. So I didn't really have any any good
pickup ones. I wish I did. I wish I had
some corny ones I could share with you. I don't.
And the idea of password and Mallard's mount of money
being played with blind Scott and Marcel feedings clues is
the fuel of nightmares. Uh. And we've had Marcel and
(13:43):
our friend from Maine, Blair whoopee pie Blair play and
it's been interesting. But if they're the ones giving the clues,
oh my god. Been one of the great show game
show moments. And I included this in the best of
was when Flexus was on password and you're like, oh,
(14:05):
Flexus is never gonna get this, throw me a good one.
Then yeah, so this is perfect number number nine that
proves its prouves you jackass. Okay, this proves and all
(14:32):
of this is just Tom is just alright, relax, I'm
trying to I'm trying to if I get it, alright, alright,
all right, here we go I'll go, he's not gonna
get what I wanna the angle i'd like to go.
(14:52):
I will go. I'll just throw this up fruit banana.
You got it right? Oh, stop laughing, alright, banana. And
(15:25):
indeed it was banana the show. I mean there was
five minutes of laughter that ensued. It was great. And
to hear Flexus like truly laughing to where Flexus couldn't
get the words out, it was like, but I got
it right, But that was right, A little classic moment, man,
(15:46):
it was I I do remember that night. We've had
some zany stuff on those those game shows. All right,
who is next? We'll keep it going. A lot of
mail this week, which is good. We like that, all right.
Next up is Fred from Spring, Texas. Fred is a
regular in the mail bag. He says, hey, guys, when
you have people over to visit, do you just talk
(16:09):
or do you play games or charades? It's an interesting question.
So usually it's around food. I've noticed the same way
when I grew up. Usually it's like, let's have a meal,
or let's have dessert, or let's have snacks or something
like that. It's very rarely just come over and not
eat anything. I don't remember the last time we've had
(16:31):
company over that didn't involve food. So it's always food,
no charades. I like the idea of playing games, but
that doesn't happen very often. What about you did my
TINDERNI puts together a really nice charcovery board. Oh the cheeseboard, right,
cheese and meats. We have the meats. Where are the meats?
(16:57):
Some good hummus, some salami, some cheeses, things like that,
And that gets the party started before you start hitting
the alcohol. So that's like the pregame show. That's the
warm up act. I got you all right, Well, thank
you for that. Comes out on stage and start stancing. Absolutely,
(17:20):
you've got mail Chris and Marracca to Iowa, says, I
understand radio stations make money by selling ads, but I'd
like to know how much does it cost to place
an ad? I know prime time costs more, but what
kind of range are we talking about here? A hundred
dollars a minute? And don't give me that that's not
my job. Line. Surely you've talked to an ad guy.
(17:42):
Your name is Ben not surely? Yes? Yes, so so
I will answer this now. I do not actually know
how much. I know a ballpark figure of how much
the commercials go for. But I had some people over
the years that have contacted me from mom and pop
businesses trying to get advertising on this pod guest or
the radio show, and I said, sure, why not. And
(18:04):
then when they saw and they found out how much
it cost, it was sticker shock. I couldn't afford us
out of the budget we're talking. I think the minimum
buying is six figures. That's a lot of doll It's
a lot of Yeah, it's up there. There are smaller
packages than that. Because I dealt with this recently, um
(18:26):
I I was kind of like to go between for
a company and our ad department. Um. But yeah, they
tailor a package for you, and it is pricey because
it's national, so you're not just heard in one city,
You're heard all over the world, and thus the price tag. Yeah,
and there's different as you said, there's different, Grady, you
(18:48):
do live live reads costs more. Sometimes you have to
pay a talent fee. Apparently not for me, but sometimes
you have to do that kind of stuff. And and
so there's really depends what you want. But it's trust me, Chris,
I I wish it was affordable for everybody to buy advertising,
but you know, we are a national outfit. And it's
(19:10):
like I was watching that documentary about the TV station
in Perempt, Nevada, and it's like a cable channel and
the guy started selling spots. It was on HBO documentary
type thing. They were selling spots for like five dollars
a spot just to get advertisers in. And it was like, man,
that's wild, and it is like a couple of years ago.
It's like a couple of years ago. Anyway, what if
(19:32):
we did that weed man hippie would have a series
of commercials, God don't don't remind me please? And he says,
ps go raiders who from Chris It's time? From that
call all right treas rights And he says, if you
had to lose one or the other, would you lose
(19:52):
one hand or one fot you get a call or
a peg leg through a place. It's actually an interesting question.
And as much as I love movement and walking, I
would think it would be a bigger pain in the
ass without the hand. But we we have a mutual
(20:15):
friend that used to work at Fox Sports Radio, the
one Arm bandit and uh and from Syracuse who had
He's his entire life, he has not had the hand.
He was born without it, and he's now an extra
in Hollywood. I saw he left. I did not realize
he had left the company. Actually emailed him. His name
(20:36):
is Nick. I emailed him and said, what's going on
in your Hollywood? And yeah, he he left to do acting,
which I don't know how good that's going. That's that's
for him to tell and all that stuff. But I
guess he did think it might have been more lucrative
than he turned out to turn out to be. He
recently Freeze framed a show that he was in the
(20:59):
back ground of. Yeah, catch me up the mark. Well,
you can get extra work, but the problem is it
a doesn't pay a lot and and be it takes
a long time to do, like one scene. It's a
it's a lot of hours that you're spending sitting around
(21:20):
doing nothing. That's the one thing a lot of people
don't realize about that sort of work. Downtime. The downtime
kills most people's vibe. They are like, I had no
idea I was gonna sit on this set hungry and
thirsty for ten hours. Oh for sure, for sure, But
to answer your question, tres A, I like this question
(21:42):
is a unique question. I would pick if I had
to lose one I could choose. I would lose a foot.
I would have a peg leg like a pirate, and
I'd get Yeah. And I just did a two dollar
drum roll for you. I couldn't do that with one hand.
My right hand was getting a workout. See that's right.
(22:05):
What would you so you would you would choose the hands,
right you, You'd pick the hands and then lose the foot.
Is that what you would do? I would lose one foot, yeah,
because then you'd have a reason to have motorized scooters
at the theme parks it's right, yeah. And at the
handicap parking right, yeah, handy in at the school campus,
they'd give me a golf cart. Be great. Yeah. There
(22:32):
are some positives and not all negative. It's not all negative.
There are some positive. I got mail, Yeah, I got mail, yeah,
email from Jim and Jim's wife about Jim's wife saying
Jim and Jim's wife says, Ben and Daniji, So thank
you so thanks for helping me have a little fun
at my husband Jim's expense. Jim's wife writes he has
(22:57):
a problem with the term final four? Has anyone if
I don't wanted to talk about the clips in the NBA, Well,
I want Jim and Jim's wife to know that my man,
Eddie Garcia this week in hockey referenced the final four.
So it's not just me, it's Eddie, and Eddie likes
to goog fund me, and so what do you say
to the final four? He did the same thing. How
(23:18):
about shut up? Email? Continues says He and I, meaning
the wife, listen to every Fox Sports Radio and fifth
hour podcast of your God, love you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you. He's a huge fan of yours,
Danny and all the Mallard militia. But he's not computer
savvy and not even email. His life must be so
(23:41):
much easier, right, Jim, You don't have to deal with
the bull bull crap. I almost said way less stressed. God,
I wonder if I'd never plugged into America Online and
Netscape Navigator back in the day, how my life would
have changed. But here I am anyway, it says. She
says he her husband used to call the local sports
(24:03):
radio show while taking a bubble bath in the evening
after work, so they called him bubble boy. That could
be taking for her bad. Uh. If if he can
ever wake up early enough to become a regular caller
to the show, would you give him a nickname? Yes, yes,
(24:23):
I will. I love giving out nicknames. I believe overnight
radio we need as many nicknames as we can possibly
give out. The last nickname we gave out was to
Paul from Rhode Island, Plastered Paul, who earned that nickname
and Jim says he'd be honored Living in Kansas. He's
a Case State fan and still calls Bill Snyder the
Pope man that Manhattan, Kansas. Yeah, he can be like
(24:48):
warm Take Jim in a warm bath. Uh. He was
wondering the email rights Jim. This is from Jim's wife.
Jim was wondering if you could did George Brett whenever
you mentioned the Mendoza line, never heard of him. Thank
you for your humorous and engaging personality there. You have
(25:09):
a lot of fun listening. Well. I will try to
remember next time I bring up the Mendoza line, I
will give a credit to George Brett. And I noticed
Jim and Jim's wife there's no reference to anyone currently
on the Kansas City Royals. And I understand why because
the Kansas City Royals are That's how they are this season,
(25:29):
So why not I go on every week in Kansas City, Danny,
they never want to talk Royals baseball, So I wonder why.
I wonder why that's not a topic, royals having their
problems on the road. I'm Ben Mallick. Alright, come back,
it's time from may call. Male continues Angelina. Mister Angelina
(25:54):
writes in she says, responding to some of the things
from last week's mail bag, she says she does intimate
it fasting along with me, Helen and Stu, and she
says she agrees it does work. I'm right there with yeah, absolutely.
I even know that the studies said it didn't work.
My my thought on that is that study was done
(26:15):
by diet companies that are like, no, no, the key
to dieting is not just intermitutefest. You know, you gotta
take our magic potion or whatever that might be. M h.
She says, not that you're taking a poll, but I
agree with Danny g regarding animal crackers that they are cookies.
I also love wheat thins and could eat an entire
(26:37):
box and once, yes, I don't know what that secret
ingredient is in wheat thins, and that is the perfect
mix of salt oil, oh, salt oil crack, Yes, pretty much.
Angeline also says it would be great if you fly
into Minneapolis St. Paul and drive to Appleton sometime when
(26:59):
you do at the Mallamilsa know when and where you'll
do a meat and great. And she also added Angelina
that she wants to do the Apple podcast thing for
the fifth hour, but she's having a difficult time finding it.
But it's in the description box on the podcast, Angelina,
So on your phone, assuming you're listening on your phone,
you can. You can do it if you're on your computer,
(27:20):
same same concept of plot. Click on the link and
then page down and you'll see where you can write
a review. And I still have that recipe you sent me, Angelina,
I have yet to make it. I have to make
that at some point this summer. She sent me a
really cool monster cookie recipe that I've got to add.
I my made Macadamien nut cookies recently. Last week, I
(27:41):
made my my wife's gluten free so I made some
gluten free peanut buttercup cookies, which were very disappointing because
I guess I had I screwed something up because they
came out flat. I get really piste off when the
cookies come out flat. It's an epic fail. That's what
(28:03):
it is. An epic fail on that pancakes. Pretty much,
little peanut buttercup pancakes is what I made. You've got
mail Cliff from Nashville rights and mail back continues. He said, Ben,
does your wife make you go shopping with her? Mine
has to touch and feel everything. When she finds what
(28:23):
she wants, she doesn't buy it because it might be
cheaper someone else somewhere else. I don't know what makes
them tick. Well. Funny enough, Cliff, you're not gonna like this,
and we'll ask Danny about him and his Tinderoni. But
with me, I'm kind of like your wife more than
my My wife's probably like you, Cliff. She she didn't
care about the price. She'll buy it doesn't matter and
(28:45):
we'll figure it out financially. I'm like, Okay, do we
a do we really need this? Be Let's look on Amazon,
let's look around. Sometimes my wife will do that, but
oftentimes she's like let's just get it. We'll buy whatever
we need. That's it. And so I'm I'm more like
your your wife in this instance. What about you, Denny?
When you guys are out shopping, are you the one
(29:06):
that's like, do we really need that? Or Yeah? I'm
the one who's like that because I'm usually thinking ahead,
trying to save for something that I really want to
spend our money on. UM. She's been really good recently
because we are saving up for a trip to Hawaii
in November, and we've given that advice on this podcast before.
(29:27):
If you want to save money, put a goal out
there for a trip, a nice trip that you're gonna
save up for, so then you think twice and three
times about all your money decisions. Now, there are different
levels to go into Hawaii. The most expensive part of
it's gonna be the lodging and the obviously the airfare.
You could save on lodging. Are you hotel people? You
(29:48):
know Airbnb? What's the plan you can? You can even
I was watching some YouTube videos and they have like
these they're kind of camping things, but they're not it's
not like outside, they're like it's weird. They're like those
shacks you can stay in there are supposedly like two
hundred bucks a night or a hundred bucks a night
or something like that. I've mentioned before that she's a
(30:10):
hotel stob, which I don't mind because I feel like,
if you're gonna vacation, if you're gonna honeymoon, if you're
gonna do anything like that, you should be in a
better place than where you live. That's the whole point
of saving up your money and to travel. So we
are going to do an airbnb for half the time
a little nice condo there in Maui, and then the
(30:30):
other half of the time we're gonna do a few
nights at a fancy resort. Yeah, I guess I got
some money here. Gonna mix it up in the island
hop a little bit. But it's a lot of saving up,
a lot of saving up. Yeah, Yeah, that's cool. Which islands?
Are you planning? Like? You're gonna Maui? Where else you
canna go? Uh? You're gonna go to Kauaii? Are you
(30:50):
gonna go to Oahu? Where are you heading? TB D.
Kauaii is in the conversation, Oh well, let me know,
I can and tell you exactly. The beach I got
married on it's I know, from Poipoo where you go,
and they should put a memorial there that my my
bachelorhood ended right on that beach, right there on the
(31:12):
shores of of of that that little deserted beach in Kauai,
and I wonder if they still have. There was trash
that was on not a lot. There was a little
trash that had come ashore from like Asia. I don't
know what's which country in Asia, but it had Asian
writing on it and it floating on on the on
(31:33):
the grass or on the sand. Rather all right, what
is next year? Let's see any meaning. I got mail, Yeah,
I got mail, yeah, from Fulton rights in he says,
continuing on from last week. I looked into the podcast data.
Take that for data, put that in your pipe, and
confirmed that downloads go up when callers get blown up
(31:57):
for cursing. If you want to start getting Joe Rogan
like numbers, just give me the green light and I'll
start letting the expletives fly whenever I call in. Mike said, blank,
my blank and blank you also now that, benns me,
we'll be driving to the studio again. I already did.
I'm going to let you in on a secret to
(32:19):
save big on gas with nothing more than the length
of two uh two of a plastic tubing and a
hated neighbor. He says, I'll explain more in a separate email.
I look forward to that. All too good to be true?
He he, I'm sure there's nothing nothing that could go
wrong with that, Trevor and Tulsa writes in on the
(32:39):
next mail bag. See, he says, I high bed just
curious how many miles from the Mallard mansion to the
FSR studios Love the show day Shift Worker podcast listener
Trevor in Tulsa. So this week it was roughly round
trip hundred and ten miles an hour. So I'm sure
(33:03):
there are people that have worse commutes than that. And
the good thing is I'm on it late night, so
I don't have too much traffic. But wait, and ten
miles or ten miles per hour, a little bit of both,
you know. No, I don't I go seventy nine. I
am the guy that goes seventy nine because I got
told years ago by a highway patrol officer in California
(33:26):
here that he does not write tickets. We're seventy nine
and below. He says, eighty and above. That's the ticket.
So I haven't gotten a ticket knock on woods since then.
So I keep doing that, and eventually when I get
a ticket going seventy nine, I will then start driving
ninety miles an hour, but for now, seventy nine until
(33:46):
further notice. So that's that's that, Trevor, thanks for listening.
I appreciate the day shift, the dreaded day shift, and
the podcast. That is the odd thing. We always bring
this up Danny doing the overnight show. We have so
many people listen on the podcast. One of the reasons
we're doing this podcast is because the podcast numbers have
been so good from the radio show. And every once
(34:07):
in a while I'll sit there, like in the middle
of the show, do you think more people are gonna
hear this on delay on demand than are listening right now?
You never know, You never know who's out. So that's
hard to do though, because you're on so many hundreds
of affiliates. Yeah, no, it's true, and it is always
odd to me. I had this experience this week where
(34:27):
like the last part of the show, I think there's
a bigger audience because it's early morning drive and people
are getting their start going to work and yes, that's right. Okay.
Next up is Falls fan Jimmy from Big Orange Country SYS.
For both of you, could you can play any position
on all three major sports? What would it be? And
(34:51):
for who? No favorite teams allowed. I think we've gotten
this version of this one before. Valls fan Jimmy. Quality
of life. If you're a pitcher, you pitch once every
five days. I know you have to work out and
do that stuff, but once that every five days, quarterback
once every seven days, although you can get your ass kicked. Yeah,
(35:14):
what would you go with Danny? You know, when I
was a little kid, it was at the very end
of his career, but I loved watching Joe Morgan play
second base smooth. Yes, And the very first baseball glove
I got was a hand me down from my uncle
and it had Joe Morgan's signature in the glove. So yeah,
(35:35):
So I guess I would go with second base because
of the old Red's great um. Yeah. For football, I
mean I love playing running back as a kid, juke
and and give in and making people miss, breaking ankles,
the spin move. You could be like a human video game,
which is why we loved watching Barry Sanders carry the rock.
(36:00):
Oh sure, yeah, he was the joystick on the field,
moving all over the place. Jason from Rocky Mount, Virginia. Right,
so come back, it's sign from now I'll call and
says so, Ben, since you've been notified that you will
be making tracks from the north Woods to the studio,
(36:21):
have they told you what days you have to make
the journey? And will it be even further when the
studio moves later this year? That is an interesting question.
I believe it will be about the same. It might
even be a little closer from where I'm living right now. Yes,
for you, it'll be closer, Okay, So for me it'll
be a little closer. For you, it'll be a little further, Jason.
(36:44):
I I don't have a set schedule. I think it's
pretty fluid week the week, and so that's good, that's
a bonus. It's a blessing and a curse. So it's
good that I have the ability to kind of make
my own schedule as far as when I come in.
But it's bad because sometimes if I don't do it
(37:05):
the first couple of days a week, then I gotta
go back to back and belly to belly and all that.
But we'll see how this goes. I saw Jason and Harmon.
I hadn't seen them and both of them together in
a long time, a couple of years. But thank you Jason,
appreciate that. I wonder how far away I was from
Rocky Mount, Virginia when I was in the Hampton Roads area.
(37:25):
Neil and Jasper, Indiana. Right, since it says can you
reveal what happened when you got a six month and
twenty six day layoff from Fox Sports Radio? If you
can't reveal, will you tell us in a book someday? Well,
can't close the deal, Neil. I will absolutely tell tell
all books about that entire episode. And I've told versions
(37:46):
of this story over the years, but uh, it was
it was an interesting time. In fact that on the
Mallard Town podcast I got into this a little bit.
I told a version of the story of the Mallardtown podcast.
So when that drops, maybe it's out right now you'll
hear some of what happened, which led to my brief
what do you call sabbatical on the beach and radio?
(38:07):
We call it on the beach, hanging out on the
beach here. One part of that story I do remember
is what they replaced you with was like, quote unquote
best of moments. Yeah. Yeah, it was called the Soup,
The Fox Sports Radio Soup was what it was called,
and it was a rip off. Is that show still
on a Comedy Central? There was a I don't think
(38:28):
that's on anymore. It could be wrong, but um a
recap basically of everything that happened on the network that
that day, right, Yeah, And I was told by somebody
that worked at the company after I was gone that
it took so much time in production to put all
that together and it was a nightmare. So I don't
(38:50):
know if that's true or not. Maybe they're just trying
to make me feel better, but they were. There were
a lot of people complaining because it was that sounds
about right, because first you got a pinpoint highlights from
each show. Then you'd have to edit those and put
them all together and then host them. So that seems
like it would be much harder than actually having the
(39:11):
guy on that people want to listen to live Go
after Yourself, San Diego. Well, I'm biased, but I agree
with you, so I'm biased. Terry and England rights in
real quick. He says, if you and Danny g need
a tutorial on cricket sometime, I'll be able to do that.
It's the only other sport that I commit to, says
Terry and England. And I think we'll end on that note.
(39:33):
Uh So we have a bunch of other email too
with Paul and cub fan Mike, Paul from Montana cup fan,
Mike from Fort Wayne, everyone else here. We will have
to get you next time so to send a question
in and hopefully we'll have time to get to your
email questions next year and next week, not next year,
next week. I was like, man, you're taking a break. Yeah,
I'm taking a little Yeah, I have a question for
(39:57):
you mail question for Ben Mallard. Okay, it's exciting. Yes,
this came up in the G Household recently. Chloe, who
we talked about last week, are eleven year old fart consultant. Yes,
she helped the Tinderoni pick out the perfect watermelon. Chloe
did something she claims that she saw on YouTube. She
(40:20):
was knocking on each watermelon to listen to how it sounded,
and she was looking for a lot of white stripes
on the watermelon. I ask you, because you know it
was very red when we cut it open, but it
didn't have any flavor, so it was a fail. How
do you pick the perfect watermelon? Well, as you know,
(40:42):
I'm a watermelon expert. For years, I worked in the
watermelon industry, the industrial complex of watermelons. Uh. Now, I
have heard my buddy tells me that the key is
that she's clothes right. You want to get the watermelon
with a lot of scratch marks on it, because that's
I think they said. The bees, I think it is
(41:04):
that are trying to get into the watermelon, or some
kind of bugs trying to get into the watermelon, because
that means it's the sweetest. And that's a dead giveaway
that that's like a really good bottomelon. That's what I've heard.
If it looks like a bug has been trying to
invade the watermelon, yes, because that tells you something really
good in there because the bug wants to get it,
so you should you have an opportunity to get what's
(41:25):
in there. And I always when I was picking watermelons before,
I always just get the brightest green one. I said,
I don't want one, so I scratched up. But those
are supposedly the ones that are the greatest watermelon. But
it's it's hit and miss, right, hit and miss. I'm
gonna get a lot of emails about this. Uh well yeah, sure.
It's like the price of gas, right, there's at bottom.
I ready to bring the gas. Yeah. Anyway, you'll be
(41:48):
in studio right. You said that at the beginning, you'll
hit a couple of nights this week, which is great.
So I'm gonna first of all, it's Sunday, so I'm
gonna go in for the very fun Coveno and Rich show,
which is the after noon into the evening, and then
the lead into your show, which is Arnie Spaniard and
Chris Plank ends at eleven pm local time here on
(42:09):
the West Coast, the start of the Ben Mallor Show,
and then your second show of the week. I'll be
in Monday night, and I'll also be in for your
Tuesday night into Wednesday morning show, the Microphone Throttler. Awesome,
it's gonna be great to have you back on the
weekday show, Danny. Look forward to that, and have a
(42:29):
great rest of the day today and we'll do it
all over again. Cannot wait, can't wait. Cannot wait be
deja vu all over again. I'll catch you then Asta
pasta population
Host
Ben Maller
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